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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 241 Comments · by

Tuesday’s TPS Report: Lolly Watermark Jacquard Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Elie Tahari Lolly Watermark Jacquard Sheath DressOoh, pretty. This wool blend sheath dress is such an unusual color, I love the abstract, artistic print. The leather trim (and perhaps the fabric blend) makes it “dry clean only,” alas. I'd probably keep it simple and wear it with black or gray; I might try it with a pop of a bright red to accent the teal. The dress was $468, but is marked to $235 today. Elie Tahari Lolly Watermark Jacquard Sheath Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]. (L-2)

Sales of note for 8.30.24

  • Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
  • Boden – 20% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
  • Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
  • Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
  • White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale

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Comments

  1. KK

    I asked this one before but didn’t get many responses so here it goes again – at my office we are supposed to donate to a charity in lieu of getting gifts for the people we work with. An email goes around to everyone stating this each year. Despite this, some lawyers give gifts to their assistants. Some abide by the rules and only donate to charity. I am torn as to whether my assistant will feel left out if I don’t get her a gift. I checked with some other associates but have gotten mixed responses (“yes definitely get a gift” and “no, we are not suppsoed to get gifts”). I know for a fact another lawyer assigned to my assistant has purchased her a gift (and she did not want to throw in on it with me, and would not tell me the value). Thoughts on what I should do? At this point I am thinking a $20 Starbucks gift card and handwritten card?

    • Anonymous

      That’s what I would do. I once read a study that people don’t even NEED big gifts at the office, but they appreciate any small token of recognition/thanks for their hard work. So I think $20 is appropriate.

      • Anon Lawyer

        Someone should tell my bosses this – I put in SO many hours and I don’t expect a huge bonus but it would be nice to get something as a token of their appreciation. Instead I just have to miss a day of work to go to our office christmas party and have to work more leading up to christmas in order to get everything done

    • jc

      I think that’s a good idea. Could you both donate to charity and get her the giftcard? It seems small enough that you aren’t really breaking the rules, but then she also won’t feel left out.

    • Ellen

      I think if she like’s COFFEE, you can get her a Starbuck’s card, but make sure she can handel it. Alot of my freind’s perfer DUNKING DONUGHT’s b/c the coffee is NOT like syrup. FOOEY! B/c I do NOT drink alot of coffee. I am a Chai Tea person — it make’s me alot more ZENLIKE, the manageing partner says, b/c Margie got me started on Chai Tea. YAY Margie. Our day at the manageing partner has been postponed b/c of bad weather, but the manageing partner took the day off anyway, so we are at work haveing fun! YAY! Frank did NOT come in so the bathroom is free (and not stinky either), tho Madeline has already set up camp there. FOOEY!

      The teck guy stopped by to See Lynn. He is hanging around here alot and I think Lynn met him for coffee (mabye Starbuck’s). He is here now with her, but he is stareing at me also. He can NOT have both of us, and I have NO intention of dateing him anyway. I got a box of doggie treats in the mail from Fred who wrote I should give them to Myrna. I hope he does NOT think he can now date her just b/c Xilo got free doggie treat’s. I told Myrna and she was HISTERICAL over that.

      David called me @ home — I told him I do NOT perfer texteing to calleing, and he is bieng VERY nice. Dad must have told his dad how pissed off I was about him, so now he is makeing it up by bieng VERY nice. It was so refresheing that when we went back to my apartement so that I could get out of my soakeing wet spandex leggeings, he did NOT come into my room to check on me b/c he knew I would be takeing all of my wet clotheing off. Most guy’s would ask if they could help. FOOEY on that. I told dad he did NOT do that and he said that was GOOD. Grandma Leyeh want’s to know when she will have a grandchild from me. I said not to soon. FOOEY b/c the $50K is not goieing to happen unless there is some kind of imaculate conception hapening! DOUBEL FOOEY!

  2. kjoirishlastname

    If you are feeling really torn about it, I think that a small token + a card is totally acceptable, and not un-kosher. Even if you didn’t want to do the $20, you could do a small tin or box of teas & a card. Less expensive, still thoughtful.

    • Mpls

      It’s not nearly short enough for the Enterprise. And totally cute in a mod 60s way.

    • NOLA

      Agree it’s cute in a mod 60s way. It looks like something my mother would have worn in the late 60s. And she was cute!

      • HSAL

        Based on the other comments, I really expected to like this when I clicked on the link, but I agree.

      • Bonnie

        I agree. It would look much better if it were tapered in a bit.

        I do love the posted dress and everything Elie Tahari.

    • Anonymous

      It looks pretty blah in the other colors. I worry that it would come across as shapeless. The higher neckline does not seem all that flattering either. I can see it working on a very tall, very straight person.

    • Bankratty

      I have a dress similar to this in charcoal grey and I get quite a bit of wear out of it. I think length is key–if this dress hits below the knee, you will be in housecoat territory.

  4. Suspended for Hugging?

    Heard this story on the radio, and thought it would be an interesting topic of discussion: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/ga-student-suspended-for-year-after-hugging-teacher/

    Basically, a high school senior was suspended for a year for hugging his teacher. The student will potentially lose a college scholarship as a result.

    On one hand, I think that the teacher was right to report this as it clearly made her uncomfortable. On the other, I understand that a year’s suspension will have a substantial effect on this student’s future. Do you think the school handled the matter properly?

    • Yellow

      The family’s comments seem off to me. A senior in football or lacrosse no longer has any chance of getting a full scholarship by December of his senior year. His recruiting window has come and gone. Seems like the family is trying to make it sound like the school’s actions are having more consequences than they actually are.

      I had close relationships with my teachers but I would never hug them in the way that is described (and I don’t know anyone who would). I remember hugging some particularly helpful teachers when I got into college and with both the male and female teachers they were very butt out pat on the back type of hugs with very little physical contact.

      I think with stories like this, so much is in the details. Would it be terrible if a student were suspending after hugging a willing teacher? Yea. Do I think a 17 year old student who imposes physical contact on a female teacher should be suspended if it’s done in a more forceful or threatening way? Yea.

      • Em

        Yeah, this is not the same as a 5-year-old hugging their kindergarten teacher. If the headline was “17-year-old suspended for repeatedly hugging teacher after being asked to stop,” I’m not sure how much press this would have gotten.

    • anonyhug

      I guess if he had been warned about it, then a suspension is probably warranted. Especially if his previous suspensions are insubordination-type discipline issues.

      I’m a huggy person. And I honestly cannot remember hugging teachers. Maybe one–my Latin teacher, but she was like everyone’s mom. And even then, it would have only been the “special occasion” hug–like the end of the year or something.

      I feel like on some level we’re over-sensitized to sexual harassment, but at the same time, we have to teach our kids boundaries and appropriateness. I think that in this case, such an action not only makes the teacher uncomfortable, but on some level, it’s an undermining of her authority, if a student treats her with such intimacy/familiarity.

      Yeah, my kindergartener and my preschooler hug their teachers, but I feel that is an entirely different scenario with different (no) motives and feelings.

      • Bonnie

        The article says that he had been warned multiple times about hugging teachers. And the teacher says that she felt his lips on the back of her neck. Definitely inappropriate.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      The school’s right on about this. From the description, he full-body-hugged the teacher in a what sounds like at least a somewhat s*xual way. “What?! It was just a hug! Why are you being so uptight about it?!!” is the battle cry of creeping creepers who creep. I’m glad the school’s trying to teach this kid clear boundaries now, before he starts inflicting this kind of creepiness on freshmen women in a less-structured, less-monitored college environment.

        • Killer Kitten Heels

          We don’t have any idea what the student’s past disciplinary record is, though. Note that there’s none of the usual “he’s never been in trouble before!” from the family, and the school’s spokesperson seems to be implying that there was a past record to take into account:

          “A spokesperson for Gwinnet County Public Schools would not comment on the case specifically, but said in a statement that ‘hearing officers consider witness testimony, a review of the known facts, and a student’s past disciplinary history . . . when determining consequences.'”

          • mascot

            I read an updated CNN article that indicated that he did have some past infractions.

      • Katherine

        +100000 to all of this and ahahaha at “the battle cry of creeping creepers who creep.” I have to say, I was a little put off by the tone of the article. Although it was clear that the teacher felt uncomfortable, the student had been warned about the inappropriateness of the hugs, and that the situation was not just “innocent,” the whole article seemed to scoff at the uptightness of the school/teacher and identify instead with the poor sexual harasser who now has to face consequences for his harassing actions. I don’t know why it surprises me anymore when the media or anyone else downplays a woman’s discomfort at feeling physically intimidated by a male, but there you go. This is all part and parcel of various other situations we’ve seen posted in the comments here lately…

    • roses

      The article didn’t specify whether the student could enroll in another school for the year or not, but if not, I think the punishment is completely unwarranted. A year’s suspension – as in, a complete break from education – is never warranted for any child. Yes, even those who commit crimes – if the child is truly a danger to other schoolchildren, he/she should be placed in an alternative school or school at a juvenile detention center. Depriving a child of not only education, but a structured daytime environment, for a year is harmful to the child and harmful to society, as the child is more likely to get into trouble on the streets.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        I don’t know if it’s the same in Georgia, but in many states students on long-term suspension are eligible for home schooling and/or admission to “alternative schooling” programs. Students are not supposed to go without education during suspensions, they’re just supposed to continue that education elsewhere because they pose (or are perceived to pose) some sort of threat to the school environment.

        • Anon

          This. And while I can’t swear its the same the Georgia, I’d be fairly confident it is. Suspension is about losing the privilege of attending school. If anything, suspension is usually more cumbersome on the district, because they have to arrange for alternative education whether that is home-schooling (and by that I mean sending teachers to the student’s home, not putting the burden on parents), or other alternatives. And then of course teachers have to be in a one-on-one environment with students with disciplinary problems. No good outcomes. Everyone should just be good :) haha

    • CountC

      Before I read the article, I will say that in an era where a teacher can be fired for touching a student in the most innocent of ways, I believe the current should run both ways. Sterile? Maybe, but IMHO, necessary.

  5. DCQ

    Threadjack —

    I am in the final round of interviews for a position I really hope I get (my inside source says it’s either me contingent on reference check or between me and one other person). Trying not to get my hopes up but also starting to think about what the job change will mean. One of the biggest changes is I am in a business casual environment (which I like) and the new office is very much a jeans environment (save when you have external meetings). I like dressing up for work. I’ve invested a lot in my work wardrobe and want to continue building it. Will I stick out like a sore thumb if I continue wearing nice skirts/dresses/slacks and blazers?

    • BB

      Can you do a sort of dressed down business casual? Jeans + blazer, dress + cardigan, skirt + nice scoop neck tee, that sort of thing? I often wear bits of my professional wardrobe in casual environments. It depends on what you pair it with. IMO any of the above combos qualifies as a “pulled together casual.”

      • A Nonny Moose

        This is what I did when I made the transition. Lots of pencil skirts + t shirts and jeans + blazers. It’s really fun, actually, coming from someone who *loved* dressing super-professionally before my current job.

    • kjoirishlastname

      Depends…I’ve never worked in an environment where suits/dresses/skirts were the norm, so I went from college basically into jobs where jeans were totally acceptable.

      I think that you can play down your snazzy wardrobe by incorporating more casual pieces that you couldn’t get away with at your current job. Wear your skirts and suits as separates if you can, and add fun tops (crazy ruffle shirt? Statement necklace? Bold print?) to bring it down a notch.

      If you plan to be in this job for some time, don’t worry about continuing to build your wardrobe, but rather maybe try to find pieces that are a little more out-of-the-ordinary for you, but appropriate for this job. If it is a transient/temporary thing, then you should continue to keep your eye out. Obviously no one really wants to think of their potential job as temporary, but if it were say a 2 year contract, or something between now and grad school or something, that’s a different story.

      A word of warning: once you wear jeans to work, you’ll never go back!! It’s a hard habit to break, knowing that you can do it.

      • Anonymous

        Agreed re not continuing to build your business casual wardrobe. I’m not saying get rid of what you’ve already got, but I don’t know why you’d continue to invest in pieces that don’t fit your current lifestyle (except, of course, for the 20+party/cocktail dresses in my closet, ahem, which my lifestyle will eventually adjust to require, hehe).

        I’d just use this as an opportunity to 1) save more and 2) invest in other stuff (a great handbag? cute shoes? really good shapewear? home decorating?).

    • TBK

      I would dress like your co-workers for the first month or so. You want to look like you’re a team player and that you fit the office culture. Once you’re a little bit established and people have gotten to know you, you can add in dressier pieces. Also, by that time you’ll know how people will respond to you dressing up a bit. On the first day or first week, you’ll have no sense of that and might risk people having a poor first impression of you.

      • tesyaa

        I think it’s always OK to dress up a BIT on the first day. It’s almost like a continuation of the interview setting. In addition, there might be unexpected client contact even on the first day. After the first day, TBK’s advice seems on point. But there’s no reason ever to stifle your individual style and stick with a uniform. Be yourself.

        • kjoirishlastname

          ^^this. We actually had a new employee start on Monday. Yes, our office is more casual than business, but this employee isn’t a field employee. While no one in my building wears ties, some of the ladies wear skirts, and most of the guys at least wear khakis.

          I do agree that the first day/week or so is about learning your place, and the office climate (literally and figuratively).

          This guy came to work in a button-down shirt, khakis and a pilly green fleece jacket. To an informal, but inter-departmental meeting.

  6. Thread jack....dilemma

    I’m hoping the hive will have some thoughts or words of wisdom for me.

    Hubs and I are almost 40. Married 15 years, two lovely kids. His job is the crazy pants one and he earns way more. But it is an equal relationship. Recently I have been really feeling like I simply don’t get time with my kids and that they’re growing up so fast. One is 6, the other almost 2. Have been considering quitting my job to be a SAHM. We can afford it easily financially…I could have quit years ago. When we had just one kid, it was no big deal as I could spend all my spare time with him. Now that time (3 hrs a day) is split among two kids, I feel like I just don’t see enough of them.

    Has anyone done this or do you know anyone who has ” opted out”?
    Any advice? I feel lucky to even be able to consider this, and also feel like I would regret it later if I didn’t take this chance.

    Fwiw, we are not in the US.

    • roses

      No idea if the conventions are the same outside of the US, but here I can say that the biggest drawback to “opting out” is that you are putting yourself at a very big disadvantage if you think you’ll ever want to re-enter the workforce. It’s essential that if you do want to work later on in your field, you maintain some kind of connections to it – through freelancing, volunteering, or part-time work – so that you stay on top of developments and keep your skills fresh.

      The other factor is having a long conversation with your husband about how you two divide labor and handle finances if you no longer have an income. It can be very easy for either of you to start resenting the other if you are not on the same page about what your responsibilities are.

      You may find this article to be enlightening: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/11/magazine/the-opt-out-generation-wants-back-in.html?_r=0.

      • anonymama

        Yes on your second paragraph – after having our kid I transitioned to part-time, and I was not really prepared for how much housekeeping became completely my responsibility.

      • Anon

        Know you said money isn’t an issue, but don’t forget to factor in the long-term financial picture when you’re looking at budgeting. Loss of a salary isn’t just about getting by on one salary for the day-to-day expenses for awhile. It’s still making sure your retirement is being funded adequately.

    • Suits

      More questions:

      Do you have any ability to work part-time so that when your children eventually go to school you can be at work in the window they are at school?

      Do you like what you do? Are you frazzled or just wanting more time with your children?

      In your field, can you go back (even part time) if you do stay home? Or is it if you quit for now, you quit forever (so if you do brain surgery, great, but I don’t want to be your first patient if you’ve taken off 5 years; if you teach reading, you will be doing that (more or less) as a parent and those jobs seem to be welcoming to good teachers who come back from what I’ve seen).

    • tesyaa

      How long do you plan to be out of the workforce? A year or two is not a dealbreaker in terms of returning to the workforce. If you’re thinking 5-10 years, you may find it hard to return to your current field. You may need additional training or need/want a career change.

      Do you have a good network in terms of enjoying SAHMhood? The grass is always greener. Being a SAHM is often boring. Part-time work is a good compromise.

    • anon working mom

      I thought very seriously about this when my kids were like 1 and 3. I was done, unhappy with my job and feeling like a loser of a mom compared to all the moms who were home with their kids all day, I wanted out. I ended up part time and now back to full time but reasonable hours with no commute. I’m glad I didn’t quit, mostly because I don’t see myself never working again, and I think that’s what would have happened. I don’t see a lot of places hiring lawyers who have been out of the workforce for a long time. But there are other reasons too– while we could have “afforded” it, it would have meant a lot of cutting back, to the point that it would make us really different than the families in our neighborhood. Sounds stupid, but I didn’t really want to be the poor people on the block (any more than we already are in a land of investment bankers). Also, now that the kids are school age, I don’t think I’m into the PTA-tennis-working out lifestyle that I see many of the moms living. I like having something else, and I want to keep that up when I’m older. Which then wraps back to the part about being able to get a job after being at home for years.

    • In Rem

      I’d urge you to read the Feminine Mistake by Leslie Bennetts while making your decision. I’m in my mid-40s and have a fair share of friends who are going through/went through divorce and regret their loss of earning potential due to years out of the workforce. I don’t know what’s ahead for your future, but I found it best to hedge my bets and stay in part-time. I went back full-time when my kids were both in school. My marriage is fine, but if anything happened to my husband or his job, I could carry our finances, so that’s kind of a relief for both of us.

      • anon working mom

        +1. My mom gave me an article about this book when I was considering quitting. I was super pissed at her at the time and thought she wasn’t supporting my choices. In retrospect, it was a good call to at least consider what she has to say.

      • Anon

        +1. My SO’s mom gave up her career in medicine and stayed home with her children. She was happy with this decision, but when her husband lost his job (also a physician), it was REALLY hard on them to have zero income. This whole situation has frightened me into ever being comfortable with the idea of a single-income household.

      • CKB

        I agree with these comments. I quit working full time when I was having babies & my boys were little, but I still worked part time from home (I’m an accountant with a designation & I subcontracted for an accounting firm). This was absolutely the right move for our family because dh’s working situation took a serious turn for the worse and I had to step in and become the primary breadwinner for our family, which I was able to do because I kept my skills current. In the 6 years since I started working full time dh’s employment situation has remained inconsistent. I am SO glad I didn’t completely stop working. I hate to think what our situation would be if I did. However, I’m also extremely glad that I was able to spend so many years at home with my boys. They were 2, 5 and 7 when I went back to work full time.

    • MD

      I’m 42 and haven’t been able to have kids. I love my job, but my goodness I would give anything to have children and to be able to stay home with them. I can’t think of anything better in this world! You are blessed.

      If you make the switch and choose to stay home, I wouldn’t drop out of the workforce entirely– can you freelance, work from home, do something part time? As others have said, you don’t want to lose your ability to get a full-time job again sometime down the line when the kids are grown.

    • Anonymous

      How does your husband feel? Mine surprised me by being strongly opposed to having me stay home. Before we got married, we talked about my staying home with kids for a few years -probably after having a second. When I got pregnant with our second, my husband said he was really uncomfortable with the idea of being the sole earner (from a job loss standpoint) and with losing close to half of our income. I was already feeling torn about the challenges of eventually re-entering the workforce and and what the change might do to our relationship, so we both still work full time.

    • anonymous MD

      I am a pediatrician and continued to work after having my first child–my husband is a physician as well, and our combined hours were not feasible long-term, so I went to 80% a few months after going back to work. We had a 3 month period when my first was about 2 where we didn’t have a single day off together and decided we needed some drastic change (and I was pregnant with our second). We moved across the country just before our second was born for DH’s new job, and I quit working for 6 months following my DD’s birth.

      I was feeling a bit stir-crazy at that time, and started volunteering at a safety-net clinic 1-2 days a week (we take Medicaid and do a sliding scale for uninsured folks). I was home the other days, got my malpractice insurance for free from a company that provides free malpractice if you’re practicing unremunerated. I was home for 5 years. My youngest was going to kindergarten this last fall, and a staff position opened up at my clinic, which I jumped on. I don’t do call, work 1 Saturday a month, and my hours are usually about 8-5:30 or 6 three days a week. It’s managable now that my kids are in school all day even with DH’s nutty hours.

      I feel that the volunteering weekly and keeping up my skills, as well as attending continuing medical education and grand rounds at the local children’s hospital are the things that allowed me to transition back to work without a large skill deficit. I would encourage you if you do opt out for a few years to do something similar in your field. I have no regrets about the time I took off, and am fortunate enough to have had a partner who made enough money that I could do this.

  7. Suits

    Back in the day, I used to buy a new suit in the fall and one in the spring so that I always had enough suits and the oldest one could then gracefully rotate out as they all got worn a lot.

    Now, I think it may be time to get another suit. I think they are just easier to wear and my newest suit is from . . . 2007?

    For those of you who still wear suits (we are business casual and I am try to get out of years of baby-related compromise choices), do you even have suits this old? Should I just reboot my closet entirely? Or just gradually add some back in (maybe an annual suit in something like tropical weight wool)? I need to get my sea legs back on this.

    And I’m thinking pantsuits (not skirt suits, which used to be my thing). I can maybe wear the jacket part with a dress, but think I need more pants (just easier to move around in) in my suit wardrobe.

    • Diana Barry

      I do still have suits from 2007,but only a couple (J Crew I think). After babies my weight shifted around a bit and so I had to buy new stuff. I would definitely get one that you can wear year-round, but you might try to buy 3 pieces if winters are cold – I am warmer in the winter with skirts/tights/boots.

    • ss

      I do – even older actually – but caveat that I have a lot of help with maintenance. Typically I only discard when they start getting shiny around the edges – nothing can be done to reverse the damage at that point.

      On your specific Qs, lightweight wool works well all year for me and you may want to consider A-line skirts as a 3rd option for your suits. I find them much comfier when sitting for hours or travelling, and like that they can take a lower-heel shoe than a pencil skirt.

    • Bonnie

      I do as well. There is no reason to get rid of a suit just because it is older. So long as it still fits, is not outdated and is not visibly worn, keep it.

    • Amberwitch

      I have suits that are a lot older than 2007. And I will keep them and wear them until they fall apart.
      I have the luxury of considering my clothes long term investments, since I’ve had the same shape and taste for 20+ years.
      I think your plan makes perfect sense. Adding to an exiting wardrobe – as long as you can stand the clothes you allready have – and rotating the worn out pieces out is a smart choice if it fits your temper.
      I’m guessing that your old purchase pattern have made you buy clothes that don’t date, so I don’t see a problem building on a wardrobe that is 6+ years old

  8. NOLA

    Bleah. In my ongoing quest to get rid of this cough, I went to a new pulmonologist yesterday. She said I need to be taking a stronger antihistamine at night so she prescribed a new night time cough medicine with an antihistamine and hydrocodone. I wasn’t really thinking about it, but I didn’t eat a lot last night. Felt fine when I woke up then got hit with nausea and cold sweats and almost couldn’t get downstairs to eat without passing out. FWIW, I’m not coughing and my throat is great despite singing last night. But sheesh, I guess I need to plan for more food and more sleep. Has anybody else taken this kind of thing?

    • Miss Behaved

      Any chance you’re allergic to hydrocodone? I am. Most people who are allergic get nauseous like you did. I, unfortunately, itch uncontrollably.

      • NOLA

        I thought of that because demerol makes me throw up. But I think I’ve taken hydrocodone before and was fine. The other thing was that it only happened this morning, not during the night or even right when I woke up. Not until after I had showered and dried my hair and was putting on makeup. I was fine after I ate breakfast and sat for awhile. It was the getting downstairs to eat that was difficult!

        • MJ

          I didn’t used to be allergic to hydrocodone, but when I got my eyes done earlier this year, I had a crazy allergic reaction to it. Felt like I was itching from the inside out, asthma attack and luckily no anaphylactic shock…be careful!

    • kjoirishlastname

      I can’t take conventional cold meds anymore (combination of other meds I take maybe?), so when I got the wicked cough, C*deine and cough medicine was available, but that would make me crazy. So, my NP prescribed c*deine and phenergan (anti-nausea, knocks you out) to just basically beat me into submission. Narcs can sometimes make your face itch (especially m*rpine), but the nausea & such may be related more to the antihistamine. Or that it was a fever in the height of the virus.

      I would say, your next move should be to take it easy, eat easy (nothing crazy, but rather easy-to-digest foods like simple meats & starches), and be prepared to go to sleep within about a half hour of taking your meds. I did find that I felt better on the days after I slept like a rock without coughing. The days where I had been awake for hours and hours with the cough were always really awful.

      • NOLA

        No, the virus and sinus infection are long gone. This is a residual cough related to asthma. This cough has been killing me. Twice, I’ve strained muscles around my ribs just from coughing. Today is my last day of work before break so I’ll be able to take it easier!

        • kjoirishlastname

          Then I would be pretty regimented about taking that medicine. I think that if you can keep the cough at bay, and suppress it such that you are no longer being irritated every 20 minutes, then you’ll fare much better. Of course, assuming it’s not an allergy. Doesn’t sound like it, though.

          Do you take any other meds for the asthma? Steriod /maintenance inhaler? That might help. So would xopanex or albuterol as well.

          I totally understand the muscle-strain though. One of my bff’s cracked 2 ribs when she had The Cough while pregnant. Eeks.

    • Anon

      I don’t post much, but have seen a few posts about your cough.

      Last year I had a cough that started in October and lasted until I finally saw the right specialist in February. It was brutal and kept getting worse to the point that I was feeling sometimes like I was suffocating b/c I couldn’t breathe in b/c I was coughing so much. I was diagnosed with sensory neuropathic cough – basically it’s a cough caused by nerve damage that triggers the cough mechanism. I’m now on elavil (70 mg) and it’s basically gone (some specific situations trigger it). Before that, I tried asthma meds, which didn’t work. But could for some people

      • NOLA

        That’s interesting but I’m fairly sure that I have the correct diagnosis. The pulmonologist pointed out that I am still sniffling so we need to focus on my sinuses.

      • Anonymous

        This. Exactly this. I have your same exact story. Nerve damage resulting in a never ending tickle. And I finally found a doctor last year who put me on the same med (amitriptyline is the generic). After years of suffering for weeks every time I had a cold.

    • Diana Barry

      MOAR FOOD definitely a good idea. You may need to eat quite a bit and then take the med immediately. I have developed a sensitive med stomach (is that a thing?) in the past couple of years and even when it doesn’t mention nausea, I need to eat right before taking them (unless empty stomach is required).

      • NOLA

        I think you’re right. Lately, if I’m not hungry in the evening, I just don’t eat a meal. Then I’m going to bed and feeling yucky. So when that happens, I eat a little dry cereal and it seems to help. I just wasn’t hungry at all last night.

        • anonforaminute

          Yeah, when I was on meds with a side effect of suppressing appetite, my dr told me to make myself eat anyway. I would ask your dr about it, but maybe you should make yourself eat a small but balanced dinner if you are going to take meds even if you aren’t hungry.

    • kjoirishlastname

      I forgot to mention something that a girlfriend told me when she had The Cough. It sounds totally strange, but in a way it makes sense–she got a prescription for some kind of antacid. Zantac or the like. She said her doctor told her that even very minor reflux (that you may not even really be aware of) can irritate everything between your nose and your lungs, and that taking an antacid like that can actually help the cough. Worth a shot, IMHO.

      Also make sure you’re getting enough fluid so that whatever you are coughing is fluid and productive.

      • NOLA

        Yeah, that’s interesting because it’s what the allergist thought it might be. The ENT didn’t think so but he said to try Prilosec anyway because it couldn’t hurt me. The problem is, I cannot remember, for the life of me, to take it before meals! I talked about that with the pulmonologist and she said that it’s not the problem so I shouldn’t worry about it and I agree.

        • L

          If you take priolosec, you don’t need to take it before meals. You can do one (or two – check the box) a day and it builds up in your system for two weeks.

    • KLG

      Hydrocodone, Percocet, Vicodin, etc. all make my husband throw up unless taken on a full stomach (not after eating a granola bar, needs to be a meal). His stomach is very sensitive to pain meds for some reason.

  9. Nike Free Run

    Running Threadjack –

    I am a beginning runner and run/walk/jog about 10 miles per week. I meed to upgrade my old shoes and was looking into minimalist and barefoot running. I have heard good reviews about the Nike Free line and am considering buying a pair. Does anyone have any experience with the Nike Free run collection? Or any experience with minimalist vs. barefoot running as a novice jogger/runner?

    • Nike Free Run

      Also, I cant seem to find a sale or discount code for a pair of the Nike Free runs (this poor student can not afford to pay retail). Is anyone aware of a store (online or in-person) where I can grab them with a coupon code or on sale? Thanks!

      • Anonymous

        Do you have an outlet store near you? I get my Nikes at the outlet store for about $15 less than retail. Other than that, try Runners Warehouse (online).

      • rosie

        City Sports (if you have one near you) used to have the prior year’s models on sale…Zappos might as well.

    • Anonymous

      I have been running for 15 years and I have never gotten into this trend. One of the things that I would caution is that unless you have perfect form, wearing a minimalist shoe may actually do more harm than good. In addition to internet research, it may be worth actually getting an opinion from an orthopedist who has analyzed your gait.

      If you do decide to try it out, I would suggest doing it gradually. I would pick a shoe that is comfortable — personally, I love Nike and wear the Pegasus almost exclusively, but have never tried the Free — and wear it for one short run a week. I would gradually build up the time you spend in the shoe.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        Seconding that you should get your gait checked before switching to a minimalist shoe – if you’re a sever over- or under-pronator, for example, you could do real damage to yourself in minimalist shoes.

        Once you’re cleared to use minimalist shoes in the first place, introduce them to your routine slowly – start at maybe 20 minutes a week and work your way up. I have the “right” gait for minimalist shoes, and tried the Saucony Kinvaras for awhile, and found that they just didn’t work for me. I run in ultra-light (but not minimalist, so they have padding) shoes now, and like them much better. (Adidas Marathon 10s, for reference).

      • AnonInfinity

        + 1,000,000

        I’ve been running for a long time and do other types of exercises as well. I have some Nike Frees that I use for Crossfit-style classes and absolutely hate running in them. I’ve tried a few times when I accidentally pack the wrong shoes, and it doe snot feel good to me at all. It might if I gradually worked my way up, but why fix what’s not broken?

      • bananagram

        So agree! The alleged benefit of barefoot is that your gate will change in a way that will produce less injury. This claim is controversial, with some studies pointing one way and others in the opposite direction. If you’re not getting injured now why tweak with your shoe?

    • Walnut

      I own Nike Free as well as Vibrams and Merrils. The Nike’s were primarily purchased for cycling, so I still run primarily in barefoot. I’ve found running to be completely different in a barefoot shoe, but I feel like I’m more in tune with my body in barefoot? Or something like that? Getting the fit right is important, so make certain to try them on in store and engage in a discussion on what constitutes a “right” fit.

    • TBK

      I think it really depends on your biomechanics. If you have a nice, neutral gait (no over or under pronation), moderate arches, and no other issues (knees, etc.) you probably will be okay. A specialty running store can help you find the right shoes and can advise you on whether minimalist shoes will work for you.

    • EB0220

      I have experimented with minimalist running. I can’t do it on the road at all – I think it’s far too hard on your joints. On the trail, I have used the Merrell Trail Gloves and more recently the New Balance Minimus 110 (most minimal) in trail running. I had an unpleasant foot injury using the NB so I have recently switched shoes. In my experience over the last year, a low drop shoe with some cushion is the way to go. You would have to experiment with shoes of various drops to figure out what fits your stride. For me, it’s a 4mm drop. For my husband, it’s 6mm. I have now switched completely to low-drop cushioned shoes for both trail and road, and I feel great. For reference, I use the Saucony Kinvara 4 for road and Saucony Peregrine for trail. But it really depends on your stride, joints, etc.

    • Yugo18

      Yes. I am on my 3rd or 4th pair of Nike Frees 4.0 and I like them very much. They are quite low in the heel-to-toe drop, but I have been running in “minimal” types of shoes for years so I never had any trouble with them. I run double-digit miles and do speed-work in them and, again, have only enjoyed their light-on-my-feet feel. They’re still cushioned, just not as plumped up with cushioning as most of today’s “regular” shoes. I guess I am prejudiced against them, but I don’t like being on top of a lot of cushioning and I like being able to feel the ground underneath me when I run.

      I don’t think you need to get your gait checked or do anything special prior to using them, but only to make sure to start using them *really slowly* and give yourself time to adjust. I understand how some people may prefer more cushioned shoes, so you should do whatever is best for *your* body.

    • Anon

      I spent a year running in traditional shoes before switching to minimal and I love them. I had issues with shin splints and stress fractures and the problems 99% disappeared once I switched. I’ve never gotten into the vibrams or actual barefoot running though. My first minimal pair were Nike frees, and then I switched to Sauconys. Agree with those above though that it does depend on your gait, but for me, they do so so so much good. It is good advice to start wearing them slowly by mixing them into your routine instead of all out switching. Also, because the soles are so thin, they definitely wear out so make sure to change your shoes regularly (I think advice is a new pair every 300-400 miles, but I tend to get a new pair every 6 months to a year depending on how heavily I’m racing/training in that year).

      • Yugo18

        I have been using the same pair for at least 1,000 miles so far. When I say I can feel the ground in the shoes, I mean I can *feel* the ground!

    • JCDC

      A related point: it is 100% worth the time and expense to go to a specialty running store, especially the first time, rather than a large sporting goods store. The folks there are typically runners themselves, they can analyze your gait, they can make suggestions based on your personal goals. It’s super helpful. (I recommend Pacers if you happen to be in the DC region.)

    • KT

      Frankly I’m surprised there are commenters here who run in Nike shoes. I am a half marathoner, one full marathon under my belt, and in my own experience/experiences of friends/many books/advice from specialty running stores Nike running shoes are a joke. I have free run 4.0 that were a gift and I only wear them for walking around on the weekends. I am in the corporate office of a sporting goods chain and the samples we get from Nike are kind of a running joke. There are much better shoes to run in, and much better minimalist shoes to run in.
      TL;DR I wouldn’t go with the Free runs. Def not worth the price.

      • rosie

        Meh, different things work for different people. I wore Nike Pegasus for many years on the recommendation of a friend with multiple marathons/tris under her belt, and I switched to Brooks when they put the Nike plus chip in the Pegasus and I became convinced I could feel the difference.

      • Anonymous

        Nike was founded by Bill Bowerman and located in Tracktown USA. They are not a joke at all.

        The Pegasus is up to incarnation #30 or something like that, so they must be doing something right. Frankly, the shoe companies that are a joke are the ones that go around giving free stuff to mediocre (at best) runners simply because they are bloggers and they are trying to cash in on that gravy train.

        If Nike is good enough for the University of Oregon track team, its good enough for me.

      • cbackson

        Well, the plural of anecdote is not data, but I ran in the Pegasus for years and didn’t find it to be a joke (and if it’s necessary to offer my credentials, I’ve been running for almost 25 years, with five marathons, countless halves, and more 10Ks and 5Ks than I can count to my name).

    • edj3

      I switched to minimalist shoes in 2008 (Nike free 5.0) and had to relearn my running form. That switch eliminated some knee issues I was beginning to have.

      Unfortunately, Nike’s changed the model I was wearing and I can’t wear them any more so now I’m in Brooks Pure Cadence 2 and love them. For comparison’s sake, I have narrow, skinny feet (skinny top to bottom) and moderately high arches. I liked the Nikes originally because of my narrow feet and that’s also why the Brooks work for me.

      • Yugo18

        I also really like Adidas for my narrow, skinny feet, if it ever helps. They fit snugly, almost the opposite of Brooks.

  10. just for fun

    What are you working on today?

    First order of business: I’m working on a powerpoint presentation for a meeting later this evening to give a staff report to our planning commission for a request from a resident who wants to raise chickens on their property, but they don’t meet the minimum acreage for agriculture use. (I work in planning/zoning). Also attending a meeting in a half an hour with town council to go over CIP funding for this coming fiscal year, and some other items.

    The rest of the week will be dedicated to preparing letters & mailings to go out for a conditional use permit to expand a gas station–I have to get the letters ready to mail to adjacent property owners by the end of the week to go in the mail on the 30th; and working on the staff report for that one.

    • cb

      I’m prepping some media stuff, going a bit of PhD work and then going to a dinner with a prominent politician and corporate directors. Managed to snag an invite despite my non corporate, non director status and am super excited.

    • Ceecee

      I’m wasting time on the internet. Just like everyone else who answers this question.

    • Marilla

      Planning work is so interesting.

      I like this thread idea, although we’d have to keep it pretty vague.. Today, I’m drafting a business case to hire an outside company to develop some educational materials for us, and then starting on a cross-Canada interjurisdictional scan on an area of regulation related to our department’s work.

      • OP

        I love my job. I don’t have a planning degree, I actually have a landscape architecture degree, and worked in civil engineering firms for years before being laid off at the precipice of the recession, (after just finding out I was pregnant with my first!!), then laying around like a lady of leisure in my morning-sick unemployment for 3 months before landing this job.

        I love it WAY more than CE. Challenging, intellectual, analytical.

        But, you’re right–with you legal folk, you can’t exactly go broadcasting what you’re working on! Funny though that everything you law-folk do is protected whereas just about everything that I do is public information.

        • Marilla

          I actually work in government too (policy – in an area related to planning work which is how I know a teeny little but about it). Most of what we do is eventually public but a lot is confidential while it’s in development, except of course for the possibility of FOI requests. I like that it’s always something different.. sometimes focused technical/policy development work, sometimes research, sometimes communications/media work, sometimes negotiating with stakeholders, or presenting at association events to explain what we do.. I think planning is similar in that way.

    • Katherine

      Okay, so it isn’t really work, but I’m taking care of end-of-semester mundane tasks today: returning my textbook rentals, packing for home, cleaning my room (I have four roommates and two of them cleaned the whole apartment as a holiday gift to those of us with finals… best roommates ever!), etc. Also celebrating being forever done with Federal Courts! Being finished with that course is like taking off a heavy backpack, I feel so free! Second semester 3L, here I come!

    • Senior Attorney

      I have a mountain — a MOUNTAIN, I say! — of correspondence to deal with. It’s my least-favorite part of my job and I must. get. it. done. today.

      That, and wasting time on the internet. ;)

    • Yugo18

      I like this question.

      Today, I am mostly working on getting back to clients who keep calling and preparing responses to discovery x 2. I didn’t bring enough food for lunch and didn’t get enough sleep last night, so I will supplement my lunch with something else and my lunchtime run will (*crosses fingers*) energize me a little.

      Happy Tuesday, everybody.

    • OttLobbyist

      Fun idea. I am reviewing parliamentary committee reports, wrapping up year-end invoices, and starting (slowly) to think about January deliverables. Favourite pick-me up right now to get through the reading and busywork – a cup of good, dark, hot chocolate and a clementine… :)

    • Nonny

      My main task today and for the rest of the week is getting everything ready for my maternity leave. I’ve basically pretty much finished my billable work so am down to various odds and ends, sending out bills, and this morning, signing Christmas cards. It is weird how clean my office is!

    • Godzilla

      I am rawring at my clients until they give me all the money I need to fix their problems for them. My office watches in awe until I rawr at them to design all the things for my clients.

      • anonforaminute

        haha! that is awesome, you are such a BAMF Lizard-dinosaur creature ;o)

    • Anon

      I am doing research on an interesting, kind of obscure and unique area of our state law for an appellate brief.

      And right now I am eating my super delicious greek salad. I bought dressing from my favorite deli and that makes all the difference on this salad!

  11. jc

    I’d like to just vent about personal space while shopping during the holiday season. I was in line at Nordstrom Rack yesterday (it was a rather long line but moving quickly), and the woman behind me was literally right up on my a** as though standing that close to me would make the line go faster. It was honestly making me feeling really uncomfortable (I really do not like to be touched in general, so maybe I am more sensitive), but she kept knocking my bag and grazing my back. Has anyone else had this problem while shopping lately? Why do people feel the need to be that close?

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      I notice this all the time. I tend to “accidentally” whack the person with my (generally oversized) bag until they get the hint.

      • Marilla

        +1. On public transit, too. I’m small and short so get crowded and stepped on a lot on the subway. “Accidentally” nudging my purse into someone’s side is a very effective way at getting them to remove their elbow from my face.

        • Avodah

          Second that. I am 5′ tall about 100 lbs. For some reason the big and tall believe they can jam their elbows in my face, spread their tush and legs out on my seat and all around ignore the fact that, yes, I am, in fact, standing or sitting there.

          • TBK

            It’s not just a function of being little. I’m 5’9″ and have exactly the same problem on public transportation. I generally just push back.

          • Killer Kitten Heels

            I hate to say it, but I feel like it’s a “things people do to wimmins” thing. I’ve literally sat on the commuter rail, with identical body language/space usage as the dude sitting in the row across from me, and inevitably dude will be completely left alone while other dudes will attempt to crush me against the window. It’s really annoying.

        • Killer Kitten Heels

          Gail, I feel like that blog is basically the story of my life.

          Also, two of the most frequent trains to appear are the two trains I need to take to get to work every morning, so this completely validates my opinion that I take the worst trains ever.

    • HM

      This happens to me all the time (probably because I’m very short, and most people are a full head taller than me). I typically create s physical barrier(i.e. purse/bag swung behind my back) or stand sideways. If the behavior persists, I typically say something like “Oh, excuse me. Let me put a bit more distance between us so we don’t keep knocking into each other.”

    • Anonymous

      This happened to me at a store the other day. A woman behind me repeatedly bumped into my back while we were in line. I’m very pregnant and was hot and tired. I finally turned around and said, “Excuse me, but you keep bumping me. Could you please back up a foot or two?”

      She looked kind of horrified and then would not stop apologizing. I was pretty nice, albeit direct in my approach, and then the repeated apologizing made me even more grumpy. Once was fine. Oy. No wonder I spent the rest of the weekend at home!

      • jc

        You should get a medal for not punching her. I was extremely annoyed, and I am not at all pregnant so I can’t even imagine.

        • Avodah

          That seems a little bit much. I think it is probably best to start with “Excuse, could you please back up just a little bit? Pardon me, but your cart keeps bumping me, do you mind moving a little bit?”

          They might be getting pushed by someone else or just entirely unaware.

          • Anonymous

            That is almost exactly what I said. How is my response different than yours?

            Excuse me, but you keep bumping me. Could you please back up a foot or two?”

            Excuse, could you please back up just a little bit? Pardon me, but your cart keeps bumping me, do you mind moving a little bit?”

          • Avodah

            My response as at jc. “You should get a medal for not punching her.” I was agreeing w/ what Anonymous said.

        • jc

          I didn’t mean she should actually punch her, it was figurative. I would never advocate that!

    • Anonymous

      I would have turned around, with a smile, and said “yes?” And then when she was confused, I would have said “Oh, you keep poking me, I thought you wanted something.” Smile.

      I’ve done it before.

    • saltylady

      Some woman did this to me while I was looking at the rack of gift cards at the grocery store. It’s maybe two feet across, and she just kind of slid in like one inch from me. I sort of jumped and then moved over to the side of the rack (where more gift cards are), but of course she didn’t seem to notice or care. I think people like that are just oblivious. I’m trying to teach my kids about it– when we’re in line at the grocery store and they go stand five inches from a person who is paying in front of us, I say “guys, you need to give him personal space.”

    • tk1

      My pet peeve lately has been employees that cut you off, walk in front of you, push you out of the way, restock the rack or shelf I am looking through without even saying excuse me. I know working retail is horrible during the holidays, but being rude to customers just makes no sense to me.

    • long time lurker

      This happened to me while standing in a cab line at the airport. This woman behind me kept inching up, and she bumped into my bags (two stacked together), knocking one off which fell on her stuff. I did not feel bad. I hate this behavior with a passion.

    • zora

      I usually avoid stores like the plague this time of year because I am too agro for this kind of behavior. But I had to go to tar.get the other day and I was getting super rageahol by the time i got out of there! How do people have no awareness of things around them?? I just don’t understand.
      Also, Trader Joe’s was crazy packed last night, and it never is on Monday afternoon. And there, too, people blocking a shelf having a debate about what to get, completely oblivious to all the other people that would also like something from that shelf. Rawr!!

      • saltylady

        Seriously. I am avoiding all malls, stores, and parking lots for the duration of the holidays.

      • Seattle Freeze

        I call these people obliviators – like they blunder through life with blinders on and no concept of other peoples’ personal space. (But I’m also of Nordic descent & from a non-huggy family, so my personal space requirements are, shall we say, generous.)

      • Maggie

        Ugh I need to avoid the stores altogether as well. I survived the crowds at Target yesterday only to almost crash into another car that didn’t even slow down while blowing through a stop sign. I’m glad I assumed the clueless drivers were out in full force and was driving slow enough to stop even though I had the right of way.

    • Anon

      That is so ridiculous. Just this morning, my boyfriend texted me saying “some mother****** just coughed directly into my hair from a foot away.” He’s typically the most gentle and mild-mannered person ever, but something about people who don’t respect personal space/are disgusting brought out the rage. I was raging on his behalf, too.

      • Ciao, pues

        the coughing! and the sneezing! i can handle most encroachments of my personal space by giving the person the benefit of the doubt and then gently asking that they step back/ scoot over/ move their bag, but when it comes to people sneezing or coughing into the air, i cannot handle. cover your gross mouth you gross person! i don’t want your cold! what is wrong with you?

    • Anonymous

      I actually had a similar experience with a cart-pushing shopper in a grocery store. I felt like I was being pursued. I barely missed being run down twice by this shopper as we crossed paths, and then he followed me so closely down an aisle with the cart that I literally took off in a sprint and did a quick cut to the right at the end of the aisle. I know I looked like a crazy person, but I felt extremely uncomfortable. It was rude/aggressive more than threatening, but I couldn’t take it.

    • OttLobbyist

      This is so annoying, but you have to be careful. I was in line at a Starbucks recently and a woman behind me reached across toward a CD just as I was pulling out my debit card. I jumped and asked her to wait a minute. She started calling me names, ultimately accusing me of being a snob, and accusing me of being a racist because she was with a black person. It got bad enough that the staff basically rushed me through without charging for my drink so I could get away.

    • ezt

      You guise, I cannot even handle my personal space issues this time of the year. Since moving earlier this year, I am now on a nightmarish line for the subway portion of my commute. I am a short and fairly small person and I get pushed around all the time. I am also pregnant but, although I have a visible bump, it’s not obvious to people who don’t know me, so I (understandably) am not given any extra space to stand/ a sea,t etc. But I don’t see that changing even when I’m hugely pregnant, since I never even get to be anywhere near a seat (just in crush of people near the door for most of the ride), and everyone sitting down is either staring at their phones, asleep, or pretending to be asleep. This morning I got an elbow in the stomach. Sorry baby! And sorry to hijack your rant with my own, jc.

  12. Anonny

    Amtrak seating question – threadjack

    This is a stupid question but I find the Amtrak website confusing. I have not taken Amtrak for over 15years so I just don’t have any idea how things really are. For their business class seats, when they say reserved — does that mean each ticket has a ticket number corresponding to a specific seat? Or that you are guaranteed a seat somewhere on the Acela? http://www.amtrak.com/servlet/ContentServer?c=AM_Accommodation_C&pagename=am%2FLayout&cid=1248543011418

    Here’s the context to my question: I am trying to book Amtrak tickets for a business trip I’m taking. My guy is joining me on this one. So my ticket will be paid for by my company since I’m attending a conference on their behalf; I am paying for my guy’s ticket.

    Given the way our travel and expense systems are configured, it’s easier if I book my ticket with my corporate credit card, and then book his ticket on my personal credit card since the corporate credit card is tied to our reimbursement system. But I want to sit with him, and not have him randomly assigned somewhere else. So if the reserved seats mean that he’s in oh, F267 and I’m in B147, that’s no fun. Or do reserved seats mean that he and I are both guaranteed *a seat* each, somewhere, on our specific train?

    Many thanks in advance and sorry if this is obvious to everyone.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      On Amtrak, “reserved” means you’re guaranteed *a* seat, not a specific seat number.

      If the ticket’s not “reserved,” that means the train could potentially be over-booked and you could be without a seat at all for some portion of the ride.

    • Anonymous

      agree with killer kitten heels. It just means that you’ll have a seat in business class. Once you go to get on the train (like literally as you’re stepping on), they’ll ask you how many in your party (2), and they’ll tell you where to sit in the car (they sit people together as much as possible). This way they can write where you are getting off on a slip of paper and put it above your seats to make sure people are getting off when they should or to wake people up who have fallen asleep and need to get off. Just buy 2 seperate business class tickets and you’ll be fine.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        Also, if it’s the Acela Express, the only classes available are “first class” (usually 1-2 cars) and then “business class” (the entire rest of the train). I took the Acela Express to Boston recently, and they most definitely were *not* doing any kind of the seating activity Anonymous at 11:04 just described – “business class” was a free for all.

      • BB

        Agree with above. On the Northeast Corridor (Boston down to DC), I’ve never been told where to sit. It’s always been first come, first served. Depending on how busy the route is and where you get on, you may not have a high chance of getting seats together.

        • Anonny

          All, this is so very helpful. Thank you!

          I was looking at the website and given that I plan to just use my iPhone (which I use for both work and personal), not a laptop and I’ll be w/my guy and we’d like to be able to converse a bit…I will avoid the quiet car(s). But, I wanted to know about the atmosphere.

          If we book a business class seat on the Acela, but we’re NOT in a quiet car, will we still get the stink-eye from people if we chitchat a bit quietly? I’m thinking of the weary, restrained manner of many of the commuters on Metro North trains who while not openly criticizing, merely tolerate those who are chatting and clearly on an excursion rather than heading to work.

          If it helps, we’re going NYC –> Boston, and in the afternoon.

          • BB

            If your train starts in NYC, you should be all good for finding 2 seats together. If you’re not in the quiet car, you can totally talk in a normal “inside voice.”

          • amtrak

            You guys will be fine as long as you’re not super loud. I take Amtrak frequently (a couple times a month) between NY and Boston. There’s almost always at least a buzz-level of noise because people take conference calls, personal calls, dictate letters over the phone – seriously, I’ve heard it all. You’ll be amazed at what people discuss in such a public place. Needless to say, I am not looking forward to cell phone calls on airplanes!

          • Diana Barry

            ATL had a great article about the Pillsbury partner on the Acela a few years back.

          • NYC

            Should be fine. Btw, I highly recommend using the Redcap service. They will get you on the train before everyone else, giving you a better shot of getting seats together. I usually tip them $5. Best service ever (also nice in the Boston station, they gave us free coloring books last time!). They are hanging around the entrance to the seating area in Penn Station and are wearing red hats, per their name.

  13. Houston Restaurant Recommendations

    My husband and I are going to Houston this weekend for a three day trip and would love to try our some good restaurants. We’re both extremely adventurous eaters and omnivores, and we’d like to have a good experience for a reasonable price. I’d like to keep entrees in the no more than $15-30 category; I’m afraid $35+ is above our budget. Any restaurant suggestions? Plus for a nice atmosphere / decor. What are your favorite places to chow down in Houston? Looking for both brunch, lunch and dinner suggestions. Thank you hive!

    • sweet as soda pop

      Houston has some incredible food, you won’t be disappointed.

      My personal favorites:
      Backstreet Cafe (American) has delicious brunch, lunch, and dinner
      Hugo’s (upscale Mexican) has awesome lunch and dinner and is in the same family as backstreet
      Da Marco (fancy italian) is the absolute best italian food in the city but is super expensive. If you’re here on a weekday, they have a good business lunch deal that fits your budget
      Beavers (casual, BBQish) is a fun place with great cocktails and food
      El Tiempo Cantina on Montrose is my personal favorite TeX Mex place, but all houstonians have very strong feelings about the best Tex Mex. You have to go to the El Tiempo on Montrose, the others just aren’t the same.

    • Lady Tetra

      I had a really good meal at Ibiza last time I was in town. Philippe (modern French) is also excellent. For casual Tex Mex, I love Berryhill, but Ninfa’s on Navigation is a classic.

    • oil in houston

      Philippe (but for lunchm pricey otherwise)
      Hugo’s for brunch, or America’s if you can’t get a table
      Backstreet cafe – outside if weather improves
      El tiempo for margarita

    • anon in tejas

      there are tons and tons and tons in your price range… here are my suggestions for stand out food
      — ninfas on navigation (landmark tex mex)
      — el real (real old school tex mex)
      — good company taqueria (breakfast/brunch)
      — good company seafood (dinner great seafood)
      — gaitlins (bbq, hole in the wall, and will sell out, worth it, lunch)
      — hung (vietnamese food, fabulous, family owned)
      — hubcap grill (burgers, beer garden, great to go in this weather)
      — down house (brunch/dinner)
      — vieng thai (thai food, hole in the wall)
      — st arnolds (they are a local brewery that does a price fixe lunch, it’s a fun crowd, casual, but a great way to enjoy some local brews)

      hope that helps!

    • L2fly

      We just came back from a trip to TX. While in Houston we ate twice at an Ethiopian place called the Blue Nile on the west side of the city. We found it completely by accident the first day we were there, then had to go back again before we left, because it was so good! Reasonably priced, but nothing fancy decor-wise, its in a strip mall.

    • Anonymous

      Ooh, have fun! I am really looking forward to being in Houston for the holidays. The others have given excellent recs (especially Hugo’s), but I will chime in to suggest Pondicheri for lunch or brunch. Soooo yummy, different from the ordinary.

  14. Pinhole Press

    I just wanted to give a shoutout to Pinhole Press. I ordered a photo puzzle from them as a Christmas gift. It was delivered yesterday. Unfortunately, someone lacking in Christmas spirit opened all three boxes on my front porch and rifled through them looking for good things to steal. The puzzle was not up their ally, but they ripped the entire box (with the photo on it). I just called Pinhole Press and they are reprinting it for free and shipping it for guaranteed delivery by Christmas Eve for free. My holiday spirit is restored! So I highly recommend Pinhole Press – the puzzle is super cute and the customer service is excellent!

    • Anon

      WOAH. Do you mind me asking where you live (as in, city)? I am in Toronto and get frequent deliveries to my home in the downtown core. Often they are left right on my doorstep. I have never once had an issue with packages being stolen or rifled through.

  15. Anonymous

    Just had to tell you all my anonymous good deed for the day –

    I live near Arapahoe High School (where the shooting occurred last week). I was walking my dog this morning and walked past a student’s car that had writing all over it – pray for Arapahoe High School, pray for Claire, we are warriors, etc.

    I kept walking and just felt so much sadness for those poor kids and their parents. You can’t even go to school these days without worrying about the place getting shot up.

    I had a blank card and a $100 gift card to Nordstrom in my car so I decided on my way to work to write a little thinking of you note in the card with the gift card and leave it in the door of the girl’s car. I hope it made her day. I can’t imagine what those kids are feeling right now.

    • Famouscait

      That just made my day too (and gave me goosebumps). Hooray for random acts of kindness!

      • Anon

        Chive on? Isn’t that that creepy pinterest for men website where guys bookmarks pictures of bikini models and stuff like that?

        • Blonde Lawyer

          I’m not the original “chiver” that posted but “the Chive” is a lot more than pics of women. Yes there is a lot of that stuff but you can skip those posts and see all the heartwarming random acts of kindness posts and cute cats, and drunk funny people, and dogs rock pics and stuff like that. The creepier site you are probably thinking of is Tapiture (spelling?) which they sometime link to.

    • Senior Attorney

      Such a nice thing to do! And she will tell all her friends and it will make their days, too! And their parents, and… you made a lot of people happy today, Anonymous!

      I have a dear friend whose daughter is a student at Arapahoe High School, and I am just heartbroken over this event. I completely lost it while watching the TV video of those poor kids marching out of the building with their hands on their heads and being searched by police.

      • Anonymous

        It’s really, really sad. I hope your friend’s daughter is okay. Many people say – oh, the kids are fine, they didn’t get shot. But what they don’t know is what kind of psychological impact an event like this has on children…many will probably suffer from PTSD, depression, etc. Kids are resilient and most if not all will recover but the emotional impact of an event like this should not be discounted. I don’t yet have kids but when I do I don’t know that I’ll be able to put them in school in Denver (or Centennial, or Littleton). Everyone says it can happen anywhere, which I agree with. However, we’ve had now four shooting related tragedies in the Denver area. Columbine, Aurora theater, Bailey High School, and now Arapahoe High School.

        • first-hand experience

          You are absolutely right that it totally shapes the rest of these kids’ lives.

          And the lives of the rest of the community as a whole.

          And the folks who tend to get forgotten: the police and rescue squad members who responded–they will never view their community the same, and they will always have that little part of them in the back of their minds, on every single call they answer.

          • Anonymous

            WARNING – Could be a trigger for some people.

            You are definitely right regarding the first responders. I didn’t mean to exclude them, I don’t know how they do their jobs. I have SOOO much respect for the police and rescue squad. I had a very bad experience when I was 18 years old (found a friend who was like a sibling to me who had committed suicide with the same type of gun used at Arapahoe High School). When the police and medics arrived I didn’t want anyone to go into the house. I wanted no one to see what I saw. I was yelling and pleading with them to not go inside because there was nothing they could do. I was plagued by PTSD for a year but with immediate treatment I have recovered. I truly hope that all people involved with this tragedy receive the treatment that they need.

          • first-hand experience

            so sorry to hear about that experience–I cannot even begin to imagine. I know you weren’t glossing over–no harm no foul. It’s just that a lot of people forget that the students/victims aren’t the only ones involved. Folks offer up prayers to the victims and families and tend to forget that the people who deal with this from that side are victims too.

            What is often so inspiring is how a community is usually strengthened after such an event. There begins to be a lesser tolerance for BS among just about everyone, and a collective reserve to improve the community and reach out to its members.

  16. Excited_anonymous

    Question about job offer negotiation:
    I just got a call from a recruiter with a verbal offer for a job I’ve been wanting so, so much! I am super excited. This job (in responsibilities, but not title) is a significant step up from my current job (that I cant wait to quit) – managing a large team, etc.

    They are offering me a slight bump up from my current salary (7%). The recruiter wants me to confirm verbally before they send me a written offer (I don’t know if this is common practice, but I’m guessing if I negotiate the salary they don’t want to print twice?).

    To me, the advantages of the job are immediately obvious, and I just want to accept the heck out of it! But I just read Lean In, and I know women should negotiate more. What rationale do I have for asking for more when they’re already offering me more than I’m currently getting? The exact role is specific enough there isn’t a lot of comparison data (title is generic) but the pay seems within the reasonable range from the sparse data on glassdoor. Advice please?
    If it matters, I’m many years out of graduate school, and at the lower end of the experience range they asked for in the posting (but they still want me! yay!).

    • Avodah

      It is very common for a recruiter to ask for verbal confirmation. That said, yes try to ask for more. (FYI the recruiter makes more if you make more!). I don’t anything about your background or qualifications, but keep in mind that 7% increase may be all you can get. I would say try for 9% or somewhere around there with the hope that you get 8%.

      Bottom line- ask very nicely for more. However, make sure this is not a hill you want to die on.

  17. Mountain Girl

    To the anon ‘ette with the abusive husband – How are you doing today? Big cyber hugs to you and please make sure you are keeping yourself safe and your thoughts strong. Surround yourself with people who will support you during this time. What you have done takes incredible courage and strength but you will have times of doubt and discouragement ahead. You will need people to carry you when you can’t do it yourself.

    • Cautious

      I just wanted to offer the possibility because the community seems to be getting quite invested in this story…I just don’t think was real. The initial post raised a few questions but the follow-up (calling the assailant-rapist “my hubby,” e.g.) really set off bells.

      If it is real, I am very sorry for suggesting otherwise. And the OP certainly has gotten a lot of support and comfort from other posters, which I hope does some good.

      I appreciate the kind & thoughtful people here.

      • Anonymous

        I had the same reaction, it just sounded like a fake story to me.

        I am similarly so sorry if it is true, and agree with “also anon” that it is not uncommon to not see something that’s been going on as clearly wrong or abusive when it’s a loved one.

        I just wanted to add my two cents that something about it sounded fake to me too. I can’t pinpoint what it was.

      • Susedna

        A story very much like the one posted about the abuse/assault situation here made its rounds in Slate over a year ago and it was very much a troll, targetted at the people who regularly read the Dear Prudence column.

        While I thought it was a bad thing for that troll (on Slate) to play on people’s sympathies, even if it is a troll, the discussion is helpful. People here posted information about resources, hotlines, and what to do if someone ever is in an abusive situation like this and wants to leave her partner. So, out of darkness, comes light.

        I frequently read advice columns not because I’m trying to judge the veracity of the letter writers/adviceseekers’ stories. But because I want to see what the collective wisdom of a group comes up with to solve the various problems that arise from what I call, “the human condition.” I always emerge from reading these columns, a bit wiser, and certainly more humble.

        • anon

          I am a little conflicted about it. This community put forward many useful resources and responses, and there could be real readers that benefited from that discussion, even if the OP was not presenting a real situation. On the other hand, the reason I thought it was fake was because of what details were given and the tone, in a way that suggested to me that someone could be taking advantage of the responses that they were going to get here. I really would not be comfortable if that kind of trolling regularly occurred here, and it crossed my mind that the post was in that category.

      • Anon

        Oh god I didn’t even notice. I’ve called him hubby for years – half because he’s my husband, half because his name is Hubert.

        • Another K in Transition

          Oh shut up. You don’t call a rapist “my hubby” no matter what his name is. Not even if his name were Hubby. This is just like that K in Transition woman who had everything bad happen to JUST her.

          • zora

            Telling someone to shut up here is so far over the line. No one made you the “comment police” If you don’t like what someone posts, scroll on by.

          • rosie

            I do feel cautious about this series of posts, but not because the poster said “my hubby,” and this is a horrible way to call someone out. Another K in Transition, this comment is uncalled for. Now who’s the troll?

          • Orangerie

            Zora, to your point about comment policing and “scroll on by”: shouldn’t the reverse also hold true? What makes it okay for posters to jump down the throat of others who simply a concern about the validity of a comment?

          • zora

            I tried really hard to not jump down anyone’s throat. I tried to word my comment about this conversation as my opinion about the conversation, and how I would prefer personally to respond to the OP. And I very definitely did not tell tell anyone to “shut up” or that they weren’t allowed to have their own opinion and start that conversation. I was expressing my opinion about the conversation. I really hope no one would put my comment below in the same category as telling someone to shut up.

          • Orangerie

            Right, but your opinion about the conversation is that the OP is genuine, and others had a differing opinion. Saying “I really wish we could NOT have a public conversation” about it is in effect comment policing. I just don’t understand the difference. If you dislike what others are saying, perhaps “scroll on by” as you have recommended above?

          • zora

            I specifically worded it as “I wish we could not” to be clear that it was my opinion and feeling, not pretending that I have any power to tell people they can or cannot have that conversation. And in this case the reason I didn’t scroll on by is because I had a specific reason i wanted to express for why I felt the conversation about the OP was hurtful. I feel like that is different than just telling someone to shut up or that they aren’t entitled to post what they want. And I respect the right of everyone who have the opposite opinion of me about the OP to post that opinion here, I know it’s not up to me. I’m sorry I can’t control what my words could ‘in effect’ mean. All I know is what my intention was.

          • Susedna

            ENOUGH. Stop bashing K…in Transition. Seriously, cut.it.out.

            Stop implying that she (K) is a troll. K never said that the bad things that happened to her *only* happened to her and nobody else. In fact, she was always very empathetic to others who’ve also suffered.

            And is it believable that so many bad things can happen to one person? I say, “YES.” Predators, bullies, and jerks have a sixth sense for a vulnerable person and start targetting them before anyone else. Perhaps that’s why you’re targeting her, no?

          • Orangerie

            Did you notice that nobody who questioned the authenticity of the post was telling other people who did believe OP to stop offering advice? By you telling the dissenting voices to not have that type of conversation, you’re telling others they aren’t entitled to post what they want (to use your words).

            I get what your intention was, but frankly it’s hypocritical. Maybe something to keep in mind before throwing the comment police phrase out there.

          • zora

            Don’t agree, I think there is a big difference between expressing my opinion about a line of commenting and telling someone to shut up. But we can agree to disagree. I don’t need to get your validation, but I’m also not going to agree that those are the same thing.

      • L

        I just can’t even.

        It doesn’t matter if it was real or fake. Seriously, it doesn’t. And what’s with women perpetuating rape culture? Having to defend if you were assaulted is one of the worst feelings in the world. It’s bad enough that we imply consent in this country (you have to say no instead of yes), but instead let’s pile on because it didn’t sound “right.”

        I don’t care if you work with victims of domestic violence, rape, sexual assault every single day; this was an anonymous post on a website. I don’t know a person who is “good enough” to determine if something is real or fake via a few sentences online. This is why in real life we have rape kits, physical exams, and in person interviews.

        If someone says they were assaulted and asks for help, you provide them help, if and to the extent you feel comfortable. If you feel “taken advantage of” because you posted something to help someone on the internet get help, then I suggest you see a therapist. It’s not as though you’ve opened your home, wallet, or life to this person. You posted well wishes, a hotline, etc. Grow up.

        For a bunch of “over-achieving chicks” we can be real idiots at times. So let’s go back to talking about fashion and stop blaming victims, real or otherwise.

        • Monday

          There’s also a certain knee-jerk denial that many people experience when told a horrible story: oh, that sounds a little exaggerated…can I really believe this person? My position is that there are very few things that anyone can know for sure, even IRL let alone here. But the world is a really rough place full of trauma, frankly. I think we should always err on the side of assuming that, if anything, we’re usually deceived into thinking people are safe when they are not rather than the reverse.

      • Anon

        I definitely agree. I immediately thought it was fake and the follow-up was even more unbelievable.

    • also anon

      I would absolutely believe this story. If anything, this story was more believable because there wasn’t the black-and-white good/evil that the internet so often gives us. I have been in a similar situation and it is very difficult to mentally reconcile the person who has just slammed your head into the bathroom sink over and over with the person who lovingly tucks his son into bed at night and reads stories about big red dogs, hungry catepillars and construction equipment until said son falls asleep snuggled up. The world is not black and white, even when the right answer is very clear.

      • Philly Anon

        I have doubts about the authenticity too not bc of the premise but because of the tone. Fwiw have some professional experience with DV issues and am certainly not in denial that things like this happen. But I didn’t find the voice believable. Can’t put my finger on why but Friday I thought it was a hypo rather than a real person needing real time advice and yesterday I thought the same thing.

        • Anonymous

          +1. I work in criminal law and hear many many stories of DV all the time and it didn’t sound right to me.

        • Avodah

          @Philly Anon Yes. I don’t doubt the premise. The tone and style seemed…off. Anyway, if it is true I hope the person is getting the help they need. If it is a lie, then I *also* hope that person gets help.

        • ummm

          Inconsistencies in the telling of events is a pretty big red flag for me. That being said, I’d hate to think that someone isn’t coming forward for fear that everyone thinks s/he is lying. So I will play along in hopes that the message gets to the person who is too scared to speak up.

      • zora

        I really wish we could NOT have a public conversation about whether it was a ‘real’ poster or not. As some people have said, it was wonderful all the supportive things people said. But I can’t help putting myself in the shoes of an ‘actual’ poster who really did just leave an abusive husband, and reading all of these people suspecting her of lying about it. That would be so painful in the middle of a painful solution. And I don’t see what having this conversation would accomplish either way.

        I wish we could think a little bit about the feelings of others here before we hit post comment. Something a lot of DV/Sexual Assault victims deal with is people thinking they are lying or exaggerating. I personally don’t want to contribute to that even inadvertently.

        • Avodah

          Maybe I should write it again, “I don’t doubt the premise. The tone and style seemed…off. “

          • zora

            I still don’t see why saying that is helpful at all. I’m in the “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all” camp on issues this serious and personal.

          • Killer Kitten Heels

            So people have to “sound right” in order for you to believe they’re victims of abuse? Fan-flipping-tastic.

        • Marilla

          + a million. Does it really matter if it’s fake? Even if it is, maybe someone else is out there reading and getting a little bit of strength and comfort to help them deal with their own real situation. If people are concerned about being taken in, just don’t comment. No one has ever asked for anything more than some words of comfort, so the only thing you might lose is some time and emotional energy – it would be different if someone came and was running a scam asking for cash for legal aid, or so on. Then a different standard of scrutiny might be called for.

          • anon-oh-no

            yes. it does matter if its fake. your point is well taken that good can come out of bad, but there are a lot of readers on this site who would feel taken advantage of if it is fake.

            I had the exact same reaction as all of these folks questioning it yesterday when I read the post. No one had said anything though, so i left it alone. and a public discussion about this is totally appropriate on a PUBLIC blog.

          • Anon

            To Marilla’s point – a while back, a different poster submitted numerous posts re: her relationship with her husband. There was a lot of debate about whether or not she was real or a troll. All I will say is – I am not her, and I don’t know her, and I don’t know if she is real or a troll, but I gained a lot of wisdom about my own relationship from advice that was given to her, and I’m grateful for it.

          • Orangerie

            +1 to anon-oh-no. It’s a public blog, for crying out loud. I missed the part where every single comment has to be full of sunshine and internet hugs?

    • Silvercurls

      The question of truth or fiction came up in an earlier discussion of this topic (OP with abusive husband who won’t stop doing something even after she’s made it clear she does NOT like it). Someone said that she thought it was better to risk looking ridiculous to the troll than to risk not responding to a real person in a bad situation. I agree.

      In the present situation, the OP received a lot of good advice and moral support. People can and do extend contact on this s i t e into the real world. So far this has not brought about disaster or tragedy. If it turns out that we’ve all been hoodwinked, I don’t think we need to be embarassed. Nobody did anything to put herself in potential danger. I don’t even recall anyone posting a generic email address.

      That said. I’d be interested in reading more about whatever clues guide some readers to doubt this or other pleas for help: Is it a question of not seeing the words typically used by people who experience XYZ? Is it because the OP uses vocabulary or phrasing that IS typical of deliberate deception? Or…? I’m open to hearing information that might potentially change my mind. In the meantime, my personal position is that although I know it’s a dangerous world and one needs to be alert for predators and charlatans, I’m not yet ready to quit responding–carefully, anonymously–to all cyberspace requests for help.

      • anon for this

        +10000 to “better to risk looking ridiculous to the troll than to risk not responding to a real person in a bad situation.”

        Also, while you may personally feel like something about the story is off, pointing out what seems off is just a form of discussing how a victim is suppose to behave, which is a not only unhelpful but also damaging.

        I did a lot of work with DV survivors, and have seen a number of judges deny TROs and no contact orders, because “If it had really happened, she wouldn’t have done X (gone back to the house, let him use her car, referred to him as her hubby, etc.).” Many people I worked with were victims of an abusive situation, and then victims of a 3rd party deciding whether their response to the abusive situation made them a ‘legitimate’ victim. I get that people may be skeptical, but let’s not fall into that trap here.

    • Anon

      I can’t believe you guys care so much to ask – thank you.

      I am … kind of existing. My friend keeps staying it’s going to be okay, but it’s not helping really. I’m afraid to leave the house, so I guess it’s good that I was already out on maternity. I have an OB appointment scheduled for next week and I just know he’s going to show up, and he’ll be a completely different person with the OB that he was with me.

      • Anonymous

        Why is he going to that appointment? You don’t have to let him in the examining room with you.

      • zora

        I’m thinking about you, too. Just take it one day/step at a time. If you don’t have to leave the house and don’t want to, that’s okay. I know it doesn’t feel like “it’s going to be okay” is helping right now, but give it time, this just happened. Nothing will help right away, but just focus on getting through the day.

        And talk to your friend and any other support you have about the OB appointment. You have time to figure out what you want to do. If another friend would come with you, they could be the one to play the bad guy and talk to staff and keep him from coming into the exam room.

        I also second the recommendations from before to call a DV hotline as soon as you can. It’s faster than trying to set up a therapist appointment, and situations like this appointment are exactly the kind of thing they can help you figure out.

        more hugs, please keep coming back here if you need to talk.

        • anon for this

          You could call the OB’s office beforehand and explain to them that he will not be accompanying you to your appointments until you tell them otherwise, and he should not be told when your appointments are. Talk to the OB’s office about what their policy is on getting rid of trespassers. Ask the OB if there is a private spot you can wait if you are worried he will show up for the appointment, so that you will not have to see him in the waiting room while the office deals with him.

          • Miri

            This second-guessing today reminds me of the world’s response to DV 40+ years ago when I was a target. When I succeeded in having a neighbor in the apartment building let me in just to call the police, the police came, went to my apartment first to get the “facts” from hubby, then came to the apartment where I was waiting, looked me up and down and concluded that I didn’t look that bad. I asked them to accompany me so that I could grab my purse and a coat, and that’s how I left.

            Sounds like, while there is somewhat more infrastructure and law, we still doubt the receiver of DV.

            There is NO NORMAL way to respond, to report, to talk about experiences like these. And if a troll did pose as a victim, isn’t it better for us to respond supportively than to now voice the doubts we claim we had yesterday? Give this person the room and support to be able to reconstruct herself. And if it’s a troll, let our support and response be a model for anyone else here that there is a community that will offer support and strength without second-thought bashing.

      • Joanna Toews

        Hi there. Thinking of you. You’re in a brutal situation; there’s no “right” way to respond.

        +1 to the advie above: Reschedule the appointment AND notify the staff that he will no longer be accompanying you.

  18. Miss Behaved

    So the annual holiday party which is held by the President of the university is today at 3. We just got a notice saying that we can leave early at 3, because of the snow, but the party will still take place regardless of the storm.

    Most of my co-workers are skipping the party. I’m in IT so many of them weren’t planning to go anyway. Some of them have never been despite having been here for 10+ years.

    I’m debating it. On the one hand, the food is generally good and they usually have some sort of cocktail. On the other hand, I have to walk there. It’s about a half mile away, all uphill, and it’s in the opposite direction from the T station.

    And, of course, I probably won’t know anyone. What would you do?

    • rosie

      It kind of sounds like you want to go. Since you can’t leave until 3 when the party starts anyway, why don’t you go to the party for a drink and some snacks when it starts. If you want to leave right away, fine, you just have to go a little further back to get to the T (but downhill!), or you can stay if you strike up a conversation.

    • kjoirishlastname

      I would go, if I were you. It may be a good networking opportunity. You have no idea who will show up at that sort of event. If you’re there, and some other department heads are there, but your entire department is MIA, then you have their attention all to yourself.

      And, if not, like you said, the food’s good, and there are beverages. Sounds like a good way to wrap up a snowy Tuesday.

    • Susedna

      As an introvert who’s learned to cope in an extrovert world, I’d say: go to the party. :-)

      Eat lots of tasty hors d’oeuvres. Talk with people you’d normally not have a chance to talk with. And count the walking uphill as your day’s contribution towards your exercise quota (if you have one!)

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