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The brand E'MAR is new to me, but this pump is getting great reviews if you're on the hunt for a classic work heel. I love the tonal leather lattice overlay, and I'm intrigued by the label's comfort-focused technology, which features “a built-in ultrathin carbon fiber inlay designed for optimal alignment not found in most salon shoes. It also has an innovative anti-slip footbed that includes dual-layer memory foam and a strategically arched incline.” Nice!
One of the reviewers raved about the shoe, saying “I usually have a horrible time in heels and often take a pair of comfortable shoes to change into but this has been a game changer. I love the design of the Aiden ..as well as the arch support and comfort of this AMAZING pump. You can tell it’s been designed with a lot of thought.”
Lots of other reviewers echo her compliments, noting they can stand in them for hours, they are the most comfortable high heels they've ever worn, and that the shoes are getting a ton of wear.
The shoes are $375, at Nordstrom.
{related: check out our Guide to Comfortable Heels!}
Sales of note for 10.10.24
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- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
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It's me.
I need restaurant recommendations for London and Paris (so excited that I even get to say those words!). We are going to stay on the left bank in Paris, and we are not sure where we’ll stay in London.
It's me.
Hi, friends. I need restaurant recommendations for London and Paris (so excited that I even get to say those words!). We are going to stay on the left bank in Paris, and we are not sure where we’ll stay in London.
Anonymous
I like Moro, any of Ottolenghi’s restaurants, and, I hate to say it, but Gordon Ramsey’s places were spot on for English food
NY CPA
Gordon Ramsey Burger inside Harrods makes what are probably my favorite burgers anywhere. The guy is annoying but I have to admit his food is good!
Cat
Dishoom (if you want an early dinner, they take lunch res until 5:45)
Paris- it’s been a few years but Frenchie and Septime were fabulous fancy lunches and more reasonably priced than in the evening. We also loved the cafes in Place Dauphine (tip of Cite). It turned into a way more local scene than I would have guessed at night.
Anonymous
+100 for Dishoom! Get a reservation, I don’t ever have luck as a walk up
Anonymous
Looooved Frenchie during a 2022 visit.
Anon
I’ve had some fabulous Moroccan food (don’t recall restaurants) and Israeli falafel (L’As du Fallafel on Rue Des Rosiers in the Marais District – it’s the one with the bright green exterior). While you’re in the Marais, there are also great Jewish pastry shops/cafes.
Gail the Goldfish
Le Mechoui du Prince is a Moroccan restaurant in the Left Bank and was very good when we were there last year.
Anon88
Also in Marais — Merci – huge store that sells all sorts of good stuff, my favorites are their homewares.
NY CPA
In London, my personal favorite restaurant is Imperial Treasure ($$$ Chinese, order the Peking duck in advance), but I get that’s not what everyone is looking for when they’re traveling. I also like any of the locations of The Ivy, Din Tai Fung, Pig and the Butcher for Sunday lunch, Brother Marcus, Lebanese food at Chamisse, Gold in Notting Hill, sausage rolls from Ginger Pig in Borough Market (the market is great for lunch and has lots of other good options as well). Indian food’s not my thing, but everyone I’ve brought to Dishoom has loved it. If you want to do a fancy afternoon tea (which is a whole meal), I’ve tried most of the top ones and my personal faves are Claridges and The Dorchester.
BossInBos
Dishoom does a great breakfast and way less crowded!
Anon
Veerasamy in regent street
Quilon… this is Michelin starred and Indian coastal cuisine
Dishoom
Afternoon tea at fortnum and mason.
Wildflower
Hawksmoor if you like steak. They also have an amazing cocktail menu. There are a few branches; I particularly like Seven Dials. Have fun!
anon
best no show undies? i bought a pair of commando vegan leather cropped flares and everything shows through…
Moose
Soma vanishing edge for sure
Anon
Yep.
Chl
Am I missing something? All of the soma ones I have gotten rip really quickly. Does anyone else have that problem?
Anon
Nope.
annon
Nope. Mine are going – ahem – multiple years. The small tears that I have gotten are right near the vanishing edge plastic stuff and are small / don’t get bigger. They are absolute workhorses for me.
Anon
Agree, I’ve had some of mine for probably way too long, but they do seem to be indestructible.
Chl maybe try sizing up.
Anonymous
Target has some good ones.
Anon
I like maidenform free cut hipsters from Target. $6.50 each. I’ve gotten similar at Victoria’s Secret but were more boycut hipsters?
Anon
I like Spanx undie-tectable (despite the name). I have the lace one and nothing is visible.
Anonny
I mean, sounds like the brand is called Commando for a reason.
Anon
Old navy no-shows — cheap & don’t show under light-colored yoga pants
Anon
Vegan leather? Plastic pollution you mean.
Anonymous
Went to the doctor for a cold and while I was there she recommended I start taking a multivitamin. What women’s multivitamin do you like? I’m 40+ years old. Thanks!
Anon
This is in the prenatal vitamin context and I’m not sure if it applies to regular multivitamins, but steer clear of gummies or one-a-day varieties. They don’t typically have evidence-based amounts of essential nutrients and will leave you lacking.
Anon
I really like Thorne Basics 2 a Day. My stomach is a bit sensitive and that one never bothers me so long as I take it with food.
Anon
I take NatureMade Women’s Multivitamin. I took their prenatal too. I noticed an immediate improvement in my immune system after I started the vitamin for the first time (I started the prenatal >1 year before I got pregnant, so any changes weren’t related to pregnancy).
Anonymous
I saw this on Twitter and thought it might be fun to do here! what are 3 topics you can talk about unprepared for 30 minutes? here are my first 3 that came to my mind:
– stardew valley
– propogating flowers
– great romance novels
Anon
LBJ (based on the Caro series)
Knitting and crocheting
Politics
Anon
Any type of pet
Skincare
Espresso
On a side note— I love Stardew!! Have you tried Spiritfarer? You may like it if not. It’s my favorite game ever
Anonymous
ooh I haven’t tried that one!! I get really addicted to them though so trying to take a break…
anon
GDPR
Horses
Ice Climbing
Oh wow if you know me in real life you’ll know this is me.
Anon
Medication abortion, walkable cities, and the benefits of planning/scheduling your leisure time.
Anon
-which is the better dog, a Golden Retriever or a Labrador Retriever (my scientific study is complete)
-books
-hiking
Wildflower
Answer to question one: a Goldador :-)
Anonymous
– my job, lol (I’m a frequent speaker at career events re: how to get my job)
– reading/how to read more/love reading
– snow (with comedic relief)
Anon
I’m going to skip my work topics because they’re pretty niche and I do speak about them for at least 30 minutes frequently (formally or otherwise.)
Being a woman in my conservative industry, and how that has changed, or not, in the 30+ years I’ve been doing it.
Pearls, natural or cultured (would include show and tell).
The glory that is Northern California.
Anonymous
I know nothing about pearls and want to come to your talk.
Lexi
You must be the fellow Kojima Pearl fan! So cool to find another Pearl lover! Have you attended her Pearls on the Bay?
Anon
Every single year since inception! I also took the Pearls as One course, so now I’m actually certified to drone on and on about pearls.
Anon
I could talk about pearls, also, with show n tell. Weird because I read this post within a minute after having a strand of Tahitian pearls pop as I unclasped them. I am so lucky this happened at home in my closet.
Dogs and rescue over purchase.
Food. Many subtopics from farmers’ markets to various ethnic foods to jamming to the best recipe for fill-in-the-blanks to favorite restaurants and dives in various places.
Anon
Hopefully your Tahitians were individually knotted!!
Anon
They were, phew!
Anonymous
housekeeping
a few historical periods
cooking, baking
CrowTRobot
Vegas (as a tourist)
the Navy
the Millennial zeitgeist
Anon
skipping anything related to my profession because I could but thats a snooze fest…and more than three
– the anime Naruto or certain romance dramas (iykyk)
– plants
– knitting and crochet
– artwork
Anonymous
Irish setters
How to grow avocados
Becoming a vegetarian
Anon
The death penalty (I’m against)
Airplanes/aerospace
OrangeTheory (lol)
Anon
I love this! Excluding work-related topics, here are my 3:
(1) mystery novels; actually I could talk 30 minutes just about Sherlock Holmes
(2) ballroom and Latin dance
(3) fermentation (pickles, kombucha, vinegar)
I am pretty sure anyone who knows me reading this will guess it’s me.
Anon
Skincare
Jane Austen
Tudor England
Anon
Hi. I would like to be your friend, fellow skincare/Austen enthusiast.
Anon
Dog grooming
Fracking
Wind turbines
I’d like to come to the Irish setter and Golden retriever talks please.
manonna
I don’t think I am comfortable talking for 30 minutes in general, but the topics where I might give it a go are:
Science fiction (mostly English language based)
Fantasy (mostly English language based)
Scandinavian and English crime books
and don’t @me, these are very different topics, and should not be bundled into one heading:-)
Anon
– Yosemite
– Best children’s books
– Living frugally
Senior Attorney
Personal/household budgeting
Winemaking
What to do/see/eat in my city
Senior Attorney
ugh nesting fail
Fallen
I posted about my chronically late husband yesterday. We made a plan with several changes on his end but it has become apparent to me that this is an adhd/executive functioning challenge and him doing the mornings will not work in the long-term.He was on time today but it was a close call despite a lot of effort on his end and witnessing it was almost comical because of all the inefficiencies and how my kid gets him side tracked.
I have a lot of scheduling flexibility (I own my own business) so I can change my schedule around and take over the mornings (which I actually enjoy doing a lot because kids are in a good mood), and we can be better about using aftercare more often (although afternoons are still all over the place because of activities for the kids, I probably need to end work at 4 pm at least 2x a week even if I use aftercare daily). However, what can he do?? It is not going to work for me to do everything. Unfortunately his job is such that he can often not come home until 7 pm and has a lot less flexibility than I do (it’s not big law but very similar). Have him do bedtime? Take over the weekends? I basically don’t want to feel overwhelmed or resentful bc of his tardiness but also do not want kid to be late. I would prefer to not have a nanny because I value kids spending time with parents to the extent possible. I make 80% of what he does and work 60-75% of the hours so I need this to be fair.
Anonymous
Based on this: you need a nanny. It will make your life so much easier, and your husband can spend time with his kid that is not oriented around getting somewhere and being late.
Anon
I honestly think you have a marriage issue if he’s not going to seek professional help for his executive functioning challenges. He needs to take this seriously.
Taking on some of what has been stressing you out is a good short term solution, but as you correctly point out, it’s not fair for you to have to do everything because he just can’t/doesn’t care enough to do them even reasonably well. That’s why I say it’s a marriage issue. It’s going to lead to a lot of resentment from you unless he gets serious about working on himself & can take back some of the parenting burden.
Fallen
He is happy to see an exec function coach I just have low hopes it will help. My issue is we typed up a schedule with lots of intervention points, he got up 20 minutes earlier than usual, etc but still was a close call. today he got side tracked bc kid was complaining his eye was itching and they had a 20 minute conversation about this. It truly seems to be something new every day. He feels truly bad and is trying but his best is just not good enough.
Anon
I do think the coach can help these issues if he’s willing to try!
The coach will be trained in ways to look at the problem and offer solutions that are very different from what a lay person might come up with. Also, sometimes it helps more to heard advice from a neutral third party instead of a spouse.
I have a friend whose husband was diagnosed with ADHD after they were married (they actually were on the brink of divorce when the issue was finally determined). He has gone on meds and is working with a coach, and their marriage and the division of labor has gotten a million times better over the 3 years since he started.
Anonymous
The fact that your default expection is that he will fail or somehow fall short is another sign that this is a marriage issue.
anonshmanon
I wouldn’t get hung up on it being a close call. A close call is not late. Mission accomplished. Even if every single day it’s a close call, that’s an improvement from your current situation. It doesn’t need to be perfection.
If you had to intervene to make it happen, that’s a different story.
Anon
+1, yeah I wasn’t clear how late he is currently, but even if he consistently improves from 15 minutes late to 2 minutes late that seems meaningful to me. At least in the short term.
Anon
That’s true. On time is on time. Best not to get hung up on “if I did it I’d be early.”
Anon
Maybe your plan failed because you are not an executive functioning coach! And you shouldn’t have to be. The man needs help from a pro.
Anon
Executive functioning challenges aside, it sounds like he just doesn’t really prioritize the family. The lack of willingness to do anything in the afternoons and evenings has nothing to do with potential ADHD.
Also if he’s made it this far in such an intense profession, I don’t really buy that the executive functioning challenges are handicapping him that much. I suspect it’s only an issue on things he doesn’t care about, i.e., his family. My husband is an absent-minded professor type (he’s not late, but has problems with a lot of other detail-oriented tasks) but he’s an actual professor. I don’t think he would have had a successful career in Big Law or the like despite being brilliant. Either this guy has been spectacularly lucky to not get fired for these problems, or he’s able to minimize the executive function problems when it really matters to him. I strongly suspect the latter, and if that’s the case I would be so hurt by the resulting implication, i.e., that the family isn’t important enough to him.
Anon
But part of the problem is that he IS spending with the family, to the detriment of timeliness!
Many workplaces are optimized to keep people productive; they essentially provide all the scaffolding that ADHD people need to function unmedicated.
Anonymous
Possible, though, with ADHD, and often comorbid depression, that he uses every bit of energy he has keeping it together at work, and there is nothing left for his family. It may not be a choice. It’s a little different situation, but that’s the case for me as an introvert. Work takes all of it out of me.
Fallen
He is willing to do whatever I ask, but to be fair I probably care about the kids more than he does. If it was up to him we would have a nanny.
He is willing to do a lot on when he is not at work. We are pretty equal on work split and he is very involved with late evening activities for my oldest, bedtime, taking kids places on the weekends – basically anytime he is not working he is watching the kids. So I can ask whatever I want if I do the mornings and he will do it. He is willing to keep pushing in the morning I am just pessimistic the lateness will not change despite his best efforts.
Anonymous
Refusing to use childcare you have access to and can easily afford doesn’t mean you care more about your kids than him
Anon
Yeah that was kind of an obnoxious thing of OP to say. Lots of kids (most?) have paid childcare and still thrive.
Anon
I also think that children benefit from a lot of time spend with people who aren’t spending time with them mainly because they’re being paid to do so. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be helpful to have a nanny (and if you don’t know a lot of people who grew up with nannies, those can be positive relationships and happy memories; nannies can also feel the same way). I think you are being kind of rigid about this and wonder why.
Fallen
We used a nanny when the kids were younger and I am not opposed to it! My thing is that I have lots of flexibility so why not use it to have parents spend time with them; even if it means that I have to be up late working? I would have no problem using a nanny if I had a strict 9-6 job like my husband and couldn’t wrap up work at 3 and then finish after bedtime. But
Anon
I think you answered your question right here, the solution is help and you’re the hold up. It’s actually not a husband issue. Hire the help you need, that is how we make it work. As a lawyer/partner I’d be livid if my spouse wasn’t willing to do this very basic thing. Also, quality over quantity matters more with your time spent with the kids. Some things are tasks, some things are bonding.
anon
Umm.. get lost? I love my children deeply. I care about my children…. DEEPLY. I would lay down my life for them. I want to give them absolutely everything. And I have a nanny. Like, what even kind of response is this?
Anon
Whole lotta people here defensive about their nannies, but I understand your feelings OP. Even though it wouldn’t be a financial strain, I wouldn’t want to have to get a nanny because my husband wasn’t willing to pull his parenting weight. (You can feel like something is not the right choice for your family without thinking it’s objectively terrible and judging others who choose to do it! “Good for you, not for me.”) But that’s a large part of why I didn’t marry a guy with a Big Job. I think you have conflicting priorities and this is best worked out in counseling.
Anon
You set yourself up to be a martyr by refusing to use a nanny. Your choice to sabotage your marriage, and the kids are collateral damage.
Anon
So when does he (and you) have time to pursue hobbies? Exercise? Go on dates or out with friends? Just be alone to rest and reflect? And for you, sleep? All of those things are important to maintain and it really sounds like both of you are either working or watching the kids all time time! And if he does have ADHD (like me) exercise is super important to executive functioning. Just because you have flexibility in your job to split shift your work and childcare doesn’t mean that doing so is optimal for anyone.
Anonymous
He doesn’t love his kids less because he would hire a nanny. He actually has the right idea.
You are setting everyone up for failure and playing the victim who gets stuck doing everything.
The man works 60 hours a week and on top of that has this laundry list of things to do. Being chronically late is also a sign of sleep deprivation.
Maybe you need to step back and look at the bigger picture.
Senior Attorney
Also think about what message you are giving your kids when Mom does all the less-fun stuff with them (drop off, pickup) and Dad prioritizes work and fun stuff with the kids. I think it would be better to have a nanny for some of it so you and Dad can model a more egalitarian parenting style.
Anon
The man works 60 hours a week!!!! That’s more than I could do and be on top of all the other tasks as well.
Anon
Couples counseling. This would be a big problem for me too, but there isn’t an easy answer.
Anonymous
Can he talk to a doctor about medication?
And divide the home chores. If you’re playing taxi because of flex schedule, then he should be able to pick up the slack elsewhere with things less sensitive to the time of day, like laundry or wiping down the floors or grocery shopping or whatnot. Make a list of everything that needs to be done (including playing taxi) and break it down by day and time estimate, so you’re getting a fairer system broken down by time allotment and so he can see what is truly needed for a more equitable lift.
Anon
And also, don’t micromanage! It’s okay if the clothes are folded differently than you would, as long as they’re folded, etc.
Anon
I didn’t get any sense from the post yesterday that she was micromanaging him. Saying “I want my child to arrive at school on time” is not the same as “you didn’t fold the laundry the right way.”
Anon
Oh, I agree in the abstract. But some of the things she’s saying indicate that she has a very high need for control. I recognize this because I’m the same way. She can certainly disregard if she doesn’t do it!
Anon
6:46 absolutely. This whole “it was a failure because he was barely on time” thing. That’s perfectionism rearing its ugly head. And this whole “I love my children more than you do” thing – wow!
Anon
Come on… OP never said (or implied) “I love my children more than you.” That’s really unfair.
No one has said anything bad about people who have nannies. OP has simply said it’s not what she wants for her family right now and she’s allowed to have her feelings. In this case, they happen to conflict with her husband’s feelings, which is a marital issue. But it’s not a criticism of you or anyone else with a nanny. Just like some people choose to be SAHMs, it doesn’t mean they’re sitting in judgment of women who work and use daycare or nannies. (I’m a working mom fwiw.)
Anonymous
Wait a second. She totally did say. She thinks she cares more than her husband because he is willing to get a nanny and she isn’t (anymore?)
Anonymous
I am chronically late myself… getting out the door with kiddo in the mornings is not my forte, but here’s what i do: i have 4 alarms to wake me up (one with light, one with bird chirping sounds, one with rock music, and one with a loud annoying “seriously get out of bed now” sound). then i have another alarm that goes off a minute or two before it’s really ideal for us to get out of the house. i have to change the sounds every so often or i will stop paying attention to them. but then the school has a pretty loose arrival time, not completely strict like my other child’s school.
honestly i’m sure he knows this is a huge problem, particularly with the anecdote about missing out on his dream job because he was 30 minutes late to the interview.
on your end, i would change any clocks in the house to be 3-5 minutes later than it is. nanny would be a good idea if you can swing it, though.
Anonymous
You can’t have all the things. You need childcare in the afternoons while you work.
Anon
Or one of them needs to cut hours. I can’t believe the women here saying he’s not pulling his weight when he works 60 hours a week.
Anonymous
I am also troubled by the number of commenters who are so down on this husband. It sounds like he does a lot for the family and has challenges in this one particular area. Okay – so work around that problem area. My husband has ADHD and sure it complicates how and whether things get done around the house, but the lack of compassion for the husband here is pretty sad to hear, especially when he’s open to working on this. I all-but guarantee that the commenters here who are so down on the husband clearly don’t have ADHD themselves or a spouse or child with ADHD.
anon a mouse
One other option would be to hire a sitter (less time and money than a nanny) to come for 60-90 minutes in the morning and help get the kid out the door. A friend does this because her commute means she needs to leave before school starts 3x a week and it’s made a world of difference.
Also? This internet stranger gives you permission to drop the ball. I too have a husband who is blind to time and to minor administrative tasks. Unless it will significantly impact us, I let him deal with the consequences. (Recent example: he forgot to get his car inspected so he got a ticket, and now it is an Urgent Thing for him to deal with, but not really my problem.)
Your kid is late a few times (or chronically)? Minor consequences, and maybe your kid will help implore dad to be on time. I know you don’t want your kid to be late, but you either have to be willing to solve the problem without your husband, or let the problem impact him more directly. Right now he has no extra incentive to change his behavior (you asking him should be enough, obvs, but it’s not.)
anon
I asked the same question re: consequences yesterday. This guy has been late to meetings and flights. But apparently that hadn’t resulted in any consequences big enough to make him change his ways. He basically doesn’t have any incentive to do things differently and so likely won’t.
Jamicia Davidson
IDK, but when it comes to behavioral/mental health issues, I look at the distinction between “makes choices that harm only others” and “makes choices that harm self,” self-sabotage notwithstanding. A “crazy” person who only bullies people weaker than them still has some self-control, but someone who antagonizes a bouncer or police officer is more likely to be unhinged. Similarly, an adult who misses out on their dream job interview, meetings, and flights appears to have a serious problem and needs help. If there are concerns about Adderall shortages, supplements such as lion’s mane mushroom can help.
Nesprin
So ADHD treatment can help if he’s willing to do the work. This would look like coaching to figure out a scaffold that works (i.e. like 4 alarm clocks to wake up in time and 8 phone reminders for each step “get kids up”, “get food into kid”, get kid into clothes” “get backpacks and go to car now”), and medication to keep him more on track.
The working to 7pm thing may also be an ADHD thing- ADHD tends to be associated with a later chronotype and being most effective later in the day
This might be a job for the fair play deck- if you’re going to take over timeliness in getting kids to school, what is he going to take off your plate? Is he now responsible for weekend sports? Is all grocery shopping now on him? What else can he cover if the morning routine is out?
nuqotw
You said in yesterday’s post that you have the money to help you solve the lateness problem. That problem is small in the scheme of things, so solve that at least problem with money in at least the short run: hire someone do enough stuff (mornings, afternoons, whatever) to get your whole family some room to breathe. Spouse’s executive function, overall scheduling, division of labor, etc. are harder and it sounds like you need some space to figure out what will work for you/your marriage/your family.
Anon
+!. I did the morning sitter/helper for a few years and it was marvelous
The No Club
I would dispute your premise that “I need this to be fair” = “I need him to primarily handle childcare at some times”. Fair can look like each spouse contributing in accordance with their ability, which can include outside limitations like work schedule or personal limitations like your husband has with his executive functioning. Sure, have him take over bedtime. Or plan a weekend activity for yourself where you leave him with the kids. But I think women create a lot of misery for themselves striving for fair-for-the-sake-of-fair. Find an arrangement that you’re satisfied with, which may be one where you do the majority of childcare. Who cares, if it works for you?