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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
There are a number of cute wrap tops from Whistles at Bloomingdale's right now. This one is $119, which kind of puts it in the realm of J.Crew and Ann Taylor, but their stuff is far less common. I like that this is a bit different — sort of an elevated wrap top — but it's super easy to take care of (it's machine washable), and it's easy to wear as well, as it's a faux wrap top with a tie closure so you don't have to worry about it bursting open at work. It's a great option to wear with both pants and skirts, and I like the wide V, which makes it a good layering piece and can showcase a great necklace. The top comes in sizes XS–L. Dot-Print Wrap Top
Two options for plus sizes are at Loft (on sale; sizes 20–26 in stock) and ASOS (sizes 24 & 28 in stock).
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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Houda
Slightly adjacent. I have finally found wrap dresses for small busted ladies, I have recently discovered Sezane, a French brand which fits very well on my 34AA bust. It’s european sizing and I am usually a 4P. Most items work including the wrap style dresses.
Their style is very Parisian cliche but I have gotten my entire capsule wardrobe from there in the past 10 weeks and so far no regrets.
Anon
Do you mean you’re a 4P in other US brands? Do you then buy a 4 from this brand? I checked out their website and it seems the smallest they carry is a US 2, which might be too big for me since I’m a US 0P. I was hoping they would carry a UK 2 but doesn’t seem like it.
Houda
I am a US 4P which corresponds to a UK 8 short or EU 36 (they run small not boxy)
US 0P I guess would be a UK 4 and EU 32 but Sezane sizing stops at the equivalent of US 2P
S
I’ve been looking at their stuff for months but haven’t pulled the trigger yet! The quality is good? I’m a slender hourglass, so not small-busted. Will it work for me?
Houda
The quality is really good.
I think their bottoms are cut for straight body types like their models.
Their wrap styles could accommodate B-D busts I guess, but many if their shirts have no room for more than an A-B cup.
Executive booties / shooties
Any recommendations for a bootie / shootie that could take the place of a mid-heel pump and work with suits (that could be with pants or with a pencil skirt)?
Heel shouldn’t be too high or skinny (scrapage on city streetscaping materials), needs to be walkable in iffy northeastern weather.
Bonus points if it has a rubber sole.
$ isn’t important, so Aquitalia or LaCannadienne are OK recs (less spendy is better, but this is a workwear item).
Anon
I thought those Arden Franco Sarto featured a few weeks ago were a good possibility for what you describe (provided your trousers are classic cut, not the tapered ankle kind). I haven’t seen them in person. And it’s always really hard to pull of booties with pencil skirts. Maybe others will have recs for that.
Hair color question
I had my hair colored for the first time on Sat to cover some grays. I washed it with shampoo for colored hair on Mon and this morning. The other two days I just got it wet in the shower (my hair is chin length and straight so if I don’t wet it, then it’s a wild mess). But now I see the grays again! What happened? Shouldn’t demi-permanent color last longer than a week?
Leah
Colored hair should be washed in cool water, and with products made to preserve the color. Certain chemicals (like sulfates) strip color very easily.
Additionally, some hair just doesn’t want to take color. If you tell your colorist that you think you have “resistant grays” s/he can apply non-mixed developer and let it soak in for a bit before applying the mixed color. This pre-treats the cuticle so it sucks up the color.
Leah
ETA: Clunky wording, I meant to say check your color-treatment shampoo to ensure that it actually does avoid the usual chemicals considered to be color stripping. Some “color-safe” shampoos are actually not.
Anon
I don’t wash my hair for at least 24 hours after semi-permanent colour.
Also, mine is a bit resistant to retaining the colour, so it took about three or four applications (over as many months) to build up enough to look good.
Anonymous
Only permanent color will stay on my gray hair. Oil-based is best.
Anon
Demi-permanent color is not sufficient for covering grays, unfortunately.
Monday
+1. Save your money. Either use permanent color or accept grays, but I’ve found there’s no in-between.
SillyValley
+2. Perhaps counterintuitively, I’ve found that permanent color is much less damaging, and less messy to deal with besides.
Anonymous
I have a trick with FanciFull rinse that has covered my grays accidentally. . .
Sunshine
I’m late, but in case you’re still reading, I also had demi-perm color applied on Saturday to cover a few grays, mainly around my temples. The demi-perm works well for me and gives good coverage. I washed Sunday night and Tuesday night with no issues. I use OGX coconut conditioner/shampoo. This was my 2nd time having the demi-perm done and I like the results. I color every 6 weeks and I do notice a stray gray here and there after a few weeks, but it’s mostly new growth. My hair does typically take color very well even though I’m a very dark brunette. Talk with your stylist and get his/her thoughts.
Anon
How many of you have to work 8-hour days not counting breaks (i.e., you are expected to work/bill 8 hours and any lunches or breaks are on your own time)? That’s the schedule I’ve had at my last two jobs (although they are both salaried). I’ve always heard “you work 40 hours a week” and while that is literally what I do, I spend 42.5 or 45 hours a week actually at work. I believe that I would be happier at a job where you’re expected to be on the premises for 8 hours, but half an hour or an hour of that time is reserved for lunch. Anyone have thoughts on whether that actually makes a difference to work/life balance?
And yes, I have no clue how those of you who work more than that regularly do it.
C
I work 8 hours each day and am expected take an hour unpaid for lunch. My office culture is very “butts in seats” so I guard my lunch hour preciously since I know I won’t have any other chance to leave. When I first started here, I ate lunch in the office kitchen or at my desk, but I found it made the day much more draining. Now, I make it a point to leave the office for my lunch hour every day. I wouldn’t have guessed it made much of a difference, but it really does. I like turning my brain off midday and not thinking about work for an hour. I also like getting to see the sun, or rain, or whatever weather since my office does not have a window. I think it makes a huge difference to be able to run a quick errand or just do something that’s not work related in the middle of the day. It helps me keep the “you are not your job” mantra strong.
anon
+1 to getting out of the office midday, if for no other reason than to remind yourself that you have a life beyond the job. I look forward to my weekly Target ritual on Fridays.
I still eat lunch at my desk more often than I really should, or is healthy. Maybe that’s something to work on in the new year.
Anon
If you’re a lawyer, there’s a huge difference between billing 40 and working 40. I used to work 55+ to bill 40. These days, I average 35-40 working hours and am at work around 45-50 (some days more some days less), but it does not have the same feeling because hours aren’t my productivity measure, my work is.
Ellen
In my firm, I bill portal to portal, with uplift for value billing on amounts that are purely task based, so the actual # of hours worked is always less then the amount of hours I bill. So if I come in at 9 and work until 11:30, then go to lunch for an hour and leave at 4:30, I can many times bill 50+ hours, particularly if I am working on a brief that I have done before. I can churn out a brief in mabye 25 minutes, but bill 2.5 hours for it. That is how we can make our hours even before the manageing partner adds his own uplift. Other days, I come in, and do very little task work, so can NOT do the value uplift. I was never taught any of this in law school; all learned on the job. You should check with your manageing partner if they will adopt value billing.
Anonymous
I mean duh? We’d all be happier working less?
Cat
This type of schedule isn’t something I’ve really heard of for salaried professional jobs. The only people I know that have a routine “9-5 with an hour for lunch each day” schedule are non-exempt hourly positions, like the admins at my office that have a 35-hour workweek and clock in and out at each break.
TBH I’m surprised if your employer is paying as much attention to precisely how much butt-in-seat time you have (and if they are that’s unusually micromanaging; it’s more typical in my experience that the employer cares that (1) you’re reasonably available during the general working hours of that office, and (2) you get your sh!t done / are on target for billables even though some days may have more billable time than others. Stepping out for lunch or to run a quick errand should not be a problem). So I guess what you’re looking for is an overall OFFICE environment that doesn’t expect people to be available outside of 9-5? Those are awfully scarce…
Anonymous
These jobs can be found. I work for a finance firm in upper-mid mgmt and most of us work 9-5 schedules.
Anon
I’m also a salaried, exempt employee who had to be in the office 8-5.
Rainbow Hair
Same. I’m salaried, exempt, and there’s a strong push for us to be butts-in-seats 8 am – 5 pm, with an hour for lunch (that I never take because of where my office is)… But because the loose expectation is 40 hours a week, and I work 45 consistently (while scarfing a salad in front of my computer) and infinitely more when it’s busy/travel season, I don’t feel any guilt about popping out to run an errand midday if I have down time — in fact I’m doing that today.
Anon
My office is super strict about butt-in-seat – to the point where they look at log in times on your computer. A colleague of mine was criticized for being 5 minutes late on several occasions (even though she frequently had to work later than her scheduled hours). All due to an over-bearing, super controlling boss. Le sigh.
Anon
Why do you still work there? I wouldn’t tolerate have options.
Anon
It’s awful! I’ve been putting in applications to go elsewhere.
Anon
I work at a nonprofit, salaried, exempt, 9-5.
anonnnnnn
I am legal-adjacent at a publicly traded, 70k employee company, make six figures, and am only expected to work 40 hrs a week and every day I take a full hour to go home and let my dogs out. I leave at 4:30 on the dot unless I decide something truly needs to get done (99% of the time it can wait, assuming I didn’t drop the ball). My boss has no issue with this. I do come in a bit early, but thta’s because I want to not that it expected that I work more than 40 or nights or weekends. I provide the same guidance to my team.
These expectations are department specific at our company, however.
emma
Same- we actually have the option to do alt work schedules too (9 hrs.day/every other Fri off). We are expected to move our day off if necessary to meet deadlines and other commitments, but just move it to a less busy day & no one micromanages us beyond that. I think you are best looking at an industry that has a strong union presence (like government or utilities). I am not union, but we have several strong unions at our company, so the hours thing is cultural.
Anonymous
I’ve never really understood the concept of the lunch break. Hardly anyone goes out to lunch every single day. Most people eat at their desks. I feel like employers get a free hour of employees being present.
More broadly, for some reason our society has this huge blind spot when it comes to actual working time vs. time consumed by work. Commuting time is a big one. Personally, I view commuting time as work time. For example, I was looking at one job that would have expected me to work out of 3 different locations, all of which are an hour or more apart. There was another position doing exactly the same thing but that person worked out of 1 location – and made the same salary. I asked if they planned to bump the pay to account for the extra travel time. They were shocked. But that’s your commute! Your employer doesn’t pay for your commute! Oh so I do the exact same job as this other person, but I have to lose 7+ hours extra hours a week to do the job, and I’m not going to get paid for those lost hours? Yeah hard pass.
Monday
Yes that does sound unreasonable. I think “your commute” = travel from the place you’ve chosen to live, to the place you’ve chosen to work, A to B and back. Indeed, the employer is not responsible for that. But if they are asking you to be in 3 different far-flung places, it’s no longer “your commute,” it’s travel that the employer is requiring.
Suburban
Right. I spend a lot of time traveling from nyc courts to the suburbs in the middle of the day. My employer correctly recognizes that that is work time and reimburses my expenses. I think that if the poster above was asked to do something similar she should be reimbursed. My driving to my office=commute. Me driving to courthouse three counties over =assignment.
Anon
When you eat at your desk, it doesn’t count as a break so you can go home earlier. That’s why everyone does it. Definitely no free hours at my office.
emma
My company pays for travel/counts that twds hrs worked. However, I mentioned above we have some union staff and the contract covers certain situations for commutes to regular work locations during overtime, and it can get out of control. People will choose to work several hundreds of miles away (w/ way lower cost of living) to milk pay during their commutes and I think that is slightly unfair. You are choosing where you live & work knowingly, but if your employer expects you to deviate from that, they should pay.
I also think they should pay a premium for overnights… I’m not on the clock, but it’s not like I can do whatever I want in a foreign place, but I know that is never going to happen.
Anonymous
Government jobs are like this, many salaries professional jobs are not. At a mid level or above professional, I’ve always worked at minimum 8-5 type hours (or 9-6, 9-4 then more from home, or 3 days of on site travel, what have you).
DCR
My government job requires you to take a 30 minute off the clock lunch break. And all other federal government employees I know are required to do the same. I’m not aware of any agencies that don’t require that.
Anonymous
My fiance is in an excepted service position and he has a special time code to waive his 30 min lunch. I’d agree it’s the exception not the rule though!
Anon
OP here, not in law (consulting instead) and the expectation is to bill 8 hours at my desk. It’s not quite the same when I used to work at a law firm with six minute increments, but the concept is the same. I also have a very long commute so I think that is contributing to fatigue. I’m out of the office for 11.5 hours and that doesn’t include the time getting ready for work.
Lyssa
I think that’s pretty much the norm, for full-time jobs. Every job I’ve had has had that expectation – it’s never been rigorously clocked, but the general idea was that office hours were 8-5-ish, and you were expected to take 30 minutes to an hour for lunch at some point along that way. I’ve never had official breaks since I’ve been salaried, that was just something that I was expected to manage on my own.
For my current job (in-house attorney), I think that I am technically slotted for 8-4:30 with a half-hour lunch, but there’s no timer, (and I really don’t think that I could regularly leave at 4:30 – it’s usually between 5:30 and 6). But I usually take an hour-ish for lunch, and breaks here and there (like now!).
Equestrian Attorney
Yes, this. My official hours are 9-5 with an hour for lunch. I almost always do 9-6 and generally don’t take a lunch break unless I have errands to run. On the other hand, I can occasionally leave at 3 on a Friday and no one bats an eye. I’ve never seen a professional job where my hours were clocked that precisely, for better or for worse. And when I worked at a firm I was regularly working 50-60 hours to bill 40, so my current setup is still much better.
Vicky Austin
I am expected to work 8 hours/day, but half an hour is deducted from every day’s time as my unpaid lunch break. So I am always at work for at least 8.5 hours in order to get paid for 8, but you better believe that half hour (or more if I choose to take it) is MY time. Even if I’m at my desk.
anon a mouse
Fed worker. We are required to work 8 hours per day and labor law requires that after 6.5 hours we are given at least a half-hour unpaid. So my days are 8.5 hours minimum. (Personally I would rather eat my lunch at my desk while I work and go home after 8 hours, but I have been told that’s not an option.)
Lilliet
Same for my Fed organization.
Anon
At my last govt job (engineering), it was 8 hrs including two 15-min breaks. Lunch is on your own time, which can be 30, 45, or 60 min. Very structured, very butt in seat type of place, even though we were salaried. At my private firm, there’s not a whole lot of rules to follow. I assume lunch and breaks (that are longer than restroom breaks) are on our own, but I haven’t explicitly been told so. We’re paid comp time so we do watch our hours, but I haven’t been counting lunchtime as something they’d pay me for.
Anonymous
I work at legal aid, which is unionized. Most legal aids are. We work 35 hours salaried with a 1 hour lunch. Realistically, though, I eat at my desk and keep working or run errands. Some of our older staff do eat in the break room for an hour at the same time every day. That isn’t my work style. I don’t like an arbitrary hard stop if I’m working on a project.
Anonymous
I’m a private practice attorney. I’m expected to bill at least hours a day (minimum 175 hours a month). How I spend my day, breaks, lunches is up to me as long as the billable hours are there. However, any private practice attorney will tell you billing 8 hours a day means working longer than that because there are so many non-billable but work-related tasks we have to do. Yeah, I’d be happier just having 40 in-office hours/week but there are a lot of trade offs that I’m not willing to make at this stage in my career (while I’m in my 20’s, no kids, etc).
SillyValley
In my experience this is on the low end of what is expected for an office iob in the US. At least eight hours of work plus an hour or so for lunch, breaks, staring into space. So in reality it’s ~45 hours plus commuting. There are some jobs where full time is defined as 35 or 37.5 hours but they’re rare.
A few years ago I had a grant-funded position that was 3/4 time, 30 hours a week. I worked 6 hours a day plus lunch and it definitely improved my quality of life. That said, the expectations for my work were just as high as for my full-time coworkers and the pay was noticeably lower. So I don’t know if I’d recommend it unless you aren’t worried about getting siloed.
I suspect most people would be happy working less and I don’t think most of us actually do eight hours of productive, efficient work every day. But it’s the tragedy of the commons – unless we find a way to redefine ‘full time’ downwards for everyone, there will always be that pressure to do a little bit more.
lawsuited
Before I was a lawyer I worked in offices with a strict 9-5 attendance policy, and I far prefer the flexibility I have now over that strict schedule. Even though I work far more than 40 hours a week, the ability to do it when/where I want makes a huge difference to my work/life balance.
Anon
I technically work a 7.5 hour day — 8:00 am to 4:30 pm with a one hour lunch. It’s fantastic. I’m in state government and this is a holdover from some distant past contract negotiation where they couldn’t give raises so instead cut the time. We also get two 15 minute breaks. I’m no longer in a union, so it’s expected I’ll work as much as I have to, but it’s not often that I have to work considerably more than that, so I don’t mind.
anon
My lymph nodes swell up the second I get a cold, and it’s super painful and uncomfortable. Then they go back down. Is there anything that can be done about this (either short term or long term)? I’m obviously open to going to see an ENT, but I don’t want to waste my time if there’s no real solution.
Anonymous
Warm compress.
Anon
This could totally be a placebo effect and/or some correlation that’s not causation, but I’ve always found taking zinc helps with my painful lymph nodes.
K
Ibuprofen!
Marie
Hot bath with Epsom salts seem to soothe swollen lymph nodes for me.
Favorite Items
Name your all time favorite item. It could be anything- for the home, beauty, apparel, etc.
I will start- I love my Ferragamo Vara pumps.
Bianca Stratford
I like my Sketchers, but I love my Prada backpack.
Gail the Goldfish
I really wish we had like buttons for comments, because like.
Chastity
I love my Sketchers!
But that’s just because I don’t have a Prada backpack.
There's a difference
but I love my Sketchers…
Anon
That’s because you don’t have a Prada backpack.
I think of this scene every time I wear my Skechers (which I really love).
Anonymous
You win the internet today. Thanks for the smile.
Anon
Love this!!!!
Anonymous
I have knockoff Vara pumps that I love!
Anon
What brand are your knockoffs?
Anonymous
Not sure…I’ll check when I’m home. I got them for about $30 at Burlington!
Anonymous
Search Soft Style by Hush Puppies Women’s Tacita Dress Pump on Amazon.
Lobbyist
Peloton exercise bike. It brings me joy.
christineispink
I joke that we bought a house b/c I wanted space for a Peloton bike (husband and I are currently in a 1-bedroom apt in NYC). People laugh … but I’m not sure I’m REALLY joking.
Small Firm IP Litigator
I also love my (quilted) Vara pumps. I want them in other colors etc., but wish they were not 700 bucks.
All time favorite clothing-related item is silk MaxMara bow blouse.
All time favorite item for generally is my car.
Purse lady
My Chanel handbag!! Love it to bits and makes my happy every time I wear it. Despite the hefty price tag, worth every penny (to me).
Anon
My waterproof coat.
My tiny flashlight.
Diana Barry
To poster who was wondering the other day – equity partner! I have been nonequity for several years.
Politico
So exciting news that I’m not sharing publicly yet, so why not share with my Internet friends? I’ve decided to run for mayor of my city of 100K people. Now, I need to take some headshots and professional shots around town, and I don’t know what to wear.
I’m 5’8″, hourglass, size 18 with a large chest. I don’t necessarily like blazers because they make me look chesty. Maybe a jardigan without a collar?
I want to nail this! If I win, I’ll be the first mayor. In the last few years, a few significantly older women ran (in their 60s), and they would wear Dress Barn type pant suits. I’m in my mid-30s and want something more contemporary and flattering.
The photographer said to bring several outfits and accessories that I can easily switch up. I’ve never done a photo shoot other than a posed headshot for firm photos. Help?
Note its in the low 30s in my city, but I’m assuming I won’t wear a coat and will wear layers to not freeze. Knee high leather boots? Booties?
Anonymous
I think the jardigan is good impulse. I’d also suggest mixing things up with some more casual looks that suggest your cultural competence in the city: Northface and hikers, college colors, cowboy boots, etc.
Anon
Congratulations!!! Throwing your hat into the ring is a big deal.
Oh gosh, I have opinions on this. Here goes:
Try on a few outfits, take pictures (I don’t care if it’s selfies in the mirror) and get opinions of both men and women. There will be a gender divide, and you will want pictures that appeal to both men and women. This might be one outfit in particular, or two different outfits.
Have your hair and makeup done professionally before the shoot.
Don’t worry about wearing suits, but aim for sleek and professional. Most people will just get a general impression of the photo – “she looks smart, competent, and nice”. Consider sheath or slight A-line dresses with interesting necklines and in vibrant colours, moto jackets, or whatever outfits that you wear for a power meeting. Also bring slacks and a nice sweater for an ” around town” shot.
Candidate
Agree strongly with the sheath or A-line dresses, and “power meeting” outfits. I used photos of myself in smart sweaters (by that I mean a well-maintained, simple fitted silhouette, wool sweater), dresses, and collared shirts during my campaign. Once elected and serving I do the same – my wardrobe is business casual (no suits) and I can wear blazers with no problem, so my style is a bit different than I expect yours will be. I would aim for a “creative professional” style, if that makes sense.
I’ve talked and thought about this a lot, and the consensus in my area (outside of Boston) is that people like to see politicians who look professional & polished but also approachable, and NOT stuffy. E.g. the men all wear grey or navy suits and look very buttoned up, and lots of our constituents find them off-putting. I think Run for Something candidates have done a great job finding campaign “looks” for both canvassing and headshots, they have an Instagram you can check out for inspiration!
Also, congratulations on running for office! It’s hard but rewarding.
Anonymous
Thanks! I’m coincidentally in a city an hour outside of Boston. Congrats on your victory! I do have several A line dresses that fit well, and I could top them with a sweater or maybe a scarf.
Candidate
Topping with a sweater or scarf is a great ideas, you’ll get more mileage from the outfits! If you want to network, maybe we can find a way to connect? Or page me as “candidate” on another thread. (I wish you were running for mayor in my city, we have had women mayors so I know it’s not, but we could really use a strong, new candidate! And it’s can’t be me in this cycle, for a lot of reasons).
C
+1 to getting hair and makeup professionally done, but test it out first and make sure it’s not too drastically different from how you usually wear your hair and do your makeup. It’s a little weird/disconcerting to see a candidate who looks one way on her website or in ads and totally different in person!
Anonymous
*If I win, I’ll be the first WOMAN mayor. I wish there were a function to edit posts…
Owl Lover
Congratulations! What a wonderful thing to do. I currently love my mayor (Of a much bigger city) and I know its a position where you can actually make a positive difference in the world!
I think you should go for a nice dress. I’m thinking Jackey O, but obviously more up to date and in fashion. I wouldn’t do high boots. It might be cold, but I’d go for Pumps. Not too high, but not low enough to make your ankles look weird. I like the Jardigan idea, or even a normal cardigan, or a nice wool pea coat for outdoors if you have one.
Ellen
In my firm, I bill portal to portal, with uplift for value billing on amounts that are purely task based, so the actual # of hours worked is always less then the amount of hours I bill. So if I come in at 9 and work until 11:30, then go to lunch for an hour and leave at 4:30, I can many times bill 50+ hours, particularly if I am working on a brief that I have done before. I can churn out a brief in mabye 25 minutes, but bill 2.5 hours for it. That is how we can make our hours even before the manageing partner adds his own uplift. Other days, I come in, and do very little task work, so can NOT do the value uplift. I was never taught any of this in law school; all learned on the job. You should check with your manageing partner if they will adopt value billing.
Ellen
I would love to run for elective office, but NYC is simply to big. I hope that I can move to Chapaqua and mabye get into local political circles (Bill Clinton lives there), and then run for Mayor of Chapaqua. You have provided me with a great alternative to the day to day grind of legal management and litiegation. I will talk to my Dad and Ed about this, b/c they are much more politically astute then I am. YAY!!!
Anon
Go you!! That’s awesome. I am similar size/shape and I feel like traditional blazers make me look enormous but I really like collarless jackets.
Anon
+1 to collarless jackets, but also think about doing more casual but very put together shots “around town”. I don’t know why you wouldn’t wear a coat if you’re outside and it’s ~30 degrees. When is the election? If you can, do some photos now to jump start your website and literature and get some more done in the spring, or bring the photographer with you on tours of local businesses, etc as you campaign. Look at the campaign websites for some of the younger women who ran for Congress in ’18 for inspiration. Maybe send this question to Belle at The Work Edit. Good luck!
Anonymous
There is a special election date TBD, likely late Feb., and a regularly scheduled election in the fall. If I win the special election, I will have to run again in the fall. If I don’t win, I will just keep campaigning through the fall. So either way, I need photos now and will plan to take more in the spring.
I was thinking of going coat-less because none of my coats seem particularly amazing for photos. I have three options: LLBean down puffer coat that makes me look larger, long (ankle length) black wool coat, or a sporty waterproof ski jacket with removable lining that I bought for Iceland a year ago. I don’t currently own a nice, three quarter length wool coat like in college. I love my puffer coat (so warm!), see most people wearing them nowadays, and am reluctant to drop a few hundred on a nicer wool coat.
Shanananana
this may be a great place to sub in a cheap old navy wool coat then donate it afterwards. I think outside pics in Boston without a coat in December may look a little odd?
Anonymous
Borrow a coat from a friend? Or maybe buy one and return it? If you have a trench or a nice spring/fall jacket, that could work as well.
Anonymous
Old Navy Long line knit coat would work here.
Anon
Awesome!! I’m 30 and I ran for local office this year and just totally kicked the @ss of the old, white guy who was my opponent. Being on the city council is taking some adjusting (mostly being confident enough to express my opinions; I’m smart and that’s why people voted for me and I have to trust them that they knew what they were doing) but it is so far an amazing experience. Good luck!
Anonymous
Congrats to you! I appreciate your honesty in the adjustment to voicing your opinion with confidence. That is real.
Anonymous
Once you google her, you’ll see for obvious reasons why I really hope your political career doesn’t go like hers, but google Nashville mayor Megan Barry and you’ll get some ideas. Based on your description, she seems to have a similar body type to yours and I always thought she looked pulled together and powerful, but colorful and memorable.
Anonymous
HA! Yes, I do hope our careers are different…but we do have similar body shapes! Looking at images of her now, trying to ignore the headlines accompanying them. Thank you!
anonymouse
Congratulations on your decision to run! Go get ’em. I hope you win! You’ll create some change and shake things up with your campaign, so I am sending you all the good, confident, and successful vibes!
I don’t know where in the country you are, so YMMV with some of the suggestions to follow, but here are two blog posts to consider as you’re working out a wardrobe for the work, speeches, and pictures to come.
https://www.wardrobeoxygen.com/2018/06/women-politics-fashion-campaign.html
https://www.wardrobeoxygen.com/2018/01/what-to-wear-woman-political-candidate-running-for-office.html
Anonymous
In the northeastern US. These links are very helpful! Thank you for sharing!
Go You!
I just did this exact thing and wore a jardigan over a dress. My advice is solid colors, ones you know are flattering on you, nothing distracting (simple stud earrings yes, busy scarf no). Agree to have professional makeup and hair if you can. You mentioned concern about looking busty– can you do a black jardigan over a bright dress or top? Red or cobalt (if you look good in one of those, if it corresponds to your political party, etc)? Dark jardigan over bright color might create a vertical, lengthening column that will prevent you from looking too busty.
Your feet will probably not show because any photo you use should be cropped to about waist-up, so I’d wear the boots just for your own warmth. This is the same reason I would probably not wear a winter coat, even though it’s cold– I’ve never seen a candidate headshot in outerwear and I bet you haven’t either.
Does your town have a pretty courthouse? I find old courthouse columns to look great for headshots like this. Lean against the column, cross your arms over your chest and give a closed-mouth I MEAN BUSINESS (but I’m also fun) smirky smile to the camera like the boss woman you are, and Bam!
Anonymous
Yesterday the director of my work unit instituted an “award” that will recognize the good work of someone in our group every 2 weeks. The “prize” is a baby crib toy that is a baby doll that is dressed in blue with bunny ears that is sleeping in a crescent moon that rocks. The director told us that the “winner” of the “award” MUST (he emphasized this and is actually serious about it) display the prize in a prominant location on their desk until the next person wins it. He thinks this is funny and a good way of recognizing people’s hard work and is expecting all of us to go along with it. What would you do in this situation?
Anonymous
Go along with it.
He’s your boss. It’s a stupid idea and will fade. Don’t stick your neck out on this.
Vicky Austin
Laugh, roll my eyes, and go along with it. It’s ridiculous, but it’s harmless.
Anon
Go along with it? He’s trying to boost morale and recognition? Maybe the award is tacky in appearance, but it sounds like the essence and intent is pure. What is your opposition?
Anonymous
I would try never to win the award.
Anon
Is your boss Michael Scott?
Anonymous
I agree with Vicky Austin. I once worked at a Girl Scout Camp, and every week, there was a counselor of the week. The counselor received a small stuffed cow, and when the winner was announced, everyone moo-ed. I wanted that cow so bad, and I still remember the week that I won it. But that was 20 years ago and at a camp, not in my 40s in a professional office.
Cat
Why is it a BABY? Does the director not realize that babies (or struggling to have them) is SUCH a sensitive topic?! Do you have a decent rapport with him to broach this and suggest something else be used as the display item?
(FWIW I think this whole concept of prizes is ridiculous, but probably not something I’d waste goodwill fighting if the prize itself weren’t as inappropriate.)
Anonymous
Yeah the baby is in poor taste. What if someone was struggling with infertility? How hurtful would it be to have to see this thing on their desk all day?
That said, I would only say something if I or my work BFF had a real problem with the toy. I wouldn’t try to PC police my boss.
Anon
I agree, but the boss is male and probably hasn’t given this much thought. If the poster has a good relationship with him, I’d simply knock on his door and privately explain why that prize is not a good idea. No need to bring HR into it or embarrass him publicly.
Cat
Yeah, that’s most definitely what I meant by “broach this with him” in my response — privately and quietly.
Anon
I would anon write to HR that the person seems to be coming from a good place but this is not motivating for you and rather is a bit awkward and that they should look into OBM behavior practices and see what actually motivates employees.
Anon
Yeah don’t do this, just talk to your boss. It’s just not HR level serious, the boss won’t research OBM behavior practices, and he’ll just avoid any light hearted office traditions. Not every boss has the means or political capital to give out money, bonuses, raises, or days off to properly motivate employees. Good feedback works, and this is a fun way to do so. Just ignore it, it really won’t impact your day.
Anon
It’s obviously a gag bragging rights toy. I wouldn’t think about it twice. I’ve worked in offices with similar items including: a stolen mannequin leg, deer antler trophy, some awful doll like item that a partner made at home that gave me nightmares, a specific mug.
If you make too much of this you’re going to be seen as a pill and I’d say you would actively work against higher morale by trying to bring down a bragging rights toy. This is really not the hill to die on.
Reluctant Grinch
What do you all do when there is a direct conflict between what makes you happy and what makes your spouse happy? We lost my husband’s father in September, and so are going through our first holiday season without him. My FIL and I always bonded over Christmas, we both loved to decorate (or most people would think over-decorate) watch Christmas movies, etc. I did this long before I met my husband, I am just an over the top Christmas person and it makes me so happy. But this year, it is making my husband so sad to be reminded of his dad and he did not want to decorate at all or do anything festive, cause it makes him think of him (my husband is doing okay otherwise, considering, and it wasn’t an unexpected passing). But the lack of Christmas cheer is making me sadder and depressed and making me miss my FIL a lot. Any advice on how to strike a balance? I’ve been 100% deferring to my husband’s wishes on this point so far, but have gone into work every day (can work from home 3 days a week normally) to soak up my office’s Christmas decorations and activities. Is this the best I can do?
Equestrian Attorney
I realize this must be really hard for you (and I love holiday cheer too) but honestly, in this situation I think your husband’s grief prevails. Try asking him if there is some kind of compromise you can strike (explain that it’s making you sad and doing holiday stuff makes you feel connected with his father) but if it’s a no-go, I’m afraid he wins for this year. He should be better next year.
mascot
I think that it’s okay to ask for a compromise. My FIL was a wonderful man and I miss him too (not as much as my husband does, but still). This may not be the year while the grief is still new, but going forward, is there a way to remember your FIL in your decorating and celebrations? Did he have favorite decorations, traditions, or food that you can use in his memory? I inherited ornaments from my grandparents and it makes me happy to put them on our tree.
anonnnnnn
Could you decorate one room of the house with a door so that you can go in to soak up the cheer while you read or Netflix or whatever, but keep the door closed so it’s not a constant reminder for your husband?
Reluctant Grinch
This is a good idea. We have so many Christmas decorations that he has given us over the years and family heirlooms. I think that is what is bothering me, is that I feel like I’m not putting out HIS decorations, not decor in general.
S
Don’t use the decorations that came from him.
busybee
Honestly I think deferring to your husband 100% is the correct thing to do. He just lost his father. His grief trumps your desire for holiday cheer, in my opinion. You can go to the mall one afternoon and see all the store decorations or something like that without him. Other than that though, I don’t think there should be any “balance” here–let the man grieve, and find your holiday cheer outside the home.
Vicky Austin
+1. I’m so sorry for your loss and it sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with your FIL, which is awesome. But I think your husband “wins,” as it were, and I love the idea of intentionally going to the mall to have an afternoon to wander, look at the pretty displays, and remember your FIL.
Reluctant Grinch
THANK you for recognizing this. We live in the same town as my in-laws and see them multiple times a week and they are the most loving, wonderful people I could ever ask for. I’m glad to hear from all of you that you think I am doing the right thing. I thought so, and I’ve been incredibly supportive of my husband and have grieved outside of his presence 100%. I just think this season is hitting me particularly hard because he and I used to do all of this together every year and I feel like I’m not honoring him and his memory.
Warm Wishes
So this feeling of not honoring him seems like a bit of a separate problem. Can you give yourself permission to skip the holiday festivities this year? It’s normal to be deep in grief at first, and I know someday you and your husband will be able to focus on the good memories certain decorations/this time of year brings. It’s totally okay if it is just too difficult right now.
Can you consider that you are honoring him in a different way by taking a break and having a more … contemplative year/honoring him by giving his son the space to grieve/etc?
Maybe privately write down some of the specific special memories/moments you have of the holidays with your FIL (what the first holiday with your in-laws was like, how a particular ornament came to be in your collection, how he made you feel, sights, sounds the little details), so you can keep them close to your heart and even pass them on to others later. This can be a valuable exercise because time can fade memories (but you can look back on your record and the description can bring it right back) and it can also help you focus on the positive in the now. It doesn’t have to be holiday related either — I think I saw this recommendation about writing down special things about your loved one after your loss on AskAManager. You think you’ll have the memories always, but time can fade them, so I thought this was great advice.
Anon
I agree your husband wishes should prevail this year. That said, as a lover of Christmas married to a Jewish man who doesn’t want it in our house, I just make a point of going out to see the decorations elsewhere. I go get tea or cocktails in fancy hotels and go to restaurants that have a lot of decor. At home, I break out a lot of candles and throws so it’s cozy, if not exactly Christmas.
emma
I am an atheist lover of xmas (and all holidays) married to a Jew as well- it would really break my heart if my husband wasn’t a good sport about me decorating. I do some Channukah decorations too, but man it’s hard to compete. :)
Just wanted to say that I feel for you.
anon
I am also Christmas obsessed but I agree with others that you should defer to your husband. Can you get creative with other ways/places to do Christmas? Maybe go with a friend or other family member to a local light show, or to make a special day for Christmas shopping? A little (fake) Christmas tree or something at your desk if that would fly at work? Volunteering somewhere? Christmas movie night with friends? Make an amazing pinterest board and but table those ideas for next year? Promise yourself you can over-indulge on some new ornaments (or maybe even get them after Christmas when they go on sale?)
Anonymous
I thought this was going to be a very different post from your opening line. This isn’t about making your spouse happy. This is about giving him space to grieve. Maybe reframing this issue will help you.
Anon
But I think OP is grieving too, and the lack of decorations is making her miss her FIL. OP, have you told your husband’s that you miss the festivities because it involved FIL and bringing some of it back would remind you of the good times with him? Doesn’t have to be all out crazy with lights and garlands, just a tree or something.
Anon
But her husband’s grief is paramount. He lost a parent, not an in-law, and as his spouse she should be supporting him in his grief, not prioritizing her own grief. Circle of grief theory etc.
Anon
It was just 3 months ago? I think this year you have to go along with what your husband wants. I’m sorry, because I know you’re grieving, too. Do you have a good friend you can ask to go with you on some kind of Christmas outing to look at decorations?
Warm Wishes
As others have said, it makes sense to respect your husband’s wishes this year. I also think, though, that you should double-down on self-care type activities and the kind of non-holiday related things that can stave off winter doldrums. Little things can help, like lots of hot beverages, indulge in warm socks/pjs, candles, bubble baths, sunlight, etc.
Beyond doing holiday things on your own, can you also look for non-holiday related replacements for other activities or additions to your normal winter routine that don’t distance you from your husband but give you quality time together? … instead of cookie baking, prepare a nice brunch for the two of you, plan an extra date night, or even just get take out to eat in front of the TV if that’s all you have energy for. Remember that you are in this together even though you have different approaches to grieving right now!! Would he understand if you tell him it’s a difficult time for you too and ask if you can find something comforting to do together like rewatching a comedy series you both like, or planning your spring vacation, (even if it is hard for him to enjoy anything right now we all need to escape our problems and focus on something else for a few minutes a day/week/etc.)
I’m drawing a blank on non-Christmassy rom-coms to recommend right now, but maybe others will have some suggestions? Maybe some oldies like Roman Holiday, Singing in the Rain, (not a romance but) the Odd Couple.
Maybe if you add in some fun non-holiday related activities they’ll become tradition too, but don’t tell your husband that lol.
Owl Lover
I agree with the above, your husband’s grief should prevail around the home. BUT that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy everyone else’s Christmas cheer. Do you have any girlfriends who decorate? Maybe invite yourself over for wine and cheese and cookie making. Or go solo Christmas light seeking in the fancy housing developments! I love going to Macy’s and looking at the decorations and the windows. A lot of Zoos decorate with lights for the holidays. These would be great activities to go with friends with kiddos.There are plenty of non-home places to go and get your cheer. I know it might be depressing to come home to no cheer, but, its probably worth it for your husband.
Glad Tidings
Hi, Reluctant Grinch. I’m so sorry for your loss. We lost my father unexpectedly this year, so it’s our family’s first holiday without him as well. It’s a very difficult transition, but it’s so important to keep an open line of communication with your family. Everyone grieves in their own way, and while your husband may retreat at the first sign of holiday cheer, I’m sure he can also appreciate that those things may be helping you on your emotional journey. While we aren’t very motivated to go all-out for our first Christmas without Dad, we agreed that at least putting up the tree was important for our son. Dad would also buy gag gifts for everyone each year, so I’m picking up where he left off and continuing that tradition. It’s bittersweet, but I know I won’t regret it. My heart is with you during this time.
JS
Does anyone have recommendations for comfortable, dressy, closed toe heels?
Scarlett
Not sure if these are comfortable yet, but I just ordered these https://www.anntaylor.com/payton-suede-bow-pumps/475772
Leah
I know they’re basically a cult item here, but the Sam Edelman Hazel pumps really are that comfortable. I say that as a schlubby, stout, middle-aged woman who lives in flats.
Lobbyist
I love beautifeel brand. They are pricey but very comfy.
Graceful transition....
I’ve recently accepted a job offer to start in January (yea, great opportunity and I’m excited!)….please help with steps to give notice and resign. I’ve been at current job for almost 10 years and want to move on very professionally and quietly. Look forward to your input!
Anon
Check out the advice on writing a good bye email that was posted on the main page not too long ago. And congratulations!
Anon
There are lots of AAM posts about this.
Anon
Create a master document summarizing all your projects (or responsibilities), the team and relevant contacts, where information is located, etc. Bring all those items as up-to-date as possible for hand-off and outline next steps. Organize all your paperwork and files, both hard copy and digital. Start discreetly taking your stuff home – not noticeable things, but the extra shoes you keep in a drawer and such. Write a letter of resignation and suggest your end date. Meet in person with your boss to deliver the news – express your appreciation and gratitude for what you’ve learned there. Be available and helpful through the transition (but beware that they could ask you to be done and pack up sooner or immediately, depending on the nature of your work). Be specific that you don’t want a big deal made of your going-away, but some of that will be out of your control, if your company has a policy for how or when they make these announcements. Perhaps go to lunch with your closest co-workers, and be helpful and careful not to burn any bridges.
Party food
What’s your favourite party appetizer or dessert that could be classified as “finger food”? I’m responsible for bringing something to a work party tomorrow and the easy items have already been claimed (cheese plate, veggie plate, fruit skewers, smoked salmon, etc.). I usually don’t lack inspiration like this…but, help!
easy peasy
Easy italian antipasto plate – put together cheeses, olives, sliced dry sausage or slices of prosciutto, pickled veggies, roasted peppers, etc. with some sliced baguettes or crackers…you can get these items quickly at Wegman’s or Whole Foods bars….no cook and everyone loves
C
Sausage balls! Look up “Bisquick sausage balls” for the recipe.
anon.
Trader Joes spinach pies – either the individual ones or the spiral one. If you don’t have a place to heat them, cook the night before and bring at room temperature – they’re still good.
busybee
Meatballs! Okay they need toothpicks so not technicallyyyyy finger food. I mean the little cocktail meatballs that can be found at Costco and Trader Joe’s. I was at a party recently where the host had heated them up with some kind of Asian-style glaze and they were so good.
SW
Mini-quiches!
Anonymous
I recently tried the combo of Trader Joe’s pre-cooked lentils + bruschetta + feta cheese. Super easy and pretty tasty (maybe a bit salty). Would that plus some hearty crackers for dipping count as “finger food”?
Vicky Austin
Slice a baguette, smear with cream cheese or hummus, top with a slice of cucumber.
nutella
Pigs in a blanket (Trader Joe’s has a good parmesan freezer one)
Bacon-wrapped dates
Burrata, tomato, basil crostinis (I find these to be easier to hold and eat with one hand)
Soft pretzel bites with dip
Chips and guacamole
Popcorn
Also seen catered chicken nuggets from Chick-Fil-A be a HUGE hit
Anon
Bacon-wrapped dates are my fave.
NOLA
I just saw an idea of making a caprese salad wreath – cherry tomatoes and bononcini with basil leaves and a balsamic dip. So cute and festive and yummy! I know it’s kind of salad and kind of cheese, but maybe different enough?
Anonymous
ALL ABOARD THE MINI-QUICHE TRAIN, WHOO WHOO
stepping up my shoe game
I cannot seem to find the perfect leopard print flats. I would like an almond toe – not too rounded and not pointy points with minimal doo-dads. Do these exist?
Anon
Have you checked Talbots? I think they have a couple different versions this year.
anon a mouse
Boden has a couple of options that might work for you.
Jo March
Sam Edelman Felicia
Got mine for cheaper at Nordstrom Rsck
Anon shoe lover
Try the Kelly and Katie brand from DSW. I just got a pair and I love them.
Wow
I just bought the Leopard Rothys flats and love them. Bonus that they don’t involve using calf-hair since I’m not down with that.
Lobbyist
Rothys?
Anonymous
Cole Haan, usually available at Nordstrom
AttiredAttorney
Any ideas for white elephant gifts in the under $20 range? Group of 30 something women.
Pen and Pencil
I just took Codenames, which is a board game, to a party with mostly 30ish year olds and it was stolen twice and several other people where sad it became “locked”. It is completely family appropriate game and good for all age levels. Other fought over gifts included candles, bath bombs, and Starbucks gift cards.
Anon
I like Codenames and I’m not a game person at all (I haaaate things like Ticket to Ride and Settlers). So I think that’s a great gift idea.
Anon
I swear to god, if somebody says a travel mug . . . ;) I’d say cute stationery.
Rainbow Hair
If you have the time and there’s a theme to the group, I heartily recommend getting some art on theme. Like for my feminist beer club, I got some super cute “brew like a girl” art — supporting a real artist! something I know at least a lot of the group will dig!
Anonymous
Batman snuggie. Or snuggie of choice.
emma
My fave is scratchers! It’s so much fun to think of the ‘what ifs’ of winning a gazillion dollars.
Anonymous
This has probably been asked before but I can’t find it in archives. Does anyone have recommendations for a fee-only financial advisor in Boston? Bonus points if they have experience with clients who also have assets and accounts in other countries. (Not offshore tax evasion by shell company, ha ha, but I’m originally from and have family in another country.) Thanks!
Anon
Following with interest. I have a positive impression (although no first-hand experience) of Jennifer Lane at Compass Planning Associates from hearing her speak.