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I've said it before, I'll say it again – I'm a big fan of huggie earrings because they're the perfect size, comfortable if you end up on a long phone call, and generally great for work. I'm seeing some new sets of huggies, which I think are really cool if you happen to have the multiple piercings to pull off an “earscape.”
{related: how acceptable are piercings at the office in 2022?}
Some of the sets just seem to be earrings sold together but intended to be worn separately, but I like this set from Bauble Bar where they're clearly a set and go together, but each earring is a bit different from the others. (What's the saying with eyebrows… sisters, not twins? The same applies here, I think!) The set is $52.99 in the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale, but the set will go back up to $78 when the sale ends on July 30.
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Anon
Where would you live in the northeast US that meets these requirements:
– Old house (200+ years preferred)
– At least 10 acres of land (DH would love more)
– Within ~1 hour of the ocean
– Under…$1.5M?
Anon
Salem, NJ
Anon
I will say it is cheap for a reason, but it’s so inexpensive that my mind wanders b/c there is some cool old stuff there. Bruce Willis is from there.
Not old but acreage: https://www.redfin.com/NJ/Elmer/51-Crow-Pond-Rd-08318/home/37624841
Anon
Cool older things: https://www.redfin.com/NJ/Woodstown/123-N-Main-St-08098/home/37640793
You could have enough $ left over for a legit place at the beach.
Anon
Maine.
Anon
I’d center a search around New Hope, PA and generally around Bucks county. May be a little over an hour to Jersey beaches depending on where you buy but there are many old houses with large plots of land.
Anon
New Hope is charming — I lived in Newtown one summer.
Anon
+1 lots of places in Bucks, Montgomery, and Chester counties that could fit the bill though they’re more like 1.5-2 hours from the ocean.
Anon
New Hampshire, only because I know someone who has what you describe there. She’s even closer to the ocean, I didn’t know before she moved there that NH has a tiny little bit of shoreline.
Panda Bear
Up in my neck of the woods – coastal southern New Hampshire (Portsmouth and the surrounding communities) and coastal Northern Massachusetts (Newburyport and surrounding communities) have lots of old houses that are close to the ocean! Not sure about getting 10 acres of land, though. You’d have to go out to central parts of NH/MA, pretty far from the beach. Prices would be more accessible, though.
Panda Bear
Ugh, my comment got eaten! My neck of the woods – up around coastal southern NH (Portsmouth and surrounding communities) and northern coastal MA (Newburyport and surrounding communities) have the old houses and proximity to ocean that you are looking for. We don’t have the huge tracts of land, though. Further inland, central MA and NH, you will get closer to 10 acres and there will be better prices, but drives to the beach will be long. Happy hunting! I love old houses. We settled in an 1850 place, about six minute drive to the beach. Relatively small yard, but it’s a good old place.
Anon
Go away, Prince Harry.
anon
Ugh, I get such a vibe from him that he’s looking for Meghan to rescue him. My feelings about her are neutral, but I totally think Harry sees her as his escape hatch from a life that wasn’t suiting him.
anon
Interesting take. I am fascinated by the royals, but don’t have any strong opinions about individuals. However, I tend to think they are a well-oiled machine and any press that comes out about most anyone related to them, and the timing of such, is well choreographed.
Anon
Except for Harry. He could use some good people. Even Princess Stephanie has learned to fly below the radar.
Anon
I feel bad for him because I get the impression he was forced into a life he didn’t want. I think he just wanted to be a party boy and a soldier, and I know plenty of men who fit that description and are a little bit failure to launch but overall are doing fine and happy. But his party boy antics kept getting him in trouble with the tabloids and the family and he was vocal that his military career was not what he wanted it to be, once again due to his family and the tabloids.
Anonymous
He also wore a n*zi costume to a party and is on record using slurs more than once. Not the kind of person I spend time feeling sorry for, especially when he is super rich simply for being born into a famous family.
Anon
Right — just go be a playboy. Own it.
My middle schooler takes her dreams not panning out with more dignity and less public complaining.
Anonymous
Why? He gave a moving speech as an invited guest?
Anon
It’s Monday. I’m not ready for hectoring for a guy who is generally unemployed but still flying on private planes.
nyc
Yes! It feels so lazy of him to not clean up the low hanging fruit like private jets
Anon
It’s cross country but you don’t have a job — you could . . . take a train. Even the North Korean leaders travel by train. Don’t let them be greener than you.
Anonymous
Absurd. No one takes a train from CA for a one morning business conference.
Anon
Didn’t Greta Thuneburg sail a BOAT for a UN meeting?
Then fly commercial and stop whining about how the environment is on fire and you will only have 2 kids for the sake of the planet. He could take a stand here that I’d respect.
Peloton
…have you ever traveled cross-country in the US by train? I have. I arrived on the west coast 1.5 days later than planned due to wild fires, floods, and freight traffic. It is gorgeous if you have nowhere to be. It is not functional if you do.
Also, holy security risk, Batman. There’s no way he could travel without being noticed, and he’d be a sitting duck as soon as it came out he was on the train.
I swear sometimes commenters here just want to feel superior but don’t actually want to engage in, you know, basic thinking.
Anon
Yup. Regardless of what he does now, just being born to the family he was born into makes him a security risk.
Anonymous
Nothing prevents him from flying commercial. He has done it before and can do it again.
Anon
Did we ever get to the bottom of who foots the bill for their security in the US. US? The UK? Daddy? Will be mad if it is me.
Cat
lol seriously
anon
Has he done something now? He’s my age and Diana is my mom’s age, and, in a weird way, I’ve always wished him well like that high school classmate that never quite can get their act together, but never quite does.
Anon
Yes. It’s a good think he’s born rich b/c he’d be major failure to launch otherwise.
Anonymous
Lololol the hatred is so absurd. He’s a dedicated military veteran who created a massively successful charity, the invictus games, and was invited to speak at the UN. I’d be delighted if my kids fail that hard.
Anon
I’m no fan of the royalty, but I was under the impression that his military career was entirely legitimate (wasn’t he a helicopter pilot?). Whether I like him (or the military), I’m sure he has all kinds of skills and achievements I don’t have.
Anon
Wasn’t William the helicopter pilot?
Anon
They were both pilots. William did search and rescue and was never allowed to deploy because he’s firstborn. Harry deployed twice (I think once as a pilot and once before he became a pilot?), but one is his deployments was cut short when it was leaked to the press and it was a security risk for him to be deployed. I don’t know much about the royals (I just remember being interested in their military service back when get were serving), but my understanding was that they did all of the training that regular recruits had to do.
Anon
Eh I think if born otherwise he’d be a soldier who is also a party boy. There is no shortage of them in the US or UK militaries and they do fine. In my experience when they get out they end up in adrenaline junkie jobs that pay the bills and let them keep contributing to society but are kind of chaotic (I work in disaster response, this archetype is alive and well). Their lives have some structure through the military, they are f**kboys outside of work, some settle down and some stay as Peter Pan but they’re not hurting anybody. Harry gives me strong vibes that this is the life he would have chosen. It’s probably not what this place would approve of, but it’s a perfectly fine life.
Anonymous
x 1 million Such a rich dullard. Fly away in your private jet and stop lecturing about something you know nothing about!
Anonymous
Not knowing he gave a speech today, I thought this was a misthreaded response to the person looking for an East Coast estate with a very old home on it.
Ses
Lol
Anon
I dislike both him and Meghan but him especially. He just seems like such a manbaby.
Anonymous
Tom Bower’s new book definitely paints both of them in a different light. https://www.newsweek.com/meghan-described-meanest-person-ever-difficult-reitmans-advertising-shoot-1725436?amp=1
Anonymous
I don’t feel quite so strongly, but I do have to say that the more I hear about him, the less impressed I get. Seems like the palace PR machine was absolutely doing its job over the years, as public opinion was quite positive despite the fact that he seems like the embodiment of white male privilege. (As all royals are.) I do wonder what Meghan saw in him, other than tons of money and access to an incredibly privileged life that her acting career, while very impressive, just didn’t offer long-term.
Anonia
Agreed. I’m fascinated by the Royal Family, but we fought two wars to separate and stay separate from their country. They don’t get to have a public opinion about our country or constitution. Even if we are a dumpster fire right now.
Anonymous
Meghan Markle is an American citizen and in this country everyone gets a voice. Even the non citizen spouses.
Anon
Right but why give the megaphone to him?
Anonymous
I’m sure the UN Secretary General is eager for your opinion.
Anonymous
Lol why are you so upset about people disliking him? He has a history of very problematic behavior.
Anonymous
I truly don’t understand why they insist on using their titles in the US, especially Meghan who married into the royal family what, 2-3 years ago? Why are they doing so much to prop up a system that assigns value based on which family you luck into at birth? It cuts against this social justice brand they’re trying to build every time they require a publication to issue a correction adding their titles or use them themselves.
Anon
What? He was speaking to the UN.
Anon
What what the DM wrote, picking on the US. Bad form, Harry. Don’t get your visa pulled.
Anonymous
Wow in my America we don’t deport immigrants because they speak up.
Anon
Any time the Uk press is picking on H&M it’s generally a sleight of hand – draw attention away from William’s affair or Andrew’s whole SA scandal. I wonder what they’re drawing attention from this week?
Anon
“William’s affair”!? That’s just trashy rumors. You sound like a crazy H&M stan.
And the British press talks plenty about Andrew’s scandals.
Anon
From the size of the crowd, there is no reason this speech couldn’t have been on zoom if they are so concerned about fossil fuels and security. And he is not an automatic security risk because of his birth. Most of the senior royals do not have 24/7 security like he wants, only security when they represent the crown.
Kristina
I don’t know if I want advice or only commiseration here, but I am so tired of constantly having to nag people at work to complete tasks. I am the sole in-house lawyer at a business in a highly regulated industry. I have to nag others at the business to do fairly basic things or give me basic information, and I also have to nag the bureaucrats in the regulatory agency to do fairly basic things or give me basic information. I cannot simply abandon these items or let them slide, because I know there will eventually be negative consequences and of course I would be the one to have to deal with those consequences. Are some workers simply fated to be the office nag, or is there any magical spell to get people to take more initiative?
anon
Maybe, but I’ve also seen this a lot, and it usually comes down to my priorities not being their priorities.
Emma
I think legal is often the nag – people don’t love dealing with legal stuff in general. I don’t know of a magic spell to get people to be more reactive except getting upper management involved and spelling out the possible consequences (“hey we really need this or we could lose our license/be sued for $$$/miss out on this key contract”), within reason. When I was looking for in-house positions I made a point of refusing anything where I would be the only person in legal. I have a team of 10 and a GC to escalate to when I need to and it makes my life much easier.
Janey
I think that’s very typical of Legal, yes. We understand the risk and the need to Do The Thing better than the business – that’s why we’re there. It might help if you reframe the nagging as part of what they’re paying you for, i.e., it’s not just your job to tell people one time, Do X, and they do it willingly, it’s your job to follow up and make sure X gets done, whatever it takes. It’s also their job to cooperate, so I understand the frustration. But that’s why we get paid the big bucks.
Anon
My entire job involves getting people to respond to regulatory obligations in a timely fashion. I put a ton of time and effort into forming and maintaining collegial relationships with my people and spend far more time on the relationship side than I do on the nagging part. I also make sure to praise people and teams during our weekly meetings for their timeliness and let them know that due to “their” hard work, we filed 100% of our regulatory reports ahead of schedule this quarter, go team! It all helps that our C-suite is very protective of our reputation and publicly supports the regulatory function.
This pays off tremendously. Whenever we have a new hire who comes from a similar environment, they tell me how shocked they are at how much more pleasant the regulatory duties are because there is no one constantly berating them to get things done. In fact, one of them asked three months in who handles our regulatory stuff because they never get yelled at by them the way they did at their old firm. It had not dawned on them that me chatting them up and asking for a few bits of info in the middle of a social conversation WAS the regulatory conversation.
ALT
I’m a project manager and I feel like my entire job is nagging people for things lol 🫠🙃
Stab stab stabby
I just got an email from an ice cream place we visited yesterday. I never gave them my email — but apparently Square is selling emails now. STABBBBB STABBBY STABBBBBB
anon
Oooh, I do not like this. And it explains why I’m suddenly getting retailer emails I’ve never had before. Ticks me off because I do not like my main email clogged with anything shopping-related.
Vicky Austin
My search history showed up on my work Chrome this morning. Search history from my Android Firefox. ??????
Anon
If you’re logged into any of the same accounts on both devices (eg Amazon, gmail), that might be the reason?
Vicky Austin
Sigh. That’s probably it.
Anon
Square emailed my husband a receipt for a pedicure that I got and paid for with a credit card in my own name that my husband doesn’t share. Even though I selected “no receipt.” It was not a big deal in my situation, but I kept thinking what if I were in an abusive relationship with a financially controlling husband? Or what if it was something more private than a pedicure? It’s just gross that they do this.
Trish
Then how did it get your husband’s email? I am confused.
Anom
That’s weird and sounds like a glitch? If you have the time/inclination, you should report it to Square customer service.
Anon 2.0
I’d be more inclined to believe something is syncing up than a glitch. Maybe the OP had used her credit card and had requested an emailed receipt to her husband’s email on a previous transaction. As data becomes increasingly connected, this seems in the realm of possibility to me.
MagicUnicorn
Have you ever used that card and had it send a receipt to his email? My husband entered my email for a square payment on his card eons ago and now I get all of his receipts. For us, this works because I handle our finances and find it useful, but sometimes at gift season he sends frantic texts telling me not to check my receipt emails. I can see how receipt emails to an unintended recipient could go really badly in some cases.
Anon
Yeah I think at some point he must have used the card and linked it to his email or something? I always decline to provide my email but he was probably more naive. But it doesn’t explain why they’d notify him when I said “no receipt.” And there needs to be a way to unlink a card from an email because relationships end and change.
Anonymous
I am not a fan of these worn together. I like them individually and maybe even two with a stud in the third hole. There is something about the lack of edge in this look that makes it unappealing to me. Three holes should have some edge in the look.
Anonymous
Totally agree. Looks like a bad pirate. And will accentuate any weird ear shape—like too much lobe.
Monte
What does edge mean to you? I don’t love the look because of the symmetry in size, but I have no idea what edge would mean to you in the context of gold or hoop or huggie or diamond earrings.
Any landlords out there? Are rents falling?
I own a 1200sf bungalow with 2 bedrooms and 2 baths, in a highly desirable zip code outside Seattle. It is my intended retirement home in 5 years.
I just had to cut the rent 20% for a new tenant. Vacancies are increasing and rents are dropping in the area. At this rate, I will be subsidizing my tenant about $800/month. I have 70% equity in the property, and was already passing the savings on the mortgage to prior tenants.
Given the national headlines re: inflation and rent increases, I am feeling like the only landlord that is losing money and drastically cutting rent. Thoughts and/or commiseration welcome.
Anon
Why did you have to cut the rent? Was it shockingly high? And if you have so much equity, can you recast the mortgage so it is cash positive (is that what you meant by “subsidizing”?)? I have east coast rentals and have kept rates flat to keep my awesome no-drama tenants, but would hike it should they ever move out.
CA
Interesting. We own a rental home in a very desirable part of Los Angeles and increased the rent substantially when our old tenants moved out earlier this summer. Even with the increase, we had our pick of new tenants (i.e., had numerous applicants). It is a 3bd 3ba home that is zoned for a very good public elementary school (which arguably can be hard to find in LA), so our target renters might be different compared to a 2bd 2ba home.
Janey
Also, LA = objectively desirable place to live even (especially?) with no office presence required. Not sure SEA is the same.
Anon
I never raised rents on my tenant, even though the market suggests it would be possible. He is low maintenance, takes care of the house and leaves me alone. I’m not about to mess that up for a couple of extra dollars per month.
Anon
Agreed — I usually increase for new tenants to just under market (want people to think they have a thing too good to mess with). I build in an increase when the term expires. Then I will offer to renew the lease after some time as elapsed to either continue the original deal or reduce the increase, which they usually want to do until they wind up buying a house.
CA
Same. We have only raised rents when we have to find a new tenant.
Senior Attorney
Same. My tenants are amazing, the rent covers my costs, and I have no inclination whatsoever to rock the boat.
anon
I have the worst tenants ever – they call the property manager because they can’t replace a light bulb. Over the years I’ve had to spend thousands to keep them happy. I raised the rent by $100 this year and will raise it again next year unless the market changes dramatically. (3bd/2ba home in centrally located area of LA).
Anon
You must have found my previous tenants. They called me to inquire what to do when a lightbulb went out. On paper, they looked great but I was so glad when they moved. Life is too short.
Multifamily CRE Professional
It’s submarket by submarket, but generally rents are not decreasing across the board. Values are coming down because of interest rates, which causes compression on returns investors are willing to underwrite (resulting in lower values), but underlying apartment fundamentals (vacancy rates, rents, absorption, etc) are still quite, quite strong. Stronger also because construction costs are so astronomically high, still, which is limiting new deliveries / new competition as a lot of development deals just don’t make mathematical sense and are being sidelined for a while (not all, but certainly more than usual…).
Talking to a hyperlocal leasing broker might not be a bad idea to see what you might be missing. Or, you could just have something really unique in your market that is driving rents down (did a big employer move out? have rents been increasing 15-20% YOY for the last 1-2 years and that wave had to break?). Being 20% off, though, is not consistent with anything I’m seeing or hearing nationally.
Any landlords out there? Are rents falling?
Thanks all for responding.
I have never raised rent on a tenant. I am just trying to manage the rate of subsidy. At the 2021 rental rate, I was subsidizing the prior tenant $300/m. Seemed ok given the upside of having “reserved” my retirement nest. But now I am cutting the rent by $500/m, after 2 weeks of minimal interest. This is per my rental agent’s guidance. I’ve looked online and sure enough there is are more rental listings in my zip and stuff is just…sitting. My brother in the next town has noticed the same. Rent sure doesn’t seem shockingly high; there are studios renting for the same rate a couple of miles away.
I closed with a 70% down payment so re-casting does not help.
The NYT has had a ton of stories lately re: rising rents and I feel like the dumbest landlord around since I am cutting rents to what I last paid for a downtown studio.
anon
It sounds like the studios are better located (both cars and gas cost so much money right now) or are in buildings that have more amenities. Renters may also be putting a premium on living on their own, without roommates, with more ability to work from home now. Either way, there’s no real point in comparing a 2BR-2BA house in one zip code to studios in a completely different zip code.
If this home is your retirement plan in 5 years, think of the money from a renter as an alternative to the home sitting empty. You’re not subsidizing your tenant by cutting rent. The tenant is paying the market rate and offsetting some of the expenses you’d be incurring anyways. If you bought the property to run as a rental (which you didn’t), that’s part of the risk of this type of investment.
Anon
Do you mean the subsidy compared to your mortgage + taxes & expense? Because the rental market won’t correlate to what you spent on the property, depending on when you bought it and other factors. So it’s not actually a subsidy, it’s just your own shortfall.
Calling it a subsidy is confusing and mistaken.
Anon
If you put 70% down and are only able to rent it out for $800 less than your monthly payment, I would guess that you have a particularly short mortgage term. Is that the case?
Rents in my area (midwest) are still absurdly high, but that is compared to what payments would be for a 30-year fixed mortgage with 20% down on the same property. If the landlord had a 5-year ARM and tried to charge high enough rent to pay that off in 5 years, that would not fly.
Multifamily CRE Professional
I have a long comment in mod. I work in multifamily commercial real estate. Rents are up nationwide despite values being down. Consider any micro-market impacts – did a big employer just downsize or exit the submarket? anything else like that? Or, is there a large single family residential owner (sounds like that is your product type?) that is undercutting your micromarket – maybe they own a lot and can afford to offer lower rents? I’d bet there is some third party dynamic at play here.
Peloton
You aren’t “subsidizing” your tenants. You have the upside on the asset; they do not. You are describing the delta between your cost of ownership and their cost of rental; that’s all.
anon a mouse
This is a weird way to frame it, you are not subsidizing your tenant. They are paying market rate and you bought an expensive property in an area where the own-to-rent ratios are out of whack. My question is, why did you buy a property knowing that the rent wouldn’t cover the mortgage?
Janey
Thoughts = SEA is a market that was generally recognized as super expensive and, arguably, overpriced, right, sort of like the Bay Area. Naturally people are moving out of those areas now that they don’t have to go to the office.
I wouldn’t look at it as subsidizing your tenant. They’re paying the rate the market will bear. If they are covering taxes/insurance/interest, any money you’re paying on the principal of your mortgage is an investment.
Anonymous
Yeah the subsidy language is absurd. If you don’t like what you can make on a rental, sell.
Anonymous
Yeah, sell it.
anon
I’m in the SEUS, and as far as I know, rents are not falling in my area. I don’t really expect them to in the near future, with mortgage interest rates so high.
I own a triplex, and it’s fully rented. Rent across all 3 units is up about $400, or 11.5%, from 2019, though the increase is higher in the largest, nicest unit than the others. The rent covers my mortgage, which I refinanced to 3.5% in 2021, with about $12K budgeted for repairs and maintenance and about $10K in profit each year.
Anon
IDK that I would buy a new rental now, but I am in the SEUS and feel that if my tenant moved out of my prior 2BR condo, I could find a new tenant in a minute at even a rent rate with a 10-15% increase. But it is a hot area of town in a city people are still moving to in droves. They are also building a ton of high-rise and mid-rise apartments and I will still be OK b/c it’s an end unit with one door to the outside (v. important during COVID and for anyone with a dog to take out).
Trish
What does this even mean?
Anon
My best friend’s sister has finally decided to leave her emotionally abusive husband. He is threatening to take the kids away if she does. Our advice to her was to get a lawyer ASAP. She only makes $16/hr and he makes much more. They currently live in Pennsylvania. Besides getting a lawyer ASAP what other measures should she take?
As far as I know he has not been physically abusive so not sure what good it would do to get police involved? Could help with making a paper trail for her case when she file for divorce? She’s tried recording him but it’s against the law in their state without his consent and he takes the phone from her when she does.
I’ve been googling a ton but the advice here is always on point so thought I would ask here as well.
Anonymous
Yeah she needs to call a lawyer today. Explain that he controls the money. They have ways of dealing with that.
Senior Attorney
She needs to get her hands on all the money she can and put it in an account that only she has access to. They can sort it out at the end but she’ll need a war chest.
But seeing a lawyer is absolutely Job One.
Emma
Somewhere there is a thread from a divorce attorney who gives a great overview!! If anyone has the link, please post.
anon
Does your state have a Legal Aid office that can provide legal representation at a lower cost? She needs to lawyer up asap.
aBr
If you do not know any lawyers in area, call the legal bar association in that area – often times their website will have a legal referral number. They will be able to help you with a few suggestions of lawyers in the area – including ones that will do alternative fee arrangements. If in trying to find referrals, people ask you intrusive questions – e.g., how much money is at stake, any parents unfit – please realize it is because there are certain lawyers who handle different types of divorces.
Anon
I’m in PA and if you tell me the general area, can get you attorney reccs to pass on.
OP
She is in York County .
Thank you!!!
Anon
Hope you come back to see this https://jsdc.com/meet-the-team/alexis-m-miloszewski/
https://www.cognettilaw.com/our-team/cara-boyanowski-esq
Lenora
Plan, plan, plan. If safety is not an issue there is a lot she can do ahead of time. As someone who was in a similar situation a long time ago, I put a lot of things in motion before I actually left. Lined up an apartment that would be available shortly before I was ready to roll. Moved things that were special (and unquestionably mine) out of the house. Set up a separate bank account at a bank he didn’t use. I also had everything ready with my lawyer. It didn’t make the process of divorcing an abusive person better, but it made me feel more secure, and less controlled by him to have my affairs in order. Best of luck to your friend.
Senior Attorney
Yes, I did the same thing. Get your ducks in a row before you take action.
Anonymous
what do you do in the evenings? I have 3 kids under 10 and have to be present but not necessarily supervising. I cannot, for example, leave the house (prefer not to leave the floor they’re on, so i couldn’t go to basement to exercise), or do anything requiring focus (working, tv show/movie), and i have no energy or motivation to clean. Trying to think of some better way to spend the time than looking at my phone and drinking out of boredom.
Anon
What are they doing? Can you exercise, read a book, play a game, do some kind of craft, or watch a tv show together? I don’t think you need to interact with your kids all the time, but that sounds better than just sitting there unable to do your own thing.
Anon
Agreed. Either do something with the kids or do you own thing nearby but have it be your own thing. By the time they’re in kindergarten or so, you can definitely supervise from a different room/floor of the house/indoors when they’re outdoors. You just need to be close enough for safety reasons/the occasional arbitration/
Anonymous
Oldest 2 play video games or do homework (one has a standing date with uncle to play). Lots of shouting over headset. Youngest one is autistic, sometimes he’s occupied but often he just asks the same questions repeatedly of me (it’s a stim for comfort) and screeches if I don’t reply the correct way. He’s also obsessed with my body (keeps asking to see my bellybutton and boobs) so I don’t even like exercising if he’s in the house.
Anon
I suggested crochet below. I feel you on the youngest autistic kid. Three boys on the spectrum here.
Vicky Austin
I think crochet or knit or a puzzle would be just about the only activities that can lend themselves well to the noise of older kids + the questions of youngest kid.
Also, you don’t mention a partner, but an arrangement where you can trade off going down to the basement to exercise – and shutting the door behind you – while the other hangs out with the kids might help?
Anon
I have no advice re your youngest, but for the older 2, I have encouraged my kids to work out spats like arguing over the controler, whose turn is it, etc with the rule that if I have to get involved then no one gets to play with it. They can learn to share and to problem solve and to come to common ground when having an argument, or they can lose the ability to play with xyz for the day. Mostly because I think those are good skills for them to develop and I always encourage independence, and partially because I do not want to be a full time referee
Anon
The shouting is part of the multiplayer game aspect, I’m sure. I’m not OP but I have that situation with my son.
Anon
Ah my bad! Understand it now as Shouting via headseat vs shouting over who gets the headset. Not a big multiplayer video game household, clearly
Anon
How old are the kids? My 5 year old niece plays on a different floor from her parents daily. I’d reconsider going down to the basement to workout while the kids are playing. Ditto with outside – plays in the backyard without a parent outside while parents are cooking dinner (in kitchen, with window looking out over the yard. If you’re present but not supervising o don’t see why you couldn’t do something requiring focus (you read/watch tv/whatever in one room, the kids are playing in another room, but you’re nearby if needed).
Do you have any interest in gardening? You can garden while the kids play outside or ride bikes?
You don’t mention looking for things to do with the kids, but family walks after dinner? Board games/whatever kids play you prefer? Shoot hoops/play horse?
anon
Kindle book that requires little concentration? Magazine instead of phone?
Anon
Can’t they play Legos or do crafts or something in the basement while you exercise?
You can definitely do something that takes focus if you want to – kids can learn very young to not bother mom absent blood or fire when she’s knitting or whatever as long as you enforce it while they learn.
Anon
+1 when not in a mad dash to get hw done/kids fed/bathed/to bed, my parents would play with us and then would announce they were done and we’d have to entertain ourselves. We played outside a lot, played game we made up, etc. Usually in the basement while our parents were on the first floor. We knew we could go to our parents if we really needed them but to dot bother them for more minor things, which also Made us pretty independent
Anon
That’s my rule for talking to me through the bathroom door – is anyone bleeding? Is the house on fire? If not, it can wait.
Anonymous
I have a stretching routine and a light weights routine I do in front of the TV. It’s not sweaty, and I get in a bit of exercise.
anon
Before dinner, I have about an hour and a half of free time to read, do a puzzle, watch a TV show that doesn’t require much focus, or just sit and talk with DH or our kid. We have family dinner around 7 almost every night, and that plus dishes takes about an hour. I read to my son every night as well, and that’s another 30 minutes.
After the kid goes to bed, I typically read more.
Anon
Read
Anon
Take up crocheting or knitting (I think crochet is easier for a newbie). If any of the kids have an interest, let them take it up with you. My mother taught me and my brother to knit when we were around age 4-6 to keep us occupied, and I still knit today. The thing about crochet is once you master a simple stitch or two, it becomes very repetitive and can be relaxing. You can make a whole scarf or blanket mindlessly. Once you get the hang of it, I recommend self striping or other variegated yarn just for the visual enjoyment.
anon
We go on nightly walks before my kids go to bed. I like it because the kids are distracted by the walking (or racing each other, or the dogs, or whatever) so I can zone out for the most part. We do this even when it’s hot (and we live somewhere VERY hot).
While the kids are awake, sometime I set all three of them up with a game like Scrabble and then I chill. Mine are all currently writing a “book” together (they came up with this themselves), so if I let them on the computer to do that, it gives me some peace. I know you said you don’t have the energy for cleaning, but do you like to putter? That’s something that can make me feel like I’m not wasting my evening, and it’s not CLEANING per se, but stuff gets done. And lastly, this is a little crazy, but sometimes I read my kindle while walking a loop around my ground floor. It has to be a very light read because I can’t focus as well as if I’m sitting, but I get some activity in and I don’t feel lazy.
If the kids are in bed, then I like to do a puzzle if I’m not reading. It’s very meditative. Cards and other types of puzzle-games (like Rubik’s cubes) are fun to do with the TV on in the background. If you’re alone, Solitaire is actually pretty engaging; if there are two of you, there’s Gin Rummy.
Janey
Adult coloring book, sticker book, word find, video games, exercise on the same floor as them (?), take them to the playground or for a walk, build legos, flip through catalogs, Marco Polo with friends/family, organize or declutter a cupboard or closet.
Trish
And this is how I got addicted to facebook.
Anonymous
Exercise where they are, you don’t need a dedicated space!
Play with them, like a board game.
Food prep for the following day.
Illegal AirBnB
Some renters of the illegal AirBnB next-door just tried to get into my house. Ugh. Now if only the city would actually do something about it.
MagicUnicorn
As in, they arrived to the wrong house and then realized their mistake? Or did they try to break in? Second situation definitely seems like a police matter.
Anonymous
They were lost and confused. But still that shouldn’t happen because a family should be living in that house but it was scooped up by investors.
Emma
Ugh, that’s so annoying. Can you report the owners to the city?
Illegal AirBnB
Ugh, that’s so annoying. Can you report the owners to the city?
Anon
How old are the kids? My 5 year old niece plays on a different floor from her parents daily. I’d reconsider going down to the basement to workout while the kids are playing. Ditto with outside – plays in the backyard without a parent outside while parents are cooking dinner (in kitchen, with window looking out over the yard. If you’re present but not supervising o don’t see why you couldn’t do something requiring focus (you read/watch tv/whatever in one room, the kids are playing in another room, but you’re nearby if needed).
Do you have any interest in gardening? You can garden while the kids play outside or ride bikes?
You don’t mention looking for things to do with the kids, but family walks after dinner? Board games/whatever kids play you prefer? Shoot hoops/play horse?
Anon
It’s probably easier to garden after the kids are asleep.
anon
Lol