ByKate Antoniades Hours Updated
Comments 157 Comments

Coffee Break: Easy Breezy Brow Micro-Fine Fill + Define Eyebrow Pencil

A black-and-white package containing a brown CoverGirl brow pencil

I've used drugstore brow products for years (even though I've screenshotted a bunch of higher-end products on my phone), and I stuck with e.l.f.'s Eyebrow Kit for a long time even though I wasn't thrilled with it. It was just “OK” and didn't have great staying powder.

This brow pencil from CoverGirl is very easy to use, and the brush on the opposite end can easily smooth things out if you overdo one area. The “rich brown” is a great match for my dark brown brows, in case that helps my fellow brunettes out there. They also offer soft blonde, soft brown, and honey brown (but I'm surprised they don't make a darker color — any reader suggestions for that?).

I have to admit that I'm sure I could find a brow product that I like more — the retractable pencil doesn't work perfectly, for one — but for now I'm very happy with this one (and lately don't have time to really research pros and cons of various brow products). [Update: It was a defective pencil, that's why.] Plus, you don't have to sharpen it, and while it's long-lasting, it's very easy to remove. (Btw, I love the Body Shop's camomile eye makeup remover always and forever — it's one of my holy grail beauty products.)

This brow pencil is under $7 at Amazon, Ulta, and Target. You can also find it at your local drugstore/supermarket.

P.S. CoverGirl products are Leaping Bunny certified cruelty-free.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.3.24 (lots of Cyber Monday deals extended, usually until 12/3 at midnight)

157 Comments

  1. Shopping help please! I want extra festive earrings to wear to holiday parties. So festive that it borders on obnoxious. My outfits will be black or gray so any color works.

    3. Oh man, JCrew Factory had the perfect ones – beaded Christmas trees bigger than an airpods case haha. But I just checked and they’re sold out. They do still have the champagne bottles in stock.

    8. Cute, classy, colorful: https://www.target.com/p/sugarfix-by-baublebar-39-merry-and-light-39-statement-earrings/-/A-86714294?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df_free_online&CPNG=Jewelry&adgroup=215-0

      Toeing that “obnoxious” line pretty hard (they light up) https://sercyandco.com/products/festive-light-up-christmas-earrings?variant=43518003806425&currency=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic

    10. For obnoxious maybe something that lights up, makes sound or blingy and oversize?

      Lights up:
      https://www.walmart.com/ip/Novelty-Christmas-Earrings-Party-Jewelry-LED-Light-Up-Flashing-Bulb-Dangling/1542322690

      Makes sound:
      https://www.etsy.com/market/xmas_bell_earrings

      For oversize, you could just fasten any normal silver earring hook to an actual Christmas tree ornament.

      Blingy:
      https://www.macys.com/shop/product/holiday-lane-gold-tone-pave-bow-red-ornament-drop-earrings-created-for-macys?ID=14355550&CategoryID=78233
      https://www.nordstromrack.com/s/melrose-and-market-crystal-bow-thread-tassel-drop-earrings/7104904?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FJewelry%20%26%20Watches%2FEarrings&fashioncolor=Red&color=601

      Silly: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/buddy-the-elf-statement-earrings/7103687

    11. WOW. You all really brought your A game. I want most of them, including for normal everyday wear. Don’t know what that means about me.

      1. I have a pair of studs that look like the bows you stick on top of presents. Versatile and subtly festive!

  2. I need a OtterBox level of toughness from a phone case but would like something cute, either monogrammed or a great style, or some chrome or something. My style tends Atlantic-Pacific, bright and flashy. Any ideas?

    1. I see a lot of influencers talking about Casetify. Haven’t tried them myself, but they have some cute styles.

    2. Not to be snarky, but did you check the Otterbox website? There are a lot more options now than you’d think. Signed, only time I broke a phone was when I got something trendy not Otterbox.

    3. I’m currently using one from Smartish because I wanted something sturdy with texture and a card holder. So far, so good.

  3. Are the higher end versions of the Revlon dryer brush worth it? I am thinking of upgrading mine as a holiday gift, and I see both Drybar and Dyson have similar products at very different price points.

    1. I have the Drybar and love it. Same effect as the Revlon without getting as hot.

  4. Has anyone purchased furniture from Levity? We are considering the dining table and chairs. We have three young boys so want something durable, but these seem almost too good to be true (also open to other suggestions!).

  5. I’m flying from Logan to south america in December. Flight is at 5:30 am. Do I really need to get there at 2:30 am? Will probably be checking a bag.

    1. I think it depends on when in December. The closer to Christmas the earlier I would go. It also depends on your comfort level. I would probably get there around 3am

      1. +1, caveat that I’m used to way smaller airports but for those earliest flights usually you’re at the mercy of when security opens, aren’t you?

        1. Agree with the two above—you should base plans on when the counter and/or security open (with consideration of the possibility that you’ll probably want to be there somewhat before opening as there will probably be a line building and you’ll want to be in it).

        2. Yes, and just looking at the Logan website, it looks like security opens one hour prior to the first departure of the day, which could be 4:30 for OP, and if that’s the case, I can’t imagine it would be necessary to be there much earlier than 4AM. I doubt check-in is super busy at that hour.

          1. It can be incredibly busy. You want to be first in line if your flight is one hour later. I’d get there around 3:30 and def not later than 4.

    3. My family is from Central America and I’ve always needed to get to the airport extra early if checking a bag to go visit. If where you’re going is anything like where my family is from, many people will be flying with tons of checked luggage with lots of stuff for family and friends. There are a lot of products that are cheaper/more available in the US.

    4. I wouldn’t get there before the ticket counter opens, which I’m guessing is around 3 or 3:30 am. Honestly, even if the ticket counter were open, 2.5 hours should be plenty.

  6. Down vs. Down Alternative Comforter? Not looking to place a duvet over the comforter, but we live in Houston and generally have a coverlet on our bed bc we sleep hot and it is hot most of the year. sometimes we get a cold front and want something to warm us up. considering an additional coverlet/quilt, but idk if that will do enough, or a comforter. we have sheets from The Company Store, which we love, so was thinking of purchasing from there as they are currently having a sale.

    1. Live in New Orleans, same thing – we have a linen coverlet. We keep a down alternative duvet from LLBean in the closet and pull it out in the winter.

    2. A cold snap for Houston would be 40-ish degrees, right? You don’t need down or down alternative. I’d just go to Target and get any old comforter there that has the same poly fiberfill we all had in our comforters as kids or another quilt or blanket. That’s more than enough for anything you’ll deal with. You’ll sweat to death under anything marketed for down-level warmth.

      1. Haha, I have the extra-warm down comforter weight. I’m in the Bay Area and I use it almost year round. It all depends on how cold you let your house get at night. It’s been in the 40s at night here lately, and our heat doesn’t kick in until 7 AM. It definitely gets cold enough to use down.

        Everyone’s internal body temp/metabolism is different too.

    3. A down alternative will be too hot because it doesn’t “breathe” like down but a down comforter will poke you with the feathers without a cover so I think you should get something else like a cotton quilt or wool or silk blanket.

    4. What about a down blanket from The Company Store sale? As Anon at 3:23 noted, down breathes much better than down alternative. I happened to look at these yesterday and at least one of them has a 100% cotton shell, so it really should be cozy but not hot.

  7. During the pandemic my employer cut our office space quite a bit, employees were given the option to forfeit their office and WFH long term. Now people who gave up their work spaces are voluntarily coming into the office since those opportunities provide some advantages (client interactions for example). Well we’re now in a situation with not enough space for people and executives who gave up their offices to WFH are claiming the offices of lower level employees and evicting them. I hate that even though I had the foresight to keep my office it doesn’t matter and will just be taken. Thanks for letting me rant.

    1. Office battles are the worst, you have my sympathies. Our building is mostly open floor plan with a large number of reservable phone rooms. Every phone room has a large sign on the door that says “Must Be Reserved” yet people love to commandeer them. Of course when you show up at your reserved timeslot the squatter takes forever to vacate and acts like you’re the rude one.

  8. I won tickets today for my alma mater’s Thanksgiving weekend football game against our traditional in-state rival, along with a serious gift card for game day apparel. I’m just tickled. I haven’t been to a game in over 20 years.

  9. I’m so sick of Bezos. From the recent CNN interview (where his new girlfriend was sitting there drooling over him while he spoke) to his new headline that he will give away all of his wealth (key words “in his lifetime”), I’m just like, GO AWAY. How about he use the $100 million he gave to Dolly Parton to make working conditions better in his warehouses. I hope she turns around and donates it to worker’s rights and union organizations.

    I also have real fears that he will run for President eventually.

    1. All buried under all of this “good press” is the story out today that Amazon will layoff 10,000 workers.

      1. Yes. This is the classic Republican strategy of making headlines about something else while they secretly cut benefits/rights for the underclass

          1. I don’t think that comment is making a point about Bezos’ politics; just drawing a parallel.

          2. That’s nice Vicky, but “blame Republicans when Democrats do something evil” is problematic.

          3. As one of the more conservative posters here, I 100% agree with you, but I stand by my assessment that the commenter was not calling Jeff Bezos a Republican.

          4. I wasn’t calling Bezos a republican. I was calling the tactic republican. It’s classic Trump/McConnell, to be specific.

          5. I think the tactic is about as old as dirt?? Maybe frequented by Trump/McConnell, but hardly new.

        2. “That’s nice Vicky, but “blame Republicans when Democrats do something evil” is problematic.”
          Vicky did not do that, at all.
          Anon at 4:04, who are you? What are you doing here? Why do you keep interjecting right-wing political nonsense into every conversation (yes, I know it’s you that keeps doing this). How did you get here and what is your agenda?

          1. LOL. Good one. Ah, the poster above me was the one who interjected left wing politics into this, and your entitlement is hilarious.

    3. I’m not looking this gift horse in the mouth. Money to charity is money to charity. I’m so relieved he’s doing something with his money instead of sitting on it like Elon Musk who I want to drop out of the headlines more than anything. I saw a meme the other day that I agreed with so hard: “Whatever happened to billionaires’ vanity projects being public libraries, museums, and schools, instead of personal joyrides in space?”

      1. I would be OK with space trips b/c I’m sure some science advances will come from it. And funding Wifi in Ukraine. But in my city, Rich Guy X just founds “Rich Guy X Vanity Project.” I thought that the best philanthropy is anonymous. But I love that Dolly Parton is getting the funds — that woman is a treasure (and I’m sure she has the good sense to stay out of politics no matter how badly we need her).

      2. I bet he just endows a foundation with AZN stock. Then the foundation will have the job of doling out the money, like the Gates Foundation. His ex-wife’s method is more effective, in my opinion, though.

    4. It’s just jealousy that Mackenzie was getting attention for her good works and he was out there just spending money on his d$ck shaped rocket ship

    5. There is a difference between what he can do with his personal money and what he can do with Amazon’s money (setting aside that he is not actually day-to-day running Amazon at the moment). And he does not appear to have political ambitions.

      Not that I am a huge Bezos apologist but with Elon Musk’s actively trying to influence elections and possibly colluding with Putin, Jeff Bezos would not be the billionaire I would be be focused on right at the moment.

  10. Got into the Taylor Swift tour presale. Tomorrow is going to be either very good or very bad. Hoping for the former!

    1. Good luck! I got in as well, but my financial situation changed since I registered and now I can’t afford it. I’m really hoping there are ticket resales closer to the events, and that are somehow affordably priced (I doubt it).

      1. How much are tickets? I’ve seen a lot of people trying to sell concert tickets closer to the date because they can no longer attend.

        1. Non-VIP range from $49 to $449 before fees.. unclear how much ticketmaster will jack up prices when we actually get there.

          1. No one really knows the prices due to Ticketmaster’s “dynamic pricing” system. Prices can fluctuate by the minute.

    2. What is the presale? My daughter and her BFF are planning on trying for tickets tomorrow. Did they miss something crucial?

      1. NVMD, I texted my daughter to make sure and her bestie did get a presale slot, actually just now!

        They’re original tween Taylor fans from back in the day, and apparently she’s concentrating on the albums from then in this tour. They are so excited!

    3. UGH

      I haven’t gotten an email yet. There’s rumor that they’re doing it in batches today. Pray for me.

          1. I highly doubt there will be tickets left by the time regular sale comes around, but it’s Friday 10/18 at 10am

          2. I assume they are limiting how many presale tickets get sold (which is why not everyone who registered for the presale got in) so there should be tickets left come Friday. But on Friday, you’ll also be competing with bots.
            They go on sale at 10am local time for the venue.

  11. Almost all of my friends work in tech and I’m a bit nervous about what will happen next year with the looming recessions. It’s felt like there’s been a huge bubble in some respects (i.e., a lot of my friends have either gotten millions in VCs to start their own companies or have hundreds of thousands in stocks from working entry-level for a year or two at ‘rocket ship’ startups). It feels a bit like a correction has been long overdue, but I am very worried about the ramifications of this from job losses to companies going under. Does anyone remember what the Dotcom bust was like? Do you think it will be similar this time around or more measured? Did a lot of folks come out unscathed last time around? I’m not in tech but my BF and roommates are and I worry about them as well.

    1. Indirect anecdata but I remember a bunch of people getting hosed based on how they exercised their options (like exercised with a serious looming gain that by the time the tax bill was due, the value had cratered and there wasn’t enough $ to pay taxes or you’d have to sell off way too much stock).

      In my industry (mortgage-related, so very sensitive to interest rates), if one firm is laying off, they are all doing that. So IDK if tech is like that or if it is like that locally vs nationwide. My industry starting sacking people back in the spring and it’s just going to get so much worse as people stop buying / refinancing houses. Same for people who sell houses.

      1. And I would guess the exact opposite.

        The ’08 crash was the biggest since the Great Depression. Although the Covid recession was worse that was the result of something very, very specific and not an indication of anything structural in the economy. I do not see our current recession approaching 2008 (or 2020). It is primarily driven by high fuel prices, post-Covid inflation and the Fed’s response to inflation. This is a deliberately triggered slow down.

        I have lived through four “official” recessions in my adult life. This too shall pass. For your friends in tech I highly recommend not panicking and getting good tax advice. Most of the big companies are unlikely to go under, so liquidating holdings in (lets say) Amazon or Meta is shortsighted, but the ones who own stock in companies that have never made a profit should act as if their options are worthless (because right now they are).

        1. I agree that it’s an intentional slow down via interest rates, and that the Fed has the lever to turn it back around if things get too bad. The 2008 fundamental issues aren’t here this time.

          What I am concerned about is that retailers and other corporations who sell goods and services are getting a windfall from increasing their prices and calling it due to inflation. Record profits, while contemplating mass layoffs. That is what is ugly to me.

          We all need to slow down consumption to make this stop. The Fed does that via interest rates, but the rest of us can do that via our brains.

        2. For people in tech, the dot com bust was a bigger deal and took much longer to recover from than 08. I agree this won’t be as big a recession overall as 08, but it also doesn’t seem like it will be centered on tech, so I don’t think the dot com bust is a good analogy. I’m old and I know many people whose careers were permanently derailed by that. Many of them never got back into tech after that. Everyone I know who was laid off in 08-08 in tech was back in an equally good or better job within a couple years. It was a bigger recession globally but impacted tech a lot less.

  12. Smitten Kitchen’s new cookbook is on its way to me and I am HYPED.

    What things are you looking forward to right now?

    1. Her recipes are fantastic!

      I have living room drapes and hardware on their way to me now and am excited for my house to pretend it has adults living in it in time for the holiday season.

    2. Speaking of cookbooks! I am cooking my way through Food Between Friends (one of the authors is the guy from Modern Family) and it is SO GOOD. Really interesting recipes- the grilled honey chicken, oatmeal creme pie muffins, and pork cutlets with hatch chile jam have been standouts so far.

    3. YAY!
      I’m excited this week to witness and support the largest strike of the year, across the University of California. Although I’m no longer in any of the jobs represented by those unions on strike, I strongly believe that this is such an important step for maintaining and hopefully expanding what little access women, minorities, and working class people have to academic research. We cannot develop good science when we effectively limit recruiting to the pool of well off white men.

      1. My daughter is a UC student and if she gets an incomplete in his current classes, which is what happened last strike, it will be nearly an entire quarter wasted and she will have to take on debt and delay starting her post-college life to complete college a quarter late. Let’s think about which women we’re really helping here.

        I believe in unions for largely uneducated workforces like, for instance, Amazon warehouse workers. Not so much for highly educated people who have lots and lots of other options for jobs.

        1. Why do you not think that educated workers can benefit from using the legal tools of collective bargaining?

        2. This is a bad take. One example: Grad students. They are educated, and absolutely exploited throughout higher ed.

          1. +1 postdocs too. “tell me you don’t know anything about academia without telling me you don’t know anything about academia”

          2. No one has to be a grad student, you know. I’m sure they’re employable in better conditions in pay with just their undergraduate degree. If people left these jobs in droves, that is what would make educational institutions step up.

          3. People are in fact leaving research in droves, and have for the last 10 years. As I said, the recruitment pool is slim, and I don’t think this will help us with ginormous challenges such as sustainable energy, new medications or understanding our history and present in all its facets.

          4. if you think about it, this is pretty analogous to the idea of ‘if you don’t like it, you can leave’ in the context of politics. If everyone leaves, what do you end up with?

          5. It’s not analogous to leaving the country. No one needs to be a graduate student. They’ll still be citizens.

          6. Analogous doesn’t mean it’s the same, it means it’s comparable. Leaving a place where you don’t like it (doesn’t have to be a country, could be a state) is one solution, but if tons of people do it, the place that remains gets more and more polarized.

        3. The notion that someone is educated and could get another job does not mean that such a worker should not be able to organize or strike. Organizing as a concept is predicated on people trying to make their actual jobs better, for everyone in them, rather than just quitting because they can. This is to say nothing of professions in which all employers are using the same exploitative practices, leaving this worker with no options for meaningful change even if they do quit.

          The fact that the strike is causing disruption at the schools is the point. Strikes are an action of last resort to get management’s attention when only a stoppage of work will achieve that.

          2. They’re not hurting the university. They’re hurting the students. Tell me how the university is harmed here.

          3. I mean, many of the university’s functions are halted. Insofar as striking workers aren’t doing their jobs.

          4. If students and students’ parents were to stand in solidarity with the workers, blame the university for the disruptions, then the university would be hurt. If you are going to blame workers for not upholding a system that relies on them working for less than minimum wage, then the university will be fine of course.

        4. Also, if you don’t think that working conditions for this group matter, you are sadly misinformed about their role in undergraduate education. It stinks that students are affected by the strike, absolutely, but you’re missing the big picture here.

    4. I made pickles for the first time! Now I need to be patient for a bit until I can try them!

    5. My in-laws are coming for Thanksgiving, and then I actually get to use my passport for the first time since my honeymoon in 2019!!

  13. Ugh. What is going to happen with student loan forgiveness? It is loaded and ready to go and now . . . apparently enjoined nationwide. [And with Roe overturned, I don’t think that the Ds need it to turn out young voters, so it may just be something that slinks off to die in a corner now that the election is over.]

    1. No idea. I just got my refund check (made payments over the pandemic which brought my balance below $10k) and I am not sure what to do with it.

    2. Can they actually take it back? The credit has already shown up in my nephew’s student loan balance.

    3. It will go to the Supreme Court for overturning or upholding the injunction. Then it will be a long slog to determining if this meets constitutional muster or not.

      Meanwhile, the entire system will continue to be a cluster. I know people earning $50k a year who have $250k of student loans and this forgiveness does almost nothing. It will not stop the top schools from jacking tuition to the roof, buying up massive amounts of real estate, paying high-level employees gobs of money, and sticking the taxpayer with the bill via forgiveness or, especially, PSLF.

      1. While you are right that 10-20k forgiveness doesn’t do anything for someone who owes $250k, the other aspects of the policy do help that person by eliminating negative amortization and improving income based repayment. Are those two features of the policy also under injunction right now, or just the principal forgiveness part?

  14. Huh – I just did the concept wardrobe color analysis and I’m a dark/deep winter. But my hair is graying, which means my contrast is going down. They say your season does not change with gray hair — so I’m curious how others are dealing with it?

    1. Lipstick. A woman rocking a bold lip with gray hair is SO inspiring! Or boldly framed glasses, if you wear them.

    2. I’ve gone more muted as I got older, but that’s because I’ve lost contrast in my skin, hair, eyebrows, the whole thing. So I’ve gone from a clear summer to a soft summer. Perhaps you’re still a winter, but not as deep? I feel like the non-deep winters are more bright colors, though, and that may even be harder to wear. I have a couple of bright summer/winter (there is overlap) items that I feel wear me rather than the other way around.

    4. Your overall season might not change, but the sub-season can. If you have less contrast, you might go more into a softer winter. So not deep, but soft winter.

      I’m similar, as a clear spring, more muted colors in my hair and skin will take me towards light spring or soft autumn.

  15. Skin help please! I drink at least 64 oz water daily, no alcohol, use face lotion daily, yet my skin is still dry. When I rub it, it pills (for lack of better word). I am almost 40. Living in South FL where air conditioning is almost always on and an overhead fan is on to sleep. (Cannot turn off due to hotflashes.) I am away from windows for work and am almost never outside. I rarely wear any makeup or anything else.

    How do I make this better for my face? I hate the way this feels! Bonus points if it’s also anti aging as this seems to be the time I should be doing something for this.

    1. You just said “face lotion” – what are you using? Are you sure it’s not the lotion that’s pilling?

      1. This was my thought. Might be time to try a different lotion, and possibly exfoliate.

    2. Do you exfoliate? A gentle acid and/or physical exfoliator should help get rid of the dry flakes and allow your moisturizer to penetrate better. Also look into a thicker, heavier moisturizer or an oil to add hydration. Put your moisturizer on while your skin is damp so it locks in the moisture.

      I have dry sensitive skin so I use a Cerave cleanser daily, a gentle scrub once or twice a week, and change up my moisturizer depending on how my skin feels. Some days I need a heavier thicker cream, some days I need a lighter gel-cream. I also use hyaluronic acid serum before my moisturizer if my skin feels super parched. I use a face oil at night to really get all the hydration and moisture benefits of the oil.

      I make sure all of my facial products are some sort of hydrating or moisturizing product—foundation, primer, cream blushes instead of powder, etc.

      1. Similar advice to this poster.
        Pilling sounds either as build-up of dead skincells or your moisturizer.
        Make sure everything you use has moisturizing ingredients (glycerine, hyaluronic acid, squalene, triglycerides….) and NO alcohol. I would add an occlusive layer (vaseline) for night to minimize transepidermal water loss.
        My reco would be:
        A.M.:
        -wash face with water (if needed, a very gentle wash gel, like Cerave), gently pat with a towel, but don’t dry it completely
        -apply good moisturizer (Cerave moisturizer is great, many of La Roche Posay are formulated for dry skin) on damp skin
        -apply sunscreen SPF50 once your moisturizer absorbed
        -once every 3-7days, use a gentle 2% salicylic acid toner, this will help removed dead skincells, will give you glow and enable better penetration
        I would start here and over time build up as needed with: add hyalorinic serum before moisturizer, add another cream with paraffinum to extra dry areas.
        P.M.:
        -wash face with gentle cleanser, you may fine-clean with Bioderma Sensibii micellar water, then cleanse with water
        -repeat serum and moisturizer as per A.M. Regime
        -apply a thin layer of paraffinum-based cream – Aquaphore or Cerave healing ointment (esp to those dry areas and lips)
        Start here and when your skin barrier is recovered, I would add tretinoin 0.05% cream as last step to your night regime (you need to start slowly, as it is irritating). This and sunscreen are the only things clinically proven to work against skin aging.
        I like to use peptide serum and vitamin C serum in am/pm to brighten my skin.
        I would also recommend to watch Dry Skin videos of Dr Dray on YT.

    3. this happened with my eye cream and my aesthetician said to try a different brand.

    4. I would try 1) double cleansing with warm water and a washcloth to physically exfoliate; 2) using a toner (I like Pixi Glow Tonic); 3) using an AHA serum to exfoliate at night; 4) using a vitamin C serum in the morning; and then 5) using a really good moisturizer. I am recently into face oils, which I just press into my skin. Give that a try and see what happens. If you want to do something for antiaging, I would buy a Paula’s Choice retinoid and use it at night (alternate it with the AHA serum).

    5. As others have said, try a gentle chemical exfoliant and try a new skin moisturizer. I love Philosophy and Keihls. Try using a moisturizer with spf in the morning and more intensive moisturizer at night.

  16. So I love the phrase “poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part” but how do you enforce this in practice? My job has good work-life balance on paper and commensurately low pay (e.g., when we were in the office it was pretty common to only be there 8-4 or 9-5, I think most managers would tell you weekend and evening work is not expected) but I work with some people who never ask for things until they’ve decided they need whatever it is yesterday. In the past I had a manager who would protect me (he would just straight up say to them “nope, my team needs more advance notice for this project, we can’t do this in the requested timeframe”) but he’s gone, and my attempts to push back and say I can’t get it done in the timeframe they want have not been well-received. I’m job hunting but it hasn’t been going well and with the economy seemingly headed in a bad direction, I’m not optimistic about being able to find a new job any time soon.

    1. Yeah, I also love this saying, but I have found that the people who most need to be able to use it, cannot do so politically in the workplace. When someone is barking orders at you due to their own lack of planning, that means you’re ranked below them, so if they don’t see that they’re being unfair you can’t do much about it.

    2. I sometimes struggle to say no (I’m working on it in therapy). As such, for these situations, I say “yes and.” You need this written up? “Yes and I’m happy to get it to you in about 72 hours when I complete some of the other projects that are in process.” You need me to fix this thing for you? “Happy to, I should be able to get it done in about 5 days, though if you need it sooner, I won’t take it personally if you ask someone else who may be able to complete it quicker.”

      However, if the person is a supervisor and you can’t, there’s nothing to do but keep job hunting and be gentle with yourself knowing you’re just hanging in to keep employment. However, if unemployment pays enough and you don’t need the reference or the bridge, you could always “yes and” and prep just in case they lay you off or fire you for it.

    3. This is not going to make me popular but you don’t (without a boss to back you up) unless you want to be fired. What you can say:

      – I am already working on Project X for ABC. Does this take priority? (And then confirm that with ABC.)
      – I can get you something but it is not going to be perfect on that time line. Do you want a draft or can you wait for it to be finished?
      – And the always popular (if you are hourly): Are you authorizing overtime?

      1. This! Taking on additional work when asked shouldn’t mean staying late. If someone emails me about an emergency I would respond and copy my boss and ask what takes priority. I’m still leaving at 5 or 6 or whenever. It just means lower priority work gets done Friday instead of Wednesday.

        1. So what prompted my post was that today I got asked at 3:45 pm (!) to do something that allegedly HAS to be done today. It’s not a question of re-prioritizing other projects, because there was no way to get this out today without working really late tonight. It’s 9 now and I’m still working, although admittedly I was offline for a couple hours doing daycare pickup and eating dinner with my family.

          I tried to say I wouldn’t have time and I was told this is really urgent and important, and it’s just this one time, and I really need to be a team player. But its always important, and it’s never just this one time, and it’s so frustrating because there’s no reason they couldn’t have asked me for this a few days ago when I actually could have pushed back lower priority projects to get it done during normal work hours. Honestly part of me thinks they deliberately drop stuff on me last minute so I can’t re-prioritize and push back other projects, because I’m very proactive about that when I have too much on my plate. And for context I make $50k/year so its not like I’m being paid to put up with this ish. And I’m exempt so no overtime. Sigh.

        2. So what prompted my post was that today I got asked at 3:45 pm (!) to do something that allegedly HAS to be done today. It’s not a question of re-prioritizing other projects, because there was no way to get this out today without working really late tonight. It’s 9 now and I’m still working, although admittedly I was offline for a couple hours doing daycare pickup and eating dinner with my family.

          I tried to say I wouldn’t have time and I was told this is really urgent and important, and it’s just this one time, and I really need to be a team player. But its always important, and it’s never just this one time, and it’s so frustrating because there’s no reason they couldn’t have asked me for this a few days ago when I actually could have pushed back lower priority projects to get it done during normal work hours. Honestly part of me thinks they deliberately drop stuff on me last minute so I can’t re-prioritize and push back other projects, because I’m very proactive about that when I have too much on my plate. And for context I make $50k/year so its not like I’m being paid to put up with this ish. And I’m exempt so no overtime. Sigh.

          1. Ugh that’s insane. If it really needs to get done that day, then you need to bring this issue up to your boss before they do this again and your boss needs to stand behind you when you say no. If your boss won’t do that, then I’d honestly job search because they are taking advantage of you. If your boss has your back, then say no and copy them in the email. They should step in if needed or be proactive about all this work getting dumped on you and speak to whoever is asking you to do this extra work. You shouldn’t be working until 9pm especially for $50k. You deserve more.

          2. But in that case, is it not a question of then *not* working tomorrow?
            I understand that that is not a satisfactory exchange for you, but should somehow communicate the ramifications of adding extra work onto your plate (something else fall of the plate).

          3. No, you’re pretty much expected to work normal 9-5 hours all the time, so me working late last night didn’t officially reduce my work hours today. I’m exempt, so there’s no cap on the number of hours I can work and no requirement to pay me more for hours in excess of 40. If I were up until 3 am working or something like that I think I would have a good excuse for sleeping in the next day, but thankfully it’s not that extreme.

  17. My mother has asked me to house-sit for her on Wednesday night and I really don’t want to. It’s an hour each way to get to her place and she asked me last minute. She is retired but has just taken on a job that is 3.5 hours of driving each way. She goes for 1-2 days at a time and sleeps over in the housing they have, but she does not want to do the drive in one day, so she’ll be getting a hotel halfway through the drive there that doesn’t allow dogs. Which is why I’d need to dog-sit.

    Is this the kind of time I should bite the bullet and just do for the sake of family, even though I’ll be resentful and it will disrupt my week? My mom is someone who has a history of asking for a lot of me and I’ve only recently gotten better about setting boundaries / not loaning money she doesn’t need. This situation feels a bit like she got herself into it, since she told me she didn’t need to even go up there this week but is now deciding she does, and that she booked a hotel that doesn’t accept dogs when she was planning to bring her dog. She could theoretically go the whole trip in one drive and bring the dog, but that would be a lot. I also don’t really understand why she’s signing up for a job that’s 3.5 hours away (she really believes in the mission since it’s a Native school but I just don’t feel like it’s feasible for her on an ongoing basis). AITA if I say no?

    1. Your mom’s made some questionable choices. You can absolutely say no, this won’t work for me.

    2. Absolutely do not do this. What is her plan the next week? And the week after that? She can call a dog sitter and pay them.

    4. Would you be willing to dog-sit if she brought the dog to your house? I agree that a last-minute request to rearrange your life to get to her house is… not good.

    5. “I’d need to dog sit.”

      No, you don’t need to do anything. This isn’t a rare, unforeseen emergency. She took a job knowing how far away it is and knowing that she’s responsible for her pet. This is in no way your responsibility. “Mom, I cannot dog sit. You need to find a permanent animal care arrangement.” Don’t offer any excuses, don’t apologize.

    7. I would decline this and make it clear that you aren’t an option. “I’m glad you feel called to this work, congratulations! Because I have my work, I won’t be able to help you by dog sitting. You might be able to ask your new coworkers to help you find a hotel where you can bring the dog or maybe a neighbor can help you out for a low rate. Congrats again on finding a job you’re excited about!” then either send that as a text or, if speaking, change the subject. Do not budge, do not negotiate, do not offer “only if it’s an emergency” or “only sometimes” or anything else. You’re not a boundary person and she knows it. Now’s the time for her to learn that you actually ARE a boundary person and she’s not going to turn you into someone who isn’t.

      Good for you for speaking up, holding your boundary, and not letting her choice become your problem! <3

      PS If holding this boundary makes you feel anxious, plan for that and give yourself something to do with your hands or something to clean or something to distract yourself with, then reward yourself when you're done, because this is big!

  18. Does anyone have any recs for knee-high socks (to wear with ankle boots)? Don’t need heavy ones, as I’m in the south any just need them for our few months of real winter. Thanks!

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