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Today's Coffee Break is a little different in that we're suggesting an action rather than a product.
The Red Cross always needs blood donations to distribute to hospitals, but the number of donors has declined during the pandemic — so becoming a blood donor is an excellent “good deed” to do right now. While I'm not planning to shop for non-essentials, eat in a restaurant, or go to a movie soon, I've donated blood twice since April and felt safe doing so. (Masks are required except for your oral temperature checks.)
Here are a few things I've learned: (Note: I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice!)
1. Drink a lot of water before you donate, and eat a good meal.
2. Don't schedule a donation during or immediately after your period — your iron stores could be depleted enough to “fail” the hemoglobin test. My doctor recommended taking an iron supplement for at least a week beforehand. (I like this one because it has fewer digestive side effects.)
3. Fill out the RapidPass questionnaire at home to save time at your appointment.
4. At my last donation, the staff person told me it was fine that I'd had a flu shot a week before, but that's not the case for some vaccines.
5. If you had an ear or body piercing recently, the specific phrase to confirm to the staff person that it was low-risk is “single-use needle,” so if that's what the piercer used (and not a piercing gun, which you should avoid anyway), point that out (or confirm with the company that did your piercing).
A nice bonus is that the Red Cross is currently testing donated blood for COVID-19 antibodies (along with 29 other tests they perform!). In addition to your antibody results, you should eventually receive an email telling you where your blood was sent, which is pretty cool to know! You'll also receive pins to recognize your donation milestones — I recently got my one-gallon one.
Readers, have you donated blood at the Red Cross recently? How was your experience donating blood?
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Thank you for posting this, Kate!!
Monday
+1. I’d be happy to see more suggested actions posted.
Vicky Austin
Ditto! Great ideas!
Anonymous
Thanks for posting!
I am a long-time donor, both through the Red Cross and others. Yay blood donors!
Also, as a smaller woman, I am not good at plasma giving (they will often ask, my blood type is generally better for whole blood donations, but some are better for plasma). By “not good,” I just mean that I have a lower blood volume than, say, an NFL linebacker. So they can get done with their donation much faster than I can (often the limitation is: I have to pee, but can’t get up while donating). So donate whatever you can!
I failed the iron test a few times and it has me pay more attention to eating a good diet, so there’s that. And I will never run out of provocative t-shirts (what’s your type???).
Walnut
Love this! I was a long term blood and platelet donor for the red cross prior to having kids. My best suggestion on water is to drink a ton of water 1-2 days prior to your donation day. It made everything much smoother and faster for me.
My local Red Cross office was very close to my workplace, so I donated platelets there every couple of weeks for quite awhile. I enjoyed the couple of hours of “zone out” time while donating.
Line
I have donated blood quite often and I donate plasma and platelets almost exclusively. If you are going to donate plasma or platelets (especially platelets) you should eat or drink some dairy about an hour before giving or take a calcium supplement. When you donate blood or plasma they add an anticoagulant to your blood while it’s in the machine getting filtered so it won’t clog in the machine and some people react to the anticoagulant, but calcium will bind to it and reduce any discomfort (it’s usually just pricking and numbness in your lips, so not serious, but it’s an easy precaution).
I am not sure what the system is like in America, but in Norway where I give blood you can sign up to be a bone marrow donor while giving blood. Only about 25%-30% of patients who need bone marrow transplants have compatible family members who can donate, the rest rely on donations from strangers and about 3000 people die in the US
Anonyz
Yeah, this is helpful info. I knew about tattoos but didn’t realize piercings were also an issue.
bellatrix
I’m so glad to see this. I had lapsed on blood donations, because I hit a period where my iron was always too low, and I figured it would always be that way. But the pandemic got me to try again. For some reason my iron is plenty high now (I credit my regular breakfast of egg sandwiches), and I just donated for the third time. It’s the most accomplished I’ve ever felt after basically lying still for 30 minutes. I am NOT a fan of needles, but it’s really not bad, and it’s over quickly.
Iron tip: Take iron supplements or iron-rich foods with a vitamin C supplement (or C-rich food). C helps absorption (and calcium limits it, so don’t take an iron supplement with a dairy-rich meal).
Seventh Sister
Thanks for the reminder! I was barred for a number of years due to mad-cow disease concerns (army brat in Germany in the 1990s), but it looks like I’m eligible again. I’m going to give it a try.
https://www.redcrossblood.org/donate-blood/how-to-donate/eligibility-requirements/eligibility-criteria-alphabetical/eligibility-reference-material.html
Tessa Karlov
I’m looking for a wool coat in camel or gray that hits above the knee for a 5’2″ person and is under $250, does anyone have a rec? TIA!
AnonATL
Saw a beautiful one in the lands end catalog on sale recently. Search this on their site: Women’s Insulated Long Wool Dress Coat
They also have plus size if that’s applicable to you.
Anon
Banana Republic and J Crew have wool coats every year and they have petite sizes.
Anon
Check out Aritzia. I have a beautiful one from there (mine specifically doesn’t meet your requirements, but some of the others do).
The Original ...
As a point of note, if, in the past year you have slept with a man who has slept with a man in the past year, you cannot donate. For those who want to get politically involved in ending homophobic discriminatory policies on blood donation, please consider doing so for your area or your country!
j
This is incorrect – the FDA changed the policy this year to only exclude MSM who have been sexually active with another man in the last 3 months. The same is true for their sexual partners.
I work in this area and am so happy to see a call for blood donation. The only reason there weren’t crippling shortages of blood during COVID is because so many medical procedures were postponed. Otherwise, we would have been in trouble.
I’d also encourage people to think about donating plasma – source plasma is used to create a number of life-saving therapies and the donations are down because of COVID, which could harm patients for years to come.
anonshmanon
Adding that during this change, some other restrictions were also relaxed. People from Europe or who lived in Europe are no longer excluded. The waiting period for returning from a malaria region, from getting a tattoo, have been shortened as well.
https://www.fda.gov/news-events/press-announcements/coronavirus-covid-19-update-fda-provides-updated-guidance-address-urgent-need-blood-during-pandemic
Editor
Really?? I lived in Europe during Mad Cow Disease and even though I didn’t eat beef at the time, once I fessed up this, they would no longer take me no matter what I said. I will check on this–thanks!
Anon
I’ve read that CJD becoming gradually more common in the US (both in official stats and also in anecdotes from hospital staff). Maybe it’s too late?
anonshmanon
@Anon 6:27 – This change was made together with all the others, at the start of the pandemic, and explicitly to encourage a broader donor base when it was hard for the red cross to keep them coming. I personally wonder if they will roll this back at some point, when they can go back to things like blood drives at campuses or large companies.
I understand the dilemma that CJD cannot be tested for, but at the same time, every Red Cross in every European country manages to collect donations from the people there and I don’t remember that spread of CJD through blood donations has ever been a thing.
Anon
Thanks for the explanation! I hope it turns out that CJD is not as transmissible through blood as we feared.
Kate
I agree with you — but the FDA recently issued new guidelines for the industry re men who have sex with men, people who have performed sex work, people have gotten tattoos and piercings, and people who have used injectable drugs (plus many other related eligibility issues). The recommended periods for donor questionnaires is now three months (https://www.fda.gov/media/92490/download).
The Red Cross’ site addresses this really confusingly, but it looks like the current period re eligibility is three months (https://www.redcrossblood.org/donate-blood/how-to-donate/eligibility-requirements/lgbtq-donors.html).
Kate
J — I was writing my reply just as you posted and didn’t see it! :)
Anon
I didn’t know that about tattoos. I’ve been unable to donate (or at least I had assumed so) for a long time because I was acquiring new tattoos at a rate greater than 1 per year.
pugsnbourbon
I think it varies from state to state. The questionnaire in Indiana asks if you’ve been tattooed in the last year and flags it if you say yes. Then the technician asks several follow-up questions, including the date of your tattoo, if it was in a licensed shop, and what state the shop was in (bc requirements vary). They may also ask to see your tattoo to check if it’s healed.
Tl; dr it never hurts to check!
Anon
Adding that it’s not ALL blood services. So please read the respective policy before sending an email or making a nasty phone call.
Blood Donor Question
I have a weird question about this.
My and my husband’s medical histories at our GP include one case of blood testing for “risky sexual behavior” (in those exact words). The incident that prompted this note was that my husband worked with juvenile offenders and got blood on his skin while breaking up a fight. We were both told to get tested for STIs and Hep C as a precaution. I have asked that this note be stricken or reworded, but was told it is “standard lab language” and they won’t change it.
Does this count as an issue in my medical history for purposes of blood donation?
j
This is J, who works on blood safety policy.
No, I don’t think that situation would trigger any issues if you want to donate. And more to the point, the Red Cross doesn’t have access to your medical records. Your ability to donate is based on your responses to the Donor History Questionnaire (google and you can see the list, though I couldn’t find a good link that would work in here) and your test results for iron and whatnot. One of the standard questions is if you’ve come into contact with anyone else’s blood, so your husband would have to answer yes depending on the time frame, but not you.
Anonymous
I think it would come up for him (exposed to the blood of others — e.g., an EMT, etc., not just for untoward things). But if it was >1 year ago, it might not be in the scope of what they care about (e.g., if carrying AIDS/HEPC, would become apparent on a screening test vs exposure last week that may not have developed).
IIRC, it may not be relevant to a Q for you.
Anonymous
This is a question about either the home you grew up in or your current living situation with a husband/bf etc. or both — to what extent is/was the tone of your home set by the husband/dad/man of the house? As in how many people experienced a dynamic where — dad is stressed at work or not feeling well so everyone else must be quiet? I’m not insinuating anything terrible happening in the home but say dad is dealing with a bout of depression or anxiety, well then no one in else in the home will be having fun just because the mood is so somber. Or on a lighter note, dad is on a diet well guess what then everyone including a 7 year old must eat said diet food even if the kid doesn’t need the diet — not because no one can cook regular food for the kid — more because we must support dad or dad shouldn’t have to eat salad while we enjoy ourselves. Just wanted to see if male centric households are still a thing (I feel like they were in the 60s-70s but IDK about more recently).
Anon
There was a lot of sexism when I grew up in the 70s, but this was not it. My dad earned all the money, but didn’t dictate meals or moods or what tv shows we watched. He may have had more influence in big decisions,but my mother was still highly involved. What you’re describing sounds like an unhealthily controlling parent, and it could be either the male or the female parent who causes this.
Anon
Oh, that 100% describes the household I grew up in. I live with my bf (no kids) and that is not the dynamic in our house. Possibly due somewhat to the fact that my bf moved in to the house I already owned and had lived in, but I think mostly because we are both more capable of dealing with our emotions than my father ever was or will be.
anon
My childhood home was very much this way (in the 80s and 90s). My dad would be angry about something/at someone and it would be like walking on egg shells until he was “better”. I made sure to vet this behavior so my husband is not like this at all and our home is always loving and happy.
PolyD
Your dad was my mom. It didn’t happen all that often, but when it did, it kind of sucked.
Anonyz
100% how I grew up. My father tolerates five vegetables and those are served on rotation, and that’s it. I did not taste broccoli, spinach, radishes, or spring mix until college. To this day he will pitch a fit if you attempt to serve him “weeds”, meaning any lettuce that isn’t iceberg.
As far as being on a diet–my spouse and I are struggling with this, because I need to avoid fat and sugar while he needs no salt. We are trying to do Mediterranean DASH together because dual meal planning is just not practical.
Anonymous
My dad is a period piece, similar on the 5 veggies, but one of them is actually broccoli. Also, he will eat anything if I make it for him (because I am Magic), which drives my poor mother nuts. I didn’t discover this superpower until I was an adult living on my own — would have been fun to use that when I was younger.
anon
My dad was vegetarian in the 90s and 00s but the rest of us ate meat. He never forced his diet on anyone else in the house. He did his best to keep his mood/energy positive for the rest of the family so if he ever was stressed or anxious, it was never taken out on us.
Anon
I’m a millennial and my mom was definitely the ruler of the house even though she was a SAHM. If she was in a bad mood, everyone else was miserable.
Cat
ohhhhh same.
Anonymous
Same here. Though it was heavily enforced by my dad; he’d be the one to explicitly say I wasn’t allowed to discuss things that upset me at school because that would upset my mom.
Anon
Same. Even making comments that were meant for the whole family (“Can everyone be extra careful not to let the puppy out when leaving?) would get twisted as if they were criticisms of her specifically, she would get upset, and then dad would “have a talk” with whoever offended her and suggest that the whole thing was intended to hurt her feelings and make her look bad.
Anon
Same. Even making comments that were meant for the whole family (“Can everyone be extra careful not to let the puppy out when leaving?”) would get twisted as if they were criticisms of her specifically, she would get upset, and then dad would “have a talk” with whoever offended her and suggest that the whole thing was intended to hurt her feelings and make her look bad.
Vicky Austin
Not necessarily because my dad demanded it, but yes. He suffers from a massive case of untreated depression and it affected his ability to be an equal partner (yes, there’s a whole lot to unpack there; please know that I learned what not to do from this dynamic and it is not my marriage to fix). My mom would often be very quietly angry with him because of this, so really it was her mood that set the tone, I suppose.
Re food, no. Obviously my tastes were influenced by what they brought home/allowed in the house, but that was definitely an equal thing between both my parents. They had been married for the better part of a decade when I was born and both worked outside the house, so their approach to feeding our household was equally dictated (more or less).
Anon
My house growing up was unfortunately dictated by my mother’s mood.
In my current house, no kids, if my husband is having a rough day, I don’t expect him to perform happiness for me. He gives me the same grace to be grumpy. That doesn’t stop him from having a happy phone call with someone else or watch a funny show.
AnonInfinity
I grew up in a household like this. I’m not saying every home that is like this is emotionally abusive, but mine was for a lot of reasons beyond just this. My mother and I were constantly on eggshells to avoid outbursts from my father, and if he was in a bad mood, everyone had to be quiet or cater to that. I’m in my late 30s and still dealing with the fallout, so if you’re asking this question because your current household is that way, please consider whether it is damaging to the other people in the home that they can’t experience their own moods, but have to experience someone else’s instead.
anon
Allll of this. I also grew up in a household like this and wish I could invoice my dad for all the therapy. I am 34 and still find my brain subconsciously working to prioritize other people’s moods and needs to avoid blowups/silent treatments, etc. (even with people who don’t treat me this way). I now understand that I am not responsible for other people’s moods, but when you’re a child raised in a household like this you don’t “understand” that. All you “understand” is that dad’s mad, your feelings don’t matter, your feelings shouldn’t be expressed, and you’re going to get yelled at even if it’s not your fault (or potentially even blamed). Not setting him off became priority number 1. We also weren’t really allowed to escape from it. We couldn’t just go upstairs or go outside or go watch TV. I used to read all the time so I could go somewhere else while he stewed or ranted in his own misery/anger. Overall I don’t think this is a “male centered” house hold issue. It’s an emotionally abusive parent (maybe toss in anger issues/alcohol issues) – issue. That said, I do think that men were (and still are) taught to believe that their emotions take priority. It would never occur to my dad to consider whether he was making someone else miserable.
anon
Oof this is my mom, minus the alcohol. Being nothing like her is my greatest accomplishment in life.
AnonInfinity
Yup! This was my house, down to the constant reading to try to at least mentally get away from it. I could not leave home fast enough and still have such a hard time letting my partner have his own moods by himself while I live my life.
Of Counsel
Some of this yes – but it applied to both my parents. When things were bad at work, we all walked on eggshells a bit because the stress/anxiety levels were high and a little thing could spark an explosion (never violent or threatening or really directed at someone else, just a frustrated venting). There were definitely days when it seems like we were a powder keg and I used to actively hunt out friends whose houses I could go hang out at. And when either parent was on a diet, we did not have food that was not diet friendly (unless it was something the dieting parent hated) in the house. We catered to my Dad a bit more because he had higher anxiety/stress levels in terms of “tone” and to my Mom more in terms of diet. And everyone in terms of serving things at dinner that we all liked. (Mom and I went crazy with the spicy food when Dad was out of town!)
In my house now it is very similar. We are a group of people who are sensitive to each other’s moods and one person being in a bad one tends to infect the whole house to some extent (my tendency to walk in the door and say “I had a fracking crappy day; someone else needs to make dinner or we are ordering in” is famous in my house to the point where we have a formal rule that nothing short of an actual death or serious illness of a loved one is allowed to result in more than 3 weeks of bad mood.
Anon
My mom had undiagnosed bipolar disorder when I was growing up so she was the one we tiptoed around. We would have had no consistency or predictability whatsoever if my dad had not been present in our home. Any of the things you mentioned in your OP applied to my mom, not my dad. He was the one who made sure the bills got paid and the groceries got bought and the permission slips got signed.
Anonymous
Wow no never
HW
I did not grow up in a house like this, but have been thinking about this a lot lately because of other discussions here about what type of home you want to live in with your partner or spouse. I currently find myself walking on eggshells more than I want and am trying to figure out ways to fix it.
anon
I commented above on growing up in a house like this. Unfortunately, I don’t think there is a way for you to fix it. And you shouldn’t have to change your behavior and personality to avoid walking on eggshells with a partner who supposedly loves you. The instigator has to want to fix it. Don’t put yourself through this.
Senior Attorney
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. My last husband was like this and the only way to fix it (over 15 years and believe me when I say I tried everything) was to leave.
Senior Attorney
That was for HW, of course.
Anon
I needed my partner to improve his situation so he wasn’t bringing so much tension home from work. I needed to ask for this. His old boss was truly cruel and toxic, but it can be hard to extricate oneself from situations like that while always dealing with the new drama of the day.
anon
My house was like this, except it was my mom whose moods, diets, etc. dictated how everyone else acted. I hate to say it, but my moods probably affect how everyone else in the house acts more than I’d like them to. Maybe something to change in the dynamic of my own home.
Anon
To be fair, I think white collar workplaces are a lot less abusive today than I know my dad’s workplace was in the 80s. There would be lawsuits galore if that office culture existed now (and there were some significant lawsuits in the 90s, come to think of it).
Anon
Regular poster, anon for this. And probably not the norm for most people, even in male-centric households. I grew up in a house where domestic violence was the norm. The whole household was dictated by my dad’s moods and drinking and we all walked on eggshells all the time. What we ate, where we went, what we watched on TV, everything was whatever he said went. It is only now with a lot of distance that I can see how bad it truly was and how it affected my perceptions of what is normal. When I moved in with my now husband, that was the first time I felt like I had a safe place to call home, and I actually think that’s really sad. I would and could never accept the kind of household I grew up in now that I’m an adult. It’s just me and my husband, but we never, ever walk on eggshells with each other, we rarely fight, and how peaceful and calm it is makes me so happy and grateful every day.
Anonymous
My dad was first an alcoholic (drinking and then a sober one) and my mother is neurotic, controlling, with several almost out of control phobias. When my dad was drinking, living in our house was like living in a minefield. We were very careful not to say or do or even think anything that would set either of them off. I believe my dad set 80%+ of the tone, but my mom’s actions and reactions also played a role.
My home is very different, we take turns being the center? We do a fair amount of saying whoever cares about something the most can decide. I don’t want to have a home where people don’t feel at ease. However, I really don’t like it if my husband is upset with me as my lizard brain reads that as he will leave — because that was my experience.
Anon
Yes my home growing up was like that. My dad had mood swings that we all tiptoed around, and sometimes he didn’t make sense, but it turned out he had a brain tumor. I don’t know what to say about it. I guess my mother could have left him? But he was sick, and once we knew what it was, it wasn’t easy to deal with exactly, but we at least understood why. He died five years later.
Anon
That describes my grandfather, but not my dad and definitely not my husband.
Anon
Both my grandfathers were like this. My dad didn’t do this so much with emotions and food (though my mom did), but he still called himself the “head” of the house and what he said was what we did, period, no one was allowed to disagree.
Anonymous
I didn’t grow up that way nor currently have a spouse that way. When I think about my friends home environments, it actually seemed a handful had mothers that were this way, particularly the ones who had little going outside the family. These days, I can think of three of my “friends” who seem to create these environments (all female). In fact, I’ve actually distanced from these individuals since it is so uncomfortable being in their presence with their spouse and/or kids when they act like this. Of the three, all three either don’t work or have jobs beneath their education. Not sure if this makes a difference, but it might be the need to feel like “boss” somewhere…? I think more notable, all three are either the first or second person their husband dated (very unusual in my circles–I’m in a large urban area). I wound never admit it to a soul in real life, but I sometimes wonder if it is because their husbands don’t realize it doesn’t have to be this way. All are far better behaved when they aren’t in front of their spouses and/or kids. Miserable people.
LaurenB
This does not describe my grandfather, my father, or my husband. Of course anyone can have a bad day, but it did not set the tone for the household.
Anon
I gave blood in March, about 8 weeks after I had a C-section. The experience was very good even at the start of the pandemic: seats spaced six feet apart, temperature checks, thorough cleanings, snacks brought to you at the end.
Anonymous
8 weeks after a C section as a pandemic was starting? Go you!
Anokha
I assume that it’s ok, but has anyone donated within a year of a c-section? The website lists surgery within the year as a “case by case” basis.
Anonymous
At my center, they will ask if you got blood during your surgery. I haven’t had a c-section, but have numerous other surgeries, none of which required blood or any of the prohibited medications (IDK what half of them are, I just know what I have taken and how long ago — aspirin and some Rx acne meds are biggies to keep track of).
So: expect questions. Maybe call ahead if you want to make sure you can have your facts ready for when you donate (e.g., type and date of last shot, which for me after having babies was Rhogam, etc.).
Long week
How do you handle people that reach out for career help (coffees, potential jobs, etc) ? I pretty much always say “yes” to talk to anyone that is interested in my field or where I work. Sometimes these go great and I develop mentor/mentee relationships, or am able to provide guidance and further contacts that are related to someone’s interests. But lately I’ve been getting lots of interactions that seem like a waste of time – contacts not being prepared, showing that they made no effort to research what I do or the industry, making offhand comments that are somewhat offensive, etc. One of these contacts recently contacted me to ask if I could recommend her for an open position at my office. I want to be patient with folks that are earlier in the careers and still are figuring this out, but it’s taking up a lot of my mental energy to deal with these situations and I’m wondering what other practices are.
Someone did tell me to make sure to follow up with contacts who someone asked to be put in touch with to see how it went. It’s been a helpful tip – if the person never actually got in touch or otherwise wasted that contact’s time, I don’t leverage my network for them again.
Anon
You can say no! You can’t help every single young person out there looking to start their careers. If you don’t want to say no to all of them, ask them to send you some specific questions or topics they want to talk about or some other kinds of questions that will show you if they are prepared. If they are not, decline the invitation and if you want to tell them why, your no will also be helpful for their professional development.
Anon
Caveat that I haven’t actually gotten around to doing this yet but I read a great tip about putting together a FAQ list for the information/advice people generally ask you about and offer to meet/discuss if they have further/additional questions. Then anytime someone reaches out for this sort of thing, you email them back with the list. This has the benefit of giving people insight into questions they may not even thought to ask and saves you time from meeting with everyone. The handful of people who will follow up after that are usually worth the investment.
Long week
This is a great idea! Or even a short blurb about my job/ background could do something similar.
Anon
Be careful- do not always say yes. I am solicited often (I work for a very large well known tech firm) and I have learned there are very few quality candidates that are serious and professional- there are lots of frauds looking for a free hand up or connection and they have the potential to tarnish your brand
Long week
Thanks I have been wondering about this kind of damage, particularly when I have connected folks with other in my network. How have you been saying no? And how have you been sorting who to spend time with?
Long week
I realize we all should feel empowered to say “no,” but I need to balance this with the obligation to give back and help folks, particularly since I have benefitted from mentorship.
H2Move
Anyone with experience negotiating relocation packages? I am at an advanced stage in the interview process for a job in NYC(Manhattan). Currently living in Europe, when I moved to Europe the only thing I was reimbursed for was my plane ticket, I had to cover all other expenses like apartment deposit. This was for a temporary academic position. Even though I managed it was stressful and put a dent in my savings.
My worry with a NYC move is the cost of housing, i.e. housing deposit and potential fees for an agent/broker when looking for an apartment. At the moment not quite sure what living arrangements I would make whilst looking for the apartment. When I moved to Europe I was lucky to have found a place through the university(no broker/realtor fees) so I moved into the apartment the same morning I landed, no need for hotels etc. A while ago I asked for advice on this forum regarding rental costs in NYC and surrounding areas and came away with the idea that if one is making less than $90K it would be difficult to find a decent apartment, at this point in my life would prefer to live on my own and not have to get room mates. I am 40 and single and aside from 2 or 3 suitcases would not be moving with much else. Would appreciate any advice on relocating to NYC especially in the COVID19 context.
Anon
Anything is up for negotiation! What’s your budget for rent and where are you looking? That will help narrow down potential costs.
H2Move
OP here: Some places suggested by posters on this site on places to live: Hoboken,NJ, Inwood, Jersey City,Brooklyn etc. These are some of the ones I remember at the moment. Rental budget 1,500 to 2,000 for a studio or one bedroom. I noticed most apartment ads ask for one’s income to be 40 times the rent. So move in costs I have in mind at the moment are 1st month rent+1 month deposit+broker fee. But I don’t know how much broker fees typically are? Or if calculating 1 month deposit is too low, could it be 2 months deposit? That’s why I asked this question.
Anonymous
Hi, I may be posting this too late in the day for you to see…but I have a 1BR apartment in Chelsea that is sitting empty right now as I’ve temporarily moved out of the city. I’ve been thinking of subletting it but haven’t.
I can’t promise anything but you might be able to stay there affordably at least for a few months. If possibly interested (I know this is a bit weird but I’m a regular reader and occasional poster) you can email me at collateral.light at gm4i1
Anonymous
Also (same poster who just posted about my apartment) there are lots of other people like me who have temporarily left and who may want to sublet their apartments…so you may have better luck finding an affordable option than you would have pre-covid hell.
And I believe broker fees have recently been abolished…or something to that effect.
Anon
Are you still in academia? I’m not in NYC, but I have done a couple moves for academic positions, both at public institutions. Academic tends to be pretty stingy with relocations and it’s important to remember that the Trump tax bill taxes moving reimbursements as regular income, so you end up having to pay quite a bit of it back (federal+FICA+state, though not all states have changed yet so I lucked out and didn’t have to pay CA income tax on money that was definitely not my actual income but an expense required to do my job- can you tell I’m a little bitter about this?).
anon
For temporary housing options, there are companies that are gaining traction that offer month to month stays with no security deposit while you figure out your next move. google search will bring some up, i’ve seen sonder and hellolanding online.. leasebreak.com will also provide you access to a number of sublet options.
Also something to note, I believe as of January 2020, it is illegal for the landlord to push the brokers fee onto the tenant, so you should not have to worry about a fee. Not sure about Hoboken and Jersey City though.
PSA--Children can get COVID Too
PSA, CNN reports that half a million children in the U.S. have been diagnosed with COVID-19. Those of you who send your children out to play with neighboring kids without masks and without distancing, I’m asking you to look at those figures and reconsider.
Anonymous
Yes thanks for the sanctimony. This isn’t news. We all know this.
Anon
Got it. You just don’t care. Good to know.
Anonymous
And the point of this is? We always knew they could get it, but it’s mild in the overwhelming majority of cases.
Please stop with the fear mothering.
Anon
Pretty sure you are a tr0ll, Anonymous at 9:45 P.M., but I’ll bite anyways. The point of this was to avoid spread to adults who might be immuno-compromised, in particular. Kids playing in large groups, outside, unmasked, is a particular problem in my neighborhood. I am asking those on the board who allow their kids to engage in this risky activity to please re-consider. This has always been about who else you could infect, as opposed to the individual’s own risk factors. Your kids, while not affected much if they contract it, could infect my you, who could infect my mother, my husband’s grandparents, etc. It’s about limiting the spread of the disease and I wanted to make the point that kids themselves can be very real vectors. Closing school is meaningless if children all just go spread the germs by playing together outside without distancing or masks.
LaurenB
Hey Anonymous? Did you know that coronavirus is highly contagious, and hence even if the child has no / mild symptoms, he or she may be transmitting it to other members of the household or extended family, who then transmit it to others if they work outside the home, go grocery shopping, etc.? This is breaking news, so it’s quite possible you’ve not heard this yet. Just wanted to keep you informed!
It all sucks but it doesn't help to bury your head in the sand
Also – no one knows what the long term effects of this on children, or adults are. Heart disease years from now, following a no-big-deal infection as a child, is a possibility, as it is with other viruses (source – close family member who is an infectious disease specialist). Just because “it’s mild” now, based on what we know 6 months into a novel pandemic, does not mean that it’s no big deal. If you consider that fear-mongering, then consider yourself mongered. I understand the overwhelming desire to take the rosiest view because dealing with this is overwhelming and it just sucks. And I have empathy for people who have no choice but to expose their children to the risk of getting infected, but for those who can minimize the risk with minimal sacrifices, why not do so?
Opal
If you lived in Europe during the 80s many locations of the Red Cross will not allow you to donate blood. The husband and I were stationed in Europe and have been healthy. In June 2020 the American Red Cross even changed its rules. The husband tried to give blood last month. Nope, our local Red Cross still wouldn’t take it because his blood might have Mad Cow disease.
Anonymous
That’s because the incubation period for mad cow disease is something like up to 20 years.
anonshmanon
that’s interesting that the local Red Cross still said no. I’ve been looking at my nearest donation center and there has been barely a free appointment when I’ve checked. I don’t know if everyone in my area is so great about donating blood or if the center can’t offer many slots due to staffing. Since they don’t seem to hurt for donors, I guess they might also keep rejecting people who lived in Europe…
E
Just wanted to add a helpful tip on the RapidPass. You can only fill it out the day of your appointment. I tried to do it the night before and it was invalid. So I had to answer all the questions over again in person at the appointment.