Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Double-Breasted Wool-Blend Blazer
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I know, I know, this chocolate brown color seems like it’s oversaturating the market this fall, but this Donna Karan blazer is so lovely, it’s hard to say no. The double-breasted cut doesn’t always work well on me, but the arrangement of the buttons here look like they’re actually well-designed for a woman’s body.
I would pair this with black or camel trousers for a buttoned-up, business casual look.
The blazer is $399 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XS-XL.
Psst: Amazon Prime Day sales have started… check your cart, saved items, and lists for changed prices and the red “Prine Day Deal” marker.
Sales of note for 10/2:
- Nordstrom – Extra 20% off clearance! I rounded up my top picks on the Weekend Open Thread – lots of Veronica Beard and more on DEEP discounts (lucky sizes only)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your full price purchase, plus deal of the day: 10/2: 40% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew – 3100+ items in sale
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off all sweaters and pants
- M.M.LaFleur – Lots of blues and reds in the sale section. (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off on other items)
- Nordstrom Rack – Extra 40% off select clearance
- Old Navy – The Old Navy x Altuzarra collab is in! All sizes (up to 4X!) of the blazer in the collab is still available, and it is eligible for today's Super Cash offer
- Talbots – 40% off one item, 30% off everything else
- Theory – End of season sale is on!
J Crew has the Bianca now. I swear I have this in a longer version. Is the longer version current?
Pants advice needed. What are people wearing for cute casual pants? I’m 3 months post partum and not fitting into my jeans yet. I was wearing elastic waist linen pants, but it’s getting too cold for that. Any recommendations for comfortable but cute casual pants? After my first I just wore leggings but it was 2022…
I’m assuming you don’t want to spend a lot right now. Because it’s some kind of Am@zon sale day, every influencer seems to have their list of absolute must haves posted today.
Two of them have posted the same pants that are supposed to look like the Ruti barrel leg pants. I think they’re cute, but I don’t own them. Flat front and elastic back. They’re called the Womens Barrel Travel Pants Elastic Waist Baggy Ankle Pants with Pockets.
Jo-Lynne Shane is one of the influencers who posted them today. They’re the second pair on her list. https://jolynneshane.com/amazon-fall-fashion-2026.html
Thanks for this link. I’ve been looking at the Spanx set for a long time and its worth trying this dupe to start
Joggers or leggings.
I’m on the opposite end of this (pregnant and starting to get too big for my usual jeans). I’m wearing joggers or jeans with a more generous cut. Nordstrom Rack has a lot of wide and barrel leg jeans in person.
Non-sweatpant joggers: https://bananarepublicfactory.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pid=536089011&vid=1&pcid=1045335&cid=1186689&nav=hamnav%3AWOMEN%3AWOMEN%27S+CLOTHING%3APants#pdp-page-content
Stretchy “jeans”: https://www.nordstromrack.com/s/straight-leg-jeans-hudson-wash/9183456?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing&color=44444GYVAY
Go to quince and buy some jeans. They have great ones for like $50.
This, but Old Navy for 25 bucks or less. I like the high-waisted wow line.
Currently in my second trimester and wearing Vuori’s Halo Essential Wideleg pants a lot. But also maybe just get an inexpensive roomy pair of jeans.
Free People and Anthro each have several cute styles of elastic-waist jeans.
The Levi’s pull on jeans are pretty good. I wore them last fall when I was immediately postpartum and I’m getting another pair this year in a smaller size. They’re discounted for prime day.
Good American’s jeans that are a range of sizes (I forget what the line is called) are also pretty good, but they fit me a bit weird in the crotch. Maybe it’s just the wrong rise for me. They were serviceable last year through the winter but they’re baggy on me this year.
I’d suggest a trip to Old Navy—the stores usually have a large range of sizes stocked, both in jeans and casual pants. You might be able to try on a bunch and get two or three pairs at once, to see you through.
+1 for Old Navy. They have cute styles, a good size range, and in my experience they hold up really well.
Twill barrel leg pants with elastic waists are trendy but not too trendy and might serve you well.
Abercrombie has some great ones. I think they look cool girl without trying too hard and go with the usual tops— t shirts, denim button downs, sweaters etc and with sneakers or flats of any kind.
Target usually has something work appropriate or casual for low cost in an elastic waist, check out the line “A new day”. I’d just go in person for now.
Have you ever seen anyone truly repair and stay in an unhappy marriage for the best? I’m talking constant sniping, mild mutual dislike (with occasional glimmers of better), preferring to be alone instead of with each other, bad communication, the works. Someone very close to me is contemplating divorce but doesn’t want to see her kids only half the time (which I understand) or to be alone (which I don’t, because being alone has got to be better than their terrible atmosphere). We talked over the weekend and she seems as stuck as ever, saying “maybe this is just a season” when it’s pretty glaringly obvious how poor their fundamentals are. Not sure how I should support at this point – is it ethical for me to continue not giving advice, just listening and supporting, when I’m almost certain that her status quo will never improve and that she will always be unhappy with this man? FWIW, we’re very close and I don’t think she has held anything back from her end – there shouldn’t be any secret considerations that I’m not aware of, for example. It’s essentially a clear-cut case of “should I divorce him but I have young kids.”
As I read your description of the marriage, I wondered if your friend is my BFF. I used to think that they could repair the marriage, but I’ve watched it steadily decline over the last 6 years. She has contempt and distain for her husband, which Gottman’s research says is the biggest predictor of divorce. But they continue slugging along. Their kids are in high school, and I’ve wondered if she will leave once they’re in college. She doesn’t earn enough to support her current lifestyle if she divorced, and I think that’s one of the biggest things holding her back. Like your friend, she seems stuck.
At the end of the day, I listen and don’t give advice. She has a therapist for that, and she does have a therapist. She tells me the stories and I try to say the right responses, sometimes including how she may be misperceiving the exchange and maybe husband isn’t in the wrong, but I don’t give advice.
OP here and your last sentence is something I’ve begun to struggle with. In the last two years, she has totally lost all patience/understanding for their struggles (they’ve already done all the couples counseling there is – she dragged him to it) so she’s now resorted to disdain and contempt. In the past, I was on her side no matter what and really, I still am, but I’ve struggled with what to say after I’ve witnessed an exchange where she was really, truly the one at fault. “OMG can you believe him?” when I just watched her put him down in front of her family, for example…
For my real, true friends, I’d say something. In the moment I’d probably reply with “do you want me to be honest?” I’m less likely to have big talks, but I’d also consider a one time “I love you and support you no matter what, but it’s really hard to see this marriage bring out the worst in you.”
I’m saying this as someone who is actively working through some Issues in her marriage which like 3 of my friends know about. For me it’s both- I don’t want them to pass judgement and make a decision about my marriage for me, but I absolutely want to know if they’re worried about me.
If you’re going to stay for the kids, you need to at least do the mechanics of marriage properly: cooperate, be reasonable to each other, have boundaries and respect your spouse’s boundaries, don’t snipe, be on the same team for spending money.
You will either understand that a commitment to the fundamental actions can’t repair this, and you separate amicably, or you get somewhere as a couple that is… good enough.
Otherwise, it’s a long, drawn out divorce.
For the best for the kids? Yes I think so. There is still a lot of security that comes from having parents who stick with each other even if they don’t get along all that well. If anything, it can be reassuring that bad moods and bad communication aren’t things that need to turn your whole life upside down. I’m not saying it’s great, but the alternatives are also not great.
For the couple? I’m not sure. But the stuff you’ve described definitely can be a season. Nobody can get on each other’s nerves like people who love each other when they’re stressed and have unaddressed relationship issues.
+1 and also, young kids are in fact often a season that brings out the worst in people. I’d work on it.
Yes, having young kids was a big red flat that this could be a season. I know in my own marriage, experiencing “contempt” isn’t a permanent stance you can never recover from and is absolutely influenced by the amount of stress in your life and other factors.
+ a million. I am consistently shocked that so many people here jump to DTMF. Marriage has up’s and downs. Downs can be pretty dismal. Especially with the stresses of very young children.
I’m not sure – I agree with that in principle but I also think the foundation needs to be strong. If the arguing and fighting and being rude to each other is constant, I’m not sure how much of that is a season.
I know everyone’s experience is different, but I just don’t get this line of thinking. My parents divorced when I was 15. I never knew them to be truly happy together. The fighting, the misery, the nitpicking, the behind the back comments, the contempt just marred every day. Reducing it to “bad moods and bad communication” is misleading. Our lives were much more stable once they were no longer married and living together. Kids are so perceptive. OP’s friend’s children are having terrible behaviors modeled for them, all the time. That can have a profound impact on your life. Obviously there is no perfect control over what your spouse does once you separate, but people seem to assume that post-separation life is always less stable. For us, it wasn’t. My parents lived apart but very close by. They were respectful of one another. They did not have disruptive dating lives. Our lives were more or less the same, practically. Emotionally, it was so much safer and calmer. Just throwing out another perspective.
This sounds like a best case scenario. So often people who behave badly together also behave pretty badly apart, so I think it’s just what people see more.
I have never known my aunt and uncle (late 60s, have been married since mid 20s; I’m in my early 30s) to have a good marriage. My older relatives said them getting together, let alone getting married didn’t make sense. They had a kid via surrogate in their early 40s after fertility issues.
It did noticeably improve when their kid went to college.
It’s 100% still not the life I’d want but they’re way, way happier now.
Yes, my sister and her husband, and for the same reasons. But in their case, they were mutually committed to not breaking up their family and prepared to work hard on not constantly sniping at each other. Also, in their case, there was no fundamental incompatibility of values.
One of the issues is why she is unhappy. What is he doing that is making her unhappy? Because I will tell you I have known many couples where one or both was unhappy for reasons that were not really caused by the other. And leaving your husband and only seeing your children, 50% of the time is not going to help that.
Is she in the “it used to be magical but the spark is gone” phase or the “it was never actually that great” phase? I’ve seen the former improve (after a separation and the major stressor outside the marriage resolving on its own). Have never seen the latter improve. You have to believe the fundamentals were there at one point and be trying to rebuild.
OP here and it was never actually that great – the challenges they have today were there in some form before they got married and she considered not going through with it but was holding out hope that certain things (like his fundamental personality flaws…) would improve. The two main issues on his end are very poor communication skills and an unwillingness/disinterest in pulling his weight in the partnership/household. On her end, that drives her absolutely up the wall so the more he shuts down or doesn’t do the chores she assigned him (yes, assigned him), the more she nags and belittles him. She’s also very impatient (a trait she and I have in common, unfortunately…) so will pick fights over things that don’t matter, like loading the car fast enough. They truly seem to bring out the very worst in each other. I actually hate being around them together – hate it.
This changes my opinion. To me it’s one thing if they were very in love and a stressful time of life is something they need to endure in the hope of making it out to the other side, even if both people are setting each other off right now. Maybe he he could use some Adderall, or maybe she could use a meditation retreat.
But if she was holding hope for something that didn’t and was never going to happen? I think she should think again about those doubts about not going through with it. If somebody is in a marriage that the most old school Catholic priest would annul without a second thought because it wouldn’t even count as a divorce, I feel like that’s something to think about.
+1. This seems like a marriage that actually needs to end. It’s not great for the kids, either.
I think she needs to end it. You can’t make it work with a manchild who does not want to be an adult. The fact that he can’t even step up on chores let alone the mental labor to know what needs to be done is likely not going to get better.
It’s hard to know how bad marriages are sometimes. My DH is great about making sure anything visible to others he does, and the behind the scenes stuff, I get stuck with. So to people less involved, it looks great that he drives to them to school everyday. Meanwhile I’m constantly late for work because I’m doing breakfast and getting them ready solo while he showers and dresses himself.
+1 to all of this.
I have *never* seen a marriage work when one party (usually the woman) was ready to call it off shortly before the wedding, and then the marriage presented with problems early on.
That pattern always leads to divorce, in my experience. (I almost called my own wedding off two weeks beforehand, but he got all weepy and promised to stop being a jerk. Guess what, he only got far worse.)
No advice, but I’m in a similar place – my best friend has been contemplating divorce for years now but their kid is early elementary school. I think my friend’s marriage is worse than your friend’s, in that I have witnessed moments of what I consider to be emotional abuse, but she doesn’t have a family support system so sees him as her rock (and the rest of us see him as an anchor weighing her down). It is so so hard to watch, but years into the situation my best answer is to just be there for her so she knows she has somewhere to go if/when she finally decides to leave and push back when she describes behaviors that cross a line so they aren’t normalized. I don’t have much hope until her kid is at college. And what’s worse is I’ve known her since we were children so I can trace this back to exactly what her parents did – stayed in an awful marriage that made their home very difficult to be in and then divorced her freshman year of college.
I’m sure people can repair, but they both have to want to be together more than they want to be right. I suspect that once the mutual dislike is ingrained it is just prolonging the suffering, and setting up your kids to repeat the cycle because its what they know.
This doesn’t seem like a you thing to fix.
The difficulty with this is when a person keeps telling you about it. They expect you to have an opinion on it at some point.
She didn’t ask how to fix it, she asked for advice on how she should respond.
You just listen and are there to support your friend, no advice. No one can know someone else’s marriage other than the two people in it, even best friends. There is no winning by sharing your opinion for anyone.
I tend to agree but sometimes it’s challenging to know if someone you love and trust needs a push from someone they love and trust.
I agree with Anon at 11:13 – sometimes people need permission from someone they trust to make a change in their life. The challenge is figuring out when to just be a listening ear and when to remind them they have choices.
You sound like a good friend, OP.
I couldn’t disagree more with the advice of somehow never having an opinion when a close friend is asking you for one. “Friendships” where you don’t actually share how you feel are deeply shallow.
This
If both people agree that they want something better and go to counseling, then yes, I think it can improve in certain circumstances. But both people have to want that and be willing to work at it. And perhaps let go of some ideas of what marriage is and instead focus on meeting each other where they are and working to build a life together where they can both be happy and have a good home for their kids.
I did. Is her spouse otherwise a very good human?
That’s a tough question to answer. Overall, I would say no. He clears the bar for not being abusive or a drunken brute, things like that, but otherwise, he is a very challenging person to be around. He doesn’t seem to want to make anyone’s life easier. I’m not sure if it’s laziness or what, but as an example, he’s very comfortable leaving a full sink of dirty dishes for his wife when she’s coming home from an extremely stressful day visiting family in the hospital. He’ll also throw a hissy fit and shut down if she tells him no, it’s not actually a good time for you to go fishing for the entire weekend when both kids are sick. I have never liked him personally but always tried to see the best in him for her sake, but man, he makes it hard. At this point, she has grown very contemptuous of him for those kinds of choices I’ve described, more than I saw early in their marriage.
Yikes, he sounds like a real prize. I have been around this type of couple, and it’s exhausting. They eventually divorced. She left him, fwiw. He would’ve been perfectly fine letting this dynamic play out forever, just like his parents did.
Respecting someone else’s judgment about their own marriage and family is ethical, yes. I think you’re thinking about this wrong. Ultimately it’s not your decision. It’s hers. You are not obligated to guide her toward one decision or another; quite the opposite, actually. The right thing to do is support your friend without judgment and to trust her to make the best decision for herself and her family.
I agree! She has to live with the consequences, not you. It’s easy to make judgements from the sidelines, but she might be venting to you about all the worst moments and not mentioning any of the good stuff because it’s not top of mind when she’s upset. You aren’t getting an objective view, even if you feel like you are. Only seeing your kids half the time is a big loss.
I agree that outsiders never have the WHOLE story, but they can see part of the story, and sometimes that story is really bad! If you have five families all together for a reunion and four of those families are happy and engaged and the fifth is miserable and fighting the whole time (in front of everyone), that does stand out.
I will tell you that I hung in there for YEARS in a marriage with somebody who was not a good person and I am here to tell you it doesn’t get better. Also the worst part is feeling stuck: Once you make a decision at least you can move forward. Finally, this was not my experience (Mr. Not-a-Good-Person was not the father of my child so it wasn’t an issue with him, and my child’s father was a good co-parent) but I worked in family law for some years and if he’s really a bad person and bad parent, it’s not inconceivable that over time he will not use all his custody time and/or will agree to less than 50% custody because it’s easier for him (especially if she’s willing/able to give him a break on child support).
If it were my friend I would share this with her. Once.
Good advice
Just be quiet and listen. Do not offer advice.
I think this is harder with a very close friend. At some point, I am guessing that this friend asks and wants to hear OP’s opinion.
I have the biggest, most stressful day of my career on the same day my frozen eggs are being thawed and fertilized for IVF. I have no idea how I am functioning. Any tips on how to compartmentalize or good thoughts are very welcome.
Write down your most positive thoughts on the fertilization. Fold it up and seal it in an envelope (a literal compartmentalization). Then give your career your efforts today! Here’s to great outcomes on both fronts for you!!
The fertilization is not a today problem (for you). There is nothing for you to do. You won’t know how many made it to blast for at least 5 days. So, enjoy these couple of days of not having to know— even if you get an objectively awesome blast rate you’re still going to feel a tiny bit disappointed because it won’t be 100%.
What IS in your control today is your career. Knock it out of the park. Enjoy being in control of something.
Good luck!
+1. Put all your attention and energy toward what you can control.
Sending good vibes! I remember taking a call in the hallway of my office to learn how many of my embryos had fertilized. Then I walked in to a meeting room five minutes later to give a high stakes presentation to a major client. I’m currently holding a two month old who was healthy embryo #3 back then. I like the compartmentilizing advice above, and wish you all the best on both fronts.
Skip over if you are not religious, or lapsed religious. On those sorts of days, I tell myself what things I can control, leave what the powers that be control to them, and wear the first communion cross my grandma gave me as a reminder that she is with me and I cannot control everything. Sending you all the good vibes.
You’ve got this!!! Your eggs have got this! The sperm will crush it!!
Strangely, I had this exact scenario four years ago and found it to be a good distraction from the fertilization! I hope everything goes well for you.
While going through IVF my therapist told me the goal is distraction. You can’t force yourself to think happy thoughts, it’s natural to feel anxious, so just find something else to occupy your hands and mind. Lean into your job during the day. In the evening call a friend while going for a walk, work out while listening to an engaging podcast, tackle chores that require your full attention. Now isn’t the time for a relaxing bath that allows your mind to wander.
+1. This is where a pageturner book comes in too.
My mind is blown at how bad$as you are for having these things on the same day. You’re amazing.
You are crushing it! Progress on 2 fronts of your life. Sending you good vibes!
Thank you all. Survived the work thing, now to wait until tomorrow to hear how many fertilized. I appreciate everyone’s responses, they helped.
I’m the poster who recently asked about tooth extraction and implants. I got a molar extracted and am having a hard time with it mentally. It was a tooth with resorption so it could not be saved but I’m still regretting doing it, wondering did I pick the right surgeon, should I have waited longer until it was causing more of a problem, etc. The long road ahead to get the actual implant feels daunting. I keep alternating between catastrophizing the future and regretting my choices, and I feel like my life will never be the same. Other than talking to my therapist, any suggestions? I knew this would be unpleasant but I didn’t expect it to be so devastating.
I’m sorry. You lost a body part, and that is very, very weird for your body! Even though it had to happen. It does not sound to me like you made any mistakes. I think you’ll feel a lot better when the implant is in place, though I hear you that it’s a long road ahead. But I anticipate that someday you’ll never think about this at all and will more or less take your teeth for granted again from day to day.
Reaffirming this sentiment. When I was younger I was in an accident that knocked out my front teeth. It did feel devastating. I spent months with no front teeth while waiting for implants, and I struggled with the feeling of implants afterward. It was a bizarre sense of grief that some part of my body was missing and an artificial one implanted. It felt different from wisdom tooth extraction, which felt more routine, and I was more occupied by the pain and inconvenience than a feeling that I had lost a body part. I realize front teeth are different because they relate to smile and personality, but I think that just heightened the grief feelings that would have existed anyway.
No project feels good in the middle of it. Get the implant and once you recover from that you’ll likely be in a good place. Visualize the end so you don’t get stuck in the middle.
You made the right decision. My DH and a coworker each put off extractions and ended up with terrible infections. The coworker’s infection hit during trial — it always comes at the worst possible time. Be proud of yourself for taking care of your health.
I had internal resorption in two (!) molars and they were extracted earlier this year after they finally started hurting. I did pick the wrong surgeon—the implants he put in were too long and I experienced numbness in the area and in an adjacent tooth that didn’t go away. I went to a different surgeon who recommended removing both implants and trying again after the area fully healed. Last week, my new surgeon put in new implants. Next step after that will be the crowns. The whole process sucked, but if you got through the initial implants without side effects like I had, you’re doing really great. It’s definitely tough to lose these major back molars, but I got through it without feeling the devastation you’re describing. The pain is totally gone, feeling is slowly coming back in the adjacent tooth, and soon I’ll have shiny new crowns, so I’m content.
Thanks for sharing! I only had a graft so far, with the implant to come in a few months and then a few months later the crown. It’s been two weeks and I’m still having pain in the roof of my mouth in the general area. The surgeon says I’m just healing slowly but it seems like too much pain for this point. I’m sure this is part of my deep regret.
DH’s birthday is coming up. He has some solid color tees that are wearing thin and wants some durable replacements. Which brand would you go with that look nice and will hold up for several years? Willing to spend more for good quality.
Alex Mill
I recently bought t-shirts from Fresh Clean Tees and have been pretty impressed. They look way nicer than the basics I’d been buying before and don’t look like garbage after washing. (Looking at you, JCF.) They have both men’s and women’s options.
Sorry, it’s Fresh Clean Threads!
American Giant
Second American Giant. My husband has had a few of their tees in heavy rotation for years and they are still his “nice” tees. Excellent quality!
My husband has been wearing lululemon t-shirts for the past few years and they’ve held up really well – he gets the “Heavyweight Cotton Jersey T-Shirt.”
Majestic Filatures is my go to for nice men’s Tshirts. DH really likes the ones I got him – they are pricey but hold up well. BR used to be my go to but tha
the quality really dropped (sorry, pressed send too fast)
DH has had some from JCrew and JCF in rotation for a few years now and they still look pretty good. Wait out the sale cycle; I never spend more than $20 each.
AYR men’s shirts are great. I got them for my husband and he loves them and they have lasted several years looking good as new.
My husband has been buying Wool and Prince in every color and style for the last 2 years or so.
Thanks everyone!!
Hoping you all can help me with an office design problem. My desk and computer (at work) are oriented so the window is at my back. The sun shines directly into my office window in the morning. This creates a lot of problems for me:
– It’s hot, but my individual office doesn’t have its own temp control, and if I ask the building to turn down the temp then the rest of the office is freezing and everyone gets mad at me, overcorrects, and then I’m even hotter.
– glare on my computer screens makes it hard to work
– I’m backlit in video meetings and hearings. I have overhead lights and TWO circle lamps but they can’t outshine the literal sun that is shining directly behind my head. I sometimes take hearings in a conference room for this reason, but then I’m working on just a laptop because I can’t move my monitors.
I can’t move/change the orientation of my desk or monitors; the furniture and monitors are all built in. I can’t move offices. We have blinds but they’re awful. I’ve lobbied for better blinds or curtains, to no effect, and I’m prohibited from installing my own. I kind of want to get some kind of collapsible screen to put behind me (heck I’m tempted to open an umbrella or start hanging aluminum foil). Has anyone else dealt with this? Suggestions?
Get a UV window screen cling. You can either get something tinted or just with UV filtering to cut down on the heat. They’re very inexpensive at home depot. Install yourself. Just really soak the cling so it applies smoothly. No one should be able to tell unless they inspect the window and they’re fully removable. Other option depending on how wide your office is to consider a shower curtain tension rod with sheer drapes to cut down on the unfiltered light.
I have an inexpensive tall folding screen from Wayfair that I move around as the sun moves.
I’ve had the hot, sun-lit office, and it’s no joke! I’d do all the solutions:
I would absolutely buy that folding screen (you can put aluminum foil on the back of the screen!). I’d also try window film. Tension rod and curtain, if it works. Fan for the heat.
Subtle DIY window tinting? Or just a freestanding cubical wall
How do you all maintain work-life separation and not take work emotions or problems home? I’m in the public sector and these hard times have really hit us this year. I’m lucky that my role is still needed, but my org is more or less a shell of its former self. I believe in my work and the work of my coworkers, and it’s been hard not to feel a bit depressed even when I’m not working. I’ve never had this problem before so would love any suggestions!
Fellow public sector employee here. It’s so, so hard.
I feel like I’m doing everything “right” (rich personal life with socializing, dating, hobbies, volunteering, church, community). I have very strong bonds with non-work friends. I’m in therapy and on anti depressants. I don’t read the news except when absolutely required. I limit social media. I work out, spend time outdoors, eat well, limit my alcohol, and get adequate sleep.
But, I deeply, deeply care about the mission. Many coworkers have become close personal (real life) friends.
My office has been gutted and I’m covering 3 jobs for the same pay. Our ability to do our life-saving work is limited. We’re often denigrated by the administration. Morale could not be worse. It’s death by 1,000 cuts here.
I don’t know that you’ll like this answer, but you’ve got to disconnect more from your work. Work that we believe in makes it hard to disconnect, because we CARE. But you’ve got to grieve what doesn’t exist anymore, disconnect some, invest less of your heart/creativity/energy than you have been, and work to loosen up any identity that you may have tied into your work. None of this is easy, since you believe in what you’re doing. But the alternative, as you’re finding out, is a work depression. And that’s no joke — it’s a sign that needs to be paid attention to.
Tangibly: invest more in your life outside of work — hobbies, relationships, community organizations you care about. Create a “leave it behind” ritual for yourself that you do at the end of the workday, during your commute, or before you walk into your front door.
+1 to all of this. This year I also stopped talking about work after work. I was commiserating with colleagues who were friends and venting to my husband a lot and that just meant that I was constantly thinking about work. A little bit of commiseration/validation can be helpful, but for me I needed to really disconnect.
Can confirm that I started doing this, and it helped. The venting sessions weren’t actually cathartic.
good advice all.
I can be very prone to perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking. I can mostly keep it in check these days, but my coping skills go out the window during busy, stressful seasons. Like I can manage the big things, but I get snappy and impatient about the small stuff. I really don’t like this about myself. Any tips/tricks for handling this?
Fake it. When I’m especially stressed and tired, I make a point of being more energetic and happy for short bursts of time with my toddler and husband. This is easier during the week because toddler isn’t awake that long after he gets home from daycare. On weekends I have to tag in and out with DH.
Zoloft
Already on it!
No advice but following– I’m like this, too.
Hard exercise in nature, ideally something involving a little bit of risk and a lot of adventure. It’s very grounding.
Hot tub and BBC Radio 3.
Try to get more sleep, or sneak in naps when you can. Spend time with a friend who has a really good sense of humor or is supportive of you. Listen to relaxing music when you feel keyed up. Take a walk outside as a break.
When faced with the small stuff, I inhale a deep breath and say to myself “I don’t care about this.” Exhale. Do the minor thing I need to deal with if possible — poorly, who cares!! And move on with my life. It keeps me from getting stuck in the moment and over time I think it does train yourself not to care so much.
Does anyone have a recommendation for an automatic cat litter box that actually works well? We need it for someone who has dementia who CANNOT manage a regular litter box, so we’re willing to accept the price/the flaws. There will be a caretaker available who can change out the trays or take out the collected bag once a week. Please let me know if you have any ideas.
No, but also interested. Sometimes the cat will reject the rolling ones because the smell gets all over. There are some litter boxes that you can get new and throw the old ones away, like cardboard or something.
I have a Pet Zone Smart Scoop and i really like it. It gets out 95% of the waste and I dont have to buy a special brand of litter or use an app for it. (I also just use plastic grocery bags or large plasoc shipping envelopes to line the “waste basket” part of it rather thsn buying the custom bags, but it’s probably easier to just buy them).
How long have you had this one? The reviews look pretty poor online…
I have had it about 18 months and its still going strong.
It’s hard because cats have opinions too sometimes, especially if they were trained on another set up.
If we’re talking about one well behaved healthy cat on a premium diet, depending on how the space is set up and the ventilation, several really nice stainless steel litter boxes filled with a pine based litter might ensure the cat keeps using the litter boxes without stinking up the place too much between visits, and then the caretaker could toss and start over each week.
I’d also set out a FreshWave or Air Sponge. However this does not work well if the cat is not polite about burying, or if their diet doesn’t agree with them. But “automatically raked into some other compartment through a mechanical contraption” isn’t always that different from “well buried” even if both are gross to contemplate.
We have the Popur automatica litter box, and it is 100% amazing. Highly recommend. Caveat that we got it when our cat was a kitten, so she never knew anything else.
I will add, we have had this litter box for 2.5 years with virtually no problems. We did have to replace the lid at one point, but Popur quickly sent us a replacement at no charge.
Late to respond, but I strongly recommend having at least two litter boxes in this situation.
It’s giving Kamala and I love it
Would you rather go to Disneyland with 1) a ticket deal over Christmas holidays or 2) pay more to go in January or February?
You could not pay me enough to go to Disneyland with the Christmas crowds.
Whenever it’s least crowded. We went to Disney World (not Disneyland) over the holidays and it was miserable. But if they are offering ticket deals, perhaps they expect low crowd volumes? I’d look at the crowd prediction calculators.
If you when it’s the most crowded, budget for fast-tracking some of the attractions.
January or February. Undercover tourist has a pretty good crowd calendar if you want to check specific dates!
With the heavy rainy season forecast for us this winter, go during January/February on a wet day.