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Updated: Jan 10, 2023 218 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Ezra Heels

Coffee Break

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black leather (low) heels with cutout details

It can be so difficult to find cute heels in wide widths! These comfortable-looking heels (with fun cutout details!) do come in wide sizes, as well as regular, though.

The shoes are available in three colors; the black and beigey options are $110, while the “red cabernet leather” (which looks weirdly like a fabric) is $71-$85. (The only place with any significant stock of the red ones are Zappos, though.) You can find them at Zappos, Nordstrom, and Naturalizer.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Some of our favorite comfortable wide heels as of 2024 include (below): 1) Sam Edelman 2) Naturalizer 3) Walking Cradles 4) A New Day (under $30!) 5) LifeStride (also, N.B.: the styles at Inez, Margot, Ally Shoes, and Poppy Barley all look great and come in wide widths!…) You can also try this link for a Zappos search narrowed to just the best brands and wide widths.

collage of 5 classic work heels available in wide widths

Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon

    when you receive a job offer, what is the maximum reasonable amount of time can you request before starting? for reasons, I cannot switch jobs for about three months from now. i just got a request for a phone screen and am wondering when, if at all, I bring this up. for my current job, it took about three months to get through the hiring process so I don’t want to bring this up if it’s going to become a non-issue. on the other hand, if things go quickly and I have an offer in a month, I don’t want to look unreasonable for asking for two months notice period. all avice appreciated!

    • Anon

      I wouldn’t bring it up until they ask about your availability, and I’d say you need to give X weeks as a courtesy. Assume the process will take several months. I recently started a job. The hiring process took about 3.5 months before a job offer. Don’t put in notice until you have a signed offer AND have passed any relevant background checks. A friend had a background check pending for like 3 additional months once, but fortunately she hadn’t put in notice.

      • anon

        A friend of mine had a background check pending for several months. In the meantime, the hiring partner moved from the firm that he had agreed to work for to a firm that had given him an offer but that he’d rejected. He’d also given notice to his employer. He was unemployed for about 6 months, basically until the next Big Law hiring cycle. (He has a very niche practice area.)

        • Anon

          I was once contacted as a background reference for a federal applicant. They were checking her friends and neighbors all the way back to high school!

          • Anon

            That would have been for a security clearance. Some jobs you can start without your clearance and you’re limited in what you can do til you receive it. Others you aren’t able to start and are in limbo til it comes through. Security clearances can take months, if not years, to process

    • Anon

      In phone screens or an early interview, they usually mention the hiring timeline, and if they don’t, I ask. I probably wouldn’t tell them you can’t start for three months at that point, but it will give you some idea of how much of a rush they’re in. Sometimes getting someone ASAP is a priority, other times it doesn’t really matter for the right person or it might even be a plus, like if the hiring process will be slow or the person who needs to train you will be busy or out of the office until then.

    • Anonymous

      I did six weeks before starting to ensure I hit a bonus and didn’t leave my existing company high and dry for a conference, and the new employer didn’t even give it a moment of pause (It was marketing, director level). I’ve had a couple of interviewing processes take several months as well. I’d say from my handful of friends that have switched recently, it’s been about 3 rounds of interviewing and taken around six weeks or so until the offer. So I wouldn’t even hesitate doing the HR screen at this point. The more senior the position, generally the longer the screening process and willingness to accommodate longer start periods from what I’ve observed. I wouldn’t even talk start dates until they bring it up.

    • Anonymous

      DH recently accepted 5 months from a candidate. He really wanted this particular person as a lot of the others were duds and he didn’t want to do a new search plus they had to move from another city and it was 5 months over their slow season. Move/slow season/tight hiring market/long hiring process would be factors anywhere I’d say.

    • Anon

      “What’s your timeline for hiring?” You don’t need to explain yourself and what you can and can’t do, just ask the open ended questions.

    • Anokha

      It’s unlikely to be an issue given how notoriously slow the hiring process can be. But, fwiw, I asked for 7 weeks off between jobs and no one batted an eye.

    • Ellen

      I would figure out what my maximum period is before I want to start, then add 3 more weeks. They will want you sooner than that, so if they chizzel off 3 weeks, you will wind up where you want to be. When I started with the firm years ago, I wanted to start ASAP b/c I needed to start paying maintenance, but I told the manageing partner that I needed a few weeks of “me time” between jobs. He gave me 3 weeks, but put me on the payroll right away to ensure that I did not go elsewhere. He said it was the best “lock-in” payment he ever made, b/c I signed a contract saying that I was starting right away, even tho I remained in my new co-op bingeing on DVDs for those first 3 weeks. YAY! But once I started working, I have never even really stopped!

  2. Wish I could expense my coffees

    I really don’t like working from home, and my company has an office but its a bit of a commute for me and not many people come in. So one a day when I don’t know for sure that people are coming in, its not necessarily worth it to schlep all the way there.

    I’m working from a coffee shop right now though and its perfect. Almost every person in here is on a laptop, so either the cafe is okay with it or at the very least used to it. There’s a little background noise, which is perfect. I can take short calls without it being a problem. The only issue is buying coffees or snacks adds up! Although I guess at the office I might buy lunch anyways.

    • Trish

      I have noticed that even the trendy coffee shops have annoying music – or, my ears are increasingly sensitive to music. But, I did find a good diner that is perfect!

    • Anon

      I’d love to do this but my company somehow banned the use of VPN on certain networks (like Starbucks).

      • Anon

        Is your work really sensitive or something? Because people are mad productive at Starbucks.

    • No Face

      I am mostly in the office, but I plan to work out of local university libraries from time to time.

      • Anon

        +1 I work out of our local public library and also our community nature center a lot. No pressure to buy things, and it’s quieter.

      • Anon

        Nice idea…. but how do you get it? In my city, I am not allowed in without an ID. I think one of the had a process of requesting limited access (like a 1x visit if I was a visiting scholar).

        I was going to check out my public library.

        • Anon

          Many (most?) university libraries are open to the public. I’m a professor and have been to a lot of university libraries. Not sure I can remember any that I’ve been to that were restricted (aside from special collections or certain areas), though I’ve certainly heard of it. I imagine it’s more common at schools where there’s not much separation between the campus and a big city and crime is more of a problem? Many of the places I’ve worked are sufficiently isolated that there just aren’t that many non-university people in the vicinity to even be an issue.

          • anon

            Really? At my law school and undergrad school, you couldn’t get in without swiping a badge.

          • Anon

            Yeah I’ve only heard of needing an ID to check out books, not to sit there and work. I work at a university, am married to a prof and the child of profs so I’ve been around a lot of university libraries. That said, I prefer our public library to the university library. It’s quieter and has a better ambiance, imo.

          • Anon

            Many universities have some specialty libraries that aren’t open to the public but the main library should be open to the public at least during normal business hours. I went to a school in a big city and our library was public.

        • No Face

          The closest university libraries to me are open to the public during business hours.

        • pugsnbourbon

          If the library isn’t accessible, maybe the student center/student hub?

      • Wish I could expense my coffees

        That’s a good question. I would spend $5.50 on train fare total + lets say I buy one coffee near the office, which I usually do = maybe $10 total

        Today I’ve spent like $20 on two coffees and a sandwich. So its definitely more but I could be more cognizant and go to less fancy coffee shops and it would be more similar

      • Anonymous

        Parking in my big city is $48 a day. Train fair is close to $10 for two-way or $300 per month for unlimited rides. That’s before factoring in anything with lunch or running to Walgreens if I forget something like aspirin. (Hotel office situation.) It’s one of the biggest reasons I love working from home. Quarantine was like getting a raise. That would need to be a lot of coffee. LOL.

    • Anon

      Do buy the coffee and snacks, though. It’s like the rent.

      I’m a little bitter because a coffee shop in my neighborhood that would otherwise be very convenient for me keeps changing hands. The last owner said in an interview it wasn’t workable for him because too many people camped out there all day without buying anything, which does keep other people from going in because there’s no place to sit.

      It just changed to a very mediocre sandwich place – no more espresso machine!

  3. Anonymous

    On the off chance someone has been in my shoes: I’m in the suburbs of a red flyover state, working from home for myself. I’m missing the kind of friendships I found in bigger cities where it felt like I was “leveling up,” if that makes sense. Any advice on where I should look – conferences, retreats, groups?

    • anon

      Does your community (or the larger city) have a Young Professionals Group? That’s the most likely source in my red state; unfortunately, I have aged out. LOL. After that, it’s mostly about a group specific to my industry, Rotary Club, and probably a few others I’m not thinking of.

    • Anon

      I don’t quite get what you mean by leveling up – are you looking for actual friends or a professional nework?

      How about joining something like Junior League in your area? My sister who lives on the outskirts of a city has met a lot of friends through that, as well as through playing tennis.

    • Anon

      Hey, I know the feeling. It’s rough.

      My advice: almost anything – conferences, athletic clubs (a lot of the good athletes around me are also successful professionals – engineers, doctors, authors), professional associations, alumni group for your university. See what clicks.

    • H13

      When I lived in a similar place I found my local women’s foundation to be a great resources. I was on a junior board of sorts and met amazing people.

    • Anonymous

      I’d look into professional-oriented exercise classes. Is there a big local gym or “athletic center” as some of them are called? Yoga studio?

      Also follow local breweries/distilleries/wineries for their events. A lot of them have paint and sip or other craft events that usually aren’t couple-y. It can feel a little awkward to go without a friend but you probably won’t be the only one!

  4. Anon

    These shoes are so pretty. Pre-pandemic I would have snapped them up, but my feet are spoiled and lazy now.

  5. Jellybean

    Is anyone familiar with the different brands that fall under the umbrella of “Tahari”? There seems to be Elie Tahari, Tahari, Tahari ASL and I’m also seeing T Tahari at Bloomingdales. I imagine it’s a difference in price point/quality, but is there some sort of guide as to how they compare with one another (and/or how they compare to other common brands)? And any experience with the quality? I have a dress that was gifted to me that I believe is just “Tahari” – fits great and has held up well despite it being about 15 years old. I’m wondering if that kind of quality is still there.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I think Elie Tahari is the higher-end/flagship line, but don’t quote me on that. I’ve found some Tahari items at TJMaxx and Nordstrom Rack and they’ve fit and held up well.

    • Cat

      Quality of Elie Tahari ~15-20 years ago was fantastic. The diffusion lines aren’t any different than mall brands at similar price points.

    • Anonymous

      Elie Tahari will have the quality you want. The others are priced similar to mall brands but have one step better quality than a mall brand.

  6. Helloooooo

    Hi all, Long-time lurker here. I might have commented a handful of times in the last 15+ years . . . I finally have a non-tenure track legal writing final interview coming up for a law school. It’s an all-day affair where I meet lots of administrators, the team and others. Also asked to mock teach a topic. Anyone else experienced this/been on the evaluation team? Advice and good vibes requested from this smart hive!

    • Anon

      I don’t think she comments here anymore, but I seem to recall that CountC was a legal writing adjunct professor.

    • Nesprin

      Have done academic interviews, but not law. I’d suggest taking a look at theprofessorisin which is an academic focused blog.

      Test out your teaching demo on anyone you can- make sure it’s seamless and interesting. Also- wear comfiest shoes since you may have to schlep between buildings, bring water and snacks, and hand sanitizer.

  7. Anonymous

    For those who cook often or cook well – any ideas for bottled or otherwise very easy stir fry sauces? Am trying to eat more vegetables, which I actually like. Normally I’ll stir fry up the vegetables, put them over pasta, and add a spoonful of olive oil or some cheese or some tomato sauce, so that the dish isn’t totally dry. I’d also like vegetables stir fried over rice the way you get in Asian food, yet am unclear on how to do that so I don’t just end up with a dry pile of vegetables and dry rice.

    I know some people say oh make your own stir fry sauce, but even the easy recipes online involve things I don’t keep at home all that often as someone who doesn’t cook much – like fish sauce, chicken stock, vinegar, brown sugar. And I know myself – I’m just trying to get a few healthy meals in, but the more complicated I make this, the more I won’t do anything at all and just eat toast for dinner.

    Flavors I like – whatever the brown sauce is in Chinese restaurants, garlic, ginger, and a reasonable amount of heat though nothing crazy. Flavors I don’t like – obvious fish taste, sesame, teriyaki, and I’d like to avoid jarred sauces that are a laundry list of chemical preservatives and MSG. I grew up in a home where we’d have this type of stir fry occasionally and my recollection is that everyone would just keep dousing the rice in soy sauce until it didn’t seem to dry – while that may have been ok at age 15, seems like a bad idea sodium wise at age 40. Ideas?

    • Anon

      Sauce for stir fry is, like, the easiest thing you can make. Soy sauce, vinegar, and brown sugar are VERY basic ingredients to have on hand. If you really want to eat more at home, commit to buying some groceries. Otherwise you’ll always have an excuse to get takeout.

      • Anon

        While I agree that stir fry sauce is easy to make, I sympathize with a desire to make it easy as possible and trust that OP knows her own food habits best. I find that the Kikkoman Teriyaki sauce is decent, although quite salty. I also like the Whole Foods house brand (cannot recall what is it called).

        My biggest complaint about pre-made sauces is that I get tired of the same flavor before I use all the sauce. If you add a jar of some Asian hot sauce you can make it spicier if that is what you like. Lime juice is also good to vary the flavor.

      • Senior Attorney

        I agree that if you’re going to cook at home, you are going to need a workable pantry. Brown sugar, vinegar, and chicken stock (or bouillon cubes) are basics that keep forever and should be on hand, as is fish sauce if you like to do Asian dishes.

    • Anon

      I like Soy Vey Veri Veri Teriyaki, but sesame and teriyaki are on your no-fly list. It’s not overly sweet, so might be worth a try if you want to branch out a little.
      Given what you wrote here, if I were cooking for you, I’d chop my veggies, heat the oven to 425F, sprinkle thoroughly with Five Spice Powder (I like Penzey’s), salt & pepper, drizzle with neutral oil, then put them in the oven. Stir/Push them around on the pan a time or two so they get evenly covered and take out when done to your liking.
      The ingredients you listed are all worth buying and keeping around even if you don’t cook that much – they don’t go bad.

    • Anonymous

      How do you feel about Indian flavors? The Patak brand sauces are good.
      You can also make a stir fry sauce from soy sauce, honey, garlic and ginger with some hot pepper flakes. Soy sauce and honey last forever. You can buy prepared garlic and ginger that will last a long time, also, or chop or grate and freeze the ginger and keep cleaned garlic cloves in the fridge for a decent time.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I make stir fry all the time. My general recipe is sesame oil, soy sauce, lime juice or rice vinegar, grated ginger (get a big piece, peel, and freeze), sambal olek (spicy chili paste) and brown sugar. I eyeball quantities and shake to combine in jar. You could swap the sesame oil for hoisin sauce and skip the sugar (it’s already sweet). Adding peanut butter or coconut milk gives it a different texture.
      I think otherwise you’ll just need to trial and error store-bought sauces.

      • Josie P

        These are all good ideas. Also, get your pan (or better yet, wok) SCREAMING HOT before you try to stir-fry, otherwise the veggies will steam instead of frying.

        Indian grocery stores also have ready made garlic and ginger paste. I love these and use them literally every day.

        • Gail the Goldfish

          Even my regular Public has ginger and garlic paste. It’s near the fresh herbs in the produce section.

          • Anon

            The little jars of Ginger/Garlic paste at Publix cost the same as a giant jar at my local Indian market.

          • Vicky Austin

            +1 – you can also find frozen cubes of ginger, garlic and even basil in some grocery stores near me.

        • Anan

          +1 for screaming hot. Also, if you don’t have a wok, you’ll get the most wok-like results if you don’t stir too much. Put your veggies in and don’t touch them for 2 mins to get a good sear/char. Stir it once or twice and let it sit again.
          My favorite simple combination is soy sauce and a healthy grind of black and white pepper.

    • Anon

      Check out Omsom, which I think was featured here in December. I really like their products.

    • Anon

      Get some Chinese black vinegar, mix it up with soy sauce and brown sugar, make a separate slurry of equal parts corn starch and water (just mix them with a fork), add that at the very end, and you’re going to come pretty close. The black vinegar makes all the difference.

      I also don’t like the “laundry list” of ingredients in pre-made sauces.

    • Anon

      PF Chang’s sells their sauces in grocery stores. Trader Joe’s sauces are pretty good.

      If you get into making your own stir fry sauce, buy the minced ginger cubes from the frozen section of Trader Joe’s. I don’t grate ginger for a lunchtime stir fry….

    • Anonymous

      for the lack of chicken stock, this is my shortcut – I bought a jar of chicken boullion powder, and mix a bit with however much water I need. powder is way easier to store.

    • Anonymous

      The “brown sauce in Chinese restaurants”might something like black bean sauce (dark brown and salty), hoisin sauce (chestnut brown and sweeter) or char sui sauce (reddish brown barbecue), oyster sauce (umami medium brown), they’re all easy to get in jars from brands like Lee Kum Kee – look at the ingredient list for the one you want, and check the spices and aromatics.

      To make your own from staples:
      Starch stirred out in a little water will make the gloopy bit of the sauce, use corn or potato starch, and start with a little cod water to avoid lumps, then add a little more water. You can add soy to this, or oyster sauce (or worchester) if you have that.

      While stir frying, add salt, sugar (plain white is fine!), ginger and chopped scallions/spring onions while you’re stir frying, and add the gloop at the end, volume to your taste, when you’re almost ready to serve. Add some garlic or chili while stir frying and you get a different flavor. Add fresh coriander and you get a different flavor.

      Ginger and chili freeze well, so you don’t have to have fresh on hand.

      To get the rice non-dry, you make sticky rice with jasmine rice. You can try vermicelli or rice noodles as an alternative if you’re not confident. Boil noodles as instructed, rinse in cold water in colander, add to stir fry after you’ve added the gloop. (I don’t really do a lot of gloop, but if you like the amount of sauce at a restaurant, you probably do.)

      • Hypatia

        Second all of this and suggest seeing if you have an Asian grocery near you where you can just buy a few bottles of sauce and test them out. I’d also get the Lao Gan Ma chili crisp paste – a little goes a long way toward deliciousness.

    • Anonymous

      Tai’s Thai for Thai sauces, check the label to see how hot each one is. Stonewall Kitchen for peanut sauce and marinades.

    • Anon100

      Friend, may I introduce you to the Easy Stir-fry recipe from Woks of Life?
      https://thewoksoflife.com/stir-fry-sauce-recipe/
      I make this all the time, and some times add a bit of hot chili oil if I want spiciness. The sauce isn’t hard to make once you have the ingredients, and several of the more obscure ingredients can be subbed by easier to obtain ones (for example in this recipe, Shaoxing rice wine can be subbed by Chinese cooking rice wine, which isn’t as flavorful but can be much easier to find at time; or specifically for me, I use a vegetarian oyster sauce made from mushrooms since I’m allergic to seafood.) Lots of these can be kept in their bottles for looong periods of time.

      Another sauce I’ve learned from HelloFresh is ginger, thai chiles, lime juice, a bit of stock, half teaspoon of sugar, and maybe a tablespoon of butter if you want a richer sauce.

  8. Anonymous

    What should I do with trade magazines? I have half a dozen subscriptions that come automatically with bar memberships, association dues, etc. I am in the process of unsubscribing to the print versions, although some of them won’t let me unsubscribe. I have a huge stack of magazines I have not read. When I do read them, there’s usually an article or two that I want to save for later, but in all honesty- I never do, and I never think to refer back to a stack of magazines when I’m researching. Maybe twice in my 10 years of practice, I’ve reached out to someone because of an article or found a referral. Do I just recycle the whole pile? get a nice box and stack them? Figure out my calendar to read them once a month? Help!

    • Marketiere

      I read the ones that interest me, then I share them amongst my reports in the office when I am done. They appreciate the additional industry/trade insight.

    • Anonymous

      leave them in the lunch room or break areas at work…at least, that’s what I do with mine!

    • pugsnbourbon

      Sometimes art teachers use them for collage projects, but that might be more of a hassle than recycling.

      • Vicky Austin

        This is probably publication dependent, although I bet you could do some fantastic blackout poetry with the Journal of Accountancy.

    • Anonymous

      Set a date on you calendar when you spend a bit of time reading them. If you find a useful article, scan and save with a descriptive title, including a date, to a cloud folder. Recycle the hard copy.
      If you have an existing pile, either spend a couple of hours tearing out the articles you want to keep and scan those, or just toss them. The pile will just grow otherwise.

  9. Anon

    How does everyone feel about Katie Porter’s Senate announcement? I personally wish she would have waited for Feinstein to announce retirement.

    • Anonymous

      Do we know that such an announcement is forthcoming? Or was this designed to force it?
      I am a long time Feinstein fan but she needs to retire (like several others on both sides of the aisle and in both chambers).

    • Anon

      Her campaign just sent me an annoying unsolicited fundraising text. Frantically replied STOP.

    • Anon

      I’m a little worried about giving up her congressional district given that her race was close, but I’d love to have her as my senator.

    • Anon

      I’m concerned about the stories coming out from former staffers stating that she is abusive. Right now they are just circulating on Twitter so we’ll see what actually comes out on the record.

      • Anon

        Link?

        Amy Klobuchar has a well-known rep for that, but I haven’t heard anything about Porter.

        • Anon

          I live on the other side of the country (under a rock, it seems) and even I have seen stories re Porter. And it’s not like she is the only D in California. I would vote for someone else in a primary and I hope others put in for this but aren’t so pushy with announcing before the retirement announcement (which is inevitable now, yes?).

          • Anon

            No, the retirement isn’t inevitable. At least it wasn’t before Porter announced. Why should she wait if there’s any doubt? It’s time for Feinstein to go.

          • Anon

            eh, ever notice we never hear these things about men? My worst bosses have been men, but nothing goes viral like a b1tchy woman boss story. I take it all with a grain of salt.

          • Anon

            My worst bosses were women. Like soap-opera drama. I’ve had meh and bad make bosses but the bad women bosses took it to another level.

          • Anonymous

            the fellow who got fired sounds like a young snowflake whiner. I’m not bothered by anything else in the thread except for the allegations that she’s racist; if she is that would be career-ending. It also would have leaked by now if it were true.

          • LA Law

            Same (worst bosses have been women). It has been my experience that women are just as capable of being bullies as men when placed in positions of power.

            I will decide which California Democrat I would like to see in the Senate once I see who is running. Porter would frankly not be my first choice but I will not make a decision at this point.

          • Anon

            FWIW I didn’t say it couldn’t be true that there are bad women bosses. What I said was that the bad boss stories that go viral/get a lot of attention are women. People have different expectations for women managers vs male managers. That’s why I’m skeptical when I see something like this. Misogyny sells/gets clicks.

          • anonshmanon

            I don’t think the point was that men can’t be bad bosses, but that we hold women to a different standard than men, especially when they are running for office.

    • LA Law

      Agreed. Announcing her candidacy before Feinstein announces her retirement is just rude. Whatever you think of Senator Feinstein over the past few years, the woman is a giant in California politics and has earned more respect.

      Also Porter is going to look pretty silly if Feinstein retires and lets Newsom appoint her successor, who would definitely have a leg up in the race (although I suspect he has his eyes on that seat himself). In any event, I would not worry about Porter’s seat. There are Democrats who would likely have better luck in that (fairly moderate) district.

      • Anonymous

        Feinstein is mentally incompetent and the people around her failed her greatly by not getting her to retire years ago.

      • Anon

        Oh my god, no it is not rude. Those kind of old school ideas about what’s “respectable” are just ways to keep the power in the hands of the people who have always had power.

        • Anon

          Exactly!!! What is rude about saying, “I think I would be good at this job.” Especially when the person currently in the job is no longer competent!

          • Anon

            Nothing rude about it and there’s a disturbing amount of misogyny in this thread. Everyone would accept a man wanting the job, but women aren’t allowed to be openly ambitious.

      • anonshmanon

        She is entitled to respect for her work, but surely not to an uncontested seat in Congress after 3 decades?!

    • Anon

      Happy to see it. It’s long past time for Feinstein to retire. To bad for her that she couldn’t handle this gracefully, but it’s definitely time for people to start announcing.

    • Anon

      Feinstein is mentally incompetent. This isn’t ageism – I love the elderly, I hate the idea of term limits because we need institutional knowledge, but Feinstein is mentally unfit for office. There was no need to wait until her retirement announcement because that announcement should have been made years ago.

    • Anon

      Feinstein is 89 years old. I’m glad someone forced her hand, although Porter wouldn’t be my top choice.

    • Anonymous

      I wish she would have waited until after the storms that are hammering 90 percent of California. I don’t know a thing about her, and my initial impression is that she is tone deaf.

      • Horse Crazy

        As someone who is directly affected by the storms (there is currently an 80 foot douglas fir tree laying across my driveway, with all of my house’s power lines tangled in it), I think this is such a ridiculous take. If she will govern well, it shouldn’t matter.

    • Anonymous

      Great. And Feinstein should have retired years ago I’m glad she’s being pushed out she cannot do the job

      • Anon CA

        Absolutely nobody in California politics thinks Feinstein is going to run again. Her term is up in 2024. The only issue is whether she retired before then. Since Newsom will be termed out as governor and they are connected through SF politics, there is some thought she is staying so he can run for her seat. He clearly has his eyes on the presidency but he needs to put more distance between himself and the pandemic/French Laundry fiasco and running in 2024 would leave him running against Harris, either individually or as VP and he is not likely to do that.

        • Anon

          +1 it was reported that her war chest is around $10,000, which indicates she has no plans to campaign again

    • Anon

      Love her, donated this morning!

      Barbara Boxer also announced her intention to run for the CA Senate before the predecessor had announced he was leaving.

      I met Feinstein when I was in middle school and she was old to me then. That was the 90s. All respect for a wonderful career, but no one is served when politicians are non compos mentis.

      • Anon CA

        That is not true (about Boxer). She had been considering a candidacy (Cranston was pretty clearly on his way out due to the S&L scandals and his health) but formally announced the day AFTER Cranston announced he would not run again.

  10. Anonymous

    If you eat walnuts in any way besides straight from the bag, how do you consume them – what flavor combinations?

    Recommended by a dr to start eating nuts for the heart benefits and micronutrients they provide. She mentioned walnuts being one of the more heart healthy choices but also said – whatever I’d actually eat consistently is fine. As in – if the only way you’ll consume walnuts is by baking them into brownies or a sugar laden bread, then no just stay with peanuts or cashews. Just need to consume a small amount like say six or ten per day.

    So I’d like to give it a try but am not a huge fan of the bitter type of taste. I assumed they’d be sold flavored the way almonds are, but they really aren’t – they seem to only be sold whole or shelled. Only idea I’m coming up with is a trail mix type of thing. Like if consuming 5 walnuts a day means I also consume ten chocolate chips, that’s not so bad – not like a baked good soaked in butter and oil. For some reason walnuts with cream cheese also sound good though I genuinely have no idea where that’s coming from – maybe just the idea that people eat nuts and cheese together sometimes?

      • Anan

        This is how I eat them. Yogurt, frozen cherries, walnuts, drizzled with honey.
        You can also get glazed walnuts.
        And I put them in trail mix.

      • Senior Attorney

        My favorite breakfast is a chopped up apple with some chopped walnuts, all mixed together with plain or honey flavored Greek yogurt.

      • anonshmanon

        adding my standard combo, which is Greek yogurt, banana and walnuts.
        Also put a handful of walnuts in my oatmeal.
        My favorite out of the box use: pizza! Regular pizza dough and tomato sauce, sliced mushrooms and onions, mozzarella and half a cup of walnuts on top! It’s amazing.

    • Anon

      I eat a lot of pesto made with walnuts. Most frequently arugula pesto because it’s cheap and always available, but parsley or cilantro are good too or any other herb or green veggie I need to use up. I puree walnuts, garlic, the herb or veggie, olive oil, and nutritional yeast (to make it vegan, cheese if not). Serve on veggies, pasta, bread, pizza.

      • Anon

        ooh arugula walnut pesto is so good. I particularly love it with walnut oil (keep in the fridge!) It’s been a long time – thanks for the reminder. (not OP here)

      • Anon

        Same, but I smash them up in a little baggy so they are not as big and crunchy.

    • Anonymous

      Chevre, beetroot and walnut salad
      Blue cheese and walnut salad
      Waldorf salad
      Walnuts and raw pears
      Walnut and honey with Greek yogurt

      Make sure that the nuts you’re eating are not rancid, though, then any benefit is void.

    • Anonymous

      Walnut sauce on pasta is a classic Italian dish. I also put walnuts and dried fruit on oatmeal.

    • Anon

      Nuts are my afternoon snack when I’m feeling not exactly ravenous but want a little something (along with a diet coke, please do not report me to your doctor!)

      It’s important to eat really fresh walnuts. Pay close attention to the expiration date and toss them if they have any sort of funky/rancid smell (you’ll know it when you smell it.) Truthfully, I like to buy the roasted salted nut combos with lots of almonds too, and I enjoy all of them. I prefer the no-peanuts varieties. My favorites in this mix are actually the pecans, which are up there in terms of healthiness.

      (Sorry walnuts! I grew up on Walnut Ave in a former walnut orchard. We had 7 walnut trees!)

      And you’re not wrong about the chocolate. I sometimes mix a few dark chocolate chips into my little ramekin of nuts. I prefer that to pre-made trail mix type things.

      Well now I’m hungry.

    • Anon

      In smoothies? I add pumpkin seeds to my breakfast protein smoothies but you could try walnuts, sunflower seeds, whatever floats your boat there.

    • Anon

      My daily breakfast consists of Greek yogurt with honey and chopped up walnuts sprinkled on top. I usually also add chopped up fruit (honey crisp apples are my favorite for this) or berries on top. It is healthy and very filling.

    • Anon

      Toast for a few minutes in the oven, toaster oven, air fryer, stirring after a bit and being sure the nuts don’t burn. I use freshly toasted nuts but also keep a jar that I use over the following week or so. I add the toasted nuts to salads, pasta, pilafs, cooked grain bowls, brussels sprouts, etc all after cooking so they don’t get soggy.

    • Vicky Austin

      Toast them! Toasted walnuts are SO good, and way better than the waxy, bitter taste you’re getting from eating them plain. I used to make baked oatmeal in muffin cups and freeze, and my favorite combo of add-ins was mini chocolate chips, dried cranberries and toasted walnuts. I also think they go really well with fresh blueberries on oatmeal or yogurt.

      Also, my favorite rare sighting flavor (in my area) of Philadelphia cream cheese for bagels is their honey pecan, so I bet you could buy walnuts in the smallest pieces (check the baking aisle) and mix them into regular cream cheese, maybe drizzle with honey, and then have a delicious bagel or piece of toast.

      • Vicky Austin

        Oh, and nuts stay good longer, toasted or not, if you keep them in the freezer, although for short term storage this makes less difference.

    • Anon

      Green salad with lettuce and/or spinach, goat or blue cheese, walnuts, and strawberries and/or blueberries and/or blackberries, with your favorite vinaigrette. Balsamic dressing is very good on this. If you like the salad buy a bottle of walnut oil and a bottle of raspberry vinegar to make a simple but really good vinaigrette for it. Not bad with some pieces of chicken added on it.

      • Anecdata

        second the toasting suggestion, it really makes them taste more nutty and less bitter

        I am a big fan of toasted walnut, parmesan cheese ( shaved in large chunks with a vegetable peeler, not grated) and arugula salad. You throw the toasted walnuts in hot and it gently wilts the arugula a little

    • Walnuts

      Do you like pomegranate? You can make fesenjoon sauce, typically served with chicken.

    • Hypatia

      Georgian (the country) cuisine is for you! I’d look into making Chicken Satsivi, which is in a creamy walnut paste and Pkhali, which is a walnut and spinach paste (or walnut and beet) that is like the Georgian equivalent of a cheese ball. Super delicious.

  11. Anonymous

    Does anyone else have sensitive hearing? I’ve always had very sensitive hearing. Sometimes loud noise is overwhelming to the point I basically have an anxiety attack. I only do outdoor concerts, with ear plugs, and I avoid loud bars generally. I carry ear plugs at all times in case I inadvertently end up somewhere loud.

    Certain things make it worse – if there are multiple sounds (TV and radio on; bar with music playing and sports on or people talking), if I’m really tired.

    It’s gotten worse as I’ve gotten older even through I now have my anxiety very well managed. I have a newborn so I’m obviously tired. Now the noises of daily life bother me – the volumes at which I want to listen to the TV, music etc are so low the average person can’t hear well. It makes it hard to watch TV with anyone else, or even put the radio on.

    Do I wear ear plugs? Talk to my doctor? Talk to my therapist?

    • Pompom

      This sounds to me like sensory overload in some way. Can you raise it with therapist if you have a session coming up? Or doc–either one!

      Focus on how your life is impacted, just like you have done here. I find that sometimes gets their attention a little better vs. just wanting to jump to diagnosis (which is helpful, but sometimes misses stuff).

    • Anon

      I’m the same way. I don’t think of it as a hearing issue, so much as it being overwhelming for my senses. Like when I go visit my friends with kids where each kid has a device playing its own sound, I can’t focus at all – they can. I pretend like it’s a hearing issue, because that’s more socially acceptable as far as asking someone to turn down volume, but really it’s just too much for my soul.

      And only because you mention anxiety do I mention this… any chance you’re a Sensitive person? Someone who picks up signals from other sources? I get vibes from people, things, pets sometimes (my lovably dumb dogs rarely have much going on, ha). My sixth sense, if you will, is like feeling things with my heart. It developed after a near-death experience about a decade ago, and now I’m so used to it I can’t remember what it was like without it. Because my brain is getting input from the 5 normal sources, plus feeling the emotional energy of everywhere around me, I get super easily overwhelmed by sound. For me, it’s like turning the radio down when driving in the rain – I just have too much input and need to quiet something in order to focus.

      • Anony

        +1 – I am also a Highly Sensitive Person. So glad I WFH now, working in an actual office was torture. My DH was just talking about my bionic ears/hearing last night because I was whining about being able to ‘hear’ the light over the sink in the kitchen. I need a lot of unstimulated time. Before bed, I need to wind down with some TV, lights off, then read a book for a little while. I think that’s why I like early mornings; the peace, quiet, limited noise is soul soothing.

        OP, you may want to check out The Highly Sensitive Person books by Dr. Elaine Aron. There is a new HSP book out by Diana Jacobs that looks good also.

      • Anon

        Also chiming in and Bose Quiet Comfort ii headphones have changed my LIFE. Just having the option to go out into the world and about my business without all the noise is amazing. Sometimes I even wear them alone at home just for that pure blissful silence.

    • Anon

      You and my dog! Do you find chewing on a nerf bone helps calm you?

      I am kidding, but I’m also there with you. I hate background TV noise and more than one person talking at a time.

      In your shoes, when out and about, maybe I would wear ear plugs. I got some really good ones for my husband, a musician, though it’s too late for him (me: listen to those birds! him: what birds?)

      I will see if I can find the brand and will link as a comment.

    • Anonymous

      Just as a data point- My tolerance for loud noise and also my misophonia intensified greatly while I was not sleeping well with young babies/kids. It did get a little better as they got older and I slept more consistently. I think both are more sensory/anxiety issues than anything else. My older kid has it to and we work on it mainly from an anxiety perspective.

      • Curious

        +1. You say your anxiety is well-managed, but this made me wonder if it might be manifesting in a different way right now. I have a lot of trouble with low, non-rhythmic, and squishy sounds, and it’s worse when I’m exhausted. Treating it as an anxiety symptom has been the best way to manage it. Lots of “what are 5 things you see? 4 things you hear?” etc to calm and ground and desensitize from that one sound.

    • Anonymous

      Sounds like sensory processing disorder. I’m in groups with a lot of autistic adults and people really seem to love the Loop earplugs. Also, closed-captioning on TV for the win.

      Some people also find that they don’t like sounds coming from one direction, like behind them… lots of peculiarities that might strike a chord with you if you find the right group.

    • H13

      I don’t have any specific recs but I am very much the same way. My DH can’t hear the TV at my preferred volume and after being at a kid’s bday party I have to retreat or nap in silence for two hours. I would talk to your therapist since it sounds like you already have one. It sounds like you are being proactive by having earplugs with you.

      Being vigilant and prepared might all you can do for now but definitely ask your therapists for techniques. And report back if anything works!

      • Anon

        late to reply here.

        what about using headphones for watching TV etc so you can adjust your own volumes. we use bose wireless 2 pack. I’m. sound sensitive and find certain noises nearly nauseating and I’m not a hsp. chewing, any snifling, nose blowing, knuckle popping etc.

  12. Lip balm recs

    Any recs for really powerful lip balms? I going through accutane and my lips are very chapped, to the point of bleeding. So far the only thing that has brought relief is vaseline, but I find it unconfortable to wear during the day.

    • Anon

      I’ve been using the Laneige sleeping lip mask every night, applied thickly, and it works really well for me. D

      • Anon

        Same for me! It’s the best! I previously used the petroleum in the big tub but Laneige works better. I put it before bed every night in the winter.

      • Anon

        Another +1 for Laneige sleeping mask. I get the one in the red colored tub. You could wear it during the day too, my sister does.

      • Anonymous

        Cortibalm and the Blistex serum are the only two things that have worked for me, esp. when using Accutane.

        • Meredith

          Cortibalm is exactly what you need, I kept it with me always when I took accutane in my 40s!

      • London (formerly NY) CPA

        +1 to plain aquaphor, not the “lip therapy” kind which is inferior. My dermatologist said it’s the only thing she recommends for severely chapped lips.

        • Nesprin

          + 2 aquaphor morning and night. The lip stick is inferior, but also can live in car and be applied frequently with no mess.

    • Anonymous

      Neosporin Lip Health Overnight Renewal Therapy (I prefer it to the Laneige sleeping mask).

    • ANON

      Dr. Paw Paw balm. I had horrible dry lips postpartum and it was the only thing that helped.

    • Anon

      Somebody here once recommended Flexitol Lip Balm, which I have used ever since and I love it.

    • Bag Balm

      When I was on Accutane, I went through a couple tins of Bag Balm. Terrific. BUT it has no SPF, so be careful because Accutane makes you very photo-sensitive.

  13. Anon

    Help me out – am I an old? Is creating a YouTube channel of your daily family life with your kids prominently featured and “follow me for more!”… is that something we do now?

    I confess that I judge anyone sharing their family life on YouTube/reality tv as an attention seeker with some unmet emotional needs that should be fixed on a therapist’s couch, not through social media likes or tv ratings…but maybe that’s why I’m an old.

    Obviously inspired by someone in my circle starting a channel. This person is so great in person, but her online “#blessed” persona is too much to bear.

    • Cat

      um no, this is not standard. most people I know have gone the other direction – deactivating fb or only lurking; posting only occasional Insta stories and using the close friends feature, etc.

      • anon

        Same. The trend I see is toward disengagement from social media rather than trying to make yourself an influencer.

    • HFB

      My guess is your friend needs some extra money and sees this as a way to do it. Does she work outside the home? If so maybe she’s hoping to stop doing that. I also have a problem with people using their kids to make money for their channels/blogs because the kids can’t consent to that.but, for every person who has a channel there are thousand who don’t do I don’t think it’s a new norm that “we” area doing. By definition the people you see doing this online are a self selected group and you won’t see the people who don’t choose to do this.

    • anon Silicon Valley

      Among the Silicon Valley elder millennials I know, a YouTube channel of one’s daily family life is not done. Like Cat, I think it’s much more common to rarely use social media. There’s a lot of recognition in my circles that social media is harmful and made to draw people in.

    • Anonymous

      I would just not follow it. A few years ago I found that my in-person reactions to a good friend were colored by her social media postings. I ended up unfollowing her to preserve our (much valued) friendship.

    • Anon

      Fairly common in certain circles, especially religious SAHMs. It’s a way to earn some money (or at least they perceive it that way), and some religions, like the Mormon church, encourage documenting your life that way. But yeah my friends who work traditional jobs outside the home have gone the other way, locking down our social media accounts and rarely to never posting our kids.

    • No Face

      Family vlogs are a type of influencing. Your friend is trying to build a brand and make money.

    • Peloton

      This is very 2013ish. I know that there are people who do a video Christmas card each year with snippets of what their life was like in the prior year, and then distribute that via email to their nearest and dearest once a year. (I have always secretly loved that idea, which seems like just an upgrade to the traditional Christmas letter + photo combo I grew up with). But yeah, the daily family vlogger thing peaked in like 2013 and I can’t imagine doing it now knowing what we know about the impact it has on kids.

    • Clementine

      This is cringe to me and I have lots of feelings on people who exploit kids who can’t consent… particularly when those kids are adopted.

        • Anon

          I had to mute a few foster parent channels on tik tok. I’m actually mostly off tik tok now, but it was my friend in the early days of the pandemic (like lots of people). The foster parent stuff is so, so, so exploitative.

          • Anon

            They can’t share faces but they can share photos of the kids where the face isn’t visible or is covered by a sticker. And often it’s just a tiny heart that doesn’t really hide the facial features.

    • Anon

      I also have a #blessed friend. She cheated on her first husband with the guy who is her current husband (he was also married) and now that they’re together it seems to be very, very important to show everyone how wonderful their life is together. I skip most of it.

      I do love her, we were friends before all of this, but she’s going in a direction I don’t recognize.

      • Anon

        PS my friend gave up on the youtube channel and mostly does instagram reels and stories cross posted to facebook.

      • anon

        Tale as old as time.

        I have a friend who does makeup tutorials on instagram, and it feels very cringey to me. Her online personality is turned up about 100 notches from her real personality. She doesn’t have a huge following, so I doubt she’s making a ton of money from it, but I could be wrong.

        • Anon

          She may just be doing it for free stuff. I read something about lifestyle influencers not too long ago, and the vast majority don’t make any money, but the free stuff is worth it for them if they can get some brands’ attention.

          • anon

            Could be. I’ll admit that I find it deeply weird to see an actual person I know trying to be an influencer.

          • Anon

            I’m not sure about TikTok but on Instagram you need a pretty decent following even to get free stuff. The number probably depends on the niche but brand generally don’t see anyone with fewer than 5k followers as an influencer.

          • Anon

            My dog has 1500 followers with no effort on my part, and I have turned down many, many offers of free stuff.

            I have a friend who accepts the free stuff offers and promotes them, and this moved her in the direction of 20,000 followers.

            I made my dog’s instagram because I got tired of people asking me for pics and videos of him!

          • Anon

            That’s surprising to me. I’m a small time travel influencer with 5-10k followers on each of several platforms, and I have collaborated with numerous destinations and received free or discounted travel, but I have to reach out if I’m interested. I get told no fairly often (multiple orgs have flat out told me they don’t talk to people with less than X followers, and X has been as high as 500k) and no one ever approaches me, except with scams or things that are totally irrelevant to my niche. I guess it depends on the niche. But I would imagine that makeup is fairly competitive because there are so many influencers in that space.

    • Anon

      I’ll just say, I really hate the construction of “Is X a trend now?” to just judge a certain thing to be very annoying. No, obviously it’s not a trend that everybody does. Just come straight out and judge your friend. Don’t try to sugarcoat it with a disingenuous question.

    • Anon

      How very 2016 of them. I didn’t realize anyone was still attempting this any more. Or that there were audiences still looking for that type of content.

    • Anon

      If it is the equivalent of “Keeping up with the POOPCUPs,” I would subscribe just to hate-watch.

  14. Anon

    I’m looking for an extra large upholstered desk chair. I want the seat to be really big so my cat can sit with me (he’s a big boy and doesn’t fit on my lap alone). Enclosed arm rests would also be ideal to contain the fluff monster. I’d also like it to be ergonomic (be able to tilt). Swivel would also be a plus, but I know my requirements list is getting long. Any ideas? I was looking at the Wells chair at Pottery Barn, but it doesn’t look like it’s ergonomic.

    • Anon

      I don’t know of a specific brand but when I got the home office chair I’m sitting in now, I went to a local office supply place (shout out to Kantors, Bay Area) and tried a bunch of chairs. It’s so important to sit in them! Out of an entire warehouse of new and used desks and chairs, I liked one chair, it’s used, it was like $100, and I bought it immediately.

      But I do love the special request for having room for a cat. My brother cats like to be in my office, but not right in my chair. They prefer to destroy my side chair that is near my space heater (of course).

  15. New job regret

    Update – yesterday, I asked for advice for how to start a discussion with my new boss about my old job asking me to come back. I took Senior Attorney’s advice and as she predicted my boss was amazing and completely understood. I still feel bad about the situation, but I also feel so relieved. Thanks so much!

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