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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
A well-fitting black blazer is, in my opinion, the backbone of a good business casual wardrobe. This one from Vince Camuto is long enough to wear with a pair of slim-fitting pants and has just a little bit of stretch in the fabric to help ensure a good fit. If you’re looking for something a little different, it also comes in ivory and hot pink.
The blazer is $154 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 14W–24W. It’s also available in straight sizes, but only in the black.
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Anonymous
Ouch. To my old eyes, this looks ill-fitting, not well-fitting. (yes, I understand the trend lately is a baggier fit – I don’t see that lasting more than 2-3 years, most women want some definition somewhere!). For some reason, baggy blazers always make me feel like I’m playing dress up in my mother’s closet.
Anon
I’m tall and oversized blazers make me look short and ridiculous. Nothing against trying to be current in clothing… I’m in my 40s and at this point, feel like everything needs to be tailored (or fit quite well off the rack) to look good.
anon
There is a certain body type and/or overstyle style that this works for, but mine ain’t it. I’m tall-ish but the oversized blazer look is still hideous on me.
Anonymous
I am an Audrey Hepburn type–actually tall-ish but with a boyish figure that looks petite–and these blazers make me look like a little kid playing dress-up in my grandparents’ attic. I will stick to the blazer styles that work on me and update my look in other ways, with shoes/pants/etc.
Anon
Zendaya couldn’t make this blazer look good.
Nesprin
Models are models because they would probably look good in a burlap sack. This model does not look good in this blazer.
Anecdata
I got the notch blazer from old navy and had to return it, it’s just cut… not flattering (and the shoulders! immediate flashbacks to my mom digging out a 1980’s blazer for me to wear to a high school interview!)
Anon
I got the notch collar blazer from ON and it was super-flattering. I kept it in two colors! I am tall with broad ex-swimmer shoulders. It cut in nicely at the waist.
Anon
I bet if you look at the style in straight sizes it would be more tailored. Plus sizes often remove the waist, and look sloppy. As a short heavy woman with a smaller waist I find it endlessly frustrating.
Anonymous
How is that a plus-sized model? She looks like about a 6 in vanity sizing, 8 in normal.
Anon
No argument from me, but it is listed as women’s sizes in the description.
Anonymous
I would say that the model looks like a model for plus-size clothes. She looks fab, and she looks very tall. She looks just like my auntie, who also looks fantastic – I would guess a size 12-14. Exact same proportions and 6 inches shorter – agree on the 8, but not for a model height person. Would love to see shorter models in all sizes, to get a more relatable variety, but it’s more likely we’ll have more of “Is that a bracelet length or just a tall model” kind of corporette posts… I have a soft spot for Kate Moss, who back in the days was considered shockingly short at 5 f 7.
roxie
I think this is very cute and classic and would fit in great to a ton of situations!
Anon
Officially, what is the difference between skinny and slim pants? Slim pants are like BR Sloanes? I can see the difference in some pants (like they aren’t straight-leg pants of yore, but have slightly wider tapered legs than 2019 pants), but others I suspect are actual skinnies just rebranded for 2023 as “slims.”
[I did buy a replacement pair of black skinny jeans just before COVID and they are still in my closet with the tag on, a museum piece. Apparently wardrobe staples, as a concept, is a lie over a long enough time window.]
Cat
skinny – follows your leg all the way to the ankle (snug)
slim – drops fairly straight from mid calf to ankle (some air around the ankle bone)
straight – drops fairly straight from around the knee to ankle (some air around the calf)
Anonymous
I agree with this, with the caveat that the shape of your legs changes how a particular cut looks on you. Take that into account when you’re figuring out what cut will give you the look you want. i have large and curvy thighs and calves. I usually can’t even get skinny jeans to pull up over my calves. Slim jeans fit me like skinny jeans fit other people. I have to get a wide leg or slight flare if I want them to fit me like the straight legs describe here, with “some air around the calf.” Other women, who have a larger midsection and thin legs, will experience straight legs fitting more like wide legs.
anon
Agree. I am super curvy through the thighs and straight is the worst of all worlds (on me).
Anne-on
Hi, I’m you! I have had ‘big’ calves since I was a kid (thanks ballet!). Any suggestions for skinny flares or other ‘straight’ jeans you’ve liked?
anon
Not the poster above but Hudson Nico straight leg jeans work well for me. They do not have much stretch (think similar to Lucky jeans of the late 90s levels of stretch) so you need to be honest about yourself with what size you need.
Anon
Yes! I have really big calves and I wear straight leg jeans like skinny jeans.
Anonymous
I left a comment yesterday about moving from a partnership role at a small firm to an associate role in Biglaw. Some of you noted you could provide better feedback with a little more detail. My practice is 80-90% general corporate law (transactional – employment, leases, minutes, buy-sells; basically anything a 500-employee or less business would regularly need), and about 10% privacy/cybersecurity. I am really interested in privacy law, but I simply don’t see a demand for it in my region or deep enough with my current clients to do more than double my current amount. Most of my clients don’t have in-house counsel, and I only personally know a handful of attorneys across the country who do privacy work. My state bar association doesn’t have a focus group in this area yet. I have a couple certifications that I paid for on my own (i.e., CIPP). I am young enough, at about 10 years out, to ‘reinvent’ and I see privacy/related being around for the rest of my career. I’m single, no kids, willing to move to the right city if needed. I didn’t realize Counsel was an intermediate step, and really appreciate the feedback. I know the hours would be more than my current load. I have several friends in Biglaw who are just about to make partner now or who have recently been delayed. I would say I’m somewhat open to partner track and would say that, but I think it’s a lot more likely I’d want to use the time for training, hoping to get closer to 60-70% of my time in that area, and then in 2-4 years transition out. Any additional thoughts appreciated!
Anonymous
Where do you think you’d transition out to? If you’ll move anywhere just start applying to in house privacy jobs
Cat
Your existing skill set is very tr-nsferrable to in-house work as it is – why not go in-house and work on gaining privacy experience there?
Cat
I do see your comment that a lot of your clients don’t have in house roles, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find one elsewhere. General tr-nsactional support is a versatile skill set!
Anon
+1 data privacy is hot and we have an in-house data privacy team of two.
Anon
I agree – I would look for in-house roles where an interest in privacy is a plus. General corporate experience is very marketable, and privacy is a growing area but some companies may not need a full-time privacy person.
Anonymous
Never go backward. You’d be a smaller fish in a bigger pond.
Anon
I wouldn’t go to a firm to gain experience in this. I would try to move in-house now as a general corporate attorney and then take on privacy work in-house. Many businesses are not big enough to have a privacy team so that work would fall under the general corporate attorneys. I would also attempt to go to conferences or join networking groups in this area. The two big law firms I’ve been at had privacy attorneys under their IP group and I don’t see a reason for you to take a junior IP associate position. And you probably wouldn’t be qualified to be Counsel in an IP group either.
Anonymous
I worked with someone who took a big haircut to join a big law firm practice and retrain. She was a terrible colleague. She thought of herself as her old senior position, and treated the other associates as her juniors when we were contemporaries. As a result, she was pretty disliked among the associates. This may have been a problem unique to her, but if you do this, remember, you have to been willing to do the grunt work with the people who are your equivalent and slightly below class years.
Anonymous
Update! I posted at the beginning of the month that I’m in a new challenge: only eating out / coffee / drive thru if I am with another person, in person. Not only have I saved money on food and brought my lunch more often, I am also shocked at how it has decreased my other spending. I will likely go more flexible but am considering having a “one lunch out/week” rule.
Go for it
I did this years ago, saved the $ for the other 4 days and paid cash for a 1week trip to sunshine.
Go you!!
Anon
I’m a Californian and as such, as required by state law, I absolutely love In n Out. As does my entire family.
Our rule is that we can have In n Out on a road trip. So if we are driving by one on our way to somewhere fun, that’s lunch. But we don’t go there for a lunch for any given weekday because, for me, it’s a slippery slope, and I have no self control. (Double meat no cheese no onions, fries extra crispy, pink lemonade.)
Anon
Advice? I have a volunteer org that has become dear to my heart. I am an officer (e.g., a VP of the Teapot Museum Society). People have asked me to lead it, but work and family commitments are just too busy right now (in a few years, I will be an empty nester, so was hoping for statis until then). My kids have loved the Teapot Museum over the years and have done camps and activities there and helped with fundraising projects (coat check at the auction, etc., etc.). It has been great. Until . . . what are sort of simmering resentments (my kid didn’t get the Teapot Junior Visionary Award; I wasn’t honored at the gala) are forcing out the leader. I have no appetite for drama. I loved the Teapot Museum, but we may need to take a break (not from it; it is great; the humans are the problem). Are there any books about . . . dealing with people drama like this? I feel so out of my depth as a worker bee and planner. IDK if my inner Joe Pesci needs to come out or my inner Ghandi, but I need to mentally sort out where I am and then act on it (not rashly, but with some serious thought to my calling and my want to spend my next few years with my teens doing something meaningful and hopefully enjoyable and not in some fever swamp of drama).
Anonymous
Like this is just people they exist they are complicated. You don’t need to read a book. Decide what works for you, do that.
Anon
+1. People be peopling.
anon
I’m confused. Are you personally forcing out the director because you’re upset at being slighted? Or others are taking up that cause on your behalf?
The best way to deal with drama is to not get involved. No gossiping, no badmouthing, just do what you need to do. And if that’s stepping away for awhile, that’s fine. Don’t make it a thing.
Anon
This is the way.
If you know without a doubt you’re interested in the org after you’re an empty nester, you can reduce your role a bit and tell everyone you are super busy with other commitments.
Also, I can’t tell if you’re mad about the lack of awards or if others are. If you leave the org now (which is fine!) it will seem like you did so because of that and not for other reasons. This may or may not matter to you.
Anon
OP here. I’m outvoted in the ouster vote, but TBH it wasn’t clear what it was from the circulated agenda, so many people didn’t go to that meeting except the core group with the complaints (complaints are not mine and TBH they seem so petty). So I think corporate formalities now are very important to even small orgs (so maybe will re-read Robert’s Rules of Order and my state’s nonprofit corporate act and our charter and bylaws while I have a stiff drink and a good cry). I’m sad to be facing losing something g I had loved because a bunch of meanies want to run it for their own benefit. I hate letting bullies win. But maybe they should be careful what they wish for because soon there will be no one to blame and someone has to do the work.
Anon
I’m sorry, but I don’t understand the situation well enough to give real advice. The parenthetical and vagueness are tripping me up.
Either way, it’s always sad to lose something you’re invested in emotionally. Feel your feelings and separate yourself from this drama.
Anonymous
I’m sorry you’re sad. Your posts do not make sense.
Cat
If you’re at the point of trying to undo the ouster of a president by challenging the board’s compliance with its own bylaws or whatever… you need to take a breath and step back from the org.
Anon
Yeah…… I tend to agree about needing a step back. Also using Robert’s Rules of Order and the bylaws to do or undo a board action in a small org where it doesn’t seem like anything unethical or illegal happened….. added to the snit over an award for OP and OP’s child, it makes me wonder if OP is the drama.
Anon
I mean, are you doing it because the cause is dear to your heart or because you want to be publicly recognized? There’s no shame in the latter, but if you don’t feel appreciated then don’t do it anymore.
Cat
It sounds like your bottom line question is this-
-There is about to be a leadership opening at my volunteer org.
-I’m thinking about going for it myself since I love the org. But, two things are giving me pause, 1. my busy other commitments, and 2. the level of background drama (I hope not caused by you, though the way it’s written is confusing…) that has gone into the reason for the departure.
-Should I stay in my current role, back out further, or go for the leadership position?
If you don’t want to face the kind of petty complaints that the outgoing leader did, you’re not alone, but there’s no way to “manage” your way into those issues not existing in the first place. Feel free to nicely decline the promotion opportunity and explain you’re not ready for that commitment at this time.
An.On.
I’m not sure if I’m reading this right, but essentially you are a senior leader in an organization that you absolutely wouldn’t have minded heading in a few years, but you’re not sure that you want to hang around that long, given the other people you’re working with?
This advice will be very circumstance specific, but could you ask to take a sabbatical? My NFP actually requires a regular sabbatical so people don’t become entrenched in their positions, but we’ll frequently ask them to return after they’re done. If that’s not common where you’re at, then you being able to come back may depend on the goodwill you’ve generated and how selective the nomination process is, but in my opinion, bad co-workers/bad co-volunteers can really sour what would otherwise be a good experience. And often you don’t realize how much it’s affecting you until you remove yourself from it.
Anon
natural family planning? non-farm payrolls? national fire protection?
pugsnbourbon
Not-for-profit
An.On.
LOL, not-for-profit
Anon
Context is your friend, here!
Anon
I didn’t get it, I googled it, and those three answers were the first ones. I really didn’t know!
anon
Your written communication is really confusing. Stop with the parenthesis.
You’re too busy to do more volunteering and also you don’t want to be involved in drama. Cool. This is not a big deal at all.
Anon
I am sorry, I didn’t understand more than 1/3 of this, but have you ever considered that you are the drama?
Anon
*snort*
Anon
Yeah, like others I don’t fully understand what’s going on, but OP getting pissy about her kid not getting an award definitely makes it sound like she’s the source of the drama. Why would your kid be entitled to an award just because you’re in a leadership role?
Anon
I’m not sure if it was OP making the complaints about the award for the kid/recognition for herself or it was the soon-to-be-ousted president, or maybe it’s members of the board making the complaints? This is where clarity of language would really help.
OP, here’s some feedback, this is intended as a gift: I know a lot of people write how they talk. I am wondering if you have a tendency to be equivocal or oblique in your spoken language, and you’re writing how you talk. Being oblique doesn’t work well in written communication, because people can’t read your body language, vocal tone, or facial expressions to fill in the parts of the story you’re intentionally leaving out. You’ll get better answers to your questions if you use simple subject-verb-object format sentences and say exactly what you mean. And pose your questions as questions, like “Should I protest the ouster of the board president, as she is being removed for what I consider to be specious reasons?” And then explain what those reasons are, or tell us the story in a linear way, starting at the beginning and continuing through to the end. It’s very very difficult for us to read between the lines of what you’re saying to figure out what you’re really trying to say. I think we could offer better help if you could write your posts in a more straightforward manner, and state your questions clearly.
Anonymous
Are you the same person who posted about scout parent drama a couple of weeks ago? Time to enroll your kids in another activity.
Anon
Ohhh if it’s scout drama I would have so much feedback for OP. I don’t know why everything has to be so confusing!!!
Seventh Sister
I’ve been in a similar position with a volunteer organization and it well and truly sucked. To be frank, I think interpersonal drama drives people out of volunteering more effectively than things like two-income households or changing cultural mores or whatever nonsense some pundit says on a news platform.
Being on a board often means you learn about the bad, the mundane, and the not-publicized in a way you don’t know about even as an involved volunteer. What’s hard for me is separating out the stuff that is kind of normal for any organization (e.g., low-level employer-employee conflict) from the completely dysfunctional (longtime volunteer bullies everyone). I *wish* there was a book or a podcast or something about this stuff, there’s plenty out there on conflict in paid work but people do act differently when it’s a volunteer position.
Anon
This is what I’m here for. I volunteer in an org and this is exactly why I’m about to be “travelling a lot for work.” Ugh. If there is a podcast for this, I’d love to give it a listen.
Seventh Sister
One of the things that has been coming up A LOT in my volunteer orgs is that there is some overlap between volunteer org leadership and local politics. So the volunteer org leaders shut down some initiatives (and even lines of questioning) on the grounds that “it’s a political issue and we are nonpartisan” if it’s something they don’t like, then turn around and ask the volunteer org to make public statements approving new local legislation or guidelines. It’s incredibly frustrating.
eertmeert
So reading your post and your follow-up comments, it looks like your actual situation has gotten buried and confused.
You feel in between the complainers (other people who are on the board and think it grants them special access to awards and honors) and the President.
If the President is ousted, then there is nothing you can do to save the org from the complainers You will only become the next target. Step back from your position and let nature take its course.
Mmg
I know she can be corny but I love Brene Browns writing and podcasts on leadership. Especially when people are at their worst…definitely reminds me that I always want to be consistent with my own values.
Anon
So hotel welcome bags for out of town wedding guests is definitely a thing in my social group. I’ve never been to a wedding that did not have them. So I’m going to do them for my guests. What are favorite things to find in these bags? More helpful to have local favorites (candy, coffee, beer) or things generally needed in hotels (water, maps)?
Cat
Not maps unless your guest list is… elderly technophobes.
Something fun & local but mostly practical stuff — generously sized water bottles, mini packets of Advil or Tylenol, granola bars (good for late night or staving off hanger before the farewell brunch), mints.
Think back, what did you as a guest appreciate most?
Maps
Maps are useful for people who like to run/hike without carrying their phones.
Anon
I hate to be that person, but no one should ever run/hike without a smartphone.
Anon
+1 million. I live near some popular mountain hiking trails. Yesterday I was coming home, there’s the Search and Rescue helicopter hovering over the trailhead to a really tough trail and I can see there’s a pack of folks in yellow windbreakers, with dogs, getting ready to go find someone. People vastly overestimate their own capabilities on a fairly regular basis, in my area, and it is absolutely possible for someone to die of exposure if they get stuck out in the mountains long enough. Yesterday here was pretty nice – good hiking weather; today we’ve got winds up to 60 mph (strong enough to knock someone off of a precarious pitch if the gust hits at the wrong time) and rain/snow mix expected; highs in the low 40s. Don’t participate in outdoor activities without a cell phone, even if you don’t think it will work where you’re going (emergency cell range can surprise you).
Anon
Agreed. I am a not-unknowledgeable trail runner and a few months ago, I got unbelievably lost on a new trail. The trail started off wide and well marked; it abruptly disappeared and what looked like the trail wasn’t the trail.
For reference, when I go on nature walks with family and friends, I’m the one who explains to everyone how to read the maps and interpret the blazes.
I expected to be out for an hour, tops (6 mile loop); three hours later, my husband picked me up when I found my way to a road that was on the far side of the nature preserve. It got scary, fast.
Often when you figure out you’re in trouble, you’ve been in trouble for longer than you know. Therefore, getting out unassisted is nearly impossible.
Anonforthis
Wow! Absolutely cosigned.
testrun
+1 to this and we also put in a one page welcome letter that thanked everyone for coming and repeated some info from the invite/wedding website (timeline, where to park, the code for a free Uber home, etc.) – I always hate having to try to find someone’s wedding website on my phone day of.
Anon
Depending on time and year and location: sunscreen
Anonymous
Also depending on time of year and location: bug repellant wipes
Anon
I will put a vote in for a map. I plotted out from the hotel to the church and reception site and some of the better local restaurants of several types. In an unfamiliar area, it was a good guide for people in an unfamiliar place for a weekend (golf sites, grocery store, local things of interest). I think it went with the invitations TBH though. Definitely water bottles (which I know creates waste, but are really used in an area where the local motels are just basic ones that don’t have bottles pre-put out in rooms). Animal crackers or good light starchy snacks.
Cat
Reading the replies to my comment – by maps I mean like, general paper maps of the area wouldn’t be super helpful. A short list of restaurants near the hotel, or activities, is a good idea, but something I usually see on a wedding webs-te as opposed to only in a welcome bag – so I as a guest could plan ahead and make brunch reservations or whatever.
DC Inhouse Counsel
Just went to a destination wedding this weekend, the things we actually liked in the bags were bottles of water, snacks (chips and granola bars), liquid IV packets, advil packets, single makeup remover wipe packets and koozies (didn’t use them for the weekend but took them home with us, we love a free koozie). The bag itself was one of those rope backpacks and my husband will definitely use the bag again.
Anon
What did Great Aunt Edna do with the IV packets?
Anonymous
Use them? Idk why y’all assume the elderly are boring and incompetent. My great aunties hit the bar hard at my wedding!
Anne-on
I’m an old and liquid IV packets are fantastic if you’re working out, outside in the heat (gardening, tennis), for after PT sessions, and especially if you suffer from migraines (my neuro actually recommends them). My younger mom colleagues who are nursing also swear by them for increasing production.
Anon
My 80-something grandfather probably doesn’t drink enough to get hungover, but he does drink Propel tablets when he’s playing tennis, walking, or gardening.
Lily
How does your grandmother feel about your grandfather stopping in the middle of gardening to drink propel?!
Anonymous
I want:
Water
Advil
A printed card with the times and addresses of any wedding events no I don’t remember your website please just write it down
A snack
If those things aren’t there I don’t see the point at all.
Anon
+1 to this
Curious
And Tums!
Anon
Snacks, a fun local item, bottled water, and a card/paper that highlighted a few restaurants/coffee shops/things to do nearby have been the most appreciated.
FP
Honestly, snacks are all you need. Do you have any “local” snacks? For example, cape cod chips for a wedding in MA; zapp’s chips for a wedding in New Orleans, local candy? That plus bottled water and maybe cans of cold brew coffee would be so welcome for getting back to the hotel after a reception.
OOO
A wedding we went to last year had Covid tests in the bags. If the wedding events will be in different places then a map will be helpful. You can have cards made with a map of event locations on one side and a schedule of events on the other. (I go to a lot of Indian weddings that have several events)
anon
I would bridge the divide and do things that are both fun and useful for the event: cheap sunglasses, hard candies that won’t melt over dresses, flip flops. Wraps and dressing gowns are nice and a step up.
I’ve got to be honest. The purely ornamental stuff like ornaments, vases, and place settings end up in the trash before I check out of the hotel room. I have lugged home personalized wine glasses but it’s a pain.
Anon
Cheap sunglasses! They are remarkably useful. Definitely something I will bring to the beach long after the wedding.
Water
Snacks – I know people love carbs, salt, and chocolate (I do too), but I would throw in a request for a Lara Bar or something with some protein
Useful information (addresses, nearby places to eat, things to do)
Anon
You’ve received place settings as welcome gifts for a wedding/event?? This is just bizarre and shows there’s no end to weird cluelessness. Why in the world would a guest want a place setting to take home??
Anonymous
People already have sunglasses and shoes and wraps they like. I wouldn’t want the cheap version. I’d stick with snacks and water and a sheet with wedding details and local things to do.
Cat
+1, I don’t bring home cheap plastic cr-p. Water, snacks, meds, and wedding details are always welcome.
OP
Place settings! Good lord.
Flip flops and wraps/shawls are going to be available in baskets at the wedding venue.
Anne-on
My favorite ones have included water, sweet and salty snacks, aspirin packets, and (if it’s a destination wedding) a list of the couple’s suggested favorite spots. If there are multiple events (welcome dinner/day after brunch) it would be helpful to include start times for those and any details about transport (when the buses leave and from where).
After having planned many events I basically assume every person will forget anything they’ve been told up to and including the name of the bridal couple (and I have personally witnessed guests at corporate receptions blithely walking into a different ballroom for a wedding reception) and that additional details are always useful.
Anon
Honestly I would rather not get these bags. It’s the adult equivalent of goody bags, which were cheap, useless crap when we were kids and basically is the same now. I don’t want a beer coozie with “Fred and Anna 2023” on it, or a non-reusable bottle of water, or candies that I don’t like. It’s just more stuff. I think you could set the trend by NOT doing this. I feel like with kids we are already moving away from goody bags, why not for adults as well? The more people that don’t participate in unnecessary displays of consumption, the better for the planet.
anon
+1. I really agree. Unless you are doing consumables only, just skip this. Even then, not everybody finds all this stuff useful.
Anon
When I got married four years ago, we skipped the welcome bags for out of town guests and just hosted everyone in the hotel bar the night before (drinks and bar food) and for dinner at 8 pm after the wedding (midday wedding). The hotel was well stocked with grab and go snacks, free coffee and tea at all hours, etc., in addition to the restaurant/bar, so I felt like anyone who got hungry was covered.
anon
This is a great idea.
Anon
Er, adding on: it wasn’t actually very expensive to do this (<$500 total, LCOL area), and it was really easy. Could you do something like open a tab, charged to your room, or let people charge the hotel snacks to your room?
anon
Key point: this was pre-COVID. A lot of hotels have cut way back on the hours and offerings of their tea, coffee, and snacks at this point. Many have even eliminated breakfast. I wouldn’t count on this approach unless you have confirmed and confirmed again that the hotel is offering the extras and is stocked for your event.
Anon
I disagree. In the United States at least most hotels are back to normal in terms of service for guests. I’ve been Covid cautious and live in a cautious area but at this point it would be really jarring to me if a hotel didn’t serve breakfast or have a coffee/tea cart “because Covid” (of course, some hotels don’t have those services to begin with but I assume OP is not talking about those places).
OP
We’re hosting them for dinner the night before the wedding, breakfast the day of the wedding, dinner at the wedding and brunch on the morning after the wedding. Due to the area we live in, out of town guests are going to be at several different hotels. Unfortunately, none of them appear to have free coffee/tea, or snacks.
anon
+1 I don’t want more stuff. Use the money elsewhere.
Anon
Yeah, I really don’t think you need them. I usually end up throwing away most of the crap you get in these things. If you feel like you have to do it, just go with snacks and a list of local restaurants or attractions you actually have been to and would recommend.
anon
Counterpoint: I appreciate useful items that I often forget to pack or can keep for later. There are good suggestions upthread. Liquid IV packets, makeup removing wipes, blister pads for your feet. This stuff doesn’t take up much room if you decide to bring it home. I agree that cheap or perishable items are wasteful though. I don’t need another koozie or 10 cent sunglasses.
Anon
Totally disagree. I think they’re quite nice and thoughtful when done right, especially when people are traveling to your wedding. I always want a snack, forget Advil or painkillers, and appreciate the written information.
anon
But don’t most people pack this stuff? If I’m going to a beach location, I’m not going to forget the sunscreen and glasses.
Anon
+1 I rarely travel but I have a packing list including OTC meds. I like my own makeup wipes – other brands irritate my skin. I almost always throw away little gifts of toiletries. I’m all there for the granola bars.
Anon
Exactly. It feels infantilizing. I’ve packed advil, sunscreen, and sunglasses for every trip I’ve taken since I was a teenager!
Anon
I always pack snacks, a reusable water bottle, a first aid kid including a wide array of medicine (ibuprofen, Tums, allergy medicine, cold/flu medicine, Nuun, melatonin), all toiletries whenever I travel, but I’m also one of the emergency managers here so I am usually well prepared.
anon
+1 I keep Aleve and some Tums in my daily purse, so I would definitely have these items plus more when I travel.
Shelle
A printed schedule of the planned activities would be helpful for the wedding party’s welcome bags, such as the time and location of the rehearsal dinner, post-ceremony photos, etc. This is how my husband found out the couple expected him to give a speech at the reception! We had to ask if it was a typo.
Anon
I’ve never seen this at a wedding. I’ve heard it’s a thing, just not in my circle. Interesting!
An.On.
I agree with the water/candy/advil/local or nearby recommendations or map. I personally would also like and use koozies or sunglasses, and they’re pretty cheap to personalize and get a bunch of, but know your crowd. I’ve was at a wedding with mini bottles of hot sauce, which was cute, but I felt like it was too small to be useful to people who like hot sauce, and pointless to people who don’t.
Anon
I hate koozies. Am I alone in this?
Anon
+1. I’ve thrown away every koozie I’ve ever been given.
anon
I don’t think I’ve ever used a koozie in my life.
Anon
I used them on my grandparents’ boat in Florida when I was a kid. Now I live in a landlocked state and don’t own a boat so….
anon
I have so many effing koozies that I need to get rid of.
Anon
I like using a koozie, but I have a billion from various sources so I throw away any I receive now. Similar with reusable shopping bags. They’re useful for me personally, but there’s a limit to how many I need and they’re so common that my limit has been exceeded.
Anon
+1
Koozies are just multiplying by the day in my home. I’ve thrown most out. I think I kept 2 bottle and 2 can koozies. This is something most planners are recommending against.
Anon
No – but you are a no means in the majority if my friend and family group is any indication. I have a half dozen I have received at various weddings, some more than a decade ago, and both use and value them.
anonshmanon
Can I please have all your koozies? I like them.
Anon
I’m a Californian / Bay Arean. I had to look up koozie because it’s not a word I hear regularly. I see it’s a can insulator. I don’t think I’ve seen one of those in the wild for 20 years or so. Is this a regional thing?
Anonymous
Yes. If you’re Southern, you must own at least 6 koozies from various weddings. It’s a rule.
anon
I have a koozie drawer,* it is so out of control. Grew up in the south, still live in the south. I recall seeing koozies when growing up … adults might possess a few worn out old koozies that languished around the house, or perhaps on the back deck or garage. But now koozies are everywhere. Koozies as wedding/party favors. Koozies for events and festivals. Koozies as advertising. Biglaw koozies. Pride koozies. Bespoke koozies. Tall koozies. Thin koozies. Clever koozies in the shape of sleeping bags or insulated jackets. If you’re going to do a koozie, make it a good one. Extra sturdy or something.
*Maintained by live in boyfriend. He hates when his beer gets even slightly warm.
Anonymous
God, what a waste. No wonder we are all drowning in stuff and debt.
LeeB
Same, I had no idea what this was.
thanksgiving anxiety
no, they gross me out for some reason
Anon
Nope, not alone. They go straight into the trash. So wasteful.
Anon
I’ve never gone to a wedding with welcome bags, but two weddings I went to last year did provide a sheet with relevant info: schedule, places to eat or visit nearby, transportation info, etc. Yes the info is all available on the wedding website but it was also super helpful to have it all on paper.
Less I sound like I’m an elderly Luddite, I’m 28 and work in tech.
Love in The Time of COVID
Assuming you are making an effort to avoid being a super spreader event/parts of the events are indoors: test kits and KN95 (not cloth) masks.
Anon
That’s really passive aggressive of you!
Cat
if a guest is that worried about Covid at this point, they should simply decline to attend the wedding.
OP
My mom i is super high risk, as are many of the elderly guests. There is testing available and N95s and the entire event is schedulted to be outdoors. #covidisnotover
Anon
Thank you from a high-risk person who is not attending your wedding!!
Anon
Or bring their own mask. I’m Covid cautious and would wear a KN95 indoors at a wedding or other large event, but I would bring my own. I think it’s weird and passive aggressive for the bride and groom to put them in welcome bags. It implies they want guests to wear them, but they’re not coming right out and saying “please wear them” so it’s kind of confusing.
Anon
Here are the things that I’ve enjoyed in welcome bags:
Aleve
Water
Some electrolyte packet (Liquid IV, CURE, whatever)
Snacks (granola bars, chips, skittles, chocolate something, maybe a piece of fruit if it’s a local thing)
Makeup wipes (I tend to bring mine but if you forget, it’s annoying)
Some info on the events and local restaurants/bars/sights
A lot of things can go into a restroom basket that way you aren’t providing them to people who won’t need them (small list):
Extra hair ties
Tampons/pads
Things for blisters
hairspray
spray deodorant OR deodorant wipes (I prefer wipes)
More liquid IV type packs
Please, FTLOG, no koozies. If you plan on giving a reusable item, please do not have it customized with names/dates. We love you and are so excited to share the day with y’all but we’re unlikely to use coasters/key rings/koozies/whatever often, if at all. Preferably, only provide consumables.
Anon
I like – sheet of events with date, time, info, and shuttle info, and one of those local tourist maps (I know I have a phone but I like seeing fun things laid out), and local SNACKS. I do not like water (I always bring a reusable water bottle and don’t like that being rendered moot). I hate little plastic stuff and individual wipes — won’t use.
bluebonnetanon
I really like information about the times and locations for any/all wedding events so I don’t have to try and get to your wedding website at the same time as everyone else, lists of local, recommended places because google results are bought and often not to be trusted, bottles of water, and local snacks/candy.
Seventh Sister
We got them at a destination wedding in December. It wasn’t common when I got married. We got a mesh beach bag, a light throw blanket, and a printed card with the wedding details (ceremony, brunch time, etc.). There was also a map of the little town with some food/sightseeing suggestions. The card was super helpful and I like the blanket a lot.
Trixie
I just returned from a wedding where we got a gift bag: A monogrammed totebag (bride and groom’s initials in a creative way), 2 boxes of water, liquid IV, chapstick, two beanies (hats) with the B and G’s monogram, advil, and hand cream. Seems so wasteful! Don’t want the totebags or beanies, I’ll drink the water, save the chapstick and and liquid IV, and will put the hand cream in the car. What about an umbrella? a pertinent coffee table book? The most important part, in my opinion, is a nice handwritten note card thanking guests for traveling and attending that goes along with a gift. One nice gift is better than multiple small items.
Anonymous
AITA?
I live in a condo and I play the piano. I typically play 45-60 minutes 4 times a week, usually in the afternoon or early evening. I’ve been doing this for years. The other day my downstairs neighbors started pounding on the ceiling while I was playing. I was shocked and immediately stopped. I’ve never actually met these people so the next day I went to introduce myself and nobody answered so I went back later and left them a note apologizing for the noise and giving them my number with an offer to limit my playing to certain times of the day that would be better for them. The note had my number on it and I also left a Starbucks gift card to apologize for the inconvenience. They have not reached out to me but the other day when I was playing again at a totally different time of day they banged on their ceiling again. I’m at a loss. I absolutely want to get along with these people to make our shared living space as pleasant as possible, but I don’t want to just never play the piano again. Part of me wants to go downstairs next time they bang on the ceiling when I know they’ll be home and introduce myself, but I’d be a little nervous to do that at this point.
Bottom line, I want to keep playing, I try to limit my playing to a reasonable amount of time, and if they asked me to never play after 5pm for example I would be completely happy to accommodate that. AITA?
Anne-on
NTA, part of the deal with condos is that you have to expect/accept a certain amount of noise from your neighbors. You may also want to be sure that you’ve adhered to the requirements of your condo board for noise though – the co-ops I’ve owned required something like 80% of the floors being covered with rugs to help muffle noise/footsteps. If you’ve done this AND tried to get in touch I’d ignore them.
Anon
NTA. As long as you’re not playing at wild times (like between 9 pm and 8 am), I’d be tempted to ignore the pounding since they can’t use their words to communicate with you. The more mature way to deal with things is probably to go downstairs and knock on their door when they start pounding and require them to have an adult conversation.
Anon
Just go down and talk to them when they pound on the ceiling so you know they are home.
Vicky Austin
I’d go visit them one more time directly after pounding and be prepared to negotiate, and if they are hostile or don’t answer the door at all, then I would ignore them hereafter. You gave them a Starbucks gift card! That is above and beyond.
(Maybe they think pounding on the ceiling results in being given more gift cards?!)
Anonymous
I don’t understand why you’re being such a doormat?! An apology? A gift card? Get a grip. Play your piano. Ignore them.
Anon
Get a grip?! Why such hostility for a common question about how to coexist peacefully with neighbors?
Of course she’s within her rights to play her piano (assuming it’s not against any of the POA rules), but I think society can use more people who are trying to work things out reasonably like adults instead of entrenching themselves on a side and ignoring everyone else’s concerns all the time.
go for it
+1
Anon
Seriously!!! NTA but stop being such a pushover.
Anon
Try to talk to them and figure out if there’s a time that’s least disruptive. They might sleep during the day because they work at night, or have a young child that naps or keeps them up at night. They might work at home and have times that are more sensitive than others, etc. If they can’t come up with a few hours a week that would be okay, then they’re TA, but I can certainly see that this could be pretty disruptive at the wrong time. Unfortunately it seems like things have gotten off to a bad start, and it’s hard to say if it’s just because they’re jerks, or if it went on so long that they got totally fed up. If they won’t talk to you, is there a HOA board that either has a policy on this or mediates conflicts?
Anon
You’re totally within your rights to play the piano, but this is why I’m glad I live in a coop. One of the application questions was “do you play an instrument?” We basically screen out the amateur Paganini’s.
Anon
Ouch…
signed,
an amateur Paganini
pugsnbourbon
Yeah this struck me as a little sad. If I sing in the shower, am I gonna get a letter from the co-op board?
Anon
If you sing for an hour straight multiple times a week, at a volume that your neighbors can hear, maybe?
Anonymous
Where are musicians supposed to practice if not in their homes? An hour a day is not a lot. A serious amateur will easily practice that much. A pro needs 2-3 hours a day.
To 2:12 pm
The pros soundproof their apartment.
Anonymous
Double ouch. Signed, an amateur Bartoli who is very glad to live in a single-family home.
anon
NTA. You handled it gracefully. If they have a legitimate need for zero piano playing (like a baby that naps at irregular intervals) they have your contact info to communicate that to you. When they bang on the ceiling again leave another note and take a photo of the note. That way if the neighbor complains to the condo board you can prove that you offered to work with them.
Anonymous
A baby that naps at irregular intervals is not a legitimate need For zero piano playing.
anon
I meant there could be a specific reason the neighbors find it disruptive and it’s not as straightforward as “weekdays 5-7pm are fine.” But again, the neighbors should use their words and discuss a solution with OP.
pugsnbourbon
Good call on taking a pic of the note!
pugsnbourbon
You seem super nice and conscientious – NTA. You’ve given them a way to reach out to you that doesn’t involve pounding on the ceiling. If there’s a baby or work meetings or they work nights and need to sleep, they need to use their words and tell you.
My sister plays piano and growing up I loved hearing it in the house. I miss it.
Anne-on
This – the son of my next door neighbors played the piano in my co-op and it was such a lovely thing to hear in the mornings. I mentioned it to them in passing one time and they were SO apologetic but I truly enjoyed it! They were some of my favorite neighbors – once they realized I was living alone they ‘adopted’ me in a way – the husband would offer to help with heavy packages, the wife would offer me leftovers or extra produce they had and I’d pass along extra tickets I had to events (work freebies) and offered to babysit their son so they could go.
Anon
I love hearing kids practice when it’s “open window” season in my ‘hood. For a few years, there was a kid who played the same instrument as me and sometimes it was fun to pull my horn out and play back what he was working on (standard repertoire that’s seared into my consciousness). The world would be a much nicer place if we nurtured music and art more; even the inconvenient parts of it.
Anon
This is darling 💕
Anon
This is one of the best stories I’ve ever heard.
More Sleep Would Be Nice
When I was on maternity leave with my first kid, we lived in a massive building. One of the highlights of my day during a very tough time was the music created by the person that played piano in the unit above us. Just putting this here to let you know.
Anon
Yea I absolutely hate certain aspects of city life and HATE hearing my neighbors. But it’s not like you are blasting techno or obnoxious music at 11pm on a Tuesday. You are being incredibly kind and they should at least be willing to talk to you. A piano can be nice background music. Thinking about it, if I was your neighbor I’d give you song suggestions that I love! I wish you were my neighbor!! I’d love to randomly hear my favorite song being played on piano throughout my day. A nice little surprise.
anon
+1 I super appreciate my musician neighbors, both amateur and professional. They make really beautiful music. I’m at a stage of life where I’m not going out to concerts, so I extra appreciate live music.
OP sounds super conscientious and kind. I’d love to have OP as my neighbor.
Anon
I don’t know how much noise carries in your apartment building, but you may want to consider an electronic piano such as a Yamaha Clavinova that you can plug headphones into. The pianos have weighted keys and feel like a regular piano. That way you can practice whenever you want without having to worry about irate neighbors.
Anon
+1
Yes, I hate to admit this, but the Yamahas now have amazingly good sound/action and the convenience of being able to use headphones or simply turn down the volume cannot be overstated. In my area, essentially none of the kids taking piano now have real pianos. Which makes me, as a pianist, quite sad!
Of course, part of me hates these electric pianos. I hate the idea of it, the look of it, the differences from a real piano. And it breaks my heart that as long as I live in an apartment, I will probably never be able to have my dream Steinway baby grand. It was too stressful for me dealing with the (very rare…) neighbor that would “bang”.
Anon
The highlight of the year in 2021 at my building was a lot of residents standing on the grounds, cold drinks in hand, to watch a Steinway grand piano being moved into a high floor by a crane. We are easily amused. I live three floors down from the pianist, and I cannot hear her practice in my apartment, so sometimes I will sit on the stairs in the service stairwell and listen for a while.
Anon
Yamaha also makes an upright, basically the U1, with the clavinova built in. Sometimes called a “Silent Piano.” It has the full harp and you can play acoustic piano, but you can alos move a pedal to the right – it locks in like a stick shift – and play through headphones. I had one, but they’ve updated the model since mine.
I didn’t like it as much as my grand piano to be honest, but it was great when I was in a more crowded living situation.
Now my living situation is more small city and my problem is that both of my neighbors play better than I do!! My one neighbor is a professional pianist, the other has a teenager who is going to be a piano performance music major when she starts college in a year. Yes, even though we live in houses with space between them and no longer in a joined wall situation, we can all hear each other practice.
Coach Laura
Emily Henderson just recently talked on her blog about her electronic piano (with weighted keys and headphone potential) and how it’s saving her sanity with kids.
But I don’t think the OP needs to get a new piano. But if anyone apartment-bound that needs a new piano, it sounds like a great option.
Anonymous
I would get a Yamaha. What Emily Henderson describes sounds much less like a real piano and more like a cheap electronic keyboard in a fancy cabinet.
Nesprin
You’ve given them your number+ willingness to be flexible, a sorry gift and aren’t playing at 2AM. You’re fine to ignore the ceiling pounding heretofore- if they want you to stop they could text you like adults.
Anon
When I was living in an apartment with two toddler boys, we received so much hate from our downstairs neighbors because of the noise. Then those neighbors moved out and the new people swore they never heard our kids and also the husband was a novice trumpet player. And I swore it didn’t bother us! It was a wonderful arrangement LOL. Graciousness all around.
Anonymous
You don’t give someone a gc for rudely banging on their ceiling at you. You left a note, unless and until they use their words like an adult, ignore.
Fwiw I’ve lived in military housing where quiet hours in practice are 24/7 because someone is always trying to sleep. And I still think your neighbor is being totally absurd.
Anon
Do you have a rug under your piano? I’d do that and whatever you can to dampen the sound (my neighbor has a Persian rug over the end of her concert grand (she’s a concert pianist) but beyond that, if you’re playing during the day, f ‘em. You have a right to enjoyment of your home.
thanksgiving anxiety
I’m not sure, I also play and just assumed I couldn’t have a real piano until I buy a real house (currently playing an electric keyboard in my townhouse). I assumed it would be way too loud in most buildings to have a real one. Honestly I would find it really annoying to hear my neighbors play. Maybe I should re think this?
anana
DH manages apartment buildings and condos. One of the boards took action (notification letter) against a female tenant because she was very vocal when gardening. No kidding. DH thought it was ridiculous.
Seventh Sister
You are NTA. Frankly, I’d be sorely tempted to pound back, and/or position my wireless speaker face down so they could get the full experience of my most annoying favorite songs (e.g., the REM songs with the wailing-est vocals). I wouldn’t go down there alone in response to pounding, unless you have a security guard or a large male friend/spouse who can tag along. It’s city living, they can take it up with the condo board or law enforcement.
Anon
My daughter and her boyfriend don’t wear shoes indoors and the downstairs neighbors still pound on the ceiling whenever they just walk around their apartment.
Meanwhile, the downstairs neighbors also have frequent loud screaming arguments that, as you can imagine, are just as audible upstairs as shoeless walking is downstairs.
Some people are just assholes.
anon
When I was clerking, my downstairs neighbor called the police repeatedly because I was walking too loudly. I weigh 100 pounds, didn’t wear shoes inside, and the apartment was carpeted. She told me I woke her up because I would get out of bed before her (she was on disability and never worked). The cops would show up, apologize that they were required to show up to every call that was made, and politely decline my offers of refreshments. She was a miserable crazy woman and now I laugh about it.
Former Paralegal
How would you convey this on a resume? I’m a paralegal turned (aspiring) software developer. The firm I was working for hadn’t yet embraced modern technology and business was very slow, so I spent a majority of my time developing programs for the firm. After getting let go, I’ve spent the past few months taking classes in math and computer science.
I’m not getting very many bites on my resume. I think it might be because of my irrelevant job title and lack of CS degree, but I’m not sure how to make myself a more appealing applicant without misrepresenting anything. Any advice appreciated!
(If you’re curious, a scrubbed version of my resume can be viewed here: https://imgur.com/a/PKiI3uO )
Anon
Put programming languages at the top of Experience.
If you’re going to have an intro paragraph (I’m unsure about the wisdom of having one), omit the “former paralegal” part. If someone spends 15-30 seconds scanning your resume, they have already moved on to the next candidate. I would say something like “technically proficient programmer with legal background.”
I’m unclear as to how your Projects relate to your experience or your self taught courses. Can you figure out a better way to explain these?
Cora
I would take out the bio.
Skills on top is good.
Put education at the very bottom, and put the relevant classes on top of the university degree
Definitely keep projects, those are great to have.
I wouldn’t be discouraged – you’re at a similar place to a recent or about-to-be CS grad, where your projects show off your programming skills more and work experience is not as relevant.
pugsnbourbon
I am a secret resume nerd. It’s been a while since I’ve done hiring, but here’s what I’d suggest:
– remove the intro paragraph
– format the “skills” into three columns of bullet points. Like anon at 10:04 said, emphasize your programming languages
– move your education to the bottom of the page
– I’m also a little stuck on the projects. Did you do these as part of a job, or did you build these out as a freelancer?
Former Paralegal
Thank you! The “MLC Machine” was a a project I developed during my paralegal role for the firm – I used it to scan, sort and file incoming mail/documents into the appropriate case files and generate a list of documents still outstanding for the file. The other one was just a personal project.
Nesprin
Add github submissions or submissions to a FOSS project? Use functional titles like “developer” instead of “paralegal”? Emphasize coursework in CS? Are you close enough to a certificate or degree to just get the formal training?
Former Paralegal
Could you elaborate on your last question? I currently have a B.A. in English but am not currently enrolled in any formal programs. Grad school is definitely on my radar, but I wouldn’t be able to start until Fall 2024 since I’ve missed this application cycle.
Anon
That’s awesome that you’re working on those skills! Depending on what you’re applying to, your programming skills still seem somewhat nascent. It’s great that you have some projects listed, but you may want to list some that aren’t scripts. That may be why you’re not getting any interest. The projects are cool but probably nobody is hiring based on batch scripting ability. I wonder if you might be able to try for non-coding jobs at tech companies.
Anon
Move MS-DOS out of languages into Technologies. Also, did you actually use MS-DOS for your project or did you use command line scripting (ie from the “DOS prompt”)?
If you used SQL as part of your prior job, make sure to add that to your languages.
Since you don’t have much in the way of formal coursework, beef up your projects.
It sounds like you haven’t been out of school very long; perhaps go back for your MS in CS? I’m doing it now. It’s painful, but hopefully will be worth it in the end.
Anon
Has anyone had Venmo lose your linked bank account details? I just got it and something seemed a bit odd (go to something called Plaid and reconnect? I dont use Plaid).
Anonymous
If you use venmo you do use plaid actually. It’s just a back office connecting tool
Anon
Yep, this. Plaid is also a fintech unicorn. It happens on Venmo every so often.
pugsnbourbon
+1. I’m pretty sure this is what YNAB uses as well.
pugsnbourbon
And we periodically have to renew/re-enter our credentials via Plaid to keep our accounts linked.
Anonymous
Cash app wants me to do this as well. And give my bank account details to Plaid. I do not want to do this. I’d love to know more or if there’s a way to bypass.
Anonymous
I’ve been getting a lot of things thru plaid – it’s like PayPal or something. I’m not a fan but haven’t found a way to opt out. Seems harmless though I don’t like that it can “see” how much $ I have in my account at the start of the day, but I’m guessing that’s just a if/then computer query where if you do have enough then they run the transaction.
I don’t have any notifications in my Venmo account about it though or in email. I’d ignore it if it’s email only.
Anon
I’d still be suspicious. I’ve had some pretty convincing phishing attempts. Call, chat, or email Venmo directly to make sure they sent this.
Jane
Trying hard to escape winter doldrums and plan a 10day ish trip to Europe in April. I have visited a LOT of the usual suspects and some of the unusual ones in Eastern Europe so trying to decide btwn the few places I am yet to go: Greece, Portugal and maybe Netherlands/Belgium (starting at Amsterdam). Any tips? How would you pick? I am definitely most biased towards Greece but then have no clue where to start and how to narrow down where to stay. Husband and I (foodies, DINK, early 40s). HELP it is already getting late to book stuff in budget!
Cat
are you thinking of Greece for mainland history or island hopping? April’s kind of early for the latter, but if you want mild weather for the former, you’re good.
Anonymous
Personally I wouldn’t do Greece in April. The islands still are effectively closed and the Greek islands are an absolute treasure of the country.
Anon
Portugal is one of my favorite places ever, so I vote for that. So much to do, so much delicious food and wine! I’ve posted here before about my ideal trip: https://corporette.com/cuyana-double-loop-bag/#comment-4176098
Anon
In April, my vote would be Portugal. Netherlands/Belgium will be really chilly that time of year (the exception would be if you love tulips and want to see the tulip fields – April is the right time for that). Athens will be lovely in April, but as others said a trip to Greece is incomplete without the islands and April is not really the right time of year for islands. Greek Orthodox Easter (April 16 this year) also brings big crowds and high prices, although it wouldn’t be that hard to avoid that week. Also it depends on your tastes, but I generally think of Portugal as more of a ‘foodie’ destination than the other places you listed.
Anon
I disagree with the advice to not do Greece in April. The tourist season for the islands starts no later than April 1. Nothing will be closed in April. It won’t be swimming weather, but it will be perfect for walking around and boating and you can see the beautiful scenery and soak up the culture without hoards of tourists. As someone else said, avoid Greek Easter.
Anon
I did my last trip to Krakow and Budapest in April and it was incredibly lovely. I vote those!
Anon
I went to Warsaw, Krakow and Prague in April and it was nice, but it was pretty cold!! Not snowy but quite chilly and gray most of the time.
Anon
Yeah, I love Poland but I wouldn’t go in April. Also OP said she had traveled widely in Eastern Europe and wanted to visit one of three specific countries, so the advice wasn’t super helpful.
Anon
April is a great time for the Azores or Madeira, which are (imo) more interesting than mainland Portugal. I know a lot of people love Lisbon but that city does nothing for me.
A
April is the perfect time to see keukenhof. Then maybe take the Thalys to Antwerp, visit Bruges.
You could also check out Paris on a whim by train if you feel inclined. Or Heidelberg.
Anonymous
Just reporting back – I bought the ZoZoFit suit and like it. It takes your measurements. I bought it for weight loss efforts but someone else said it’s perfect for sewing.
Anonymous
Godspeed
Anon
Can anyone recommend a good family lawyer in the Bay Area for an urgent case? My father is in a severe mental health crisis and is refusing treatment and trying to buy real estate in a foreign country, where he now is. We need a lawyer to help my stepmother protect her rights and assets (my father wants to sell their house urgently, for example.) Any leads appreciated.
Anonymous
I would be looking for an elder law attorney who specializes in guardianships/conservatorships.
Anon
No recommendations but just wanted to send empathy and give you a virtual hug. My mom has bipolar disorder, and before she got diagnosed and medicated (which didn’t happen until I was in my late teens) she would go into crises and want to do destructive things, including attempting to kidnap my brother and I and drive us into Mexico, away from our dad. I am really sorry you are going through this and hope you can find some help, here or elsewhere.
Anon
Ugh… what a nightmare.
I am so sorry – I don’t have a good recommendation of a lawyer for you from my personal experience. But I would try calling the local NAMI for that area – search online and find the branch closest to your father. Check out their website. Click on “crisis support”. There will likely be links in an area entitled “legal assistance” that are a start. And then I would call the local branch and speak to the peer/crisis counselor on call and ask for any advice/legal contacts they have.
I also have family in that area struggling with serious mental health issues and it is just… a disaster. As you are older, I’m sure you know that multiple types of progressive dementia can be disguised early on as mental health disorders. Even divorce is a problem, as Dad can still take his half of the settlement and do whatever he wants with it.
While a lawyer experienced with these sort of mental health issues is useful, an elder care lawyer can be great. This is because with aging, it is a sadly common problem that progressive dementia vs. psychiatric disease vs. other devastating health condition can threaten the long term security of the spouse.
NYCer
I don’t have any recommendations, but you may want to look for an elder care lawyer rather than a family lawyer.
Anon
Thanks all. The NAMI list is a good place to start. I can’t believe my family is here. Everything was normal just over a month ago…
Anon
Really? Your Dad was normal 1 month ago?
Then you need to get him to the doctor or hospital fast. If he doesn’t already have a psychiatric diagnosis/history that correlates with this problem, he could have a different illness. There are LOTS of medical causes of sudden behavioral/psychiatric changes in older folks, and the good thing is that most of those a treatable/fixable.
Try to get him to see his PCP ASAP, if that is a good doctor. Or going to the ER at Stanford or UCSF would be great. Those or top notch for a sudden new psychiatric problem in the elderly. He needs to be seen by a neurologist, and a psychiatrist.
Anon
This is not a ER type of situation. They are equipped to handle medical emergencies which this is not. This will result in nothing but frustration.
Anon
This is incorrect. And clearly you know much about handling psychiatric emergencies, which is never easy when a loved one is decompensating.
It is ideal for a doctor to help coordinate, but most cases of new sudden behavioral/psychiatric changes are absolutely an acceptable medical emergency. And it is important to go to a large hospital system that are used to doing the work-up for this type of problem. Stanford/UCSF are the locations there.
The current wait for the Aging clinics there can be 6-12 months. Sometimes the only way to be seen sooner is to get in via the ER.
Anon
Doing everything you suggested has been my family’s sole focus for over a month. He will. Not. Go. to any doctor or facility and police have twice declined to take him against his will. He is no longer in the U.S. Trust me, we know he needs emergency psych care.
Anon
Yup, I hear you. Been there. Sorry, it was not clear from your
By chance, is he in a country that is his homeland, with other family around? In our scenario, our family member was actually easier to coerce into treatment when they left the country. They also wanted to sell the US house urgently, due to some paranoia/delusions. Fortunately, we had local family at the home country who were working with us to help, and got our family member in to see a doctor. It was a start.
Hang in there. Good luck.
anon
Reading fail to poster above. He is “out of the country”.
Anonymous
Worth exploring whether he has an ongoing infection that may be causing craziness. This is super common in the elderly. UTIs can cause all kinds of altered mental status.
Anon
I need shopping help! I’m looking for an off white / cream colored, collarless blouse with a v-neck and short, three-quarter or long sleeves. V should not be too deep but it can be a little wide. The Kobi Halperin Nellie blouse looks nice but at $300, it is outside my budget by $200. Polyester is okay. Straight size.
Anon OP
+ It should also be opaque enough to wear without jacket.
Anon
https://www.amazon.com/Elegant-Lantern-Sleeve-Peplum-Blouse/dp/B09ZL9XJ12/ref=sr_1_31?crid=1VVKPH8V5NUII&keywords=white%2Bblouse%2Bv%2Bneck&qid=1677079395&sprefix=white%2Bblouse%2Bv%2Bneck%2Caps%2C189&sr=8-31&th=1&psc=1
Anon
https://www.amazon.com/Womens-Surplice-Elegant-Lantern-Pleated/dp/B0B9Y212PF/ref=is_sr_dp_n?crid=1VVKPH8V5NUII&keywords=white%2Bblouse%2Bv%2Bneck&qid=1677079395&sprefix=white%2Bblouse%2Bv%2Bneck%2Caps%2C189&sr=8-37&th=1
Anonymous
what is straight size?
DC Inhouse Counsel
Not plus, petite or tall sizes.
Anonymous
Is sleeve length negotiable?
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/pearl-snake-print-silk-blouse/7050288?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FTops&color=103
Anon
Several choices came up with an image search!
Anon
Just need to spill before I unprofessionally gossip: toxic Old Boss is finally getting investigated.
Old Boss regularly walked the line between just a jerk and outright abusive. Aside from the general torturing of staff, Old Boss also had a bad habit of severely violating HR stuff.
It started with an egregious situation and then… every person they talked to had a more ridiculous situation than the one before. I shouldn’t be so happy about this!!
Vicky Austin
Yes you should!! That’s a good thing! Share it here where it’s anonymous!
Anon
No, don’t be an idiot, this isn’t discovery proof.
Vicky Austin
Fair enough, but it’s not bad to be happy about it.
Anonymous
To all of us who had to leave due to bosses like this or senior coworkers like this thank you for sharing. I’m glad the good guys win out at least some of the time.
anon
The abusive tyrant of a CEO at a former job was forced out after almost 20 years in the role. I was downright gleeful. He had to slink off into his retirement knowing that all the senior leadership there hated him.
anon
Similar story here, very satisfying. Abusive former boss/CEO’s bank was closed by the FDIC in the 2008-2010 crisis. He was investigated and had to pay >$500,000 fines due to poor bank management practices. And forbidden to work in financial services permanently.
Anon
Do you work for my former boss?
Pro tip: when you have an abusive male boss, do a LOT of online searching. My friend’s teenage daughter heard what went on at at one company, casually asked his name, and found his… adult content production site. And that he was active on it during what were normal business hours.
Anon
Hi hive. I’ve posted the past few weeks about a) Losing a teen family member and b) Some changes that my boss told me are going to happen at work.
Yesterday, my boss gave me a lot of feedback about a missed opportunity for one of my direct reports that resulted in them and our team not being prepared for a meeting. She was spot-on, but then of course she took it to an unpleasant level (e.g. “It can’t always be me using my brain”, “If my kid can learn to play 5 songs on the piano, your direct report can learn this”).
From my own sleuthing I know she’s discussing next steps for me with our department leader today. She and I meet Friday (we usually meet on Thursday), and my hunch is that it’s not going to be good.
Just really, really sad. On many levels. That’s all.
Anon
That’s insane! It’s one thing to point out where an employee missed opportunities but to compare your direct report to her 5 year old is not necessary and incredibly insulting. Does she know about your loss? She sounds awful!! I think it’s obvious to job search but take care of your mental health first. I can’t imagine going through all of this at one time.
anon
Your boss’s delivery leaves a lot to be desired. Is she always this terrible?
OP
Yep. Have even gotten “My husband overheard you and thought ______”, “My husband saw me working [deliverable someone else took a first pass at] and agreed it wasn’t up to par”, “I mentioned what ____ said and my friends agreed it wasn’t ok”, etc.
It sucks because it makes me turn her into BEC on ACTUAL feedback (which had been discussed here before).
Anon
Whaaaaa!? I’ve had some really bad bosses but this is next level. SO inappropriate.
Anon
She showed her husband internal company work product? Isn’t that a breach of company confidentiality and a terminable action?
Call your company ombudsman stat.
eertmeert
Document this shit. If she says something out loud, follow up with an email. “Boss, following up on your feedback that “Your husband saw me working and agreed it wasn’t up to par.” and that “I mentioned what so and so said and my friends agreed it wasn’t okay.” Can you outline for me the actions I should be taking from here?”
Vicky Austin
I’m really sorry; comparing your direct report to her kid is way inappropriate. Keep us posted.
Explorette
That is crazy! I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
Anon
You’re going to be one of those posters who reports back in 6-12 months telling us how liberating your new job is and how you can’t believe you waited so long to leave. Keep your chin up and think of this as an opportunity to start fresh somewhere new.
Anon
Why haven’t you started looking for a new job yet?
pugsnbourbon
+1. Your boss is a jerk. Get outta there.
OP
Just spoke with boss. Essentially, she and the leadership team loves me but there are two areas they’d like me to crisp up on to show that I could step in her role if/when needed; leadership does not think I’m ready now (which…I don’t disagree with). They want to see some focus and improvements in the next 6 weeks – no formal plan. I can’t change their perceptions but I don’t agree with some of it. Some of it I can say “Yeah I could be better.”
Initially there was going to be an org chart change but they don’t want to go there yet.
I’m going to start polishing my resume this week and thinking what type of low-key networking I can do. Even if this works out, I don’t know how long I want to stay somewhere that I’m seen like this.
Anonymous
you’re on the way out, get yourself out of there first.
Cora
I’m going to Miami next week – I”ll be with local friends but have one day by myself in the Downtown Miami/Brickell area – any suggestions? I’ll definitely need to hit up a cuban bakery, and I basically love the beach, local history, art exhibits, bookstores. Won’t have a car but perfectly comfortable taking either Ubers or public transport, whatever makes sense.
Anon8
I was in Miami last week! I never rent a car in Miami, always take Ubers with no issues. If you aren’t already planning on it, definitely check out the Wynwood Arts District. Great area to walk around and see tons of street art. If you like breweries, J. Wakefield in Wynwood has really great beers and a fun nerdy vibe with giant Star Wars murals. Not in Wynwood, but Superblue Miami is an interactive art gallery with a few big exhibits. Somewhat expensive but I had a lot of fun there.
A..
Cafe Versailles in Little Havana is excellent. Mojitos/ Guava and cheese pastries/ Cafe Cubano are excellent. Highly recommend!
Anon
Versailles is very touristy but also very good. They also have an outpost at the airport so if you don’t fit it into your trip you can get it on the way home. I used to spend a lot of time in Miami but all the Cuban places I loved have closed except Versailles.
Cora
I love guava and cheese pastries so I’m very excited for those.
Anon
I have a weird health question; just wondering if this happens to anyone else. I have spoken to my doctor about it, and he was not much help.
Yesterday I woke up after sleeping my normal 8 hours and felt like I barely had the energy to get out of bed. My energy level was just nil; I could barely get myself into the bathroom and then downstairs to get coffee. I then dragged myself into my home office and logged on for the day; I did a couple of meetings with my camera off and then realized – I can’t make this happen today; I put in for PTO and logged off. I didn’t feel sick as in – getting a cold or the flu; having stomach/GI issues; I didn’t have a fever, etc. I did have really achy joints and a slight headache, but took a Tylenol and that helped. I took an afternoon nap and went to bed early after having a smoothie for dinner. Woke up this morning and I feel fine – completely back to normal. My husband was theorizing it was some kind of reaction to the big weather front we have moving through (I’m in the Southwest) but it seems like kind of an extreme reaction to the weather.
I have had days like this before; they were more common a number of years back when I ate more junk/fast food and didn’t get consistent sleep, and also was consuming a lot more caffeine and alcohol. This kind of came out of nowhere – I actually ate really well over the weekend, got a couple workouts in, etc. I’ve basically quit drinking alcohol, for health reasons, and had one beer with dinner on Saturday and that was it. It just hit me out of nowhere, took me down for the day, but today I’m fine. I have talked to friends about this, as well as my doctor, and the reaction was “everyone has tired days sometimes” but to me, this is more than being tired – tired, I can power through. This is more like, I am not sure I can put one foot in front of the other to get to the bathroom to pee – and then the next day, back to normal.
Do any of y’all experience days like this? It bothers me that it happens and I can’t find a trigger for it. I just had basic bloodwork done as part of my annual well-woman visit and everything was normal – blood count, blood sugar, thyroid, etc. Is it worth doing more investigation, or is this really just something everyone experiences at one time or another?
Cat
This did happen to me in a super low-pressure system (a tropical storm we waited out in the Caribbean) so the idea about the weather isn’t totally nuts.
This also happens to be literally the only symptom I had of my second round with Covid.
Cora
Same re: COVID
This sometimes happens to me when I have some type of cold/flu/something but a fairly mild case. Or really really bad allergies.
Anon
+1 this was the first or main Covid symptom for a bunch of people I know.
Anon
I say not super normal, but not necessarily a concern. I have several chronic health issues, mostly pain related, and also deal with a lot of persistent low level fatigue, but not to the extent you’re describing (possibly because I’ve learned to manage my energy levels so that I don’t get to that point ). That said, if you’ve done a basic work up, have ruled out the obvious things, are taking good care of yourself otherwise (eating, sleeping, exercising), and it’s only happening once in a while (once or twice a year?), that does just sound like it’s in the range of weird things that happen to our bodies, where stress and fatigue build up and then you just need a break. If it’s happening more often, then I would go back to your doctor, and also think about whether you’re just running yourself down. Unfortunately, some people just need more sleep and have to put more effort into taking care of themselves than others. I will always be jealous of the people who don’t have to do that, but I’m better off having accepted it.
Anon
Since you mention achy joints and a headache, my guess is a virus of some sort. Viruses are weird and manifest all sorts of ways!
Anne-on
Any chance you have silent migraines and don’t realize it? I’ve eliminated all but two triggers at this point – hormones and barometric pressure. A massive pressure change and/or hormonal shift (or god forbid both) mean I am totally out of commision for the day – it’s really hard to understand just how much it can flatten you until you’ve lived it. .
Anonymous
Similar take here. To me, the description sounds like a migraine or the precursor to one (prodrome).
anon
Yes, I have days like this. So tired that I fall asleep in the shower or at the dinner table and don’t wake up as my husband clears the dishes and washes up. So tired that I fall asleep at 8 and don’t wake up until the next day at 7. It’s not every day, clearly, or I wouldn’t be able to function. But it happens a lot lately.
There’s no medical explanation so far as I know. I did a full blood workup and am the picture of good health. I think it’s just burnout? Pushing through the pandemic, the war, the usual life stuff without ever fully unplugging from work for even a week in three years? The only answer I’ve gotten from medical professionals is that I do a lot so I shouldn’t be surprised that I’m so tired.
anon
For me, these symptoms sometimes indicate that I’m fighting off a virus.
Anonymous
+1
anon_needs_a_break
Is it possible this is a gluten sensitivity? You mentioned a beer. (If you have gluten daily then disregard but i wanted to flag it as a consideration).
nuqotw
Do you ever get migraines? When I get a migraine, it’s often accompanied by the overwhelming fatigue you describe. I’ve realized that sometimes I get the fatigue on its own, and all I can do is sleep.
Annony
Could you have sleep apnea? Maybe a home study?
Anonymous
This kind of overwhelming fatigue could be a symptom of multiple sclerosis or myalgic encephalitis. Those wouldn’t be picked up by your primary care provider’s tests.
Anon
Not if it goes away in a day.
Anonymous
MS is usually relapsing- remitting initially with short periods where the symptoms are present and then go away.
Anon
Thanks for all the ideas and responses!
I do get migraines; mine tend to be hormonal and I am at the time of the month when I tend to have one. I have had visual migraines before – where I didn’t have pain, just really weird aura and visual symptoms – but I didn’t think this exhaustion thing could be part of my migraines. For folks who have things like this happen and have abortive medications – does taking the abortive help? I was so out of it yesterday I didn’t even think to try it. I have Maxalt and I also have gabapentin, which honestly helps more than the Maxalt most of the time.
I also think the viral thing could be possible – we had a Covid test and I used it; it’s negative, but my son texted from school that he has a scratchy throat and a headache. It may be because we have terrible weather today (winds are at 40-60 mph and there’s a ton of blowing dust, and he had to be outside at lunchtime briefly to get something out of his car), so he could just be having allergies. If he is full-blown sick when he gets home (or tonight) I think that will be a good clue that I got flattened because my body was fighting something off.
Anonymous
I am also in the Southwest and this weather front flattened me yesterday and today. For me I am fairly certain its migraine related.
When I’m in control of all other triggers, weather like this gives me a set of symptoms that I get when I have migraines, but different levels of them. I get the barest hint of a headache mainly located at the base of my skull but a little behind the eyes, general achey feeling all over, and just super tired.
This time its a bit worse because I’m a bit dehydrated. I took a nap break because I was just staring blankly at my work.
Anon
How do you determine your clothing budget? How do you balance between investment pieces, trendy, and things you need right now?
Anonymous
Mine is based on what I can spend from what is left after all of the needed expenses are taken care of. I avoid trendy and buy with the plan that things last years, even if that means doing without something until I save enough for a higher quality piece.
anon
When I first started work, the priority was all things I needed right now as it was a business formal office. So, most of my budget went to buying basics that would give me enough clothes to last. Fast forward quite a bit to now, I rarely have things I need right now, and typically buy a few pieces a quarter around $1000 total, most in the investment category – think more non-conformist rich middle aged a la Moira Rose. I’ve gotten pretty good at judging what will get 10+ years of wear from that category.
Anonymous
I made my budget and prioritized necessary expenses (housing, groceries, healthcare, etc.). Then I looked at what was left and took a big chunk of it that goes into savings automatically every month. From there I’m left with a certain amount of leftover money every month for fun stuff like clothes and makeup. I usually spend it every month, but if there was a particular investment item I had my eye on, I would just save that up over several months.
Work Stress/Burnout + What happened to my personality?
I think I may be nearing burnout at my job. My productivity has decreased, despite working more hours and am just overall ‘blah’… the panic monster is the only way anything gets done right now.
More concerning is that I feel like I’m losing my personality, like I’m just ‘a lawyer’ all the time and I’m fairly certain I used to have like a full, multi-faceted personality – but I just can’t engage it or feel like I am coming off as my usual dynamic self anymore.
Is this something others have gone through?
pugsnbourbon
Hey, I’m sorry you’re going through this. As a first step – can you take any time off?
Anon
That’s depression for me. Hugs.
Anon
Me too.
Rainbow Hair
I remember being there. Are you super slammed at work? That’s when I felt that way. I hated how I felt like everything was either work or in service of work, like picking up dry cleaning so I had clothes for work, showering so I could work, sleeping so I could work… I mean I quit my biglaw job and moved to [faraway land] and it worked out great for me but I hope you find a less drastic solution if that’s what you want.
Would it help if you committed yourself to something you liked that feels more you and not at all ‘lawyer’? I’m thinking like, I took circus workout classes, and since they were on a schedule I felt like I couldn’t miss them, and they were the good kind of hard where you can’t think about anything else. And then you’re on a trapeze! But an art class or a running group or volunteering at the botanical gardens or whatever, something with a schedule, might be a good addition. Hugs
Anonymous
Yes
OP
Thanks – this was mostly one of those ‘please tell me I’m not alone’ posts! I actually just took “time off” … except I worked part of almost every day while we were gone. I’d love to take a week or two off, but it just doesn’t seem possible right now.
Thanks hive – appreciate it.
PIP Update
I’m one of the posters who was put on a PIP in the last couple of weeks. I plan on speaking with the HR person involved about my mental health issues. I believe they were a major factor in my performance during the period of most concern. I realized this in therapy recently. It won’t negate the PIP, I’m sure, but it gives some context. It will also help me if I need to go on leave. My medications are likely to change soon and the big tapering off of one will probably knock me down for a few days. I’m just really tired and sad about all of this. However, I’ve been trying hard to get back on track, and think I can do it.
Have any of y’all had an experience like this?
Anon
Unfortunately if you’re at the PIP stage, it’s already too late. I took a few weeks of FMLA for anxiety-related sleep issues a couple years ago (I just described it as a health issue to my bosses and only HR saw the doctor paperwork), and I feel like it a) helped my mental health issues a lot and b) protected me from firing for recent mediocre performance, because it never looks good to fire someone who’s recently been on FMLA. But once you’re at the PIP stage they’ve formally documented the performance issues, so I don’t think disclosing mental health issues and/or taking leave will help you much.
anon
You should consult an employment lawyer instead of the HR person at your company. The HR person isn’t a counselor or therapist, they are a layer of protection for the company. HR isn’t interested in explanations and can’t do anything with them.
Cat
+1
Anon
+1000000000
But I’d just put my available energy into job searching.
Anon
HR IS THERE FOR THE COMPANY. NOT FOR YOU.
Please always remember this.
Anon
Echoing – do not share this with HR. If you need FMLA leave you fill out the necessary paperwork and that’s it!
anon_needs_a_break
As a manager if someone did this I would begin looping our counsel in to prepare for what I expect would be a claim of ADA violation and discrimination. This would dramatically change the tenor of the communications.
It still may be valid for you but I am telling you how this will be perceived by management.
Girls Trip
Looking for travel advice – a couple girlfriends and I are hoping to do a trip to somewhere warm(ish) at the end of May. Due to schedules, we don’t have any flexibility on dates. We were exploring Greece, Croatia, or southern Italy, but I was reading some of the posts saying that May is too cold for island hopping in Greece. Is this true for end of May too? Any other countries we should explore as well? Appreciate any tips!
Anon
No, May is perfect for island hopping in Greece. Honestly, April is fine too. Nothing is shut. The Greek Isles tourism season starts April 1.
Anonymous
I’ve been to Greece end of May! It was hot hot hot felt very summary and the islands were gorgeous and it’s a bit ahead of full peak time so not wildly crowded. The only
quibble I had was that the water was a touch cool- I still swam but it wasn’t the full delicious summer experience. Would do it again!
Anon
May is a great time for any of Greece, Croatia, and Italy. It’s considered shoulder season in all those places. You’ll have great weather and minimal crowds. Our May trip this year is the Amalfi Coast, which is hot and crowded in summer but lovely in early May.
Cat
May is beautiful in southern Europe. I’m a wuss about cold water and so don’t swim that time of year, but the air temp is lovely. (In September I have no issue jumping in!)
NYCer
+1 re the water temp. Otherwise, May is great!
Anonymous
I did Croatia at the end of May and it was perfect. Enough warm to swim if you want but without the millions of tourist that arrive in from June to late Aug. My sister went in June with her girlfriends too and she hated it. Consider southern Spain too.
Anon
Southern Spain is already pretty hot by late May. It’s a great destination for March/April when the rest of Europe is not super pleasant (especially in March).
Anonymous
Around 25ºC super hot? I do not think so (and I live there)
Anon
I’m trying to buy an international business class award ticket on miles on United. It’s substantially fewer miles to fly from X-Y-Z than X-Y, even though the first leg is identical on both itineraries. This is consistent across many dates I checked. I guess there’s just less demand for flights to Z? X is in the US. Y and Z are in the same country and we really want to go to Y. It’s ok to book the cheaper itinerary and just not fly the final leg, right? Our return trip will be on a different airline so there’s no risk of them cancelling the return ticket.
Cat
this is in theory something the airline can penalize you for doing (like charge you the price for the X-Y leg only) but in practice something I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of being enforced.
Anon
You can do it, but it’s a violation of the terms of the ticket. If you do it once, it’s highly unlikely anything will happen, but if you do it regularly, the airline could punish you by kicking you out of their frequent flier program or charging you the difference between the flights you booked and what you actually flew. I did this once, as a college student 20 years ago, when my plans changed and I didn’t want to take the return of a round trip flight. The layover was in my hometown, so I just got off there rather than pay to change the ticket. It was fine, but I haven’t done it since.
pugsnbourbon
+1. I think it’s called skiplagging and airlines have gotten harder on it in the last five years or so. I’d probably take the risk to do it just once. And, obviously, you can’t check luggage doing this.
pugsnbourbon
Here’s a 2022 article on it: https://simpleflying.com/what-is-skiplagging/
Cat
The people I know who have done this did it on the way home – where you have to retrieve a checked bag and re-check it anyway.
But interesting to learn airlines have gotten tighter about this. It seemed like for a one-off most wouldn’t bother chasing the person down for the ticket violation.
OP
Ah ok, I didn’t realize this could get you kicked out of the program. I have status and a lot of lifetime miles so it’s probably not worth that risk. Thanks all.
Anonymous
Lufthansa has previously sued a passenger doing this kind of hidden city booking.
People use this as a hack to get to Frankfurt more cheaply, and Lufthansa does *not* accept this as harmless. Just in case that’s your Y.
OP
It’s not, it’s Australia. But it sounds like it’s not worth the risk.
Anonymous
No. It isn’t and violates the terms of the ticket and may make it harder to book in the future.
Anonymous
If you have checked bags, this won’t work.
Bags will probably get sent to Z, or at least lost in the airport if they load on the flight to Z then have to pull them off when you noshow.
OP
The plan was to go carry only, but it sounds like it’s too risky because of the possibility of getting kicked out of the program.
Anon
Like others said, there is some risk involved. I assume one of the risks might be getting kicked out of your award program entirely? I wouldn’t risk it personally.
Anon
They’ll probably cancel your itinerary if you don’t get on the final leg. I wouldn’t do this and expect successful results.