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Updated: Mar 4, 2021 178 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Alia Mules

Coffee Break

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Oooh — I'm loving these unusual mules from Cult Gaia. I like tat they're super low (yes!) with leather cutouts (love) and a really interesting, but sturdy, heel. Love it! I could see these being great with anything, from a really casual look to a really formal look.

They're $320-$340 at Net-a-Porter, or Cult Gaia has them for $288-$358, with some color options still on sale. 

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Sales of note for 9.16.24

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Comments

  1. SSJD

    Is anyone able to wear shoes such as the ones pictured here? I would walk right out of them!

    • Roly Poly Little Bat-Faced Girl

      I would walk right out of them and leave them behind! Not my cup of tea at all.

    • Anonymous

      No. I really like the toe of this shoe and would definitely buy pumps and maybe flats in this style, but mules are always a no for me and the heels on these are too “artistic” for me to actually purchase them.

    • LaurenB

      I’ve bought cute mules – and then they went straight to the consignment shop. A cute look, but not at all practical unless I’m going to just sit and be admired.

    • sleep

      I have triangular feet and mules are perfect. My favorite shoe

      Almost all other shoes fit me poorly at my heels and my heels constantly slip out of them without tons of added pads etc.. And then I get lots of blisters.

  2. Anonymous

    Hey, Coronavirus. IDGAF about you. Think you can ruin my 2020? Nope. I am taking it back. I will be going back into my office. With mask (i.e., a cloth nose/mouth thingie with ear elastics). I am also going to wearing a right proper feathered mardi gras mask on top of that. FU.

    • Anonymous

      You have something to say to CV, that means you’re not over him. Telling him where to stick it and doing things to get his attention isn’t the same as living your life without caring about him.

    • Anonymous

      Making a fool of yourself over this, wow, you truly do give AF. Don’t act against your own best interests to show him.

    • Anonymous

      And this is why we are all in serious trouble. Coronavirus isn’t the commies. It doesn’t care that you’re not scared, and your display of bravado won’t protect you.

    • anon

      To each their own but returning to the office with an assortment of face coverings is the saddest version of “taking back 2020” I’ve ever heard — dream bigger!

  3. Senior Attorney

    I was gonna say these are unspeakably ugly, but then I clicked and I kind of love the olive with the wood heel and I am strangely beguiled by the “glass slipper” version.

  4. Anonymous

    For those who’ve been following closely, are there any initial studies yet on Covid spreading thru HVAC as in apt buildings? I know after SARS in the early 2000s it came out that was a source of spread in an apt building in Hong Kong. Wondering if anyone has seen anything similar re Covid esp given that places like HK and Singapore are pretty hot by now and filled with apt towers.

    I feel like the best reports re contact tracing have come from South Korea, Singapore etc. I’ve seen “maps” they’ve put out re spread in a restaurant and in a call center. In both instances it was someone in the restaurant/work place that had it and then you could see all the others that got it bc it carried thru the air. While people refer to that as HVAC spread, it was very much people on the same floor/in the same dining room; for the call center it was more than 90% confined to one side of that floor of the office building where it spread from desk to desk no doubt pushed by the air coming out of vents. They didn’t report of spread to different floors thru that incident. I’m more thinking — is it possible that someone in one apt has it, coughs/sneezes, it gets into the duct work and expels in a different apartment?

    Do you have any reluctance to use your AC if you live in an apt tower? Central units with duct work thru the building. Not sure how I can avoid it living in the SEUS where it’s getting hot. I’m telling myself if this was a massive problem, we’d be seeing in Asia.

    • Anonymous

      Your last sentence: if it were a problem, we’d be seeing it in Asia. Or even SEUS by now.

      • LaurenB

        Taipei, Taiwan is heavily apartment-style buildings – it’s like a NYC in terms of density. And they did a great job of controlling this (of course, there are a lot of reasons why), but I think you’re right, you’d be seeing it there.

    • Anon

      Some reentry programs for commercial building owners includes making modifications to air ducting systems to include a certain increased % of air from the outside being cycled into the air flow of their buildings. I work in chimerical real estate so I’m starting to hear about this from my clients and my own landlord. I am NOT an expert in the physical plant so I can’t speak to the exact level of risk and/or what the exact modifications are, or even if they’ll be effective or if they’re just window dressing, but I know it’s a topic on numerous landlord reentry plans.

      • Anon

        Editing/adding on here: I am NOT saying it’s a big problem or risk factor, and I completely agree we’d probably be hearing about it by now because it would be happening elsewhere. Merely pointing out that your landlord may already be thinking about it, possibly having already addressed it without your knowing.

      • Anonymous

        Tell me more about this chimerical real estate. Does it involve shifting dimensions? Or affordable apartments in Manhattan?

      • Anonymous

        Home Despot and now chimerical real estate. Thursday, I like the cut of your jib.

        • Anon

          I’m not an HVAC specialist but surely the AC system throughout an apartment building is different than that of a restaurant? The restaurant is only one room, or a series of interconnected ones.

          At the risk of being called a stalker, I have to say that I find it interesting how cautious you are re: covid but skiing during pregnancy is somehow A-OK.

        • Anonymous

          I know about this restaurant. Didn’t realize it was China but yeah we’re all aware that once particles are in the air, if you’re all in one big room, there’s exposure because HVAC pushes it around. Different from particles being absorbed in one area and traveling thru ducts and being released in a whole different area or floor.

          • anon

            This! Same effect could happen with a fan. Also the same issue with singing (you are propelling the droplets further).

        • Anonymous

          No. I am not. And if you want to keep complaining people are following you around and stalking you maybe stop pretending you can do the same to the rest of us. I’m all for normal precautions. This is ridiculous.

  5. Anon

    I hope we can keep this respectful, but I enjoyed some of the points in the conversation about exercise in pregnancy this morning. I wondering if anyone here has pushed themselves, perhaps beyond what you expected or what your family/friends recommended, and found that you were able to accomplish more than you thought. I’ve heard anecdotally from a couple of friends (and a couple of Instagram athletes) that they half-expected to spend nine months on the couch, but that they actually felt more motivated to work out and that they were able to keep up with their previous activities much better than they expected. Of course this isn’t possible for many women and no one should be judged for not being able to exercise, but I’m just curious what others’ experiences have been. Has anyone dealt with significant judgment from family or friends about exercise (or lack thereof)?

    • Anonymous

      Lordy — my people would deserve a full-blown Teresa Guidice table flipping if anyone breathed a word about me, pregnant or otherwise, exercising or not.

      I swam during pregnancy #2. I had a previa during pregnancy #4. I lost #s 1 and 3. I would be stabby, and rightly so, had anyone commented on anything I’d be doing during any of these times.

    • Anonymous

      In was in BigLaw for all pregnancies. For a while, I was able to be pretty active, but initially (first trimester) I was so dang tired. And then with a baby living on my lungs and bladder, it was hard to move and breathe. So lots of walking and swimming (so nice in the summer). But nothing heroic. And then with BigLaw + toddler, I was just exhausted. Keeping up with a toddler was a lot of work but not vigorous exercise. But when you have to lift a kid onto a changing table many times a day and then push a BOB stroller, that is a good mix of activity. Again, no need to be heroic. I actually had a hard time putting on weight in the third trimester b/c of severe reflux, so I did seem to lie about and eat a lot of ice cream.

    • Anonymous

      With my second, I was doing Orangetheory right up to the end and while I received some surprised looks, I didn’t really get shaded or judged for it. With my first child, I did basically nothing because I’d suffered a miscarriage about 4 months before falling pregnant again and I was convinced (for no good reason) that I’d had the miscarriage because I was running every day. (Spoiler alert, it wasn’t.) And I’ll be honest, I probably got about the same looks and comments with my first as with my second. You can’t win as a pregnant woman, so just do you and try to ignore it.

        • Anon

          This is true in general, not specific to exercising as a pregnant woman. Somehow your belly becomes public property. I had a complete stranger ask me if I was going to send my baby to childcare to “let someone else raise it.”

    • Anonymous

      Everyone I know who did a lot pregnant had done 110% of that for a LONG time non-pregnant. I have two OBs among my circle of friends and they say it is OK to keep on keeping on (with the usual caveats: non-danger-of-falling-sports and uneventful pregnancy), but now is not the season of pushing yourself to do more. I think in the second trimester ligaments can stretch weirdly. But if you have an Olympic medal, you know you’re not the average Jill in this department. For most us, continuing is winning.

    • Anon

      everyone’s experience is just so so different. i try not to judge anyone as long as they are following their doc’s advice and i know this morning there was a thread about skiing, which is generally not a recommended activity. most docs tell you that pregnancy is not a time to try something new or ramp up. if you were always a marathon runner and keep running the way you have been, then great, but if you’ve never run a mile, probably not the best time to start training for a marathon. i personally was nauseous/vomiting my whole pregnancy (and i was pregnant with twins) so the only exercise i did consisted of walking.

      • Anon

        +1 if you are a marathon runner you can keep running intensely, but I t is not the time to take up a new activity or push your limits. That’s pretty universal advice from every OB I know. I don’t like that “pregnant women generally shouldn’t ski” is being conflated with comments like “daycare is bad for your baby.” The former is valid medical advice (though you may not want to hear it from someone who’s not an MD), the latter is just an opinion (that in fact is contradicted by the research).

    • AnonATL

      I chimed in this morning about being active during my pregnancy so far, and I haven’t gotten a bunch of flack from friends or my mom, but definitely from my grandmother and my MIL. I think it’s a more generational thing. My mom was super active while pregnant, so she’s supportive of my long walks and all the not-easy housework I’ve been doing in the past few weeks (literal gardening, pressure washing, spring cleaning, etc). Her mother seemed shocked that I’m walking a few miles on average a day. My MIL also seems to think I should be sitting around resting more too. I’m keeping it up for 2 reasons:
      1- Being on my bum all day during the workweek causes more hip and back pain than days I’m active. So I am keeping moving as much as I can. I know this is not a luxury a lot of pregnant women have. Things like HG or SPD make that impossible and that’s just luck of the draw with pregnancy symptoms.
      2- I’m not doing anything remotely “dangerous”. I don’t want to add fuel to the fire of this morning’s argument, but I’m not doing anything that was out of the norm for me pre-pregnancy. That’s the biggest medical advice I’ve heard about exercise while pregnant: If you did it before your pregnancy, you can continue doing it while pregnant unless it’s a sport that is super risky for the fetus (skiing, scuba diving, and contact sports). If you ran marathons before, keep on keeping on as long as you feel good and your doctor doesn’t put you on pelvic rest. Our bodies are pretty good at regulating us and telling us when to slow down.
      Seems like there has been a definite shift in the past 10 years of supporting women having active pregnancies. This is super obvious when you look at some of the older versions of What to expect when you’re expecting where they tell you to just rest a lot compared to the new recommendations.

        • AnonATL

          Yes it comes with a heck of a lot more requirements than no exercise, but frequently if you are told no exercise it’s because you are on pelvic rest. Sorry if that’s happening/ has happened to you. I would be miserable in that case.

    • anon

      It really varies pregnancy to pregnancy. And things have gotten better over time, I think most OBs now encourage exercise (even somewhat vigorous exercise), with two caveats (the first which I think a lot of people were focused on):

      1. you absolutely should stay away from activities that have significant fall/injury risk, like skiing. This has nothing to do with the exercise itself, but if you fall it can be fatal to the baby or result in serious complications for the mother (e.g., placental abruption) so best to avoid.

      2. It’s not the time to start a totally new exercise regime or activity. Some women can run marathons no problem while pregnant if they’ve been running marathons before pregnancy. Starting to train for your first pregnancy is not a great idea.

      Each woman (and each pregnancy even for the same woman) is so different so you really have to look at on a case by case basis.

    • Anonymous

      Also, initially: boobs too sore to exercise. IDK why — there’s nothing much going on, but any jostling was bothersome. Also, when the morning sickness went away, the severe gassiness started. I looked 2x as pregnant as I was b/c of all of the trapped air :(

    • Pure Imagination

      I got instantly flamed for saying that some women continue to ski or run marathons in pregnancy, but these women are out there. There are also women who surf, ride bikes, ride horses, and do other risky sports. I am not saying I endorse those activities, but one thing I DO endorse is women knowing their bodies and knowing their limits. In most of the cases I’ve heard about where women continued to do riskier sports, they listened to their bodies, slowed down, made modifications (e.g., backcountry skiing instead of resort skiing), and, crucially, talked to their doctors about the risks and their level of skill going into it. It’s certainly different for a professional runner or ski mountaineer to continue running marathons or skiing steeps as opposed to a hobby jogger like myself running a first marathon in pregnancy.

      Again, I’m not saying I endorse those activities. Everyone is different and professional athletes are a cut above the rest in terms of what they can handle. I support everyone making an educated, evidence-based decision about what to pursue in their own pregnancies in consultation with a medical professional.

      • Anonymous

        I challenge you to find any medical professional who would say it is reasonable for anyone to engage in sports with a risk of falling during pregnancy. That’s like riding a motorcycle without a helmet, or driving a car without a seatbelt. There is a clear right answer here. It’s not a matter of individual risk preferences.

        • Pure Imagination

          I mean, it’s possible the women I’ve seen do this are all lying when they say their doctors signed off on certain types of activity in pregnancy, but I doubt it. Assuming they’re not lying, some of the advice they heard re: skiing in particular was don’t ski at high altitude for prolonged periods, only ski easy slopes well within skill level, don’t ski at crowded resorts, don’t do jumps, etc. For high-level skiers, I imagine the fall risk is not significantly higher than the risk from walking, jogging, or going up and down the stairs as long as those reasonable measures are taken. Again, though, this was not my pregnancy and my information is anecdotal and secondhand.

          For professional athletes like Georgina Bloomberg who rode horses into her second trimester, I have no idea what kind of advice she received. I also know of an ultrarunner who set several FKTs on different mountains and trails during her pregnancy, including one trail that is 270 miles long, and I do not know what advice she received. Their activities were public, but their doctors’ advice wasn’t.

          • Anon

            You’re missing a few key point like how your center of balance changes when you’re pregnant so you’re more like to fall no matter what activity you’re doing, let alone something like skiing which requires balance. There’s also a huge difference in skiing when you’re 6 weeks pregnant vs 26 weeks. I know you’re trying to be helpful but it’s not the best advice.

          • Anon

            I definitely wouldn’t assume they’re telling the truth. A lot of women choose to do things that aren’t officially recommended in pregnancy and “my doctor is fine with it” is an easy line to ward off potential criticism (not saying you’re judgmental, some people just proactively use that line to shut down any questions). One of my friends did that with alcohol.

          • Anon

            Just because “some” women manage to do it without bad outcomes doesn’t mean that everyone can or even that it’s a good idea. If something causes a miscarriage in 10% of women, you’ll still see nine times as many women talking about how it didn’t have a bad outcome for them.

      • Anon

        Skiing is a risk not because you don’t “know your body” but because you can fall and kill the baby. You’re obviously completely uninformed about this topic, and the fact that “some women” do this does not make it safe or recommended (for goodness sake, “some women” shoot heroin while pregnant). I didn’t see anyone on that thread suggesting that pregnant ladies are delicate flowers who can’t do anything more difficult than walking. Of course if you exercised intensely pre-pregnancy you can continue intense exercise. But skiing is completely different than most forms of exercise because of the fall risk. The advice not to ski IS an evidence-based decision whether you choose to acknowledge that fact or not.

        • PolyD

          Sooo… not skiing because you might fall and hurt the baby. So those stories about throwing yourself down the stairs to get rid of an unwanted pregnancy, that actually works?

          Skiing is inherently sort of dangerous (although I love it and am sad I don’t get the opportunity to do it anymore), and I can see where altitude would definitely be a problem, and having a shifting center of gravity could throw off your balance. But I would think a fall bad enough to lose a pregnancy would be bad enough to kill or seriously injure the mother. And by that rationale, no one should ski, because we all could die, but I guess it’s only a bad thing to die by skiing if you’re pregnant?

          • anon

            Yes, women have lost babies falling down stairs (or more often sadly, being thrown down stairs by an abusive partner).

            A fall can seriously injure or kill the baby without seriously injuring the mother. Same with car accidents, etc. The complications also aren’t always immediately present, which is why when you’re pregnant you’re generally advised to seek medical care after a fall even if you feel fine. Ask me how I know.

          • Anon

            A fall absolutely does not have to kill or seriously injure the mother to kill the baby. Google “placental abruption.” I was in a fender bender while pregnant and was not physically injured in the slightest. My OB ordered me to the ER for a full work up. I was admitted and stayed overnight so they could monitor the baby. Fortunately the baby was fine, but it is very common for placental abruptions to occur in falls and other accidents that leave the mother unharmed. Placental abruptions are very serious, even life-threatening to the baby. A friend had a placental abruption (not because of a fall or accident, it just happened) and her baby almost died. If you think a fall has to seriously hurt the mother to hurt the baby, you have NO clue what you’re talking about and shouldn’t be dispensing medical advice.

          • anon

            You’re right, some people don’t ski because it is inherently dangerous. Even for those who do ski, it’s not unreasonable to be more risk-averse while pregnant. According to the Dept of Health and Human Services Office on Women’s Health, pregnant women should “steer clear of activities in which you can fall like horseback riding, downhill skiing, and gymnastics.”

      • Anon

        “I support everyone making an educated, evidence-based decision about what to pursue in their own pregnancies in consultation with a medical professional.” ….and you think the universal medical advice not ski is not based on evidence? For someone who sure loves to “believe the science” on the corona threads, you’re awfully skeptical of it here. It seems you really just want to pick and choose which science you believe.

        • Pure Imagination

          How many disclaimers can I possibly add saying that I am not recommending these activities? Most of my post was defensive verbal clutter. I am only commenting that women are still doing these activities, whatever the science says. I’m not going to fight you on this though.

        • anon

          +1 million, why on earth are you digging in on this. There is literally no science that supports skiing while pregnant.

          Lots of people don’t die after driving in cars without seatbelts but no science supports that. Just like not every woman that completely ignores science and decides to go skiing is going to fall but the risk of falling is very real (and not entirely out of your control, you say your friends who ski are only taking easier runs, but easier runs also come with less experienced skiiers and snowboarders who can run into you and knock you down regardless of your own talent).

          My baby and I actually almost died from a placental abruption so I find it really strange that you are digging your heels in on this for no apparent reason when you are constantly up in arms about people doing relatively low risk activities like seeing another person who has been self-quarantining for two weeks for a drink for both of their mental health.

          • Anon

            You guys are reading so much into PI’s posts that isn’t there. If she upsets you that much, just stop reading. This is a “you” issue.

          • anon

            She doesn’t upset me, this particular topic really upsets me. This isn’t a response to PI, this is a please stop pretending like skiing while pregnant isn’t dangerous response

          • Anon

            No, it’s definitely there. It doesn’t upset me but I notice it and am allowed to comment on the hypocrisy.

          • anon

            The fact that she continues to respond to people pointing out the dangers with instances where her friends have done it, her entire post at 4:22 suggests that doctors are totally on board with activities OBs recommend against

          • anon

            PI has insisted that “lots of women ski while pregnant, actually” which is certainly not a full-throated endorsement of the activity but sure feels a lot like mansplaining when coming from someone who (to my knowledge) has not been pregnant.

          • Anon

            She said her friends do it with the support of their doctors, and that everyone should make the right decision for them. And her original post was in response to someone who said don’t ski while pregnant and her take was “lots of women ski while pregnant actually!” So yeah… not a huge logical leap to say she is condoning skiing while pregnant.

          • Anon

            You’re making logical leaps and assumptions and cherry-picking her posts to justify what you want to believe.

            FWIW, my doctor recommended vigorous exercise during pregnancy, including cycling, which has fall risk. It’s not at all inconceivable to me that doctors would say ok to those activities for skilled athletes.

          • anon

            It’s not a logical leap at all. If someone was saying drunk driving is dangerous and I kept responding with “this isn’t an endorsement at all but I know multiple people who have done it and never gotten in an accident” the logical read of that would be that I was disagreeing that drunk driving is dangerous.

      • Pure Imagination

        Hey all, you win. I’m going to drop my handle and go back to Anon. This is just too creepy and consistent, something I never faced in all my eight years posting here as Anon. If the problem were me, I’d have gotten pushback on my posts all the time, and I never did until I got a handle. Congratulations.

        • Anon

          I think you would have gotten the same response if you posted as anon in this case…

          • Anon

            Maybe, but not the weird and snide “I thought you were so paranoid about COVID” remarks.

          • anon

            +1 and I’ve defended PI on multiple posts where I feel she’s unfairly been attacked

          • Anon

            Pure Imagination has implied multiple times that people who make a different assessment of Covid risks than she does are selfish murderers. It’s not “weird” to remember that and point out the inherent hypocrisy here. I have a close family member who was actually stalked, and I can assure you that mentioning the substance of someone’s previous posts in a public forum is in no way, shape or form stalking.

          • Anon

            It’s not weird to remember posts of hers you didn’t like. It IS weird to forever let them color your perception of totally unrelated and innocuous posts. That’s what creepy.

          • anon

            Yeah if you’re a regular reader here it’s pretty easy to remember (without even trying) details that named posters have shared, especially when they comment multiple times a day. Some people do seem to have less patience with PI than others, but remembering what she’s written previously is hardly creepy or stalkerish behavior.

          • Anon

            The pregnancy + covid posts aren’t unrelated though. They show that her risk assessment rubric is maddeningly inconsistent and that’s why she’s getting called out for being a hypocrite. Also she has made comments regarding both of those things *today* so it’s not like anyone is digging through the archives to make these connections.

          • Anon

            If you don’t understand the difference between a pandemic and participating in enjoyable, risky activities, then yeah, you’re not going to get her posts. I’m an athlete, sport of choice cycling. I also don’t want to die of COVID-19. The risks are incredibly different.

          • Anon

            Yes, the difference is that losing a pregnancy is way more common than dying from COVID.

    • Anonymous

      I had hyperemesis for the entire nine months, so it was all I could do just to get out for a daily walk. People who can “push themselves” during pregnancy are very, very lucky.

    • Anon

      I had the opposite, where I expected to have an active pregnancy and didn’t. It really depends on the person and the pregnancy. You don’t know what’s going to happen until it happens.

      People love to judge and weigh in on what you can or can’t do while pregnant which can be pretty annoying coming from people who’ve never been pregnant (ahem). I’ve definitely heard from people who’ve shared their opinions with me on what their ideal was and who have assumed that I was doing those things when I actually wasn’t. They were trying to cheerlead me, good intentions and all that, but didn’t actually consider what I was actually doing and that their opinions were in no way helpful.

    • Anon

      I was in marathon shape before getting pregnant with my second child and ran a half marathon 17 weeks pregnant. After that, my activity level tanked. With my first child, I did nothing physical the entire pregnancy. I gained the same amount of weight both times! “Don’t do anything new” rings true but as long as it’s not new, it’s OK.

    • EB0220

      I was active during pregnancy but I changed what I did. Prior to getting pregnant I did an outdoor bootcamp 3x a week, trail running and mountain biking. I stopped biking pretty quickly just because the risk of falling was greater. With both pregnancies, running became uncomfortable around 12 weeks so I switched to other things (hiking, walking, stair machine, light weights, biking on the bike trainer). It wasn’t “fun” but it was fine. I don’t remember any judgement.

    • Anon

      I am the person everyone jumped on for saying that you shouldn’t do a marathon in Death Valley.

      That’s strange to me, because I got a lot of weird looks for how athletic I was during my pregnancy. I was fortunate enough to be able to run through my entire pregnancy, half marathon to mark the halfway mark, age group award in a local race the next month, kicked the butts of everyone in my family when we all did a 5k for our reunion. There’s a great photo of me sprinting across the finish line in my third trimester while another runner has this look of complete shock.

      The guidelines are really pretty simple: don’t be an idiot. Do not overheat. Stay hydrated. Don’t fall. Listen to your body. Accept that you will slow down and it’s all about enjoying the sport.

    • Anonymous

      I kept lifting weights and doing cardio at the gym as I had been pre-pregnancy and I got grief about it from my family. They still had the “pregnant women shouldn’t lift heavy things!” mentality and somehow equated my maintenance-level lifting (on machines, not even free weights) as dangerous. I just tuned it out. I went over my routine with my OB and he said it was fine and to do as much as I felt like I wanted to.
      I didn’t get a chance to respond to the morning thread and my pregnancy was over 15 years ago now, but I kept working out at the gym 1-2 times a week as I had been pre-pregnancy, which was strongly encouraged by my OB. I ended up having to have a c-section because my baby was transverse, with a double nuchal cord, and was having some difficulty, but that didn’t have anything to do with my exercise habits. I kept to my normal routine, adding in some walks a couple times a week, until 32 weeks when the extremely hot summer (over 100 degrees every day for a month straight) got to me and I slacked off. I delivered at 37 weeks and was back in the gym at 8 weeks postpartum.
      Just P.S. – I work out because it helps me manage my stress and anxiety and feel good physically, not because I am a warrior or a competitive athlete or anything. It definitely helped while I was pregnant. I don’t know how I would have felt by the end of the pregnancy if I had stopped exercising. Everyone should do what they can/want to do and pick their own levels on these things but I think continuing to work out to whatever level you had been before pregnancy is a good idea.

    • Anon

      Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t the uterus almost completely protected by the abdominal muscles in the first trimester? Does anyone have any evidence that falls are devastating then?

      • PolyD

        See my comment upthread – apparently we’ve all been misinformed and throwing yourself down the stairs is swell way to induce a miscarriage!

        • Anon

          Good to know! I was planning to click into my skis and experience an instant self-abortion, but I won’t bother taking them out of storage if I can be a bad mother just by taking the stairs. Man, this thread.

        • anon

          Yikes, please don’t pretend like a fall down stairs while pregnant isn’t dangerous. If you’re a pregnant woman reading this and fall down the stairs, please call your OB right away. She or he will likely want you to come into the ER immediately to check on the baby and particularly the placenta.

        • Anon

          It’s horrifying that you’re joking about falling (or being thrown) down stairs causing miscarriage (which, yes, it absolutely does – where do you think that “advice” came from?) You don’t have to smash a baby’s skull in to cause a life-threatening injury to a fetus. Placental. Abruption. Google it. And stop talking about things you clearly know nothing about.

          • LaurenB

            +1. My ob-gyn husband has treated women who fell (or sadly were pushed) down stairs and yes, it can cause placental abruption and at a minimum they require monitoring to ensure baby is OK. The risk of skiing isn’t the activity, it’s the fall risk. Similarly, for women who like to cycle, it’s not a bad idea to move towards a stationary bike / spin versus an outdoor bike, because you’re not going to fall off a stationary bike but you can fall off an outdoor bike.

      • Anon

        It is protected by the pelvic bones. However, the ligaments are loose (relaxin is high to prevent miscarriage), which causes its own problems.

      • anon athlete

        It’s one of those things where a minor fall probably isn’t a big deal, but could be. So the advice is that even for a minor fall that impacts the abdomen you should call your doctor, even in the first trimester, and they may want you to come in. That’s why they do start advising you to avoid sports with a high fall risk early on…but I think a lot of women don’t even get that advice until they’re close to the end of the first trimester anyway, as I think about it? I didn’t actually see an OB until I was already 10 weeks, just my regular GP for pregnancy confirmation (and I didn’t get any kind of detailed advice from him other than “start taking prenatal vitamins and here’s a list of medications to avoid due to miscarriage risk”).

    • anon athlete

      I think this is a really tough issue for a couple of reasons. One, for years (decades?), the advice to pregnant women on exercise was so conservative that a lot of people still have the idea that any kind of strenuous activity during pregnancy is dangerous. You’ll still see people throw around heart rate thresholds a pregnant woman shouldn’t exceed, for example, even though there’s not a scientific foundation for that. Two, people feel very entitled to tell pregnant women what to do, and specifically to impose on pregnant women the level of risk tolerance they are personally comfortable with, rather than realizing that risk tolerance can reasonably vary. Three, a lot of pregnant women are very sensitive about this kind of conversation because there is so much uninformed criticism out there of women who do strenuous exercise in pregnancy – that can lead to defensive reactions because we’re just so. damn. tired. of being told we’re doing it wrong.

      I described on the other post my own racing during pregnancy. I will say that my mom had very uninformed ideas about exercise in pregnancy. She thought this was super unsafe. Her expressed preference was that I should have switched to walking only as soon as I got a positive test. She didn’t even think I should go swimming – not “swim for exercise” but literally “put on a bathing suit and get in the water” without a doctor’s okay. It was really frustrating to deal with, frankly.

      My doctor’s philosophy was “you’re not sick, you’re pregnant,” and her advice was generally that maintaining my prior level of activity was fine as long as I felt okay. The only exceptions were that she did want me to drop out of my races that were higher risk for falling (specifically mountain bike races) and she advised me to ratchet back my training time if we found that I wasn’t putting weight on quickly enough (we never got to that point bc the season was cancelled).

      Fall risk is a real issue for women in pregnancy. It’s hard to be told you can’t do something that you love, so I think a lot of pregnant women who are skiiers, MTBers, equestrians, etc. probably do get very frustrated when they’re told they can’t do those sports or are told that those sports are very risky. I think the overconservative nature of a lot of advice given to pregnant women actually worsens this situation – when my mom told me she didn’t want me to ride my MTB because she thought anything other than walking was too much, I eyerolled. When my doctor said “in general exercise during pregnancy is great and you should keep doing what you’ve been doing, but here are the specific things that are high-risk and that I’d encourage you to stop,” it was much easier to receive that information.

      • Anon

        That’s all very nice, but the post that sparked the outrage was obviously not written by someone who is remotely like your mother.

        Try reading things in context.

        • anon athlete

          Hi there, friend.

          The context here is the OP of this thread, which asked if people got criticism for pushing themselves in pregnancy.

          Have a great day!

          • Anon

            You brought up the previous thread.

            You also seriously misrepresented what happened at the marathon trials.

            No wonder you’re a good lawyer: so many half-truths with those guileless eyes.

          • anon athlete

            …okay that comment is creepy as f*ck, seriously. I’m not sure where this response is coming from. But whoa. Backing away from you slowly.

          • anon

            Yikes, I don’t know what about anon athlete’s post struck a nerve with this particular poster but I personally appreciated anon athlete’s response and thought it was exactly the type of information OP was looking for.

    • Anon

      I mean.. I slipped on ice during my pregnancy – barely tipped over, breaking part of the fall against my car before falling uphill on my driveway …. so not a big deal? – and I was told to run, not walk, into the OB ER for 3 hours of monitoring to make sure I didn’t have placental whiplash. All was good but my god they were not kidding around. This was early second trimester.

      • anon

        Yup I tripped over a suitcase around 30 weeks and spent 6 hours getting monitored in the maternity ward

      • Anon

        Yup I mentioned it above but I was in a fender bender when I was 21 weeks, zero damage to me/extremely minor damage to my car, but when I called my OB she told me to drop everything and go straight to the ER. I was admitted so they could observe the baby for a day. Thankfully all was fine but even minor falls and collisions in pregnancy are taken incredibly seriously by doctors.

      • anon

        Yup. I don’t want to go into too many details that would out me but placental abruption is a real and scary thing and can happen from something that doesn’t seem like a big dramatic event (think along the lines of falling down the stairs or tripping on ice or taking a spill when skiiing) for a non-pregnant woman but can lead to a big scary events (nothing quite like wondering where all the blood came from and realizing it came from you and suddenly going from being “under observation” by a nurse periodically checking on you to having a hospital room so full of doctors you can’t see the door or meeting your son for the first time in an incubator 15 hours after an emergency c-section or spending months in the NICU). Pregnant women are not shrinking daisies who can’t do super amazing things while pregnant but to pretend that the fall risk for pregnant women is NBD is false. Sorry if anyone feels personally victimized by the fact that certain activities are more significantly more dangerous when pregnant but facts are facts and I’d rather you be offended than anyone think the risk isn’t real and have to experience what I did.

  6. BB

    Low stakes shipping question…I have a package (USPS first class) whose tracking shows it arrived in my city on Monday in a zip code maybe 2 miles away from me. But I still haven’t received it yet, and it doesn’t show delivered or out for delivery or anything. Has anyone else encountered this? I assume it’s just covid delays? Usually when it shows up in my city it’s within 24 hours of being delivered.

    (It’s seeds that I bought based on the discussions here last week, and I’m itching to plant them!)

    • Anonymous

      Ooh, can you tell me where you found seeds in stock? I’ve been experiencing shipping delays too, but things do arrive albeit late.

      • Anon

        I’m not op but I have had the best luck with eBay!!

        I also like The Living Seed Company. They shipped my last order the day after I placed it.

      • BB

        I got a multi-pack from Urban Leaf. Not useful if you have a very specific seed you want, but they have a good supply of basic herbs and things. (And obviously, I can’t comment on the quality of them because you know…STILL WAITING on delivery! :( )

    • Anon

      I’ve had that happen before with packages where they claimed they had trouble reading the address and let it linger at the post office until I filed a missing package report.

      • BB

        Ugh. I really hope this is not the case. This package was weird from the beginning. It showed as that “label created, package not yet received by USPS” status for a good 5 days, then suddenly appeared in my city even though there was no history of it being accepted by USPS. I’ll give it until early next week and then contact the seller.

        • Betty D.

          I find those additional facts more reassuring, actually, because it shows the tracking has been off since the beginning – but that it’s tied to a physical package – so I’d give it patience as long as you trust the seller. It may be that the seller shipped it via a different carrier who hands off to USPS for last-mile delivery work, which might explain why you didn’t get any updates until it came to your city.

    • Anonymous

      Yep. I’m Chicago suburbs and I’ve had that happen a bunch lately. Sometimes it is stuck in my own post office and sometimes in a nearby suburb that’s sort of the hub for our area for a day or even two or three. Totally normal.

  7. Anonymous

    And now we have arctic zombie fires as the follow up to murder hornets. I’m so done with 2020.

  8. Sloan Sabbith

    If anyone wants a nice thing, look at the “Dad, How Do I” Youtube channel and read the Buzzfeed story about the guy! He seems like just such a nice guy doing a really good thing and trying to respond to the newfound fame in a way that gives back.

    • Panda Bear

      Oh, that is so sweet. I lost my dad when I was young and this makes me nostalgic for the random things he taught me.

  9. Anonymous

    I know it’s late, and I might try again in the morning, but does anyone in NYC (esp. UES) have a recommendation of somewhere that would ship both flowers and a bottle of wine? A main client contact is leaving her company, and my partner asked me to send both to them. Not sure if this is something a florist or wine shop or someone else (?) can do, plus would love to hear if anyone has any favorite spots!

    • Anon

      I’m not from NYC, but my mom is a florist who has shipped many a bottle of wine, so maybe start with the florist?

      Make sure you call a real flower shop though and not an online middleman (there is a whole industry of websites that call flower shops and order arrangements at one price, pretending to be customers, and then charge another price to the real customer who ordered online).

  10. Anon

    Has anyone had a midlife crisis? I am approaching 40 and feel blah about it. My life is pretty good, but I’m sad about the end of my youth and the feeling that it’s all downhill from here, even though I know that’s not true. How did you deal if you had one?

    • Anon

      I know this sounds flippant but I think everyone is having a midlife crisis now. If you’re still feeling this way once things get back to normal, then maybe worry about it.

      • Anon

        That is actually helpful! I was feeling pretty good about 40 until the pandemic, but the pandemic is making me question everything.

        • Tea/Coffee

          LOL I am there with you. I was mildly freaking out about 40, in a “maybe I need to shake up my life” kind of way. Now covid has me retreating into “JUST BE GRATEFUL YOU HAVE A JOB” land and then feeling like a loser for not being more fierce. And then hating my husband and then loving him and being thankful I have a good partner in isolation. Or wanting to put poison in his Soup. I think I just need to get out of the house.

        • Senior Attorney

          I feel like that’s totally normal. The pandemic is making everybody question everything, I think.

          • Anonymous

            I was having a midlife crisis before the pandemic hit. Now all of my coping mechanisms are gone. The upside is that some of the things I was upset are irrelevant now.

        • Anon

          Everybody is questioning everything now! Seriously you’re completely normal. Hugs.

    • Anon

      I already was, and it pushed me to look for a full-time remote gig for several reasons. Now everyone and their brother is doing the same thing, so I’m just camping out and screaming inside my own head instead.

    • Anon

      I felt great when I turned 40. I threw a big party for myself.

      50, on the other hand, hit me like a ton of bricks.

      I’m 55 now and pretty much over it.

    • anon

      I don’t think I’m in full-blown crisis mode but I have some very mixed feelings about turning 40 this summer. I mean, I sort of knew I wasn’t the young wonder kid anymore but this confirms it. I have mixed feelings about how I’m aging. I don’t have a strong sense of purpose or yearning for this next chapter, which weirds me out. I need a new dream, if that makes sense. Nothing earth shattering, but BLAH is the best way to describe it. Life is good overall and I can’t complain about how things have turned out, yet I feel unmoored.

    • Anonymous

      It helps me to have acquaintances who are decades older who point out that to them 40 or 50 is still young … even 60 or 70 … it’s a matter of perspective. Some of us are looking back at our 20s wishing that we knew we were beautiful or whatever, and we will be looking back at this time in our lives wishing we knew how great/vibrant/capable we were also. So try to embrace/celebrate whatever you can & continue to move forward as best you can, etc. It also helps to spend some time with younger friends and get caught up in the silliness/introduced to new things. It’s hard right now since we can’t be social, but we can still enjoy youthful things minus the bad decisions lol.

    • Anonymous

      I am in the middle of one, I am pretty sure. It started over a year ago, when I turned 45, so is not pandemic/SIP-related. I left a dead-end job for one more challenging, got a social life that involves (outside of SIP) several late nights a week, started going to the gym, started dating and not-dating, and dress a bit more freely and my life is substantially better now than it was a year ago, even in the pandemic/SIP context. I have probably made some financial mistakes during this time and will need to get a grip on that very soon. Otherwise, I am very happy living life this way.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t believe that we were ever in doubt as to the nursing home risks. I know a lot of people who work in eldercare, and they were talking about the precautions they’d put in place well before I fully grasped that a pandemic was happening.

  12. Anon

    Ok I’m not going to wade in to the exercising while pregnant discussion but here are my two top tips for pregnant women in public. I’ve posted them before at various times. They both worked really well for me.

    A man reached over in an elevator an rubbed my belly. I reached over and rubbed his belly in return. He jumped back and said “what are you doing?!?” I said, “same thing you’re doing”

    Q: “Do you know what it is?”
    A: “my doctor says it’s a baby.”

    • Anon

      Ha! I love these responses! Good on you for rubbing his belly. Literally no one even attempted to touch my stomach when I was pregnant. My husband says I give off “don’t you dare touch me!” vibes.

    • anon

      I love the rubbing the belly back!

      Q: “Do you know what you’re having”
      A: “We’re hoping for a human”

    • Vicky Austin

      I ran across a bunch of similar tweets recently and my favorite one was:

      Q: “So what’s your birth plan?”
      A: “Well, you are not part of my plan.”

      • Anon

        My all purpose response to most rude or intrusive questions: “Why do you ask?” People literally stumble backwards trying to get out of their own way. Sometimes my delivery is sweet as pie (if I think the reason for the question is an awkward attempt to open a serious conversation), sometimes my delivery is icy cold. The question most always does the trick of making folks realize they have overstepped.

    • Jane

      Some of these are kind of snotty… sorry, I didn’t realize that “what are you having?!?” was a rude question and I think I’ve definitely asked it excitedly of friends before, when conversationally appropriate, of course. If I was met with one of these answers I think I would be surprised and definitely take away the message that my friend didn’t want to talk about her pregnancy.

      • Anon

        Pretty sure OP was talking about random strangers asking those questions not friends (hence the tips for pregnant women in public)

      • anon

        This post is definitely about interactions with strangers. But also maybe your friend doesn’t want to talk about her pregnancy and you need to be ok with that instead of calling her snotty. It’s exhausting having the same conversation on repeat for months.

    • Anon

      I got a lot of people questioning my decisions (coffee, running, soft cheese), and I usually just hit them back with a dismissive “Actually, the science says….”

      People ask overly intrusive questions when they are weird or when they don’t know what to talk about. I handled it by supplying more information and sort of diverting the questions. “Do you know what you’re having? Have you picked out a name?” My response was to be happy and explain about the significance of the names we picked out (two special people, one on my side, one on my husband’s side). People got their warm fuzzies and we could move on.

  13. Anonymous

    Does anyone have another spInning bike they use for peloton? Eyeing one at Costco

    • Anonymous

      Nordic track studio spin cycle. Better than Peloton. Watch the reviews on youtube,

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