Coffee Break – Sanchi 2 Pumps

Donald J Pliner - Sanchi 2 (Expresso Suede) - FootwearThe bad news: there are less and less winter deals to be had, which I suppose is understandable given that it’s well into May.  The good news: these beautiful suede kitten heels from Donald J Pliner, available in both “expresso” (pictured) and black, are still on sale. Yes, they’re suede, so you may want to shelve them until fall, but I think they’re classic, beautiful shoes that you’ll wear for years. They’re available in limited sizes for a great price: $83 (down from $165). Donald J Pliner – Sanchi 2 (Expresso Suede) – Footwear



  1. momentsofabsurdity :

    I used to live near a pizza place, which had a sign outside touting its various coffee offerings. The sign looked something like this:

    COME IN! COFFEE FOR ALL! Whether your taste is:

    Regular cups a joe!

    I still wish I had gotten a picture of it.

  2. Gaah, I hate kitten heels, they represent the worst of both worlds to me. Not enough height for short people like me and not enough comfort, despite their being every bit as likely to get caught in every fricking sidewalk crack.

    • I’m sure at least some tall sisters will back me up on this one – I love kitten heels! And get super excited when I see stylish women wearing them. Different strokes for different folks!

      • Though I should clarify that this particular pair of heels is not my cup of tea at all.

      • I’m a tall sister and I love the idea of kitten heels, but I find them ankle-twisty.

      • Meh – I’m a tallish sister, and I just find them hard to walk in.

      • I love them! 6’1 and not interested in shoes with heels over 1 inch.

    • I’m tall and and dislike kitten heels too. I feel like they somehow make my feet look even bigger than regular flats. Think “little girl in mommy’s shoes”, only reverse. But then I have a bad relationship with my feet.

  3. I wear my suede shoes all year long. Anyone else? I do put away the velvet heels though.

    • Yes, I never heard of that rule until recently, and I think it’s silly. How is suede any more winter-y than regular smooth leather?

    • wearing a pair of brown suede today… was just wondering if I was breaking some rule I was clueless on.

    • Associette :

      Bonnie – why are you wearing velvet heels? Do you need a Corporette intervention? Suede is generally not ok for the summer (with a few exceptions).

  4. Barrister in the Bayou :

    So, I was wasting time at work and happened to click on a link from OMG! off of yahoo that showed what Lark Voorhees (aka: Lisa Turtle) from Saved by the Bell looked like now and I was horrified! The person that did her makeup messed up big time. Otherwise she looked pretty good, but seeing that hack job just made me sad. How did the interviewer just ignore it? Yes, it was that bad…

  5. I normally like Donald Pliner, and love kitten heels, but these are frumptastic. I think its the squared off toe. Maybe they are better in person. It’s a great price for nice shoes.

  6. Anyone see any cute swim coverups lately? I was watching that Bethany show on Bravo and the coverups she wears in Mexico are darling!
    Jcrew has a pretty green one — but, just isn’t as cute as I was hoping.

    • can’t help you, but I totally agree about Bethenny’s outfits. I really liked the wraps she picked up from that beach vendor!

    • I like a lot of the coverups in the current Athleta catalog.

    • I have a white linen one that could be a regular dress, but for the fact that you can see through it. I get way more compliments on it (as a cover-up) than I’d expect. Consider a casual dress that wouldn’t cut it for daywear.

      My other cover-up is a white button-front shirt that hits at my upper thigh. It’s just as easy but is more my style (as adapted for the beach).

    • Anonymous :

      Boden has some really cute summer tunics that would work as beach cover-ups.

    • Saw some cute ones at Soma the other day.

  7. NoVaAtty –

    I responded to your comment about income based repayment on the other thread, but I was late and don’t think you saw it so I wanted to follow up.

    I make a bit under 70K in my current job, but my AGI is around 55K. They calculate it as 15% of your AGI above 150% of the poverty line (it’s 10% of your income if you graduated in 2011 or later, with some restrictions, but everyone can qualify for the 15% as far as I know). It is only for federal loans serviced by a federal provider, so you may need to consolidate your federal loans served by other providers and move them to a federal provider.

    I think the poverty line for a single person is about $11,000. 150% of that is 16,500. Let’s pretend that 115K is your AGI and not your actual salary.
    115,000 – 16,500 = 98,500.
    15% of 98,500 = $14,775
    $14,775 / 12 months = 1,231

    Keep in mind that your loans are accumulating interest. In my case, the interest is more than my monthly payment, so my loan balance never actually reduces. If you’re accumulating $400 per month in interest and only $800 is going to principal, you may not actually pay them off before the forgiveness hits.

    www dot finaid dot org is a good resource for more info on repaying student loans. Here’s their info on income based repayment: www dot finaid dot org/loans/ibr.phtml

    • HippieEsq :


      Note that for your subsidized loan, the government pays the interest for the first three years under IBR.

      IBR only works for those people who are experiencing a “financial hardship.” If a one person household has an AGI of more than about $65,000, no financial hardship exists. That means that the payment under IBR = the regular payment which means there is no loan forgiveness available to that borrower.

      • This is not true at all. I don’t know where you go this information, but it’s flat-out wrong.

        As I mentioned above, I make 70K and my payments are something like $400/mo. This does not even cover the interest on my loans, meaning that the entire principal of my loans remains. IBR payments are calculated as 15% of your income over 150% of the poverty line. Depending on the amount of loans you have, it may or may not result in your paying off all of the loans before you are eligible for forgiveness.

        • Sorry, I didn’t mean that your entire post is wrong, just your last paragraph. AFAIK you’re right about subsidized loans.

        • HippieEsq :

          Re-read my post. It says AGI of $65,000, not gross income Bluejay!

          Note that the figure I mentioned is not exact, and you should use the government calculator for an exact figure.

          For someone with a huge income, they will not qualify. Here is some info on the definition of financial hardship, straight from the Dept of Ed:
          ” To qualify for IBR, you must have a “partial financial hardship.”
          “You have a partial financial hardship if the monthly amount you would be required to pay on your IBR-eligible loans under a Standard Repayment Plan with a 10-year repayment period (based on the amount you owed on those loans when they initially entered repayment) is higher than the monthly amount you would be required
          to repay under IBR. For example, if you owed a total of $40,000 in eligible student loans when the loans initially entered repayment, your monthly repayment amount under a 10-year Standard Repayment Plan would be $460 (using an interest rate of 6.8%). If your IBR payment amount is
          less than $460, you would be eligible to repay your loans under IBR. ”

          Don’t listen to us internet yahoos. Check yourself by consulting with the actual Department of Education. Type in “Department of Education AND Income Based Repayment” into google and it will come right up.

          • You are still way off. Obviously if you have a huge income why would you base your payment on your income. But the 65 isn’t even close to the number where its not worth it for me. I could have an AGI of like 150k and I would still qualify.

          • There is no restriction on IBR requiring that a household have a “financial hardship” or an AGI under 65K. I have no idea where you got your information, but you are wrong.

          • Anonymous NYer :

            She’s quoting from the Dept of Ed website. Is that information wrong then? Where did you get your information if you can’t trust the dept of ed’s site?

          • She’s interpreting it completely wrong. She went to the site, entered in her loan information, and then wrote that you need to have a financial hardship and that you dont qualify if you have an AGI of over 65k. Everyone’s number is different. Its not a financial hardship in the sense if you make too much you don’t qualify, but yes if youd pay less under the standard plan, obviously you would do that plan instead of IBR.

      • I make more than that, but my IBR payment is still much lower than the ICR or the standard payment.

        • HippieEsq :

          Note: AGI is Adjusted Gross Income, not Gross Income. And my math estimate was off, but I was trying to make the point, that people shouldn’t assume they can utilize IBR forever and obtain a huge chunk of loan forgiveness because so many variables are involved. Most of us won’t earn what we earn today throughout our careers. That’s all. Not trying to get into a math battle, because I am just not a math genius and would need to use a calculator to figure out the exact dollar amounts. :)

          • I don’t want to get in a battle but you are giving seriously wrong information. It is based on how much you owe and your income, so your estimate of 65k is not relevant at all. Also we are talking 10 years, not a whole career.

      • Bluejay got this too, but that last paragraph is way way wrong.

        I make 62000 and pay around 400/month. I expect to make 74000 this year, and my payment will rise to around 660ish. If I make 100k, my payment might go up to around 1,000. I can be on IBR that whole time. on regular payment I would owe like 2000 a month

        • HippieEsq :

          I just did a calculation on it, and I think the disconnect is that I was basing this on a much lower loan amount. If you have a TON of loans, you will qualify for IBR with a much higher salary. You are right on that CC. I have to remember that lots of folks owe a lot more than I do!

    • Thank you. I went to and used the calculator which told me I would not qualify for IBR (here is what it said: “According to the information you provided, you do not qualify for the Income-Based Repayment plan because your monthly payment under a standard 10-year repayment plan is less than the amount calculated under IBR.”.

      Our AGI was lower than usual at $121k (my husband was deployed last year so none of his income was taxed). For income contingent repayment (unless I’ve mixed the two up) – my payment would be almost $1000 a month which would pay off my $100k in 10 years.

      Thanks everyone for all the info. I think the point going forward is, if you’re deciding on whether law school is right for you and consider how much debt you accrue, I really would check if you made over $75k whether you would still qualify for IBR & forgiveness.

      • Ok so once again, it has a lot to do with how much you owe not just how much you make. At 75k, the amount I would owe under IBR is around 660. The amount I would owe under the standard is 2300. Its not that you don’t qualify because of your AGI, its because 1.your married which ups it, and 2 you dont have as much fed loan. If you were singly making 75k owing 100k your monthly payment would be around 600 something instead of 1000 something. If you don’t qualify for IBR you don’t qualify for forgiveness because there will be nothing to forgive at the end of 10 years. For me, over half my loans will be forgiven, even though I’ll make ill get to a salary of 120k within those 10 years. If you don’t qualify for IBR that is a good thing, that means in 10 years youll be debt free anyway.

        • Sydney Bristow :

          Im on IBR and my understanding is that as long as the IBR calculation results in a monthly amount lower than the standard repayment amount would be monthly, then I qualify. It takes into account both the amount you owe and your income. My standard repayment is pretty high, so I qualify up to a high salary (although I don’t know where that limit is).

    • Associette :

      Wow ladies – thanks for all of this IBR talk – I didn’t know that this existed for people like me who make OK salaries in the private sector. I used the calculator and turns out I actually qualify. I wanted to point out that after calculating my IBR number I contacted my loan servicers (ACS) and they explained to me that forgiveness is at the discretion of the servicer. I am not sure how true that is or not but it is something to think about/investigate further.

      Alsooooo – I have a question – my loans have been extended as it is for 25 years. I have been paying now for about 3.5 years. Has anyone been in this situation, condensed the loans back to 10 years, and then applied for IBR? I wonder if condensing the loans one way or the other would matter. THANKS!

      • Associette- the forgiveness we are talking about is for public service. After 10 years mine will be forgiven after making all 120 payments while employed in public service (non profit or the government) But forgiveness does exist after 25 years at the discretion of the servicer for small firms.

        • Associette :

          Thanks, CC, that is helpful! Can anyone else chime in with whether they have condensed their 25 year loans down to 10 and then applied for IRB?

  8. what is an ok amount to be spending on a wedding? my parents are helping me plan my wedding this winter and costs seem to be spiraling out of control. i’m taking a hands off approach (super busy and work and i don’t have dreams of THE perfect day) so my mom is helping with a lot, and my parents are paying for everything and are fine with the costs. i love what has been planned so far, but spending a 250,000 on a day is making me queasy. i grew up in a very nice part of CA, and i don’t think anything about my wedding is going to be “nicer” or “more expensive” than others i’ve attended in the area, but at the same time i’m wondering how that is possible!

    how do i not feel guilty about this?

    • It sounds like you do feel guilty about it you feel quesy! An ok amount is an amount you can afford comfortably. That is obviously a boatload of money, but if they have that saved for this purpose and its not affecting their retirement or anything than you don’t need to feel guilty. As long as you do love what has been planned so far

    • I think the best advice on this is that it’s not really your wedding, it’s your mom’s wedding, and your wedding will be in 30 years when your daughter gets married. If this isn’t presenting any financial burden to your parents, let them do what makes them happy. They’ve been waiting for this day all your life.

      • I really really hope I’m not the kind of Mom that thinks my daughter’s wedding is my wedding. I do hope to help her throw a fabulous party, but I’ve heard way too many crazy mom of the bride stories to feel good about this approach.

      • I think Bluejay has a point. My parents spent way more than I was comfortable with on my wedding, but I got married in my hometown, and it was really important to my parents to have things “nice” for their friends. The guest list was also very important to them. Seriously, I would have been a much happier bride if the wedding had been smaller and less formal, but I was happy to share “my” day with them and they have no regrets about the money they spent (they could afford it).

    • I’ll dissent and say spending a quarter million on a single day is a reasonable thing to feel guilty about even if your parents can comfortably afford it. If it’s not in line with your values, it’s not in line with your values and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

      • I think part of my internal conflict is that they are being generous in amazing ways (ex: paying for family members flights/hotel etc. so people we all love don’t miss out because of costs, having a big guest list so everyone’s circles of friends are included, etc.) but when confronted with the actual number its a shock.

        I also realized I maybe made it sound like my mom was being controlling and that isn’t really the problem. She would never make a decision without me or do something I’m uncomfortable with, and doesn’t seem to think of this as “her wedding.” She is throwing me an amazing party and absolutely deferring to me on anything I truly care about.

        Maybe my problem is that I’m ok with each individual decision as it’s being made but then am shocked by the cost of all these decisions combined. Thanks for your thoughts!!

      • Until I saw your comment I had read OP’s post to say $25k, not $250k. Yikes! I thought the $25k sounded like a lot! I would definitely not be comfortable with that, even if my family could easily afford it. Not to get all “there are starving children in Africa” on you but….it does seem kind of obscene.

        Then again, all the stuff you are buying is going to employ waiters and cooks and florists and who knows what else (where is that much money even going?), so maybe it’s a good thing if you can afford it?

    • layered bob :

      You have two questions:
      1. what is an ok amount to spend on a wedding? we spent $13,000 and thought that was a huge amount of money. I know people spend more but you don’t *have* to spend more to have a fun, lovely wedding. I guess my question is what else would/could you be doing with the money? If the answer is “paying off loans,” “buying a house,” “meeting my charitable giving goals,” then do that instead. If the answer is “nothing, I have hundreds of thousands of dollars lying around collecting dust,” then by all means throw a kicking party for your friends.

      2. what do you about feeling guilty? Decide what is important to to you and your SO and make sure you have that. Suggest lower-cost alternatives to your parents so they have an “out” if they are feeling stressed by the cost. And then let it go. It’s very kind of your parents to plan something for you that you like too.

    • Anastasia :

      I almost choked at $250k. Even if my parents could comfortably afford it, I would feel very weird spending that much on my wedding day, so I don’t blame you at all. (My parents could have afforded more, but I opted for a formal-but-small wedding that came in around $10-15k, including my dress and the rings. I understand this is WELL below the national average, and I got married in a pretty high cost area.)

      How are the costs spiraling? Is it based on your choices, or your parents’ choices? If your parents want 750 guests and a sit-down, 5-course meal at an expensive venue covered in orchids and ice sculptures with a live symphony orchestra, and they also want to pay for it, you have no reason to feel guilty. I think it would be fine to say “parents, I love you and appreciate that you’re trying to make this day beautiful for me, but I want to assure you that I’m fine with less-expensive options and/or fewer guests.” If you were the one to pick all the luxuries to begin with, I think you definitely *ought* to say something so it doesn’t prey on your conscience. Depending on your situation, you might even suggest the “extra” money could be a gift toward the honeymoon or a down payment. If they still insist on putting it into a lavish event, though, thank them, realize that it makes your parents happy to dote on you, and enjoy your fancy day.

      • SoCalAtty :

        I’ll echo Anastasia and say, if it is 750 people/sit down, and they want to pay for that many people, then ok. If it is 200 people and you’re…well, I don’t know how you would spend that much on 200 people. We didn’t spare much expense and got married in Malibu, CA and spent about 50k. The only thing I would have spent more on (if I had an unlimited budget) was this 20k dress I saw in San Francisco. I didn’t do it because I wanted to buy a new horse instead :) If it were me, I would ask for a smaller wedding and a downpayment on a great house. That being said, if they’re ok with it and it is for a good reason (in your mind) go for it.

        The idea is you only do it once…although my husband and all my friends had such a blast at our wedding (spring wedding, great food, Malibu, live blues band) they want to do the party/reception part again for our 10 year anniversary! I think I missed my calling as an event planner.

    • Can we all come to your wedding? I’d love to see what a 250K wedding looks like (I think I’ve been to one, but it was indian, which is a whole different ball of wax).

      Here is something I learned while planning my wedding. Every wedding show and every wedding thing spends a lot of time talking about how your wedding is all about you, you, you. But as soon as you start planning a wedding, you discover how untrue that is. Its also about your groom, your guests, your parents, your family, etc. It sounds, quite frankly, like this wedding is as much about your parents as it is about you. So if you don’t mind/care that they’re spending this money, and its not bankrupting them, and they want to do it — then just shrug and let them do it. For some people weddings are really, really important. Just smile pretty for the pictures on the day and then have a nice time on your honeymoon.

      Also — the fact that some of the 250k is paying for guest travel and boarding actually makes it more okay in my book. The really expensive wedding I attended did that and it was really, really great. Your guests will thank you for it.

      • Also — if you do feel really guilty and want to do something to assuage your guilt, you can give some of the money you get as presents away to a charity of your choice (or if you get a lot of money, you could start a trust or a scholarship or an equivalent). But only if you want to (and can afford to) — you don’t have to. I actually think its a nice way to honor your own day in a quiet way.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      I’m such a broken record about this, but buy a copy of the A Practical Wedding book, and read the corresponding blog. Seriously. While it’s great that your mom wants to spend all this money, if it’s making you uncomfortable, then that’s a problem. You should not feel uncomfortable about your wedding. You don’t need to have All The Things for your wedding to “count.” And it bums me out that your mom seems to think you have to have All The Things for your wedding to count, because other weddings in the area had All The Things. I really encourage you to communicate honestly with your mom about what’s important to you and how you’re feeling, because it sounds to me like you’re sorta going along with everything right now. You’ll want to get involved in steering this event to the degree you care to before it’s too late to change course.

      Can I guess that you’re from LA? Blowout weddings don’t seem to be a Northern California thing as much, so there’s a lot less pressure to “keep up with the Joneses” up here.

      For the record, my <50 person wedding was way less than $10k, but that's what was right for us. What is right for you will probably be different. Just make sure that what you're getting is actually right for YOU and your fiance, not what's right for your mom.

      • Second A Practical Wedding! I’m not that into the blog but the book is really helpful in the emotional part of planning a wedding.

  9. Tired Squared :

    Threadjack: What would you ladies say is a good starting salary range for an entry-level associate in SmallLaw in a Southern city?

    • Please provide a little information – if not which Southern city, at least the population size of the city, and the state, please. I’m in small law in a Southern city, and can tailor this with a little more information. For example, Richmond and Roanoke are both southern cities, but with very different income expectations.

      • Tired Squared :

        Oh, good point — I’m thinking McLean/Norfolk/Richmond size. Definitely not Roanoke; the bar ruined Roanoke for me!

        • Hah! I still twitch when someone mentions Roanoke, VA. Pity, because I’ve heard it’s a rather nice city away from the Convention Center of Doom.

      • Tired Squared :

        Sorry hit send too soon. I’m asking because I have two job offers in those areas on the table, and I’m trying to gauge a realistic salary. The offers both have different salaries/benefits, but are in the same areas of law.

        • How small is small? Also..what type of law? Is it going to be focusing on businesses or individual type clients and are the firms thriving?

          • Tired Squared :

            One does all domestic relations/DV, the other does domestic/DV/a few corporate cases a year.

    • In Small Law (I’m assuming more than 6, but less than 24 attorneys) and no particular specialization, I’d say around $70K in Richmond/Norfolk, and a little more in McLean, but obviously with a higher cost of living. Smaller than that and the amount, as well at the work hours could vary dramatically. I’ve known people who started for $55K and those who started for $90K.

      Also, it’s very important to note that benefits can vary dramatically between firms, and can easily be $15K + in compensation amounts.

      • I think this sounds right (and actually sounds about the same as small law in the NE frankly.)

    • I am midwest SmallLaw (6 total attorneys) and my starting salary was 48K + paid health insurance and 10 days of vacation a year. Cost of living in my area is about as low as it can get. I got a 5K raise after my first year and will get another 5K raise (assuming reviews go well) after my second year is over. If things continue to go well, I will get to profit-share after year two is over. You might want to ask about the trajectory, if you feel comfortable. (I didn’t, but I am not super assertive about that sort of thing.) We don’t get bonuses ever and, while my health insurance premium is paid, the deductible is high. And, as I have lamented about on these boards before, maternity leave is only 2 weeks paid.
      All that being said (and I know you didn’t ask for all these details), but I pretty much work 8 – 5:30 and can think of two times in the last year and a half I have had to do work on the weekends.

      • This. As a VA lawyer, I’d be surprised by $70K starting at truly small law (3-5 attorneys), but would not be surprised at all if you ended up making that based on profit sharing. I think $45-55K is pretty standard, maybe some $60-65Ks out there if you have high hourly rate partners you work for, but I would negotiate for more profit sharing percentages at true small law.

        • Agree. Unless you’re going to DC, a reasonable small law starting salary for VA is most likely in the 40-60k range (big range, but it’s all firm dependent).

  10. Threadjack: I know there are some posters on here who did federal clerkships after a couple of years in practice, and I am now apply as an alum. How’d you all decide on when to apply? When did you tell your firm (and why)? Did your firm let you come back and/or how did you find a job afterward? I decided to apply again because I got shut out with pretty good credentials during 3L and feel like it’s now or never, plus want a soft landing out of Biglaw, but I’m feeling sort of adrift now that I’ve set the ball rolling on this plan.

    Also, since we’re talking about loans/IBR today–my understanding was that IBR payments are calculated from your AGI as reported in your last tax return. If I start clerking, my last tax return will list a Biglaw AGI, which won’t be representative of my actual ability to pay. Is there any way around this or should I just plan on draining my savings?

    • HippieEsq :

      Yes, you can fill out an alternative documentation of income form to reflect your new income. Your lender will have this available.

    • There’s a form called “Alternative Documentation of Income” or something similar that you can submit if your AGI doesn’t accurately reflect your income level. It lists several other acceptable forms of proof of income.

      • Welp, you guys can probably see how much planning I’ve put into this. Thanks!

    • Just hired... :

      I applied in May/June of the year before I wanted to clerk–i.e., a few months before the 3Ls. I didn’t officially tell my firm until about 3 months before I left; however, I told the two partners who wrote me letters of recommendation about my aspirations and also told them when I accepted a clerkship. I think my firm likely would have let me come back, but I never wanted to go back.

    • downstream :

      related questions: who the heck did you get your recommendations from? I desperately want to clerk but am totally stumped as to who to ask…

      • I’m doing two of the same recommenders from 3L year, plus a new professor with whom I took a class 3L year (so who couldn’t recommend me that summer/fall). I only graduated last year so it wasn’t so long since I last saw them. As for how I picked them, I got As in all three of their classes, and the two strongest ones were 1) someone who was involved with my journal comment, and 2) a prof from a paper class who really liked my paper. I was never one of those people who formed relationships with professors but these profs seemed happy enough to write letters based on my grades, etc.

        Of course, I haven’t gotten a clerkship yet so you probably shouldn’t put too much stock in my advice.

    • Goosebumpy :

      I applied in September for a position that was supposed to open up in August of the following year, but the position ended up being available in November. (I’d recommend getting your materials in before the 3Ls, though–I just had some problems with my recommenders.) So…I started in November on the Monday after my last day (Friday) at my old firm. I suppose the old firm might take me back when my clerkship ends, but I’m definitely not planning on going back. And I still have well over a year left on my clerkship, so I haven’t started looking in earnest for a post-clerkship job yet.

      My old firm realized it was kind of a golden opportunity and didn’t hassle me about it at all. I was also criminally underpaid there (and they knew it)–I ended up with a 30% pay increase after taking the clerkship.

      As for recommenders, I went with two law school professors (I was a research assistant for one and worked closely with the second in a clinc) and a partner at the first firm I worked at (the firm I left for the clerkship was the second firm I worked for). For what it’s worth, the judge I’m clerking for now really likes her clerks to have private practice experience, so if it’s at all possible I’d suggest confiding in a partner/senior associate who you think would write you a glowing letter of recommendation. Even if the judges you’re applying to don’t care one way or the other, I think it helps to have a recommender who’s familiar with your most recent work. Plus, you’ve probably turned in eight billion times more work to your current superiors than you ever did to a law professor.

    • Milk your connections! Partners at my firm were happy to write letters or call their judge on my behalf. Most former clerks view clerking as a positive experience and want to maintain a good relationship with their judge. Recommending a good clerk candidate it’s one way to do that. It’s a win-win-win-win. Good for you, the judge, the partner and the firm.

    • Also Thinking of Clerking :

      Two questions of a different nature:
      1. What do you all think is generally the cutoff for applying for a clerkship after having been in private practice? This is something I’ve toyed with since law school but the logistics with my husband were always bad. I’ve realized that our logistics will always be bad so I’m considering putting clerking back on the table as an option. I had a really good shot at landing a spot if I had applied as a 3L (2008 grad). In the event that it may impact your responses — I’m a patent attorney, not a litigator, and I would only apply to the Federal Circuit.

      2. Is this even something I should bother considering even if it isn’t “too late”? I’m happy (enough) at my firm and have a solid developing practice. I like new experiences and challenges but maybe this is . . . I don’t know, more trouble than it’s worth?

    • anon in SF :

      I did a federal clerkship in 2008-2009, after graduating in 2005 and working in big law for a 2.5 years. I applied in July 2007, about 6 weeks before 3L’s applied. I do think it is important to get your materials in before they are inundated with 3Ls.

      I got called for an interview in my top choice geographic area right away after submitting my materials. I went for the interview the following week and got an offer. Although I didn’t end up leaving my firm until the following May, I told them in the fall because they asked anyone who knew they were leaving for a clerkship to speak up so they could staff big long term cases accordingly. Happily, I avoided getting but on a terrible huge class action because I would be leaving in a few months.

      For recommendations, I had one of my old 3L professors, a partner at the firm I worked with, and an adjunct prof. I took a class from who was also a federal prosecutor.

      I felt I got a lot more out of a clerkship by working for a few years first, and it made it easier for me to transition out of big law, which I already knew I hated after 2.5 years. I had already paid off the vast majority of my loans. I’m a criminal prosecutor now in the same geographic region as where I clerked. I love it, and the connections I made while clerking have been helpful.

      Good luck!

  11. Signature Piece :

    I would like to acquire a few plain 18k gold bangles. I’m hoping they will become my signature piece of jewelry. Where would you get them? How much should I expect to pay?

    I would love recommendations for Etsy sellers, but am open to all shops.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Strongly recommend visiting an Indian clothing shop in your area. They should be able to refer you to a seller.

    • these aren’t real gold, but gosh they’re lovely:

  12. Today was my last day of work at the old job. The whole division went out to lunch and the presented me with a plaque for my “excellent service.” My boss said that he knew I would be successful in my new position and asked me to keep in touch. On the drive home I had a mini panic attack. I left a job I was VERY comfortable at for something totally new. On Monday morning I am going to start a whole new chapter in my career. So nervous!!!

    • Former MidLevel :

      Hang in there. I adhere firmly to the belief that some of the best things to do are the ones that terrify you. If you weren’t at all nervous, it would mean you weren’t challenging yourself and advancing your career.

    • I will be you in approximately 20 days…I’m leaving a job I’m very comfortable with/good at for something brand new (which hopefully leads to more opportunity down the road). It’s exciting but scary, and I’m pretty sure I have a small mini panic attack almost daily about the massive change that’s about to take place in my life!

      Good luck to you – just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone. :)

    • Congratulations!
      Please give yourself time —- months, not weeks—- at the new job before evaluating how it’s going. The initial shock, and fear, doesn’t always let us see things clearly. But I could have spared myself a month of sleepless nights after starting my last new job if I had actually let myself get acclimated before wondering if I had made a huge mistake.
      (I’m NOT suggesting you made a mistake, btw….just that you might feel that way at first, even if it ends up being a perfect fit). Good luck!

    • I am you in 10 days! I am leaving my current job of 11 years (not at all law) to start my 1st law position. I am scared as hell and excited. Congrats and good luck!

    • SAlit-a-gator :

      This was me last month. Don’t freak out. One day at a time. The hardest thing for me was realizing that I have to prove myself all over again. As soon as the first project got me glowing reviews I was able to breathe again. You can do it!

  13. found a peanut :

    Apologies is this has already been discussed.

    Anyone know where I can find out what Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s character wears on Veep?

    • There was an article in NY Times called something like What Should a Female Vice President Wear when the show premiered. Try a google.

      • The answer was, “Whatever Michelle Obama wears,” and the answer to that was “J.Crew.”

        • I know, that kind of disappointed me. I get that its TV and its a comedy and all that, but I don’t think they dress her appropriately for the position. And no offense to Michelle Obama, but she is the president’s wife, not a vice president. I bet that if she was the president, she would be wearing a lot more suits and a lot less belted cardigans.

      • downstream :

        I read the article, which made me sad because it said that most of the dresses were Christian Dior or Prada. I was hoping for more of like, this is what Julia wore on this episode, and here is where to buy it.

    • Anonymous :

      Well, if you can’t dress like her, there’s always the commemorative plate.

  14. Irrationally Annoyed :

    I just had a guy friend mention to me that he’s 8 months pregnant — sadly, it’s not a miracle of science, his wife is 8 months pregnant.

    Men stating that they are pregnant (or even either gender saying ‘we’ are pregnant) irritates the heck out of me — I’ve never been pregnant and have mixed feelings about it, but GAH, it’s both twee and condescending at the same time!

    So I vent to you, my friends. Feel free to call me a mean, heartless, jealous old biddy…

    • If you’re an old biddy, I’m a young biddy, because I have the same reaction. :-) I’m like…until you’re peeing 18 times a day and vomiting up everything you eat, you aren’t pregnant! Your wife is pregnant, you’re just the support staff.

    • I feel the same. Just sounds weird.

    • Better, though, than ‘she got herself pregnant’…

      • Unless she did.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Dude! I read a crazy child support case about a female doctor performing some oral lovin on a male doctor, saved “the prize” in her mouth, ran to the bathroom and used some contraption to transfer “the prize” from mouth to, well, you know, and “got herself pregnant.” Dude still had to pay child support even though he had NOT had traditional intercourse with her and she fully admitted what she had done in court.

        • citation or it didn’t happen!

        • I remember reading the same story about the tennis star Boris Becker. It’s really old news – the kid is now ~7yo, so no citation, just a feeble confirmation that these things happen.

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          I believe this is the one though I swear I read it only 6 months ago in an ABA update so maybe there is a newer version.

    • I’m with you. I don’t mind ‘we are expecting’, because it’s true that both halves of the couple are expecting a baby to be born, but to say ‘we are pregnant’ – ugg. He is not pregnant. SHE is pregnant. Like TCFKAG says, he’s just support staff.

      • EXACTLY! “We” are expecting is fine. “We” are even having a baby. Only one member of the couple gets to claim that she is pregnant.

        I have a male friend who says “we got/are pregnant,” and I think he thinks this is the sensitive and enlightened thing to say. I don’t correct him, because I figure his heart’s in the right place (and I’d look like a jerk).

    • YES! “we’re” pregnant (or especially “preggers”) bugs the everlovin’ crap out of me. Give the poor woman some credit, dude.

  15. Ladies….how was I away from my computer all day on pantyhose thread day? No less…its on a day that I learn that someone washes her hose after every wearing. This makes me feel like I might be dirtier than the average bear.

    Do other people wash there’s after every wearing? If so…do they tear/run sooner?

    • Also it had never occurred to me not to wear underwear with pantyhose. I feel like I’m learning so much today.

      • I know, right? I wash mine after every wear. If I’m desperate and don’t have a clean pair handy, I wash out the feet. I put them in a bag and throw them in the wash, usually, and then I hang them dry. Doesn’t seem to cause too many problems.

      • I wash them every time, and almost always skip wearing underwears (as my kids say) underneath. However, I wear control-top pantyhose. If I wore sheer-to-waist, I’m sure I’d have to change my ways.

      • I learned from a Greta anatomy episode to always wear underwear with nylons.

      • CuriousAnon :

        So you are saying you wear the same pantyhose without underwear and without washing about 5 times?

    • I think it’s time for a graphical representation of frequency of bra and pantyhose washing co-related to cost. And perhaps general slovenliness.

      Personally, I go 3-5 times, but usually they snag or tear before then.

      • How do we measure general slovenliness? :-) By number of wrinkles per square inch of clothing? Amount of dog fur attached to clothes at any given time? Holes per pair of sock still in active rotation?

    • I do after every wear. The foot gets dirty on mine though, like socks.

      Also I would never not wear underwear with them.

    • downstream :

      I probably wash mine every 3-5 wears. I should generally not be held up as a paradigm of cleanliness though.

    • I don’t wear hose, but I definitely don’t wash tights every time I wear them.

    • I do, but only because I discovered that they smelled bad if I didn’t wash them after each wearing. This happened, unfortunately, while I was wearing hose on a date and started to feel…not so fresh. I wash them by hand and don’t notice that they run or rip any faster.

    • I wash mine after every single wear. I don’t think it makes them less durable. I think it’s kind of like socks and underwear that way – anything that touches those two areas gets washed after being worn. Especially, if you’re not wearing undies with them!

      Frankly, even though I don’t think my feet sweat a lot (and I do wear underoos with stockings), the hose do smell “worn” to me after a full day’s wear so I don’t think I would re-wear absent some kind of an emergency. I also have very vivid childhood memories of my mom hand washing my aunt’s stockings when she came to stay with us because my mom thought it was gross that my aunt could wear stockings multiple times and not think twice about it. This would eek my mom out so much that she would always scoop them up under the pretense of doing a quick wash of some of her hand wash items and have them hanging in the bathroom for my aunt the next morning. Not sure why but it stuck with me.

      I don’t wash my bras after each wear though, and unless it was a sweaty day, which mine rarely are, I would think it’s not necessary to do it very frequently. I’d say I go anywhere between 5-15 wears, depending.

    • Anonymous :

      I aspire to washing every wear, but usually they pile up and I realize right before I’m heading out the door that I don’t have any clean ones and grab one of the dirty ones. I usually only wear them twice before washing because I own enough that even my lazy self gets them washed before I go through the pile a second time. I feel like I need to knock on wood as I say this, but mine almost never tear.

      Now, bras I don’t wash more than every 7-10 wears. Is that unusual? They don’t smell or get dirty and it’s not like my b**bs sweat…

    • Oh man…i’m officially in the gross minority. I probably wash them every 5 wears or so, if they survive that long (which my well-established clumsiness often precludes). Hmm…maybe Bill Harley led me astray (does anyone else know the Black Socks song? Am I alone?)

      • BTW…I think I wash socks more frequently, every wear or two — but thats because they can just go in the wash. Also I have more pairs of them at any given time.

      • Casper Clone :

        I have to wash hose after every wear as they are stretched, but have definitely worn knee highs and br*s multiple times. But now I’m questioning that …. I think the laundry industry may have made out well after this comment thread!

      • Youngster :

        You’re not the only one who knows the Black Songs song — I learned it slightly differently than you though: “Black socks, they never get dirty. The longer you wear them the blacker they get. Someday, I’ll probably launder them. Something keeps telling me don’t do it yet, not yet, not yet….”

    • Definitely definitely not every day. And defintiely definitely always wear underwear with nylons. Not doing so really feels like begging for a yeast infection but all these people who skip them suggest that may not be the case…

      • I was actually told by my OBGYN way back in the nineties that wearing two layers – underoos and hose – is more likely to cause yeast infections. She suggested I wear either pantyhose alone, or wear underwears with a garter belt and stockings.

        I have been doing this ever since and can’t remember the last time I had an issue with Candida, yet she was pretty much my constant companion until I got this advice.

      • It seems like an extra layer would make it worse, harder for air to circulate, etc., but maybe I’m wrong. So long as the hose have the cotten gusset, I skip the underwear, just because I don’t want extra lines.

      • This part about begging for a yeast infection simply isn’t true. Your [email protected] needs air. Wearing multiple layers of undergarments creates moistness, traps air and bacteria, which leads to yeast infections.

    • I do, because I have gross sweaty feet and so I have to. (1 day is the max I can go for anything that touches my feet, and on long days I often change socks/tights.) I have enough that I can usually just wait until I do a cold load of laundry and I machine-wash them all in a mesh bag (hang dry). If I have to hand wash, I just wash the feet part (lazy + they dry faster).

    • I have a pair of wolfords (yes, they were almost $50) and I wash them in the washer in a bag after every wear. I have worn and washed them 50+ times and they are still good as new.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I wash after every wear.

      I wash my bras after every wear, too.

      I do, however, use the same bath towel for a week.

      • I use the same bath towel for a week also! I mean, you just washed off with soap, so how dirty can the towel get?

        • Anne Shirley :

          Wait- everyone doesn’t use the same bath towel for a week?

          • A friend (with children) has a one-use-only policy on towels. So much washing!
            Fresh towels once a week at my house, same with sheets.
            I handwash pantyhose and bras after each use.

    • Wash every wear. I’m a stockings and susies girl rather then full hose so undies are a must

  16. Kontraktor :

    Seriously krppy day. I just found out my husband is deploying. Again. After this deployment, he will have been gone about 11 of the last 13 months. We have just a few weeks notice.

    I guess it’s good that it’s only about 3 months (as opposed to the almost 7 last time), but we have so little notice. I just moved across the country to be with him from DC (we have never lived together and were geographically separated previously). We haven’t even been here 2 months. I don’t know anybody here because everybody I knew was in DC. I’ve also never truly been alone. I’ve always lived in school with roomates or in apartments with roomates (when we were geographically separated), but this time around, I will be 100% truly alone, just me in an empty apartment with no friends and miles away from base where I might be able to tap into the support/social system there.

    Add to the fact that my job not only stinks (it’s been the time with him that’s been keeping me going since we’ve gotten here), but it’s a temporary contract ending in the middle of him being gone. So, unless I find another contract or a job with another company, I will also be unemployed for some time while he is gone. And alone.

    The job hunt (currently with no hard leads) has been stressful enough. Now I get to tackle it while dealing with him leaving ASAP and being alone after. I just feel sick. Had I known this was going to happen, I might not have moved when I did, or I might have waited the move out a little so I could at least have had stable employment and a support network while he was gone. I also don’t really drive at all (I got a license late in life and lived all in places with public transit), and so I also now have to figure out how to be comfortable driving on the highway 40 miles each way to work. In 2 weeks. My husband drove before (we commuted together) and we were planning on phasing in my driving a lot more gradually. Trial by fire now, I guess.

    Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad if we had had reasonable notice and could actually plan for it, but it’s atypical they do this to people in his field, and so I am just frustrated. I feel overwhelmed by the string of bad luck, unhelped by my job situation, and just wish something positive would happen so I could stop feeling buried and like everything is just going to be scky for awhile yet.

    • Hi Kontraktor….

      That is kind of a lot of suckage to cope with all in one go. There’s no other way around it! A few thoughts…though there really isn’t anyway to make it not suck at all. Since you’re new to your area, can you sign up for a couple of groups? Are you on a Base where there might be a support group for friends/family of the deployed? You could also join a team of some kind (like ultimate frisbee) or take a class (like knitting) or something similar. Anything just to have some social connection to a world outside work and your apartment. Its hard when you just move to a new place to make social connections, so sometimes organized groups are the best way to go. If you are in an area with a meet-up for this site, perhaps you can go to that!

      As for the driving…is it the actual driving or just the boredom that kills you. If its the boredom, I suggest downloading books on tape (especially funny, engaging ones) to your phone or any type of thing and then getting something that can play through your radio — it can help make your drive easier. You might also be able to find a carpooler through the internet or at work (though its harder when you’re a temp.)

      Anyway, I have several family members and friends with husbands or wives in active duty and it just all around sucks. I’m really sorry this is so hard right now and know that you can always come one here for virtual support! It will get better…or at least pass.

      • Kontraktor :

        Thank you all for the beautiful and supportive replies. Truly a bright spot in my yucky day. Going to respond to comments individually but I just wanted to say thanks for all the virtual hugs and support.

      • Kontraktor :

        Thanks TCFKAG. So kind of you to type out a long reply.

        Unfortunately I am far away from base, which is too bad. The spouses’ network/social club/whatever up at our base seems pretty robust, but we live about 40 miles away from base. Even though I am working close to base right now, that contract is temporary so I couldn’t really count on being close to base after work. I think I am going to contact somebody from the spouse’s network and ask if anybody else lives in my city. It may be a slim chance, but I think there may be a few people with working spouses who live in our slightly more urban/close to the city locale, so that would be a good place to start to at least meet a couple of similar people.

        I definitely want to try to enroll in some sort of activity. What though, I’m not sure. It will really depend on if my job hunt suddenly picks up, as I am looking for jobs in the main city area, so more classes/gyms/activities might be available to me working in the city than working where I am now. But either way, I agree that it’s a must.

        As for driving, UGH I will just have to suck it up. It’s simply the fact that I pretty much have only driven to pass my driver’s test and that’s it. So, to go from nothing to having to high way drive every day in 2 weeks is just a bit stressful, but no time like the present I guess. I might look into a carpool for 1 day a week or something, but maybe I will also hope my city job hunt pans out eventually so I can transit in to work instead.

        You would think I would be used to being apart/the sudden leaving by now after 8 years, but honestly it never gets easier. I think it gets harder honestly because as you grow together and your lives grow together, invariably more of you is entertwined in the other and its harder to let go, even for a few months. The last time around was traumatic (the 7 monther with 3 weeks notice) so I feel I’m still a little raw from that. Anyway thanks again for the virtual shoulder to lean on. I’m glad for this place!

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Where are you? Can I/one of the ‘rettes buy you a drink and be your new friend? This situation totally sucks, and the bloody least we can do for someone serving the country of most of the ‘rettes is to support the family who’s affected by deployment. Let us know where you are and we will help!

      • Kontraktor :

        This is so sweet and I am so touched! It would be great to meet some other people around here. I am in the East Bay area, but right now I work further north. I am looking for a job in SF proper so I can just take the BART in. I do live within walking distance of a BART station so that’s nice. Anyway I would love love love to get in more personal touch! Thank you for the offer.

        • SF Bay Associate :

          So you’re where? Concord? Antioch? And your husband’s based at Travis? More specifics my dear because the SF Bay Rettes meet up on a regular basis (hat tip karenpadi) and we will road trip out to you or at a Bart-able station. You are NOT alone out here.

        • Kontraktor, I’m in the East Bay, and I would looooove to hang out if you ever want! just fyi, i have friends who are vets/active duty, so I know a little bit about how hard it can be. huuuugggssss if you see this, email me sometime! zora dances at gmail

          • Kontraktor :

            I think I will in fact send an email your way!! Yay new friends/people to meet.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      I’m in moderation, but basically, where are you located? Time for the Hive to mobilize.

    • Where are you? I’m just outside DC so I’m not near you anymore, but I wanted to say when I was reading this my very first thought was “She’s in DC! I can take her out for drinks!” when I realized that’s where you moved from. But I wanted to say i’m guessing a lot of people had the same, I want to take her out! reaction so please post where you are. Also think seriously about a cat for when your home. I know that seems superficial but my cat was seriously a huge joy for me during a lonely time

      • Kontraktor :

        You are too sweet CC! I wish I were still in DC! I feel I survived the 7 monther so easily because I had so many friends and contacts in DC and so I never really felt alone or bored. I had great colleagues at work, a great roomate, lots of friends… so it felt like the time passed pretty normally and I could do alot. But I’m grateful for all the sweet thoughts of people to want to make some introductions out here in CA. Crprettrs are so nice!

        Thankfully I do have 2 cats already. I actually insisted on getting them right around when we got married because I hate being alone, even if it’s just for a nice. The house just gets too quiet. I’m super thankful for the cats too because they definitely keep me company and it’s nice having something else alive around.

    • I feel for you sister. This is a tough situation, and I don’ t think any of us would be able to put on our happy faces in your situation. It is going to be sucky for awhile. Can you reach out to some of your old friends, from DC or elsewhere? Anyone who hears this story is going to want to reach out to you (I know I sure do).

      Anyways, if you want to come spend part of the summer paddle boarding on Lake Tahoe, let me know. We have a guest room and two boards, and the driving isn’t bad at all up here.

      • Senior Attorney :

        If you’re in LA, this Marine mom would be happy to adopt you for the duration.

        • Kontraktor :

          So kind and thoughtful of you. I wish I were in LA! I’m up in the Bay Area though. The thought alone though brought a smile to my face so there you go! :-)

      • You are sweet, EC MD. (though I thought you were in Seattle)

      • Kontraktor :

        Thanks ECMD. I appreciate the sympathy. I know this really isn’t as bad as it could be, but I hate the no notice and the helter skelter nature of it all and that makes it worse. Well, it’s also pretty annoying he’s been gone 11/13 months, that’s yucky too. But, it’s nice to have a place where I can just be grumpy about it without judgement.

        I am definitely trying to keep in good email contact with friends from back in DC, so that is helpful. I just wish I had the same network built up out here. You don’t realize how immersed you are in a place until you leave it for somewhere that you’re not established at all!

        So sweet at your Tahoe offer. ;-) I might be too scared to drive so far though. I’m already balking at a whole 35-40 miles to work on a relatively (for CA standards that is) easy highway.

        • SF Bay Associate :

          I’m in moderation again above. Eyeroll. Is your husband based at Travis? And you’re in Antioch/Concord/Pittsburgh? Be more specific! The [fans of this blog] meet up about once a month, thanks to karenpadi. We want to help you. Give us the info to do it.

          Is your commute on 80? That can suck. That’s an intimidating freeway. 680 is also very busy. I can see why an inexperienced driver would be nervous.

          • “[fans of this blog]” — to borrow from Harry Potter, we’ll have to be “the blog which must not be named.” :D

          • Kontraktor :

            Ah moderation. Yep, the husband is based at Travis and we live in Concord near the BART. Right now we commute on 680. It’s luckily in the reverse direction and the (only) flexibility I have with my work is that I can go in during odd/early hours, so when we normally drive to work around 630 or 700, it’s not very busy. I’m thankful 680 is only 2 lanes on a side and the sides are separate and it isn’t like, 6 lanes on a side or something. 80 is definitely busier and I am glad I don’t have to use it for now, although I feel I might if I do have to get up to base. Yuck.

            I would love to go to the next meet up. I think you all had one recently in Palo Alto?

          • SF Bay Associate :

            The last meetup was a few weeks ago in SF, off Civic Center Bart :). I had to miss it because of work, but I am sure it was awesome. I think karenpadi was thinking the next one might be in the east bay, basically because we’re hoping mamabear might show up. Now we will hope you’ll show up too! I’ll bring this up in the weekend thread, but I’m sure we can all start hanging out soon. If you post an anonymous email address in your weekend thread, we’ll holler at you.

    • My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Sadly not much else I can do. :(

    • Anastasia :

      This is running away from one of the problems a tiny bit, but I know many, many spouses who have gone away while their other half was away on deployment. One even did a 6 month stint abroad on a voluntourisum kind of thing in South America. If your contract is up and you don’t feel like toughing it out alone in New City, maybe go visit family and friends, or somewhere else that makes you happy, to help you pass the last several weeks? It will also give you something to look forward to for the first half…

      Big hugs to you- being a military spouse is tough for so many reasons.

      • Kontraktor :

        This honestly is not a bad idea, although I would be afraid to leave my job hunt for 3-4 weeks. I am trying though to see if there is a possibility of any short term, overseas work with my company. I placed some emails around today, although I am not sure if anything will come of it. But, I think I will probably have to stay local unfortunately just so if I am unemployed, I can dedicate 100% of time to the job hunt.

        But, it is definitely a great strategy for those who are a little more flexible! Thanks for the virtual hugs, they make me feel better for sure. :-)

    • It’s the absolute worst when icky things happen all at once…it really exacerbates things that maybe wouldn’t have been quite so terrible or overwhelming. I would recommend a class/gym/dance class/book club – something you can join that you can do in the evenings after work to help with the loneliness. Even if you do something like a book club, I would definitely still recommend setting up a regular exercise routine (if you don’t already have one). For me, working out regularly really helps keep me on an even keel emotionally and in better spirits overall.

      For the driving…I got my license when I was 16, but then just drove around my rural town where my parents only let me drive in town. In college I took public transit & rode my bike. After college I was four years in Argentina, so didn’t drive at all. I think by the time I was 27 I had driven on a freeway maybe twice in my life. Then I moved back to the US, to LA and it was basically like, drive on the freeway or never go anywhere. It was SO SCARY. I’m sure you don’t have much time before your husband departs, and he’s probably crazy busy, but see if you can squeeze in 2-3 times driving to work with him, where you drive. My boyfriend was great about doing this with me a few times, and really just sitting back and not backseat driving. And after doing that a handful of times, I felt so much better. Leave for work earlier at first if you want to avoid rush hour traffic, find a gym near work so you can stay later and avoid rush hour traffic home, etc.

      Good luck!

      • Kontraktor :

        Thanks for your comment. I think your suggestions are great and I definitely want to find some sort of activity to do. A gym would be great because hopefully without having to comute with my husband, I could set a regular schedule for myself around a gym class or something like that. I need to lose 5 lb anyway so that would be great. I am just going to have to find something and comit to doing it. I get so easily lost in my routine/own lonliness sometimes.

        So glad you understand about driving being scary. This is exactly how I feel. I just have never had a need to drive and so to have to suddenly start right this second is a bit stressful. I am going to force myself though to drive to work with my husband this week. We will probably practice in a parking lot on Saturday and then drive to work after. Then, I will just be the one to drive when we commute together, so I’ll have a couple of weeks with another person in the car and hopefully be okay by the time he goes. I’m glad that method worked for you! Leaving at early times is also a really good idea.

    • Ugh. I’m with you:

      – SO deployed Aug 2010-Mar 2011.
      – Moved across country July 2011 (I stayed on the East Coast).
      – Just deployed April 1, supposed to return in October but will likely get extended until early 2013 due to all the cutbacks etc (easier to keep a battalion there, rather than train and deploy a replacement one for a few months).

      Not sure if your husband is on a ship or on the ground, but I can tell you that in just a year, living conditions/quality of life are sooooo much better. He has his own can w/ A/C, wireless internet throughout base, a brand new PX opened up, 24 hour chow, etc. Heck, there’s even a nail salon. I’m also alone, but at least my family is here. I’m also in a similar work situation.

      Anyway, it It just does. Not only the heartache, but the worry, too. It’s really all consuming at times. Hang in there and be kind to yourself, surround yourself with positive and calm people, and if you can financially swing it, learn to do something new. I started taking piano lessons last October and having the weekly lesson forces me to do something and music is good for endorphins, etc. etc. I also make sure I work out regularly – you are in SoCal, right? Maybe you could learn to surf, get PADI certified, take some cooking lessons…you get the idea.

      Good luck to you – I hope some of the c*rp *rettes by you can meet up. Hang in there – you can do this!

      • Kontraktor :

        Hi eek, thanks so much for your response. I am glad to meet another person here with a military spouse! Maybe we could exchange some emails back and forth if you like? Let me know, I would like that!

        Anyway, your husband’s deployment schedule sounds way worse, so I am reminded to be grateful for the fact that our deployments are generally pretty short. Our 7 monther was our longest and I sympathize with how yucky it is overall. I guess it’s not the time apart per se (well it is a little), but it’s just how inefficiently it’s being handled that really irks me. I know you can’t make 100% ‘plans’ in the military, but in our situation, we could probably ‘plan’ as much as we could for this NOT to happen- he had already been gone so much in the past year, we just PCSed, he is a higher rank and moving into more admin positions, etc. So, to have this just sort of thrown immediately in our face like it should be no big deal is just frustratng and obnoxious, especially since I kind of made a job/moving decision based on what his administration and precedent were assuring us. You can what if things to death, and you make plans and then life happens of course, but in his field/area, there really isn’t a reason to be handling a deployment situation like this, and that bothers me.

        I am definitely going to try to find some sort of activity to fill the time, other than job hunting (although I am praying a new job works out soon so I will have that to distract myself). During the last 7 monther, things actually weren’t too bad because I seriously felt like I knew so many people and I did so many things, the time away from him hurt but I didn’t feel 100% consumed or bothered by it because I had a routine and a pretty normal life with friends and activities (I was actually really proud of myself for how much I did). I feel that now that I’ve moved, am in a totally new place, have a weird job situation, and don’t know people, I am going to be way more mentally bothered by the separation, especially since I will be 100% on my own for the first time pretty much ever. It’s just an uneasy feeling. I know I’ll figure it out and get through it, I just wish I didn’t have to figure it all out in a whole 2 weeks.

        I want to find a gym/work out class or program to try and then I am thinking of maybe convincing my husband to buy me a used Clavinova. I have been away from the piano forever and like to play alone, so I think it might be a cheap way to have music to entertain myself and not be self concious about playing since he won’t be around. :-)

        anyway thanks for your comment, let me know if you want to email back and forth some!

        • Hi! You can email me at coffeebreak AT akapost DOT com and your email will get forwarded to my regular account. I hope you get some good quality time in before he leaves; it’s easy to feel so mad and frustrated.

      • from me to both of you: thank you for the service your SOs and you as family are providing to the country. i’m from a military family and we sure don’t say or hear that enough on the west coast but that’s what it’s all about. so thank you for what you are doing and going through on behalf of the rest of us who will be safe and protected because of others’ collective sacrifices.

        • Hi Ruby – thank you for your heartfelt comment. The time together makes all this go away. Of course, I just want to bury my head in the sand ….

    • Kontractor – my reply is in moderation. I hope you see it and you keep us posted on how you are doing.

    • I feel yah. There is NOTHING like a deployment. My husband was gone 6 months out of last year right after we got married and it was rough. I don’t know anybody who says deployments are easy. I had a very difficult time finding any kind of “positive” or “silver lining” from the deployment. Other people claim they used it as a time to exercise, or tackle old projects, or finish scrapbooks – good for them. Blech – I used it as a time to drink too much beer, watch bad reality television, and cook my heart out. To each their own.

      As to the friends situation – that is where I REALLY feel for you, because I was blessed to have been here in NCR for a year and a half and had established peeps/plans for the weekend. All I can say is try to get out there and make some. Chummy up to the ladies at your new office – see about going to lunch with them, which may transition to after work stuff.

      The only other idea I would have for you is to plan 2-3 fun trips to see old friends. Yes its expensive but he’s deployed making extra money and you need to do something to keep your sanity.

      And thank thy lucky stars for Skype! I don’t know what we would’ve done without it. And the Skype mobile app – I took my husband with me to the grocery store, the dog park, you name it!

      Best of luck to you & take care of yourself.

  17. Lawyer in Theory :

    I tend to wash mine after each wearing, esp. if I’m traveling, because it’s so easy to just do it in the sink or the shower with some tide. That also motivates me to wash them by hand b/c otherwise I will put them in the washer (delicates bag, but all together) and there are several casualties.

    BTW, I just ordered a ton of L’eggs pure energy hose at one hanes place b/c they were $3/ea. and though I love Silk Reflections, I hate it when I tear them and it’s like, there goes $8! Any thoughts on this cheaper brand of hose? I’ve never tried them before, but I’m going to wear hose to my SA every day this summer, so I thought I’d economize.

    • Sorry, I’ve never used this brand. But if you have a Marshalls or Maxx near you and have time to check periodically, I’ve found the Silk Reflections there on sale for 4 bucks. I usually stock up then.

  18. How do you ladies dress for the airport? I’m wearing an airport impractical outfit of a tank, skinny jeans and knee high boots because my long distance fiancé picks me up at the airport. I usually do make an effort though, I find I can usually get a free bump to first class if the plane isn’t full.

    • Summer: cotton jersey dress + cotton jersey cardigan. Winter: That + a scarf + leggings. Comfort on plane >> anything else.

      • Ditto! With slip-on sandals in the summer and tall boots in the winter (if I want to have them where I’m going).

    • Depends on the length of the flight. For CONUS flights, I usually wear stretchy skinny jeans, a cotton tee, a cashmere cardigan, a cashmere wrap and slip on flats. For international flights, I switch out the jeans for knit black pants and wear a sportsbra.

    • jeggings+flats +comfy gap bra+ shirt+cardigan. So comfy and I get cold easily. boots or heaviest shoe in the winter.
      I also wear make up when I fly, I’ve heard some women don’t?

      • I always do! More than usual since in real life no one gives me free things for being pretty! I love airports… I live in fear of when the free things stop and I am officially old.

        • Yeah, that will really blow.

        • Well when your a grown up you can buy your own first class ticket like a baller instead of hoping a male ticket collector at an airport thinks you flirted with him enough to earn an upgrade

      • I don’t wear much makeup, because I tend to break out in a plane, and somehow all my eye makeup migrates to under my eyes (even if I don’t sleep). I do always stop in the bathroom before exiting the airport to apply some freshen up stuff, though.

        If I’m flying to meet someone like my bf (when we were long distance), I would pack a change in my carry-on – fresh shirt, different shoes, etc. Somehow I always get gross, even on short flights :-/ For international flights, it depends where I’m going after arriving. If straight to the hotel, I wear something comfy like leggings & flip flops, and just change at the hotel. If I’m going straight to activities, I pack a change in the carry-on.

    • Depends on where I am traveling. I always seem to see/meet important people at airports. At minimum, very smart business casual. If I’m going to DC, full on suits – I have run into (and wound up talking to) the governor-elect from my state and several other elected officials. Never know when there will be a business impact, so need to look sharp!

    • So anonymous :

      Comfy. Jeans flats long sleeve tee. Always shocked when I peace DC and see women dressed to the nines to fly, with high high heels, no less.

    • The only time I am dressed up for travel is if it a business trip and I am traveling with colleagues. Otherwise, I am all about comfort. Long sleeve t-shirts, corduroys or jeans, shoes that I can get off easily for security and a baseball cap. I know some folks say you never know who you could run into so you should dress up, but honestly, I never have…and if I did, how is it any different from bumping into someone running errands on a weekend?

    • I always dress nice/normally for flights. Jeans, boots, sweater, scarf in winter. Jeans, tee, sandals, scarf for summer. I wear make-up. I usually wear flats, though (boots, sandals or ballet flats to make walking easier). The only time I would wear heels is if I was limited in packing space and needed to wear them instead of pack them.

  19. LankyBabe :

    Speaking of hosiery and whatnot, where do you tall ladies (5-10 and up) get pantyhose?

    I’m currently buying Hanes in a plus size (despite being a size 8, yay height).

    • Mountain Girl :

      I actually found that the Vera Wang brand from Kohls in the taller size fits pretty well. I am about a size 10 – 5’11” . It seems like most off the rack brands think if you are tall you are also plus size. These were the only “non-tall” size that seems to have fit the best.

      I have only purchased colored tights from this brand so I can’t speak to the colors of the nude hose.

  20. Quick threadjack, adding on from the earlier thread:

    What brands would you ladies recommended for slips? The catch is that they need to be appropriate for someone over 6 feet tall.

    Any suggestions?

    • So anonymous :

      What are you wearing it under? I haven’t worn a slip in years.

      • Jersey dresses, a wrap dress more specifically. It just has that extra smoothing out.

        • so anonymous :

          Not “slipes” per se, but can you try spanx? They are not my area of expertise, but the hive seems to like them.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      Sorry for jacking your post, but what about plus size slips? I got the cutest skirt, but its a little see through so I need a skirt slip but I haven’t been able to find one. I looked at JC Penny’s, Macys, Bloomingdales, and Lord & Taylor. I was trying to avoid buying online because I’m too cheap to pay for shipping on something that I’m not fairly certain will fit and I have no experience with brands of slips to determine sizing. I’m in NYC if anyone knows a store I should check out.

  21. I’m seriously bummed out today. I’m graduating from law school in a few weeks (no job, sweet!) and I didn’t receive an award that I believe I earned for my work in a clinic (even my friends are stunned that I didn’t receive it, so believe me when I say that my expectations are not based on an overblown perspective of my performance). I’ve been keeping my chin up and trying to remain positive, but I’m terribly disappointed.

    So, THANKS Law School, for the constant reminder that no matter how good I am or how great of a job I’ve done, there is always someone who is better than me. I know this is a truism not specific to law school, but for some reason, I feel like the law school version of it is so much more demoralizing. I’ll put my big girl panties on tomorrow, but today, I think I need a hug.

    • lucy stone :

      Snitches. I wish there was a Corporette award we could give you.

    • Silvercurls :

      Hugs to you plus lots of credit for remaining positive. (Being graceful when disappointed is a useful skill but it still hurts like h*ll while you do it!) Treat yourself extra kindly this evening, even if it’s only for a brief time because you’re still preparing for exams.

      Can you get a good reference from your work at the law clinic? Not the same as an award, but maybe still helpful (more helpful?) in your job search. (Apologies if this is useless chatter…I’m not a lawyer so am not writing from experience.)

      • Former MidLevel :

        This is a great idea. If you have a real, live person who is willing to serve as a reference, that is better than an award any day.

        • Thanks, for the perspective and the cheers. Yes, one of my clinical profs is one of my references. And you’re right, this is far better than an award. I’ve since become friends with this professor and the friendship is also more valuable to me than the award. Thanks ladies. Seeing the value in what I have has helped. You rock!

  22. SoCalAtty :

    Update on unruly secretary! So I’ve posted a few times about this. Today I finally decided that, because I haven’t been here for that long, I needed to check my theoretical authority in this situation with the partners before I really said anything. I mentioned to the partner today, “so and so has an issue with boundaries,” and partner basically chimed in with a “yes, we know about it. You’re the attorney, do what you need to do.” I felt better because now I know I’M not overstepping MY boundaries by appropriately addressing the issues.

    Then Secretary X came in this morning and was SILENT. I mean not making eye contact, not speaking to me, SILENT (a nice break). I did have a teensy outburst yesterday toward the end of the day when I basically made a judgment call (she and I were the only ones in the office. TinyLaw…) and she not only second guessed me, but called the partner on the cell phone to tattle even though I had already taken care of it. I didn’t raise my voice or anything, but I was pretty straightforward and I’m sure my face gave me away. It is an interesting development considering she seems not to hear anything anyone says ever, and I only said about 5 words (stop. the. second. guessing.). At least I won’t feel bad about telling her “no” when she asks for rides anymore!

    • No rides! Good for you for the stop.the.second.guessing. but I’m wondering what the 5th word was (b1tch? hee)

      • No, I don’t think I can count when I’m that cranky. I WISH that was the 5th word. I’m sure my face said it all :) hee hee

  23. 2am and up with pregnancy discomfort… boring and frustrating.

    got a letter today from an undergrad seeking summer work- good eg of what not to do. clearly went to my state bar site and form lettered everyone. it said seeking paid employment in a law office in downtown seattle. well i don’t work in a law office or downtown seattle. it could plausibly be true from my public bar info, but why not target a few specific people rather than a mass blast that makes incorrect assumptions? considered emailing her, but then she’d have my email so put it in recycling after showing to a few colleagues. also she weirdly wrote about her rent and stuff.

    ps for anyone who remembers my little journey to the higher level job at my company… they issued a release today and i got nice notes from dozens of people. funny to be at a level where they issue a release with photo, bio etc. i don’t start til after maternity leave but apparently my new team reacted well when told today. nice they are holding it for me.

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