This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Every so often one finds a brand that's cute, affordable, and extremely well reviewed on Amazon — Jack & Chris seems to be one of them. Their bags are all 100% soft grain cowhide leather, bear no markings, and have a classic look about them. This particular bag has leather feet, a number of interior pockets, and has a removable shoulder strap — and it's only $89, available with Prime. Nice. This bag only comes in brown, but take a look at the brand's extensive offerings if you want a black or colorful bag. Jack&Chris® Vintage Women Genuine Leather Shoulder Bag Top-handle Tote, WBDZ023
(L-2)
Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
I want to make the move from LA to SF. Anyone have any tips for job hunting in one city while trying to move to another? Thanks in advance!
Wildkitten
Use your SF address on all your stuff already (assuming you can move quickly.) Go there and do informational interviews (if appropriate in your field).
Anon y mous
Piggybacking off of the discussion in the morning thread started by the woman who is getting divorced because her husband wouldn’t move across the country for her new job…
How common is it to move to another city or state, for work or otherwise? I knew one person who moved as a kid because her dad got a new job, but that’s it. My parents never moved and besides going away to college and finding a place afterwards I don’t know anyone who has moved all over. People in that thread made it seem like moving is common. Am I just living in a bubble?
Also her husband and someone else in the thread mentioned they had moved 20+ times before they turned 18 and lived in like 24 different states or countries. They must be exaggerating right? I just can’t see it being possible or feasible to move that much in a short amount of time.
Wildkitten
It’s not common for most Americans, but is probably more common for the upwardly mobile types on here who have often already moved for college and grad school and possibly careers. Folks who moved that many times as children must have had parents in very specific frequently moving jobs (military, pastors).
Meg Murry
It’s also common at the other extreme end of the spectrum – families that work as migrant workers and follow a seasonal schedule, or families that move often if a parent can’t hold down a job (or can’t find a job that pays a living wage) so they are moving out of apartments and in with friends/family members whenever they can’t make the rent for a few months. That second scenario tends to result in cross-town/cross-region moves, not multi-state, but it does usually result in a child changing schools frequently. I have friends that work in schools that serve large populations of Section 8 housing, and they have a lot of kids moving in and out mid-year depending on whether the parents are currently eligible for Section 8 or not, or which Section 8 units in the county are most recently remodeled.
Wildkitten
Legit.
A.Non
Yep, my dad attended something like 12 schools before high school because his abusive, horrible step father drank the rent money so many times. He had multiple stories about the landlord not even bothering to evict them — just take the doors off the hinges so the neighbors could steal your stuff.
Also, the Federal Prison system moves employees around a lot. You wouldn’t know it, if you didn’t live near one, but that was the majority of new kids at my school.
Anonymous
Depends on the line of work. My friends with parents in oil and gas moved a lot as kids. I also have friends now who move a lot because the breadwinner’s line of work is one with seasonal instability. So they kind of “follow the sun” (or the rain). My adult friends who have moved for work did it because they lost jobs and couldn’t find comparable jobs in the local market.
Beth
We moved states when I was 2 (moved from NYC to suburbs where my parents grew up to be closer to family, mom turned SAHM and dad had a longer commute to city). We moved towns (~20 minutes) when I was 10 and my siblings were 7 & 5- moved for better schools when I was entering middle and sib was starting kindergarten.
My dad turned down 2 jobs so we didn’t have to move- he worked for a company with a corporate HQ and was offered a role that require a move there. He declined and took a new job, and the same type of opportunity arose and he declined it. He absolutely made career sacrifices and our family had a more moderate income
Because we didn’t move. But stability and proximity to family were higher priority for my parents. And dad made a just fine living, just not exec level salary.
Anonymous
The 20+ moves would not be exaggerating for a military family. I don’t remember the exact stay but I believe the average military child changes schools every two years.
I’ve lived in three different states in the eleven years I’ve been married – all moves were due to my husband’s job change. We were in one state for seven of the eleven years.
Anon
You’re lucky. Grew up in the 80s-90s with dad in engineering. We moved A LOT for the first decade of my life. It was an instability thing — work kept getting outsourced so you’d have to move for a new job and it’s not like engineering has 1 major city for jobs like NYC or London are for finance. We were lucky in that the moves weren’t far — all around the upstate NY, NJ, and Pa. area until we finally settled in South Jersey when I was in 5th grade; but to a kid 100 miles or even 10 miles is a lot bc it’s a new school, new kids etc. I was always jealous of the kids who went k-12 in one school bc they had deep lifelong friendships and vowed that’s how I’d raise my kids. As an adult though, I realize that going 6-7 yrs in 1 district is a lot too. And now as a parent, I wouldn’t hesitate to move my kid around if it was a good opportunity for me (except not after 10th grade) — they’ll adjust like I did.
Anon
Seems like EVERYONE I went to school with was a k-12 in the same district kid and I was always the odd new kid in 2nd grade, then 3rd, then 5th etc.
I didn’t think it was common in the US to move around a lot bc if felt like I was the only new kid, ever; whereas if it were common, you’d think that on the first day of school there would be 5 new kids in the class. Honestly my parents “took advantage” of how easy it is to move in this country (logistically) — my dad (also in engineering) LOVED that all you needed to do was show up at the new school district, give them your address, and your kid was enrolled in that school that day/next day. They came from India where middle class upwards sends their kids to English language private schools bc of the disarray/unavailability of public education. 4 yr olds take extensive tests to get into these schools and there are so few relative to the population that you are holding your breath for the kid to get in and then you hold on to that school grades k-12 — so there isn’t a “pick up and move for a job, enroll your kid tomorrow” option so people do all they can to stay put. Bc of that my dad was overly eager to move any time a new job possibility came up – bc he was just thinking logistics, not whether it’s hard on an 11 yr old.
BigLaw
80s engineering dad, so lots of moves, 5 times being in a new school system before college.
That is avoiding a lot of moves, where we didn’t move, but dad was gone M-F and just came home on weekends.
Dad was all “don’t go into engineering, go into law.”
nutella
80s-90s engineering dad, too, but we didn’t move with him. He literally was on the road in cities and remote countries around the world for 2-3 weeks out of every month. Depending on where the location was, he wouldn’t be able to come home for the weekends in between and worked like a maniac while there away from home. We stayed put and I would say 97% of my school was the same kids K-12, but there were always military families wandering in and out every 2 years or someone else. The military kids (or others in similar family work scenarios) definitely had a hard time as every 2 years they were moving all around the globe.
Nancy Raygun
Totally. My engineer dad moved a ton until I was born, then he got a government job and moved back home.
GCA
Common enough that my husband moved 3-4 times interstate as a kid, we lived overseas after college for a few years, and are now in the Northeast for his grad school. His father had a number of jobs, including IT sales, education, school administration and a late-blooming legal career. None of his siblings is based in Ohio where they all graduated from HS!
Sydney Bristow
My post-college, pre-law career did have a culture of moving people around the country. I could have been placed anywhere and wound up in a neighboring state. The company shuffled people around at about the 2 year mark.
A family member’s husband is fairly high up in a sales industry and they’ve moved as a family 4 times within 3 states over the past 8-10 years. Their upcoming move is likely to stick for as long as they want it to because he’ll be the one in charge at the new location.
Army Brat
If you have a parent in the military it is common to move every 2-3 years. I lived in 3 places by the time I was 6, (including a foreign country) and then my dad retired from the army. After he retired, we stayed in the same town for over a decade. As an adult, I’ve lived in 3 places, but my husband just applied for a job that would require relocation to an as-yet-undetermined place. We’re both open to moving if the relocation would be somewhere cool, but like our lives as they are a lot, so would probably pass on moving if it’s somewhere unappealing to our cold-natured selves.
Betty
Yup. Or as frequently as 12-18 months depending on duty station, particular profession, branch, etc. I doubt that the poster this morning was exaggerating. By the time I hit 18, I had moved 7 times, and I felt lucky that I didn’t move as much as some of my military brat friends. However, I did manage to go to ten different schools K-12 (because of moves plus how schools were split). I am 35 now and have never lived in a single place for more than 4 years. Yes, moving as a kid was hard but it made me who I am, and I am so grateful for the lessons that it taught me.
What I have learned as an adult is that many people have no idea what life is actually like in the military. It truly is a different world.
Anonymous
I was only in the military for 6 years, and moved 3 times, plus <6 month stints in a few other places for training. 20+ moves over a childhood for a parent's military career is higher than most, but totally believable
Not That Anne, The Other Anne
Yep. Fellow Army brat here. My first move was when I was 6 weeks old. Dad’s orders were actually shifted back a bit so that they would not be moving while my mom might be in labor.
I never lived anywhere for more than 3 years till dad retired. They’ve been in the same place for about 20 years now, though. My cousin’s wife earned letters from three high schools on two continents, in contrast.
When I finished grad school, my spouse requested that we move anywhere but the state we were currently in. :)
Anon
Anecdata:
We lived in three different cities (geographically far flung) when I was a kid, and my parents now live in a fourth. When my dad retires, they’ll move to a fifth. I thought this was pretty normal.
I’ve lived in the same city since graduating from law school (10 years) and that is the longest time I’ve ever spent in one place. I’m about to move to a new one (for my husband’s job) and I’m pretty happy about it because I don’t really like the idea of raising kids where we live right now.
Anonymous Canadian
I’m not American, but my parents both worked for the Canadian government and the Diplomatic Corps. I was born overseas on a Canadian military base. Between my birth and when I turned 18 my parents and I moved 27 times. I lived in 12 Canadian cities, in 9 of the 10 provinces and all 3 of the territories, and in 15 cities in 15 different countries. We never stayed anywhere longer than a year and I never did a full year at the same school.
(I now live in the one province I never lived in growing up. I had never set foot in this province before I moved here. My parents happened to grow up here and live in this province now that they are retired. Both of their families live here too. I have told my fiancé that I will move anywhere in this province and that’s it. He is fully on board with that because his parents worked for the Canadian government and they moved 12 times before he turned 18, and he also lived in every province and territory besides this one and his family is all in this province too. So we are both in agreement and have the same reasons).
Anon y mous
27 times? Or even 12 times across the country (a country as large as Canada)? I still can’t wrap my head around this being a thing. Wow.
Anonymous
totally curious about which province you ended up in after all that travel!
Anonymous Canadian
I live in New Brunswick :)
Anonymous2
That was my question too!
Cat
Moved four times as a kid, as dad got promoted at work and transferred to different regional HQ.
Lyssa
My mother in law refers to men like my F-I-L and my dad as “nuclear migrants,” because it was so common for the nuclear industry to move workers around like crazy, at least in the ’80s. (I’m not sure why.) So, both my husband and I moved several times in elementary school (strangely enough, we were almost always in the same or neighboring states – fate, I guess!). Since I’m an attorney (and don’t have any urge to get licensed in another state) and we really like where we live, we’ll probably never move the kids at all, which sort of weirds me out in a way. Imagine, never living in any other town until college! (or beyond, since our state U’s main campus is in this town)
Anonymous
I’d bet during the Cold War this was national security strategy based. The longer you are at a particular facility, the more likely you are to be identified as a person of interest by foreign interests and possibly subject to espionage pressure.
TK
I moved 9 times before I was in high school – parents divorce, stepdad was/is an in demand academic.
Move 1, I was 10 mo. old. Dad was in an accident that left him an amputee – moved to accessible home
Move 2, I was 3. Mom and Dad separated, I moved out with Mom.
Move 3, I was 4, parents reconciled and moved into a new, shared home.
Move 4, I was 6, parents divorced for real and I moved out with Mom.
Move 5, I was 7, mom met wonderful man (her current husband), moved in with him.
Move 6, I was 8, step-dad took sabbatical year to teach in another state, we went with him.
Move 7, I was 9, moved back from sabbatical into a new home.
Move 8, I was 12, step-dad took a 1-year teaching opportunity in another state, we went with him.
Move 9, I was 14, moved back, into a school district with a good public high school.
I stayed in the same city for college and a few years after, but moved 6 or 7 times in 10 years.
I moved across the country for law school, and have lived in the same metro area since, but in 5-6 different locations.
Anonymous
I’ve lived in 15 different places, including 8 different states. I moved 7 times before I left for college.
Anon
I moved several times as a kid – lived in 3 different countries by age 18 and went to several different schools from K-12. I also moved away from my parents for college (same state though) and for law school (cross country). I probably wouldn’t make as many moves with my own kids but there is some value in being exposed to different environments early on. I make new friends fairly easily, deeper longer friendships are harder. Kids will adjust, although the more moves and the older the kids are, the harder it gets. It depends on the kid though (as with everything) as my SO who was born and raised from 0-18 in one place still doesn’t really have more childhood friends than I do.
Anonymous
I moved once as a child.
As an adult (single, in 40’s), I have moved 11 times to different cities/states/countries. Most are school/training related.
Runner 5
To me it’s normal, because my parents did it. Neither of them is originally from the cities they went to college in or from the city they then settled in. I grew up planning to go to college and then pick where I wanted to live after that.
Gail the Goldfish
Depends on the profession. I’ve lived in 3 different states since I graduated college. My brother is a project manager for a national construction company and moves about every year–once they finish a project, they move him to another, and they never seem to be in the same state. I’ve lost track of how many moves he’s had at this point. But we never moved growing up (I mean, we moved to a different house once, but it was in the same city). My parents still live in my dad’s hometown and won’t move until they retire (if then).
Anon
Farthest move as a child was from the old house to the new house my parents built on the farm (approximately 50 yards).
And now my husband has a career with a company (not military) that routinely moves people cross-country. We’ve been married 6 1/2 years and are living in our third state. We expect him to switch roles and to move every 3-5 years for the foreseeable future. Thankfully in state #2 I found a career/company that is geographically flexible. And if I stop liking it, moving is an easy excuse to leave and I personally avoid the inertia of staying in a job I hate.
EB0220
My dad was in the oil & gas industry. We moved 5 times before I went to college. My family moved another 3 times while I was in college. I moved for college and have moved another 5 times after that. Pretty common for me.
Anonymous
I lived in the house I was brought home from the hospital to until I left for college at 18. My parents told me I had to go to college more than 500 miles from home, and I actually went about 1,500 miles away (Midwest to East Coast). Then I moved to a new city for law school and then to a different city after that. Then together my husband and I moved to our current city together, and we are putting down roots here. We don’t have kids yet and since we’ve already purchased our ‘forever home,’ I suspect my kids will have the same experience I did: birth to high school graduation in the same house.
I certainly wouldn’t rule out one move though, if the right opportunity arose. My husband moved once as a kid (after sixth grade) and didn’t find it at all traumatic. His parents moved again after he graduated high school, and I think he finds that move more traumatic because he didn’t get to go home and hang out with his high school friends during college breaks the way most kids do.
ezt
We moved six times between birth and college (parents are academics – moved for research sabbaticals, temporary appointments, etc.). Then I moved again for college, stayed put for law school, then moved for work. Conversely, my spouse’s parents still live in the home where he was born and grew up. It’s a very different perspective. Spouse thinks we can never move once our kids start school; I definitely disagree. Didn’t love moving as a kid but didn’t find it hugely traumatic either – it had its pros and cons and I think it has contributed to both my strengths and my flaws.
Anonymous
I don’t think of a research sabbatical as a move, if you went back to the place you were living before after a year or two. I did that as a kid and it basically seemed like an extended vacation to me. We didn’t sell our house or anything so when we returned from the sabbatical life resumed exactly as it had been before.
ezt
One of the sabbaticals in question lasted eight years (long story). We never went back to the same house. I never went back to the same friends. The moves were always international.
Anonymous
My father was in academia and we moved once (from New Jersey to New York, so not even that far) and had a few sabbaticals where we got to travel.
I don’t think moving a few times in traumatic (it can be depending on the circumstances; a divorce, and death in the family etc.) but I can see how moving 20 times or more before you turn 18 could be traumatic and feel unstable. Especially if the moves were across the country to a new state, or a new country altogether where you don’t speak the language.
Anonymous
My parents are also academics and delayed childbirth until tenure. It meant I had “old parents” (late 30s when they had me) but I was grateful I didn’t have to move around all the time. I’m an academic spouse now and I know how rough that life can be. Although I think in retrospect, one move might not have been so terrible – I was in a small community and by the time I graduated high school I was pretty sick of being around the same kids I’d been with since kindergarten. There was no changing your reputation once it was established, that’s for sure.
Anonymous
Depends on the industry. My husband is in oil and gas and we moved from Houston to Denver for his job, then back to Houston after a year. I was in-house counsel for a similar company and was told that I would be placed in his company once we moved to Denver, but that did not happen. Since I was 18 weeks pregnant when we finally made it to Colorado I worked from home until my due date and then opted to wait to start the job hunt until after our baby’s first holiday season (he was an August baby). We got the call to move back to Houston right after the holidays.
When we got married we intended to follow his career and move abroad as needed since he was told he would “move up fast” and I could find something to do within the industry. Then the O&G market crashed and we have been lucky that he still has a job (for the time being). Now we decided to stay put back in Houston with family or move back to Denver at the earliest possibility (preferably with a relo package). I am back in an in-house role, but would gladly move back to Denver to escape the Texas heat and Houston traffic.
JuniorMinion
Fellow Houstonite – moved here from NYC for a job in O&G IBD from NYC and am now in corporate development at an oil service firm. My husband had a job offer reneged after he had already quit his previous job, so I am currently the only breadwinner staring down the barrel of this lower for longer…. Just wanted you to know you aren’t alone.
lawsuited
When I was a child, my family moved 4 times within the same city. When I was teenager, my family moved across to the world to a new country, and then moved 3 times within the same province. My husband went through 3 international moves as a child, although once they moved to a new country they stayed put until the next move came around.
We’re pretty committed to staying in the same geographic area we’re in now, which is close to both our immediate families, and would both be absolutely thrilled if our children could spend their entire childhoods in the same house.
Anonymous
My husband and I both went through long-distance moves as kids and then moved away after graduating college (I went across the country, he went from small town to big city). Then after we were married we moved several states away to buy a house and start a family where the cost of living is more reasonable and life is generally easier. I work with a lot of highly educated people, all of whom are from other places. My husband’s colleagues and the people in our neighborhood, however, have mostly lived here their entire lives. It’s kind of weird and makes it difficult to relate to people without coming off as uppity. Most of the people who have become our actual friends are from other places.
After living here for more than a decade we’re feeling the urge to roam again, but we are pretty happy here and don’t want to uproot our child. If we didn’t have a kid we’d probably have left a couple of years ago just for a change of scene and to be somewhere where we fit in a little better.
ml
I moved across state lines several times before I started school, then 3x within the state during K-12, all for my dad’s job/education (medicine). I went to an out of state college, then moved several times to different states and internationally, all for work, early in my career. I’ve been in the same state now for almost 10 years, but have moved semi-locally 4 times in that period, all independent of job changes. Most people I went to high school with had never moved, and in fact are still within a 50 mile radius of my hometown. I’m kind of jealous of that, but I don’t really feel like I’m a “putting down roots” kind of person.
We have been in the same house since having kids, but with no family nearby and neither my husband nor I in love with the area, we’d be happy to move if a good career opportunity came up. We’d really like to spend some more time abroad, too. We’ll probably start looking in a few more years.
Anonymous
I’m a big “putting down roots” person and it was important to me to wait to have kids until my husband, who’s in academia, got a tenure-track position. We’ll have to move if he doesn’t get tenure (though of course we hope and expect that he will), but I didn’t want to drag kids, even preschoolers, through the numerous moves that come with postdocs and temporary positions (3-4 temporary positions after the PhD are quite common in his field). I’m really looking forward to taking semester/year-long sabbaticals with our kids though, and feel like that will give us many of the benefits of a move (new cultures, new friends) without uprooting our lives. He has collaborators all over the world so we love to daydream about where we will go on sabbatical.
cbackson
I was totally NOT a “putting down roots” person…until I was. I was 31 or 32 and contemplating my next move, and suddenly the “hey, why don’t I spend 3 years in biglaw in Shanghai?” idea seemed totally unappetizing. For seven years, I’d moved at least once a year (seriously); I’d spent three years in a place I was ready to leave, and all of a sudden I knew that I wanted my next move to be my last move.
I wouldn’t rule out, say, a temporary move to help open my firm’s new office in London (were such a thing to happened and were I asked to go), but permanent or even semi-permanent moves are now off the table for me.
Anonymous
This isn’t the same as everyone else but I grew up in the foster care system. I always lived in the same state but from the day I was born until the day I turned 18 I lived in 36 separate foster homes all over the state. The longest I ever stayed in the same home was for 9 months.
After the foster care system and some homelessness and a shelter I found a place and have lived there for 9 years.
Transplant
Just reading through the replies and wanted to congratulate you. Sometimes the best homes are the ones we make for ourselves! Happy you made yours
Anonymous
I moved from Connecticut to Arizona to Connecticut to Sacramento to San Francisco to Phoenix to Seattle to Phoenix to New Jersey to Texas to New York to New Jersey to Connecticut in a nine year phase, for work.
Transplant
I don’t think it’s that common. My family moved a lot – 7 states, 10 schools for me (then I moved for college, then for grad school, then after). I know maybe 3 people who moved like I did. Most people move like 1-3 times before college and that’s it.
Wildkitten
Melissa Frye Boots? Yay or Nay? Another boot I should buy? I don’t want heels. Thanks!
Anonymous
Yay! I think they are awesome.
nutella
I saw you ask earlier. If you like them, go for them as they appear well made! If you are on the fence, I would say that riding boots sort of hit their peak 2011 and the fall favorite is more chelsea ankle boots or sneakers or a low block heel pump.
Wildkitten
I’m on the fence. But none of those are boots to me? Is there a boot that is cool now? I have some sneakers. Should I just not do boots this year?
Wildkitten
Okay you’ve convined me to get no boots :-) Saved $100! Thanks nutella.
Unsub
Please tell me where you’re getting Frye Melissa for $100!
Wildkitten
Amazon. $114.
Anonymous
I have a different pair of Frye tall boots and they are the most comfortable boots ever. I am not sure I’d go with the Melissa because that particular style was so trendy a few years back. I might choose a slightly less recognizable style, or at least one that wasn’t super trendy at a particular point in time.
Anonymous
I have a pair of Frye Melissas that I bought a few years ago. I like them, but I don’t get as much use as I expected for a few reasons: (1) I find I actually prefer a side zip for a closer fit. Without the zipper, my boots are necessarily loose around the ankle (and I highly recommend boot trees for this), and (2) I ended up getting the dark brown color, thinking it would be sleeker looking than the lighter browns. However, I find it hard to match to because it is so dark, but it doesn’t go with black either.
Anon
If you need them and can afford them outright, why not?
Calling KT
Checking in with KT- it feels like you’ve been quiet this week. Hope all is well with you!
Anonymous
Was just thinking the same thing earlier. maybe two weeks or so since she’s been around much?
Nati
Same thought occurred to me last night.
cbackson
Me too. Thinking about you, KT!
Coach Laura
She commented about her fur-baby on yesterday’s puppy phobia thread. Seemed to be ok.
NYC Mid-level
Just curious, when do you know it is time to move on from a job? I really like the work that I do, but I am getting increasingly frustrated with some of the people in my office and I am also not really giving 100% anymore. I think my subconscious is preparing me to move on.
Wildkitten
Start looking!
NYC Mid-level
Thought that was the answer.
I am pregnant though, which makes moving on hard right now
Wildkitten
Ah, yes. You can look but be mindful of your leave situation and know that your life will change dramatically soon and exercise extreme self-empathy.
MK
If you have flexibility at your current job, I HIGHLY recommend staying put until after you get back to work and you get enough sleep to be on your game at work and/or new job. I found out I was pregnant the same week I started a new job and I felt awful leaving so often for appointments and then taking time off before and after the baby was born (bed rest then 8 weeks leave). There were times (and still are) that I am not happy with my work situation, but I can deal with a lot knowing that I have regular hours and flexibility when needed with two small children (7 months and 2 years).
Anonymous
Yup. Plus you won’t be eligible for FMLA at a new job, if that applies. If you can get away with giving less than 100℅ that’s a good place to hang out during pregnancy and with a new baby.
Signed, I had a boring job I didn’t like for my first pregnancy, but could literally surf the internet all day and no one would care, so I sucked it up and called it q mental vacation. Subsequent pregnancy, I loved my job and it was flexible, but having to be “on” when I felt like crap or just had no f’s left to give anymore was hard.
shamlet96
*listens closely* same boat as you (but not pregnant) – in my current gig for a total of seven years (between two offices) and feeling like it’s time to move on. my complicating factor is that my SO is in a different city about 2 hours away so I’d like to try and find something there since he’s super happy at his job.
Wildkitten
That sounds perfect instead of complicating. Your SO lives 2 hours away AND you’re ready to leave your job? That’s perfect, IMHO.
shamlet96
haha it’s complicating because his city is very small and insular, and the legal market is tiny. Plus I’d like to stay in public service, which is an added wrinkle. :)
Fall Booties
Any recommendations?
I usually do tall boots but looking to add a pair or two of booties into rotation.
TO Lawyer
I love Rag and Bone booties but they tend to be expensive. Are you looking for flat booties? Heels? I usually like booties with a chunky heel but I also have a pair of the Sam Edelman Petty booties and they’re really comfy.
Anonymous
Ideally one pair flat and one pair mid heel. Bonus if I don’t have to order from the states as I’m in Canada
bosstown
surprisingly, toms booties. love the leather ankle ones (leila) and they are incredibly comfortable. i just added a higher pair of toms (majorca) to the mix because i now live in SF and peep toes can actually be worn here comfortably!
Anonymous
Never would have thought to look at toms. Thanks!
Laura
Check out the BP Trolley bootie at Nordstrom. I bought the cognac and loved it so much that I bought the black too. Very classic and comfortable.
Anonymous
Blondo? I think they’re a Canadian company. I bought some from Nordstrom late last winter and really like them.
Laura
Try the BP Trolley booties at Nordies. Classic, comfortable and pretty affordable.
Lurker
Posting here because there is no post on the mom’s page.
For those of you that have been pregnant, can you tell me whether you had any bleeding or cramps during your two week window prior to your positive pregnancy test?
I’m on my 8th cycle trying and my doctor really doesn’t want to talk to me until it has been a year. To any specific questions, she just will say there is no real normal. Every time I spot in the 2ww I think I’m out and I wonder why I’m having these spotting issues.
I’d really just like a general poll from women who ended up pregnant – did you spot in your 2ww and have cramps? Did you the month you got pregnant? Thanks
AIMS
The month that I found out I was pregnant I was 1000% convinced that I had all the symptoms of getting my period – I had cramps, I had a zit on my chin, I was cranky for no reason, etc. Other months I had no symptoms and yet I got my period. There really is no normal. I know it’s hard to wait, but try to be patient.
Anonymous
Yes I did have spotting and minor cramps before positive pregnancy test for one pregnancy, but not all.
If you aren’t already, I suggest charting a la Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Having your cycles documented to ID any patterns rather than just going off your memory of how often things happen and at what time will be helpful for your doctor’s if you do end up with fertility consults. Good luck!
Lurker
Thanks. I’m using fertility friend, charting and using opks. It is fascinating. I can tell very clearly when I ovulate and it is later than most. Usually days 21-23. My LP is only about 10 days with a bit of spotting days 7-10.
TK
I notice no difference between the months I am not pregnant and the single month ever that I was – no spotting in either instance, no discernible difference (timing or intensity) of PMS cramps vs. what I eventually learned were implantation cramps the one time I was pregnant.
Lyssa
The only difference for me was that towards the end of the 2WW, my breast started feeling fuller and much more sensitive (which meant that, knowing that, I spent the entire time leading up to the second pregnancy constantly pressing on them to see if they hurt). But your docs are right, it’s different for everyone. Hang in there; the waiting is killer, I know.
AnonMom
Just an aside – I get that the moms s*te gets less traffic but not bothering to have a fresh post or an explanation may be one of the reasons why. I’m used to the posts frequently being later in the day than I’d like but this just seems like too much a sign that no one gives a sh*t. Sorry. Vent over.
JayJay
Every time I’ve been pregnant, I’ve had implantation bleeding during the 2WW. I don’t specifically remember cramping, but it was realistic enough for me to think my third pregnancy was my monthly cycle at first.
MomAnon4This
Yes, it can be normal.
I’ve had 3 healthy pregnancies, and 2 miscarriages, and 1 ‘chemical pregnancy’. Not sure if that helps.
Beth
With my first pregnancy I had spotting (implantation bleeding). Small bit of bright red blood vs typical menstrual blood. Second pregnancy no bleeding but definate increase in discharge. Convinced I wasn’t pregnant because I didn’t have the spotting!
Lurker
Oh I really like this reply! I had the bright red blood spotting this month. Just once so far while using the bathroom. It was so bright it actually made me double take where it was coming from. I of course consulted Dr. Google that suggested that implantation bleeding is usually darker brown and bright red is usually menstrual. I was surprised because my usual spotting is of the darker variety but I guess my menstrual blood is too. Gross, I know. Glad to hear you had bright red blood and you were pregnant.
It’s great to read everyone’s experiences. I was really starting to worry that my every month spotting meant my cycle had not got back to normal yet and would prevent me from getting pregnant. I had read a lot about progesterone supplements but my doc doesn’t agree with them as being necessary or effective.
anon
I can’t remember what it looked like, but I definitely had some spotting just before positive pregnancy test. Went on to have a normal pregnancy and healthy baby, with no more spotting.
anon
I spotted beginning on day 10 or 11 after ovulation until I got my period, every time, except for the cycle that I actually got pregnant. I was always convinced that maybe it was implantation bleeding but it was not. The cycle during which I got pregnant, I had no spotting at all, just a positive pregnancy test on day 11 after ovulation.
Good luck! I know it’s stressful, but It will happen for you!
I also liked the Kindara app more than Fertility Friend, if you are looking to try something new. I found it less clunky, more intuitive, prettier.
Don't want to be self-conscious
Just started working as an associate in secondary market biglaw. I love my engagement ring, though some people may consider it a bit petite. SO got it for me when we were super young, so it means a lot (and it’s actually from a “fancy” jewelry store, hence why it’s smaller than what he could have gotten anywhere else at a mall–this was SO’s call). SO is also in a non-law non-big $$ career. Because of this, sometimes I feel like people assume that my ring is cheaper or that he couldn’t afford anything else because of his job, especially when I catch them looking at it.
A lot of the women (associates and partners) have huge rocks. SO has always said he wants to “upgrade” me and I have told him that I’d rather him buy me an anniversary band or some other piece that can be paired with the ring. I don’t feel bad, just a little self-conscious about it. I have only felt bad once, when one of my law school classmates made such a huge fuss about how big her ring needed to be that it made me feel bad about mine.
How do I get over myself or whether anyone knows its cost or brand? I ask because SO has begun interacting with these folks and has made even more comments about “upgrading” me.
P.S. This is more a vent than anything else. Thanks!
TBK
When I see someone with a smaller-than-average ring, I (1) don’t even notice or (2) assume she has other priorities. A good friend of mine has a teeny pinprick diamond and it’s a delightful ring; she’s head over heels for it since it suits her perfectly. Get a bigger diamond if you want one, but I can’t think that anyone else will even notice.
Anonymous
To the extent I notice, I often assume that people got married when they were young / in school. NBD. I wear a $25 QALO ring now, so not one to judge.
Tiffany
I think you just have to remind yourself that this is really not indicative of anything. Not about your financial well being, the strength of your relationship, or anything else. One of the wealthiest women I know wears the teeniest diamond ring. I know others with huge rocks who have a ton of credit card debt or have terrible relationships or their rings are actually fake. None of it matters!
I get how you feel but try to remind yourself of how relative it all is. I remember feeling bad about not having a certain watch once because it seems to me that everyone around me had a cartier or a rolex. Then I was visiting an old friend in her new town and someone made some off hand comment about my watch – which I considered a nice, mid level brand – being “very fancy.” Try to have some perspective!
Anon
You know what kind of woman cares or comments about ANOTHER woman’s engagement ring?
The kind whose opinion I don’t care about, that’s who.
You do you. If you want to keep your original e-ring because of the love and sentiment behind it, DO IT. If you want a huge rock because you love big diamonds, DO IT. But whatever you do, do it for YOU and own it. You don’t have to please others.
Wildkitten
Also, this.
Frozen Peach
AMEN.
I have a kid and I don’t even wear my engagement ring anymore, because she has a habit of careening into sharp or fixed objects…
Meg Murry
Yup, this.
Also, those times you think people are looking at your ring? They could be looking at your fingernail polish, or your watch, or your pen, or whether you’re holding the paperwork they’re waiting for in your left hand. Or they could be thinking “ooh, pretty”, or they could be just glancing in the general direction of your hand and not really paying attention to it at all.
I’m willing to bet that people aren’t paying nearly as much attention to your ring as you think they are. So get something new and flashy if it makes both of you happy and you can afford it, but don’t do it to keep up with your coworkers. And make sure your husband knows where you stand on this so he doesn’t try to surprise you with an upgrade if you would rather keep the ring your have and save the money or spend it on something else.
Cornellian
+1. I didn’t want an engagement ring, I remember to put on my (<$100) wedding band ~60% of the time, and I am a rising sixth year in NYC BigLaw. If you want a new one, have at it. If you'er worried about other people, I really don't think it matters.
I've actually heard advice in the opposite direction, as well. Along the lines of big diamonds mean a woman is more interested in her husband/will leave law after 5-8 years/is not the provider in the relationship and thus not committed to her job/etc. It's all bullshit, as well, but be aware that there are stereotypes that cut the other way, against a larger ring. All the more reason to just wear what you and your husband want.
JuniorMinion
Wooo go big red! I am also on the wedding band only train – my husband and I actually eloped at city hall and got our wedding bands at Costco so I totally feel you on that! (I also forget to put mine on again after I work out often)
lawsuited
I totally understand this. My engagement ring cost $800, and while it is beautiful and very much my style, it is obvious that my ring cost less than the rings of the women I work with.
Then I found out how much less, and I was so shell-shocked and relieved that I have never looked back. I would feel ill if I was wearing $10,000 on my finger!
Wildkitten
I only notice when people have huge rings because I think about how they could make a great weapon in a bar fight and make a mental note to not piss them off/keep them on my team in the event we need to throw some diamond brass knuckles. If it’s a ring and not a weapon yours sounds delightful and perfect for you.
Ellen
Wildkitten is so funny! I love these coments! Personaly, I never got an engagement ring even tho Sheketovits said he would marry me. FOOEY on men that say they will marry us, and we give in to them and then they leave after we give them what they want sexually. DOUBEL FOOEY!
Wildkitten
Girl, you need to buy yourself the ring you want and then bill it to the managing partner because people at other firms might be judging you for not having a big ring. (Kidding, FYI, for folks who are not EB.)
Nati
Remind yourself that anyone judging you for something like that is probably not worth your time/energy! Seriously.
anon
I know I’ve posted before about having a ruby. In addition to it being a beautiful, personal ring, it’s really good for sussing out people who care too much about other people’s engagement rings. Because I’m judgy about judginess.
Nati
anon are there people who make critical remarks about your ruby? One of my friends just recently got engaged and has a ruby ring! It never occurred to me that some people would frown upon that.
Anonymous
One of my best friends has a ruby! Maybe you’re my friend :) Another good friend has a sapphire. I love both their rings and I think they’re two of the most beautiful e-rings I’ve seen (not that having a beautiful ring is important to marriage, but I happen to think these rings are absolutely beautiful).
Anonymous
Maybe this is just my circle of friends, but the people I know who have non-diamond rings are all extremely well-off and chose a non-diamond either for ethical reasons or because they wanted something unique or both. In some cases, they went with very high-end suppliers and the rings are way more expensive than many diamond rings. I happen to like small diamonds, especially if it comes with a story about how the couple was young and poor and in love, but I can at least understand what’s going on in the heads of people who judge small diamonds. I just don’t get why anyone would judge a non-diamond since it doesn’t read “cheap” at all to me.
Not That Anne, The Other Anne
I don’t wear my engagement ring anymore. When I did, though, it was an effective way to determine who was really way too worried about a ring that they didn’t even own. I liked my ring, my fiance liked my ring, and everyone who’s ever met us agreed that my ring suited me/us much more than the gigantic diamond solitaire.
I have also noticed that not wearing an engagement ring at all after marriage has been an effective way to determine who is way too worried about others ‘ jewelry choices.
Anonymous
Somebody will always be judging you for something. Don’t worry about what others think.
I have a smaller diamond because it was super important to me that it be a Canadian diamond so I knew it wouldn’t be a blood diamond (yes, I know there are indigenous rights issues in Canada).
I’m judgy (to myself and DH) about people that choose larger possibly blood diamond rings over smaller non-human rights violating rings. And I’m sure I’m being judged by people who believe all diamonds are wrong because of indigenous compensation issues in Canada.
It’s like practice for parenting when everyone is also super judgy about your choices!
>^- -^
I am the craziest person I know, and do not really notice rings unless they’re gigantic (and then I feel a little jealous).
You could just avoid the whole thing and just get a wedding band, wear your ring on right hand?
or upgrade if you want to and it makes you happy?
The firm does not g.a.f. about you. Sorry, it’s true. I would tell you to minimize any lifestyle changes that are inspired by fitting in with the biglaw crowd. Odds of you being there in 8 years are slim.
Don't want to be self-conscious
Thank you! This is great. It’s exactly what I needed to hear.
:)
Anonymous
Trying to keep up with the Big Law Joneses is a very slippery slope. First it’s a ring upgrade, then you need a certain purse that everyone has, then you’re flying first class when you travel and buying a luxury car. You’re never going to win that race, because there are plenty of people who have family money or partners in very lucrative fields, and trying to compete is just going to make you one of those people who has no savings despite earning $300k a year.
Signed,
Teeny tiny diamond (<1/4 carat) in Big Law and proud
Canadienne
My ring is made with sustainably sourced non-diamonds and recycled metal by a local jeweler. Whenever people make snarky comments I always say “oh yes its great there was no slave labour or environmental degregation involved”. Its a pretty quick way to silence them and its the exact reason my ring was purchased. I’m sure there is a similar snappy comment you could make about being blessed to find love young.
Beth
I have worked for two women, both CxOs of fortune 50 companies, both of which were married very young and have VERY small (like quarter carat, maybe less) rings on modest bands. Neither gives a flying rats a$$. Both have beautiful homes and country homes and fancy cars. I have a ring that’s 1.75 carats, and I am not a CxO of anything.
Susan
My ex’s SIL married his brother when they were very young, and her engagement ring was quite small. He went on to do quite well for himself and offered many times to “upgrade” her but she always declined, saying that it was a really special symbol of where they came from and how fortunate they were to work together to create a beautiful family and life together. I thought that was very loving.
Anonymous
Random specific question – I can’t get the NYC jobs site to work for the life of me (trying to look in the legal section). I’ve tried on an internet explorer browser and a firefox browser. The frame thingy doesn’t work. Has anyone successfully used that site?
Cb
Slightly inspired by the question above – I’m off the pill and ttc and these hormonal fluctuations are throwing me for a loop. After ovulation, I am so sore up top and have been wearing sports bras because it hurts. Is this normal? Do people have different types of bras for that time of the month? I’m tiny up top so not used to it.
Frozen Peach
How long have you been trying? This was the first sign of pg for me…
Cb
Since March but with some bad timing so probably three months where we had a chance? Seems to vary quite a bit in severity but fairly consistent from 2-3 days post ovulation to 2-3 days before my period. This month is worse than normal but I don’t think the timing was great.
Cornellian
It was also the first sign for me. Also small up top and had recently had my (hormonal) IUD removed.
Anonymous
I am also sore “up top” when pr3m3nstrual.
Anonymous
I’m not TTC and have never been on hormonal BC, but I get incredibly sore “up top” around that time of the month, every month. So much so that I can’t have s*x except while wearing a sports bra, and I can’t be touched there at all. It seemed so abnormal that I asked my doctor about it, but she wasn’t concerned and said that’s just the way it is for some people.
anon for this
Looking for tips on interviewing for a faculty position at a law school. I’m coming from a law firm. I am planning to wear a black skirt suit … In addition to attire, can anyone shed some light on what type of interview questions I may get and how to prepare?
Don't want to be self-conscious
Not sure if this applies to all law schools, but my law school had a lunch or meet-up set up with student leaders who got to ask the prospective faculty member questions about teaching styles, student interaction, etc. I really appreciated the interviewees who were engaging and didn’t look annoyed or bored to “have to talk to students.”
Best of luck!
Anon
Anticipate the various groups you’ll be meeting with throughout the day(s): search committee, law school admin, university admin, jr faculty, clinical faculty, tenured faculty, students. I would expect questions about scholarship productivity, your research interests, and enthusiasm for teaching courses outside your area that no one wants to teach (e.g. commercial paper). Probably some questions regarding the experiential learning now required by ABA standards and ideas for integration.
There will almost certainly be an old crank who needlessly harasses you at the job talk. Everyone knows he’s “that guy” and as long as you deal with it gracefully, it won’t matter. You don’t have to please everyone, most schools I know of vote on faculty candidates first on acceptability and then on enthusiasm. Your focus is the search committee and dean- they’re the ones who will make the decision. And I’m sure it goes without saying, but be very nice to the staff you interact with, they will not decide if you get hired, but they can greatly impact your success if hired.
Black skirt suit will be great. Good luck!
anon for this
This is great info – thank you!
Panda
So I posted on Friday about my apartment being burgled. The burglars stole over $5k worth of goods – all that could fit into a backpack. We pay a premium to live in a “secure” building with controlled access in. After investigation, it was found that the robbers entered the building because the man contracted by the property management company to clean once a week left a side, maintenance door propped open the entire time he was there (roughly 2 hours) and he does this every week when he comes…same day, same times (and sometimes forgets to close it when he leaves! UGH). We do not know how they got into our actual apartment (lock pick, door accidentally left unlocked, credit card, etc).
Obviously we no longer feel safe living where we do. They left thousands of dollars of things behind and I’m constantly paranoid that they will come back for them. We feel the neglect involved (cleaning man propping a “secure” door open for hours) negates any avoidance of liability by the property management company and we feel they should let us out of our lease (literally 11 months left, we had just renewed for another year) without consequences and they should return our security deposit.
My question is, does this sounds reasonable? How should this conversation go? Are there any key words or phrases I should use? Any insight you brilliant ladies could provide would be most helpful. TIA!
Wildkitten
You should get a simplisafe!
Panda
We plan to but right now we want to start fresh. Even with all the monitoring in the world I dont think I’ll ever feel like my stuff is secure in that apartment.
Spirograph
While I don’t think this is unreasonable and I understand the feeling of vulnerability and violation after a burglary… I would encourage you to give this a couple weeks. The event is still raw and moving is a PITA. With a little more time, you may feel ok staying and save yourself the trouble. Still talk to the management about the contractor propping the door l, though. This is unacceptable and has obviously proven to undermine the security of the building. Management should address that immediately and separately from the question of terminating your lease.
Panda
Nope. Definitely will not feel secure with the carelessness exhibited by the property management and their contractors. I’d rather move and start fresh. The feeling of safety is worth the PITA of moving.
They have already stated that they can’t/won’t do anything to make the building more secure.
Anonymous
I’m sorry. You should move. Don’t let anyone tell you they won’t come back. Usually they don’t, but sometimes they do. Your explanation above sounds completely reasonable – the management company should let you out of your lease.
Yes
Yes, it’s reasonable. I would email them with just the facts:
Dear (Apartment People), After last week’s robbery, we have decided to move at the end of this month. We would like to pick up our security deposit this week– please let me know when is a good time to come get that. We will vacate by the end of this month. Thanks for your help. -Panda
They may not push back at all. If they do push back about the lease, you can say they broke the lease by failing to provide a safe environment (there’s probably not anything about it in your lease, but you should look at the lease and see if there’s some clause you could argue) and that you are no longer bound to the remaining term. Same with the deposit. If they still push back, I think you can say that you’re willing to not pursue a premises liability claim as long as they let you out of your lease and refund your deposit. At least try the initial email and see how far that gets you.
Blonde Lawyer
I would highly suggest talking with a landlord/tenant lawyer in your jurisdiction before breaking your lease.
cc
No one is going to give you a security deposit before you move out.
Anonymous
My view on this is probably influenced by the fact that I live in a warm-climate city where the vast majority of apartment complexes are “motel-style” with exterior stairwells and entrances to individual units, but I think your expectation that the building be an impenetrable castle is a little unrealistic. All of my complexes have had a gated perimeter with controlled access gate (and when I lived in cities with interior entrances, all had keyed or coded entrances into the building)–and yet, anyone who wanted to get into the property could find a way. There are certainly easier ways, like tailgating another car in or someone propping a door open for a party, but even in the absence of a clear breach like that, it wasn’t exactly hard to get in. You never know who is going to be on the property as a whole. The best you can do is secure your own unit.
Now, do I think it’s fair for you to want to move individual units because of the risk they might come back knowing what’s left behind? Definitely. Also think it’s fair for you to want to leave the property entirely because of the negative emotional connection. But even if you move to the White House as your next property, you’re not going to be entirely safe from breaches of the perimeter, so don’t go into it with unrealistic expectations.
Bonnie
I don’t think hey will let you break your lease and get your deposit back. I would talk to them about the security risk posed by their employee and ask them to pay your insurance deductible.
Tiffany
If you had a $500 gift card to Nordstrom, what would you get? I am torn between spending it all one splurge item or going on a bit of a spree and getting a few things. I don’t specifically need anything except maybe a new wallet but nothing is calling out to me and I just can’t see spending $500 on a wallet. I could maybe use a warm down coat but the really nice stuff is over $500 and again nothing calls out.
Looking for inspiration. What would y’all buy if you had my “problem”?
Anonymous
Nothing. I’d hold onto it until there was something I knew I wanted.
Senior Attorney
This. Also, if you do Christmas, you could apply it to your Christmas shopping budget.
Ellen
I would get the Tote Kat is publicizeing! She has great taste and love’s Nordstrom like me and Rosa. Between Kat’s taste and the wisdom on this websight, I have become a much more effective legal partner at my law firm. YAY!!!!
Meredith Grey
A really nice every-day tote!! I can never justify buying *another* bag. But free money… That’s another story. These rules apply to cosmetics for me too, so I’d stock up on some MAC products or perfume I wouldn’t normally indulge in. Have fun resolving your “problem!”
long time lurker
i would spend it on bras and underwear, which i will always need and in the case of bras, can be rather expensive.
Anonymous
Boots.
Leather jacket.
A blouse from Joie, because I love them and would never otherwise spend the $$$ on a blouse.
New going-out dress.
The Hugo Boss suit that is on sale and is currently sitting in my on-line shopping bag.
All the Zella athletic wear.
Designer jeans.
Samantha
I’d buy multiple things that I could use year-round so that I could take out a new “thing” depending on the season and really prolong the enjoyment! New fall sweater! New boots! New swimwear!
T
+1
Maddie Ross
Rag & Bone booties.
La Prairie Skin Caviar product(s).
Bonnie
Id get a killer outfit and a wallet at the Rack. You can use your gift card there too and online.
Runner 5
Annoyance of the day: moved into a new rented room, which I’d been told had X size bed (and had therefore bought sheets for that size). I get here and discover it’s Y size (itself a perfectly good size but not the same size as my sheets).
And of course that eclipses the sense of achievement from pulling off a move by myself…
Anonymous
Ugh! Annoying!
Jean G.
Anyone have experience with attending a trial 8 mos pregnant as an associate? It is across the country and would be 2 weeks total travel, early next year. Dr. says flying is okay, and I want to go—but not at the expense of the health of baby or me, or if it would be highly uncomfortable. First pregnancy, so no experience with this.
Anon
So take this with a grain of salt because I’ve never been pregnant, but –
I wouldn’t do it, for the sole reason that I know plenty of women who have delivered while 8 months pregnant, and I wouldn’t want to do that across the country. You’d probably be fine to go, but on the off chance you go into labor, what a PITA. Even if your baby is completely healthy, no NICU, etc., now you have a newborn to get back across the country.
Bewitched
Agree. My doctor said no flying from 36 weeks on for this exact reason-you could go into labor. That said, with my last kid, I did take a one hour flight (down and back on the same day) during my last month of pregnancy. I wouldn’t fly cross country though, especially if I was going to be there a prolonged amount of time.
TBK
This. THIS. Especially if you had wanted your husband/partner with you. And if the baby does need NICU, that’s awful enough without worrying about getting a hotel near the hospital for the time the baby is in there. And you could possibly be all alone in that hotel (unless your SO or someone else can get time off to come stay with you) until the baby is ready to travel. Nope, nope, nope.
Jean G.
I would be under 36 weeks (weeks 33-34), but not by a lot! Seems like it would still be a risk to give birth
Anone for this
At 33-34, I would totally do it. (Actually will be in trial myself – second child – for a week at 33 weeks in November. Mine is a 5 hour drive from home and I’m going…)
Blonde Lawyer
My good friend works in a NICU in a vacation destination. She deals with many a premie baby and mom and dad were usually on one last vacation. They have to figure out whether they go home and come back for baby or get temporary housing or a long term hotel. It can be really expensive and emotional. Premie babies also tend to have lower immune systems and might not be allowed to travel for awhile by air even after getting out of the NICU. I would only go if you have amazing travel insurance that would include a med flight home for you and baby post birth. If such insurance even exists. I’d probably just bow out of that one. If I had done all the work and was just really interested in seeing the trial as opposed to conducting it, I’d see if the court would allow it be live streamed. I know my local court allows parties to participate by video and they would likely allow an attorney to as well. Then you could still partake in strategy discussions on break by phone with the partner or research issues as you see them pop up on the feed. You might even be MORE helpful than an in person associate that way.
anon
1) check the airlines travel restrictions/requirements for flying while pregnant and also how long you and baby would have to wait to fly back after you give birth
2) does this destination have good hospitals with higher level NICUs? Yes, even small hospitals have the ability to transfer you in the even of complications, but this isn’t something you want to be figuring out in the moment.
3) at 8 months, I wasn’t sleeping very well so I’m not sure I could have handled trial prep and travel stress.
EM
It is a toss-up as to whether you will be comfortable or not. No way to predict it.
I was born 6 weeks early, BTW.
Jean G.
These are good points. Also FYI, I would be at weeks 33-34.
Ally McBeal
I tried a case 3000 miles away from home that wrapped up when I was 34 weeks pregnant. I say do it. Trials are an amazing opportunity for a litigator and I felt reasonably great at 33-34 weeks.
Delta Dawn
I have done a trial at 8 months pregnant, but I would not travel across the country at 8 months pregnant. If your pregnancy is comfortable and easy, traveling itself might not be a problem, but I wouldn’t do it based on the risk of going into labor at that point. You could basically have the baby at any moment, and a lot of people do. If you have a spouse/partner, they might miss the birth. You could probably have your OB call ahead and make arrangements with a doctor there just in case, but I would not do it.
Samantha
Have you had a normal pregnancy otherwise and no indication that the baby will be early? If the trial itself and prepping for it (not the travel/new place) would not be too stressful, I would do it. Anecdotally, first babies are generally a bit late (I think Emily Oster has the actual stats on this in her book) compared to seconds. At that point, pregnancy becomes a bit uncomfortable and prolonged, and I welcomed any distraction like a new city. I also needed reasons to force myself to walk (more uncomfortable to do so in late third trimester) and window shopping/people watching in a new city would be good from that perspective.
Anonymous
Your family history is very relevant too. If you were late, odds are good your baby will be too.
Impatient
But… honestly, you never know.
Signed, I was late, every baby in my family was late, I am a super healthy marathon runner who had a very low risk pregnancy until my water broke 10 weeks early for no reason anyone knows or will ever know.
(baby was born 8 weeks early and spent time in the NICU but is happy and healthy.
this outs me
My first born was 37w. Totally normal pregnancy, everything looked good. And my water broke at my desk after two tough filings that day. Surprise. Good thing I live close to work and my hospital was only a few minutes away. OTOH, in the first trimester, I totally would have thought about going to trial at 33 weeks. But by that last month, I was so, so tired. And puffy. And had to pee every hour. In retrospect, I don’t know that I would have accepted a cross-country trial at 33w, as much as it would have killed me to miss the opportunity (see above re filing two motions the day I ended up delivering).
Meanwhile, my colleague was involuntarily placed on bed rest by her doctor for the final two months of her pregnancy.
Trials do get kicked all the time though. Or settle. Can you be on the trial team and work like you’re planning to be on the trial, but then not actually go to trial per doctor’s orders?
Anonymous
In addition to everything mentioned above, check if there will be any implications with your health insurance if you delivery early while across the country. I can’t remember the exact details from when I was pregnant but I avoided a similar travel situation late in my pregnancy because of health insurance – maybe to do with potential for out of network costs.
Anonymous
At that point in my pregnancy, I was having weekly doctors appointments. Something else to consider in addition to what is stated above.
I also had an out of town case when pregnant and while I can’t remember if it was my doctor or the airline or both, but I didn’t fly after 32 weeks.
Everyone’s pregnancy is different, but I was so so so tired the last trimester.
Anonymous
I can’t leave my current job until late January/early February 2017 (non-negotiable). I am interested in a local government job that was posted last week. I’ve probed my network but don’t know anyone in the agency so don’t have any detailed information. It wouldn’t be totally unreasonable to apply now and expect that the process would take about that long, right? I just barely meet the minimum requirements so I already have a bit of a complex about applying.
Anonymous
Definitely. I would say it’s worth applying no matter what kind of employer, but I think things take especially long in government.
anon
Definitely. I would say it’s worth applying no matter what kind of employer, but I think things take especially long in government.
Anonymous
Some govt positions are filled very quickly but at the agencies I’ve done contract work for it can take anywhere from three months to over a year to fill a position.
Bonnie
Apply. If they really want you, they may let you delay your start date.
Lynnet
This might be late to ask, but I’m wondering if anyone else has this problem. I work on a lot of discrete projects for multiple partners. I feel like every day a partner comes into my office, names a case, and says something like “Why did you do such-and-such in Section 6?” 90% of the time, I drafted the document 2 days, or 2 weeks, or 2 months ago, and have drafted several other very similar documents since then. Usually I had a good reason for doing what I did, but I would need ten minutes to review the document to figure that out, which doesn’t seem feasible when they’re sitting in my office waiting for a response (patience is not a strong suit of our partners), so I end up saying something kind of flustered that may or may not be right and looking like a complete idiot.
Other than “have a better memory” I haven’t been able to think of any way to make these conversations go more smoothly. Does anyone have any tips?
Anonymous
“Give me 10 minutes to review the document and I will get right back to you.”
Anonymous
Don’t answer the question if you don’t know. Say, “I need to look at the document. I’ll get right back to you.”
NYC Mid-level
In addition to the other advice, hedge against the conversations by explaining some of your reasoning in the transmittal emails sending the partners the docs, especially if it is a weird change. Say “I did X because…”
Lyssa
When I was litigating, I found it helpful to keep one word document with all of the cases that I was working on listed, and a couple of bullets about the very basic facts (i.e., divorce w/ 2 kids), what I’d done last (filed motion for summary judgment on date), what happens next (hearing scheduled on date), whether we were waiting for something, etc. I’d keep this up on my computer all the time, so if someone said “What’s going on with the Smith case, it would just take a couple keystrokes to get to my notes on it.
Anonymous
I aspire to this level of organization.
Nati
I do not intend this to sound snarky whatsoever – if you do not have a system like this (work tracking database/spreadsheet/document), how do you stay on top of things? Are you using Outlook?
Nati
Ugh. I asked a question that got stuck in moderation – so here it is again.
If you don’t have a document like this (or something similar, like a spreadsheet or database), how do you track the status of your files? This is a genuine question.
ETex
I have less than 10 cases at a time and always know what is going on in them
newbinlaw
I’m so glad to see someone else has this problem. I am young and generally have a very good memory, but I am a junior associate so I have many cases and discrete projects. I am highly organized, but I have what I think of as “delayed recall.” Once I do recall it, I can remember details, but that time lapse is difficult. I fake it til I make it. If I’m on the phone it is better so i can quickly search my computer. Recently, in a face to face meeting, a partner had my email memo regarding a research subject on the table in front of me. I could see the document, and remembered drafting it, and knew what case we were talking about, but could not recall the specific research topic. I just smiled and nodded and tried to think until it eventually popped into my head. Ugh, I feel like memory should be one of my (only) advantages right now being one of the younger people!!
Maddie Ross
As a partner, I would tell you to please, please, please tell me that you need 5-10 minutes to refresh your recollection rather than either try and make it up on the spot or give me some non-response-response.
Lynnet
Every time I’ve tried that I’ve gotten very negative responses which essentially boil down to, “If you can’t remember why you did it this way immediately, there must not have been a good reason for it, please change it.” So then I have to go back 10 minutes later, explain my reasoning, and sound like I’m arguing with them about what they’ve asked me to do….
Nati
Oh god, really? (Rhetorical)
Should I stay or should I go?
Not sure if it too late in the day for this, but I am thinking about getting divorced and am very confused and sad.
I cheated on my husband of two years about a month ago with a coworker after a night of heavy drinking (no sex). All parties are midlevel big law associates. I came clean to my husband, he is willing to work through my infidelity and we have started counseling.
For what it’s worth, I no longer have any contact with coworker.
The thing is, I just don’t know if I want to be married anymore. I would be sad to be divorced, I would be ashamed and embarrassed and lonely in many ways but I also am drawn to the idea of the freedom I would have. My marriage had been generally happy and healthy until I cheated, but now it has become very unpleasant. There is a lot of anger, tension, stress on both sides. Part of me really and truly wants to work on our marriage and fix it, but part of me feels like my eyes have been opened to other problems and wants to cut and run.
I am not perfect and neither is my husband. I cheated on him, lied about it again and again, I suffer from depression and anxiety (and am on medication for both), but I am not always a peach to deal with… My husband has been in charge of our finances for the last three years and I have been painfully ignorant and trusting of him. In the midst of our marital problems, I took a hard look at our finances, and although we have been paying off our loans (~420k total) aggressively, we have no savings and approximately $20k in credit card debt–of which I was ignorantly unaware.
I feel lost and scared and out of control. I love my husband, but can picture a life without him. What should I do?
Anonymous
Are you in therapy? It sounds like this is where you need to start.
Nati
You say things were relatively happy and healthy between you and your husband before the cheating, which was a month ago. This is fresh. Please don’t do anything rash. Naturally both you and he are working through a lot of feelings. I think you owe it to one another and your marriage to let the dust settle before cutting and running (to use your term). This is my $0.02.
Nati
And, for what it’s worth, the freedom almost always looks better than it actually feels. The grass isn’t always greener. You say your relationship was good, then you cheated, now things aren’t as good but your husband is willing to work with you. That sounds pretty great to me. Just from your comment it seems like you’re spiralling. Again, I really think you need to give this some time and a good honest effort before making any big moves. Good luck.
Wildkitten
Sometimes the grass really is greener though.
Anonymous
I would go. I don’t think infidelity, especially of the kind you describe (e.g., just physical, alcohol involved), is necessarily a dealbreaker (I have friends who have either cheated or been cheated on and worked through it and are now happy), but this statement tells me you’re not really invested in the marriage anymore:
“The thing is, I just don’t know if I want to be married anymore. I would be sad to be divorced, I would be ashamed and embarrassed and lonely in many ways but I also am drawn to the idea of the freedom I would have.”
Ask again in the morning for more replies.
CTAtty
In deciding whether or not to get divorced, I found myself reading and re-reading this column from Cheryl Strayed:
http://therumpus.net/2011/06/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-77-the-truth-that-lives-there/
cbackson
Are you in individual counseling? I think that you could really use that. Cheating rarely occurs in a vacuum, and even if you weren’t aware of problems before, it sounds like this experience opened your eyes to them. Couples counseling is important, but some of these issues are ones that you should really process (at least initially) on your own in order to enable you to work through them meaningfully in counseling.
In order to save and renew your marriage, you’re going to have to decide you want to do that – you’re going to have to be able to envision a future that is better than your past, and work for that. If you’re not able to envision that better future, then I suspect your marriage may not make it. If you are – and if your husband can as well – then you all will come out of this happier and stronger than you were before.
been there
Hopefully this isn’t too late a post. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been in a similar place and I know the uncertainty can be all-consuming.
My 2 cents: A month is no time at all when dealing with infidelity. It makes sense that your marriage is stressful right now – your husband is dealing with a huge blow and you are grappling with a lot of questions and likely new behaviors coming from your husband as he works though this. It may be that getting divorced eventually is the right call for you, but I would give it at least 6 months (maybe even 9) before making any big decisions. Continue going to counseling, allow your husband to gain his trust back, and settle into this new normal. I promise things will get better after some time passes, since you’ll gain more certainty. Either your relationship will mend itself and the freedom won’t be as appealing as it once was, or things will remain intolerable and you’ll know that leaving is what’s right for you.
Definitely +1 to reading some Cheryl Strayed columns.
Old IPAD for Grandma
I am thinking of gifting an old IPAD to my grandma preloaded with pictures and videos of our family and her grandchildren.
She is very not techy at all and will not have WIFI in her home… can anyone suggest any offline Ipad apps that would be suitable for an extreme beginner?
Blonde Lawyer
Word Seek
2048
Candy Crush
iMimic (it’s like Simon)
Jigsaw (e-puzzles)
Bejeweled
Candy Crush?
Pop Tile?
Runner 5
I just set up my old iPad 2 as a family Web device for my parents to have in the kitchen – I used Unbound linked to Dropbox as a digital photo frame app (I created a new Dropbox account for that purpose)
Ally McBeal
ISO booties to be worn with black tights and dresses to work. Ideally a very low vamp so as not to cut off my legs at the ankles. Help!
Anon
Toms wedge booties.