Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Colorblock Buckle Wrap Midi Skirt

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A woman (only her lower half is shown) wearing a white top, nude heels, and black-and-blue colorblock skirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

OK, this skirt is just fun. The colorblocking, the built-in belt, and the A-line shape (perfect for twirling) all make it a little more exciting than your standard-issue pencil skirt. I would add a navy turtleneck for a monochromatic look with a pop of color.

The skirt is $109 at Ann Taylor and comes in sizes 00–18.

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

375 Comments

  1. Facial sunscreens for daily use — how do you all handle? Moisturizer with SPF? Moisturizer and sunscreen? Currently using a combo — Elta MD UV Clear with SPF 46, which may be the best thing I’ve tried after a lot of mineral sunscreens left me with too many visible white streaks. But it is time to re-buy and I don’t know if there are other things I ought to consider. Oily skin with roseacea, which is fun.

    1. SuperGoop unseen sunscreen for me. I used to use Elta MD too, but didn’t like how it left white residue on my face.

      1. +1. But I also a big fan of the SunBum Original Glow 30 face moisturizer with SPF.

      2. +2 SuperGoop unseen sunscreen was a game changer for me. It goes on like a foundation primer. Everything else felt cakey to me and left residue. I was using Elta MD prior to switching to SuperGoop.

      3. Same. Normal daytime moisturizer and then Unseen sunscreen, which acts as kind of a primer.

      4. Also supergoop unseen sunscreen here, but I mix in a bit of the glow screen, as well. It gives me a nice glow. I can’t use just glow screen alone or I look too shiny, but love adding a bit to anything I’m putting on.

      5. I use the Suoergoop Daily Moisturizer, which has spf 40. I also have rosacea. I am more focused on my chest this time of year because my face has tinted moisturizer with sunscreen (usually NARS) and I work from home.

        I also have some think fingerless gloves meant for sun protection that I use for driving.

        1. Great idea on the gloves. I saw my cousin using those, and realized I should have started using those earlier.

    2. I have to use a natural/mineral sunscreen on my face, chemical sunscreens break me out. I really like the Josie Maran argan oil one. It’s thick and goes on a little greasy but no white marks.

    3. tbh I cannot be bothered with a big routine and lots of layered products, so I just buy a face coverage product that has some moisturizing properties and SPF. Currently Maybelline’s w SPF 30.

      1. Same – basic drug store moisturizer with spf.

        At some point 10+ years ago, I remember writing on here something along the lines of “You guys can make fun of me if I look like a hag at 40, but I just can’t accept that our skin, which evolved to handle the sun, really needs constant intense protection from every possible day-to-day encounter with the sun’s rays.” Anyway, I’m well over 40 now, and, while I certainly notice a few differences, it’s well within what anyone should expect (people still act surprised at my age). And I had my Vitamin D levels checked last month, and the doctor specifically recommended a supplement along with more sunshine.

        1. I mean, yeah, but we didn’t really evolve to handle the sun. People just died earlier. And skin cancer is not a fun way to go. I could care less about wrinkles, but melanoma runs in my family.

          1. I’m semi-with Lyssa on this – it’s not that I don’t care or take no precautions, it’s just that I figure something will kill me eventually and it’s unlikely to be undetected skin cancer from 10 minutes outside running an errand without sunscreen on. (I do get annual skin checks!)

          2. I get that, but I just think at some point, people can so much time and energy trying to protect themselves from the world that they’re interfering with their ability to live in it. But obviously everyone’s got to draw that line where they are comfortable and consider their own circumstances. FWIW, I’ve never heard of any men who take these kinds of precautions (for everyday office worker type exposure – I know plenty of men who wear shirts/hats/sunscreen at the pool and such).

            BTW, on re-reading my post, I feel like it sounded like I was trying to brag. Not my intention! I just thought it was funny to remember – when I posted that, 40 seemed so far off, not even something that was really ever going to happen. How did it come so fast?

          3. I can’t think of a way to prevent cancer that takes less time and energy than just putting sunscreen on every morning.

          4. I know a lot of men who don’t wear sunscreen on a daily basis. I also know a lot of men who have had precancerous lesions and skin cancers removed from their faces and scalps.

          5. My friend’s dad almost died from brain cancer that started as skin cancer. Putting on sunscreen in the morning takes 20 seconds. How does this interfere with your ability to live in the world?

          6. You have to also consider lifestyle. Melanoma runs in my family as well. But those family members who have had melanoma also just did not wear sunscreen for over half their lives (they lived before it was invented/available to the masses) and/or purposefully lay out to tan wearing like SPF8 for many years. I continue to get on my mom for not reapplying enough when she spends all day in the sun and comes home from vacation about 10 shades darker and with at least some degree of sunburn even after having pre-melanoma removed from her arm.

            When I am spending any significant amount of time in the sun, I make sure to diligently apply and reapply SPF, wear a hat, and seek out shade. I even make sure not to wear makeup so that I don’t worry about ruining it when I reapply SPF. But when the only sun exposure I get for an entire day is walking to my car for a 10 min drive to my windowless office, I don’t worry too much if I forget the SPF sometimes. That amount of exposure is not what is causing cancer.

          7. I’m now 53 and all of my cousins and siblings have had multiple skin cancers removed, all leaving scars, and I haven’t had any. I used sunscreen, and avoid lots of sun exposure without protection. They have to go for derm appointments every 6 months.

            I do admit it is a little inconvenient having to apply daily/regularly, and have gotten out of the habit since COVID, but it’s so easy to have a moisturizer with SPF I can’t see why to avoid it?

            As yes, there’s the cancer thing. Your young logic is so odd…. our ancestors all died before their 40’s/50’s anyway… eaten by tigers or from infections before antibiotics etc….. so your logic is so, silly I’m a little embarrassed for you.

            And sure we all have the nice benefit of anti-aging. As we know, our skin quality/aging properties is pretty genetically determined, although there are MANY ways we can make it worse. So what an odd thing to brag about your genetics, but I guess we do that all the time. And you are still young. The long term effects of no SPF have not fully hit you yet….

        2. Hmmm, thanks but I’ll take the advice of every dermatologist over your inane anecdote.

          1. But surely we can all agree that the women claiming they must do a full face of sunscreen even when they don’t leave their house – which I have seen many women here claim – are missing the forrest for the trees, yes? Like, that’s insane. You’re not getting melanoma from your window.

            I am team “sunblock wearers have gotten out of control, use common sense” all the way. I burn easily but even i am not wearing sunblock inside like a crazy person.

          2. anon_needs_a_break – check yourself regarding the judgment and the blanket recommendations that you think apply to everyone. If people are at higher elevations – like, folks who live west of the Mississippi, which I assure you is totally a thing – they need to wear sunscreen even for minor exposures. I live at 6000 feet and I get more UV exposure walking to my car than most people do in two hours of exposure. Some people are more prone to UV damage/skin cancer and need to be careful. There is nothing “crazy” about putting on sunscreen if someone thinks they’re going to be in the house all day because sometimes you don’t know if you’re going to need to run out somewhere. No, people are likely not getting melanoma from short exposures, but let me tell you – having seen several people die of metastatic melanoma, it’s not something to mess around with. Do you, but please stop with your ridiculous language about what’s “crazy.” Do some work on yourself, to figure out why you think responding like that is appropriate.

          3. At anon_needs_a_break, clearly we can’t agree on anything. I’ll definitely take a dermatologist’s advice over yours any day! I love my sunscreen even if I don’t leave the house. Takes two minutes and makes my skin look nicer! Let’s see how you look at 50!

        3. I read somewhere that the vast, vast majority of people rate themselves as “look younger than my age”. I was one of those people, but after reading that I’m not sure if it’s just my own unconscious bias. I remember anecdotes about my father’s family having a “young” look (people thought my father was turning 40 when he was actually turning 50 – my aunt still had a lot of natural brown hair in her 90s) but I probably just internalized that as “I have a young look and it runs in my family”.

          1. I am not egotistical enough to believe that I look young for my age, lol. I pretty much look like the 42-year-old I am. Skin isn’t the only giveaway about someone’s age; I think people forget that.

          2. I think it’s actually just true that people in their 30s and 40s today look younger than people used to. I assume it’s things like sunblock, not smoking, and carrying a bit more weight.

          3. Good points above…. Also with all of our hair dyes, and increased use of botox at younger ages there are a lot of ways to cheat.

          4. Agree with the above, I’ve dated men who don’t realize crow’s feet, forehead wrinkles, etc. are normal at basically any age once you’re an adult and even once who asked me to start getting botox so that I looked “more my age” … dumped him very quickly (note: I don’t care/judge what other women do about their appearance, but botox is not for me and I resent any expectation that I will use it or that women who don’t are not beautiful)
            I think the increased use of sunscreen and cosmetic procedures is definitely affecting what we think is a normal appearance for any age. If everyone who is 40 tries to look 35… well that becomes the new standard of what a 40 yo looks like.

          5. I’m 1:56 above and I didn’t actually respond to the OP. I wear moisturizer with SPF most days for both vanity and sun protection. It’s an easy part of my routine because it’s my only daytime moisturizers (my nighttime moisturizer is the Olay one with retinol). I indulge in some skincare for the fun of it, but my routine is vitamin C & SPF moisturizer in the morning and retinol moisturizer at night. Age/vanity wise, I’m much more concerned about my dark circles than I am about wrinkles but, I’m definitely a part of the crowd of folks attempting to age more slowly and thus contributing to changing expectations of what skin looks like at any age.

        4. I do feel that sunscreen is useful and I use it daily. But it also seems like it’s part of cosmetics companies’ larger efforts these days to sell us cosmetics re-branded as health products, e.g., Korean skin care regimens. Part of my thinking on these lines is that men do not shame each other into applying daily sunscreen to the extent women do. I’ve been given this talking to by multiple female friends that I really must wear daily sunscreen and it must be mineral not chemical. Yes I appreciate we’re looking out for each other’s health but it also feels very similar to society’s pressure for women to wear makeup.

          1. As a single, dating 42 year old, I wish men were shamed into using sunscreen. Men my age look old! And not good old, just old old. The women look fabulous. I’ve found myself dating 5-10 years younger.

          2. Hm my husband wears sunscreen every day and he was not “shamed into it” by other men. He was shamed into it by his dermatologist who had a field day removing stuff from his face, ears, and neck. And she found a melanoma at stage zero. (Thankfully)

            He was in his late 40s when all of this happened.

            So I’m going to trust the advice of EVERY dermatologist over the “I can’t be bothered because I look young” BS.

          3. Oh, I shame my husband and all my male family members into wearing daily SPF if they will have any significant sun exposure. I don’t care one bit whether it’s chemical or mineral or costs $10 or $40 as long as they use it routinely. My husband likes the Cerave daytime moisturizer for his daily SPF, my uncle prefers EltaMD. I prefer La Roche Posay mineral facial sunscreen because almost everything else I’ve tried irritates me.

            100% cosmetic companies are trying to take advantage of the awareness that sunscreen is so important. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t! Just find one that works for you– all the better if it is inexpensive!

          4. Funny, my husband is firmly opposed to lotion of almost all kinds (it’s a sensory thing), and yet he tolerates the CeraVe daytime moisturizer. So of course he uses it for everything, including rough elbow skin. (He’s weird.)

    4. All drug stores ones just seemed chalky and noticeable on my (white-ish already) skin. I hate it, but the spendy ones were much better.

    5. I buy Asian sunblocks, the american versions are worse AND more expensive, ugh. Unfortunately my favorite got reformulated but generally they’re $10-$15 and have ~SPF 50. I’m trying the “Skin Aqua super moisturizer, essence and sunblock” next which is on amazon – it had good Reddit reviews!

      1. Same. Korean sunscreen FTW. It’s cheap, applies well, and has better and more blockers than US sunscreen.

      2. I agree – Asian chemical sunscreens are where it is at. I am currently using Beauty of Joseon probiotic sunscreen. I have very acne-prone oily skin and its been great. I also liked the CosRX aloe sunscreen and the Isntree Hyaluronic Acid sunscreen. Given my oily skin, I always go for a chemical sunscreen, but I am also prone to dryness when it comes to alcohol so I have to avoid most of the Japanese sunscreens. Lots of people in my life have had success with Biore sunscreens, particularly the Aqua Rich line.

    6. In the winter i use Aveeno with SPF 30. In the summer I use sunscreen with SPF 100 and moisturizer at night. I’m fair and I don’t feel like moisturizer with SPF is enough protection when the sun is intense.

    7. I have normal/dry skin and roseacea. I really like Biossance’s repair cream followed by their mineral SPF. In the summer, I sometimes just use the SPF (it’s a moisturizer combo).

    8. My derm recommended the Aveeno daily SPF moisturizer like 15 years ago, and I’ve been using it ever since. I do like the Supergoop too but Aveeno is cheaper.

    9. My pale, sensitive, oily face likes Neutrogena’s Sheer Zinc SPF 50. I do have to avoid using too much and make sure to rub it in thoroughly to avoid a white cast, but it leaves a nice matte finish that I like.

    10. Elta MD is truly one of the best. If it works for you I wouldn’t bother changing.

    11. I have somewhat oily skin and love Paula’s Choice Super-Light Wrinkle Defense SPF 30. It probably won’t work if you have darker skin as it is mineral based. It is slightly tinted, but mostly to offset the bright white mineral color. It absorbs oil and keeps me from looking greasy. I don’t really need moisturizer, although I also usually use Paula’s Choice BHA 2% lotion, which is slightly moisturizing.

    12. Also have rosacea here. I use Isdin SPF 50 sunscreen and for moisturizer either La Roche Posay Toleriane Fluide or Neova Ultimate Redness cream.

      1. Adding that I switched to the Isdin after using Elta MD because I didn’t like how thick the Elta felt on my face!

    13. I will use a tinted sunscreen from EltaMD or skinceuticals if I’m leaving the house. Otherwise, I’ll just use Philosophy with SPF 30. I don’t think I even own foundation anymore.

    14. The Neutrogena Hydrogel products (sunscreen and the moisturizer with sunscreen) are the only products that don’t make my face break out and don’t leave a white cast.

    15. I use Olay sensitive skin moisturizer with sunscreen. It has a combination of mineral and chemical sunscreens with no “benzones” so it doesn’t turn your clothing orange. I have never found a mineral-only sunscreen that actually protected against sunburn.

    16. This is making me realize that when I was using my Aveeno face. lotion it did have SPF but I started using some fancier creams and now theres no SPF . . . I should figure that out.

    17. I use Revision Intellishade Matte-it’s a tinted moisturizer with SPF that I basically use in place of foundation post-Covid. It’s expensive but does last a while.

    18. I really like Dr. Jart+ Cicapair™ Tiger Grass Color Correcting Treatment SPF 30. In fact I was realizing this morning that I need to buy it again. It’s basically a tinted moisturizer / red ‘correcting’ type thing, and my skin just loves the ingredients – and I love having a mindless way to slap SPF on my face before I leave the house. In the summer / if I’m going to be outside for any real period of time I get serious with a 50ish SPF, but for daily use, the Dr. Jart+ is treating me well. I’m very fair and tend toward redness, FWIW.

      1. My skin loves this stuff. I’ve fallen asleep in it and my skin was just happy about it as far as I could tell.

    19. I use La Roche Posay Toleriane moisturizer with spf 30 and have done for years. I use it as my daily moisturizer so I always have spf on whether I’m going out and about or not. Well priced and easy to find in drug stores/target etc.

    20. A parent had a large malignant melanoma removed when I was in college. That was 30 years ago. Since then, the derm performs a skin check every six months and I am religious about sunscreen. I also have oily skin. Back then, it was difficult to find oil-free moisturizers with SPF. It is much easier now. I really like and use Neutrogena® Hydro Boost City Shield™ Water Gel Sunscreen Broad Spectrum SPF 25.

      1. My derm has samples of that Neutrogena and I just picked up a couple the other day. I’m glad to have your rec, as I haven’t tried it yet!

        1. Oooh – how are the samples packaged? The only thing I don’t love about this product is that it comes in a tub instead of a tube or bottle with a pump. So I always wash my hands first and close it up right away. i go through it quickly, so it’s OK.

    21. I use the Cerave AM moisturizer with sunscreen on my face and hands if I know I’ll be wearing makeup and/or I’ll be mostly indoors. If I’m not wearing makeup or planning on just powder, I like that Shiseido clear face stick sunscreen. If I’m going to be hiking or outside I’ll day, I like the Neutrogena beach defense kind.

    22. I use a SuperGoop dupe from Kroger (Kroger SPF 40 Sunscreen Invisible Gel) & love it. I want to try SuperGoop next & am thrilled to see it is available for purchase through the FSA store!

    1. 2012 was decidedly the days of colorblock, but I think in 2012 this skirt would have had a big white stripe and possibly some pink somewhere.

      1. Same. I initially thought this was black and royal blue, which has to be my least favourite colour combo in fashion.

    2. If it’s wrong, I don’t want to be right. Sadly, I have neither the funds nor the place to wear it right now.

    3. And also popular … in the 80’s…. and the 90’s…..

      It is a very standard combo, that just cycles as the fashion houses cycle everything to get us to keep buying more.

      1. Yes – I am old enough that I have seen these things cycle back multiple times, but I can see that it would be jarring your first go round.

      2. 1000% agree – it’s all a cycle and it goes much more quickly these days. We’re due for a return to peep toes any day now.

  2. Favorite NYT cooking recipes? I just subscribed and want to cook through the greatest hits.

    1. Alison Roman’s Caramelized Shallot Pasta -I must have cooked this at least 3 dozen times by now. Always a hit. All her recipes are great btw – you can search by author and I often find new recipes this way. Her broccoli cheddar soup is the best version of that kind of soup, imo, and her white bean stew and broth beans are both amazing.

      Melissa Clark is also reliably great (the cauliflower park is amazing) and I love Martha Rose Shulman’s recipes, especially when I want something more healthful (my most frequent go-to is the orzo zucchini bake with quinoa subbed for orzo sometimes and the veggies all doubled; the goat cheese tomato sauce combo is addictively good and it’s great made ahead and reheated or eaten at room temp).

    2. I’m a pretty intuitive cook, so I often look to recipes for inspiration but then do my own thing based on what I like. However, I’ve cooked the Turmeric-Black Pepper Chicken with Asparagus recipe by Ali Slagle to the letter and it’s delicious, really easy, and not something I would have come up with on my own. I also like Alison Roman’s Vinegar Chicken with Crushed Olive Dressing, although I probably tweak it a little each time I make it.

    3. This is my first, and frequently only, place to look for a recipe (except for Mary Berry for baking).

    4. Love pretty much anything from Melissa Clark; some other favorites are “Pasta with Yogurt and Caramelized Onions” and “Rishia Zimmern’s Chicken With Shallots”

      1. +1 to Melissa Clark. I get the weekly newsletter, read it religiously and build my shopping list from it. If the recipe says Melissa Clark, I know I’m going to make it and it will be great.

    5. Miso maple salmon, that is cooked on a sheet pan. Their recipe roasts green beans along side the salmon, but I roast whatever veg I want that night, and just put the salmon in at the appropriate time. Very easy. Very tasty.

      I probably make it once a week.

    6. Ali Slagle’s Ginger Lime Chicken is fast and always a pleaser in our home.
      Also love Alison Roman’s Skillet Chicken Pot Pie and her baked ziti.

  3. Can someone please remind me that if you wake up to breaking news in your country, you should probably put some makeup on so you don’t do broadcast news looking a wreck?

    Signed, British political scientist.

    1. OTOH, me a wreck + makeup looks like a wreck with bad makeup. I don’t have a light hand if sh*t is hitting the fan.

      1. oh man thank you for this laugh this morning!

        and Cb that’s awesome you are such a go-to :)

    2. If this means that you were suddenly interviewed on TV due to events, and didn’t have makeup on, I think it’s bad@ss. You’re the person they called, and you met the moment.

      No, I am not opposed to makeup, and I wear it daily myself. I’m just saying it’s kind of awesome to get a real-time call for your expertise and take it, makeup or not. Like a man!

      1. Right? I’ve been on TV twice recently (after 40+ years of never) and at this point, I am who I am. If you come calling before 8, I will be in a robe with my crocs on. Bring it.

      2. Yeah, I was just scatty and didn’t have a great lighting set up so the producer was laughing. I was watching/processing the news (Scotland’s first minister unexpectedly resigned) and didn’t expect a “can you record in 5 minutes?” when I was helping my son with his artwork. Then my dad was clomping around the house.
        It was good though, I’m a decently confident presenter and it wasn’t live to air.

    3. Oof, I’m sorry. I don’t wear a ton of makeup but if I skip blush/mascara I look like a ghostly victoria invalid. One quick/easy tip I used a lot in media training – a colorful scarf near your face makes a BIG difference in helping you look alive/awake. I collect them and you can find secondhand ones quite cheap.

    4. Don’t say it’s a great idea to put male rapists into women’s prison if you want to keep your job as first minister, more at 11! I’m not sure when I’ve seen a bigger own-goal in politics.

      1. But if authorities didn’t put the male in the women’s prison, wouldn’t they have been accused of being tr@nsphobic? The guy identifies as a woman now right? So that’s kind of a conundrum.

        1. He changed his name and began wearing pink sweatshirts after conviction for rape, yes. It was a very chilling example of the dangers to women posed by Sturgeon’s self-ID push. He is in a men’s prison now and will soon be joined by other male rapists who have been housed in the female estate.

        2. Would it be though? I think I can get comfortable that adults convicted for various s*x crimes are able to be treated in a way that makes sense that is also unique to this likely very small sub-population and not to non-convict adults generally?

      2. Now I’m curious — first minister is not like prime minister then? It is now sounding sort of like it is internal country management and not international (which I confess to not really understanding with Scotland — it’s history with England is so thorny with the Jacobites and Mary QOS, etc., etc., for ever and ever amen).

        1. The UK has a multilevel system of devolution – so not federalism but Wales, Scotland and NI have their own governments/legislatures that handle domestic policy (education, health, etc). The First Minister is the head of that government. The structures, except in NI, mirror those at the UK level. But basically the UK Government won’t (normally) legislate on things that are devolved.

    5. Sturgeon? Would love to have seen your clip! (The only non-Sturgeon person I’ve gotten clips for in non-UK is sign language of her speech, if that is you, whoohoo!)

  4. has anyone been to lake tahoe in the summer and can help decide if worth it for a week long family vacation? kids are 6 and 4. Found a great hotel with a kids club and can fly into reno, so seems like an easy trip but it’ll be like 5 to 6k for the week for the flights and hotel for the four of us, so I’m wondering if it’s worth it for tahoe in the summer. TIA!

    1. I’d do it in a heartbeat. Mix short hikes with beach days and one visit to the touristy mining town whos name escapes me.

    2. It’s a beautiful place in the summer and would definitely be very fun for kids. Just be mindful of whether you can get a hotel that is walking distance to the lake because traffic and parking is absolutely horrendous. You’ll save tons of stress if you get something walkable.

    3. Yes, this is what a lot of people in the Bay Area do every summer. Depending on where you are on the lake (North or South – it will make a difference in what you specifically do)/what your budget is/what your preferences are: short hikes, there are approximately a million options (AllTrails will be your friend); head to the beach; rent some sort of boat or get on some sort of group or paddle boat to spend some time on the lake one day; check out the rocks at Sand Harbor; raft down the truckee river in a raft or other vessel made for families with kids; check out to see if any of the ski mountains have family summer activities worth doing (north star, palisades or heavenly may be your best bets for this); sit on the deck of Sunnyside for lunch; get a Wet Woody at Garwoods; if you are in South Lake get a babysitter and go to an outdoor concert at Harvey’s Summer Concert series. etc. etc. etc. Big fun. Does your hotel have a pool? The lake can be chilly so it can be nice to have a pool too to get your swim on there as well.

      (I personally wouldn’t find it as necessary to be walking distance to the lake as the other poster if your hotel fits all your other needs, but obviously everyone has their own priorities and experiences).

      Did I mention it is stunning?

    4. That’s what Tahoe is for! Book now though, we’ve had our cabin rented for 6 months already. Also be aware that a lot of people go up every summer and with the same groups of people.

    5. As a Northern Californian I’d say go earlier in the summer if possible. You may run into smoke from fires later in the summer. Not always and earlier isn’t a guarantee but later is usually worse. YES there’s enough to do for a week! It’s lovely.

      1. +1 this smoke/fire risk assessment is spot on.

        Also, wetsuits are fantastic for enjoying the lake in early summer, especially for kids. You don’t have to get anything fancy.

    6. Reporting from the Bay Area here…I am in Tahoe as much of the summer as I can muster. My best friend’s family has a boat, we hike, we take the dogs, we eat well and go for lots of pretty walks. It is often still cool at night. Wildfires from mid-July onward could scuttle the trip (very few last summer, but 2021 was very, very bad–South Lake nearly burned down). I prefer North Lake to South Lake, but people have strong opinions. It’s very easy to get to Reno either way. There’s tons of activities, great food, amazing views and lots of wholesome fun. Recommend highly.

  5. Hive, pls help me think of things I might be missing as my doc and try to figure out if a medical issue is causing me to be tired all the time. I had Covid-19 in Dec 2020 and 2022.

    Other details:
    – all my blood work looks good including thyroid
    – I have pernicious anemia but do B12 injections to stay at an acceptable level
    – my iron/ferritin wants to run low so at my doctor’s recommendation, I take two MegaFood blood builder tabs a day
    – also at my doc’s recommendation, I take D vitamin daily.
    – I exercise regularly (OrangeTheory 4x per week, horse back riding 2x per week, yoga 1x per week) with at least one to two full and complete rest days
    – I get 7-9 hrs of sleep a night
    – I’m vegan but my supplements are tailored to address any resulting deficiencies and I do blood work 2x a year
    – I am currently eating fairly healthy although I am SURE I could work on reducing sugar
    -my job is not really stressful and I work no more than 45 hrs a week
    – no financial or personal/relationship stress or issues happening

    No matter how much I rest, eat fruits and veggies, do the right things, I am just always tired. Is this just something I chalk up to long covid??? Gah.

    1. This is something out of left field, but have you checked your environment for elevated carbon monoxide levels?

      1. Thank you!

        Stupid question: does this require something other than carbon monoxide detectors? I do have those in my house and they have not alarmed.

        1. Do you have gas appliances? If so, it may be time to have them serviced and have the repair person check specifically for that purpose. When I was a kid, we discovered during a routine tune-up service call that our furnace was pumping massive quantities of CO into our home and the only reason we had not all died in our sleep was that the house was old and very drafty. I was in grade school at the time but I still recall how much less tired I was once we had it fixed.

          Our local fire department also offers CO testing appointments for a fee each spring and fall, but I don’t know how widespread that service is.

          If you don’t have gas appliances, maybe just make sure you have new batteries in your detectors? I can’t recall how often you need to replace the detectors themselves, but I think they have an expiration date stamped on the unit. Check that, and replace the whole unit if they are outdated.

    2. Age? It seems like you’re doing a lot – ~7 exercise sessions a week, full time job, etc. Do you think it’s gotten considerably worse lately, and is it affecting your life (e.g., declining events regularly because you are passing out at 7 pm at home?)

      1. Oops! I am almost 43. I’ve always been pretty active. I was competing in 3-4 ultramarathons a year pre-2020.

        Good question about lately – I suck at tracking these types of things (which I am doing now with my doctor), but it’s kind of been low-lying present for a while now. I got lazy about asking my doc about it bc it wasn’t substantially affecting my quality of life. Although, I’d like to feel rested for once!!

        Other than taking an occasional nap on a Saturday. I still get up and go do things even if I am tired. It probably is affecting my concentration just from a focus person, but not in a way that I feel puts me in danger of being put on a PIP at work or anything (my boss is very happy with my performance and I don’t regularly forget things or anything like that).

        1. Now that I know your age, I can offer you some better advice: your hormones are shifting (maybe not to fully perimenopausal, but they’re changing) and that’s probably contributing to your fatigue.

          I say this because my friend went through a similar experience at 42, went to multiple doctors, tried everything – it was the beginnings of perimenopause. She got on a low-dose BCP and an antidepressant and it got better. I watched her go through this, and at 43 the same thing happened to me – profound tiredness, lack of energy, whatever you want to say. I went to my GP, gastroenterologist, allergist, nutritionist, acupuncturist and therapist looking for answers. It was at my annual GYN exam that my OB/GYN gently told me, this is hormonal shift and you need to think about hormonal support. I am eating more soy (soy milk in smoothies is a great way to get more, as is adding edamame to soups and stir-fries) and using a little bit of progesterone cream 2 weeks out of the month. It’s helping a ton, I no longer feel like I just can’t get through the day.

          I know some people will say “43 is too young for perimenopause” – but it’s not. We think of perimenopause as “my periods are getting less frequent” but your body is going through a lot of changes prior to that happening. Many women don’t hit full menopause until 50 or 55 but ten years prior to that, your body has been going through changes and those changes definitely affect energy level, mood and focus. This is what my OB/GYN explained to me and my friends’ OB/GYNs have explained to them (we’re all mid-40s). We will all probably continue to have our periods for some time but the hormonal shift is happening. FYI, this can also cause dry eyes, v*ginal dryness, dry skin/hair, bladder problems, skin breakouts, etc. It may cause hot flashes, but some women never have hot flashes and some only have them really close to cessation of menstruation. It’s all perimenopause and it starts way sooner than people think.

          OP – if you have not already gone to talk to your OB/GYN, go see them and talk through all of this. Mine had some really good, concrete, helpful solutions and did not push HRT but said it was available if I needed it.

          1. +1 – it’s peri menopause. And, I’m exhausted looking at your list of what you do. I also think being vegan may be contributing, I know a lot of people our age who were vegan and stopped in peri to better energy results too.

          2. Yup. I’m about the same age as the OP and have realized that I am solidly in perimenopause. Fatigue and brain fog are very real, as are night sweats. I haven’t started any hormonal treatment yet, but I am more open to it than I used to be. I have needed to change my diet to include more protein. I’m finding perimenopause a very strange experience, and I don’t even have periods to use as a litmus test because I’ve had a hysterectomy (kept the ovaries). Also, I need more sleep and recovery time than I used to. Which kinda sucks, not going to lie.

          3. I find that as I age, if I weren’t pumped full of anger and caffeine, I would likely just collapse into a puddle of nothing. Age is humbling.

          4. I’m Anon at 10:12 – my friend, who went through the wringer going to multiple doctors and thinking she had leukemia or something about 5 years before I went through the exact same experience (and apparently learned nothing, as I also went on the Doctor Parade), was vegan and switched to eating eggs and fish (she still doesn’t do much dairy) in the course of figuring out what was going on, and it did help her a lot. She just needed more of something – I couldn’t say what – than she was getting a vegan.

            I also just want to say: I feel like it completely, totally, absolutely SUCKS that so many of us hit this point in life and non-GYN medical practitioners are so uninformed about perimenopause that we have to search and search and search for answers, and do tons of experimental lifestyle changes, etc. before someone finally says – hey girl, your hormones are changing and that’s why you just want to lay down on the floor half the time you’re awake. Now that I have seen four or five of my friends and colleagues go through this, it’s SO disruptive going to five different doctors and getting bloodwork drawn, etc. looking for something, and I have seen people really get wrapped around the axle thinking they had colon cancer or leukemia/myeloma or some other really horrible, hidden disease. We need so much more awareness of this part of women’s lives!

          5. Thank you for typing this out. I’m just slightly younger than you are and am finding that information like this about what may come next is way less accessible than it should be.

          6. Anon at 10:46, big same. Thank goodness I always have access to coffee and things to rage about.

        2. Yeah it’s perimenopause. I have the same symptoms and I’ve never had Covid. I’m immunocompromised so i test a lot.

    3. Perhaps a silly question, but do you take any prescription medications? And do you drink caffeinated drinks?

      1. Not a silly question at all!

        I take a low dose of prozac and lorazepam to help me sleep before bed. I do drink coffee in the morning, but never drink anything caffeinated after noon.

        1. Lexapro made me exhausted all the time, so maybe if you’ve had a change of dose on the meds it could be making you tired.

          1. Me too. I was a total zombie for the year or two I was on it and felt much better when I switched to Wellbutrin.

          1. Yes. I can’t think of any doctor that would keep you on lorazepam daily long term for sleep. I would really reconsider that even if it’s not what’s making you tired.

          2. Completely agree with the others about the Benzos for sleep. Who is prescribing you this? It absolutely could be contributing to your daytime fatigue. It is not something that should be prescribed for routine night-time sleep issues unless you have some types of sleep disorders.

            If you are having trouble sleeping, I recommend you see a sleep specialist and get that sorted, and get off Benzos, and there see where the chips fall.

            I also agree with others that you are very busy for your age, and clearly could be starting to have hormonal changes contributing to your system.

            And honestly, I had to laugh reading your post…. I can’t think of a single woman my middle aged range who is NOT tired daily!

          3. Agree with the above.

            I am on ant-anxiety/dep meds and I take trazodone at night. It quiets my mind, making sleep more accessible. I used to have really bad insomnia. If I don’t take it, I likely won’t get much sleep. I had trouble falling asleep bc of a loud mind since I was in middle/high school.

        2. You kind of buried the lede with this. No wonder you’re tired if you’re taking lorazepam every day!

    4. I’m exhausted hearing about all you’re doing! LOL have you had a sleep study to check for sleep apnea?

    5. I realize that you’ve got your reasons for keeping vegan, but have you considered at all trying to add some animal products back to your diet? Our bodies are designed to process them, and supplements are better than nothing, but they really aren’t the same as real food. Medical science is good, but it hasn’t figured out how to capture every possible variable in bloodwork.

      1. Thank you. I would consider it if my doctor suggested it and be okay enough with it by seeking out local farms which utilize practices that are (as) humane (as possible). I will mention it as a kind of last resort option to him to see what he thinks.

        1. My friends who are usually vegan end up adding some eggs and fish back into their diet when their training plans take them past marathon/ironman distance. That said, you don’t seem that “off” compared to what others I know at your level of age and activity.

        2. I know this might be tough in the exploring animal proteins but one of the best sources for what you need nutritionally is going to be liver. It’s old school, not most appetizing but if you think of it as medicine and leave aside everything else, just try it and see if you feel better afterwards.

        3. I’m a long term vegetarian and my body can’t really handle vegan. A farm near me sells eggs that are from chickens raised in very humane conditions, and we get those every week in our farm share. That and Greek yogurt are game changers. I am about your age and also very athletic. The work of being an athlete is very draining on the body, and 40-something, vegan, athlete is often (not always!) “pick two of the three.”

    6. Have you had a sleep study done? Unexplained fatigue can be a sign of sleep apnea.

      1. Agreed. Meat is an obvious one but also simply more food. I also wonder about Prozac and loreazapam nightly just as a sleep aid? That’s a lot.

      2. You and my doc are aligned. I am completing a two week food journal tracker for him to review! I do eat fairly regularly throughout the day (every two to three hours), but admittedly, I am not always eating the most healthy snacks!

        1. If you’re vegan and exercising a ton, you probably need more protein. Not just supplements.

        2. Eating more doesn’t necessarily mean omg I’m not eating the most healthy? Idk why you’d automatically jump to that. By eating more I didn’t mean optimize further I meant put more calories in your mouth.

      3. This. I’m seeing pernicious anemia + tons of exercise + not a lot of sustaining food. Of course your’re tired! Your description of your health also reads, kindly, very virtue signally, so I wonder if you’re performatively doing a bunch of things you feel you should be doing (vegan, constant exercise, etc.) vs. listening to your body/doctor about what might be physically better for you personally.

        G**gle tells us that “Pernicious anemia is a type of vitamin B12 anemia. The body needs vitamin B12 to make red blood cells. You get this vitamin from eating foods such as meat, poultry, shellfish, eggs, and dairy products.” Like the other poster said, supplements are good in a pinch but less restrictive nutrition might be a start.

        1. Pernicious anemia is usually defined as an autoimmune disease that prevents absorption of B12 in the GI system. Dietary intake is kind of irrelevant. Google seems to be confused.

          It is definitely possible to get a macrocytic B12 anemia from a diet that excludes B12, but that wouldn’t be autoimmune and could be treated with diet or with supplements.

        2. Quick clarification about pernicious anemia, it’s a condition which prevents the body from absorbing B12 through the stomach because intrinsic factor is missing. Someone with PA can eat all the liver they want, it won’t matter. That’s why OP is getting injections.

          1. +1 to this. OP, have your symptoms been worse after covid? It could be the case that the infection depleted B12 and you need more frequent injections. What are your current frequency?

        3. Yeah – Prozac plus benzos to sleep plus doing ALL THE THINGS and then feeling fatigued makes me wonder if there’s some broader mental health stuff that’s going masked and the “vegan but I should cut out sugar” makes me wonder if it’s tied in with perfectionism. I say this with empathy as someone who is VERY VERY good at ignoring what my mind and body are telling me in that department until it catches up with me.

          1. Way too many doctors undertreat PA and then prescribe psych meds for the symptoms of undertreated PA. I think the problem is that the injection schedule recommended for neuropsych symptoms is burdensome (as many as three shots each week for months). Volunteering to self inject at home can help, because no doctor’s office wants to see their patient three times a week for months.

            PA has run in my family for generations. My grandma used to have to sterilize a glass syringe for reuse; it’s easier these days for sure.

    7. Maybe see a different endocrinologist? My thyroid levels looked OK to my GP but I saw an endo and it turned out I had subclinical hypothyroid/Hashimotos. Getting the right thyroid levels have helped me a ton.

      1. Man. Sometimes I really need a steak. Every couple of months. Especially if traveling for work.

      2. Not the OP but… this didn’t work for me. Neither meat nor iron pills. Had to get infusions to get my ferritin up.

      3. Or free range eggs from the local farm cooked in a cast iron skillet with spinach, with a nice glass of OJ on the side?

      1. Will discuss both with my doc, thank you! I do always try to eat a protein heavy meal right after I work out, but certainly possible I am not getting enough over all. He is a competitive triathlete so will definitely know about overtraining syndrome.

        1. How much protein are you eating a day? Docs are starting to realize our modest protein recs may not be enough. And of course, it is much harder to get your protein levels up without animal products. Are you using supplements for protein too?

          At some point, when you are on half a dozen supplements because your diet is not sufficient, you have to ask yourself whether you need to change what you are eating. We know that it is better to receive your vitamins and nutrition from food rather than supplements.

    8. I wonder how your gut health is, if you’re needing to supplement a number of nutrients. Any chance you have a low level intolerance or autoimmune condition causing you to not absorb everything you need?

      1. I mean… pernicious anemia is an autoimmune condition that causes people not to absorb everything needed, already. The low stomach acid can predispose to infections so it’s a good thing to consider. And I think having PA is a risk factor for Celiac too.

    9. Did you get the bivalent covid booster? If not, you may want to, as there is evidence that it resolves long covid symptoms in many people.

    10. 7 hours of sleep is not enough for many people. Even 8 may not be enough. Can you try consistently sleeping 8.5-9?

      1. +1 to this – POTS is a common occurence after COVID. While yes, it means your blood pressure is low, my primary ‘tells’ are dizziness upon standing/laying down and fatigue after eating. I now follow a mast cell activation protocol to lower histamines, and I eat smaller meals more frequently that are more focused on protein/fruits/veggies – I basically can’t eat carbs during the workday without crashing hard.

        1. I’m a covid long hauler that developed POTS-like issues. I add a pinch of salt to my water bottle when exercising and eat salty food afterward (like salted nuts). But animal protein might be necessary too.

    11. A friend Of mine went through feeling pretty exhausted recently and had all the blood work and went to multiple doctors. She’s not vegan (she is gluten free), but otherwise seems to have many of the same qualities. Ultimately, they tried adding more iodine to her diet (through iodine drops) and that fixed it. Apparently, most people/doctors assume that Americans get enough iodine through the fact that American food has so much salt and we have iodized salt as the standard salt option. However, in my friend’s case, she either cooks from scratch at home and uses sea salt, or, when she eats out, is really only for date night and is eating at higher end restaurants maybe once a week that use sea salt (she called individual restaurants to ask this). I don’t know if this is something they regularly test for as part of blood work… she said it was like flipping a switch two weeks into the iodine drops and doesn’t feel exhausted all the time now.

      1. My household only uses kosher salt because iodized salt tastes funny to us. I have Hashimoto’s so I doubt it matters to me, but my husband was advised that he needed some source of iodine.

        The “goiter belt” used to be a real thing in America; I wonder if it’s coming back!

      2. If you’re vegan and not cooking with iodized salt, you probably are iodine deficient. I had been using sea salt, but when I went from vegetarian to mostly vegan, I made a point of using more iodized salt.

      3. This is actually an excellent point.

        I purposefully still keep Iodized salt in my salt shakers for this reason.

      4. Trader Joe’s high potency chewable vitamins have 100% of the RDA of iodine and it’s from kelp.

    12. There are a lot of things you could ask your doctor about.

      If your doctors are using levels to monitor the success of pernicious anemia treatment, they’re not following best practices. Levels aren’t considered reliable on treatment because B12 injections can cause false elevations on labs. Symptom tracking is considered a more reliable guide to finding an injection schedule that maximally prevents symptoms. Fatigue can be a neurological symptom that can improve on neurological dosing schedules. Fatigue can be a million things, but ruling out the possibility that it’s inadequate treatment for a condition you already know you have seems like a kind of obvious place to start.

      With thyroid, a lot of women report feeling better when treated to the standards required for TTC. It may be worth checking your bloodwork to see if it’s within the “good enough for a pregnancy” range as opposed to the “good enough for a woman” range.

      If you have pernicious anemia, your stomach acid may be low which makes iron absorption a lot harder! I’ve found that some doctors are very cavalier about the malabsorption caused by low stomach acid, whereas others take it more seriously. Some doctors recommend taking the ascorbic acid form of vitamin C alongside iron supplements to improve absorption. Supplements like zinc carnosine and betaine HCL are sometimes derided as functional medicine, but some of my real doctors think they’re worth a try if we can tolerate them.

      Bloodwork is not as sensitive for nutritional deficiencies as dietary intake tracking. If you’ve never worked with a dietician, it may be worth trying if you can find a vegan-friendly one. There are also trackers like Fitbit and Cronometer that you can use to check if your nutritional intake is adequate or not.

      Fatigue certainly can be part of long COVID, and they’re still researching it trying to understand how it works (neuroinflammation? orthostatic intolerance as part of dysautonomia? microclots resulting in impaired oxygen uptake?). But I would want normal stuff ruled out too (e.g. sleep apnea) if this continues.

    13. Pernicious anemia is a serious health concern and is probably the reason why you’re tired. I am a vegetarian so I completely get it, but I would consider temporarily eating an animal source of b12 to see if it makes a difference.If you haven’t already done it, perhaps seek a second opinion to look for health problems that could be related to pernicious anemia like other autoimmune conditions.

      1. Pernicious anemia hasn’t been treated with animal food sources of B12 for generations. It was a huge medical discovery that eating enough liver could keep PA patients from dying from megaloblastic anemia, but we later learned that injected B12 could prevent neurological symptoms as well and that became the standard of care.

        Animal foods can be good sources of other nutrients like choline which can be important for aging women (a surprising number of women don’t get enough dietary choline).

    14. Thank you all for taking the time to respond!

      I got busy at work but will read and print out your comments so I can talk to my doctor as applicable.

      For the pernicious anemia, I can’t absorb B12 through my stomach, so I eating meat won’t ever fix that particular problem. My body is missing intrinsic factor which is the way B12 is converted for absorption in the body when you eat something.

      1. Can you share more about why you are on Benzos for sleep, how long you have been on it and how that correlates with your symptoms? You definitely should see a sleep specialist before thinking about asking for a sleep study for OSA from your primary care doctor if you don’t have other risk factors/signs (Ex. Do you snore? Have you had witnessed apnea episodes during sleep? Are you overweight?) If you did have OSA, benzos would also make it worse.

        1. Sure. I have taken lorazepam on and off for probably 15+ years (I feel like I always have a script laying around). Originally, as needed for anxiety but for the last year or so consistently for sleep (I struggle to fall asleep and stay asleep despite yoga, exercise, meditation, good sleep habits, etc.). I took Trazadone for like 5 (or more?) years but then it stopped working and was making me feel groggy. My low energy/fatigue symptoms started long after I started taking the lorazepam and feel very different than how I felt taking trazadone.

          1. Sooo…not to beat a dead horse but the onset of sleep problems in the last year, when you were 42, says to me you really do need to think about perimenopause being part of the issue. For many women, sleep problems are the first clear symptom. Before you dismiss it as “I’m way too young” – I have a friend who is fully menopausal, no periods in 2 years, at 47 and a coworker who was done at 48. It’s worth talking to your GYN about.

          2. “I have taken lorazepam on and off for probably 15+ years”

            This is insane to me. Have you tried to treat the root cause of your sleep issues rather than become dependent on benzos?

          3. It is definitely true that the perimenopausal period for many of is likely a decade.

            I was really upset when my primary care doctor used to just dismiss me when I asked…. could it be perimenopause….? Only when I finally saw someone who cared about menopause did they confirm, yes of course….

          4. So I started perimenopause recently. It’s early – I’m only 37 – but I knew from some fertility related issues it might be an issue for me. It completely wrecked my sleep and for months now I cannot stay asleep past 3 am without a sleep aid. My doctor just wrote it off as “tired mom of toddlers with big job who might be depressed” and tried to hand me anti anxiety meds. I had to go see my OB and beg to be tested and within a day had the confirmation: perimenopause and incredibly low testosterone. Maybe see if they’ll test you? It was just a simple blood test.

      2. One thing that comes to mind when reading your original post is electrolyte imbalance. I assume you are hydrating throughout the day and mostly with water? If that’s the case, you may want to get an electrolyte drink – I use the stick packets and add them to water. This would be like Liquid IV, CURE, or Hydrant hydrate (these are the favorite of one of our company physicians). I get really tired/foggy headed and “dumb” after working out if I haven’t been on top of this.

        1. Thanks for the suggestion! I drink about two cycling bottles of water during my workout and then drink about 36 – 48 oz of water the rest of the day but electrolytes is an easy thing to try, thanks!

      3. Get more good quality rest, replace some exercise and recreation with restorative yoga and guided meditations. Have afternoon naps.

        Digestive enzymes, probiotics and multivitamins to support your gut to get the most nutrients from your food.

        Avoid artificial sweeteners, colors and flavours. Avoid artificial fragrances, fabric softeners, perfumes and reduce your toxic load to make it easier on your body.

        Read up on MEAction on what people do to recover from post viral syndrome.

    15. could be the low ferritin. try a heme based iron pill (simply heme, not vegan) or infusions if you can get them. if you take the pills you need a lot (like 100g/d). also be sure you are taking your current ones with vitamin c, and away from food (since a ton of foods block iron absorption).

  6. Has anyone here had GeneSight testing and found that they were homozygous for the C6777T gene? I know that it’s something where they just give you supplements of the metabolized form of folate (or something my chemistry words are failing me). Interested in the lived experiences of others. THis is all news as of last week.

    1. Should probably talk to the doctor under whose supervision you did this testing.

    2. Yup! Been there doing that. I’m not sure if the folate supplements help with my mood/focus like they are supposed to, but the long term health effects are things I would really prefer to avoid, so I keep taking them. I also had a healthy baby from my first pregnancy, when most of my female relatives have had miscarriages/stillbirths.

      I already take daily meds and vitamins, so it isn’t a major chores. My doc recommend Jarrow brand, because not all of them are tested as advertised. And they do lose oomph relatively quickly, so it’s best not to stock up to far in advance.

      1. Yes. This cured PMDD for me. I haven’t need psych meds since. It’s understudied, but my psychiatrist heard about it at a conference.

  7. I have an oversized reversible faux fur coat from my spouse’s late grandmother. It’s black on one side, leopard print on the other and comes to just above my knees. It has an enormous fluffy hood in the same faux fur. What does this coat go with? Everything? I’ve decided it’s perfect for feeling fabulous at all times and I shouldn’t wait for special occasions to wear it, but what are the best options?

    1. It goes with everything. Wear at all possible times. Pls. Begging you. If I had, I would.

    2. I would wear that to every restaurant fancier than a McDonald’s, to be quite frank! Sounds utterly fabulous.

    3. Everything!

      I was gifted a third hand real fur coat (old enough that the animals would have died of old age) and I wore it to every fancy event I could – symphony, alumni cocktail events, you name it.

      1. But they didn’t die of old age and wearing fur continues to influence demand. You do you. But let’s at least be honest about it.

        1. LOL, nice try. First, I can almost guarantee you that you have leather in your car, purse, wallet, shoes, or other items. Leather bound books?

          Second, as an almost lifelong vegetarian, I’m here to tell you that your “influencing demand” argument doesn’t hold water as it applies to second hand products, especially those given on a closet clean out. We see that all the time here – people buying secondhand because they dislike the manufacturing processes for clothes. I have long heard that faux fur and faux leather are bad because they “influence demand” for real fur and real leather. Eventually, something is so attenuated that complaining about it just makes you look like someone trying to score cheap moral points.

          1. Um, because folks seeing you dressed up for your events know it was part of a closet clean out that was second hand or third hand??? You are creating demand my friend.

            You’re wearing an animal that didn’t die of natural causes. It didn’t age. How old the coat is had literally nothing to do with redeeming vale.

            Justify if you will but it didn’t need to die. No one is eating mink or chinchilla or fox. It has one use—death.

        2. Let’s fill the oceans with plastic from fast fashion, but heaven forbid we wear a fur coat that already exists.

      2. I have a hand me down stole, not even sure what kind of fur, but it’s the width and length of a winter muffler/scarf. I wore it with my wool coat occasionally. One restaurant we went to was chilly and I left the stole on until our food came out. I thought the lady at the next table was going to choke on her food the way she was staring daggers at me. I don’t think I influenced anyone haha. But the foxes or whatever are long dead, let’s get some use out of it!

    4. As someone who lives in a place where coats are rarely needed, please where this EVERYWHERE. For me!

    5. Wear it whenever possible, with a simple outfit in solid colors so the coat can shine.

    6. Wear it everywhere with everything! Going out to dinner in a dress and heels? Wear it! Going to walgreens in Ugg boots and sweatpants? Wear it!

    7. I would wear it:
      with a brewery tee + jeans + sneaks to the park
      over a short dress + tights + booties to dinner
      (depending on the cut of the coat) with a kinda retro-shaped hourglassy dress and heels, lotsa eyeliner, pretending to be rockabilly
      over a big shirt + leggings + boots look for lowkey friend hangs

  8. I am going to have 3 days in Tokyo at the end of some work travel and am looking for tips. I’ve been to Japan previously, but haven’t had too much time for fun. I’ve spent about 1.5 days playing tourist in Tokyo.

    Any must sees or fun experiences? Any day trips I should take?

    1. Early AM breakfast sushi by the fish market! Buying makeup in a fancy department store! That insane crosswalk! The National Museum! I’m envious.

    2. Hi! Been to Tokyo many times. In the city, if you want to stroll through lanes of vintage/secondhand stores and some cafe scene, try Shimokitazawa (“Shimo”). Daikanyama is also really cool. If you haven’t been to Harajuku (including Takeshita Street, teeny-bopper shopping) that is neat but crowded on the weekends. For high-end shopping Ginza and Omotesando, even if just window shopping. Have you been to Ueno Park? Finally, if you want a high-end secondhand bag/jewelry/leather accessories, Tokyo is my top pick for cities around the world. They don’t mess with authenticity and the prices and condition are excellent! Some stores even look like a department store (e.g.,Komehyo in various locations but love the Shinjuku locations in particular). The USD-Yen rate is still really good. If you’re going this Spring, check if the forecast has cherry blossoms in bloom! They have an official forecast website. If it is, hanami (flower viewing) season is such a fun festive time with street vendors and special cherry-color drinks, including sparkling wine! Enjoy!

      1. I’ll definitely check out Shimokitazawa (“Shimo”) and Daikanyama.

        I’d LOVE some fine leather goods, and will try Komehyo!

        Good point on the flowers. As it gets closer, I’ll see if I’m in luck. Thanks!

    3. For Tokyo I just like walking around various shopping neighborhoods/districts without any real plans. Which neighborhood depends on your interests (modern gaming, clothes, traditional crafts, books and antiques all have their own spots). If you’re into art museums, you can check out Teamlab Planet.
      For day trips or overnight trips check out Kamakura (coastal temple town) and/or Hakone (mountain hot springs town). There are various train passes for these destinations, notably the Hakone Kamakura Pass by Odakyu Railway that will cover transportation to and around both of them over 3 consecutive days.

      1. If you have traditional crafts or antique spot recs, please share!!! I’d love to come home with some beautiful things!

        Also, Hakone sounds LOVELY!

      2. Kamakura has the largest sitting Buddha in the world. You can even go inside him (he’s hollow). I’d also try to hit the Inari museum (the blue and red colored porcelain). GORGEOUS. I went to the Diet building once and had a nice young man show me around –totally free and unexpected to have a private tour!

    4. I’ve only been once for a generous week, but apart from the things I had in my mind that I wanted to see (like the Shibuya crossing and Shinjuku station and district), I really loved staying in an upmarket hotel’s women’s only floor, having sushi at a place with a proper little sushi train with the chef in centre, sitting in queue for an itzakaia, visiting the Muji flagstore, testing all sorts of vending machines, seeing the arts museums… I loved shopping at the convenience stores for lunch more than clothes shopping, but the Japanese beauty and skin care game is fab.

  9. I’m looking to FINALLY invest in a work bag. I recently landed my dream, “glass office with a door” job and I’m in the office + in person meetings at least 3 days a week.

    I don’t want a Neverfull-type bag since a lot are just printed canvas, want it to have a top zipper or some type of clasp, and would like to keep it under $2k.

    Bonus question: any other items that “elevated” your look/life when you got to this level would be great! I have a decent wardrobe that got me through law school and the last five or so years, but who doesn’t love an excuse to treat yourself? :) I don’t need to wear suits everyday and can have some creative freedom with my style! Thanks!!!

    1. I’d save the money and get the Cuyana tote everyone seems to have and love, with the optional crossbody strap.

      1. Check out Italic. They source from luxury manufacturers but at a fraction of the price. Leatherology also seems to be coming out with more structured work totes that look sleek.

        I have a Fendi Peekaboo and a LV checked leather tote (both handed down to me by a relative) that I occasionally tried to bring to my biglaw office where everyone carries these things, but neither was handy for work. They were the right size but kept slipping off the shoulder, too heavy, too precious, etc.

    2. Congratulations!

      What kind of bag are you looking for? Do you want something that can hold a laptop or papers? Or just a beautiful purse?

      I got a dream promotion last year and started investing in higher quality items (mostly MM LaFleur, but I adore dresses from the Fold). I didn’t make any other upgrades, but did use a part of my bonus to buy a beautiful right hand ring. My ring is my reminder to myself that while I feel like an imposter, I belong right where I am.

        1. Not the OP but I just had one commissioned from Bario Neal and I highly recommend them. It incorporates my, husband, kids birthstones plus a blue sapphire which is my engagement ring stone.
          Amazing customer service and such unique rings.

        2. I also have an emerald cut sapphire as my right hand ring! Two small diamonds on either side – I love it. I got mine through James Allen (note, a blue green sapphire, which is a slightly lighter blue, gets you a bigger stone for the $).

    3. Days where I need to add a jacket have gotten more numerous in this type of a role – I’d look for 2-3 that can ‘officialize’ an average office outfit last minute. For me that’s black (since I wear a lot of gray pants with solid tops) and a navy-based tweed.

      FWIW practically no one sees my office tote – people just carry laptops to meetings – so if you want that to be the statement piece that elevates any outfit, before committing, consider how much you’ll actually be carrying it around inside your building.

      1. I don’t have it but this was the only one that has turned my head in months. If I were looking for splurge bag, this would be it. (Labels do nothing for me)

    4. BigLaw Equity Partner here and I have a Lo & Sons Seville as my daily bag and use the travel shell (and often leave that on for months, TBH). The top zippers. Mine is 5+ years old and not treated gently. In that time, I haven’t found a better bag and haven’t felt the need to replace. You can spend more, but spending less that gets the job done about as good as it can be frees up your funds for other things (4% CDs, etc.).

    5. Congratulations!
      I kind of agree with the folks below to just buy a good work tote (Cuyana/Lo and Sons/Tumi/Dagne Dover) and use the rest of the money for accessories. I buy myself a piece of jewelry to commemorate big work milestones – previously I’ve gotten Mikimoto pearl earrings, Tiffany knot earrings, a set of platinum and diamond stacking rings, and emerald and diamond drops. I also treated myself to a (small) shopping spree at the Fold during one work trip to London and I still have and treasure those pieces.

      1. +1 to this. My “Treat Yo Self”/celebration purchases are jewelry pieces; I feel those will be more enduring than bags. I do have a spendy bag that I bought with money from a really challenging side project, and I like owning it, but the bottom line is if I use it – it will eventually look used. And I’ve already decided, once that happens, I’m not buying a new spendy bag unless we’re just so rich at that point that $3k is like nothing for me.

        FWIW my “daily driver” bag is also a Lo & Sons Seville and as long as I can continue to find shells for it, I probably won’t change any time soon.

    6. Personally I wouldn’t spend $2k on a work bag. I would get a really good quality (and still spendy) tote like a Tumi.

      1. +1 for team Tumi, especially as if you look around that’s the bag that your male counterparts have. If the issue is that you need something designer to satisfy the “price of admission” component at certain events (it’s the world we live in), I would do an LV wallet in not the classic logo print that you can carry with you or just buy a classic designer purse (but you will probably need to bust into the mid-2000s for that).

    7. I have a Tod’s tote bag that I really like for work. It has a snap closure at the top.

    8. I love my matching Brahmin briefcases, purses and wristlets. I always get a matching set.

    9. I LOVE my Christian Louboutin Cabata tote. It’s less than an LV, but just as practical. It doesn’t zip, but does have a clasp in the middle that keeps it closed. The red bottom like a sole just makes me happy.

    10. I would get a reasonable work bag (cuyana, tumi, etc.) and then spend on a designer wallet with chain to put in it that holds cell phone, lip gloss, etc.. You can use that if you go to lunch, etc. and also on the weekends. What I’d really spend the money on if you don’t already is hair. Good cut, highlights, blowouts, curly hair products, whatever you need to do to make it look good. For me, having good hair is 90% of feeling good about my appearance.

    11. My sister bought a LV bag when she got a bigger than usual bonus and used it as her daily work bag. She carried the usual work laptop (smallish) and wallet/iPhone/keys etc. She didn’t use it as a gym bag or diaper bag or anything.

      After not very long the seams on the handle started to come undone and the corners showed more wear than you’d expect. She took it to LV and they chastised her that she was using the bag too often and that it wasn’t meant to be an “everyday” bag!

      I would not give them a dime of my money.

    12. Buy a bottega Veneta hobo. You’ll use it for life and your shoulders will thank you. Please don’t waste the money on Lo&sons as someone will invariably recommend it to you here.

    13. I was in a similar position (starting new c-suite job and wanted to treat myself to a nice work bag) recently. After trying out a ton of bags that didn’t quite work in a wide range of prices, I finally landed on the Tumi Sidney business tote. It can fit everything I need (laptop, papers, sunglasses, water bottle, etc), it has zippered compartments and lots of pockets/organization, the shoulder strap is a nice length, nice leather but not too flashy… It was a lower price point than I was willing to spend, and then I splurged on a more expensive and cute small LV pouch that I can carry in the bag and pull out as needed to hold my wallet, phone, keys, lipgloss if I want to run somewhere for a coffee break or lunch. Best of both worlds.

      After I FINALLY settled on this combo, I did see that gorgeous kaai pyramid bag on this site and I think that would’ve also been a lovely contender.

  10. What are your go-to, easy to make dinners on vacation? Will be staying at a VBRO with another family with kids on a ski trip for almost a week. Omnivores, no allergies. We’re taking turns being in charge of dinners.

    We‘re in a big city (aka Trader Joe’s and Costco access) and can do some food prep here before leaving. Will be driving and bringing a medium-sized cooler. The destination has grocery stores (but not great restaurant and takeout options unfortunately)

    I know we’ve talked about this before but my mind is drawing blank in the haze of packing.

    So far I have pasta + red sauce + meatballs and Costco prepared foods (suggestions on which ones?)

    1. Taco bar, grain bowls, basically anything you can set out buffet-style, where prep work is limited to you cooking a protein, dicing veggies and setting out condiments. Let people assemble everything themselves.

      1. +1, add baked potato bar with chili to this type of meal

        Frozen pizzas and bagged salad

        1. I love a baked potato bar!! You could have sliced chicken or other protein to put on top too. Yum!

          1. I used to order catering for meetings and let me tell you, people LOVE a baked potato bar. AND it’s cheap. Make sure you have some vegan chili and it’s good for just about anyone.

      2. This is the way to make everyone happy. Mediterranean rice bowls are another option. Chicken, frozen falafel, hummus, feta, olives, other veggies… FYI make your own pizza sounds like a good idea but in reality it’s hard to bake everything at the same time.

        Get bread, tortillas, and cheese so people can use the leftover chopped veggies to assemble their own sandwich or quesadilla for lunch.

        1. Seriously. Sheet pans and my slow cooker are the backbones of my kitchen. Big fancy meals are saved for Sunday nights.

    2. My experience with skiing is that people want something warm and substantial. In your shoes, I would pick up as many Costco rotisserie chickens as needed for your group size (on the theory that everybody likes chicken), a package of Costco mashed potatoes that you can stick in the microwave, and stuff for a big salad.

        1. +2- My interest in cooking while on vacation is at the absolute nadir, and so farming out the work to costco is the way to go.

          Costco also makes great soups and salads and mac+cheese and veggie trays.

    3. Chili could also be a good option to build on the “bar” suggestion above. You make a big pot and then put out all the options for toppings. Plus, if you’re putting beef in it, instead of doing meatballs, you could do a meat sauce and then purchase more of the meat in bulk between the two meals.

      1. Along these lines – you could grab two (or more if you’re a big group) rotisserie chickens and have one for dinner and then shred the meat on the second for chili/tacos/bowls a second night.

    4. I like to eat well on vacation so frozen pizza and jarred sauce ain’t it. Do you have a grill? Id do a lot of grilling.

    5. Big hits I’ve made in the past for similar trips were BBQ pulled pork sliders with slaw, taco bar with lots of veggies chopped on the side, poached fish (if you all like fish – the TJ’s frozen salmon is great), baked ziti, roasted chicken pieces (sheet pan – chicken on one tray, roast veggies on another), or braised beef/beef stew. I’d grab 1-2 bagged salad kits as a base (the coleslaw mix and cruciferous crunch at TJs are two faves). It got me some side eye from my husband/the other family but I’ve lugged our big slow cooker on these trips before and it was SO handy – both times the air bnb kitchen had almost no baking sheets and it was so handy to get dinner in the slow cooker while another adult cleaned up breakfast and come home to the main course being ready.

      1. +1 We stayed somewhere once with a slow cooker and it was lovely to start soup in it in the morning, and have it ready when we came back from a big day of hiking.

    6. We’ve done crockpot pulled pork made at home and packed in ziploc freezer bags stuck in a cooler for the drive. Easy for the first night with buns and salad or something g

    7. We stay in a cabin every summer for a week. We more or less have a rule of not repeating our usual weeknight meals while on vacation. We grill a lot when there so

      Local sausages browned and then simmered in a tomato sauce for sort of a Sunday gravy. Sausages out onto a platter. Pasta finished in the tomato sauce. Garlic bread and green salad on the side.

      Grilled or roasted lamb chops with roasted tiny potatoes and whatever local veggies looked good or a salad.

      Hamburgers cooked on the grill with tater tots. The local tiny grocery has some really good local pickles.

      One night is us usually cheese, salami, and crackers.

      Local fish cooked in foil packets with rice a roni and a salad.

      At some point no one will feel like cooking so that’s leftover night.

      And as my kids have always looked forward to, we buy sweet cereal for vacation when we usually don’t at home. They either each pick out their own box or we get one of those variety packs.

    8. My easy go-to dinner is seasoned chicken thighs and a roasted veg like precut broccoli florets. Get two sheet pans. For the chicken: spray Pam, spread out chicken thighs, season with lemon pepper spice. For the veg: coat in olive oil, salt, and pepper, and spread in a single layer. Cook at 425-450 for ~25 minutes. Serve with premade rolls and bagged salad.

    9. Ski trip for me means filling comfort foods. Winter foods.

      Costco favorites:

      Their huge Chicken Pot pie. Grab some of their salads for sides.
      Meatloaf and mashed potatoes
      Their rotisserie chicken. Use it for the Chili or make your own tacos/quesadillas/fajitas.
      A couple of the big Costco pizzas! So cheap, and it will be nice and hot…. better than having pizza delivered.

      1. I don’t have a Costco membership but reading your list of suggestions makes me want to go and get one!

    10. Chicken or turkey pot pies. They are perfect after a day of skiing, take an hour to bake–just the right amount of time to have appetizers and beverages, and everyone loves them. Add a veggie on the side, and ice cream for dessert. Also, steak, baked potatoes, and microwavable green beans, in a bag in the produce section. Almost no cooking!

  11. Has anyone gone through the PMF program- I just found out that I’m a finalist for this year!

    I would love to hear more about the pros/cons of federal service as well as advice on seeking out an appointment that best matches my skillset (accounting/finance/budget).

    1. I am not a fed, but my husband is (with a similar skillset). A HUGE pro in my opinion is the ability to completely switch jobs (like to a new agency, in a new location) but still retain all seniority, benefits, vacation and sick days, which are very generous in the federal government. The consistent step increases and pay band jumps are great too. He keeps an eye on the agency rankings with regard to employee satisfaction and used that to plot out his job applications when he would decide he was ready to move- you might want to consider consulting that as you’re looking at appointments. The best thing about your skillset is that literally every agency needs a budget so you should have a ton of options.

      Cons are the firing process is very difficult in the federal government so he definitely works with some dead weight, which can be very frustrating. He’s high up enough that he deals with political appointees, which as you can imagine have swung wildly in the past few years and can bring its own set of issues. He could maybe make more in the private sector, and we’re pretty tied to the DC area (which is fine, my job is too, but something to think about). Good luck!

    2. Lots of my grad school (MPP) friends were PMFs and I think they all found it helpful for jump starting careers in federal service. AFAIK, they’re all still in the federal government, and I think even same departments, but have moved up the ranks.

  12. I know we have had a number of people post about Paris and I have read all of your suggestions with great interest. I apologize if someone has already answered this, but I could not find a response in my search. Has anyone done a Seine dinner cruise? If so, which company and what did you think?

    My travel companion would really like to do the nighttime cruise to see all the lights, and I am trying to narrow down the multiple options.

    Thank you!

    1. Le Calife was very good! I did it per recommendations here. Dinner was tasty, atmosphere was nice and somewhat upscale, departure timing allowed us to cruise down the river in daylight and see the Eiffel Tower at night all lit up before heading back to the dock. I booked it in advance on their website fyi.

    2. FWIW, I think the dinner cruise is not worth the $$ compared to a 45-min open air type cruise, because rather than just enjoying the night air and looking at all the pretty uplighting, you’re distracted eating.

      For a lovely low key open air cruise to pair with dinner after, we have enjoyed Ved*tt*s du Pont Neuf, and we brought a bottle of Champagne along BYO.

    3. We did a dinner cruise once (can’t remember company name) but did it on our arrival day. It worked out well to do it that day – easy way to see a lot of sights when you are tired and forces you to stay up and avoid jet lag!

    4. I did a late dinnerless cruise on the Le Bateau after I had a nice dinner at a restaurant. I think I prefer it this way. My restaurant food was so much better!

      Fyi my favorite place for dinner solo is Chez Monsieur on the right bank. I went there before my post-dinner cruise. I went to Paris two years in a row at the same time of year, related to a conference, and believe it or not, the host remembered me! (Not just oh madame welcome back, but remembered where I am from and other details!)

    5. We did Bateaux Parisiens and thought it was great. We’re definitely food snobs, and while it wasn’t the best meal we had, it was good and the wine was plentiful. We paid extra to sit right next to a window and the views were great. It left from basically right under the Eiffel Tower and lasted about three or four hours?

  13. I’m recently married at 39. We want to start trying for our first child. I’ve been tracking my periods for years, and they’re regular while I’m on BC. I’m curious about people’s experiences going off BC. I’ve been on it for most of my life, since about 21.

    Should I proactively schedule an appointment with a fertility specialist or have any tests done? Women in my family have successfully had children later in life (late 30s/early 40s), but I want to best position myself to achieve this.

    1. I didn’t regain my cycle after going off BCP for a YEAR (I was 28). You don’t have the time I had, so if you don’t get your cycle back after 3 months, go to the doc (reproductive endo – lie about how long you have been off BCP if that’s what it takes to get in the door) and get Provera to see if that will jumpstart things. For me it took Provera plus clomid to get o v u l a t i o n and that plus timing was all it took for me. For my second and third kids, I tracked temps and was regular and it only took 2 months of trying or so for both of them.

    2. I was married at 38 and had my child at 39. I also had a family history of later childbearing, and my son was born without medical intervention. That being said, we have not been able to have a second child. My thoughts are as follows:

      – I’d go off hormonal BC ASAP. Regularity of your period on hormonal BC really doesn’t tell you about your cycles, because that “period” is technically a “withdrawal bleed” – you’re not ovulating while you’re taking hormonal BC. I got my normal cycle back quickly but it takes some women months.

      – Yes, schedule a consult with a fertility specialist even if you have to pay out of pocket. You will want baseline testing done so you can determine if you just have normal age-related concerns or if there are compounding factors. In addition to advanced maternal age, I found that I also have diminished ovarian reserve, which poses additional challenges for conception.

      – I definitely encourage taking your partner with you to the initial intake with the fertility specialist; it’s really helpful if both of you understand the factors that may make conception more difficult at this age and are on the same page about what you need to do. My husband did not understand that you can only get pregnant a few days a month, and also did not understand how low the odds of success are with IVF in your 40s. Hearing that from the doctor helped bring that all home to him and helped him be a better partner for all of this.

      1. OP here- thanks for this info! Did you need a referral to see a fertility specialist?

        1. This will depend on your insurance. In my experience, many RE clinics are fairly accessible for diagnostic testing and won’t require you to say you’ve been trying for a certain period of time.

    3. A fertility doctor normally won’t see you until 6 months of trying. Go off BC immediately and use condoms until you’re ready to be pregnant. It can take a while for your cycle to regulate regardless of age.

    4. Definitely see a fertility doctor – I would not wait 6 months due to your age. There are things you can take like Clomid plus a trigger shot to get timing right that are not invasive and can help. Good luck!

    5. Just my experience, and YMMV: I am 8 months pregnant with my first child. I’ll be 39 in May. I got married in September of last year. My now-husband and I began TTC in early 2021 (When I was 37) and I proactively scheduled an appointment with a fertility specialist in the fall of 2021 after several unsuccessful ovulation cycles. I underwent some testing (blood, imaging, and ovarian reserve) and my egg reserve looked good. It empowered me to keep trying to conceive without intervention. I got pregnant in July of last year and have had no issues throughout the pregnancy. My family history gave me a somewhat dim view of my chances: my aunt underwent several rounds of IVF at 40 to conceive my cousin, and my great-grandmother had stillborn twins at 36.

      My periods have always been regular while off BC, and I went off the Nuvaring in 2019 to optimize my chances while TTC. My advice would be to schedule an appointment and undergo testing proactively. You may get good news, and it may embolden you to continue to TTC without intervention.

    6. I don’t mean to get on your case for things that you can’t change now – consider this a PSA to women in their mid/late 30s who are dating seriously or engaged and want children:

      Get. Off. The. Pill. NOW.

      Birth control doesn’t mean you have a baby when you want one – it is a 98-99% reliable way to not have one. If you have a problem, hormonal BC masks it. Tracking your cycles while on BC doesn’t count because you don’t ovulate, and what matters when you’re tracking isn’t bleeding so much as ovulation (or lack thereof), as well as ovulation in relation to other parts of your cycle (ex. luteal phase deficiency).

      If you’re gardening before marriage, use a barrier method. They aren’t as reliable but they enable you to start cycle tracking and determine if there is a problem sooner. If you wind up pregnant two months before your wedding so what? You’re not in high school anymore and you’re not in a FWB situation – your bigger worry is infertility.

      Sorry if this is flippant… I got married at 37 and started cycle tracking the week after I got engaged, basal body temperature and mucus and all that.

    7. I would wait to schedule a fertility appointment until you’ve tried for a couple cycles, assuming you are ovulating. Fertility doctors probably would want you to try some natural cycles if you’ve never attempted it. They can look at things like your egg reserve but that isn’t the end all be all – I have a low reserve but still have gotten pregnant naturally several times. IME the best way to get pregnant is to go off of birth control and immediately start tracking your ovulation. Have sex about every other day leading up to and after ovulation, or even just every other day if that is your jam. If you’re not sure if you ovulate, fertility can look for this via ultrasound. I would just be leery of taking drugs like clomid if you’re not sure that you need them, unless you are fine with the potential side effects like having twins.

    8. In some (most?) areas, it can be 2-3 months before you can get an appointment with a fertility specialist when you call. And then much of the testing has to be done at specific times of your cycle. I would make the appointment now, you can always cancel.

      Depending on insurance, the testing may be very cheap. I’m doing it alone, so nothing after the testing is covered. But the initial testing only cost me around a hundred on two different insurance plans (did it at 34 and then again at 38 when I was ready to move forward)

    9. Super late reply, but in case you’re still reading this: how many kids do you want? If it’s more than one you should go see an REI ASAP and plan for IVF/egg freezing. Even if you just want one, I’d still personally see an REI for initial eval sooner rather than later (fertility unfortunately starts to plummet after 37).

    10. You have some good advice. On the flip side, be prepared that you could get pregnant as soon as you go off the pill. Try to be flexible, biology is complicated and messy :) I would also think about what you would do if you can’t have children biologically. How far are you interested in pursuing options.

  14. How do celebrity women get their bodies to look as though they never had kids, when that seems at odds with what most people say about what pregnancy does to your body? I saw a photo of Gigi Hadid on the cover of Elle for this month, and she’s so skinny and seems to have no loose skin etc.

    I’ve never given birth, but I’ve always heard that your body never goes back to the way it was before. What do people mean by this? Is there a lot of extra skin and scars? Or just weight gain? It seems like every celebrity woman who’s had children looks exactly the same afterwards so I’m wondering if people overstate what pregnancy does to you.

    1. Was it definitely a post-baby photo? For the cover of a magazine like Elle, it may have been shot months ago (pre-pregnancy or in the very early days or something).

      Not that that negates your question necessarily!

      1. Gigi had her daughter in 2020, so almost definitely a new photo. I’m with you on airbrushing, no photos on instagram or in magazines are real.

    2. Stretch marks are based on the kind of skin you inherit. Perhaps some celebs are lucky, and those who aren’t probably aren’t showing their bellies. Not gaining too much weight in pregnancy is probably something a model would be very focused on, especially Gigi of the “eat two almonds and chew them well” dame. I gained the recommended amount, though, and still have a little stomach flap forever. I could have a tummy tuck but I’m not going to.

      Age makes a difference too. I was 30 when I had my first and 37 when I had my last, and there was a huge difference in how well I bounced back. I would guess it’s even better (just that aspect) if you’re in your teens or 20s.

      But don’t forget that anything you see in print is highly retouched.

    3. Combination of good genes (these are already genetically blessed people), extreme diets/exercise, surgeries, and most importantly for the magazine cover: photoshop.

      If anything people still UNDERstate what pregnancy CAN do to you. The key thing is: everyone is different. Some people do not have many lasting changes. Me, on the other hand: larger mid-section proportionally even when I lose weight; larger ribcage; stretch marks and loose skin; larger/saggier breasts; melasma on my face; and my feet grew an entire size. I was shocked at how much my body changed from pregnancy, and this contributed to some pretty serious postpartum depression. It’s important to make sure new moms know that this is a real possibility, and also it’s ok!

    4. They have resources to throw at it. They can spend a lot of their time exercising. They can have somebody prepare them healthy meals every single day. They can afford plastic surgery.

      1. This. They probably have hired help to take care of their new born, personal trainer, chef, personal assistant, no financial or work stress, etc.

    5. FWIW, my body looks the same as it did pre-kids, and I am not a celebrity. I think a lot of it is genetics. I have always been tall and very thin, and I went back to being very thin very quickly after having both my kids.

      1. But is your skin texture exactly the same? Are your hips exactly the same width? It’s about a lot more than just weight.

        1. Yes. I said my body looks the same as it did pre-kids, not that my weight is the same (though it is also the same ). My skin texture is also the same, no stretch marks.

      2. I know someone who is like this. Her 6 month pregnant belly was smaller than my food baby belly (and I’m 5-8, 140 lbs). Her 3rd month postpartum was way thinner than my normal.

      3. Same. I’m tall and naturally slim. I’ve had 2 kids. I gained about 30 lbs each time but because I’m tall, my belly was never that big. I don’t have stretch marks or loose skin, also due to genetics I’m sure. My mom is 5’4” and had 2 kids and has no stretch marks.

      4. This was my mom. A couple of kids in her twenties, rail thin pear shape before and after, no skin changes or weight gain until 20 years later for menopause.

    6. Some of it is luck/genes, I think. Also tonnns of working out or maybe even surgery. I will probably always have a squishy/poochy stomach after kids, even though I lost all the pregnancy weight and more while nursing. Also for many women, your literal bones shift around, pelvis gets wider, feet get bigger, etc., which is not something you can bounce back from.

      1. my feet are so much bigger! I used to buy 9 narrow, now I’m a 10 medium to wide, and in some shoes, a 10 isn’t even big enough!

    7. Most have surgery. Maybe some are genetically lucky, but the vast majority (plus many non celebrities) have a tummy tuck + other things. I think it affects people differently, but myself for example – I am tiny – like petite XS in most clothes, and the skin around my belly button will never be the same. I would love to have surgery, but my husband is very “love yourself as you are” and when I actually think about the concept of spending thousands of dollars on it, my practical side stops me. Hard to imagine spending all that money so I could wear a crop top!!!!

    8. Plastic surgery, prescription medications like Ozempic or stimulants to suppress their appetite, money and time to work with personal trainers and chefs. Plus airbrushing and filters.

    9. My body went back to the way it was before, sometimes it’s all down to genetics.
      That said, celebrities have people around them making sure they look a certain way so that they project a certain image. Celebrites have always been expected to meet a certain beauty standard and their stylists take advantage of anything that will make that happen be they products or surgery or extensive makeup or shapewear or airbrushing and filters.

    10. In my own experience, it was not pregnancy that changed my body. My body looked pretty much the same within a year of having my baby except for my bre*sts (I was still nursing) and completely the same within 2 years. I did not get stretch marks (genetics; my mother did not either). I did not have extra skin and if I have scars (from my episiotomy) there are not somewhere I can see!

      This is not a brag; my body changed quite a lot with menopause. But the people who say their bodies were never the same are the ones who are vocal and the ones whose bodies did not tend not to speak up. (Which is not to say that the former do not exist; only that it is not inevitable. My grandmother had 6 children and always said it was the last one – in her mid-30s – that changed her body, but that may just have easily been aging.) It is sort of like people who talk about labor and delivery; the people with horror stories are a lot louder than those of us whose labors were quick and easy.

      But also, never compare yourself to celebrities, and particularly celebrity photographs.

      1. This was my experience as well. Gained 40lbs with each pregnancy in my mid/late 30s and I was in pre-pregnancy jeans within a week, no stretch marks, hips/rib cage/feet returned to normal. I certainly downplay it when my friends make a big deal of it. I know it’s just luck or genetics that caused this result, and I would never want people to feel like they should have done something different to have the same result. Pregnancy and motherhood are hard enough without body image issues

    11. Celebrity women are celebrities because they are in the top .00001% most beautiful/genetically blessed people on the planet. I wouldn’t take literally anything about them or their bodies or their lives as representative of what you or the vast majority of women will experience.

    12. I gained a size in my waist, and the muscles are looser than they were before. Even though I am tall and long waisted, it feels like the muscles are too long for the space, so they kind of flop.

      Look at photos of mothers who are also competitive athletes and you can see that their bodies are toned but there is loose skin and some loose muscle in their abs. The muscle gets stretched out to about double its normal length during pregnancy and often doesn’t spring back.

    13. A lot of it is genetics but weight gain and age are big factors, plus celebrities are following eating plans, working with trainers, and so on. I still look pretty much the same in a bathing suit but my vagina is a horror show.

      1. And I should note that I look pretty much the same but that is after postpartum physical therapy. I would expect that all celebrities have specialized workout plans after baby.

    14. Honestly, it’s money and genetics for people like Bella Hadid. In terms of money, it’s not just cosmetic surgery and personal trainers, it’s stuff like every single piece of clothing being tailored, 24-7 nanny coverage, hair extensions (apparently it’s super common for women), decades of facials, etc. Also it’s not like photos aren’t approved by her team and I’m sure they are retouched.

    15. Youth and genetics. I went back to my before body within a year after both kids. No stretch marks. Everything snapped back, abs even came back. I had kids in my late 20s.

      Do I think that I can do that now that I’m mid 30s. Hah. Absolutely not!

    16. TBh I look the same post baby as I did pre baby. My stomach was softer for maybe a year but now my defined abs are back. I didn’t do anything special. I’m naturally thin and muscular. I was 32 when I had my child

    17. I think it varies a lot by the person. My mom had three kids – she was tiny before, she was tiny after, I don’t think she worked out once til she took on yoga in her 50s but she never had a touch of flab or a stretch mark. I had my first at 32 and was back to my pre baby body within a year. Had my second at 35, and 2.5 years later at still 5-10 pounds more than before, get a pooch and tummy flap if I skip a week of ab workouts, and I swear my rib cage is juuuuust a bit wider still than before. No stretch marks, but saggy boobs (in all their small B cup glory!). I don’t know if it was just repeat pregnancies (I had two miscarriages so my body has been through a lot) or being older. But I do think that with time, exercise, and a strict diet I could be back to where I was – it would just require a lot more work that frankly I’m too busy with my job and family to do right now!

    1. I am in the office in an open floor plan so everything needs to be open floor plan appropriate ! I sit next to my boss!

    2. Green tea boosts dopamine levels, so my go-to is a giant cup of it.

      Also – sunshine walk for Vitamin D and processing feelings.

      1. I swear green tea fixes everything. I like the Bigelow one with mint when I can find it.

          1. To each their own, but I have absolutely done sun salutations in a clean bathroom. I wouldn’t put my face on the floor in childs pose, but my hands/knees/tops of the legs? totally fine with me. I just washed my hands afterwards.

          2. I just realized you said floor exercises – I wouldn’t really consider sun salutations floor exercises like you’re probably envisioning. I missed the nuance!

    3. A Potbelly’s milkshake. It was my go-to awful-day-fix when I worked in Big Law. Something about the sugar and the fat really smoothed my emotions out and made me more zen. It could literally stop me from crying at my desk.

    4. Spotify + headphones + great playlist

      Alas I’m stuck in back to back meetings so this isn’t going to work for me.

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