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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 226 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Classic Wool Blend Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Eddie Bauer Classic Wool Blend Blazer Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I don't normally think of Eddie Bauer and blazers together, but I was poking around for something priced right for Wednesday ($100-$150) and came across this classic menswear-inspired blazer from Eddie Bauer, and I really like it. I think it would be particularly great in a casual office where, as pictured, you could wear it with jeans, but I also like it with a simple sheath dress or cigarette pants for work. It's available in regular sizes 0-20, petite sizes 0-18, and tall sizes 6-20 in three different colors. Eddie Bauer — who knew? It was $189, but is currently marked to $150 (and you can take 25% off your entire purchase if you buy pants or jeans, plus free shipping on orders of $99 or more with code LEAVES). Eddie Bauer Classic Wool Blend Blazer Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 9.16.24

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Comments

  1. TO Lawyer

    I need some styling advice – I bought this skirt (I fell in love with it) but I don’t really know how to style it (link in reply). I’m wearing a black blouse + black blazer and black pumps today but it just seems a bit boring and limited. Any other suggestions?

    TIA ladies!

      • Red Beagle

        I would wear it with tops in the pink family (anything ranging from a pastel to a fuchsia) or yellow or mint or pistachio green. Blue or black pumps or (depending on the top) purple or another pop of color that coordinates with the top. Black or blue or grey blazer unless you want to have color there like a deep pink.

      • (former) preg 3L

        I love it and I love the idea of wearing it with pistachio green! I’d buy it for myself but… when will the exposed zipper trend end?!?

    • Anonymous

      I would wear it with a sheer white blouse under a short sleeve black sweater. I don’t know how many other colors I’d add since I think blue + black is a great classic combination that I wouldn’t really want to mess with. Sheer white can act as a pop of color when paired with black.

    • Sunshine

      I have it too! I haven’t worn it yet; I’m waiting for it to be a bit more fall-like due to the dark colors.

  2. TXLawyer

    I love the idea of pairing this blazer with a simple sheath dress.
    What color dress would y’all wear the “Afterdark” with? Would it work with charcoal?

    • Ellen

      Yay! the blazer is cute, Kat, and for the OP, yes, a simple sheathe dress would work, but also it would be VERY nice with black jean’s!

      What is strange is that Alan had alot of Eddie Bauer stuff and b/c of that he alway’s thought he was such a sport’s man, when in realeity, he was just another schlub from Brooklyn who’s family put him through school, but never ever thought he would perfer the bottel over me. How disapointed Mrs. Sheketovits was when she found out that Alan and I were NO longer a coupel, and would NOT be getting MARRIED after all. I realy liked her, probabley alot more than Alan, but that’s another story.

      We all have to learn to move on, b/c most men are going to FOOEY us with the dumb thing’s they say and want us to do for them. So that is what I did. The onley troubel is that w/o a boyfreind in my life, other schlub’s think that I am there for them. I am stuck in the middel between the manageing partner, whose my boss, and his dumb brother who is moveing into the coop next to me. My mom is mortified by this and she does NOT want dad to find out the full story. He think’s that the firm is all that matters, and now that I am a partner, thing’s can onley get better. He does not know about the manageing partner’s brother and all the sexueal references he make’s and how he skowled at Noah. He think’s I belong to him now, but I told him I am NOT his chattel. He did NOT even know what that was! I know alot of thing’s he does not and he is almost twice my age! FOOEY!

    • Em

      I can’t tell if Afterdark is brown or black. I don’t know if it would look great with charcoal if it is brown based. I would do a lighter grey, black (because it definitely had black stripes) or a solid color like green (emerald or evergreen), blue (medium blue or even navy) or red. It also looks great styled with purple/dark pink tones (plum, magenta, fuchsia) on their website.

    • Peach Pye

      Had a disappointing experience with an Eddie Bauer on-line order recently. Quality of ordered item was subpar and interactions with customer service were disappointing. The blazer has potential but I would not order from Eddie Bauer again- even at $99.

      • Wannabe Runner

        The customer service in my local Eddie Bauer store is exceptional. You could always try returning it there.

  3. Talbots

    Does Talbots ever have massive sales, like the Ann Taylor “everything is 40% off” sales? I’ve never shopped there before, but I’ve fallen in love with a pair of shoes there that are just a bit too pricey at the moment (link to follow).

    • Anon

      There is always some sale going on, like 25% of all regular priced items til last week. 40% of everything is a bit rare, but if you can wait enough, items will go on sale. Then their will be 30% off sale items etc when you can get it for lesser price. I remember 50% of everything a couple of months back.

    • LH

      They had 20% (or maybe it was 25% off, I don’t remember) over Labor Day but even that is fairly rare compared to Ann Taylor, etc. I’ve never seen 30% or 40%. A lot of items do go on sale though.

    • cavity maker

      love the shoes. stuff makes it to clearance, but those likely won’t make it. they’ll probably sell out before. I like talbot’s quality on their shoes. generally really good.

    • Cat

      They do rotating promos – one week it’ll be 25% off pants, the next blouses, etc. I’d hold off for at least a 25-30% discount.

      Also, try to find a picture of that shoe from directly above – I really loved a similar shoe from them a year or so ago, but when I saw it in person, the bow seemed too large and out of proportion because it stuck really far out from the body of the shoe, especially towards the tip of the toe. Sort of like airplane wings for my foot.

    • MJ

      They usually do a big sale around Thanksgiving where the whole store is a certain percentage off, but you need to be on their mailing list to get a postcard–you can get 40% off one item and then the rest of the store is 25% or so. Also know that there stuff does go on sale, but in limited sizes. Kind of annoying if you’re a tall, like me.

    • anon

      Beware of Talbot’s shoe quality! I had some start to fall apart after just a few months of in-office wear.

  4. Mascara recs?

    Any recommendations for Sephora/non-drug store brand waterproof mascara that is 1) cruelty-free and 2) not “goopy”?

    I used to use DiorShow, which I loved, but switched since it’s not cruelty free. I tried Tarte, but it’s super goopy, so I spend 5 seconds gingerly brushing it on and 1 minute cleaning up the gobs of black afterwards.

    • mascot

      Hmm, I am using Tarte’s Lights Camera Splashes and don’t find it too goopy. I also liked Big Fatty by Urban Decay.

    • Marilla

      I got a free one (in one of those Sephora giant bags of mega-samples they offer ) which I think is by the brand Buxom – only used it a couple times but I like it and didn’t find it goopy!

      • JEB

        I’m also using Buxom from the sample bag, and I love it! Not goopy at all, and no clumps. It goes on fairly thin, so you may need more than one coat if you want a thicker look.

    • roses

      BareMinerals Flawless Definition!!! I tried Tarte too and found it didn’t work for me. BareMinerals is a bit “wet” when it goes on – you have to be careful not to blink much – but once it dries in a few seconds it’s not goopy at all. It lengthens my lashes wayyy more than Tarte did.

      • AEK

        If one cares, both Tarte and BareMinerals are cruelty free lines but their parent companies are not. (Tarte was bought by KOSE pretty recently.)

    • Anon

      I like blinc – it’s a tube formulation so easy to remove. No idea about cruelty free, I don’t investigate that aspect of my beauty products.

    • AEK

      Yes! Tarte LCL wasn’t goopy for me, and I like it, but another recommendation is Hello Lashes mascara from It Cosmetics. They sell at Ulta and I’m just starting to try out some of their stuff; I like the mascara. It’s got a cool wand and I have not found it to be goopy or clumpy, and it hasn’t been flaky either.
      It’s a Leaping Bunny cruelty free line.
      https://www.itcosmetics.com/hello-lashes

      • Mascara recs?

        I think you might actually be the commenter a few months back who pointed out that we weren’t looking at cruelty free when selecting our cosmetics, right? :) Literally ever since then, I’ve been using that as a selection criterion – I figure if I’m going to spend $40 on a tube of mascara, it better be cruelty-free! Thanks!

        • AEK

          Nice!
          I didn’t start that conversation, but was happy that someone did! I’ve actually had a lot of fun finding different brands and options since I started paying attention to it. (To be honest, it was really when I got my cat a few years ago that somehow it clicked for me… which, I know, is such a self-centered way to view the world, just like those politicians who drive me crazy when they switch positions on gay issues only when they found out a close family member is gay. Oh well; I am a work in progress!)

    • Flying Squirrel

      I like Benefit They’re Real. For Cruelty-Free, apparently they philosophically won’t advertise as such because even though they don’t test on animals, they are unable to guarantee that animal testing wasn’t done in developing some of the ingredients they use. They go on to say it would be nearly impossible to truly guarantee cruelty-free because of the difficulty of tracking that.

      Makes sense to me (though, TBH, it’s not something I look for in make up). YMMV.

      • L in DC

        I also like Benefit They’re Real. Not goopy but I get lots of volume and length.

    • Em

      I really like Benefit they’re real, though I have no idea if it’s cruelty free.

      • AEK

        Benefit is not cruelty free. They are “against” animal testing, in theory, but they sell in China and comply with Chinese law requiring testing on live animals.

  5. cbackson

    I feel like this looks too big on the model. Not intentionally. Just…too big.

    • Red Beagle

      I think it’s an Eddie Bauer thing. They lean towards that outdoorsy boyfriend look in their styling. I might try sizing down for a more fitted look.

    • tesyaa

      Eddie Bauer tends to run big, as do LLBean and Lands’ End. I think their target customer likes relaxed-fitting, comfortable clothing. (Not that I like UNcomfortable clothing, but I think a streamlined look is better for the office). I do like the way this blazer looks on the model, but I think in real life it might not be flattering. And sizing down doesn’t always work because the sleeves usually end up too tight.

    • long time lurker

      I actually have two Eddie Bauer suits (they are not sold as such but you buy the blazer and the skirt separately and they are in the same fabric). I really like them because they sell TALL and the blazer arms are long enough for me. I am larger of chest but have smallish shoulders and the jacket works well for me; the skirt is a little loose in the waist but not so noticeable with the jacket buttoned. I like having a couple of suits for those bloated days or days I know I’m going to be working really late and want to be super comfortable. They’re not my all time favorite suits that I would wear to argue a big important case but they are perfect for depositions/client meetings, etc. I veer between size 8 and 10 and bought an 8, fwiw. I don’t think EB is generally ideal for the petite or size zero group but for an amazon like me they work well.

    • Bonnie

      I’m not a fan of the jacket either. It looks like she’s wearing a man’s blazer.

    • Anon

      Eddie Bauer is one of those brands that is cut for taller/curvier people. I like it because I can size way down to a small size and it will accommodate my giant shoulders without being baggy everywhere else, so it looks tailored on. If you have a slight build though, it’s probably not the most flattering.

      • Parfait

        I like that in the olive. Not feeling the plaid versions.

        Hey wasn’t someone looking for a pink blazer the other day? That one comes in pink too.

  6. Paging LadyB

    I posted the vicarious shopping challenge yesterday for a cream jacket. Your jacket sounds like it might be exactly what I’m looking for, so I’d love a link! Thanks.

  7. Equity's Darling

    I am SO tempted to grant myself a snow day. I woke up to the sound of snow being shovelled and I was greeted by approximately 10cm of snow, and it is still falling. I do not approve. And I really hope I can find my good winter boots, otherwise the walk to work will be wet.

    I think I need to get myself a treat of some sort today. Maybe a flower for my desk?

    • Red Beagle

      A snow day in September? Wow! Cool! What state are you in? We’re having our hottest month yet here in Southern California!

      • Equity's Darling

        I’m in Canada. I feel like I live North of the Wall with never ending winter. I’m not even THAT far north, in the grand scheme of things, my area just has somewhat erratic weather. It last snowed in May, giving us a whole three months clear of snowfall this year. So it is literally cool, I guess?

        • lucy stone

          That is the lamest. I live in a state referred to as the frozen Tundra and it’s still 70 and rainy here. You should not have snow and you should absolutely buy yourself desk flowers. And remember, the night is dark and full of terrors.

        • Gail the Goldfish

          Let’s be honest, Canada seems so awesome, what with your reasonable maternity and vacation policies, politeness, and maple syrup strategic reserve, that the weather is probably the only thing keeping you from being overrun with people trying to immigrate.

          • Anastasia

            hahaha these are exactly my thoughts about Canada. Although TBH, I would prefer snow in September to 90 degrees and 90% humidity that I’ve had here recently…

          • Marilla

            The weather is COMPLETELY worth it. I promise. Except in February in Montreal. But Toronto is balmy and tropical in comparison – except they don’t know how to plow snow and real estate is off the wall.

          • Anonymous

            Toronto real estate is bonkers. And the traffic stinks as well.

            Love, your neighbor to the south that nobody else would ever call the south.

          • Nonny

            Ahem, if you live in my part of Canada you don’t even really have to deal with snow that much. :-)

        • CKB

          I live in the same area as Equity’s Darling and have my whole life. I’ve seen snow in every single month of the year. Thankfully not all in the same year, but days before startin grade 12 there was a massive snow storm – like at least a foot of heavy, wet snow that fell overnight (I remember it was a Friday night because I went to bed and there was no snow, then I woke up to go to work and my dad had to drive me in our 4wd Suburban). It was August.

        • OttLobbyist

          And the kicker is that in other parts of Canada we are expecting high 80s with the humidity, but by next week will be debating whether it is time to break out the tights. Do most people go by season or temperature for tights?

          • LH

            A combination. I live in California so I don’t break out the tights with the rest of the US in September (its normally our hottest month here, with highs over 80). I usually start wearing them around Thanksgiving when it gets cooler (highs in the low 60s) and sometimes rainy here. I usually don’t take them off until April or so, when the highs here are regularly breaking 70 degrees – I remember when I lived in the northeast people ditched the tights at much cooler spring temperatures, but we have such a long summer here that I’m in no hurry to take them off.

          • Kathryn

            Absolutely temperature. You’ll never look out of place if it’s cold and you’re wearing tights, but you will if it’s hot in September and you’re wearing them.

          • Marilla

            A bit of both. There was a cold snap yesterday and I was freezing walking around doing my errands after work, but I would have cried forever if I had worn tights already. I will hold out until at least the last week of September, and to mid-October if I can stand it. Once I pull out the tights they’re on until April so I try to avoid them as long as possible.

            (And of course – today is predicted to be 30 degrees (celsius obviously) and muggy/rainy.. what is weather???)

          • SuziStockbroker

            Yes, it definitely depends where you are, we would never get snow in September in my part of Canada, it’s still warm and muggy here.

            I grew up in Vancouver where it is relatively spring or autumn-like all year, very short summer and winter.

            A few thousand kms away and we have the opposite here, almost no spring or autumn, freexing cold winter and boiling hot summer.

    • Anonymous

      Awww, it’s so cute the way y’all pretend you live in a habitable part of the world! I think the perfect seasonal treat is a bowlful of snow cream.

      • mascot

        Snort. Daytime highs are still 80-90 here and will continue this way for a while.

    • JJ

      It’s supposed to be over 100 degrees here today. I would cry from happiness if it snowed. I promise the grass is always greener!

    • Sydney Bristow

      Fancy hot chocolate. That’s all I ever seem to want when it’s snowing. I personally like to get white hot chocolate. Sorry the snow started already!

      • anon

        When it was freezing last winter and my heater just didn’t cut it, I made myself homemade hot cocoa every day with just cocoa, a little sugar, and milk. Threw in some noccello for good measure. Made me so happy.

    • Mpls

      It’s 50 F and rainy here today (MN) and the first thing I thought was “at least its not snowing”.

      Hopefully it will clear up (melt off) in a couple of days?!

    • Ellen

      It is so cool that we professional ladie’s are writeing from all over the world. I am from New York City today and it is beautiful out — about 60 degree’s and sunny! YAY!!!!! I never realised that there were so many corporete’s from Canada! Welcome to Kat’s website! Are the Canadian men any better then the men here in NYC?

  8. Educational computer games for 5-6 year old

    Anyone have recs for computer games for 5-6 year olds, particularly featuring math and that require use of the mouse (not just keypad)?

    Thanks!

    • Spirograph

      I remember loving a game called Math Blaster when I was little… the easiest levels had things like “which number is bigger?” and 1-digit addition/subtraction. I just did a quick search and there’s an online game with that name, but I’m not sure if it’s the same thing.

      I also loved Number Muncher(s?), and I *know* there are still iterations of that out there (and apps, because I still play them), but I think that only needs a keypad.

  9. (former) preg 3L

    I’m a new attorney and I want to “decorate” my office. All of the other associates have colorful desk lamps, some have plants, and most have some sort of artwork on their wall. I’m thinking a desk lamp would be a wonderful addition (I’d love a break from the blinding fluorescent overhead lighting) and possibly a plant. Does that sound appropriate? Any recommendations for office plants?

    • mascot

      I inherited a mother-in-law’s tongue plant in my office and it is doing pretty well. I’ve also had success with small bamboo and desk cactus arrangements. If you want something more involved, orchids and african violets have nice (unscented) blooms. A desk lamp would be fine in my office too. I haven’t found one I like.

    • Baconpancakes

      Not sure how much light you have, but a ZZ plant is generally tolerant of everything, and looks very nice.

    • JJ

      I have bromeliads and succulents that usually do pretty well (unless I forget to water them). Desk lamps are also fairly normal where I work.

      Just an FYI though (and this could be a know-your-office kind of thing), but it was an unwritten rule that new associates did not decorate their offices until they found that they had passed the Bar. I don’t know why it’s this way (perhaps everyone thought it was tempting fate), but everyone followed it.

      • LH

        +1 on waiting to decorate until you pass the bar. People might bring in a few personal photos before that but nothing big like plants.

      • Dulcinea

        I agree with this except that I always have to have a desk lamp because it is soooo much easier for me to read that way. It also makes the general ambiance in my office way better. If I could only have one “extra” in my office it would be a desk lamp. The one I have is just a boring old gooseneck stainless steel, nothing fancy. They make really small ones that you could easily throw in a tote bag if need be that still provide very good light.

    • Fishie

      I got something called a “Crispy Wave” plant at the grocery store. It’s a Japanese Asplenium nidus fern. It’s billed on its label as a natural air purifier and has survived my brown thumb for several months. Doesn’t need direct sun, just watering once a week. I even forgot to water it over vacation and came back to it all sad and wilted, but watered it and it’s back to life! It’s got funky kind of curly leaves that lots of people ask about.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        In the vein of plants that are hard to kill and good air purifiers, mother-in-law’s tongue is supposed to be a good office plant for these reasons.

    • Pesh

      A Peace Lily (spathiphyllum) is a common house/office plant that is really tolerant of the low light conditions most offices have. But their real benefit is that they’re one the top plants for filtering the air/reducing indoor air pollution. And since they bloom, they’re also pretty :)

      • Bonnie

        Peace Lilys are amazingly durable. I’ve had one for several years and regularly forget to water it for a couple weeks at a time but it has always revived.

        • (former) preg 3L

          Do you think a peace lily would do alright with direct sun? I (fortunately) have a sunny office.

          • (Former) Clueless Summer

            No, definitely not. Mine gets burned if its in the sun. But I’m sure you could find a place in your office with no direct sun?

            I would recommend an anthurium (which I think is a relative of the peace lily – it looks very similar but has larger leaves and red flowers) which likes it sunny and warm and I find impossible to kill as it likes very little water.

    • Medic Maggie

      I have a cyclamen plant that has finished blooming, but is putting out new leaves. I also have a shefflera (umbrella tree) that I grew from a bare stick from a friend, and a pothos and a dracaena in a pot. I have 3 giant windows (like industrial windows) in my office that face southwest, but I keep my shades drawn (they’re room-darkening, but not opaque, if that makes sense), so there’s never direct sunlight, but it does get very bright sun.

  10. Lavinia

    Does anyone have recommendations for leakproof food containers to take my lunch to work? My lunch has to go through courthouse security every day, so my bag ends up flopped over in a slow-moving X-ray machine for awhile.

    • mascot

      I love my glasslock containers. I haven’t had one leak yet. I also like that they are fine for freezer, dishwasher and microwave and they don’t stain or get crusty. Cons: they are glass so they are heavier and I guess could break if dropped from a height.

    • Anon

      Same here. I just use the glad reusable ones or the whole foods containers. The trick is putting them in a separate bag.

      • Lavinia

        They’re in a plastic bag, so I’m not concerned about my purse, but I’m tired of pulling containers out of my bag that are coated in salad dressing and cantaloupe juice. :)

    • Anonymous

      I’ve been reusing jelly jars for things like overnight oatmeal and chili. No leaks yet.

    • AEK

      Snapware. Comes in all-plastic & glass (Pyrex bottom with Snapware lid). Doesn’t leak.

      (Even so, I always end up sticking mine in a plastic grocery bag before putting it in my work bag…just in case.)

      • Wildkitten

        When I’m really nervous I put my tupperware inside a ziploc bag, so any leaks are contained.

  11. Anonna

    Headed to Chicago this weekend and have no idea what to wear. Probably doing some touristy stuff and going out to dinner. My questions are in regard to temperature. NOAA is calling for low 60s during the day/high 40s low 50s at night. What will Chicago ladies be wearing? Will there be bare legs and sandals (there would be in NY or Philly at those temps in September). Will there be boots and jackets? If I’m willing to be a little chilly at night in a skirt and sandals/flats will I look like a freezing cold stupid tourist? Is it like NYC where it feels a little colder because of the wind? Is it like Philly where it feels warmer because of swamp-like humidity? Advice is welcome!

    • Anonymous

      Ummm in NYC we wear jeans, leggings, and shoes in the low 60s. Not skirts and sandals. In the high 40s you will be more than a little cold with bare legs and sandals.

      • Anon

        In NYC, we wear all kinds of things in the low 60s, including bare legs and sandals. Low 60s + sun is pretty warm.

        I’d say the same goes for Chicago, which can be fairly sunny at this time of year.

        I typically wear a skirt + tee + warm sweater at those day time temperatures, sandals + cropped jeans + tee + sweater.

        I’d throw on tights an a warmer jacket for night time.

    • Chicago Resident

      At night people will still wear skirts, dresses, wedges, sandals etc. But during the day and people who are not going out to the bars will likely wear jeans, blouses, long sleeve shirts. I will probably even wear a coat! But, no I don’t think you’ll stick out as a tourist if you go in a skirt and flats.

      ETA – I’ve already seen boots, but I think the majority of people will not be wearing boots.

      Where are you staying? If you are closer to the lake it’ll be much cooler.

      • Anonna

        Thank you, Chicago Resident! This is really helpful. I’ll be several blocks from the lake, but may get closer to the “shore” as we walk around. I know Chicagoans try to be outdoors as much as possible while the weather is nice – should I still expect to see lots of outside seating in restaurants or is that a Memorial Day to Labor Day thing only?

        • Chicago Resident

          Sunny and 60s will definitely call for outdoor seating. Many restaurants also have heat lamps for at night. Do you have reservations? If not, I’d make some! Most restaurants are hard to get into on the weekends.

          • Anonna

            Yep! I have 2 dinner reservations but was hoping to stumble upon some outdoorish type places for lunch/drinks/blunch (my new word for non-fancy brunch).

          • Terry

            Strongly recommend stumbling over to Kanela’s on Wells St for a wonderful outdoor brunch. Tried it for the first time earlier this month and it was fantastic!

    • Danielle

      I was just in Chicago a couple weeks ago. My best advice is bring your most comfortable walking shoes! I walked a few miles in my daily flats which are usually super comfortable, but my feet swelled up and I got blisters all over.

  12. Anonna

    Ummmm thanks Anonymous. I often wear skirts and sandals in the low 60s in fall. Just wanted to know specifically about CHICAGO.

    • Wildkitten

      I think she was responding to your comment than in NY ladies would be wearing bare legs and sandals.

  13. anon

    Does anyone here still get really embarrassed by their parents? They just don’t seem to fit in my life (things like table manners, social cues/conversations) and I know most of this is cultural. How do I get over this? I feel so ashamed being embarrassed about this because they’re my parents and have done so much for me, but when I’m with them, I can’t help but fixate on things they do.

    • roses

      Yes, me too. My philosophy now is that when I’m back home visiting, I just make peace with it – I grew up there too and they fit in with everyone else there, so they’re acting perfectly appropriately. When they visit me though and come with me social events that are outside of their typical culture, I treat it like I would a friend from a foreign country who might need guidance on different cultural norms. I gently say things like “out here, people usually wear X to these sorts of things and they don’t really talk about Y.” They’re not perfect and still often don’t “fit in,” but I think people who are my friends won’t judge and will recognize that it’s just a normal cultural difference.

      (At least some of my in-laws probably judge, but then I get to judge them for being snooty, so it all works out :) )

    • Manhattanite

      Try to remember to separate. What they do is not necessarily a reflection on your identity.

      • tesyaa

        I agree you need to remember that you are not your parents, but I also think you might appreciate your parents, and their own culture, more when you get older.

    • Marilla

      So I don’t know if this helps, but my dad especially does not really “fit in” with a lot of our crowd, for also a lot of cultural reasons. He’s older than most of my friends’ parents, English is far from his first language so he has an accent and some funny malapropisms, and he doesn’t always have the best filter on his opinions. This used to make me anxious and defensive but I more and more have realized that all my friends, and just about everyone who meets him, totally LOVES and respects him and thinks he’s hilarious and awesome and actually really wise. As a result I don’t feel the need to shield or defend or make excuses for him. I guess what I’m trying to say is you may be projecting a little bit. Try to step back from your feelings and your embarrassment a little bit, try to outwardly show that you’re proud of them and that you love them, and you may be surprised to see that a lot of people don’t see a lot of the “negatives” that you’re seeing. This can be a really difficult tension and is I think just part of growing up mostly in the mainstream/majority culture while coming from a minority or immigrant family background.

      (Unless people around you are just being judgmental and mean, in which case, that’s their problem and not yours or your parents.)

    • hoola hoopa

      When I first “made it,” I struggled with this because I wanted to take my parents out to nice restaurants etc to show them that I’d been successful and to give them a treat. It was a huge relief for everyone when I quit that and started to take them to places that they liked and where they fit in. They still get to see new parts of the city, etc, but they are relaxed and having a good time.

      I like the suggestions to learn to separate yourself and to think of them as international travelers. Give them the same patience and understanding, because depending on the situation, it’s probably somewhat similar. There’s a huge cultural difference between where my ILs live and where I live, although they are both within the US. I flounder and need patience out there just as much as they do here.

      And it may improve with time. My parents are still their soft, hippie community selves, but I’m amazed by how much they’ve learned and grown comfortable in the last decade. Now they prep their friends who travel to visit grown children on how to use public transit, order wine at restaurants, etc. Similar for me in my IL’s community. I can sometimes even keep up with the small talk! lol.

    • Erisa

      I’d say this is a top 10 source of anxiety for me (the feeling bad about the feeling embarrassed). Once my parents got me a daily calendar with lawyer jokes on it. I responded with something petulant along the lines of “ugh, lawyers are really important in society and everyone bashes them until they really need one!” Looking back, my mom was just trying to relate to her self-important daughter. I have become so much less relatable to my family since I flew the coop. Guilt.

  14. JustCan´tDecide

    Dear fellow Corporettes,
    Luxury problem that I can´t seem to make up my mind about.
    I will be promoted shortly and have been given the free choice between 2 options by our equity partner:
    1. Management role in my specialized old team (think: tax law for non-profit organizations)
    2. Management role in a team that is yet to be created, in a related but even more specialized field of business (think: tax compliance software for non-profit organizations)
    Background on 1: Small team, super-nice colleagues (soon-to-be subordinates), nice boss, work 100% in comfort zone (same work content as in the past 4 years, plus management duties), BUT: stagnation in revenue, “old” business model, several teams that do similar work within our company, one management level between me & equity partner.
    Background on 2: Direct report to equity partner, field of business is partner´s pet project (no negative connotation implied), “new” business model, BUT: no experience yet if business would indeed be successful, no experience yet on how “average” workday would look like, very specialized area of expertise, team & business still needs to be built, less consulting work (I think – and I do like consulting)
    The compensation is the same for both.
    What I like about 1) is that it´s totally risk-and-reward free (short-term) and what I like about 2) is that there´s the possibility of both risk and reward (psycho, I know…)
    I would be absolutely grateful for suggestions on how to make an informed decision or for sharing positive/ negative experiences.
    Thanks!

    • Coach Laura

      Just Can’t Decide – I think the decision would hinge on if you want/need uncertainty for stimulation in your work and how uncertain the rest of your life is. If your life is pretty settled and if #2 has an “out” provision (e.g., if the new division doesn’t succeed, where you go next is determined), then I’d recommend #2. If you have young children, marriage/relationship stress, elderly relatives needing care or other stress factors, you may want #1 for stability. Also, if you were to leave your firm after the specialized background, would you have trouble finding a job because you’re too specialized or could you fall-back to prior job segment skills? In your case, many of the factors are known, since you already work there, so #2 may be less uncertain than if you were coming in from the outside. Good luck – two good options!

      • Wannabe Runner

        I agree – this decision really hinges on how much your life is able to tolerate risk. If it were me, I’d say give #2 a try, at least for an adventure! :) Good luck!

  15. Freelance follow up

    For those of you who have done freelance work, after how long do you typically follow up with a potential client? In this case someone asked me to send them a proposal of how I would tackle a project they are working on, which I did exactly one week ago. I’m thinking of sending some kind of follow up email. The person seems really busy so while I want to give them some time to get back to me, I’m also wary of waiting so long that I fall off their radar because they are dealing with other things. Suggestions on possible ways to go about this?

  16. Anon here - reg poster

    Threadjack question: My cousin/best friend in the whole world is trying to figure out how to leave her husband. Basic facts: She is a self-supporting professional, she has two kids under four. Her husband is great and sweet and funny and is always doing nice things. We had a long car ride together this weekend and she says that behind closed doors he is screaming at her and hurting her. Of course I believe her. In fact, I feel terrible because he seems so perfect and I’m afraid we’ve all said things over the years that have contributed because he seemed so perfect and we had no idea. But now a lot of things where she acted strangely over the years make sense. She says that he has begun doing this in front of their kids and somehow the switch has flipped and she has to go.

    She has never called the police on him and says (and I believe her) that if she were to call the police when these things happen and this information became public, she is scared that he will hurt her a lot worse. She says he has told her that if she ever tries to leave, he will “destroy” her and will do whatever it takes to keep their kids and make sure she can’t have them. He comes from a very prominent – and wealthy – family in our area, and she saw first hand (we all did) when his brother and his wife divorced and his family financially backed his brother through endless divorce litigation until his wife was left, literally, with no checking, no savings, no job, no house, a car and no money to fill up the tank. She is meeting with a great divorce attorney this very day, but the truth is we all know his family has the vindictiveness and the bottomless funds to, as she alleges, “destroy” her.

    So I know that she is going to get legal advice, but how can I support her as a friend? And honestly, I am afraid that her attorney is going to either advise her not to leave or confirm that she really does stand a good chance of losing her children if she leaves – in which case I know she would stay and risk her life than lose her children. Does anyone have experience with something like this? What can I do for her?

    • Anonymous

      An attorney is not going to tell her to stay or that she will likely lose her kids. That just simply isn’t true. You can advise her to call a domestic violence hotline or woman’s shelter, and provide practical support in the form of a safe space to do research and make those calls. You can listen to her and let her process. You can accept that this will be a process.

    • Avril

      My sympathies go out to this woman, this must be so awful to go through. I don’t have experience with this but I do think that you are already supporting her. If her husband is outwardly nice to people but abusive towards her, then when she decides to go through with this, then she is bound to encounter more people who will not believe her. She will need somebody in her corner. What I do not understand is your statement that her “going to either advise her not to leave or confirm that she really does stand a good chance of losing her children if she leaves”. From what you posted her husband’s threats seem to also imply bodily harm i.e. going beyond financial ruin, to physically hurting her. If this is indeed the case, would an attorney really advise someone to stay in this kind of situation?
      I also wonder whether she should infact get the police involved the next time he does this. Right now there is no guarantee that by keeping quiet he will not continue to hurt her. So, in addition to the attorney, maybe get a therapist involved too, this is an abused person whose resolve and self esteem have likely been worn down over the years. Staying makes sense to her but if her life is in danger, then it is the worst possible thing to do.

      • ITDS

        Interesting that a prominent family would not be concerned about any public airing of their dirty laundry. If they are really that prominent, perhaps making a few surreptitious recordings of what goes on behind closed doors is an idea. The tapes may not be admissible in court, but they would certainly be a hot topic for the town gossip! These days sympathy seems to be running against domestic abusers caught on camera. Tapes might provide the leverage to get the family to back off and allow an equitable divorce in exchange for not releasing them.

    • Carrie

      This is so awful.

      When I hear stories like this, how I wish there was an opportunity to file a police report so his abuse is documented. At a minimum, I agree she should contact the best attorney she can find…. and if this attorney says to stay with an abuser, fire that attorney and move on. You can be her ally now, and assist her by providing a safe place to talk/research/hide if needed, and start helping her plan her “escape” so she can find a place to move to easily when the time is right. You start documenting the pattern of abuse so that you can be a witness, if need be.

      I wish that the next time something happens (ugh…) that she could go straight to the police, file a report, and leave with the kids at that time.

      Contacting a domestic violence hotline is a great idea.

      Sometimes I just… ugh, this just upsets me so much. How it is even possible in our legal world for a woman to fear losing all financial support and her ???kids in a situation like this is so shocking to me I am hopeful that those in this board can help direct her to the best legal advice that she needs.

      Thank you for helping her.

    • JJ

      This sounds like an awful situation and you’re a good friend. If she needs to get out of her house quickly with her kids, does she have a safe place to stay? If not, can you help her find one (or offer that they crash with you until they have a better option)? Also, if your friend is a self-supporting professional, I have a hard time believing that a judge would take away her children or severly limit any rights that she has to them.

    • L

      Talk to domestic violence specialists in her area. They will be able to help her develop a safe plan. As an example (I’m not saying she should do this at all), but if a lawyer said, tape him making threats to you and the kids that may be fine from the legal/divorce angle, but from a safety perspective it could be very dangerous. (Not a realistic example, but all that’s coming to mind).

      • Senior Attorney

        This. Find out who are the best divorce lawyers, then find out who among the best divorce lawyers specializes in domestic violence, get lawyered up, and make an escape plan. And start building a financial war chest if she hasn’t already. If I were feeling particularly evil, I might suggest a preliminary consultation with every single one of the best lawyers in town so they would then be conflicted out of representing husband.

        She will need money and great legal advice and a place to stay and a good friend to lean on. Fortunately it looks like she has the last one covered.

    • Wildkitten

      Can you provide her a safe place to go so she can collect things (money, clothes, important paperwork like birth certificates) in preparation for when she moves out? I agree that a DV hotline or local organization can provide guidance and support.

    • Flying Squirrel

      No advice with this exact situation, but I had a friend leave her husband in a situation where everyone thought he was a really nice guy (actually, I met her originally through him). Right after she left him she told me about all of this insanity that had been happening for the past several months that only one other friend (who was almost like family to her) knew about.

      It was honestly quite a shock to find out what had been going on (not physical abuse, but some other really awful stuff), but I 100% wanted to support her as she went through a really painful and difficult time. I just tried to spend as much time with her as she wanted/needed. I think one hard thing for her was that many of her friends were through him since they had moved to the area for his schooling…and I think just having someone to hang out with (drinks, dinner, coffee, shop, walks, whatever) was a relief for her. I never pushed for info, but I listened to whatever/whenever she wanted to share. I really had no context at the time for what she was going through, so maybe it was easier for me to be a sounding board without prying since I wouldn’t even have known what to ask.

      Neither here nor there, but one thing that I always remember her saying is that when she got married it was for really, real…fully and totally committed to her ex-H. For her value system, the concept of divorce was unfathomable. So I think that coming to the conclusion that she really had to leave the situation was also about losing a concept of herself/who she was in addition to the relationship and the life/future she had imagined. I think it’s important to recognize that divorce can be as much of a blow to your own identity as it is to your heart.

      I’m really sorry your friend is going through this. Honestly, I don’t know the specifics of how it works when one party has a lot of family money, but I do know (per my friend’s experience) that if she is self-sufficient financially that will help her in the long run through the process.

    • Anon here - reg poster

      Thanks for all this, guys. It’s really helpful. Obviously it’s hard to condense a multi-hour conversation into a snippet post, but I think you guys are bringing up some really good points.

      – I and the general public in our community know enough about the previous high-profile family divorce and I don’t think she is unreasonable in thinking that her in-laws would happily pay a bottomless attorney bill to “win” the kids at all costs.

      -The other thing she said that really bothered me was that she said she did call a domestic violence hotline and (and I was obviously not there for this conversation, so take it FWIW) that when they realized that she had access to enough money/was a salaried professional, and so her concerns were not “how do i clothe or feed my children/afford an apartment” but rather how does she keep her husband from kidnapping them or calling the police and saying she’s trying to hurt them, that they basically wrote her off as someone who had more than enough resources and just told her she should see an attorney.

      At least from what she said, I don’t think she is worried about money at all but is just absolutely terrified that her husband will paint a false picture and take her kids away.

      • L

        Call House of Ruth. They typically deal with lower income women, but I’ve found them to be an outstanding organization. If they can’t help you, I’d imagine they could recommend an org who would be able to.

      • Anon

        She definitely needs to lawyer up ASAP. And from what you are describing, I would suggest somebody whose practice includes both family law and domestic violence criminal matters. Such a person probably mostly represents people accused of DV, but at least they will know how to proceed if the husband does decide to make accusations, and also perhaps know the tricks abusers try to play. She definitely wants somebody who knows this stuff inside and out.

      • Danielle

        A couple things to look into:

        1. Does her employer have an EAP? They might be able to provide some private counseling to her as she goes through this, not to mention they may be tapped into community resources for other women in her circumstances.
        2. I can understand why she may be reluctant to call police to legally document violent situations, but anything she can do to record instances of other kinds of abuse, such as withdrawl of money from family resources, photos of damaged property or injury, keeping a journal may be helpful. None of it will necessarily implicate him, but it could be useful for creating a record of what has been happening and when.
        3. If you’re willing and able, make your home available to her and her kids and let her know this. Not to diminish her own reasoning, but having another person present to witness things that happen, back you up, and validate your experiences is so, so valuable.

        I was in an abusive relationship for three years. Luckily there were no kids and no marriage. I had no family in the area, so it was easy for me to leave and put geographical distance between us. What really helped me was having an amazing boss (and supportive coworkers–the only people he couldn’t isolate me from) who was a domestic violence survivor in her own right recognizing inappropriate behaviors from my boyfriend at work. I had called the police several times but went back for various reasons. When she did it, it helped me realize how awful my situation was. I stayed at her house with her family for a night and I am still grateful to her 5+ years later now that I’m in another state and a very happy, healthy relationship.

      • Famouscait

        My best friend is a year into a similar situation, and it truly, enormously, s*cks. How kind of you to be considering how you can support her as friend. I’m only speaking to the crazy “we will destroy you” family dynamics here: be open to listening and not doubting whatever crazy starts spewing out. It can be very, very hard for people unfamiliar with a situation like this to understand how a once “happy” family could start doing things and taking actions that are based in pure spite and hurtfulness. I helped my BFF make some crisis plans for any crazy situation that could arise: picking a hotel, alias, code word, etc. if she felt she needed to flee or go AWOL for a little bit, for example. It sounds and feels extreme, but I think just the process of making a plan and imagining a response to every worst-case-scenario helped her feel more in control and less panicked.

      • Wannabe Runner

        She called a DV Hotline, they told her to contact an attorney ASAP, we are all saying it, and she still hasn’t done that yet?

        Make an appointment for her and go with her! The attorney may not let you into the consultation for privilege reasons, but you can stay in the lobby and support her. The attorney may give her a list of things she needs to do to protect herself, i.e., open a bank account in her own name, etc. Help her follow-through and do these things (i.e., drive her to the bank). Ditto for an appointment with a counselor.

        You can be the most amazing brilliant top-shelf executive in the world, but when it comes to leaving your husband, we can all become paralyzed. It’s terrifying.

      • JEB

        That’s a shame that the DV hotline wasn’t helpful. I’d have her look into other DV non profits in her town, as many have counseling options. Most DV counselors are trained to address not only the emotional issues that you’d expect in traditional, short-term counseling, but they’re also trained to act as sort of a “case manager.” They can help her think creatively about her options, her plan to leave, her safety, her children, etc. Most non-profits offer this service to women regardless of need (so if she’s not “needy” enough for certain services, like food assistance, they will still likely serve her counseling/case management needs).

    • AFT

      Maybe once she files, you could start a go fund me for her legal expenses? (Wouldn’t want to do it before and tip him off.)

      • Kinda On Topic?

        I’m not sure publicly begging for money when it sounds like being able to afford a lawyer isn’t the issue is at all a good idea. And in most states the more highly paid spouse is on the hook for all reasonable legal fees anyway.

    • Anon

      A bit late to this thread but just in case you’re still looking at replies, please encourage her to also find a therapist who specializes in personality disorders. From personal experience, it will help immensely in sorting out what is happening (after she leaves and he begins his efforts to destroy her, etc) and why he is doing it. I don’t mean to say that it will condone his behaviour, but it might give her a framework to start to process what has happened to her and how he could be so incapable of empathy. This will also give her another source of support for when others think she is crazy herself for leaving such a “perfect man.” It will be a psychological battle just as much as a legal and financial one.

  17. Bewitched

    Does anyone have a recommendation for a cleaning service in the Baltimore area (near Hopkins campus). I need to hire someone to go in and clean my dad’s apartment. Apparently has not been a priority for him since he moved in 8 years ago. He’s elderly and I’m guessing he’s not really able to do a decent job himself. Thanks in advance!

  18. tesyaa

    Can I get suggestions for good sources of protein for a young teen who is a very picky eater? He mostly eats refined carbs (sorry). The issue is he has multiple food allergies, so no milk products, nuts or tree nuts. Is NOT into meat aside from chicken nuggets, and will not touch fish.

    I’m looking for bland things, I guess. He does like vegetables, so I don’t know, edamame? Any other suggestions?

    • Anon

      If he doesn’t like meat other than chicken nuggets, maybe try making Oprah’s Oven Fried Chicken (google it). Not so different that he’d immediately reject, but a lot better for him.

      Chickpeas are pretty neutral. Maybe try some hummus as a dip for whatever refined processed carb-y chip or cracker is his favorite? Also you can use chickpea flour to make socca (it’s a flatbread).

      If he likes vegetables, does he like soups? Add lentils / beans to all of them.

    • Marilla

      Will he eat quinoa mixed with vegetables he likes? My husband has completely converted to quinoa salads for work lunches and especially likes them if I use a couple of spoonfuls of hummus as the dressing (thinned with a little bit of olive oil and lemon juice). Also, hummus in general – baby carrots/cut up vegetables with chummus are usually a hit with young men. (I make my own but they sell 34897589 different varieties in stores of course so he could pick whichever he prefers.)

      Will he eat chickpeas? Maybe some not-so-deep-fried variant on falafel?

      (I guess you can tell where my brain is right now.. we had shwarma for dinner last night so I guess I’m in a specific culinary mindset today!)

      Eggs are good protein but usually not popular with picky eaters, unless you think he’d be in to mini frittatas.

      • tesyaa

        I’m going to try switching out his beloved white rice with quinoa… also my other family members do eat a lot of chickpeas, but I hadn’t considered hummus as a bland protein source. Thanks!

        I’m avoiding eggs because as a baby he was also allergic to eggs… I don’t think he’s still allergic, necessarily, but he never picked up a taste for them.

    • L

      If he’s into nuggets, but not meat is it possible that it’s a texture thing? For example, being able to identify the piece of meat as “meat” (like a piece of steak for example). You could try mini meat loaf muffins with mashed potatoes on top.

      • tesyaa

        I think with meat, it’s taste as much as texture. Just trying a different brand of chicken nuggets is something he was only recently willing to do!!

        • L

          I am the SAME way with fish. It’s so hard for me. The thing that has helped me (which maybe won’t work with his allergies) is knowing one day a week, we’ll have L’s trial dinner night. This means that we make fish (enough for a small portion of DH) then a tiny serving for me and a small serving of X item I like as a protein. I usually eat like half a piece of fish, give the rest to the hubs then eat the other half of chicken. It helps me get used to it, mentally prepare myself, and I don’t feel like I have to eat ALL of it. I won’t ever crave fish, so I know that Tuesday is fish night and just have to deal. If I’m really feeling blah, I will have cereal and have a few bites of his before.

          If you can nail the taste/flavors he likes it will be easy enough to recreate in other meals. As someone who also used to be and is also going through meat aversion, ground turkey (while not the best for you and next to impossible to find in an organic state) is not such a leap from chicken nuggets. Definitely try home made nuggets (I like skinnytaste’s recipe).

          Also, if he is a fellow carbatarian, might I suggest putting some things in a crescent roll? Pigs in a blanket, chicken turnovers (filled with shredded chicken and veggies) etc. Hide the meat!

          • Seattle Freeze

            Oh, man, fish! So hard. I grew up eating no fish except canned tuna and frozen fish sticks. Except sometimes the fish sticks had bits of skin in them, which freaked me out, so I stopped eating those in elementary school; stopped eating tuna by middle school.

            So as a long-time vegetarian who’s willing to approach pescetarianism, I’ve been consciously trying to develop a taste for some fish over the last few years – progressing from a teeny taste of my SO’s mahi-mahi taco to eating salmon several times in the last week (though that was from a king salmon that my SO caught & grilled, so very fresh and not particularly fishy tasting). Still can’t eat strong-tasting or raw fish, or shellfish or crustaceans of any kind. But it’s nice to be able to share & appreciate one of the foods my SO likes a lot.

      • Bonnie

        I’m not a bit meat eater and love lentil loaf served with mashed cauliflower or potatoes.

    • Anonymous

      Does he tolerate eggs? In a quiche maybe? Is he mature enough to kinda grasp that he must eat some sort of balanced diet and participate in figuring that out?

      • tesyaa

        He’s mature enough to understand intellectually, but not emotionally… food is his comfort thing (like many of us). I do think he’d get into the idea of a nutrition plan, and maybe even enjoy seeing a nutritionist, but I worry it would all fly out the window as soon as he got hungry (both physically and emotionally).

        • Anonymous

          I think having a convo with him would be a great idea. The goal isn’t to get him to eat perfectly all the time right? Just to move from C- to B territory. So if he’s overwhelmed and hungry, chicken nuggets are still possible. But if everything’s going well, maybe walk on the wild side with turkey meatballs. You might enjoy the Motherload blog on nytimes- they did a series a few months back on getting kids to try more foods.

        • mascot

          How about bringing him into the kitchen and teaching him how to cook? Kids tend to be much more involved when they can take ownership of something. I didn’t like meat much growing up. Turns out, what I didn’t like was well done meat. The first time I had a rare steak was a game changer. I also like Dinner A Love Story recipes and tricks.
          Do he like avocado? That would add some good fat and texture to items that you might otherwise use dairy in.

          • Wannabe Runner

            And colors! Colorful plates for me really make a big difference. (Meaning different colors on your plate. The color of the plate itself isn’t as important.) Sliced tomatoes next to a green veggie, purple onions subbed in for white, etc. Make a HUGE difference to my appetite.

            And keep offering! Kids tastes change constantly, and they need to be exposed over and over again.

    • ANP

      Quinoa? That was the first thing that came to mind when I read your question. You can flavor it any way you want, really, and it’s pretty bland-tasting on its own.

    • Anon

      beans, lentils, tofu (my kids think it is chicken when we make it in stir fry with noodles or fried rice), eggs

    • roses

      Hodgson Mill makes a bulgur wheat with soy product that’s even higher in protein than quinoa. Using spelt and chickpea flour to make crackers and bread and such could also do the trick. I’d get him allergy tested for eggs again too – even if he doesn’t like eggs plain, they can very easily be incorporated into dishes to up their protein – e.g., mixed with butternut squash as a filling for stuffed shells.

    • Diana Barry

      Maybe non-milk proteins like hemp protein powder or rice protein powder? Mixed with some fruit in smoothies? Does he like eggs?

    • Anon

      If he likes fruit, what about smoothies with a scoop of vegan protein powder added? I like Sunwarrior (brown-rice protein) but you should verify that it is nut-free (I’m not allergic so I never verified).

    • hoola hoopa

      I was going to suggest edemame. My meat-unfriendly child will gobble it up so long as it’s in the shell because it’s fun to eat. I curse the first person who tells her it’s good for her, lol.

      Quinoa sounds like a great option since it eats like a carb. And I think meatloaf is worth a try.

      What about tofu in thai noodle dishes, etc?

    • FormerPhotog

      Black bean burgers, Vegafood smoothies (or other protein powder, but the Vega vanilla is AWESOME blended with coconut milk and a squirt of coffee syrup, or with coconut water and a bunch of frozen fruit.). Cooking light has a whole bunch of grain-based salads that look good.

    • Aggie

      So you’re saying he does not like bacon? Because the first thing that came to my mind was bacon wrapped chicken breast.

      +1 on the Vega smoothies with coconut water or almond milk

    • ELL

      Can he eat coconut with his tree nut allergy? (It seems many can.) If so–and if he’s not allergic to eggs–I’d try coconut flour muffins. They don’t taste like coconut, just like moist muffins, so they satisfy a carb craving. But each muffin has half an egg so they are pretty high in protein. I ate tons of them during pregnancy when I felt like eating carbs but knew I needed protein. Elana’s Pantry has good recipes, and I’m sure many other places do too.

    • JJ

      Beans are about the cheapest protein I can think of (other than eggs). If he loves carbs, how about black beans and white or brown rice? You can use canned beans, or put dried, soaked beans in the slow cooker with onion, cumin, white wine vinegar, maybe some bacon for flavor, and let it cook all day while you’re gone.

      Red beans and rice is also a favorite cheap, easy meal. We also do veggie quesadillas where we use fat free refried beans to hold everything together, instead of cheese.

    • Aerith

      This is not necessarily the healthiest option, but will he do fake meat products? Vegetarian processed foods like Morningstar products might appeal to him, and they’re easy. Eggs, whole grains, beans (plus bean salads and bean spreads), quinoa, sunflower seed butter (maybe not the greatest? but good if it’s a slice of whole wheat bread with it spread on top), and whole grains are all good sources. You could get him some whole wheat pitas, some frozen felafel, some hummus, veggies, and let him make his own sandwiches. Or some whole wheat tortillas and let him fill them up with beans and veggies, and the rest of the family eats them with whatever meat he’s not a fan of. You could do premade vegetarian (or not) chili, or lentil or bean soup. Or stroll around Trader Joe’s and let him pick what he’ll eat.

      You could encourage him to find new things to cook on his own, depending on how motivated he is. I tried many new things as a teen I otherwise never would have because I became a vegetarian and started doing a lot of cooking for myself. Even if it wasn’t great, I’d eat it anyway and pretend it was great because I made it.

    • Manhattanite

      I give my multiple food allergies toddler sunbutter, soy yogurt, nitrate-free turkey hotdogs, nitrate-free chicken and turkey sausage (I think it’s applegate farms?). I’ll make pasta with cut up sausage, beans and veggies. Also, we are coming up to soup weather which means bean soups. For pea soup, I blend the sausage in with the peas.

      On the flip side, what did you do for your son when he was younger and he went to bday parties where pizza, cake and ice cream were served? I’m trying to figure out how to handle for my kid.

      • tesyaa

        My son ate soy yogurt as a baby/toddler, drank soy milk all the time, and gave it up around age 4 or so. So frustrating!

        For ice cream, I swear by Tofutti and other dairy-free brands. There are even dairy-free Tofutti sandwiches. Or sorbet, of course.

        Pizza: my son likes things very plain, so he eats a pita or equivalent. Bland bland bland.

        Cake: lots of cakes can be made with oil instead of butter and apple juice instead of milk… you can’t ask a host to make a cake especially for your son, but maybe he can bring his own cake. It’s lame, but it works.

    • tesyaa

      Thanks for all the replies – I really appreciate them! My son is SUCH a picky eater that some suggestions for sure won’t work, but I’m going to try soy in every form, plus chickpea flour flatbreads, quinoa and canned beans. I’m going to encourage him to eat plain chicken breast too, even just a few nibbles until he gets used to the texture.

      I don’t see him entirely growing out of this – my own brother was an incredibly picky eater growing up and remains so to this day (despite being a successful professional). (His wife is incredibly tolerant of his picky eating, too.) My brother ate meat & chicken, which made a big difference both for him and my mom.

      • Anon

        Honestly, I think kids suffer as adults when their parents treat them like special little snowflakes and do things like make separate meals for them. Obviously accommodate his allergies but otherwise, he should eat what the rest of the family eats and if he doesn’t like it, either too bad for him or he can make something that he will eat.

        Trust me – I will never again date a picky eater – couldn’t even go out anywhere nice on our anniversary because he only ate bland food.

        • Seattle Freeze

          I hardly think that all picky eaters are picky because their parents were spineless and catered to their child’s every whim. In Tesyaa’s case, her son has multiple allergies and sensory issues with food textures, both of which can create a lot of anxiety around eating and selecting food. It would be extremely surprising to me if he wasn’t a picky eater.

          Even now, as a formerly very picky eater, now a somewhat picky eater in my forties, I struggle with expanding my palate and adjusting responses to unfamiliar or unpleasant texutres. You might not see me with an entirely beige plate at Thanksgiving, but there are still many foods I can’t handle at all.

          You’re right that it’s hard to be the non-picky eater in a relationship – my SO admits to some anxiety when we try new restaurants because he worries that I won’t find anything I can eat/be able to eat what I order.

          Tesyaa, sometimes if a problem taste or texture is adjusted it can help make the food more approachable – if plain chicken breast is too dry, maybe poached or in soup or with a sauce. If he likes the crunch of chicken nuggets, then maybe oven-baked or crusted. If a particular taste is too strong/tart/bitter, then adjust flavorings – he can help identify those issues & help figure out an approach. Also, talk about these things separately from any meal times/food shopping/meal preparation, so he can think about it objectively and without pressure. Good luck!

          • tesyaa

            Thanks for understanding about allergies and sensory issues. I didn’t understand my brother’s issues at all when he was growing up, and honestly, as his sister I had the same reaction as Anon. It’s very different from a parent’s point of view (and nobody who knows me thinks I’m an overindulgent parent).

        • tesyaa

          Obviously accommodate his allergies but otherwise, he should eat what the rest of the family eats and if he doesn’t like it, either too bad for him or he can make something that he will eat.

          The last part of your sentence is exactly what he’s doing – I’m not making special dinners for him or anything – but I’d rather make sure he has healthy choices than let him eat crackers, Cheerios and baby carrots for every single meal.

          • Ebro fin

            Well, I’d still be careful with that. There was a lot of food I wouldn’t eat when I was little, and my parents tpdid the eat what we eat or nothing. So, I picked nothing. Your sons body is telling in something that you need to respect.

      • Wannabe Runner

        I’ve had trouble with this with my in-laws. My mother-in-law was made to eat everything on her plate when she was a kid, and she really hated it, and decided she absolutely wouldn’t do it with her kids.

        So my husband, his brother, and actually, his dad too are super picky eaters. I blame my mother-in-law. She just let the boys decide what kind of unhealthy crap they’d eat, and now they only eat like macaroni and cheese and mashed potatoes at family gatherings. My own family has all kinds of wonderful new dishes at holidays, and the in-laws way was hard for me to get used to. I love experimenting with vegetables and new dishes and different ethnic styles. After the first few years of marriage, I have learned not to do this at family gatherings with the in-laws!

        But I tell this story say I think there’s a happy medium. I read an article that said that kids’ tastes change, so they need to be offered new foods again and again, in different forms, before they’ll pick it up, taste it, and develop an appetite for it. They don’t need to be forced into the “clean plate club” or sit at the table until they’ve eaten everything, but trying a few bites of new things is important for growth.

        • Baconpancakes

          My family had a three-bite rule. You had to have three full mouthfuls of everything served, whether you liked it or had ever eaten it before or not, and eat anything you personally placed on your plate. There was never any separate meal, though. Take it or leave it, and no, cereal is not an option.

          And it worked! The only thing I didn’t like as a kid was brussel sprouts. Spinach, broccoli, green beans, tofu – all those I was good with. Then I ate caramelized brussel sprouts as an adult, and realized how amazing they were, so I also support the idea of reintroducing foods at different ages.

          • Wannabe Runner

            My upbringing was similar. I kind of want to impose that rule with my in-laws too. :)

            I had some hard talks about hosting events with my husband, and he relayed that to his family, especially that telling me they hated things I made before even trying them was very rude. (My MIL once, upon arriving at a BBQ at our house, said she had looked up tabouleh on the internet before she arrived and it looked gross so she wasn’t even going to try it. That was very hurtful… and a lesson.)

            So I think we are making progress.

          • Baconpancakes

            Ugh, seriously. Never dating a picky eater again. I mean, you don’t like seafood except for shrimp and lobster, you don’t like red meat unless it’s burnt, you only eat the gross whole-wheat processed bread, and you don’t like fruit? In general? Like any fruit except oranges sometimes? What??

            And tabouleh is DELICIOUS.

      • Senior Attorney

        My son was a very picky eater when he was growing up, and for the most part I didn’t accommodate it beyond what I felt was reasonable. I wouldn’t make him a completely separate dinner, but I did provide plain options (e.g. spaghetti with butter rather than sauce, pot roast with no gravy) if he wanted them. My mom was always on my case about my food and my weight when I was growing up, and I swore I’d never to that to my kid.

        The thing that really helped him turn the corner was when he went to sleepaway camp and was no longer the special snowflake. It was eat what was available or starve, and lo and behold he ate what was available. After that, the jig was up and when he came home I expected him to eat like a normal human being. I did and do accommodate his reasonable preferences, but not his unreasonable ones.

        Now he’s a pescatarian but aside from not eating meat he’s a pretty adventurous eater. One of the best days of my life was when I visited him in Japan and we ate sushi for lunch together!

        I guess basically I agree with Anon at 2:04. My advice would be to make healthy food available and then back off as much as possible.

        ETA: can. not. imagine. what put this post into moderation…

      • Senior Attorney

        Testing: spaghetti

        Nope. It’s not that “ett” putting my previous post into moderation. Go figure.

      • anon

        One of my family members was even pickier than your son(think basically nothing but bread and cheese). In high school, she decided she was tired of it but didn’t know how to get better on her own — it had become something where she was afraid of new flavors/textures and they gave her a lot of anxiety. She met with a therapist a few times, and therapy WORKED SO WELL. By the end of high school she ate a pretty normal diet and now, 10+ years later, is one of the more adventurous eaters I know.

        • tesyaa

          I don’t think my son will ever be an adventurous eater (see: adult brother, sensory issues), but I think he can expand his horizons to be a healthier one.

    • AN

      You could google indian veg websites and check out how to make daal, chickpea curry ( cholley) etc.
      What about hummus?

    • AN

      Oh, what about paneer dishes? Sorry, my recs are all indian cuisine but I am vegetarian and this is how I get my protein!!

    • Katie

      I’m late to the thread, but here is my favorite super lazy dinner that tastes junky but really isn’t: mix a can of refried beans with some taco seasoning (I make my own, but a packet would do fine). Melt some cheese over the top, and eat with tortillas, chips, or a spoon (I have no shame!). Top with veggies and/ or guac as desired.

    • mss

      This may not do anything towards expanding his horizons, but Kashi Go Lean has a ton of protein (13g/serving) and is pretty bland. (I personally think it’s tasteless, but one of my kids, who sounds a lot like your kid, pretty much lived on this stuff for several months.)

  19. Anon A

    Threadjack….I posted this in Corp. Moms but also posting here:

    Hi everyone……my firm is in the process of moving to a new space next spring. The new space is designed such that all of the doors/walls for every office is 100% see through glass, so there won’t be any privacy. I am due with my first kid in the spring so by the time I come back from maternity leave, we’ll be in the new office space. I am extremely concerned about pumping. I think my firm is still working out the kinks but I have heard that there’s going to be a “privacy room” that you have to sign up for to use a slot for 30 minutes. Is this realistic if you are at work and pumping? I’ve never had a child before but I just can’t imagine that schlepping all of the breast pumping equipment plus your laptop and whatever work you’re working on to a separate room that you have to sign up for in advance is really realistic. Thoughts?

    • Anon

      It’s not going to be as convenient as your own private office, but is totally doable. When pumping, I had a schedule, but it could be somewhat flexible before it became uncomfortable. The pump stuff is all pretty contained in the bag, so that would be easy to take back and forth along with a laptop. Also, depending on your supply and your baby’s demand, you may be able to cut back pumping at work to once a day. (I started out with three times a day but eventually just pumped at lunch.)

    • Anonymama

      Most people pump on a pretty regular schedule, so signing up in advance might be annoying but probably not a huge problem. And you cantry to set aside work to do while pumping that doesn’t require tons of stuff. Most pumps come in a bag and are easily transportable. But you should ask about putting up a temporary privacy screen, or putting paper or something up on the glass walls of your office (our office had people do this until the firm just put a frosted film up on all the glass.)

    • Senior Attorney

      I would totally inform (not ask — inform — or maybe just do it without comment) The Powers That Be that I plan to put something over the window in my office so I can pump in peace. It’s ridiculous for someone with a private office to have to leave said office to pump, if for no other reason than it decreases the availability of the pumping room for those who don’t have private offices.

      • Anon A

        That’s actually a really good point. There are plenty of secretaries and other administrative staff who do not have their own office.

    • Manhattanite

      When I visited other offices in my firm while pumping, I’d leave my pump and materials in the mothers room. It’s going to be a bigger pain for you to have the shared space. You may not be able to leave all the parts, but you should be able to leave the pump itself. If you can make any requests about the set up of the room, ask about a sink and especially a fridge.

      Good luck! Pumping at work with billable hours is a real commitment.

  20. mgolaw

    I’m on the hunt for a burgundy sheath dress to wear for work in the fall when I need to be dressed up but not quite in a suit (I work in legal aid). So far, the only one I’ve found is at The Limited, but the fit and color were both a tiny bit off.

    Any thoughts?

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