Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Drape Front V-Neck Top
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Sales of note for 1/31/25:
- Ann Taylor – Suiting Event – 30% off suiting + 30% off tops
- Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20 off your $100+ purchase
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Up to 40% off winter layers
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off sweaters and pants
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – End of season clearance, extra 70% off markdown tops + extra 60% off all other markdowns
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
BR Factory has cranked out some of my surprise workhorse work tops. Quality is pretty good for the price, imho (on par with regular mall store quality for the most part).
Yes, some of my best work clothes are BR Factory! While actual BR often disappoints.
How do you find the sizing? I’m normally a 0 at BR but in the last the 0 at their factory store has been to wide and boxy on me. Wondering if things have changed in the last few years.
…why does my post now have typos in it? That is not what I submitted. I also had a fourth sentence that has mysteriously disappeared.
That’s really weird!
Didn’t have a chance to jump in on yesterday’s post about the mom being concerned enough about her child having autism to want to add more time in before she had more children. As a special education teacher who adores working with children and adults with autism, I also uniquley know the challenges that a diagnosis brings to a parent and family. While on one hand I totally get that you never can predict what your future will look like and what struggles your child will go through (hey I got cancer at age 18), I also found it interesting how many people compared the risk of your child getting autism to that of being hit by a bus (as in not very likely). The current statistic is that 1 in 59 children will be born with Autism, which is pretty high and keeps increasing. I know that every family has their own set of hurdles and things they have to work with and it might seem extreme to others, but after seeing some of the stress that these families go through who have multiple nonverbal children at home that will need life long care, I can say I understand her thought process.
I made the hit by a bus comment and it wasn’t at all intended as a comment on the relative likelihood of the two events. My point was that you don’t know what life will bring. None of us do. Her efforts to avoid a child with autism were an effort to control the uncontrollable and to fix her anxiety by feeding it. I understand her fear too! But waiting until your first child is two to have a second in no way guarantees a life free of the stresses of autism, special needs, disability, or illness.
Yeah, you don’t know what life will bring, but you still have to consider different outcomes and what you’re willing to handle. For example, I would abort a fetus with Down’s Syndrome because that is the careful, considered decision that is right for me. I know someone else who would not because “you never know what life will bring.” I’m more inclined to reduce known risks and challenges and she’s more inclined to see if it will all work out anyway.
Just to your point about the Down Syndrome, I also think I would have aborted (I mean, I don’t know, but I am sure I was opting for chorionic villus sampling at 13 weeks for a reason…) I have a friend who had a later in life child who has Down Syndrome and of course they absolutely adore her, and it has changed their politics from pro-choice to anti-choice. They have come to feel that people are discriminating against Down Syndrome humans via selective abortion. Of course, they are a comfortably wealthy family and can provide a lot for the child, so she was certainly selectively born into the right family given her abnormality. She also has heart issues and diabetes so it has been a challenging path.
I’m still pro choice but respect their views since they are walking the walk.
That is so interesting to me. I have always been pro-choice and pregnancy felt just so personal that it made me ever moreso if possible – like how dare anyone try to tell me what to do in these circumstances.
Having a child with special needs (ASD, so no test in advance) has only solidified my beliefs – this is a hard, hard road and no parents should be forced into it unwillingly.
I think that when there’s strong pressure to choose against carrying a pregnancy to term for the sake of costs to society or some other eugenicist reasoning, there needs to be some kind of push back. But anti-choice politics is not the right kind of push back. But I understand it is hard to be shamed as a parent just for having the child you had.
I’m the Anon with the friends who have a Down Syndrome child. As far as I know, these parents have never been shamed. They have been treated like heroes by everyone I know, including me. There are people who say, “I could never do what you are doing,” as a way of complimenting them, though. Having been in this situation with my own child (I lost a child to cancer) I realize that can be a little grating. However, in the case of my friends, I feel like the hero worship has actually solidified their anti-choice position.
If it’s true that they’ve never been personally shamed (this sounds like an assumption on your part, and you might be surprised what strangers say to and around the disabled in public places), I have yet to meet someone with anti-choice politics who doesn’t embrace the feeling that they are combating cultural pressures.
I agree with this. Yes, autism is way more likely than getting hit by a bus, but you can’t go into parenthood thinking you can control everything. To the point about Down Syndrome, it’s usually diagnosed prenatally, but not always. I have a friend who received a surprise Down Syndrome diagnosis when her daughter was 10 months. And there’s a fairly well-known bl0gger (Kelle Hampton) who didn’t know until birth. You have to be prepared for these (and many other) eventualities.
I had no idea. I thought it just seemed like there was more autism because schools are required to teach everyone now, because we raise all our infants (instead of treating them with “a few days of peace and quiet alone in a dark room” or whatever they used to tell parents), and because increased access to healthcare produces more diagnoses. Do we (as in real science, not trying to feed any vaccine trolls here) have any idea why there’s been an increase?
I think maybe the increase is partly from awareness — people who might have been quirky in the past (Aspy end of the spectrum) are now given a diagnosis / label.
Also, more people are having kids older, which seems to have some sort of correlation.
Finally, kids who you couldn’t handle were institutionalized in the past — no one does that now (perhaps its not even an option), so the struggle is much more visible now.
No no one knows.
We don’t know why there is an increase but we should be concerned! Not only for the children and families but the cost it has on our country. From the CDC- The total costs per year for children with ASD in the United States were estimated to be between $11.5 billion – $60.9 billion (2011 US dollars). This significant economic burden represents a variety of direct and in-direct costs, from medical care to special education to lost parental productivity.
https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/data.html
The criteria for the diagnosis has expanded, thus some children that would not fall into the bucket for Autism 10+ years ago now do (with change in diagnosis from DSM IV to V) as well as with increased efforts by pediatricians to screen/refer kids early (so those that may have been missed and not referred for treatment several years ago now are.) Other theories that I’ve heard about the actual prevalence increasing includes advance maternal and paternal age being a risk factor.
There is some solid science suggesting a link between maternal pesticides exposure and autism diagnoses. As you can imagine, this could be really concerning for pregnant agricultural workers.
Certainly some of it is statistical. However, autism isn’t a specific disease. It’s a catch-all word that describes a set of symptoms the range of which is vast. Most of the symptoms are neurological (not necessarily motor skills but cognitive and behavioral). We really just don’t know enough about the brain to identify where the problem lies and how it gets there. But we know that external factors can influence brain development, including something happening to your grandmother affecting YOUR children. Look at our food supply, our drinking water, our air quality. The quality has been steadily declining and monitoring agencies are being pushed to establish quotas on new chemicals every day, chemicals that were either not a problem in the past or we had no idea that they were. There are hundreds of thousands of different chemicals that are now in constant rotation in our bodies that haven’t been there is such concentrations previously. Who knows what combinations of these factors, potentially affecting us, or our mothers or our grandmothers, leads to a this huge spectrum of developmental abnormalities. It’s such a multifactorial problem, it’s unlikely to have one cause or a quickly found one.
Wow! That’s a sobering statistic. I had absolutely no idea. Thank you for sharing. It definitely puts a whole different perspective around risk.
That concerns me greatly for what the future will be looking like for the generations ahead. (And that much more reason we need to get our healthcare set up better when we’re already facing a graying of America….)
I just wanted to say thank you, Puddlejumper, for all that you do.
I have seen firsthand the positive impact that teachers can have for children on the spectrum to dramatically impact their present and future quality of life (and that of their grateful parents).
Happy Friday!
If you weren’t at work today, what outfit would you be wearing?
My latest Rent the Runway shipment has me wishing I wasn’t at work so I could wear my fabulous sparkly cheetah print sweatshirt with black skinny jeans and gold sandal heels.
So you’d be a real housewife of nj?
I’d be wearing that pleated Misha Noono skirt and playing duchess dress up.
Um, ouch. But I’ve never seen the show, so I guess? I feel a little bit outrageous in the shirt, but that’s why it’s not appropriate for work.
If I weren’t at work, I’d be wearing my around the house uniform of my Nevertheless She Persisted leggings and my Comfy as F*ck sweatshirt.
I’d be in sweatpants and a long sleeved t shirt. Some people have cute weekend loungewear. I am not one of those people.
Wait, what?! I might need these things. Any chance you have links, NOLA? :-)
Sorry I am just seeing this! The leggings are from Teespring. Last time I checked, they still had a version of them at https://teespring.com/shop/nevertheless-she-pe-july-2018?aid=marketplace&tsmac=marketplace&tsmic=search#pid=641&cid=102636&sid=right
The sweatshirt is from Buy Me Brunch, which is now sold through The Chivery. They don’t have that particular one anymore (although it is as advertise, but they do have one that says Fresh Outta F*cks.
Yep. I would be in my cat print leggings, a loose tank, and my favorite race swag Woolrich (PA “tuxedo” print) zip up fleece. Aka, my house/non-work uniform.
Although I am not sad about my Friday work outfit either. Yay casual Fridays!
I am at work and I’m wearing a sweatshirt and jeans!
You could totally wear that outfit at my work on a Friday (we can wear jeans) and it would be awesome.
I’d be in shorts. It’s still hot here.
My favorite Lululemon leggings, an over-sized tissue sweater, and no bra. It’s kind of damp and chilly, so I would be accessorizing with a fuzzy blanket and a cup of tea.
Also damp and chilly here. I would be in leggings and my new cowlneck sweatshirt that it has heretofore been to hot to wear, sitting on the couch with a latte reading or rewatching The Crown.
I am at work but wearing my best BathLeisure outfit, pull on track pants in a workwear fabric and a gigantic wrap sweater. Too bad I can’t wear bath slides.
Tried to post, hit the space bar and totally lost this whole page… WTH???
Seriously, I’d be home in shorts and a ratty-a$$ t-shirt, because really, what do you REALLY wear to crash on the couch and watch The Price Is Right?
Actually, I will be wearing that in about an hour. I’m taking a half-day. My sister is going to do my hair. Before she gets to my house, I want to try to weed-whack my front flower bed and move some crap around in my garage. So shorts (or at least some crappy sweats or yoga pants) and a ratty t-shirt it is.
Be jealous. I allow you! :)
I’m not at work because I’m sick AF and I’m currently wearing soma cool nights pajama separates, a long cardigan retired from workwear, birkenstock clog slippers, and a wadded bunch of kleenex, accessorized by bedhead, a red nose, a deep voice, and a smoker’s cough. It’s not cute.
but you made me smile in what has been a really hard week, so thank you
Does anyone know of any good resources for wealth planning? I come from a lower middle class family. I’ve been able to accumulate a decent sized portfolio (~$1mm) through a lot of effort with saving, and I know how I want to invest (I work in investing), but I feel like there is a lot of tax planning, inheritance planning, etc that I’m just not aware of. I’m starting to learn about trusts, but what else should I be thinking about from a wealth planning perspective?
I’m willing to outsource for expertise, but I want a solid basis of understanding, so I can ask the right questions and know what answers to look for. Any ideas of where to start?
See if your state bar sells books from their CLE classes on estate planning. For maybe $25-50 you can get a good introductory resource (or maybe find something similar from your library — for beginners, I like anything that the WSJ’s Smart Money people put out).
Get a good accountant. At the level you’re at, which is great, you don’t have a ton to worry about from an estate planning perspective but getting advice on the tax implications of investment decisions and knowing how to mitigate losses and gains will be useful.
You should have a will. You can bounce a lot of your questions about tax and inheritance off of a good estate planning attorney. The questions she/he can’t answer should be addressed by a good CPA, or a good wealth advisor/retirement planner (like an RIA). I’m an estate planning attorney and that is the default team for anyone with any savings at all: estate planning attorney, investment advisor, and CPA. Once you get up into the really big money (I think the minimums are usually ~$8m?), a private bank can help you coordinate better.
Embarrassing question – Anyone else get those weird really smelly tonsil stone things? I used to get them years ago and then they disappeared and now I have gotten a few this month again. How do I keep them away?
I never knew anybody else who got these, but one of my good friends used to get them all the time! Apparently they can be painful too! Eventually, her doctor recommended a tonsillectomy and that seems to have fixed the problem. I’m not sure if there are any other solutions, but you should check with your doctor—especially if they are causing you pain.
I never knew anybody else who got these, but one of my good friends used to get them all the time! Apparently they can be painful too! Eventually, her doctor recommended a tonsillectomy and that seems to have fixed the problem. I’m not sure if there are any other solutions, but you should check with your doctor—especially if they are causing you pain.
Yes, tonsil stones. They’re pretty common. They’re a buildup of bacteria and food gunk in the little crevices of your tonsils. I have huge tonsils and I get them fairly often. They’re harmless but can make your breath smell bad. I use a flashlight and a q-tip to gently remove them.
Hydrate really well and gargle with warm salt water.
For me it turned out to be a problem with my swallowing that was probably related to a thyroid condition. On thyroid meds, my swallowing is somehow stronger or better so it’s not an issue anymore? If it hadn’t been a thyroid thing, there was some kind of physiotherapist I could have gone seen to work on “dysphagia.”
Good question! I had that happen about 10 years ago for a few years, and they went away on their own. I had nearly forgotten about those stinky little stones. I hope you get some relief!
For me, it was taking allergy medicine that helped. I think mine were related to post-nasal drip. I also gargle every night.
I also had them related to post-nasal drip and allergy medicine has helped.
I have them, and didn’t know there was anything I could do about them. I find a bobby pin useful for excavation.
Is it really obvious when you have these? Or can you have them and not know? I’ve noticed my breath is a little more smelly than normal and can’t pinpoint why. I feel like such an idiot asking this. I can’t feel or see anything….but maybe they’re covert and I need to go feeling?
I used to get them way back when… I self-diagnosed it as thrush and promptly did nothing about it, and forgot about it, and now it’s gone?
Yes. The first time I saw one I didn’t know what it was so I screamed and freaked out and my parents took me to the doctor because all I could do was shriek. They come and go for me but I haven’t worried about it since the doctor reassured us all that there was no need to worry.
Yep.
1. Gargle with super strong black tea. It contains tannins that constrict the tissues and squeeze out the gunk.
2. Gargle with egg white + half cup warm water + 2 tsp salt (not all salt might dissolve). Egg white has several antibacterial compounds (to protect the chick) like lysozyme and salt helps with extraction.
3. Flonase. Steroidal antiinflammatory that reduces the inflammation likely responsible for swelling of the tissues and providing crevices for bacterial growth. Don’t overuse.
You can try to get them out manually: users have suggested Qtip and bobby pin, a water-squirty syringe (super cheap on Amazon is my go-to).
You can try TheraBreath (they have mouthwash and some other products). Some people swear by that and I believe it was formulated specifically to deal with tonsil stones. I use it on an “as-needed” basis.
I’ve noticed that I used to get them once in a while as a kid/student. Came back full force when I got braces (maybe I had more gunk/bacteria buildup?) and recently I’ve started tracking my cycle and it appears to be a PMS symptom for me (go figure). Eating a lot of dairy/milk seems to contribute to an increase as well.
I used to get these because my tonsils were so pitted from having acute tonsilitis at age 19. I had my tonsils out in my late 20s.
First time I was 4 – an older relative. I remember the shock at what a penis tasted like.
Second time I was 11. A grandmother’s boyfriend offered to ‘help me with my sunscreen’ and proceeded to fondle me while my parents were nearby but distracted with other things. I was too shocked and confused to say anything.
Third time I was in high school. I’d drank too much at a party I wasn’t supposed to be at, and was digitally penetrated by at least three boys. I felt like I deserved for being intoxicated in a place I wasn’t supposed to be. Didn’t tell anyone.
Fourth time I was in college. A good friend who had cried when I gently turned down his advances weeks before crawled into bed with me and started groping me. I felt guilty for rejecting him when he was ‘such a nice guy’ and pretended I was sleeping. When I told my boyfriend about it the next day he broke up with me for ‘letting’ this boy sleep in my bed.
F*ck everybody.
I’m so sorry. F*ck everybody.
No, f*ck men. Let’s name the problem.
OP, I’m so sorry for the crimes these men committed against you.
No, f*ck the a$$hats that did this to you. They are not all men. Let’s not forget that there are good men in this world and go turning this into a man-bashing-fest.
OP, I’m so sorry for what you went through and I hope you are (or have) talked to somebody about this to help work through this and realize this is not your fault.
There it is! There’s the not all men! Wouldn’t be this s!te without it.
Hhahahahaha “not all men”. All four people above were men. My attacker was a man. It’s men. Statistically, it’s always men. Men are trash. And f*ck men.
I am not the previous commenter. It’s not all men. I too have been a victim of assault but I do not blame all men for for what two men did to me. If you can’t stand to hear someone say that, in fact, not all men sexually assault women – which is a fact – maybe you should not read here. I am sorry hearing facts is so disturbing for you.
I haven’t noticed a whole lot of men preventing other men from assaulting women (unless it’s “their” women), or holding them to account in meaningful ways. I haven’t noticed that men with a reputation get much push back from their male friend groups. So yes, this is an “all men” problem.
I believe you.
My father was first as a child. Then later in college at HYP, I actually felt lucky that I escaped due to my friends’ many experiences….unfortunately, I only escaped till my 2nd to last week of college. I saw a “friend” stumbling out of a cab. I was sober and offered to help him back to his dorm. Wrong decision. His roommate actually heard me scream and stopped him. I told my roommates. One went with me to the appropriate office to report the assault, where I was discouraged from filing a police report. I’ll never forget being asked, “wouldn’t you just prefer to end your college career on a good note without facing an expensive, embarrassing investigation”. The university employee also pointed out that I was on full financial aid, and my attacker was a wealthy finals club member who would fight me, because obviously the type of justice you receive is contingent on your family background.
No rape kit was done even though my roommates told me not to shower. The office didn’t even mention it. I left there with a pamphlet about assault and a business card for a counselor who I never called. I felt numb and dead. I told my mom, who blamed me for going to a guy’s room (what??). I told my boyfriend, who wanted to beat the guy up, which left me feeling the need to minimize the assault to keep my boyfriend out of trouble.
I’m glad that my school was later sued due to its repeated negligence in handling assault cases. I’m sad that I tried doing everything right, and the system failed me. I’m scared some day my attacker will be a SCOTUS nominee, and no one will believe me.
I’m so sorry. I believe you. I went to the other school in Cambridge and heard a lot of horror stories about how sexual assault was handled. It’s a big part of why I don’t give money to my alma mater.
In college, I was digitally penetrated by a drunk guy who claimed to be very religious. After the incident, he said he remembered nothing. I reported it to the white male organizers of the event I was attending and was told it was my fault for being in a room with men. I felt so alone.
I was publicly shamed in the local newspaper for having the audacity, as a girl from the wrong side of the tracks, to accuse a medical student from the right side of the tracks. Not only did he sexually assault me, but I spent 6 hours unconscious from the beating. Despite my emergency room records, the grand jury bought his consent defense.
I’m so sorry. I believe you. And I wish you had ended up in my office instead of wherever that was. Just know that some of us within the system are doing everything we can to make sure victims have as good (not awful?) of an experience as possible.
I hope all of this being more out in the open now changes the minds of the public. Because sadly, I have repeatedly seen juries acquit in cases just like you describe because the defendant “has a bright future” and “it wasn’t that bad.” And I work in a very liberal coastal city. It’s enraging. But watching something I’ve seen in courtrooms and grand juries for years play out in the media gives me some hope that perhaps things will change.
Maybe we work on the same team, I’m an SVU prosecutor in a “liberal” coastal city as well, and I tell my family and friends and anyone who will listen: there’s nothing quite as sobering as a jury that won’t convict on a rape case because they’re too wedded to old rape myths about what a “real rape” and a “real victim” looks like. The further we get from the stranger-jumps-out-of-a-bush narrative, the more shocked and disappointed I am at the responses from my so-called progessive community.
When I was a kid my mom told me if I was ever raped that she would never tell my father or brother because she was afraid of what they would do.
So from the minute I knew what rape was I also knew that if it happened my family would keep it quiet to protect my male family members rather than seeking justice for me. I knew it would be my burden to bear for the sake of the family.
That’s sad. You really shouldn’t have internalized it as “I’m protecting my Dad and brother so I have to stay quiet” but rather “what was done to me was so wrong and my Dad and brother love me so much that they might actually kill the perpetrator”. It’s unfortunate you colored it that way, maybe a therapist can help you reframe it in a healthier way.
Except it’s a real thing. You don’t want to see your family in that position. OP’s reaction is totally understandable and doesn’t need to be reframed. She probably gets that but it doesn’t change that it had a chilling effect.
Yes, let’s blame her!
“Should”? “SHOULD”?!?!
No. How dare you attack her again for telling this story.
To the “anon” commenter at 10:19, I hope your family did express all kinds of love in other ways not mentioned in your post, and I hope therapy and other support systems you choose do help you.
To the “Anon” poster at the 11:17,
-Violence and the threat of violence are never ever love.
-Women are not responsible for men’s actions. None of us are responsible for each other’s actions, but in this day of victim blaming, it’s especially important to say, women are not responsible for men’s actions.
Thanks for telling me how I’m wrong about literally being told that if I were assaulted we’d have to keep it a secret! I guess I don’t remember you being there when this event went down, but gosh, I’m glad you were so that now you can correct my mistaken impression.
Oh, wait. You weren’t there, were you?
First off, I’ve never been assaulted although I was once put in a situation where I literally only escaped by some aggressive bluffing and sheer luck. So while I carried this with me for most of my life and it affected how I thought about assault, fortunately, I never had to find out. Truth is, I think that my mom was actually wrong. I think that my dad would have been angry to the point of madness, but he would have gotten it together to focus on me. Unfortunately, my mom had also received the societal message that women are responsible for containing male violence, and she passed it on to me. I love both my parents deeply and I have a great relationship with them, and they stood by me through some hard things. It’s possible to love someone and also recognize that they passed one some terrible societal baggage to you.
In fact, only by recognizing that can we grow, I think.
I think that the lesson from all of this is never go to a school with stuff like this. 1) they are a school and maybe they do school-stuff well, but this is not school stuff 2) real police can take you to a SANE nurse who can gather and preserve evidence and 3) real health care professionals, including SANE nurses, can make sure you know how to get tested for STDs, have follow-up care, etc.
Where is that school, Mars?
I think she meant go to hospital/police, not the school.
This is how I originally read her comment, but I think she means “when this happens, don’t take it to the school, take it to the cops”, not, pick your college based off how they handle these types of issues.
I am with you.
OP – I have no words. I am so so sorry what happened to you. I hope you know now that it was never your fault, whether or not you’re drunk or intoxicated. My heart breaks for you as it has all week for all the brave survivors who have come forward with their story.
It looks like at this point Kavanaugh will get appointed. I am beyond angry and sad. I know I will remember this moment not just come November, but for the rest of my life. I will NEVER vote Republican, and I hope the entire GOP burns to the ground. They’re fully and in every way the party of Trump. My hope is that in the long run, this moment galvanizes more women to run for office and I vow to support as many of them in as many ways as I can.
I agree. I am so sorry. I believe you, and I believe all of the other brave survivors who are sharing their stories.
I don’t know what to do with all of the rage and helplessness that I’m feeling right now. I have two reliable Democratic Senators and am in a non-competitive Democratic House district. I made a donation this morning to a female Democrat in a tight House race in a neighboring district. I just don’t know else how to move forward, or how I can even begin to find common ground with the half of America that supports appointing a sexual predator to the Supreme Court.
Just FYI, they don’t support appointing a predator! They don’t think the allegations or proof are sufficient. Do you really think they want to appoint a predator? Goodness, you think poorly of people.
They had no problem appointing Clarence Thomas.
That is what’s known as willful blindness. Because they just do no give a fvck.
The standard for the Supreme Court isn’t anyone who has not been convicted of a crime, it’s someone of high moral probity. There is no way this rapey frat boy meets that standard. You know in your heart of hearts that if his frat brothers ever broke the code, there would be plenty of evidence.
+1 to this. For the record, I don’t want him confirmed. But people see themselves in other people. Just like the women here see themselves in Dr. Ford, a lot of people see themselves in Kavanaugh. That makes it a lot easier to rationalize bad behavior. It’s the same reason it’s so hard to get convictions for drunk driving. A lot of people have made that mistake once or twice and were fortunate enough to have not had anything bad happen. So those people think “I made a bad decision and I could have killed someone. If I had, it would be terrible but I’m still a good person and wouldn’t want my life ruined for that, and so this person deserves the same chance.”
A related problem is just how little a lot of people understand the sexual assault problem. They just don’t comprehend the severity, but other things (like not having someone you want on the bench, or a guy you know to be upstanding having his one shot at the pinnacle of success denied because of one thing that he may or may not have done is totally relatable to them and comprehendable.
I think that if we really want to see a change, we need to educate. It sucks, but we need to change minds and change the framing of these issues if we’re going to win anything for our cause.
…have you looked at the stats on Republicans who believe that he should be appointed even if the allegations are true? 54%
https://www.salon.com/2018/09/27/poll-majority-of-republicans-want-brett-kavanaugh-confirmed-even-if-assault-accusations-are-true/
I do think poorly of people. Because I think people do believe her, and they just don’t care. They think his future is bigger than a mistake he made as a teenager (or college kid) and they just don’t give AF about hers.
I’m so sorry you have been subjected to such abhorrent behavior.
I, too, have been sexually assaulted. A week before my 21st birthday, I was at a party with friends. I drank too much and blacked out on the floor of my friend’s house. Sometime during the night, I stirred and realized there was someone behind me who was rubbing himself against me. I thought it was a good friend who I had been sleeping with, so I didn’t stop him. When he started to pull down my pants, I realized it was some random guy I didn’t know. I had to tell him to stop several times before he did. He left immediately after, and I never saw his face. To this day, I still don’t know who he is.
I feel your pain, but we simply can NOT simply write off 50% of the population (i.e. all men). We DO need men for child bearing and companionship, so we must do what we can to focus on the GOOD ones. I spent the day yesterday listening to the Senate Comittee talking about the s-xueal assault issue, and do NOT think we should be rash. The manageing partner thought it was more important for the WHOLE firm to listen in the conference room then to work on our cases. He said NOT to worry about the billeing, so I did NOT. I hope other employer’s are as progressive as we are. YAY!!
I’m so sorry. I believe you and I hope you have a loving support system to be there for you.
Thanks for telling us. It makes us know we aren’t alone. I maxed out my donation to a woman running to turn a red district but I don’t otherwise know what we can do to make things better. This board is full of awesome women. Any ideas?
There are red to blue efforts in many states. If you do a bit of online research, I think you will find some good candidates to support, if you want to donate to races not in your state but that matter a lot. (I don’t want to insert links to avoid moderation.) I will be donating to three women tonight who are in tight House races but who aren’t in my district: one in my state, one in my neighboring state, and one in my home state.
I look at close races (House, Senate, state) and then give relatively small amounts to Democrats (whose platforms look fine to me) in those races. NYTimes has good coverage of close House races. I didn’t find helpful information on the EMILY’s List website, but gave for the first time yesterday and just got an email about competitive races.
I haven’t found an easy to use source for state races, but would love to hear recommendations.
I want to donate as well but got uncomfortable about having to share my employer information. I work for an explicitly nonpartisan organization and they don’t stop us from donating to campaigns but I didn’t realize I’d have to share that level of detail.
I believe you. And I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Kamala Harris’ twitter account says:
I know that today’s hearing was difficult for a lot of people across the country. Please know there is support available if you need it.
If you need support,
contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-HOPE
online.rainn.org
I believe you. My dad told me if I got raped to just sit back and enjoy it. Wtf. I knew reporting anything would be useless too.
I assume your dad, if still around, thinks Dr. Ford is a lying wh0re. How does he feel about the p*ssy grabber in chief?
How is your marriage different than that of your parents? How is it similar? (dynamics, issues, communication style, etc)
Well, my parents had a ton of issues and got divorced before I was 2. I’m 3 years into a marriage with real communication, shared values, interests, and a deep friendship, and my marriage has already lasted longer than theirs. So like…. we like each other. We communicate with each other. We really don’t have issues. Well, that’s because when issues come up we deal with them until they aren’t issues anymore, whereas my parents just avoided all conflict.
I will say that my parents had an interracial/intercultural/interfaith relationship and I do too. They just made assumptions about the other person and what the shared family situation would look like, and it ended badly with everyone upset. We’ve been through our rough periods with that (i.e., DHs family doesn’t know what to do with a non-white person) but it’s cool now, and we have a killer partnership that has really grown through that challenge.
Not yet married, but I already have a better relationship with my future in-laws than my mother has with hers of 30+ years.
My parents didn’t have the same views on how to handle money, and for this reason (and several others) they are no longer married. I made sure my husband and I discussed finances at length before we even got engaged. Coming up on our third anniversary, the difference is already stark. My parents were in a boatload of debt their entire marriage and long after. My husband and I buckled down for 2.5 years and will be debt-free when my last student loan payment process on Monday.
My parents never seemed to like each other very much and fought constantly. Sometimes I even wondered if they hated each other. I married someone I actually like as well as love and while we disagree sometimes we have never fought the way my parents did (items were thrown and broken) and we never will.
My parents divorced after about 20 unhappy years of marriage, including infidelity. They were terrible at communicating with each other and were not very caring or respectful towards each other. My husband and I have been married for almost 13 years and although we argue with each other and get mad sometimes, we have respectful conversations where we discuss our disagreements. We never yell or name call or make threats. We don’t cheat. Although one thing I just thought about is he and I both have work friends of the opposite sex and it is not a big deal. I trust him, he trusts me and we keep healthy boundaries with those friends. My husband is not a jealous person and so has never asked, but I would let him look through my phone at my communications with those friends and feel fine about it. (I am a little jealous and occasionally ask to see his phone and he lets me.) Anyway, point being my parents did not have friends of the opposite sex and would have gotten mad and jealous about it. My husband and I also are much more egalitarian in our division of labor, including child care, which helps I think. We also both deeply feel like our marriage is important to not just us, but to our family unit and want to stay together so our kids do not experience divorce. (No judgment on anyone else with this statement. Everyone needs to do what is best for their own families.) It helps that we are still attracted to one another and really like hanging out together. I still find him funny and interesting and he is at his core a kind person. My parents were very resentful towards each other, fairly and unfairly, but it was fatal to the marriage.
What are your favorite easy hair styles and products, especially organic, for fine hair? I always just brush it and leave it down because I have to wrap a ponytail holder around four times before it stays in, and the usual clips are too big and slide out of my hair. If anyone is familiar with the lilla rose clips, I can use an extra small to do a french twist and a mini for a ponytail. I keep buying conditioners, but they make my hair feel flat and more oily than it already is, not that I just left the salon light, clean feeling.
I wonder if hair elastics and accessories made for children would work better? I know that seems like a ridic comment, but you might be able to find things that are just meant to hold less hair and that are not, like, peppa pig themed. Basic smaller elastics/holders could work, and Crewcuts might have adult-looking clips, etc.
Upon inspection of Crewcuts hair section, I take it back. Unless you are sure you can get away with a pineapple themed headband….which I’m sure you can, but I don’t think that’s what you were looking for ;-)
My hair is fine, but maybe not as fine as you are describing? In any case, my trick is to spray the clip with hairspray so it will grab onto my hair. I don’t know anything about organic hair products, but maybe that’s something you could try?
Spin pins and the Goody braided elastics have good staying power – a lot of other things slide out of my hair. It may help to skip the conditioner sometimes, or condition your hair first and then shampoo your scalp second. Personally I have lots of fine, oily, slippery hair, and I deal with it by dyeing it. The bleach in hair dye opens up the cuticle and makes it rougher, which gives you more texture and makes your hair look fuller. I do a box dye one shade lighter than my natural color and it looks like I haven’t dyed it at all. Dyeing once every eight weeks or so is easier than styling it every day.
I like The Small Things blog for hairstyle ideas. Maybe some type of texture spray or dry shampoo would help. I think you need to have your hair a bit more gritty or dirty for updos.
Make sure you look in her archives. She doesn’t do much with hair anymore, unfortunately.
I know. I miss the hairstyle posts. I usually just go to her YouTube channel to look for videos.
+1 to adding in texture. I have very fine, soft hair and I keep it from looking limp a few ways:
1. Pixie cut – anything longer weighs it down too much. I recognize this is the nuclear option.
2. Hair powder – Aveda makes one which is probably organic.
3. Volumizing hairspray – this is what I use most often for everyday texture. I got a big can of Aussie for like $6.
I have fine, but thick hair so YMMV, but I years ago I found the thicker hairties work so much better. And use a new one when the old one gets too stretched out.
Don’t laugh. I use these dog hairclips in my silly fine hair:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/525328756/puppy-bows-clearance-sale-wee-super-tiny?ref=shop_home_active_80
https://www.etsy.com/listing/501013753/puppy-bows-craft-items-bow-making?ref=shop_home_active_44
Invisibobble nano (the smallest size). It’s a plastic coil that you wrap around your hair once and it holds it in place, and the hair can sit in the coils so that your ponytail looks thicker. Also decreases breakage.
I take 10,000 mg of biotin a day. Started with 5,000 for about 6 months, then kicked it up to ten. Much less breakage. Been doing this for at least a year.
Goody spin pins (the small size) are good, too.
My hair is a mousy dark blonde, and I partial foil blonde into it, which gives my hair some “beef” as my sweet hairdresser says.
I use dry shampoo sparingly. It’s not that great for my scalp. Sadly, cause I love me some dry shampoo :) I do apply L’Anza healing oil at night before bed.
I’m still ragey about the Kavanaugh hearing. I believe Dr. Ford, but even setting the assault allegations aside, I feel like his demeanor was so inappropriate for a potential justice. Screaming, interrupting and belittling female senators, raging about a liberal conspiracy and trying to bring the Clintons (!?) into this, screeching about the loss of the seat he’s entitled to – it all just seemed so wildly inappropriate for an officially apolitical office. And yes I’m liberal but I know if Kavanaugh doesn’t get confirmed, Trump will just appoint another conservative. I have no illusions that Democrats can stop Trump from changing the make up of the Court, I’d just prefer it be someone like Gorsuch who hasn’t raped anyone (that we know of at least) and who can maintain his composure during hearings.
No sh*t. Even if I was undecided before the hearings, his demeanor completely disqualifies him in my opinion. I wish someone has asked him whether how his hatred of Democrats and his belief in a vast left-wing conspiracy would impact his rulings on cases arising out of Democratic administrations.
What a joke / nightmare this whole thing has been.
He’s who Brock Turner grows up to be.
Yeah. I just…can’t. I feel as sick about this as I felt about Trump’s election.
I feel totally manipulated by Kavanaugh’s performance. He was like the typical abusive boyfriend – instead of being able to calmly and firmly deny the allegations because they aren’t true, he demonstrated they ARE true because of his histrionics. Crocodile tears, trying to draw on our emotions with irrelevant references to his father’s calendar habits, raising his voice in a clearly practiced way to be intimidating but it’s actually more intimidating because you see how truly angry he is underneath, emphasizing how much HE is the victim here and how his life has been destroyed, the works. I don’t believe his story for one damn second. That’s before you get to his comfort and willingness to believe conspiracy theories.
I believe Blasey Ford, Ramirez, and Swetnick. The only liars here are Kavanaugh and the GOP.
Agree. He’s not the vic. He’s an overprivileged, entitled, con artist who refused to answer questions straight on and gave irrelevant narratives to eat up time in order to portray the fiction that he’s a pious, studious athlete who only parties on the weekends within very reasonable limits. Forget about the importance of process and due diligence and fact finding, all things he’s supposed to uphold.
He reminded me so much of my abusive ex that I had to stop watching. An abusive ex who repeatedly severely physically assaulted me, including in public, and electronically tracked me to boot. I had to go to a neighboring city to find a police officer who would believe me and actually initiate an investigation/file a report. I had to get a restraining order against him, he wouldn’t abide by the restraining order, so I moved to a different city. Kavanaugh’s mannerisms and phrases he uses remind me so much of how this person treated me, along with the fact they are both white men from privileged backgrounds that were partners at the same law firm.
“Crocodile tears, trying to draw on our emotions with irrelevant references to his father’s calendar habits,”
WHAT?!?
Women here were mocking his calendar habits and calling it stupid and freaky. They laughed at how detailed they were. No one ever would have thought that they existed until Kavanaugh dug them up to prove his whereabouts on every single day that summer.
What kind of sick, twisted animals are you, that you mock a man for proving his innocence against a wild, evidence-free fantasy?
He hasn’t “proved” anything. It is irrelevant that he learned to calendar from his father. His fake tears recalling that oh-so-poignant memory have nothing to do with the allegations at hand. They were designed to prey on women’s emotions and make himself seem like a nice guy.
Of course he’s not going to write down “Tuesday, sexually assault Christine. Wednesday, more brewskis.” How thick are you?
The calendar does not prove or disprove anything.
He has not proven his innocence.
I would recommend you not call people animals.
+1
Hi again, I recognize you from other postings you’ve made on the site recently. I think you are almost certainly a guy who is a lot like Kavanaugh and finds this whole circus extremely threatening to your own identity. This s!te is not the place for you to process those feelings. You need to go elsewhere. Reddit has many subgroups where you can post about your injured delicate petal male feelings. Okay? Okay. Thanks!
I kind of think that Kavanaga was a party boy in school and that he did get drunk. When I was in DC, there were alot of guys that drank and squeezed my tuchus and boobies (w/o permisison), especialy in Georgetown at the bars I went to meet guys. Back then it was considered fair game if a girl came into a bar w/o a guy, that she could be hit on by guys, and from my perspective, it was NOT ideal, but there were NOT alot of other ways to meet alot of guys in a short period of time. Yes, I did meet guys in classes, but most were NOT interested in helping me with class assignments unless they were goeing to get s-x or something close out of it and I was NOT interested in that. So at least in a bar, there is nothing gained or lost other then a squeezed tuchus for the chance to meet alot of guys so we did it. Some of my freinds did get drunk, but not me b/c Grandma Trudy warned me about the party boys that lurked around in DC — not the least of which went into politics in the 1950s and 1960s.
Now that the confirmation vote has been postponed, does the HIVE think that he will get confirmed? I think they will dig up more dirt and he will not get confirmed, and if that is the case then Trump will elect another judge quickly. He is to old to have squeezed my tuchus, but trust me, there were alot of guys that looked alot like him that did. FOOEY!
Flake just said he would vote for him.
Bush is making calls for him.
Daily reminder that even moderates don’t have the guts to stand up to the extremism that has taken over their party.
I am, too. I’m mad as a sexual assault victim. I’m mad as a woman. I’m mad as the mother of a young daughter. I’m mad as a Democrat. I’m mad as an attorney. But most of all, I’m mad as an American. I was raised to believe in democratic ideals and to revere the Supreme Court – who I believed were a group of brilliant jurists who were charged with deciding the toughest legal questions without overt partisanship. I knew that they had their own political beliefs that influenced their decisions, but the degree of partisanship I saw from Kavanaugh yesterday is beyond the pale. I’m also deeply concerned about his support of wild conspiracy theories and his demeanor during yesterday’s testimony.
Overall, I’m just so very disgusted with this entire sham.
Yes this is how I feel – most of all, mad as an American. I thought the Supreme Court was one of the highest examples of “with great power comes great responsibility” and they were supposed to be as “above partisianship” as possible. When did this change, or has it always been this way and I was just naive to the truth? Why are SO MANY people willing to allow overt bias, just because it happens to benefit them this time?
I feel so disgusted with this entire process and feel pretty hopeless about how we can change this. All the midterms and protests and walkouts won’t change our political system and collective morals.
This. Exactly. We can do so much better as a country.
I feel the same way.
Thanks for saying that. The tone of his remarks is wholly inappropriate for a jurist in traffic court, let alone the Supreme Court and will erode faith in this institution as a place where some of our most difficult legal issues are resolved.
If you were accused of something you didn’t do, what would you do? Rape and gang rape are horrible things — if you didn’t do them, what option do you have? If it were me, it looks like your only option is to go down or go down swinging. I’d chose option #2.
[I say this feeling that what people think of all this lines up 100% with their politics before this. I was a victim of an assault by a grownup when I was a child. But I grew up in a culture where a man’s word in court was always valued over a woman’s and where women are still stoned and denied custody of their children in a divorce. Mob rule terrifies me. I am very grateful to live here now and have immense respect for how things like the FRE work, especially the hearsay rules (and what is hearsay, non-hearsay, direct evidence, etc.). If you are open theoretically to the chance that a person may be telling the truth when they are wrongfully accused, then it seems that the person is damned if they speak with no passion and damned if they speak with passion.]
You would calmly, firmly, and consistently deny it, answer ALL questions honestly, and call for an FBI investigation to clear your name. It’s not that hard.
Which is why he, and all of the Republicans on the committee, so strongly supported an investigation, of course.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to speak passionately or cry when he’s talking about the accusations. He is accused of terrible things and I understand that’s very upsetting if he’s innocent. But what’s the explanation for bringing partisan politics into it and yelling at senators who are asking pertinent questions? Amy Klobacher asked him “Have you ever been blackout drunk before?” The appropriate answer to that is either “No, never” or “Yes, a few times. I did some stupid sh!t in high school, but I never assaulted anyone.” Instead he just screamed at her “HAVE YOU!?” Explain to me how that behavior is appropriate, even if Kavanaugh is innocent.
And fwiw, it didn’t make him look more innocent. It made him look like a mean, violent man who is very capable of holding a woman down on a bed and covering her mouth.
That was exactly my thought. He was incredibly rude and disrespectful to the women who questioned him, much less so to the men. This is a man who does not respect women.
Aside from that, his come-out-swinging strategy was appalling. His prepared (prepared!) remarks showed him to be so partisan, so conspiracy-theory-baiting, that I don’t know how anyone could in good conscience confirm him as a neutral, sober, non-partisan judge.
I think it’s too late. I think he will be confirmed. But if this doesn’t fire up the moderates and lefties to organize, nothing will. It’s not enough to just show up to vote any more. We all need to campaign.
I am sure many people admired every aspect of his performance and sleep quite soundly at night. So many people admire men just exactly like him in their personal lives.
Many people (men), including our president who tweeted about his admiration immediately following.
This is one of the times I wish I could use emoji here, because the barfing one would come in handy right now.
This isn’t a criminal proceeding. It’s a job interview.
+1 Even if you think Kavanaugh is innocent, his behavior during testimony would had disqualified him from any other job I can think of, let alone a lifetime appointment on the Supreme Court. We should all be embarrassed by his behavior regardless of where you fall on his innocence.
+1 million
This. Would you hire someone that a credible witness said had significant character issues, possibly criminal, problems, without completing due diligence? Who became bellicose when you asked about them?
Absolutely not! And this isn’t just any job, this is arguably one of the most important jobs in the federal government, I have no problem disqualifying this man based on the accusations and the behavior we all witnessed. Bringing a case before the Supreme Court is intimidating enough as it is, imagine doing that when one of the judges became the face of male rage and entitlement before he was even appointed.
I’ve played out this thought exercise. Here’s what I think: my best friend would be knocking down doors for the chance to say that I didn’t do it; I would be much more scared than mad; my high school yearbook would show super embarrassing stuff, but nothing demeaning to anyone; I certainly wouldn’t lie and say I’d never blacked out/drank to excess.
I’ve also thought of some bad things I’ve done… not assault, but like, dishonesty and disloyalty. And if (g-d forbid) I were nominated to the Supreme Court and those things came out, I would admit them and feel terrible and apologize. And if kissing my college roommate’s (very-recently-ex)boyfriend disqualifies me from being on the Supreme Court… fair enough I guess.
What if he is right?
What if we are all another UVA frat bro rape hoax mob? We were all so eager to believe that because it fed into all of the usual bogeymen: sons of privilege, fraternities, gang rape. It ruined people. It relied on our natural outrage for its fuel.
Why, why, WHY did Dianne Feinstein sit on this all summer instead of having the FBI investigate it then? I feel like I am manipulated into this by springing the most awful thing at the last minute.
From now on, I will support whoever is running against DF.
Quit with that beyond idiotic, beyond tired Dianne Feinstein angle already. BLASEY FORD WANTED TO KEEP IT CONFIDENTIAL.
Plus, this “it’s so last-minute” argument is so stupid – it’s only last-minute because Republicans are trying to ram a vote through before the midterms. Other confirmations have taken 10x as long as in the past and that is a good thing. It should take years if necessary.
No, they haven’t. RBG’s process took 42 days. Sotomayor’s took 66, Kagan’s 87, and Breyer’s 73. We’re now at 82 for Kavanaugh and counting. The notion that this is happening at warp speed is incorrect.
Yes Yes Yes.
We saw his true character when he refused to shake the hand of the grieving dad. Everything since then has just confirmed that he is unfit for the office he holds, let alone anything more important. When Hillary talked about a vast right wing conspiracy, she got laughed off the page. Now it’s his turn. BK go away. Just. Go.Away.
Word.
I’m really heartbroken over this. I used to identify as a Republican and I feel like this firmly and finally closes the door on that chapter. I find Trump and everything that came along with him abhorrent, but something about this testimony really made it hit home that it has seeped into every part of the Republican party and there is no longer even a shred of basic decency.
I grew up in a similar white, privileged community and I see exactly how the boys that I grew up with turn into men like Brett Kavanaugh. I believe Dr. Ford. I also believe Brett Kavanaugh’s claims that he wouldn’t have raped anyone and that it isn’t who he is. His poor treatment of women seems to have everything to do with impressing the guys around him by playing into really toxic ideas of masculinity. That he wouldn’t have *actually* raped Dr. Ford is irrelevant – he was willing to sacrifice her in the name of male bonding. It actually reminds me of a few college teammates who were the most aggressively offensive to women and seemed to most fully embrace misogyny who later came out as gay. In their rush to deflect negative attention around their own sexuality, they trashed women as a way of participating in male bonding and solidifying their place in the social structure.
I had the most frustrating conversation with my dad about why she wouldn’t have come forward 35 years ago. Nobody seems confused by why it took some Catholic boys so long to come forward about that abuse. Why is there so much faux confusion about why this wasn’t worth the personal sacrifice to Dr. Ford until he was up for SC?
I’m just so disgusted and sad for my daughter that this is still where society is.
Ooooh yes, this: “I also believe Brett Kavanaugh’s claims that he wouldn’t have raped anyone and that it isn’t who he is. His poor treatment of women seems to have everything to do with impressing the guys around him by playing into really toxic ideas of masculinity. That he wouldn’t have *actually* raped Dr. Ford is irrelevant – he was willing to sacrifice her in the name of male bonding.”
Even if he wouldn’t have taken it *all the way to rape*, the way he treated her and apparently several other women is abhorrent and the way he’s conducted himself in the hearings has only further convinced me she’s telling the truth.
Jeff Flake: 202-224-4521
Lisa Murkowski: 202-224-6665
Susan Collins: 202-224-2523
Joe Manchin: 202-224-3954
Call now. It only takes a minute. I don’t care if you’re a constituent – this is about the entire country.
It really isn’t effective to call if you’re not a constituent. Susan Collins truly does not care what people in California or Indiana or Alabama think. She only cares about people in Maine because they’re the only people who vote for her. Maybe, possibly if you grew up in Maine but no longer live there she would care. But anyone else, it’s just a waste of time and prevents constituents from getting through. I get it, I’m outraged too but this really doesn’t help.
I have just tried to call all four numbers – all were busy and no messages could be left. Though they do not represent my area and I would not normally do it, I feel so strongly about this. I will try again during the night.
I sent emails to my senators yesterday. It’s not going to change their minds, sadly, (I’m in Texas) but at least I’m in the stats.
I went into the hearings with as open a mind as possible. I really tried to consider all possibilities. I have never in my entire life called anyone a douche, but this guy is the definition of one. Guilty or not, he is by no means of the caliber to watch Court TV, much less be on the Supreme Court.
I agree. I lean liberal but I don’t automatically default to believing every accusation of sexual assault. But Ford was a far more persuasive witness.
I’m looking at new wool coats for winter. Option #1 is 75% wool, 20% nylon, 5% cashmere and option #2 is 60% wool, 20% nylon, 20% cashmere. Which one will be warmer?
What is the lining? How thick is the coat? How do the coats close (zipper, buttons, toggles, is there fabric to block the wind from coming in?) Is there a hood?
Just looking at the numbers you gave I would say option #2 because cashmere is warmer than wool. But that also depends on the quality of the cashmere.
What kind of weather are we talking about? Because the only coat that keeps you truly warm in a rough winter is down.
Not if it rains! Down is beyond useless if it gets slightly wet, but wool and cashmere still insulate just as well when it’s soaking.
If getting a wool peacoat I always look for one that has thinsulate added to it. It makes it much much warmer.
You should feel the fabric and try the coats on in person. Fabric makeup percentages don’t tell the whole picture. 70% wool of a decent weight and weave is still going to be better than 90% wool of a thin poor quality weave.
I’m traveling for work soon and will be staying at the big Hyatts in downtown San Diego. I haven’t been in about 10 years. I remember there is a nice pathway along the water and some little shops nearby. Any good restaurants to eat at? Or shops not to miss?
Also, I’ve never been to Mexico and was wondering if it was quick/easy to do from there — I think there was a train you could take? I may not have enough time to do anything but touch Mexican soil and go back, but it seems a shame not to try at least. #dontgetoutmuch
There is a train that takes you right to the border at Tijuana. Not worth it in my opinion, though – there’s nothing much to see.
I was just in San Diego – the Little Italy area is cute, lots of little shops to wander around in, and good restaurants. I wish I’d had more time.
I would skip the Mexico trip. The border town isn’t that great.
I would recommend Barrio Logan over trying to visit Tijuana if you want to soak up some Chicano culture. I had a lovely hour or so just walking around the park, gazing at the murals.
+1. And get tacos and churros at SALUD!
Take the water taxi/ferry to Coronado Island. The ride is under 10 minutes from what I remember. Coronado has lots of cute shops and good restaurants near the landing. You don’t have to go all the way out to the famous hotel.
I have a friend who is an extrovert- she recharges by being around other people. I’m an introvert- I recharge by being alone. I’m in a pretty crazy time at work right now, so I haven’t been super available to hang out. When I’m not working, I want to be my myself to recharge. I’ve told her the time frame of my busy season and that I want to spend time with her when it’s done. Her response is that she makes time for me even when she’s busy at work, so I should do the same. How do I get her to understand that it’s not the same situation- her hanging out when she’s busy at work is how she recharges but I need to be alone to recharge. It’s not that I don’t want to see her, just that I need to relax in a different way.
I guess you’re only a seasonal friend and she wants a friend-friend. She makes you a priority. Why can’t you hang out at home with her?
If you want friends, you make time to see them. Maybe not as much time as she wants, but other people have feelings and needs to and if you want to maintain a friendship, figuring out how to see her from time to time would help. Being an introvert isn’t an excuse for being selfish.
This. You can do both you know, care for yourself and make time for your friends. If you don’t, you’re choosing not to have those friends.
I’m the extroverted friend – what I’d want is for you to remind me that you’re an introvert and need a little “me” time to re-charge. You could offer to meet for a meal (everyone has to eat and it’s a limited time frame for you). Otherwise, how about a movie night at your house? Wear sweatpants, order some take-out, drink wine, and watch a movie together. Would that allow you to both meet in the middle? A little talking but mostly relaxing on the couch. Or of course it’s also a totally valid decision to wait until you have more time and want to meet up with her.
Same. Please just tell me that you need alone time to re-charge. I will understand and not take it personally.
Time to recharge is one thing. “This is my busy season and I chose not to see you then” really doesn’t fly. For three months you have no time?
I’m similar to you, OP and here’s what I try to do: spend a Friday or Saturday night by myself and recharge, while having scheduled a weekend breakfast out. Again, it’s a meal so you have to eat, but I find that even if I have to work on a weekend, it’s much easier to start/go into the office later (say 10:00 or 10:30) than try to leave to meet someone for dinner at like 6:00.
How often does she want to hang out? I’m an introvert too and I don’t usually go out during the week. But I like going out right after work on Friday for drinks/dinner and then I have the rest of the weekend to relax.
Ignore the vert part and just focus on the fact you’re different. “And that’s one of the things that makes you so special. I’m not built like that – when I’m extra busy, I need time to myself and get stressed when I add even more to my calendar. Please appreciate that is what makes me special, too.”
That said, you don’t say how long this time period is. If it’s a month or longer, you probably should still try to see her at least once. Plan something low key, like wine and pajamas and horrible movies, and invite her over. Show her that you still value spending time with her and you still value her friendship.
Honestly, extroverts just don’t get this kind of thing. “But what’s the big deal, we can meet for dinner, you have to eat anyway.” There’s a HUGE difference between meeting for a social dinner at the end of a long day and me eating a bowl of rice on my couch with calm and quiet all around.
What I would do is offer up plans with this friend on the weekends instead. Find a time that works with your recharge schedule and with hers and just don’t even try to convince her on the weeknight thing because she’ll probably never get it.
I’m like you but find that breakfasts/coffees/lunches/runs/exercise classes with a friend or small group of friends are refreshingly not draining while dinners/parties/sporting events/concerts with a friend or group absolutely wear me out.
I’m you. Being with most people drains me. Having to process words and coming up with responses drains me. My work-around is to have dinner with Friend(s) after work on Fridays when the week is behind me and the weekend is right ahead. Or brunch on Saturday. That means I have the whole evening to myself. Don’t even ask about Sunday. I get cranky if people try to take Sunday from me.
I definitely am drained by interaction and recharged by alone time, but when it’s gotten to the point that I am too drained to do things anyway, it’s because there was a medical issue. If you need not just alone time but REST, please take it up with a doctor.
What are you having tonight, or what meal did you have last night? Looking for inspiration. Feeding a whole family so ideally nothing too finicky but mostly, I’m hungry and uninspired.
Thinking maybe smitten kitchen sausage risotto but I’m outta sausages
My husband made black bean soup this week, and it was delicious. We’ve had it for 3 meals (2 dinners and 1 lunch), and we still have 1 bowl left. He riffed on this recipe–https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2014/01/the-food-lab-black-bean-chicken-soup-recipe.html
Tonight we’re picking up pizza though :)
I have a herb and citrus roasted chicken that’s been pretty standard at my place for a while. Marinating chicken in a mixture of olive oil, lemon juice, orange juice, and some herbs, then baking it with that and some sliced lemons, oranges, and onions. Fairly simple, but really tasty.
Last night I ate my kids’ leftover, cold frozen pizza. Hoping to do better tonight.
I started making tortellini pot sticker style per a Smitten Kitchen recipe, and it’s been good and time saving; if I have more time, I’ll make braised roasted chicken with legs or thighs and roasted veggies. (And I’m just too upset to comment on the other threads. I believe her.)
I’m making Alton Brown’s shepherd’s pie recipe, except instead of 2 lbs of lamb I make it with 1 lb beef, and 1 pound mushrooms run through a food processor to mince them (they have so much water in them when they cook down the volume is similar), and I omit the corn and double the peas. As written I don’t think the dish has enough veggies.
That sounds wonderful! I love shepherd’s pie!
I am going out, but The Hubs and The Kid are having toothpick supper – salami, cheeses, crackers, olives, tiny pickles, marinated veggies (yay TJ’s!), carrot sticks and blue cheese dip, probably while having “movie night” in the basement. That is our default Friday night dinner.
I’m making this tonight: https://www.thegarlicdiaries.com/chicken-tortilla-soup/
When I don’t know what to make, I make tacos or kabobs. Last night was shredded pork tacos with pineapple, rice, beans, and a salad. Tonight we are either going out for Korean BBQ or I’m going to make lamb kabobs.
I made America’s Test Kitchen meatloaf with mushroom gravy the other night and it was incredible.
I have been on cooking strike for a while now, because I am the last person home, the kids have snacked to the point of satiety by the time I get here and my husband has had the temerity to say a couple of times that he doesn’t really like what I cooked.
So once I calmed down from the scorched earth point of view, my husband and I had a calm-ish discussion about dinners and I also copied something from here, to be used as a grocery shopping template (he does all the grocery shopping, once per week)
Mediterranean Monday (premade hummus, pita, tabouleh, and a bagged salad + greek dressing, olives, feta, cucumbers, tomatoes) – this way it’s also Meatless Monday. The only work is putting everything out and making the salad
Taco Tuesday – ground turkey, taco seasoning, taco shells, canned refried beans, shredded cheese, salsa, guacamole – the work is in browning the turkey, heating up the taco shells and beans. I insist that mom is not needed to accomplish this.
Whatever Wednesday – intended to be sandwich night or breakfast for dinner
Takeout Thursday – because our Uber Eats drivers are getting to know us pretty well, but we can also do a leftover night here
Festive Friday – husband and I have a cocktail at home, then go out to dinner at one of our neighborhood joints
I realize we are not going to win any culinary awards, and none of this super excites me, except that I love hummus on monday and over medium eggs on wednesday. But my kids will definitely eat all of these foods, and both they and my husband can cook everything, even if I work late or am traveling.
Overall, I have found that it helps to have a meal plan like this just to simplify things, and to keep us from buying random things at the grocery store that end up going bad before we get to them. (don’t even get me started on all those beautiful veggies from the farmer’s market)
Anything I cook that is fancy or new gets done on Saturday or Sunday.
Bravo! A framework is so helpful to keep the train on the track and its passengers knowing what to expect. Plus, I no longer walk around in a daze at the grocery store. :)
In case it makes anyone feel better, my family will be having a bag of frozen cheese tortellini, a jar of pasta sauce, a frozen garlic bread. If all the stars align (kids behave, adults get home on time), we may add a side salad. I give it a 30% chance.
We always eat out Friday (even if it’s just ordering pizza) because nobody feels like cooking Friday’s.
But last night we had tacos.
One of my new favorite meals is a sheet pan meal – meat & chopped veggies & seasoning on a sheet pan cooked in the oven & served with rice or whatever fave side. Last time I did farmer sausage, potatoes (white and sweet) and onions and mushrooms. The picky ones eat what they will eat. I happily eat the extra mushrooms. It was yummy & everyone liked it.
My friend (late 30s) wants to get this dress for “sophisticated schmoozing” for her husbands’ work events. What are your thoughts? Where should I send her instead?
https://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/chi-chi-london-exquisite-elegance-lace-dress-in-burgundy-chi-chi-london-in-burgundy/100000293526.html?kpid=10088408-BRGY-24&gclid=CjwKCAjworfdBRA7EiwAKX9HeMekGZIAbIipFLcmMhpzjNVFbs1QXu5W3qRnPJgsl1w_Qw7qKMOTkxoCC0AQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
I would like to know the reasons why you believe Dr Ford’s story and her identification of Kavanaugh as the perpetrator. I have asked liberal friends and acquaintances and have yet to get a rational answer or explanation.
JFC. I don’t know what this country is coming to if believing women is only for liberals.
“I have asked liberal friends and acquaintances and have yet to get a rational answer or explanation.”
Some how I doubt that.
You could also maybe read the news and consider other people’s analysis. Might be rational, but I’m sure you won’t like it.
No. A- wrong place. B- clearly people have already told you and you don’t want to listen. C- go away
This. Just F off already.
I mean, it’s cool if you don’t like the dress, but I don’t think it has much to do with politics.
Thanks — I needed this laugh.
A few reasons:
1) Her demeanor during the hearing seemed like she was telling the truth. This isn’t a criminal trial, but just like a witness can convince or not convince a jury, I found her very convincing.
2) She told her husband and therapist years ago and named him as her attacker, long before he was on the Supreme Court or close to it, when there would be no motivation for making up a lie
3) She won’t gain anything out of this – she’s not earning any money, she’s been attacked verbally and her family has had to flee their home to remain safe. I guess I don’t see why you’d subject yourself and your family to all that unless it were true.
4) He claims his calendars prove his innocence because he didn’t write down a party like the one she described, which I think is nonsense (I drank in high school but certainly didn’t write ‘underage drinking party tonight!’ in my day planner) but he actually has a calendar entry on July 1 that indicates he was hanging out with the people she alleges were at the party. Other small details of her testimony match up with proven facts, like that Mark Judge worked at a nearby Safeway for a few weeks that summer.
+1 to all of this. I don’t think the OP is asking in good faith, but here it is anyway. I have no reason to doubt Blasey Ford (who has nothing to gain). BK’s performance yesterday convinced me of his guilt because he was absolutely unwilling to answer questions directly, refused to call for an independent investigation, and gave answers that are entirely inconsistent with other reports of his drinking and character.
Thank you for providing a thoughtful response to my genuine question.
There’s also a lot of evidence to suggest that he wasn’t exactly an above board kind of guy. For example, the yearbook, his friends’ commentary about him, etc. And he has definitely said things that were not true (e.g., the whole I never partied thing) I do believe Ford, but I think a bigger issue here is the inability to be truthful. There really isn’t anything wrong with high school partying in and of itself, and it bothers me that a supreme court nominee can’t just be like “yeah I partied and I’m not proud of my antics, but I did never and would never assault someone.” Also the categorical denial of not having been to the party in question when the specific party was never identified. How could he know he wasn’t there? He did party, so assuming he did even occasionally, he shouldn’t be able to say under oath “I was not there” without more details.
I just expect more integrity and candor from a supreme court nominee. this isn’t a criminal investigation, and so the expectations of conduct are higher.
I’d like to know, why DON’T you believe her? I believe her because 1) she has no reason to lie, 2) she’s took great personal risk for no benefit to come forward, 3) she told people about it well before Brett K was even in line for anything remotely similar to a SCOTUS position, 4) I believe traumatic events are indelibly seared into your brain and it’s unlikely this is a manufactured memory or a different person, 5) she testified under oath that it occurred; 6) BK’s own speech (“what happens at GP stays at GP”) and at least one member of his friend group suggest that they engaged in highly alcohol fueled behavior that could indeed have resulted in an occurrence similar to the hone she described; 7) she’s a credible witness. I could go on, but I’ll stop there.
I do not doubt she experienced a traumatic event in her teens as she described in her testimony. But I do not believe Kavanaugh was the perpetrator. 1) the existing evidence contradicts her account. The witnesses SHE placed at the scene said such a party never happened. Even her good friend, the only other woman there. After the attack, Ford said she ran downstairs, through the living room, and out the door. Her friend did not notice that, or remember that she was ditched at a party where everyone else was falling down drunk? Ford doesn’t remember how she got home? I would think that running home 6-8 miles at night by herself would have been seared into her memory as well. None of the people she put at the scene lived where she said the house was located; 2)I think she testified that she did not name Kavanaugh by name until this past July to anyone; 3) a polygraph with 2 questions is useless window dressing; 5) what is her gofundme account up to? I don’t believe she did this for money, but she is receiving a windfall. At the same time, absent police reports, I do not believe that she has received death threats; 4) when she wrote the letters to Feinstein and her congresswoman, it’s unlikely she could have predicted it would devolve into this circus. Her allegation could have been investigated in a timely and confidential manner. But she was OUTED by Diane Feinstein for political purposes.
I’m not saying she’s lying, but memories are odd, tricky things. And the available evidence, while scant, all contradict her account.
Your responses are, for the most part, uncorroborated facts since none of her friends (or his friends) have testified to anyone. I did not mention the polygraph or the go fund me account(s), so I think you are reaching in your response. It’s cool that you’ve made up your mind for partisan reasons. I’m a lawyer so am going to apply a more appropriate, reasoned and intelligent approach than the one you have described above. TBH, I’m kind of flabbergasted by your comment that “absent police reports, I do not believe she’s received death threats”. Again, more evidence that you have, likely for partisan reasons, decided she’s a liar. I disagree.
Memories aren’t really “odd tricky things” in general. There are things we remember well for reasons, and things we remember poorly also for reasons. Different people’s reasons may be different, and in many of the studies that undermine memory include deliberate manipulation tactics in controlled environments. Please don’t gaslight all of humanity as if we don’t know what happened in our own lives.
That is so pretty. It might be too much for a “sophisticated schmooziing” dress but I would totally buy it for myself.
It definitely looks a little wedding party – like bridesmaid or mother of the bride, not just going to a wedding.
But I think it’s fine. I think a better choice for sophisticated schmoozing is skirt/slacks and an assortment of tops – this dress seems very memorable and unlikely to be worn more than a handful of times. But if that’s what she wants I’m curious why you’re discouraging her or what you’d prefer for her to wear? I’m confused.
+1
This dress is very cute. If there are a ton of events though, stand-out dresses might not be the best strategy because it gets too spendy too quickly. It’s totally appropriate I just question the utility of it if there are a lot of events to go to.
The tweak that I would make would be to look for a dress with a less full skirt and less party-ish sleeves.
https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/adrianna-papell-rose-lace-sheath-dress/4682484
Pretttty: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/charles-henry-lace-sheath-dress-regular-petite/5067273
I think it’s really cute and a nice appropriate dress for events where spouses are included.
Sophisticated schmoozing dress for me would be a sheath dress in a jewel color with some interesting architectural details. It would have presence but not be so unique that it would stand out. I’d look at MM LaFleur, Hobbs and the Fold.
TheElms, I am bored at work and just checked out Hobbs and the Fold for the first time. I am DROOLING. Will be TTC in about six months so it doesn’t make a ton of sense to buy a lot of new clothes but man those styles are gorgeous.
It’s a pretty dress, but to my eye, it skews cutesy and sort of costumey (Zooey Deschanel comes to mind?), which would make it memorable and potentially out of place at a *work* event. Unless it’s a formal reception or gala, I wouldn’t wear this. If it were a social event with people related to work (like a co-worker’s wedding, or a bar mitzvah for a co-worker’s kid), go for it!
I think something that’s a little less poofy and romantic would work for work-related events. A sleeker shape with the same lace would be fine, for example.
Oh I just said the same thing – in m0d of course – with links!
+1 It’s pretty, but not sophisticated. It’s a holiday party or special occasion dress – and it’s also something that people would notice if she wore it repeatedly.
I wear trouser pants for most of fall/winter because I cannot stand being cold. I know it’s not the most fashion-forward cut, so what styles of tops and shoes should I pair with them to make sure I still look modern and fresh? I tend to default to sweaters and button downs a lot because I know they work.
Theoretically, I could wear ankle boots with ankle pants, but I find it nearly impossible to find the right combination of perfect length pants + ankle boots.
By trouser pants, do you mean something like this?
https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1011761&pcid=1011761&vid=1&pid=374187012
I wear these with a pair of pointy-ish toe ankle boots. I’m short, so the shape of the shoe helps elongate the leg a little bit. I usually wear some kind of patterned top – like a sleeveless shell and a cardigan.
I’m tagging along on my husband’s business trip to Paris next week. I’ve seen some threads with recommendations in the past, but I’m especially curious about recommendations for someone who doesn’t speak French! (I love exploring and taking it all in, but I also don’t want to end up over my head and on my own somewhere that requires a lot of interaction.) Thanks in advance!
Everyone in Paris speaks English. They’ll appreciate a “merci” and stuff like that, but I don’t think there’s anywhere you can go in Paris (or most of Europe really) where you can’t buy with English.
Yes, pretty much everyone in Paris speaks some English. Try to speak slightly slower and use simple sentences with no slang so you’re easier to understand, but virtually everyone in a restaurant, museum, café or shop will speak at least basic English. This won’t always be true if you venture into the French countryside.
My Paris advice: find a few attractions you want to see, but also leave yourself time to explore. I recommend David Leibovitz’s blog for restaurant and travel tips.
You don’t need to speak French to do anything in Paris. Have fun!
If you walk into a smaller shop, be sure to greet the clerk with a Bonjour.
If you need to buy tickets at a window, write down the date, time, number of tickets, etc on a piece of paper to hand to the clerk so you don’t have to shout back and forth through the glass.
I feel more confident when I have a good guidebook so I don’t worry about having to ask lots of questions. I mean, a physical book I can carry when walking around a city where I don’t speak the language. I suggest: https://store.ricksteves.com/shop/p/paris-guidebook
Google maps works great in Paris.
If you possibly can, go to the Fondation Vuitton. Book on line to take the shuttle into the Bois de Bolougne from the Place de l’Etoile (shuttle stops near the Metro station that is one street to the left as you face the Cartier store). Bring headphones to listen to the excellent narration about the art in English on the Fondation’s app (download before going) while you enjoy the art and the building. Enjoy delicious ice cream from the stand on the roof (spendy, but delicious). Walk all the way around the splendid Frank Gehry building (requires walking through the adjacent kid-filled petting zoo, but your Fondation ticket includes admission to that as well). Return to Place de l’Etoile via shuttle.
Also, the Musee Picasso (in the 3rd, I think) is delightful. All exhibits are in French and English and it is very well-curated and maintained.
FYI, google maps work in Paris but you will run out of cellular data in about 1/2 a day. I added extra to my plan and went through that in one day. I had unlimited calling and texting but no google maps, no facebook because it would have cost me about $60/day. Get a good paper map from your hotel concierge when you get there.
I liked just wandering around, personally, in the regular left bank and right bank neighborhoods close to the museums. I also liked just briefly visiting les grand magasins (the orginal department stores) and seeing the gorgeous stained glass Lafayettes store dome. I liked wandering the Marais and buying a couple of little things to bring home. I liked every single one of the meals I had – typically a bistro or brasserie for a late breakfast/early lunch, a snack mid afternoon, and an early-for-Paris dinner at a nicer restaurant. I decided that I would spend $ on the dinner meals and it was worth it, totally.
Just a note – I followed the advice of Rick Steves and bought a pass for one of those hop on hop off tourist buses. I didn’t do an entire tour of the city, but I used it as transportation from one point to another, and listened to the narration when I was on board. It was a great way to get to the Ard de Triomphe from my far-away left bank hotel, and then I was able to meander on foot all the way down the Champs Elysees and catch the bus again in the Vendome neighborhood.
Have fun! Paris is so, so well laid out for tourism.
(I lived in Paris for a year and a half.) Rick Steves is a great guidebook, and has some really nice walking tours. One of my favorite things to do is take the metro to the Arc de Triomphe and then walk across the city, which takes most of the day. Walk down the Champs Elysees, maybe stopping at La Duree for a macaron. Walk through the Tuileries (the Orangerie is my favorite museum in the city, followed by the Musee D’Orsay and then the Louvre), or take a detour to see the Opera and Galleries Lafayette (where the rooftop is the best free view of the city you can find). You can stay north in the Marais, and get some great falafel. I also like the museum of the city of Paris for its dioramas. On Ile de la Cite there’s Sainte Chappelle, the Conciergerie, and Notre Dame, and then on Ile St. Louis there’s Berthillon ice cream. And then once you’re on the other side of the river, you can stay along the river banks, where there are a ton of awesome neighborhoods, or head south through the Luxembourg gardens.
Another thing I would do is take the metro to a stop that looks interesting, walk in a random direction that seemed fun, and then when I was tired of wandering around I would look for the closest metro stop and go home. It’s not like DC or Boston, there are always at least two or three metro stops within a mile, and there are a ton of tiny little museums as well as the big ones.
You might also want to check the calendars–on the first Sunday of the month in the off season almost all the museums are free. Obviously the lines are long, but it’s a nice way to see a cross section of French society.
Learn a bit of French! A few phrases go pretty far and will help you have a better experience, even if the person you’re talking with switches to English.
I need fall booties! I have summer heels/flats and winter knee boots, but nothing in between. Hit me with your favorite ankle booties.
I bought a pair from Dr. Scholls last year. I don’t remember the exact name, but they are very comfortable. I can’t wear very high heels and the height on these is manageable..
i find the Toms boots to be really comfy and well-made for the price. They have several different styles.
Everlane, Stuart Weitzman, and Sam Edelman make my favorite booties, although at different price points. I typically like to have at least two styles in my wardrobe: one ankle boot that comes below my ankle with mid-high heel (~3 inches) to wear with tights and dresses/skirts, and a second more casual pair that come a bit higher over my ankle that I can tuck skinny jeans into (more walkable 1-2 inch heel).
Although more expensive, I have SW boots that are 3 years old and still going strong.
For work or weekend?
For weekend, I LOVE these, but they didn’t fit me quite right (maybe I’m not alone in that, as they’re hugely on sale right now) https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/halogen-piper-bootie-women/4905597
For weekend, I love these: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/vince-camuto-pevista-bootie-women/4925382
Jack Rogers.
Piggybacking – best ankle booties for wide feet that are both comfy and somewhat stylish?
I like Antelope boots – they have a lot of round and almond toe versions that work well for my triangle foot
I really like the ankle boots from Vionic.
It’s Friday and I don’t have a ton of work and my managers aren’t here and I have a headache and I just audibly accidentally passed gas and it sort of smells and I’m embarrassed in the cube farm. Do I have your permission to go home and work from home and claim stomachache? Thanks in advance
As not your manager, this would be fine with me.
I’m looking for fall riding boots (style, not function) that will last several seasons but aren’t super expensive. Suggestions? I know this isn’t the most on-trend style right now, but they are warm and I still like the way they look.
I have some from Naturalizer I’ve been happy with. They run kind of warm, but depending on your climate, that might be okay. Not sure on the exact model since it’s been a few years, but they’re good for my wide feet and calves.
+1 Naturalizer
I know people say riding boots aren’t on trend but I find them warm and classic looking so whatever.
Agree on Naturalizers. They were the first ones I found that fit over my extra extra wide calves.
The Rockport Women’s Tristina Gore Boot is the best boot I have ever had. I have wide calves (but they also come in regular calf), and I wore them all over Scotland, including hiking through the mud and streams in the highlands and in the mountains on Skye. They have awesome support and are waterproof, and I get compliments when I where them–they look pretty sleek. I highly, highly recommend them.
Help! I just realized we have a midday wedding tomorrow, and I have nothing to wear. My dresses are all either strictly for work (law) or very summery, and it has become chilly here in Minneapolis St. paul – I’m expecting weather in the 50’s. I have tonight to shop at the usual suspects – Nordstroms, Macys, Anthropologie, etc. Any ideas on either what to wear, or where to shop? Are pants ever acceptable? Wedding at 2:00, reception begins at 5. Need your wise fashion advice!
Give me more details! Is it a Catholic wedding? I was at Macy’s the other day and they had a nice selection of fancy-ish dresses in lovely deep jewel tones (like a deep wine, plum purple, sapphire blue, emerald green…)
Alternately, if you’re going to like a vineyard or barn wedding, I would go for a gauzy floral dress with bell sleeves. That’s got Anthro written all over it.
And when in doubt: Just get a navy lace cocktail dress.
It is definitely Catholic wedding in a Catholic church; reception at a museum. Definitely have access to Macy’s –
maybe I’ll look for a warm wrap- so many dresses have short or no sleeves and I can’t stand being cold. Supposed to only get into the 50’s tomorrow.
+1 on the navy lace dress. I have one from Nordstrom (Eliza J, I think) that seems to work for all sorts of wedding/semi-formal occasions.
Although, if you can’t get out to shop before tomorrow, I vote a solid sheath dress from work with a fun necklace or big earrings. Mid-afternoon doesn’t have to be super formal.
Oh MN weather ! We got married in October in MN and it was 85 degrees on the day of our wedding!
Have you ever checked out Stephanie’s in Highland? Sometimes they have gems if the other places fail you.
Right? I got married in mid-October in Wisconsin and lucked out with a 65 degree day. The following weekend it was in the 40s.
I have heard great things aboutthat place …checking how late they are open.
Lora Horgen (wife of Tom Horgen, reporter for the Strib) is the manager at Stephanie’s. You might want to DM her on Instagram to see if she has something suitable in your size.
Pants are always always always appropriate in MN.
Disagree with pants being appropriate. Dressy jumpsuit, perhaps, for a more casual wedding. No one will change outfits between the wedding and reception as someone mentioned below, either.
OP – you can search what’s in stock at Nordstrom MOA using a filter on their website. This is in stock and caught my eye:
https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/eliza-j-ruffle-sleeve-sheath-dress/4726684?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&color=purple
Also, I am team fancy Jumpsuit for weddings in Minneapolis!
A lot of people will change with that time/gap. I would wear work sheath to the ceremony and change into a cocktail dress (or gown) for the reception.
What are your favorite eat-at-your-desk breakfasts? Ideally something that’s healthy.
Oatmeal
I meal prep and have been making a big batch of tofu scrambled “eggs” and cooking up some meatless sausages to go with it. I reheat it at work and it has the benefit of not actually being reheated (smelly) eggs.
Yogurt. I like the flavored ones even though they have sugar. I like the “hint of flavor” Chobani, they’re lower sugar than normal Chobani. Alternatively, you could get unflavored yogurt and add your own stuff to it.
yogurt
Cottage cheese.
Trader Joe’s greek honey yogurt with berries or whatever else I feel like adding. This flavor of yogurt is so good.
peanut butter on whole grain toast with an apple
I make scrambled eggs in the microwave
I just moved from a city to a suburb with my husband and preschool aged kid. I don’t have any friends here and am eager to make friends with other families, especially neighbors and families with kids at the same school.
I know it takes a bit more exposure, but I’m not really sure how to help it along. We both work, and I’d be totally up for inviting people over for coffee and playdate or BBQ on weekends but we don’t have much furniture for sitting around or eating yet. Do I just give it time, or should I try to set up some park play dates? Coffee and play in the yard (but the weather has been awful)? Don’t want to seem desperate or like I’m trying to push things, but would love to make some casual interactions happen so we can at least be friendly with some families in the area.
Thanks so much!
Get your furniture!
ordered but takes a couple weeks!
This is… really hard. School is a good place to start – we just planned a playground meet up for my kid’s class and I think every single kid in town that weekend came. We offered to bring snacks, chose a small neighborhood playground where we wouldn’t have to run after the kids constantly, and sent an email about it. I’m not sure any great friendships will come out of it, but there are definitely one or two families we talked to more than others that I could see meeting up with.
this is very interesting to me because as a childless person — I always assume you kid-having-ladies have it so easy. you can sidle on up to people at the playground and have playdates and stuff. Go to kid yoga and music classes etc. to meet people. You ladies have a great reason to initiate contact! School is literally a built-in group of parent-friends!
Whereas I feel like a total creeper walking up to ladies asking them to hang out. (I mean, that’s not exactly what I do, but you know what I mean!)
I’ve connected with a few parents at school pick up- I let my kid run around to blow off after school energy while I chat to other parents. I don’t think you will sound desperate. Often, other parents are happy when someone else makes the first hello. One of our friends, came up to me at pick up and said, “Hi, I’m B–, my kid M– just started here. I wanted to say hi to other parents in her class.” It was as simple as that and three years later, we still hang out.
Park play dates are great. As are library, or museum play dates.
Come hang out with me!
So far the friends I’ve made have been through work (boss’s wife is one of my besties), by following a feminist beer club on instagram (and assertively joining their events), and by constantly inviting over neighbors (esp. the ones with kids approximately Kiddo’s age). It’s an uphill slog, but I’m making progress!
Rainbow Hair aren’t you in LA?
I’m newish and looking for friends in LA, plus your posts and name make you sound hella cool :)
Let’s be friends
What about a weekend class or activity for your kids where parents watch (swim class?) or participate, so you would be seeing the same group of people every week? That could help. Also, ask your child’s teacher who they connect with, and then see if you can contact those parents about a park playdate. I think park playdates in general are a good idea – low pressure. Taking the initiative is awkward but it does eventually pay off.
Can you find out if there is a local Moms club? Ours consists of working and non-working moms and has a variety of play dates and mom gatherings that fit everyone’s schedule. I met my best friend at a dinner event 8 years ago and continue to meet people. Maybe ask at the local school or library if they are aware of it, or search online.
Thank you all for your responses. I at least feel less alone! I guess it really does just take time.
I moved across the country one October with a four year old and chatted with a few parents at a “Thanksgiving” feast. At the end, a woman I met approached me and said, “I enjoyed talking to you today and would like to get your contact information. I will ask you to do things because we just moved here too and I’m determined to have friends. We lived in Detroit for five years during my husband’s residency and I never really had that many friends. If I start to bother you, no worries – just let me know.”
As a result of that encounter and its ripple effect, I had a lot of friends of varying degrees of closeness from my association with someone who was actively pursuing it.
Go for it! We have to put ourselves out there to meet people. I think you are doing all the right things. I really like the playground / email idea.
I LOVE their dresses on the website. Does anyone have experience ordering from them online? Or have other suggestions for similarly-styled shops? Thanks!
Kamala Harris’ twitter account says:
I know that today’s hearing was difficult for a lot of people across the country. Please know there is support available if you need it.
If you need support,
contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-HOPE
online.rainn.org
Any suggestions for a late fall/winter beach getaway from DC? In previous years I have done the Yucatan, Belize, and South Florida, so I’m looking to try something different for about 4-5 days later this year or early next year do defrost from the cold weather.
Aruba or Baja.
In your opinion, is the Lo & Sons Edgemont convertible tote/backpack appropriate for work? I am an attorney at a nonprofit law firm. I loved my Lo & Sons O.G. but couldn’t continue carrying it, as it hurt my shoulder. I am looking for a roomy convertible bag in a similar style.
It’s not business formal, but it would be fine in my business casual office.
Any suggestions as to what to do with jewelry that is dated, but still valuable (both monetarily and sentimentally)?
My mother has some jewelry that has been in the family for a while. It was passed down from her mother, who has since passed away. I don’t wear jewelry, and have no interest in having it. However, since it is one of the only things she has from her mother, my mom is very sentimental about it and would like to pass it down to me and my daughters somehow. (Legacy and family are very important to her). So she is now debating whether she can have it made into some other kind of keepsake. Or she has talked about just selling it, but I know that would make her sad. We’re talking a couple strands of pearls and some heavy gold bracelets (this is from a time when gold was considered more valuable than stock options).
Anyone have any thoughts on what we can do with these family heirlooms?
I would keep in the original style and condition. Fashions change and come around. Jewelry that looks dated now might look current in a vintage-y way in 10, 20, 30 years. I wear my grandmother’s earrings that she gave me to sell so that I can buy myself something I like – they were dated and not my style when I was a teen, but thankfully I saved them and wear them now that I’m in my 30s.
Agree. This isn’t big or cumbersome or difficult to store. If it’s just a few pieces, have it cleaned, put in jewelry bags, and put it in a shoebox or something in your closet. You’ll get very little for it if you sell it and it doesn’t sound like it can be repurposed. My mother hated her own mother’s jewelry, but my sister now loves it. So yes, someone may eventually want it!
I’ve had heirloom rings remade using their original metal & stones, but I know that my grandmothers would have approved of that because they were into keeping things current and would want me to be wearing the items. I’m not sure what you could do with pearls or gold bracelets though. I’d definitely keep them as I don’t think you’d get much for selling them & someone may find it their style someday.
Just keep it. At some point one of your kids may also like the idea of melting down old gold for a ring.
I will dissent from the “just keep it” opinions. I hate old jewelry and I also hate the idea of keeping old family stuff out of obligation. I detest clutter, and just knowing that there is junk in a box in the closet stresses me out. I have a teenaged daughter who likes preppy things, so if it were my family, I’d restring the pearls for my daughter and maybe turn the gold into a signet ring for her. If your kids wouldn’t want the jewelry redesigned for them now, I’d ask your mom to pass the items along to another relative who actually wants them. You don’t want the jewelry, so she is not giving you a gift but asking you to take on a burden.
I have a gold bracelet from my great grandmother that I really treasure. I think of her when I wear it and imagine her delicate wrists (almost tinier than mine) and what she would have been doing. Though I never knew her.
Your kids will like it in its original condition, and you will get next to nothing melting these things usually (eats up a lot of cost in wastage and making charges). Keep it and give it to your kids later if you won’t use it.
I just found my birth mother and she was open to corresponding! We are chatting via messenger and it is remarkable that we are now connected after more than three decades! This is such an exciting development in my life at a time when what is happening with Kavanaugh just sickens me. I’m glad to have this new relationship to brighten my day.
That is so wonderful – congratulations!
Congratulations! Been there. It’s a really strange relationship with no good templates to model, but so meaningful. I like to say that my family circle of love just got bigger.
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
My DNA on Ancestry led a relative I didn’t know I had to find her bio father. She contacted me and I made the introduction. She was the product of an unexpected teen pregnancy & was adopted at birth. She is now in regular touch with her dad, my cousin, and everything is going really well. I’ve been crying happy tears for her, and now for you!!
I recently connected with my half sister (we are both donor children) through Ancestry — love to hear another happy story!
I got an Ancestry DNA kit and was matched to my biological aunt. From there, I had enough information to track down my biological mother.