ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 254 Comments

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Cropped Sweater Blazer

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This is definitely not my first recommendation for a sweater blazer in recent weeks, but they’re a big part of my wardrobe these days. This cropped sweater blazer is a great option for adding to dresses or jumpsuits to zhuzh up an otherwise casual outfit.

This light gray color would go well with just about anything, but I also like the burgundy version to add some fall color to my wardrobe.

The sweater blazer is $139 and available in regular sizes XXS–XXL and petite sizes XXS–L. Cropped Sweater Blazer

It's a bit longer, but this plus-size sweater blazer is on a big markdown at Talbots — $29.99 from $159.99, with an extra 20% off (final sale)! (It also comes in three other size ranges.) This navy plus-size option from Nic + Zoe also has a great sale price — $168 to $50.33 at Bloomingdale's. 

Sales of note for 4/24/25:

  • Nordstrom – 7,710 new markdowns for women!
  • Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event: 30% off your entire purchase, including 100s of new arrivals
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
  • Boden – 25% off everything (ends 4/27) (a rare sale!)
  • The Fold – Up to 25% off
  • Eloquii – Spring Clearance: Up to 75% off + extra 50-60% off sale
  • J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Up to 60% off sale styles + up to 50% off summer-ready styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 50% off clearance + extra 15% off $100 + extra 20% off $125
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – 3 pieces for $198. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Friends & Family Event: 30% off entire purchase, includes markdowns

Sales of note for 4/24/25:

  • Nordstrom – 7,710 new markdowns for women!
  • Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event: 30% off your entire purchase, including 100s of new arrivals
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
  • Boden – 25% off everything (ends 4/27) (a rare sale!)
  • The Fold – Up to 25% off
  • Eloquii – Spring Clearance: Up to 75% off + extra 50-60% off sale
  • J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Up to 60% off sale styles + up to 50% off summer-ready styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 50% off clearance + extra 15% off $100 + extra 20% off $125
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – 3 pieces for $198. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Friends & Family Event: 30% off entire purchase, includes markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

254 Comments

  1. This is really cute for fall – a “go-to” to dress up casual clothes but still comfy. Nice find.

    1. I got a similar one last year. Will probably be wearing it a ton more this year over a tee or turtle with comfy bottoms.

    2. I bought a couple “polished” sweatshirts – if there is such a thing – from Old Navy. I’m resigning myself that I will be working from home for the rest of the year; may as well be comfortable but reasonably put-together.
      Of course it’s Old Navy, it’s 90 degrees today, and I chose “no rush” shipping, so they may not ever arrive anyway.

        1. The “loose tunic sweatshirt” in b&w stripe, sized down. It’s mostly cotton, so I think it’ll hold up okay.
          I also got the “cropped french terry bell-sleeve sweatshirt” in pink, which on a second look seems a little less polished. Oh well. It was on clearance.

  2. Got my hair cut yesterday, masked & outdoors, for the first time in the pandemic. I loved the cut and the wind gently blew it dry into pretty waves. Then immediately after I hopped in the shower, soaped and shampooed, and washed everything. Anyone else do this? Perhaps unnecessary but I really wanted to feel safe more than to feel beautiful.

    1. I’ve always jumped in the shower straight after a haircut. I can’t deal with the itchiness from the inevitable cuttings/loose hairs that result.

      1. I hope you don’t pay for a wash and blow dry then!

        I did a dry cut recently to cut down on the time I was in the salon. I just washed and blow dried at home. Stylist straightened, cut and styled. I have crazy thick hair so I’m often in the salon for a couple of hours for even a simple cut if they wash and blow dry. This was like a half hour in and out. I would definitely do it again just for time saving not just COVID.

        Also, OP, I’m surprised you have a stylist doing outdoor cuts! That must be difficult for them for women’s hair at least.

      2. +1 My lady dusts cornstarch all over my neck afterward which helps with the itchiness on the drive home but I still have to jump straight in the shower.

      3. I used to wash my hair after a cut because I didn’t like the way my stylist blow dried my hair, and I wanted to see what it would look like air dried with my own products.

        I typically spring for the shampoo because I like the way it feels, but right now I’d absolutely opt for a dry cut. I just want these fried ends gone!

        1. Yes – that too! Whatever it looks like freshly cut, I know it will never look that way again.

      1. Yep. Maybe examine why such a minor decision needs to be validated by internet strangers?

        2. I see nothing wrong with being curious if other people do the same thing you do? I didn’t detect some intense need for validation.

    3. I got a haircut but I didn’t bathe afterwards. I find that completely unnecessary

      1. I read this as “didn’t breathe afterwards” and was like “weird flex but ok.”
        In all seriousness, I didn’t bathe after a salon cut after I had my first a few months ago and likely won’t at my second next week

    4. I shower after major exposure events, like going to the dentist or long indoor shops. I don’t want to touch my arm or garment and then touch my face.

    5. I always leave the salon with a wet head and re-wash as soon as I get home. I don’t use heat styling on my curls, and I hate heavily perfumed salon products, so I immediately scrub them all out with my preferred scent-free versions.

      1. Wouldn’t it be easier to bring your preferred products with you and save your scalp/har from an extra wash?

        1. It would be a hassle to fumble with easily-spilled expensive products during my work commute, plus I need to scrub my skin with facial oil to get the dye stains off anyway.

    6. I do the same thing. I can’t stand having loose hair itching me, even if it is only a little amount. I also stopped getting blowouts after reading this website b/c it is like the air dryers in toilets–everyone praised them as better then paper towels until the pandemic, and now, forget it. No one wants any viral loads floating in the air and winding up in your nose, winding up with the Corona. FOOEY on that!

      Elizabeth, I love the sweater blazer, and now that I am back @ work, the air condition is very cold, so I am hoping they are filtering out the Corona. Our Frank is here and it took him only 5 minutes before he made his first s-xueal comment. So far, I’ve avoided him ooogeling me with the pencil, but with the manageing partner being remote, I have to be careful with him. Madeline lost alot of weight over the last 6 months; she said she has been exerceising and not eating as much, but with the snacks that Lynn has here, I’ll bet she will be heavy again. She said she has not gotten rid of any of her old clotheing and won’t for that reason. The other partners are not very freindly to me today, I think b/c the manageing partner told them that I am the air apparent to him, unless I mess up. But that should not be a suprise b/c I am the biggest biller for the firm last year and so far this year also. Dad says I need for Frank to give me the stats on the percentage of total billings I represent, as it will affect Dad’s salary negotiation for me this year. Dad also says to be nice to Frank so that I get good numbers. I told him about the s-xueal stuff, but Dad did not think that was so bad, but I disagree. I do not want that man poking at me or doing anything else as he is married and even if he wasn’t, I would never do s-xueal stuff with or for him like I did with my boyfreind. FOOEY on that! I am a partner now. DOUBEL FOOEY on Dad for even hinting at it being OK.

    7. Interesting to know all the showerers out there! I might start doing it regularly too for all the itchy/product reasons mentioned.

  3. An update on yesterday’s location v house query. We saw the house and it is cozy and homey, and could be really adorable. We could add a small extension on eventually but honestly, 900 square feet is fine for 3 people, especially given our minimalist tendencies. So I guess we’re going to give it a go!

    3. Good luck!

      I’m a big believer that layout trumps square footage. If the house is well designed, 900 square feet would be a tight fit but could work. But if the layout is awkward, it might be a lot harder than you would expect.

      1. We’re in 700 square feet now and it’s totally fine, but after 8 years in the UK, I[‘ve acclimated to much smaller spaces. The only problem pre-covid was storage for bikes and laundry drying racks. This has outdoor secure storage for bikes, tools, outdoor things, and a crawl space for out of season, Christmas decorations, etc. As well as a covered patio so we could dry laundry. Only 1 bathroom but a half bath could be added downstairs pretty easily.

        2. This sounds great! I’m in 900 sq foot apartment with a balcony — building has a bike room and laundry room. It’s plenty of space for 2 adults, a kid and a cat. I don’t even consider myself particularly minimalist — I’m a bit of a book hoarder and spouse is a kitchenware hoarder!

    5. That’s great. A good neighborhood and ability to walk to school is a huge deal for your quality of life.

    6. We put in a note of interest and we’re the first one in. The seller’s agent hinted that the sellers might be open to an early offer rather than going through the normal Scottish bidding process. Eeks!

  4. I started a new in-house position this year. It has been fully remote, and I’m struggling a bit with not having enough work and also not feeling connected to the team. Any tips to help in those areas or suggestions to do during downtime?

    1. How well do you know the business? Is there anything more you could learn there? Any policies need updating? Is there an on boarding manual for your department? Any communications that need to be updated, checklists.

    2. Learn about the business. Go to more meetings – soon to be every minute of every day! Offer to be the legal team liaison to something like a long zoom call or team building. I got most of my in house work from contracts in other depts who started trusting me.

  5. Has anyone ever tried Sakara? I’ve been really exhausted lately and the idea of easy healthy food sounds really appealing. But then, I’ve been known to spend money on silly things so I feel like I might be buying expensive snake oil in the form of meal delivery. Any honest feedback would be awesome. Thanks!

    1. Yes. The quality was very high. I didn’t like a lot of the food and a find the philosophy silly. I was also starving.

    2. I subscribed for a few months at two different points in the last five years – so I enjoyed it enough to go back! The cost (of course) is what made me discontinue after a while, as well as my business travel schedule. I viewed it more as a treat than a convenience.

      The meals mostly aren’t something I could find locally and, as a then single person, having just one portion of the dozen or so ingredients in each meal let me eat more variety than I otherwise would. I wasn’t a huge fan of the meals containing baker’s yeast, but some people like that flavor. The breakfasts were delicious, mostly due to a predominance of almond flour. If you like Ottolenghi recipes, you’ll like the breakfasts.

      I agree with the other comment that the quality is high. I will say that I didn’t treat it as an elimination diet and still drank coffee/ate snacks, so I wasn’t hungry. But I knew I wouldn’t do well with any meal plan where the main snack is unsweetened herbal tea, so I had that in my mind going in.

    3. Spend your money as you like, but that is extremely expensive. Have you spent any time looking for a similar, local service that is more affordable? I mean, I am a person who spends a lot of money on food, to a fault, but that is very pricey. In my area (ATL), there is at least one established (and a few more nascent) business providing high-quality, tasty, healthful, prepared meals for restricted diets for much less. Sometimes those businesses market through Crossfit and other gyms. You could probably find a private chef to do this cheaper, too, especially with a lot of them un-or-underemployed currently. I could see doing this for two weeks or something, but it is indulgent and it doesn’t sound like it knocks anyone’s socks off.

    4. Haven’t tried Sakura, but did Freshly and Territory. There isn’t a ton of variation in the food they send you so it gets old after a while but if you are just needing a break for a few weeks – few months I think it would fit the bill well. My recollection was that Sakura was the most expensive and Freshly and Territory were much less expensive (probably why I tried them!).

  6. My husband was just diagnosed with high triglycerides (and high overall cholesterol, but it’s the triglycerides that are way high – as in 500 high). Has anyone had luck with dietary changes rather than statins? (Note: in our house, cooking and food shopping is on me – part of our planned division of labor. That’s why I’m asking). DH has a sweet tooth and in the past, has noticed that his results seem to be extra high after periods of eating more sweets (e.g., travel or the holidays). He was one tested after a period of eating plenty of sweets, but cut down on sweets for only a week or so before the retest and saw improved results. I’m curious if he might actually see a noticeable, longer-term difference in his cholesterol if he cut down on sweets all of the time, which I’d be fine with since I’ve found that too many sweets lead to fluctuating energy levels for me. It would probably be best for both of us to cut down. Has anyone noticed any significant changes in cholesterol levels due to diet (and exercise) alone? Are there any types of foods or exercises (eg., strength vs. cardio) that have had a good impact? I realize that this may be genetic and that I might be grasping at straws, but figured I’d ask.

      1. I mean, improved diet and exercise are generally good for your health. He should definitely still take the medication, but lifestyle changes are helpful as well.

      2. Statins don’t work in lowering cholesterol at all for about 50% of the people who are prescribed them (and if they do work they generally only lower cholesterol a few points); they have major side effects; and there is actually a scoring system physicians are supposed to use to determine whether someone who has high cholesterol should get a statin or try lifestyle adjustments. Given how many people have their quality of life compromised by statins, I would 100% try lifestyle adjustments before I got on a statin. Sugar consumption contributes to high triglycerides. The OP’s husband could try going sugar-free for three months and see if his numbers move. Statins are way overprescribed considering that they don’t actually prevent adverse cardiac events for most people who take them. There’s actually growing evidence that cholesterol isn’t even what causes heart attacks.

          1. That is not why statins are prescribed to most people. They are positioned in the marketplace and by doctors as a drug that can prevent heart attacks. Please go do some reading and come back with a more informed perspective and I’ll be happy to continue the conversation.

      3. Co-sign. If he is that high they will make his numbers normalish. Why not use them? This is their job.

      4. He needs statins. Statins are lifesaving. Yes, make the lifestyle changes, but start the statins ASAP.

          1. This whole write up came across to me as condescending and bullying. A lot of people including me have felt misled when statins have been promoted in terms of relative risk instead of absolute risk. I know statins are probably the right choice for some people, but if someone no longer falls into a “high risk” category after lifestyle changes, then great.

          2. I don’t know why people are so distrusting of an established treatment protocol and would rather roll the dice. Even if you switch to the healthiest diet in the world, it will take months to years to bring your cholesterol levels in line, especially starting >500 like OP’s husband.

            The ideal thing to do is to get it under control with a statin now so that husband doesn’t die of a heart attack or a stroke while waiting for the diet to have an effect. Also change the diet and exercise for sure. Then you can ease off the statin. But take the statin now!

    2. I know several people who had success with lifestyle interventions instead of statins or who were able to get off of statins thanks to lifestyle changes. The dietary changes were significant though (cutting sweets was not enough; starches were an issue as well). Two of the people I had in mind did the “Wheat Belly” approach (so also cutting gluten). Doctors were on board so long as labs improved.

      1. I agree with this, but always feel that it might just be elusive. Even with high motivation.

        1. My husband didn’t get serious until he wore a continuous blood glucose monitor and actually witnessed the effects of different foods on his blood sugar throughout the day (elevated blood sugar -> elevated triglycerides). It was also illuminating how many “heart healthy” complex carbohydrates were spiking his blood sugar, in some cases even higher than sugar did. But he’s also the kind of personality that’s motivated by data.

      1. Not OP, but my understanding is that no, the old “fat causes fat in the blood” theory is outdated and that sugars/starches/inflammation are the actual greater culprits.

    4. Improving diet – transitioning to a more Mediterranean diet including fatty fish and lower simple carbs, adding exercise, and adding psyllium husks are steps that can help. Also, they’re all good steps that most of us can take to improve our overall health.

      However, there’s a reason Statins are the gold standard.

    5. Thanks all. I think DH will be reluctant to start statins when he’s never made a serious go of the diet and exercise side of things (and there’s also side effects to consider), but he’ll talk to his doctor next week and see what he recommends on that angle. I think an improved diet definitely won’t hurt either way though so keep the recs coming!!

      1. Remind him the main side effect of not taking statins is dying young of a heart attack.

      2. My cousin went vegan (With a doctors blessing) and was able to control his cholesterol that way.

    6. My boyfriend managed to cut his triglycerides from low 300s to 150 last year with a combination of dietary changes + statins. His issue was sweets, cheese and meat consumption. He cut out meat and diary completely and cut back on sweets, but I’m convinced that, without the statins, he would still have high cholesterol because of his family history. I would encourage him to try the medication, and replace sugar and starches with fruits and vegetables.

    7. He needs to start eating a lot of fiber (vegetables, whole fruits, whole grains, legumes like lentils, would aim for 25-30g per day) which helps lower both triglycerides and cholesterol, and avoid things like refined carbs, sugar, and oil. A lot of credible sources support this, like https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-lower-your-triglycerides-naturally/ and https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/high-blood-cholesterol/in-depth/cholesterol/art-20045192

    8. I know several people, my DH included, who have solved their cholesterol problems via veganism. That’s wildly unpopular on this board though. Personally I have never consumed animal products and the doctor/nurse routinely compliment my great numbers.

      1. I’m fully supportive of a vegan diet (I come from a vegan family and now that I’m on my own eat almost – but not quite – a fully plant-based diet as well), but keep in mind that you don’t know that your great numbers are the result of your diet. My mother, who has been vegan for about 45 years, struggles with high BP and cholesterol. I suspect both would be worse if she wasn’t a vegan, but who knows? I have very low cholesterol, and get a stern talking to every time I get tested about how I need to get my HDL levels up… pretty sure we have some genetic propensity that diet and exercise can’t fully overcome.

      2. A lot is based on hitting the genetic lottery. I won the jackpot on this. DH has a body that basically makes triglycerides out of sugar and starch.

        A lot is based on habit. The only way that man will give them up is in a straight jacket. He wants to quit but hasn’t gotten religion about it because we get so much solace from food. He has decades of this behind him — changing cold turkey hasn’t worked and he will likely fail for decades longer before he succeeds. Statins have given him time to try and fail again. Most men in his family have died young of heart attacks.

        He is having some luck with exercise, which he enjoys, but he is fighting an uphill battle against genetics and habits.

        1. +1
          You can take the cholesterol out of your diet but you can’t take it out of your genes

      3. My MIL as well. She’s lovely about it, though she’d consider it a triumph if she could get me to not eat meat :) This doesn’t work for my tendency toward anemia, but we do eat a lot more hummus and bean soups as a result! (better for the planet, too :))

        1. Bill Clinton is actually a great example of how success on moving to vegan/vegetarian depends a lot on the person. He also started being more active and was routinely mocked during his presidency for his awful diet. If you’re subsisting on big macs and parking far from the store entrance is a form of exercise, lifestyle changes are likely to have a very dramatic effect. If you’re a meat eater but one who generally only eats lean meats a few times a week and has a diet that’s high in vegetables and fruits already, there’s likely less to be gained from going fully-plant based. As others have pointed out, a lot of this is genetic. I have one grandfather who is in his 90s, eats bacon and eggs every morning for breakfast and ice cream after dinner each night, adds salt to potato chips, smoked a pack a day for most of his life and is still kicking strong and one grandfather who passed away from a heart attack at 50 who exercised daily, generally ate a Mediterranean diet, etc. I hope the genetic lottery was kind to me and I have the former’s genes but I try to live like the latter just in case. I try to make healthy choices but I don’t pat myself on the back when my numbers look good at the doctor’s office. That said, there’s really no downside to making healthier life choices, but sometimes they don’t work and it doesn’t do anyone any favors to pretend that diet alone is a magic bullet for everyone.

          2. Also, he didn’t do this in the White House. He did it as a retiree, with a ton of $. Stressful job, frequent work travel, they all make change harder. I’m not surprised that it worked in retirement for him.

      5. DH already eats a vegetarian diet much of the time (and lots of fruits and vegetables). I suspect his issue is genetic, but we don’t have a way to confirm.

      6. I now follow the Longevity Diet, which is a book and a website by the same name. It’s basically vegan + fish. No dairy, meat, poultry, cheese. Very limited sweets, no fried food, but of course it’s flexible and I could cheat if I wanted (I will have turkey on Thanksgiving). It’s based on the Mediterranean Diet and similar to the DASH diet but more limited. Lots of beans, whole grains (gluten free in my case), lots of green leafy veggies and other veggies, olive oil no butter. A little 70% chocolate. I find it very easy to follow and would be able to follow it even if I were to eat out a lot post-covid.

        The goal of this diet is to reduce heart problems, cancer, diabetes and lower risks in the future.

    9. Anecdotal, but my father was able to to reverse his high triglycerides and go off of his meds (plus go off of his Type 2 Diabetes meds) after reading Eat to Live and following that (vegan) diet strictly. It’s been about 5 years now and he follow the diet only about 50-70% of the time but has been able to stay med-free. (also exercises daily).

      1. One of my doctors has been on the How Not to Die diet for a few years and is really happy with his own results. My own diet is closer to Wahls, and my numbers have been good too. I suspect what works for different people varies widely!

        1. (And sometimes when I’m grumpy about finding prepared foods that are on “on diet” for me, I feel like the common factor is “inconvenient and very far from standard/conventional eating norms”!)

        2. One good thing about being a regular blood donor is that they often screen for this, so you may get up to 8 data points a year.

          I am awful — I eat a lot of fruit and beans and whole grains, but I love cheese. And more cheese. All of the cheeses. Not a lot of sweets or starches, but there is a ton of sugar in my yogurt and I’m generous with it on my oatmeal.

          My triglycerides are lower (and well below the cutoff) than my husband’s on statins. It’s unfair and random. I did get wretchedly horrible allergies and cramps like you wouldn’t believe, so every body is a mixed bag. If you don’t have genes that kill you, they may just make your life miserable.

          1. I would say that this is another reason to be a regular blood donor (if you can) — you are just much more in touch with your health and what your body is doing. Data matters.

            If you looked at my spouse, you would see a healthy guy. If you look at his bloodwork and basic stats, you see someone with borderline hypertension who is prediabetic with high cholesterol and triglycerides.

    10. My levels edged up when I was not able to exercise much due to an injury. I was suggest regular cardio of some kind.

    11. My husband’s triglycerides were in the 660ish range when off meds. On meds it is high 200s i think. We eat healthily and continue to do so. He is physically active. The statins give him the boost that lifestyle and food just do not.
      The benefit of taking the meds outweighs potential negatives for him.

  7. Every year I buy a few meh sweaters that get me through the season but don’t hold up well or aren’t exactly what I wanted. I want to get one beautiful sweater I really love that meets all my criteria–deep caramel color, non-itchy, loose fitting, textural knit, some kind of neck detail but not a tight turtleneck. Following with a picture of a sweater I love as inspo. Does anyone have any recommendations? I’m new to the “nice sweater” territory and will be shopping exclusively online so no ability to feel fabrics in store. TIA!

    3. Consider vintage sweaters with all-natural yarns (silk or cotton, probably not wool since you’re saying you want it to be soft). I’ve spent hundreds per sweater at Nordstrom and still get pilling within the first season. I’m buying vintage as much as possible now, and am willing to deal with some scratchiness in exchange for warmth and quality.

      1. Yeah, I do a lot of over-sized sweaters and I’m very picky about quality, and vintage / second-hand is the most cost-effective way to go. I often have luck in the men’s racks. If you want soft, silk or cotton are good. I’d also give cashmere or cashmere-silk blends a go. If it’s helpful, I’m usually able to get cashmere in mid-tier secondhand shops for $70-120.

        The last new sweaters I’ve bought and capital-l Loved were from The White Company. I’ve got two (one 100% lambswool, one silk/wool) that I’ve been wearing them heavily for the last two years, and they’re both in great shape. Don’t know if that’s going to help you with the color you’re looking for, though.

        1. Ok but if you’re going to thrift wool and other natural fiber sweaters, do yourself a favor and put the sweater in a big ziploc in your freezer for a few weeks to kill any potential moth larvae. Then wash it. (PS washing alone won’t do it.)

          You don’t know how other people stored their woolens. You don’t want moths infesting your closet and eating all the things you already own.

    4. Expensive, but the Jenni Kayne cashmere fisherman sweater meets your criteria

      1. PS – there’s always some blogger promo for 25% off, still not cheap but worth looking into

      2. Wow, sooo beautiful. I’m in love, but a little concerned about how cropped it looks in the photos. I’m short-waisted, though, so I might give it a go.

    5. I buy men’s merino sweaters. They are never see-through or paper-thin like women’s sweaters.

    6. I have had a similar version of this one for 3 years and love it, but there is only light camel or rust. The cabling on mine is on the sides and neck, which looks even nicer.
      https://www.garnethill.com/cable-detail-cashmere-tunic-sweater/womens-fashion/cashmere-shop/580293
      This one has the color you are looking for:
      https://www.garnethill.com/recycled-cashmere-cozy-turtleneck/womens-fashion/cashmere-shop/580296
      In a similar vein to the comment about vintage: I bought the Garnet Hill sweater new and then added several more VERY gently used from Ebay/Poshmark; I had great success setting an alert for my size in the brand. If you find something you love, this is a great way to augment or replace your collection with dependable quality. So many people buying these sweaters and never wearing them, now I have a whole drawer of them and wear one every day in winter…

    7. Do the Brora funnel neck sweaters fit what you’re looking for? Incredibly pricey but gorgeous. If you can get Celtic & Co where you are they also do gorgeous knitwear at a less surreal price point.

    8. If you’re willing to go with Am@zon, their Goodthreads 100% cotton sweaters are shockingly nice. I bought the Shaker-stitch mock-neck version and while the neckline didn’t suit me, it might work for your needs (if the camel is deep enough).
      The LL Bean “coastal cotton” pullover in Saddle is the right color, but I don’t know if the neckline would work.

    11. It’s the loose knit that contributes to polling, or rather the yarns they trend to use in loose knits to make them feel soft.

      Pilling comes primarily from the “halo” of the yarn – that is, all the little ends of fibers that stick out and make something look or feel fuzzy. When you wear something fuzzy, any rubbing against other fibers makes them pill up.

      If you want to prevent pillng, look for tightly spun yarns. Not the size of the knit, but the individual yarns themselves. They shouldn’t be fuzzy or floppy. Stick to long staple fibers like merino wool. Try not to buy blends with wool and some other fiber – acrylic is yucky, but my worst pilling has been with wool/silk blends. The blends just don’t hold down those loose fibers as well as tightly spun 100% merino wool.

    12. Might not be as luxerious as you want, but have a look at the mock neck sweaters at &Other Stories in terms of shape and colour.

    13. Check out Vermont Country Store. Expensive, but super nice, soft and last forever!

  8. I left a reply on yesterday’s thread but thought I would repost because no one mentioned in the comments there:

    There are companies that are offer furnished, short term month to month stays, with no security deposit. Start with Sonder and HelloLanding, but I believe there are others. Google short term/corporate/month to month rentals in NYC. I am not sure if they have apts in your price range but it might help while you figure out long term housing.

    Also, as of Jan 2020 it is illegal to charge the tenant a brokers fee in NYC (not sure about Jersey).

      1. That’s painting with a very broad brush. Last I checked there were studios available in battery park city for about 2200/mo. Slightly over the top end of the OPs budget but I wouldnt rule it out as a short term solution considering no security deposit required. Why wouldn’t it be worth browsing, considering the OP posted on a random msg board with strangers offering to sublet?

        OP, also look at leasebreak.com.

  9. Busty ladies with small band sizes: what’s your favorite sports bra for light aerobics that is also comfortable to wear for 6-8 hours while I procrastinate working out? I’m 36G/38F in Natori.

    1. I like the Freya Sonic High Impact. It’s not super comfortable, but its also not uncomfortable, if that makes any sense. I usually order from bare necessities.

      2. I also have the Freya Sonic High Impact and am the same size as OP. I wear it for at home, pre workout a lot.

    2. The blog Hourglassy has a lot of sports bra reviews for exactly this shape.

    3. Lululemon Enlite is all I wear for this purpose. Your body will thank you, though your wallet will not.

    4. It depends how low impact you are talking. I’m a 34G and if I’m just going for a walk or doing yoga, I can get away with a Coobie bra with the pads taken out. I certainly can’t do jumping jacks and my boobs aren’t as high up as I’d like, but I’m comfortable and it is supportive enough for those purposes.

      1. I wear the wired Panache sports bras for actual exercise, but the wireless sports bra might work for this purpose – it’s my “I need a real bra but I need to be really comfy” go-to. 32F here.

  10. Weird political thing- please skip if you’re not interested.

    I noticed my first Biden/ Harris lawn sign today in my purple neighborhood. It occurred to me that there’s a very “trump”-ed out house a few blocks over and that rather than counter with a Biden sign the neighboring houses started putting up signs about blm, women’s rights, lgbt rights (this is all one sign that’s popular in my neighborhood- I hope it makes sense) and signs that say “hate has no place here” (from a local municipal anti-bias task force) or just rainbows (which I always associated with lgbt rights but I think maybe just be a lockdown/covid thing). Anyway, pure speculation but are they saying “I’m not voting for trump” or “I’m maybe voting for trump but not a racist?”

    1. Did you think about this before you posted? No one is putting BLM signs in their yard to convey they aren’t racist but are voting for Trump. That is not a thing.

      1. I did think about it. I think about it a lot. My experience is not that cut and dry.

        I thought about all the republicans at the country club and the who say racism is wrong but vote trump to help their taxes. I thought about my Bernie bro cousin who goes to protests but defends how he voted in 2016 because “Hillary is worse than Trump.” I thought about Tim Scott and Nikki Haley telling everyone that trump is not racist and America is not racist on on national tv and how it would look to those people. I thought about the highest ranking white attorneys at my work who felt the need to hold a first-ever seminar on racism in June, and cried on zoom about George Floyd , but never once mentioned trump or white nationalism. I just think there is a lot of space for people to decry racism personally but support it in the voting booth.

          1. I don’t think OP is disagreeing with you, but cognitive dissonance and alternative facts have made it so that some people are able to say ‘racism is wrong’ yet still vote for Trump.

          2. +1 These people only publicly say racism is wrong. But I assure you, they are very very racist.

            My Ohio Midwest-nice neighbors regularly use the N word, but know enough to keep that stuff private.

          3. I like john scalzi’s cable package of racism. Gist is that if you claim you’ve signed up for the tax thing you’re still fine with the bundled in racism.

        2. Those people at the country club aren’t putting BLM signs on their lawn.

    2. They’re saying I’m not voting for Trump AND I’m not racist/homophobic/sexist etc. I can’t imagine anyone putting up a BLM sign and still voting for him.

    3. I think they’re saying they aren’t voting for Trump. I ordered a Biden Harris sign the minute Harris was announced and it still hasn’t been delivered. I think those have just taken a long time to get out, and that’s why you haven’t seen them as much yet.

      I have received my bumper sticker and am proudly sporting that around town!

      2. I ordered my Biden Harris sign last week and got it yesterday. I don’t go out much right now, but I noticed between my grocery trip last week and this week that a lot more signs had popped up. In my area they are always going to be outnumbered by Trump signs. I’ve never put up a presidential candidate sign before but this year it felt like one small thing I could do to try and counteract all the Trump signs. I certainly think the various inclusivity signs are signals that the person displaying them will vote Democrat, whether they ultimately are accompanied by candidate signs or not.

    4. I think the more likely explanation is that they are going to vote for Biden/Harris, but are not particularly enthusiastic about Biden or Harris. I think the venn diagram cross over of people planning to vote for Trump but willing to put those signs up in their yard is very, very small.

      1. It’s possible they can’t have political signs due to their jobs and the “hate has no home here” type signs SHOULD be non-political and allowed. I’ve considered such a sign. Due to my husband’s job, we aren’t supposed to have partisan signs. In today’s environment though, I wonder if such a sign could be deemed partisan.

        1. It could definitely be this. Also why I hate the stupid ‘silence is violence’ slogan, lots of people are legally obligated to be non partisan and don’t want to take any risks.

          1. Sure, but there are 1,000 other ways to not be “silent” if you can’t be publicly partisan.

          2. Ugh, private actions don’t earn social media points so it doesn’t matter where someone donates or who they vote for if it doesn’t get publicly displayed the internet thinks it didn’t happen and vilifies people.

      2. I’ve had this thought. In my very blue neighborhood in a very blue city, I still don’t see a lot of Biden/Harris signs–but I do see a lot of signs for BLM, hate has no home here, and the very progressive Democratic congressional candidate we have running.

      3. I think this is all a weird flex. I don’t think you can tell the level of enthusiasm for Biden/Harris by whether someone puts up a “hate has no place here” sign versus a B/H sign. Some people just don’t want to put up explicit political endorsements. I don’t, because I don’t want to “trigger” any neighbors into putting up Trump signs. So the “hate has no place” is just safer from that perspective.

    5. I think you’re overthinking this. Anyone with the signs you describe is not a Trump voter.

    6. Well they might not be voting for Trump, but the question is will they vote for Biden?

      In my area anyway, there are a lot of people who plan not to vote.

    7. I think you’re overthinking this. There are lots of people who support LGBT rights and BLM who may just not be inclined to put up a political yard sign. I’m a solid Biden voter and I don’t put up political yard signs ever, but have put up signs for other causes.

      1. The non-political signs are very popular and common in my neighborhood. I think many of us like them as a permanent yard fixture, rather than one associated with a political season. My intent also is to demonstrate that our neighborhood is inclusive and non-judgmental to all our neighbors (including future neighbors who may be looking to move in.)

        1. We put up a rainbow flag in our flagpole and a BLM flag on our porch. A couple days later, our neighbors across the street hung an American flag on their porch the same way we did the BLM flag.
          I’m not 100% sure they did that in response to our flags but my wife thinks so … if that’s the case there’s a lot to unpack there.

          1. Walnut puts up signs to show that her neighborhood is inclusive and non-judgmental. Yet Pugs and her wife judge their neighbors for putting up an American flag. Pugs, why not simply ask them if you think it’s “in response” to yours?

          2. Ok I don’t think she was being judgmental.

            Pugs- my husband literally discouraged me from putting up an American flag back in 2012 because “we’re not republicans.” I was shocked, my democrat parents always had one! A LOT to unpack as you said. My sweet neighbors across the street have a small rainbow flag tucked in their front door’s wreath. A small American flag comes out to join it on Memorial Day weekend and they’re arranged to cross each other in a way that I always find really charming.

            Walnut: good point. how are you? You’re in my thoughts.

          3. Pugs- Yikes! I want to assume positive intent, but I can also be a bit of a cynic…

            OP- doing well right now. Meeting with oncologists this week, so lots of information and planning going on.

    8. Not OP’s question, but I’ve noticed that instead of putting up Trump signs there are way more down ballot GOP candidates signs in my neighborhood. There are also a healthy number of Biden/Harris signs which seem to multiply within weeks of anyone putting up a Trump sign. The new signs for down ballot GOP candidates don’t seem to inspire the same increase in Biden/Harris signs. And, yes, I’ve spent way too much time on runs analyzing my area’s signage preferences.

  11. A few of my non- legal friends started watching The Good Wife (I haven’t seen it). They make a lot of comments about how they understand my job/legal world better now. I’m glad they found a show they like – can anyone tell me whether or not it’s accurate? I’m a transactional / advisory lawyer so I doubt any TV show could make my type of job into a multi-season show without a lot of romantic or other drama, but I’m wondering if it’s less “caught the criminal in 24 hrs” and closer to the real world. I don’t watch TV so will never find out for myself.

    1. Of legal shows, I think the Good Wife does the best of being slightly accurate when it comes to the legal issues. Its less caught the criminal in 24 hours, as they do a lot of civil cases, but there is a lot of filed the complaint and went to trial 4 days later which is annoying. That said, it’s the only legal show I can watch as a lawyer because at least some of it is accurate. It’s written by two former lawyers.

      1. Agreed. It’s obviously more fast paced and dramatic than the average lawyer day (because no one wants to watch someone spend 12 hours sitting in front of a computer drafting, which is what I actually do). But the firm dynamics and details feel pretty accurate, and it’s one of the only legal shows I watch.

    2. I’m not a lawyer but I loved that show so much. Did anyone watch the sequel, The Good Fight, and is it worth the CBS subscription?

      1. The Good Fight is great! The first season is probably the slowest (but still pretty good), but the other seasons are fantastic. Just get a month of CBS All Access and binge it all. They always have free 1 week trials, but I got a month free pretty recently so you might not even have to pay.

    3. I’m a litigator who has worked in many different sized law firms, and while I loved the characters and the writing, I found it so inaccurate as to be unwatchable! YMMV. Among the many painful inaccuracies: (1) the idea that a prestigious law firm would allow a junior associate to run cases and first-chair trials and hearings (2) the warp speed with which cases on that show go to trial — one trial a week! and every case involves brand-new evidence discovered on the eve of trial, instead of months in advance! (3) the breadth of matters these litigators handle — they’re somehow all class-action plaintiffs lawyers and criminal defense attorneys and everything else in between!

      1. Yeah nothing about any of those law shows on TV is even remotely realistic.

        I remember back in the day I used to watch L.A. Law (fun fact: I could see the building in the show’s credits from my law firm’s conference room), and laugh and laugh at things like “We have a new client and we are starting trial tomorrow.”

    4. You could always read the plot summaries on Wikipedia. I do that for so many things I have zero intention of ever watching.

    5. I loved the Good Wife although haven’t watched it for several years. I couldn’t watch Suits due to the legal shenanigans but didn’t have an issue with the Good Wife, even though I absolutely agree with other commenters that there were clearly some massive creative licenses taken. I think the best way to characterize it for me is that there were certain things that were clearly amped up for dramatic effect that lead to inaccuracies, like junior associates being given waaaaaaay too much leeway, and a focus on family law and criminal law that is not particularly reflective of a true “Big Law” experience (because no one wants to spend an hour a week on a capital markets offering). But on the actual legal issues, I always enjoyed the cases because as a lawyer it was sort of like a 1L class or bar prep – you could see the issues coming, or you knew that you’d studied a case that dealt with some concept they were going to address. And then some of the, let’s say, “texture” of law firm life just struck me as completely accurate: I remember one case turning on whether or not Alicia (the protagonist) had actually gotten all of the signature pages or if they’d missed one and it was so mundane and stupid but also SO REAL.

    6. I am not a lawyer and I have only watched a season or 2 of The Good Wife, but a close friend of mine who is a lawyer says it’s one of her favorite shows and that she loves how accurately it reflects her profession.

  12. It happened! My house offer got accepted! This is the first time I’ll have ever owned a house, and it’s in a more rural area (2 hours from the city). I’m so excited, but I haven’t owned a whole house myself before, just a condo where someone else takes care of the maintenance. What should I be thinking of? I have a survey, septic, and house inspection booked already. Any book recommendations?

    1. Congrats! We also got our air ducts cleaned. A quality inspection company is key, the one I used was poor in hindsight, and we had many issues our first year that could’ve been prevented if the inspector was more thorough.

    3. If you plan on doing any significant renovations, have an engineering inspection done as well. This looks at different things than a home inspection. Check to see if radon is an issue in your area, as you may need that test.

    4. If you have any floors that you think you might want to replace or refinish, do it now before they are all covered with furniture that will then have to be moved. (But after you paint the walls so the paint doesn’t drip on the new floors.)

    5. If you have any popcorn ceilings you want removed, have that done before you move in – scraping them off creates a tremendous amount of dust and mess. Also ask for recommendation for a good handy person; when you first move in you will quickly accumulate random tasks and sometimes makes sense for a handy person to come and just knock them all out in a day.

    6. Congrats! Reach out to your new neighbors and introduce yourself. You are more likely to interact with them than in the city.

  13. What happens when a mortgage rate lock expires long before closing? Ours ends in 10 days and we are still in underwriting. It’s a refinance. We started this process in June; it was a 120 day rate lock. I think rates are slightly down now so it may work in my favor, but I don’t want to start the whole process over again. I also have no interest in paying to extend the rate lock when the delays have been entirely on the part of the mortgage company- we provided all documents on the same day they were requested. Has anyone else been in this position? I keep seeing things online that you can extend the lock for a few days, but I think the company will need at least a month since we are still in underwriting.

    1. You can sometimes pay to extend the lock, but as you noted, you may not want to. I don’t think a rate change means “starting over.” You’ve been approved for the loan. Call your lender or broker and tell them what is going on. They will help you because they want you to take the loan.

    3. I had exactly that happen, and delays were 100% the seller’s fault. The mortgage company paid for the 1st extension, but legally could not pay for the 2nd. I was pissed that we had to pay it.

    4. I would want to know why you’re still in underwriting. That should be a 30 day thing at worst. Is there an issue with your application?

      1. I’m not so sure that’s true right now for re-financing. The lender I am working with said 90 days is standard right now because so many people are trying to re-fi at the same time.

        1. We just refinanced and it was 5 weeks from when I first contacted the bank to when we were signing papers (and that included a 10-day delay while we were out of town). So I don’t think 90 days is true everywhere.

          1. Wow that’s great. I’m jealous. I was simply commenting on what my current experience is. I’d love to know what bank you used; maybe I’ll call them!

        2. My lender said that approvals were taking longer than normal due to the high volume of people refinancing. He indicated like 3 weeks in the approval and underwriting stage. But we are now approaching three months. I understand they’re busy but this is just seeming kind of inexcusable at this point.

  14. Need shopping help– I am currently working in my office and have Zoom hearings. I gained a little bit of weight since March. Most of my very fitted sheath dresses/skirts do not fit well. Also, I am now pregnant, so I do not want to go and buy new sheath dresses. I’m not anywhere near needing maternity clothes, but I don’t want to buy anything so fitted that I will outgrow it in two weeks. I need some sort of black dress to wear under blazers. Preference would be a dress meant to be worn during pregnancy/post-partum that looks ok without a bump. Any suggestions?

    1. I got a black Seraphine ruched side dress. It has a boatneck and is slightly to the body-con side, but doesn’t read at all as ‘Maternity’. Mine is 3/4 sleeves and was a total workhorse.

      (Confession: I still own it and wear it and you can’t tell it’s a maternity dress.)

    2. I wore a black Seraphine maternity dress with non-maternity blazers to hearings throughout my whole pregnancy, and afterwards. It is stretchy and came in a set with leggings, a tank top, and a skirt. Admittedly, it is body con so it doesn’t look amazing postpartum, but I still wore it to court with larger blazers because it was comfortable and it fit. I would wear it to a zoom hearing now, even though I’m 10 months postpartum. No one can see the details my saggy belly on the computer screen!

    3. I would cross post as well to the Moms site, since there are a lot of newer moms there that might have good recommendations, having been through this recently.

    4. Old Navy has some great and very affordable maternity dresses. There are lots of fit-and-flare styles and some faux-wrap dresses that look like they would work without a bump.

    5. Does your office currently have a dress code? If not, I’d do business on top, casual on bottom. Black yoga pants, work appropriate sheeth, blazer. If you have to get up to grab something it won’t be obvious on Zoom that they are yoga pants. If you stay seated, you look totally appropriate. If work is casual, you can take off the tops after Zoom and put on something more casual.

      1. Yes we do. People are actually more dressed up than normal because everyone is excited to wear all the clothes they weren’t wearing when we were WFH.

        I was doing the yoga pants + nice top/blazer while at home. My pencil skirts don’t currently fit. Pants are borderline, and it’s still too hot for pants. Dresses are the most comfortable (and hide my weight gain/beginnings of a bump) the most, and I figure I can get the most wear out of them. I have been wearing mostly fit and flare dresses to the office that I already own, but none really worked with a blazer. I’m also just really not seeing anything non-maternity right now that I actually like, so the buying a size up didn’t seem doable right now.

        Thanks for the recommendations! This has been helpful.

    7. Option 1: buy a few dresses one size up; they will fit you now and postpartum.

      Option 2: Isabella Oliver. Get the maternity dresses without the panels; you really only need those during third trimester.

      Congratulations!!!

    8. This may not be exactly the kind of dress you’re looking for, but it’s a cheap non-maternity dress that still fits me in my third trimester due to the stretch and length (so no awkward pulling as the belly gets bigger). I have about 6 of these and have been living in them through my pregnancy. They work for both casual settings and office (for me, this is my slow season so no need to suit up). Highly recommend grabbing a few, as they’ll work before/during/after pregnancy.

      https://www.amazon.com/iconic-luxe-Womens-Sleeve-Pockets/dp/B06ZY462JW?ref_=ast_sto_dp

      1. This looks great! I am trying to not buy any warm weather maternity specific clothing since I’ll be mostly pregnant in cold weather. This looks like a great item to tide me over until it gets cold here and to wear post-partum.

        1. These are perfect for fall, too – you could easily throw on a jean jacket, scarf, and cute little booties, and you wouldn’t have any problems accommodating your bump.

          I’m wearing one now with wedge heels in the office!

          Oh, and congrats!!

    9. All my regular dresses from the Gap and Old Navy still fit me when I was 9 months pregnant. I’ve always found those brands to run large in the waist. If you can find a decent looking black skirt with a foldover waistband (like old school yoga pants), those also fit perfectly all 9 months. Stretchy polyester cross-front dresses (like this style, no idea if this one is stretchy: https://www.anntaylor.com/seashell-cap-sleeve-wrap-dress/536860?skuId=29995448&defaultColor=1362&catid=cata000012&selectedColor=1362) also worked for me and were more polished.

    10. The good thing about being in the early months of pregnancy now is that you can blame your new wardrobe/changing your style on gaining the Covid 15 instead of having people wonder if you’re pregnant. The LandsEnd ponte dresses might fit the bill. Search ponte dress in the website for options.

    11. Isabella Oliver Ivybridge dress. There are usually some on Poshmark. They are the perfect dress, I wore throughout two pregnancies. Nice neckline for your video conferences too.

  15. Interesting question yesterday afternoon which got me thinking — how does the home you’re creating for yourself whether solo or with a partner or with kids, differ from the home you grew up in (or more broadly the life you’re created vs. how you were raised)? It can be anything big or small like where you live or how you handle the day to day or interact with others.

    For me just turned 40 this year, single, and it’s been a reflective time. Looking back I grew up in a serious stressed out home where life was just an obligation. Nothing terrible — 2 loving immigrant parents, but they spent 24-7 worrying about money and while they were 1st gen immigrants so we weren’t rich, we were also very solidly middle class for that time and could easily have splurged on some trips or things just to make memories. We just never did that because it was a – why bother – attitude, so life was go to work/school,come home, do homework/housework, watch TV, rinse/repeat. While I live alone now I find myself being fairly intentional about doing things and have made it a goal to actually vacation (once this is over). I’ve probably only taken 5-6 trips in the 15 years I’ve been a working adult but now I’m like — why not more? Why not that day trip to that random town which supposedly has nice fall leaves? We didn’t celebrate Christmas but I always loved Christmas decor so this year I’m like — why not put up a few nice things just because.

    What are you doing differently?

    1. Better communication, less passive aggressive BS. Joint decisions and respect for each other’s differences instead of “you’re so dumb for doing xyz differently than I thought you would”.

    2. I read yesterday’s thread late but it resonated with me so much. I grew up in a home very much dictated by my mother’s mood, and whether my sister was in trouble. If either of those things were bad, I was definitely walking on eggshells, and like another poster said, I became VERY good at reading very subtle cues about my family’s moods, and how to try to distract or deflect to keep the peace. I was the perfectionist that “if only I act this way people will be happy” mindset for my whole childhood. My parents refuse to acknowledge this. It leads to a lot of anxiety and perfectionist tendencies and “feeling like a failure” when I don’t live up to expectations. I have slowly been releasing those feelings and it is so freeing. It just takes time.

      I made sure to marry someone who was not like that. He grew up with a similar mother though and didn’t realize it was an issue until I asked him about it. So when we’re grumpy we like to just acknowledge and talk about it but we both try hard not to let it effect the mood of the house. We both accept that it’s okay to be sad about something, but we don’t try to bring others down with us.

      Other things I am trying to avoid from my childhood is my mother’s lack of hobbies/personal time/interests. I think that is partly what made her such an unhappy person. I am always encouraging my husband to have his own life and hobbies and fulfillment, and if we have kids, I will prioritize this as well (the reason why we likely would only have one child, to help give us the ability to maintain some hobbies). My parents were adamantly against pets in the home, and we’re considering getting a dog because of the joy they bring and the health benefits (lower bp, general well-being).

      TBH, after a few years of marriage and living away from home for longer than that, I am still getting used to being able to buy what I want at the grocery store. It wasn’t like I wasn’t allowed to enjoy certain foods, but since my feelings were never consulted about anything, I never thought that hey, I can buy that type of bread my mother things is gross and it is okay. I know that might sound weird to a lot of people, but when you grow up in a rigid, strict, and demanding household, it is hard to feel like you have autonomy over silly things like eating certain types of bread. I still struggle with the nagging voice in my head of my parents’ judgment. Literally- will hear it when I am struggling with something, and I have to shut it off. It is so hard to do when you’re life revolved around doing things to make others happy, or accomplishing things so you can be the ‘good child’.

      1. I relate to a lot of this. I love the way you phrased this: “I have slowly been releasing those feelings and it is so freeing. It just takes time.” So true.

      2. Thank you so much for taking time to share this. It resonates with me and is very helpful. And good for you!

      3. This brought tears to my eyes. Your first paragraph sums up so much of what I have been realizing about myself lately. I would never have articulated it that way but reading it just felt like of course!

    3. Basically EVERYTHING about my home/environment is different than it was for me growing up. I was raised in a poor, don’t-think-ahead-financially family where my parents were like two ships passing in the night. I don’t remember spending much one on one time with either of them and was mostly left to my own devices. Life was unstable, things felt transient, and you never knew what was going to happen next. I loved school (and became a first gen college grad) because it was calm and wonderful and clean and normal and, well, stable. Life at home was a dirty mess, both literally and figuratively.

      Our family (husband, me, three kids) now live in a quiet neighborhood, we put work into our home and try to keep it up, and I feel a sense of calm from having order (this is the result of growing up with a parent who was a hoarder). I also love to cook for others and get great joy from sitting down at the family dinner table when schedules permit. We make good money (probably in the mid-income levels as compared to the rest of this board, but our only debt is our mortgage on a modest house and we drive paid-off cars) and our kids don’t have to worry for anything. I spent a lot of my childhood worrying and taking on other adult roles, and in our family now the adults do the adult stuff — if that makes sense. We value experiences — which my parents did as well — and try to vacation as much as possible (thanks COVID!).

      I think one holdover is that I sometimes get too mad at my kids for little things. That’s how my mom was…I actively try to work on this but don’t always have success in doing so. I also hesitate when paying for convenience and will do other weird things around food (overstock/overbuy, use things up to the very last drop when they might be past their prime) that stems from having grown up in poverty. I try to remind myself that we’re in a different position than my parents were and that I can live a little.

    4. Also had Immigrant parents who were austere in purchasing and life was work, school, meals, cleaning, etc. Extended family were our friends and were valued, friends less so. My Italian mother loved routines, and was compulsive but spent very little on anything that was not necessity. It was austere in some ways. We differ greatly in providing more for our kids but also just valuing community involvement (politics), a wider circle of close friends we see often and socialize with, an openness to the wider world, fun, more laughter, more emotional availability to each other, more enjoyment i think in life as well as modeling responsibilities. We are dual income and busier and we spend and share far more than my parents did with people beyond just family. Money is a tool, not something to hoard. And i hope we are far less anxious than my parents were. Also, importantly we operate as a team. My mother had all the power, it just was not healthy.

      1. Wow – this speaks a lot to my family life growing up. Immigrant parents also but Indian rather than Italian. You are exactly right, it was austere and life was all about doing what you had to whether it was clean the house or homework or work and it was all about family, friends weren’t valued (unless it was my parents’ friends they had known since they were in high school who also immigrated here) — but our friends were more “school friends” that you saw at school and that was it; going to a friend’s birthday party or playdate would’ve been met with a — why would we do that?? And fun wasn’t an answer. Maybe this is an immigrant survival thing? But I too am intentionally trying to create a life that is fun esp. now having gotten to a point where I feel professionally fine and in fact would be ok with steps back professionally even if it meant less money but more time to vacation and just enjoy life.

    5. We’re not poor. We had kids intentionally. DH and I enjoy spending time together. We’re starting to cultivate annual family traditions. We’re getting better at communicating and letting ourselves feel our feelings.

    6. Meals don’t have to be an event. Husband grew up in a Mediterranean culture where every night involved multiple courses and spending hours around the dinner table as a family. I find that cumbersome, saccharine, and completely unrealistic for modern dietary issues and time schedules. (They also used it as a band-aid for their dysfunction so they could role-play a happy family instead of addressing real problems.)

      Early in our marriage we had a lot of problems negotiating this, because he would work late while I sat at home, head throbbing from hunger, waiting for him so we could “sit down and eat together” because that’s what you’re supposed to do. I finally put my foot down and said “I’m tired of feeling hungry and sick, I’m eating by X time whether you’re in the building or not”. Once he got over the idea that mealtime has to be a Hallmark TV movie, our marriage greatly improved.

      1. Yes, working late isn’t really consistent with the Mediterranean lifestyle. I don’t think of the multicourse meals as Hallmarky though; my family had really formal German/Anglo family dinners that I haaated, but I am fine with the Mediterranean meals (definitely not every night though!).

    7. – healthy marriage
      – little to no yelling
      – no physical discipline of our child
      – we both work well paying white collar jobs
      – because of this we don’t have the financial stress both of our sets of parents had
      – we live in a small city instead of the isolated rural areas we grew up in
      – only had one kid

      Generally it’s a lot more stable and calm. And my house is pretty. My mom is a very utilitarian person, not at all interested in decorating. I love that kind of thing and it makes me happy to live somewhere pretty.

    8. One of my parents is a hoarder, so the biggest difference for me is how lovely and warm and inviting my own home is. I’m not embarrassed to have people over! (In non-pandemic times, obvs.)

    9. I come from a wealthy but dysfunctional and controlling family. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to wonder if their career success is partly based on their near-sociopathy: the constant half-truths, browbeating everyone underneath them to be perfect and produce, superficial charm, a firm belief that the rules do not apply to them, well-planned ambushes of people who are just going about their lives, and, OMG, the lies. They have, on multiple occasions, mocked me for not doing things that are flatly illegal. They brag about not putting things in writing so they can lie about it later.

      Being very clear here, I know a lot of very ethical, very successful people; this is not a knock on people whose talent gets them where they are.

      For a very long time, I didn’t even want to get married and have kids; it seemed impossible to create a different life and evil to put that on the next generation. Every single day, I try to be different. It’s so hard, especially since I didn’t fully face the level of dysfunction and cruelty until I got engaged a couple of years ago.

    10. There isn’t really a more delicate way to say it other than that I grew up middle class, and now I’m wealthy. The emotional dynamics of family life aren’t that different – I had a happy childhood with parents with a stable marriage, lots of family time, vacations were more to educational places vs Disney, church and school were priorities, and our life now is similar in those respects. But all the material trappings are different: I grew up in a modest home but I live in a ridiculously large house with a pool and a movie theater and a home gym; my mom and dad kept our house meticulously clean, but I have a housekeeper twice a week; I went to church daycare but have a full time nanny; my dad drove an Accord but my husband drives a Tesla. I had a full scholarship for college and, while I hope my kids will do well enough to earn scholarships, we have $250k in a 529 for each of them.

      I am aware that I’m insanely lucky, and making sure my kids understand their level of privilege is crucial to me. I worried about money growing up, and I don’t want that for them, but avoiding the ills of affluence – making sure they’re not spoiled, that they know this isn’t normal, and that they don’t think wealth makes them better than other people – I never thought that was something I’d have to worry about.

  16. Can’t imagine anyone is too interested in this update, but thanks to everyone who gave me some advice re: new heartburn last week. After spending a week being quite mindful of my diet, I think the likely culprits are seltzer, beef and pork, and large portions. I think I have ruled out many of my staples, including eggs, salsa (thank God…), wine, berries, banana, chicken, and green veggies. I’ve been working with an RD on intuitive eating for about a year so this is just an added push to be mindful of what I am eating and how it makes me feel :)

    1. Yay for intuitive eating! So glad to see more women practicing it now. Large portions definitely affect my heartburn too.

      1. It makes SO much sense and is also so revolutionary – so different from what women have been told for decades. I am definitely still a novice (maybe intermediate) but it’s so great.

    3. I found that mint gave me heartburn, especially if I was laying down. So I stopped doing my mint-flavored fluoride rinse at night and moved it to the morning – if I stayed upright, the mint didn’t bother me as much. Oddly, very cold water also could trigger my heartburn.

      Not saying it’s a thing for everyone, but losing about 6-7 lbs also seems to have made the heartburn calm down a lot.

      1. funny that you say that – I have always found ice water to be uncomfortable.

    4. Question not really aimed at the OP but just in general, is a week enough time to do an elimination diet? I’ve been considering it because I’ve had some weird digestive issues lately and I assumed it would take longer than that.

      1. I assume it would take longer for most things but this was sudden onset heartburn.

      2. I actually did 3 weeks eating ‘normally’ and used an app called MySymptoms to track food and symptoms. I then eliminated the biggest possible cause for 3 weeks, continuing to track food and symptoms, before assessing other foods I may have wanted to remove. It meant I could be much more targeted with my elimination and I got the results quicker.

        I think a typical elimination diet is recommended to take 8 weeks?

  17. DC friends – I have a friend who is getting married at the end of the month (where the parents zoom in and it’s only her, her fiancee, and a photographer in person) and I want to send her something to commemorate the date for her. She cancelled the big wedding at the beginning of the pandemic, and while they’ve rescheduled for next year, I know it was a sad decision for her. Any suggestions for things I can have delivered, maybe a place that I can personalize a bottle of alcohol? They’re fairly active cocktail drinkers (which I am not) and have a pretty good household already set up. They’re not registered in the normal places (Crate and Barrel, Williams Sonoma, etc.) and I’d like to keep it to $50 or less. TIA!

    1. Cocktail Courier has some fun cocktail kits, and I say that as someone with a very well-stocked bar. You could also consider looking at some local DC distillers and sending them a bottle – Don Ciccio et Figli, and Green Hat Distillers come to mind. Also Thrashers, for good rum.

    2. Heirloom Bottling Co! They make amazing shrubs and syrups and you could two of their sampler packs on your budget.

    3. Neighborhood Provisions/ Churchkey could work for the delivery (prob not personalization). They have pre-mixed cocktails but also interesting local bottles, sherry, amari, etc. And you can add a mini cake from Buzz or some nice steaks from Red Apron.
      https://www.nrgprovisions.com/spirits-delivery-virginia-dc

      Baked & Wired is amazing if you want to send cupcakes or their focaccia. https://bakedandwired.com/same-day-orders/

      There are some great restaurants doing special to-go dinners that you can heat up, with options to add wine/drinks. It doesn’t look like Tail Up Goat is delivering, although you may be able to call them and arrange something. https://tail-up-goat.myshopify.com/

    4. How about a personalized whiskey decanter? Do a little googling around and you can find a variety of price levels and levels of personalization, from initials to full names and wedding date.

    5. Miramonte Winery does custom engraved wine bottles – I think it’s now via etched wine dot com.

    6. Republic Restoratives is a great local distiller that delivers and has some fun cocktail kits

    7. How thoughtful of you! Alcohol is a nice idea. Alternatively, if they registered somewhere back when they thought a big wedding could happen, consider buying them something small from their registry. Several of our friends and relatives have done that and it has meant the world to us.

  18. Hi! I am looking to get Lasik (or similar laser eye correction) sometime in the next year. Any recommendations?

    My eye doctor works with Dr. Holzman at TLC in McLean if you have thoughts on him.

    1. I got mine done there (by Holzman) a little over 2 years ago and am really happy with it! I didn’t consult with any other doctors/practices so don’t know how they compare but everything went just as expected during the process and I really liked Holzman personally although of course I only talked to him for about one minute before the procedure. I paid $5500 which I think is on the normal/maybe slightly high end from what I’ve seen online but, again, didn’t shop around so I don’t really know. Happy to answer any other questions you have! My only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner!

    3. I had Lasik done by Dr Rubinfeld (company is Revision) about 4 years ago, and I am so so happy with it. (He did Lasik for Mia Hamm and Jennifer Capriati, among others.)

  19. Just wanted to say that I was thinking about you and hope things are going okay all circumstances considered.

    1. Thank you! I appreciate the warm thoughts. This week and next are a whirlwind of oncologist and genetics appointments, so I’m getting ready for another round of information overload.

  20. Destination wedding OP, I posted an apology for my unnecessary comment on the other thread. I shouldn’t have made it. I’m sorry.

    1. Thank you! I appreciate it and wish you well. Zero hard feelings…I know it’s an emotional topic.

  21. Are there any good dupes for the Barefoot Dreams cardigan, or should I splurge and treat myself to a WFH gift? Also, is it strictly a house cardi, or could you wear it with jeans?

    1. Costco had a dupe sometime in end of 2019 or early 2020, I really like mine. Mine is mostly a house cardi but I have worn it out when I’m trying to be comfy and don’t really care how I look (travel, visiting family, my very casual office when I’m feeling like crap).

  22. I just bought this sweater about a week ago in the red wine color (petite sizing too – always a positive!), and it is my new go-to. It’s super comfortable but I can also look professional on Zoom depositions or happy hours. Plus it’s on sale right now! I would highly recommend.

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