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These flats are new(ish) from Cole Haan, and I like the more modern look, somewhere between a loafer, ballet flat, and skimmer. They're available in tan, black, white, and snake print for $90 at Zappos, although you can find a few colors for $80 at Nordstrom Rack or even $52 at Amazon. Nice!
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Some of our favorite comfortable flats for work as of 2024 include AGL, M.M. LaFleur, and French Sole. On the more affordable side, check out Rothy's, Sam Edelman, and Rockport. We've also rounded up the best loafers for work, and our favorite sneakers for work outfits!
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
YNAB Nerd
I know there are several other YNABers on this board, and I have a nerdy, very in-the-weeds question. How do you handle having large amounts sitting in your bank account or high yield savings accounts? My high yield savings account has my emergency fund (fully funded for 6 months of expenses), a large chunk for a new car (probably won’t need this for another 8 years), the start for a new roof, etc. All together, I have $80k in this high yield savings account, which is way too much money to be doing nothing for a single person in a LCOL area. I want to start sending money to my brokerage account instead of saving it all in this high yield savings account, but then my categories get messed up.
For other YNABers, how do you handle this, logistically? I’m thinking about getting rid of my categories for some of the larger expenses (car, roof, things like this) and just having a general “brokerage” category where I budget the combined amount for all those categories so I can “spend” the money each month by sending it to my brokerage account, which is off-budget. Has anyone come up with a better idea? I know this is not an actual problem and is a great situation to be in, but I’d like to hear what others have done!
anon
Warning, this will be a very in-the-weeds response to your in-the-weeds question! So what I do is I have my checking and credit cards under the “Budget” category, and I’ve moved all of my investments and savings, including short term savings, brokerage accounts, retirement, etc. under “Tracking”. (When you set up your accounts, “Savings” is categorized under “Budget”, so I categorized my savings accounts as “Assets” under “Tracking Accounts” instead.) In your situation, I would classify the HYSA as a Tracking account. I would also have my brokerage account under Tracking as well. Then, if I transferred funds from the HYSA to the brokerage account it would not change my Budget categories at all. However, if I needed funds from the HYSA to get a new roof, I would move the funds to checking, then budget the amount under a category for the roof.
This was just easier for me because it is more aligned with how I view my savings account (i.e., not part of my budget). I will say that when I allocate funds to my savings account from checking, I do what you are considering above – I have a savings category where I budget the amount I want to save and “spend” the money by sending it to my savings account, which is then reflected in my Tracking accounts off-budget.
Anon
This is what I do also
YNAB Nerd
Ok– I now feel silly because I never thought to put the HYSA as a tracking account, and this solves my entire issue. I tried looking on the subr*ddit for YNAB, and most of the responses to similar questions were either incredibly complicated or along the lines of “don’t invest money you need in the next few years.” Thanks to both of you!
Anon
Yay YNAB! +1 to this idea.
Is YNAB worth it?
I was considering YNAB, but only because I’m also nerdy and think the ability to have all the sub-funds would satisfy my internal control freak. So, it would basically be a recurring cost for what is a hobby. My current junky spreadsheet is fine, but do you find you get other benefits from using YNAB?
YNAB Nerd
I cannot overstate how much I love YNAB, so I absolutely think it’s worth it. I am not good at spreadsheets, so there’s no universe where I could create anything that has even close to the functionality that YNAB has for me.
The actual budgeting system has been transformative for the way I think about money, so that’s a big benefit for me beyond what a spreadsheet gives. It’s basically an envelope budgeting system in that you only allocate money that you actually have present in your account. This has instilled good habits in me, and it also helps me figure out how to use extra funds–like my bonus or even a monetary gift from a relative–in ways that are really accomplishing my goals while allowing for fun at the same time.
I use it for a lot beyond just tracking my spending. I have recurring transactions set up in it that remind me when a yearly or monthly subscription will be paid (that way I don’t forget to cancel if I’m coming up on the year mark or I can decide I want to keep the subscription, but at least I know exactly when it’s coming out). I also use what YNABers call the “Wish Farm,” which is just a list of things that you don’t necessarily want to budget for monthly but that would be fun to have. So on my Wish Farm, I might list that I want a facial and that it will cost $200, then every time I have a little left over from something else (maybe I have $2.78 left over in my grocery budget one month or something), then I throw it in the Wish Farm, and before I know it, I’ve got the money set aside to get my facial. I’m really bad about being frugal to a fault and not spending money on things that will make me happy when I do truly have the money to spend. Seeing the little green icon on the YNAB screen that tells me a category is fully funded helps me mentally realize that I really CAN spend money on that facial and I will still have plenty to spend on food, gas, and my new roof in 15 years.
Another cool function on YNAB is the reporting. You can get detailed reports of your spending by category over time, and I keep track of my net worth in the program, which has been really neat to watch grow over time. I’ve now been using YNAB for 2 years and am a devotee for life.
Anonymous
Yes, absolutely. YNAB’s visual display, general philosophy, and flexibility work really well for my brain.
LaurenB
Whiplash with the pointed toe and the square toe looks …
Anonymous
Any recommendations for southern Vermont to see fall foliage? I’ve never been but have always wanted to see New England in the fall – those idyllic small towns etc., though I’m coming from the south so it’s a long drive and I don’t want to go much further. How’s Manchester for such an activity? Let me know if there are recommendations for where to go, where to stay etc. Also WHEN? I live in southern Va. so it’s normal for us not to see any leaf change until November. But my parents are in NJ and honestly I feel like it’s gotten later there too — I was there last fall and there was almost no color until the last week of Oct/early Nov. I suspect New England is earlier but am I right to think it’s no longer Sept? When I was a kid it felt like by mid Sept you had leaves under foot in the mid Atlantic and now I’m not so sure. Since the goal is to see the amazing reds/oranges they tend to have in New England, I’d like to time it reasonably well even if it isn’t the actual “peak.”
Anon
It’s not New England, but I think the finger lakes region of NY is nice for fall foliage if you don’t want to drive as far. Usually early October is peak there, but I find that regions usually have a fall foliage forecaster that shows when peak leaf season has happened over the past few years.
Charlotte
I stayed at Hill Farm Inn in VT early October and seemed to hit foliage right. Loveliest place I’ve stayed in the US and I’m picky. Highly recommend.
Anonymous
re: when – there are websites for this. Here’s one: https://newengland.com/seasons/fall/foliage/peak-fall-foliage-map/
Equestrian Attorney
Not really Southern Vermont, but the Montpelier/Stowe area is lovely. I`ve been to Kilington and really enjoyed it, but only in the winter for skiing, but I imagine it’s nice in the fall too. My perspective coming from Montreal (so, further North) is that peak foliage is usually around October 5-15, not sure if it`s a bit later further south. In NH, I recommend the Wolfeboro/Lake Winepesakee area too.
anon
I live in western Massachusetts and can report that due to an unusually cold and rainy July, a few of the trees got confused and already started to turn. It’s noticeable enough that the local tv station ran a story on it a couple days ago. I’m not sure how that will impact the peak which is still a long ways off, but I do think it will be hard to guess when it will occur with accuracy this year.
Anonymous
I am not a cool person. But I think I’m done wearing hard shoes now that our office is casual. I’ve narrowed some casual sneakers down to Unitsuka Tigers and Vans Old School. I had thought of Nike Cortez, which I used to wear as an exercise shoe, but apparently they are not OK in some schools b/c sometimes gangs wear them (I have read; no first-hand knowledge, but in my city high schools have a lot of rules re not wearing a lot of things, so going off of that for guidance). So I’m looking for whether either of the other shoes should be avoided for reasons not apparent to an office worker with tired feet. I’m guessing the Vans are more vanilla but the Tigers remind me of the Cortez, which I am sentimental about.
Anon
I have a pair of Onitsuka Tiger slip ons that I absolutely love and they have held up quite well. I prefer them aesthetically to the Vans, but I think they’re pretty similar and it’s a personal choice about which is better. What kind of clothes are you wearing them with?
Anonymous
Don’t people wear casual sneakers with everything these days? In my city, Golden Goose’s are the cool sneakers and people wear them with everything from rufflepuff dresses to cut-off jean shorts to mom jeans. OTOH, I see allbirds only with pants (maybe also b/c half the people wearing them are guys???).
Anon
Get the Nike Cortez if you like them. I doubt anyone will think you are in a gang.
Anonymous
Lol right? The great thing about being an adult is that high school dress codes don’t matter. Bizarre to even look them up.
Anonymous
I think if you google Nike Cortez, it comes up with “why was nike cortez banned”, so I get wondering what it might signify. Not in an office, but when you are out and about.
Anon
30 years ago! I don’t know why OP cares.
Anonymous
IIRC, Nike originally distributed Tigers. Then they came up with the Cortez. Coincidence? I think not.
Bonnie Kate
+1 in fact I think the most-anti gang thing you can do is be a (presumably) over the age of 25+ non-gang-member professional woman wearing them. Dilutes the signature look. You like the Cortez, get the Cortez.
Vicky Austin
hahahaha, this is excellent advice.
Anonymous
I remember in my middle school and high school that gang members did wear Nike Cortez. I definitely associated them with gang shoes back then. That said, I really like them and now as a middle-age mom of 3 I wear them all the time. I also like and wear Vans and regular white with black stripes Adidas.
Elle
If you’re looking for something similar, I got a pair of Gola classics from madewell last year. Surprisingly to me, I’ve gotten quite a few of compliments on them from random people at the grocery store/walking around town.
Anon for this
Left NYC years ago for financial reasons, now feeling ready to move back but not sure I can afford to live there solo. At late 30s, friends are all wed and I feel too old to live with a stranger from the internt. I hate feeling like I may not be able to live where I belong because my career doesn’t pay high enough to cover living solo where my life should be plus enough to save the way a single person should in order to have any financial security.
As if being late 30s and the only single friend in my groups isn’t hard enough, this just feels like life is so stacked against single people. sigh.
Monday
Been there. Could you swing a studio apartment?
Allie
This – particularly in a more “boring” neighborhood? Kew Gardens? Bay Ridge? Rego Park?
Anonymous
Why on earth would you want to go back to a city where you can’t afford to live a comfortable adult lifestyle with your own apartment? For the vast majority of people, life in NYC is a scam.
OP
Almost everyone in my life who is important to me lives there, so living elsewhere keeps me financially secure but means I give up seeing the people who mean most to me on any regular basis and I miss out on being in their daily or weekly lives.
Anon
Because she fees she belongs there. It’s really not an uncommon issue. I live where I feel like I belong because that’s more important to my overall happiness than having a big savings account.
Monday
This can be especially important when you’re single. Living near loved ones may be crucial to not feeling alone.
Anon
Yup. No advice but commiseration from another single 30s person. All my partnered friends have paid off their debt and are saving for houses, meanwhile I’m just trying to make ends meet and pay my extremely high rent on my own. Feels like I’m at a huge disadvantage in terms of financial security.
Anonymous
I thought of this when proposing a marriage pact with a friend. Sharing the cost of a one-bedroom would be a game-changer.
Anon
Right!? I would be in such a different situation if I was only paying half of my rent.
Anon
Right!? I would be in such a different situation if I was only paying half of my rent.
OP
not unless I can convince most of the people closest to me to give up living where their careers and lives are and to move elsewhere with me.
Anon
where do you live now? do you feel the need to live in NYC itself, or can you live in jersey city, LIC, etc.
Anonymous
NYC is one of the few places I have been where an adult with a FT job lives worse than many college students (to be fair: there is a reason that student loan debt is so high, and it can be student apartments with granite countertops). Jersey City can be expensive. Irvington, the Oranges, Newark — your $ goes a lot further. Philly — much more affordable.
Anon
This is the answer. You can also consider Providence, southern CT, or Philly.
Anonymous
Ahem. LIC is, in fact, NYC. And not that much cheaper than Manhattan anymore. (I got priced out of LIC about the time some Mets players literally moved into my building and moved to Astoria. Then I just gave up on NYC all together. OP, I did love living in Queens and depending on where you live/work, the commute into Manhattan isn’t that bad. Still expensive, but not Manhattan expensive).
Shelle
On the question of roommates, I’m late 30s and I’ve never lived without one. My current roommate just happens to be married to me. As another poster suggested, think about the tradeoffs and what you really want to get out of your living situation. Movies tell us we age out of roommates at some point. I always thought that was unrealistic in many cities. Even people who own in my city often rent out a room or a basement to cover the mortgage.
Anonymous
Right? I aim for a Golden Girls lifestyle in a few decades. I will be Rose.
Anonymous
Omg stop it. This is so smugmarried. My roomie just happens to be my husband? Vom
Anon
I think her point was that she’s never lived alone, being the only one on a lease. This isn’t Smug Married.
Anonymous
+1 not smug married at all.
Ribena
It is though. I’d love to share the cost of housing with someone but I don’t want to share a home with someone I’m not in a relationship with.
Monday
Smug Married is harsh, but the post does miss the point in a sort of insensitive way. OP said her “friends are all wed and I feel too old to live with a stranger from the internet.” So someone chiming in to say that they used to have roommates, but are now married, is not helpful.
Anon
Ribena, this person obviously meant she had roommates as an adult before getting married. I understand wanting to live alone, but OP can’t do it and live where she wants. Life isn’t fair and we don’t always get what we want.
Monday
4:57 this is really condescending.
Ugh
+1 so obnoxious. Yes, of course living with your roomate in your late 30’s is tolerable when it’s your spouse. Don’t be obtuse
Anon w a roommate
I’m 36, live in Hoboken and pay around $1,700 a month for an amazing apartment with a roommate. I don’t feel bad about having a roommate and I just got lucky. If you want to live in NYC, maybe settle for someplace outside of Manhattan and test out a roommate in a temporary situation if possible, a month to month or lease takeover. My savings is way more important than paying $3k for an apt in Manhattan.
No Face
If this is what you want, make that math work!
Take a good, hard look at income and expenses. Are you willing or able to adjust your career to focus on making more money? Are you able to cut back on your lifestyle now to save before your move? How small of a place are you willing to live in your current city to save? You don’t want to live with a stranger roommate (understandable), but do your friends know people? If you don’t want a roommate at all (again, understandable), are you willing to live in an efficiency?
I don’t know where you are, but this year is going to be…not great…for much of the USA. Making this the year to get financially fit for your big NYC move can give you a goal to focus on.
Anonymous
What can you afford in NYC? I mean people live there in all kinds of lives – the Park Avenue penthouse we’re raising our kids in the city going to top private schools vs. making 30k/year living in the Bronx often with an entire family to support. I think the question is how much do you want NYC. It sounds like you do because you’re lonely without your family and friends and the higher savings rates of wherever you live now just aren’t worth it. Ok fine then find what you CAN afford in NYC and learn to live with it – it may be a crummy walk up in Queens or the Bronx while all your friends live in Park Slope or UWS but at least you’ll get to see your friends/family regularly. Also NYC is the only place I know of where adults even age 40+ who are white collar professionals but lower paid, will hold down second jobs; could you make it work if you did that? It wouldn’t even necessarily have to be all year – there are people who pick up Christmas shifts at Macys and the like and the holiday work runs from Oct-Dec, but often that extra one quarter of income gives people breathing room and allows them to stay in NYC. Anything like that possible? I mean right now the is a huge hiring crunch in every kind of retail environment so if you were to move and get/keep your professional job, you could grab a 2nd job easily and keep it thru December.
Anon
I know I’m late on on this thread but there are plenty of places where you can get a 1 bedroom for under $2k a month. If your income is in the 80s or higher, you will be fine if not “fancy.” I started feeling comfortable on my own after 70k, and am now comfortable as a single parent with a bit under six figures of income (and no debt). Less than that and you’re probably looking at studios. If you have savings enough to buy, studios are on sale right now — some good options in the 200-275 range in my neighborhood (Bay Ridge — but lol at “boring”, that person has clearly never been here— after taxes/maintenance that can be under 1500 a month while building equity.
This board skews very rich and snobby, but a ton of real people live in NYC, it’s just a different NYC than the big law and finance people. We’re teachers, city employees, non-profit employees, small business owners.
Anonymous
I am not sure whether I hate my job because of residual pandemic fatigue, or if I hate my job because of Work Reasons (has a diversity/inclusion committee with no budget, slow to adopt any new tech, meaning we are not aligned with industry standards, etc.).
I know people have suggested books before (design your life?) for people who feel stuck or are thinking of career changes. Seeking book or article recommendations on this topic!
Anon
I really liked Design Your Life because it gets you into a possibility mindset, and then you actually test small projects to see how they work in your life.
I would also echo the comments from the morning thread about leaning into hobbies. I’ve learned that I can’t get everything out of work, but sometimes I am stuck at a job for awhile so I throw that energy into hobbies and it really helps make a boring or frustrating job tolerable.
Anon
For a variety of reasons (horrible anxiety/depression left untreated until my early 30s, assumption that I didn’t know some secret everyone else knew about finding a partner, bad luck), I have been mostly single my entire life. I dated in my 20s and early 30s bc it was easier to meet people. Now I’ll go through spurts of online dating for months or even years, but nothing has stuck. And I’m way older, and there’s still a pandemic, so I haven’t been on a date in a very long time.
I would like to date and find a partner, but
I feel so embarrassed, even though I genuinely don’t think there’s anything wrong with me anymore except the way things shook out. I worry about being on a first date and someone asking me about my last relationship, which was ages ago, or wondering why I’m as old as I am and haven’t lived with anyone or been married. I figure the right guy won’t care, but then I’ll hear some random comment on a TV show about people over a certain age who are unmarried being freaks and I feel like it’s a lost cause.
I don’t know how to get started. So I do nothing, and then more time goes by and it’s even worse. Help? Commiseration? I can’t be the only one in this situation, but I feel so alone.
Monday
Not only will the “right guy” not care, nobody who is interested will care! I have never heard anyone say “I just met this person, and I’m really into them, but their last relationship was X years ago and I can’t get past it.”
Anyone who claims this is a problem is just looking for an excuse not to date you.
Anon
+1! I think perhaps you feel insecure about the issue, and so you’re projecting that which is making you feel that others would care about it. Maybe work on your own mindset a bit instead – focus on how having been single all these years just demonstrates that you are a strong and independent person, and are now ready for a partnership having had more time to get to know yourself!
anon
+2. I have a former colleague who had pretty zero long term relationships for the entirety of her 20s and most of her 30s. She met her now-husband at 38 and they are happily married with a baby. I don’t think it was even remotely an issue that she had very little relationship history.
ELS
+1.
I’m recently divorced (final about a year ago, left about 2 years ago) and am now happily dating a man whose last serious relationship was about 7 years ago. He’s dated people, but not been in a relationship. We’re both 35.
He’s wonderful, and while I asked a few questions about why he’d been single so long (looking for red flags like, “All these women were crazy”) I wasn’t really concerned about it, because he is a smart, funny, and caring person. Honestly, he’s got way less baggage about things than I do because he wasn’t encumbered breaking up.
Someone who likes you won’t care at all.
Anon
I mean it hasn’t worked out for any of these guys either so who are they to judge? Go live your life! I think it’s pretty normal not to have an exciting dating history. Most of us are boring.
Anonymous
It sounds like you’re still having anxiety about the reaction that potential partners might have – and that’s okay! But it’s something you could work on with a therapist. The doubt/negative self-talk/doom spiral can end – I worked on my self esteem for a completely different reason with a therapist who specialized in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I highly recommend it.
If you want to work on it at home, think of what you’ll say when you are asked. “I haven’t ever lived with someone because it wasn’t a priority to me in my 20s/30s. I was working on (name some cool stuff).” or, “My last serious relationship was 10 years ago because (I’ve enjoyed being single, I was working on myself, I’ve only been causally dating), but I’m interested in seriously dating if I find the right partner.” Working on re-framing the problem in your mind ( from what is is right now — I haven’t dated seriously -> something is wrong with me / I am unworthy) can really go a long way to having a relaxed attitude about your dating past and allow others to do the same. There are still going to be movies, media, and jerks out there who think there’s something wrong with you – screw ’em. You’re human, this is normal, you’re in a great place to start.
Anonymous
I really like these scripts. I just want to point out that men do this all the time and no one bats an eye – there are plenty of guys who are out having fun with their guy friends for their entire 20s and 30s then wake up one day and realize they want a wife and kids. Bonus that most of their friends are married so they’ve heard about some of the sacrifices that come with cohabitating/marriage even though they haven’t experienced them personally. My husband is one of those guys. It’s cute that he actually gets kind of giddy when he/we experience something he’s only ever heard about, like fighting over closet space. He thinks it’s endearing rather than some hill to die on (unlike the men I dated when I was younger – no you do not get 1/2 the closet because that’s “fair” just so your side can have 2 shirts while I have to get dressed in the hall closet and we have to use a coat rack for our and guests’ coats).
No Face
My husband spent 20s and early 30s dealing with untreated depression and family dysfunction. By the time we met, he had one serious previous relationship. It literally never mattered at all. What mattered is that his depression was treated and he had made different choices re: his family.
Anonymous
Oh. I could have written this two years ago. I didn’t date for more than a decade, mostly because I refused to online date (not that I can justify that decision) and because I was busy with work and mostly okay riding solo. When I started feeling like I should get out there, I had so much anxiety about talking about this aspect of my life. But as it turns out, no one has ever asked about it. Most of them are dealing with so much angst and anxiety about how to explain the break-up of long-term relationships/marriages that they don’t really think about my history. I am certain that if they were to go back and, say, mention this to their sister/friend, there might be negative feedback about how there must be something wrong with me, but so far I haven’t gotten that at all. And I don’t think I am particularly interested in dating someone who is basing decisions on such feedback from others at this point in life. I’ve been with someone for 2 years but before that and at times throughout have had other interest and it just doesn’t seem to be the issue I thought it would be. I think I am a great partner and a mostly-together person who just did not make partnering a goal. It wasn’t a goal when I was younger either, which is how I ended up being single despite having constantly dated from 14-29, including some really great men. Get out there if you want to meet someone.
Anonymous
You don’t have to go into any particular detail about this at all on a first date.
If they ask, shrug and say you’ve had a break from dating because of some previous health stuff, but you’re excited to get to know them. Change the subject, or ask a more open question back, like what are the most important people or current relationships in their lives? Turn the question into finding out how they talk about their family, or friends, or colleagues.
A first date is a two-way audition. Sure, they want to find out if you’re a freak* (and if so, their sort of freak or not), but equally you are auditioning them. You want to know if they are the kind of person you can relax with, have some nice conversation with, have some nice chemistry with. Maybe they smell nice and you want to take them home, maybe you think thank god that was a coffee date because that was a boring, boring date.
*You may be a freak, who knows, but you are NOT a freak for not having had a partner or been married.
CHL
Has anyone ever stayed in an AirBnB that’s a boat (like docked in a slip)? The house I had rented for Labor Day just canceled because he mistakenly double booked it and the only place left (at a reasonable price) is a boat (I know nothing about boats – it’s some kind of traditional yacht?) You don’t sail it anywhere, it’s docked in a cute town and you can hang out on the deck, fish, walk to the beach, etc. It has great (but not too many) reviews. I’m generally willing to take a small risk for adventure but was wondering if anyone has done this.
Anon
Sounds cool! Doesn’t seem any riskier than any other Airbnb.
Anon
My in-laws did this in Boston (I think!) and they loved it. They only stayed on the boat/yacht for one night as they were beginning a fall foliage tour through New England back in 2019, but they thought it was a unique experience. I believe it was close enough to walk or water taxi to great restaurants, shopping, etc. I don’t have first hand experience, but I don’t remember them saying anything bad about it!
Cat
We have, in the Caribbean. It was awesome! Go for it.
Annony
This could be amazing, or it could be horrible. Depending on the size of the boat, it might be super cramped and hot and unpleasant to spend time on while docked. I would want to see really good pictures of the living quarters, think about what the weather will be like (temp? breeze?) and if the sleeping quarters will be cooled by the breeze or a/c, and what the marina is like. Do they have strict rules about noise? How many other people will be sleeping/living on their boats while you’re there? Are you going by yourself or with other people? How safe is the slip?
Anon
Honestly, none of your concerns are any different than a normal Airbnb.
pugsnbourbon
Double check the bathroom situation! Usually it’s noted in the information or reviews, but some boats have limits on what you can, ahem, dispose of in the toilets. But otherwise it sounds super fun.
Anon
Honestly I’d rather stay on a boat! Enjoy!!!
Anon
Do you get seasick? Obviously it’s docked, but if you’re sensitive, the constant bobbing might be an issue. Otherwise, sounds fun.
Anon
Since the London discussion this morning I have the Taylor Swift song London Boy stuck in my head. I know it’s objectively not a great song, but I really love it.
Anon
Plenty of people are in your situation! Let’s dispense with this first: I swear some people are totally convinced that their marriages are more special and important because they married young. They are the ones saying this and it is their own problem.
My husband had dated five women before me – four very short term relationships, one long term relationship. Mid-30s when we married. He is an amazing husband and father. The idea of turning him down because he didn’t have enough dating experience for his age…???
Average age of first marriage is now about 30. Whether that is a good or bad thing, there are huge numbers of unmarried 30-somethings who are great people.
Anon
Nesting fail…..
Agurk
Hi ladies,
What was the name of that online interior designer service people like? I have to do a whole house pretty quickly and our real life designer has ghosted us…
Thanks!
cHL
Modsy!
Anonymous
I’m doing it! I’m in an absurdly expensive uber to the airport to get on a plane and leave the county. So emotional
Anon
Bon voyage!
Anonymous
Yay! Have a lovely trip!
Anon
I missed the morning discussion about parents helping their kids financially. I’m from a poor family so I was a full financial aid kid, paying student loans off well into my thirties. My husband was from a middle class family and got money when his dad died, but he spent it all being a 20 something and trying to make it as a musician without a day job. (Which obviously didn’t work. I’m not married to a rock star.)
When my mom died a few years ago, after we settled her very modest estate, there was a bit of equity in her house. Each sibling got about $70k. I put it in index fund type investments planning to give it to my kids.
The question is when to give it to them. I wouldn’t give it to them before they graduate from college, but even then I’m not sure what a responsible age is. I think I also need to give it $15k at a time per the IRS.
I’m hoping it will have grown to about $100k by the time my second has graduated (5ish year horizon at 8% annual return, though I know this depends on marked timing.)
If anyone has done this what is ideal timing? I think my mom would have been happy to provide part of her grandchildren’s down payments on a house, but she’d (and I’d) be less pleased if they just used the money to spend beyond their means when they get their first jobs.
pugsnbourbon
I think it would be nice to give a relatively small amount when they graduate from college and start their job – sort of seed money for an emergency fund. Then maybe the rest when they get married/have a kid/buy a house or turn 30, whichever is earlier.
Smokey
It’s of course entirely up to you, based on what you want for your kids and their wants, needs and maturity. But, if I were in your shoes, I would hold onto the money until they need it for something big, such as buying a home or to pay for graduate school, or to pay off student loans. It’s my understanding that you don’t have to worry about the annual gift limitation when it comes to your children (or grandchildren).
Anonymous
Gift tax limits apply unless you are married to each other. And if you are married, it is 15K per donor and spouses can split gifts (so 15K from each parent).
My age for giving is 35 but with maybe 5K seed money gift for when they start working and need to do things like put a deposit and first month’s rent on an apartment and maybe get a car and insure it.
Anon
It’s not a limit. It’s what you don’t have to claim against your ultimate estate. If you give more than the limit you just file a gift tax receipt so it goes against your lifetime giving tax free limit (which is something like 12million per person right now).
Anon
You do have to worry about the annual gift limitations for children or grandchildren, just FYI. Some things, like education expenses, may be an exception.
Anna
You could just keep the money and give it to them only for things that you think make sense – college or grad school, buying a house, paying for the wedding, whatever.
I think the thing here is you don’t want to give it to them to waste it, but you also don’t want them to make decisions because of lack of money when in reality, they had the money. You could do something like a certain amount after college graduation, and then some every year, with the caveat that you could give larger sums for the events above.
Anon
My parents invested money mostly in stocks when I was a kid in a custodial account. I think when I turned 24 it was solely mine. Why not just do that instead of doling it out in cash?
Another anon
Is the 24 age a standard thing or can parents choose the age?
Anon
I think it was a standard age, and it might have been 21, I can’t remember exactly.
Anon
Please do not take this as legal advice, but you probably do not need to worry about a gift tax. If you and your husband make a gift of more than $30K to a single person, you will have to file a gift tax return but unless you give away more than $11.7 million each in your lifetime you will not need to pay a gift tax. Unless the law changes before you make the gift of course!
It is hard to know without knowing your children, but generally my recommendation is to make a gift of $10-15K when they graduate from college to get them started and then the rest when they turn 30 unless life circumstances are such that they need the money sooner.
Also I know everyone here seems obsessed with the idea that money will make their children greedy and lazy, but one of the nicest and most responsible people I know inherited the first half of her money when she graduated from college (and the other half when she turned 30). The fact that she was set to inherit tens of millions probably influenced her decision to go into a field with very little income potential but it did not turn her into some kind of monster. Generally the really entitled people I know grew up with parents who spoiled them when they were children. It is not the result of being able to buy a house or car than they could not afford on their own income.
anon
I would use some of it to buy their first car, fund their college or studying abroad programs if you don’t already have that fully funded, and then give the rest after they graduate or when they buy their first house like other posters have mentioned. We didn’t come from money so I didn’t get to do a summer in Italy for example, but I would’ve loved to if we could afford it. My parents did give each of us our first (used) car and have been very generous with monetary gifts when I bought my first house (I didn’t need their help on down payment, but it was nice to have for furnishing and repairs).
Anonymous
Agree that it may be more helpful to make substantial gifts toward milestones. I didn’t reply on the earlier thread, but am the recipient of significant financial gifts from my parents. They were extremely frugal growing up, but graciously paid for undergrad and my first car. I didn’t see a dime for the next 10+ years through law school and my early career. This was the perfect balance for me personally, as it allowed me the luxury of enjoying my early 20s and eased the transition into financial independence in early adulthood. Being responsible for my own law school loans made me take that education a lot more seriously than undergrad. After I was engaged in my mid-30s, my parents funded 1/3 of our wedding (evenly split between both sets of parents and ourselves). When we we began looking for a house, they surprised us by funding the entire downpayment after we were pre-approved.
I am extremely fortunate and acknowledge this. I think what helped most in terms of timing was that they didn’t tell me they would contribute to the wedding or downpayment until we were already midway through the planning process, so I had already budgeted and saved up a significant portion by then. Because I didn’t grow up knowing that these gifts were coming my way, I didn’t count on them or base my career / lifestyle choices on them. They were lovely surprises that allowed me to pad my emergency savings, which came in handy when the HVAC broke down around the same time we had five figures of unexpected medical expenses. Now when my parents give monetary gifts to mark special occasions, we earmark them for things like a new stove or light fixtures – something practical that I wouldn’t necessarily splurge on myself, but tangible that would make them happy to see.
For me, the gifts went a lot farther when they were given with a specific purpose in mind. If they were just transferred to me in stocks or an account, I couldn’t guarantee you that my undergrad loans would be paid off by now.