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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Grace Karin has been a hit with readers, and this new-to-me top looks like a real standout.
The style is reminiscent of the far-more-expensive Belleville top from The Fold, and the color selection is fantastic. Wear it to the office during the day, and add some dangly earrings for a holiday party that evening.
The top is available at Amazon in sizes S–XXL for under $50.
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
RiskedCredit
I’m looking for help on how to answer the horrible question of ‘tell me about yourself’.
Phone interview yesterday went so badly. The role looks to be a step down in career but is actually a step up in terms of working in the field I love. The lady muted me.
I said my piece, which was about 2mins (I timed it). It was then awkwardly silent and I let the silence hang until I said, is there anyone there? I’m 20 years into my career. Yes she was unprofessional to mute me but clearly my answer needs work.
Anon
That’s awful — I’m so sorry you experienced that, and no matter what your answer was like, you don’t deserve to be treated with unprofessionalism.
How did you answer the question? My guess (and others who regularly interview people will know better) is that the way to deal with it is to stick to work — “My career started in sales, but I’ve been focused on PR for the last 15 years, where I’ve been able to X and Y.” But like I said, others here will know better.
Cat
1. that’s so bizarre that it can’t be entirely your fault. is it possible it was a tech fail? what did she say when she started talking again??
2. that question is essentially “talk to me about why your career history lines you up for wanting this job & being a good fit.” To use AAM’s well worn teapot analogy, it would be something like “over the past decade I’ve been gradually advancing in teapot manufacturing, and currently supervising a team of 20. However, as part of that role, I’ve started to become familiar with the tea flavor development field and want to move into that part of the industry. I know I’ll have some “learning the ropes” to do and so that’s why I’m interested in this individual contributor position now.”
Julia
+1 this is perfect
Anonymous
love this!
Anon
She muted you, as in, she couldn’t even hear what you said?? Or did she mute herself while you spoke? If the former, she was really rude and weird. If the latter, she may have been dealing with background noise and didn’t want it to overwhelm the audio (I type loudly when taking notes so I frequently mute myself while listening). But either way, it was rude for her to just leave you hanging in silence. As awkward and hard as it is to deal with in the moment, that’s a her problem and not a you problem.
Practically, I would not take the question literally. Instead, consider it the opening to give them your elevator pitch about yourself. Talk about your background, achievements, experience, what you are looking for, and why the role interests you.
Anonymous
+1 all of this. To me it kind of just sounds like a weird dumb tech time. Totally get how it could fluster you during an interview for a job you really want though!
Anon
I have accidentally muted people in a meeting. It wasn’t a job interview, but they were talking and I went to unmute myself and somehow muted them. It was awkward but we all had a good laugh about it. I seriously think this was a tech fail. Almost 4 years into WFH, it still happens to me, with software I use every day.
Anon
I will perpetually sneeze and cough on a call, so I may toggle my mute off and on and mess up on my end, so maybe assume that it was me and that it’s no reflection on you. Be the Goldfish. I’m sorry though; still feels rotten.
Anon
This is me. I mute my mic whenever I am not talking because my chronic cough is problematic.
Laura
I’m sorry she just muted you? WTF? That is so strange, I’m not even really sure it could be your answer.
I don’t know if this is the proper way to do it, but I do have a career path that people understand much better once I answer this question vs. on paper. And I do well in interviews, so it can’t be awful.
I basically go through each step, starting from college, and mention a quick thing that I did in each place plus the reason why I made a change, and customize it to the person.
I was working at a consulting firm but wanted to do something more quantitative / work in a Specific Field so I went to grad school.
If I know the interviewer or company has some connection to my college or grad school touch on that.
Mention almost emotional reasons – I wanted to do a different type of work, I wanted a less intense environment in the same field (everyone understands, this is fine and relatable to say), I wanted to finish out a project that I started.
I try and tie things to the current job, or just what interests me in the job. I like problem solving, I like working on a big team and NewCompany also has these teams like JobILoved had, I like working in the field and the differences that brings.
Anon
That sounds more like she accidentally muted herself?
Anonymous
Yes I’m confused how you’d know someone muted you. I guess the interviewer was also the admin of the meeting where you can mute participants. It just seems odd though and more likely a tech fail.
anon
As the organizer, you can mute participants. Especially useful in big meetings when someone is causing a lot of background noise and cannot figure out how to mute themselves. But, in this case, it was likely a tech failure.
RiskedCredit
After the awkward silence, she said the phones will automatically mute if there is no speech. I rolled my eyes because my answer wasn’t that long.
I know her behavior was her problem not mine. I’m English and sometimes I don’t answer questions the American way. There are a lot of communication differences between the cultures, some more subtle than others. I’ve not changed my format to this question in 15 years. I time my answer so it’s 2-3 mins and hits on why I am a good fit for the role.
Anon
So she didn’t actually mute you, she was just waiting to make sure you were fine before moving on to the next question? This is how zoom interviews work, lots of awkward silences while people wait to make sure the interviewee is done answering.
Anon
Oops, stupid phone changed done to fine. I meant done answering before moving on.
Anon
With this context I think you may be misreading the room. You gave an answer, there was a pause (common on Zoom), the system muted you and then she explained why that happened, and you chose to roll your eyes?
Anon
I had mostly zoom interviews in my last job search, and yeah, there’s tons of pauses. OP, it seems like your answer was fine but you’re letting general interview awkwardness get under your skin.
Cat
wait what? Her phone auto-muted itself since she wasn’t speaking, and there was a short awkward silence where she didn’t realize she’d been muted? This is not eyeroll-worthy.
Anon
Agreed. It’s also not a “horrible” question but a softball that’s easy to anticipate and prep for.
Anon
For tell me about yourself, the first question in an interview, I like to give a small amount of personal background – to make me human. “I’m originally from X. I studied Y at State U. I decided to enroll in grad school in Field because Z. I enjoy ABC about our field and would love to more Z, which this opportunity presents.”
Anonymous
People remember the first and last things you say. This setup does a big disservice to you—you don’t want to start chronologically (and it’s not all that humanizing or interesting of a detail). I really like apowermood on Instagram. She gives some great examples of strong ways to answer this. I’m not saying don’t sound human, but do it in anecdotes that aren’t your first sentence or two.
Anon
Please don’t think this indicates you did poorly! I was on the job market this summer and did dozens of phone screens and Zoom calls. This awkward pausing is typical now. Especially for a phone screen, I found the recruiter often has a laundry list of questions and mutes themself while you’re talking. There often is a pause of dead silence as they’re still typing before the next question.
As for “tell me about yourself”. I’m about your level and typically mention “I’m a seasoned widget executive with 20 years of experience in senior leadership roles. I’ve successfully built new widget making strategic plans and scaled widget startups at X, Y, and Z companies, growing revenue to $X (or whatever metrics you can easily summarize), which is why I’m excited about this role to launch your new widget factory. Throughout my career, I’ve learned that I really excel when building and mentoring a team, a skill that translates to this role. I was happy to hear from you and look forward to further exploring how my skills and experience could be beneficial in this role, so thank you for reaching out.(assuming they reached out via LinkedIn) I was particularly impressed with your company’s focus/value/success on X (insert something interesting from their website) and would like to hear more!”
Anon
She muted herself and didn’t get it back off mute. You are overthinking
Anon
Agreed!
Anonymous
And an eye roll is rude! Interviews are the time to be relentlessly positive and understanding. Whatever issues they have on their side, you are A-OK with.
Anonymous
I would say a good answer makes you interesting and gives the interviewee good follow up questions. If you have anything that reads funny on your resume, address it here- resume gaps, brief stints in other industries, plateaus, whatever.
NaoNao
Wow, oof! How crappy! I hope she did it by accident!
For the “tell me about yourself” 2 minutes feels long. I’d try to get it to 2-3 sentences. This is the “elevator pitch” part of the interview.
1 sentence about the past, 1 about the present, 1 about the future. The past is your highlights/how many years you’ve been in the filed ‘I’ve been a stylist and costumer for 14 years”. The present is a brag moment “I recently won the Oscar for best costuming”, the future is what you bring to the job. “I’m really excited about working with a Broadway production and getting a chance to dig into 18th century peasant-core.”
Then pause and allow them to pick a role or accomplishment to dig into or to (more likely) drone on a 20 minute sales pitch about the company, role, duties, and how exciting and terrific it is and do you have any questions.
Always let the interviewer talk more–people love the sound of their own voice.
Anon
I’m looking for bedroom furniture, specifically a bed side table and a dresser that will last me a long time. Where do you like shopping or finding these things? I have kind of an ecclectic, anthropology decor style and looking for quality pieces that don’t come flat packed.
I have a solid reclaimed wood side board made by a local craftsperson in my living room that was a purchased through an antiques/vintage shop. I was in the shop last weekend and didn’t see anything that would work as a dresser, so I’m taking to online browsing and other in person options.
Cerulean
I prefer the modern or mid century vibe, but I buy vintage or from Room and Board. I haven’t been happy with the quality of other furniture retailers, although I did learn of a shop near me where they do custom Amish-made pieces and am thinking of going that route for a dining room table.
Anon
I love all my room and board stuff. I’ve gotten a lot of it used from AptDeco.
Anonymous
I have a dresser and night table from Gat Creek that are the nicest pieces of furniture in the house. They make me happy every time I open a drawer.
Friday Anon
Thank you for this recommendation! I have been searching for a few years for something comparable. Gat Creek is very promising!
Anon
Facebook Marketplace. That seems to be the new Craigslist for people who have lovely old furniture they just want gone! And other local vintage/antique stores may be posting preview photos of what they have in stock.
Anon
My house is filled with vintage and antiques but bedroom furniture needs to be more functional for me. I’ve gotten solid wood stuff at the usual suspects like Pottery Barn, Serena and Lily, Lulu and Georgia, etc. for bedrooms. Even if something needs assembly, they typically offer white glove delivery and do that for you. I also have an eclectic style and show that more through wallpaper, bedding, art, etc.
PJ
Ikea: I have a large dresser and bedside table (Hemnes) that have done cross country moves and lasted me >15 years
Anonymous
The Ikea Hemnes line is great. Simple and sturdy and attractive enough for the purpose.
Anonymous
I see SO MANY dressers at online auctions and entire bedroom sets go for under $500. Check out estatesales.net and see if there are any local places to you.
Anonymous
Looking for a gift, $50 range, that is travel-related. What makes your life easier when you travel? Prefer to avoid clothing, as I hate to guess on the size.
Anon
Here are some ideas from a frequent traveler:
travel charger, fold up bag, luggage tags, case or pouch for electronics and wires, foldable neck pillow, passport cover,
anonshmanon
a friend of mine has an inflatable neck pillow that stows away in a small space. Useful!
MM LaFleur favorites - tops?
While not the most compact, this Wirecutter – best travel neck pillow made of memory foam was life changing for me. It does fold into a bag. It is so comfortable I literally sometimes wear it when I am watching TV. Love it.
Anon
I have a strap that lets me strap any bag to the handle of my suitcase. It basically acts like a trolley sleeve for bags that don’t come with them.
Go for it
Please add link !
Anon
Portable charger (the brick kind). Recommend Anker brand. Airtags to keep in your suitcase.
Panda Bear
+1 – Yes, I love my Anker charger.
Anne-on
+1 to an Anker charger and an extra long charging cable. If they travel internationally frequently a good travel adapter with USB ports is SO useful.
Anonymous
Anker with multiple usb c ports.
Anon100
Another Anker item I really like is one of their power strips with USB ports. I also like Panda Bear’s suggestion of a tech organizer, as I’m still looking for a good one myself.
Anon
Anker is great! I have a 6 year old portable charger from them, and it’s still going strong. I’ve also bought a few other chargers as well as headphones. All good quality.
Panda Bear
I don’t have a specific one to recommend, but I’m on the lookout for a tech organizer with lots of elastic slots to organize charger cords. I’d be happy to get that for a gift!
Anon
Have you looked at Dagne Dover? They have the Arlo tech organizer in 2 sizes.
Cat
-Compression socks (Bombas are comfy, cute, and supportive)
-Nice eye mask (molded cups like a bra are best to avoid eyeball pressure)
-Pretty pouch for chargers, etc. (would personally love to upgrade from my current Clinique makeup bag freebie giveaway but it’s the perfect size…..)
-Airtags though this might be a bit over budget
Anon
Same! I always use my free Clinique makeup bags for this as well.
Anonymous
Travel packs of good tea; I like the Harney’s tins. Travel size bath bombs. Travel size high end toiletries. Travel size L’Occitane hand creams.
AIMS
If you go this route, travel sized thermal water spray. Avene is my favorite. Helps my skin & overall feeling good so much on long flights.
Anonymous
It’s not exactly travel only, but something I absolutely never want to travel without is earbuds. I like my AirPods but I put these on my christmas list this year for second pair that I don’t have to be quite so precious.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0BV4XZ2S1/ref=ppx_od_dt_b_asin_title_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1
Anonymous
Also the over ear design works better for travel, I think…less chance of losing it.
anon a mouse
Leakproof liquids bottles in a variety of sizes – I like the silicone ones with a wide mouth that fill easily. Sheet masks for face and hands. Travel size bottles of lotion. Sometimes I carry a tiny scented candle tin and a book of matches so I can make the room smell cozy. Packing cubes, at least the smaller ones for underwear and socks.
NY CPA
Nice quality packing cubes. I used to think they were unnecessary and a waste of space until I got some and they’ve been a game changer.
Laura
I take my portable steamer everywhere. Hotel irons are terrible.
Pompom
Flattish envelope style pouch to serve as a “Seatback pocket organizer” for long flights. You don’t need 95% of your carry on stuff for the flight itself, but having trim wallet, eye mask, earbuds, chap stick, eye drops, moisturizer, socks, passport, phone and cord, and sleep aids in one spot? Clutch. Slips in and out of the main carryon nicely!
Good eyemask, too–one with the molded cups.
anon
I read the reviews for this top and a few were from men providing feedback for their wives. I’ve seen this on other shopping sites too – “my wife didn’t like the fabric” or “my wife loved this item and said it fit great” or whatever. Why does this bug me?
Anon
I wonder if the man bought the item for his wife, and therefore he got the email reminding him to review it?
Anon
IDK but spouse “has” the Amazon prime membership and I tell him to add things all the time. I don’t mind if the comment is “X didn’t like it because” versus “I didn’t think that X looked hot enough in it.” Like I’d like it if I could outsource some thing in things — one less task. Maybe these dudes shop for groceries and cook meals also and register kids for little-league. And summer camp?
Cat
+1
Anon
I don’t know. Why?
Anon
Original poster here. I think it has a man-spraining vibe to me, or like when a man presumes to order his date’s meal, or answers a question intended for someone else.
But I never considered it as a household task to share, so that changes my impression. Thanks for the input!
Nudibranch
I react this way too. It’s kind of like the man presuming to order for a woman in a restaurant. Patriarchal for the little woman vibe…
Anonymous
Why does it bug you?
Both men and women leave reviews on behalf of the people they buy things for.
Anon
Fake review? I don’t know any men who would care enough to review a shirt purchased for someone else.
Anonymous
Amazon is bots. It’s always bots.
Anon
It bothers me both directions – when the wife reviews for the husband, too. Telling me, “Someone else said they liked it” just doesn’t have the same effect to me.
Anon
It weirds me out too. You’re not the only one!
Anon
This is a whole thing: the “wife guy” reviews: https://www.vice.com/en/article/epv4ak/amazon-wife-guy-reviewers
Anon
I get a very different vibe when reading these reviews. It seems like such a sweet, sincere person who not only bought a gift for their partner but took the time to leave a review to help out others. Unless they are the clearly controlling creeps.
I leave reviews when I buy things for DH, usually either when something is so perfect or so awful I want to describe in detail the feature so others have the info to inform their own purchasing decisions. It would never cross my mind to assign my spouse to write a review on my behalf as a household task. I would just…not review the item.
Anon
Riffing off ALT’s comment yesterday that she is lighting a menorah even though she is not Jewish, I just came across “Project Menorah” for those who want to do the same (including a printable menorah):
https://www.projectmenorah.com/?fbclid=IwAR1SjGcwPxresO8a68LTp-2R5_0oyeAFc3r3ub9OIK8u2Slj9ZS2OE0FVhY
Anon
Thank you for doing this! It’s nice to be reminded that not everyone hates us Jews
Anon
Any recommendations for a trusts and estates attorney (possibly with a specialty in elder law?) in the Raleigh/Durham NC area? Looking for someone to review some documents that have already been prepared and consult on some issues related to life changes for an elderly family member.
boo
I’ve used Amy Walker Cagle at Tillman, Whichard & Cagle in Chapel Hill. I did not need elder law specialization personally, but the original rec came from a family member who had.
Anonymous
We’ve used Tillman, Whichard and Cagle to set up a will and trust for an older family member and to figure out how to best manage a property they wanted kept in the family. Very easy to work with and reasonably priced.
SilverGirl
I used Anthony Nicholson of McPherson / Rocamore in Durham and was pleased with his work.
Pompom
Bagwell Holt Smith with locations around the Triangle. We’ve used them in Chapel Hill for estate planning (as have several friends), and our most recent RE closing.
Also, hi Triangle neighbors!
Annonny
I recommend Chad McCullen with Young Moore, he’s very knowledgeable and been doing great work for years
Anon
I like this too but is it exactly the wrong cut for an Apple? I can’t figure it it will add tummy volume or disguise it. I’m also flat chested so it may look both sad and saggy and highlight where I do have volume. The Fold is too spendy for me, but would try on in a store in a heartbeat.
Anne-on
I can only speak to the Fold but the Belleville top is wildly flattering. The folds do add volume to the midsection but in a very intentional way and the fabric is thick enough to easily conceal a round tummy. The wraps start just under the bust so it creates a lovely ‘waist’ even if you don’t have much of one naturally (I don’t, I’m pretty straight up and down). I think it’s worth trying especially if you wear straight skirts or narrow trousers frequently, it is perfect with those bottoms.
Anon
Would you wear a necklace with this, or only earrings?
No Face
I have the Fold version and I just wear earrings.
Anon
Do you like The Fold version? I’ve been eyeing this shirt for a while…
No Face
I love it! I watched for it on Poshmark for ages. Maybe my favorite piece of professional clothing.
Anne-on
I have three of the Fold’s version and every single time I wear them another colleague compliments or asks where I got it. They’re expensive but worth it – especially as mine are all machine washable.
Beading gift suggestion
Any beaders here? I am giving my MIL a gift certificate to a beading store for Christmas and I want something small and thematically appropriate to wrap with it. Does anyone have suggestions?
Anon
wire wrapping tool? a magnifying glass that can be attached to a so.ething to use hands-free?
Anon
Oh fun! I’m a beader, and I can never have too many organizing cases for my beads.
Anti-Semitism hearings
Someone please explain when and how Congress is authorized to have hearings and investigations regarding private conduct? For example, under Title IX, Congress can investigate sexual harrassment on college campuses. Is there is similar federal code for investigations into speech and failure to discipline on private college campuses? How does Congress regulate honor codes?
Anonymous
A thread yesterday addressed this. I think in the morning thread. It was a good post and insightful. I believe the gist revolved around safety in some sense.
Anon
Virtually all private colleges and universities receive federal funds of various sorts that then link to various types of federal compliance (and cooperation).
Anon
this to me is part of the problem with how Universities have been handling what is occurring on their campuses. If you have policies/rules, you need to actually follow through with them.
https://www.thedp.com/article/2023/11/penn-freedom-school-palestine-houston-hall-overnight
Anonymous
This is surprising but feels to me a bit like store policies mandating that employees not intervene in shoplifting incidents.
Anon
Well it’s an example of when a university could police the behavior/actions without restricting free speech and by not doing so what kind of message is it sending? And would the response have been the same if it was a group of white supremacists
Anon
Absolutely. Our local university has had some pretty noxious people get invited to speak by the campus conservative students’ group: Milo Yiannopoulous (back when he was a thing); Ben Shapiro; Ian Hayworth, etc. When people would bring up that these people engage in hateful speech the university’s response was (paraphrasing): this is a place where we believe in free speech and the marketplace of ideas and we’re not going to shut down an event solely because some people don’t like what the speaker has to say. The events were held but were heavily protested. And I agreed with that. Let the event happen but let the folks with an opposing view protest if they want to; that’s free speech. Completely suppressing a viewpoint really isn’t possible in this day and age and even the attempt to do so usually brings more attention to the ideas than ignoring it would. I don’t agree with people supporting Hamas or calling for genocide, obviously, but I also know that the more that speech is suppressed or shouted down, the more attention will be called to those ideas and the people perpetrating them. If we want those ideas to be shut down, we need to let them be vocalized so they can be countered. Muzzling people never, ever, ever works.
Anon
I bet that if you check, you will discover that the university did not invite those speakers, student groups did.
Anon
School policies and inconsistencies in implementation been a problem for some time. There’s an op-ed in the NYT today highlighting the hypocrisy at elite schools that have ousted professors or condemned student groups for things like defending Kavanaugh or saying sex is real, but are now suddenly huge advocates of free speech when students/professors call for killing Jewish or annihilating Israel. It’s unacceptable and they deserve to be called out.
Seventh Sister
Frankly, I think the current presidents of these institutions are being used as the fall guys (well, fall women) in an attempt to absolve these institutions of wrongdoing and/or inconsistency. Ten bucks says the next Penn president is an aw-shucks Ordinary White Guy who can preserve the elite status of the institution (and the donor base) without making any substantive changes or disturbing the status quo.
Anon
+1, the “gal from Penn” will be followed by a white man
Anonymous
I think the presidents of these universities are anti-Semitic, and have now gotten called out for it. It’s also wrong to denigrate the possible race or gender of a replacement that isn’t even in play. Replace “white”:with any race or religion, and sit with that for a bit.
Allie
Yes, absolutely agree that this is all theater, to force ideological uniformity and remove these women, especially women of color, from these prominent positions. Also support for Palestine in any form, whether or not it’s anti semitic, is being systemically shut down.
Anon
What are the examples of students/professors calling to kill Jewish people?
Anon
Look in the news…
Anon
There aren’t any.
Anon
https://www.justice.gov/usao-ndny/pr/cornell-student-arrested-making-online-threats-jewish-students-campus
Anon
Yes, and there was an arrest, so how does that further the claims that the universities are at fault?
Seventh Sister
Conversely, if they’d arrested those students for being in the building after hours, then they would have had to physically remove them, deal with the crowd outside, bring them into the police station, book them?, etc., etc. That’s a lot of effort to remove protestors who might leave of their own accord after a few days. Campus police today, especially at elite institutions, aren’t usually super aggressive in dealing with students.
Anonymous
are there any books or documentaries that can help foster a love of hiking? i hate a lot of little things about it (bugs, uneven ground, freezing, an unknown trail) but know it would be great to do with my family. TIA!
Cb
No books but strategies…
Plan 6 hikes for next year – and at the end, if you still hate hiking, let it go. You’ve given it a good try.
Is there a family walking/hiking group in your area? That would reduce the stress around safety, an unknown trail, etc?
Anon100
Adding onto this, if you have a state or national park near you, check their events calendar to see if they are doing ranger-led hikes.
anon a mouse
Yes! And if you are doing any hiking in national parks, make sure you go to the visitors center ahead of time. If you are with kids, there are junior ranger programs. For adults, they will have resources about the hikes, like brochures with unique vegetation.
And when you are hiking, stop for a bit and engage all your senses. How does the air smell? What is different from other hikes you’ve done? It takes practice to notice the differences in the plants or the rocks, but it also makes things much more enjoyable.
Anon
The way to foster a love of hiking is to go on great hikes. Don’t select strenuous trails to start – easy to moderate with HUGE payoff is the way to go. Payoff should be things like refreshing swimming hole, incredible views, something unique (like the iron ladders at Pinnacles), a ghost town, an abandoned mine, a peak that gives you a sense of accomplishment, and similar. The fastest way to make hiking not fun in my family is to choose a trail that’s too steep, overgrown with poison oak, or a lot of effort for no payoff. Be selective until you get your experience up and then you’ll be more motivated.
Anon
But also, if you need a little inspiration first: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PleoqR7VjY
Anonymous
+1 great hikes with a destination. My MIL was very, very much not a person who hikes but went on a famous one in Utah (that was actually strenuous), and would not stop talking about it for a solid three months and plans hiking vacations now.
PolyD
I have googled for “easy hikes for kids at X park” for hikes for my adult, out of shape self.
anonshmanon
yes, this is how I went from hating hiking as a child and surly teenager, to liking it. I don’t go on huge multiday hikes, and I only go in nice weather, so I am not some serious backcountry backpacker by all means. But I enjoy it.
I found this mainly on a trip to New Zealand where every hike has either a stunning beach, emerald mountain lake, ancient forest or a spectacular waterfall. Now I also find joy in the more mundane hikes, but it started with going on a series of amazing hikes.
Since you also mentioned that the unfamiliar trail is a turn off – I share that! I have relaxed a little but I used to very much overprepare against getting lost. Downloading the trail on my phone, getting a paper map, making sure I understand the trail markers and reading the trail description so I can gauge whether a turn makes sense here. A lot of running watches will also map the route that you took so far, so even if you get lost, you could just look on your watch and walk back in the direction of your starting point with its help. A lot of this is not really necessary, but if these things keep you from enjoying the hike, I have found that a little bit of prep can give me the peace of mind to really focus on nature. I’ve never needed the watch to find my way back, but I feel good knowing the option is there.
Anon
Strategies (because I don’t think books can help):
– always carry good insect repellant with DEET. Bugs are a nuisance to everyone!
– wear seasonally approprite layers and comfy grippy shoes. None of this needs to be soecial equipment.
– carry some sort of delectable snack you don’t eat too often. make a new hiking tradition like a Godiva chocolate mid-way, or the good coffee in a thermos at the lookout point, or whatever tickles your fancy.
– pick trails near you which are not too hard amd well maintained so you don’t worry about bathroom breals etc.
– pick trails with inherent or attached “reward” that make it feel like a treat. I alternate between ones in beautiful areas I haven’t seen where the views are theirbown reward (waterfalls, popular lookout spots, lakes) and easy ones witha good coffee or food place near the end! ex. a little local restaurant in a nearby village, antiquing in the quaint old town on the way back… My foolproof backup is an easy local hike with a coffee house in a former mill half way in. In winter they put a fire out front on sunny days with adirondak chairs around.
– as an alterntaive reward, look up Geocaching :) there are bound to be caches on all popular hike routes.
– don’t hesitate to go sometimes alone if you enjoy quiet time, or go with girlfriends only instead of your family. Or join a hiking group. Sometimes its nice to mix it up.
anon
There is a hiking sub on R*ddit.
Anon
OMG I do love hiking.
She is a backpacker, but HomemadeWanderlust has a great YouTube/FB/site about going safely into the woods (as a woman) and has great advice. Good planning is essential to a good trip.
Also: AllTrails is a good app to have on your phone.
Finally: The Way is a 2010 movie with Martin Sheen and Emilio Estevez about the Camino de Santiago in Spain that many people do as a pilgrimage. It may be a lot more than you or I will ever do, but it just so fundamentally captures the immense spirituality that being in nature unleashes within me. Worth a watch. Seems to be available on Prime.
Anon
+ a million to AllTrails. The paid version is worth it for the navigation.
Anon
Can you reframe it as walking, but more scenic? Where I am there are a lot of flat, paved walking trails as well as a number of unpaved loops through smaller, local parks (most of which have ~1-mile loops, many with longer options up to ~4 miles, none with terribly heavy terrain). I like the 1 mile loops just to get outside, and the longer loops when I want a bit more exertion.
Anonymous
Having decent gear can help with some of this. Bugs not so much, but if you have good, supportive hiking boots that can help with feeling steady on uneven ground. Consider poles or a walking stick too. If it is freezing cold, make sure you are dressed well for the weather. Also, take delicious snacks! To me that is one of the best parts of hiking haha. The stop at the top to eat something yummy!
Anon
I don’t think you should force yourself to enjoy hiking if you don’t. Uneven ground is never going to not be an issue. There are plenty of active family activities (if that’s what you’re going for) that are not hiking!
Anon
Agreed! And hiking is one of those things I don’t think you really read your way into liking. Try some easier hikes with a pretty destination to see if you like that, but if not, you have this internet stranger’s permission to pursue other hobbies.
Anonymous
Have you watched the PBS series Out & Back? It’s about BIPOC folks reclaiming the joy of being outdoors.
Trixie
We always bring snacks….and in cooler weather, a little camp stove, packets of hot chocolate, and cups. Really fun to stop and make hot chocolate. Stick with easy hikes, with a fun “attraction,” and good weather.
Anonymous
I joined a women’s hiking group and really enjoy the community. I probably wouldn’t hike otherwise. So maybe there is an REI or a nature group that offers family hikes your family could join. I would find a park or something you want to explore first — maybe a mile — to keep you engaged. And don’t pick the coldest or wettest day to decide to do this. You will never continue if the weather makes you miserable.
CC
I backpack and hike with my kids, and backpacking is more popular. I think it’s the fun of it, plus the “playing house” feel of setting up camp. Pack in firewood and marshmallows. I also pack crullers for breakfast (a major breakfast treat for us).
Also: singing songs or call-and-responses are a great way to redirect if someone is bored. Get a tree/animal track/flower/scat identification card. Print a scavenger hunt (a stick, a river, a beaver, a white blaze, etc.) Hiking with friends makes a big difference.
Anon
I need to put curtain rods in my new house. Is this an area I need to splurge or are basic ones that have the same shape as West Elm going to suffice? Anyone have ones you like?
anon
I’d splurge a bit, but not solid brass from Rejuvenation. Biggest trick on curtain rods is making sure that you get ones with enough heft (e.g., diameter) which normally requires one step up from cheapest. The other trick is to put drapery pins in your curtains (rather than using the clips) so that the rings are right above the curtains for a more custom look. It’s super easy to do and gives a much more posh look.
Anonymous
+1 get a larger diameter rods but reasonably priced. I think ours are from Ikea. I’m not afraid of spending money on house stuff, but I genuinely don’t understand how one would tell if you have super hefty sludgey solid rods from Rejuvenation vs hollow ones if you’re talking about a normal black rod or something “normal” colored. I have seen lucite rods that are beautiful and I could see splurging on those.
Another good thing is to hang them higher and wider than the window. You can google the “high and wide” curtain hanging to see lots of Internet diagrams showing the difference it makes. Not to an extreme amount, but don’t hug the window.
Anon
If you own the house, splurge on good rods. They basically become a permanent fixture and removing and replacing often requires some drywall repair. We just replaced all the crummy curtain rods we inherited at our house. Over time they bust, the little screws come out. Went with Rejuvenation and love them.
Anon
One trick for making this more cost effective: find rods whose size and profile you like, and spraypaint them the color you want. Rustoleum makes a bunch of metallic/hammered metal paints that work really well. Made the basic matte black rods I found on the cheap look like pricier hammered bronze.
Anon
No need to splurge. From Home Depot, I have the Home Decorators Collection 1 inch telescoping rod in both the Square Urn Finial and Ball Finial. I’ve found these in stock at both an affluent suburban HD and in a middle of nowhere rural HD. The one that fits a double window (two windows side by side) is $50 – I can’t find the price online for a single window.
+1 to the idea that a thicker rod makes them look more expensive.
No Problem
Does it ever surprise/impress you that other people are really knowledgeable about a topic that you know nothing about? I’m thinking more in terms of everyday stuff, not like being a SME at work. The thread the other day about brands of tea, and what constitutes tea, and why tea drinkers are picky about something being called tea when it doesn’t actually contain tea leaves is what got me thinking. I’m not a coffee drinker, so I’m always baffled by all the coffee types and coffee-related products out there. I drink tea occasionally and I guess I like black tea and green tea? Whatever comes in a tea bag is generally fine for me. I’m just looking to soothe a sore throat or warm up when it’s cold. I guess I’m picky about things like my facial moisturizer (tried a small handful of brands over the years, sticking with my current two and not planning to try others) and TP (bought several brands over the years and of course tried them in other peoples’ bathrooms; Charmin is still the best), but I would never say I’m a connoisseur of these or any other consumer products. It just kind of blows my mind that lots of people spend a not-insignificant amount of brain power on a category of consumer products. I don’t mean that necessarily in a negative way, because lots of somebodies have to be a connoisseur for there to be any kind of consensus that some product is better than others.
Anne-on
Ha, a main feature of my ADHD is going down rabbit holes and remembering the random details I read about my (then) hyperfocus. Would I much prefer to be able to remember the name of that partner I deal with once or twice a year off the top of my head? Yup! Instead do I know the difference between a tea and a tisane or what an agelet is? Also yes! It does make for some fun trivial pursuit games though.
Anonymous
This is me too.
Nesprin
Another of the ADHD cohort checking in- I recently got in an argument with another ADHD friend about the difference between a biscuit and a scone. We broke out reference materials dating back to 1860.
Anon
I love finding out about people’s niche interests!
Anonymous
No, not really, because different people are interested in different things for a host of different reasons…
anon
My husband is super into rum. Apparently there’s a whole “rum geek” community online. We’ve even traveled to visit distilleries. Bonus that they are usually on islands so I enjoy the beach. And he’ll make me fun cocktails with the rum.
Anon
Am I surprised that people are knowledgeable about the things they like? No, not at all.
Anonymous
I find it interesting when people are really knowledgable about random topics, but I wouldn’t say I find it surprising or impressive.
anonshmanon
My reaction was the same, but now I wonder if the OP means the feeling of ‘wow there is this whole community out there that I didn’t even know about’. I sometimes experience that. I remember listening to a podcast on people who collect sneakers. I knew there were special edition sneakers, maybe designed by a famous person that people pay a lot of money for. I did not know there is this whole aspect of investment and speculation, without the regulation of the finance world. I marveled at that for sure and still sometimes think about it years later.
Anon
There’s some hobby drama subreddit that gives me this feeling sometimes when something there goes viral.
Anon
I think there’s a difference between being knowledgeable and being picky and/or snobby. I’m impressed by the former, but not the latter, and I say that as someone who can be all three, though I’m often picky and only rarely snobby. My tastes are mostly driven by trying to manage a health condition, so I’m very specific in my preferences, but they’re generally not high end (I can be kind of cheap!). I don’t think that makes me especially interesting, it’s just something I have to do to function.
On the other hand, there are lots of other things I’m genuinely passionate about and I like it when I meet other people with knowledge and passion they can share because I’m a curious person. I think people complaining about herbal tea strike me as being a bit snobby, but as a biologist I obviously understand the difference and would be happy to have a discussion with someone who actually wanted to talk about the properties of different plants and how that affects flavor, rather than just put down people who like them.
Anonymous
Yes, I am impressed. I understand having an interest in things (I.e., a hobby) but when someone is delving into the online forums and making specific trips places and doing hours of research, it’s like they are voluntarily studying to take the final exam in a class they weren’t enrolled in, they’re just doing it for fun. So, I am most impressed by the inner motivation these people appear to have to commit their free time to studying whatever the topic is. I’ve become lazy in my older age.
Anonymous
I’m one of those people. My husband, perhaps like you, can’t imagine spending his mental energy like that. But the difference is that our brains work differently. Mine always always running and you gotta give it something positive to do or it will just ruminate. It’s relaxing for me to do this time of research and I’ve got all kind so of topics I delve into , whereas my husband can actually turn his brain off. (Ask me about wolves/coyotes! Personal color analysis! Homesteading in Alaska! Skincare! Languages of the Caucasus! Etc)
Anon
It could all come in handy when you go on Jeopardy and get an entire category about your niche area of knowledge!
Anon
Sometimes the brain power on the insignificant is what keeps us from thinking too much about all the sadness and violence in our world. I was telling my husband about how the conversations about what Christmas design for our nails at the salon are hysterical. You would think we were picking out the interior decoration for our homes. But it is just a diversion from real life.
Anonymous
I am really enjoying the NY Times podcast The Retrievals. Such an interesting subject and I think really well told. Any recommendations for similar?
Seventh Sister
I liked that one too. Recently, I’ve liked The Kids of Rutherford County, Think Twice (about Michael Jackson), Unreformed, the last season of You Must Remember This.
Kate
Annual “what do I give my assistant for the holidays” question. I give her $500 cash. My budget is $50-75 for a physical, preferably not food/cooking related item(s).
-She loves tangible gifts. Her office is full of trinkets. I am a trinket-hater. No discernible theme to my eye / I believe she has kept every $5 gift the firm has ever given- fancy pencils, troll dolls, inspirational quotes.
-She loves holiday decor.
-She has two entire shelves of mugs (all styles) from other attorneys so I am trying to avoid that on principle.
– She lost her mom and her mother in law in 2023. She is 60s, has adult kids, two young grandkids who live out of state.
– She loves cooking but regularly disparages “gadgets”, I’ve already gifted her pricey spices, salts, and various food stuffs in the past.
– She crochets in her spare time and makes her own towels/ cloth kitchen items.
I know she will use the cash but the “stuff”part is very important to her, and I want to honor that. Ideas?
anon
Would candles work? Or is this trinket something she would use at work?
For Christmas decor, maybe a nice hand crafted ornament? Or a seasonal flower arrangement with a vase she can reuse.
Anon
Food52 has lovely kitchen related gfits. Look there?
anon
MoMa store has cool trinkets.
Anon
Crocheter here. Part of what I love about crochet is that it doesn’t require much “stuff” to do it, but Sea Bags Ditty Bag is a perfect size to hold a work in progress.
A nice pottery or turned wood yarn bowl is also something that is somewhat useful but also decorative.
Pewabic pottery has a $50 and under section with some pretty decorative tiles and things.
Anin
+1 on the yarn bowl. Decorative and directly related to a hobby.
Anonymous
What about a picture frame? Or a nice ceramic bowl (the kind that can hold doo-dads on a desk)?
Anonymous
I’d lean into the holiday decor and get a splurgy holiday item, like an expensive fancy glass ornament. Like this:
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/annual-edition-2023-festive-small-crystal-star-ornament/7475753?origin=coordinating-7475753-0-2-PDP_1-recbot-also_viewed_graph&recs_placement=PDP_1&recs_strategy=also_viewed_graph&recs_source=recbot&recs_page_type=product&recs_seed=7042324&color=GOLD
Nordstrom has a bunch of really beautiful Swarovski ornaments.
Anon
What about a plant?
Anon
I kill every plant gifted to me, and then I feel bad about it…I would avoid unless you know she has a green thumb.
Cat
A small bowl or vase from the Simon Pearce Seconds (slightly imperfect to their eyes but not to mine) might be in budget?
Senior Attorney
I would do a fun piece of Christmas decor. Or, if you know she can tolerate scents (and if you can trust her to take it home rather than keep it in the office), the Dyptique Sapin candle (pine scented) is lovely for people who like that kind of thing. Or make it easy on yourself and start a tradition of giving her an expensive Christmas tree ornament with the year on it.
Moose
One of those digital picture frames that she can upload pics of her kids and grandkids.
Anon
A nice picture frame?
An.On.
How about a small tabletop tree like this:
https://www.vermontcountrystore.com/gold-tone-metal-tabletop-christmas-tree/product/89705?sourceid=7RSHP306 (Plus some mini ornaments since this doesn’t come with any)
Or this version:
https://www.wayfair.com/Godinger-Silver-Art-Co–Godinger-Christmas-Crystal-Tree-with-Ornaments-28686-L6364-K~RXK10712.html?refid=GX560448447244-RXK10712&device=c&ptid=902676779008&network=g&targetid=aud-1613017765086:pla-902676779008&channel=GooglePLA&ireid=114844478&fdid=1817&gad_source=1 (Plus a festive pair of earrings)
Anon
What if you start a tradition? Like giving her a few pieces of a holiday village for her office. Then every year you add to it? And never have to think about this again!
Anon
Nice yarn from a local yarn store. Read the names of the colors and find something with a fun color name. If she crochets, she will love yarn. Get a thick, not thin yarn.
Anon
What’s the best exercise and meal tracking app? Bonus if it’s free. Extra bonus, if possible, I’d like to input my actual exercises versus just “heavy weightlifting” so I can track my non-weight progress.
Anon
I’ve used MyFitnessPal as a simple free tracker. It lets you input your height/weight and customizes “heavy weightlifting” to your profile in terms of calories burned. Not sure if there’s more customization available.
Anon
MyFitnessPal now makes you pay to use some features, and it’s kind of pricey.
Anon
LoseIt!
The exclamation point is part of its name.
Sunshine
My BFF and I have been using LoseIt! We both find it easy to use and we are both seeing some progress. I don’t think it has the workout tracking at the specificity you’re looking for though
Anonymous
I do meal planning/shopping, recipe instructions and tracking through EatLove (my dietician recommended). It lets you track exercise as well.
Anonymous
meal tracking – MM+ although it takes a while to get set up (it works best when you enter your own product info and track everything in grams)
exercise – I haven’t found one! I really really like the Sweat app because it tells me my history for each exercise, so I know i lifted X a few weeks ago, Y a month and a half ago, etc. A number of apps do this, including FitBod.
Anon
Low stakes question. What’s your favorite way to print family photos to hang on the wall? Do you like framed photos or canvas prints? I’m trying to decide how to display my recent wedding photos!
Anon
I like canvas for the walls. We only have them in our bedroom though – a giant canvas of us in a public area seems weird.
Anon
Family photos in your house isn’t weird.
Anon
I agree with 12:11, it feels kind of narcissistic to have a giant canvas of yourselves in spaces where guests/friends hang out? Growing up we had a few small photos in the living area but larger ones were in upstairs hallways, bedrooms, etc! We certainly enjoyed them but they were for personal memories vs public display if that makes sense?
As far as wedding photos, we picked our favorite and have it framed as an 8×10 on the dresser. We’re nearing our 20th anniversary (relevant because it means we got a literal box of 3×5 proofs rather than digital images) and I may decide to do the “simple black frame, big white mat, small photo” effect for a few of them to hang in our bed-bath hallway.
anonshmanon
Family photos can mean different things though. One of my friends used to have a grouping of photos from her wedding in the living room. One bigger frame with the group shot of everyone, and 4 or so pictures of just her and her husband. Just basically having pictures of yourself wasn’t really my cup of tea, but hey, it’s her space and she gets to put whatever pictures. Also, you paid for that wedding photographer, are you not going to put the pics where you can enjoy them? But now, a few years later, it includes a bunch of pictures of her babies as well, which somehow has a different vibe for me. I have two couple photos around the house, and a grouping of pictures of beloved grandparents and parents that are no longer with us. My grandma has photos of her various grandkids, which I am sure most grandparents have. In fact, not having those family photos as a grandparent would probably be the more unusual choice.
Anon
I meant giant canvases of yourself, not photos period.
Anonymous
I’ve now been to three separate homes where in the entryway, there is an enormous framed photo perched on an elegant easel, of the bride standing alone in her wedding dress. It seems so weird to me.
anonshmanon
wow, that is not something I’ve ever seen. Do the three brides know each other and one inspired the other two to do this?
Anon
Yeah, that’s a little weird. I have no interest in having photos of me in my house, though photos of kids and other family members or friends are totally normal. But I guess if it makes you happy, it’s your house, not mine!
Anon
Deep South/Texas? Totally a thing I remember, though something I haven’t seen in many years – not sure if it’s because I live in the mid-Atlantic now where that’s not a thing or because I’m past the weddings years.
Cat
are you in the south? I’m familiar with my friends from the south having done official bridal portraits — like full hair and makeup as if it were their wedding day — but having it displayed in their OWN home long after the fact? No!
Pompom
I experienced a similar version of this where I grew up. HUGE bridal portraits–bonus points for soft edge filters–hung prominently over the mantle.
Very Italian, Portuguese, and French Canadian part of New England.
Anon
I personally loathe canvas prints. Photographs should be on photo paper, matted and framed. I also don’t like bigger than 8×10 at the most. I’m a fan of a few favorite wedding photos elegantly framed and grouped together. I have OPINIONS on this topic.
Anon
I loathe them too, especially in mega-size. They just don’t look good to me. I like silver frames or plain wood frames and 5×7 size.
Anon
My wedding photographer, without asking me, gave us a giant canvas photo of a really great photo from our wedding. 16 x20, I think? The only thing I have that size is actual paintings! It is my favorite photo from our wedding, but it sits in the back of a closet because it just feels strange to have a LOOK AT US photo that size. I do have a 4×6 from our wedding day in a pretty frame on our living room bookshelves, along with a tiny photo of my grandparents in their 20s, a small watercolor painting, etc.
I do fully intend to bring back the gallery walls of old in our next house, though. My MIL had this fabulous gallery wall right off her foyer, and it wasn’t one of those pretentious ones, it was just one of those ones that’s a mix of old black and whites, and the early color photos that have that orange cast, and the cheesy middle school posed sports team photos – just generations of her family displayed without instagram perfection.
Anon
I like to do a gallery wall in an area that’s not front and center (a hallway, up the stairs, etc). This way you can also swap out the photos (if you get frames that facilitate that). My favorite wedding photo is framed in a silver frame and sits on my bedroom dresser.
I also don’t care for large family/personal photos (particularly the canvas ones) in public spaces in the home.
Anonymous
I agree. The giant canvas prints in particular look cheap, tacky, and dated.
BeenThatGuy
They belong right next to the Live Laugh Love sign and Friends Gather Here crap
Anonymous
Mpix photo prints in a Target frame.
Anonymous
we have canvas-printed ones hanging over our bed even now 15 years later…
Anon
Not exactly what you are asking, but when she was 6 or so, our daughter saw a wedding photo of us and loved it so much she drew a child’s rendition of us on our wedding day with happy smiles and surrounded by a giant cheesy heart with flowers :) It is so incedivly sweet and sincere. We put it in a simple wooden frame above our headboard and it is probably on of a few objects I would save in a fire.
Trish
I visited the home of a client’s girlfriend on Miami Beach a few years ago. She had a one room condo with a giant canvas of her wedding photo. On the other wall were two velvet paintings: one of Muhammad Ali and the other of Jesus.
NY Christmas Tips
Question to any NY’ers who’ve lived in doorman buildings: how does Christmas tipping work when you have multiple doormen and building maintence people? This is my first year living in a doorman building. I’ve only ever lived in buildings with a single superintendent. Now, I live in a building with probably 4 or 5 regular doormen and 3 building maintenance guys plus a superintendent. What are your normal tip amounts? I’ve seen some articles with ranges but wondering if people have real-world numbers. Also, does the amount depend on how many people fill a given role (e.g. if you have 2 doormen vs 5 vs more)?
Anon NYC
I think the answer depends on a variety of factors… Do you rent or own? How many units are in there in the building? Is your apartment a combination of multiple units? How much can you afford?
FWIW, I will share our number, but that doesn’t mean it is right or wrong. You will see and hear a large range for this. We own our apartment and there are ~40 apartments in the building. We have 4 doormen, a porter / maintenance type guy (who also works the door one day per week) and a super. We generally give the doormen and porter $200 each and the super $300. We like all of our building staff.