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Beans
Has anyone ever had experience dealing with a former spouse who is a narcissist or has a personality disorder? Children involved so unfortunately there must be interaction. It is just so exhausting. Everything is about control.
Vicky Austin
I think there’s a couple single parents on the moms page who have gone through this or something similar; maybe post there too?
Anon
No direct experience but certainly observed some of what you speak of. There are books that may be helpful for you:
coparanting with a narcissistic ex
Raising resilient children
Coparanting with a toxic ex
And many more on audiobook, ebook and actual book. This might help you develop techniques to cope, help your kids and survive/thrive despite what your ex is doing.
Been There
“Low-contact” communication is what you want to aim for: communicate about necessary issues concerning the kids and nothing else. It is hard because you will get an email or a phone call with a bunch of argumentative claims and one nugget of child-related importance (can Kid see the dentist on Monday). You have to not respond to anything but Kid seeing the dentist.
Also, you cannot co-parent with someone like this. You can only parallel parent with someone like this.
Anon
My sister. They agreed with their daughters’ therapist not to sue their grievances with their children when they split up. To focus on how much they loved the kids and wanted the best for them. My sister followed it to the letter. He badmouthed her all the time, to the point that the kids thought it was my sister’s idea to get divorced when in reality, he left her for the woman he was cheating with, and was living with when all this went down. I guess narcissists can be convincing.
When the kids got to the age where they were interested in extracurriculars he insisted that they not be on “his time” so the days they were with him, they were unable to go, and instead of doing some other activity with dad, they sat in front of the TV or on their phones.
Dad was unreliable about showing up to the kids’ things, and demanded they worship him. When the kids finally got to the age where all kids question their parents, he abandoned them. His kids are young adults now and him being out of their lives has understandably been very hard on the kids, but let’s be honest, much easier on my sister.
Hang in there. Your kids will be old enough someday to see the truth about their father – these are words my sister clung to for years, and it eventually came true.
Anonymous
Elizabeth McLaughlin talks about this a lot – she mostly talks about political / leadership stuff though and just mentions the ex often. At least, she did on Twitter, but she left. Here’s her IG. https://www.instagram.com/ecmclaughlin/?hl=en
edj3
My best friend is going through this right now :( And if you’re Kerry, I love you.
Vicky Austin
You sound like a great friend. Hope Kerry is hanging in there.
Anonymous
Yep! Divorced five years, ex is NPD, kids. Agree it is exhausting, though time and distance have helped somewhat. I “gray rock” as much as possible. Fortunately the kids are old enough to understand who he is. Figured it out on their own around 8-10 years old.
Sunshine
My husband’s best friend divorced a woman who sounds like your ex. Three kids who were tweens and teens at the time. Man took the approach of minimzing contact with ex to extent possible, communicated only in writing so there was a record, reiterated to her and the children at every opportunity that he wanted more time with kids and kids were always welcome at his house, and either said nothing to the kids about their mom or spoke with kindness only about her because she is a narcissist. It was an exhausting marriage and divorce; the stories she spread about him were vile. I think she worked to alienate the kids from him as much as she could.
But during the first four years after the divorce, all of the children voluntarily decided to live with him. One by one. The daughter still has contact with the mother, but the sons do not. The sons seem very clear about who their mother is, and the daughter is struggling to get there.
This is a long, hard process. You can get through it. Focus on raising the best children you can.
Anonymous
Yes, I am in this situation, divorced and coparenting with 50:50 custody with a former spouse who is a narcissist, or at least has a high-conflict personality with narcissistic behaviors. It IS exhausting. Dr. Ramani videos on YouTube have helped some. I grey rock as much as possible (or yellow rock) and remind myself that I need to stay the sane parent. Our child is in middle school but still idolizes the other parent. I do most of the executive function tasks of parenting and all the extra curriculars. If it’s going to be done I have to make it happen. Ex spouse tends to “check out” when parenting isn’t fun.
Bette
Not married to one, but child of a narcissist with BPD. I was already in college when my parents divorced, but my younger sibling was a pre-teen so my mom did have to “coparent” for about 5-6 years. I put it in quotes because as you’re probably realizing there was very little parenting happening on my father’s side, especially as time went on, and he pretty much never paid child support. I pretty much have always seen my father for who he is, it took my younger sibling until their mid-twenties to see the truth. In my experience, once the narcissist stops receiving validation/admiration they gradually fade from the picture (although it can take some ugly moments to get to that point). As a point of encouragement, my mother is a million times happier now and lives a very full and fulfilling life. I only wish she had left him much sooner. Congratulations on doing a really hard thing and protecting your children the best way that you can. Wishing you strength – it is so, so draining.
Anonymous
In a new position, some of the people I’ll be managing tried for my position. Tips on managing some especially negative people?
Anon
How are they negative and is that some of the reason they didn’t get your job?
Anon
Don’t come in and decide to re-invent everyone’s role. I was in this situation and just said to the guy who had been my peer and now reported to me – look, I know you know how to do your job and not going to tell you how to do it. I’m going to handle the administrative stuff, but if you keep doing the work, I will stay out of your way.
He still sulked, but we got along fine on a surface level, and he kept doing the job.
Anonymous
I was in this situation as well and this is basically what I did. I also tried to get off on the right foot and met with everyone individually and said I was excited to be working with them in this new role and that I genuinely wanted to hear how things could be made better for them. Some of their requests I could easily fulfill and some I tried, but was unable to do things out of my control. But I think it was important to make people feel heard and like I was advocating for them. One guy I did not get along with well as a peer, but he has been fine once I became a supervisor.
Chl
Give them a shot but don’t let them be cranky for very long. I’d tolerate maybe one or two little things where you are gracious and the bigger person and then be really direct that you know they’re disappointed or whatever but the current situation is that you’re the manager and xyz behavior has Y impact and it’s not acceptable and needs to change.
OOO
Should I join the personal training gym and wellness center that is down the road from my house? I would have to sign up for a 6 month contract and would have to wake up early for the sessions, and will mostly try to ignore the “wellness” aspect. But I have 25 lbs of baby and IVF weight to lose and would like to have a s*xy body again, and I have the time to do it.
Anonymous
Can you ask for a trial period? It sounds nice in theory but if you’re already worried about the wake up times, and are a new mom, I’d want to make sure before that type of commitment.
Anon
Have you done a trial session/etc.? I’d be hesitant to sign up for 6 months unless I had at least one session & a tour to see if it fits with your goals/attitude/etc.
I’d be curious how much they focus on nutrition vs. exercise as well, if your goal is weight loss.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t sign up without at least a week’s trial.
Anon
If you have the time (flexible job, available child care) and think you will actually get up early to go, I would try it for 6 months.
Anon
Uhh…not sure why you’d try to ignore the wellness aspect? Sounds a lot more healthy than just focusing on getting a “sexy body.”
Anon
Yeah, seriously. This post is so ick.
No Face
What? Some posters here have such a narrow view of what women are allowed to feel or think.
Anon
OP is allowed to feel and think what she wants and others are allowed to feel and voice that it’s ick. Welcome to the internet.
Anon
They are “allowed” to call her ick but that doesn’t make them good humans.
No Face
Yeah and I’m also allowed to express my confusion at some of the takes. People shouldn’t want to be se*y? Or it’s “ick” to dislike some business’ “wellness” offerings?
Anon
Some people want to look and feel s e x y. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Anon
3:37 – Exactly! Everyone is allowed all around.
Anonymous
Depends. Sometimes that is about selling you potions and useless treatments. But if it is more meditation, massage, lifestyle management, and/or whole food nutrition advice, that would be different.
PolyD
I take “wellness” to mean the gym sells supplements or food packages of dubious quality and efficacy. Or very woo-woo exercise classes that the OP might not be into.
Anon
This is also what I took it to mean. At least in my area, “wellness” usually means some sort of MLM or other non-science-based supplementation.
Anon
I think that’s a reach. My town has a “wellness center” and I think it’s called that because it has family and community programming that goes beyond what a normal gym would have (e.g., they have a fall festival around Halloween). No weird woo-y MLM stuff at all.
Anon
I guess I trust OP to make this judgment herself, because where I am, it means all the stuff PolyD listed.
Anon
Because no gym can possibly be different than yours.
Anon
“Wellness” can be things that are mentally unhealthy, such as cheat days, bad foods, calorie restriction.
Anon
What’s mentally unhealthy about cheat days?
Vicky Austin
The scarcity mindset of cheat days can really encourage a binge/restrict cycle in some people. Source: am one.
But really, none of this is the question OP actually asked. If you can afford it, OP, I think you should! You can re-evaluate in 6 months.
Anon
This says it better than I can:
https://blog.myfitnesspal.com/the-problem-with-cheat-days/
Remember, if you see something frequently in the dieting industry, it is likely to be unhealthy: most diets fail and the industry survives on people cycling on and off diets, gaining weight in the interim, and looking for the next solution. No one gets lifelong customers off of improving mental health and keeping things on an even keel.
Yeah I’m cynical. Sorry.
Anon
I don’t get it. I love treats but obviously can’t have them every day as that would be unhealthy. So some days I’ll cheat and have treats and most days I don’t?
Anon
I can explain it to you, Anon at 4:13, but I can’t understand it for you. You need to do that work.
Vicky Austin
@4:12, it sounds like you have a good relationship with food. I’m still working on mine.
Anonymous
I dont know about unhealthy exactly, but it can cause problems to think about it as a cheat. Treats and days I’m less careful are part of the long term lifestyle I want. I’m not cheating on anything, because its part of the plan. I prefer to call it a treat day if I’m going to do it. Christmas feasting isn’t a ‘cheat’ its just being flexible to allow for a long term balance between physical and mental health.
Anon
Wellness can definitely mean a bunch of crap the gym is trying to up-sell you. If OP wants to focus on fitness, weight loss, and strength training, and wants to get back to her pre-baby body, which she felt sexy in, there is nothing wrong with that.
Some people take things other people say as an insult to them. I say this as an overweight person. Good for you if you find your own body sexy! Let’s let OP decide what that is for herself.
Anonymous
There is not enough information here for me to actually give you advice, plus this is very personal health and financial decision only you can make. However, I will say that joining a personal training gym that is just blocks from my house has been the best decision I have made in years. I finally have the combination of personalized advice and attention and convenience that works for me to be consistent. One thing to consider is whether the trainer you will be given is going to train you with a program that appeals and works (i.e., are you looking to weight train and they are just going to make you do calisthenics and cardio?). My trainers are very well qualified and use a system I believe in.
No Face
Working out at a place as close as possible to my house at 6am was a real game changer. I go multiple times a week while my husband does morning stuff with the kids.
I can run faster and lift heavier than at any other point in my life. I’m also wearing a jumpsuit right now, which would have never looked good on me even in my pre-kids time.
I only do month to month though.
Lily
I have always really struggled with exercising consistently, save for a few years in my late 20s when I was dating, no kids, low stress job, and since having kids especially, I basically stopped. But I realized that group fitness classes are something I was really missing. So I signed up for some really cheap, no-frills bootcamp classes at my town’s rec center. It’s two days a week at 5:15 am. The key for me is that it’s a 2 minute drive, so if I wake up at 5, I can make it there dressed and hydrated, and also that it’s a 45 min class so I can be home and shower (usually) before the kids are up, which feels like a luxury. I never regret getting up early either, and sometimes it motivates me to get to bed earlier/get a better night’s sleep too.
I say go for it, but agree with the suggestion to see if you can do a trial period (even if just a couple classes).
pugsnbourbon
There have been lots of discussions about making friends lately, and I’ve made solid friends through these kinds of group classes. At one gym we had a group chat where we’d gently tease each other for not showing up, which helped with my consistency.
Anon
I’m not seeing a downside? You say you have the time to do it. Is it reasonably priced? If not a stretch on the budget, I would say go for it
Bridge Players
Has anyone else here taken up bridge? I just started intro classes a few weeks ago and am loving it so far (despite being the youngest person in the room by decades). How long did it take for you to feel like you were really getting it? We have been learning bid strategy, and I feel like I need SO MUCH practice to understand how all this works together.
Anonymous
I used to play often with my parents when I was younger. My parents had a vinyl table cover with the rules on them that made it a lot easier. Something like this…
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1183556607/1957-vintage-vinyl-card-table-cover
Not sure about this but you might try it also: https://www.amazon.com/BridgePlus-COMINHKPR96061-Bridge-Instruction-Tablecloth/dp/B01C4U3BE0/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=BridgePlus&qid=1677012204&sr=8-3
Lots of online bridge games that are pretty good too.
Anonymous
I used to play with my grandma, it was a lot of fun! To practice bidding, I used to deal four hands and look at them in succession, bid each hand out loud as it appeared to me, do the next, do the partner hand, the next partner hand, then respond etc. It helped me think about how do I feel about this hand with this other information available. Obviously not a real situation, or fully blind, but it helped a lot.
Anonymous
I would love to learn but have been a little intimidated by all the other players being 2x my age (and I’m 40) . How did you learn?
Bridge Players
I’m also 40! My city has a bridge club, and they have an intro to bridge class that lasts 10 weeks. There are actually more than 20 people in the class! Most of the crowd seems to be in their 60s (there are some in their 50s, so decades older was a slight exaggeration…) We meet once a week and the instructor talks about the rules and passes out sets of cards where every table has the same hands he’s prearranged so that he can talk through the hands with us. We are using a book called “Bidding in the 21st Century.” You can get the book on Amazon, but I honestly don’t think I’d be able to learn without having someone there to go through actual cards with me.
I live in a small city (about 250k), so if your city is at least that size, I bet you can find a bridge club that might have a class. The instructor in my class also offers private lessons or he’ll come teach a group of people, etc. He’s retired and just loves sharing his hobby with the world! So if your local club doesn’t have a class, I bet they’ve got at least one member similar to him. I’m hoping to find a partner in the class so that I can go to the open play times at the club and get better!
No salt please
Help me think of some recipes with no added salt!
My mother has some health problems at the moment and is largely bed bound – walking and cooking are difficult and painful. She’s also avoiding any added salt to try and reduce her meniere’s disease symptoms.
I’m looking for ideas of meals that I could drop to her that have no added salt, and also no meat/fish (preference) and no eggs (allergy). She doesn’t like too much chili. So far I’ve had success with home made basil pesto pasta salad, curry without salt was less successful.
Unfortunately in my country we don’t have many of the low sodium products available in the US (like no sodium stock) and there are no low sodium ready meals.
Anon
Can you make homemade soup for the freezer? You can also do a vegetarian chili or interesting salads with olives, cheese, chickpeas, etc.
Anon
Olives and cheese have a lot of salt. I’d pursue more ideas like the pesto. Herbs add a lot of flavor without salt.
Anon
So modify it with herbs and other vegetables. I’m just saying there are ways of making a salad interesting and healthy.
Anon
Pasta with red sauce? Just don’t add salt when you make the sauce and use plain pureed tomatoes with no salt added.
Broth made from scratch to make soups?
Lily
Can you get some Mrs. Dash seasoning as a salt substitute? No salt, and lots of flavor.
Anonymous
I would lean into aromatics, sweet, sweet&sour, non-chili heat, creamy, crunchy or umami.
Umami: Mushrooms sauteed with lots of garlic and black pepper, with parsley.
Non-chili heat: Lentil salad with a mustard, lemon and oil vinaigrette – mustard is so characteristic that you can drop salt.
Creamy: mayo or aioli, avocados with pepper and lime. Maybe a slaw, or flatbread with something creamy and cumin-roasted chickpeas? Roasted cauliflower soup.
Sweet and sour: beetroot soup with sour cream, tomato and squash minestrone, play to the sweetness with something sharp added.
Aromatics: tabbouleh, noodle soup with cilantro, ginger and lime.
Sweet: pilaff rice with dried fruit, nuts and veggies like spring onion, peppers and peas.
anon
If she can’t eat salt then acid is her friend. Citrus or vinegar will add tons of flavor.
Anon
Make stock yourself using some aromatic veggies and herbs. Don’t use salt! I’m not on a salt-free diet and I don’t salt my homemade stock, because I like to salt recipes to my taste as I make them. I don’t want the stock to add anything but body, non-salt flavors, and liquid.
Buy some salt-free herb mixes if you can find them and see which ones work for her. An acidic hit like lemon or vinegar is often what you need when you think a dish needs more salt.
I make a lot of rice pilaf type dishes – saute a diced or sliced onion, saute some dry rice for a minute, add your homemade stock and cook rice as usual – and I like this with added veggies and perhaps some beans or tofu to create a complete protein.
Vicky Austin
I was doing some meal prepping this past weekend and cooked a batch of quinoa with a chipotle in adobo and a bit of cumin thrown in, and a second batch cooked with a cinnamon stick. Both smelled amazing. I plan to eat the cinnamon one for breakfast. Would those work?
OP
These are all such great ideas, thank you. Dealing with sick parents (her husband also had great surgery a few months ago) has been stressful and the no salt thing was making me overwhelmed – this is all really useful
OP who can't type
heart surgery! not great surgery
A
Try Italian or Indian food as they have lots of herbs and spices that wouldn’t need salt.
Eg pasta e fagioli, Chana masala etc.
Anon
I think I am the last person to invest in a pair of loafers, but it is 2023 and flats don’t stay on my feet (and I’m not going back to heels on a daily basis). Thoughts on unlined leather loafers (e.g., Weejuns) vs leather that is itself leather-lined? Will my feet care that much? Is there a difference? Just wear the no-show socks and wear what your feet like regardless? After being mainly in sneakers + socks (or combat-ish boots + socks a lot since COVID, my foot skin is delicate and spoiled).
Anon
I’ve worn Weejuns and trouser socks (ankle pants aren’t my thing) for probably 30 years now. I love em whether they’re in style or not.
Anne-on
I have a few pairs of loafers and my most comfortable ones are the Sperry’s, by far. The seaport ones are classic, and the saybrook ones are a bit dressier (imho). I also have old school tassel ones from LK Bennet but they are thick leather and I can’t wear them without a thin dress sock (my feet are also now delicate and spoiled after too much time at home).
anon
I love my Sperry loafers. So comfy, and the shape does not look dowdy, which can be a problem.
Anonymous
If flats don’t stay on your feet, I don’t think loafers will either. I have narrow feet and tried and returned something like 15 pairs of loafers before I gave up.
Anonymous
+1 me too. I kept the Rothy’s ones but they go flying.
Anon
I have always worn low heels, flats and wedges, but they have to have straps in order to stay on my feet. I think Kat has said the same about her feet. Loafers are nice in this way because they come up higher on the foot and stay on better. I bought some from Naturalizer (they are navy patent, which I love, but there are other options) that didn’t require any breaking in, and they have a softer sole which my feet like better than a hard sole like Weejuns.
I’ve tried driving loafers/mocs because I like how they look on other people, but for me they don’t have enough support to keep me from pronating.
Anon
here are the Natrualizer loafers I have. They also make a lug sole (style Desi) in this upper, but I’m not trendy enough for that.
https://www.naturalizer.com/product/womens-adiline-loafer-3019977/french-navy-leather-ec0236555
pugsnbourbon
I love loafers. I have a Dr Scholl’s pair that I wear without any socks and a doc martens pair I wear with no-show socks.
I don’t have these but they are stalking me on social media and they look great: https://www.hushpuppies.com/US/en/lucy-loafer/55647W.html?dwvar_55647W_color=HW06864-288#cgid=women-shoes-loafers&start=1
Anonymous
I love loafers. I have a Dr Scholl’s pair that I wear without any socks and a doc martens pair I wear with no-show socks.
I don’t have these but they are stalking me on social media and they look great: https://www.hushpuppies.com/US/en/lucy-loafer/55647W.html?dwvar_55647W_color=HW06864-288#cgid=women-shoes-loafers&start=1
Anon
Adelaide’s Lament from Guys and Dolls. It’s fun and will be entertaining.
Bette
Yes especially if you can play into the comedy, it’s a hilarious song!
Anonymous
The Five Fifteen or Revolutionary Costume – Grey Gardens
Buenos Aires from Evita might be fun?
If I were A Bell
Anonymous
Have no idea what you mean by “mature”…. but you could do
Maybe this time, Cabaret (any of her solos)
Heaven help my heart, Chess
Don’t cry for me Argentina, Evita
As If We Never Said Goodbye, Sunset Boulevard – lots of Lloyd Webber mezzo solos, you don’t *have* to belt them, heheh.
I am changing, Dreamgirls
Ain’t there anyone here for love – maybe to racy? – from Diamond’s are a girl’s best friend, if movie musicals are okay, Actually lots of mezzo suitable songs in that one.
Anon
I vote for Maybe this Time!
Anonymous
I just heard Bernadette Peters do Children Will Listen a month ago and can confirm it was great. Although it was Bernadette Peters.
Anon
Eliza Hamilton‘a Burn?
Oh so anon
Eliza Hamilton‘a Burn?
The Supremes
Was anyone else listening to the Supreme Court Gonzales arguments this morning? It sounded as if Justice Gorsuch was calling in on the phone, and I can’t find anything about it online.
Of Counsel
According to Scotusblog, the court spokesperson said Justice Gorsuch was not feeling well so attended by phone.
Anon
Could I get some help from those more financially savvy than me? I have a 401k with Fidelity from my last job. It’s just been sitting there these last few months. I’ve decided I don’t want to roll it over to my new job’s 401k provider because I hate this new job and I’m actively trying to get out of here. I don’t want to commingle anything with new job.
Fidelity 401k is a mix of Roth and…not-Roth (I told you I’m not savvy). The mix comes from the fact that I rolled several old 401k’s into it at one point. I want everything to be converted to Roth and (I think?) want to roll it all into my own IRA and get it out of the old job 401k type account.
First, is there any reason I shouldn’t put it in an IRA? Second, should I open the IRA with Fidelity or is an IRA something I should shop around for at other financial institutions? Third, when I do this, would it be best do call/do it at a Fidelity branch versus online?
nuqotw
If you roll the not-Roth portion to a Roth IRA, you will need to pay taxes on it as income. You can spread the conversions out over the years so you don’t have to pay all the taxes all at once.
Call your IRA provider and tell them what you want to do and they should be able to help you. I don’t think there is any rush though.
Anonymous
If you can find a fee-only fiduciary CFP who will work on a limited-scope or hourly basis to answer these questions and help with asset allocation it will be extremely helpful. I had trouble finding someone who would do this (they all wanted to put my assets “under management” and charge an annual percentage) but when I finally did it was worth the search.
Anon
This is complicated. I consider myself financially savvy and I don’t know all the answers to your questions. It might be worth talking to a fee based financial advisor.
joan wilder
I found Fidelity incredibly helpful recently around an inherited IRA, and they also walked me through a bunch of resources on their site so you may find a lot of answers there. As to whether you should call or walk into a branch, do you have a managed account or not? We went into a branch but because our account was “managed” we actually couldn’t do as much discussing.
Anon
Don’t think of it as your current employer; think of it as keeping it all in one account at Fidelity. Employer plans can, but might not, have lower fees than an IRA or leaving your money strung out in different places.
Roth accounts are ones you pay tax on now vs at withdrawal. Have you thought about the tax implications of making everything Roth right now? Are you doing it for any particular reason? Generally, you want to be at a lower tax bracket now than you will be in retirement. Don’t convert it all to Roth just because you like that senator’s last name (yep, it was Senator Roth, that’s where it comes from – it’s not an acronym for anything); be savvy about your tax implications.
They’re really good on the phone. Just talked to them last week for a loan.
MagicUnicorn
If you just want to get it out of the old job account ASAP, I would ask Fidelity to help you roll the Roth 401(k) into a Roth IRA and the non-Roth (“traditional”) into a traditional IRA with Fidelity for now. Then you can do more research into how much the tax cost would be to convert the traditional portion to Roth, and decide if you want to handle that yourself or hire someone to advise you.
Anonymous
If you roll over to an IRA, this would significantly complicate doing backdoor Roth IRA contributions, which you may want to do repeatedly in the future.
Anon
This, and it might really matter for years to come.
Anonymous
Can anyone recommend a TV show to binge with my husband? We just finished What We Do in the Shadows and are working through Poker Face. (Didn’t like Our Flag Means Death.) Absolute favorites are Americans, Breaking Bad, Succession. We like sci fi but I can’t handle horror. I think we have subscriptions to everything. We both like historical shows (The Crown, Tudors, The Great). Hated Outlander. Thank you in advance!
Anon
Rewatching The Wire right now. Still so good.
Anon
The Expanse on Amazon Prime might fit your bill – it’s sci fi done well, IMHO.
Annony
Have you watched Bodyguard on Netflix? Amazing … political thriller. Downside is, only one season.
Anon
Another great limited series is Patriot on Amazon Prime. I’m also a Succession fan, and I have to give Patriot an edge. It’s just a super well made show.
Vicky Austin
Oh man, Bodyguard was great. But I’d watch Richard Madden do his taxes.
Anon
Same!
An.On.
Have you tried The English? It’s a mini series though, not a tv show.
Anon
My husband and I LOVED Reservation Dogs, Shtisel, Rami, Fleischman Is In Trouble, and Normal People. Also loved (but lowercase loved) The Bear.
anon
The Bear
Hacks
Billions
Series
Fauda
Anon
Better Caul Saul is even better than Breaking Bad. The Americans is still my favorite series. I enjoyed 24 on Prime and flew through the seasons in no time.
Anon
If you liked Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul is the next step. IMO, it’s better than Breaking Bad.
Anon
It’s a comedy, but Minx on HBO was great and had a historical element because it was set in the 1970s. I’m so sad it was canceled after only one season.
BB
Wolf Hall for historical (although it’s sadly short). Also Killing Eve, which is old but I finally started watching it last year but it’s a great sort of dark humor crime-adjacent series.
NYCer
Have you watched Jack Ryan? Homeland?
Anon
Have you already watched Ozark on Netflix?
Anon
Ozark was so good!!!
Anon
Homeland, Billions, all of the Harlan Coben thrillers on Netflix
theguvnah
Yellowstone? Kind of soapy but I found it great – beautiful scenery and enough bad acting with outrageous dialogue that it also had laugh out loud parts, but I was fully invested in the story
Yellowjackets? Only one season so far but super good. Doesn’t cross into horror, I don’t think.
Have you ever done the X Files??
Anon
For historical, The House of Elliott. It’s older but if you liked Downton Abbey you’ll like it. Available through Britbox thru Amazon Prime
A
Derry Girls.
Anon
Currently watching Three Pines, based on the Louise Penny mysteries. It’s good so far. Other recent favorites were Andor, White Lotus, The Good Fight, Wellington Paranormal, Derry Girls, For All Mankind, Dark Winds, and Slow Horses.
Anonymous
Does anyone have thoughts on “anti inflammatory foods”? The AIP seems really restrictive. Fad diet?
Anonymous
It’s a medical diet designed for people with auto-immune problems. It’s not really intended for the general population. It’s restrictive because it needs to be.
bluebonnetanon
This is almost certainly a dumb question but I have never worked anyplace that has a 401k match…until now! When I’m looking at the 20.5k max for the year rule, does that number include whatever my company puts in for me or are those contributions on top of me maxing it out?
bluebonnetanon
Basically, does my 401k max get cheaper annually or bigger annually?
Anon
Nope, that limit is for your contribution only. And $20,500 is for last year. It’s $22,500 for 2023! IRS is raising the limits dramatically lately because of inflation.
Also this likely isn’t relevant to you, but on the off chance your employer gives you both a 401k or 403b AND a 457, you can contribute the maximum amount to both. This is a common situation in public higher ed. My husband and I are both in this situation so we could contribute $22500*4 = $90k to retirement this year if we had the money (which we don’t because…higher ed).
Anon
oh my goodness. I had no idea that was allowed.
Anon
It’s specific to 457(b) plans, which I think is only for state and local governments, so it usually only arises in the context of public education (both public higher ed and K-12).
Anon
My private higher ed institution has a 457(f) plan which allows the same double contribution, but it may only be available for highly compensated employees-over $100K?
bluebonnetanon
Wow, okay! I just upped my contribution because with the increased limit I had to.
Anon
If you are over 50, it’s $30,000 for both the 457(b) and either the 403(b)/401(k). Sometimes I feel contribution poor.
Anon
Oh man yeah I forgot about that. Sometimes I feel guilty that we don’t “max retirement” but our max is so much higher than other people’s max.
Anon
Another TV/movie Q: any must-watch things on Amazon Prime? I have a free trial for the next few weeks. I did not like Shotgun Wedding or Somebody I Used to Know, I thought People We Hate at the Wedding was hilarious and sweet (way better than the book, which I was pretty meh on). I’ve never been able to get into Mrs Maisel, despite being a huge fan of Gilmore Girls.
Anon
I posted this above, but if you like Louise Penny’s books, check out Three Pines. The Expanse is great if you like sci-fi. Reacher. Good Omens. Patriot.
Anon
Different anon here. I love the Inspector Gamache series but I don’t like the tv show. Too different from the Three Pines universe I’ve created in my mind.
Anon
Clarkson’s Farm Seasons 1 and 2
bluebonnetanon
Wow, okay! I just upped my contribution because with the increased limit I had to.