Coffee Break: Monetta Mesh Kitten Mule
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This mesh kitten heel mule looks perfect for a holiday party — and I love that they’re from a brand known for comfort, Cole Haan.
These will definitely take the “toe cleavage debate” to the next level, though!
The shoes are $160, at Nordstrom.
Sales of note for 11/6:
- Nordstrom – Early Black Friday sale! Up to 25% off fashion + 15% off all fragrance
- Sephora – Savings Event! 10-20% off for members, and 30% off Sephora Collection
- Ann Taylor – 25% off your purchase, and $50 off $200
- Brooklinen – Surprise weekend sale, 20% off
- Electric Picks – 25% off
- J.Crew – 2400+ markdowns
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 50% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 20% on suiting and dresses! Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off on other items)
- Talbots – Enjoy 30% off your entire purchase
I was added using my work e-mail to be an admin for a Google group. Work now blocks gmail, which seems to be what Google groups is run out of. The former admin isn’t responsive now to switch the e-mail the group thinks is for me. How can I (maybe using a home computer) log into the Google group so that I can either switch my admin e-mail to a gmail address that I have (that I can use from my phone) or otherwise go in to do some admin tasks (adding people to the google group and cleaning up the list of who is on it). It’s just for neighborhood happenings (like luminaries for the winter).
I don’t know. These kinds of questions are the main thing I take to AI. I make it be my computer helpdesk, and it does a good job.
You should be able to log in from a home computer or your phone using your work email as the username. The system will send an authentication message to your work email and you can get the code or whatever from there.
If that doesn’t work, reach out to your IT department to lift the ban on your account temporarily just to let you make the switch.
+1
What gifts do you secretly hate receiving — and which supposedly terrible gifts do you love? I remember hearing a comedian years ago go off about how it’s an insult to receive soap…. I also can’t stand receiving candles.
My work always sends a box of pears from Harry & David. We barely like pears, certainly not enough to eat 20 waxy ones in 3 days.
Ooo love their pears! But I agree on the volume of pears. I want like 2.
At this time of year Trader Joe’s sells little boxes of 5 Harry and David pears. They are Comice pears, not the usual Harry and David variety, but they are still very good, the quantity is much more manageable, and the price is right.
Along these lines, any giant baskets or tins of “treats.” I do not want to eat shelf-stable cheese and sausage or stale popcorn, thank you very much.
We just throw that stuff out tbh. There are plenty of delicious treats this time of year and I don’t feel bad discarding gross stuff.
This would be so easy to donate. This kind of food is more exciting when there aren’t plenty of delicious treats (been there).
Heh my husband hates pears with a passion so it’s always an exciting occasion when somebody sends us Harry & David pears.
I have a soft spot for that terrible popcorn that comes in a huge tin. Yes it’s stale. The not-butter powder is still the best though.
I hate See’s chocolate. It’s not fresh. It’s waxy. It smells wrong. It’s like licking the floor of the warehouse it’s been sitting in for 27 years.
Oh, a box of See’s milk chocolate vanilla buttercreams are my dream Xmas gift. I never get it.
Candles are definitely on the hate list, or anything else scented, which would also include most soap or lotions. Those will all go instantly into the trash since I can’t even stand having them around long enough to regift them. In theory, unscented lotion or soap could be nice, but my skin is sensitive enough I don’t always want to try new things. I’m also not that into chocolate, especially dark chocolate. We still have some left from last Christmas we haven’t eaten. People complain about practical gifts, but I’m happiest with gifts I can actually use.
What gifts can you actually use if not consumables like candles, lotions, or food? Dishtowels, socks, ceramic bowls?
Tbh, I hate unnecessary gifting for just this reason. At least half the time it goes into the trash or the back of a closet. I bring a bottle of wine and/or another consumable that I know the hosts will like when I’m invited to somebody’s house, or I might take some nice unscented candlesticks, which most everybody can use at some point. But friends and I don’t typically exchange for birthdays and holidays.
Olive oil, fancy vinegar, honey, jam, spices, good chocolate (NOT Sees). I don’t mind hand soap personally, but I get that it’s divisive. I love some fun socks.
This is why giving gifts is hard! My “gifts to hate” includes olive oil, fancy vinegar, jam, condiments, mustards, or any kind of spices or spice blends. I do NOT want random ingredients that i have to figure out how to use. I’ll take the ham and chocolate though — I can eat them without having to do any prep.
And bring on the popcorn tins!
There’s an oil and vinegar place near me that sells lovely small sized packages of oil and vinegar, but they’ve gotten SO expensive. It’s now like $35 for a set of one mini (2 oz?) oil and one mini vinegar. A full sized set used to cost that much!
Honey has become my new go-to. There are tons of beekeepers around me and they all have great products.
DH and his family like to give maple syrup. They come from a maple syrup-centered location, so it’s a nice hat tip to their roots and feels a little more personal.
Oh yes maple syrup. Lots of people tap their trees where I live so I cherish a bottle from people’s own yards.
I dislike most gifts and would rather no gifts, but I too would treasure maple syrup from a friend’s tree, or honey from a friend’s hive, or similar. I adore the specific treats a couple of friends make every holiday season per their family’s tradition.
I’m a different anon, but I hate anything scented and can’t do candles for health reasons. I don’t want lotion because I have a lotion that suits me. I’d rather guests just be good guests and reciprocate with some form of hospitality when it suits them. A thank you note after if I really go out of my way (hosting overnight, cooking an elaborate dinner, etc.) is extra nice.
That said, I love a special jam or special food item (ie, you’re driving by a farm that has fantastic figs on the way to my house or have a lovely chocolatier in your town). I really would rather no gift than someone feel like they have to bring me a gift and feel stress and waste their money. I invite people because I value their company!
I generally think all of those kinds of one size fits all gifts are silly and useless. Most of the towels, socks, and bowls I’ve received as gifts have either been donated or mostly sit unused because I already have plenty that I like (and I’m picky about my socks). I do like food gifts that are things I actually like, rather than something generic like wine or chocolate that I don’t, so things that have gone over well are nuts, gummy candy, olive oil, and Penzey’s spices (and chocolate does eventually get eaten or baked into something, it’s just not my favorite). Gifts I have actually really used include flashlights, an infrared thermometer, various kitchen gadgets, knives, and a vacuum cleaner. But those are all things that actually require knowing me, what I have, and what I like. If you don’t know those things about me, you don’t really need to get me a gift because I’ll appreciate the effort but feel guilty about the waste and not liking it.
I like the idea of a knife as a client gift in theory. But in practice. lol. At least I’m not a criminal defense lawyer?
Oh, and I would say jam or tea could also make good gifts as I’m happy to try new ones, but I’m just picky enough that this can also go wrong. My MIL has managed to consistently send us pretty much inedible jams because she insists on shopping at the local vineyard that sells all kinds of boozy or otherwise weirdly flavored jams that just aren’t to my taste (I’m not much of a drinker).
I prefer not to get a gift if the alternative is a random generic thing.
My extended family exchanges board games secret-Santa style, with the rule that you have to include a gift receipt. And once all are open, it becomes a trading free for all.
This time of year I love rewatching the SNL skit The Christmas Candle!
Hates: Any home decor items, especially with words on them. Any generic beauty sets or bath sets.
Secret loves: I do however love Christmas corporate gift food – especially, if it comes in a tin and involve chocolate or caramel. The pads of paper from the check out isle of TJ Maxx with the magnet on the back. MIL gets them for me every year (likely as a cheap gift) but they work so well for grocery lists.
The supposedly terrible gift that I love is a Starbucks gift card. I may be in the minority, but their coffee brewed at their locations and not by me is my favorite coffee.
I actually do not want any other gifts. I am not a high earner, but the other small-ish things that I want, I can afford to buy. Whatever else people buy for me is something that creates a reciprocal gifting obligation and is probably something I now feel guilty about disposing of. As a result, I do not exchange gift with anyone in my life, but everyone important in my life and I will go out for a dinner or dessert to celebrate holidays and birthdays. Getting time with the people whose company I enjoy is a real gift to me.
Same–I really dislike gifting obligations. We could all save time, energy, brain space, money and spare the planet the waste if we stop giving gifts in most contexts. Obviously, there are exceptions, but pretty much any situation in which one is searching for a generic gift, I’d rather there be no gift.
I love a coffee gift card.
I’m going to say this very quietly because I know it smacks of Smug Married, but my husband likes to buy me expensive jewelry and although it’s pretty and I wear it, most of the time I just cringe inwardly and think about how I wish he hadn’t spent the money. This year I headed him off at the pass and we are getting new chairs for the living room as our joint gift.
I actually love receiving soap — fancy hand soap for the kitchen and powder room, bar soap for my shower because I’m one of the last of the bar-soap users.
Hate receiving – those fruit baskets that are like cut fruit like Edible Arrangements. Might just be a me thing but I’m not interested in eating fruit cut by lord knows who and then shipped to me. Just seems like it could be unclean. While not my favorite I don’t have an issue with the boxes of pears or regular fruit baskets because you can wash the fruit.
+1000. Also, buying organic berries and melons is important to me and I’m just not interested in eating some random Edible Arrangement with the cheapest possible conventional fruit.
I love getting socks. I never have to buy socks because people keep giving them to me. Fuzzy socks (thanks mom), hiking socks (thanks in-laws), cute silly socks (thanks friends). When I was still in undergrad/grad school, my mom also gave me electric toothbrush heads, which I appreciated because I would forget to get them myself and I was broke and they were expensive.
Kitsch, generally.
Holiday special edition lotions or foods or candles or pajamas or soaps or basically anything sold on the supermarket endcap or aisle-pile after mid-October.
Harry and David’s.
Scout popcorn.
Anything with glitter.
Anything with scent that I didn’t specifically select myself.
Stuff the giver really couldn’t afford.
Very expensive items without a gift receipt.
Gift cards.
I really prefer no gifts at all, tbh.
Me, too. I can’t find a way to stop. Luckily everyone in my family sticks to the lists. I just give people at work a reasonably nice ornament with the expectation that they might re-gift it.
I hate socks. I like one particular brand and color of sock so they all match and wear the same, don’t give me random socks!
I don’t know if it’s considered a ‘bad’ gift but I really love grocery store gift cards, I use them to buy fancy snacks I normally wouldn’t. I make lots of money and I can afford my own groceries but I’m still never going to spend $9 of my own money on a fancy pint of ice cream
Yes, gift cards to my local grocery store are secretly my favorite. I don’t want a gift card to a place I won’t ever go but having my next trip subsidized is a little luxury.
Best stocking stuffer that I ever got was a pair of those disposable hand warmers and a pack of Velcro cord organizers.
I’m an exceedingly practical person, relatively frugal, and just don’t need much. Plus, thrifting is a huge hobby of mine.
I don’t love getting clothes or household things. I thrift/buy secondhand almost EVERYTHING that’s not unhygienic to thrift. I’m average millennial level eco friendly, but the thought of clothes ending up in landfills gives me hives! Maybe I’ve cleaned out too many grandparents and great aunts/uncles houses and we all own too much crap! It also kills me to know that my mom spent $60 on a sweater I know I could get for <$10.
I hate receiving mugs. Everyone has too many mugs!
I don't mind getting candles depending on the brand/scent. I'm equally torn on some cosmetic/toiletry items (if you want to get me an "upgrade" sure, but if you're gonna get me a basic item let it be the basic version I prefer). My mom often puts toothpaste, deodorant, mascara, lip balm, etc. in my stocking and I've started just sending her the links to the exact ones I use. I'm very committed to my mascara and toothpaste of choice, but I'll use a variety of deodorants or hair ties or whatever. But I'd still prefer some input!
I hate socks because I exclusively wear the Costco kb socks so I don't have to worry about finding matches.
I love gift cards! Especially ones to Wawa for coffee/gas, Starbucks, or online thrifting.
Anything "holiday". I'm not a minimalist by any means (I have a large thrifted wardrobe), but I hate single use items. Why would I have sheets or hand towels or throw pillows that are Christmas and can only be used for December?! Sure, I'll use a holiday mug or PJ set year round, but I'd rather you get me the non-holiday version!
Also on the minimalism point: I live alone. I don't need duplicates of almost anything. I already own a knit winter hat, I don't need a second. I have a set of sheets and a backup, why would I need a third? I own two travel mugs, I don't need a third. If something is lost/broken or I deliberately want an upgrade that's one thing, but don't get me something just to get me something!
I love flowers and I have fresh cut flowers in my apartment every week, but a fancy bouquet is just such a waste of money!
I'm largely okay with getting hobby supplies – I rarely have a super strong preference here, but I do prefer a check in before buying to make sure its not duplicative.
The TLDR is that I make enough money at this stage in my life that if I want something that's under $100 I'll just get it for myself. If I wan't something that's over $100 I'll eventually get it for myself, but also I'm not ever going to ask another adult to spend $100 on something for me.
I feel like this makes me sound like a boring, minimalist, cheapstake fuddy duddy. I have plentyyyy of nice things I've wanted that I've picked out myself. I rarely go a full work week without a new thrift purchase. I spend plenty on experiences (travel, hobbies, meals out with friends or family). I'm just super practical and I live alone in a 1BR!
I will die on the hill that donations in someone else’s name are not a gift. They’re a way for the giver to virtue signal and get a tax writeoff. It’s nice to make a donation in someone’s honor after their death but as a holiday or birthday “present” it’s a big F you.
I love donations in my name, especially to charities that know the giver would never normally support. I ALWAYS ask for donations to my local chicken sanctuary.
I agree, unless the recipient requests it. I hate gifts for me, but if someone wanted to help pay for a few kids to go on a field trip to a local educational farm, I’d be delighted. There is no way for anyone to know that sponsoring a field trip to this particular educational farm would delight me without asking, though.
+1 million. I was thinking what a grinchy bunch until I got to this comment, which I feel in my bones. I’m right there on that hill with you.
Completely agree with this with the sole exception being when the person asks for donations instead of gifts (which has actually happened to me and the “recipient” was thrilled).
Following the hate-gift post, I invite my 4-5 person staff for a nice dinner for the holidays, and typically give them a small gift – $25 range. This year there are two middle aged women, one middle aged man, and one late-20’s man. Would a nice pair of wool socks for each be silly?
That sounds lovely.
I gave out socks to the adults at trunk or treat* and they were a big hit. People like socks!
*I had never been to a trunk or treat. They weren’t a thing when I was a kid. I figured since the adults are stuck there, it’s more like a Halloween party than trick or treating, which means you should have something for adults too? Usually I’d bring booze and boozy gummies but I thought that might be frowned upon at a weeknight event in a daycare’s parking lot.** I didn’t realize you don’t usually bring things for adults. I fear that now that I’ve set the precedent, it will be expected next year.
**Although I’m not above tailgating a daycare event. But only if allowed.
OP – What you are going to find is that someone will complain about any gift other than cash (and my company specifically bans cash gifts from supervisors, not to mention giving and adult $25 is weird). There is nothing that will satisfy everyone. The solution is to pick something that most people will like and hope that it is received as a gift in the spirit in which it was intended and will be passed along if they do not like it. The only caveat is not to give something that you should know will not be well received (like alcohol to someone you know does not drink).
But also the gift does not need to be the same for everyone. I had a Mormon co-workers in a group for whom I had traditionally gifted booze. I gave the other six members of the group either a bottle of wine or whiskey depending on the person and gave her an equivalent value of movie tickets because I knew she loved going to the movies.
If you need to give everyone the same thing and cannot give food or alcohol, how about a nice portable charger?
Following! My team has changed quite a bit in the past year, and I’m at a loss. I used to give a popular food product but I know that my new members don’t eat/drink those things.
Not silly, but cash for work gifts is really my most appreciated (if it’s allowed).
Agree wholeheartedly with this. They don’t want presents or even lunches or dinners. Cash or cash equivalents are the way to go. Or if it’s in your power, an extra half-day off.
+2. No wool socks – I would have to regift since I can’t wear wool.
A lot of companies do not allow cash gifts because of the tax implications.
This this this. Every time o read cash as preferred I cannot get over how many people don’t get this. If your manager gets you a gift, just take it in the spirit intended and if you hate it, toss it.
I’d do a Yeti mug/tumbler if you haven’t done that in the past.
At this point, everyone who wants a Yeti has a Yeti. No. More. Mugs.
Please no, I have so many. And definitely no generic brand ones.
I would be weirded out if my boss gave me wool socks.
Why? It’s a generic corporate gift.
I love wool socks! I was going to add wool sock to the “supposedly terrible” list above, since socks is one of those thing that you either love or hate to receive and wool is devisive.
I don’t know where in the world you are, but a good torch, winter gear (spikes, reflective vest, heat pad), first aid kit or emergency power kit would be great in my climate.
I would love a Sea-to-Summit nano day pack, gift card to my local indie movie theater, gift card to a local florist’s or farmer’s market or brewery.
If this was your relationship what would you say or think – we’re both 31, have been together a few months so still getting to know each other’s personalities. We live separately but spend plenty of time at each other’s places. So last week we’re at my place and order Uber Eats. I specifically marked the don’t leave it on the floor option. Of course the guy leaves it on the floor. I was annoyed as the building has some heavy construction going on and a lot of foot traffic, but also like shrug they’re busy it happens. BF OTOH kind of fell apart. Like he brings food in, puts it in the corner, debates for a half hour whether to eat it. I was like the food is in containers inside a plastic bag, we can take it out without it touching the bottom. He eats but my sense is maybe just because he was getting embarrassed about carrying on.
But he was sullen and quiet rest of that day, next day. It’s a week later and he is still bothered by it, doesn’t want to order in again.
What would you say? FWIW I grew up with four older brothers. This would not register to any of them. Heck this was food inside a container inside a bag. I’m pretty sure my bros would have eaten it if it were just McDonalds placed inside a bag.
He does seem to have anxiety around health things like Covid but unless he’s not telling me something seems in good health so it doesn’t seem like this was medical precaution. He talks about future things like having kids and all I can think is how will that work? You’re at an airport with your toddler and they drop a cookie on the ground where everyone has walked and pulled luggage and before you can grab it, they shove it in their mouth. Is the entire vacation now ruined because daddy is just going to sit and worry?
This would be such a red flag to me. I no longer have any tolerance for any adult who can not rationally manage their emotions. But when I was younger and desperate for companionship I would have put up with this and gentle parented him. 🤢
Same same.
I think it’s normal to be annoyed by the original occurrence (construction work is no joke and it’s legitimately annoying when Dashers ignore basic instructions), but stewing on it for that long is definitely a red flag. My husband skews towards more anxious about cleanliness with our toddler and it’s a challenge. If it were as bad as you described, I think it would be VERY hard to live with.
Major red flag.
This wouldn’t even register as a potential ick to me but I could see someone scrunching their nose up at it in the moment.
The next day, though? And the rest of the week?? Girl, run.
I think the universe has given you a gift, time to consider an exit.
I’d honestly be annoyed in the moment if someone was a little annoyed by the food being on the ground (My job is the not quite life and death but close, so I’m quite relaxed about the small stuff!).
But anyone carrying on emotionally like that for hours let alone days or weeks would be a hard no for me!
I’m 32 and single, I get that it sucks. But this doesn’t sound sustainable to me!!!
IDK that I could even engage in his carrying on about this. A few years ago I lived in NYC in a building that didn’t let delivery people walk around so the doorman would take your food – IDK how NYC does it now. So the doorman would take it and call you but to save you the walk, would put the bag in the elevator on the floor and you’d meet the elevator at your floor and grab it. Your BF would have moved out bc yes people and their dogs definitely stood on the elevator floor but also the food was in a bag with containers inside. Obviously no residents complained because the doorman always did this.
I mean I’m a germophobe so I wouldn’t like this but my reaction would be like yours. And yes I would then make sure the containers didn’t somehow touch the outside bottom of the bag as we took them out, I wouldn’t put the bags on my counter or table. But after that I’d move on with life. I’d think hard whether you want to manage him for life because unless someone truly works on it, these things do not improve with age.
This level of perseveration is pretty concerning. He is likely on his best behavior as your relationship is new, but this event is telling.
I would dump this dude asap.
1- This wouldn’t register as ick to me, but I’m okay with people having their weird quirks. I’m sure I have mine. If he just doesn’t eat food that’s been in a bag on the floor, but is otherwise easy to live with and rational, I’d say people are weird, and it’s no skin off my nose
2- But if this is representative of his overall level of anxiety, that would be a dealbreaker to me, but I think you would see that in other places as well. Can you two go out to restaurants without him needing to inspect the kitchen? Is he stressing about every in person gathering? Does he panic about other minor life stresses, like you two are running late to a show and can’t find a parking spot?
3- Being sullen/grumpy/off-kikter about it *for a week* would 100% be a deal breaker. You can have weird quirks; you can’t be in a bad mood for a week over them! I don’t know if he’s told you he’s still upset about the particular thing, or maybe it’s something else (and how sullen sullen is could be or not be a deal breaker: is it more like “I know you well and you seem a little off” vs full on man tantrum)
There isn’t any relevant medical precaution; this is not rational in any circumstances.
Not something I’d be willing to put up with, personally.
Wow no. Momentary annoyance at disregarding instructions, normal. Not setting the bag down on an eating surface in your house, normal. Freaking out for a week?! No. Bye.
I learned something today: If you’re late with an Amazon return (not initiating it, but actually getting it delivered to UPS or Staples or wherever), apparently there’s a grace period. I ordered several pair of slippers for my husband’s birthday and returned all but the favorite. The deadline to drop off the returns was November 7 and I procrastinated and missed it. I decided to just brazen it out and drop them off anyway and lo and behold, Staples accepted them todat without a word.
This has been your Public Service Announcement for the day.
Related one – if a retailer sends you a coupon in the mail or a special email promo code with an expiration date, try it anyway even if you’re buying something past the date. I’ve only had the coupon fail to work once or twice out of the many times I’ve done this.