Coffee Break – Domed Buckle Satchel

Dooney & Bourke Domed Buckle SatchelI hate the color “mustard.” I really do. So you know I must really be in love when I say that I’ve been eyeing this mustard yellow bag for a few weeks now (although it’s also available in black, orange, and a tan “natural”). I love the dome shape, the buckles (both on the sides and the front of the bag) and the well thought-out pockets and key fob (as usual with D&B). It’s $398 at Nordstrom. Dooney & Bourke Domed Buckle Satchel



  1. You can also go to Dooney’s site and use EASY Pay option. Three easy payments and it’s yours. This is a great color!

  2. I really like this bag but for some reason I can’t get past the notion that D&B is a tween brand — i.e. not as sophisticated at Kate Spade or something. I have no idea why I think that way.

    Rant/threadjack: my family is KILLING me. I posted here a couple of weeks ago about breaking up with/divorcing family members and got great advice and commiseration. This comment is more about the fact that they get even crazier around the holidays and honestly, talking to my mom is so difficult and puts me in such a bad mood that I want to pull out all my hair. Or eat all the cookies. Or something. She is seriously SO UNREASONABLE (I and others who know her strongly suspect some undiagnosed mental illness, which would explain a lot) that I just never want to call her again…and yet, she’s my mother and I find that so difficult.

    I hope someone out there is having an excellent day to offset my not-so-hot one!

    • I think it’s associated with college to me, everyone had D&B bags. I love this color though and would buy it in a hot minute if I had the money. I bought one in a moment of insecurity about the fact that I was basically attending finishing school for rich kids.

      • I just bought a Coach purse. I had kind of written off the brand as teenyboppery, but I am seriously in. love. with. it. The quality is super high for the price. I’m in love!

        • It’s this one:

        • kerrycontrary :

          I think Coach has made a great marketing decision by going back to their Legacy collection (like the one you purchased). They definitely took themselves away from high-income purchasers by going on all label-crazy. I’m not even “high-income” but I acquired a few coach bags over the years as investment pieces. I actually stopped buying them because EVERYONE and their cousin had one. I felt like because they made themselves so attainable and affordable, it actually took away the special-ness of owning one. All in all their leather bags are great quality and classic, so I’m looking forward to this new direction.

          • Awful Lawful :

            I was going to say the same thing! I was looking at their website last night and made a mental note to come on here today and make sure the ladies know they brought back a lot of great leather bags.

        • I love that and seriously considered buying it a while back in the red color. Couldn’t justify the $400 purchase though. Have too many bags already!

          • Divaliscious11 :

            Too many bags???? What ….is….that????


          • FYI, I got a coupon in the mail for $100 off any purchase over $300. It may be worth keeping an eye out on R tail M e Not, etc.

        • Awful Lawful :

          How does the medium candace carryall compare with the candace carry all? Can you fit files in it?

          • Yes, you can fit slim files in it.

          • I have a 15″ diagonal work laptop and often bring work home — I went to the store, loaded up the Medium Candace with my usual laptop + one small binder / stack of papers, heels in carrying cloth, yogurt and travel mug, and usual phone / wallet stuff. While the medium held everything (the laptop was right up against the sides such that the bag looked square when facing from the side), it was totally full. I ended up opting for the Large Candace, which holds everything comfortably.

      • I’ve gotta say, tweens and college kids must be spending a hella lot more on accessories than they were in my day. $400 was probably the value of my entire wardrobe my first year of college. Yikes!

        • I really think they are. Part of American consumerism. It kind of makes me crazy, actually. I feel like there’s little “special” left because they already drive nice cars, carry nice purses, go on nice trips. What’s left?

          • I think this might be a very regional thing. At my high school it was common for people to get a new BMW when they turned 16. I always wondered what was left for them. It was kind of hypocritical, because even though I only had a new Toyota, I had a wardrobe full of designer jeans and stuff from Nordstrom/Bloomingdales. However, I do think that this was something I was aware of and appreciative of. There are a lot of reasons why I had this, but I never ever thought that it was a given.

            On the tween/teen with the bag specifically: I don’t think they had the $400 version. I think they had the $100 brightly colored wristlet that screamed D&B or Coach.

      • What teen has a 400 dollar bag? I may faint.

    • I don’t know – I think of Kate Spade as cute but very trendy, Dooney & Bourke as maybe cliche, but nice solid bags. Plus, the last 2 kate Spade bags I ordered were both defective. Not too happy with their quality. As to the OP, this bag (in the cognac brown) is on my wish list.

      But sorry to hear re: family issues and specifically unreasonable moms. Mine is bearable, but has an unbearable way of turning every conversation into all.about.her. It’s like dealing w a 14 yo. I have no advice but good thoughts for you.

    • I used to think the same way about D&B. I think it is because of the crazy colorful branded ones that were so popular with tweens 8 years ago. Last summer I got a similar bag in black and it has been great. It’s really low key, classic, and has held up really well to rough use. I’d totally recommend their less flashy/graphic design bags.

      Sorry about your family difficulties!

    • Sydney Bristow :

      Ugh, I’m sorry about that. A few ideas for continuing to keep in touch with them. Communicate wi them when you are feeling strong, fresh, and not stressed about other things. Don’t open the email she sends you or listen to her voicemail (let it go to voicemail by the way, even if you technically could answer) until you’ve mentally prepared yourself. Reply on your own time when you feel up to it.

      If its a conversation that is likely to get to you, don’t have it before you are going to do something fun if there is a chance that you won’t be able to let go of the bad feeling and enjoy your fun thing.

      After having a conversation that drives you crazy, do something to “reset” yourself. Snuggle with the cat, light a candle, leave the room or house, etc. Make a clear break to doing something else unrelated to the family.

      This will sound ridiculous, but I found it helpful to think of when I was dealing with this. Think of yourself as a duck in a pond. The water just rolls right off your feathers. The family members are the water and nothing they say can get to you. Everything they say or do just rolls right off of you.

      • Sydney Bristow, you’ve given me great advice on this topic before and this is no exception.

        I love everyone who weighed in on this thread re: bags or family. Such a great community.

        • Sydney Bristow :

          You are too sweet. I’m glad that my experiences can be of help!

    • I’m rooting for you (related to either family issues or choice of handbag!) Things always get a little stressful around the holiday with my family sitaution. If we were co workers I would come over to your desk for an impromptu singing of “You are not aloooooooooooooone…….” Good luck in the next few weeks!

    • Research, Not Law :

      What teen/tween has a $400 purse????? I agree that I don’t really think of Kate Spade as “sophisticated” either. This bag looks more grown up to me than most of KS’s.

      Sorry about the family issues. I hope the holidays go smoothly for you – or at least quickly.

    • I almost got this bag in tan but didn’t like it that it was intentionally distressed. FOOEY.

    • Merabella :

      I can’t remember who originally suggested this – K maybe? – create a family BINGO sheet where you put the annoying things that your family says as squares and check them off when they say them. I really found this to make the awful things my mother says more humorous and absurd than hurtful. It is a temporary fix, but could gt you through the holidays. It is even more fun if there is another family member to play with.

      • Anne Bronte :

        This is high-larious! Off to make my own …

        • Merabella :

          I’ve even started playing it at work by myself with annoying people. It just makes it silly/less frustrating. It is the BEST thing I have gotten off this site for sure.

          • Meg Murry :

            we do buzzword bingo at work for long boring meetings. Another fun one is to see who can catch the mosy acronyms used by the speaker. It keeps me awake, if nothing else!

          • Yes! Don’t forget to pick out your treat once you hit bingo!

        • transition :

          hehe yeah, I bingo’d for years before I distanced myself… it becomes a very fun little game where you start hoping the person will bring up your not yet being married because you really.need.the.square. ;)

          • transition :

            glad my idea is helping people… would love to hear what’s on your bingo boards!

          • My goodness, I love this idea. Definitely making lemonade out of lemons, so to speak :)

          • Merabella :

            My sister and I play together with phone calls from our mom. Our bingo sheet includes using a non sequitur to talk about politics – ie. talking about our favorite board games -> so&so politico hates board games what a terrible American.

    • That is so funny to me because kate spade is the brand that seems teenybopper/highschool to me because it was a popular bat mitzvah present!

    • Way late to this thread, but in case you check…one of my old boyfriends taught me the secret to dealing with my mother. He told me she was emotionally stuck as a 16 year old girl, and now that I am older than 16, I have to treat her accordingly.

      Every time she acts out, I always think back to that conversation and he was dead on. I then interact with my “16 year old girl” gloves, which include NEVER assuming any rational argument will make sense to her, assuming EVERYTHING will hurt her feelings but she’ll get over it, understanding why she freaks out if i don’t call/text her back immediately, and let all her nasty comments roll off my back.

  3. I have been SO busy since 8am this morning that I have NOT even had time to look at the web, much less make comment’s! FOOEY! I did not eat lunch and barely had time to go to the bathroom (doubel FOOEY!)

    Now that I can breath, (I had to get a pleading out), I can take a minute to say that I have a similar satchel! Yay! I also talked to Myrna about Grandma Leyeh, and then called her to find out about the beauty contest she was in. It turn’s out she did NOT win, but was runner’s up. I guess after 60 year’s, peeple’s memories can change. But Grandma Leyeh remembers everything. She has all the smart’s on her side of the family, and she knows names in Minsk and Pinsk that I should go see.

    I told her I do NOT want to go to either place. She also said that her Maiden name was Schapira, which she think’s is some how related in some way to Scharapova, so who know’s–mabye we are all related! Yay! But I am not so pretty and not so tall and not so rich! FOOEY!

    Mabye next time I am at a tennis match, I will see if I can say hello. OMG, wouldnt that be crazy?

    So now, I have to plan for a return trip to Saint Louis. I realy do NOT like goieing out there, especially b/c Jim does NOT do anything but wear that dumb hat backward’s. Saint Louis lost so what is the big deal? I hope he does NOT want me to wear my hat b/c I gave it away. I did not call David or the fish guy back, and Myrna want’s to go with Roberta and me back up to the Soup Kitchen, but I said it HAS to be on a Saturday or Sunday b/c their is to much work building up here for me during the week for me to goof off with them and eat old slimey turkey roll. FOOEY!

  4. TO Lawyer :

    But Kat – mustard and dark purple go SO well together!

    Anyhow… last reminder that the Toronto meetup is tonight at 7 at the Black Moon Lounge (67 Richmond St W). The place is pretty much always empty so it shouldn’t be too hard to find us, but I’m wearing a teal dress.

    • Ever notice that Kat mostly recommends stuff that would look good on her? My theory is that Kat may not like mustard because cool colors suit her skin tone better.

      I’m the same way with pastels. In my head, they’re “ugly”. But they’re not. They’re just ugly on me.

    • So excited! See you Toronto ladies soon!

    • Yes, Mustard and Eggplant go together perfectly…. especially if you are a high-school boy buying a suit in 1994…..

      Kickin it just for you-A B C B B D

  5. The Eyeroll :

    Following up on today’s party conversation post:

    For the attorneys – do you ever dread being asked “what do you do” at a party? I’m a 3L, and people always seem to think it’s ok to make stupid jokes when I tell them I’m a law student (“oh but you seem so nice” “you sure you want to do that?” “haha don’t sue me!”). This is not my idea of a fun party topic. I’m not betting these stupid jokes will stop once I pass the bar. How do you handle this question and the idiotic responses it engenders?

    • My relatives in my home state are like this. They always make comments about how terrible the east coast is and then ask if I will represent them if they get arrested, nevermind that I know nothing about criminal law or Colorado law. I just give some light, pat answer (“Oh, haha, you couldn’t afford me!”) and move on.

      I think being a lawyer is just one of those things that people will always comment on, like being tall or being a cop (like my dad, he gets similar unoriginal comments) or being pregnant or having a funny name or whatever. It’s annoying, intrusive, and unoriginal, but there isn’t really a good way to preemptively shut it down.

      • The Eyeroll :

        Ugh, tell me about it – I’m also tall (5’10”), so it’s either lawyer jokes or “wow, you’re so tall.” Yes, yes, your observational powers are impressive.

        • e_pontellier :

          Yes!! 6′ tall and those “you must have played basketball” comments are just so ridiculous.

          • Anne Bronte :

            I have a curly-haired friend and when guys would say, “Hey, Curly,” she’d say, “Hey, Feet at Bottom of Legs!”

            I guess you had to be there.

        • Second. Tall lawyer here too.

          I smile (with teeth showing) and change the subject. Those stupid comments don’t merit responses (although I may then conclude the person making the comments isn’t worthy of my time either).

        • I think the proper response to “you’re so tall” is a perplexed “Am I?”

          • I never know how to respond to “Oh wow, you’re tall!” comments. Is it a compliment? Should I say thanks?

            When in doubt, sarcasm ftw.

          • Cornellian :

            that’s my 4’9-10’s sister’s response to such comments.

        • Or when they comment that you’re tall and still wear platforms or heels. Ummm, are tall chicks only permitted to wear flats? Or are there negative hieght shoes I should be looking into?

          • When, in fact, the tall people tend to have the bigger feet, and can therefore fit into higher heels by virtue of having the longer foot! And then I have a smaller footprint :)

        • eastbaybanker :

          Why do people do that? At least now that I’m in my 30s nobody asks me if I play basketball.

        • Divaliscious11 :

          Seems we have quite a contingent of tall lawyers here…

      • Of course, if you are feeling particularly prickly you can do this:

        “You’re a lawyer? Haha, don’t sue me!”
        *total deadpan expression of surprise and wonder* “Wow, you know, no one’s ever said that to me before.”
        “No.” *goes to freshen drink*

      • Yep. But it’s not just lawyers. If you’re a doctor, everyone asks you about some ailment (doesn’t matter whether it’s in your actual specialty). If you’re a teacher, people will make a joke about getting detention if they’re “naughty.” People make jokes about everything because they’re trying to connect with other people and that’s the first thing that pops into their heads.

        • I was going to say the same thing. I get the same stereotype goofiness and I’m not a lawyer. Besides, people have absolutely no idea what I actually do. I think it’s funny most of the time.

        • The problem is that the law is the only profession (as far as I’m aware) that people disparage right to your face as a joke. My husband is a doctor, and people are more like, “wow, that’s so cool,” etc., and then when I say what I do, they say, “oh are you an ambulance chaser?” or “I bet your husband hates that!” No, actually, my husband thinks I’m awesome!

          • Or people ask me frequently how many cocktails I have at lunch! Ridiculous.

          • Or people ask me frequently how many c* c k tails I have at lunch! Ridiculous.

          • You’d be surprised to hear what otherwise lovely people will say to a Republican Hill staffer.

      • This is why I really dislike the ‘what do you do’ question. It’s always just awkward, esp. if you’re at a non-work event, like a bar or a concert. Maybe it does get easier as you get older, but when you’re in your twenties, it’s murder and so far it’s not that much different at 31.

        Sometimes, there’s also this weird intimidating thing that happens where you say you’re an attorney and the other person assumes you think you are somehow better than then. Maybe this is less frequent if you hang out with doctors or other “professionals,” but honestly I have a lot of single lady lawyer friends who complain about this all.the.time and they are not just saying their profession in a snooty way.

        Oh, and if you are among other lawyers it can just lead to lots of doosh-baggery, too, because so many of us apparently think that life’s a constant game of “who’s doing better.”

        And heaven forfend you do anything interesting. I have one friend who works for legal aid and she constantly gets asked if she thinks that rapists and murderers should go free, and another friend who is a prosecutor who gets asked such questions as, “oh, are you going to arrest me if I tell you I smoked pot in college?”

        Not to mention that as a question, it rarely leads to interesting conversation. Sorry for the rant. I guess I have stronger feelings about this topic than I realized.

        • Sydney Bristow :

          I felt like that at my high school reunion. A couple of times the person I was talking to would ask what I did and when I said I was a lawyer, they acted a little standoffish like I had said something rude by saying that I was a lawyer. It was especially weird after we were just having a lovely conversation about any other topic, including whatever that person did for a living.

        • Senior Attorney :

          When I was fresh out out law school I worked at the biggest of the BigLaw firms in my city. I got so much of that kind of thing that I started saying “I work at a law firm” when people asked “what do you do?” They tended to assume I was a secretary or paralegal and it kept the smart remarks to a minimum.

          • But why should we have to pretend to be something we are not? Or, rather, “hide” whatever skills/talents/profession we have just because we are competent kickass women?

          • Senior Attorney :

            Not endorsing my former technique. Just passing it on with a rueful chuckle. That was 1988. My response to the “what do you do?” question is different now!

          • I do that, too. Saves me a lot of trouble (plus it sounds… not all that interesting, so usually we can change the subject and move on).

          • Ah yes, I (as a relatively newly-minted lawyer) tried that tactic for a while, but quickly found that it becomes awkward when the conversation continues and it comes out that you’re an attorney and not a paralegal.

            I still haven’t found a way of saying “I’m a lawyer” without sounding uncool.

        • It’s funny — when I tell people I’m an accountant, they have nothing to say. Just a blank stare.

          But if I tell them I’m a CPA, they want help with their taxes. ‘Cuz that’s all CPAs do, right?!?

    • My SO has this issue. He cringes when people ask, and tries to downplay the fact that he is a lawyer, and it just ends up coming off as smug. My advice would be to just say you are an attorney, end of story. If you don’t make a big deal about it, I don’t think anyone else will.

    • I hate this too!

    • Diana Barry :

      Meh. Are you going to social events with mostly younger people? That is part of it – I used to get those reactions in law school, but now with people who are 30s-40s I don’t get it any more. :)

      • Seconded. I haven’t gotten that reaction now in a few years, for which I am very grateful.

    • Ugh. Just wait til everyone starts to think you’re an expert on bankruptcy/collections law, or real estate, or basically every class you never took in law school.

      • Sydney Bristow :

        Or classes that you never took! It doesn’t really bug me when people say they are going to call me if they ever get arrested until it is someone who I think actually may be arrested in the not-so-distant future. That gets me concerned and I find myself telling them they’d be better with a public defender if they could get one since my knowledge of crim law (let alone criminal defense or trial work at all) is minuscule.

        • Ha. I’m the child of an attorney and growing up my friends loved to joke, “Don’t worry! If we get in trouble, your dad will just represent us.” No offense to my corporate transactional attorney dad, but I really wouldn’t rely on that…

    • AnonInfinity :

      It didn’t stop for me once I passed the bar (though no one tried to talk me out of finishing law school anymore). I just smile, shrug, and start talking about movies. I figure it’s not worth getting upset over, and a sarcastic comment just makes things awkward.

      • I am a banana. :

        Same. It doesn’t stop when you get out of law school. My skin has gotten thicker, but it still stings when people say something like, “We’ll let you stay at the table anyhow.”

        I usually don’t say anything, look at them and smile and hold the stare for about two seconds too long. They usually get that they were obnoxious and the conversation moves on.

        • My family doesn’t see my uncle (mom’s brother) and his wife except at Christmas when my grandparents/rest of the family are in town. Not only does my uncle’s wife say that exact comment to my lawyer father, and this year she will likely say it to me, she adds an anti-semitic jab to it. A few years ago at Christmas she told my dad that if he misbehaved and let his lawyer side out, she’d “stick Mel on him.” Once my grandparents stop traveling for Christmas, I know we will never go again, and I really want that to happen (even though it makes me sad for my mom).

    • Anne Bronte :

      For what it’s worth, my job — which is totally unlike law — also gets the same handful of jokes, and everybody thinks he/she is the first to come up with them. I agree with AnonInfinity that the smile-and-redirect works best.

    • Disclosing professions :

      Two from my recent past –

      While about to go under anesthesia “doctor- what do you do?” Me – “lawyer.” Him “oh, what kind.” Me “civil.” Him – “what type of civil?” Me – business. Him – what type of business. Me – look, I rarely sue hospitals or doctors if that is what you are asking. Please don’t tell everyone that I’m a lawyer. (This came up while I was signing the consent forms, already on the gurney.” He laughed and said it would stay our secret.

      Husband in the dentist’s chair. Dr -what do you do? Him – work for the govt. Dr. – oh, what area? Him – treasury. Dr. – what type of work is that? Him – taxes. Dr. – oh, like accounting or collections? Him – collections. Dr. – oh, my taxes were just referred to collections. Proceeds to start drill.

      Those are not fun moments.

      • Divaliscious11 :

        Actually, my friend was taping my first delivery (husband was stuck in Europe due to 9/11) and the doc was great (HMO doc, not my regular OB) until she asked what I did for a living…. I said lawyer, and she immediately told my friend to stop taping…….

        • AnonInfinity :

          Oh my. One of my good friends who is a lawyer had a great birth experience and was visited by many of the higher-ups in the hospital. She got the distinct feeling it was because she was a lawyer and they wanted her stay to be as nice as possible.

      • Ugh I’ve had several doctors and other healthcare professionals say this kind of stuff to me. It’s so awkard, and I work for the gov’t and don’t do anything remotely related to malpractice.

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        Doctor: “So what do you do again, I forgot”
        Me: “I’m an attorney”
        Doctor: “What type”
        Me: “medical malpractice…” doctor starts to have horrified expression “…defense.”

        And then they love me and want to discuss their malpractice insurance carriers.

    • big dipper :

      I have a related question. What do you do when people respond really negatively to the fact that your in law school?

      When I tell people I’m a 3L, I get a variation on two responses:

      (1) “Why would you go to law school? It’s a terrible job market; There’s a glut of lawyers; You’ll never get a job” and so forth.

      I normally try to spin it positive – “I’m fortunate that most of my friends have jobs lined up” or “I’m excited about working for the firm and getting more experience in XYZ practice area that I’m passionate about” but they always press on with criticizing my life choices. It frankly gets me kind of down.

      I’ve never seen this happen to any of my friends in any other job or profession, so I don’t know how to tackle it. How can I steer the conversation in a different direction without seeming defensive or mean?

      • big dipper :

        Missed the other response I get. If I mention I’ll be working in BigLaw post graduation – I get a slew of comments about how many hours I’ll work, how I’ll hate it, how I’ll turn into a horrible person and never see my family or friends.

        All of these sample comments are things that have actually come out of people’s mouths after I’ve told them I’m a 3L, and they seem…intrusive, and harsh. Especially for meeting me for the first time.

      • AnonInfinity :

        Yeah, people are rude. I had several strangers and random acquaintances try to talk me into dropping out of law school when they found out I was a law student.

        To the first question (It’s a terrible job market; you’ll never get a job), you can just say simply, “I have a job lined up.”

        When people start talking about how much you’ll hate it, just say, “I think I’ll like it.” You don’t have to try to convince them that you’ll like it because they will never understand or agree with you. This is especially true if the person talking to you is already a lawyer because we usually think we’re right.

        If someone gets pushier, I zone out and picture a dancing elephant or something in my head until they stop talking. Then I smile and say something like, “Ahhhh… Looks like my beer is getting low” and head out.

        I understand why it gets you down because the person seems like they think you’re making the wrong choice. If you think it’s the right choice for you, you really do have to just let it roll off your back cuz haters gonna hate.

      • At least you can respond to those comments by saying you have a job. Many of us can’t say the same!

    • MaggieLizer :

      I love when I get this on first dates. So… insulting my career is supposed to make me want to go on a second date with you? Yeah not so much. Actually the best was when I told my date (who was a resident) that my dream job would be to be a law school prof and he responded, “Well those who can’t do teach, right?” I told him he must be really brilliant to have come so far in his residency despite the incompetence of those charged with teaching him. And this, folks, is why I’m single.

      • karenpadi :

        Hahah! Second all of this! I love getting a lecture on why the type of law I practice is evil and I’m like “what? you think one date with one random Internet guy who read two Wired articles about my specialty is going to convince me to give up the career I’ve spent 7 years building, the job that I really like, and the money that it pays?” Ugh.

        Generally, when making small talk, I don’t volunteer the word “lawyer”. I usually say something like “I write patent applications for inventors and negotiate with the patent office on their behalf.” Some people say “oh you’re a patent attorney.” But most just continue the conversation.

        • Sydney Bristow :

          Karenpadi, I think you’re going to have to start dating people outside of Silicon Valley! I get similar reactions for practicing copyright and trademark law, but they are far less intense and overall less frequent.

          • karenpadi :

            eh, I’ve decided to give up on dating completely–man-children and brogrammers are so not worthy of me. My bio clock tick-tocked so hard that it broke and children are gross, slimy, money-pits once again (my hypothetical kids–everyone’s kids are awesome, cute, little geniuses).

        • Right there with you. Lawyer and work for the government in regulatory related area. All I get from everyone is comments about how I’m killing jobs/the economy. Unless there is a “situation” in their neighborhood. And then I’m evil because I’m not doing enough. I.just.can’

      • When you say “this” is why you’re single, I hope that means “because you’ve met a string of jerks!” That dude definitely got the response his crack deserved!

      • Am I the only one who thinks that men take it particularly hard, when they meet or date female lawyers? I’ve had so many comments along the lines of “Really? But you’re not aggressive enough / you seem so normal…” Newsflash: Most of us did not crawl out of the hellmouth to feed on the unsuspecting public / men.

    • I also dread it right now because (a) I’m job hunting (though I’m employed) and (b) I’m a lawyer — so it inevitably results in a discussion about how terrible the job market for lawyers is. And I want to be like “yes…this is exactly the conversation I want to be having right now…”

    • SoCalAtty :

      I completely dread it. It always leads to “oh well that’s why you make the big bucks” when in reality I DON’T and my student loan payments really stink. I make decent money on a national-average type scale, but when you take out the taxes and student loan payments I make less (as far as what I actually get to keep) than I would if I had just quit after undergrad and gone off to teach high school.

      That’s my own weird situation, I know, but between that and the “don’t sue me” or “oh good you can bail me out” or “hey, I’m going through this custody battle…” it just drives me batty.

  6. Diana Barry :

    Dude – I haaaaaaaaaaaate nonbillable work. Just had a meeting (hour-long!) with a client who may or may not hire us. Blech.

    Can we talk more about hot men? I think that would provide a nice distraction for the afternoon!
    How about sleep with, marry, kill:

    If I had my choice, right now I’d sleep with Tom Hardy, marry Ben Affleck, kill Ben Stiller.

    (Although, Rupert Friend on Homeland? Yes please!!!!)

    • Right there with you on Rupert Friend…

      Sleep with Bradley Cooper, Marry Jon Stewart, Kill… I’m still thinking. I’m sure I can think of some super annoying celebrity if I try hard enough…

      • Good one on John Stewart!

        Sleep wtih Ryan Gosling, obvi, marry Joseph Gordon Levitt, and…I tend to ignore all the ones that annoy me, no one’s coming to mind.

    • I believe the best description I’ve heard of his thus far has been “a more butch version of Orlando Bloom”

    • Merabella :

      Could I sleep with both Tom Hardy & Michael Fassbender, marry JGL, kill Mr. Schuster on Glee.

      • I totally read “JGL” as “jiggle” and will now read his name that way forever.

    • Sleep with Clive Owen, marry Nathan Fillion, kill Bill Paxton.

    • oh wow, really hard to choose just one, but I’ll try:

      Sleep with Niall Matter or (magically straight) Matt Bomer … Marry Nathan Fillion (h/t NDR) or Joss Whedon…. Kill Tom Cruise

      • Second Matt Bomer. Would totally just have to sleep with him because he usually doesn’t seem to like sleeping with women regularly.

        Marry Ryan Reynolds (have had crush since 2 Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place)

        Kill…the really creepy guy from Prison Break?

        • Dude, 2 Guys, Srsly!! He’s been cute since For. Ev. Er.

          But also, I changed my mind on my marry: Marry Ben Wyatt x a bajillion. Seriously, Swoooon…

    • this is not how the game works lol. you have to pic 3 that its hard to pick from and other people have to do it.

      Like this one is for everyone, MFK hot british men

      Iris Elba, Daniel Craig, Tom Hardy

      • Daniel Craig does nothing for me and I don’t know who the others are.

        Outing myself as old.

        My 3 british guys would be Hugh Grant, Colin Firth and Damian Lewis

        Sleep with Damian Lewis, Marry Colin Firth, and Kill Hugh Grant

        Alternates would be the 2 Sherlocks (Benedict Cumberbatch and Jonny Lee Miller)

    • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

      Benedict Cumberbatch, Henry Cavill, Mr. Fondue (Justin Bieber)

      • Diana Barry :

        It is just too hard to pick from hot british men. There are so many!!!!!!!!!

        • Merabella :

          I think my type is hot British Men. I’ll take any of them.

          • Mine too: in addition to Clive Owen, I would also consider: Daniel Craig, Jason Statham, Andrew Lincoln… and, and, and…

          • Merabella :

            In my boredom I’ve started making a pinterest board of hot British men.

        • WAY too many, seriously!! Too many hot British men and too many hot Canadian men! Something about the Queen’s subjects??

          • I’d also like to point out that we have the best comedians.

            Dude, we have it going ON in this here Commonwealth.

          • You really do. This UnitedStates-ian is Super Jellin. Just please accept my thanks for making lots of TV so I can see these men often, especially shirtless….

      • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

        Drat. I made it too easy — it’s clear that I want you guys to tag the Bieber for the kill. I’d RAWR if you guys tagged him for me to marry.

      • If I’m choosing hot british men:

        I’ll marry Tom Hiddleston, f Iris Elba and Kill none of them (since that seems a shame.)

        • you have to! that is the game! haha I posted 3 and you have to chose. if you are just chosing 3 from life then you should be killing evil people everytime

          so people need to post three names and then everyone picks m, f, or k out of those 3.

          I had no idea I was such a stickler but it is driving me crazy y’all don’t know how to play lol. You just killed daniel craig :)

          • Eh – I think people know how to play. This version is just way more fun in a big crowd such as this. They actual version works better IRL, as opposed to on line.

          • I’ll just also add that this is a good opportunity to apply Improv Rule #1 “Yes, and…” (which I believe is a good life rule as well) – brainstorming and riffing is more productive and fun when you accept and then add to a concept, rather than trying to shut it down or make it go a certain way. :)

          • Lady Enginerd :

            No!!!!! Not “yes, and”! It drives me batty! I agree with you in this context but man I hate that phrase. I hang out with too many actors and it drives crazy that there are never wrong answers and everyone is overly supportive of everything from poor life choices to wild flights of fantasy in an alternate reality that last hours and exclude the lame literal thinkera from the conversation.

            I am an engineer. There are wrong answers. Meet me somewhere halfway between Yes, And and, uh, reality. On the other hand, I did attend my first party last weekend where I said what I do for a living and people thought I was just lying/playing a character to mess with people because clearly that was more likely than a non-creative type showing up …

  7. Hive-Signal: i need a reality check, am i unreasonable to be p1ssed about this, and if not, any advice for what i should do?

    I live in a small, multi-unit building, just 8 units, we all have individual doors but the set of mailboxes is right in front of the door to my apartment. There is a box that lives on the floor in front of the mailboxes for junk mail, etc, has been there since before i moved in. Over the last year it has become apparent that i am the ONLY one who ever empties it in the recycling bins out front. Lately, I am irritated so I have been letting it pile up to see if someone else would take it upon themselves to do it, but it just gets to the point where it’s overflowing and i have a pile of junk mail all around my front door and then I finally cave and clean it up.

    We don’t have an onsite manager or janitor and everyone knows that. I am getting increasingly p1ssed off that this is defacto my responsibility just because it’s in front of my door and that everyone is ok with creating a huge mess around MY front door. RAWR

    My urge is to put up a super passive aggressive note on the mailbox asking other ppl to share the responsibility, but I don’t want to actually do that, bc i hate PANs. Am i being completely unreasonable to be mad about this? (i am totally open to hearing that i am)

    • That sounds annoying and possibly like a fire hazard. What would happen if you removed the box?

      • Bewitched :

        +1 I’d remove the box and let everyone recycle when they get their mail back to their own unit. If another box showed up, it would mysteriously disappear!

        • ha, I like how you two think! ;)

        • This. Make it a shared responsibility not by a PAN, but by physical reality.

        • This. It’s really your landlord’s responsibility. But if he/she isn’t doing it, I’d simply remove the box. If people start dropping their junk mail on the floor, then I’d start making squeaky wheel calls to the LL.

          And I say this with Mr. gov anon as a LL.

          • Our LL is off-site and super hands-off. Because we are such a small building they just don’t come around very often. I don’t mind it because we don’t really need anything that often, and they are very responsive if we call about something specific.

            And at this point, mail is often ending up scattered all over the floor already. I just end up doing a lot of cleaning up of the steps and the front yard, since my unit is in the front. Sigh.

    • The next time I took out the recyling, I’d pitch the box into the recycling bin as well. While the convenience for others may be elminated, it sounds like your life will basically stay the same, except you won’t be the trash maven for your neighbors.

      Yes, this would drive me insane. It’s similar to the problem when none of your roommates will take out the trash, but they all keep adding to the can that’s about to spill over.

    • Hmmm…that might explain why in my building this morning the front door glass was broken and our junk mail box was on the sidewalk outside with junk mail all over the place.

      • yep that was me, I lost it and just threw the whole thing out the window! haha. Actually, that kind of sounds good now that I think about it. ;o)

        • The really strange thing is that the box was outside but all the broken glass was inside, so it looked like someone broke the door, opened it, came inside, stole our recycling junk mail box and then ditched it out front but also closed the door again. I can’t believe I apparently slept through the whole thing because I’m curious what happened. Funny coincidence that you asked about this today!

    • I don’t know, I think this is fairly typical behavior in common spaces where no one really has responsibility, and although it’s fair to be annoying that it’s junking up your space, I don’t really think it’s reasonable to blame your neighbors for not doing “their share”. I’m sure no one’s given a second thought to who it is that’s emptying the box, and not in a vicious way, just in an absentmindedly dropping junk into the box while sorting through other mail without ever thinking about what happens to the box. Who put the box there in the first place? I’d second just taking away the box, and letting everyone deal with their own junk mail.

      • Ok, but see, this is a big “First World” pet peeve for me in general: why do people get to “Not think” about what happens to their trash, or things they just drop on the ground, or what happens to the millions of tons of phones and computers and gadgets Americans get rid of when they ‘upgrade’ and how they end up polluting rivers in Africa and Asia. Ugh. See, this is what gets me so riled up, is I feel like I’m always paying some price for just being more perceptive than others and thinking about the consequences of my actions. Don’t even get me started on the dude in the building next door who has been dropping his cigarette butts on OUR front lawn every day. ok, stopping now, sorry!! ;o) /rant

      • Ok, but see, this is a big “First World” pet peeve for me in general: why do people get to “Not think” about what happens to their trash, or things they just drop on the ground, or what happens to the millions of tons of phones and computers and gadgets Americans get rid of when they ‘upgrade’ and how they end up polluting rivers in Africa and Asia. Ugh. See, this is what gets me so riled up, is I feel like I’m always paying some price for just being more perceptive than others and thinking about the consequences of my actions. Don’t even get me started on the dude in the building next door who has been dropping his ciggar*tte b*tts on OUR front lawn every day. ok, stopping now, sorry!! ;o) /rant

        • Yeah, it’s a fair point. But in this particular case, if I moved into a building where there was a junk mail box by the mailboxes and it was periodically emptied, I’d probably assume that there was some sort of maintenance person or someone emptying it. I wouldn’t assume that everyone knows there’s no on site janitor and that you’ve been doing it. It’s not like a roommate situation where everyone knows that the person who’s taking out the trash that you’re not taking out is your roommate. The most straightforward solution would be to just stop doing it/take away the box, and make that invisible labor visible to people.

          • Well, the problem is, things have changed. When I first moved in, I *wasn’t* the only one doing it, it would periodically be empty, but I would also do it sometimes. Now it’s become clear that i am the only person doing it. And, everyone else in the building has been there longer than me. So, the idea that people just would have no way of knowing is just not believable. They know.

            The other reason this bugs me is that there is really bad/no communication in our building, otherwise I would bring it up with neighbors, but no one talks to each other in person, and notes have been abused by others, so I don’t feel like being part of the dysfunction.

            Normally I agree with you about assumptions, and I am usually good about bringing up the awkward conversations and hashing them out non-confrontationally. But in this case it’s just been getting under my skin. Oh well, I LOVE my apartment, so I’ll just accept that Box Duty is Price of Admission ;o)

    • We have issues like this in our staff lounge. We have on occasion posted a sign that says “Your mother doesn’t work here. Please clean up after yourself.”

      Maybe you could post a sign that says “If this box is full, please empty it into a recycling bin. Thanks. Your neighbor.”

    • Sydney Bristow :

      What about a non-passive aggressive note? Maybe try putting up a note that says something like “Hi neighbors, I’ve been emptying the junk mail box regularly for awhile now. If you have a minute and notice that it is filling up, would you please take it to the recycling center? Thanks! -Zora”

    • Thanks everyone! I guess maybe i just needed to vent, bc i already feel less RAWR, and thanks for validating my annoyance ;o)

      The problem is I personally like having the box there, so I guess I just have to grow up and choose one. Either I get the box and I have to empty it. Or, i don’t have to empty it but i don’t get the box. SIGH, i guess I just wish people were less damn self-absorbed. But I think for now I’ll just suck it up and empty it more often. So lovely perpetually being ‘the responsible one.’ … This is why “No Good Deed” from Wicked is my theme song ;o)

      • transition :

        please make it something we’ll later see on passive aggressive notes dot com!

        • Ha! Well, one of my neighbors could literally be the Queen of Passive Aggressive Notes, so that is one reason i don’t want to go the note route, don’t want to stoop to her level. But maybe I should post some of her handiwork on! ;o)

    • Totally reasonable. AND, check this out:

      If it’s important to you, you’ll do it. Maybe think of it as community service?

  8. Cute bag, but on earth is up with those gloves? Is she about to jump on her bike or pump some iron?

    • She appears actually to be on a bike, but I don’t know why she’s hunched over so awkwardly like that, or how anyone could bike with such a huge bag on one arm.

      • I don’t think she’s actually ON a bike, I think she is just sitting AMONG some bikes… cuz, y’know, just being seen with bikes in the general vicinity gives you some serious hipster cred…..

        • Yeah, and it’s tough to maintain hipster cred when you’re carrying a $400 handbag, so that’s probably why she needs the bikes and the gloves.

          • Susan (edna_mode_nyc) :

            Hipster cred is an oxymoron. :-)

            But I see what you mean. It’s like being “alternative” and dressed in Free People head-to-toe (think: $298 raggedly lace shirts and $498 plaid pants with fringe overlayed with tiedye.)

          • Haha, fair point!

      • Ahh, now I see the bike. Too many things going on.

  9. I own this very bag in this very color and will sing its praises. It is really nicely constructed, I get a ton of compliments on it, and it wears well. I never thought I’d own a D&B bag, for the same reasons mentioned by some of the other commentors, but I love it.

  10. SF Bay Associate :

    Upon learning that I’ll have to take a whirlwind trip to NY in January, that was the last excuse I needed to order the Lo & Sons OG bag using the HOLIDAYS2012 code for 30% off, which I’ve been eyeing for months. I am so. excited. right. now. Ahh!!! Now how to explain to the hubs…

    • Sydney Bristow :

      Does that whirlwind includes an hour or two to meet up with some of us?

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Aw, Sydney. You’re so kind. I’m on the ground less than 24 hours, so probably not :(. That would be so awesome though.

        • Um, cuz I would be SO JEALOUS if NY people got to see you when we never do here at home! ;o) jk, we lurv you

          • SF Bay Associate :

            Lurv you too, girl. So bummed to have had to miss Rosamunde’s to go apartment hunting, but we did get picked to get the apartment we saw that Sunday and liked, so hooray for that.

          • Yay, that IS great news!! We did miss you, but yay for new apartment!! ;o)

    • Jacqueline :

      Exciting! I’ve had my eye on that one forever, too. The 30% off code makes it easier to pull the trigger.

  11. Just found out that the panel I was asked to speak on next week will have eight panel members. Eight. There’s another event that evening that would be more useful to me professionally but I had already comitted to do this panel so I turned it down. If my friend weren’t one of the organizers I’d be tempted to bail on the panel. I mean, if they have seven other panelists, it’s not like I’d be missed. (FYI to people who organize these things: People will take time out of their days to speak on a panel because it makes them feel special and like someone’s interested in what they have to say. But if you invite the entire universe to speak, the panelist won’t feel special or like s/he has anything new to contribute and will begin to resent taking time to do the event.)

    • West Coaster :

      I wouldn’t be surprised if they got more people anticipating someone would cancel.

    • aww! That is lame! i’m sorry. And 8 is just too much for a panel! jeez. Either everyone only can talk for 2 seconds, OR the panel session will be WAAAYYYYY too long for the participants to stay engaged with 8 different speakers. Just bad panel planning all around. I’m sorry about that. I would encourage you to find a way to mention your concern to your friend, even if it’s as an evaluation comment after the meeting. People really need to get better at planning meetings/work events and they can’t without feedback.

  12. Diana Barry :

    Ladies, if anyone is still reading, I’d love some feedback. I just got the following from J crew:

    #2 pencil skirt, jade green
    #2 pencil skirt, “acorn” (like camel color)
    #2 pencil skirt, cabernet color
    cambridge cable cardigan, bright red
    cambridge cable cardigan, burgundy

    Which should I keep? I am definitely keeping the camel skirt and red cardigan. But I feel like I can’t keep all of the other skirts…can I? Can I keep the burgundy cardigan too? I like all of them! But I feel like I wouldn’t wear the green skirt as much as the rest.

    • After purchasing my first colored pencil skirt this year, I realized how versatile they are. Maybe pick the skirt that goes with more colors in your closet? If your current wardrobe is pretty neutral (ie. lots of black, navy, and brown), I think that’s a strong argument for keeping a few of the new pieces :)

      • Ha, I didn’t look at your handle before posting, but I think I remember you talking pretty regularly about color. In that case, I think you probably would get lots of wear out of all the pieces. Burgundy and red are quite different, so I think it’s not too much of a closet duplicate. The jade color would look really pretty with navy or eggplant if either of those suit your coloring.

    • Merabella :

      The camel skirt would look beautiful with both sweaters, and I would pick the cabernet color skirt as well since that color is in this season. It would also look lovely with this mustard purse.

  13. I just got some new basics from Ann Taylor and everything absolutely reeked of cigarette smoke! Ugh. Has this ever happened to anyone? I called and re-ordered, but now I’m gunshy about online orders. What a disappointment. It was strong enough that my whole bedroom smells now.

  14. calling Brooklyn, Esq. :

    The elliptical we have is called orbitrek elite magnetic by thane fitness. It has a small profile and has held up well. I highly recommend it.