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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
anne-on
Can anyone speak to the quality of Lauren Ralph Lauren dresses? I’m looking at this one (washable! sleeves!) but can’t really tell how thick/good quality the jersey material is.
https://www.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/lauren-ralph-lauren-jersey-long-sleeve-dress?ID=3470196&upc_ID=4777718&Quantity=1&seqNo=4&EXTRA_PARAMETER=BAG&pickInStore=false
Panda Bear
I had two dresses like this and they were awesome – nice thick fabric, didn’t wrinkle, held up for years. But.. that was ten years ago, so I can only hope the quality is still the same.
Legally Brunette
I have one from 3 years ago, bought at Marshalls. It makes me look 10 pounds slimmer and miraculously hides my pooch. I’m a big fan! This particular dress is lovely, especially the dark green.
Anon
I have one in red, floor length, that I bought six or seven years ago and has held up beautifully.
mascot
I’ve got a few printed dresses in this style and they are workhorses. Pretty sure I bought them at TJMaxx so I don’t know if the fabric is the exact same, but the ones I have are made of a thicker jersey so they drape smoothly.
nona
It’s a substantial jersey, usually lined. They do make some cheaper priced ones ($80-ish?) that are thinner fabric, but given the price here, it should be the thicker version (and the description notes that its lined – usually with a knit fabric, so you maintain the advantage of the jersey).
The LbyRL (green label) are some of my favorite.
Rainbow Hair
Another person who has similar dresses from that brand and finds them quite lovely and easy.
Anon
Great quality, even the ones in the $70-80 price range last for years (and are machine washable)!
anonchicago
Big fan! I have bought a few cocktail dresses and agree that they are classic workhorses. Washable as well!
Velma
+1 Another fan. I have two sleeveless jersey draped sheath dresses, and they are flattering and hold up very well. I have handwashed mine, for what it’s worth, but I suspect it would be fine to put them in the machine. I like that they’re lined.
Nesprin
I own a version of this- it’s gorgeous and a workhorse. Can’t speak to washability as I’ve always dry cleaned it, but it’s held up for ~5yrs.
Vanessa
I got one from this brand at an outlet about 10 years ago. I just recently retired it because the zipper broke. It was a fantastic dress.
Pep
Another testimonial to the Lauren Ralph Lauren dresses! I have a bunch in my closet.
I do machine wash, but put them in a large lingerie-type bag first. Hang to dry.
They travel well, too!
White kitchens and baths
For those of you who have redone a kitchen or both, if you have used honed marble in counters and ALSO used Chantilly Lace on the cabinets, what did you use on the walls? I am hating grays right now — often they look so clinical. I was thinking Manchester Tan on the walls. I’ve also done Revere Pewter with 10% more white once but didn’t love it.
I guess paint is the easiest /cheapest thing to fix if I get it wrong.
Thoughts?
anon
mint green
The original Scarlett
I’d do wallpaper in the bathroom, and I’d consider it in the kitchen depending on your style – my kitchen is all white cabinets and counters, and I find wall color challenging. I’d lean toward adding natural wood accents and keeping it all white and clean or revisiting the cabinets/look of the kitchen overall.
Anonymous
I have a neighbor who has a blue on his cabinets. IDK the name of the color, but it is sort of like a warmer version of the Crayola crayon of “Cadet Blue,” so not a navy and not a light blue and not a gray.
I might also like charcoal cabinets with honed marble.
But my house has medium stained cabinets and dark bowling-ball granite, so it’s largely a theoretical belief of what works.
Anonymous
I did a buttery yellow. Would have liked to do a warm chocolate brown but my husband vetoed it.
Anon
+1 I did an icy yellow and it looks warm and nice. I can’t seem to get exited about tan/beige.
Anon
I just looked it up – Lemon ice
I feel like the cool yellow transmits a clean vibe more than a muddy tan, and I’m all about a clean vibe in the kitchen.
Anon
I love Chantilly Lace and I would do it on the walls as well! My *entire* apartment is Chantilly Lace though (with generic white rental kitchen cabinets) so I might be biased. I love an all white look.
Anonymous
I’ve read that white is great, but it needs to be deliberate. Like if you have an all white kitchen, and color in the next room, the kitchen can come off as looking unpainted.
T
Agreed, put flat Chantilly Lace on the walls. BM’s flat/matte paints are washable so it’ll be durable in the kitchen/bath.
KC
This is very similar to my color scheme (honed marble counters, white cabinets). I went with powder blue walls because I didn’t want white walls and white cabinets (was worried it would feel too sterile). I strongly considered grey, but thought that would be a little too cold. A few months later and I adore the blue, it manages to pull out warm tones in the stone but feel calming as well.
Anon
You might consider a pale pink or peach in a bathroom – goes well with marble and white. There’s a huge range from quite vibrant pinks to very pale dustier ones. Take a look at Farrow and Ball, Donald Kaufman, Fine Paints of Europe, Sydney Harbour paints (something like Angel Shoes or Sea Shell read almost like grays) for some ideas if you don’t like Benjamin Moore’s offerings. BM can definitely color match other paints (and you can buy Don Kaufman pigment to add to BM bases).
For a kitchen I’d consider some of the grayer pinks, pale greens as another poster said, or a subtle lavender like Farrow and Ball’s Calluna. Something complementary with the gray of the marble. I’m with you on the gray everywhere – it seems very cold. My sister is a high end decorative painter and all of the paints named above are high quality paints, although shipping can be an issue so she tends to color match with BM when possible (they already have a lot of “recipes” from other companies in their database, especially from FB). Pratt & Lambert has a nice color visualizer for trying out any of your ideas in a kitchen scene and it’s another high quality paint.
Have fun!
Anon
I have Edgecomb Gray, which is kind of like a lighter Revere Pewter. SW Sea Salt also might look nice. I have BM Tranquility in a marble bathroom and it looks nice, but not sure about it for a kitchen.
Anon
I wrote a week or two ago about my toxic workplace (and I’ve seen a few other posts about it since then, sorry others are going through it but glad we’re not alone). My boss all of a sudden started giving me negative reviews and constantly focuses on all of the negatives of my work without acknowledging the positives. Before this job, I’ve never had a negative review in my life!
I’ve started taking stock of what is going on here, and I think some of it is due to sexism… my boss will cut me off and talk over me in meetings, and then say that I don’t contribute enough or am not in the details (when I haven’t had a chance to speak my perspective). The other day I noticed a guy repeated exactly what I had just said for the proposed course of action, and my boss agreed that he made a good point with no acknowledgment that I was the one that actually said it first.
I’ve always worked in male dominated fields and have encountered overt sexism but never noticed this more subtle sexism or it’s never hindered my career before. Does anyone have suggestions on what I can do? I’m actively looking for a job, but is it worth bringing this up with HR? Our company is super focused on bias training, and I know my boss and the ceo don’t want this to happen at the company but I think they would explain it away without anything really changing. Once I have a new job, is it worth saying something then? I don’t think my boss would ever give me favorable feedback, so I won’t use him as a reference, but I don’t want to totally burn down that bridge. On the other hand, I would like to help out the women at the company.
For other data points, there have been 4 other senior women under him that were also super stars and are now flailing in their careers, and we’ve had 5 junior women tell HR they would rather not be promoted and just stay in the position their in, so unfortunately it’s not just me… sorry for the long post!
Anon
To your last paragraph: HR knows, your grandboss knows, and they don’t care.
Put all your effort into finding another job. Ensure that you have at least four good references at your current job who are not your boss. Rehearse a good script for why you are leaving… and TBH, your last paragraph is not some random thing to be thrown on at the end; it’s the crux of the issue.
You need a short and sweet statement that explains the issue to a potential employer. Here’s a starting point: “This is a chronic problem at the company that higher-ups refuse to address. Four other senior women, all superstars, are watching their careers go down in flames under this man, and junior women are refusing to be promoted because they will not work with him. I got here in my career by not letting subtle sexism get to me, but this has reached the point wherein I need to find other opportunities and bring my talents to a company that appreciates them.”
Minnie Beebe
Yes, This.
Take it from someone who spent FAR too many years working for a toxic boss in a toxic workplace– it’s better to leave. I’m so much happier where I am now.
Anon
omgwhy would you bring this up to a potential employer? Terrible advice.
Minnie Beebe
Although, OP, I wouldn’t necessarily tell the truth to potential new employers. I’d probably say something to the effect of “I’m ready for a new challenge” and leave it at that. Saying what Anon @8:59 suggests could hurt your chances in an interview, IMO. Save that for *after* you’ve started your new job.
Anonymous
This. Never badmouth a current employer to a prospective one. They don’t know you from Adam and you may just come off as a bitter person who perhaps can’t take criticism. And they may know your company and perhaps be BFFs with your boss. It gains you nothing and may cost you everything. Candor is for friends and for after you have a new job. Until then: sweetness and light, rainbows and unicorns.
Anonymous
Leave but do not say that in an interview with a potential employer. Say that there doesn’t seem to be a lot of opportunity to progress your career at the current company and you are looking for growth opportunties and new challenges.
Ellen
+1 Men tend to sabatage us if we do not have $ex with them, and also when we DO have $ex with them. It seems that until we, as women, are in the leadership position, we will be subjugated, and will not acheve equality, b/c men just think of us as pleasant orifi to satisfy their $exueal needs, and nothing more. FOOEY on them!
Anon
Agree that everybody knows and they don’t care.
But do not tell prospective employers about this! You should say nothing but good things about your employer – just that you are looking to grow, get new opportunities, the new company excites you, etc. I swear sometimes the advice on this board is just plain terrible.
Anon
This 100 percent…always take the high road and always be positive in an interview
Anon
In my own particular situation, I ended up leaving a job when I couldn’t eat or sleep because it was so bad. As someone who walked down that road, I found that if I said nothing but positive things, everyone thought I was a flake; when I laid it out on the line and also explained how unwilling HR was to even address the problem, I got hired. Mouths literally dropped open, and my references were very blunt about how awful the harassment was.
If the OP has been there for the appropriate length of time (more than 3 years, not so long that she looks ossified), then she can talk about new opportunities. But if she hasn’t been in her role for a long time or at the company for a while, she may need to explain it.
Anonymous
Key difference is that you had references who would back up your assertions about the work environment.
Anon
No. Seriously. Do not bring it up. Not in a male dominated field with predominantly male decision makers. You seriously risk not get hired, being perceived as whiny. You don’t know the lens through which the person you’er talking to you views sexism. You just do not know. Say nothing. Full. Freaking. Stop.
Signed,
Fighting my way up in a male-dominated field and I’m winning, slowly. Grin and bear it. Get to a leadership position, and then force change when in a decision-making seat.
Anon
Never say this during an interview. Never. This is terrible advice.
Anon
You’re giving advice that is wrong, sorry. I was literally told during an interview that I was flighty and a flake until I started explaining why I left. “The guy literally has pictures of mostly naked women up in his office” was a key phrase.
anonymous
That’s a very extreme situation. I’ve been on many many hiring panels and without question, if the op used the script recommended above she’d be taken out of consideration for the job she had applied to. If you got feedback you were coming across as “flighty and a flake,” that’s probably more about your personal presentation than about the efficacy of reciting facts about the toxic situation in a job interview.
Anon
You are an outlier, this rarely rarely happens. Stop pressuring on bad advice because it worked for you once.
Most people think “I really don’t want to bring trouble and negativity in the workplace”. The key is to talk about what you are seeking, talk in a forward looking manner. If you said how amazing your current workplace is, hadn’t been there long, and couldn’t otherwise find a good “story” for leaving, yeah you will look like a flake.
anonshmanon
Anon@10.05, you’ve been on multiple hiring committees where this happened? Were you ever able to argue in favor of the applicants? It seems like people on a hiring committee would be in a position to shift the needle here, and at least look at the candidate.
Anon
Anon @ 11:15 – I wouldn’t have argue in favor of the applicant if they bad mouthed their current employer. It’s a sign of bad judgement and being indiscreet. I will say that there are extreme circumstances (like the one described by another poster), but the vast majority of the time it’s a bad idea.
anonshmanon
I must say I’m a little shocked at a lot of the responses here. Not because I am too naive to know that hiring decisions are made by men who don’t want to hear that you were undermined by another man and are not taking it. Not because I am unaware that this is the world we live in and to some extent you have to play the game to get on top and change the system. But because I see no willingness to question the status quo. At all.
Anon
Hey I’m all about challenging the status quo and I think there is merit to doing that at her current employer. However, a potential employer isn’t responsible for the situation OP is facing at her current employer. It’s not appropriate to bring it up in an interview.
I faced a similar situation at my last job. I left that job. I mentioned it in the exit interview (nothing happened) and I talk about to friends and acquaintances in the industry. Nothing has changed. But I’m going to keep talking about it.
Anon
@anonshmanon – You have zero clue how many fights any of us are taking on. I’ve managed to work my way up to the C suite. I didn’t get here by bad mouthing my former employer, which is just a terrible idea. Now that I’m here I’m advocating for more sponsorship, a women’s network, flexibility, etc.
anonymous
Yes. I’m appalled at the advice to go on a rant about sexism in your current company in an interview. That script is something you’d say to an EEOC investigator, not to someone you are trying to get a job from. News flash, the OP’s next employer doesn’t care whether her current employer is terrible. They do care whether or not she is a whiny complainer who may be a problem if they hire her. So the last thing she wants to do in an interview is come across as someone with an axe to grind. OP, simple answer: I feel like my opportunities to grow and develop myself as a professional are limited in my current role and this job would help me (fill in the blank). I also think I could benefit your organization because I bring (x and y) skills and experience. How will the new job help you benefit the company? How will the new job help you grow? Those are the things you focus on in an interview. Now how much of a jerk your current boss is. Once you’re out of your current situation you can say what you want about the last place (within reason – information and reputations spread). For now, focus on getting out and that means focusing on whatever you can say that’s positive.
Anonymous
I disagree with the advice just given. Don’t bring it up when interviewing—talk about desire for growth, positive attributes about the new job, etc. No one wants to take on someone they don’t know yet who may fairly or unfairly come across as drama.
Anon
Thanks all! I really appreciate the input. I’m not planning on saying anything negative about my employer in the interviews. I’ve only been there for a little over a year but it’s clear that it’s stifling my progression and I’m afraid any longer will have a longer term negative impact. I have a good story for my interviews on why I’m looking, so I’m not concerned there. Unfortunately the way my boss shuts me down in meetings hasn’t really given me an opportunity to get many other good references here – he has sabotaged a lot of projects I’ve worked on with other teams, so I don’t really know what to do about that but I’ll worry about it later.
I am more concerned on how to approach the topic with my company – our HR partner started asking questions about why women aren’t doing well in the team, so I’m debating if I should bring up my specific examples. My gut tells me not to because as many of you noted, they really know already and haven’t done anything yet, and it’s really only downside for me.
Anon
HR fundamentally exists to protect the company, not the employer. Say nothing, it earns you no points. Redirect energy to job hunting and plan to leave. It would seem you have nothing to gain and a lot to lose by speaking to HR.
Anon
If you really want to say something, say it in your exit interview in an unemotional way focusing on facts and statements like “I was given the impression by X women that Y” and “A juniors declined promotions under this man, and they told me because of B”. It is a lot of she saids but gives the HR something to run on. I suspect you won’t be using this company for references in the future so just be honest then, so long as you don’t think it will hurt you.
Anon
So, not quite the same thing, but when I left my last job in biglaw, I was honest during the exit interview about the sexual discrimination. I don’t expect it will have an impact and it was all stuff they had been hearing for years. But I knew I would never want to go back there and that if I ever did, I had enough good relationships with rainmakers that whatever I said in an exit interview wouldn’t be a problem.
HR knows. Telling them when you are still employed there isn’t going to help and can only hurt you. I don’t see any harm in telling on your way out, but I also don’t expect it to have any impact.
anonohno
My “exit interview” was a series of very general questions to be filled out online. I wrote a very calm, factual account of the CEO’s abuses and the damage it was doing down the line … and then deleted it all. Of course HR knew – there had been lawsuits – but honesty in my exit interview wasn’t going to help me or anyone else.
Anon
A bunch of women in my department were interviewed by HR after it became clear that women were not progressing in the same way as men and the women were not happy. It wasn’t as toxic as what you describe, but it was stifling. I gave an honest interview, they listened. For a time, department management tried to do things like giving women more training/development opportunities. I was enrolled in a leadership class. But at the end of the day, there was always a reason that men were promoted and women weren’t. They didn’t seek revenge for our interviews, but it didn’t change anything. Ultimately, I promoted myself by leaving – many of the women followed suit. Of the 10 women in the department, only 3 are left. And those 3 have not advanced, despite being amazing lawyers. I guess what I’m trying to say is…you can go to HR, but it won’t move the needle. You just have to leave.
Anonymous
Can you go on disability for stress? Five people at my company are on this currently. Then once you get away you can think clearly about your next steps.
Nesprin
Document everything!!!!! “he was sexist and talked over me” << "he talked over me on # occasions, disrupted my work on A, B, and C by doing X, Y, Z etc". The best thing you can do is keep accurate records of every interaction- there's nothing like evidence!
Anon
Document everything!!!!! “he was sexist and talked over me” << "he talked over me on # occasions, disrupted my work on A, B, and C by doing X, Y, Z etc". The best thing you can do is keep accurate records of every interaction- there's nothing like evidence!
anon8
Living Proof makes a No Frizz Humidity Shield.
anne-on
+1 – this stuff is pricey but amazing. I even shelled out for the travel size.
ElisaR
the post says it is for sizes 14-26
Anon
Really wish retailers would stop using size 8 women as plus sized women – if this model even is a size 8.
anon
I would guess she is more like a 12.
Anon
The description says she is a 5’10” tall size 14.
Anonymous
She definitely does not look like a size 8. Size 12 minimum.
Anon
Let’s compromise at 10. At size 12 I am bigger than her.
Anon
Anon at 10:36 are you 5’10” or taller? Height matters a lot. Just because you’re a heavier size 12 does not mean she’s a size 10.
Anon
I’m 5’11”
C2
You could both be a 5’10+ size 12 but she might also carry her weight much differently than you. Personally, I look thinner in a front photo shot than front than I do in profile from the side (almost 5’11, size 16).
Anon
This model is not a size 8. I’m the same height as her, much slimmer, and I’m a size 10. Taller women need bigger sizes than short women, it doesn’t mean she’s obese if she wears 12-14.
Anon
I look like that at the same size. I’m tall/big boned.
Sausage arms
Has anyone had coolsculpting done? I’ve lost a significant amount of weight over the last couple of years but I have very stubborn areas (upper arms, low back) where I can’t seem to shed the fat. It’s to the point that I’m having to buy suit jackets, blazers, tops that are a couple of sizes too big to accommodate my arms. I’m not quite ready for something like liposuction or an arm lift but I was wondering if anyone had success with coolsculpting, either for the arms or any other area.
anon
Jenny Patinkin had it done recently on her arms and is very candid about work she has done and her opinions. She hasn’t posted a follow-up yet but you should check out her insta-story about it and send her a message with your question. I bet she’s respond to you.
Savannah
I did it on my thighs and wouldn’t recommend it. I am thin overall but pear-shaped. I’m a runner, healthy eater, but thighs are just where I accumulate weight and it can be hard to find pants that fit right. So I thought what the hell, I’ll try it. The plastic surgeon’s office told me I was the “ideal” candidate, whatever that means.
Zero difference now, at 18 months out. I would say at about 10 weeks out I could tell some difference, but it wasn’t all that even. Didn’t look weird but didn’t look better. Then over the months it gradually filled back in. Waste of money from my perspective.
Anon
You should do lipo if it still bugs you. I’ve posted before that my sister had it done on her “saddlebags” – she has an athletic figure and exercises a lot but had fat deposits where her thighs meet her hips that made clothing look not great in her opinion. It bugged her so she got lipo. It’s permanent and it worked. She hasn’t gained it back.
Savannah
Thanks. Do you know what’s funny is going through the process made me totally not care anymore. I don’t know why. Something about it not working and yet I was out $1200 all for the sake of a smidgen of vanity that I’m pretty sure no one around me would think twice about. I guess if the $1200 got me out of my own head it was worth it, but I feel silly having spent the money.
Sausage arms
Yeah, I honestly don’t really care how they look. It’s more about being able to fit into clothes. My upper arms are, no lie, upwards of 16 inches around at their largest points. I’m having to size up into plus sizes to find suit jackets that fit even though I’m a size 10 in the torso.
BeenThatGuy
Has anyone taken Progesterone pills, doctor prescribed, to stop their period? I am about to head out for a very special long weekend away with my partner. I unexpectedly started spotting, sometimes heavy, and I am midcycle. This is completely out of the norm for me but I am very stressed with work/life right now and I am 43. At my last gyn appointment, my doctor prescribed the pills to me in case my cycle was to be during this special vacation. I know it’s “okay” to take them but I’m interested if anyone experience with this.
Anonymous
Yup it worked great. Kinda messed up my timing on the next cycle but I got my wedding weekend escapades with the hot groomsman in problem free. Idk why they aren’t more widely used in the US- it’s very easy and common to get in the UK.
Anonymous
I did and lordy they did not agree with me. Constant GI issues (bloating, etc.) — it was like early pregnancy symptoms all over again. I switched to regular BCPs and other than gaining 5 pounds (grrr), I’m not constantly bleeding or having GI symptoms.
anon for this
Have you tried them any other time? They may not work for your intended purpose. I am on progesterone-only birth control and find that it has the opposite effect on me, although that seems to be somewhat uncommon.
Anonymous
I thought progesterone was to induce a period, not to stop it.
Anonymous
You thought wrong
anon
No. the progesterone does not start your period — it specifically keeps you from shedding your lining. But stopping progesterone does usually trigger a bleed, though that’s If you are taking it for more like 10 days instead of 3. It’s called a withdrawl bleed because it is caused by stopping the progesterone.
Anon for this
My doctor prescribed them to me for my wedding. I had to get them from a compounding pharmacy. It was years ago but I don’t remember any negative side effects.
Serums
I have a sort of silly question. What technique do you use to apply serums (with a dropper) to your face? I can’t seem to figure out how to get the serum from the dropper to my face without it going everywhere or accidentally touching the dropper with my finger.
pugsnbourbon
I put a few drops on my fingers and then pat them on my face.
Anonymous
Apply serum from dropper onto (clean) hands, rub hands together like once (more like pat?) so its evenly on both hands, press into face. Google “push and press method”.
AFT
Thanks for asking… I definitely have been droppering onto place and trying to rub in before it drips off. Whoops!
Anon
Since we’re on this thread….does it go serum, then moisturizer, then oil? I’m in my late 20s and want to add in an acid. Currently just doing toner, moisturizer, then rose hip oil when I’m extra dry. (Bonus points if you tell me what serums/acids you like!)
kk
Your toner might be an acid, depending which one you’re using. For example, pixie glow tonic is both a toner and an acid. Check out Caroline Hirons’ blog for a getting started guide- her fans facebook group is also really informative.
There’s some debate about whether moisturizer or oils go on last. Rosehip oil, fr example, is a dry oil so I’d put moisturizer on after it but this is a space where you can do what works for you.
My current routine is as follows
AM: LRP Toleriane cleanser, Kiehls VitC/Hyalauronic acid, Dermalogica skin calming moisturizer, Supergoop everyday spf 50, then Laura Mercier radiance tinted moisturizer.
PM: Farmacy green clean, LRP toleriane cleanser, Farmacy Honeymoon Glow (I just replaced Good Genes with this- it’s more glycolic than lactic and my skin loves it ), Kiehls midnight oil, acure night moisturizer.
Anonymous
Serum, then oil, then moisturizer. Oil is emollient, not occlusive, so adding it on top of a moisturizer (which tend to have some occlusive properties) will do nothing.
Anon
+1. Let the serum sink into your skin before you apply the next layer. The next layer (or the layer after that) should be a layer to lock in moisture. My morning routine is serum, wait, light moisturizer, wait, BB cream with physical sunscreen.
This is why I like physical rather than chemical sunscreens. Physical sunscreens are happy to sit on top of all your layers and protect your skin. Chemical sunscreens need to interact with your skin to protect you, which makes the whole layering thing more complicated.
Anonymous
Can you recommend your BB cream with physical sunscreen?
Anon
It’s the dr Jart premium BB cream that gets recommended on here a lot. I love it.
Anonymous
Wait, you do what? I use the dropper to put a couple drops on my fingertips or in my palm and apply…
Anon
Dropper > palm > fingers > face
Anon
How would you explain a very short stint on a job (a few months) to an interviewer? Would you leave it off your resume and try to explain the gap? It’s been made clear to me that my new job is not going to work out. I’m feeling extremely discouraged because I left my former toxic job for this one and now I’m faced with having to job search all over again.
Anonymous
If you currently have a job, I’d list it, as it is always easier to search for a job when you have a job.
But if someone asks why the quick departure, it would be “I was really looking forward to growing my role in Company A but your position at Company B is exactly where my talents are and I would really bring a lot of energy to this role. I can quickly train up my replacement so that Company A can manage without me.”
It’s like it’s your unicorn dream job and so sudden and unexpected — something has to be better: promotion potential, commute, culture, etc. Or at least figure out something very positive to tell them.
Anon
I would first consider why you wound up in a very toxic job and then a job that is clearly not going to work out. Once you really understand why this is happening to you, you can better structure your job search to find functional companies with roles that are a good fit.
In an interview, I would just say that I’ve picked up some contract work or somesuch to bring money in while job hunting.
anonymous
Agreed. Early in my career, I was looking to get out of a toxic situation and so I jumped at the first offer I got, which turned out to be a job that was a terrible fit for me. I didn’t get fired but I left after one year after a pretty negative performance review, and so I have two relatively short stints on my resume. I did some examination of what I had done, why I had done it and what I could do differently next time. And also gave some time to thinking about what I really wanted from a job and from a career. Make sure you do this examination as you move forward, so you don’t keep landing in bad jobs or bad employers that aren’t a good fit.
OP
Thank you, I appreciate the advice. That’s basically exactly the situation I’m in right now. I truly did think this new job was going to be a great fit, and if I had my way I would stay and work hard to improve things, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. But I definitely made the jump into a new job quickly after leaving a bad situation because I was just so happy to leave.
Anonymous
Hugs. I’ve been there and it’s tough. Better times are ahead. FWIW, there are situations where it’s better to stay and get fired than it is to hastily exit; if these folks won’t be references anyway, you might just hang on until they fire you so you can keep your paycheck and benefits and be able to say you’re still employed. I don’t know if they gave you a timeframe (you have a month to find another job) or put you on a performance improvement plan. If the “it’s not working out” was more vague, they may not pull the trigger on terminating you for months. There have been times in my life where I thought about leaving because I was “getting signals” things weren’t great, but hung on and was glad I did because either a. I got a new manager that had a different opinion of my performance or b. Things weren’t as bad as I had convinced myself they were.
Anon
“I truly did think this new job was going to be a great fit, and if I had my way I would stay and work hard to improve things, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.”
Can you explain a bit more?
Anon
This blouse would be 50% off with a code, I think. I like the Potent Purple shade, which looks more like a deep plum/mulberry shade on my screen.
curvycurls
I ordered the light pink and the potent purple. Can’t wait to see if they fit!
Anon
Why does this Polo Ralph Lauren shirt cost $690? Is it worth buying?
https://www.ralphlauren.com/women-clothing-shirts-blouses/charmain-striped-shirt/381243.html?cgid=women-clothing-shirts-blouses&dwvar381243_colorname=White%2FClassic%20Blue&webcat=Women%2FClothing%2FShirts%20%20%20Blouses
Anonymous
Maybe it’s off by a decimal place? Or the pockets are stuffed with Benjamins? Now I’m curious.
Is it Friday yet?
It is “Made in the Italy”?
nutella
I’m not here to rationalize the price, but Ralph Lauren’s Collection label (the purple label with cursive) is their most expensive line and not the Polo line. It’s their designer label, so it’s like asking why a Gucci blouse is as expensive as it is. (They are really, really nicely tailored, and nicely made but no, not worth that amount.)
Larger sizes -- DC area
My SIL can wear some women’s sizes at Lands End and otherwise struggles to find clothes. She shops online and just keeps stuff if it isn’t too small. She also has wide feet and struggles to find shoes. She often laments that she looks really bad and wants a WFH job due to how she looks and some social anxiety (they seem to fuel each other). Fair Oaks is her closest mall.
I notice in downtown DC that there are lot of women who are larger who look very sharp, from work wear, to church attire, to clubwear. It is very impressive. I’d say that many of these women are black but of a similar size to my SIL. I think it would be weird to flag down a stranger to see where she shops (I am relatively very short and dont’ wear women’s sizes), especially when it would be obvious that I wouldn’t really be looking for the same garments.
So for friendly internet strangers — where else should I try the next time SIL and I hit a local mall? She likes to go see a movie and have dinner and would love to run in and try something on. Are there local stores or different malls that have stores that might give her some better options? I feel bad for her (I struggle as a petite and have to get a lot of things tailored, but it is 100% not the same struggle and IDK what to suggest for her). Some of you out there are rocking it and she would follow your lead but doesn’t even get downtown much.
Anonymous
Old Navy has some surprising good work basics like pants, sweaters and ponte dresses. It’s inexpensive enough that she can experiment with different styles to find what suits her best.
Also, a personal shopper at Nordstrom might be worth the splurge if it saves her money in the long run.
As an 8.5 wide, Naturalizer and Clarks are good ‘go-to’ shoe brands for office basics. 3-4 pairs of office shoes that work with a variety of outfits are a good start.
Anon
Pentagon City mall – Eloquii (plus-size store) and Nordstrom (decent plus dept). There isn’t really a movie theater immediately near there but I think those will be your best bets in this area
Ribena
Online, but ASOS Curve can be good for more fashion-forward things
pugsnbourbon
Also online but Universal Standard.
Anonymous
So by “some clothes from Lands End” I’m wondering if she’s a size 24/26 or above? That matters because even a lot of plus retailers don’t go up above a 24/26. I’m a 16/18 and I think that’s the “sweet spot” where most retailers – straight size and plus size – seem to be aiming. I have a lot of options because I can fit in the top range of a lot of straight sizes and the mid range of a lot of plus sizes. Your SIL unfortunately won’t have that option, which is unfortunate and something I wish retailers were better about. I will just advise, it’s really hard to guess a larger person’s size by looking. People are always surprised when I tell them what size I am – I’m taller and I think I look smaller sometimes than I actually am. So knowing your SIL’s regular numerical size may help (as long as she feels she can tell you without judgement).
Honestly, there won’t be much at a local mall outside a major metro area. I don’t shop at malls for that reason. Eloquii has good options but a limited number of retail stores. Lane Bryant has good pieces occasionally but the online selection of clothes and sizes is better. There are many retailers that have a wider selection of sizes online than they do in-store. So online may be a better choice for her if she’ll be more rigorous about returning what doesn’t work.
I’m going to throw this out there – make sure your help is welcome. Larger people face an unbelievable amount of prejudice, hostility, and condescending advice every day. If your SIL has explicitly asked for your help dressing better, that’s one thing. If she hasn’t, I don’t mean this rudely, but butt out. She will probably take your efforts to “help” as subtle criticism about her appearance and believe me, she doesn’t need more of that than she already faces every day. Especially from a family member.
Anonymous
OP here — I don’t know her actual size, other than that it is probably not 16/18 and perhaps closer to the higher sizes you mention. She is about 5-1, so that is another challenge. She has a LE swim shirt, so I know that they have something there that fits her (I think it’s womens, but not 100% sure since it is t-shirt style, not one of the faux-Lilly ones they also sell).
She mentions it enough (each time I see her) to me that if I can say “Linda from my office shops at X and she always looks great,” she’d probably try it. And I see her mainly at malls b/c she likes to have dinner out and see a movie, so if there were a place there, it might be worth a quick visit. She does not like walking by shops where there are tons of cute things but nothing for her.
BeenThatGuy
Anthropologie now has their extended sizing in store, if that looks is something she would be interested in.
Anon
To get a really good answer, you’re going to need to find out her ballpark size. At 5’1″, she’s definitely petite. Talbots Womens Petite goes up to 22WP. Catherine’s goes up to a 6X (Size 38) in much of their women’s petite. Macy’s Charter Club brand has some petite items up to size 28. Unfortunately, brand availability does decrease as size gets past around 22.
C2
Zappos to find wider-than-Cwidth shoes.
Anon
This sounds like more of a mental health issue than a shopping issue.
That said, Eloquii has a store in Pentagon City (and has a personal shopper option). Loft has plus sizes in Tysons and across the street from Fair Oaks. Modcloth is in DC and also has a personal shopper option. Talbots is at Fair Oaks and some other nearby malls. However, overall I find plus size shopping to be a LOT of buy online and return.
Anon
I’m really sorry she’s going through this, that sounds hard. Maybe in addition to shopping you could take her out for a spa day – new haircut, nails done, makeup, etc? It might help her feel more confident and put together.
Anon
Talbots has good work-wear, if you are willing to search. But note that it runs long, I’m 5’6 and often get petites. Eloquii and Torrid for more casual clothing. I also find the Macy’s plus size section at the Tysons Corner mall to be really good – lots of nice work dresses.
I would propose a day trip to Tysons Corner. Visit Torrid, Talbots, and Macy’s at a minimum and then see a movie and have dinner.
anon8
For shoes, the blog Wardrobe Oxygen has some posts about shoes for wide width feet.
anon a mouse
I think it’s really, really hard to find things in stores. You might try Tysons — they have a Talbots, J Jill, Nordstrom, Lord & Taylor. But you should try to find her size and call ahead to confirm availability. I’d suggest instead, if you could do this, working with her to order a bunch of things for her to try on at home. Check Universal Standard, Anthro, Torrid, ModCloth, and some others mentioned here.
Anonymous
Tysons really doesn’t do a great job with larger sizes. I’m a 14/16 and have trouble in those stores.
Anon
That’s interesting. I’m a 14, used to be a 16/18, and I buy almost all of my clothing at Tysons and find the selections to be very good. I find their Talbots and Macy’s to have really good selections, Torrid to be amazing for larger sizes. I don’t really shop J Jill, Nordstrom, or Lord & Taylor, so can’t comment on that.
But I’m a smaller plus sized. I’m not sure how their larger plus sized selection is.
JuniorMinion
Sam Edelman has really good wide shoes. They fit me much better than naturalizer which are too narrow often even in wide. Most of their staple heel styles also come in wide and are available on amazon.
Anon
Just can’t with some progressives today. I’m seeing calls to criticize and depublicize Greta Thunberg for “perpetuating whiteness” and “white dominance on climate change.” I don’t give a sh*t what race a climate activist is – if someone wants to shove a microphone in her face and she wants to call humanity to action, that is A-OK with me. That is in no way mutually exclusive with people of color deserving a voice as well, or with climate initiatives that will benefit indigenous people first. Can we just not tear each other apart on the one critical issue to our collective survival when the other side is already so intransigent?
Ugh, rant over.
anonshmanon
Yup. All this criticism of Greta is a blatant attempt to distract from the substance of her activism instead of responding.
Anonymous
I just can’t with her critics. She’s a 16 year old who started a thing that took off way more than I’m sure she ever imagined and she is expressly asking the adults to start leading on this issue so that she can go back to school.
Anon
Ugghhh the bl0gger Everyday Annie (f/k/a Annie’s Eats) is the worst about this. She re-branded from a food bl0gger to The Wokest White Person and has been ranting on social media because there is some indigenous climate activist who is not getting as much attention as Greta. Who cares! We are talking about climate change and that’s what matters.
Anonymous
This makes no sense. Greta became famous because of the size of the movement she created in Europe. She is European and gave a TedTalk like last November, it’s only since she came to the UN Summit that she’s gotten more international attention.
If the indigenous activitist had motivated thousands of people to protest over the last year, they would be getting more attention too.
Anon
Keystone Pipeline? Chaining themselves and risking criminal charges? Thousands of people supporting their movement? But no invite to Congress, let’s not offend Big Oil.
I’m not agreeing with the critics, but I’m saying don’t disregard indigenous people who are also saying the same thing because of how they have actually been perceived in the media for years.
Anonymous
Keystone pipeline movement was way smaller than the Fridays for the Future movement has been in Europe.
Anonymous
Whoa is that really a thing? I have not heard of it. Seems like whataboutism to me, which makes me wonder if it’s truly coming from progressives?
Anon
I know tons of progressives like this.
Anon
I believe in climate change but honestly have no desire to hear from a 16 year old and esp not one who mocks/critiques money and eternal economic growth. After she said that it was – girl bye. And say what you will but the kid is WEIRD.
Anon
You are a bad person.
Anon
Let’s ignore the tr0ll.
Anon
+1 Agree
anon
You seem pleasant.
Anon
Go away tr0ll.
Anon
Don’t you know that you have to kiss the ring of St. Greta or you’re a horrible person? C’mon, get with the programme!
KT
calling an autistic child “weird” is bad form, full stop. no ring kissing necessary.
Anon
You don’t have to agree with her at all, but at least have the integrity to criticize her ideas instead of hurling ad hominems about autism, age, and sex.
Alanna of Trebond
I am happy she has raised awareness, but I never understood why it took off when she did it and not when similarly aged young people in the U.S. sued the government for climate change, etc., which seemed just as brave/radical to me.
Anon
I think this is the real issue, but the fault for that is not on the kids.
Anonymous
100% agree.
anonymous
Totally agree and I hope, hope, hope that this relentless criticism and harassment of a 16-year-old girl who really didn’t ask for the exposure she’s gotten serves as some kind of tipping point for “wokeness gone wild.” The (unachievable) perfect has become the enemy of the good and we’ll all suffer for it if it keeps going. I am liberal but the wokeness policing is too much for me.
Anon
She didn’t ask for it? Really? So she wasn’t attention mongering when she got herself noticed enough to speak before Congress and the UN? Boating to America wasn’t attention seeking? Come on . . . yes she is asking for fame.
Anon
Exactly.
This whole business of shoving some random teenager into the spotlight as this amazing authority on a technical subject, then saying we can’t criticise here because she’s a teenager, is… well, it only convinces people who are already convinced.
Anon
Yep — she’s preaching to the choir and doesn’t have the scientific authority to preach to anyone else, you know — the people who need to be convinced, without whom no change will ever happen.
anon
She’s not presenting herself as the authority on anything. She’s begging people to listen to the scientists who are the actual experts. You may want to spend some time researching her instead of relying exclusively on bad Twitter takes for your information.
Anon
She’s never said she’s an expert on anything, let alone a technical subject. She’s imploring people to listen to experts.
Anonymous
She has never held herself out as ‘an amazing authority on a technical subject’- she has protested the fact that the adults (leaders) are not addressing the issue. The technical experts are the thousands of scientists who no one will listen to.
Bashing a teenage girl for not being perfect is just another excuse to avoid taking action.
Anonymous
People who deny climate change will never be convinced. The International Panel on Climate Change has been producing vigorous scientific reports since 1988. The most recent one (Fifth Assessment Report) in 2014 had more than 800 authors, selected from around 3,000 nominations worldwide. Pretending like there isn’t universal consensus on this issue is riduculous. People don’t like the science so they chose not to believe. Science is fact and doesn’t care whether or not people are ‘convinced’. Waiting for climate deniers to agree before taking action on climate change is like waiting to take action on health policy until anti-vaxxers are in agreement.
Anon
In order to “implore people to listen to experts,” she needs the chops to understand the nuances of what the “experts” are saying, the limits of that expertise, and the points made by those scientists who disagree with the majority opinion.
Absent such, she’s just another loudmouth.
Anon
lollllll no legitimate scientists “disagree with the majority opinion.” She isn’t an expert, but she understands what the experts are saying far better than you do, Anon at 12:07 pm. (I actually work in this field.)
Anon
You can criticize her, you just shouldn’t criticize her for being a teen (or female, or autistic…). Criticize her ideas instead of criticizing the fact that she’s young and famous.
anon
She’s raising awareness. How does one achieve that goal without the consequence (unwanted in Greta’s case) of fame?
Anonymous
That kid is so worked up. I am worried for her.
Anon Lawyer
Yeah, God forbid a teenager be worried about something that could make the planet uninhabitable for her in her lifetime. So worked up!
I can’t with the concern trolling. Especially the awful, ableist comments from yesterday.
Anon
She has multiple disabilities and mental illnesses. She has spent half of her life with eating disorders. She is a very, very sick little girl who is being abused by adults who want a messenger who can’t be attacked or rebutted.
The whole thing is so disgusting.
Anon Lawyer
Yeah, you need a citation that she’s being manipulated. People with mental illnesses and disabilities can also care about things and accomplish things in life. Even young ones.
Anonymous
You’re looking for a scapegoat for the shame you are feeling for being part of a generation that has done nothing about a known problem for longer than she has been alive.
And newsflash, having an eating disorder doesn’t mean you can no longer care about important issues.
Anonymous
As a mom who has repeatedly allowed her own teenager to protest and speak in public about issues that matter to her, I have some concerns about whether adults are exploiting Thunberg’s passion to serve their own ends. Based on her manner and the way in which she responds to interview questions, I just get an icky vibe from the whole thing that I don’t usually get with teen activists.
anon
I was a teenager with severe depression and eating disorders. I was also very active in speaking out on LGBT rights and against the death penalty, including leading protests and appearing in the media. Nobody was manipulating me and I was perfectly capable of understanding the nuances of the debate – and why I cared about it.
Anonymous
@ Anon 12:40pm – when you’re judging her are you taking into account that she’s responding to questions in her second language? I’d be a heck of a lot less eloquent in Spanish than I am in English.
Anon
16 is not a “little girl”. And even if she was a little girl, that wouldn’t make her wrong. Do you have any evidence that she’s being abused? Or that you “can’t attack her”, because people attacking her has been most of my social media feed all week. Unfortunately they’re all hurling personal attacks like you instead of engaging with the discussion at hand.
Anonymous
LOL at the idea that she can’t be attacked – people are CONSTANTLY attacking her. They are just dumb, weak attacks by climate deniers who can’t stand anyone who isn’t a white man.
Worry about yourself
I get that a lot of people are feeling frustrated that Greta has been getting way more attention than her same-age peers who are indigenous or black, but part of that has to do with the media. Should people be reading up on the others? Of course! Is it their fault the media is primarily featuring Greta? No! This shouldn’t be about pushing Greta to the side so women of color can speak, this is about letting those women of color add to the global conversation!
But I also know some whacky people who are mad at Greta for not doing enough. One guy won’t take her seriously until she advocates for a violent revolution, and another thinks her speeches should be more critical of capitalism. FFS, she’s sixteen! She’s already done way more than anyone should reasonably expect of a teenager, and more than she should need to do! She sailed across the ocean to tell adult world leaders to stop forking around and do something about climate change, and she said it herself, she shouldn’t have do to that, she should be in school and living a normal life.
Ultimately, I think some people just like to be critical, and they get the sense that they’re not supposed to criticize Greta, so they get mad about it, like “well why should she be ABOVE criticism?” No one is saying she’s perfect, you’re allowed to find flaws in her approach but let’s also not attack her for what she’s trying to accomplish. Is that really so complicated for people?
Anon
I know. These responses are like “Greta annoys me so climate change isn’t real”
Idiots. Seriously.
Ribena
I chipped in yesterday – for me it’s hair of mostly one length, around shoulder length, with a few choppy layers for movement and slightly shorter at the front, and judicious application of product to weigh down flyaways.
Ribena
(For Anon at 8.36, sorry)
HSAL
Has anyone checked out the OG #2? I like the addition of the laptop pocket, but I’m not sure why it needs two sizes when the only difference is an inch in height. I might have been tempted to get this one if it had been an option when I bought the Rowledge this summer.
Anon
Hello! What good habits do you try to establish at a new job and how do you do so?
I’ll be starting a new internal position next month. My current job is kind of non traditional in terms of schedule, work product etc but I’ll be moving back to a normal schedule/setting. I’ve previously done the classic office work environment but it’s been a while.
The new position is a promotion and I’ll be running a new program solo. This is a new position so no example to follow. It’s a big step up from what I’m doing and will need to absolutely knock the project out of the park. My current job is not very challenging.
I really need to start the new position off on the right foot, as I anticipate it to be very challenging (in a good way) but absolutely no room to fail. The new project will have several moving pieces with lots of collaboration but also lots of solo deliverables. There will be several things going at once, some with short term and some with very long term deadlines.
Anonymous
This may be fairly unique to my position, but I started a new job about 6 months ago and the new habit I started was 100% accountability, specifically, not trying to cover up/hide mistakes. I cannot tell you how many emergency/ major major issues I’ve had to deal with as a result of other people trying to cover up mistakes that were small to begin with but now have compounded and are enormous. I know that I have been guilty of it too, and it used to keep me up at night. So now I am transparent about it (tactfully). Another: I used to hoard and procrastinate work because I was afraid of running out of work, and then I’d be scrambling at the last minute to meet deadlines. So, no more self-imposed emergencies. I am trusting that work will always be plentiful and I should plan accordingly.
Anon
Organize your inbox, calendar, filing system, and maintain that organization so vital details are easy and fast to find.
Frozen Eggs
I just learned yesterday that our benefits cover egg freezing after a certain (small) deductible. Yay! So, I’m jumping on this as I’m in my late 30s and who knows. Tell me about your experiences. What should I expect? I have no partner at the moment so going through this on my own. (FWIW, I’m not dyyyyying to have kids but I also don’t want to foreclose any options should that be something I want w/ a future hubs. I’m pretty comfortable in my singledom/life so no anxiety or push on my end.)
Anon
I know someone who just did this and blogged about it on medium @olearypd
Anonymous
I did it last year and was really pleased with the process. (I used IRMS if you happen to be in New Jersey). I had an initial appointment to discuss the process, which took quite a while- met with the doctor, nurse, bloodwork, billing coordinator, signed a ton of consent forms. Then they schedule the process. It was basically two weeks of giving myself shots (literally after one I was blase about this and I hate needles) and monitoring (who doesn’t love a 7am internal ultrasound? But over before work), increasing in frequency, and then a day off work for retrieval and recovery. I’m glad I did I- I fully understand it’s not a guarantee but I could thankfully afford it and feel that it increased my options. I would stay far away from the internet on this because people in the fertility world online are bonkers. Go to the absolute best clinic you can and trust them.
Is it Friday yet?
Oh hey, are you me? My GP literally asked me if I’d considered freezing my eggs at my physical yesterday, and I was just thinking about posting here to see what people’s experiences are, since my benefits apparently include “Oocyte (egg) cryopreservation for age-related concerns”. I’m mid-30s and exact same boat re: singledom and not dying to have kids but wanting to keep my options open, especially if the out-of-pocket cost is minimal.
Anon Lawyer
As a general rule, odds with eggs frozen in late 30s is not great. Which is fine if it’s basically free for you! Just don’t go in with the expectation that you’ll definitely get a baby from them. There’s basically two issues, as I understand it – first, egg quality decreases rapidly after 35, so fewer eggs will be chromosomally normal. Second, there’s no way to tell which eggs are normal until they’re fertilized and grown into blastocysts. So you could have 10 or even 20 eggs but have no idea how many of them will actually end up being viable. (Egg freezing is also considered less reliable than embryo freezing as a technology, but I understand egg freezing has improved a lot in recent years.)
Ultimately, if you were determined to be a parent with a partner or not, I’d say freeze some eggs and some embyros fertilized with donor sperm. But that’s not your situation, so I’d say just manage your expectations!
anon
I froze my eggs five years ago, in my mid-30s, and will be thawing them (!) tomorrow to TTC #2 (i’m now 40). Egg freezing is basically the first half of an IVF cycle – you will go through 10-14 days of hormone medications (stims), ultrasounds and blood draws every other day or so, and then egg retrieval (you’ll be under anesthesia but it’s very quick, about half an hour at most). They will vitrify (flash freeze) whatever eggs they get, and then if/when you decide to use them, they’ll thaw (either in batches or all at once, I am thawing all of them) and fertilize. In general, the rule of thumb is to freeze as many eggs as you possibly can because they are a bit of a gamble, but since you’re on the fence about kids anyway, it may not be worth it to do multiple cycles. There’s an egg freezing calculator online (BWH) that will tell you how many eggs will give you a certain percentage of a live birth. Good luck! I’m so grateful I did this, even if my eggs don’t work out.
Anon
In other news I own those jeans. They’re fun. My kids roll their eyes but I don’t care. I love pearls.
anon
Really hate the expectation that dressing up for an evening occasion seems to equal wearing heels, in many people’s minds. I truly loathe wearing heels because they hurt no matter what, and I sure as heck will not be dancing in them. Where do people find festive shoes that aren’t stilettos?
go for it
Go to a professional dance store. Heels from them are a true game changer!
Anon
I don’t think that! Pointed toe flats look just fine
anne-on
BHLDN, Boden, and Kate spade all make dressy flats. If you see one you like BUY IT, they get snapped up quickly. You can also usually find dressy velvet flats (or smoking slippers) around the holidays – I got some from Ann Taylor and Jcrew last year.
I love shoes
Do you mind a metallic? If not, check out Nordstrom online. Search shoes, flats, metallic. You have to ignore a lot of them but there are some nice choices there. Some are reasonably affordable and some are very expensive. There’s not a huge amount of what I would consider cocktail or black tie dress code shoes there, but there are some great looking options for that which range in style from sleek and modern to crystal embellished.
Anon
I just went on Nordstrom and searched Nina shoes, category women’s shoes, filtered for heel height of flat or low, and saw lots of cute options.
If you don’t like heels, don’t wear heels. I support you in this!
Anon
PS in my opinion, the brand Nina is always the choice for occasion shoes.
anon
I’m looking for a lightweight, simple, structured purse. Does such a thing exist? Most of the things I like visually are made out of heavy leather.
Anon
Structure is heavier. I think that’s why you’re finding what you’re finding.
I would suggest other materials but I haven’t really investigated PVC purses. The ones I’ve seen (admittedly cheap ones) have been as heavy as leather.
Anonymous
Brahmin is refreshingly light weight.
nutella
Has anyone here had a wool coat hemmed? I may also need the sleeves to be shortened. I know how it gets done and that it’s not difficult, but I’m wondering more about how it looks… I guess my question is more about whether there is a seam showing or not at the bottom? For reference it’s the Mackage Elodie coat.
nona
It’s lined and my guess is that the finish tacks the outer fabric to the lining as part of the hemming, so would not have a seam at the bottom. But your best bet is really to talk to the whoever does the hemming to confirm the technique the are going to use.
Panda Bear
My tailored hemmed a lined wool coat and it looked great. It wasn’t cheap, but it was worth it.
Panda Bear
Just realized I didn’t actually answer your question. No, the seam did not show – she did a beautiful job blind-stitching the hem of the outer wool fabric as well as in tacking the lining back to the inner wool.
nutella
Thanks, Panda Bear! I am just dwarfed in this coat but it’s warm and lovely and the color is soooo good on me!
Anonymous
Yes, if the original hem doesn’t show then the new hem won’t show either. The hem on the wool should be blind-stitched.
Anon
I had sleeve shortened. They don’t cut at the ends. They undo the seam where sleeve attaches to the body and shorten it there so that the finish (buttons at the cuff etc) remains the same. It was $40 in MCOL and turned out great. I had purchased that wool coat at 75% off for $100, so I was okay paying that money.
Anon
I have a message in to my PCP but want to hear from others here regarding their experiences. I’ve been dealing with a situation the last few years that is out of my control and effecting my mental health. I’m in therapy but it is now starting to impact my workday and my marriage. I’m talking to my PCP about an anti-depressant. Do anti-depressants work when there is a legitimate reason to feel distracted and sad? I’ve always thought clinical depression was about being pervasively unhappy with no objective reason to feel that way. In my case, I have a very real thing that I can’t change making me sad, that is super reasonable to be sad about and I want to feel better.
Anon
Anti-depressants are used for situational depression all the time, but are intended to be used with therapy and tapered off when the situation gets better/you have better coping skills. Think about all the people that need it for grieving purposes to help them function. They are depressed for a long period of time, but not due to a chemical imbalance.
Anon
Thank you.
Anon
I had a really stressful work situation that I couldn’t immediately get out of. I took a couple weeks off of work, got on Zoloft, went to therapy, and found a new career. Once things settled, I tapered off the medicine, stopped going to therapy, and have been mostly find since. I keep a view on how I’m feeling (anxiety, trouble sleeping) and try to stay on top of it if I feel it reoccurring.
anon
Yes. Clinical depression certainly can be about pervasive unhappiness when there is “no objective reason”* to feel that way, but it is not limited to that situation. It can simply make you feel better, but also can help you cope with your external situation in healthier ways— for example, reducing your anxiety so you can help pay attention to the rest of your life and constructively solve problems, so you don’t get sucked into cycles of anxiety, reducing rumination, etc. Or, let’s say you’re having an awful time just getting out of bed, getting motivated, doing anything because this feels so overwhelming- an antidepressant could give you a boost in that arena.
*IMO, no such thing– brain chemistry is the objective reason you feel that way.
Anonanonanon
I took them while in a bad marriage and they gave me the boost I needed to take the necessary actions to get out of that marriage, find a job, and be happy without them :)
Should I yell at this dude?
I have a male friend who is generally great, but he gives everyone, regardless of gender, unsolicited advice. His advice is so divorced from common sense that it’s usually amusing. He once recommended that I hide an open bottle of vanilla extract in an unpleasant coworker’s office after he read an article about aromatherapy and mood. He’d never heard of a connection between the two and thought this was world-changing information I should immediately apply to my daily life. I did not.
This morning he sent me a text suggesting that I could avoid sexual harassment by dressing conservatively. I haven’t complained to him about sexual harassment, and, in fact, I tend to cover up quite a lot at work because my office is 65 degrees. I’m sure he read something somewhere where a woman said she’d changed her workwear in response to harassment and found it a brand new insight. But I’m still really, really annoyed. Is this worth explaining the experiences of women and our general competence to navigate them to a guy who has told a table full of people that his dentist says flossing is important? Or shall I just move on here? I feel so shouty.
Anonymous
What about him is ‘generally great’? He sounds really awful.
anon
+1
I would probably end a friendship (just… ignore forever) if a guy said that to me. If I really felt like it was worth salvaging and he was teachable, I might take the opportunity to explain what is problematic about it. But I would not just let it go and continue as normal.
nona
I’d personally respond to this one – mostly because it’s bad advice (the flossing stuff is good advice, so he just looks odd for thinking everyone hasn’t already heard it) and he’s in fact perpetuating sexism.
Of course, then he’ll probably go around giving advice on how to avoid being a sexist – but that might not be the worse thing in the world?
Vicky Austin
I really want to say no, just move on with your life, this is clearly just a stupid thing he does and it’s not remotely your problem. But that’s so irritating that I feel like I’d have to say something.
Anonymous
Such people usually don’t listen to or learn from explanations or education regarding the issues. If he’s a genuine friend whom you want to help, you’d have to go to the underlying issue — what’s causing him to do this stuff? Is he foolish? Socially clueless? Lives in his own world? Doesn’t know how to hold conversations? Thoughtless? A talker who blurts out whatever he things? Lacking common sense?
If he’s teachable, you could address any of this stuff with him. But if he’s not teachable, you’re only adding to your frustration.
Anonymous
I would absolutely reply “I didn’t ask you for advice and find both the fact that you are presuming to give it to me and the content of this advice really offensive.” If he’s a great guy, he can apologize and I’d let it go. If not, I just wouldn’t be friends with him anymore.
Worry about yourself
“Hey Steve, I understand you mean well and you’re just trying to help, and while I do appreciate that, I generally don’t find your suggestions helpful and I would prefer that you stop trying to give me advice. I will certainly let you know if I ever need your input on something.”
I’ve been working on how to set boundaries politely for some time. The key is to express appreciation for someone’s good intentions so they don’t get defensive, but then gently acknowledge that their actions aren’t having the intended impact and you’d like them to please stop going forward.
anonshmanon
I mean, he sounds really not great. But if you care about this friendship, you could try to make it blatantly clear how victim-blamey this message was.
“Gee, friend, here is a picture of my outfit today. Do you think this attire forces male co-workers to grab my ass? What color burka do you think flatters me?”
The unsolicited advice part isn’t fixable, imo.
Anon
That would be met with a resounding “f*^% off” from me…
But then again I wouldn’t have friends like Steve. Or at least not for long.
Seriously why is this ahole in your life?
Anon
(Where did I get the idea that you said his name was Steve? Not sure, but I stand by the rest of what I said.)
anon a mouse
If he really is a great guy and a good friend, I’d be honest and turn it into a teachable moment: I appreciate what you were trying to do, but it is not a woman’s job to dress to prevent sexual harassment. It’s a man’s job to deal with women professionally in the workplace no matter how they are dressed. A harasser will harass no matter what the women are wearing.
And maybe ask him to read She Said.
His responses to the above will tell you if he is actually a great guy.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
Gently, could he be on the spectrum? Don’t mean to flame.
Anon
I hear you….had a male work friend for a long time that got increasingly awkward and out of touch with his unsolicited advice and gossip…I tried to give some helpful feedback that went in one ear and out the other…I ended the friendship but will still be cordial..,got to the point where I don’t want his awkwardness to reflect on me….I think some men just lack EQ and there’s nothing you can do
kk
I’m looking for a pair of drop/hoop/dangly earrings to wear with a navy and gold dress to a black tie event next month. My budget is around $200, but less if possible. Do you have any recent favorites? I’m over the kendra scott look. Thanks!
Anon
I really like costume jewelry from Banana Republic and J Crew. Hoops are definitely on trend right now.
pugsnbourbon
I just found modern-looking open hoops on Amaz0n – search for Humble Chic Disc Hoops – Modern Upside Down Curved Open Circle Threader Earrings. I can’t speak to their quality but I might order them just to see (plz don’t flame me I really like them).
I’ve also had good luck at a local jewelry store that sells items from a variety of artisans. Most of it’s sterling/gold-fill and would fit in your budget. Might be worth an afternoon checking out a place like that in your area. Also art museum gift shops for earrings.
Anonymous
I am looking for an app that I can use to calendar my monthly bills. I dont want to actually link account, or pay the bills through the app. I just want to basically see a calendar view of my monthly expenses/due dates. I would also like to calendar paydays and amounts. Anyone have an app along these lines that they can recommend?
nona
Is there a reason not to do it in a regular calendar app? Google Calendar lets you set up separate calendar views (which you layer to see all of them). Why not do that?
T
+1, I have a notification on Google calendar for paydays and a reminder to move cash between certain accounts on that day. Easy enough to add mortgage recurring on the 1st, water on the 9th, etc.
ATL rette
I just put a notification on my calendar (both paper and phone) with all this info. Generally it’s the same date each month, so all that I change is the amount, and if it’s something you know is consistent and recurring (like a paycheck), I would just making a recurring calendar notification for that.
It takes maybe a minute when I get each bill? I feel like it might take longer with an app.
Anon
Do you want this to remind yourself to pay the bill or to just keep track of them? I have everything except rent and my two credit cards auto charge to my checking or a credit card. I have a list (on a piece of paper in my planner) of all the autocharges and the usual amounts, so when I just double check them when I get the email or when they post. Once a month I write out the rent check and mail it, and at the same time pay the two credit cards. Luckily so far this has not been a problem. When I had an issue with my phone company and they had to credit my account, they just credited my account with them so I paid less the following month – the fact that I was on autopay did not affect anything.
lemon
For the person looking for a skirt yesterday, this is cheap but nice quality and has pockets:
https://www.amazon.com/Casual-Waisted-Floral-Length-CL010401-5/dp/B0761WLCVV/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1NBB8XWXSR1QN&dchild=1&keywords=skirt+grace+karin&qid=1569509609&s=gateway&sprefix=skirt+grace%2Caps%2C145&sr=8-2
Original Moonstone
Oh man, it has birdies! Love it.
Pocketed Skirt OP
Thank you! I like it but worry that it looks schoolgirl-ish due to the box pleats. My uniform skirt used to be similar. There were some good suggestions yesterday including Lands End and eShakti, thanks all!
Anon
I’m sure this has been asked before but can’t find it. What’s the best credit card for someone who spends a lot of money on plane tickets and hotels but isn’t especially loyal to a particular airline or hotel chain? I want to earn cash/statement credit, not airline miles or hotel points as I find those difficult to use. Open to paying an annual fee if it will be worth it – I put ~$60k on my credit card annually.
Anon
I have the Barclay Arrival Plus World Elite. It’s good for statement credit towards travel purchases. Unfortunately, you used to get 5% or 10% of your miles back after cashing them in, but they did away with that perk. It’s an $89 annual fee.
Anonymous
I’d ask them if you aren’t getting the 10 % back – I cashed in some miles last week for this card, and I still received the 10 % back. I second the recommendation for this card – it is so easy to reimburse.
Anon
I’d ask them if you aren’t getting the 10 % back – I cashed in some miles last week for this card, and I still received the 10 % back. I second the recommendation for this card – it is so easy to reimburse.
Panda Bear
I have a Bank of America card that’s 3% cash back on a category of your choice, one of which is ‘online purchases’ … so I guess if you are doing most of your flight/hotel booking online, that might be decent.
anon
Chase Sapphire Reserve. Theres a good article on wirecutter/poibts guy for travel credit cards. Just do some googling.
Anon
Costco Visa. No annual fee if you’re a Costco member and 3% rebate on travel.
Leatty
Chase Sapphire reserve. It has a $450 annual fee, but you get a $300 travel credit applied to your account immediately upon use, 3x points on travel and dining, points are worth more than the Chase Sapphire preferred when you book through their sight, and you get refunded for one global entry every 5(?) years.
Anon
I frankly don’t find the general travel cards to be that great (unless you need global entry, which many will cover). I have a citi double cash card, which has no annual fee and gets you 2% back on everything.
Anon
I do want Global Entry but I just bought it (d’oh). I assume none will refund it retroactively? It will be useful in ~5 years but since it’s only $100 for 5 years it won’t cancel out an annual fee or anything.
Anon
Yeah, it won’t cancel out the annual fee. When I have to renew global entry, I’m thinking about getting the card, getting the refund, and then cancelling the card.
You can pretty easily do the math to see if greater rewards for a fee card, if you can even find one, are worth it. Personally, I first ruled out anything with categories – I don’t have the time for that and my shopping isn’t overwhelmingly in one category. Then I did the math. For my spending level, which is significantly lower than $60k, the citi double cash card was a much greater benefit than having to pay a yearly fee.
anon8
Chase Sapphire Reserve. I use it for everything and pay of the balance each month. I’ve accumulated enough points to pay for flight and hotel for an upcoming trip to Miami. You can also transfer points to airlines like Southwest.
Anon
I do Chase Sapphire Preferred. Way lower fee than Reserve. Still good benefits.
West Elm
Warning: Mega First World Problem.
Am I SOL or is there some lever I can pull here? Does enough begging to customer service help?
I ordered a ton from West Elm in early August. The custom pieces – a couch and 2 chairs – remain outstanding with delivery window of 9/24-10/8. I logged in yesterday from the original confirmation email I got on the order to ‘track package’ and it say the same delivery window and the items were “in transit.” Logged back in today and it now says December 16. WTF. No notice, no email and no call telling me there was a change in delivery window, which is kind of moot because I’d be just as angry but also what awful customer service to not give me notice… I just happened to be OCD about checking because I love the pieces and I’m traveling at the end of the original delivery window so I wanted to be on top of the timing. I’m hosting three Thanksgiving dinners at my house in mid/late November, including actual Thanksgiving day. This is a whole room’s worth of furniture / main entertaining space. So. Much. Rage.
nona
If you haven’t talked to an actual person yet, I’d start be calling customer service to confirm status. Maybe its really, maybe its a fluke of the system. You don’t know enough to know.
If it is real, and the timing doesn’t work, tell them you need to cancel the order because that doesn’t work for your time frame (if that’s what you want to do). I mean, if the date pushed out, then it’s probably because they don’t have inventory, so it’s not like they can make it appear sooner. And then you’ll need to figure out another option.
Anon
I’ve never been in this situation (IKEA furniture that’s in stock for me), but could you escalate with customer service to cancel the order? Does your credit card offer some protection in this situation? Two months late from a major retailer seems like a big enough change to warrant cancellation.
I’d be livid too.
Anon
I suspect it’s real, because that has been the experience of everyone I know who ordered from West Elm.
You basically have two options now: (1) cancel the order and find furniture you like from somewhere else or (2) wait it out. You can call and complain to a customer service agent, but there are not going to be able to fix it. West Elm is just terrible about keeping stuff in stock and projecting availability. (Or, as I believe, it’s intentional on their part. They would rather piss off customers, because many of them will just suck it up, instead of accurately projecting delivery dates, because many people would not place an order with them if the date was accurate.
Worry about yourself
I do not blame you for being annoyed! If I was dealing with this, I’d call customer service to at least get an explanation of what’s going on, and see if I can get any kind of compensation or partial refund. That’s an awfully long time to wait for a delivery, especially when you expected to have it nowish.
Anonymous
thanks for posting. it is a good warning about ordering from West Elm.
Anon
The local delivery place will call you to schedule large pieces. The rest will come through regular delivery (even if it says it won’t). They literally left my furniture in huge boxes on the front porch.
smiley
+1 to calling and telling an actual human that you want to cancel your order. I’ve ordered from West Elm twice, and each time had a similarly horrific customer service experience. Multiple unexplained delays with no notice, claiming the item had gone permanently out of stock before magically reappearing again, the item being listed as “shipped” for 4 days with no change in status (turned out it had not actually shipped), etc. Both times the only thing that worked was to call to cancel the order – then things finally got sorted and the items miraculously turned up within 10 days. Their F book page used to be littered with comments from people with similar experiences.
Awesome dress
For those inclined, I bought this dress a few months ago and it’s a workhorse! comfortable and washes well. i do wish it was a little longer- it for those 5’6 and under is should be good.
Amazon Brand – Lark & Ro Women’s Cap Sleeve Faux Wrap Sheath Dress
Exit Interview
I work as a freelancer and was recently fired from a position due to something outside of my control (friends in my field whom I’ve talked with called me “collateral damage” to a bigger problem with the company). Now, I am required to have an exit interview with my supervisor’s supervisor.
I want to salvage my reputation and I know nothing will get me the job back, I’m also not sure if there are other future opportunities there. However, I got really unfairly treated here. How do I handle the exit interview? I don’t want to pretend like everything is roses because I don’t want the same problems there again and I hate feeling like I didn’t stick up for myself after being mistreated. However, I don’t want to get worked up about something I cannot change or have my response somehow make the person feel as if maybe they were glad they let me go or something.
Recommendations? Anecdotes? Guidance? Scripts? Snacks? Flowers? (worth a shot during this mess, no? lol)
Anon
“Now, I am required to have an exit interview with my supervisor’s supervisor.”
No, you’re not. I mean, unless there’s something weird in your contract, if they fired you, they can’t demand that you do an exit interview. No good will come of it for you – if they fired you as collateral damage, they aren’t the type of company who will do anything useful with information you give them.
I would just send an email and say, “Given the circumstances, the exit interview is not appropriate.”
Anonymous
You can decline, unless it’s in your contract or something. Just tell them you’re unavailable/focusing on current/future projects (you’re sorry it didn’t work out wish them the best). If you must, go and just say vague polite things or benignly agree this particular project wasn’t the right fit at this time. You are definitely under no obligation to provide them any information, especially if you might be perceived poorly as a result.
Keep in mind, If they really wanted your help you would still work for them. What reflects best on you is being professional and leaving quietly is basically the only way to maintain that.
Anon
Maybe the exit interview is for your supervisor’s supervisor to get your side of the story. The decision has already been made (presumably by supervisor), but the higher up wants to hear from you before you leave.
I’d suggest that you write out a script and rehearse it to get the tone right, and go in for the meeting to clear your name.
“I’m happy to provide my view of the situation. I’d like to make it clear that I am in no way responsible for what happened. While I accept your decision to let me go, and I hold no resentment, I do think that this was a misguided decision on your part which unfairly made me responsible for things I have no control over. Regardless, I wish you the best and if there is anything I can help with related to the transition or training of the new persons, you may reach out to me at …email.”
Dating versus Playing
Earlier this week, I went on my first great first date in years and we ended up back at his place. Making out happened, more could have but I pumped the breaks. We’ve been texting since and articulated that we both enjoyed it and want to see each other again. I’m not currently sure whether this has relationship potential or is just play potential. If it has relationship potential, I think I’d rather wait to engage more physically until I’ve gotten to know him better. If it is just play potential, I think I’d rather just play because whoo doggy was there chemistry.
Our dating profiles both said we are looking for relationships and in between moments of making out he was kissing my forehead and being snuggly, which I tend to interpret as more than just interested in physicality. I’m not sure how to gain clarity without it seeming as if I am trying to define the relationship way too soon. Is this just a wait and see sort of thing? (I haven’t dated much in the past few years and he and I are both never married, no kids, in our mid to late 30s.)
Anonymous
You had one date, there is no relationship yet. Try another date and see how it goes.
Ellen
Yes, be careful, b/c he sounds like he is doing what he knows you want him to do. That means that he will forego $ex for a while to make sure you are hooked, like a fish, before he puts his hook into you, and if you are both on the same page, fine, but if not, he will wind up getting alot of great $ex before he just disappears. That has been my expereince with men, and after they get everything they want from you and your body for a while, they just move on b/c they really are NOT interested in a relationship (even tho they claimed to be), and you have given them everything $exueal in the bedroom for a while, so it is time for them to move on, and they do, and you have been fooled, leaving you with nothing but dirty laundry. FOOEY! If I had $10 for every guy who has gotten me to do everything over the course of 2 months (after about a month of abstinence), I could take my whole family out to a great steak dinner! DOUBEL FOOEY on that!
Anon
There is no way to know how it is going to play out. Even if you asked (which I don’t advise), he could lie or change his mind. Sleep with him if you want to, not based on how some future relationship may or may not play out.
Anon
If you’re both looking for a relationship, I’d approach it like this could be a relationship – good significant others don’t come along every day!
Anonymous
Agree. I’d signal relationship by slowing things down a bit, which should elicit some return signalling.
Anon
Slow the heck down, you had one date.
Anon
Ah shut up. She’s exited about someone she’s kinda smitten with. Given the crap we have to wade through on here, I’m happy to read this.
For me, OP, I’d say bang him. I …. did not wait long…. to do so with my husband of now almost 20 years. (Third date, but I counted a 15 minute coffee meeting as a “date” in my mad lust.)
Anon
If you want a relationship and he hasn’t expressly told you that he wants to keep it casual, I would proceed as if you are headed towards a relationship.
Nesta
Be physical if you want to, don’t if you don’t, but either way, don’t base your decision on whether this guy is going to be your next boyfriend or not. It’s impossible to know if things will get serious or not until it actually happens.
Also, I highly recommend reading The Rules.
Anon
OMG you have to use words and actually ask him, there isn’t some secret code you can figure out through his physical actions.
But also waiting just because you want a relationship is weird.
Anon
Help me shop!! I’ve been buried at work and neglected to find a dress for an upcoming black tie optional wedding in DC in three weeks. I’m taking the “optional” route (this is the third of three wedding weekends in a row, plus a variety of factors including venue and timing lead me to believe it’s not full black tie) so I’m thinking either a simple long gown (not bridesmaids-y and no sequins) or a dressier midi, not in the maroon/wine color because that’s the bridesmaid color. Anyone seen anything good out there?! Trying to keep this under $200 or $250 if possible.
Here’s one I just ordered- https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/eliza-j-floral-lace-fit-flare-dress-regular-petite/5282960?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=plum
Anonymous
Assume it’s moving towards a relationship
Anon
I’ve transitioned to an in house position (fin tech start up) after a few years of traditional law firm work. After a few months, I’ve gathered that the dress code is “basically not PJs.” It’s a company that was started after a few successful entrepreneurs found a niche to design a new product, so yes, it’s a “start up” started by people who have been in the data and analytics field for years. I say this because while the people aren’t wearing what I (as someone who worked in trad. legal work) assumed people at a tech start up wears, but it’s basically jeans and golf polos every day. A couple of the young engineers will show more style, like maroon colored chinos or shorts with chukka boots. The team is also 80% men (can decompress that another time). I moved from a mid sized city to a large city, so more “fashion-y” things are probably the norm. I’m kind of at a loss of where to shop for clothes or what to buy. I don’t want to wear my suits everyday, I’ll save those for important client meetings. But I also want to show more personality than just Sloan pants, white cotton button or colored shell, and loafers. How does someone who is in house dress in a daily business casual environment while still exerting that they are the attorney on board…but while also not looking “stiff”…?
Anon
Rant: I am over certain people in my life being flaky about plans. Here’s what happens. They reach out and convey interest in getting together. I suggest specific dates and times. The person then does not follow through, lets the text chain die, or says they can make a certain date only to cancel the day of. Then they reach out again a month later apologizing and saying they want to get together, it’s been so long, when can we get together?! I’m like, did I miss something? It’s like I’m being gaslit. But I feel bad b/c they seem to really want to get together, so I suggest dates… and then it happens again.
I’m over it!