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Updated: Jan 15, 2024 130 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Ombre Velvet Blazer

Coffee Break

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crushed velvet ombre blazer worn with black satin pants; the blazer goes from orange at the top to a dark purple at the bottom

I don't know if I've ever seen a festive blazer quite like this one. I love velvet blazers in general as a festive addition to a work outfit, but the ombre effect here is so fun and unique.

(And I say this as someone who would otherwise almost never wear orange near my face because it is so not my coloring!)

The blazer is a lot of fun and it's on a decent sale — it was $698 at Elie Tahari but is already marked 20% ($558) and then comes down ANOTHER 40% with code, to $335. (But: It is final sale.)

Hunting for festive blazers for 2023/24? Stay tuned for a bigger roundup, but on the affordable side we like J.Crew Factory and Loft — and this Eliza J one is almost always in stock. On the more expensive side, check Reiss, Paige, and L'Agence. (Love this green iridescent houndstooth from L'Agence, also!)

woman wears black velvet blazer with all-black outfit; there are numerous textures in her outfit
Eliza J
woman wears monotone outfit in a dark but bright blue velvet; she is wearing an untied pussybow blouse so it looks like a scarf around her neck; there are also untied long ties at the wrists. She's wearing sandals, sigh.
Reiss
crushed velvet ombre blazer worn with black satin pants; the blazer goes from orange at the top to a dark purple at the bottom
Elie Tahari

Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon

    Posted on The Hunt – couldn’t remember if there was an afternoon thread too.

    I know this question gets asked here often… what to tip the housekeepers?

    I had my last housekeeper for 8 years, a woman who owned her own tiny company where she cleaned alongside her SIL. I tipped her annually (and gave her annual raises and paid vacation days – she’s like family to us). We’ve moved to a new part of the country and are using a larger local business with multiple crews (not a franchise) and today was the first clean. I asked the ladies and they said most of their customers tip them every visit. On a $150 clean (did I mention we’re somewhere rural? ;) ), how much should I tip two ladies every visit? I’ll have the same two ladies every week unless one is sick, etc. If I tip $30 (20%), that’s $15 (10%) per lady – is that ok?

    • Anonymous

      You tip on the total amount, not the number of people. I can only say that in the Chicago suburbs I tipped $20 on a $160 tab (for 4.5 hours of cleaning). Not sure if that was normal or not.

    • Anon

      I just do an annual holiday tip in the amount of a clean for the whole crew. Each week seems excessive.

    • AIMS

      I do 20% each week and a large tip at holiday time. FWIW, we use a service and have the same two people come one at a time on alternating weeks.

    • Chl

      Also in chicago and I tip $25 on a $132 biweekly cleaning (plus a full week at Christmas). It’s generally the same 3-4 women from a small service.

    • Anon

      I don’t understand the concept of tipping per visit. I’d do an annual or bi annual bonus.

  2. Anon

    I love this pick. I probably shouldn’t love this, and I have nowhere to where this but I love it!

  3. Cantaloupe

    Just venting. My boyfriend’s best friend (a nice guy with a severe, severe case of foot-in-mouth syndrome) told me that my boyfriend was planning to propose over the holidays. He swore me to secrecy and I promised not to tell. I was slammed with a work emergency that began shortly before the holidays, and so I ended up spending our planned holiday trip on nonstop videoconference calls and furiously typing in the hotel conference room. It was hardly romantic, and my boyfriend didn’t propose.

    Things have now calmed down. I don’t think there’s anything I can realistically do, but now I’m anxious whether he’s going to do it. I’ve never been this person before, but I’ve even found myself ransacking his laundry checking for a ring. Grargh!

    • Anonymous

      Tell him today. Why are you keeping a destructive secret in your relationship to protect an idiot?

      • Anonymous

        I would take this to my grave or if you must say something then say you assumed friend was joking. I would not admit that you worked the whole time despite knowing this was The Proposal Trip that he had spent a lot of time and money and emotional energy to plan, where he was likely on tenterhooks the whole time hoping you would make time for him, and ultimately was disappointed because he never got his moment and the entire trip was wasted. He must’ve been crushed. And OP was completely fine with that. Even now, she doesn’t feel absolutely horrible for him, she’s not wondering what she can do to make it up to him. She’s anxious about getting her ring! OP do you even like this guy?

        • Friend

          I think she’s anxious about a lot of things and didn’t get a vacation. The ring at this point would only be a confirmation of what the friend said and OP just isn’t sure what’s real

          Honestly he sounds like a keeper to me, if he’s still around. Hope it works out for the best OP

    • Anon

      Yikes that is rough for everyone involved. Can you plan a redo getaway or staycation for this weekend?

    • Anon

      Maybe talk to him about it? While some emergencies aren’t predicable, I’m not shocked that you were slammed with work EOY. It must have sucked from his end, even if he wasn’t planning on proposing.

    • Anonymous

      Your boyfriend needs a new best friend. That is just not something you do!
      You need to talk to your boyfriend about the whole thing.

    • Anonymous

      I wouldn’t tell the boyfriend right now — I’d assume that he’s resetting and waiting for a more romantic time, whether that’s a date this weekend or your birthday in 3 months. my husband did something like this — told me he would propose within a time frame — but not the exact day and i was a nervous wreck until he did.

      but i would totally tell on the foot in mouth friend afterwards.

    • Senior Attorney

      I am a hater of the Proposal Industrial Complex, so my feeling is if you want to marry this guy, that is the conversatuon you should be having. Anything else is just a side show.

      • Anon

        This is the answer. If he ultimately doesn’t propose because you had work, then he wasn’t the right person for you.

        I’m sure it will be a matter of time. I wouldn’t bring it up to him and would just forget the friend told you anything. Bringing it up would cause conflict that you don’t need as you enter into your engagement and prepare for marriage.

      • Anonymous

        I feel like this now, but when young and in love, it’s easy to be swept away. Guessing OP is on her first marriage. Geez I sound jaded!!

      • CK

        I agree. I hate how this whole thing is about the woman waiting to be surprised. In this situation the man has all the power. Berg!

      • Anon

        For all we know OP and her boyfriend have already had these conversations and the “proposal” is just do something special and romantic.

        • Cantaloupe

          Yes, that’s the situation. The “whether he’s going to do it” was a poor choice of phrasing on my part. We’ve talked about it before and so the proposal is not in itself a surprise. Totally respect others’ differing views on proposals, but for us, it’s still a nice gesture (particularly in our culture), and so it is an exciting thing that I’m looking forward to.

    • Anon

      I’m so sorry the friend ruined the surprise for you! I spent a vacation once on tenterhooks waiting for my then-boyfriend to propose, and on day 4, I was so anxious, he asked what was up. I told him everyone I knew assumed he was going to propose on this grand vacation he had planned entirely by himself, and I was just waiting for the shoe to drop. (I definitely felt like the woman who digs through her dessert at a restaurant looking for a ring ha!) He had no idea and it hadn’t been on his mind at all! (The day after we got home, he did casually tell me I could “go ahead and shop for a ring if [I] want[ed]…” ;) ) After I found one and gave him the info, he waited about two months to propose! So I know that anxious feeling of waiting and you have my sympathies and excitement :) If he has a ring, I’d assume he’s going to propose, it’s just “when” not “whether.”

      • Anon

        I have a similar story. Except I didn’t talk to him and was just sad about it and then he proposed a month later.

    • Anonymous

      Friend, I’ve been in biglaw for over 15 years and a partner for half of that. I say this with kindness, but if I thought my BF was going to propose during a long planned trip, I’d find a way to carve out at least a romantic evening. I know they probably made you feel like you couldn’t do that but… sometimes you have to prioritize your relationship.

      • Peloton

        Co-sign. OP, if you are an attorney working on a last minute emergency appeal for a death row inmate you genuinely believe is innocent, I get it. But otherwise…it’s okay to set SOME boundaries while on vacation.

    • Anonymous

      I found the receipt for the engagement ring….then found the return receipt. I literally threw up.

      Months later, he proposed. With a totally different ring. He changed his mind on the ring, not the engagement….and what I found was a deposit, not the actual purchase.

      • Cantaloupe

        I am not in biglaw. The emergency was not something that I could’ve set aside.

  4. Anon

    I need purse advice. I’ve always been a “nice leather purse” person. But that might of made sense when I worked in a formal office downtown – now I WFH, have a dog and a toddler, and find myself annoyed by my purse. I currently have the Sezane Victor, which was a lovely gift from my husband but is annoying to open and close, and stuff keeps falling out of it. It’s also a little small. I previously had an APC crossbody, which was pretty functional but was uncomfortably heavy for long walks. What are people using these days to carry: a wallet, keys, a phone, lip balm and a small hand cream, a pack of tissues, sunglasses, and a roll of doggy bags? I need something functional, lightweight, and not too frumpy but I’m mostly walking the dog and taking my kid to daycare. I’ll keep the nice leather purses for date nights or other formal occasions, I just want a good everyday bag.

    • In-House Anon

      I use an older version of the Tumi Voyager as my everyday bag. I got it when I WFT and had a dog and toddler; now, I still WFH, have no dog and two kids and it is still my everyday bag. I like that I can machine wash it.

    • test run

      For this, I use a baggu fanny pack (and apparently so does everyone else I know – this or the Uniqlo crescent bag), worn as a crossbody. It will hold everything you’ve listed above and is super lightweight.

      • CK

        Belt bag to the rescue on this. I wore this for most of my trip to Italy this summer and carried those things minus the doggy bags. It was great. So many options out there at different price points. I thought this was a strange look until I tried it and realized how functional it is.

      • anon

        I do the Baggu medium crescent bag, so I can also throw in a couple of reusable shopping bags (also Baggu) and sometimes even a small book or water bottle.

    • Runcible Spoon

      I use a Tumi Voyagfeur nylon crossbody bag with two compartments that is discontinued. The black nylon is super practical. It’s basically a fanny pack on a shoulder strap, and fits a lot: reading glasses, ginormous wallet, small sunglasses, tissues, keys, masks, scrunchie for hair, and other small items as needed. I pair it with a Tumi Voyageur nylon laptop shoulder tote (also discontinued, but the leather version is available in the “Sidney” model) when I go into the office or on travel and need to tote more stuff, like a big paper calendar, snacks, umbrella, and so forth.

    • AIMS

      I have a small but not too small leather cross body for this and it works well, but the thing you really need regardless of bag is a clip on doggy bag holder that attaches to the leash. You don’t always need a purse to walk your dog!

      • Anon

        I agree with this. Get the clip on doggy bag dispenser for the leash. I have a small leather crossbody bag I like for everything other than dog walks, but I’m not taking a purse on dog walks. I put things in my pockets for that – honestly my slightly puffy vest is perfect for that task. Lots of pockets.

    • Anon

      Lululemon all night festival bag. I too am a leather handbag person at heart but I travel a lot and this has become my go-to for all occasions. Lightweight, material is impervious to dirt and damage, and it has enough internal org and slip pockets to keep items organized. I carry just about what you described with the addition of a second work phone and a tube of sunscreen and it’s not overstuffed.

    • Anon

      I take none of that stuff on the regular. To walk the dog, a few bags in my pocket, phone in the other one and put on chapstick or whatever before I go. For work, a tote and that’s where the little stuff you list lives. For dinner out, a small evening bag.

    • Anon

      For daycare and walks I have a Hershel crossbody that does the trick and can be thrown in the wash. I also use a Marc Jacobs leather crossbody for errands or daycare. Both are relatively small; one is sporty and the other more polished but still casual.

  5. anon

    How do I write a forwardable email for my job search where the end recipient is unknown? The situation is my contact knows some people at firm X and will do some digging to ascertain who the right ppl to put me in touch with are. field is venture capital in case relevant. All the forwardable emails I’ve written so far were to a known recipient.

    Thanks all

    • Anon

      Just address it to the person you’re sending it to? It would not be weird to see that in a forwarded email.

    • Anon

      Dear [name of your contact],

      Thank you for offering to forward this email to appropriate recipients. I am interested in [name of firm] because [summary all the reasons they should hire you].

      Thanks,

      ___

    • anon OP

      Yeah that actually makes more sense. Ok thanks. I am probably overthinking this- my contact asked me to send a forwardable email and he’d find the right ppl at the firm i mentioned in the original post, and he’d make an intro to a guy at a separate firm. I think these have to be separate forwardable emails since they’re different firms, but is it weird if one is addressed to the person I’m sending it to and the other is addressed to the end recipient I’m getting the intro to?

      Sorry for all the questions, networking just makes me feel incompetent.

      • Runcible Spoon

        Just send an email to your friend that your friend can in turn forward to the unspecified/as yet not named contacts at the outside firm, like as an email thread. The format described above looks good to me and it would not be weird to forward an email addressed to your friend.

    • Anonymous

      An email addressed to the contact with info on why you’re interested in the firm and a little about your background is absolutely what you should do. Two people asked me to do this for their firms and I presume they just forwarded the chain along. I just picked a project or two from their website/Google that sounded interesting and added a brief bit about me. Also, it worked, so sending good thoughts for you!

  6. Anon

    One of my coworkers I work pretty closely with is experiencing a mental health crisis, he has been struggling and having a hard time and it sounds pretty bad (panic/severe depression). anything I can do to be there? I already mentioned to let me know if I can help in any way.

    • Anon

      Make concrete offers of help for specific things if you feel like you want to do something. Saying “let me know if you need any help” isn’t really very helpful, especially for people going through a hard time. But I’d probably just keep checking in via text or email to let him know you’re thinking of him.

    • Anon

      That’s so nice of you to want to support. He’s lucky to have you! Maybe make him a few frozen, easy to reheat meals? Cooking for yourself is often the first to go during depression, leading to wasting money on often unhealthy takeout.

      You could even frame it as “I did a bunch of batch cooking and meal prep over the weekend. Can I give you some lasagna, chili, and beef stew? Super easy to pop in the microwave, and my freezer is just too full”.

      • Anon

        I love this script. Depending on the flavor of his depression, he may be in a “I don’t want to burden anybody” place, so framing it as just having too much can be a great way to ease that.

    • Anonymous

      For me, an offer to be a distraction/hang out or something would be helpful if that isn’t inappropriate given the relationship. Like do you want to grab lunch, or if there is a way to just work side by side in the same room – just providing company.

  7. ugh

    So a few months ago I posted on here asking if anyone had the HPV vaccination later in life. I am slightly unusual that I am still HPV neg, and am over 40 and never was vaccinated because it was never covered by insurance for my age group. I also recently learned I carry a genetic mutation and some other medical issues that make me at a higher risk of cancer. So I decided I should just get the HPV vaccination now – why not? I would have to pay for it out of pocket, but if it might decrease my risk of cancer then I agree with some of you that it is worth it.

    So I tried to get the vaccine, but the pharmacy wont give it to me without a doctor’s prescription since I don’t fall into the recommended age group.

    So I just saw a new gynecologist… who came highly recommended because he sees women at higher risk of cancer (me) and perimenopausal women (also me). And I told him I would like to get the HPV vaccine. And he looked at me funny…. and then tried to avoid giving it to me. He asked if I had a new partner/someone I am planning to have s3x with. I said no. So I push him… not sure why he is hesitating… and ask if he never gives scripts to women over 40 for the vaccine? And he quickly says “Oh yes, I have – even to women as old as 60!”. So, trying to be lighthearted, I ask “So, why not give one to me? Do you think I’m going to die before I have s3x again…..or what?” And he quickly says… “no no no no no….. but…..”

    So then says that I first need to find a partner, decide I want to have s3x, then ask him for the script. And as you know, the script requires 3 shots spread over 6 months. So my male Gynecologist wants me to wait until I find a new partner I want to have s3x with, ask him for the script, wait to have s3x for 7 months until the shots are all done and my immune system has responded, and then I’m allowed to have s3x without worrying about catching HPV and increasing my risk of cancer even more.

    Is this guy for real? What … does he think I am 13 years old and he’s my father or something?

    He’s about my age.

    The sad thing is this is my 3rd gynecologist in the past 2 years. I can’t find a decent one in my network that helps with my problems.

    • Anonymous

      OMG. How did you respond because the rage that would have come out of me… And then probably the complaint to the medical board.

      • anonshmanon

        I just get speechless when I’m really angry, opening and closing my mouth like a fish… OP, that is just the stupidest experience, I’m sorry your gyn is so weird about a simple preventative treatment.

    • Trixie

      WHAT??!! this is an outrage. I have no idea what to say…go back to him, explain to him that he is not in a position to have opinions about your s3x life, and that you want to protect yourself given your cancer situation. Also, why won’t your PCP prescribe this? My PCP manages my vaccines…why can’t your address this one?

      • anecdata

        Bleeergh

        But honestly if you want to, I would go back right away and just say “yep, found someone, vaccine now please!”

    • Anne-on

      Wow. I’d be furious and inclined to report him. In case you do want to keep seeing him I’ve found the medical magical words are ‘I’d like it noted in my chart that you’re refusing XYZ’ – documentation is key.

      • Meara

        Yes this is outrageous. Also the eligible ages were increased a few years ago so my insurance paid for it even though I was over 40! Even if you’ve had one type of HPV it could protect against others! Hate that they assume by this age you’re married and totally monogamous forever.

    • Anonymous

      Or sigh. I miss RBG etc. Comments like this make me feel we’re sliding back into the dark ages. Definitely switch doctor again and perhaps write a short letter of complaint to the board…if not, a public review stating what happened. Scary that he’s a gyn.

    • Anonymous

      I’d be furious about the shot and at this gyne. But if it puts your mind at ease, it’s likely that the shot wouldn’t protect you from genetically-based cancer risk anyway.

    • Anonymous

      and even if one agrees with his insane requirement to obtain boyfriend first – OMG on the presumption that all $exual activity is consensual like does he think his patients are somehow immune from r@pe?

    • towelie

      Yes, I set up a new account at a pharmacy I’d never been to and lied about my age to get it lol. Luckily they never asked for ID.

    • ugh

      Thank you everyone for your support.

      I wish I had come up with the proper retort in the moment, but I was really desperate to get in to see this guy, and I kind of froze in the moment.

      The doctor is very well respected (!), the only doctor in my network that is literally specialized in genetics/cancer/gyn and menopause, and his wait list is almost 9 months to get in. It is incredibly hard to find people with this sort of training. The last GYN I saw was an expert in menopause, but when she heard of my cancer risk, she dropped me (!). Nice. The GYN before that wouldn’t even talk about treating my perimenopausal symptoms, and acted annoyed with me for even asking about it.

      But he at least is very willing to treat my menopausal symptoms, do my cancer screenings and gave me a decent recs for my medical problems. But yes, he is an a$$hole….

      I am planning to move this year, once my medical situation stabilizes. Great idea to just ask my PCP for the vaccine…. now that my HPV test came back negative, she should be willing.

      • Anon

        This is bonkers. I’m so sorry. If you have one medical in your area, may be worth the membership fee to just get this dealt with. Or i wonder if a CVS minute clinic might stick it? Or planned parenthood would surely help you!

    • Anonymous

      It does sound like you may have other providers to go to, but an urgent care could probably resolve this for you. In my neighborhood we have an urgent care that is more like a concierge doctor and I’d resort to that in your shoes.
      I sympathize. I think I responded at the time that when I was 40+, after a very long period of celibacy (documented in their records), I asked for the shots and a full STD panel, despite being certain of the results. I essentially wanted a “passport” and thought it was a very responsible decision. It started an awkward high-volume whisper campaign in the office but I did get what I wanted without any requirements or even questions other than whether I really wanted to pay for it. So strange that of all the patients they must see, I was the one they were judgey about. I am sorry you got a doctor with such a retrograde approach.

      • ugh

        I’m sorry to hear you experienced this. You were totally reasonable / responsible for asking for what you did. What is wrong with people?!

    • Anonymous

      This approach doesn’t even make logical sense unless he thinks single women over 40 are unlikely to find a new partner, and thus the vaccine would be superfluous care. And I want to assure you, OP, from personal experience, that that is not the case.

      • AIMS

        I agree that you should find a new doctor. but I also think the whole idea of needing an Rx for this is absurd and infantilizing. I would have no compunction in calling the doctor and saying, “I found someone I want to sleep with in 6 months, can I have an Rx please?”

        • Anonymous

          The Rx is presumably required because OP falls outside of the CDC’s recommended age group. I got it just before turning 45 (45 is the cutoff, not 40) and did not need a prescription.

    • anon

      I’m sorry this happened to you. I was one of the responders to your earlier post and hope you get the treatment you deserve soon!

      I don’t know what is up with doctors lately. At my first OBGYN appointment post-wedding last year, the doctor said they didn’t need a urine sample because “We don’t test married women for STDs. Unless you are having symptoms?” I was flabbergasted.

      • Friend

        I am going on a 20year hetero marriage. They always ask me about STDs and I trust my husband but I say yes to an STD panel every 5 years or so. And I tell my husband

    • Anon

      Do you live anywhere near a Planned Parenthood? This seems like exactly the kind of thing you go to PP for.

      • ugh

        I did.
        They said no.
        And they were really mean, actually, and acted annoyed I was even there and I would even ask for such a thing.

        And I donate so much money to them…. it was really not nice how they treated me.

        • Anon

          I am Anon at 7:33 re PP —

          WTF?!

          Other idea: are you within driving distance of an academic medical center/university hospital?

          • ugh

            That’s where my GYN is. The best hospital in my state. Major medical center/University hospital. And this is no small city.

        • Anon

          Ok, so you get treated terribly *everywhere* you go? If everywhere you go smells like shit, maybe it’s time to check your shoes.

          • Anon

            In this case the thing to check may be the medical record? It only takes one doctor to put some insinuating comments in a patient’s progress notes to prejudice every subsequent provider against her. Asking for a vaccine off label because of perceived heightened risk could be construed as hypochondriac, and many doctors are intimidated by or skeptical of anything genetic still as a kind of knee jerk reaction.

          • ugh

            The PP nurse practicioner was annoyed that I pushed her for it, when “it is not recommended by the CDC for you”. She just read the party line.

            So … she wasn’t wrong.
            I was being unreasonable in her mind. She didn’t like that I told her that she can still write the script for me regardless of the CDC. She didn’t like that. And got up and left.

            So yeah, I guess it is my fault for trying to advocate for myself.

            The CDC will never do a study of women 45 and older getting the HPV vaccine because we are the transitional population that wont exist anymore now that the vaccine is routinely given. It is not cost effective to do this study. It doesn’t matter if more women in my pool die of cancer — It is not cost effective to do this study.

            Anon – Are you a perimenopausal woman with medical problems? Once you hit that time of life, you may understand some of these interactions with the medical system, unfortunately.

            I have recommended the podcoast “The Retrievals” before. It rings true to my experiences.

            But you do bring up a good point. I struggle with how to “behave” in my doctor’s appointments. If I am too nice/quiet/don’t complain firmly enough, then things get missed. If I am too proactive, then some doctors don’t like it. I am relatively new to needing anything more than a PCP, so it has been a rough time meeting a lot of new doctors (my disease affects a lot of organ systems so I see a lot of specialists) and trying to navigate this.

    • Anon

      I am so sorry to hear that. When I was diagnosed with HPV in my thirties, my regular OB was on maternity leave, and they had a former partner filling in. An older man. When the HPV result was positive he used the word “promiscuous” in a scolding manner. That was 20+ years ago and I haven’t forgotten how he made me feel.

      Your OB is behaving dreadfully. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’d honestly write him a Google review describing your experience. If there’s a head of office of the OB practice, I would DEFINITELY escalate this.

      I certainly did that when my regular OB returned from maternity leave, and I not only got a very genuine apology from her, but also an update to let me know that they would no longer bring that man in for coverage.

      • ugh

        Ugh, that is just awful. I’m sorry you experienced that.

        Don’t Google reviews post your name on them? Yikes…

        I hate that I am really struggling with some bad health issues right now, and the GYN visit is just me trying to have better quality of life (eg. treat terrible perimenopause issues, trying to catch cancer early so I don’t worry so much about dying from it too young, and thinking about trying to have a “personal” life again…), but I feel like I am at the mercy of doctors who are so hard to get appointments with and sadly, often are not interested or able to treat my (more complex) problems.

        So I have to deal with this guy for now, and will keep looking in city of few options….. If I complain, then I have no one to treat me NOW, and I wait again to try to find a replacement in who knows how many months. And then I am the patient who is on her 4th GYN, who could be worse than the last 3… who knows.

        But thank you all so much for your posts. They really help and give me things to think about.

    • Anonymous

      That sucks.
      It also sounds par for the course for women getting medical care, especially from male doctors.

    • Anonymous

      This is where I would get in trouble and go back and say something like found someone I want to f…

      Have you called the health department? They all should have them, and I don’t know why they would have an issue giving you one.

      • ugh

        The issue is that that the CDC / National Guidelines do not state that someone my age is eligible to get the shot. So any doctor can say…. “No… not for you….” because we don’t have any “evidence” that it works for people of my age. Because no studies were done on people my age. And they never will be done.

        But many things in medicine are prescribed/used without data/clinical trials, because it is impossible to have data for every type of person/age/sex/diagnosis/genetic variation etc… So you have to extrapolate, use clinical/doctor judgement.

        So it is completely up to the doctor whether to give the HPV vaccine to me “off label”, and no insurance company is required to cover it.

        But any decent doctor knows that the likelihood it may be helpful is real, and the likelihood of negative side effects is negligible, and since I am willing to pay for it … what’s the big deal?

        • Anon

          Seriously, I think it’s fine to say that you followed the doctor’s advice and found yourself a boyfriend. Maybe you’ll both know you are fibbing, but clearly he wants to be able to say that the patient is sexually active to defend the off label use. (It is absolutely absurd though!)

          • ugh

            Oh, that’s interesting…. it never occurred to me that he may feel he needs to document that. That’s actually not a crazy thought.

            I will see my PCP next month and ask her to do give me a script regardless.

  8. Anon

    Does Sephora no longer do appointments where they hear your needs and interests and suggests products that you can try out? I just see makeup lessons and waxing and glam appointments offered at my city’s location.

    • Anne-on

      I think that would all be covered in a makeup lesson unless you’re looking for skincare advice? Which, fwiw, I wouldn’t do with a Sephora employee. At my local sephora/ulta the appointments are more of a way to book time with the associates so the store (theoretically) knows if they need more people working the floor because someone has a 1:1 booked for 30-45 minutes vs. you showing up and taking 30 minutes of time with someone who is supposed to be helping multiple people on the floor.

    • Anon 2.0

      Well, if there is any truth to the TIk Tok videos, every Sephora has basically become overrun with tween girls playing in the Drunk Elephant displays. I don’t know if the staff even have the bandwidth to offer this anymore. Our local Sephora was a true unmitigated disaster around Christmas time. Every single sample had seemingly been used a finger paint.

      • Anon

        My niece asked for a vanity table / dresser for her 13th birthday. She made a video of it after it was set up, and there was the large size pump jar of Drunk Elephant Protini Mositurizer. The same jar my 50+ year old self really struggled with laying down the bucks for, to use on myself.

        Unbelievable. It’s a thing. The wee ones are obsessed with status skincare.

        • JD

          That’s so weird. The young ones may need acne treatment with a dermatologist, but they really shouldn’t be using anti-aging treatments. There’s absolutely no need before maybe your 30s.

    • AIMS

      I’m not sure but at least in NYC, Sephora has never been that helpful. It’s never occurred to me to make an appointment just to talk to a salesperson about normal salesperson things like recommendations (vs. make up applications) . I’d just pick a non-busy time to go in and ask.

  9. Anon

    Can anyone speak to treatment-resistant depression actually turning out to be a mild case of bipolar II in disguise? It’s a tentative working hypothesis from my (trusted, greatest medical professional of my entire life) psychiatrist after I had a hypomanic episode when starting a new med.

    • Anon

      I’ve heard of it being other things in disguise! I think sometimes treatment resistance is a sign there’s more going on.

    • thoughts

      Yes – absolutely.

      A family member of mine was treated for depression for several years, and yes…. he wasn’t responding that well. He didn’t respond to SSRIs. He was on Cymbalta (duloxetine) for awhile for pain and that may have helped his mood some, and we added Deplin and a happy light and were very aggressive with all behavioral things (regular sleep, exercise/sunlight etc…). But when his psychiatrist increased his Cymbalta to the highest dose, it triggered a hypomanic episode that finally revealed he had bipolar II. Suddenly, everything made sense. He was started on a tiny dose of a mood stabilizer (Latuda) and things evened out fairly quickly. Miraculous, actually.

      I hope things evened out for you after you realized the new med was the trigger. Hopefully this can guide your doctor in optimizing your treatment. He sounds like a good one!

      • Anon

        Thanks for your reply – it’s immensely comforting! I’m going to pick up my new, tiny dose of a bipolar med today.

        • thoughts

          Of course. I can imagine how unsettling this may have been for you, and I am really hopeful that your medicine may help. Good luck!

  10. Anon

    Wallet advice needed. I have huge one — I used to put cash, cards, and my phone in it (Kavu wallet). It is great. But too big now that I need reading glasses and also car keys and a work badge, along with my phone. If I downsize the wallet, most of my bags work again. What is good but not too casual? I want something I wouldn’t be embarrassed to used when picking up to the check at work lunches and dinners. Having two wallets will never work and the card sleeve on the back never has the card I need (it worked during COVID though).

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