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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I’m a sucker for a top with a touch of drama. The combination of the bow and the slightly puffed sleeves on this blouse give it a little flair without going too far. The plaid print has touches of gray, blue, and orange, so I would wear it tucked into a navy pencil skirt or a pair of slim navy pants.
The blouse is $350 and available in sizes 0–14. Etched Plaid Silk Blend Blouse
Some more affordable options are this pretty top (by Tailored by Rebecca Taylor, like the pictured one) that is on sale for $147.49, and this striped blouse by Ted Baker for $209. For plus sizes, this top at Eloquii is $79.95 and is available in a few patterns.
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Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
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Anonymous
For those of you who made partner or plan to, did/do you have any idea what you would make the first couple years? If yes, how close was the estimate to the actual number?
I’m slated to make partner next year and I’m a little concerned about both what to expect and how to prepare this year.
Anonymous
Are you K-1 or W-2? That will make a big difference — with W-2, it’s OK but you may have to start paying for some of your benefits. If K-1, the paying-for-benefits and withholding often mess up people, particularly if your comp is back-end-loaded (ours is) and if they don’t give you an extra draw for taxes in early January.
I’d talk to first year partners at your firm or the partner you work for the most. It is so different across firms.
Anonymous
+1, i just made partner as on Jan 1 (yay) but i am still a w-2 person. It has been easy so far (paywise at least!).
Anon
Congrats!
Anonymous this time!
Yes, because my firm is lockstep / PPP is well-known and the spread is also generally known. We had a lot of on-boarding so that we knew to set aside enough money for taxes as a K-2. (I also made partner January 1).
hi hi hi
I made partner last year. We are K-1’ed so this was my first year paying the estimates each quarter (plus some W-2 income for my bonus from prior year performance, etc). One of the first things I did was hire an accountant to help me going forward. Even though I knew I would overpay since our distributions are heavy in the end of the year, I annualized based on the safe harbor. Perhaps after a few years I will be more comfortable paying the estimates based on actual earnings, but I do not feel comfortable doing that now.
In terms of guessing what my distributions / taxable income will look like, the tax team at my firm prepares projections for each partner that are pretty useful (and they pass those on to our accountants). I actually felt completely out of the loop when I would talk comp with my other first year partners early on. I felt completely behind since they seemed well versed.
Ellen
My salary tripeled in the first year I became an equity partner; tho I do have personal liability in case the partnership fails or is sued and looses. All in all, I have more complex issues in my taxes, but it allows me to plan for retirement at an earlier age then I would if I were still serving subpeenies, or an associate at some schleppy firm, like some of my freinds are. Dad says it is better to have it ($), but not need it, then to need it ($) and not have it.
Anon
Does anyone have satin or silk pillowcases that have held up well to machine washing?
Product reviews mostly discuss first impressions, rather than discussing longevity. While I’m interested in the benefits for dry skin and dry hair, I’m just not going to put in the effort to handwash stuff.
Go for it
I have navy silk from amazon that I wash & dry regularly. They are 4 years old. They faded a bit, which is fine by me. I’ve experienced far less hair breakage since using them.
anon
I have a pair of silk pillow cases from the Ethical Silk Company and find that they are wearing beautifully. I have had them for 3 years now at least. I machine wash cold and hang dry.
I looked at much cheaper silk pillowcases on amaz*n and ultimately decided to go with a product that was higher quality and was designed to last a long time.
Anon
I’ve never had an any name brand satin pillow case fall apart. I’ve bought them from Amazon and Target and still holding up many years later. Satin doesn’t require as much care as silk.
editor
I got a moderately priced (maybe $60-ish?) case from Soft Surroundings, which I had monogrammed as I thought I’d have it forever. Imagine my surprise when it was one of my flimsiest purchases ever. I didn’t mistreat it in the wash, either.
Anon
I have one of the Slip brand ones and I think it has been helpful for my face and hair. I do hand wash though. I use a product called Soak and you don’t need to rinse after “soaking”. I hang it to dry and it’s ready to go in a couple of hours.
Anon
I live in Manhattan and am thinking about getting a reusable mask (not necessarily the n95 kind) to take the subways, just as prevention against flu generally. But nobody is wearing them, and being Asian, I’m worried that wearing none will somehow make me out to be a potential coronavirus carrier even though I have not been to China recently. Also, any recommendation for cute reusable masks?
Anon
Quick correction – I meant to write “wearing one” not “wearing none”
Anonymous
This post seems like unnecessary pot-stirring to me. But on the chance it’s real, yes, people will very likely think of the virus when they see you, not that you are protecting against flu. You can’t wear a mask or not based on whether others will understand what you’re doing; that way lies madness.
“Cute mask”??? You can find many, many masks online. Choose whatever version you think is “cute.” Personally, I’d focus on one that let me breathe rather than attempting to look “cute” in it.
Anon
Don’t do this. You’ll look like a diseased loon. There’s just no need.
Anon
I would worry about harassment. An employee of my MIL’s was physically attacked at broad daylight in Manhattan for wearing a mask and/or being Asian. Sadly I think the risk of getting attacked or at least verbally abused outweighs any benefit from a mask, especially if you don’t even use the right kind of mask.
Anon
Surgical masks are ineffective against the flu or coronavirus.
anon
This. They only prevent the spread of your own germs, which is an amiable thing to do, but don’t fool yourself that it will protect you.
cbackson
I spent a lot of time in Hong Kong last year and I was struck by how normal wearing masks was there, while here in the US it does generally convey that you’re sick yourself (or immunocompromised). FWIW, my OB told me (as others have noted above) that the masks that are generally available here don’t really provide effective protection from flu or coronavirus, although they can help prevent you from spreading it if you’re infected yourself. Honestly, I’m just focusing on really effective handwashing and not touching my face when I’ve been in a public space.
Anon
Masks help you to not touch your face. :)
BabyAssociate
Unless you’re wearing a properly fitted N95 mask, the masks really don’t do much of anything. I’d skip it.
Anonymous
N95 masks are rated for particulates, not viruses.
Anon
This is dumb and unnecessary.
Anon
You’ll do better avoiding sick people and hand washing. My boss came to work sick for no good reason (she has ample sick time and our job is conducive to working from home) so I emailed her all day instead of dropping by to discuss our projects. I specifically said “since you’re sick, I’ll put this in an email…”. She probably didn’t love it but I hope my point got across. I’m immunocompromised, I have way less sick time than she does, and I am not here for that sh*t.
Anon
My boss keeps trying to get me to wear one on my next flight since I get sick easily. He just returned on a flight and wore one. I can’t get him to see that it is pointless. Unless you are flying Southwest and want an empty seat next to you. What I would really like is a big sign that says “I’m coughing due to asthma, not illness” so I can stop getting dirty looks every time I cough.
Anon
I mean this isn’t a bad idea for you. I’ve gotten sick on every flight I’ve taken over the past year (also asthma + steroidal medication) and very much plan on wearing a mask. I don’t care how much anyone stares at me – though I’ll just put it on right before entering the plane and after I wash my hands after boarding.
The laws of the universe mean that if you are immunocompromised you’ll be sat next to a sick person on a plane.
anon
haha, I want an “I’m coughing due to asthma, not illness” sign too! (If I am coughing on a plane, I tell the people next to me “sorry for the cough– I’m not sick, I just have asthma; I promise you can’t catch this” so they won’t worry, even though I am otherwise not an airplane chit-chatter.)
Telco Lady JD
Fellow asthmatic kid in need of a sign….
Anon
I need that sign too but mine would be allergies
Anonymous
I live in NYC and see people who appear to be Asian wearing masks from time to time, even before the corona virus scare started. I try to chalk it up to cultural differences but it seems silly to me. How long have you lived in Manhattan? Have you been sick constantly? If not, your immune system and current protocols are probably up to the germ challenge without a mask.
Anon
Thanks all. After posting this question, I did a quick Google search and found a video of an Asian woman wearing a yellow face mask getting assaulted at a Chinatown subway station earlier this month (it’s also on CNN, NY Post, etc), so I have decided not to wear a mask.
To the poster who thought this was unnecessary pot stirring, I truly was not trying to stir up any “pot.” This is just something that occurred to me since I do not fall into the default race groups, but wasn’t sure if I was overthinking it.
Shay
Also it is really tough to find masks now. They are out of stock in my city at all drugstores. Not sure about hardware stores as I decided to stop looking when I realized that masks were probably not going to help me, as a relatively healthy 30-something, but were vitally needed by hospitals and people who are immuno-compromised or actually sick. A long way of saying that I think you’re making the right choice, particularly because people are already (unfortunately) unfairly targeting Asians as if we don’t have hundreds of infected Europeans now.
Anon
Fwiw, I’m immunosuppressed due to pregnancy and my doc told me to wear a mask and gloves when I fly, as it’s the height of flu season. As others have mentioned, the mask doesn’t provide a lot of protection, but what it does do is prevent you from touching your face, and – at least in this country – sends a visual note to people that you’re either sick or vulnerable to getting sick (I’m the latter) so they give you some social distancing, which helps prevent the spread of germs.
I will say that wearing gloves helps me to remember not to touch my face to the point where the mask isn’t necessary, so if you’re going to spring for anything, I’d spring for a box of gloves to wear on my public transportation (throw out after every use).
Anonymous
Does pregnancy automatically make you immunocompromised? I just thought to take normal precautions.
anon
Yes.
Anon
Yes. Pregnancy weakens your immune system so it doesn’t attack the baby.
Anon
That’s kind of an urban legend. Pregnancy changes your immune system, and can make you more susceptible to certain diseases, but it’s complicated and definitely not as simple as “your immune system is suppressed so as not to attack the baby.” This article has more info: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3025805/
Personally I would have described myself as “immunocompromised” while pregnant because to me that indicates a much more serious level of immune system suppression, like a chemo patient who has no white blood cells and can die of a common cold.
Anon
*I would never have described myself as immunocompromised while pregnant, I mean.
Anon
I was just talking to a friend about how wearing disposable gloves may be more effective than mask wearing.
Anonymous
Quick thing, because I just watched Doctor Mike’s latest update on the virus, there’s a shortage of masks out there right now, and medical professionals need these masks to do their jobs safely, so please don’t buy them for yourselves for everyday protection. Unless you’re in an area dealing with an outbreak, you don’t need that level of protection.
Anonymous
Those reusable “cute” masks are a scam and do nothing.
If you get sick, please do wear a mask – the flat kind that you can get at drugstores is good. This is to contain YOUR germs by avoiding your breathing or inadvertently coughing them on other people.
Anonymous
I really like the new Rebecca Taylor workwear line. I bought a tweed suit and a couple of silk shells. It is comparable in quality to Elie Tahari and other bridge brands. It goes up to 14, and I found it TTS. Her site has a Sale section.
NYC Girl
+1 agree and have bought several pieces
Anon
If I am going for an orthodontic consult (just to see what my options are) now when I don’t have dental insurance, could I be caught up in some sort of pre-existing condition problem when I do eventually get braces? I’ve had braces before, but my retainer no longer fits and I want to ask about what I can do.
Anonymous
Braces aren’t going to be covered snyway
Housecounsel
My BCBS covered $1000 for one daughter, and Cigna covered $2000 for another. Are you sure your health insurance doesn’t cover orthodontics?
Anonymous
Our dental insurance only covers orthodontic care for kids, not adults. OP needs to check what her policy includes.
Anonymous
It’s usually limited to one braces per life. As an adult who had braces already she won’t be covered.
anon
For children, insurance generally will cover it. I’ve never seen it covered for adults.
Telco Lady JD
My parents’ plan covered braces for me at 20 – so technically an adult, but while i was still on their plan. (This was admittedly 15 or so years ago.) It’s worth digging into specifics.
Anon
consider getting more than one consult. i first went to one orthodontist who tried to sell my on invasalign and then a second one who said i could get away with a retainer. they were even able to adjust the bottom retainer that i had already, so it was only $250 for a new top retainer
CostAccountant
I recently had braces for the second time (first time as a teen) and my insurance covered $1000.
Anon
I’ve done some digging in response to the responses, and it seems some insurances actually are covering this. I am job searching now and want to see what work I would need done as part of how I consider what job I should take (I may need some work on gums, the teeth themselves, the jaws…idk). But if I get the consult now with no insurance and my new insurance will cover ortho or some, will I run into a problem with the pre-existing thing? I know this is convoluted…I’ve got a lot on my mind.
Anon
A consult that isn’t covered by insurance (and not submitted for out-of-network reimbursement) won’t be on their radar at all, as if it never happened.
Working out in leggings -- sweat problems
I used to work out in shorts or tennis skirts with built-in-shorts. I decided to try leggings. I am finding this nowhere in product reviews, but is it possible that for some of us, it gives people the adult equivalent of diaper rash? It seems that I just can’t shower off and change quickly enough. I am thinking of just using them for things like lifting / pilates class where I don’t get awfully sweaty and then definitely not wearing them for anything on a bike or where I sweat a lot. Going for walks outside when it warms up might work but definitely not running.
In case it matters: live in very damp/humid upper SEUS and am an inside exerciser in the winter due to cold/rain/darkness. And now Amazon is confused as to why I am buying certain baby products. :(
Anonymous
Have you tried going commando under your leggings? That can reduce the chafe. There are also wicking, atheletic options of underwear that might help.
Anonymous
I don’t have chafe issues with leggings, but I feel like even if they are wicking, the dampness just get trapped, esp. if you are indoors in a hot environment where everyone else is sweating. The might be wicking properly in an arid climate or if you are outside. I’m not sure if wicking UW helps any in that context, but I have used it to add in a panty liner to help. Not ideal, but rashes from wet/heat/whatever that isn’t chafing are not what I like to get.
pugsnbourbon
+1 to going commando.
Are you wearing leggings that are mostly cotton? Cotton stays wet longer than wicking synthetics.
Ribena
+1 to athletic underwear. For anything under a 90 minute run I find M&S’s modal-rich Flexifit to work and then I have some specialist running underwear from Decathlon for longer runs. And yes, wicking fabric not cotton for leggings.
Rookie
It really depends on the material of the leggings – I’d go for some kind of breathable material, maybe natural fibers, or with partially open sides so your skin can ‘breathe’, etc. Not the cheap synthetic ones that stick to your leg.
Anon
Ew no, cotton (I assume that’s what you mean by natural fibers) leggings would just get wet and stay wet and keep that moisture right next to your body.
Anon
I assume Rookie means performance wool, like what you would find at an outdoor sports store.
anne-on
What kind of leggings? If you’re wearing plain cotton leggings, than yes, I can see that being an issue. I’d switch to athletic wicking leggings and wicking underwear as well. I will totally wear old navy tops but I really do find that athleta/lulu bottoms are just SO much better at wicking/staying up/not bagging out for my HIT work out classes.
Anon
Why not just go back to shorts? I can’t imagine wanting to wear clammy leggings in a place that’s so hot and humid.
Anon
Yeah, doesn’t sound like OP has a real need for leggings. Just go back.
Anonymous
When do you need leggings?
In the winter if I leave from home, I have to go outside and prefer to wear leggings to/fro because they are warmer. And there is less skin showing, so if I’m doing leg machines, less of me is touching the machine’s surface and I feel more covered vs loose shorts that flip up if I am on things like a leg press or doing some other moves with my legs up. Bike shorts to me aren’t good — not enough coverage, so I go with leggings. Not sure if I need to or not. Would never wear in the summer though.
Anonymous
I’d recommend a pair of lululemon luxtreme leggings (I like the train times ones, but the fabric is what’s key, it’s super breathable) and Anti Monkey Butt powder (and commando if you’re not doing this already). This combo got me through workouts in non-climate controlled CrossFit gyms in mucky DC summers.
MagicUnicorn
In addition to what others have already suggested about fiber content, are you washing your leggings between each use or are you trying to wear them multiple times before laundering them? Even if I don’t sweat during a workout, I can’t re-wear workout clothes or my skin gets angry.
Kim
Has anyone done the Portuguese Golden Visa either through investment in a fund or real estate? We are thinking of doing it but have some questions and I am wondering if any of you ladies might be willing to chat at a burner email? (mine is kimnameremoval@yahoo.com).
Thanks in advance!
Anonymous
Sounds like a scam
Anon
Well, we have the exact same thing here with EB-5 visas.
Anonymous
Oh sorry I mean this post seems like a scam, not the actual visa!
Cb
My parents are moving to Portugal on a retiree visa and they’ve found the Americans in Portugal Facebook forums really helpful.
Anon
No direct experience but I think there were some posts on this on subreddits for FIRE (financial independence, early retirement)
Kim
Not a troll post – thank you for the help. I’ll check out Facebook and see if I can find some reddit threads.
Anon
I just inherited some amazing 100% wool Fair Isle and fisherman’s sweaters, but some of them are too itchy to wear with a short-sleeve T-shirt. I don’t own any long-sleeve shirts and am looking for some that are very low-profile and stretchy so they’ll be comfortable and not bulky under the sweaters. I also prefer v-neck or scoopneck, not crew. Any ideas? Is Uniqlo the place to go here?
anon
I have silk undershirts with scoopnecks for under sweaters from LL Bean. Might be similar to what you’re looking for.
Anon
Those sound perfect – thanks!!
Ribena
Uniqlo and also Bowden can be excellent for this – and, honestly, H&M, especially if you have a long torso (the LOGG brand specifically)
Ribena
Boden, not Bowden. Autocorrect…
Vicky Austin
I was also going to say H&M – their basic tees were a staple of mine during college.
Vicky Austin
Ordinarily I’d say Uniqlo for sure, but I just checked and all their longsleeve options say “crewneck” right now.
Housecounsel
I also wear silk long-sleeved tees, sold as long underwear.
Anon
Uniqlo has longish sleeve ones that are U-neck shaped (as opposed to crewneck) and I wear them with shirts and cowlneck sweaters all the time. Might be an option for you!
Cd
I’d try landsend – they have great scoop neck and v neck longsleeve options. They wash and wear well. Sounds like some beautiful sweaters! Hard to find nowadays.
Alanna of Trebond
Marine Layer!
CostAccountant
Highly recommend Lands End Lightweight Fitted Long Sleeve Scoop Neck T-Shirt
Anonymous
LL Bean makes some great silk undershirts for this purpose.
Anon
I got some long underwear shirts at Costco that I use for this exact purpose.
confused
I’m trying to figure what to do about my job situation for the next 3 years and would appreciate some input. I’m a 4th year medical student and making my rank list for the match – naturally it’s due tomorrow. I am in a serious relationship – have talked about getting engaged in the near future etc – and am trying to couples match. I am a stronger applicant – not by a lot – but apparently by enough.
I’m trying to figure out if I want to rank my dream program (top 4-5 in the country, ideal location) and live apart for 3 years or if I will be ok ranking my next choices (top 20 programs – still excellent training, non-ideal locations) and living together. For the my top choice, we have one combo that’s a ~2hr drive apart. All other combinations require flying.
Every time I go to make the list I just start to cry (I realize this is slightly melodramatic…it’s been a long year). I worked so incredibly hard up to this point and I feel like I’m failing myself to give up a spot at “top choice”. On the other hand, the idea of trying to do residency mostly alone sounds horrible as well. Any thoughts are appreciated.
Anon
If there is little discernible difference in programs as far as long term prospects, rank for the greatest chance of living together. Having a supportive partner may make more of a difference in your career than program 4 versus 6 – especially if you have a less niche specialty. Let’s be honest, an internal medicine, ob-gyn, or family practice future isn’t going to require the number one program in the country to be successful as they are common practices.
IME, if you are a busy working professional, that two hour drive might as well be a flight so I wouldn’t let that drive versus flight determine anything.
The original Scarlett
+1 – personally, I really underestimated how helpful a supportive partner can be career-wise. For a nearly the same outcome, if you have found your person, I’d pick the program that allows you to be in the same place
Anon
As a counterpoint to this, my husband and I were long distance for several years while I was in Big Law and it was absolutely fantastic for my career. I could work 90 hours/week without feeling any guilt (he had a similarly Big Job so I knew he wasn’t moping around by the phone waiting for me to call). I don’t think I would have wanted to put in those kinds of hours if I’d had a partner waiting for me at home. From what I understand, residency is equally if not more intense than Big Law, so I actually think it might really benefit your career to be living apart during those years. A long distance partner can still provide emotional and financial support just like an in-person partner can.
anon
I think this is a personality question and you need to know yours. For me, a long-distance partner can never provide emotional support in the same way a local partner can. For some people, obviously they can but it wouldn’t be enough for me at all.
Anon
Some people need physical proximity to their partners to make it work. Long distance isn’t for everyone and can tear otherwise healthy relationships apart.
Anonymous
The only top choice that is relevant is the one that is best for you. For me, I’d want a program that is going to give me a good quality education, near my family, with my partner.
Anonymous
This is a conversation you need to have with your partner. If your relationship is serious enough to impact your respective rankings, then you should be discussing rankings with him and he should be discussing with you. If those discussions aren’t happening, and if he is not adjusting his rankings to improve the chance of you being together, why are you considering adjusting your rankings?
I would be reluctant to make any career limiting decisions without an engagement and wedding date, but that’s just me. YMMV of course.
Anon
Agree with all of this.
I didn’t move (long distance relationship) until I had a ring, a job, and a wedding date.
Senior Attorney
Yup. And if you want there to be a wedding date, by all means you have the power to initiate that conversation!
Anon
Go for the top program, 100%. You want to and you will regret it if you don’t.
Anon
That is definitely the vibe I’m getting from OP’s post.
Anon
“Not wanting to do residency alone” is a terrible reason to give up your top choice.
anon
I dont think it’s crazy to want your loving and supportive partner to come home to when going through residency. If this were a casual relationship, then I think this criticism might be warranted. Personally, my now husband then boyfriend was the savior of my sanity through law school and the bar exam. Being away from him for any more than my 1L would have been soul crushing.
Never too many shoes...
But if he is also a resident, the likelihood that she will actually be coming home to him is pretty much nil.
Ellen
There are obvious ways for her to ensure that even if he is a Resident, that he comes home regularly and stays home. The key is to make it so that he really has something to look forward to when he gets home– and we all know what we, as women, can do to make our man anxius to come home (and stay home). Im sure you know what I am talking about, but if not, just think. Dad keeps telling me this is why I am not married yet.
Anon
But she doesn’t really mention the “loving and supportive partner” . . . Just that she doesn’t want to be alone.
Anon
I’m the Anon at 10:41 am, and Never too many shoes and the Anon immediately above explained my thinking. (Thank you both.)
Anonymous
do what is good for you. Not a doctor, but I feel like you cannot count on anyone and should not give up your dream program. you never know what will happen and if you cry every time you think about giving it up, that seems like a sign. it’s my understanding that residency kind of sucks anyway…
Anon
Medical sibling/spouse, but not a doctor myself. DH and I did 3 years long distance in med school while i was working a demanding corproate job, so I get the struggles. Is the dream location near another support network (i.e. family/friends)? In that case, you won’t be doing residency “alone” and honestly, you’ll make residency friends too – my brother’s seem like they’ll be lifelong. Long distance, alone, won’t kill your relationship, but it does require a different kind of commitment.
On the other hand, what are your future career prospects like in your other top picks? Like, I know a lot of people match into competitive fellowships and all that from strong programs in less desirable cities. So you can consider overall quality of life (DH ended up ranking a lower-ranked but still good program number 1 over two higher ranked ones because he knew his training and career options would be good and he felt like he would be happier in the lower-ranked program in terms of collegiality).
Anon
I would go for the top program. It really sounds to me like you want to. My now-husband and I were (cross-country) long distance for 1 year while dating and then 2 years while married. It wasn’t ideal, but we both felt it was worth it so we could get to the points we both wanted to get to in our respective careers, and it made our relationship much stronger. It sounds like some long distance may be inevitable given the nature of your jobs, and I assume going to a top program for residency will give you more options down the road? So it might actually be better to do the long distance now and get it over with before kids are in the picture.
Anonymous
I think if you are doing anything career-limiting for someone you are considering marrying, he needs to be a part of the convo. It may freak out both of you, but it is a convo you need to have and have together. Would you get married now? Would you propose now? If he wouldn’t, but wants residency to figure it out, I think he is just a BF and you should take care of yourself. If you wouldn’t, you should take care of yourself. If you both would get married tomorrow, I think you both need to know that and decide as a couple. But you deciding is a vacuum is not doing the right thing by you and putting a high burden on the relationship to work out (that maybe it deserves but maybe not and how will you know?). Sometimes I wish we were psychic.
anon
I think this is excellent advice.
Anonymous
big YES to this. Is BF willing to adjust down his target schools? Is there something that is a “second tier” target for him closer to one of your top choices? Are you guys actively talking about live/future together beyond residency?
I honestly and truly thought I would marry my college sweetheart. I chose my post-grad job based on this- he’d gotten into grad school so I got a job in Boston to be near him. We broke up the September after we graduated (mutual split) and I immediately started figuring out how to get back to my “home” side of the country, which is where my family and many friends went after college. One year later I was back on the west coast.
Senior Attorney
This this this this so much this.
anon
I’m married to a doc. We were long distance (2 hours) for a few years at the end of his med school and first year of residency. He twice (residency + fellowship) ranked a 10-20 program higher than his real top choice (top 5) for my career. All that to say that you’re not alone and a lot of other couples have had to make super hard choices around this and it’s the worst.
Here’s the types of things I would consider:
– How long are your residencies? If one of you is IM / peds with no plans for a fellowship, I’d prob be more willing to do distance than for a surgical track + extra training plan
– Do you want to do fellowship? Beyond that do you want to be in academic medicine? Realistically, prestige compounds – you will be better positioned for these in the future the more elite program you choose now (not to say the door is closed, just that it’s harder to get back on the most elite track once you’ve left it).
– For the 2 hour apart location is there non-driving transportation? A bus / train makes it much likelier that you’ll do the travel when you’re sleep deprived.
– Similarly for the flying distances how close are the two programs to their respective airports? Is either of the two locations in a climate that is likely to have a lot of snow delays / cancellations in the winter?
– Which program has more women in it? This exposes members of the program to more dual career couples, which in turn makes it easier to be a member of a dual career couple while in the residency program (particularly in the form of understanding + support from the attendings who have been there)
– Are your couples match options actually putting you in the same city or would it be like a GW / Johns Hopkins or MGH / UMass situation where by being “together” you both have a miserable commute?
This might not be popular to say, but I guess I’d also think really hard about what you want your future to look like. If in the long term you think you’d be more excited about being part time and having a family, that might cause me to prioritize things differently in the near term than if I want to invent a new technique for some complication of a crazy disease. It’s definitely not easy. Let me know if there’s any other thoughts or perspective I can share from our experience.
Match survivor, 8 years later...
What extra educational opportunities does your dream program provide and how do these compare to the other choices? Do people that complete that dream program have more career opportunities/higher salaries or go on to more prestigious fellowships? I often feel like for many physicians, training programs do not matter unless someone wants to stay in the research/academic world and being at a specific well-known program opens those doors for them. We cannot answer for you if ideal location>being near your SO, but I know for me, coming home to my SO everyday and having that emotional support throughout my training beat out any “ideal” cities. And while I chose not to attend a “top program” I do feel like I received wonderful training at my “good enough” program, and since I stayed in the same city after my training, the connections through the program helped me land my wonderful job.
Anon
this is so tough. what specialty are you in? what is your long term goal and where do you want to live geographically?
do you want to work in academic medicine or for a practice? do you think you will also do a fellowship? all of these things should factor into your decision as they make the rank of the program more/less important depending on your career goal.
i have sooo many friends who’ve been through this with med school, residency, fellowship, etc. one couple i know was long distance for med school, together for intern year (got married then) and then apart for residency for 3 years, but a train/car ride away. No solution for you, but sending hugs your way. I gave up a lot career wise to be in the same city as my husband when we first got married and i do have some regrets now, though admittedly at the time i made the decision i think it was the best decision at that time and not sure exactly what i would have done differently. the decision to give anything up at all was totally on me. he was willing to entertain the idea of long distance, but i just wasn’t (and there were some limiting factors outside of our control with grad schools, etc.)
Anonymous
I chose a lower-ranked grad program because I was married, it was the only program within commuting distance, and It was cheap. More than a decade after graduating, I still deeply regret the way that decision has limited my career options. I should have either gone long-distance or asked my husband to move for the better program.
Anon
And I did the same but am happy every day with my decision. I have no desire to work in Big Law and I’m really happy with the small law job my local law school afforded me. I’m also thrilled to have paid off my loans which would have taken many more years at the top schools.
Never too many shoes...
Friend, choose yourself at this point. You have worked so hard and you owe it to yourself to take this last step.
If you are both going to be residents, you are likely barely going to see him anyway. You can be free to work your hardest without constraint and so can he…which gives you both your best chance to be excellent and then you can move forward together afterwards.
Anony
Doctor here.
What residency? Will you do a fellowship, as most people stay in the same place for fellowship? And are you heading towards academic medicine?
And most importantly… are you getting married to this guy?
If you are not clearly planning to get married (and you will know this in your gut…), OR you are planning to go down the very competitive academic medicine pathway, then you choose the best program you can and want.
If you really are planning to get married (which honestly…. I feel you should be engaged already before you couples match… but hey, that’s me…..), then I would absolutely compromise and choose a top 20 program in his range of possibilities.
If you live apart, and he will be a resident, you will rarely see him and it will likely lead to the end of your relationship. Two distant residents just don’t last, in my friends circle. The work is too brutal.
Not wanting to do residency alone is understandable, but that is NOT a reason to give up your first choice. You did not say that you do not want to do residency separated from your fiance/love. That speaks volumes.
Anon
+ a million to the last paragraph. OP’s post really didn’t sell us on how important *this* relationship to *this* man is to her.
Anon
You waited until the LAST day on these decisions? At this point, if you’re not engaged at the time you have to press enter on the rank list, go with your top choice. As of right now even if there are vague conversations re a future engagement, this is just a boyfriend and if you turn down a top 4-5 program (or don’t even rank it at all), you’ll regret it if/when this doesn’t work out. If he was absolutely 100% confident that this was it, he would have said so/you’d be engaged by now. I’m not saying this isn’t the one BUT it sounds like both of you need a bit more time to figure it out. So neither of you should give up your individual dreams for this. And chances are in 1 year of being apart (if you do end up apart – the residency board fate could have you together anyway), you’ll know if you absolutely need to be together or if this is something that’s fine but you’d also be happy with others in other locations.
Curious
While it feels impossible right now, if tomorrow he suddenly broke up with you, would you feel devastated that you hadn’t gone for your top choice of residency? If so, there’s your answer.
confused
OP here. Thank you all for your input. For those who asked, we’re both doing IM, both planning on sub-specializing. We’re both likely to try pursue academic medicine, at least for a bit. So to some extent, prestige matters. We have talked extensively about this together. He is committed to our relationship no matter the outcome, but doesn’t want to pressure me into giving up “top choice”.
There is a combination in “top choice” that is good for me and not good for him. Our concern is that ranking that combination highly is a set up for having this issue again 3 years from now in the fellowship match.
Lots of food for thought in the comments. I am very appreciative.
Anon
Go with your own top choice; have him go with his. Re assess again in 3 years. Maybe by then you WILL be even more committed and one of you will be willing to take a hit and take a lesser program because you’ll be engaged/married/decided 3 years long distance was enough. If he’s as committed as he says he is, then 3 years long distance should be NBD. If 3 years breaks you up, isn’t it better to know it now than after marriage? I mean you both want fellowships and academic medicine, guess what prestige matters and you can’t give that up now right out of the gate. For fellowship — maybe — bc that is also about deciding where you want to live together post training, so then it may make sense for one of you to compromise so that you’d be fellows in the same city, making contacts that’d land you both attending jobs in said city.
Anonymous
Go with him. Get engaged, Be happy.You sound like a superstar. You will shine wherever you end up.
Never too many shoes...
Barf.
Never too many shoes...
Hit send too soon… I really do not get this advice at all. Because what it comes down to is a woman, yet again, handicapping her career prospects for her man.
Anon
You don’t seem like a very happy person in general, Never, so it doesn’t surprise me that not only would you “not get” this advice, you’d react to it by saying “barf.”
Anon
Yeah, I think that’s pretty terrible advice too. “Oh it will all work out” uhhh . . . not without a lot of hard work, it won’t.
Anon
Giving up career prospects “for love” strains a relationship. Ask me how I know. (I do not regret it, but I do regret that we didn’t have the opportunity to not need to make that sacrifice.)
Patricia Gardiner
I thought the whole point of couples matching is that you can put your truly top choices first in combination with your partner’s closest choices (even if they are long shots), and if partner isn’t highly enough ranked, the algorithm goes down to look at the next combination? Or, are you considering not couples matching and ranking your top programs without linking them to your partner’s?
I would rank your top + partner’s 2 hour away program; during residency it’s not like you’ll have a lot of down time to hang out anyway.
Anonymous
I’ve been in your shoes. If you’re a gunner and are looking to get into a competitive fellowship, rank the top residency program. Do a long distance relationship.
If you’re thinking residency will be the end of your training or you want to have kids during residency, then pick the common location.
Anonymous
Anyone have experience with mental health leave? I am considering going on leave because it’s at a point now where I am messing up at work and my job search is just going too slowly (trying to move in-house from biglaw because the lifestyle has caused me to have crippling anxiety/a host of other mental health issues). I was put on medication for anxiety/depression since joining this firm and it is clear that this job/the people I work with are the main sources of my issues, and my medication just isn’t cutting it anymore. I find it near impossible to even come to work every day and am behind on everything. But I am really terrified of the effect that a mental health leave will have on my future hire ability. The idea would be to go on leave so that I can get some space to find a better job, but I don’t want to do so if the leave itself is going to jeopardize that plan. I know that technically the firm isn’t allowed to disclose to anyone that I went on a mental health leave, but there are ways to hint that there were issues without actually saying what they were. Feeling really stuck. Any thoughts?
Anonymous
There are issues now. Take the leave you need.
Nah
How long of a leave? Anything under a month you can just call a long vacation. Just take a vacation and don’t tell them why.
Anonymous
Lol have you had a job?
Anon
Have you? As wrong as it is, telling people you’re going on mental health leave is worse than a vacation.
Super Anon
But as other commenters are saying, you never need to say mental health leave. It is a medical leave! It could be for anything medical related, they wouldn’t know. And I think they would respect medical leave a lot more than a vacation.
Anon
You don’t have to disclose the medical reason behind your leave. You just need a letter from your doctor recommending leave. If they ask you (they probably won’t) just say you are not comfortable disclosing the medical issue.
DO NOT disclose you are doing a mental health medical leave, you’ll never be looked at the same again and might be managed out.
Tbh, if you’re in big law, you should have enough savings to quit and maintain for a while whilst you search. If you don’t have enough savings to float you…start saving now. It won’t take but a few paychecks to have a several thousand saved.
Anon
+1 – took a 2 week mental health leave. Just had my dr fill out the FMLA forms. Did not effect future hireability, but I did have to address it when I applied for the bar in a new state.
Anon
Which state, out of curiosity? (I hate how some bars require disclosure of mental health issues; it creates incentives to not receive needed treatment.)
anon
I took 6 weeks of leave for mental health issues. I have the ability to do so via FMLA and I have exactly no regrets 2.5 years later. It helped me, and kept me from doing something stupid on the job (unprofessionally reacting to the stress) that would hurt my career or hiring prospects later on.
I filled out the forms and got the FMLA in place within 24 hours of deciding to take the leave. It was an easy process actually. I did have a trusted, professional counselor to walk me through my fears of actually taking time off work to help myself. Where it not for her guidance I probably wouldn’t have taken the plunge – to my detriment.
This internet stranger who has been down a similar road of taking FMLA gives you permission to do the same and take care of yourself.
Super Anon
Just wanted to say, same to pretty much everything anon at 10:57 said. I was in ibanking and it was by far the best decision I made. It was a much needed reset. It was definitely not a vacation. It was hard work to get myself back on track. I went to therapy 2x a week. But I got to the other side and when I returned to work ~6 weeks later, I felt like I had job security. Seemed like it would be a bad idea for them to fire someone who just returned from medical leave. I tbh used that time to quickly find a new job and I am SO much happier and healthier today. I am so grateful I did it. I had my therapist fill out the forms and no one at the firm knew why I was on medical leave.
Anon
Hugs to you. I could have written your post two years ago and I ended up collapsing and going on emergency medical leave for a week (it wasn’t nearly enough time but it was a gasp of fresh air). Agree with other responses that you should absolutely take the leave that you need but don’t tell the firm that it’s specifically for mental health. And most likely your mental health struggles are causing physical symptoms, so if it helps for record keeping purposes you can have your doctor focus on that when filing your FMLA paperwork (I think my paperwork said something vague about physical manifestation of severe exhaustion and chronic flu symptoms, but no mention of anxiety or depression).
The best thing you can do for yourself is take the time you need to get your mental health back under control now. I’m a year out from the jump in house and I’m still dealing with PTSD and stress eating. I realize now that I waited too long to slow down and get help, because I was determined to stick it out until I found a new job (and didn’t want to take more leave after that one week). Listen to your body (and your brain) and give it what it needs.
Anonymous
I had a similar experience when I was in Big Law. I didn’t take any leave, and I made both personal and professional mistakes as a result. I should have given myself the time and space of a leave. You should too.
lsw
I am obsessed with this new (to me, anyway) s ite called Samplize. If you’re thinking of repainting, check it out!
I love Sherwin Williams paint and it’s actually cheaper to buy these paint stickers than it is to buy the quarters from SW. They don’t stick amazingly on my walls, but our house is over 100 years old and has bumpy plaster walls so I’m not too mad at that. I love being able to move them around on the walls so I can see how the light hits differently. (I’m a little bit of a paint freak.) They do Benjamin Moore, Home Depot, and Farrow & Ball as well, and it’s actual paint on the squares and not printed.
Thanks F ace bo ok for having a useful targeted ad for me for once…
anon
btw thank you for this. i am also a paint freak
anon
Eddie Bauer is having a huge sale on clearance items. But their website is such garbage that you cant actually get through the purchase before it says some unknown item in your cart has sold out. I have spent more time than I care to admit trying to buy a trench coat to no avail. Just needed to rant. Hopefully one of you will get to take advantage of this sale.
Anon
Any advice about how to ask about work-life balance in interviews? I was always taught not to do it, and have followed that advice. But for the first time in my life, I’m finally (at almost 40!) applying for a job that I want but don’t need because I currently have a stable job I’m relatively happy with. I have young kids and would like to know if it’s going to be a problem if I occasionally leave before 5 or duck out in the middle of the day for a school play or doctor’s appointment. I’d also like to know if there’s any option to WFH because I have that at my current job and it’s great. Fwiw, long hours aren’t generally expected in this industry, and I’m fine with working evenings/weekends as necessary to catch up if I’m not in the office a full 40 hours.
Anonymous
Wait until you get an offer
anon
personally i think it is better to wait to ask once you have an offer
anon
I think the answer is… you don’t. Sorry, I’m 36 with three kids under 5, so I realize that stinks.
Try to suss this out in other ways. Get creative. Any connections you have who are familiar with the workplace, etc.
Coolsculpting under chin
I’m going to be the oddball on this and say put it out there during the interview. I just went through this process (similar situation, in a good job where I was happy and had a lot of flexibility but interviewing for a better one). I was very clear during the interview that I would need some flexibility because of family obligations but that I had no problem shifting around my hours as needed to make sure the work was done. Honestly, YMMV, but I think my honesty is what put me over the top and got me the job. FWIW, I
Coolsculpting under chin
hit send too soon. FWIW, I am mid-40s, well established and respected in my career field and mom to one kid under 10.
anon
+1, I would ask if it’s important to be physically present, or whether work can get done when it needs to be, how often nights/weekends are required, etc. I did this during my last job search, because it was important to me! If my asking was going to be a red flag for the company, that’s not a company I would want to work for.
It’s how I found out that one of the jobs I was interviewing for was an expected 50-hour a week job (no thanks) and the other was a “if we work more than 40 hours in a week, we are unhappy” (yes, please) kind of company. I turned down a second interview with the 50 hour a week company and hired on to the flexible 40.
MJ
Ask the questions after you get the offer. The point of interviewing is to get an offer. Then you can suss out whether you want to stay or go.
Anon
If you don’t ask at the interview, how do you ask later? There’s no room for negotiation in my industry, so I’ve never had a post-offer phone conversation with a hiring manager. Do you just email them and say you have some questions you want to ask? That feels weird to me because they already give you an opportunity to ask questions at the interview.
anon
“The point of interviewing is to get an offer.” I think that’s only true if your primary goal is actually to get an offer, as in any offer, rather than an offer that’s significantly better than your current situation. She’s not looking to leave her current job unless this better opportunity pans out. If the opportunity isn’t, in fact, better in this very critical area, then why waste everyone’s time pretending like you want the job throughout the interview process only to decline the offer afterward?
Anon
I work in HR and I think this is a know your industry and know your bargaining power question. The market is strong and candidates are asking more and more about this. You’re a seasoned talented professional who they probably really want. If you know that you don’t want a position that doesn’t have flexibility, I don’t think you’re losing anything by asking about it. If they judge you for asking, you probably don’t want that job. I think you can ask questions about “what people would say about the culture,” and what the remote working norms are. I think that there are also sometimes appropriate cues (like photos of kids everywhere in the office) that you can notice and build off of. Good luck!
anonshmanon
speaking of cues, I was shown around the office on a Friday afternoon, and half of the seats where empty. Some were probably in meetings, but I took it as a sign that a bunch were out for the weekend already. You gotta observe!
Anonymous
I have driven by a prospective office around 6 or 7 pm and on a weekend just to see if all the cars were there, all the lights were on etc… One place I literally saw every parking lot space full at 7:30 pm. That was a no-go. I realize this only works in the burbs.
I don’t think it’s bad to ask something like ” What are the typical work hours?” and “Are there seasonal variations” One place said they had a June 30th year end so I could forget having any weekends off in July. Suss it out. Be positive in front of them no matter what they say, but get the information.
anon
I just got a job which is a bit of a shift for me. I asked in the interview how remote work is viewed and how my interviewer (future boss) would describe their work style, which prompted her to lay out the expectations in terms of work time. I already know the larger institution, and that the nature of the work is busier vs. slower cycles, they actually made sure I know this/am ok with it during the interview stage. I am early 30ies, and as I mentioned pivoting into a new career, so while I have unique transferable skills, I have no track record in this career, so I think my candidacy was partly strong, but they took a risk with me. Since I am switching to be more satisfied with work, it would make no sense to delay figuring out work-life balance-fit for me.
You should also try to ask a few people what they like about working there. In places with great flexibility, work-life balance, or culture, somebody should cite these in a response.
Anon
I would try more general questions like about culture, work-life balance, flexibility, etc without going into any specifics about your needs. I’d say something like “What’s the typical cycle of work like – is it pretty steady or are there quiet periods and busy periods?” and stuff like that.
Anon
I definitely think you should ask about the culture and work life balance. Say you’re looking to make a move that’s a great fit and you want to find a job you can stay at for the long haul. Anyone who think it’s inappropriate probably does not value work life balance, in which case you don’t want to work there anyway!
Anon
Here are your three questions:
1. Company culture.
2. What makes someone succeed in the role and what make them fail in the role.
3. What a typical day in the role is like/what the expectations are for a typical day.
Then listen carefully to the answers; I guarantee you’ll be told whether or not you have flexibility to get your work done at home.
Anon
Can anyone advise the size difference between a Talbots 16WP vs 16 for sleeveless shirts? Where is one shorter/longer/wider? TIA!
XStitcher
Generally, the WP seem to be cut wider in the bust/stomach/hip area for me. Because they are cut more generously in those areas, the hems may be a bit longer in the WP just due to the extra room. I wear a 16WP/2XP generally for pants and shirts. 14WP for suit jackets.
Anon
Thanks!
Anon
Rant of the day: my coworker, who knows I have a medical condition compromising my immunity and with whom I have had at least 2-3 conversations about how it’s messed up to come in to work when you’re sick, is sitting next to me with a horrendous cold or flu sounding like death. So, so frustrating. She could either take a sick day or WFH, but instead wants to come get everyone sick.
Anon
People who come to work sick don’t “want to come get everyone sick.” They want to not burn their precious PTO days. Also, “sounding like death” doesn’t equal contagious. I’ve had a terrible cough for about 4 weeks now. I sound awful and I’m sure people who see me coughing think it’s gross that I’m out and about but I haven’t been actually “sick” in the contagious sense in well over a month. Whatever virus I had a month ago gave me this an awful cough that I just can’t kick but it doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to resume normal life.
Anon
No, she’s sick with something contagious because she got it from another coworker who has six weeks of PTO to use! Funny how that cycle works, huh? Yes, I get how much limited PTO sucks and it’s not as generous at our level – but that’s why you WORK FROM HOME. It’s selfish to come in in the first few days of your contagious illness, full stop.
Anonymous
I am with you 100%. People who come to work while contagious are incredibly selfish. How much work are they actually getting done, anyway? It’s all a show to prove their dedication to the job and save PTO for their vacations.
This is why I wish employers would go back to the old system of separate sick leave and vacation time. It would reduce the incentive to show up to work sick.
Seventh Sister
My office has sick leave and vacation time, and I hope it never changes. Even with this system, there are people who are always sick after long weekends and people who come in at death’s door. I suspect if we went to PTO, the number of absentee days wouldn’t change very much.
Anon
I have 120 hours of combined vacation and sick leave a year, and I ALWAYS work from home when sick. There is no point to getting other people sick, especially since one of the people I work with a lot is 70 years old. Dude doesn’t need pneumonia or what-not because I couldn’t work from my dining room table in my jammies.
Anonymous
Go home. Take your own work from home day
Anon
This. It’s ultimately going to be a lot more productive than anonymously raging at your coworker on the internet.
Anon
I think you should discuss this with your manager. The culture needs to shift, and that needs to come from multiple people. FWIW I would 100% call her out.
Anon
I have before and they’ve paid lip service to a culture shift, but the CEO came in sick (with a minor code) just last week. It’s a small office and we’re all cramped together in cubes so it’s really unavoidable when someone comes in to infect everyone else. I’m job searching as fast as I possibly can because I don’t believe that our leave policies are where they should be (among other reasons), but in the meantime, it’s so so frustrating that some people refuse to WFH. This is NOT a case of a lingering chronic cough from chronic asthma or something like that – this is people getting sick on Monday afternoon while at work and coming in to work Tuesday coughing, sneezing, blowing their noses every ten seconds, etc.
And yep, calling her out personally too. I’m over taking it lying down in case you couldn’t tell.
Anonymous
What?! How are you so up in everyone’s business that you have conclusive medical diagnoses of everyone’s illnesses and know when they are contagious? Like most people don’t even seek medical attention for the common cold (which you could get on transit, at the store, from their kids, etc.).
If you are that prone to getting sick, you ought to work in a solo office and never go to the store, take transit or have a family or roommates. Germs are just there in the world, especially this time of year. And even if stuff is going around in the office, it is going on everywhere else also. The fact that people have been sick AND YOU HAVEN’T shows how random everything is. Shouldn’t it have been the opposite?
Anon
Because it’s freaking obvious! Don’t be obtuse. You know when a coworker was fine yesterday and suddenly coughing up a lung today while Slacking you “ugh I caught Joe’s cold” that it’s not some other medical condition. Let’s not play dumb here.
Another anon
I agree with Anonymous at 12:07.
anon
Okay, well you’ve obviously come to the conclusion that you want to arrive at, OP. Sure, your coworker is horrible and bad. Did you ever consider that she might need to be in the office for some reason? That she had a deadline or client commitment that matters and for whatever reason the work can’t be done from home? I’m not saying this necessarily excuses not WFH but you’re acting like she’s just a selfish lazy jerk who should be making you her fist priority and that’s obnoxious. Really don’t understand why you think that it’s realistic for everyone to stay home when they’re feeling somewhat sick. Why can’t you just work from home if it’s so easy and there are no negative consequences? Everyone else is supposed to burn through their PTO/vacation when they sneeze in the winter so they avoid the minute chance of infecting you?
Anonymous
She’s not sick AT you, she is at work because there is work to be done. Or can’t work from home for whatever reason. I can’t just take a sick day at the drop of a hat, or work from home any day, just because I want to and we are flexible. Sometimes I have to be in the office.
Anon
I mean it’d be nice if people did the right thing . . . they don’t. That’s just what living in society is. So what is preventing YOU from working from home? Frankly tell your manager that it’s not just “I don’t want to get sick” but an immune compromise issue — I mean you don’t seem like you’re hiding that at work.
Anon
I mean, not sure how I’m supposed to divine that my coworker is going to be sick that day. It’s an unpleasant surprise to find that out after I’ve commuted an hour to the office and then don’t have time to commute home to WFH before my next meeting. I’ve done what I can to seek accommodations and if I had a crystal ball telling me who would be sick and when, I would use it.
anonymous
You seem to know a lot about your coworker’s illnesses, and that Joe with 6 weeks of PTO has been sick so I’m not sure why you’re surprised? Maybe she wasn’t feeling that badly when she left for work this morning but feels awful now and can’t go home either.
Anonymous
Are you commuting in your own vehicle? If not, your office is probably relatively safe.
Anon
What the heck? She’s awful for doing that but MOVE! Why are you sitting next to her? As soon as you saw her sick self coming near, get up with a lightly thrown out “I get sick easily”.
Anon
Small office. There is nowhere else to move to.
Anon
OMG go home, clearly work from home is an option for you.
Anonymous
Not to sound awful, but doesn’t this equate to the peanuts on an airplane issue—where airlines refuse to ask people to not eat peanut food in planes where people are severely allergic, and instead suggest the allergic person not fly? At some point, don’t you just need to work from home?
I have a desk job that is flexible, but a cold isn’t a reason to work at home. It’s just a cold. At some point perhaps the cold sounds worse or better but you don’t get to decide when I burn political capital and waste a sick day or work from home. In America it’s not enough to warrant staying home. I have meetings and conference calls that need me here most days.
Anon
This sounds extremely awful.
Anonymous
What? I can’t even remember the last time peanuts were served on a plane. And the pilot will often make an announcement asking passengers not to eat peanuts they’ve brought on board.
Anon
I’ve been on planes in recent years with peanuts. I feel like there was a decade or so where it was no nuts whatsoever and now all of a sudden they are back on certain airlines.
Anon
They’ve come back in recent years.
Anon
+1 I have unlimited sick leave, but I simply can’t stay home every time I get a cold. I catch a lot of colds (at least 6-8 per winter) due to kids in daycare, and no boss is going to be ok with an employee taking a week off every couple weeks from November to March. I do stay home if I’m running a fever or having GI symptoms, which I think is the norm, at least in the US.
Anon
I feel for your coworkers, you sound insufferable.
EM84
I have clear rules with my team rgd this: if you are feeling sick, you stay at home and work from home out of pure consideration for people with low immunity, people with small kids who cannot afford to catch it from you and pass to their kids and to your pregnant colleagues. It took a year to change people’s minds, but my team is now doing this automatically. In your case, I would pack my laptop, call my boss and inform him/her that I will kindly work from home till rest of the week as you don’t want to compromise your health. YMMV as I work in a pharma company.
Anon
This sounds like a scientifically informed policy to me. My office sends people home if they come in obviously sick with something that’s obviously going around. They learn.
Anon
Would you be ok with people being constantly out though? I have young kids so I’m sick (with a cold) about 1/3rd of the time pretty much all winter long. I work in an incredibly laidback office with 9-5 hours and lots of vacation time that everybody uses, but I can’t imagine any boss being ok with me missing that much work.
EM84
I have a mom with two young kids on my team and they are often lightly sick. As a company, we offer 2 days/week as work from home benefit, she is one of my best performers and has my full trust. When the season is heavy, she rotates on WFH or sick leave with her husband (e.g. she is WFH Mo-Tue, he is WFH Wed-Fri or vice versa). I don’t have any problem with that, we are humans and have lives. I don’t try to make this frustrating situation even harder for my employees.
Anon
I don’t know who these people are who are getting so defensive about coming to work sick, but my take is that if you come to work knowing you are contagious, you are a major dick.
Anon
My SO and I are scheduled to go to Vietnam for two weeks traveling on Korean Air via Seoul at the end of March/early April and have decided to reschedule the trip for 2021. Any suggestions for alternative destinations? We are on the east coast in a major city with multiple airline and airport options. We have considered Mexico, South Africa, or a USA road trip, but we’ve been in limbo with this trip for so long that I have decision fatigue.
Anon
Iceland is an easy flight from the East Coast. A driving trip to Arizona is really relaxing as well.
OP
Thanks! Funnily enough, we did a short Arizona road trip this fall and I’m scheduled to go to Iceland with family next September.
Anonymous
Argentina.
Cat
If you want to still take a two week vacation, I’d pick something difficult to get to rather than domestic or North America — so, South Africa is great for this. A friend just did a safari and Seychelles honeymoon and it looked amazing.
Anon
Ohh I might be your friend! Can confirm it was amazing!
OP
Thanks!! Yes, I’m favoring South Africa too. This is the first time I’ve taken two weeks off since I started my job nearly 3 years ago and it was a big move to block this much time.
anon
I’d do Peru. If I manage to change jobs sometime soon (I’m looking) I’m planning on taking off 2-3 weeks in between and spending basically the whole time exploring Lima, Cusco, the Sacred Valley, Machu Picchu, other Incan sites, the Peruvian side of the Amazon
Anon
I wouldn’t waste two weeks on Mexico or a US roadtrip. I’d go to South Africa or somewhere similarly far-flung.
Anon
That’s a great time to be in South Africa, and long enough to make the trip worthwhile. I’d do that! And I’d split the trip between Cape Town/winelands, safari (probably Kruger, or Madikwe if you’re looking to avoid malaria, or Hluhluwe-Mfolozi if you want to minimize travel from safari to beach), and beach (probably Kwazulu-Natal north coast).
Curious
Does this exist? Can I save a “sticky note” in a windows folder? For example, I’m planning events for months from now and it would be so helpful to be able to type a sticky note of where I left off and leave it in the folder so that it’s there the next time I open the folder. Is there anyway of doing that other than saving a word doc in the folder for this purpose?
Heather
I have long wondered this too! Following with interest…
Anon
I use the memo function for this. Not ideal as it can’t be formatted, but works for reminders, missing docs for due diligence, etc.
Curious
Is the memo function the same as saving a “Text Document” (not word document) in the folder and then using the preview screen to view it so you don’t have to open it each time? That’s what it looks like I will be doing for now!
Junior Associate
Yes! Forgot the real name. If it’s a super short note, sometimes I just write the contents of the memo on the title of the txt file so I don’t need to open or preview it.
Anonymous
Following as well, would love this function
Anon
Do you use one note? I have done a method where I keep an outline of my work folders, including folder links, in a page so I can just keep status notes all together on that one note page. Hope that made sense.
Curious
I hadn’t thought of this, thank you, I will try it!
Anon
I’m 40 and thinking about grad school. Also thinking that I’m too old in general and too old to burden myself with the expense of what doesn’t seem to be panning out for people these days. In a few years, my face will be visibly sagging, and I feel like it would be hard for me to get jobs or change careers, anyway (as a female). There is an open house in a couple of weeks and I’m not sure if I should even bother to go or what I should wear amongst all of those kids. Thoughts?
Anon
What is the program and how crucial is the degree to getting where you where you want to be? What do your finances look like? What are the payoffs and realistic boosts you get from the credential? I think this goes beyond appearances (botox is probably cheaper than grad school).
Anonymous
Why do you want to go to grad school? To switch careers or for the pursuit of knowledge or to be promoted in your current track? What kind of degree are you talking?
The answer is super different based on the “why.”
anonshmanon
yeah, this question is a bit all over the place. Whether grad school is a good investment of time and loss of income/student debt, is highly field specific, school specific, degree specific.
Anon
I have an econ degree with a cs minor that is old and unused. I was thinking about healthcare data analytics or a supply chain management certificate because my career is going nowhere and I’m worried about future finances. I didn’t end up marrying or having kids, so I have the time to devote. Thing is, I feel like I don’t need the masters to do these jobs, but I don’t know if it is even possible for me to break into these areas at this point. And…like I said, I am old (but not run down or too out of shape yet…). Botox is nice, but it only really works for your forehead…
Anon
Also, not yet 40 but turning it very soon…if that matters.
Anon
Returning student at an R1 (42). Nobody cares how old or not you are. Occasionally an undergrad will mistake you for a professor. As long as you’re not THAT returning student who tries to talk over a younger professor, you’re fine.
The university’s bureaucracy may be crazy-making, since it’s set up to work for full-time FTIC students, but as long as you’re good at advocating for yourself, it’s do-able.
Anon
I’m not so concerned about what people “at school” think, though with collaborative activities, I know it helps to appear…”relatable” to younger people. I’m concerned with age discrimination the workplace in my 40s when I would be trying to start a new career (and trying to pay off the debt). You can get by in your 30s looking young, but I know my hormones will kick in and the world just doesn’t view aging women positively. I’m thinking that’s more likely to be true in the fields I’m looking into where they want quick minds and fresh faces who are ok with contract work with long hours with pay less than what one would expect for the expertise involved (but for me, the pay and benes would be better than now). Yeah, so many things…
Anon
I’ve always been ugly AF, so nobody’s giving me any breaks on my looks. I’ve also never looked into fields where that’s much of a thing. If you want to change careers, do it. I’d be really hesitant to take on debt for grad school, though. I don’t expect to land a job at Google when I’m through, but there are plenty of jobs in the field I’m studying regardless of my age and appearance.
Anonymous
I did a second masters degree in my early 40s. I absolutely loved it. Having said that, changing careers has not worked out (yet). Graduated 7 years ago, but then got cancer, which took me off my path. Still no regrets.
Anonymous
Is there a site to talk about renovations with other people in the trenches? I essentially want to re-do my main/family bathroom but it’s a little tricky and I want to brainstorm ideas/concepts/trade-offs with others. I’m less interested in a bathroom design company, though if that’s my only choice I’d use it.
Does something like this exist? Is this what Houzz is for and I am just not using it properly? Are there forums or something?
Anon
Houzz has forums that are helpful. Also reddit might have some good forums – look at “Homeimprovement” “InteriorDesign” and “Renovations” subs.
anne-on
Houzz has forums, and Pinterest is great for inspo, less so for ‘in the trenches’ advice. If you post on here though you may get some good feedback!
Do you have a contractor yet? Mine was invaluable in advice on what was an easy/quick change vs. a super expensive and time consuming one. I really wanted a clawfoot tub for example. We live in an old house with very narrow stairs/halls/doors. He looked at me and said, yes, you can absolutely have it. We will have to drive a crane onto your lawn and lift it in through the window and that $1500 tub will cost you $15k. Your decision. I ultimately went with a bigger walk in shower. Similar conversation about moving the toilet – apparently moving the u-bend and plumbing is shockingly expensive, who knew?!?
Senior Attorney
I used to use GardenWeb, which was great but appears to have been gobbled up by Houzz. It was super helpful back in the day and the format seems similar: https://www.gardenweb.com/discussions/home
Senior Attorney
Looks like all the GardenWeb posts are still there, including my bathroom remodel from 11 years and two houses ago: https://www.houzz.com/discussions/2266492/another-ming-green-copycat-bath
Shoe smell
We keep a lot of our shoes in a wooden bench with a lid and a shoe cabinet with doors. (Our closets are very small.) This includes my husband’s sweaty, dirty running shoes — and he has several pairs. It doesn’t smell the best in there, and since I keep my shoes in there too, I don’t want mine to smell like that (if that can even happen — I assume yes?). What products would help with this? I stuck a fridge box of baking soda in there, but it doesn’t do much.
Anon
There’s a Dr. Scholl’s spray that’s worked well for me.
Anon
The Breathe Green Bamboo Charcoal Air Purifying Bags work really well, especially for small confined spaces. Available on the A M A *** site. I use them for the “dog room” and what used to smell like hound now smells like nothing (I’ve asked guests to verify)
Anon
+1 these are magic
Is it Friday yet?
I have bamboo charcoal inserts that I stick in my climbing shoes – I think they do help.
Anon
No brand reccs, but those charcoal filter sachets that you stick in each individual shoe have worked well for me.
Pep
There’s a product line called NonScents (available on their s!te, or Amazon) that I have found to work well.
anonshmanon
fundamentally, husband’s shoes need to dry out before going in the box.
anon
This.
Anon
If his shoes are very stinky, have him wash them with Lysol laundry sanitizer.
Anonymous
We have a large mudroom between our attached garage and our kitchen. It is how we get to/from the cars. The kids go out the front door, on the other side of the house, to catch the bus in the AM.
We have shoes and coats all over the house. DH thinks I’m crazy to be annoyed that we have like, 40 pairs of shoes in the mudroom, plus another pair of shoes for each kid. He thinks shoes should live in bedroom closets. But…we don’t wear shoes around the house.
What do y’all do??
Cat
We also don’t wear shoes in the house and store our most-used pairs in a cabinet near the door; other pairs live in the closets. Can you train the kids to use the mudroom-garage even in the mornings – it can’t be that many extra steps??
Anon
We have a cat who thinks he’s a dog. Two pairs of chewed leather knee boots later, we have three shoe locations: a wireframe shoe rack in the garage for filthy yardwork shoes, a foyer closet with tile floor and good ventilation for sweaty stuff, and the master bedroom closet for dress shoes that generally stay clean.
My invisible shoulder angel, who looks like Marie Kondo, wants everything in one place. Unfortunately, this is the best solution for both practicality and cleanliness.
anne-on
We have an actual dog who can and will gnaw on shoes left out. We have a STUPID amount of shoe racks built into our mudroom, there are 5 racks in the closet, another 6 in our built in cubby/furniture piece (something like this: https://www.potterybarn.com/products/aubrey-4-piece-entryway-set-with-doors-wall-unit/?pkey=centryway-hall-trees&isx=0.0.1500) and a wireframe shoe rack that is kind of a catch-all for shoes/helmets/sunblock/bug spray/etc.
All athletic shoes, winter snow boots, rain boots, and everyday shoes live in the mudroom. ‘Nice’ shoes live in shoe boxes/shoe racks in bedroom closets (work shoes for my husband and I and dress shoes for kiddo). Each person has two hooks for coats, all other coats need to be hung up. It is still a bit messy but it’s not a catastrophe and I feel like that’s all I can ask for in a mudroom.
If you haven’t already – get someone to do one of those organizer things in your closet, or buy a piece of furniture with storage. Not having to look at the mess does wonders for my sanity.
Anonymous
We live in an apartment, so we’re not fancy mudroom havin’ folk (maybe someday), but we do have a shoe rack by the front door with a mud tray in front of it. That shoe rack is only so big and it can definitely get crowded if we’re not careful, so I do try to be in the habit – try being the operative word here – of taking the shoes I don’t wear often from the shoe rack to my bedroom on occasion, so it doesn’t get cluttered. You could add “move your shoes to your bedroom” to the list of weekend tasks the kids are responsible for, allowing them to leave one or two pairs by the door, but the expectation being that most shoes will make it back to their rooms at least on a weekly basis.
AnonInfinity
Yes! We have a shoe cabinet by each door (it’s a shoe rack but with pull out shelves so the dog can’t get to the shoes). My boyfriend can fit all of his shoes in one of them, but I put shoes back in my closet about once a week if they’re out of season or I’m not wearing those particular shoes so much. We did this after also having shoes all over the house, and it was driving me insane.
Anonymous
Small house, no mudroom, no-shoes household. We keep our frequently worn shoes in the coat closet and dress shoes in bedroom closets. Our dog hates toys but loves shoes, so everyone has learned to be pretty good about putting shoes away immediately.
Anonymous
All shoes except dressy/infrequently used shoes are stored in a set of cubbies in our basement hallway (mud room equivalent – garage opens in to this hallway). We keep a basket for shoes by the front door as well. Kids each get one cubby and adults get two. Since we don’t wear shoes in the house, this makes way more sense for us than bedroom closets. Before we had this hallway, we just used a large basket by the front door.
Kelly Ripa
I’m in a hotel room with morning TV on while I work (east coast work; on west coast). Kelly Ripa has always struck me as someone who dresses normally and well (i.e., not just sleeveless sheaths like many TV news people do, but dresses you can get on a stool without flashing people and dresses with sleeves). I know that she is somewhat short (as am I). Does anyone know what brands she wears? It seems like something new every day (this has been a long work trip), so I am guessing that things must fit her off the rack or with minimal alterations. I know she is also super-tiny (I am more of a typical size), but I really want to know where she shops b/c I should start there.
Help a shortie out!
Anonymous
You can usually see the brand/styling in the credits. It is something that production operations takes care of and it’s usually a barter deal. I will say, most items are likely tailored specifically for her or custom ordered. They are unlikely to be right off the rack. (I work in TV)
Angela
“It seems like something new every day (this has been a long work trip), so I am guessing that things must fit her off the rack or with minimal alterations.” — What? Why would this be the case? Her daily outfit is seen by millions. It’s not at all far-fetched to think there would be a dedicated wardrobe department responsible for procuring custom-tailored outfits for her every day.
Anonymous
Go to the website for their talk show and click on the “fashion finder” tab!
Anonymous
I am furious with my in-laws right now!
My husband and I were planning to attend a company retreat for his company, to which the spouses were invited, at a luxury hotel on the beach, about a 2 1/2 hour drive from where we live. I hardly ever attend functions like this with him, largely due to my work schedule. This time I really wanted to go, just to take a couple days off and relax at the beach without kids. (My kids will be in school and hence no opportunity or obligation to take them). We asked my in-laws, who are retired, to drive here – they live an hour away- to babysit our (self-sufficient preteen and teenager) kids at our house for the two days that we would be gone. We were planning to leave tomorrow morning and be back Friday by 12 PM. I’ve been planning this for months, even bought two new dresses to wear at the cocktail events and, smaller point, this weekend I did not get a badly-needed pedicure, as I had scheduled a complimentary pedicure at the hotel spa. I worked every evening this past weekend and last night, and told my assistants that they had a couple of days off this week if they got all their work done beforehand, which they have. My scheduling assistant actually messed up and scheduled a couple of people on one of the days that I will be gone, so I had her call those clients and reschedule them. I’m sure the clients weren’t too pleased, but I thought, sometimes sh*t happens and I really wanted to go to this event.
Long story short, just this afternoon my mother-in-law called my husband and told him that my father-in-law was sick with what sounds like a cold, and that she “hurt her arm on the lat pulldown machine“ and therefore is not able to drive. This was said very matter-of-factly, with no apology.
I’m simply furious. For once I was counting on my in-laws to step up to the plate. My own mother has been deceased for 25 years and my father has Alzheimer’s. My MIL has always had a strong tendency to be overly dependent on her husband for everything, and will not even drive anywhere without him. (She is 66 years old but this has been going on for at least 15 years.)  I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. She probably could do the 1-hour drive, but she just doesn’t want to. They have no idea the length I have gone to to make this two -day vacation happen, nor do they appear to care.
Anon
Honestly, consider pulling the kids out of school and paying for their hotel room, if any are available. They can do their homework from there, and there’s nothing wrong with them getting an unexpected break. It’s a few days over the course of their academic career.
Senior Attorney
Or see if they can stay with friends (either separately or together) for the weekend. I know I would totally step up to help a fellow mom in that situation.
Or… can you (or someone you pay) drive the kids to them?
Anon Probate Atty
OP here, Sorry for double post. I thought about asking a fellow mom to take my preteen daughter, and don’t think that would be a problem since they attend the same school and there are no issues with my daughter. It’s my son that would be a problem, as he is homeschooled and at the house all day other than his tutoring sessions at the coffee shop. I would love to drive the kids to the grandparents’ house, but it wouldn’t do much good, as my daughter would miss school and my son would miss tutoring as they live so far from us. As for the other suggestion to let my son stay home alone – sadly, I don’t trust him or his friends to not destroy the place. I hate to say it, but it’s true. Recently they were caught drinking liquor that he took from our wine closet, and in a separate incident, a friend of my daughter’s said that my son and 2 of his friends Snapchatted her a video of them vaping. He denies it, but I don’t believe him. The wine closet is now locked now, but who knows what they would get up to while we are gone. I am not sure if I’m willing to take the risk.
Anonymous
bring the kids or send them to friends or drive them to your in-laws. Definitely go on your vacation!!
Anon
They’re your kids! It’s not your MIL’s responsibility. You sound very insensitive to your senior MIL. Her husband is sick and she hurt herself. She’s not obligated to babysit for you. Yes, she doesn’t want to drive an hour when her arm hurts and without her husband. If you want a babysitter, hire one! They’re your kids and your responsibility. No one else’s. I’m sure it’s frustrating but it is what you signed up for.
Anon Probate Atty
If I hadn’t been down this road with her before, I might agree that I could be acting insensitive to the fact that she hurt herself. But she consistently comes up with every excuse in the book to not go anywhere without her husband, and never wants to drive anywhere longer than 15 minutes even if he is with her, so I don’t actually believe that she hurt herself in any significant way (neither does my husband). And it’s not due to her age, this has been consistent behavior from her for at least 15 if not 20 years. She’s a very active woman who manages to drive all over town to work out regularly, tutors kindergarteners, travels and does book club, but somehow she can’t seem to make the drive out here. I realize they’re my responsibility, thank you very much, but my in-laws agreed to take care of them, then bailed at the last minute the day before the trip. I couldn’t possibly hire a sitter at this late of a date even if I knew a good one.
Anon
You know she’s unreliable and yet, you still relied on her?
Anon Probate Atty
If her husband is with her then she is, mostly, reliable. She just won’t do anything on her own.
Anon Probate Atty
I’m so furious with my in-laws right now! My husband and I were planning to attend a company retreat for his company, to which the spouses were invited, at a luxury hotel on the beach, about a 2 1/2 hour drive from where we live. I hardly ever attend functions like this with him, largely due to my work schedule. This time I really wanted to go, just to take a couple days off and relax at the beach without kids. (My kids will be in school and hence no opportunity or obligation to take them). We asked my in-laws, who are retired, to babysit our kids (self-sufficient preteen and teenager) at our house for the two days that we would be gone. They live 1 hour away from us. We were planning to leave tomorrow morning and be back Friday by 12 PM. I’ve been planning this for months, even bought two new dresses to wear at the cocktail events worked every evening this past weekend and last night, and told my assistants that they had a couple of days off this week if they got all their work done beforehand. My scheduling assistant actually messed up and scheduled a couple of people on one of the days that I will be gone, so I had her call those clients and reschedule them. I’m sure those clients were not too happy. But, I thought, sometimes sh*t happens and I really didn’t want to back out of this event.
Long story short, just this afternoon my mother-in-law called my husband and told him that my father-in-law was sick with what sounds like a cold, and she “hurt her arm on the lat pulldown machine“ and therefore is not able to drive. This was said very matter-of-factly, with no apology.
I’m simply furious. She acts so helpless and overly dependent, and for once I was counting on her to step up to the plate. (My own mother has been deceased for 25 years and my father has Alzheimer’s.) I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me and that she has no idea the length I have gone to to make this two -day vacation happen. Nor does she appear to care.
She has always had a strong tendency to be overly dependent on her husband for everything. She is 66 years old but this has been going on for at least 15 years. I’m disappointed and angry, and I’m just venting right now. Thanks for listening.
Anonymous
Ugh, how frustrating. Can your husband work things out with his parents?
Any chance your kids could stay with their friends for a couple of nights? We did this in high school with close friends and it was fine.
Anon Probate Atty
Thanks. Unfortunately I could see my 15-year-old being a problem, as he is actually in virtual school this year (homeschooled) and therefore would be at the house all day with the exception of his tutoring sessions. He has tutoring twice a day at a coffee shop which is walkable from my house. I don’t want him to miss tutoring, nor would I want to ask someone to drive him to the coffee shop twice a day. And I don’t want someone to have to worry about him being at their house all day. And my husband is a super nice guy and sometimes too nice when it comes to his parents. I told him he could mention how difficult this was for me to line everything up, but his response was it won’t change their minds anyway. And the unsaid part, is it will create conflict, which he does not want. And I don’t necessarily blame him.
Anon
“I don’t want someone to have to worry about him being at their house all day. And my husband is a super nice guy and sometimes too nice when it comes to his parents.”
Okay, I’m on my usual soapbox: sometimes, being nice to crummy people necessarily involves being mean to perfectly reasonable people who didn’t do anything wrong.
Anonymous
Any reason your 15 yo can’t manage being at home all day and walking to coffee shop by himself? Obv you know your kids best and what they can handle, but that seems pretty reasonable for a 15 yo to manage. Consider having pre-teen stay with a friend and have 15 yo fend for himself for the short trip?
Anon
Can you drive them to Grandparents house?
Anon Probate Atty
Sorry again for the double post. I would love to put that on them, ha ha, but it wouldn’t do much good, as my daughter would miss school and my son would miss tutoring as the grandparents live so far from us. As for the other suggestion to let my son stay home alone – sadly, I don’t trust him or his friends to not destroy the place. I hate to say it, but it’s true. Recently they were caught drinking liquor that he took from our wine closet, and in a separate incident, a friend of my daughter’s said that my son and 2 of his friends Snapchatted her a video of them vaping. He denies it, but I don’t believe him. The wine closet is now locked now, but who knows what they would get up to while we are gone. I am not sure if I’m willing to take the risk.
Anon
Fashion help? I have a black tie gala this weekend and am wearing a strapless gown. I typically am cold indoors and it will be very cold outside. Any ideas for something that won’t look odd on the upper half of my body if I just keep it on during the gala? TIA!
Anon
Faux fur shawl – there are good options on Amazon.
Anonymous
I bought a short faux fur jacket this year that worked for this. I think mine was from DKNY.