Suit of the Week: Theory

109 Comments

1. Could use some help and different perspectives on a dispute I’m having with my husband. His parents are in their 70s and early 80s. 7+ months of the year, they live down the street from us and we see them regularly (which is great! They’re wonderful!). In the summer, they live a long (6+ hrs) and expensive plane ride away, in a city about 2 hours from a very beautiful, destination national park. We have a 5 year old, and every year for the past 4 years, we’ve visited my in-laws at their summer location, which is where my husband grew up. We’ve never taken another type of summer vacation with our child, ever. We’ve never visited my family in the summer (and they’re a 2 hour plane ride away). This year, I suggested using 4 days of our 10-day trip to the in-laws to visit the national park. My husband was was very resistant, and acted like I’m trying to ruin his trip and our child’s memories of his grandparents. I even suggested bringing my in-laws along (they like to visit the park, and usually do so after we leave!) and that was not sufficient. Eventually, we agreed on 3 days/2 nights at the park this year, but I think he’s still going to be grumpy and resentful about it when the time comes. For my husband, the point of these summer visits is literally sitting in the house where he grew up and walking around his old neighborhood (it’s just a normal house! it’s not like a fancy house with vacation amenities like a pool or gameroom). It’s hard to even get him to leave the house and do regular activities around town with our kid. I’m considering just suggesting that he and our kid go alone this year, I don’t think it’s fair to expect me to burn my very limited (and only) summer trip just watching him wander around his old house for 10 days. Thoughts?

   1. Not cool! Especially not leaving the house and doing regular activities around town. Kind of bizarre. You guys need to talk about different kinds of vacations and what you want to do with or show your kid as he’s growing up. This kind of 10-day trip that is 6+hours away by flight could be a much better trip!

      1. and this has nothing to do with you not valuing time with his family — they live down the street from you, for goodness sake!

   2. Your husband is being unreasonable. I cannot imagine making this my only summer vacation forever and ever. He needs to compromise a bit!

   3. this is very strange to me (as in your husband is very strange). why does he just want to sit around his childhood home? isn’t that boring for him? and for your child? to me going to the national park + house sounds like a good compromise, or like even 5 days at national park, 4 days at house. we visit my inlaws for 10-14 days in the summer, but that is only bc they have a house that is ten minutes from the beach and has a pool. otherwise, no way on earth id agree to that. and similarly we visit my parents a lot, but thats bc they live right outside DC and there is a ton to do

      1. This is OP, I guess the best way to describe it is that he has an uncommonly strong sense of nostalgia for his old home and neighborhood, and it seems to have gotten stronger has is parents get older. It’s to the point where he almost sees himself as being physically ill when he’s away from his old house for too long. I moved a lot as a kid, so I just don’t get the pull to be in a specific house, it’s the people/family that feel most important to me, but for him it’s this very specific physical space, which I just can’t identify with.

         1. The fact that he views himself as almost physically ill if he’s away from this house for too long sounds like an unusual kind of attachment that’s not going in a healthy direction.

            Is this the only “unusually strong” thing he has like this, or is it part of a larger pattern of some kind?

         2. I don’t think it’s necessarily strange or wrong – in the long timeline of human development, we’re pretty unusual in how far we end up from where we grew up. But I think sending him+kid without you for part or all of the time is fine!
            (I didn’t get the feeling these trips are painfully boring for your kid;. different if they are and kid is old enough to express that. But little kids might enjoy sidewalk chalk on gramma’s driveway just as much as anything else)

         3. This reminds me of my father in the worst way. No idea what to do with it, but I can testify that it is Very Annoying when someone is more interested in revisiting past memories than making new ones.

            1. my FIL is like this – he’ll sit there and moan about how he never got to know his parents or grandparents the way he should have and golly if he had that time back…

               all said while he’s ignoring the grandkids.

   4. You’re not unreasonable, this is weird. Is he unusually close to his parents, do they have a lot of influence in his life? Does he have a history of choosing his parents over you? Sounds like he needs to cut the umbilical cord.

      1. This was my first thought. I’d understand wanting all ten days with his parents over the summer if this was the only time of the year he saw them, but he sees them regularly 7 months a year too??

         I mean what would he say if you said let’s go to Paris for ten days this summer? Would it be an automatic no because he has to go back to his hometown and those ten days are all you have off? Does he envision never taking a real vacation outside of visiting family?

         Is this coming from him? Do you think HE feels compelled to go in the summer even though he sees his parents have the year or are the parents guilting him? My parents want us to visit all the time yet if we say you know we haven’t taken a vacation in a while and really want to see Scotland, they’d be the first to say yes you go to Scotland, have fun, you work so hard.

      2. This is OP, it’s really not coming from his parents, it’s definitely a him thing. I think they’d be delighted to hear we’re going to spend time at the park and I think they’d like to join us in the park if we asked.

         1. I def wouldn’t let it go. Why not push for a totally different vacation this year far from there. Not that national park but outside the country, opposite coast etc. What would he do? Say no? Because then you start the conversation of marriage requiring compromising and he’s had his vacation for FIVE straight years?? And start talking about long term plans – does he intent to keep this house and keep vacation there forever? Retiring there one day?

         2. I think he’s testing you. Don’t play games like this. You can’t win.

            Use your words, demand on a compromise. He can sulk if he wants to, but you don’t want to be married to Mr. My Way or the Highway

            1. I’ve never tested my husband or “played games like this,” and I don’t believe he’s ever tested me, but wanting to spend vacation time differently (adventure vs. nostalgia) is such a common point of friction for so many couples.

   5. What’s your best guess about what’s going on … is this something about your husband’s personality (loves home, dislikes activities, very close to his parents)? Is it something about his family culture or his parent’s culture?

      Or what do you think is going on with his reluctance to consider doing what you want — is he just inherently self-centered in general? Domineering? Is he just clueless and doesn’t really have a way of noticing other people? Is he a creature of habit who really dislikes new things and finds them stressful?

   6. I’d talk to him about why he’s so attached to this type of vacation. A couple guesses would be that he misses the town or house where he grew up or that he really just likes to have some down time to rejuvenate where he doesn’t have to go anywhere or do anything, especially with a little kid, where it takes a lot of effort to do a more exciting vacation. I agree that he should compromise, but trying to figure out the appeal would make it easier to figure out what the compromise should be. I think that one obvious one would be him going without you for part or all of the time and then going for a another trip somewhere else together, assuming you have the time and money to make that work. Or if he really just likes being taken care of and not having to make any decisions, go to some sort of all inclusive resort instead.

   7. Hahahahaha, I’m so sorry. You’re me 15 years ago. I think letting him take the kid solo is a fine idea.

      1. +1 obviously not if you’re uncomfortable doing this. but if you’re really open to this, why not spend a few days recharging solo? Seems like everyone gets the recharge they need that way.

      2. Yeah this was me, too. Things I did:
         – planned a date night for us at a local restaurant or bar. Grandparents are free babysitting!!
         – planned my own outings, including finding a place to volunteer at during Thanksgiving week
         – planned one overnight trip for us
         – let husband and kids go to the “vacation” first, the. I fly in and we all go home together

         None of these are ideal
         For my husband it was a lot of he wanted to veg and do nothing in a familiar place, and also he is really really really frugal and also he hates planning and also he thinks he doesn’t deserve a nice vacation. YMMV

         We are divorcing now
         I don’t think this is why, but in retrospect the separate vacations was a red flag that compromise was impossible. He was not like that before marriage and kids – we traveled a lot together then

   8. This is very weird. What is going to happen when his parents pass away – is he planning to keep this house?

      1. OP you should ask him this. I wouldn’t be surprised if he secretly hopes to buy it. His attachment to the house is really weird and unhealthy. It’s definitely time to send him solo or make different family plans.

   9. I think 10 days doing this every year is an insane ask by your husband! Why haven’t you gone to visit your family (or taken any other kind of trip)? Have you brought up that idea at all? Honestly, even if you haven’t, your husband should have realized how ridiculous it is to do this every year.

   10. It sounds like he has very happy memories and wants your kid to have similar memories? I would honestly feel okay with not going if that’s simply not something I share with him, but I wouldn’t want to pressure him to value this less. My husband is nostalgic about his very happy childhood and it leads him to make similar choices I can’t understand, but I also shook the dust off my feet when I moved away from the place where I grew up. I figure there is probably something I like about my husband that is linked to these feelings that I’ll never really share!

       1. I also wonder if your husband is working through some anticipatory grief as his parents get older. Not everyone does, but it can be a lot.

   11. Pita pocket with falafel (Trader Joes frozen is pretty good), feta, olives, tomatoes, and hummus

       1. This is my favorite nesting fail in a while.

          1. +1 million

   12. I came from a family where my dad and his siblings all brought their children home for a week (at least) each summer. Sometimes overlapping, sometimes not. It was just the culture, so I get it. Trust me, until I was an adult, the concept of a vacation was not a thing, you just went to family. For us, all the adults did home maintenance projects during their weeks at home (small and big), and got dinner cooked by their parents every night. With that in mind, is your husband planning to help them with house stuff and might not have time with the national park trip, and is not using his words?

   13. Ugh! I’m totally with you.

       I will say my parents live 1 mile from us and we do vacation with them, which might seem excessive to some given how much we see them in daily life. But they’re real vacations to destinations we like, we have really generous vacation time by American standards (6 weeks+) and my husband is never forced to go — if prefers to stay home it’s fine with me. We also do a lot of travel without my parents. If you’ve never taken a summer trip without his parents, that’s crazy, and he needs to tell his parents he’s skipping the visit one year so you can take a nuclear family vacation.

   14. I think it’s really reasonable to suggest he go alone for all or part of the time. His desire to take this trip isn’t totally incomprehensible to me (i.e. I understand why just hanging out in the house he grew up in with parents he likes would be an appealing trip), but I also think that this trip interfering with your family’s ability to go on other vacations is really unreasonable. It’s not obvious to me whether that interference is happening, but that’s how I’d come at it if I were you. You want to vacation in a non-hometown location this summer; what can your family do to make that happen (in place of or in addition to the hometown trip)?

   15. I think you need to talk to your Husband about/ Husband needs to figure out what is holding him to the childhood home and learn that the things are not what is important.
       Because one day his parents are going to pass and he will have to let go of all those material things and (possibly) sell the house. If he is still as attached as he seems from your post, it will be a very very difficult process.
       I might be projecting, but I went through something very similar with my Husband and now there are boxes and boxes of things and so much furniture in our house that he couldn’t bear to throw out when his parents died.
       The older my parents get, the more I realize that their legacy is not their stuff or their home, but the memories I have of them and the new memories we create together.

   16. I can’t fathom this. At a minimum you alternate years? 3 days isn’t a compromise. Is he always this unwilling to compromise?

2. Can you give me your easiest SALTY meals for breakfast or lunch that are high protein? every day i want something salty — this used to be eggs but they’re only 12g protein for 2, so not that much. then i delay and delay until i’m starving and then make a bad choice (today, leftover pigs in a blanket and mac n cheese bites; yesterday, Pringles chips). i don’t like egg bites or quiche-type things. thank you!

   1. Good Culture cottage cheese has lots of protein and sodium.

      1. This may sound bizarre, but I grew up eating cottage cheese with seasoned salt on it – like McCormick Season-all or Lawry’s. Don’t knock it until you try it.

         1. I’ve not tried seasoned, but I do always salt cottage cheese. I’m not sure where I picked that up since my parents don’t even eat cottage cheese!

         2. I love putting everything bagel seasoning on cottage cheese.

            1. I pepper my cottage cheese. I grew up doing it.

            2. +1 pepper!
               Black pepper and cucumber is lovely with cottage cheese.

               I think cubed cucumber, avocado, black bean and cottage cheese might work for OP.

   2. Smoked salmon on rye crisp. Salted almonds for a snack instead of chips. Feta cheese in a salad.

      1. Add some cream cheese to that rye crisp and I’m there with you! (Not OP). I also like the sourdough flavor of those crisps.

         To OP:

         Try a big serving of cottage cheese topped with halved grape tomatoes, salted, topped with a drizzle of olive oil and black pepper. It’s a delicious high protein savory breakfast.

   3. Hummus on toast with feta cheese and za’atr

   4. Huevos rancheros or a breakfast burrito. I often swap out the eggs for scrambled tofu because that’s easier to make in advance.

   5. Idk if you need *this* much salt, but I run distance, and I do my LMNT electrolyte packet in water before breakfast. 1000 mg sodium and other things.

   6. Well, since pringles and mac and cheese bites are not high protein, maybe you just need to have some healthier salty snacks around and choose your high protein meal as you see fit. I would just do salty nuts or popcorn. I wouldn’t even have those less healthy snack options in the house if you don’t want to be eating them!?

      My favorite salty meal is a fancy toast with a piece of sourdough (kept in freezer from a local bakery), drizzle with olive oil, layer of (salty) goat cheese, then smoked salmon (salty!), then freshly cut tomatoes, then topped with as much additional kosher salt and fresh pepper to keep me satisfied.

      But the normal meals we eat will not be high enough protein for you, if 2 eggs isn’t satisfactory.

      You could just eat rotisserie chicken with lots of extra salt.

   7. Do you have time to pan fry a small steak with butter and pink salt? I do this at least once a week.

   8. I love salt; let me think. Taco salad. Kippered herring with sliced red onions and some good cheddar cheese. Leftover Achari chicken curry. Smoked salmon with cream cheese and capers. Can of Tom Yum soup from the Asian market (or Amy’s Thai Coconut if it’s all you can find). Tuna salad with bacon and a pickle. Egg salad made with more than two eggs (that would make a really sad amount of egg salad, and this way there’s more protein). Canned boneless, skinless sardines with provolone and roasted red pepper on salad or good bread. Leftover putanesca sauce made with oil cured olives and anchovies. I’m realizing I really do eat a lot of fish during Lent! Whether it’s high protein depends on what meat or fish you use, but African red palm oil and okra stew is maybe the saltiest dish I know. If soups or stews are convenient, budae jigae is salty and filling.

      I also like to keep Maldon sea salt flakes around as a finishing touch.

   9. BLT with meat or veggie bacon? My favorite veg version is Upton’s seitan bacon, but there are lots of varieties. My breakfast yesterday was whole grain toast with PB and veggie bacon on top.

   10. I add turkey sausage to my scrambled eggs for a protein boost, as well as chopped bell pepper for fiber/nutrients.

   11. sourdough toast with cottage cheese, a little olive oil drizzled on top, and salt/pepper (sometimes add tomatoes in the summer)

       savory pancake wrap (turnip or scallion pancake, 2 eggs, some sausage to up the protein)

       high protein grilled cheese – cottage cheese with your shredded cheese of choice, add some everything bagel seasoning and salt, grill on stovetop

       parmesan cheese is like 10g protein for 1 ounce and very salty so I’ll have some parm with salty almonds and fruit, or put parmesan on a turkey sandwich or similar

   12. Steel cut oatmeal (from a batch from instant pot frozen in muffin tin pucks and microwaved) with Everything But the Bagel seasoning. Also Maldon’s smoked sea salt on basically anything.

       Fried rice, ditto made in a big batch and frozen in serving sizes. Mine is made with two eggs but you can add chicken, pancetta, salmon, pork when you make it to add more protein.

   13. Lentil and feta salad. Green or puy lentils, spring onions, pomegranate seeds, cucumber bits or something else crunchy, feta cheese crumbled with lime juice, olive oil, a green herb of your choice and loads of pepper and flaky salt.

   14. Chickpea and tuna salad with homemade mayo in a protein wrap. (Chickpeas, cucumber, sweet corn, celery and tuna.)

   15. this thread has me thinking I need to up my breakfast game…

3. In your workplace, what’s the unofficial norm for asking for vacation time? I had someone request vacation time at 6:30 a.m. on the day he wanted off. I wasn’t even online to field that request! The reason was to work on a house project. I don’t want to police people’s time off, but this struck me as really weird. There’s no official rule against this, so I haven’t addressed it, but I feel like I need to.

   1. I mean unless this person does this routinely and you’re in a job that requires coverage – whether customer service or ER Dr, I don’t see what the big deal is. He didn’t ask for a week off, he asked for a day. Maybe it’s just me but I’d assume it was some last minute house emergency that had to be dealt with ASAP or even if not emergent it was something like a contractor who he’d been chasing for weeks suddenly said he can stop by today to repave the driveway or whatever. In any event I’d give the benefit of the doubt at least once.

      1. That’s what I was thinking, too – oh shoot I have to be home to take delivery/supervise an install or similar.

         OP, you wrote: “There’s no official rule against this, so I haven’t addressed it, but I feel like I need to.”
         What’s the goal you have in mind for addressing it? Are you looking to say “don’t do this again” or gathering info?

         1. Basically, please don’t do this again if it’s avoidable. It was a DIY project. Not a home repair or anything like that.

            1. Don’t do this unless there’s a real work reason why it’s important not to.

            2. But I don’t understand WHY you have a problem with it? You’re not saying that it messed up coverage all day or it canceled an outside meeting with an important client. So what if it was DIY? How do you know it wasn’t something requiring help and his friend who was going to help him lay tile randomly got a day off? How do you know it isn’t something requiring nice weather and oh look a warm sunny day after a string of rainy days? I just don’t see how it’s your business whether he did DIY work or watched TV all day or job searched? Do you always micromanage?

            3. Honestly, if they don’t need to be in the office that day, what’s the big deal? Presumably they wouldn’t do it if they had something important to do.

            4. No, I don’t. If anything, I could probably be accused of under-managing at times. I will admit that I have seen a pattern with this particular person that I don’t love, which is that he misses Mondays on a not-infrequent basis. That’s when we have many of our team meetings. Probably wouldn’t be as much of an issue, except that he tends to miss context in a number of situations, so not being there is more noticeable and obvious.

               But, I hear you that I’m being weird about this. That’s why I’m trying to gauge whether this is normal because literally nobody else does this!

            5. Okay – if your reasoning is “this created X and Y problems, please give me more notice” or “this has been a pattern,” that’s one thing, but if it’s “this annoys me” it’s another. If he’s overall a dependable employee I would let this go.
               Also “working on a home project” can be a euphemism. Even if he’s talked about the project before, who knows what he was actually calling out for.

            6. Well it looks like we were posting at the same time. If it IS indeed a pattern of missing Mondays, and it affects his work, bringing it up is reasonable.

         2. Sounds like she’s just mad somebody is using their PTO.

   2. idk that we really have a policy on this. generally we put it on a calendar/request as far in advance as possible. sometimes things come up at the last minute, but unless it’s like there is a leak in his house or a hole in the roof or something that needs to be done asap,

   3. Is that the norm for this guy? I don’t see what the big deal is, sounds like he needed to deal with stuff unexpectedly at home. If it’s not a habit and doesn’t impact his work then I would let it go. Sometimes we just need a day off.

   4. This sounds fine to me! But our people are more or less independent; we don’t have shifts that need to be covered. I can see it would be an issue it meant he missed deadlines or caused meeting pile-ups because he was suddenly gone. But otherwise, why not?

      Maybe it was a gorgeous spring day and he realized he could finally do That House Thing, and the workload was light enough to take a day.

   5. This would be fine in my office if there wasn’t anything important happening that day. I trust the people I work with to know their deadlines/meeting schedules/etc. Sounds like you’re bristling against this for no specific work reason, which is a crappy way to manage people.

      1. I am definitely bristling, and it’s probably because there have been other patterns with this person that are concerning and I don’t have the level of trust with him that I do with others on my team. But, that’s why I’m trying to check myself before reacting because I recognize that I may not be seeing things objectively.

         1. Then address his missing the Monday staff meetings specifically.

   6. I would ask him why he waited so long; the answer will inform your next steps.

      As for general requests: this is where being explicit helps everyone. “For week-long vacations, please request PTO approximately two months in advance. For a day or two off, we would like to know approximately a week in advance.”

      It also helps if people can cancel their planned PTO with no penalty; that encourages them to put it on the calendar.

   7. As long as it’s not a pattern, let it go and be grateful he didn’t lie and just call in sick for the day. Would have been very easy to do just that.

      Maybe he saw his calendar was pretty light for the day and figured it was a good day to make some progress?

   8. This is normal every place I’ve ever worked that didn’t require shift coverage. No different than calling in sick and totally on the up and up.

      My message to my manager is more of “Hey, I’m taking PTO today. X or Y thing is done/on track for Thursday and I moved Z meeting to early next week.”

   9. On my team the guideline is one week’s notice per day you’re gone. People understand if there are unforeseen circumstances or illness but “I feel like taking tomorrow off” isn’t really a thing unless it’s the Friday before a holiday.

   10. this is a company culture thing. at mine, doing a morning-of notice for a non-emergency reason would stick out.

       week of, for a single day, or even the day before if it’s the kind of thing like “I’m having a surprisingly slow week and it’s supposed to be beautiful tomorrow”, sure.

   11. I mean, if you “address” it won’t he just lie and say he’s sick next time?

   12. I normally request planned vacations about a month out, but I use sick leave and personal days for home emergencies or mental health days with no advance notice.

4. This suit is gorgeous.

   1. +1

5. I had a version of this from BR with lined wool pants. A size or two ago for me. I still wear the jacket though. Swoon!

   1. I am wearing a BR version of this suit at this very moment. It’s from 2 (3?) years ago but it’s my absolute favourite for days when I need to dress up (as opposed to research days where I can best be described as casual).

      1. I have a BR version from like 7-8 years ago. I’m feeling like it might be time to update it just because of the shape of the pants.

6. Can anyone recommend a dummy proof recipe for a white-sauce pasta and veggies? I’m cooking for another person soon and I’d like to make something like this, but I am not an experienced cook. I’m also a nervous person so I’ll probably practice first before the day this person comes over.

   1. like a fettucine alfredo? it’s mindblowingly easily. you can google a recipe but basically butter, cream, parmesan cheese, some people do it with eggs but i don’t bother. Basically impossible to mess up. I like it in the spring with asparagus or a big green salad.

      1. Add some chopped parsley on top (flat leaf, not curly) and a side of store bought garlic bread. Serve wine or liquor beforehand and it will taste great no matter what.

      2. If you are using eggs, it is far more likely for the texture to get weird. Most texture things happen because you added a lot of stuff at once and didn’t mix it well enough or the temperatures were too different. Add things together a little bit at a time, mixing well between, and make sure things don’t get too hot too fast and you’ll be just fine.

   2. I’ll leave it for others to recommend recipes but I just wanted to say I think practicing a recipe ahead is a great idea. I’m not a great cook myself, and since so much of cooking is an art that requires experience and knowing your pans/stove etc.. very well, I almost always regret when I try a recipe for the first time when cooking for others.

      I love the food podcast Mild Street Radio, and it was a revelation to me when the chef host says “never trust a recipe, oven temperature instructions, cooking times, salt recommendations….” and more. Many recipes are poorly written and wrong.

      1. Oops.. Milk Street Radio

   3. May I kindly suggest you try something slightly easier? It’s not ‘hard’ to make a white sauce but cheese sauces/bechamel based sauces can get gritty or ‘break’ easily if you’re an inexperienced cook. They’ll taste fine but won’t look very nice.
      As the internet taught me this Thanksgiving there are a whole lot of ways to mess up a cheese sauce that I didn’t think were possible.

      1. Yeah….I’m a decent cook, but I won’t cook a white sauce for company unless I’ve done it a lot, recently.

         And to the first poster at 2:56…..this is meant as a compliment to you — but I would absolutely disagree that a white sauce is “mindblowingly easy” for most people. I would consider it mind-blowingly easy to mess up the consistency or cook too fast/too hot and make the sauce gross.

         1. Ha, my mother is banned from making any bechamels/roux/white sauces as she inevitably turns the heat up WAY to high, burns the roux and/or breaks the cheese sauce.
            I took over making mac and cheese casserole in my teens and started to teach my kids this year!

            1. Alfredo is much easier than bechemal/roux. There’s no roux involved; you literally just mix things together.

         2. The only cheese sauce that I can reliably make is a Gorgonzola.

            Cook pasta and steam veggies. Reserve some pasta cooking water. Meanwhile:

            Throw a pat of butter into a pan. Warm gently. Add chopped shallot; cook until shallot is translucent.

            Add vegetable broth and white wine; cook on medium until reduced by about 2/3ds.

            Reduce heat to low. Add Gorgonzola, heavy cream, and a small pat of butter; cook on low until cheese melts. Add fresh ground pepper.

            Add to pasta, mix well, add pasta water if needed. Add steamed veggies.

   4. You can mess up a wheat flour bechamel, sure, but if you want a white sauce you can also use full fat cream, parmesan, and add a little bit of slurry to thicken.

      For a slurry, use 2-3 tablespoons potato or corn starch, add cold water a teaspoon at a time and stir with the spoon until it’s a smooth slurry. The starch slurry does not have to be boiled out or handled carefully, you just add quite late the sauce to thicken. Your pasta water (don’t throw it out, strain into a bowl!) is also quite starchy and can thicken sauces.

      1. None of these tricks/tips are things I know! I’m the poster at 4:11. These may seem like easy/obvious tricks, but I never make white sauces, so none of these things are tricks folks will know unless they’ve been making these types of sauces a lot,

         1. Which it sounds like op does not (and she posted she anticipates being anxious already), so I’d do a less fraught recipe that doesn’t require knowing or understanding timing or requires using discretion in adding ingredients (something I always struggled with at first).

            Op, why not find a white pasta bake/casserole that eliminates the need for making the sauce when the company is there? If you assemble ahead, and then just bake when the company is thee, you eliminate guesswork/stess.

   5. I’d suggest staying away from whitesauces if you’re not an experienced cook- you need someone to show you how to make a roux and add liquids.

      Here’s a dummyproof recipe for alfredo sauce:

      Start boiling water with a couple tablespoons of salt in your biggest pot for the pasta.
      Fry a tablespoon of butter in your biggest pan. Add 2-5 cloves of garlic chopped fine. Add a cup or 2 of cream and simmer gently until it thickens. Add 2 cups of shredded parmesan cheese, and optionally like a half a handful of chopped parsley.

      Taste the sauce on a piece of pasta. Add more salt or pepper or cheese or parsley depending on how it tastes.

      1. There’s no roux for Alfredo. It’s much simpler than bechamel. Everyone is acting like they’re interchangeable and they’re not; Alfredo is much easier for a novice.

   6. This isn’t exactly a white sauce but I make it all the time and it’s easy and delicious (no veggies, though — you can serve them on the side): https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/linguine-meyer-lemon-pasta

7. How hard are Coursera classes? I am doing one and it is kicking my butt. I am taking notes, pausing and rewinding, and getting a high C. It is a struggle (but I feel like I am learning something new).

8. I heard we’re calling it WhiskeyLeaks now — love it! (Instead of SignalGate.)

   1. Now I want whiskey.

   2. An influencer I love said we need to stop all of these DUI hires.

9. Looking for advice from in-house litigators/litigation managers. I was a civil litigator for the first 10 years of my career and got burned out on it. I’ve been in-house at a small organization for a few years, focused on transactions and having little involvement in litigation. Due to org changes, I’m unhappy in my current role and am looking for the next position. I’m considering applying to in-house positions managing litigation, and I need a reality check of whether I will dislike as much as I grew to dislike being a firm litigator (eg, negative opposing counsel, bringing work stress home, feeling like cases were not contributing to forward progress). Is litigation different when you are in-house?

   1. It is different — it is much better. It gives you the challenge of being involved with litigation matters and problem solving, while having a buffer between you and all of the worst parts — negative opposing counsel, tedious discovery, etc. And, depending on the company that you work for, you have the added task of being part of the “bigger picture” and helping your company improve their processes, mitigate risk and avoid future litigation.

10. I feel like people in my workplace are too comfortable trying to call out others’ mistakes or be combative over small miscommunications. I had a call yesterday from one of our partner companies, where the guy borderline yelled at me trying to blame me for his own employee’s mistake. What is up with this? DH has a similar experience in his different-industry work. People are always so quick to try to point blame, even if it’s in aggressive ways and (very often) misplaced.

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