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Coffee Break: Cole Haan Adele Hobo

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Cole Haan Adele HoboBoring, sure — but sometimes all you want is a great red bag. I like the size of this one and the braided strap, and like I've said a million times: I love Cole Haan bags for lasting, quality bags that wear incredibly well. This one was $348, but is now marked to $192 at 6pm. Cole Haan Adele Hobo (L-2)

Sales of note for 1/22/25:

  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
  • Ann Taylor – All sale dresses $40 (ends 1/23)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything
  • Boden – Clearance, up to 60% off!
  • DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
  • Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
  • Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
  • J.Crew Factory – End of season sale, extra 60-70% off clearance, online only
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – extra 50% off

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

196 Comments

  1. TJ right off the bat:

    Ladies, I know I’ve been away for a while, but I just really need to vent (and maybe some internet hugs). My maternity leave is just about up (going back in two weeks), and things are a little yucky right now. We thought we’d found the perfect nanny who has been coming part time for the last week or so, but this morning she just quit by email, informing me that yesterday was her last day. And while I’ve been out, my entire team at work has sort of imploded (boss quit along with most of the people I like working with), so I’m not even going back to something I’m really looking forward to. I know I’m lucky to have had so much time off and a good-paying, albeit not fun, job…but right now I’m just not feeling it. Couple all that with the fact that Mr. Squirrel has been in Asia on a last minute trip and Baby Squirrel has clearly started her 4 month sleep regression, and I’m just tired and cranky.

    1. oh goodness. I wish I had more for you, but hugs are all I have. I’m sorry you’re in such a pickle. But, Baby Squirrel will continue to improve. You’re over the hump, if my two are any indication–the first 6 months was rough, and after that, it started to get better.

    2. I’m sorry! I had to return to after maternity leave to an implosion once, and it’s no fun. The silver lining is that you get to be the fixer, which feels good once it’s resolved.

      Boo to no sleep, quitting nanny, and out of country husband! Hope everything balances out soon. Ditto Maggie that it will start to get easier around 6 months. Cold comfort, I know, but you’ll get there.

    3. Can you have someone like your mom or MIL come out and help care for both of you as you transition back to work? as for the nanny thing, good thing you found out now that she’s not the right person. Go back to your resources (in my city, care.com is a good one) and find a person who won’t flake on you. Good nannies are out there (I’ve have 2 awesome ones and 1 dud).

      1. I’m hoping we can ask my MIL. She actually was originally going to come help out when I went back to work, but then we found a nanny. Hopefully she can still do it on short notice (she takes care of Mr. Squirrel’s sister’s kids part time, so they have to make other arrangements while she’s here). I was so blindsided by the nanny, I had actually forgot that MIL was an option!

        It’ll be a challenge for my mom, since she already took time off to come stay with us right after the baby was born. (She didn’t offer, which is unlike her, and I know it would be really hard for her work-wise).

        I know that it’s better to find out sooner than later, but I’m just feeling really bad about the whole thing…like did I do something wrong? I know that nothing excuses the unprofessional-ness of just emailing your employer and telling them you won’t be showing up today (seriously, not even a phone call)…but a nanny is such a personal employee.

        1. It’s not you, it’s her. Seriously. If she didn’t feel comfortable enough resigning in person or over the phone, (in hindsight) she was probably not the person you’d want in charge when a crisis happens or when you had to make boundaries about certain things in the future.

        2. She has left you in an awful spot, but I would consider it a major bullet dodged. I tried to put myself back in the mindset of being a young high school student babysitting and even then I wouldn’t have done something like that or any of my friends who were babysitting for that matter. I had some pretty miserable situations of not being paid in a timely fashion, doing full maid service, being called on or off at the last minute all of the time, etc.–and not once did I do something like that. She clearly isn’t mature enough to be charged with looking after a child. Who does that?!?

      2. +1 to care.com. We found our current nanny there. Our previous nanny came from craigslist, and the one prior to that came from a working moms’ listserv. In all, we’ve had 5 different nannies (2 were very temporary, as a stop-gap between more permanent solutions), and they’ve all been a great fit thus far. We’re entering our current nanny’s third year, and could not be happier.

        I agree that it sounds like a bum situation for you re: the nanny. You’re right–they are a personal employee, and it does seem like a slight, but who knows. Without more info, you have no idea what’s going on in her life.

    4. I can’t help with any of these problems, but I wanted to tell you that Baby Squirrel is an adorable nickname, given your handle. :)

    5. Thanks all for the hugs! I know it’ll work out in the long run, but right now it’s hard to see to that point. And it’s really nice to hear that 6 mos is likely a turning point. Things have certainly gotten easier since baby started smiling/playing, at least there are some rewards for the sleepless nights and poopy diapers!! But I’m still kind of just operating at the limit of my energy.

    6. I am sorry. The return from leave is not easy for a lot of people, and you have some extra stressors on your shoulders. It might help to get on the wait list at a good local daycare so you know you have a back-up plan. Why did your nanny say she was quitting?

      My biggest piece of advice is to expect that the next few months will be hard but it will not be this way forever. You WILL sleep, your job WILL get better (or you WILL find a better one), you WILL find a way to get your child taken care of. For me, the sleep deprivation colored everything and seriously altered me. Thank goodness the worst part of it is only temporary.

      Hang in there. This is the hardest part!

      1. I agree with this, but on the flip side, I’d also advise not expecting things to get back to normal, where “normal” = “feeling reasonably in control like you did pre-baby.”

        I will never forget after my son was born, I kept thinking “When [the next milestone] happens, then things will get back to normal.” And then the baby slept through the night, or he weaned, or he started preschool, and things still didn’t feel normal. Honestly, this went on for a couple of years. Finally one day I realized “This is my life, and this is the NEW normal!” And for some crazy reason that made me feel a lot better.

        Hang in there. You can do this!

        1. It is pretty amazing how well we tend to learn how to function on chronic sleep-deprivation. It becomes the new normal, as Senior Atty mentioned. Mine are 3 and 5 and I still feel mostly out of control.

          Plus, if you’re really needing a boost, I would not hesitate to talk to your OB or family practitioner about meds. I went on meds for what I thought was going to be a stint while I wallowed in the postpartum phase, but it turned out that as I was still wallowing, and my babies weren’t babies anymore, the meds still helped. So, I am comfortable saying that my PPD may have simply been previously-undiagnosed depression that I just wasn’t addressing. I may try, one day, to wean off, but honestly, if it’s working, I feel like it would be too earth-shattering to try to upset that balance.

      2. Her reason was that the position we hired her for (and agreed to a higher wage for) was nanny + light housework and she didn’t feel that the balance was right for her. She actually brought something up yesterday (she’s not the best communicator, and so now I see that this is what she was talking about though that wasn’t clear at the time). We talked a little about what her responsibilities would be; I also told her that we should continue to talk about what the right balance is/isn’t and she should tell me if things weren’t working (she explicitly told me that she didn’t have a problem with any of the work she’d done so far). I thought we had left it in a good place, since the conversation ended with talking about what time she’d be coming today. Then she emailed this morning saying that yesterday was her last day and that she’d “moved on”, which I can only assume means she’s already got another position.

        I honestly don’t mind her deciding it’s not a good fit. But I think it was dishonest to tell me yesterday that things were okay when they obviously weren’t…and unprofessional to quit by email after she knew I was counting on her today.

        1. I replied above before I saw this. Bad communication skills = not the right fit for your family. “Did Baby Squirrel get lunch?” “Yes” (“and by yes, I mean he ate two bites and hasn’t had a thing since, so the instant I leave this house, BS will be a crying, cranky mess and you will have no idea why.”)

        2. It’s a blessing in disguise that this happened now when you don’t have to work in an office all day long and have a nanny quit with no notice. It’s totally legit for her to object to the housework amount (our nanny did not do housework except clean baby’s dishes/bottles, but she was a fantastic nanny otherwise), but here it sounds like it was discussed in advance and she changed her mind. If her understanding of your expectations changed, she certainly should have given you the opportunity to discuss it.
          For your next nanny, if you hire another one, I recommend an extremely detailed contract that outlines
          -job responsibilities with examples
          -sick days
          -paid and unpaid holidays
          -vacation policy and notice needed
          -notice for termination
          -wages and hours
          -who pays taxes

          I find that having it all in writing in advance makes it WAY better later when issues arise.

          1. FWIW, a detailed contract doesn’t necessarily solve everything. We have always had detailed, explicit contracts and guess what? One nanny was fantastic, another quit on us six weeks in. It happens. My recommendation is that you have to be prepared to need back-up care. You have to have decent back-up care in case your nanny is sick, you have to fire her unexpectedly, or she quits.

    7. I have to admit in my nanny days I have quit with no notice. That being said I showed up one day to an extra child (nanny share) which I wasn’t consulted on and had received no extra compensation.

      1. Eh, it sounds to me like your idea of “light housework” and hers weren’t the same. I don’t think that’s unusual. She didn’t handle it well, but she’s obviously a person who cannot deal with confrontation. It wasn’t a very professional way to handle it, but she may have felt that your expectations were out of line with what you’d agreed to and didn’t really know how to handle it. Particularly if you’re stressed out right now (understandably!) you may have been verbally telling her to let you know if the balance wasn’t right, but she might have inferred from your tone/behavior that this really IS what you expect.

        If you look for another nanny, I’d suggest actually writing out a list of the housework tasks you’ll expect, rather than defining it as light. To me, light meant dishes, picking up toys, cleaning off the table, that sort of thing. I’ve had people say light then want me to do laundry, dishes, vacuum, wood floors, wipe counters, dust and so on. That’s not light, that’s what I now pay my maid to do. That’s a nanny/housekeeper. I’m not saying you asked for that, I’m just saying a defined list prior to hire might prevent this from happening again.

        1. I think this is probably true. I nannied part-time during college, and I did have one situation like this. The ad said nanny with light housework, and during the interview it was presented to me as an older woman whose two granddaughters (11 and 16) were living with her, and she just wanted someone to make sure they got off to school in the morning, be around to help with homework sometimes, and that they had clean school uniforms. Cool, no problem.

          When I started work, it turned out the two kids were completely independent, and the woman was expecting me to be a housekeeper/cook. I served breakfast at 7 AM sharp and placed grocery orders, I deep-cleaned bathrooms, I polished brass doorknobs and ironed sheets. Not what I had signed up for. But I was a bad communicator and the woman didn’t want to hear it, so after trying to talk about it once or twice, I took my paycheque and stopped answering calls.

          Terrible handling of the situation. But this stuff happens with expectations problems.

    8. Thanks everyone for helpful responses! I know that things will improve, but I think this just feels a bit like the last straw. My work situation that I’ll be returning to is truly awful. As in, my old boss’s advice was to just come back, continue to collect paychecks, and look for another job. Our team got reorged in a way that added a layer of management over us, and I met with the person to whom our new team leader (when they hire him/her) will report last week…and I really got the impression that they would be quite happy if all of us that were hired by my old boss left of our own accord (they are unlikely to let us go; my employer doesn’t fire people, it makes them obsolete). I really love my baby and being a mom, but I don’t think until this last straw I’ve appreciated how much other aspects of my life aren’t so great right now.

  2. Has anyone had any luck getting reimbursed for a package that was delivered but (I think) stolen before I got home? I ordered a birthday present for a friend and received a delivery-attempted sticky note (from DHL) earlier this week. I signed it and left it on my door the next morning with an indication where they should leave the package – not my front door but the side door – but when I got home that evening, the sticky note was gone and there was no package at either my front or side door.

    I’m thinking I’m probably out of luck since I signed the sticky, but has anyone had any success in getting reimbursed from either (a) the shipping company (b) the original retailer or (c) my credit card company? I’m totally bummed :(

    1. Yes, from the original retailer. To be fair, at that point I didn’t know the package had been stolen, and thought it was an error on the part of the shipping company (which is what I told the retailer).

    2. I have no experience with this, but you should also look into whether your renter’s insurance or homeowner’s insurance would cover this.

      1. I would never make a claim for something I ordered to be delivered unless you want your insurance to spike or cancel.

        1. +1 They will cover the entire purchase – shipping, tax and gift wrapping included.

    4. Yep. Had it happen before – I think it was a Bonobos order for my husband. Definitely got stolen (happened a lot in our building…soooo glad to be out of there). Bonobos refunded the item, even though UPS had it down as “delivered.” Call the retailer and ask. Any medium to large size company should have insurance for this kind of thing or some deal with the shipping company to cover this.

    5. I’ve had retailers send new packages once they heard the packages were stolen, just out of pity. Fab sent a new $60 of merchandise without a word, and when my roommate moved in and ordered clothes before I could warn her, she had $120 of clothes replaced by Lane Bryant. Depends on the company!

      1. +1

        I’ve had retailers reimburse/re-send as well. Totally amazed me that they would do it. These include Nordstroms and a small company where I bought pashmina type scarves…. The cost of each shipment was in the $50-60 range.

        It never occurred to me to ask the credit card company, so this thread is useful!

    6. I had a situation where I thought a package had been stolen from my porch. UPS tracking showed that it had been delivered to my porch but it wasn’t there. I reported it to Amazon and they immediately sent out a second pair of boots. A couple days later, the original pair of boots showed up. I think it was a UPS mistake. But, it was Amazon who replaced it.

    7. Check with the retailer. I know a lot of people who have had this happen to them, and the retailer will often re-ship the item. You may want to have the item shipped to your office if possible or to a neighbor’s address who you know will be home. Unfortunately, this is a common problem in DC, so I know a lot about it.

      1. Second the idea to check with the retailer first.

        I had something like this happen with Gap and FedEx where the unit number on my address was cut off so the delivery person just left it on my floor in front of the elevator and apparently someone in my building helped themselves to it. Customer service was great and resent the items that were still in stock.

      1. Unfortunately had this happen before and the retailer always sent out a replacement. That’s why I now have important things delivered to the office.

    10. I once had an entire porch full of packages stolen off my porch (not visible from the street, right before Christmas, and everything I had ordered from multiple retailers came on the same day – but I seriously think 7 or 8 packages). The only retailer that didn’t immediately send me a replacement was eBay, because obviously they couldn’t (it was an individual seller, and I understood). Good luck, I hate that it happened to you!

    11. Wow, thanks all! I didn’t even think about my renter’s insurance but I checked on that – unfortunately my deductible is higher than the value of the package, but still a good reminder that hey, I have that policy, don’t forget to use it!

      I posted an (unrelated) question this morning too on the AM thread and was really impressed with all of the thoughtful and varied responses. Despite recent grumblings to the contrary… ‘r e t t e still got it :)

  3. A company called to tell me they’ll give me a formal job offer in the next few days. My friend, who got me the first interview, told me they had so many good candidates that I probably wouldn’t want to negotiate much. I already have travel plans around the time they want me to start. Is it a big deal to ask to start a week or so later? I could also try to start in the next week, ask to take the trip and ask for extra vacation days since this was planned before the job offer. It seems trivial to push back a start date by a week. However, it’s my first real job after grad school, and I don’t if this would be considered push back in this economy.

    1. At my company, this would be fine. It happens. It doesn’t hurt the new hire. However, you’d be taking unpaid time off because you can’t use vacation time until after your probationary period (6 months).

      Start when they need you to start, then take the vacation time when you’re actually on vacation. Don’t delay the entire start until after you return.

      I wouldn’t discuss it in the offer negotiations, though. I’d wait until compensation is done.

      Also, the response would be very different if they are hiring you for a short-term or urgent position.

      1. +1. A couple of years ago I hired someone in November who had a 2 week vacation at the end of Dec/beginning of Jan booked. We worked around it and made it work. Changing a start date by a week would only be an issue if the company (like mine) wants new employees to start on the first or the 15th of the month. Then you might have it changed by a little more than a week.

    2. I don’t think it is a big deal to ask to start a week later, particularly if you already have travel booked.

      2. Agreed. At least in my company, it would be weirder to start, work for a week, and then take a week off. If they can’t wait a week for you to start, I doubt they’d give you a week off right after starting. Unless the intended start date is really set/clear, I think you should just bring it up once you receive the offer and ask how they’d like to proceed.

    3. I’m at a significantly tiny company, but when I started (also my first job right out of school), I was working retail at the time and they called me with the offer the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, which is clearly the worst possible time to leave a retail company. My boss was willing to push my start date until the first of the year so that I could give my previous job plenty of lead time.

    4. As a counterpoint to those already provided, we decided on one candidate for a position, and when she told our boss that she had week long vacation scheduled (about 3 months into what would have been her new position), and would like to take it, the offer was rescinded. Probably not normal, but I just wanted to provide a counterpoint.

      1. Why did you come to that decision? Was it going to be a particularly important time and she wouldn’t change her vacation, or did you just unilaterally rescind the offer when she asked?

    5. Thanks to everyone who replied. They said they wanted to hire someone pretty quickly but then took a few months to decide, so I don’t know how urgent it is. I think I’ll ask on the phone how flexible the startdate is but back off if it sounds like an issue. I can change the trip, I’ll just be out airline change fees for me and my boyfriend.

  4. How do you deal with being yelled at? I just had a situation where a superior chewed me out in a meeting, and I realized that 1) I’ve never actually been yelled at in a professional setting! how interesting! 2) I have no idea how to tell the flight-or-fight part of my brain that everything’s actually fine and we really don’t need a stress-cry in the ladies’ after this.

    FWIW, I took a lot of deep breaths and held it together until after the meeting, and it’s clear I didn’t do anything wrong — just a misunderstanding plus some personal issues on the other person’s part — so I’m not worried about anything in my outward behavior. I’m just curious how people handle the automatic, physical response of a situation like that in the moment.

    2. I had a job where I got yelled at a LOT. Combination of bosses and a high-stress field. I think the fact that you got through the first time without crying is the biggest challenge. Congrats! It’s all about taking deep breaths, listening to the content and being able to sort out what’s their issue and what’s something you can do. It gets easier with time and many people it’s something going on with them or it’s something they do to try to get a rise out of someone. Either way, remaining calm, focused, and not being snarky will usually diffuse and make things better. Sorry you had to deal with that. The job I had where yelling was the norm resulted in me losing my appetite and 20 lbs. It was miserable but I learned so much about dealing with high-stress individuals. :(

      1. Thanks! It came out of nowhere from someone I rarely work with, so hopefully it won’t become a trend. (But good to know that it gets easier in case it does!)

    3. Sorry this happened. Yelling at work is really not necessary. I’ll take this one, since I worked in banking, and on a trading floor, and I was a DI college athlete. Lots of public yelling! Often!

      The first thing to do is to rein in your desire to fight back. Especially in the workplace, absolutely no good can come of this. None. So even if you are indignant, or the person yelling is just an awful PoS, you need to remain calm and take what the yeller dishes. That doesn’t mean you can’t act professional back, but do not ever let being yelled at degenerate into a shouting match.

      The next think you need to do is to figure out if the person wants a response from you in the moment, or is just on a rampage. Some people want you to say, “Yes, Bob, understood.” while other yellers just want to let the rage roll. (Hard to gauge this, but you responding in any way, even a non-confrontational one, can set people off to attack you further.) So…look for whether the other party is expecting anything or if they are just unleashing on you.

      Try to actually listen. There may be a kernel of truth hidden in the horribly-delivered message. Also, this listening can help you process the incident later.

      Think about whether this person is generally a yeller. That may help you process whether this is truly personal or just bad management style.

      If you are being reprimanded inappropriately in a public forum (in front of other folks), it is absolutely fair game to interrupt and say, “Bob, it seems like this might be better discussed later/in your office.” This has the double effect of making the yeller realize he’s being inappropriate and also shows your colleagues that you handle stress well. Sometimes this will end the yelling. Sometimes this will draw the ire-filled, “No, we’re gonna talk about this NOW!” (which only makes yeller look sillier and more unprofessional.)

      While the yelling is happening, take a deep breath, gulp (yes, really–it can stifle the crying response), clench your fists under the table if you are mad, and if it’s not rude in context, take a sip of water (also stifles the crying response). Maintain eye contact. Do not shrink physically. Do not show that the yelling is getting to you.

      Once the yelling is done, if your voice is not wavery, if the yelling was objectively inappropriate/wholly unmerited, do not hesitate to look the person in the eye and say, “Thanks, Bob, I look forward to discussing this later.” Again, this shows you are not a pushover, but are being professional and will address whatever issue made the yeller so upset as to resort to yelling. Passive-aggressive for the win.

      Hold your head high as you exit.

      Then call your best work friend and go downstairs to SBUX (or anywhere else that’s “safe”) to b_tch. Repeat work breaks as necessary in order to regain sanity, especially if yelling is frequent.

      If and when you speak with yeller, depending on their seniority/your relationship, feel free to tell the yeller, “Bob, I don’t generally respond well to yelling. I would prefer that if you have an issue with me in the future, we discuss it civilly.” Repeat as necessary.

      Also, if there is truth in the criticism, up your game so as not to “cause” the yelling in the future.

      But, honestly, older, wiser me knows that there’s really very little need to yell in the office, ever. There’s just better, more professional ways to communicate. Ask yourself if you like working with a colleague who is like this or manages this way, and whether it’s a dealbreaker.

      1. These are great responses. I would only add that I find that biting my tongue between my teeth actually helps me to stifle a cry.

      3. This is incredibly useful advice. I have always struggled with these situations and I really appreciate that you took the time to post this perspective.

    4. It happened once in my career and I went back to my office, closed the door, and cried. I know there is all this stigma about women crying at work but actually it made me feel much better. If no one sees you cry, and crying makes you feel better, then I think it’s a fine coping strategy.

    5. I completely understand not wanting to cry in the meeting (and agree that it’s great that you didn’t), but I don’t think a private stress-cry is such a bad thing after something like this – I have kind of a hair-trigger cry response, and I find I tend to stew on stuff like this for longer if I’m fighting the urge to cry. If I just head to the ladies’ with my eye makeup, cry for five minutes, fix my eye makeup, and head back to my desk, I tend to be able to move on quicker.

    6. In the moment I usually just raise my eyebrows so high it probably looks like they are going to float off the top of my head.

    7. My former boss had outburts where he would berate analysts mid-presentation if he wasn’t happy with the work. The first time that it happened to me, I totally froze and just stared at him wide-eyed (and on the verge of tears) until a co-worker saved me by telling him that it was enough. I immediately went to the bathroom and cried briefly, but was fine after and I don’t think people really knew nor did it affect my reputation. However, I think the best way to deal with it is to launch a good offensive (not in the picking a fight sense, but in conflict aversion). With that boss, as soon as I knew he was displeased mid-meeting and would start the berate-ing, I would calmly state the problem and punt it to a discussion afterwards (if it was a meeting with multiple other viewers) or I would summarize the rest of the wrap up, state that I could see he was displeased, and then ask him to explain his viewpoint. Basically, I would stop presenting whatever point was causing him to become worked up and try to stop the escalation. Later, we would be able to have a calmer discussion and I would try to include another observer or co-worker if possible.

    8. Hug’s to you! What you have to do, and what I did when my bosse’s yelled at me is to think of them NAKED standeing up in front of an audience. It was all I could do NOT to laugh, especialy a guy who was my boss at the goverment job I had one summer. After I would not date him, he got mad about everything I did (or did NOT do), and he took me aside and yelled at me like a maniak! I knew it was b/c I would NOT go out with him, even to lunch, b/c I was thinkeing that I did not want this guy to do anything at all w/me, while he probabley enviseioned himself haveing me as his girlfreind and telling everyone how great having sex with me was. FOOEY! The thought of that is enough for me to loose my apetite! DOUBEL FOOEY.

      So, OP, just ignore it and think of him w/o clotheing on in front of other peeople and you should be fine. If he keep’s it up, you can always tell him, calmeley, that you will go to HR and they will take care of him. YAY!!!!!

    9. These responses are all good ways to deal, but I would also say, I don’t think people should be yelling at work. You can be spoken to sternly, but there is no need to yell, call names, bang fists on tables, throw things, or otherwise have a tantrum. In some industries it’s accepted, but I still don’t think that makes it right.

      I find if I’m being spoken to sternly for something I genuinely screwed up, I don’t have the urge to cry. If I’m just undergoing a character assassination, I will probably lose it.

      1. Yes, I agree, never a reason to yell like that. But when you are extremely junior as I was at the time and dealing with extremely senior people (not just in their careers but actually in their 70s!) there is little you can do to change someone else. You can learn how to see it coming and try to avoid it or fix it before the yelling comes out, but some people are just like that. This happened to me in law in 2008 – there were massive firings and lawyers not finding jobs for a long time, so I knew if I shot back and got fired before I was able to get out on my own terms (with something else lined up), I ‘d let some one’s yelling ruin more than just my day…

    10. I clerked for a federal judge who yelled. He was a bully and wasn’t satisfied unless the target of his outburst “broke” so it really upset him when I ignored his tirade and calmly asked “What would you like me to do to fix this?” My decision not to let him bully me and to stand up for myself almost cost me my job. I wish I had been in a position to walk away. This is all to say: sometimes the person yelling at you is just a jerk and you don’t have to pretend that their bad behavior doesn’t matter.

  5. Hive, I am planning a week long vacation flying to Seattle and then driving to Vancouver. Any recommendations for must-see, do, eat activities? Thanks.

    1. My favorite Seattle suggestion: If you’re going to go up the Space Needle anyway, make reservations for brunch at the Sky City restaurant. The ride up is included in the price of brunch ($50 for 3 courses), and you get to sit in the revolving restaurant, then go up to the observation deck when you’re done.

      1. +1 on this. The brunch is really heavy, so I usually try to get the latest reservation (2:30 I think) and then plan for a super light dinner.

    2. In Seattle: Tilth (restaurant) and Salumi (only open for lunch). Pike Place market is always fun. Eat Ranier cherries (I swear they tasted better in Seattle than anywhere else).

    3. In Seattle – the Purple Cafe & Wine Bar is delicious. Also, we went to the top of the Smith Tower, rather than the Space Needle, and really enjoyed it. It is less crowded, cheaper, and has some cool history as well.

      We also did a really fun chocolate factory tour and made our own chocolate at The Chocolate Box shop there. It was really memorable and also delicious (you get to take home a box of treats). Let me know if you want more information.

    4. In Seattle, I also recommend going to see the fish ladders at the locks depending on when you’re going. It’s pretty cool to see them jumping! And it’s super touristy, but I like going to the Fisherman restaurant which is right on the water (you can sit upstairs and just order drinks). And if you have time, it can be nice to take the ferry to Bainbridge Island. You can plan to eat lunch or dinner there, and you’ll also get a nice view of the sound along the way.

      For a nice dinner, I like Wild Ginger. And if you’re there a week and are at all into it, EMP is actually kind of a cool place to visit once. Also, if weather permits, it might be nice to drive out to Mt. Ranier National Park and go for a short hike.

    5. Both of these cities have the most amazing food.

      Seattle, all of the above – plus the Walrus and the Carpenter, Shiro’s sushi, SPUR gastropub, Staple and Fancy

      Vancouver is unbelievable – Blue Water, Wildebeest, Fable, Bishop’s, Tojo’s, The Flying Pig

      Don’t miss going to Granville Island and eating fabulous picnic from there as well.

    6. Top Pot donuts & Monorail Espresso window both near the monorail station. The flagship Nordstrom is in Seattle too which means their Rack (right across from flagship) is also great. Pike Place is a must, and try the new Radiator Whiskey while you’re there, the beet & jalapeño plate is delicious if they still have it. The library is beautiful architecturally but also gorgeous and modern inside, worth a walk in. EMP museum is cool. Capitol Hill neighborhood is a fun place to walk around and not too far, Elliott Bay Book Company is worth a walk inside if you’re there. Have fun!

    7. If it’s a pretty day, buy some food at the market and eat at the park overlooking the water right next to the market. The Pink Door–also in the market area–has an incredible patio that overlooks the water.

    8. If you’re going to visit Pike Place, you can check out the first ever Starbucks. Also, the PNW is the only place you can order a Chonga bagel at Starbucks, so you should try it. It is addictive and delicious and one of the things i miss most about Seattle!

      If the weather permits, you can drive out to alki beach and see the Seattle skyline, and the water, which is always nice.

      For pretty landscape/scenery, a visit to the Univ. of Washington would be nice. You can get some pretty good shots of Mt. Rainier if you stand at the top of the steps that go from the Drumheller Fountain to Red Square. There are also lots of good eats on University Way (locally known as “the ave”). If the weather is nice, you can also go canoeing (just search online for canoeing at University of Washington). Also you can check out the troll under the Fremont bridge.

      If you’re up for some really good Chinese food, there’s a great dumpling/noodles place in Chinatown/International District – it’s called “Szechuan Noodle Bowl” on 8th.

      If you have time to venture out to Bellevue on the east side, there’s good shopping in downtown, a couple of nice restaurants. For authentic Taiwanese food, Facing East is pretty good.

    1. Ha! I came here to post this! I kind of want to email it to the partner who told me that successful men don’t want to marry lawyers.

      1. Ridiculous, particularly considering how many lawyers I know who met their spouse AT WORK.

      2. I think that just says more about that partner than it does about anything or anyone else. I’m not in law (policy research), but what on earth could prompt someone to say that?

    4. I don’t know… Clooney’s relationship record does not make him the most desirable as a husband. I wonder why Alamuddin decided to get married vs just having a relationship with him.

    5. Does anyone else think she’s kind of marrying down, so to speak? She’s so accomplished and he’s, well, starred in TV shows and movies. It seems like he got the better deal.

        1. Clearly. I suppose what’s annoying is that she sounds like quite a catch herself, but the media is basically saying that she’s so lucky to have landed GC. Why aren’t they talking about how lucky he is to have landed such an accomplished woman?

          2. Yes!!! People mag (or a “source” thereto) said he finally met a woman “on his level,” who’s not in the entertiainment business. UH HELLO…Mr. Clooneyhimself is “in the entertainment business.” So ridiculous.

          3. +1000

            So, another wealthy celebrity is marrying a woman 20 years his junior. It makes me sad as I wonder why she would marry him…. because I have some ideas that make me sad. Who knows.

            I do like Clooney’s public persona.

        1. I’ve seen several articles discussing what a “catch” SHE is for GC.

          Clooney may be an actor but if you watch any in depth interviews with him, he’s very well spoken and very educated on politics and international affairs. He also writes, directs and produces so I think calling someone with as prolific a career as GC ‘just an actor’ is a bit disingenuous.

    6. I loved that article, too, but does anyone think they’ll actually get (and stay) married?

      1. Statistically, highly educated people who marry later in life are the most likely to stay married.

        1. Yeah… it’s more a comment on him than her — I can’t imagine he’ll go through with it, or if he does, that it will last more than 2 years or so. Guess I’m not a hopeless romantic after all.

  8. Would you buy the same bag in different colours if you loved it? I love LOVE the Pippa bag but I have it in black, which I feel is a little dark and heavy for the spring/summer. I’m contemplating buying it in a different colour but I’m worried this would make me the crazy lady with the Pippa bag.

    1. FWIW, I wouldn’t even notice if you had the same bag in black and yellow (or some other bright summery color). If you had the same bag in black and navy, or black and brown, I might notice. Also, think of how many people have multiple colors of longchamp bags — if you love the bag, get it!

    3. I think it’s OK to have the same in different colors: 1 for summer or 1 for winter. Especially when it’s a fairly classic bag like this.

    4. I have the same Banana Republic Evan satchel in white, red, and cognac. Love it and I don’t really care if anybody notices it’s the same bag in different colors.

      1. Wow, that’s crazy. Since when do retailer’s names automatically turn into links?

        3. I think it’s a some-other-setting in your browser thing. It happens on my home computer in Chrome, doesn’t happen on my work computer in Chrome. I’ve never bothered to drill into it to figure out where the difference lies.

          1. Maybe that’s it. My browser just decided to update itself so maybe it is new to me after all.

  9. Just wanted, once again, to thank the Corporette community for some awesome feedback 2 months ago when I was facing a job decision. The hubs and I have decided to decamp for Small City, in favor of cheaper quality of life, better housing, shorter commutes, and less insane school hunts for our kiddo. I worked through some of my NYC biases and am excited about the legal market in Small City, and in particular my new job there. It won’t be quite as high profile as if we’d stay here, but I am okay with that. Thanks again!

    1. I remember you! Congratulations on the move. It sounds like it will be a perfect fit for your family.

  10. Hive, I’m looking for recommendations for bootylicious-friendly swimsuit bottoms. To be clear, I want a two piece bikini bottom, but one that actually covers all of my cheeks, rather than most that only seem to have enough material to cover about half. I can’t size up because the backside doesn’t get any better, but there is excess material in the front that gapes and sags, and provides a full frontal peep show from above (or behind, if I’m laying down) when my legs are crossed or when it gets wet. Is this hopeless, or have other ladies found a brand that accomodates full behinds?

    1. Just ordered a high-waisted bikini from ASOS. The tops and bottoms are sold separately, so they accommodate differnt size tops and bottoms, too.

    2. Others may find them matronly, but I find the swim skirt pretty flirty and festive. Lands End has some that are particularly sassy. Athleta has some too, but they also have side-cinching shorties as well.

    3. Board shorts? That’s what I wind up wearing about 95% of the time now over my swim bottoms. Plus I think they look pretty cute with a bikini top.

    4. I spent literally all day on Saturday trying on a variety of swimsuits at Macy’s. My a*ss hung out of every bottom I tried on. Who’s butt fits in these bottoms? Maybe 10% of the population?!? Anyway, the brand that I found with the most coverage without looking old lady is La Blanca, specifically the bottoms that have a fold over top. They carry La Blanca at Macy’s, Nordstrom’s, and Everything But Water.

      1. I was just looking at those on Nordstrom! They seemed to have the best coverage of ones I’ve looked at so far, and the models actually have a bit of booty (so many others *look* like they cover the entire bottom, but then you look closer and the model doesn’t have a bottom to cover–if I put that on, it’d be a thong!). I may go ahead and give that brand a shot based on your try-on experience.

        To clarify in response to other posts, I meant bikini-cut (vs. shorts or skirts, or even high-waisted–the extra material on those cuts all just emphasize my much larger bottom half).

    5. Title Nine has some great swimsuits that are made for more active pursuits. Their catalog is pretty good, and if you have a store nearby, you can go try some on.

      1. Seconding Title Nine for good-looking bikinis that stay put. Got two for a tropical vacation a couple of years ago and they were great.

    6. Tommy Bahama (you can find it at Nordy’s) — it’s the best coverage I’ve found without looking matronly…

    7. Freya. Also great for those who want a top with underwire support. You can get them at Nordstrom.

    8. I’ve given up on this, and just own my bootyliciousness. If you find one that works, let us know!

    9. Loft has big, saggy bottoms. I’m not sure if they’re poorly cut or if they’re ample and I lack the goods to fill them.

    10. Thanks for all of the recommendations! I will give these a try and report back if I have any success for the other ‘r e t t e s with fabulous backsides :)

  11. My partner and I are considering buying an additional car. He currently owns his cars outright, and I have been borrowing it as needed. This has been fine for the time being, but we think things would be easier with a second car. I would primarily use my car on weekends and to drive to work maybe once a week. Ideally, it would be a compact car since we live right outside DC and parking is usually of the parallel variety. I don’t know where to begin… I’ve never owned a car (city girl here!) and all I pretty much care about is that the car is 1) small 2) has nice interior features 3) good gas mileage and 4) is safe. Does anyone have a compact car they love and can recommend I look into?

    1. I love my Honda Civic and I have a friend who loves his mini cooper (and is always parking it in crazy ways, haha!)

      1. +1. We bought a new 2012 Honda Civic for my 80+ mile round-trip daily commute and it’s been great. We were also considering the Hyundai Elantra which had some nicer interior features and a much better warranty, but we were buying on price and Honda gave us a better deal at the time. My sister and her husband loved their Toyota Corolla while living in DC.

        1. I love my Honda CRV. It’s a little bigger than you need, but my husband has a Honda Civic (his second one). We got well over 150K miles on the first one before we sold it, and the second will have that many when we hand it down to our daughter next year. ( OMG, my baby will be driving next year !)

      2. Love my Honda Civic. Highly recommend it. Another bonus is that they retain their value better than most cars.

      1. I have a Jetta TDI too and I adore it. Great gas mileage but WAY more fun to drive than a hybrid. The used market can be a little iffy, but if you’re buying new you should have no worries. The car is compact, the interior looks beautiful, and it gets excellent crash test ratings. The diesel is a bit of a learning curve, but definitely worth it.

    3. I drive a Kia Soul and I also love it. It has a large passenger compartment for the size but it’s soooo easy to park. Great turning radius and I have the rear camera. I love that I could get a good enough deal on the car to get a lot of upgrades like satellite radio, the backup camera, bluetooth, a bigger engine.

      1. Oh, this is great to hear! I’ve been hearing a lot of good things about Kias lately.

        1. I rented one for a week and loved it and decided that it would be my next car. So great to drive! And I like having the cargo space of the hatchback. All in all, I couldn’t be happier with it.

        2. I’m going to rain on the Kia parade. We have a 2005 Kia Spectra that DH bought used in 2007, I believe. It had the 70K warranty. Before 70K, the electrical system would overload after opening the driver’s side window. To fix would be in the thousands, so we just keep replacing the spark plug. (Super annoying because it shorts out the windows, clock, radio, automatic locks, interior light, etc.) At 71K, the back door refused to automatically lock and would need major $$ to fix. At 73K, the door hinge that keeps the door shut when you close it fell off the frame, necessitating $400+ work and two days at the dealership (to get it to the dealership, we had to duck tape the door closed. It was the driver’s door. It randomly swung open while I was driving it!) Since then, it’s been one thing after another for a car that’s driven about 50 miles a week. I love how zippy it is, but I would never, ever own another Kia.

          1. That’s interesting. My friend and her daughter are on their second Kia SUV and van and have had no problems at all. Maybe just a lemon? I don’t know – my ex had a Chevy S10 and they are as reliable as they come and we had constant problems with it. Even the dealership was stunned.

          2. The Kia Soul is the worst piece of a garbage car I’ve ever driven. Sorry not sorry.

    4. My son just bought a Prius and loves it. Easy to park, and of course he loves the 50+ mpg. He got the fully-loaded version with nav system and the other upgrades.

      1. I used to own a Prius and I loved it as well. It was a hatchback (not sure if they come in any other style now), and I loved all the storage space that the hatchback provided. DH and I often talk about how if we were to buy a car that we would give strong preference to another hatchback.

      2. I love love love my Prius – if you’re going to do a lot of parallel parking, I think it is well worth it to get a model with a back up camera – lets me confidently park in much smaller spaces than I would otherwise.

    5. I love my Honda Fit, but the gas mileage is just okay. However, the 2015 models are coming out right now, and they have excellent mileage.

    6. FYI, once you decide what you want, you can do the whole thing online. I used USAA’s car buying service, and many credit unions have them as well. Once I got some preliminary bids from dealers using that service, I continued negotiating with the dealers online until I got the deal I wanted. They ordered the car for me and then I picked it up & paid for it. It was so much easier than I thought it would be.

      2. Costco also has an auto buying service. I got quotes from both USAA and Costco and the Costco quote was $1800 less for a Honda Civic so worthwhile to get both if you are a Coscto member. PS – On my third Civic! Love, love, love. Test drove the regular Prius, but could not see out of the back.

    7. Love my Honda Insight most of the time, although the model I have (2010) uses a lot of specialized parts, which is really annoying when I need a new air filter or tires etc and they have to be special ordered. The Prius C also looks compact and high mileage.
      We were really close to buying the Honda Fit instead – not super fancy inside, but sufficient for my needs, and small footprint but tons of inside storage room – just about every seat folded up or down in some way to allow for lots of cargo space in a tiny car.

      1. This was obviously as inoffensive as comments get but wanted to clarify this wasn’t me! :)

        1. You guys are fine. Anon, Anonymous, and Anon for This all need to find handles though.

    8. Prius-C! It’s the smaller, cheaper, hatchback version of the Prius. The storage space relative to the size of the car is impressive, it handles well and is fun to drive, and I get between 50 & 55 mpg, which is a huge plus.

    9. How about zipcar? Sounds like you don’t drive much and the main issue is that you and your partner occasionally want wheels at the same time. If you wouldn’t use it much zipcar (which covers insurance, etc) might be easier and more economical.

      1. my biggest probelm with zipcar is that you have to plan your time for each trip and you absolutely MUST stick to it (or risk a $50 fine for being late). often, if i need another 30 minutes due to traffic or construction or whatever, on the weekend the additional 30 minutes is already booked and i have to pay the late fee. it’s been extraordinarily frustrating in a city with terrible traffic/constant construction, and lots of people who book the zipcar.

        1. You can extend your reservation time from the app for situations like this, I’ve found that to be pretty helpful.

          1. I think locomotive was saying that someone has already booked the car for the time slot that she wants to extend into, so the extend option isn’t available.

    10. Mini or Fiat 500 :) I love how minis are to drive, and the new models have been out for so long you could get a very affordable second hand model. Also they hold their value well

      1. I love my Fiat 500! Fun to drive, decent mileage, and I can park in a motorcycle spot! It fits even my larger friends with aplomb, and holds more than you think.

    12. We were very happy with our Honda Civic for many years of city driving, and are now happy with our CRV for suburban/family driving.

  12. Shopping help:

    I’m looking for a dress to wear to a business casual office:
    – patterned. I’m thinking small floral but I’m open minded
    – sleeveless is fine, actually preferred
    – rayon or other natural fiber with nice drape

    I’m usually a 6P but open to non-petite. Pear shaped with large bust and post-partum middle. I generally prefer greens, blues, and purples and nothing too bright.

        1. I am pear-shaped and I love Boden. Not everything works, though (sadly, no ankle pants for me) but their sheath dresses and regular dresses fit well. They are a bit high-waisted though, so be careful if that’s not you.

          1. Agree. I am decidedly a pear and a lot of their stuff looks smashing on me. But yes, be prepared for the empire-waist effect. Because I have a tummy too, the high waist actually IS the narrowest part of me, and it often looks perfectly intentional. I have a TON of Boden stuff.

    2. They have a lot of A-line dresses that work just fine for a pear. You just want to stay away from their sheaths.

    3. Well then I’m set! Thanks, ladies.

      FWIW, I think I’ve settled on the Santorini Sundress and Seville Dress, although the Lovely Linen Dress is a strong contender, too. I also want to pick up the Leila Ponte Dress, which I noted when a rette recommended a few weeks ago. Decisions, decisions!

  13. TJ: How do you politely deflect comments that you “work too much” or are “too busy”? I am lucky enough to have a job I adore and only take on commitments I am really excited about, which makes it easy to put in the time. No partner, no kids, for context…

    1. Who’s making these comments? Whole different ball game if it’s your boss or your mother :)

      1. I’m not the original poster, but I get it from my mom all the time. I hate it!!! Yes, I work a ton. But that is why I get good money. She knows I’m trying to pay off my student loans and that my long term goal is to work for the government (where hopefully the hours will be better). I don’t need to hear that “its too bad” everytime she calls and I’m still at work at 9pm. Plus, she always says that I won’t make enough money in government and “will I be able to pay my bills”

        If anyone has any suggestions to fix this, I would love it.

    2. I don’t know but my MIL says this to me all. the. time. I usually just say: yeah…

    3. “You work too much.”
      “Good thing I love what I do!”

      “You work too much.”
      “Take it up with my boss!”

      “You work too much.”
      “That’s why they pay me the big bucks!”

      Don’t apologize, justify, defend, or rationalize. Just own it, smile, and move on.

      Flip side: make sure you’re not constantly complaining about work. If you complain about being busy, then you have no one to blame but yourself when people tell you that you are too busy.

  14. I’m in the market for a new (paper) dayplanner. I’ve used Moleskine planners for years and may do so again (because the Google calendar only thing isn’t working for me) but I thought I’d branch out. I like having a weekly view with room for my to-do lists on the same page. My problem with Moleskines are that they’re either very small or very big. Not much room in between.

    Thanks!

    1. I use a Franklin Covey system: classic-sized (5.5″x8.5″) leather binder with the “original ring-bound daily planner refill.” Sounds like you would want a different layout for your pages, but they have so many to choose from that I’m almost certain you’d find what you need. As for sizing, I think the size I have is perfect–it fits in all my bags, is not too heavy, and I still have plenty of room to write–but there are four sizes available. I’m also a lefty and the rings don’t bother me. They also have standard wire-bound or bookbound planners.

      I’ve had this binder for a few years and it’s in very good shape. I think the whole package to start is a little bit pricey, but I think it’s worth it. You can usually find a promo code to save a bit, too.

    2. I haven’t tried one myself, but I have heard good things about Erin Condren planners.

    4. I switched from Moleskine to Barnes and Noble’s Punctuation calendar. It’s a 4″ x 6″ weekly view which works well for me.

    6. I’ve enjoyed the Levenger planners when I’m in paper planner mode. Thicker, sturdy paper, with a to do section. For something different, if your todos are more the focus than hourly meetings, I liked the task funneling functionality of plannerpads.com, although the 6 3/4 x 8 1/2 size was a little odd, although not too large.

    7. I bought a gallery leather planner last summer because I wanted something that looked classy, but worked with the academic year and fiscal years. They have regular calendars, financial calendars and academic calendars. They come in a million colors and finishes and can be monogrammed: http://www.galleryleather.com/planners

      Someone on this site recommended them.

  15. Please skip if you hate happy relationship talk. But I’m a happy camper today.

    Boyfriend and I had a really good and serious talk about where we’re going as a couple, goals, etc, and he said that he wants me in his life “in perpetuity.” I said, “Good, because that’s what I want too. I want to have a very long and very silly life with you.” He said, “Did we just get married?” I said, “Nope! But we admitted it’s in the realm of possibility, and that is good enough for me for right now. And just so you know, in case it makes it easier: if you were to ask me, I would say yes.” Then we watched Fargo and the Daily Show and went to bed.

    I’m just walking around with a little smile and thinking “in perpetuity” to myself. Aww.

    4. You made my afternoon. So happy for you both. You seem like a great couple (and if you were lawyers, you’d seem like total dorks re: perpetuity!)

    5. so much sweetness :) May you have many many more blissful moments like that.

  16. PSA – Cole Haan is having 50% off all handbags with the code “LOVEMOM” and free shipping.

  17. Any advice re: sizing of Brooks Brothers coats? TTS? Comparable to JCrew coats? TIA!

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