What Is Your Level of Comfort With Mess?
Readers have had a number of conversations about household chores, spousal duties, and general tolerance for disorganization, so let's discuss — what is YOUR level of comfort with mess?
Do you pride yourself on your neat-freak skills… or do you pride yourself on your ability to overlook dirty dishes? Is this something you argue about with your partner or roommate? Has it evolved over time? Have you heard and put into practice any game-changing tips for keeping an organized, clean home or desk?
As I've written before, I tend to be comfortable with a fairly high level of disorganization/mess. I TRY to take the opportunity when our biweekly cleaning service comes to organize while clearing things away, but, well, best-laid plans. My messy desk always has a number of papers piled on top of it, my bedroom has clothes draped over the armchair, and one of my super powers is my ability to walk past a sink full of dirty dishes.
(When I was single, I often knew it was time to do the dishes because all four of my cups were sitting dirty in the sink, meaning I'd have no clean cup for the next day.) If there were 10 levels of comfort with mess, I would argue they should be broken into different domains (laundry / dishes / papers / etc) but still find I fall somewhere between 4-6 on almost all of those domains. So: I'm pretty messy, but not hoarder level. Fortunately, on the places where I find myself at a 4, my husband is at a 6 — and vice versa — so is almost always the first person to be bugged by dirty dishes, I am almost always the first person to be bugged by piles of laundry (clean or dirty).
{related: how to clean when you're too busy to clean}
I will say, though, that something I learn as I grow is that if you can't limit the mess to one area, it's good to try to have “views” in your home that are not messy. For example, we have a large credenza/sideboard that was constantly a pile of toys, papers, and other “to organize later” items — we recently cleaned it off and I put frames, candles, and other little meaningful things to us.
My mother has called these types of things “dustcatchers” my entire life, but “claiming” the top of the credenza for a slightly organized, styled look means that it is no longer a huge mess and is even kind of pleasant to look at.
Psst: some of our favorite books on cleaning:
How about you guys — what is your level of comfort with mess? How often do you clean or organize your home or office? If you live with others, who does what in terms of household chores? (Does anyone take that fantastic piece of advice to clear your desk before you leave each day so you can come in to a clean office? I've known exactly one person who's done that and his office always looked amazing.)
{related: ways to spring clean your office}
Stock photo via Deposit Photos / brebca.
I can tolerate a lot of paper and non perishable things piled up, but not smells, spills, rotting anything (referring to food here). My dining table is perennially a disaster as it’s the catch all. I do not casually shop for household items unless I need to replace a worn out thing, or just do not have an item I need. I do like to craft and create so supplies for hobbies are something I have to manage ruthlessly. While I’m ‘messy’, I don’t believe I’m a hoarder.
I do let dishes pile up in the sink and then I deal with that pile every 2-3 days.
I’m not good at organizing and most of my efforts devolve back into natural unsorted state over time.
Not a fan of most mass produced decorative knick kacks, but I do enjoy candles and a few sentimental items.
Clean views is an excellent way to describe what I tend to shoot for.
I do have a room in the house that I just cannot manage to find the right time to clean out and get painted or otherwise into functional room order. I half jokingly refer to it as my emotional baggage room.
I keep (most of) my house in a state that I can be ready for company just about any time. This is a learned skill because I was pretty messy until about 3 years ago. I luckily had a cleaning person at that time, so the house was a base level clean. Then I started taking 15 mins per day to straighten up. When my timer went off, I’d stop whatever I was doing and go back to living my life. I was completely shocked at how much I could get done in 15 mins. I also adopted my best friend’s rule of “only touch it once.” So for mail, I’d immediately throw away junk mail instead of just putting the pile on the counter. For dirty dishes, I’d put them right in the dishwasher so I wouldn’t have to take them out of the sink again later.
I loved having neat surroundings so much and realized it took way less effort to just pay attention as I went along, so now I’ve adopted a daily and weekly cleaning routine (no cleaning person anymore) that doesn’t take more than 15 mins per day plus about an hour on the weekends. I also purged a ton of stuff. It is so much more relaxing to me to sit down on the couch when my surroundings are in order.
I also will say that things got a lot easier for me when I realized that I could create my own organization system that wasn’t too complicated. For example, I know that I’m not going to use a drawer divider with 15 different compartments with band aids in one, bobby pins in another, and so on. So I just got nice-looking bins to put in my closets and cabinets for stuff like that. I have an “extra toiletry” bin and a “hair bin” and a “first aid bin” that I just toss all of that type of item into. They’re small enough that it doesn’t take a ton of effort to find something, but large enough to accommodate stuff instead of keeping it strewn around.
+1 to “touch it once.”
I would go absolutely batty in Kat’s house. Both my husband and I are levels 1 to maaaaaybe 3 if we’re super tired or running late (assuming 1 = very low tolerance for mess). I think the most important thing is that you and your partner are on the same page…
I have three kids and a messy husband so my house is never as clean as I would like it to be. I also do not use a cleaning service. But every evening, I make sure downstairs is picked up and every Saturday we all help clean the whole house. The kids have to pick up their rooms, do laundry, pick up the loft, and clean their bathroom. They have to help sweep and mop downstairs. Our downstairs can be company ready in 5-10 minutes. I always do dishes right after we eat and actually do whatever I can as I cook. I never leave dishes in the sink overnight. The one area that gets messy is our kitchen bar. Mail and school paperwork gets piled up there and it takes forever for one of us to deal with it. Clutter and general mess really stress me out so I try to stay on top of it. My husband knows this about me and will sometimes surprise me on his day off by cleaning the whole house. It is the best expression of love for me haha!
My mess threshold is super low. I work nearly completely electronically, so my desk is clear of papers and my shelves have just a few binders and redwells. Same at home – nothing is really left out – everything has its place. I have very little stuff and live in a 1 bedroom condo, so that makes it easier. I live with my husband and he is the same way.
The entryway used to bug me, but we got a nice hall tree and baskets to put our briefcases and gym bags in, and little felt valets for our keys/wallet/phone/key cards.
I honestly think I am a bit compulsive about organization and neatness though. I can’t stand things like a throw on the couch that is not folded into a square or toiletries left out on the bathroom counter, and do weird things like organize all my tops and dresses by sleeve length and color, and unnecessarily label things with my label maker.
I’m the same way! Except that sadly my work is not all electronic so I do have a lot of paper to deal with at work, but I almost never have piles on my desk.
I’m a big slob, across nearly all domains but laundry. I try to keep the living room looking nice so I have one place to take guests but in every other room there tends to be a lot of stuff on tables and counters.
These are two different things for me- I actually like a bit of mess and things lying around but I really don’t like dirt. DH is the opposite- as long as it’s tidy and organized it could be pretty filthy. We still argue over this but between the two of us, the house stays fairly clean -and tidy! My work desk is a giant pile of papers (my computer filing system is pretty well organized though).
I have to much work to be very neat at work, and at home, I also carry back alot of work, but at home, I have the cleaneing lady come in and she tiedies up everthing into nice piles for me, and sorts my magazines alphabetically so that I can find them when I need to refer to them.
I saw Gwenneth Paltrow on the Today show this morning and she said that some men can be “d*cks”, and Savannah was mortified that she said this on the air, so Gwenneth apologized to all America for that! Can you imagine that word being a bad word? My first boyfreind in college was named D*ick, so I don’t know why it was a probelem. What does the HIVE think?
Also, she looked great and told us she got married again! I have to get a Brazilian Blowout with Keratin so that my hair can look as good as her. Kat, can you poll the hive and ask them how many got Brazilian blowouts and did they like it?
Right now with all of the humididty, my hair is kind of frizzey, and that is NOT what Dad thinks attracts men interested in marrage. So he told me to get this done this weekend, and I am going with Rosa to get it done in Weschester on Saturday. YAY!!
This is us too! Stuff is okay for me but dirt is not, and my spouse is the opposite. Sadly, both are just fine to our kids.
Same, my husband describes me as the “messiest clean person”. I have laundry laying around, but I’ll meticulously clean floors, counters, the bathroom, etc. I hate dirt, but the “mess” does accumulate. I’d love to be super neat, but after 30 years of feeling bad about ADD impacting my life I’m kind of just trying to cut myself some slack.
Agreed, there’s mess, and there’s filth. I can’t stand mess, clutter, etc. I have to have visual serenity. That said, I can’t see the splatter on the stove unless I get right close up, same goes for pieces of leaf on the floor, so I can tolerate 70%-clean. I tidy every day if not a couple of times/day, I scrub something 1-2 times/week.
FWIW, I’m also a visual thinker, so for me what I can see is a reflection of/supports my capacity to think.
Pretty messy, here. I am a 4-6. My husband is a 6-8. Each of us has a parent who collects too many things. I tend to pile books and collect things (notepads, hair ties, errant socks, magazines) in reusable cloth grocery bags. But then I purge several times per year with great book donations, clothing donations, garbage days.
I have a cleaning service that keeps everything sanitary. But we still clutter everything up before and after the service. We are both lawyers and sometimes get so busy with work that much of the food in the fridge goes off and must be tossed.
My husband can let things get so bad that the cat starts protesting.
But my desk at work is neat. My drawers and files are organized. I make my bed every day. I kind of obsessively clean my yoga/exercise room. We use a laundry service and dry cleaning for clothes. The dishwasher is run regularly. We would just not pass muster with a lot of people. So we entertain outside of the home. Our city has a lot of great restaurants.
I am very intolerant of mess. I have four kids, including a baby, a deployed husband and no help (sitters or cleaners) but I never leave dishes in the sink, nor anything left out on counters in the kitchen or baths (and never do regardless of life circumstances). The family room is picked up every night. The kids have free reign on the basement and that gets totally reorganized about every two weeks but otherwise is a mess of forts and magnatiles. There is usually a small pile of shoes (maybe four?) in the front vestibule, and a few returns and action items on my small desk in the Butler’s Pantry. Floors are swept every night, surfaces wiped. My weakness is dust. We have forced air heating and I find the dust bunnies in a few rooms get out of hand. I also ignore the two feet high finger prints for a few weeks at a time.
I hate mess- it makes my stress levels sky rocket. Every night I tidy up, do a load of dishes and generally clean up. I have 2 small kids and a messy husband in a small house. I work from home so I do take care of things when there are lulls (I love folding laundry during one particularly droll meeting I have to call into every morning).
I leave the deep bathroom cleans to a twice a month cleaning service. And then every few weeks when we have people over, I stuff all clutter into a couple of Trader Joe’s bags that I then organize or trash during the week after… which always leaves things a lot less messy.