Coffee Break: Beaded Necklace

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1. I will be in Spain next month and I have a ridiculous habit of buying designer bags when I’m traveling. I think I’d like to buy a Loewe bag in Spain — that brand hasn’t really been on my radar so I’m not super up on their styles. Any suggestions? Or other brands I should be looking at?

   1. A very practical souvenir!
      I am not familiar with any Spanish designers, but you could consider searching for bags carried by Queen Letizia. That might lead you to some Spanish brands.

   2. Pretty much any designer bag is cheaper in Europe than the US these days, especially with VAT. Loewe makes gorgeous bags, but Bottega/Hermes are more my personal style if I’m going to spend over $2k. I’d lurk around purse blog forums and see if anything catches your eye. Enjoy!!

   3. I also have the same habit. For Loewe – they shine as fun bags but not practical every day bags. Go for a fun color! Leave some room in your budget for the add ons – charms, straps. Personally, I get a lot more use out of my small size flamenco, than the larger size. People have mixed reactions on living with the puzzle bag, mostly on the getting stuff in and out of it.

   4. Is it Loewe that makes the colored leather bags that are kind of drawstring looking at top? I saw someone carrying a lavender one recently and thought it was so pretty.

   5. Loewe flamenco in a fun color! That is my next splurge bag and I would love to buy one in Spain. I have the dupe from Quince to see if I like the shape/style and it is very very versatile. Enjoy your trip and shopping!

   6. Ooh, thanks, everyone! The flamenco in a fun color seems like a good choice! Looking forward to seeing them in the store!

   7. Bimba y Lola! They’re at a lower price point than Loewe so why not get one from both :) Probably similar to Coach in the US.

      Andres Gallardo is another one I’d look at.

2. How often would you say you play or have fun in an average day, especially a work day? I’m very interested in this subject, especially but not exclusively for mothers. Do you get time each day to do something for yourself that is genuinely fun/makes you happy/isn’t productive?

   1. I don’t aim for play or fun, it’s not my thing, but I do make a point of food focused treats, like today I got icecream.

      1. OP here and I love a food treat for enhancing fun too. If there’s anything better than a hot chocolate after skiing powder all morning, I don’t know what it is.

   2. It’s varied across ages and stages but with an 8 year old I would say most of the time I spend with my kid is fun so probably at least a couple hours a day. I also have a LOT of time to myself (almost too much) although a good chunk of it is spent reading at various kid activities. I’m not someone who wants exotic hobbies though, reading is my preferred thing to do with my free time, so it suits me well.

   3. My kids are teens so my evenings are largely free for ‘fun’ more so than they have been in years. We typically have an early family dinner at least 5 nights a week, but then by 6:30/7pm I’m able to do my own thing. Usually, I’ll do a mix of working out (plus shower/red light mask), read for a bit, watch tv/movie with whichever kid is watching something I’m interested in, and then in bed by 9:30 to read some more as a wind down. It’s weird to go to bed before your kids btw!

      1. I have recently discovered the joy of going to bed before your kids! The other night, I went downstairs to get a class of water and ran into my teen daughter in the hallway, in her bathrobe with wet nails and a face mask on. She said, “you need to go back to bed, Mom, this is MY time.” So I think it’s safe to say the kids are enjoying it, too.

   4. I like to paint my nails or do some watercolor painting, usually after kid bedtime while watching a low-effort TV show, and that’s fun. I also play video games with my husband a couple of nights a week. On weekends it varies if I have plans with friends or if the kids have a lot going on.

   5. I wouldn’t say I play, but I definitely do things that are enjoyable everyday. I listen to podcasts while I walk, I knit, I read. Also during my walk I take a picture of something that catches my eye, a pretty flower, and architectural detail, the sun rise, and store them in a folder to look back on. Today it was a woodpecker and I’m so delighted I got the shot.

   6. I like so much about my life (biglaw partner with 4 kids) but big piece I don’t like is that I have almost no time to do anything fun/playful (unless I steal it from something else)

   7. I smoke weed and read.

      1. This sounds like my idea of fun.

   8. Daily if regular exercise (running and weightlifting) counts as fun, which it is for me. Probably 5-6 days a week otherwise — reading, games, hanging out with friends, etc. When my kids were <5 and I worked in BigLaw, it was more like 0-1 day a week.

   9. Most days I do not have fun except maybe browsing random websites like this one or news/magazine websites in between work tasks. I probably go out and do something fun with a friend or watch a tv show 4-6 times a month. Lawyer, mom of 2, married to someone who is not an equal partner.

   10. 30-60 min of workout / day
       30-60 min of reading or piano not necessarily every day but at least a few times/week
       2 hr of friend time at least once/week

       -mom, FT worker with flexible schedule and amazing spouse

   11. Roughly 2.5 hours, because that’s the time it takes me to go to the barn and ride my horse. I do not have children and probably couldn’t do that if I had children, because I think getting that long of an uninterrupted block of time would be more challenging with kid schedules (I’m at the barn from roughly 5:30-7:30/8 after work).

   12. I don’t feel like I have time each day to do something that makes me happy. I know this is my own fault. My kids are now teens but the early years combined with a busy lawyer job made me feel like I was barely surviving some evenings. I’m trying to rediscover things that make me happy. I sometimes feel resentful of all the things I have to do for everyone else (clients, kids, elderly parents/in-laws, even my pets!) and then I feel so guilty because I know I am lucky to have all these people to care for.

       1. Do not feel guilty. Play is a luxury for a reason—important things need to take priority and you are clearly doing whats best for your family.

       2. I can so relate. I can barely fathom doing anything fun on the weekdays, and it is making me resentful. From the moment I wake up until I get into the office, I am frantically getting ready, waking up kids, making breakfast, packing my bag for work, etc. And lest anyone think my husband is not an equal partner, he’s doing all the same side-by-side with me. We both have big stressful jobs. By the time I get home, I’m ready to collapse, but I spend the evening either getting the kids to/from their activities or making dinner (husband and I trade off). At which point it is late, I’m exhausted mentally and physically, and I scroll my phone for a bit and fall asleep. In any spare time I might find, I’ll squeeze in exercise, which I recognize is self care but also feels like another chore I have to prioritize.

          Hoping to get off the hamster wheel and find fun again.

   13. I do see “having fun” as something a little different from “doing something I enjoy.” Something I enjoy is far more expansive than fun, and I define fun as “good in the moment, a little exciting, often completely unnecessary.” And while I make sure I do something I enjoy every day, the same cannot be said for fun. I’m a tired pregnant lady, fun is too much work to do on the daily, especially after a full work day. But I put a little more effort into dinner (I like cooking and eating good food) or suggest activities I prefer to my toddler rather than whatever he wants or I journal before bed. But fun happens at least once a week with rock climbing or a lazy date night or a fun family outing.

       1. I equate fun to childlike behavior. Ok in small doses! But not at the expense of doing adult things first.

          1. Oh huh, I totally don’t agree with that. Fun and play should be abundant. But interesting to hear these perspectives.

             1. This feels naive.

             2. I don’t even really think of it as childlike, since fun and play were my least favorite parts of childhood. I think people are just wired differently; it’s not really a should thing unless the should is just making space for what we actually want more of in our life.

             3. Wow, that’s actually shocking to say that it’s “naive” to want more fun and play in your life. I haven’t thought like that since I was clinically depressed.

          2. Oooof. For the first half of my life I didn’t allow myself to do anything fun until the “adult things” were done first. Because that was responsible and virtuous and safe. I was so, so, so miserable. I was profoundly depressed and experienced suicidal ideation. It negatively affected my ability to make friends because a) I had very little time for fun and 2) I judged everyone who was “irresponsible” enough to prioritize fun. Even where they were really doing just fine.

             This just seems really sad to me. Seems like you view “fun” as an irresponsible or immature indulgence. Only small doses! Or what? What will happen if you have more than a little bit of fun?

   14. Every day!

       At the very least, I love my morning coffee and crossword time. And, on work days, I’m genuine friends with many coworkers so get a good social outlet there.

       I don’t have kids, so my evenings are my own. I play a sport that I LOVE at least 2x a week. I’m not as good or as fast as I was in high school or college, but it brings me so much joy. I also really enjoy most of my other workouts, they are often (but not always) fun for me. On nights without the sport, I will see a friend for a drink/walk/dinner 1-2 weeknights a week, or make my own fun.

       Weekends I try to do 1-2 hours of “work” (cleaning, meal prep) but try to commit the rest of my time for fun or downtime (which isn’t expressly fun for me, but I know it’s important). I’m ~1-1.5 hours from the beach and some small mountains so I often try to fit in a beach day, hike, or ski on weekends, as well as at least one night with friends.

       Aside from my sport/other fitness hobbies and general
       socialization, I enjoy reading, fashion (I thrift almost exclusively and enjoy coming up with new outfits), crafting, learning (is this a hobby? I love doing a deep dive on a topic du jour) hosting friends, almost anything outdoors, and exploring my city.

3. How did the presentation go? I hope you aced it!

4. How do you typically celebrate your birthday? What does the ideal birthday look like to you?

   I just celebrated a birthday last week and it was one of the best ones I’ve ever had. I was taking painting workshops in southern France, which probably helped! But I realized what made the day special was that I was doing several of my favorite things: traveling, learning, connecting with others—and also, and this is key: I was NOT the center of attention.

   I used to feel like I “should” plan something because friends asked what I wanted to do, but then I’d feel so awkward at some event where the focus was on me. No more! Now I’m going to actively take control of my birthday and make plans to do something fun and generative every year.

   1. I like it as an excuse to treat myself to something, but am not into any sort of public fuss whatsoever. Sometimes the treat is a splurge dinner out but the waitstaff is given absolutely zero inkling that it’s a birthday. The possibility of a free dessert isn’t worth it.

   2. Painting workshop in France sounds incredible!

      Travel is my ideal way to celebrate, but my birthday is in early May and we have school age kids, so taking a real vacation at that time of year is very difficult since all the end of year stuff is happening. The weekend nearest to my birthday is also usually Mother’s Day and I don’t want to spend that day apart from my kids while they live at home. For my 40th a couple years ago we did two nights staycation at a fancy hotel in the city starting the Monday after Mother’s Day and that was really nice: I went to the spa, we saw a couple of shows and we had great meals at fancy restaurants we couldn’t have taken the kids to. It wasn’t on my actual birthday but was close enough that it felt like a birthday celebration unlike the bigger vacations we take later in the summer. Scheduling constraints have made that hard to replicate though.

   3. Single, no kids, closest family is over an hour away, good friends are an hour away, and… my birthday is in late winter when it is bitter cold, gray and dark such that no one including me wants to get out much. I just buy myself a dessert and a gift. The gift is always something I wouldn’t buy otherwise and quite expensive (according to my usual spending). It’s a fairly pleasing way to celebrate, all things considered. I had big plans for my 50th that got eaten by a big jury trial, and I was so disappointed by that I’ve just sort of been over my birthday ever since.

      1. I’m in a similar situation with the slight variation that my birthday is always close to Thanksgiving, so that even though I have friends nearby, everyone’s too busy to do something special that week. I have my favorite “girl dinner” (fancy cheese and charcuterie) and a glass of wine, watch a movie, and buy myself a nice gift. I always look forward to it, and there’s the bonus of not having to coordinate schedules with other busy people. I just don’t want to work that hard for my own birthday.

   4. My birthday is usually during spring break for my kids and we usually travel during that time which is nice! If we are home, I usually go hiking at my favorite spot and then spend the day sitting by the river and eating my favorite snacks lol.

   5. My birthday is not a big deal. I don’t care if my family gives me a cake or gifts. In fact, I prefer to pick out those things myself or just skip them. I use the birthday and the weeks leading up to it for self-reflection on where I am at this milestone, thinking about the future, etc.

   6. At Puy Vidal?

   7. Your birthday sounds absolutely incredible and I’d do the exact same thing for myself if possible. What a phenomenal gift to yourself. Absolutely peak. Maybe one day I’ll do the same. Lately I’ve been trying to have trips planned over my birthday (but not really “for” my brithday), but nothing quite as perfect for my interests and life long dream like as a painting workshop in another country. I hate planning parties or events for myself and being the center of attention. I worry so much about all sorts of things, including whether everyone’s having fun, to actually enjoy it.

   8. It was my birthday yesterday! I have a tradition of getting a lobster roll for lunch because I grew up going to Cape Cod and was often there on my birthday, sadly I haven’t been in years. I got a manicure and my husband took me out for a nice dinner.

   9. I am often traveling on my birthday, which is super fun. Sometimes we have a party — for big birthdays or sometimes (like last year) just for the heck of it. The best birthday I ever had was my 60th, which combined both — I had a “destination birthday” in New York on a party boat. About 60 people came, and they are still talking about it years later.

      When I was working I’d always take the day off, no matter what else was going on.

   10. Party for all milestones, I plan and execute and love parties. For all other years, I take the day off, get a massage and go out to dinner with my husband. I also buy myself a piece of jewelry each year as a present.

   11. I would not say I celebrate it in the traditional sense, but since I turned 40, I buy myself either a piece of art, jewelry, or both! Otherwise, it’s usually just another day.

       For my 50th, in four years, I will probably rent some place out and have a big dinner with all my friends. It’s impossible to get everyone together unless it’s a big deal so that will be my gift to myself (and probably also jewelry haha).

5. Does anyone own any LilySilk items? I’m wondering about the quality. Thanks!

   1. Very high quality. I had a little trouble with sizing without the patience to work it out, but what I received was very nice and I will absolutely return to the store.

6. A huge thank you to all of the Chicago ‘rettes who chimed in yesterday about my son’s trip to the airport. It was very easy for him to Uber to the CTA-Washington blue line stop and taking the train to the airport from there takes 45 minutes, while the drive is currently an hour and 10 minutes and increasing. Not to mention only $2.50 for a 45 minute ride(!)

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