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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Cozy Oversized Cardigan

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A woman wearing a white top with cream oversized cardigan and denim pants with black belt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I’m not a big Halloween person, but I do like hanging out at home to hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. This cozy, oversized cardigan from Banana Republic Factory is perfect for chilling on the couch and passing out Butterfingers, or keeping in the office for chilly days.

It comes in two really pretty shades of blue, but I think the oatmeal heather (pictured) or dark gray would be the most versatile for a back-of-the-chair sweater. 

The sweater is $72 at Banana Republic Factory and comes in sizes XXS-XXL. 

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

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  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

679 Comments

  1. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, and I have to deal with my boss and her criticisms a lot today, which is one of the things that puts me in an even worse mood. How do you get through days like this? (I already got a little treat at Starbucks.)

    2. A 5 min walk outdoors to clear my head. Extra points if you really pay attention to what’s around and try to find something beautiful or that makes you smile.

      1. It’s always a walk for me. I always think “this is not going to help at all,” but then it does.

    4. I’m listening to Holding on Tight by Claire Wright and The Hip Abductors on repeat currently. It popped up in my Spotify and it’s well suited to this mood, I think.

      If that’s too positive and you don’t really want to fix the mood, but just get through it (understand if it is), I love the SALT playlist on Spotify. Also everything by CHINCHILLA.

    5. I leave at lunch and go get a manicure… and imagine myself sending that meme that says Look like it’s F this S oclock. But obviously done send. I know, very mature but it gets me through.

    6. If you can’t avoid or need to be off site, or take a sick (sick of you?) day, goal is to hear but not respond emotionally- think Spock. I like to count the number of words that start with S, or number of “ums”, or try to translate into another language, or take extensive detailed notes and summarize back using different wording. If she sends written criticism, run it through chatGPT before responding.

    1. Daylight saving time needs to end but we should stay on Standard time, not the spring-ahead time.

        1. Wrong!!!!!! I don’t need to have sun rise at 4:30 am in the summer but I sure love to have sun after 8 pm!

          1. I am just the opposite! I want the sun up when I wake up so stupidly early!!! I could do work outside before work if it wasn’t so dark.

          2. If they would pick one and stick with it, schedules could adapt. (What law says that work hours must begin and end at the same time all year?) Standard time is the better option of the two.

            Changing the time suddenly overnight is associated with a bunch of poor health outcomes; it really needs to stop.

          3. Whichever one we choose (I prefer long summer nights but I am not an early riser) we should stick with one. This changing back and forth is a relic of the days when children worked on family farms.

        1. Seriously, the last week of daylight savings time (i.e. this week!) is always one of the worst weeks of the year for me. Getting up in the dark wreaks havoc with my natural sense of when I’ve had enough sleep.

          1. Maybe thats why I’ve been struggling this week. I wfh and have been logging on like an hour later than usual and so groggy

          1. I think it’s much worse if you’re on the western edge of the time zone. I am, and I really hate having the sun not set until after 9 in the summers… makes kid bed times so challenging! But on the other hand in Maine it gets dark before 4 pm in the winter and that is depressing AF. My hot take is that I think the US really needs a fourth time zone. Maine and Indiana should not be in the same time zone.

      2. OMG yes!! Who decided that Kale is a food? It is not a food. It’s some kind of tough weed. Dandelion is better in a salad than Kale.

        2. I have been saying kale is a hoax for years.

          Someday researchers will study it as to how they got so many people to consume it when no one actually likes it.

      2. Given what we know about brain health, football is immoral. Having professional football presented as an opportunity for often disadvantaged minority players to break out of poverty only adds to this immoral element. If the resources allocated to professional football were allocated to, say, paying teachers more and strengthening the social safety net we’d all be better off. But we must have our bread and circuses.

        1. Yes, I’m related to a very famous retired football player and it’s so immoral.

        3. Yes and college sports are even more immoral. These kids aren’t even getting paid. And if they get injured they’re off the team and lose their scholarship. At a minimum, they should be guaranteed their scholarship and housing for 4 years and should have worker’s comp type benefits.

        4. +1000!

          another mom I know told me that there are some coaches out there who encourage hard hits during practice because it makes men out of them. she was talking about rec teams, ie before middle school.

        5. In the future (near future, I hope), high school football will be something we look back on in history and just cringe — like bear baiting or snake-oil salesmen or belief in witchcraft. Reflective of a more brutal and unsophisticated society. I suggested to my sister that her son shouldn’t play football (he was a big kid), due to the harm to the brain of even just one concussion, and when his friend wanted them both to try out for football in high school, my sister shut that down by saying “Auntie Runcible Spoon says you’re not allowed,” and he accepted that with a mild “aw!”

      5. This is interesting because my kids have said this and they’re so young. My 8 yo son routinely says, I really don’t understand why it’s such a big deal?

    4. College basketball and college football are vastly superior to professional basketball and football, but the opposite is true for baseball and hockey.

      2. oooh I never thought about it so specifically, I’ve just always had strong preferences for college vs pro… but this is exactly how mine fall too.

      1. I don’t think this is unpopular! We know our house is less clean—we just think it’s worth it.

      2. Totally agree with this. They can clean a lot byt fact is there is something in the house that contributes to it.

        I am extremely allergic to cats, to the point where an antihistamine doesnt do it, and its awkward because people
        will tell me “I cleaned! I vacummed” and its not enough

        1. Dog allergies here. There is no amount of cleaning that will keep me from having a reaction. It’s a medical problem and everyone takes as a judgement of their housekeeping. Solidarity friend.

          1. I have pets and friends with allergies, and when it’s my turn to host, we go out and I pay (or we sit on my patio). I’m sorry people aren’t giving you that courtesy!!

          3. I do! the pet owners are insisting that’s a judgment on their housekeeping:)

      4. Yeah I have a dog and I definitely know that! But also, my dog is absolutely worth it.

        1. Agree, dyed hair is fake looking, if you have wrinkles then your hair shouldn’t be jet black.

          1. Totally agree with this. And the skunk stripe ain’t cute. You think you can get away with 3-6 weeks but honestly you cant.

        2. This is what a good colorist is for. My opinion is not that people should be using box dye from the store.

          1. Hard no to boxed dye. There is a difference, and it’s obvious. Sorry. Not sorry.

    8. A very very small cocaine is only a tiny bit stronger than an extra strength excedrin

      1. Laughing hard at this but is this actually just an opinion or is it fact? I don’t know my cocaine.

        1. I don’t know, I’ve never taken cocaine! That’s why this opinion isn’t popular. But it is strongly held by me!

        1. Yes! And I didn’t have a small cocaine after that failed IUI, nor after any of my 5 failed IVF cycles, but I still do wonder if just a tiny cocaine is less likely to aggravate my rosacea than a glass of wine. But my doctor thought I was kidding when I asked so I guess I’ll never know and will stick with my general rule of not taking up drugs in my 40s.

          1. Maybe, because it is a vasoconstrictor, but since you already have vasomotor instability to some degree you may be more at risk for those nasty cocaine side effects like strokes, heart attacks, brain bleeds etc..

      3. I’ll never say it to someone’s face but I lose all respect for someone if they do coke.

        1. That’s how I feel when I hear they smoke pot. I’d never say it, but it’s true.

          1. curious – but why? do you feel the same about alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, etc?

          3. I was about to say just pot. But I’d throw in cigarettes, too, if the person were younger (I feel like older people probably got hooked before we all knew better).

          4. Funny. I don’t partake but don’t judge others for illicit drugs. But, I cannot stand cigarettes and lose respect for smokers and vapers.

      3. Iced tea is vastly superior to iced coffee. And you don’t even have to add anything!

        Everything people add to iced coffee is to make it not taste as much like coffee.

    10. Christmas morning should always be celebrated at a child’s own house and nobody with small children should be expected to travel the day of the holiday (unless they want to). Maybe not too out there but I’ve dealt with years of in-laws/parents acting like this is an insane stance. On the plus side my SILs appreciate me setting the groundwork here, so yay?

      3. My husband would ardently disagree. I suggest every year we do it at our house and he insists he wants to sleep at my parents’ house and have it there! I don’t push back too hard because I really love being with my parents, but it’s a schlep with the gifts. He grew up with all the cousins sleeping at their grandma’s and that’s the feeling of Christmas to him. (Note, we now have four kids, ages 0-9, so next year I might win!)

        1. In sympathy to his position, my grandparents had a old Victorian that was decorated exactly fitting the house (mild fire hazards and all), and with my cousins that was Christmas.

        2. On my dad’s side I have 15 first cousins and we only did christmas morning at my grandparents with everyone who was born at that time so 8 of us or so, twice but those are still my most fun christmas memories. My mom thought the whole schlepping and having our christmas gift piles be compared to cousins was TOO MUCH. But I don’t remember how much I got vs. them or anything. Those things didn’t register with me.

      4. +1, but I’ll extend that. Christmas morning at my own house until my children are old enough to want to go on a trip somewhere (teens? college?).

      5. I hate sleeping at my in laws’ house for holidays. I’m an adult who enjoys sleeping in my own bed, and I’m tired of hauling my belongings and prepared food all over the metro area. I can’t wait to have kids so we have a definitive excuse to host!

      7. Thank you for this. We made this switch as soon as my kids were old enough to understand the holiday, and Iet me just say it was Unpopular. (With others. Not my kids, at all.)

      1. I asked about this at parents’ evening and the teacher looked at me like I had two heads “oh we play with numbers…” I bought my son a multiplication board, and am going to bribe him to memorise them. It’s a useful life skill.

        1. My fourth grader was in tears last night because he couldn’t do “36 divided by 4” when I asked him. And he’s a smart, 95%-testing kid! This millennial mom is breaking out some flash cards

        2. division more intuitive than multiplication?!? We have very different brains then!

        1. They basically do not teach math anymore. My daughter’s “advanced” math class did not get to fractions or long division until fourth and fifth grade. We did those in second grade in my Title 1 school in the ’80s.

          2. Conversely, my kids’ avowed “progressive” private school began with fractions in pre-k, using cooking and building as practical ways to illuminate the concept.

          4. Or writing. My daughter’s tenth-grade honors English class wrote one essay all year. It was the state writing assessment.

          5. My son is in 3rd grade, and he’s bringing home multiplication flash cards for 6-9 (up to x12). They assume they know 0-5 (but say to practice those if needed) and can figure out 10 and 11, and I guess they don’t have to memorize 11×11, 12×11 or 12×12. The weekly email from the teacher said it will set them up for multiplication and long division later this year.

            His class is ahead of where mine was in elementary school. I remember spending a lot of 3rd grade on 3- and 4-place-value subtraction problems, and they’re finishing that unit now. We memorized multiplication tables in 3rd grade, and long division was more of a 4th grade thing. We didn’t really study fractions until 5th grade.

          6. My daughter is in 4th grade this year and they haven’t started fractions yet. I have her in advanced math classes outside of school because I’m so disappointed. They are on target for state standards, so it’s not just her school.

        2. My third grader is learning multiplication differently than I did but I think it’s great. I was taught to memorize the tables he’s taught to break down the equations using what I think is called the distributive property. I could be wrong about the name. So he’ll think 4×4 is 16. But if he can’t remember that he’ll think 4×2 is 8×2= 16. My husband and I went to the same public school and while my husband intuitively did this, I didn’t and we weren’t taught to. So my unpopular opinion is that the new math is cool.

          1. My school taught this and required memorizing the tables! I don’t think it’s inherently an either/or.

          3. Same. I’ve seen what my kids are doing in math, and if I’d been taught that way, maybe I wouldn’t have struggled so hard once I hit high school.

      5. Wait, do all schools not do this? We did times tables pre-covid so I may have missed this.
        Our school dropped teaching cursive due to covid and I have zero regrets about buying the workbooks and making my kid learn at home – he needs the fine motor skills pratice anyway.

        1. I’m glad I’m not the only one who does this. We’ve tried a couple workbooks, but the Cursive Without Tears series is far and away my favorite. 1 page of cursive workbook is required to earn screentime.

        2. i think they call them “math facts” now — i’m not sure if my sons have ever been quizzed on the multiplication table but I’ve been told by teachers that the A- was because he needed better mastery of math facts.

          Catholic schools still teach cursive – it made HUGE improvements to my son’s handwriting, even print.

          1. We called them math facts when I learned them in the 80s! I suspect what they’re called boils down to what curriculum a school uses.

      6. Our public schools still make them memorize multiplication tables. I didn’t realize some don’t.

      7. YES. my 4th grade daughter just told me this morning (while doing multi digit multiplication homework) that she didn’t know her 7s times table and I died a little on the inside.

        school’s should also teach cursive AND typing

        1. Yes, I have made the typing suggestion to our principal! They make them type stories and other things in elementary school, teach them the right way. A way more important special than “social emotional learning”, blah

      8. My daughter is a teacher. I taught for a year out of college.

        Math curriculum is developed by English majors who hate math. You can’t convince me otherwise.

      9. My 4th grader in NJ is literally memorizing the multiplication table right now! Like, as part of her curriculum.

    13. Universal paid parental leave of a year and continuing financial and resource support for parents in the years before public school becomes available would do way, way, way more for most poor kids than increasing the budget of their elementary school (and beyond), and the main reason we don’t have that conversation is that teacher’s unions that don’t serve infants/toddlers drive our educational policy discussions.

    14. I don’t trust people who don’t like animals, how we treat our most vulnerable says a lot about a person.

      1. I feel the same about people who don’t like kids! I totally get why you might not like a specific kid or might not want to spend three hours with a high energy five year old. I’m talking about the “I just don’t like kids” universal opinion people.

        2. “I just don’t like kids” 95% of the time comes from someone who is upset that they’re not the kid getting all the attention.

      2. Agree that how we treat the most vulnerable is a barometer for the health of a society/morality of a person, but I also don’t get people who put animals of any kind above people. We all have our pet causes (pun intended), but when the care of animals supersedes the (necessary, basic) care of humans, something is wrong

        1. I think a lot of humans put themselves above animals as a choice of convenience (like eating animals) rather than because it’s actually necessary.

          2. Yes…but I’m talking about things like disaster relief when people send money to shelters instead of organizations helping humans. Or getting more worked up about people rehoming their dogs than about the broken foster care situation (or food insecurity, or homeless youth, or whatever)

          3. Humans have a lot of ability to change their own circumstances. Pets are domestic creatures we have an obligation to. They are similar to children in that they are helpless and adults have a responsibility to them.

        2. Agree. When people say they like animals but hate people I take that as my cue to go.

    15. American cheese is an abomination and should not even be allowed to call itself “cheese.”

        1. +1, I am someone fully obsessed with all the fancy cheese on this earth, but deli American is friggin’ awesome.

      3. I take it you’ve never run a slice of fresh sourdough, buttered, layered with deli ham and a slice of American cheese under the broiler.

        You haven’t lived, my friend.

        1. Sure! My opinion is not that one shouldn’t enjoy low-brow entertainment. Musicals are not for me, but other low-brow stuff is.

          2. Some people consider Sondheim, Weill, Bernstein, etc. to be musically sophisticated.

          5. Ever played any of his work? It’s loads of fun, hard as hell and definitely complex/sophisticated. I love it.

          6. Sorry, I totally misread…. I thought the criticism was saying Bernstein was UNsophisticated. Agree with you that Bernstein is creative and wonderful American classical and popular music. What a rare combination.

      2. I don’t care if they are low or high brow but I don’t enjoy them at all. I’m also not a fan of opera. I like regular music though!

        1. I am literally an opera singer and I think the plots and characters are incredibly annoying.

          1. I am an opera lover and yes the plots are ridiculous! But I love them. And I also love musicals. Guys and Dolls is my favorite musical. In betweeny I love Sweeney Todd. I love all the Puccini operas (esp Turandot, but talk about a ridiculous plot.) I love Porgy and Bess. I’ve attended the Ring cycle but am not going to become one of those people who follow it around the world, though I’d consider going across the country for it if they managed to stage it on reasonably consecutive nights.

      2. I grew up in NYC. Even if I wanted to move ‘home’ NYC COL is ridiculous even in the far-out boroughs and raising kids in the city is insanely complicated. The day I had to explain ‘applying’ to high schools to my husband was the day we both decided to move to the burbs.
        My boomer parent’s home has appreciated a truly ridiculous amount (you don’t want to know what brownstones were selling for in the 60s and 70s) but they had the benefit of inheriting property/money from both sets of parents when they were in their 40s and 50s. Obviously they’re not passing away in their 60s/70s like their parents did so without that additional windfall I don’t know how I’m supposed to make the money work.

      3. My hot take is that the parents (if possible, it’s okay if you’re unable to leave rural Appalachia) should set themselves up in a place where it’s easy for the kids to launch their own families and careers.

        Don’t plant yourself in EBF and then get all sad Eeyore when your kids move five hours away to the nearest city of a decent size.

        1. 100% agree. My parents were farmers and my brothers took over the farm. They are hurt/annoyed that I moved away and didn’t come back after college, but what is there for me + my husband to do there? I lived in NYC and DC for a decade and as much as we loved it, we moved to Minneapolis – a nice mid-size city with a diversified economy. We’re trying to put down roots so that our kids can stay here if they want and have us around to help. They don’t have to stay, but they *could*.

          1. I think it’s east bumble f*ck, i.e., middle of nowhere, but I definitely read it as exclusively breastfed, LOL!

      4. This view is sooo weird to me for highly educated families. I get that blue collar folks tend to stay near home, but they have more local job options. I grew up in the Midwest. There were no truly elite (Ivy/MIT/Stanford) colleges within 1,000 miles of my home, and even the best Midwestern colleges (WashU, Chicago, Northwestern) were in different states and many hours of driving away. At any good college, you meet people from all over the country, and the odds you eventually marry someone from your home town or even home state are minuscule. So how do you then decide whose family to move near? To say nothing of the fact that you often don’t have a lot of choice about where you go for grad/professional school or first jobs. Should my parents have encouraged me to give up on my Ivy League and career dreams to stay near them? I think that’s such a weird attitude and so limiting to a potentially high-achieving kid.

        1. I agree as someone who has that life now, but also, not just highly educated families! I grew up in a working class immigrant family. We didn’t just leave town, we left our continent, and that’s how people who came from very little like us moved up in the world. I don’t live in the same place in the US as my parents and we miss each other, but they’re also thrilled about the opportunities I’ve had (and they might retire to my area eventually).

          1. Yes, that too! And yeah my parents moved near us once we were permanently settled with a kid, and I plan to do the same for my kid if she wants. It’s more complicated if you have more than one child, but I’ve always thought that makes way more sense than limiting your kids to one narrow geographic area when they’re young and launching their careers.

      6. and if you want to be a doctor and there is no medical school or teaching hospital nearby, then what?

        1. It’s not even just “if there’s no medical school nearby.” Even the brightest kids aren’t going to get into every med school they apply to. Pretty much every educated professional has to move around to chase educational and career opportunities.

      7. No, I would have wasted my potential living near my family. Maybe not now when there are remote jobs but those didn’t exist when I started. And I definitely would not want to be in a rural red state as a liberal woman right now.

    18. John Rutter is a terrible composer. His music is corny and sounds like junior high band music from the 1990s. The entrances are weird and it’s harder to sing than it needs to be to produce the sound it has. All of his women’s parts are written for little boys and the solos are particularly awful.

        1. As do I. Are you the same person who complained about a school chorus singing Rutter in the midst of a thread about holiday music at public schools, or are there two Rutter haters here?!

      2. This is the kind of incredibly specific and deeply held pet peeve that I live for.

      4. I love Rutter’s arrangement of For the Beauty of the Earth, but more than I love that arrangement, I love this take for all the reasons everyone has already identified. And but for the very first sentence, OP, you’re not wrong.

        1. I am so glad you like “For the Beauty of the Earth,”

          But man, always bummed when that’s the hymn.

      6. I have now spent a little time this evening on spotify trying to figure what the Rutter music is, and I still don’t know, but the ones that dominated my search were the choral version of an advert jingle.

    19. Once kids are school age you shouldn’t uproot them. Especially if you have a good community (family and friends ) where you live. Especially if it’s for a promotion

      1. +1 as a kid who was uprooted for a promotion to somewhere where we literally knew no one.

        1. I don’t think this is an inherently privileged view at all, and I hate how overused that phrase has become.

        2. Agree. For many people, “a promotion” means going from barely making ends meet/not saving enough for retirement to upper middle class, retirement savings, college savings. It can also mean moving away from a place where if you lose your job, you’re SOL, to a place with more opportunities.

      3. I was uprooted for mommy dearest’s dream house, very uncool to make your city kid move to the middle of nowhere.

        1. I was uprooted for my dad’s dream home, from the city to the middle of nowhere. All the kids really suffered for it. One sibling has enduring injuries from a hazing incident, because we were forever “those city kids” at the new school. My mom lost all her close friends and developed neurological problems and died fairly young.

          I still blame my dad. He never would have sacrificed for my mother’s dream anything.

      4. Conversely, I’ve seen unwillingness to move keep families in poverty because well paying work that uses the parents’ skills isn’t available in their town. Change is scary, but so is growing up in poverty.

        1. I think everyone here understands that there are circumstances where uprooting is necessary for health or staying out of poverty reasons.

      5. This is mine!! Mu husband is an academic and I was clear with him from the beginning that I was only uprooting the family if he was denied tenure. I thought it was really unfair to school age kids to uproot them just so he could have a cushier job or work at a more prestigious university. Fortunately he was on board. He moved around a lot as a kid due to academic parents and hated it.

      6. I’m looking at “uprooting” my child. No family within 600 miles, very few close friends, school systems are dismal, job opportunities are bad.

          1. Trailing spouse. At this point, I’m not sure why his job is more important than my job + our kid’s education.

        2. I think your kid is already an uprooted kid, and it sounds like you’re contemplating returning them to somewhere rooted.

          1. I had never thought of it that way, because my kid was born here… but you’re right.

            Thank you for that.

      7. We moved about every three years when I was a kid, and I turned out fine, and in fact have a diversity of life experiences. Do I occasionally wish I had grown up with a community like my husband…sure. It also sucked making new friends, especially as a teenager. But at the end of the day, I am so thankful for the things my dad’s job provided – in particular, the ability to attend college and law school without taking on debt. I think my mom suffered for it though, but I believe it was more due to her not working outside the home than the simple fact that we moved.

          1. Nope. Corporate; he worked for the same worldwide company his entire career. Started in a technical position and ended as an executive. We moved almost every time he was promoted because he was moving to a different part of the organization, sometimes even to a different company within the corporation. He truly changed his life – he grew up poor and is very (very) wealthy now, mostly due to company stock he has owned for decades, and set up each of his kids for success in life. I think the poster’s “unpopular” opinion above is very shortsighted.

          2. I’m the executive spouse. I busted my ass traveling all over the US to work in different offices without moving so that my kids didn’t get uprooted.

            I always said a husband in my situation would have just come home and said “honey, pack up the house, we’re moving.”

            My daughter is early 20s and her best friend is still her best friend from Kindergaten. They go out to dinner once a week!

      9. Interesting. I was uprooted in late elementary school and I am so incredibly grateful. Sure it was hard making new friends and not having extended family near by/traveling for Christmas every year but moving out of my small Midwest town with no diversity opened up so many doors I didn’t even know existed. I also think I’m a more open minded person having moved somewhere where not everyone looked like me and went to the same church. Also making new friends was hard at that age but it made making friends the rest of my life a lot easier. Honestly moving us was the single best parenting decision my parents ever made. I am also still close to my extended family for what it’s worth

        1. My mom insisted on giving me a stable childhood in one place and I was deeply resentful. I was jealous of my peers in school (military town) who got to travel and live in different places their whole young lives. I left as soon as I turned 18.

        2. But not everyone who’s uprooted lives in a small town with no diversity. This is a straw man.

          1. Well so was the original opinion that you should never move kids. There are plenty of cases where it’s a great choice. I provided one example. We had a good community of friends and family and the move was for a promotion.

    20. While better, more widely available and more financially feasible infant care is definitely needed and necessary, more than 6 months of parental leave is counterproductive to a woman’s career development. Maybe even less leave is better.

      1. Shockingly, women who have access to longer leaves can choose to return to work sooner if they so desire.

        1. Also, individual women are in the best position to choose for themselves what is best for both their career and their families.

        2. Yes and no. I’m in Canada and actually agree with this take. 6 months worked for me. But because the standard is 12-18 months it’s basically impossible to find a daycare that takes kids before that age. I couldn’t afford a nanny for my first, but if I have a second, I will get a nanny and go back to work at 6 months. The 12 months hurt me financially and was not good for my mental health or for the balance of my marriage. I adore my child but do not aspire to be a SAHM.

          1. As a Canadian (ex) nanny there is a reason infant care is so expensive and daycares don’t take them.

          2. Other countries seems to manage… I agree that infants should be with their parents for their first few months, but I think at 6 months they are generally fine.

          4. It wasn’t feasible for us to split because he’s self-employed and would have lost his business if he shut down for 6 months.

      3. I will say I was a sleep zombie until about six months each time. I went back both times after 3/3.5 months, but would have loved six months. A year does seem really long. I like the idea of parents being able to split time in countries with national mandates (and like the idea even better of forcing men to take leave too).

    21. A partial list of my persnickety and in-no-way expert opinions:
      Ponte is a cheap-looking material.
      Soft pretzels are gross.
      Wine culture (eg, sniffing wines and talking about them) is ridiculous.

      And a few nicer ones:
      Women don’t give themselves enough credit for all the things they can do.
      Giving someone your full attention is powerful.
      Leggings can be pants if you want them to be — wear what you like!

      1. Soft pretzels are only good when served warm, coated in butter, and with beer cheese on the side (philly/German style). Street cart pretzels are gross.

      2. Converse is true, too — humanities isn’t given the respect and attention (and money) it deserves!

        1. I will never tire of the ‘science can teach you how to re-create dinosaurs from DNA, liberal arts can teach you why that’s a bad idea’ meme.

      3. As a STEM person I totally agree. It holds enormous potential to improve our lives but so do other disciplines, and it’s ridiculous that they are constantly sidelined.

      4. Lol as another STEM person- I went into it to avoid writing and talking to people, and now that is literally all I do.

    24. Cheugy millennial styles are more flattering on most women, especially short women, than modern styles.

      1. 100% agree. I realize the current styles are less about “dressing for the male gaze” but I don’t enjoy looking wide or sloppy. You could parachute into Normandy with some of the trendy outfits these days.

        1. It’s the sloppiness that I can’t abide by. What’s wrong with just, like, a classic fit that skims but doesn’t cling to the body? I guess that’s my own personal preference, trends be damned.

    25. It’s perfectly ok for dogs to live outside most of the time. Also, dogs shouldn’t come shopping anywhere other than actual pet stores.

        1. +2 Americans have become ridiculous about dogs. They don’t need to be in stores, restaurants, or offices. And people who let their dogs run off leash in areas that clearly require them to be leashed are assholes.

          Also, the person above – not liking animals doesn’t mean you are a horrible person. Many people have good reasons for not liking to be around dogs – for example, if they were terrorized by an off-leash dog let off its leash by an asshole owner.

          1. There should be some sort of certification project for legitimate service animals. I don’t like seeing dogs with fake vests sniffing the produce in the grocery store, and I am sure that handlers with legitimate service dogs don’t want the poorly behaved fake dogs interfering with their own dogs.

          2. I live in Berkeley and we have a park that has a leash law, but people let their dogs run off leash anyway.

            Unfortunately, there are now burrowing owls in the park, and bird lovers like myself would like the dogs back on leash so they don’t bother the owls.

            Berkeley has started to weakly enforce the leash law. You will not believe how many dog owners are up in arms about this, that they have to put their dogs on leash.

            There’s an official off-leash park that’s even bigger about a mile or two away, but dog owners are salty about it anyway. You should see my Nextdoor.

            I have two dogs and love them to bits! But they’re on leash any time we are somewhere other than home. It’s not hard.

            Dog owners can be SO incredibly entitled.

      2. Dog culture has become absolutely ridiculous. I don’t want to dine with your pooch, sorry not sorry.

      3. 1000% agree. Dogs should be on a leash in any public setting. Drives me crazy that people let their dogs run around without leashes, leaving it to everyone else to take precautions in case their dog jumps/lunges/bites.

    26. Standard time and daylight savings time and the two resulting time changes should not be changed.

      1. Agree. And people who are so wrecked by the 1-hour time change – I am skeptical. Do you never stay up an hour later once in a while? Does that wreck you for days?

        I mean, I’m old, and staying up late too many nights in a row will definitely wreck me, but one hour difference twice a year is not that hard to handle.

        1. Oh this is my pet peeve!!! All the parenting influencers freak out about the time change and say it throws them and their kids off for weeks. Like… have you never traveled with your kids!? It’s a 1 hour time change, NYC to Chicago. It’s not like you’re going from the US to Asia, my god. I admittedly travel more than most, but I just can’t imagine caring about a 1 hour time change. Anything less than 3 hours is NBD.

        2. Absolutely yes. A 1 hour jet lag also effs me up a ton. The thing is that jet lag is opt in, not forced!

          If you don’t have a relevant medical condition, please just count yourself lucky. And if you are skeptical, look at the official stats on this.

        3. There’s an artistically higher likelihood of car accidents after the change. Judges even hand down harsher sentences. When I taught the LSAT, my students (usually early 20s, so in their prime) were always face-planting on their books that week after the time change.

          It’s real.

          2. I taught the LSAT, too, and my students absolutely were not “face planting” in response to a 1 hr time change.

        4. Yes, literally wrecked because the deer I encounter in my pre-dawn springtime drive to work don’t suddenly change their schedule to accommodate my sudden 1-hour difference.

      2. Oh, I will say that I don’t like when the spring forward change occurs because I don’t like how it starts getting lighter in the morning, then we are slammed back into the dark. So I’d be on board with adjusting when that change happens.

    27. Pets are not children. The term “furbaby” is beyond cringe.

      But also. It’s ridiculous that some employers apparently don’t allow people to use their sick leave for a sick pet. It is not “radical” to think people should be able to use sick leave for vet appointments. Bereavement should count for pets too.

      1. Speaking of bereavement, it’s criminal to give 3 days leave to someone who has lost a spouse. Or child. Can’t we be humane and give at least a week of paid leave?

        1. I am the regular poster who lost a child and I also got three days. I just said fuck ‘em and didn’t show up to work for a week or two and no one fired me.

          But I had the agency to do that because I was professional employee. If I were cleaning the toilets, I’m sure I would’ve been fired immediately.

      2. +1 all of that. I don’t have kids by choice, have 2 dogs, and I hateeeee it when people refer to the dogs as kids. I don’t actually need kids to have a full life, thank you.

      3. i agree with pets are not children. maybe 1 day of bereavement for pets, but for actual people, no 2 days is not sufficient to mourn my mother’s loss. especially since I am Jewish and sat shivah for a week.

      1. Mine is the opposite. Tracking before middle school, and especially tracking in early elementary school, does more harm than good, and mainly identifies kids who come from privileged homes and well-behaved kids the teachers like, not kids who are truly high IQ. (And my kids screened as gifted in K, so this isn’t coming from a “my special snowflake didn’t qualify for gifted programs so we shouldn’t have them” place).

      2. After elementary school, they should allow tracking by parental choice in all core subjects, not just math. My kids have been in too many English classes that are so slow and boring because some of the kids in the class really lack basic reading fundamentals.

        1. Is that not standard? Our public district has honors English and science beginning in 7th grade, as well as different math tracks, and I thought that was pretty common.

          1. In the interest of “equity,” my kids’ school district eliminated honors English in middle and high school, so the only advanced English classes are AP English classes. The science and math teachers fought back and managed to keep their honors classes at the high school and there’s an accelerated middle school math track. As much as I like that my kids are both more interested in math and science than I ever was at their ages, I think part of it is because they are the only challenging classes they can take before 11th grade.

      3. +1 that tracking in middle school and beyond is absolutely necessary.

        Eliminating tracking in middle school sounds like a great idea, until you see that some kids are going into middle school (6th grade) ready for 9th grade work and some are going into 6th grade ready for 4th or 5th grade work. And all the teachers have 120+ students over the course of the day, so it’s not like they have the ability to quietly differentiate that an excellent teacher does in an elementary classroom of 20 children.

        How do the kids who are behind get caught up? And have the confidence to engage in class when they’re so far behind their peers? And how do you keep the kids who are ahead engaged?

    29. If you’re not actively working to make the world a better place you are making it worse

      1. If you are “actively trying to make the world a better place” and are looking down on others for not doing as much as you in the process, the world would benefit more from you doing internal work than external work.

          2. It’s not smugness. You’re part of the solution or you’re part of the problem. Simple.

        2. No this is what you tell yourself to help you sleep at night. The world benefits from external work, not feeling smug for the mental gymnastics to make yourself feel okay about your immoral job.

          1. If being like you would help me sleep better at night, I’d pick insomnia every time.

        1. I assure you I am a real mother. I don’t think it’s fair that moms have to gestate the child, give birth, and then spend their limited leave recovering physically and feeding the baby from their own bodies, then when the baby is just starting to sleep and eat properly and be interactive have to go back to work and hand the fun baby over to dad to lounge around with during his leave.

          2. I worked for a large industrial manufacturer in the early 2010’s. We were SO close to getting 3 months of paid maternity leave which would have been huge for our hourly workforce. The head of DEI was a gay man, who pitched everyone should get it or nobody. The CEO was prepared to give it women, but since his team protested, nobody got it. I’m not casting value judgements on anybody (except maybe the cheap CEO) but the outcome was bad for working class mothers.

        2. It’s not a plant, sadly. This poster is on the moms page and regularly shares that opinion over there. She’s projecting her own bitterness about her useless husband, and assuming no dads use paternity leave for it’s intended purpose, i.e., bonding with the baby.

          1. I am the poster. My husband is a great dad, but he did not GIVE BIRTH TO A BABY and FEED IT. If anyone deserves bonding time it’s me, not him.

          2. Can we not pretend that pregnancy and childbirth are the equivalent of a head cold? It’s a massive, massive undertaking, and yes, we deserve recovery time.

          3. We deserve recovery time, which is why most workplaces offer birth mothers sick leave or short term disability in addition to the parental leave that all new parents get.

            And honestly, while it’s not a head cold, it’s not THAT big a deal. I had third degree tearing and a forceps-assisted birth so not an easy birth by any means. The first few days were rough, but within a week I had minimal pain and was completely back to normal activities except sex and maybe something like riding a bike. It’s not something that takes months and months to recover from except in extraordinarily rare circumstances.

          4. I’ll bite. I think in America where there are very limited benefits, if someone has to do triage, then the parent who physically birthed the child needs medical leave (in California at least, the state gives 6-8 weeks leave first as medical leave then 6 weeks (more or less) for bonding, which really also should be that the baby is too young for outside care (although I know some babies go in at 6 weeks, hugs to anyone who had to do that).

            In an equitable world, all parents should have access to some amount of leave. Adoptive parents realistically should get leave too as infants are too little to kindly/safely go into care. At the end of day, the birthing parent (usually a mother) gets the short end of the stick on everything, and our society does not value that in any real way beyond “family values”. However, I think the way forward is to have leave for everyone. If men take (are told to) leave, then it removes the stigma for women to do it. Of course, this is probably somewhat of an elite discussion if you are a woman who has to stay home or go back to work at 2 weeks since you don’t have any leave.

      2. Hard disagree that adoptive parents and father should not have bonding time with a child. Paid leave? More debatable.

      3. Birth mothers should have more leave than fathers and adoptive parents to allow for physical recovery (and they do at every place I’ve worked) but the idea that fathers and adoptive parents should have no bonding leave is nuts. And in the long run it hurts birth mothers by making childcare solely a woman’s responsibility and domain.

        1. Yeah to me the main point of fathers getting paid time off is to help the mother recover. My husband took 4 weeks at birth so that he could handle stuff while I recovered, and we both got to bond with our child.

        2. this so very much. Mothers need additional time for physical recovery. The only couples where childcare including the mental labor is fairly divided in the long term are where the father took some leave (not concurrent with the mom), and learned to handle the baby independently.

          1. Yup. It’s said often on the moms page, but having a husband who takes paternity leave after you return to work and has to handle a young infant solo is one of the best ways to establish a long term equal parenting relationship. And also great for the father-child relationship.

          2. How about this? Let the mom go back to work immediately (or, even better, go stay at a spa to recover) and leave the dad home alone to figure out how to get a floppy screaming alien to eat and sleep, and let the mom insist that the dad deal with the baby in the middle of the night because “I have to work tomorrow.” Then at 8 or 12 weeks or 6 months or whatever send the dad back to work and let the mom stay home with a smiling baby who sleeps through the night and smiles and coos and naps without demanding to be held and is old enough to be taken out of the house.

          3. Anonymous, I am genuinely sorry that that is your experience of marriage and motherhood, but I do not think it is universal (or even common). I hope you’re able to find support in your community.

      4. Way to denigrate adoptive parents who suddenly, joyfully, have a tiny person in their home that they need to figure out, sometimes without the benefit of 9 months of prep time.

    31. I don’t think this is unpopular in the “real world” but it’s unpopular here… that couples who both want big, hard-charging careers and plan to outsource all their parenting to nannies, au pairs, etc. should not have kids. Children deserve at least one parent who can be consistently present, and it’s selfish to have kids if both parents are going to spend their entire childhood working 70 hour weeks.

        1. And also firmly believe that often the right adult for the role changes over time. The parent best equipped for toddler years is not necessarily the parent best equipped for teen years.

      3. Agree! My strongest childhood bond was my nanny and it messed me up irreparably. My parents are just the weird strangers who existed between the actual loving adults who fed and cared for me.

      4. i disagree. sometimes things don’t go according to plan. i do think you should only have kids if you want to be an involved parent. but i also think there are a lot of different ways to be involved. i know people who grew up with two parents with BIG jobs, but also enough flexibility for at least one parent to generally be home and available from 6-8pm. also, both parents don’t necessarily need to have the big jobs at the same time. look at the clintons or the obamas

        1. Two hours a day of parental availability is absolutely not sufficient for kids under their teen years (and possibly not even for those kids).

          1. I would argue it’s even less sufficient with teens! Teens want to spend less total time with their parents, but the window to connect with them is so small and much easier to miss. If you miss family dinner, you can read a book to your 6 year old at bedtime and connect then. But teens don’t work that way — you can only connect on their terms.

      5. what about low income people who have to work 70 hours a week to make ends meet? no kids for them either? i mean i guess that would end poverty

          2. Not needing to work two jobs totaling 70 hours per week to make ends meet does not make you “rich.” It barely makes you middle class.

        3. If you can afford 70 hours a week of childcare, you’re not living in poverty, lol. In my LCOL area, nannies start around $75k per year before you pay any overtime. Most low income families I know have a SAHM or a mom who works very part time because they can’t even afford daycare, let alone a nanny.

          1. In those families the childcare is unpaid labor by a grandmother or very very cheap unlicensed in-home “child care” provided by a sister or cousin or friend.

      6. In my 20s I was a nanny to a Big Law couple and it was the most depressing thing; they rarely saw the kids during the work week (they would leave before the kids got up and got home after the kids were in bed). They forgot their daughter’s birthday one time. I went to the special events at the kids’ school, not them. I worked so hard to make sure those kids had fun, memorable experiences.

    32. Every time I meet a tall white man with a full head of hair who enjoys a position of power, I assume he is incompetent because the bar has been so low for him his entire life.

        1. I once dated a guy who thought it should be mandatory for women to be on BC. You know, so he wasn’t stuck with a surprise pregnancy. That was the end of our (brief) relationship.

          1. and he said that out loud to a woman?! holy shhh, if the opinion doesn’t do it, the stupidity to voice it is definitely a turn off.

          2. I dated similar men. They didn’t think it should be mandatory; they were just shocked that I wasn’t preemptively on it, for their convenience.

            Dude the world already revolves around you enough. I’m not putting hormones into my body to make life even easier for you.

      3. Can you explain? I’m fascinated. My OBGYN just told me I should keep my mirena because it will help with early menopause symptoms.

        1. Mirena made me fat and sad and gave me terrible headaches. It’s purely for the convenience of the man. A bonus is that the medical establishment can just prescribe hormonal BC for any concern a woman has, instead of actually trying to figure out what the issue is or develop specific treatments.

        2. I looooooved my hormonal birth control! Cut the cramps, cut the PMS, helped with the acne – absolutely loved the stuff.

          Too old to need it now.

          1. Made absolutely everything worse for me. It’s almost like we need more research into women’s health!

          2. I love it too! I’ve been on it since my mid 20s and I basically stopped having periods and the associated issues. My life is so much better on hormonal birth control and i never want to be off of it.

          3. Another person who loves it. I have stayed on hormonal BC through long stretches of time when I was not having sex with anyone, and plan to even after my husband gets a vasectomy. My life is much better on it.

          4. I came off my hormonal birth control (which I started around 16) when my husband had a vasectomy. Struggled through 18 months of absolute agony because my OB/GYN kept telling me things would “level off” and “my periods should be more normal soon”. I had every awful symptom in the book. I finally went back on my old pill and have never been happier. You can pry my hormonal birth control from my cold dead (or I guess post-menopausal) hands.

          5. Just understand that every symptom hormonal BC alleviates for you, it causes for other women.

      5. Nope, women are doing it to themselves. The pill was hailed as the best thing since sliced bread, women are fighting to have it available OTC and free, and women routinely promote hormonal bc to others.

        FAM is amazing, but it does take effort. To suggest that women should learn about their cycles and track them is viewed by many as yet another burden to women.

        1. Or you could just use the barrier method, but that would be such a burden for the man.

        2. It also assumes that the woman has the choice when and if to engage in intercourse. Not all women have that choice, sadly.

          1. Aren’t those women’s husbands also the ones who want them to have a million babies so they won’t let them take BC, though?

          2. I can see the argument that accommodating this reality is harm reduction, but that doesn’t therefore mean it’s not serving the convenience of men.

        3. back when the pill became available, it WAS a huge advancement. Men could not be expected to take even the smallest precaution or accountability in terms of preventing pregnancies back then, and this gave control to women. But at the price of significant side effects for some. Many decades later, I’d say the situation has simply evolved and that is a good thing.

          1. A pill for men was trialed and they actually cared about the side effects men experienced, so it wasn’t brought to market. For women, they decided that the side effects would hurt the economy less, and even dangerous complications were still safer than being pregnant. It’s vastly easier to bring any drug to market if its safety is being weighed against the risks of pregnancy.

        1. Let’s face it – the goal of the fashion industry is to get us to buy new clothes so they make money. And we have run out of silhouettes that are flattering, and have been re-using old trends for years. So they threw this out there, and as with anything on social media these days, people just blindly follow.

          I remember when “joggers” (ie sweat pants) came back into “fashion”, and blogs were styling them with heels. I burst out laughing.

      4. I was going to say that barrel jeans were horrific but thought that would be so non controversial it would not evens spark conversation!

    35. Paying your dues doing low level or menial work is a not failure of capitalism or whatever. It’s how you learn how to be good at your job when you become more experienced. Experience takes years of working at a job, not training or education. Jobs suck and will not be fun sometimes.

    36. Matthew Perry seemed like a jerk in real life and very different from his character. And I think it’s wrong that he has somehow been sainted just because he died–and from something that was his own doing.

      2. I don’t think he’s been sainted? A lot of people were and still are talking about his less flattering qualities.

    37. Tapas are a rip off in America. $18 for three meatballs or $12 for a small pile of fried potatoes? No thanks.

      Adults shouldn’t wear hair bows.

      Not every holiday needs to be done to the nines.

      2. I don’t really think you understand weed. Should adults over 30 also not consume alcohol?

        Ps I say this a non weed smoker and a very rare drinker.

        1. Yes, adults over 30 should not be drinking to the point of getting drunk. That’s embarrassing, too. You’re an adult; act like it.

          1. I have so many friends who smoke or eat a little weed every night, just like my many friends who have a glass (or more) of wine every night. I don’t know where you get the idea that regular weed smokers are wasted all the time.

            I don’t do either! But I think weed is objectively better than alcohol for society.

          2. I think they’re both sad things to do if you’re a full grown adult, and they’re even sadder if you’re doing them alone at home to “unwind” after work.

      3. Yes. And it’s think it’s fine to consume alcohol in moderation. Weed is gross, it smells rank, it makes people impaired, and we like to pretend that it’s healthy and cool but it’s not. Smoking is bad for you, full stop, and the whole “oh but some people drink wine” argument is silly.

        3. The only odors I hate worse are cooked liver and cat pee. I despise it when people in my building essentially force me to smell pot so they can cop a high.

        4. +1 weed smoke is disgusting. I don’t give a f#ck what people ingest unless they are out in traffic, but smoking your drugs is a shitty thing to do to other people whatever your drug of choice.

      4. I abstain, but everyone I know in professional circles has switched to gummies. Technically they are not smoking it.

    40. Cake is the main category, and pie is a subcategory.

      Eating out and outsourcing simple labor generally is a luxury, it doesn’t need to be affordable to everyone all the time.

      Pineapple is great on pizza.

      1. I’m sorry, I know this is an unpopular opinion thread, but that cake/pie take is WILD. Cakes and pies are BOTH subcategories of baked goods and nothing you say will dissuade me.

      2. Think about the “luxury” opinion; anything that makes things easier for healthy, able-bodied people is likely to make things possible for people who don’t meet that description and who have less $ to begin with.

      3. YEESSSS to pineapple is great on pizza. I’m convinced those who disagree with this haven’t actually tried it. It’s my favorite, and I’ve successfully converted my mother-in-law to it as well.

        2. Pineapple + bacon (not ham, real bacon) on pizza is one of my favorite combos.

          I also think that pizza does not need more than 2-3 toppings.

      4. Cake and pie are entirely separate categories of baked goods and I’m not sure we can remain friends.

    41. Apparently unpopular on this board but not in my real life: There is a vast middle ground between thinking of your pets as children and sticking them outside to languish because they’re animals. This middle ground is a lovely place to be.

      And I still don’t trust people who don’t like pets.

      1. Same. My dog is great. He is not my furbaby but he will definitely sleep inside in a warm bed. He is leashed when the law requires it, and I don’t need to bring him everywhere, but he is a companion on many outings because I didn’t get a dog to leave him at home alone all the time, so I appreciate when I can bring him places so we can take a long walk and grab a coffee or something. And I definitely don’t trust people who don’t like pets.

          1. Some of the happiest dogs I’ve ever met were working farm dogs (in perfectly ordinary climates). They’re well cared for and highly valued. I don’t see the issue.

          2. My dog was bred to live and work outside. By her own choice, she spends at least 10 hours a day outdoors in all weather below about 90 degrees. If I keep her inside she gets restless.

        2. Dogs are sociable animals and it cruel to leave them in the yard. Exception for working animals on a farm who are definitely not languishing as they do their jobs.

          1. There are cases in between (a plurality of dogs on a big property that is not a farm but where the kids spend a lot of time outside every day, etc.).

      3. I like pets in theory but in reality they are so smelly. Every time I pet a dog (or yikes get licked!) I have to wash my hands. I have a very keen sense of smell, though.

    42. The grumpy but lovable old man trope needs to die. He’s just rude and unpleasant and we don’t need to pretend that’s somehow endearing.

      1. Yes! Same for “I’m old and I’ve earned the right to be an asshole”. No you haven’t.

    43. Most upper middle class Americans are soft, lack basic life skills and would be SOL if they had to figure out life without a car and limited budget.

      1. +1, but this pervades many classes. I grew up poor and can assure you that many of my relatives also lack basic skills. It’s just that their lack of basic skills has already caused their natural consequences, and my upper middle class friends are able to keep a buffer between them and those consequences for longer.

      1. So are most beauty treatments for most people. $200 nails or eyelashes? Don’t ask me to fund your retirement.

        1. I firmly believe that some beauty treatments are sadly necessarily to help me remain relevant in my public facing job. Spider lashes, no, but other treatments that make me look younger and always composed? Yes.

    45. A short (2-3 year) term of military service should be compulsory after high school. I could be persuaded that some other form of national service that requires communal living, a schedule you do not have full control over, and uniforms also fits the bill.

      1. I agree – an inconvenient period of serving others with structure, some hardship, and communal living with people very different than you should be mandatory

        1. Why not work more of this into K12? I guess my unpopular opinion is that K12 is wasting a lot of children’s time.

    46. Many pot smokers are incredibly inconsiderate and rude. Pot smoke smells awful and gets everywhere, and yet they think they should be able to inflict it on the rest of us. Edibles are an option, and I don’t really care if they “don’t work” as well as smoking.

      I feel the same way about cigarette smoke. Also pot smokers are incredibly naive if they think smoking pot is so much healthier than cigarettes. We don’t have the data yet because it’s been so hard to study pot, but I would bet in the next 10 years or so we find that smoking pot has detrimental health issues similar to those from smoking cigarettes.

      1. The status quo is really, really hard on people who have relevant allergies.

        I guess my currently unpopular opinion is that it’s past time to get real about air quality. Whether it’s airborne contagious diseases spreading in poorly ventilated schools and office buildings, pot smoke wafting around indoors and outdoors, or the effects of pollution and traffic on health, we can do better.

      2. I judge people that smoke and use drugs recreationally. I think people who smoke are disgusting.

        If you are going to consume pot theres no excuse for not doing it with edibles at this point.

        I think drinking more than 2 or 3 alcholic drinks in one sitting is bad. I think drinking more than twice a week is bad. I think if you drink every night after work you need to learn healthy coping skills and you have a drinking problem.

        1. Agree with all of this, with a bit of sympathy for older people who became addicted to smoking (just don’t do it anywhere around me).

    47. Parenting is so much harder now than it was in the 80s in large part* because you are all making it harder with performative bs like over the top birthday parties, snacks, holiday “traditions” and more. And because you’re all afraid of being “mean” more than you want to actually raise healthy adults. Stop competitive mommying and your parenting will be easier.

      *not all, some is of course economic and societal changes- but a huge part is in your control.

      1. Ooh yes I feel this one so much. Obviously there are women in objectively hard situations like poverty or abusive marriages, but I think most upper middle class moms are martyrs who bring on the majority of the hardships themselves. And yes I’m a mom to two kids, neither of whom is conventionally “easy.”

      2. Oh gosh visit the moms page and the amount of hand wringing over birthday party invites and attending.

        I hate full class parties. They are a gift grab and a time suck.

        1. Aw I loved the full class parties, and I don’t think people do them for gift grabs (the majority of the ones we’re invited to are “no gifts”). It’s such a great way to build community. We’re still close with a bunch of parents from preschool and K that we got to know at the whole class parties. My kid is getting to the smaller, drop off birthday stage and while it’s more convenient, I kind of miss getting to know all her friend’s parents.

      4. The problem is to some extent “keeping up with the Joneses” in terms of things like birthday parties and holidays is necessary so your kid feels like they are equally supported and loved as much as their friends, unfair as that may be. It’s all fine and good to say, we’re not going to have elaborate birthday parties or do anything special at home for St. Patrick’s day, but it’s not like in the 80s when no one did that stuff so it was fine. Your kid is going to know that they don’t get the things that other kids get, which is a different experience.

        1. This right here. The amount of grief I got from my kid because her Elf on the Shelf was lazy, I never went to eat lunch with her in elementary school, and we never went to Great Wolf Lodge is insane.

          1. There’s a middle ground though — if something is really important to your kid, like you going to eat lunch with them once, you can find a way to do it. That doesn’t mean you have to martyr to do All The Thing . And honestly, sometimes kids need to have their privilege checked. If you took other nice vacations, which I’m assuming you did, it’s fine to shut down the complaining about not going to a specific place Great Wolf Lodge.

        2. It’s ok for kids to be disappointed sometimes though.

          Also no kid has everything. The kids with the SAHMs who do all the Pinterest mom stuff tend not to be as affluent as the families with two working parents (at least in my area) and they don’t get the travel and activity opportunities that my kid does. By early elementary school, kids are old enough to understand that there are trade-offs, and the fact that their parents work affords them opportunities others don’t have but means their parents don’t have as much time to spend decorating the house for St. Patrick’s Day or whatever.

          1. Yeah–I am the mom who didn’t take her kid to Great Wolf Lodge, but now she’s attending her dream private college loan-free, which is definitely not the norm for kids from her high school.

      5. 100%
        We moved from an affluent school district to a working class one and it has been a breath of fresh air. In the affluent district it was all performative and keeping up the Jones. In the working class one, there is a little of that but it’s mostly focused on real needs. I like that my kids are exposed to a broad range of people and are gaining understanding of wants versus needs.
        The school administration does NOT help! They plan so many crazy events and are horrible about communicating about it.

    48. Teachers should make 3x as much as they do.
      And colleges should have the same faculty:administrator ratio as their student:faculty ratio.

      1. Agree with your second one.

        Hard disagree that the solution to educational problems is higher teacher pay in most school districts these days.

        1. Eh. I don’t know about 3x their currently salary which would be like $150k-200k because you don’t want people going into teaching for the money. But paying more than competitors is absolutely important to retaining talented people. Our school district is beyond excellent and has the most dedicated teachers and staff I’ve ever met, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we’re one of the top-paying districts in the state.

          1. If we could have a decent social safety net where disability and disease are not correlated with poverty, then sure, they shouldn’t do it for the money.
            As long as we live in capitalism, ‘you shouldn’t just do it for the money’ is just an excuse to exploit teachers, nurses, childcare providers, political staffers, scientists, journalists and workers in publishing, artists, and who knows how many other fields.

          2. Your school district is successful because you have the sort of population that can afford to fund a top-paying district, which means you have socioeconomically advantaged parents and a non-crumbling infrastructure.

            If you’re in a school district with socioeconomically disadvantaged parents, black mold in the schools, and high rates of community violence, paying teachers more should not be your top priority, and it is not the best use of money.

          3. I have no objection to people going into teaching for money. Teachers are regularly evaluated and if someone is doing it for money, but is also doing it well, who cares?

          4. Yes, we would be a good district with strong test scores regardless because we have a relatively affluent and involved parent base. But I’m not really speaking about test scores or student performance — I’m speaking specifically about the quality of the teachers and staff who are really on a different level than the surrounding school districts, even the “good” ones. I think the fact that people are paid significantly more than at other districts in the state has to be a factor in being able to attract and retain the best teachers. That’s just economics.

          5. I think you’re completely right, but I also think you’re talking about the difference between a top 10% school district and a top 1% school district, and that difference just isn’t relevant to the majority of schools.

          6. Why wouldn’t we want people going into teaching for the money when it’s fine for doctors to go into the job because of the cash?

      2. Agree. If we paid teachers more (like they do in a lot of other industrialized countries), we’d have a better pool of teachers and school administrators. You can get a teaching degree in the US by fogging up a mirror.

    49. Mine is that arguing with admittedly unpopular opinions is tiresome. We all know what the popular arguments against all these things are! You aren’t going to talk anyone out of theirs.

    50. The most important thing you can do for your kids is their education. It’s not one size fits all and you should actively seek to find the best fit for each kid. Defaulting to public school isn’t the right approach. Public school night be the best option for your kid and that’s great, but you should seriously explore other options.

      1. If you’re lucky enough to have that choice. There are no secular private schools in my metro area.

        1. Same here, at least not past elementary school. And although I’m religious, the parochial schools espouse beliefs that I am 100 percent NOT on board with.

    51. Absent a real medical reason (not a fancy quack who will write a note), all kids should get all vaccinations with no religious or “conscience” opt-out available.

      1. I see the logic here. In practice there are a lot of doctors who will say one thing unofficially but not officially because they’re terrified of being lumped in with the fancy quacks. There’s also understandably very limited interest in studying patients who are specifically suspected to be very reactive.

        My view is more unpopular though, which is that even if you have a good reason not to be vaccinated, that doesn’t mean it’s safe for you or others to go school unvaccinated.

      2. Yesssss! But I don’t think that’s unpopular here. The moms page seems like 95% pro-vax.

      3. If you’re okay with the government imposing medical rules onto humans, there is a very obvious and very slippery slope ahead that will be very bad for all women. There is no way to hold this opinion while being pro choice.

        2. The US government has imposed vaccine requirements since the time of George Washington. How slippery is this slope supposed to be?

        3. It’s not forcing someone to be vaccinated though. It’s denying them privileges if they choose not to be. I.e., you don’t get vaccines, you can’t go to public school, no non-medical exceptions. That is proven to get vaccine rates up very quickly but is very different than making laws that actually control what someone does with their body.

          1. But parents aren’t actually allowed to make all medical decisions for their kids. For instance, a Jehovah’s Witness parent can’t stop a doctor from giving a blood transfusion to a minor child. Parents can’t treat their kid’s cancer with organic orange juice or Christian Science practitioners, the doctors step in and give kids chemo. Vaccines are the greatest medical miracle of the 20th century, and parents who refuse are committing medical neglect.

          2. OP’s comment is not about public school admissions, which I agree is a reasonable position.

      2. I know, right? Who was it that first thought “I need to beautify this area, guess I’ll plant some fancy cabbage”.

    53. Parents who buy new, effectively single-use items for all the myriad spirit days are The Problem. Show some creativity or learn (and show your children how) to make due with what you have

      1. No, the problem is the Spirit Days.

        My son’s school is super low key about these. “Wear a Halloween-ish shirt.” Black is fine. One with a pumpkin on it is fine. Orange and stripes is fine.

        We don’t do “1970s days” or “dress like a llama” or wherever else.

        1. I hate 90% of spirit days, too, but you have agency to opt out. Don’t complain about emotional labor and being “so busy” and then spend your time shopping for spirit days. Tell your kids this is all them, look in their closets and toy box and have fun!

          2. I don’t engage, but I also picked a private elementary school that is sane about these things.

            It’s counterintuitive, but the public schools are much more performative about this stuff.

    54. Garlic bread/cheesy bread should never be served as an accompaniment to pizza or pasta dishes.

      2. Sometimes I put spaghetti between two pieces of garlic bread to make a sandwich.

        4. A local restaurant has a burger with spaghetti on Texas toast on its menu. I don’t know if anyone has ever ordered it.

    55. If you claim to love your cat or dog “furbaby” then you shouldn’t also eat meat. Pigs and cows are arguably smarter, more human-like and even cuter than dogs or cats.
      Don’t claim you love animals and then eat animals.

      1. I love my cat and don’t think I’m any better than him. And he definitely eats smart and cute little animals.

  3. I have a foundation brush that I love because it provides even coverage and doesn’t suck up product. The bristles are soft, but really dense. The brush is starting to smell like oily hair. I’ve tried washing it ocassionally with makeup remover, face wash, and shampoo, but I still get the lingering smell when I’m applying makeup. Is dishsoap too potent for a makeup brush? It grosses me out to think I’m rubbing dirt and bacteria into my pores. Is this a sign I need to replace it? How often do you replace this kind of brush?

    1. If you’re on the verge of tossing it anyway I’d start with spraying it with alcohol and then washing it with dawn dishsoap. That’s how most pro makeup artists I see online clean their brushes – as long as you’re protecting where it connects to the base and letting it dry flat or upside down it seems to be just fine.
      I use a double cleanse on my brushes and a scrub mat and that does the trick. My foundation brush always requires a TON of rinsing, which makes sense as it is the product with the heaviest consistency.

        1. I only wear foundation once in a blue moon so I probably clean them once every 2-3 months? Yes, I spray with rubbing alcohol and then double cleanse (cleansing oil and then tea tree based facial cleaners).

    2. Once it hits the point where cleaning doesn’t help, like yours now. Is it an Artis?

    4. Which foundation brush do you have? I’ve been looking for a good one! (Second the recommendation for Dawn – also make sure you’re letting the brush dry thoroughly before using again, that could take more than a day depending on the brush. Using it before it’s dry could account for the smell)

      2. Mine is a cheap kabuki brush from DUcare brand from the river site. It’s probably not as amazing as I think it is, but I had been using my fingers for the prior 15 years, so it is a step up from that! It’s a price that I could absolutely replace the brush frequently, but I’d rather not waste it if I can help it.

    5. Sephora brush spray is miraculous and you will not get this buildup if you use it regularly.

    6. They use Dawn on wild animals, so I think it’s probably safe enough for a makeup brush.

  4. Several weeks ago I asked for recs on pants to wear on an overnight flight. Thank you to the ‘Rettes who recommended ponte! I found an excellent pair at Nordstrom Rack: Max Studio Easy Wide Leg Ponte Pants. They have pockets! At $30, even with tailoring to shorten them they were an excellent buy.

  5. Good news Thursday: I just found out that I passed the first of four CPA exams!

    I was so convinced that I didn’t pass that I had put it out of my mind entirely. Friendly reminder to be your own biggest supporter :)

    3. Woohoo! You go girl!

      For context, I left every part of the CPA and cried in the car feeling certain I failed it, but I passed them all. Just keep reminding yourself that they’re “smart” exams so they get harder the better you do so even if you do really well, you leave feeling like you did horribly.

      1. I had everyone assire me that I would pass and I was convinced I wouldn’t.
        I passed.
        I think doubting your ability is good, it keeps you from being overly confident and you have to work harder.

      2. Thank you! I’ve heard that if you leave feeling that you didn’t pass- there’s a good chance that you did.

      1. I stuck to one study resource (ninja) and focused on multiple choice questions. I spent ~7 weeks preparing, generally aiming for 3 hours per day on weekdays (aside from Fridays) and 4 hours per day on the weekends.

  6. To the person yesterday who was looking for a beautiful glass coffee mug, KeepCup used to do these (as well as plastic ones) – I saw them here in the UK but it looks like they do have a US site.

    1. To that person: I posted a bunch of links to double walled insulted glass travel mugs yesterday.

  7. My mom and sister and I will be traveling to New Orleans around the holidays. I’ve been many times, but for what are essentially drinking and eating trips with peers. My 80+ y.o. mother is a person who is well-traveled, but generally thinks things that are worthwhile and “acceptable” are things that are explorations of White European culture and sometimes explorations of bad things White Europeans have done to minorities. She has said in the past she does not like Cajun or Creole food particularly. She also is specifically not interested in the WWII Museum. I am worried about finding things she will like to do in N.O. Any recommendations? Restaurants that lean French would be good. I have a few other ideas on food. But are there sites to see or activities she might think are “suitable”? She’s pretty mobile.

    1. The cemetery is pretty interesting and fun. We did a horse-drawn carriage tour and here’s one that combines them: https://www.viator.com/tours/New-Orleans/New-Orleans-French-Quarter-Carriage-Tour/d675-33024P5?m=63845&supag=&supca=20927319006&supsc=&supai=&supap=&supdv=c&supnt=nt:x&suplp=9031104&supli=&supti=&tsem=true&supci=&supap1=&supap2=&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw1Yy5BhD-ARIsAI0RbXYNY2DwgP8DosbI3c2oRyabu5SFL5OOnby_ZAZofvlUhZkaxxbqm1QaAjbxEALw_wcB

          1. Is it possible she just cares about quality time with you and your sister and doesn’t need to do a lot of touristy stuff? I think you may be overthinking it trying to plan a full itinerary.

          2. That is a good point. And yes, that is the overall goal. However, she is a ‘try to do two or three big meals at restaurants and hit at least two spots a day’ kind of traveler. She is slowing down a bit now, but not much I’ll advocate for some lounge at the nice hotel time, though.

    3. There’s a good art museum in New Orleans.

      I can’t believe she’s not interested in the WWII museum, it’s amazing!

      It’s been years, but I ate a restaurant called Peche that was very good. There’s also Beachbum Berry’s tiki bar, maybe a few drinks will lighten her up!

      1. Ha! Yes to the drinks, but “tiki bar” is a phrase that would trigger my mother’s disdain for all the fun things.

        1. There’s the bar that’s on a carousel that slowly rotates. It’s a little more dignified than the tiki one, but still fun.

          I think New Orleans has lots of tours that focus on history and whatnot. If your mother is mobile, might be fun to do one of those. I have no specifics (well, I did do a bike tour + cocktails that was amazing, but you probably don’t want to do that with an 80-year-old), but I bet a little searching will turn up some optiions.

      2. You haven’t really been to New Orleans unless you’ve walked Bourbon street and stopped in to hear some live music and had a hurricane.

        I’m not saying that’s all you should do in NOLA, but you should do it at least once. Leave mom after dinner and go with your sister.

    4. when we went about 5 years ago i was surprised how good Commander’s Palace was – I’ve come to expect subpar food at “famous” restaurants.

      1. Thanks. I have not been and might have made the same assumption. She would be up for this, I think.

        1. Commander’s Palace is good but the menu is mostly Creole-influenced. The restaurant describes itself as upscale Creole fare. Antoine’s has way more in the way of classic French dishes, so my guess is your mom would find more things she likes at Antoine’s.

    5. I think there’s a jazz museum. She might like that?

      My grandmother liked doing a jazz brunch at one of the French Quarter restaurants. Maybe that for your mom?

        1. Go to Commanders for a regular lunch, or for supper. It is actually good and the service is impeccable. Then you could do a garden district tour or cemetery tour from around there.

    7. She sounds so miserable I might be tempted to leave her at the hotel while you and your sister have fun.

      2. I would assert my fifth amendment rights if questioned about whether I slipped out of a French Quarter hotel and left a whiny stick in the mud MIL and my mommy’s boy now ExH at the hotel (literally sitting around in a New Orleans hotel because we were on day 2 of she didn’t want to do anything. WTF). I had had some lovely drinks in a rather nice bar for two hours before anyone noticed I was gone and sent a “where are you” text. Just saying, slip out if you need to! If you stay in the FQ there is always somewhere to go nearby.

    8. I’d take her for a drink in the bar at the Roosevelt Hotel, where the holiday decorations are gorgeous, and then to dinner at La Petite Grocery.

    9. I live here, sorry for the late reply and hope you see it. A few recommendations – For things to do, definitely Roosevelt Hotel lights for the holidays. Ditto on not understanding the WWII museum comment, but you do you. Depending on the weather, City Park sculpture garden which is part of NOMA (free!) is outstanding, truly world class. You can also get a beignet at the City Park cafe du monde if you do that.
      Drinks: Carousel Bar at the Monteleone. French 75 Bar.
      Meals for her taste: Herbsaint, Peche, Compere Lapin, Coquette, GW Fins. If she decides she wants to try a true New Orleans restaurant with excellent local food, look up Brigsten’s, Patois, or Clancy’s – all are way out of the tourist areas and are wonderful.

      Hope this helps. I’ll check back later if you have any more questions.

      1. Helpful. Thanks.
        I intend to go to the WWII museum. Have not been. But we planned a trip before with a hotel stay near it and she declared she would be staying behind for that one. So I have confirmation.

        1. And if your mother objects to noisy restaurants, I’d especially recommend Brigtsen’s.

    10. You’re separating food and activities and I just can’t do that for New Orleans!

      You may already be familiar with Galatoires, but if not: it is old school service and food and it sounds like it would be something she likes; maybe have a look at the menu on line beforehand but once you are there let your waiter be your guide; sit in the main dining room and nowhere else; don’t go for Friday lunch unless you are in the company of a regular; dress up – a little or a lot; order a Sazerac.

      If they are actually running a streetcar and not a bus down St Charles Avenue, ride it.

      Have a portrait done in Jackson Square.

      Jazz brunch at Commander’s Palace.

      Shopping that is specific to NOLA: Hove Parfumeuer; Perlis clothing store for ladies clothing; King Street antique stores especially M.S. Ray; if there are small grandchildren to buy for Mignon for children’s clothing and things.

      1. Autocorrect gets more and more annoying. It’s M.S. Rau not Ray. And it’s fabulous.

        1. Thanks. Yes, I will recommend Galatoire’s. Was there last year.

          (So far the one thing she has identified is a Mexican place. A really good one, so she’s not wrong, but you see what I am dealing with. It’s fine, but I would like to expose her to something that says “New Orleans “)

          1. Oh my. I’m not saying I wouldn’t eat at a Mexican restaurant in NOLA, but I would probably eat at 100 other places first unless I just had a yen for Mexican food.

    11. Search for NOLA James beard winners/finalists and plan your itinerary around those restaurants. Magazine street is good for an afternoon wander without too much walking.

      1. Good plan. That is kind of how she arrived at the Mexican place and how she usually rolls.

    12. I think my post got eaten so I’m trying again, but if it duplicates, I apologize. Very specific timing, but maybe doing the Christmas Eve bonfire levees if that’s when you’ll be in town?

    13. A beignet and a café au lait. That’s French, right? How about the French Market, right by Cafe du Monde (also French.)

      1. I have stopped in Cafe du Monde for coffee and beignets on the way to a fancy supper, because New Orleans. Pro tip – don’t wear black or navy.

    14. Shopping on Magazine street, dinner at Gallatoire’s (my 80 year old father in law is simialr to what you described and we go there 4 times a year). Officially, it is on Bourbon street, but don’t let that worry you- it’s old school and stuffy. There’s a nice art museum and scuplture garden about 10 minutes from the French Quarter.

      The new Four Seasons is nice and have had a great lunch there. Rooms were nice too!

  8. So I don’t have time, and I’m handicapped so I don’t have energy, but I do have money. Best place to help the women and girls of Afghanistan? Is anyone doing work there? I know NGOs have basically pulled out.

    1. This is tragic but honestly, there is much of way to help them in Afghanistan. That is the reason the NGOs have mostly pulled out. I think Doctors Without Borders is still operating there and they do a lot with women’s health to the extent the government will allow it.

      You could also look into organizations that are helping refugees. A lot of women and girls (and their families) fled. If you are open to that, let us know and I am sure someone knows who is doing good work in that field.

    3. Doctors without Borders, Save the Children, ICRC, and IRC are still operating in Afghanistan, with a lot of limitations but some ability to provide emergency food and limited medical care to women and children. IRC has been able to restart some education for girls young enough to be allowed under Taliban regs.

      Pohana Fund for a more informal setup directly supporting covert schools for teenage girls

    4. There’s a lot of them in the US now! I worked with my local legal aid group to help one young woman earn her asylum status last year. Look up local refugee assistance agencies.

  9. I’ll preface this by saying I don’t have kids. I don’t want to come off as one of those preachy childless people who think they know everything. But one of my mom friends has been making some comments that really bug me, and it feels wrong to not (gently) say something.

    There are a bunch of newborns in my friend group. Only one is a girl, she’s under 6 months. The baby girl’s mom is always making comments about how fat she is. Look at those chubby thighs girl you gotta stop eating. Etc. The other moms just kind of nod along. My response so far has been, a chubby baby is a healthy baby! But she makes these comments multiple times every time I see her and I can’t just say the same exact thing over and over. Or maybe I’m being too sensitive because my own mother to this day talks about how much cellulite I had at birth. Wwyd?

    1. you say nothing, but this poor girl is in for a rough childhood if the mom continues this way.

    2. Unfortunately polite society views it as a parent’s right to have dominion over their children irrespective of how bad that parent’s views are.

      3. Same! And tell her how much it still bothers you that your mom makes those comments.

    4. I am a mom of three girls and this would 100% bother me. I would never. I would take your friend aside and frame the conversation about how the comment trigger YOU and why. You’re not directly criticizing her as a mom, but you’re giving her food for thought.

      A ray of light: My mother commented on my oldest taking a second Krispy Kreme when she was 4. I calmly told my mother to never comment on anything my children eat or their body size, ever. That was 20 years ago and she has complied.

      1. There was an article in the NY Times recently about how people are starting to reject the “gentle parenting” BS and I hope this “eat whatever you want” corollary goes down with it. I’d want someone to let me know if my kid was going back for multiple donuts! If left to his own devices, my 4 year old would absolutely down as many donuts as he could and then be sick and miserable. And I think its crazy to let little toddlers eat all the treats they want because under the guise of not “food shaming” or whatever that is.

    5. I’m a parent and sometimes think people go overboard with the chunky baby obsession. It’s usually coming from a good place of hey, I’m happy my baby is healthy and I think the baby is cute, but it can get kind of uncomfortable, especially when people start making diet-culture adjacent comments.

      2. She withholds food from her hungry infant on the basis that she’s “too fat” already. The baby will sit there crying and reaching for food (bottle/boob) while the other babies are nursing. It’s pretty heartbreaking.

        1. Yikes! I also don’t have children, but withholding food from an infant seems like child abuse??

          1. I mean, I’m definitely not calling CPS because my friend feeds her baby every ~3 hours and not on demand immediately at all times. But it is definitely uncomfortable to watch a baby cry when both parents are perfectly capable of feeding her.

          2. A call to CPS does not mean they would swoop in and take the baby. It does mean they would investigate and evaluate whether there is a danger to the baby.

            You admit you don’t have kids, and your description here does not sound like they are just trying to train the baby to feed on a schedule or stretch the time between bottles a bit longer. Coupled with her “jokey” comments about the baby being too fat and needing to stop eating, this is something that needs a higher power.

          3. Are you kidding? CPS involvement traumatizes children and families and can create further risk. You don’t call CPS unless the child is actually in imminent danger.

          5. Maybe one shot across the bow for this woman that if she persists in fat-shaming the baby, she is eventually going to encounter a mandated reporter who will have to take action.

            However, I stand by my recommendation to call and let CPS do their job. I am okay with causing a clueless parent a little trauma if it means short-circuiting a potentially toxic cycle. There have been two separate cases in my neighborhood in the past 3 years where parents starved their children.

            In the first case, someone in their circle reported them to CPS because they noticed the child was getting skinnier and skinner. The child was ultimately removed from the home because the parents just did not seem capable of understanding that they actually needed to feed the kid. They had means and no excuse other than ignorance.

            In the second case, the child died. It was discovered because one of the older children mentioned it at school and CPS was called in to investigate. Turns out the death was entirely preventable, but parents were punishing the child by not feeding them because of misbehavior.

        3. Babies get fat and then they get long; fat, then long. They don’t always stay the same proportions and the idea of withholding food makes me so sad for that little girl. Do the other parents notice? Maybe one of them could point out that growth cycle in their baby to make this mother realize what is going on.

          1. I think my response got eaten. Thanks, this is a good idea. The other moms haven’t said anything in my presence but I know they’re all in basically constant contact. I’ll try to feel out one of them to see how things are going with baby girl.

        4. I… would say something to her. Not sure exactly what or how, but this isn’t healthy, emotionally or physically, for her baby. I would also worry about her ability to care for her child long term, and if this is a result of PPD, she needs treatment for that.

        6. Oh wow. This is beyond not okay!! Do babies that young even have good enough blood sugar control to withhold food from them? And their stomachs are so small. Yikes.

    7. Could be humble brag like someone said, as many consider chunky babies thriving babies. Additionally, some parents do feeding windows. I wouldn’t say anything unless it continues into the toddler years. (I almost ripped my FIL in half for telling my toddler her belly was fat.)

    8. Yikes. When she makes a comment, you could respond something like “a chubby baby is a health baby! has her pediatrician told you that she’s eating too much?” if she says no, I myself would gently suggest that babies are all different sizes and maybe she should check with her pediatrician before withholding food. The pediatrician might suggest the baby is ready for solids if the baby really is consuming too much milk (like over 40 ounces a day or something). I think that fat-shaming a baby is totally despicable, it might be safer territory with your friend to suggest that she talk to a pediatrician than confronting her directly.

  10. Client holiday gifting ideas? I usually like to send something consumable, that could be shared with the larger team if recipient chooses (as some clients are just one point-of-contact for us, and others we have a few, or get to know a few members of their team). Last year we sent charcuterie boards, which people seemed to like, and another year we sent macrons. Anything you’ve done that’s gone over well, or received that you liked?

    1. Additional detail: not in law, I work for a a creative agency, in case that impacts suggestions!

    2. I think you are going in the right direction. I also don’t think sending the same thing every year is a bad thing if people are enjoying it. I worked at a PE shop for a number of years and people looked forward to getting the box of Tiff’s Treats cookies that that one company sent us and the giant popcorn bucket that another sent. It was known they would come around Christmas and everyone was excited for them.

    3. These sound like great office gifts.

      Our office also loves the giant tins of cheddar, caramel, and butter popcorn.

    4. I enjoyed getting a box of citrus from a person to whom I had referred work during the year. It was a good relief from the sweets (which I personally don’t even eat) and also useful for some holiday cocktails.

    5. As a young/broke in-house creative I still fondly remember the vendor who sent the big baskets of individually packaged food (Zabars/Russ and Daughters/Harry & Davids) so I vote for those – the senior people basically stuck them in the common areas and instructed the younger staff to take their pick and then the rest would be up for grabs.
      I also appreciate regional consumables if you have something your area is know for!

    6. YMMV but my family’s favorite holiday treat is a chocolate mint cheesecake that we get every year from one particular vendor (I have a small office, so the cake usually just comes home with me, but it is sliced and could be for a team). Agree on the other comment that if people liked it before, absolutely okay to do it again.

    7. Williams Sonoma has excellent curated cheese boxes. I’m partial to those featuring cheese from Jasper Hill Cellars.

    8. I’m in house (law) so we get a lot of vendor gifts. harry and david is just so much packaging and weird stuff like tiny bags of olives and tiny gourmet mustard, more hassle than its worth and feels so wasteful. Chocolates, cookies etc are great but they’re often from a national company, super packaged as well. But I would be blown away if the vendor actually used a local company, we have an amazing chocolate shop, gourmet popcorn company, even nut company in town, a quick email to our office manager and she would have great ideas, or even just ask in a local reddit. I also always appreciate a nice bottle of wine I can bring to Christmas Eve.

    9. I worked at a creative agency and we always did consumables. Once we did a gift basket of local goods from the city we were based in. Our clients were all in agriculture, so one year we did pecans from local producer.

    10. Harry and David style snack towers can be broken down and shared pretty easily, which always goes over well

    11. I know it was just a typo but I chuckled at the idea of sending some Emmanuel Macrons to a client. :)

      Is there anything special to your city that would be memorable for clients local or afar? Like is there a well-known chocolatier akin to Bissinger’s in St Louis, or a bakery like Zingermans in Michigan?

      We have sent gift trays from nuts dot com several times and they are always well received. You can fill them with nuts or any combo of sweet and salty treats. I also like that you can schedule delivery weeks in advance.

    12. I get lot of these gifts. I work from home so there is no office to share them with. Always consider whether there is anyone in the office where you are sending stuff!

      Please do not send me giant boxes of cookies or tubs of popcorn. I always like receiving a box of Harry & David pears and would not complain about a charcuterie board.

    13. Years ago we had a court reporter who sent us a gigantic box of Godiva chocolates. It was a huge hit and I still remember it decades later. So there’s that.

      As far as edible treates, I feel like different people like different things and it’s basically a crapshoot. For example you may think fruit is a nice healthy way to go, but my husband hates pears with a passion and always groans when the Harry & David box shows up.

      1. +1 to large box of Godiva or similar. Chocolates are almost universally liked. Those are always my favorite part of larger gift baskets like from Harry and David.

    14. One of my clients sends a curated box of local specialty foods. I love that thing every single year.

      Another client sends giant cookies from NY. It’s probably a well-known place, but I can’t remember the name. I don’t know if this is the fault of the bakery or the client, but the cookies are usually pretty stale. The instructions say that if your cookies are stale, reheat them in an oven, but who has an oven in their office? And since you know well enough that they’re likely to be stale to include instructions for that, maybe they’re not the greatest gift?

  11. I hate food trucks. they’re overpriced, loud, slow and food is often cold. Will make exceptions for street tacos only.

    2. I totally agree. I’m very thankful that we have a lot of taco trucks here that are legit but other than that I think food trucks got overblown.

    3. I especially dislike it when the only food option at an event is a food truck. I am always hangry and waiting 20 minutes to find out whether I will actually get the order I placed or they will forget about it or run out of food before they get to it is too stressful.

    4. Very specific but there’s a food truck right off 101 in Castroville where you can buy fried artichoke hearts and aioli that is better than any food truck I’ve ever been to. And that includes taco trucks, which I generally love.

      By the way, I was promised taco trucks on every corner in 2016. There’s still not one on my corner, and I feel very disappointed because I was so excited about it!

      1. I want taco trucks like ice cream trucks. I want one to come through about 7 pm every week on the same day. Kids busting out of the house, money in hand, running to meet the ice cream truck would have nothing on me.

    2. not me thinking this was a typo for BDE and the “small” was a reference to something else…

  14. what do y’all think about the ads telling women they can keep their vote a secret from their husbands? i thought it was kind of silly and have been sad to see all the christian takes about how of course women should vote the way their husbands tell them too.

    1. I did not have an awareness that this was something that went on in the present day until I saw the ads. I find it heartbreaking. I hope these women know they may vote however they like, and they can just lie to their husbands about it as needed.

    2. precursor to questioning why women need the right to vote at all, which then raises the question of do we really need elections when a wealthy elite can just hash it out.

    3. As someone who phonebanked for Dems, it is absolutely a thing. We’ll often call a house with a registered Democratic woman and a man answers the phone and tells us to eff off because everyone who lives there is a Republican.

    4. The idea that women should vote according to their husbands’ directions is decidedly unchristian.

      1. And yet, my deeply conservative red precinct is full of Bubbas taking their little woman to the poll, holding her tightly by the elbow in the booth next to her while they watch her fill out the ballot. And the local church pastor volunteering at the voting machine gladhands them on their way out.

        In 2016, I literally had a fellow (male) citizen yell at me for coming in to vote by myself without a man accompanying me to help me figure things out.

        1. Wut. Where do you live? Even in my very red state, I cannot imagine that happening, at all.

          1. Last time I lived in a red state, the view of the religious right was that allowing women to vote disenfranchised their children, and that voting should be by household.

          3. I am in very red area outside a blue metro city in one of this race’s major swing states. This election cycle I am optimistic for the results overall but honestly scared for how certain of my neighbors will react.

          4. I can’t really explain any of it, but it seemed t be connected to the conservative argument that only landowners were ever supposed to be voting? So patriarchs representing a bunch of people who do not vote are the ones who vote? So if that is the assumption, having only “wives” vote and not any of those other non-voters vote seems random?

      2. Nope, you don’t get to separate the religion from the institution. It’s rotten from the head.

        1. This attitude is the problem. There are too many churches that I would argue are not Christian at all because their teachings are contrary to the actual messages of Jesus Christ and the Bible.

    5. This election will be won in the margins. If these reach even a few critical
      Voters in key states then they are well worth it.

      Anything showcasing how misogynist the GOP is now is helpful.

      1. +1 if nothing else, it elicited some pretty telling reactionary takes. A+ trolling from the party that usually gets trolled

    6. I’ve not done it, but for years I have joked about (and seriously considered) getting a t-shirt made to that effect and wearing it to shop in Big Box stores in the outlying counties around my city in a swing state.

      1. Also, someone here recently tried to tell me off for suggesting this is a thing, but it absolutely is a thing. It’s not a majority of women, but it is real.

        1. Not just women. Does anyone remember back when Romney ran that the Koch brothers were sending their employees pro-Romney mailings. We should remember what the really billionaires think of us, and donating to the Met Museum doesn’t wash away sins.

    7. Maybe I’m a bit cynical, but I wonder if these ads push women who are persuadable more than they push women who are in abusive relationships where their husband intends to control how they vote. My pretty-conservative mom would laugh in my dad’s face if he said something like, “I am the head of the household, you must vote as I say,” but she might think a little more about voting for the other guy if she heard messaging reminding her that he’d never know unless she said something.

      Of course, she has a big-girl crush on JD Vance, so none of this will happen in her case.

      1. Someone posted here about a friend who was nervous about what her husband and father would think – maybe an ad like that would help her. The as is still working as intended if it helps borderline people

    9. It seems weird but it’s a needed reminder. When I worked on campaigns we would see versions of this all the time. Once a husband got mad when he realized his wife had already early voted – presumably not for his choice of candidate

    10. I understand it’s one of the reasons Republicans now like mail-in ballots in some places – they are aware that what usually happens is that couples sit down at the ktichen table together and fill in the ballots next to each other. Harder for women to vote secretly then. There’s even a move to convince women to vote by mail “after the house is quiet and the laundry is drying” to avoid the paired-voting dynamic.

      1. I think you don’t live where some of us live. That’s fine, but it means you don’t see some things we see

      2. This problem exists for sure. I am from a very red, rural area and have seen it myself.

      3. I am glad you have lived such a sheltered and privileged life that you are not aware of the problem, but also, you are 100% wrong.

      4. I posted last week about a woman who I personally know, who cannot fathom a) not telling her daddy that she voted D or b) lying to her daddy or c) just refusing to tell him who she voted for. That is her reason that she ‘has to’ vote R, even though it doesn’t align with her values.

      5. What makes you think this problem doesn’t exist? Just because YOU don’t “see” it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Sort of like object permanence.

  16. My parents are in the 60s/70s and still independent. They are Canadian and feel tied to Canada due to healthcare, but I like my life in the US and prefer to stay here. DH and I like our jobs here, and our kids are happy here. I am an only child though so there are no siblings in Canada to rely on. Are there options for healthcare if I bring them here to the US? They are open to moving but their biggest concern is healthcare.

      2. This. Having seen it north and south of the border, you cannot undervalue the long term care benefits under Canadian health care. Replacing them is at least 10k out of pocket per month in the states.

        2. Eh depends on where. I pay for my own healthcare and I’m pushing 60. It’s about $3000 per month for a pretty nice PPO.

          1. Yeah but that isn’t for long-term care, where you live in a long-term care home.

          2. She’s talking about long term care coverage – not basic health insurance (which is what you have). You don’t have long term care coverage with your self pay plan, and Medicare has very limited coverage.

    2. If the plan is for them to come and live in the US full-time, the only realistic option I can think of, unless they can get a green card, is for them to pay A LOT OF MONEY and is based on the assumption the ACA is not repealed.

      If part-time, they can go the snow-bird route. Stay in the US as long as their province allows to maintain Canadian coverage and buy a travel insurance policy that will cover emergency care/transport back to Canada if they need care here. But review the details of that plan very, very carefully. If you Google “Canadian snow bird medical insurance” you will see a lot of options.

    3. It’s difficult to just “bring” people to another country. And no, they wouldn’t have healthcare options.

      1. not an expert, but my parents go to florida and there are lots of canadians in their complex and most maintain a home residence and go back for their doctors appointments.

        1. This. I’m Canadian and health plans vary by province but generally you can spend six months less a day out of province and still be on the plan. Mostly people who have second homes in the US do like January – April and then June or September or something.Home insurance on your primary residence will be pricier as well when you are not there for months at a time.

          My parents have a few friends who winter in Florida or Arizona but they all pay A LOT for extra private health insurance plans to cover the difference between what the Canadian public plan pays and what US hospitals charge.

        3. It always amazes me when I hear that people do this. They are so lucky! I mean, what if they had a stroke tomorrow and they are stuck in Florida? What happens when they fall down the stairs and break a hip? What happens when they develop a pneumonia because half of the Floridians in their complex don’t vaccinate for COVID etc.

          I just don’t get it.

        4. I think she means you can’t bring people here permanently. I have a lot of immigrant friends and many of them have their parents visit for extended stays, but the parents generally have to leave after 6 months and then can’t come back again for another six months. I have a friend who goes home every summer and Christmas and brings her mom back with her after the summer visit and takes her home on the Christmas visit, so in total she’s with her parents about 8-9 months of the year. But it’s a lot of expensive flying.

    4. Could you move to the Detroit metro so they can go across the border for healthcare?

  17. is there any mainstream discussion about changing the language of pro choice by the left? like shouldn’t it be “anti abortion” i consider myself to be pro choice and yet certainly also pro life just not in the way we have come to use the term!

    2. Huh?

      Conservatives are always and have always been way better at messaging than progressives. If you want to read a book about it, read Don’t Think of an Elephant by George Lakoff.

      1. pro life is inherently very respectful. who can argue with it. so seems to me liberal should start calling them what they are. anti abortion or anti choice.

        1. Pro-choice is inherently respectful. It seems like we should start calling them what they are: pro-abortion or pro-death.

          See how that works?

          1. Republicans are pro-death. The story just broke yesterday that another woman needlessly, preventably, died as a direct cause of Texas’s abortion ban. Josseli Barnica died in Houston, and we have no idea how many other women died too because the maternal mortality committee hasn’t even gotten through 2021. https://www.propublica.org/article/josseli-barnica-death-miscarriage-texas-abortion-ban. y’all carry on joking around, I’m more angry than I have been my entire life about what Republican legislators and judges are doing to women in this country.

        2. Pro life isn’t respectful to the women who would die without receiving healthcare.

    3. The thing about pro-choice, is that it respects ALL choices. No one should be forced to have a baby and no one should be forced NOT to have a baby.

      Right now, the anti-abortion people love having the government involved in pregnancy because the government is doing it the way they like – basically forcing pregnant women to have the baby. But if you grant that the government has an interest in your reproductive life, why can’t it go the other way, like in China? Heck, even in the US not all that long ago, women were forcibly sterilized against their will.

    4. I mean, you personally might be anti-abortion, but the movement is “pro-choice”, that is, the right to choose by the individual mother. And I would also argue that the term “pro-life” as used by conservatives is misleading too, since the result is not a guarantee that these children will live, but that the mothers do not get a say in the matter.

    5. No, but changing the language of pro-life to forced birth has been happening.

  18. what kind of expert do you hire to look at rain/ flooding and advise you on changes to your driveway, your sprinkler, your drainage? like we’ve spoken to all the individual possibilities but need guidance and expertise to look at the problem holistically.

      1. I second the recommendation for a landscape architect. There’s no single contractor who will handle it entirely; for example, our landscape/drainage contractor gave us advice about our gutters, but we needed to call in a roofer ourselves for gutter fixes.

    3. Excavation specialist in your area. We just installed french drains and a new septic tank and I cannot give a # breakout.
      Get more than one opinion. We had 3, none of them charged for the estimate.

    4. What is the problem? Are you in a jurisdiction that has a drain commissioner or similar role?

        1. Great? But your assumption doesn’t matter if the problem is swampy ditches sloped incorrectly so it washes out their driveway any time it rains later in the day when their sprinkler runs.

    5. The most official answer might be an engineer but you might be able to get enough unofficial guidance from a good local GC.

    6. Sounds like you need a French drain and a landscape contractor did that for me. In addition to the French strain, they made my entire exterior sloped away from the foundation

  19. rain garden specialist? your county extension office could help you find one i’ll bet

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