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If you're hunting for a gift for someone but don't want something too trendy, I have to sing the praises of this bag from See by Chloé. (It's been around for a few years now, so I wouldn't call it trendy!)
I got one last year in the post-holiday sales, and debated keeping it for a while because it wasn't as bright a color as I wanted (mine is burgundy), but I'm really glad I did.
It's a sturdy, well-made bag that isn't too big and isn't too small… I like the shorter strap as a nice change from wearing crossbodies, but for functionality I still love having a crossbody if I'm wandering around for a long time.
The bags are $595 new, but some colors are on sale at Nordstrom… In addition to the brown, black, and “motty grey” at Nordstrom, Bloomingdale's has it on sale in a light blue, and Nordstrom Rack has it in a “tan apricot.” (Ooh, and you can still find my burgundy one at SSense if you prefer that — IRL it looks much more burgundy/wine-colored than it does in the product picture.)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
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- Boden – 15% off new styles
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- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Anonymous
Any ideas for sweet snacks that are at least somewhat healthy – besides fruit or raisins of course?
I’m typically a salty snacker, which to me feels relatively healthy as it’s things like cheese, nuts, or peanut butter for me mostly. Even things like crackers don’t feel that junky though they are probably because they don’t have a ton of added sugar. In the last week or so I’ve been wanting sweets though and IDK it feels like not a great idea to be eating Twix or Pepperidge Farm cookies all the time. Ideas?
Overall I know I’ve been slacking on meals since Thanksgiving – just getting by and I know that when I do that, I snack more probably because I’m getting the calories from snacks instead of meals. So I know this weekend I’ll try to batch cook some so I don’t spent the rest of the holiday season just eating sweets, but ideas in the meantime?
Anon
I love ricotta cheese or Greek yogurt with raspberries and maple syrup or honey!
Anecdata
yogurt with honey/jam swirled in
brie cheese with fig jam
Ricotta cheese with some brown sugar + cinnamon sprinkled on top
dried mango
Heating milk naturally makes it taste sweeter (bc of protein changes) so a homemade chai/matcha/coffee latte sometimes hits that sweet spot for me without actually adding much sugar
Anonymous
Corn flakes or a similar cereal with warm milk. I don’t think that’s a US thing as much but in my country, people use warm milk for certain cold cereals. Yes of course it loses its crunch but it becomes a hearty snack in its own way. I pick bland cereals for this because the warm milk and whatever sugar is in the cereal makes is satisfying enough that you don’t need more sugar – Corn Flakes, Rice Krispies etc.
OOO
In addition to dried mango, other dried fruits like apricots and cranberries usually satisfy my sweet tooth
Anecdata
yogurt with honey/jam swirled in
brie cheese with fig jam
Ricotta cheese with some brown sugar + cinnamon sprinkled on top
dried mango
Heating milk naturally makes it taste sweeter (bc of protein changes) so a homemade chai/matcha/coffee latte sometimes hits that sweet spot for me without actually adding much sugar
Sesame brittle/peanut brittle
Anon
I like muffins made with whole grains, nuts, fruit, and seeds, not too much sugar. Most of the variations of superhero muffins are decent.
Anonymous
Whey protein/protein shakes
Yogurt like Siggi’s
Fairlife choc milk
Toast with jam (not healthy but it satisfies that urge to eat Swedish fish or fruit gushers)
I find high fiber bread like Dave’s killer 21 grain to be really sweet, almost like eating a muffin.
Anonymous
Oh also oatmeal! Add some hot cocoa seasoning or frozen fruit
Anon
I like those frozen protein waffles as sweet snacks.
Anonymous
Trail mix
AIMS
When I’m craving sweets, I find really dark chocolate to be more satisfying than any other candy. Along those lines, I sometimes like to eat a handful of cranberries and dark chocolate chips (i don’t keep a ton of sweets usually & this is improvised from my baking supplies but I really enjoy it ..).
I also like those little rice cake that come in a million flavors.
Picky sticks are also not that junky. Or if you normally like to snack on nuts just get chocolate covered almonds or raisins or better yet make your own sweet Chex mix with all of the above.
Last but not least – I really like snacking on granola, specifically the Simply Elizabeth blueberry one. I keep a bag in my desk and it’s great with Greek yogurt on days I didn’t have time to eat breakfast at home and for random afternoon snacks by the handful.
AIMS
*pocky, not picky.
Anon
Today has been a total cluster and I just need to growl at the wind so i don’t do it IRL. Thank you, that is all.
Anon
SAME. I’m working out my notice period and I’m VERY CLOSE to simply making today my last day.
Anon
Oh girl if you’re in your notice period just “work” from home and don’t do anything.
Anon
Nah—you’re so close to leaving. Don’t let understandable impulses inspire actions that are not helpful in the big picture.
Anon
I know you’re right and I’ll behave myself :). Just brings home all the reasons I’m leaving!
Anon
OP on this thread, and I genuinely love my job. But in your shoes, just be as fake-pleasant as possible while knowing it matters not a wit whether you actually DO any of the ish they dump on you.
Anon
Today (this week, actually) has been a massive sh*tshow and I join you in growling I to the virtual void so I don’t throw a plate across my kitchen.
Anon
The last month has felt like a $hit show but yes this week has been wild. I really like my job but this week has been a LOT. let me scream with you!!
Anon
Fun post: what Gen Z/young trends do you enjoy? Which could you live without?
I love how they have a name for everything, from passenger princess to hot girl walks.
I could do without the all caps (stop screaming at me!) or lowercase song titles (looks so mopey and comatose). Yes, I am old.
Anon
I don’t think I know anything about Gen Z trends. I don’t work closely with anyone in their 20s and my kids are way younger.
anon
Same. And I don’t have social media. I guess our summer associates are Gen Z, but thanks be to God I am now senior enough that I’m not expected to be involved in the social aspects of the summer program.
Anon
Mad respect for their ability to Be A Goldfish, to steal from Ted Lasso. That is not the mentality instilled by my GenX self’s ultra-conservative upbringing but it sure AF seems like a healthier mindset.
Anonymous
What does that even mean?
Cat
I can’t make sense of the comment but the concept is to roll with mistakes (goldfish having a 10 second memory) vs. dwelling, I think.
I am partially in agreement but partially that feeling of discomfort from making a mistake is a learning experience for, you know, not doing it again.
Anon
Agreed. I also don’t really see this as a Gen Z thing? Ted Lasso is older than I am, lol. I think there are many things Gen Z does better in terms of self-care and awareness of mental health than Gen X/millennial, but not dwelling too hard on mistakes is definitely that was emphasized to me as a perfectionist-leaning kid in the 1980s and 1990s.
Anon
For those who have not watched Ted Lasso, Be A Goldfish just means have a short memory (like a goldfish) and don’t dwell on your past mistakes.
My upbringing was more focused on drilling all my past mistakes, along with the mistakes I didn’t make but could have, into my psyche and making sure I never forgot them. And on caring very much what other people might think.
I see my kids and their friends these days just living their best lives while not letting worthless outside opinions weigh on them, and I love them for it.
Anon
Your second paragraph was my upbringing as well. Especially the “mistakes I could have made.”
Anonymous
They have all stayed connected to a wide group of people. On the other hand, they are so medicated. Like Stepford Wives.
Anon
I like their body positivity.
I could do without typing like this “omg are you serious that is not a real question I am deceased”
Anon
I’m a geriatric millennial but I feel like we talked this way in high school and college. It seems like teen-speak, not anything specific to Gen Z.
Cat
+1, I look back at some of my yearbook comments from the 90’s and almost can’t understand what we were talking about. Some because they’re now 25-year-old inside jokes but some because it was def popular slang and I just forget the nuances!
Anon
We definitely TALKED that way, yes, but no one in my millennial friend group texted that way or said that stuff on AIM (since we didn’t have phones with texting plans). It used to be more “lol rlly? u r crazy!!” and stuff like that.
OOO
I love Gen Z’s body positivity and confidence in general. Also admire that they are into thrifting, though I don’t shop at thrift stores
Anonymous
Yes, love the body positivity and hope it holds.
Hate the entitlement. I’m sorry, but the reason there is a hierarchy at work is that there is stuff you learn from time and experience. It’s not just that your manager is “old.”
Anon
I don’t love the expression “snatched”. It just rubs me the wrong way.
anon
I don’t either. I’ve known the word snatch as slang for part of women’s anatomy.
Anonymous
I’m so old that I can’t even name their trends but I have huge respect for Gen Z and younger millennials for standing up for what they want – namely work life balance, even though they are likely taking a career and monetary hit for that, they aren’t afraid to do it. Works for me because I’m convinced the ONLY reason employers are still allowing hybrid, work from home, and other schedule flexibilities is because they know a huge block of Gen Z and young millennials isn’t scared to just walk away if it goes back to 40 hours plus per week in office with hours of commuting time. So I feel like I get to free ride off of their stance here.
Anonymous
+1 – I feel like they really do not have patience for “this is how it’s always been” because YES the world has changed and boomers don’t realize how much.
Anon
Sorry to bubble burst but hybrid is here to stay because we like it too and the technology works now. And who do you think changed the world while the Zs were growing up? That would be the Xers my friends.
Anon 2.0
Their shoe game is on a different planet and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not! I admire their decision to wear sneakers even to clubs however, their love of a clown-like oversized sneak leaves me shaking my head. Collectively, they seem to have a “thing” against showing your feet in public.
On a more serious note, I do worry about Tik Tok being a main source of news and their ability to critically analyze what is being portrayed to them.
Cat
I like the body confidence.
I don’t like the avoidance of all personal discomfort under the umbrella of self-care, boundaries, etc. Sometimes doing what you don’t feel like doing is… what you actually need to do to help others or grow.
Anonymous
I think the avoidance varies from person to person. The form I admire most is when they’re actually considering whether the results are worth the discomfort, rather than just accepting discomfort as necessary as a I think older generations tend to.
Anon
+1. It can go too far. It’s not actually okay to cancel at the last minute on somebody because you’re “not feeling it.”
Anon
Right! There’s protecting your mental health / self care and then there’s being rude.
Anon
and that there are a lot of unpleasant or uncomfortable things that just need to be done. I do feel like they are not as resilient as other generations. I’m ALL FOR getting rid of unnecessary unpleasant parts of work and life, but there’s a lot that’s inevitable or even needed.
Anon
Serious question, how do they avoid all personal discomfort and support themselves? I know some complain a lot about income inequality (I get it) and many push for UBI (not happening yet), but we must be a very wealthy society if they are getting by without any discomfort.
Anonymous
A lot of them live at home for a long time and get support from parents for a long time. My Gen Z niece is unemployed while seeking “a job that pays her for ‘her worth’ without requiring she compromise her values in any way” and she can do that because she never has to spend any of the money she got working or from gifts, while I was buying my own toiletries from 14 and last lived at home at 18.
Anon
80% of the time I appreciate how they don’t put up with the status quo, especially in the work place. 20% of the time I think they need to suck it up, put in their time, and do the work.
I like a lot of their fashion and but also think a lot of their fashion just looks stupid.
I admire their commitment to social justice, but think they often lack context and nuance when deciding upon decisions.
And I’m a young millennial, FWIW.
Anon
I wonder if the lack of context and nuance is due more to age than generation. When I was a college student, I had a lot of Very Strong Opinions that I now realize weren’t well founded.
Anon
Oh I’m sure it’s largely to do with age, but previous generations didn’t have social media to broadly share their opinions (I mentioned that I’m a young millennial and so while we had social media it wasn’t used in this way).
They also seem to be very black and white with a lot of their opinions – I think this has been especially apparent lately in regards to the war in Gaza.
Anonymous
I definitely respect how the Gen z and younger millennials live – as someone above says – standing up to boomers, work life balance and all.
But I will say they hold themselves back by NEVER doing anything they don’t feel like doing. I mean it always coming down to not feeling it mentally, needing a mental health break, self care. Even for simple things like not going out if they don’t feel like it, even if it means backing out of a commitment. I get it, but sometimes especially when you’re young, pushing through something you don’t want to do – whether it’s working a long stretch without a weekend off or traveling for work when you’d rather not or whatever it is – shows you that you are stronger and more confident and adaptable than you think. It gives you a bank of confidence to rely on later in life. I do wonder if they aren’t building that because so many refuse to be uncomfortable or test themselves in any way even for a short time.
Maybe they’re just built differently and won’t need that bank of confidence because they already have such high self esteem? But IDK for me when life kicked me in my later 30s or 40s, I needed to be able to talk myself up by saying – I’ve been through hard jobs or unhappy times before, I can do it again if I have to.
Anon
“I get it, but sometimes especially when you’re young, pushing through something you don’t want to do – whether it’s working a long stretch without a weekend off or traveling for work when you’d rather not or whatever it is – shows you that you are stronger and more confident and adaptable than you think. It gives you a bank of confidence to rely on later in life.”
I love this and strongly agree. It also gives you valuable lessons in putting other people first sometimes.
Anon.
As a geriatric MiIllenial born in 1982 I couldn’t agree more to all of this.
Anon
Young millennial (29) here – and I fully cosign!!!
Anon
Oh, another I can live without – sending text messages in endless streams like this:
ok
so I need to tell you something
I was at work and my boss walks in
then right as she starts talking, Joe bursts in
omg
it was crazy
Anon
One thing that I think is very interesting under the “avoiding hard things” category is that it’s impacting numbers for certain harder extracurriculars. My brother wrestled in high school and college and I rowed crew in high school in college. Both sports take a lot of time, are physically very demanding, and tend to have coaches that are lovingly hard@sses (and crew has a penchant for early mornings too). In addition to his full time job, my brother is a high school wrestling coach back at our old high school working for his high school coach and they have trouble getting kids to join the team / stay on the team because it’s too hard. I ran into my high school crew coach (and 15 years later I would walk on hot coals for that woman; she was very tough on us but so instrumental in our teenage years) and she mentioned similar issues – they’ve moved away from racing 8+s because they don’t have enough rowers so now they mostly race 4+s and 4xs. This is a program that regularly sends kids to top rowing schools, places at nationals, and races at Henley – it used to be a team of ~50 and now it’s closer to half of that!
It turns out 6 days a week of rowing, 6AM Saturday practices, a tough coach who will yell at you and a hard workout is not what the Gen Zs want.
Anon
I was a tired, sickly kid and sometimes it feels like I would have been normal these days!
Anon
Which is great for the tired, sickly kids (not said sarcastically – it’s really great that they are able to do more things that healthy kids can do) but probably not great as an overall…
Anon
I am not sure; I honestly think it’s better for everyone when more people feel well, but I can’t tell if young people actually have less energy now or why they aren’t interested in hard workouts and early mornings.
Anon
Correct, they are all tired
Anon
This is where sometimes it’s good to be pushed and to push yourself. I know that many of us who did brutal sports schedules look back on those days fondly. The camaraderie you get on teams like that is like no other.
Anon
Some of the drop-off in sports like wrestling may be due to greater awareness of concussion risks. That wouldn’t apply to crew though.
Anon
As a teacher at my alma mater, it’s wild at how much has changed since I graduated in 2011…
I love that kids of all types are openly expressing themselves and being who they are. I love that it’s just as accepted to be a jock as it is to be a brainiac as it is to be into art. I love that kids are comfortable coming out in high school.
I don’t love the entitlement. Not everything is up for discussion, if a teacher tells you to stop talking in class or to take off your sweatshirt, don’t argue about it – do it. If you rudely ignore the teacher, don’t comply and you get a detention, that’s on you – the teacher isn’t being mean nor do they have something against you. You were told to do something, you blatantly ignored it, this is the consequence.
Kids will go to the office to CALL THEIR PARENTS over a bad grade; either to complain about the assessment or to be comforted by their parents. This is the most shocking to me – when I did poorly on a test I did everything in my power to keep that information from my parents!
The school has gotten so lax compared to when I was a student – this applies to both academic standards and rules / expectations of kids. It’s like you’re being asked to do so little compared to the students of a decade ago how are you still fighting back on every single thing!
Anonymous
Weird question, but: how much light do you have on in the evening? We have an open floor plan house and prefer lamps to overhead… but it just feels so dark from 4pm now. We already have 5 light bulbs in the main seating area, 3 in another nook, and 2 hanging pendants over the kitchen counter (but with low wattage) and under-cab lights.
It feels like the space is 15% lit and I’d prefer it be like 35% lit but can’t figure out how to do it without going lamp crazy.
Anonymous
I never notice how dark my house is until I have company over, then I feel self conscious that everyone will think we live in a cave. We have 3 lamps (2 table and 1 standing) in the main sitting area, the kitchen has overhead and under cabinet lights, dining room has a chandelier, and bedroom has a ceiling fan. The kitchen is bright but everywhere else is pretty dark.
Anonymous
Sounds like you might need brighter lights rather than necessarily more. Also consider how defused or blocked the light might be.
Anonymous
Good point, a lot of the shades are maybe too thick. But they’re also odd sizes…
Anonymous
We also have an open floor plan and honestly, I think it requires some overhead lighting this time of year. I often use the can lights in our upper floor/hallway over the stairs as a supplement to the lamps on the main floor.
NYCer
+1. I will use lamps in the bedroom while I am getting ready for bed, but I don’t like to be in the dark in the main part of the house during the evening.
Anon
Are your bulbs bright enough?
Anonymous
I also dislike overhead lighting, but this time of year, I use it when I get home from work, and then turn it off after dinner when I’m ready to switch to lamps-only “evening mode.”
Anon
I just do not understand the hate for overhead lights. I can’t stand being in the dark! I don’t need hospital fluorescence, but I do need to be able to see in my own home!
Anon
Same.
anonshmanon
I think it really depends what your overhead light situation is. My house came with can lights that have very cold lights and just don’t match the vibe of chilling on my couch. They certainly help me see things. I used to have a lovely IKEA pendant light that was a lovely source of overhead lighting.
Anonymous
Does anyone have a heating pad you love? I’d like one as a gift for my bro…
Deb
Heated mattress pad!
Anon
I read something yesterday and can’t recall where. Maybe someone else also saw it?
It was an article about remote work in the US, essential-frontline workers, office workers, back to office, etc. The part I remember is a statement that engagement is better among remote workers than it is among essential-frontline workers. (I remember it because I thought I had mis-read it and went back to reread it).
Did anyone else see this and remember where?
Anon
Perhaps Anne Helen Peterson? She had an email blast yesterday on RTO generally.
Needs to stop
I’m WaPo.
Very Anonymous
Yes, it was a Washington Post article referencing a new Gallup survey. I’d go find the link, but WaPo is striking today, so I’m not clicking over there today.
Anon
I have an interview for a new job. How do I answer the question “Were you eve dismissed or asked to resign from any position” without getting into all the details I really, really, really, don’t want to relive?
I was terminated without cause from a former employer. As were three other women. We were all offered non-disclosure agreements with money. The other three women took the agreement, but I didn’t. I don’t really want to get into all the gory details about what happened during an interview.
Anon
Any chance this was actually a layoff or reduction-in-force or something other than a “dismissal?”
Anon
It was more of a “male supervisor likes to harass women and the company likes to cover for him” situation.
Cat
but if you don’t want to get into it, the “factually correct but bland” version is what you’re asking for, right? “A group of us were let go at the same time” doesn’t imply you were fired for cause, etc.
Anon
yes, 100%. I don’t want to get into it, but I also have no idea if they will call that employer so I don’t want to be misleading.
Anon
Do you have references at the company (current or former employees) who will vouch for your skills, affability, and work ethic? It’s good to throw that in there.
I was harassed out of a job some years back – it was really horrific – and only managed to not get torpedoed by it because something like eight former coworkers offered to be references for me.
Anon
I’m hoping that good references from my current company will do, I’m not really in contact with anyone from that org anymore.
Cat
“I was part of a group layoff”?
Anecdata
do you know what the past company will say if called for a reference?
Anon
It may be state dependent, but generally I think former employers can only confirm dates you worked there and not get into any details.
anon
That’s an employer policy issue, not a legal issue. In many states, it actually goes the other way – state laws often provide protections for employers that are intended to enable them to give honest references, including explaining if a person was fired and why. A lot of companies have policies against giving references (positive or negative), though.
Anon
No, and I wish people would stop repeating this. There isn’t any law about this at all. Employers *choose* to have this policy.
Anon
I have no idea. Since the termination was noted as being “without cause” I don’t know what they will say.
Anecdata
If it was labeled “without cause” when it happened, I would absolutely just say you were part of a group of layoffs. Given that they were offering cash for ndas, they definitely aren’t gonna want to get into the details
tbh though, there’s nothing stopping you from having a friend call and ask for your reference, just to know for sure what they’re saying! I would bet cash money though that they’re saying you were laid off (aka let go without fault), confirm dates of employment, and claim they “can’t” give any more details. Which is all you need (you have other good references, you just need this one to be neutral/not bad, if they do end up calling)
Anon
I might try this . . . my only concern was that it wasn’t all at the same time. The dismissals were over the course of about a year (someone would get hired then dismissed, then another was hired and dismissed. I was the third out of four).
Anon
Oh, this is easier than you think. “I was laid off, along with several of my coworkers. Cindy, Alice, Emma, and I all lost our jobs one day, and Steve, Ken, and Mike were kept on.”
Anonymous
See, as a person in hiring, this would be a red flag for me. I would not say this in an interview if I were you. Right or wrong, this would give me the impression you were a squeaky wheel. Even I like Cat at 3:58’s more measured approach.
Anon
So you only hire people who have never been discriminated against or who quietly take it? That’s your prerogative but just know what kind of office culture you’re creating.
Cat
wrong takeaway. There’s a time and place for addressing that kind of thing, and answering a stock “have you ever been dismissed” question with this information is not it. What would the hiring company even do with the information? Think the OP deserves the job more than someone else? No.
anonshmanon
You moral outrage is all good and just, but in most job interviews, you and the other person do not yet have a relationship, they don’t know you. The language from anon at 4:03 is a pretty obvious way to speak badly about the previous employer, and it’s going to be very hard for the prospective employer to fact check any of this. If they have not worked with you before, you don’t have personal capital or a previous record of good judgement or professional conduct that they could weigh to make sense of your allegations.
So all they have is the fact that you chose to drop this bomb (true or not) during the interview, against all common interview advice and at the risk that this is the most memorable thing your interviewers will take away from speaking with you. You just can’t win here.
Anon
Agreeing with Cat and anonshomon here. Saying something like this in a job interview would show you have very poor judgment. And it’s not like you’re solving discrimination by bringing it up in a job interview.
NaoNao
I haven’t been asked that during an interview and I’ve had dozens of interviews over the last 10 years. I would prepare a bland statement “it wasn’t the right fit” “the company went in a different way and I was no longer a strong match for the role” you could also do a bland “oh, the company hired in some new management and they wanted to shake things up and bring in their own team”–that’s something that any rational, savvy hiring manager will understand is not “trash talking” and is bland and vague enough but also gives some general information.
To me if they offered you an NDA with money, that’s “letting you go” vs. being fired and I’d split that hair but also invoke the NDA nicely and politely. “It didn’t work out. Actually I signed an NDA for that company so I can’t speak to the details.” Then immediately pivot to what you’re excited about in the new role and company.
Anon
OP didn’t sign the NDA
blanket ideas
I want to get a cozy snuggly blanket for my college freshman niece that is spending her first winter in the Midwest.
Your favorite?
Anon
She needs a Comfy.
blanket ideas
Would a college freshman wear that? Really?
Anon
I don’t think so. Barefoot Dreams blankets are very cozy.
Anonymous
I HATE BD these days. The last few I’ve bought have had a chemical smell. And they’re tough to clean. I’d go with something plush from Cozy Earth instead.
anon
Thanks for these recs.
Amazingly, the pricey plush blanket at Cozy Earth is already sold out!
New Here
I haven’t personally tried them, but Chappy wraps get rave reviews.
blanket ideas
Thanks for the suggestions.
Anon
Giraffe at Home or Bearaby if she’d be interested in something weighted
Anonymous
I have a lot of siblings. All of us are in stable jobs except for one. He’s super smart, quiet, wants to be an artist, doesn’t have a cell phone. We all communicate with him via letters. He works very part time as an EMT. Eats to live kind of person. I just found out from another sibling that he no longer has housing. He sleeps and showers at the hospital when he’s coming off shift, and the rest of the time he sleeps a few hours a night at his art studio. I have the means to rent him a place, but I’m not sure if he would accept it. I could also send him a check for a few thousand dollars, which I think he would accept but also I think he would probably just use it for art supplies. Which is OK, I think it’s just I can’t imagine that (as I own a house and sleep in a bed every night!). I’m not trying to sound snobbish, I genuinely want to support him without stepping on his preferences and choices. He knows we all trade letters from him but I also don’t want to make him ask for help if I say “John told me …can I do anything?” Any ideas or suggestions? He isn’t asking for help, but I also feel guilty when I have so much and I know he does not have much.
anon
I think that if your relationship with this sibling is distant enough that you’re asking this question in an anonymous internet forum, you should probably leave it alone. I don’t mean to be harsh, I just feel like you either are close enough to have that kind of conversation with your sibling, in which case you already know what to do, or you’re not.
Cerulean
As someone who has had a sibling in this situation, I imagine OP is reaching out online because either they might not know anyone with this experience, it’s really hard to share in person, and/or because people get so incredibly judgmental or are really unhelpful about it when you do share (hello my in-laws saying they would *never* let that happen to a family member… if only it were that simple!). I knew nobody in my circle who had been in that situation and it was heartbreaking and isolating. I opened up to some, but while a few friends offered their moral support, nobody had practical advice.
OP, I’m so sorry. I remember feeling frantic when my brother was living in his car during a Chicago winter. He had intermittent phone service, so I would text him both normal stuff (inside jokes and the like), offers of specific assistance so he knew he could crash at our place and show up any time fora shower or laundry with no questions asked and and specific invites (“hey, I’ll be making [favorite food] Friday night, LMK if you need a ride or if I can drop off a batch”) and also practical help. He rarely responded, but we wanted to make sure he knew we were there for him. It’s important to know what help you’re willing to offer and when, and make sure he doesn’t feel like you’re all talking about him like he’s the problem child. I had to stop my mom from saying things like “we were all talking about you and we’re so worried” because while it was well-intended, nobody wants to feel . I think letting my brother save face helped.
anon
This is wonderful advice.
I hope your brother is ok.
OP – I wish you and your brother the best.
I think it’s great you are so supportive.
Cerulean
I have a long comment in mod so check back! Also offer concrete help as you’re comfortable. Be specific about what you can do. I’m sorry you’re going through this! I’ve been there and it’s really scary.
Anonymous
My mother’s brother was like this and she sent him a couple grand for Christmas and his birthday every year
Paging Kendal cake
I found a few recipes for cakes from Kendal or close by, have posted links in the original post from this morgning.
They are currently in mod, but check back later.