Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Corner-Office Dress in Viscose Canvas
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Belted dresses can look a bit out-of-date to my eye, but this silhouette from J.Crew manages to look delightfully modern. (And the belt is fully removable if you’re still not into it!) I really like the seam details and the midi length. Cap sleeves can be controversial, but I think these are long enough that they would work for me.
Pair this with some great shoes and you’ve got a perfect business casual look for spring.
The dress is $228 at J.Crew and comes in sizes XXS-4X. It also comes in “electric red” and ivory.
Sales of note for 4/24/25:
- Nordstrom – 7,710 new markdowns for women!
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event: 30% off your entire purchase, including 100s of new arrivals
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
- Boden – 25% off everything (ends 4/27) (a rare sale!)
- The Fold – Up to 25% off
- Eloquii – Spring Clearance: Up to 75% off + extra 50-60% off sale
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Up to 60% off sale styles + up to 50% off summer-ready styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 50% off clearance + extra 15% off $100 + extra 20% off $125
- Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
- M.M.LaFleur – 3 pieces for $198. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Friends & Family Event: 30% off entire purchase, includes markdowns
I ran 3 miles yesterday in my hilly neighborhood. I have not run in months. My calves and legs hurt so bad I am visibly limping. (I do not think i tore anything – i think it is just soreness) Any rapid relief suggestions?
1. Hydrate, more than you think you need to.
2. Go for a walk and stretch. The best massage is gentle blood flow.
Ibuprofen, to reduce muscle inflammation.
Take a bath with epsom salts (Dr Teal lavender a personal fave)
100% this. Warm bath up to your neck with Epsom salt first dissolved in boiling water and added to the bath water.
I enjoy running but hadn’t run in a week. I ran for 45min instead of an hour. Had there been a hill I would have been walking up the hill and running down. I lose my fitness very quickly if I don’t work out consistently. It takes months to get it back, for me at least.
Use a heat pad to keep your muscles warm. If you have a massage scraper, use that to help get the lactic acid out of the muscle. I got mine on Amazon and it’s been amazing. I no longer go for massages and do it myself.
A heating pad will probably help with comfort. Ice it also if there is swelling or if it just feels good. You can do about ten to fifteen minutes of each, alternating hours.
Hydrate, ibuprofen, stretching if you can.
Eat a banana, drink something with added electrolytes, take a magnesium supplement, and finish a shower by going back and forth between hot and cold water a few times (end with cold).
Any recent clothing finds? I finally found work pants after being stuck in skinny pants purgatory (as a short person, wider pants are harder to style.)
https://factory.jcrew.com/m/womens/categories/clothing/pants/flare/kelsey-flare-pant/MF590?display=standard&fit=Classic&color_name=black&colorProductCode=BG357
https://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=761469012&vid=1&tid=brpl005689&kwid=1&ap=7&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD_AT8tH8CraPDVWNPeyRIP9MQ6dZ&gclid=Cj0KCQjwy46_BhDOARIsAIvmcwOqMrl69gM3uiQzdFJYIpvv2boEXlMfPqJF-RGgW-LPGWcCX9e39A8aAhkIEALw_wcB#pdp-page-content
https://spanx.com/products/spanxsupersmooth-perfectfit-ponte-kick-flare-pant?variant=48675349692627&entry=search&queryID=89b5b4c3818e5ed83f4c0f4100219d81
Recently bought this in the navy and am excited to wear it this spring!
https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=664105012&vid=1&searchText=polo%20sweater#pdp-page-content
Anyone have dual Italian citizenship, are in the process of pursuing it, or plan to move there?
Also curious to hear if you’re an expat in other countries or pursuing citizenship elsewhere.
Currently pursuing dual citizenship.
There isn’t much downside, aside from the investment of time to gather all the documentation. No need to pay taxes unless I live or work there. All volunteer military, so no worries about my kids being drafted.
I moved to the UK for my PhD and stayed on, getting married, which granted me UK citizenship. My parents have moved to Portugal and have permanent residency, they’d go for citizenship but the language requirement is really difficult.
I left long before all this, but am grateful everyday for being in the UK now, despite it’s dysfunctions.
I moved to Canada. No longer an expat because I renounced my US citizenship.
Even though Canada is so close/similar to the States, the actual immigration process was surprisingly stressful and complicated. I did the student -> work visa -> PR -> citizen route, all while I was young and starting out. The $$$$ for all the government fees really added up at that time in my life. Also, things were more different than I expected, although a lot of that was moving from a small town to the big city.
If I had to do it all over again, I would have gone farther than Canada lol.
I’m interested to hear your thought process on renouncing U.S. citizenship. Since I have to travel back and forth between Canada and the U.S. for family reasons, I’ve decided not to renounce, for now, because I don’t want to risk not being automatically admissible (and this was before the recent cases where people were detained rather than just immediately put on a plane to return home). Obviously the burdens of tax filing and FinCEN reporting are a pain. Do you not have family or other ties to the States? Are you OK with the risk that you might present yourself at the border and be denied entry?
I do have family in the States, although I am not very close with them. During COVID I went over 3 years without seeing them, although I had the “right” to go whenever I wanted. After renouncing I went uneventfully to the States on various occasions, albeit not since January. I have Nexus, so the border interactions are very brief.
In terms of thought process: I’m 100% Canadian and would never move back, not for elder care, not if my sister became disabled, not for a job, etc. I would bring them here to me if needed. Part of renouncing was making that clear to them that I was never, ever, ever coming back and to plan their lives accordingly.
There was also non-distinct “not my monkeys, not my circus” mind set, where I wanted to be able to more peacefully co-exist with the world news. Now it is “them” issue, not an us/me problem.
And yes – I didn’t like the way that America kept intruding on my life in terms of reporting obligations, implications on how I structure my Canadian financial life, etc. Doing two tax returns for another 50+ years did not seem appealing, even if I never owed a cent to the States.
I was born in London but entirely raised in the US. I never planned on leaving the US, but I’m in the process of getting my British passport, and British passports for my kids.
Adding, my kids are adults but qualify for UK citizenship by descent.
Investigating Ireland ancestral citizenship as well as a possible move to Norway~we have family in both places. It is a ton of paperwork to assemble.
We are thru my husbands family. The biggest headache is the non Italian ancestry spouse must past an intermediate Italian language test. You get an EU passport and can live elsewhere other than Italy.
Did the Italian descendant not have to past the Italian language test then?
The Italian descendants in my case my husband and child – do not have to pass the language test. The rationale is they have the Italian blood.
Of course! Thanks for sharing. I guess I better get back to studying my Italian.
Alas, my family’s been in the US since before the revolutionary war, so i have no hope of citizenship by descent anywhere, a career that won’t transfer to foreign jurisdictions (litigation attorney), and not enough money for countries with golden visas (that I would want to live in), so I’ll be here, doing my part to resist our slide into oligarchy.
I’m in pretty much the same boat. Keeping my eyes peeled for options, but I have yet to find anything achievable.
Same. I had a colleague actually be incredulous that I didn’t have a second passport, which I didn’t realize was becoming the new marker of elite status. Nothing I can do about the family I was born into, though!
Same here. Switzerland and various parts of the UK don’t want me back! And considering how bad I am at languages, I can understand why Switzerland doesn’t want me.
Has anyone taken the California attorney (one day) bar exam or another bar exam after years of practice? I’m about 10 years out of law school and it would be a boon to my practice to join the California bar. I know they screwed up the new version of the exam recently. I feel nervous just thinking about the test but will it really be that hard?
For those of you who live in warm, loving households, what are some of your daily routines or traditions that contribute to that? I want to rededicate my efforts after emerging from the newborn stage. A few things we do: always say thank you, go out of the way to buy someone a favorite treat, greet at the door with a smile, make an effort for holidays. I’d love to hear what works for others and see if there’s anything that sounds good for us! This is one of my top values and I want our baby to grow up in the household I didn’t have.
It’s hard when your baby is a newborn, but as cliché as it is, the biggest thing you can do is sit down for dinner together and really talk. We prioritize this as much as we can, even in the season we’re in of sports, etc. We do high/lows and have a firm no phone/tv/electronics policy. My family did this too and it really makes a difference.
+1 – I had a reminder of this last night. We’ve been feeding our toddler on his own pretty early in the evening because he has an early bedtime. We switched things up and ate dinner early with him as a family (including his big sister). He enjoyed it so much more than he typically does. He ate more, he was calmer, and he didn’t throw as much food on the ground. Eating as family helps.
+2. My kids are in college now, and I feel like one of my wins as a parent was to sit down to a homemade dinner together most nights. This took some planning – sitting on the weekend to figure out who would cook which nights, and when we needed something quick or in the crock pot, and then grocery shopping for the week. We weren’t a hug club sports family, so that didn’t interfere with dinner often, but if a kid had an activity that kept them away from dinner, I’d try to sit down and chat with them later when they ate.
I agree. I was going to say, “be present,” which speaks to the same thing. When your partner or child is talking, really listen to what they’re saying. Put the phone down. It’s so easy to sit on the couch and scroll together while the TV is running, but I feel so much more connected when we sit down to dinner or go for a walk together, etc.
We are empty nesters, and the phone struggle is real – this is a helpful reminder that I need to put that darn thing in another room.
Yes, definitely family dinner as much as you can swing it. When your kids are done, let them get up and go play while you linger with your spouse a few extra minutes.
Apologize when you mess up, to your kids and your spouse. And if the kids mess us, make sure the consequence fits the crime rather than giving scorched-earth punishments out of frustration.
Be intentional about connecting with your kids, but don’t run yourself ragged – they shouldn’t be the center of the family. You are a person and it is good for them to see you put yourself and your marriage first sometimes (Eg, read tons of books if you enjoy that, but don’t worry about playing pretend on the floor if you don’t enjoy that. Take some minutes to sit with your coffee or an activity you enjoy rather than jumping up to meet their every need, etc). And it’s okay to prioritize your spouse’s wants over your kids sometimes, once crucial needs are met. A strong marriage is such a comfort and gift to children.
+1 Eating together as a family is so important. Research shows all kinds of great outcomes for kids: better vocabularies, stronger ties to parents, less drug/alcohol abuse, etc. Even a bowl of cereal with a set table and a candle does the trick.
Yes. Even if you lower the bar, meal wise, it’s important to have that time together. And it doesn’t have to be dinner; do breakfast together if that works better!
Family dinner has been a mainstay for us ever since our kids were little. Recently, we had a crazy busy week where it was hard to make that happen. My 15-year-old was really put out by it! By Thursday, he was all WHEN ARE WE EATING TOGETHER AGAIN? AND EATING THE SAME THING? (Mind you, our schedule was insane because of some of his activities, but whatever, lol. I still consider it a win that he noticed.)
This. Having family dinner at least 4x/week (ideally more) is a huge deal for me. I shut down from 5ish-7ish and will get back on later if necessary. My teens know that they are the priority 80% of the time during those hours and I try really hard to reconnect with them on the weekends when I have a crazy work schedule.
physical affection (not just gardening!)
Lots of physical touch (cuddles in the morning, and on the sofa after dinner, kissing just because), and lots of affectionate words (thanking for little things and chores, yelling ILY across the house at random times and whenever one of us is leaving the house, giving compliments freely, using cute nicknames). During the week, DH brings us coffee in bed, I return the favor on weekends.
We have focused meals together, my son comes in for cuddles with both of us in the AM, and we read stories and snuggle at night. Good manners, lots of please and thank yous. I’d like to be better about greeting each other when we walk in – sometimes I’m in the MUST-MAKE-DINNER robot mode.
Family dinner and we each take turns saying the best thing and hardest thing in our day.
Never make perfection the goal. The kids want to experiment with putting all sorts of food coloring in the rice krispy treats? Works for me. Everybody is tired on the walk to the park? Lie in the grass! Your kid won’t let you put their gross fraying blankie in the wash? Nobody’s going to die.
This. Most things are temporary. An example is hair: I decided early on that whatever haircut my kids want, they can have. It grows back. Ex-husband was more conservative about this than me, feeling a lot of judgment around haircuts. I really don’t care.
Tattoos, I care about lol but my kids are too young for that and we’ve discussed it and I’ve modified my stance. But I try to think like that, what is temporary like a haircut and won’t matter in the long term and what is permanent like a tattoo and will matter and how do I want to instill my values around it?
I LOVE this question and you sound like a wonderful mom! We incorporate a lot of family traditions (holiday and otherwise) that do not need to revolve around expensive gifts. We eat dinner as a family. When my son was old enough to hold a sippy cup, we did a toast and involved him in a glass clink – he loved it, so we continued to include him. Now (at five yrs old), he proposes a toast almost every night. Bedtime routine is loving and DH and I trade off. One or both of us read to our son every day. We involve him in household chores and errands and have since he was old enough to walk (to the extent that he can effectively participate). Cooking together with our kiddo is especially enjoyable for us because we then enjoy eating what was a collective effort (instead of one person’s chore). Consistently choosing music over screen time is important as everyone engages with each other instead of zoning out. Big hugs whenever we great each other or part ways (work, school, etc.). When we do something nice for each other, we try to include our son. For example, DH often lets our son pick out flowers for me when they are getting groceries. Making little acts of kindness and connection routine makes a big difference.
I think some if it just having fun every day (not just on the weekends/on vacation), which can look different for different people. I have a 2.5YO.
– In terms of daily fun, I’ll take my son to swim after work, or we will bake special treats, or now that the weather is warm I’ll set up the water table out in our yard or bike him to a farther away playground after work.
– I try to make the mundane things fun and the whole family participates – my son helps me cook dinner and we play special music; we make games out of cleaning; we do scavenger hunts in the grocery store; we get pizza for dinner after we do our Costco runs.
– When he has screen time (he gets 1 show daily), we watch with him instead of doing something else.
– On nights we don’t eat dinner as a family (husband works long hours), we do a family walk (with flashlights in the winter and we periodically stop for ice cream in the summer).
– We read and listen to music together; we let our son pick the music a lot.
– We always say “I’m so happy to see you” when we come home / wake our son up / pick him up / etc.
– We have a fun diner we go to for a treat meal sometimes on the weekends.
– We spend a lot of time with family and friends, and invite them into our home so our son can see us modeling strong interpersonal relationships/being a good host.
– We cheers at the beginning of every meal.
Oh, and on this topic, I highly recommend the NYT opinion article “The Myth of Quality Time.” I think family dinner is often held up as the primary way to bond as a family and I think it’s not realistic to expect all your bonding to occur in a designated 30 minute time slot a day. We instead try to make sure we have lots of relaxed, relatively unstructured time to allow warm moments/bonding to happen naturally.
I LOVE that essay and think about it frequently, even years after I’ve read it. You can’t schedule/force quality time.
But I think the idea of regular family dinner actually proves the point. If you have 350 dinners a year, most will not be special. But over the course of the year, that quantity time will surely result in a good chunk of quality. You can’t have sporadic meals and expect them to elicit bonding – you need to make it a habit.
Yes and the fact that they’re regular with siblings when growing up makes the fancy ones – like Thanksgiving or other holidays in the dining room in 15 or 20 years when all the adult siblings return – it makes those dinners go smoothly, because there’s a precedent. Honestly even the family dinners where we fought and made fun of each other and sometimes got lectured brought us closer together as a family – the bad meals we recall with laughter, or the spills, or the inappropriate jokes that made our parents mad. I love family dinners and I know not every one can do them time wise or with kids with special needs but if you can, it helps
Read to your babies! Empty nester here, but this is 100% the best thing I did with my kids. We still quote from our family favorites regularly, at least weely, in conversations with each child.
What I wish I had done was find a family activity that we would do together-play tennis, ski, board games, something. My kids were all so busy with their own (different) sports and activities that, now, when we’re together as adults, we don’t have a go-to activity. We ski with one, I go to sporting events with a different kid, and I watch another sport on TV while texting a couple of them who are watching the same game, but it would be nice if we had an activity that we all do.
+1000 And continue reading to them far past the age when they can do it themselves. Don’t rush to chapter books – picture books often have more advanced vocabulary, as well as the beautiful pictures. A big stack of books can ease the transition from school back to home, be a balm for meltdowns in the witching hours, and is a lovely way to spend a weekend morning. We also like to read to our kids during snack time, or when they have lunch if we arent also eating.
Yes to this! We had family read-aloud time duntil my kid was well into middle school and it was great.
Also she and I did martial arts together for years and it was wonderful.
Things I wish I had more of growing up –
-Hugs. We were very much not a physically affectionate family. Very much into carrying babies around but then bam by age four or so it’s done unless the kid was crying or something and by age ten or so it’s really done. So hugs. Hug hello occasionally. Hug a kid when saying congrats or you’re proud of them. Pat them on the shoulder. Doesn’t matter if they’re six or sixteen. And show affection in your own marriage in front of the kid whether it’s hugs or holding hands or a kiss.
-Celebrations. We did family dinner every night and fine. But we never did anything special. I was so envious of the families that went all out for birthdays and Christmas and just because it was like Pi Day or Valentines or whatever. After probably age four or six, never had a birthday cake and my gift was always money. I even said I wanted a wrapped gift to open and it never happened as they’d be like oh we don’t know what you like, you never like anything, we’re giving you money you can buy what you want.
Money isn’t everything. It’s nice to have celebrations for any reason or no reason at all. Funny thing is now that they’re senior citizens my parents kind of wonder why we don’t celebrate their birthdays or their anniversaries as they see others throwing their parents milestone parties. Uh because we’re not that kind of household??
Did we grow up in the same home? Yes celebrate. I realize everyone is a busy working parent so no one is saying it has to be celebrations worthy of HGTV here. But grabbing grocery store balloons and a cake for every person’s birthday in the household. A heart shaped pizza or flowers or chocolates on valentines day. A pie on pi day. Eating outside in the summer a few times – doesn’t matter if you eat PBJ. I mean most parents go to the store many times a week anyway so none of these things is adding a ton of labor to an already busy schedule. But it’s just creating small traditions that will feel like a big deal to kids. They’ll remember them as something other than the ordinary daily family dinner. I’m a grown adult. We baked exactly three times growing up and yes I remember all three.
Totally – some of that “magic” can be added with very little effort. It doesn’t take much to add a drop of pink food dye to a bowl of oatmeal on Valentine’s Day.
Thanks so much, everyone. Loving the responses so far!
Make everyday life pleasant. Listen to music at dinnertime, in the car, and while doing chores. Eat dinner outside on the deck or patio when the weather is nice. Celebrate all the little holidays with themed meals or treats or even just printed paper napkins. Take the kids everywhere from an early age so they learn to behave and have fun doing errands or going to church or eating in restaurants. Don’t be so goal-oriented and focused on accomplishing a task or getting through dinner or bath time that you don’t bother to enjoy the process.
Dinner together not in front of the tv.
Just needing to vent again. My DD has had a m i g r a i n e every day since last Thursday except Sunday. She is missing more school than she is going to at this point and her neuro will not call me back! ARGH.
Can you take her to an urgent care/ER? I had a migraine for 3days in a row and the on call neuro at my doctor’s prescribed a short course of prednisone. I’d never done that before but it worked like a charm to reset the cycle.
She tried that the last time she had a 4-5 day headache. It did nothing. :(
I’m guessing you’re the poster from the other week– did you say she’s on Topamax? if so, just anecdotally, being on that gave me a daily low-level migraine and did nothing to help.
Same. Nurtec is the only thing I’ve found that helps.
I don’t get migraines generally but had one several years ago that would not go away for anything. The pain was so bad it was a struggle not to vomit at any moment. After about 2 weeks my PCP prescribed a shot – I think a steroid but am not sure – and heavy ibuprofen (I don’t remember the exact dose, but it was multiple prescription-strength pills at once for a few days straight). Together they broke the cycle and I have not had that experience since.
Hopefully your daughter can find some relief soon.
You can take her to the pediatric ER, if you live near one. Sometimes IV meds can help break the migraine.
Does anyone work in house for a large US company that is ultimately owned by a Chinese company? An opportunity has come my way that is otherwise interesting, but I have have some concerns about what it will mean for company culture, etc.
I wouldn’t for the exact reason you state.
Ugh, does anyone have experience with epigastric hernias? I have one, I’m booked for surgery, but I’m second guessing my decision. Obviously I’ve sought medical advice, but it wasn’t helpful. My family doctor was like “wait and see, who cares” and the surgeon said “it will need repair sooner or later, you are the youngest you’ll ever be, do it now.”
My concerns are mainly: it isn’t impacting my day to day life right now and the risk of recurrence is much higher than I would like. I’m extremely athletic/active and the recovery is scary. Maybe surgical approaches will be better in 5-10 years and nothing happens in the interim.
Thoughts?
What was it that caused you to escalate to seeing a surgeon, after your family doctor said it wasn’t a big deal? It sounds like you were very concerned at some level; does that concern still exist?
Honestly, I don’t like my family doctor and don’t think they are very good, but they are who I have and I feel lucky to have anyone. (I’m in Canada.) I was encouraged to see a specialist by my sports coach, who has another athlete with the same condition.
Also, I just like…see it?…every day when I take off my shirt, so I’m constantly being reminded that some part of my body is sticking out. I don’t care about the visual, but it’s a weird mental feeling.
Given what I’ve heard about the waiting times in Cananda for health procedures, seems like a good idea to get it done while you can.
I tend to be pretty conservative in my approach to elective surgery, but in this case, I would do it. Not only can you see it, but if it were to cause problems, the surgery would be done as an emergency and would likely be more extensive and have a rougher recovery.
My husband had an inguinal hernia at 39, which is a bit different, but he got the same response from his PCP. He got tired of having tissue poke out of his lower stomach and had it repaired. Between when it was diagnosed and when it was fixed it got worse and while the surgery was not something he took lightly, it’s now 2 years later and he looks back and says “i didn’t realize how bad it got until it was gone and i wasn’t in low key pain all the time.”
I had a sort of similar surgery because I was over having the condition. My surgery was similar to a hernia surgery in that it will likely fail and I’ll need surgery again, but I went from being in my 30’s to feeling like I was in my 80’s. Now I feel young and functional again. So I’d probably assess how much it impact you and how much you care. Online support groups had a lot of good info for my condition and the pros and cons of surgery. You can likely do PT to help you learn how to regular your intraabdominal pressure, which I’d look into whether or not you plan to get surgery.
I just want to make an appointment for a doctor without being texted a link to tons of forms to fill out with my thumbs. For me. For two kids. Make it stop.
Also stabby at every place I need parking at in my city to have its own glitchy app.
Ain’t nothing easy any more. Can we EMR and park in any more possible complicated way?
Preach. Everything in life does not need an app. Most things in life, in fact, do not need an app.
Yup. It is exhausting.
Especially a single purpose app. I have gone to exactly one baseball game in the last 5 years but it required an app. My kids summer camps each have different photo and tipping app – that’s 4 total that I had to download. My doctor and my kids doctor all require different apps. My kids’ school communicated through an app. So does my parking garage … it’s exhausting! What do older people do?!?
Older people have daughters.
oof. true.
If they’re anything like my parents, they don’t leave their rural area unattended because it’s too much for them to handle! While I certainly wish my parents cared more about being tech savvy, some of this stuff has just gone way too far. I shouldn’t need my phone to perform basic life functions.
Yes. I feel like an old curmudgeon but I am SO tired of “download our app!”
No! Stop! Apps for parking. An app for each airline. App for every ticket vendor.
My car has an app. Restaurant apps. Ski lift ticket app. An app for the work conference I attended last month (but that one was actually useful I hate to admit).
I. Know. It drives me insane! I also don’t need 47,000 text reminders about my appointment time that require an affirmative response from me.
If you assume we live to 100, maybe 20% of patients are children, and this creates a burden on parents. I get new patient forms but it seem to be reconfirming everything for every appointment.
And I have aging parents who are moderate to not at all tech capable (dad just has a home phone; too much arthritis for the aging iPhone). And that’s just my side. Husband manages himself and his parents.
I don’t see how it’s not a huge barrier to routine care. Let alone anything urgent or complex.
I could not agree more. I JUST WANT TO ORDER A SANDWICH. I do not need an app.
Daughter joined a new volleyball team. Everything, schedule-wise, is supposed to be on yet another new app. It’s 50/50 whether the coaches actually enter said information in the app, but we gotta have the app. Can’t you just email me and call it a day?
Oh, and the app redirects to another webpage, which goes by another name, is filled with loads of information that is not at all relevant to my kid’s team, and dammit, I just want to know when my kid needs to be there.
Cannot wait to delete Band and Remind and GroupMe from my phone. Younger kid is in high school and each semester it is something new with separate things for parents and kids and sometimes also emails and text chains. Like each time officers change, they want to go in a new tech direction. Stop it.
YES. Remind is the bane of my existence. My kid is getting different information than I am, and it causes a whole lot of confusion. He can’t drive yet, so yes, I do sorta need to know what’s going on.
Huh, I far prefer it to sitting for ages in a waiting room with a clip board. It’s way more efficient and I find it preferable.
The thing that annoys me is you have to do it multiple times! Like first it’s the app form, and then you get asked the same questions by the nurse (if you’re lucky and aren’t handed a clipboard). I’d rather wait an extra 2 minutes for the nurse to look at my answers beforehand, vs. having to walk through it all twice…
Co-sign.
Yes!!!! I filled out the forms online, why are you handing me this clipboard??
I’d even be OK with online, where I have a decent screen and can type with all 10 fingers. But this is just a free female source of secretarial labor. EMRs were supposed to free us from this and it just made it all worse.
Yes, this! And then why is the information in the EMR wrong anyway? It feels like it must be some bizarre form of CYA.
What annoys me the most is that I have to take photos of the front and back of my insurance card with the app for every visit, but the information never makes it into my record and they bill the insurance company I had two years ago. I call and they tell me to email them photos of the card. They still don’t update the insurance information or submit the claim to the right company. Why do you bother with the technology if you are not going to actually use the information collected?
I was texted twice and then called the morning of the appointment to make sure I filled out the online forms because the pedi “is going paperless”. Ok, fine.
But then the nurse and the doc asked me the exact same series of questions about my 15 month old’s milestones. Like. why?!
Preach….
My ex husband uses the school app as a way to bully and humiliate me. CAN WE PLEASE USE EMAIL?!?
I spoke up to the school and they said he is not falling foul of the district policies but yes what he is doing is very unpleasant. Gee thanks. This is why abuse is happening. If the bully parent is not called out why would they stop? Why are the district not standing up to him? Do I not matter as the other parent of the child they are educating? They state they need me to go get a court order. In the meantime switching the class to email would prevent him from being able to abuse me. However, no they must use the darn app.
My sister went through this and she DID get a court order (a restraining order) that prevented him from messaging her through anything but a court-specified app that could be monitored by the court social worker. So, they might both be on the school app, but he was prohibited from communicating with her on it.
He got the teacher to communicate with the whole class. Technically speaking it wasn’t him communicating but the teacher.
He has a history of abuse through 3rd parties including but not limited to therapists who don’t see through him, using private detectives hired by a third party who then gave him the evidence and staying in a hotel opposite my apartment where his room overlooked my apartment. I caught him with binoculars. Its exhausting and I am done.
My new Bosch dishwasher requires using an app to access some of the features.
Noooooo. The appliances can’t have apps also.
This is BS!
Amen, sister.
My 80 year old mother went to a sports medicine clinic for a knee problem. They had no paper forms, none, just handed her an ipad. I listened to the instructions with half an ear, “times out quickly…black circle upper corner…” and thought “this is going to be a holy disaster.” It was. The stupid thing timed out three times on my mom because it determined she wasn’t typing quickly enough. She didn’t understand that she needed to load another set of forms by clicking the back circle. Every non-athlete that was there (most of the waiting room) went back to the desk 900 times for help filling out the forms. If I were the receptionist, I’d have quit. She mentioned the ipads were the brain child of a new owner, who clearly had never met anyone outside of his 40 year old bros group (Elon, is that you?).
This could run afoul of the ADA. Maybe lodge a complaint with the state medical board?
Maybe? (How many doctor’s offices even have accessible waiting rooms or exam rooms, or can accommodate vasovagal response on blood draw, or can even accommodate short stature when taking blood pressure?)
None of that matters – stick to the issue in front of you. If they don’t have an intake form that an elderly person can fill out, then file a complaint and see where it goes.
I normally do everything requested of me, but I just stopped filling out the forms the pediatric dentist would send me before every visit that requested I type in all of the new patient information every time for each kid. They still saw my kids and in office I was just asked if anything changed.
I switched practices for other reasons (though asking parents to spend 15 minutes on unnecessary forms each visit was indicative of how the practice operated more generally) and it’s much better.
On apps, I dislike apps too. I don’t want my household appliances online. Any engineering time making my appliance smart would better be put on making my appliance reliable and long-lasting.
I just don’t fill out the forms and come in 15 minutes early. Sometimes I’ve gotten attitude, but usually it’s consequence free.
+1 I never fill out the forms in advance. Nobody has complained yet
What’s the calculus to determine if you should have something tailored or not? I’ve lost almost 70 lbs in the last year and I’m down several sizes. I have a range of workwear – JCrew blazers + pants, Boden blazers + dresses that are all way too big for me now. They’re classic pieces so theoretically I could wear them for a long time if they fit and are cared for.
I’m unsure which I should attempt to have tailored. Is it just taking them in and figuring out the cost of each, and comparing that cost to replacing the item new? Are certain materials or types of garments more amenable to tailoring than others?
I’m sorry to say that “down several sizes” and “way too big for me now” in tailored clothing is largely not going to be worth the time and effort of tailoring. It would basically involve taking the garment apart, cutting it down two or three sizes smaller, and then sewing it all back together. If the original garment of such quality that you could never replace it now, then I’d be more inclined to investigate.
+1 – this is more of a try to find similar items on poshmark vs. trying to tailor things.
Agree. For pants, never really workable other than waist darts for existing waist-hip disparity (or hemming).
For anything else: 10 pounds max or proportions will be too far off.
This. Tailoring is to make something your actual size fit perfectly not to reconstruct your wardrobe. You’re better off buying new and tailoring that to precision.
Several sizes = way too much for tailoring. Tailoring is great for when you’re between sizes or maybe up to one size, but it’s never going to look right if you’re taking away that much fabric.
sorry, that is way outside the realm of useful tailoring for anything. You’d essentially be making new garments from scratch out of the scraps of the old ones.
Thanks, all. I’m down several sizes (think 16 to 10) over the course of the year but some were bought mid-loss so maybe some are salvageable.
Le sigh. I’m trying to spend less money on clothing, a noble cause, but I also need to have clothes that fit! The blazers are what I’m most sad about.
I commented below, but blazers would be the most likely option you can keep. Tailoring will be expensive.
Think how much money you might have spent on health issues had you not lost the weight. Buy the clothes you need.
Echo the others—that’s too big of a change. Tailoring (even when just changing the length of a blazer sleeve) also can get expensive pretty fast. I use my Nordstrom benefits, which helps. Combing Poshmark or EBay is what I would do though.
On the flip side, I know someone who had a bunch of old navy dresses that were ok quality and got them tailored at a cheaper tailor/mom and pop store. She looked great even though these were cheaper clothes. Sometimes very simple shapes are easier to tailor and it might be worth it if it’s your favorite piece. I would also hold onto the pieces you like. It’s possible you might continue changing or end up somewhere in the middle. Just pack them away in the back of your closet.
It depends on how you carry your weight and whether you have extra skin you need to leave room for.
I carry my weight mostly in my tummy. For the most part, jackets will fit my shoulders over a large weight range, it’s just a matter of whether I can button the jacket. If your blazers still fit through the shoulders then you can maybe have the arms taken up and slimmed, perhaps taken in a bit through the waist, and call it a day. It’ll be $200+ but for me, an off the rack new blazer will require at least the sleeves to be taken up anyway.
Anything with a waist band will depend on how much room you need to leave. If pants fit you through the hips then it’s easy enough to take in the waist. But if they’re too big through the hips then you need new pants.
IMHO, beyond one or two dress sizes, there is no point in tailoring. At that point, you’re basically using fabric and a pattern, rather than making small modifications to an existing garment.
Usually, tailoring works for fit, not size. Some clothing that is fairly basic in its structure can be cut down. If you have some things that are of simple structure, decent quality, and you get a lot of use out of them, it wouldn’t hurt to have a tailor assess the feasibility of re-sizing them. Otherwise, go get your new self some new clothes. Or hunt up your favorites on Poshmark and the like in your new size.
With that big of a change they likely can’t be tailored all that well anyway.
I am in the same boat as you: down 70 lbs in the past year from a 16/18 to an 8/10. I had beautiful suits from “before” – TheFold, LK Bennett, Boss, etc. I had them tailored in the fall when I reached about a size 12, but they never quite fit right. Now that I’m closer to an 8/10, I have just started replacing them with smaller sizes. I hate spending the money, but am proud of all the hard work I’ve put in and need to dress for the way I am now. I am viewing it as an investment in myself. I’m wearing one of my new suits today and caught my profile in the mirror and thought, wow – I look great today! One note of caution: But be prepared to order multiple sizes if you are ordering online – I tried on 4 sizes of suit jackets until I found the right fit!
The biggest things will be linings and shoulders. Remaking a shoulder is really hard- you’re essentially rebuilding a garment at that point. Likewise linings double the complexity since you’re tailoring both the garment and the lining. I’d skip anything that looks out of fashion- say skinny pants, or anything that you never loved in the first place.
I’d try on your pile and any garments without a lining where the shoulders fit and the fabric looks nice still are probably worth considering tailoring.
Keep tailored items where the shoulders are all right. You can have it taken in at the waist and back if that’s necessary, but if you need something with a totally different shoulder width and armscythe that’s more difficult to alter.
Keep tailored trousers where a new waistband would make them wearable. It’s not that difficult to remove the waistband, shorten it, add some darts or pleats and then reattach the waistband.
Keep a-line, straight or pencil skirts with a back zip where new sideseams and deeper darts would make them fit. Side-zip is more difficult. Anything biascut will be difficult.
Keep woven fabric, ditch stretcy fabric and woven with a lot of elastane.
It you have a tailored dress you want to se if might work, you can tack or needle to get an idea. Put the dress inside out. Measure the waist circumference and compare to your current. With a difference of e.g. four inches, you’d want to remove three (keep some ease!). You can play with the placement and make darts and tack based on the waist change, make sloping triangles up to mid bust and downwards, you can take the darts further up on the back. Turn rightside out and try on. If the dress can be altered this way, you’ll get a feel for the look.
I graduated from law school in 2010 with a 2.5 GPA. I just didn’t understand how the law works, the rote memorization was difficult for me, and though I am a good writer I spent way too much time on the structure and flow of my written exam responses instead of including all of the relevant legal theories. Predictably, I failed the bar exam, and never retook it. I ended up in a career in state government that is stable, pays well and that I enjoy, where a law degree is a bonus but not a requirement. However, I have been in the same position for six years and I feel like my career has stalled. Lately I have been thinking about retaking the bar exam, because people always assume I am a member of the bar when they see that I have a JD (I never pose as an attorney or do legal work). Also the combination of my technical expertise in my area of state government as well as a license to practice law would open up more career opportunities for me. I don’t think I am any sharper than I was fifteen years ago, but I have more confidence in myself and probably less nerves about test-taking. I want to keep my full-time job, where work is kind of slow at the moment, and I have a kid that will be in preschool for another year. Are there tutors that help people like me prepare for the bar exam? Since I have been away from the law for so long, would it be possible for me to recall legal concepts without having to redo law school? (I don’t know if that’s an option, but in any case I don’t want to go back to law school.) Failing the bar exam has always been a monkey on my back and I would like to show DS (and myself) that I can do this if I try hard enough. I am being vulnerable here so please be kind.
Good for you for wanting to conquer this. Did you take a bar review course last time? If not, I would start with that. I did well in law school and was failing the essay parts of the bar exam until BarBri taught me how to write them — focus on keywords and forget about analysis and sentence structure. A bar course and some good outlines should also unearthed the legal basics that are in your brain.
Eh, I would hire a tutor – there’s a lot of them who work with people who failed and the schedule would be easier 1:1 while you’re working.
This. Also, sometimes bar prep classes have tutors available as a supplement to the bar prep materials, which gives the test-taker the benefits of both a bar prep class and a tutor.
This is great, and I’ll bet you’ll do much better next time. Availability of bar review courses varies a lot by state – Bar Bri is great in New York, and probably in many other Big Coastal States, but was terrible when I moved to the midwest and had to take the bar again in my new state. So try to talk to newer lawyers in your state to get the skinny on resources. I’m also terrible at rote memorization – I found making my own flash cards to be really helpful. I’d write them and practice with them, but then also recorded myself asking the questions and giving the answers a moment later, and listened to the recordings. The different work with the info really helped. Good luck!
If you think there is a chance you have any sort of learning issue (e.g., dyslexia, processing issues) that is contributing to test taking difficulties, I’d consider getting evaluated for it and special accommodations. But on your question, Barbri is the gold standard for bar exam test prep and teaches you how to take the test.
How much did you fail the bar exam by? What jurisdiction are you in?
If you failed it by a small margin, this probably wouldn’t be that bad. Confidence helps a lot, as does getting out of your own head and doing the bar essays the way that they are supposed to be done.
But if you’re bad at rote, you’re going to need to learn to be better at it.
Plus the bar has changed since 2010! Depending on what jurisdiction you’re in (I’m looking at you New York, and every other jurisdiction that adopted the UBE), the bar exam has gotten WAY EASIER since you took it.
Get it, girl.
I failed the bar the first time I took it. I like to say it was because I had just moved to a new jurisdiction that had a third day of testing focused solely on state law, but I probably didn’t do so hot on all the regular stuff as well. I found BarBri overwhelming and cried/panicked/cried most days.
For my second bar, I chose to take a state that was the uniform bar (is that what it’s called? where all states are the same. it was just coming out in 2016). I hired a bar tutor on WyzAnt who was great at coaching me to maintain a study schedule and at recommending resources. The most important thing is that, with her help, I changed my mindset from “OMG, I need to learn all the law” to “I need to practice enough multiple choice and essay questions to recognize the answers.” That’s the difference I feel like – BarBri is trying to teach you 3 years of law; my tutor was like, “Girlfriend, this is a standardized test – the questions might vary between Jimmy and Sally doing the tort, but you’re still going to see this attractive nuisance tort question – there’s only so many ways they can ask.”
I used an online practice resource for the multiple choice. I chose one that would analyze the questions you kept getting wrong and would give you more of those until you got it right. That was great because I was working and could sneak in 5 minutes of multiple choice between meetings.
For essays, there were booklets that had the most recent/frequent essays from the bar with a scoring rubric in the back of what you needed to include for max points/adequate points/low points. I realized that the essays, too, have a formula they follow, and I learned the formula and felt so much more confident.
For a couple subjects where I was really weak, I did buy the commercial flashcards.
Best of luck to you.
I graduated at the top of my law school class into the recession of 2009 and never took the bar exam. I was totally burned out from having a baby while working part-time and attending law school an hour’s drive from home, had a great job waiting that didn’t require and wasn’t going to pay for the bar exam, and had a spouse whose company was going through multiple rounds of layoffs. At the time I just couldn’t justify taking three months off without pay and spending thousands of dollars on a prep course and exam fees. I’m a little self-conscious about not having a license, mainly because I worry that people will assume I failed the bar exam, but I’ve never actually needed it and I’ve never thought it was worth the time and expense just to satisfy my ego. If a law license will truly advance your career I would go for it, but if not there are many better ways to invest your time and money.
Good for you for wanting to try again!
How do you learn? The way you study for the bar should be based in that method. I do not learn from watching lectures, so I did not watch the bar course lectures. I memorized the written material by reading and saying it out loud, then took as many practice tests as humanly possible until it felt second nature to me.
I think it’s totally possible to fail the bar and then pass, even after a break of many years, but I will say that I took a famously hard bar exam when studying was my full-time job and walked out feeling like I’d aced it and I took a famously easy bar exam while working full time and walked out absolutely convinced I failed. I did pass but it must have been by the skin of my teeth. I had basically nothing to say for several of the essays. Studying while working full time was at least 10 times more difficult for me – there’s just so much information to learn and you have so little time to properly study when you have a 40+ hour per week job. So I would be really hesitant to do that when you already know that taking this particular test doesn’t come easily to you.
I have no useful advice but want to say I also failed the first time I took it, as did several people in my 1L biglaw class (NYC). We all retook, passed, and have great careers almost 20 years later. Kudos to you for wanting to conquer it and I bet you can do it!!
This was a long time ago, but my MIL failed the bar, then had a kid and worked as a paralegal for 10 years before retaking and passing. She had a very successful legal career after that and is now retired and living the coastal grandma life. I don’t have any concrete advice but hope you are not being too hard on yourself. A ton of people have failed the bar and bounced back, and the failure is just a blip in their life. This internet stranger is rooting for you!
I got a secondhand Max Mara coat (the classic wool one with a belt). The quality is beautiful, but I feel like it’s a bit long on me. I’m 5″4 and it hit below the knee, and I feel like it should hit at or slightly above the knee, otherwise the fabric is a bit overwhelming. Is there a way to get it tailored, or will I be ruining a nice thing?
If you haven’t already, wear it for awhile (even if next winter), to see how you feel at the current length. It doesn’t necessarily sound too long to me. But it should be shortenable if you decide you want to do that – just be sure to get a good tailor.
The classic advice on coat length is that is should be slightly longer than your skirt. This is why there used to be opera coats that were floor length, to go over your gown. Obviously we don’t live like that (or at least I don’t), but I find longer coats more versatile than shorter ones. In general, belted coats look odd if the part above the belt and the part below the belt are the same length, so the belt is smack in the middle, visually. I’m also 5’4″, and like a coat to be anywhere from 4-8 inches below my knees.
I have a similar coat, and I am the same height and it’s the same length. I thought it was too long at first but now I’ve realized that it looks good still and it makes the coat warmer. It’s a little more difficult to manage but now I like the longer length.
If you’ve been to Hawaii-did you feel like it was worth the long plane ride? I’m on the east coast, so it would be a long flight to California then another long flight to Hawaii. The Caribbean or even Europe would be a much shorter flight, but spouse is trying to convince me that it’s worth us taking the trip with our teenagers.
Yes. It is an amazing place. I flew direct from Newark -/ maybe that is an option for you?
I live in CA and love Hawaii, have been more times than I can count, but no, it isn’t worth that kind of flight. A beach is a beach. The appeal of Hawaii is that it’s close to the west coast. From the east coast, I’d do one of your many other options in the Caribbean.
Yeah, if you’re east coast and want a tropical beach vacation there are plenty closer. I’d only take the trip to Hawaii if you were really excited about visiting the volcanoes, since that’s harder to find at other locales.
I disagree with this characterization of Hawaii. Hawaii is much, much more than just a beach.
Yeah, I feel like the whole point of Hawaii is that it’s so much more than a beach. If you just want a beach, the Caribbean is definitely easier. But the draw of Hawaii is the beach + everything else.
+1 I have been a lot of places and I think Hawaii is just magical and everybody should visit at least once if they can.
I haven’t been but want to. I guess it depends what you want out of your vacation. I want to hike (and/or take a helicopter tour of) the volcanoes and scuba dive. There aren’t many places in the world that you can do both of those things in the same trip, so that’s the big draw for me.
If you want to sit on a beach for a week then no I don’t personally think the trip is worth it. However, my mom went after her divorce and just sat on a beach the whole time and says it’s the best vacation she’d ever had. And she DESPISES air travel. So ymmv.
Yes, it’s worth it. It’s completely different than any other beach location I’ve been to. I would love to go back with my kids.
I’m curious to hear people’s thoughts as my husband and I have also had this debate (NYC based). I just don’t see how much MORE amazing a beach can be to justify a 12 hour plane ride vs. 4 to most of the Caribbean or even ~6 to the Azores/Costa Rica if we really want to do the whole hiking/volcanoes/rainforest thing.
I’d also recommend a high end travel planner to help you figure it out – we’ve worked with luxerecess.com and found them really helpful in terms of narrowing down options/suggesting good hotels for kids of various age ranges. Plus the reviews on their site are fun fantasy reading!
Yes. It’s completely different than the Caribbean.
worth it is a personal metric. i think it depends on where you go and what your plans are there. if you just go and sit at a resort, then yea, you can just go to the carribean
Yes a thousand percent. We are on the east coast and went to Hawaii on our honeymoon and will definitely go back. It remains my favorite vacation to date. (The next year we took a trip to Paris and Normandy and while I love France dearly, Hawaii still wins!) We actually flew out of NYC the day the airports opened after Superstorm Sandy and even with all that cluster it was STILL more than worth it. There is a particular ethos that was so peaceful, and so many different things to do, from visiting Pearl Harbor to eating fabulous sushi and everything in between.
Depends on what you want out of your vacation. I am east coast and went to Hawaii (Big Island and Kauai) several years ago. Loved it. So much more than just a beach vacation. The Big Island in particular has a tremendous variety of ecosystems and things to do. We did a bunch of hiking on unique and challenging trails with amazing views, we went to the observatory on Mauna Kea, went to Volcanoes National Park, went to the beach, snorkeled, went on truly incredible drives, went on a boat tour….
If you just want to lie on a pretty beach, there’s closer options. But if you’re interested in any thing else, I’d strongly consider it. I don’t know anyone who has been there and hasn’t loved it.
I’ve gone to Hawaii from the Midwest with small children. Absolutely worth it!
Hawaii is stunning. I love the food. We took our kids whale watching and it was a core memory for all of us!
If all you need is a quick beach getaway, then choose the closer options. But Hawaii is a destination worth traveling for.
If you just want to lie on a beach and sip fruity drinks, go to the Caribbean. If you want to do any non-beach stuff, Hawaii is many orders of magnitude better than the Caribbean. And I say that as someone who loves the Caribbean and goes all the time for quick beach breaks. But the nature and wildlife in Hawaii is on a different level.
Hawaii is gorgeous and I’m glad I’ve been and would love to go back to visit more islands someday, but for me it’s not worth the flight for less than two weeks (unless you have the $$ for business class). I addition to the long flight, the time change from East coast is tough.
I find the time change much harder than going to Europe, especially with young kids, even though it’s the same difference (6 hrs) from the east coast. I took a toddler there once and she woke up every day at 2:30-3 am for the entire 10 day trip and I never went back to Hawaii after that, lol. In Europe, jetlagged kids sleep in and stay up late, which is much better for my own internal clock, and we also get over jetlag faster due to not sleeping much on the redeye flight and going to bed early on the first night. The crazy early wake-ups are probably much less of an issue with teenagers! But I always feel the need to warn parents considering Hawaii about it.
First time poshmark or ebay user. How do I know I’m not getting duped? I’m not looking for designer luxe stuff but need to fill out my workwear a bit. I’m savvy enough to know how to generally protect myself but wondering if there are any tips seasoned shoppers might have to offer. I think the obvious answer is seller reviews. Any potential pitfalls to watch out for?
eBay has an authentication option if the seller opts in, better for luxury goods than poshmark. I’ve always found poshmark disappointing and impossible to filter.
Look for actual photos of the garment and not only the stock photos from the retailer.
Highly recommend you start with ebay and sellers who accept returns. Poshmark is fine for repeat items/duplicates of things you already like; nothing is returnable unless there’s been a big misrepresentation in the listing. You can end up with an item that seems ok in photos but the fabric is very different from how you thought, or there’s a faint weird smell, etc.
+1. I only buy items off Poshmark that I’ve tried on IRL in store, or already own in another color.
I sell on Poshmark a little bit. Mostly NWT stuff where I missed the return deadline or clothing my mom got for my kids that was the wrong size or not their style. When buying I don’t buy super high end stuff. Like no one is bothering to sell fake Boden or Reiss or Marmot.
Filter by NWT and look for items or variations on items that you own already. I’ll use it I have a favorite dress that I want to pick up in other colors. Only buy if the listing has actual pictures, not just stock pictures. If I’m lazy I’ll just use stock pictures for a NWT item but if someone asks for the post to be update with actual item pictures, I’ll do that.
heavy posh user here.
Posh is much stricter on returns. eg not allowed for fit unless misrepresented (tag is different than listed, measurements are way off, etc.). There is generally an expectation of offers, so many sellers price higher to account for that. If you like (heart) items, you’ll usually get sent an offer. Reviews only show up if they were a 5 star rating. So it’s better to look at the seller’s stats like average ship time, last active, etc. It’s free to list so there are a lot of people who post stuff & then leave the app.
should be obvious but keep it all on the app! ignore comments asking you to email, go to another s-te to confirm your purchase, etc. those are all scams.
you can find really great deals on workwear esp post-pandemic on posh. I usually buy brands I’m already familiar with due to the limited returns.
I use posh a ton too. I regularly search for items in brands I know my size, and sort my search by recently listed. I have kind of a list of brands I like to look for – I’d call them the contemporary nordstrom brands? Alice + Olivia, Veronica Beard, Theory, Frame, etc. and I click “like” on all the items that I like or might consider. I am okay with used, so I don’t filter for NWT. Then I go back through my likes, and look closer at the listings to see quality, size, etc. You need to look at measurements and photos of the actual item, because sometimes people use stock pics that are similar but not exact.
Sometimes you’ll automatically get an “offer” but it’s usually a small amount, like 10%. I offer significantly lower, and see who bites. It’s sometimes a numbers game – some folks will accept very low offers and others will not, but if they’re not into it, all they do is reject and I move on. I have a beautiful closet full of gorgeous blazers and silk blouses from the brands listed above, almost all bought on posh. I also use it for kids clothes, like our most recent purchases of new ski gear. Highly recommend!
Has anyone tried those peel off lip stains I keep seeing on my social media? Im intrigued because my lips are deathly pale and I never remember to reapply lipstick. But I also hate the feeling of dry lips and don’t think I look great in anything too dark. Just want my lips but better look and finding that the stuff that gives me that doesn’t last long.
I haven’t used those, but I have the Fenty beauty Poutsicle lip stain and I really, really like it. It stays well and doesn’t dry out my lips. I’m pale (as are my lips) and I use Mai Tai (pink).
The Loreal infallible lipgloss lasts forever. I have super pale lips, and Sangria has been my color for years. It looks dark in the tube, but you can build it up or down. Love it. It makes me look alive.
I use the Wonderskin one that you wipe off but don’t peel off. It’s like magic – you don’t look like you’re wearing anything but the color lasts all day. I assume it’s like what lip blushing is like.
The peel off ones are patchy, so I wouldn’t recommend based on reviews I’ve seen. But the wipe-off one is incredible.
Haven’t tried those, but I’m really liking the NYX Lip IV gloss stain. Goes on like a gloss, stays like a stain and doesn’t feel drying.
+1 for this one, I got it with coupons from CVS and am really liking it.
I love Maybelline Super Stay Matte Ink. This stuff will stay on all day, through meals and even a shower. When I go to dentists, the hygienists always ask about it. I have a few colors but the most muted one Iike is no. 15, “lover.”
For high school kids who are being told to show demonstrated interest in a specialized field like engineering, accounting, nursing, on their applications, outside of $$$ summer camps, how are they supposed to do that? My kids can get food service and amusement park summer jobs but internships at accounting firms (or even cleaning / office help jobs) are for kids already in college. Lifeguarding might be health care but I feel THISCLOSE to hiring a college counselor because I just have no clue.
Can the high school help with internships? Or can the kid start reaching out to folks for informational interviews via your network? They can also attend online lectures/webinars (especially for accounting – all of the Big 4 do loads of online webinars), do some coursera classes online during summer/breaks, take introductory EMT courses through the Red Cross/fire departments (for nursing) etc.
Volunteering or clubs at school can offer opportunities; or shadowing someone can be a way to discuss in applications how the student has explored their interests. The point is not to show expertise, but rather to show how they’ve asked questions, looked into their interests, etc.
Is there a specific field you are looking to help a kid get into?
I think the counter point to why this is recommended is to get kids early exposure and home in if they like different aspects of a job. I’m sure most people have an experience where they learned a side job gave them insight into not pursing that field (ex. kids who tutor who learn they do not like teaching).
For engineering, there are a lot of ways to spin summer jobs as engineering prep. My husband is a Mech. Engr. He worked in a hardware store and at a bike shop as mechanic for different summers in HS. Both experiences have served him pretty well for being considered hands on prep.
My husband went to college for mechanical engineering and worked at a toy store. He wrote his college admissions essay about it- his fave jobs were assembling the bikes and doing the lego displays :)
“I worked at Six Flags and learned that I can open a Roth now that I have earned income on a W-2. I did that and then read up on mutual funds and how they work. I read their financial statements. I read the footnotes to the financial statements. I talked to my friends to see what they were doing. They bought DogeCoin. I think accounting as a major will help me and let me help my friends understand a complex financial world.”
Engineering:
Math club
Science Olympiad
Physics Olympiad
AP courses
Nursing: volunteer if at all possible, or take a very low paying, grueling summer job.
The reason for “demonstrated interest” for things like engineering is that it’s hard and grueling. If you don’t want to be an engineer and you’re not a glutton for punishment, you won’t finish. If you aren’t familiar with high-level math and science, the workload will be a surprise.
Venture Scouts (co-ed) have First Aid posts/groups, as well as other areas that might mirror professional interests. I was certified in basic and advanced first aid and our group was the go-to initial resource for large events. Scouts of any gender have merit badges that can inform career interest – I started typing this about nursing, but it relates elsewhere.
Science Fair.
4-H is about way more than agriculture – they do robotics like First Lego League – which spans many ages and is a lot of fun. It’s easier to join a 4-H club than it is to start a First Lego League unless you have some sort of corporate sponsorship.
Toastmasters has teen groups – YNot had one in MD – that builds presentation and leadership skills AND has networking opportunities through the adults/mentors.
Both my kids were assistant coaches for rec league soccer. Lots of transferrable skills honed there. One was a paid ref for a season, and, given 1-2 parents, $35/game was not enough to persuade them to continue.
My older teen worked at our local grocery store during high school – his first week was all.corporate.training. and he learned a lot about what was expected of him professionally. Customer service, discretion, why people can’t buy cough syrup without showing ID… people learn All The Time – sometimes it’s knowing how those skills apply to future goals is what’s key. Oh, and that note about the Roth above – excellent.
Middle and High School after school clubs can help with this, and if your kid has a leadership role, that adds to it.
Working as a camp counsellor or junior counsellor in those fields. Our local university runs engineering summer camps for kids ages 6-15 and then hires high schoolers as junior counsellors to work with university students who are the camp counsellors.
There are also various engineering activity days throughout the year where high schoolers could be active as participants in the high school level programming or as volunteers assisting in the younger kid programming.
For healthcare – hospital volunteers are a thing. Yes you start off at the front desk during reception kind of work but over time as you express interest, you can easily move up to doing things closer to patients even if it’s just bringing patients things they need.
For engineering – lots of things you can do on your own or via school clubs or starting school clubs. You can program on your own or build robots or build computers or start school clubs in those areas. And for hands on stuff, you can get a construction type job once old enough. Unions like electrical are desperate for young workers who want to learn as their electrician population is aging out and the demand for things like at home EV chargers is never ending.
Accounting – I got nothing beyond just watching the stock market, reading annual reports. I guess you can start a school club for that too – something in the trading and investing space. But yeah unless you have a friend, no one is really hiring a 9th grader as an intern at their office.
Any job > no job.
I’m an engineer in academia- when I hire/recruit, I like to see evidence of self motivation (i.e. I went out and found this thing that I’m crazy about vs. my parents’ friend let me clean their factory) and evidence that a student can function in a workplace (i.e. any job anywhere).
High school students (and even college students) aren’t expected to come in as experts- they’re expected to be exploring their interests. If your kid is interested in field X, why are they interested in field X? Do they know someone in field X who they like to talk to? Is field X appealing because it matches their hobbies?
For engineering: science fairs, robotics clubs, programming clubs or open source efforts (I love a git page). Tooling around with a 3d printer, or rebuilding a computer, or helping out with construction for example counts for a lot.
For a healthcare career: lifeguarding (requires CPR cert etc) or getting an EMT license are feasible for high schoolers. There’s volunteer efforts there as well: helping out with a blood drive or in a clinic.
What makes your kid think they like this field? Was it from a personal hobby, or an elective course, etc? I really hope admissions officers side-eye all the curated $$$$ camp experiences and look with favor on scrappy kids who piece together unique ways to explore an interest. As other commenters have pointed out, you can spin almost anything to be about money, or engineering, or marketing, etc.
The key point is your kid has to actually be interested in something, and have the creativity and drive to explore it further
As a parent, I want my kids to have these work or work-ish experiences as much to see what they don’t like. I knew from having a teacher parent that I didn’t want that. My cousins who went into teaching didn’t have a teacher as a parent and it would have maybe have been good to have seen school through the eyes of a teacher first. And this was before helicopter parents.
It’s too bad parents don’t volunteer to let kids shadow them for even a few hours.
My daughter wants to be a teacher and I am happy that the first education course she’s required to take includes a practicum. None of our many teacher relatives who have left the field in the past three years could convince her that nowadays teaching is a terrible existence. I really hope the practicum drives that home before she’s wasted her entire time in college on a license for a career that does not pay a living wage and makes her miserable.
I went to law school because I liked TV shows with lawyers. And law school was not like that. And being a lawyer is not like law school or TV lawyers.
Better to know how jobs work than to prepare for something that will never line up with what you think things are like. I wish I were kidding.
I always tell kids who ask me about law school that they should take a couple of years between college and law school to work in a law office.
Same. I tell people “don’t go to law school unless you know what lawyers actually do and you are sure you want to do that.”
here are some things kids in our community do.
Engineering:
– volunteers to work with older people to understand/implement/fix technology
– buys and tinkers with stuff, eg. builds a 3d printer from scratch, codes and builds sites or games or a widget to solve a real world problem they found
– clubs within the school: chess club, coding club
– jobs related to STEM, such as working at a STEM camp for kids, work at Code Ninja, volunteer to run a coding club at an elementary school, even better if the kid takes the initiative and starts something in the community.
accounting: accounting/stock market clubs, learning on your own about investors, creating a portfolio or mock portfolio of investments, get a part time job working in bookkeeping.
nursing: volunteer in a clinical setting (eg. hospital, nursing home), camp counselor but work as an assistant in the clinic, do some kind of helper type stuff with researchers (eg. if you live anywhere near a university, you can processes some paperwork for labs, I had high schoolers scoring basic tests for me when i was a grad student giving neuropsych tests), lifeguarding, red cross/CPR training,
Other things: volunteer in a childrens museum (can help with lots of interests depending on where you work), senior center, create a youtube channel for your targeted niche area of interest,
Attending (free, convenient) lectures in the field is one way to get more information about a field. If one lives near a university, a teen can keep an eye on the events page for free lectures that interest them. If not near a university, a lot of lectures are online now. If they have a high school club related to the field, attending the lecture could be a club outing.
My friend’s kid wants to be a pilot so he went to the local airfield and said he was available for paid work or an unpaid internship. He’s now an unpaid intern filling gas tanks on planes, carrying bags to/from private jets and having the time of his life, quite honestly. He’s done it for a few years but is now a senior and will be studying aviation and getting a full pilot’s license in his undergrad, which was a highly selective program but we all assume that work helped him a ton, despite it kind of just being grunt work. That job wasn’t listed but he just figured out who to call and showed up to introduce himself one day.
Separately, Cornell has a hotel school. You have to have a demonstrated interest in hotels in order to even apply from what I understand. Many students worked a kitchen at a hotel restaurant or bussed tables in high school which meets the minimum standard. So, thinking outside the box like that might help depending on what the actually subject matter interest is.
Think outside the box a bit?
Our local universities all have camps designed to expose high school age kids (especially girls) to fields like STEM and healthcare. They’re not dirt cheap since they’re overnight camps, but they’re not $$$$ like fancy camps, and there are scholarships available. You earn college credits at most of them, so the money doesn’t go to waste.
Also volunteering and club opportunities at school. (Most) colleges are not expecting a kid who says they want to study robotics to have done publishable research in robotics; they’re expecting the kid to be in the robotics club at high school and be a volunteer coach for the elementary school robotics club.
Does anyone have a script for dealing with a grown up mean girl? No idea what this woman’s problem is. She seems like a completely miserable human but we have mutual friends who adore her so I guess she has a special problem with me or for whatever reason has decided I’m not worth be friendly to. Im generally well liked and so it’s kind of throwing me for a loop. Would love to be able to genuinely not care or at least act like I don’t. Thanks.
“I don’t appreciate the way you’re speaking to me.” or whatever similar, single sentence comes out in the moment. Very important to respond to her in the moment. “Is there a reason you’re short with me when you’re so gracious with Susan? I’d appreciate the same treatment.”
I wouldn’t say that second one. She’s just going to deny she’s doing anything.
In my experience, they will almost always deny in the moment, but they don’t try the same mean-girl shit in the future. Sometimes (like my current PTA nemesis) they will construct an elaborate story about how “mean” and “unreasonable” you are and shop it around, but they will be careful how they interact with you in the future.
How could anyone write you a script for this with zero details?
“That’s an odd thing to say.”
“There’s no reason to be rude.”
“We don’t need to be best friends, but it would be nice to be civil.”
There are ways to call someone out in the moment without making it into a huge drama.
“You seem stressed. Is everything okay?”
I’m sorry to say, other people’s scripts here come across as aggressive and will make you seem like a tone-policer. Pointing out that she is seeming aggressive/angry/stressed but without making it seem like you are personally offended is key. People unfortunately have a very low tolerance for confrontation and she can spin it to her friends as you being difficult / hypervigilant etc if you say explicitly that she seems out of line.
+10000000 I wouldn’t say any of these things people have suggested. They are totally the kind of imaginary “gotcha!” things you say in your head that would never have that kind of impact in real life.
OP, I’d also probably use this as a chance to work on your own feelings about being disliked. This is a real problem I struggle with, too. Obviously we all want to be liked, but sometimes there will be people who don’t and I have a tendency to let that carry way too much weight in my mind. I’m trying to get better about not caring.
Yeah. “What an odd thing to say” induces an immediate eye roll from me.
Thanks so much. This woman isn’t actually rude to me. She’s just ice cold. No eye contact. No smiles. Deadpan everything. Basically I need an internal script for how to not feel bad about it.
What works for me (sometimes) is to make talking to her the focus of the group conversation so it’s clear to everyone else that she’s being like this to you. Ask her questions, then ask her follow up questions. Smile a lot.
This is again making it too much about trying to prove to everyone she’s a bad person, rather than just letting it go. OP, some people just aren’t warm or friendly. The less you take it personally and the less you try to deal with it relationally (versus dealing with your own feelings about it), the better.
Honestly, I feel like women spend too much time covering for and explaining away bad behavior in groups. If she can’t interact with you in the same pleasant way that she treats others, that needs to be public information.
Seventh Sister, not everyone gets the same warm treatment. It sounds like everyone is getting civil treatment, however. Once they actually know each other things might change.
This is actually very hostile. I’d tell the person, in front of everyone, to back off.
How do you know that this is hostile? No eye contact, no smiles, and deadpan truly is how some people are?
No, I meant that Seventh Sister’s suggestion to make this person a relentless center of attention is hostile. Like she wants to instigate a response instead of just leaving the person alone.
I do want to instigate a response! This person is being rude and they deserve to be called out for it.
OP’s exact words: This woman isn’t actually rude to me.
Seventh Sister, it sounds like you might be the rude person in this scenario you made up.
Yeah people were insisting that the sort of coldness isn’t rude. She didnt say anything rude like “oh hey op, you’re dumb.” But she basically treats me like she’s being forced to acknowledge me and I think it’s rude. I do think seventh sister hit the nail on the head in her comment below. This woman definitely thinks I’m somehow beneath her or can’t do her any good so I’m not worth being friendly towards. Duly noted. This town is smaller than she thinks.
Ah, this is very different. She may be shy, she may be depressed. She isn’t doing anything to you or at you, and it is a ‘you’ problem to take it personally. Not everyone is friendly, and it isn’t about you if they’re not.
Internal script: “I’m kind, I’m loved. People have different personalities, and someone being withdrawn is not a reflection of my worth. This isn’t about me and I don’t take it personally.”
Don’t overextend or put yourself in a position to feel rejected by her (even just trying too hard to make conversation). Disengage, ignore her. If she wants to come to you she can, but you can make the choice that she’s not someone you want to connect with.
None of this sounds miserable or mean girl to me. Are you reading a lot into things, or are you leaving something out?
I think the CBT approach would be not to extrapolate beyond what you’ve observed (no mind reading). If the mutual friends don’t have a problem with her, that may be “evidence” in a CBT context that there are other ways of interpreting her coldness.
But if she’s really warm with everyone except you, the only time this has ever happened to me is if I’ve offended someone, but I don’t know if you have the kind of mutual friends where you could ask about this.
This may seem too confrontational to you, but maybe just ask her directly? In private, “is everything ok with us? i get the feeling I’ve offended you.” If she is mature enough, she will take the opening to tell you if there is a problem or assure you there is not. If she’s not so mature, she will say everything’s fine and you can rest easy that you tried to open the door to repair whatever might have gone wrong and that is the most you can do. I have a person in my friend group like this and I think the issue is just that she is really insecure.
I would bet a lot of money she’s shy and doesn’t know OP as well as the other people in the group. Confronting her about that isn’t going to help anyone.
Maybe? I mean it’s not normal to me to refuse eye contact, be extra short, not return pleasantries. I can say hello and how are you to everyone else at the gathering and they’ll respond with a normal answer in a friendly tone. She’ll deadpan fine with zero eye contact and shut down further conversation. Again I know she must be nice at some level because mutual friends love her. Basically she’s made it clear it’s not worth it to be at all friendly to me and I’m trying to be fine with it but it’s a little hurtful. I’m no etiquette guru but if she’s not being technically rude she’s being very clear she doesn’t want to speak to me at all. I cant imagine how it’s personal but maybe she’s only kind or friendly to certain people, which I categorize as mean girl behavior.
What kind of pleasantries? I’ll answer as shortly as possible when someone asks about my weekend, and I won’t return the question, because I hate the question.
She might only be friendly to people she knows. That isn’t mean girl behavior, that’s you taking things personally and assigning motivation.
OP, I have been in this situation, and I have to say that I DON’T think you’re overreacting. It is super weird behavior when she’s friendly with literally everyone else in your circle.
I’ve had to let it go. I get real cool girl / mean girl vibes from this person in my life, too. I honestly think it comes down to her thinking that I am not worth the time and effort because I have nothing that’s of use to her (huge social network, money, etc.). Whatever. I think she’s a major B.
“Hi Beth. How are you?”
Deadpan: fine. Will not look at me at all, Won’t say my name. (She knows it.) she won’t otherwise acknowledge me. I once complimented her on something she did and she just kind of grunted. Like saying thanks was too much I guess? Basically it’s like…is she angry at me? It’s like I stole her boyfriend. I heard her mention in another context that “being nice is not her thing” but man she’s a bummer. Returning her energy feels so rude because I’d never act like that and I’d hate to make her feel like she makes me feel but I also feel like an idiot when I’m my kind self.
FWIW, I’ve seen this happen more than once when there’s a racial and/or social class difference. While my community is reasonably diverse and people are mostly civil to one another, there still are people (of all generations) who totally shut down when they are faced with having to socially interact with “those people.”
+1 to seventh sister
That has been my experience too.
I think you need to remind yourself that not everything is about you!
She’s probably getting under your skin because you want her to accept or like or approve of you.
It’s not your job to make someone like you. Or figure out why they don’t like you.
Easier said then done, but try to act like normal person around her and give her space.
Also, some people are just crazy. Not worth the head space.
I’m attending a conference at a vendor this spring in Atlantic City. I’ll be tabling my company’s booth and doing a lot of networking with potential and current clients. I WFH and lack workwear. What’s appropriate to wear to these events these days? All of my clothes are basically athleisure as I have 3 young kids and don’t dress up much.
For reference, I’m 5’2, 100 pounds, mid 30s, pear shaped.
OP here and that should read I’m attending AS a vendor.
I have been to a bunch of conferences lately. Vendors are usually the best dressed people (with the potential exception of the speakers) because they are representing their employers and are dressing to impress. That said, you really need comfortable shoes because it is a lot of standing. As a fellow short person, I always have to fight the impulse to wear heels to be taller but you need to be able to walk at the end of the day. Also, think about whether you will have any set-up/take down responsibilities and dress accordingly.
Trousers (full length not cropped) with supportive flats work, along with a blazer. Preferably the blazer is not super basic. Or a midi-length dress in a pattern and a blazer in a solid. You actually want to be memorable (for some reason pink is very populate as a blazer color right now, combined with black or navy trousers; I see a lot of Rothys for shoes, but leather looks more polished). Also, attendees might well be in jeans with a blazer or a cardigan but I recommend against that for vendor representatives.
This is the kind of thing that clothing rental is made for. You can rent a couple of really nice blazers from RTR for less than the cost of buying one by signing up for a one month subscription and then either cancelling or (what I do) pausing it.
Jcrew factory has some good crop flares that also have matching jackets, so read as a casual suit. You can do those with a loafer or sleek sneaker and a nicer t-shirt/buttondown that reflects what you like.
Make sure you have functioning pockets and those trade show rooms are almost always cold.
what industry? I’ve been to several lately (as a client) and it varies greatly.
I agree as a vendor you shouldn’t be in jeans unless it’s tech startup. Was recently at a large Vegas conference & vast majority of women were in pants (mostly wide leg / flare / trouser) and interesting blouse, blouse + jardigan -esque or interesting blazer. Comfy shoes like loafers or rothys. avoid materials that are going to be wrinkly after all day wear, sitting then standing, etc.
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