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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Short-Sleeve Crewneck Cardigan

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A woman wearing a green short-sleeved cardigan, white top, and white pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

There have been at least three separate occasions this summer when I have admired something another woman is wearing, and when I ask where she purchased it, she has lowered her voice and whispered, “Walmart.” One of the perks of middle age is that I feel no shame in buying my clothes at the same place I buy my groceries and garden supplies, so I hustled over to my local Wally World to grab this cardigan after seeing it on a friend.

The fabric is soft, the color is vibrant, and the fit is perfect. I’ve washed it in a lingerie bag just to avoid snagging the fabric, but so far it’s held up beautifully. I’m currently wearing it with black trousers and a white tee for an easy business casual look.

The sweater is $17.98 at Walmart and comes in sizes XS-4X.

Sales of note for 8/10:

276 Comments

  1. It’s been (gulp) 31 years since I went to college, and my oldest is going this fall. Plot twist, across the country so DH and I will be taking a plane to move her in. Any tips on how to get all the stuff there? Should we rent a car for errands or rely on uber? Would love any suggestions!

    1. In what city is she going to college? (middle of big city, edge of suburb, etc.) That might affect the rental v. uber question.

      1. It’s a big UC in a city, we are staying very close to the school. I am hoping that she’ll have an address at school before we get there so we can just have things shipped directly to her.

          1. Yeah, you will need a car at any of the UC campuses, even the urban ones. Cities in California are not set up like the ones on the east coast.

    2. I think renting a car vs relying on Uber will depend on the location. If it’s rural, I’d rent; if suburban or urban then Uber might make more sense.

    3. The advice on car vs. rideshare will depend dramatically on where the school is.

      As far as The Stuff, the school may have suggestions on how to ship to a local spot for pickup, rather than buying at home and then having to ship it all again.

    4. If there’s a Target reasonably close to the school I would do a Target order and pick up in store.

      1. The Target next to our big State U is filled with dorm products this time of year and restocked constantly!

        1. I worked at a Target in a huge university town when I was an undergrad and our Back to College season was bigger than Christmas. It was crazy hard work to stock but so much fun. One of those things where I’m glad I don’t have to do it 25 years later in order to pay the bills, but also look back on it fondly. I am also glad CRT TVs to carry out are no longer a thing lol.

          1. I live near Ohio State University and the Target in that area is bonkers during move in. I echo the advice to rent a car and go out further — I drive to the next town over for a couple of weeks.

          1. If you rent a car you can drive to a Target farther from campus that is better stocked with shorter lines.

    5. I would rent a car. There are so many small errands you’ll likely be running and places to go (target, meals for all of you, grocery store, home decor store, etc.). There are lots of good tips online for moving in but if you anticipate building any furniture I might pack a small drill with a hex tool. My dad brought his when I moved in decades ago and literally the entire floor borrowed it at one point or another.

      1. Also bring a big rubber mallet if you have one. You will need it if your child wants to raise the mattress on the bed. There is usually one floating around the dorms, but it will be hard to get your hands on.

        1. Yes to the rubber mallet! Make sure it’s a clear one, not black. Such a game changer!

    6. My youngest is going to school a 14 hour drive away from us this fall and we were originally planning to rent a car and drive, but we weren’t looking forward to it! However, at orientation last month, we learned that the school has a couple of approved vendors that you can ship to ahead of time and they will even put the stuff in the dorm room for you. The prices seem pretty reasonable. We’ve changed our plans and will be using one of the services and flying out to move her in. So you might check and see if the school has arrangements with any of those services. Storage Scholars and Storage Squad are two of them. As a bonus, the same vendors also offer summer storage services and they will pick up from the dorm and deliver to the new living location the next fall, so now I don’t have to figure that out either!

      1. I wouldn’t be above choosing a college based on the availability of those services! Wow that’s cool.

        1. Well if you go to the websites for the services, they listed the schools they serve!

    7. I was so lucky that I went to school in my time zone and could take Amtrak back and forth. And store stuff over the summer. Looking back, I doubt my two working parents with less flexible jobs could have handled more than a spartan move-in and school breaks.

      IDK how people do it. And now I’m afraid that this is one aspect of parenting I will be very bad at or will artificially limit what my kids do based on how inconvenient it will be for me (with a horribly inflexible work schedule).

      1. Money and to some extent wastefulness. They rent furnished apartments once out of the dorms, or you reimburse roommates’ parents for your kid’s share of stuff purchased for the place. When the kids part ways, the shared stuff usually ends up split and moved to some combination of the next apartment, and if no takers, lots of furniture or cheap TVs ends up on the curb.

        There’s a reason it’s called Penn Christmas at May move-out – a trash picker’s DREAM.

        1. Agree. Parents were not as involved with Gen X college and the dorms were drab with second hand fridges. Now the amount of dorm decor out there is astonishing. And, yes, we helped our son and bought the stuff. But it is not required.

          1. Re. fridges, many colleges now provide them. They are gross, but that’s one less thing to move and store.

          2. No doubt. But moving a kid into a summer program on a college campus for a month this summer was eye opening. Sheets and sheets. Towels. Shower stuff. Laundry stuff. Hangers. Trash can. Snacks. Clothes. Desk set-up. The right power strip. Changing cables. Suite bath so all that stuff. So many forms. Meds. Period supplies. I am having pre-trauma just thinking through it all.

          3. I’m an ‘elder millenial’ and dorm decor was just starting to be a thing in my day. Most of us had coordinated bedding sets, storage pieces (stacking slide out bins and things), and some of the ‘extras’ – pretty curtains/white boards/cork boards for photos, etc. The school ‘poster sale’ was also a beloved opening weekend tradition. My younger sibling practically cleared out the local Pier-1 for a college apartment – this was the height of the papasan chair craze. The southern SEC dorm design I see now is a whole other beast.

        2. Who exactly do you think is picking up all that furniture left on the curb? A lot of it gets handed down through generations of student apartments.

          1. Well, in my case, west Philly residents of all types – whether student or not. Was answering the OP’s question of how you handle a long-distance college kid who presumably is not around to benefit from trash-picking themselves, and in practice, by assuming a lot of their stuff will either be given away to a roommate or essentially be disposable.

          2. A lot of the time it’s residents rather than students. Most students aren’t looking to aquire more items as they move out in May.

      2. I could also take Amtrak back and forth but my parents usually came to move me in/out in August and May. They also had inflexible jobs. DH on the other hand moved himself after like freshman year

        1. I pointed out Amtrak because you really had to plan for the year. I only went home between semesters so was nasty dripping with sweat lugging wool sweaters up 3 flights of stairs and it was a lot of stuff because it needed to be for all seasons. And anything else I needed was a walk of a couple miles, so even now I view being able to buy a 12-pack of soda (vs buying from the vending machine) as pure luxury. I did bring an iron because why?

      3. I went to school across the country but my parents only came at move-in and graduation, and that was not uncommon. I had to move out of my dorm room in the summer but the dorm had storage space for us, so I just packed it up myself.

        1. We could only store in fireproof containers so I owned metal trash cans that I chained to each other and then chained shut. Seems so gangster now.

        2. My parents moved me in freshman year and I was on my own after that. UPS had a great campus program where they would pick up your stuff in May, store it over the summer, then deliver to your new dorm room in August. I shipped one or two boxes of things I needed over the summer that didn’t fit in my suitcase.

      4. Your kids will be fine. If they need a rubber mallet to raise their bed, they’ll go meet the other floor residents asking around.

        if you and your kid *like* all this stuff and are able and willing to make it a whole thing, by all means, go all out. But it’s not required.

      5. Do not limit your children’s college choices! I did not apply to any of the SLACs I was interested in because my parents would not let me fly to visit them. With my financial need and stats I probably would have gotten a full ride to many of them. I ended up at a huge state school that was not a great fit and still regret it. Let your kids go anywhere you can afford. If they want it badly enough, they will figure out the logistics. And surely one parent or the other can swing it to help with move-in the first year.

        1. Also, a car and a target run is super convenient, but a lot of the stuff can be ordered online and delivered a few days after! Like, your kid will live even if they can’t get laundry detergent and soap and a carton of protein bars delivered *before* move in. Heck, they could drip dry without a towel the first day. This is an insane thing to base a college choice on.

    8. My daughter attends college 1200 miles from home. Her college allows students to have items shipped to campus starting two weeks before move-in, so anything we ordered on line got shipped straight to school. Depending on the school, you may need to pick the packages up in a central location and move them across campus. We ordered for pickup at the local Target and Container Store. These stores run out of dorm supplies very quickly during move-in week, so we ordered as far ahead as possible.

      For move-out, she rents a small climate-controlled storage unit and gets a friend with a car to help her. The storage unit is a real necessity. Her college provides almost no furniture in the dorms–the desks don’t have drawers or bookshelves, there are no dressers, and last year’s room didn’t even have any drawers in the closet–so she has a folding desk hutch and a lot of storage drawers that fit under the bed. It’s also much less expensive to rent a storage unit than it is to fly or ship her winter clothes, guitar, etc. back and forth. The college allows students to store four small clear tubs over the summer, nothing more, and it is very difficult to get access to the storage spaces to deposit or retrieve your things. We justify the cost of storage and plane tickets by reminding ourselves that even with these expenses her private college costs less than what our prestigious flagship state U thought we should pay.

      We always rent a car for move-in. I do not want to imagine what a nightmare move-in would be without one. Last year we made six trips to Target for random things like Command hooks and different-sized baskets, plus one trip to the laundromat to wash all her bedding in the high-capacity machines.

      This year she needs a car on campus for her practicum courses, so we are road-tripping it. In the spring she will probably end up paying it forward on the move-out assistance.

    9. Rent a car. If you uber you can’t throw stuff in the trunk and run multiple errands consecutively.

    10. Is she living in a dorm? Dorm rooms don’t hold a lot of stuff so I’m not sure the airline is the rate limiting factor. I flew to college with 2 big checked suitcases, mostly clothes, and then we bought the dorm essentials (XL twin bedding, mini-fridge, lamps, shower curtain, etc.) at a Target near the school. We didn’t ship anything.

      1. I have a kid who flies to college and her summer camp job. Those tiny dorm rooms can fit a surprising amount of stuff. The bedding alone is quite bulky. They do need less stuff these days, though, now that college has gone largely paperless–no more printers, books, course catalogs, etc. Many music students have even ditched their paper scores for PDFs on an iPad.

    11. Pro tip: leave siblings, grandparents, and anyone else besides the student and parents at home. If you must bring siblings, have one parent take them somewhere else during the actual dorm move-in. Move-in and setup time will be very limited, and extra people in the tiny room will make things exponentially more difficult for both your student and her roommate. My daughter’s roommate brought Grandma and little brother. With two girls + four parents + two extra people it was impossible to move and very difficult to set anything up in the room during the two hours they were allotted between getting their room keys and the first mandatory orientation activity.

    12. My college student has a car and fits everything in that vehicle (including the mini fridge), then drives themself to campus. If it doesn’t fit in the car, it doesn’t go, and that is their preference. This State U has furnished dorms. Most of the student apartments in the area are semi-furnished, or basically have a permanent hand-me-down rotation of furnishings that the graduating class doesn’t want to take with them on their way out.

      This is very similar to the experience both I and my husband had at our different schools. You could go hog-wild and bring enough to merit an entire moving truck, or you could bring the basic necessities and add on as needed after you moved in.

      1. As a mom in the trenches of learner’s permit driving, it is hard to envision my child merging onto the interstate, let alone driving to college. But this is it — the victory lap. Them driving off and me waving.
        MOM: you did well. This is the real end game, no?

        1. Yes, raising an independent adult is the end goal of parenting! Too many parents these days seem to have forgotten that.

          1. they get their license at 15!? I got mine on my 16th birthday in the very early 00s and I thought most states were now raising the age limits, not lowering them.

          3. A lot of kids that are not redshirted. I also turn 18 during sophomore year. My daughter‘s birthday is in September, right after our school cut off and she will be 16 for most of her junior year.

        3. I nearly cried from happiness (and did not expect to) when my daughter drove herself to ballet class at 16.5. I’d been taking her to classes for THIRTEEN YEARS. And now? She went to a concert last night at a local venue, drove herself there, and drove home. Bliss.

    13. My child goes to college 2000 miles from home in a relatively small college town. I was afraid that the target would be really picked over so I didn’t want to rely on that. We shipped to an Amazon locker that would accept larger packages. We ordered her bedding from pottery barn and they will hold for 30 days. Target online pick up will only hold for maybe three days. It turned out that of course we had to go to target anyway, and it was pretty well stocked.

    14. rent a car – waiting outside target with a bunch of bags for an uber or having to take a separate trip for every errand sounds miserable! I did this a decade ago so I’m sure things have changed, but I went to college on the other side of the country — think about the future of what you’re buying. For instance I would supply all the disposables like paper towels and cleaning products for the room, my local roommate provided the mini fridge. It ended up making sense to rent (even split!) a small storage unit for a few months in the summer vs rebuying everything or trying to bring a ton of luggage home.

  2. I need a birthday gift for a dear aunt who is turning 75 this year. I got her a Chinoiserie necklace for a previous milestone birthday that she LOVED so maybe something along those lines again? Style is a combo of artistic and classic Yankee/nautical (nothing with anchors) and she prefers necklaces and earrings to bracelets. Any ideas for me? Budget $200 or so.

    1. Something jade? Gumps has a lovely necklace with a barrel bead of carved jade that is on my Christmas hint list.

    2. Loren Hope? They’re based in RI and have lots of lovely pieces that range from simple to more elaborate.

      1. These look perfect, thank you!

        I also like the Nantucket lightship basket suggestion. My aunt made herself a Nantucket lightship basket a couple decades ago (said it was very difficult) and made me a simple one (no lid) as well. So beautiful!

    3. I’ve seen a lot of Nantucket basket charms around this year – maybe one of those as a pendant on a chain?

    4. It’s hard to get, but I love Amanda Moffet’s pottery pieces. You can get a mug in your range, which is shockingly special and makes a great vase. You have to watch for her online sales and pieces sell out in hours.

    6. I’m not sure if she’ll have anything under $200 right now given silver/gold prices (maybe some earrings), but Gogo Jewelry blends artistic and ocean.

  3. I’m a first year associate. I graduated in February so I’ve been practicing a few months now but I just feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to start any project. What do you do, or what did you do, when you didn’t know how to start, or what was expected?

    2. It’s hard in the beginning! Broadly, what kind of law do you practice? What kind of assignments are you getting (a lot of research/ memos? Redlining/ drafting contracts?).

      Do you have any mentor or fellow associate you can go to? Does your firm have a bank or system where you can look at examples of work product?

      It does get easier ….

    3. That’s normal. If you’re drafting something that will be filed in court or with an agency, even something simple like a notice, ask a paralegal on the team for a recently filed version you can reference. If you’re working on something for internal circulation only, ask the midlevel for an example of how they’d handle that sort of thing. For example, I found it helpful to be able to format my email research summaries for the partner like my midlevel did until I was confident enough to make different choices.

    4. Find a senior associate who can serve as a mentor, that’s the way I got through it. And bond with your fellow first years – that’s your professional network for the rest of your career.

    5. This is normal. I think it takes lawyers about five years to start feeling confident in what they’re doing. Ask a lot of question, including to legal asssitants and paralegals who know so much. I hope all senior lawyers remember the early days when they too felt lost and are kind and patient most of the time. Make sure your work product is excellent – that’s how you show you’re invested in your job.

    6. Seconding others who say to find a senior associate, and I’d explicitly ask them, “if you were me, how would you approach this project?”

      I always felt like senior people wanted to talk to me about broader ways to think about things, or to tell me that everyone has their own style! You’ll develop yours too! when what I wanted was a really concrete view of what various people’s styles were (via literally how they did any particular project) so I could have some stuff to try out and a framework to think about my own approach.

    7. The rules almost always tell you what you must put in your pleading in order to get what you are asking for. Title the motion with what you want; e.g. Defendant’s Motion to Compel Bank Records and not Motion to Compel. Review pleadings in other documents filed lawyers in your firm. If you are drafting a more exensive motion or brief, ask the partner if they want to see a quick draft in a few days or want a completed document. When I worked with new lawyers, I impressed on them that I wanted draft, complete with typos, so I could see if they were going in the right direction. Good luck.

  4. Thought this would be a fun question for a Friday – do you regularly buy yourself fine jewelry for birthdays/milestones? And if so, do you think there is a cultural element to it?
    I recently bought myself a piece of fine jewelry and was chatting with the saleswoman who was excited for me and also interested to hear that it is something I’ve done since my first ‘big’ job in my 20s. I’m Jewish and have family in the diamond industry so we have always had a ‘guy’ we go to. It was also seen as an insurance policy – according to family lore, gold and diamonds bought our way out of Europe ahead of WW2.

    1. interesting! I do not but i know this is something my mom/mil received for milestone birthdays whereas i have no interest in fancy jewelry bc i have no place to wear it. No family in the diamond business but also Jewish and we have a few family pieces that somehow made their way through WWII but my family unfortunately wasn’t able to get out in time and instead used what they had to survive the ghettos and camps. I do think instead the scarcity mindset my dad grew up around has trickled down

    2. Nope. Every time I have a milestone birthday or we have a milestone anniversary, some other big expense comes up. In most cases I’d prefer an experience over jewelry anyway. For my big birthday, the plan was originally for me to go on a very cool solo trip, but alas that is not to be.

    3. I have a Jewish heritage (Jewish dad) and I wear my Jewish grandmother’s diamond. It’s impressive to look at but not particularly valuable. She gave it to my husband to give to me. I thanked her and she explained, very seriously, that my husband should never buy me jewelry or fur and instead buy stocks and real estate with my name on it. This strategy worked well for her. I’ve shared before that I have fake diamonds studs and a paid off house. That’s kind of my financial philosophy in a nutshell. Whether or not it’s wise, I don’t anticipate fleeing my home or country in the middle of the night. We’re from relatively early German Jewish immigrants and have stayed in our town for six generations so I think that’s part of it.

      1. Replying to myself because I think i sound judgey and smug. I just wanted to point out a different Jewish person’s philosophy.

        I love that you buy yourself jewelry for milestones. I’m sure it’s lovely and well enjoyed. I hope you never have to use it as insurance!

        1. Also jewish and I agree with you. My family culture is very frugal and very focused on paying down debt and putting money in savings, not spending on material goods. My ancestors came in the 20th century but before WW2.

      2. Your strategy makes sense for normal times. I have a deeply ingrained mindset that I might have to run one day (maybe in my past lives or something) so I’m big on cash and jewelry—things that are portable. Bonds can become suddenly worthless and the house can quickly become a distant memory.

        That said, I still have a house and a retirement plan that I’m hoping pans out. But also ready to run.

        1. I have a deeply ingrained mindset of ‘things you can grab and liquidate easily’ that are legally seen as only yours (furs, designer purses, jewelery) both for divorce and for needing to flee suddenly. Women on both sides of my family have used items like that for both purposes for the last 100+ years.

          1. It’s not so easy to liquidate jewelry, though, and you will only get back a fraction of what you paid for it unless maybe you bought gold jewelry a zillion years ago during a period of low gold values and you sell it for scrap when gold is at an all-time high. In an emergency situation you are going to get scammed or outright robbed.

          2. Agree that it’s not the best investment, but in an emergency, it’s better than nothing and also, I love to wear jewelry.

        2. Yes! Further reply in mod where I make sure you know that I think it’s great you do this. I know my grandmother saw a lot of bejeweled Jewish ladies at the country club who had very little when the dust cleared after their husbands passed.

          I think being descendants of 20th century Jewish immigrants is just so different from my experience and my family’s and this is one way it shows. Both in the rejection of accumulating luxury goods and the underlying motivation for acquiring them. I’m not contesting the wisdom of it; just comparing the philosophy of a different Jewish American perspective, since it seemed like something you’re interested in.

    4. I do this, I buy myself jewelry for all milestones and accomplishments (fyi, the Jane Pope annual sale is on now) but I don’t think it’s cultural for me. I just love jewelry and prefer to spend big money on it over other luxury items that I don’t think hold value as well.

    5. I do not, but I do buy myself stock, which I think is probably a similar energy to your insurance policy vibes!

    6. Fascinating!

      I think I have the opposite view: gold and jewels are just an easy way to lose everything in one fell swoop. You can’t pump water from them. They won’t provide nutrition when farms fail, the grid goes down, and supply chains fall apart.

      1. That’s true if THE world falls apart. But if YOUR world falls apart (divorce, financial ruin, persecution) jewels are more useful than flashlights and a home garden.

        1. I would put mass persecution into the category of THE world falling apart. What good is a diamond going to do you as a refugee? The most likely scenario is that you use it to barter with a human smuggler who ends up turning you in or abandoning you.

          1. And your stocks and bonds will do what for you in this scenario? What is your alternative? Yes, gemstones are harder to unload, gold is better, but something is better than nothing.

            I guess the real answer is invest in the fittest body you can right now and gain a few extra pounds.

          2. Cashing out stocks and bonds could potentially give you the financial freedom to blow your life up and leave for another country if you have enough warning. I suppose jewelry could too, but it’s harder to sell as quickly and most doesn’t sell for the purchase price.

          3. OP literally stated that diamonds bought her family out of Europe during the Holocaust. That’s the persecution scenario.

        2. I don’t think there is only one alternative and that is to become a paranoid prepper. Just noting that I have never considered gold and jewels as an insurance policy, rather as something that needs insured itself.

          1. Yes, this! To me jewelry is something expensive that could get lost or damaged, not an investment that appreciates and can get cashed in.

          2. I don’t think it was ever about appreciation, it was always about portability, and being able to more or less cash it in anonymously.

      2. Yes, but I don’t have a farm or a manual water pump for my well. And if I did and we were in “bad times” I’d just get forced out by someone stronger with guns.

    7. I do, not necessarily for mile stones but when I find something I love. I think I’m interested because my mother had some great fine jewelry when I was growing. One set of great-grandparents took some when they fled Hungary in the 1930s and it was ultimately passed down to her. (The intent, even pre-Hitler, was to use jewelry to fund their retirement. In the end, not all was sold.) I don’t think my sister buys herself jewelry though, so some of it must be personality.

    8. I do this. I buy myself prizes for big life accomplishments, like my first big trial win was a pair of diamond earrings. I don’t think it is super common as the salespeople I’ve chatted with have always been surprised that I’m buying myself jewelry for work wins. The milestones are covered by my husband – typically with direction of here are three options, surprise me with what you buy. Probably cultural, but my family is more the cash and gold coins buried in the back yard lore (younger generations have won the battle putting it in the safe), than jewelry.

    9. What an interesting thread! I’m boring when it comes to jewelry – just a few classic pieces that I wear everyday, so I’m not this type of person. I’m also not familiar with the mindsets mentioned here, so this is just fascinating.

      1. For the hoarding against disaster mindset, wouldn’t gold bars be a better investment than jewelry?

        2. Krugerrands are more popular for this than bars in my prepper-adjacent in law family. Not totally sure why.

    10. I like to buy myself jewelry — not necessary fine. I just like shiny & pretty things. I also think it’s special to wear something that reminds me of a milestone. I have some nice pearl earrings I bought when I got a big promotion and I smile when I put them on.

      1. I love vintage and antique jewelry and am glad i got my favorite pieces before gold exploded.

    11. I’m Indian. My grandmother used part of her vast jewelry collection to get her and her kids out of a mess my grandfather made with his o pium a ddiction. Anyway, I am a successful single mom with plenty of assets and investments, but I always always buy a piece or two of fine jewelry a year. I probably spend $10-25K, depending on the year. I don’t think of the jewelry as an investment or safeguard, but it is very important to me.

      1. Same here, not Indian but similar spend and love of jewelry and it’s also very important to me.

  5. This weekend we are renting a house with 6 other couples. Each couple has 2 kids, but this is a kid free weekend. These are DH’s high school friends but at this point I’ve known them for 20+ years, though don’t live locally anymore so don’t see them often. Apparently they all like to drink A LOT these days whereas I’ve basically stopped. Tips for being the sober one around a bunch of ppl drinking heavily? I really don’t want to give in to peer pressure bc drinking makes me feel terrible.

    1. I’d use the early morning time while they’re nursing hangovers to go on solo walks, have a quiet coffee somewhere, etc. I would love a bit of downtime like that on a group vacation.

      In theory, no one should care whether you’re drinking or not. I’d enlist your husband if any comments are made, but mostly just let things hopefully go unremarked on both sides, I.e., they drink what they want, you drink the nonalcoholic things that you want.

      1. +1 to this. The NA beers and some wines are much better than they used to be if that interests you. Regardless, I’d make sure you have something fun and special to drink, whatever that is.

    2. I don’t think there is really a way to do this without either being the ‘responsible one’, ‘debbie downer’ or ‘thinks she’s better than us’. People who are really drunk are exhausting and when people get to that point I’ll usually bow out if it’s early I’ll read or watch a movie or go to the beach, and if it’s late I’ll just go to bed.

      1. Assuming OP isn’t acting judgey towards these other friends about their drinking, I doubt they will really make comments about her drinking less. That said, I totally agree with you about drunk people being annoying when you’re sober, so I would not hesitate to bow out early after dinner or other evening activities.

        1. Being a non-drinker and a former lifeguard at a beach house is so stressful. So many drunk people operating boats, not wearing PFDs etc. It’s hard to shake the feeling that you need to be vigilant so these people don’t harm themselves or others.

        2. People feel judged by the existence of someone with a different lifestyle or belief system irrespective of what they say.

          For example. We went on a family vacation and my fitness sister got up at 5:00 and went for a run, during breakfast my non fitness sibling asked how her morning was and she said ‘great, the sunrise was beautiful’. Didn’t even mention the run, but of course it was taken as a personal attack and admonishment of sleeping in.

          1. Huh? Who was feeling judged in your example? That seems like a totally innocuous response to that question…

    3. You just don’t drink. There really isn’t anything more to it. They can tease, cajole, offer, and you just don’t drink.

    4. not drinking or drinking less is really common in my world so don’t feel self conscious. Have something fun of your own to drink. The hardest part for me is that sloppy-drunk-silly behavior just isn’t funny when you’re sober and there’s no good solution to that; you either opt out and go to bed while they stay up, or you suffer through dumb drunk commentary and pretend to laugh. How’s your husband with all of this?

      1. Yeah, not sure how you know they drink A LOT, or what that means to you, but IME people usually only care that you’re not drinking if they feel like you’re judging them for drinking. I’d definitely join whatever dinner/ early evening group events there are and not feel obligated to stay up until 2am or whatever watching them get sloppy, but I wouldn’t comment on their drinking at all while you’re there. (Barring a safety issue like someone drunk trying to drive to get more beer or whatever.).

    5. Bring a book or download a bunch of shows on your iPad and go to bed early when they get too annoying.

    6. I wouldn’t even consider drinking. You dont and they cant make you. The biggest problem will be that drunk people get boring and a little annoying. You can just go to bed or your bedroom and leave your husband to hang out. It’ll be fine. If the 11 other people are all drinking heavily I’m sure something more interesting will happen than you excusing yourself.

      I personally like to have a few drinks but I’m genuinely surprised that this many people are all on board for a LOT of drinking. You might ask if anyone would like to do something earlier in the morning and find another sober or mostly sober person.

      1. Why surprised? People like to unwind—it’s not like drinking is a brand new way to do this.

        1. People are drinking a lot less these days. Health warnings abound, no amount is safe, pot is basically everywhere and being pushed very heavily as a substitute.
          Weight loss drugs make people avoid drinking. Young people don’t drink at all. I have a few drinks every weekend. That seems like well above the norm among people these days.

          Most people age out of heavy drinking by the time they have young kids. I’m surprised 11 or so people are all drinking A LOT. Unless OP thinks two drinks a night is a lot.

          1. Shrugs. I don’t know how old these people are but I know plenty of mid thirties people, including those with young kids, who want to party and get drunk occasionally. The key word is occasionally – like, it’s not the default activity and it’s not every vacation, but yeah, it still sometimes feels fun, especially when you are responsible parent 99.99% of the time. But if you’ve sent the kids to Grandma’s, you’re having your first kids free weekend in a very long time with your old buddies, you have no obligations in the morning, I can definitely imagine drinking being appealing. It doesn’t have to be *your* idea of a good time, and *you* don’t have to participate, but I think you’re overstating the “who drinks anymore??” situation

          2. I mean I say it as a drinker with friends who drink. Some of us still like to drink, sure, but if I get twelve people together, twelve people are not drinking a LOT. There at least several people having a few drinks or less even on say a kid free trip with college friends. Are some of them high as kites? Yeah but still.

    7. You might be surprised, so many people have cut way back especially with GLP1s. Over 80% of my social circle is on them and there’s way less consumption of all the things overall.

      1. +1 I don’t have hard facts but I suspect my social circle is also allll on glp 1s. Too many changes in behavior. All the people who used to make snide comments about my soda waters are now drinking them with me.

    8. Know your line and don’t give in beyond it – if you relax your own personal guardrails then peer pressurers will see that as a sign that you’re not really serious about them. Give yourself the freedom to go to bed early if you need to, and enjoy the quiet time in the mornings. But the other tip I have is to have fun and have a good attitude! If you are enjoying yourself then it won’t matter if you are sober or not.

    9. I kind of doubt they all still drink heavily. It feels like half the population is on a GLP1 these days, and that really curbs the desire to drink for a lot of people.

      1. Exactly what I said. Also this does break down by gender too – in these situations usually most of the women barely drink and sometimes the husbands do (mine has been shocked by how much his friends will drink on a guys weekend). But just do you, you’re all adults. Hang out if it’s fun, go to bed if you’re over it.

    11. Feel free to take breaks when you need to do so. Take a walk, go solo shopping–whatever you need. It can be exhausting being the only sober one in a group. I do this often. And/or–a … brownie?

    12. If you are in charge of stocking the house, as much as possible only fill it with beer and wine and minimal liquor. I’ve done this multiple times and it tends to result in people only getting a bit sloshed, and you not needing to be the sober babysitter. Some combination of the act of opening another bottle of wine or the volume of beer in their tummy slows things down. Also, bonus tip – make sure all the wines have corks so it takes more effort and don’t buy any high alcohol content beer.

        1. Your wedding is totally different. You (or your family) are hosting and paying and can choose what you serve. Don’t do this in a shared house where costs are being split equally!

      2. Check with the friends before unilaterally doing this. I know many people who don’t want beer bloat or a wine hangover, and would be extremely unhappy if someone spent joint funds on a bunch of drinks they don’t want.

        1. yeah I’m a non-drinker myself but this sounds like a crazy plan to me. You should get people the drinks they want, and deciding they can’t handle hard liquor feels very condescending and paternalist.

      4. Or just make it a BYOB event?

        OP – are you concerned about willpower about staying off the wagon? Or is it just that you don’t want to be a wet blanket as the only one without a beverage in hand?

  6. I’ve lost track of what fruits/veggies are safe to eat and what aren’t. Is it just lettuce to be careful with or other things to?

    1. Following this. I tried a google search yesterday with varying results. At this point I am avoiding lettuce altogether (both the pre-chopped and chopping at home myself) and fresh berries (so rough, my kids love berries but I am option for frozen until this whole thing has blown over). I am living on edge and purchasing spinach this week with my grocery order (organic, if that even makes a difference?) and plan to wash it thoroughly before eating. Never really ate at Taco Bell haha, so that’s not a concern.

    2. I live in a state that borders Michigan and I’m only avoiding lettuce and other leafy greens (unless cooked).

    3. It’s easier to avoid berries than it would normally be in summer because all the ones at all the stores are extremely low-quality around here. It’s maybe one time out of ten that we get a 7.99 plastic thing of raspberries where there isn’t a moldy one lurking below the surface. The farmer’s market has better ones but they’re extremely expensive and we’re not going to hang around on a summer Saturday to go to the one near us. It sucks because I love berries but we’ve been mentally struggling with how much more everything costs while being much worse.

    5. Honestly, I’m just not worrying about it and have a box of Imodium in the medicine cabinet in case I’m a statistical victim.

      1. I’m not worrying about it, but I would not take Imodium with a parasite in me! You want to let that sucker do its work and get it over with.

        1. I’m sure no one would claim lettuce is their all-time favorite food but it’s more should you stop eating “fruits and vegetables” because of the vague and poorly defined threat.

          1. Yes the threat is vague and poorly defined, because we have a struggling government, but the consequences of the threat have proven to be real.

            Anyway, safer to just cook stuff right now.

          2. I don’t disagree that there are real consequences and our government is completely inept, but it’s also not life or death – diarrhea is really annoying and this is a particularly bad version of it but I don’t think it’s enough of a risk for most people in the U.S. to avoid all fruits and vegetables for weekends on end. I’m sorry but I’m not cooking a banana in the morning.

      3. You don’t want to take Imodium if you have a parasite (or a virus). The bad stuff needs to get out of you, and Imodium slows down your digestion and can make you sicker. Imodium is good if you eat a heavy, greasy meal and have diarrhea from that, but when there’s a bug that needs to get out, you don’t want to use it.

        1. Eh you eventually want things to normalize, I’ve had this enough to know what to do.

        1. I mean I get my produce at the farmers market, but it’s really a risk tolerance question. I just can’t get into avoiding things because of a poorly defined vague threat. I also didn’t overreact to Covid either and I bet most people here would have lost their minds around that.

          1. Not analogous, though – COVID was (and still is) deadly and killed over a million people in the U.S. alone. Parasitic diarrhea is just annoying and sometimes needs medical treatment.

          2. It is though in terms of how people react. With Covid I didn’t wash down my groceries, leave them on the porch, avoid the outdoors, still went out as much as I could given the societal restrictions, etc. For this, I’m going to have a salad and summer fruit and no, I’m not cooking things to death. My overall health profile is fortunately fine such that neither Covid nor diarrhea pose a threat and I adjust my risk mitigation behavior accordingly.

    6. Following! I’m flying back from 2.5 weeks overseas and I’m not sure what’s okay or not

    7. not doing anything other than avoiding mass market bagged salads, which is not that hard. Like, we’re buying heads of lettuce and discard the outer leaves.

      Picking up produce from local markets that are less likely a problem, but we’d be doing that anyway in summer!

      1. Yes, in Ohio and this is what I’m doing, also checking where the supermarket produce comes from (I wouldn’t eat anything leafy coming from Mexico just now), and avoiding anything raw, especially salads, if eating out because I assume it came in giant boxes or bags.

    8. Short answer: we do not know, but large-scale producers are almost certainly the culprit. Cook your veg or source from smaller places and you’ll be fine.

      Myself, I’m avoiding raw fruits/veggies when eating at a restaurant and I already have a farm share with a local farm that gets me most of my produce, and I trust their practices. And this is me being cautious because I have some risk factors that could make catching something extra bad.

    9. I live in Michigan. Other than things like bananas, citrus, and avocados, we get most of our produce from our own garden or from a local farm, not from a grocery chain. Regardless of where we get it from, we wash it all thoroughly before we peel or use it.

      Additionally: we do not dine out much. When we do, we stick with local joints where we know the owners and are confident in their food prep cleanliness habits. No chain restaurants.

  7. Any recs for Mexico City? Girls trip, mid 30s. Vegetarian options would be especially welcome!

      1. Wait, more!
        – We also got drinks at Brujas (female led cocktail bar), which was great. We walked in, but wish we had made reservations for that one.
        – I thought the Frida Kahlo house was so fun, and you should make reservations.

  8. Catching up on yesterday’s coffee break thread and was so struck by this late reply on the thread about having fun: “Oooof. For the first half of my life I didn’t allow myself to do anything fun until the “adult things” were done first. Because that was responsible and virtuous and safe. I was so, so, so miserable. I was profoundly depressed and experienced suicidal ideation. It negatively affected my ability to make friends because a) I had very little time for fun and 2) I judged everyone who was “irresponsible” enough to prioritize fun. Even where they were really doing just fine…”

    This post hits the nail on the head. Fun isn’t frivolous or irresponsible or “naive,” as one poster yesterday called it – it’s essential to our happiness and our connections with others. More fun is better. There are so many small, practical ways to have more fun, even when you’re doing “adult things” – put on music while you’re cooking and dance to it. Get in the pool when you’re supervising your kids and have a water fight. Go play pickleball with a neighbor while you discuss HOA business. So many options, and that’s not even getting into the fun you can have while dedicating yourself fully to it.

    Have fun this weekend, everyone.

    1. I mean, isn’t this the same argument as “savor every summer mamas!!!”?

      We do what we can, but anyone who tries to put me in a water fight for “fun” will not have fun.

          1. Why does anyone comment anything here?

            She sounds miserable. A better attitude is “it might be fun for you, but I don’t like it, so count me out” not “if you try to get me to participate in your fun, I’m going to make sure you don’t have any fun at all.” The latter is remarkably antisocial and weird.

      2. No, I don’t think so. It’s more of a lifelong mindset and a way of life than pressure to cram in unrealistic outings or schedules for 6-8 weeks a year. You don’t have to like water fights but I’m sure there’s other stuff you do like!

      3. I’m probably in the minority but I love sentiments like that, they’re good reminders of the big picture.

      4. No, it’s entirely different, which is obvious from a cursory reading.  What this “argument” is (it’s not an argument) is simply that having fun, and wanting to have fun (however that is defined for you) is healthy, important, and normal. And attainable.

        What I assume you are referring to by “savor every summer mamas!!!!” is **pressure to maximize fun based in part on a scarcity mindset: the emotional and scary specter that your time with your children is limited so better make sure that you optimize your time with them or you’ll regret it.  Are you enjoying summer with your precious littles enough?? Better feel guilty for not enjoying it enough, or feeling tired or worn out! ENJOY IT MORE, MAMA, before it’s gone!** No. Ugh. I don’t like scary mindsets like that. I don’t think they’re helpful, rather, quite the opposite.  

    2. Completely agree. And when you stop adulting every second, you realize how many things just aren’t really that necessary to do anyway.

      1. Eh I have a friend who is bad at adulting and prioritizes fun. She’s a hot mess and it’s really not cute when a 30 year old gives herself food poisoning because she ‘doesn’t cook’ or completely derails a day trip because she got pulled over because she ‘forgot’ to renew her license.

        1. Yeah, fair or unfair, I view these posters as “look how cute and whimsical I am! I love fun!” My first instinct is to tell you to grow up.

          1. I work full-time, take care of my kid, have elder care responsibilities, etc., and fun is still very important to me. It’s a false dichotomy to say you’re either a responsible adult or a chaotic mess.

          2. You are being needlessly judgmental and assuming the worst, for absolutely no reason. And your first instinct is to be mean and insulting to someone. Wow. Really ugly.

        2. I mean that’s not what I’m talking about. There’s a puritan streak here I just don’t relate to.

          1. You don’t have to. Just accept not everyone wants or even admires the life you aspire to without freaking out about it.

          3. No? There are some adult things which NEED to be prioritized above fun or there are consequences. Sure the floors can stay dirty another week, but some things can’t be dropped.

          5. The only people freaking out are the ones threatened by the very idea of fun. I am just appalled by the meanness and bad-faith takes you lot are using to justify your meanness. Not a single person has endorsed letting your life fall into disrepair to “have fun,” and as someone else pointed out, you can have lots of fun while also accomplishing necessary adult tasks.

        3. Having fun does not mean you are bad at adulting. I have lots of fun but I also practice food safety and have a valid driver’s license.

          1. For real! I am a competent adult who also prioritizes having fun! As the OP said, just build things that are fun **for you** into your life on an ongoing basis.

            (Also, don’t do things that are fun for others just because they find them fun; if you don’t know what is fun for you be open to trying things.)

    3. The problem is that “fun” doesn’t have a universally agreed upon definition and it varies quite a bit.

      I don’t think that playing music while I do my chores is fun. It makes the chores more enjoyable, and enjoying life is definitely worthwhile. So I think we’re saying the same things, we just disagree on the definition of “fun.”

      1. I don’t know that that’s a “problem.” You do what’s fun for you! There are no rules about what you find fun.

        1. I’m not 5. I have stuff to do and find satisfaction in getting stuff done, a neat home, and my to-do list checked off. I don’t find joy dancing in the kitchen. There will never be a sign in my kitchen that says “in this home we dance” or whatever nonsense people sell.

          1. Adults are allowed to have fun, too. And they do, and that’s okay. Fun is not reserved for children, and it shouldn’t be. You don’t have to find joy in dancing in the kitchen, or have some nonsense sign. No one was telling you you have to think any particular activity is fun. If you don’t want to have fun in your life, that’s on you, but don’t try to judge or shame other people out of having fun.

          2. So other women who have fun dancing are just immature 5-year-olds to you? Is that actually your position?

          4. I have a tap board in my home office and practice on my lunch break. If that makes me a 5-year-old, I don’t want to be an adult.

          5. Huh. That’s perplexing – I’ve never in my life met anyone who outright embraced a anti-fun mindset like that. Most people I know are looking to enjoy their lives more. Sometimes this place really is an interesting sociological window, although unfortunately the window is too often into depression, anxiety, and cynicism.

          8. Some part of you still is 5, though, and it sounds like you were taught to hate and suppress that part of you. I’m sorry.

            I was a bookish 5 year old, and curling up with a good book and a snack is a way of honoring my childhood idea of fun. For other people, it might be those more active ways. But I wonder — what would a grown up version of the stuff you found fun at 5 look like for you?

      2. I am also confused as to how this is a problem. How do you define “fun” and can you give some examples of “fun”?

        1. Sorry I wasn’t clear: the problem is the miscommunication happening in this conversation. People living their lives however they want is good, and I think everyone actually agrees that you should do things you enjoy every day. But some people think that fun is always high-energy frivolous stuff and they don’t want to do it, and other people have a more expansive definition of fun, so one party says “I don’t have fun every day and I don’t want to” and the other hears “my life is miserable and devoid of joy” and tries to convince them of their position and it’s just not a productive conversation.

          1. Yes the communication problems are rampant in this thread, which is disappointing. I don’t think anyone, ever, interpreted “I don’t have fun every day and I don’t want to” as “my life is miserable and devoid of joy,” no matter how “fun” is defined, and tried to convince anyone of this. I also don’t see anyone trying to convince other people that they should be having any kinds of fun that they don’t want to have, but I do see people insisting that they’re being forced to have fun.

    4. I mean, I enjoy detailing my car and making incremental changes to my bodice block so my hand sewn clothing fits me better. Those are things I find very satisfying to participate in and fulfilling to have completed, but I wouldn’t really call them “fun” activities. If you make me spend my weekend dancing or playing pickleball, I will be wistfully wishing I were not frittering away my limited free time on specific “fun” approved activities.

      1. Don’t worry, no one is going to make you have fun. That’s actually an important thing to realize. Obligations will increase, people will ask more of you, your responsibilities will be a lot – and absolutely no one besides you is going to make sure time is carved out for fun, whatever that looks like for you.

        1. And I thank my lucky stars for that. All the kitchen dancing, waterfights, and the like are so, so vapid and boring to me.

          My idea of a good time is having my personal spreadsheets updated, a freshly weeded garden, and going to bed with a fully cleaned house.

          1. I have no time for personal spreadsheets, but yes–if I can ingest a new idea that moves me, clean my kitchen, putter around the house, and light a candle in my clean house at the end of the day, life feels good.

          2. Same, friend, same. I guess I value being satisfied with my life and my surroundings more than I value fun. I also think some here would be derisive of my idea of fun, which looks a lot more like a rainy afternoon in an antique store than it does dancing around.

          3. “I also think some here would be derisive of my idea of fun, which looks a lot more like a rainy afternoon in an antique store than it does dancing around.”

            I don’t think this is true *at all.* Maybe you perceive that other people are judging you because you judge others so harshly?

          4. The commentariat here is much more of the antiquing sort than the water park sort.

    5. One of the things I’ve hated about having grown up in achievement culture is that we can’t just be. Work FT? Any free time above that must be devoted so something: advanced study, worthy community initiative, executive volunteering, something. You are never done. You are never enough. You can never just BE. It’s exhausting.

      2. Yeah. I find these fun threads exhausting and I’m familiar with the type of person who promotes it. Their vibe is not mine. I genuinely just want to be left alone without having “have fun! Seek joy!” thrown at me. I seek peace and rest.

        1. Same. Let me be myself and don’t foist this packaged, processed, IG-approved, Disneyfied idea of fun on me.

          1. Who is doing that? I don’t see ANYONE prescribing “packaged, processed” fun to anyone here. If this is hitting insecurities for you, fine, but don’t misrepresent the situation.

          2. I’m not the one who is so insecure I feel the need to tell everyone else how to funmaxx their lives.

          3. I feel like the insecurity is in the push back, no? Count me out of the water balloon fight and the pickleball. But I appreciate the suggestion to have fun. I didn’t take it as a judgement of the things that are actually fun to me, which definitely don’t include anything on this list. My everyday incudes lightheartedness, humor and beauty. Why would I push back on the fun suggestion unless I was insecure or miserable?

        2. High energy “fun” people just wear my ass out and after about 30 minutes of it I just want to be left alone. Or left with the quiet people. Or something.

    6. I find it way easier to relax and do enjoyable things when I don’t have an Adulting Task hanging over my head. Need to finish my taxes and also want to go for a long bike ride? The ride will be way more fun if I do them in that order. That’s ok.

      1. Depends on the task and the situation for me. If it’s going to be a very hot day, for example, I do the long bike ride first because the taxes can be done in the AC later. I also stay mindful of “task creep” – “ok I’ll go to the store first and then do my ride, but while I’m going out to the store I may as well go to the other store and drop off that package and…” and next thing you know, your small window of free time is no longer available for fun. There are lots of ways to structure things that work for you and your family, though, and for certain people, there are very low-cost ways to enhance the fun payoff that can be so rewarding. That might be something like paying a little more for the closer parking at the special summer event so you’re not lugging the cooler 4x as far.

        1. I’m with Cat. Do the things that need doing so the free time is really free. If I miss the bike ride, so be it. The taxes are the legal obligation to get done.

          1. I can see if you’d enjoy the bike ride more if taxes aren’t hanging over your head, but if you prioritize taxes over the bike ride and as a result the bike ride doesn’t happen, that’s just sad.

            Even if it’s April 14th, you can do the taxes after the ride. Of course, it’s best to do the taxes in February so this is never a problem.

          2. See and I’ll just find a way to do my taxes during the work week and I’m never going to waste a lovely Saturday on something like that. I also outsource a lot to not spend my precious time cleaning or doing errands. Instacart and Amazon keep me out of strip malls on the weekend and out doing what I enjoy (these days lounging by the pool with a good book and a cold drink).

          4. ok that was a totally r-dom example. A particular thing doesn’t have to be Super Important Date Driven for me to still want to knock it off the list before doing something else more leisurely. Eat the frog, and all that.

    7. I think too many people in life, and certainly on this board, are anti fun. I have fun everyday and I’m so glad I do.

      1. I didn’t think that until today but hoo boy, wow. So depressing. And so far off from how people I know IRL are.

        1. And to be clear, it’s not that I think anyone finding enjoyment in the mundane or who prefers quieter activities is anti-fun – it’s loudly proclaiming that if you enjoy fun, you’re a stupid, vapid hot mess who is both immature and irresponsible. Like, what?

          2. To Anon at 12:59: Yep. I’m getting the same vibe as when introverts are told they need to be more outgoing, instead of someone telling the extroverts to chill.

          3. The persecution complex is pretty wild. Imagine being so offended by someone saying it’s important to have fun, however that is defined for you, specifically in response to people being derisive and judgmental of people who have fun sometimes.

      2. I think there are a lot of rich people who work long hours in awful jobs trying to make themselves feel superior.

    8. Why do people seem to think if you’re not miserable and prioritizing work over fun you’re a hot mess?

        1. I don’t get the sense that most frequent commenters are very content, haha.

        1. Ain’t that the truth. How bad does it have to be that the idea of an internet stranger having fun while also being an adult is deeply threatening and upsetting? Unbelievable.

    9. I sort of understand why the word fun rubs on people. I spend plenty of time every day doing things I enjoy and that make me happy, but I don’t often think of myself as having fun because that word I associate more with things that were forced on me because they were other people’s idea of fun but not mine and I had to go along with them or get called no fun. I don’t want to get drunk or stay out late or dance in the kitchen or a million other things that other people have judged me for not doing at various times in my life, but I’m perfectly happy doing the things I actually do like to do, even if other people might find those things boring and not fun.

      1. Exactly. Bonus points for the poster who used funmaxxxing. These threads are so annoying.

    10. I think maybe the right answer is a famous quote by Jim Valvano, “If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day.”

        1. It’s such a pure outlet of emotion. It doesn’t have to be a bad sad. It could be a memory that moves you. Better to cry over something cherished than to forget it. Sometimes music moves me to tears. I love that.

          1. And this response screams insecurity, judgment, and meanness. What a wretched, awful thing to say.

    11. Guys you’re all arguing about HAVING FUN.

      Enjoy your own kind of fun and there you go! End of.

      1. I am genuinely fearful that for at least one or two of these people it is their idea of fun.

    12. I couldn’t imagine living my life devoid of doing anything I enjoy: reading, watching a good tv show or movie, going to a play, working in my garden… all of these things are fun to me.

  9. Oooof. I’m having a summer/year when a lot of big expenses are landing all at once: replacing a fridge, a vet emergency, repairing the dishwasher, installing solar panels, a delayed honeymoon (after a City Hall elopement). I have plenty of savings and am using an inheritance that’s been invested since I received it to cover some of the honeymoon, I’m not going into debt anytime soon, but it is just a lot of money flowing out.

    1. This too shall pass. Enjoy your new spouse and your honeymoon! Everything will come back to you ☺️

    2. Same here! Trying to remember that this is what the savings are for, but it’s hard to flip that switch!

      1. I know exactly what you mean. I am grateful to have the money saved but I hate when the unanticipated large expenses pile up!

    3. I moved this week and feel the same way. New washer/dryer, having to swap out some pieces of furniture that don’t fit in the new place, all the eating out, the actual moving expenses of movers and boxes and tape… And this move was precipitated by my husband getting a new job, and we have a lot of additional expenses to get him outfitted for such a heavy travel schedule and the inevitable “oh, I forgot X and I need to get an uber to go get one” that happens on the trips.

      3. Your man should be taking your phone away if you can’t be nice on the internet.

      4. I predict that man is going to dump you for a younger women. Personally, I prefer a partnership.

      5. OP here — my wife is a public school teacher who makes significantly less than I do and we’re happy with how we manage our finances, thanks for your concern! :)

        1. I hope your wife and you have a fabulous honeymoon, and congrats on being the first person I’ve ever seen manage to get italics to work here!

      6. Huh, this is a place for overachieving chicks. It says so right at the top of the page. Maybe wander back over to wherever the trad wife people are.

    6. Hang in there, sometimes life lifes! Thankfully you have the money for all of those big things and aren’t going without. That’s what the money is for :)

  10. You know what’s fun? Getting drunk on a weekend trip with friends.

    There, the threads have been combined neatly so now we can all go have FUN!

    4. My favorite weekend of the year consists of getting together with my best friends from college (a group of 9 of us) + everyone’s partners (7 of the group have partners) and yes, staying up til 3 and getting drunk.

    6. I am always astonished at how many FUN activities my adult son packs in every week. Then I remember I drank most days when I was in my 20s and he doesn’t

  11. Random question for the sports fans (or spouses of massive sports fans) on here! With NFL training camps starting up, my husband’s birthday is timing out perfectly for a football-themed gift.

    I was looking at getting him a vintage 90s-era jersey to wear on NFL Sundays. I’ve been comparing the modern template jerseys to the classic 90s designs, and it’s fascinating how much the fabric technology and construction have changed. The older styles seem to feature actual heavy-duty stitched tackle twill for the numbers and names, whereas a lot of the standard modern ones just use heat-pressed vinyl that peels after a few washes.

    I was browsing around Cowboys Player Shop looking at some retro cuts, but since I’m just an observer in the sports gear world—has anyone else navigated buying these vintage-style jerseys? I’m specifically wondering about the sizing. Do the retro 90s cuts still run incredibly boxy and oversized like the fashion of that decade, or should I order his regular modern t-shirt size? Would love any input before I make a decision!

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