Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Fair Isle Funnel-Neck Sweater Dress

129 Comments

1. I got a save the date for a family wedding in early June in the rural SEUS. I had planned to wear something festive from my closet. But it is black tie optional, which to me seems much more formal. But I haven’t been to anything formal in at least a decade. To me, when stores restock for warmer weather soon, I should be looking for something in maybe a silk or brocade (not cotton or a plain twill fabric) and either very long or above the knee. And somehow shiny or embellished? I’m concerned with avoiding looking like I shoehorned a cotton day dress into something fancy but I’m honestly not used to fancy clothes now. (Bonus if you could recommend something for teen girls — just go to Lulus.com and avoid anything scandalously short?). And for shoes — a fancy sandal (even if flat)?

   1. Rural SEUS black tie almost certainly means barn-chic. Those farm event spaces are a dime a dozen. Pick out a nice dress with westernish boots and you’re golden. Not my jam at all, but it’s a thing.

      1. This is stereotyping, there are rural people that understand what dress codes mean. Ask your family, don’t show up in cowboy boots and a denim dress when everyone else is in actual black tie.

      2. That is honestly one of the most ridiculous statements I have ever heard in my entire life. Rural SEUS is far more likely to mean a wedding in a church than in a barn and the people who live there do know what black tie optional means.

         OP – I would call and ask someone in the family for guidance. Black tie option might well just mean the wedding party will be in black tie but they are not expecting it from the guests. Also, it would be helpful to know time of day and venue. (A church wedding in the South calls for more modesty than the same wedding in the Northeast.) Yes to the flat fancy sandal. I would go to Tuckernuck for this. And avoid black.

         1. Thanks for this. We are on the groom’s side, so will see if his mom has a sense. But it’s likely to be a church wedding and IIRC that the reception will be at a golf club.

            1. Does the golf club store their carts in a barn? (Joke – this is not a barn wedding)

         2. All I can think it is that it refers to rural weddings of urban people.

      3. There is a lot wrong with that statement. There are plenty of black tie appropriate wedding venues in the rural south, from country clubs to distilleries to thoroughbred farms.

      4. Big, giant eye roll from the SEUS on that. The rural south runs the range from generational poverty to generational wealth. OP it’s best to know something about the families and the venue before going on a dress hunt. And even if it were in a barn, zero need to go for cowboy boots as if you were a Nashville tourist woo girl who just wandered in.

      5. Everyone is getting mad at you but I recently went to a rural SEUS wedding that was ‘black tie’ I was really out of place in my silk dress and I felt so awkward. There was a lot of floral printed polyester.

      6. My word, this is offensive. Painting the rural south with all the same barn-red brush is like saying Massachusetts is nothing more than Springfield and ignoring the North Shore, the Cape, anything else. You realize Virginia to Kentucky down to Louisiana, back around to Georgia is the size of a good chunk of the European Union? It’s plain ignorance to say an area that size is all the same.

         OP, it’ll be a couple months yet probably before appropriate dresses come out, but check out J. McLaughlin, Tuckernuck, and Dillard’s for options. And yes to dress sandals. Wedges will probably be your best bet to avoid becoming a golf tee. I agree with a little sparkle. I personally wouldn’t get a long dress unless I really knew that’s what they wanted, but a satin or brocade (I’m picturing a hot pink and lemon one I’ve seen; I have a turquoise and gold – both of which are definitely summer) knee-length dress with gold or silver shoes, as appropriate.

   2. Your instincts to look for a dressy fabric are good (just take the weather into account — SEUS in June sounds really humid and bordering on hot).
      The dress does not need to be embellished (unless that sounds like fun to you). You might want to use jewelry for embellishment.
      Yes, sandals work for shoes. You may want to look for your sandals/handbag together so you can find shoes/handbag that look like they belong together in the same outfit (they don’t have to match).
      Yes, lulus works for your teenage daughters.

      1. When I am unsure of an event I opt for something pretty neutral like a black dress in an appropriate fabric and then dress up with accessories. If it turns out I am overdressed I take off a necklace or earrings. It generally works and no one ever pays that much attention to other people’s clothing anyway.

         1. I would certainly notice a wedding guest dressed in a black dress.

            1. Heavens.

            2. Really, I’ve stood out for wearing black at a funeral in the SEUS! I think wearing black to a wedding would come across as a fish out of water New Yorker (especially in June).

            3. I mean it’s very silly, but I’d avoid black at a Southern, summer wedding – it does read very Yankee!

         2. That is why I said “avoid black”! I realize that black at a wedding in many places is completely appropriate, but it really does strike the wrong note in the South – particularly in June. Assuming the bride’s family is local, it will make a bad impression if the groom’s family ignores what they may view as basic etiquette.

            Honestly, particularly if this is a daytime wedding, I would be surprised if they mean for the guests to show up in black tie. It is likely that it would only be the wedding party and parents. But I still think it is best to ask.

            1. Oh good grief, so substitute another appropriate neutral like navy or a different lighter blue. The advice still works.

               Although as someone who has never had the goal of blending in at a SEUS or other regional location wedding (except for maybe other NY-like cities) I don’t know that looking like you’re from NY is something that I would lose any sleepover.

            2. Oh good grief – abiding by the cultural norms of the place you are going and of your hosts (who I presume are the bride’s family) is just good manners.

               When I went to a Hindu wedding I asked an Indian-American work friend for advice and she told me to avoid black, white and red. I followed her suggestion because I was not interested in being rude or insensitive. I assume OP has the same intention, which is why she is asking.

   3. Brocade is a winter fabric. I would go with a lighter fabric such as silk or organza in a longer length and a dark color such as navy. The long length and the dark color will read black tie, and the softer fabric will bring in the “optional” part. If it were truly black tie I’d wear something more structured that would qualify as a proper evening gown.

2. I have a finance client dinner next week in NYC. I would have worn a dark wool suit pre-COVID but I haven’t been to NYC except as a tourist since 2019 and have no idea what people wear for things like this now. I work in my company’s branch office now, not in midtown. Clients will mainly be 25 YO finance guys coming straight from the trading floor. I may be older than their moms. What should I wear? Business-type DVF knee-length shirt dress with tights and block heels? Dark pants, blouse, lady jacket? I am lost.

   1. I’d still wear your dark wool suit. That scene hasn’t changed.

      1. the other thing I’d suggest is if you had a dark The Fold top with coordinated pants – something very structured and suit-like.

      2. It has definitely changed since the pandemic. My husband is a trader and wears a polo or t-shirt and a patagonia sweatshirt to the floor most days now. He also does lots of dinners like this in NY. When he’s the client, he wears his normal clothes. When he’s taking out a client, he wears a button down and slacks. No tie, no jacket. I would not wear a full suit, but either of the other two outfits you list out above would be fine. It comes down to personal preference.

         1. I don’t know about his sense here, I work in finance and do dinner in NY all the time and don’t see men or women this casual. It does depend on where you’re going but I would err on the side of a blazer and dressier.

            1. Agree. Blazers seem to have made a comeback this fall.

   2. I wouldn’t wear a full suit, but either of the other two outfits you listed seem fine. I am a dress person, so personally I would go with the dress.

      1. I would wear a suit if you have one you love that’s current, it’s very on trend. I wouldn’t do a suit just to do a suit, that’s not necessary.

   3. I think it depends a bit on the nature of the client – lots of hedge funds and market makers are trending tech company casual, while the asset managers and investment banks are still relatively formal. I get a lot of play out of wide-legged pants or dress paired with a non-matching blazer or lady jacket. I even get away with (cute) sneakers most of the time. I agree that unless you are dining with the most senior of leadership, a suit will not be necessary and may even be a smidge out of place.

      1. +1

   4. I’m a lawyer and I wear full suits all the time, so I’m still comfortable in a full suit (though I always wear them with a shirt that I could wear on its own – no more silk shells for me, so I can drop the blazer). But honestly, my sense is that the standards have really broadened. Any of the outfits you describe would be entirely appropriate. I would wear whatever you feel most confident in.

   5. I am in finance and go out with providers often. I would never wear a suit to these functions and would never expect anyone on the provider side to wear suits either. Wide leg slacks with a tucked in blouse or a business/business casual dress would be fine – a more casual/fashionable blazer would not be out of place but a full suit would definitely be out of place.

3. For the person wanting pastry dough recipe: I use crisco

   3 cups flour (do not weigh it, you want it on the heavy side)
   1 tsp salt > sift, or floof with fork
   1.5 cups Crisco – cut in with pastry blender. DO NOT USE food processor or blender, it doesn’t work as well and makes crust too crumbly.
   When crisco bits are size of peas, mix in 4-6 T ice water depending on how humid it is. Dough should form a ball without effort (not crumble whatsoever).

   Cut in 2 pieces, 60/40 ratio (approx), flatten into disc, plastic wrap
   Stick in freezer for 20-30 minutes or fridge for 1-2 hours.

   Roll out – rolling mat or stone cutting board, flour well. Larger piece is for bottom crust.

   This makes too much crust for either a 9″ or 10″ pie, so you can make a few jam tarts!

   1. I am committed to the America’s Test Kitchen pie crust with vodka. It’s on the NYTimes site too as “Foolproof Pie Dough.” I don’t use a food processor — I work everything in with my fingers because I literally get the right feel for the consistency. The vodka makes the dough wetter and easier to handle and then evaporates during baking to keep everything nice and flaky. Good luck with your baking.

   2. I have tried many pie crust recipes and methods, and there is just nothing better than Crisco and the old-fashioned pastry blender.

   3. I’ve been having good luck with half butter (for taste) and half Spectrum organic vegetable shortening (for flakiness). Spectrum is made with only non-hydrogenated palm oil, and I like the texture better with that than with Crisco’s mix of soybean and palm oils.

      1. +1 I’ve always used half butter and half shortening, which is a tip I got from Sally’s Baking Addiction.

   4. My family’s pie crust recipe uses oil and it comes out great every time. Single 9″ crust (double for double crust and use the extra to make cinnamon rollups with butter and cinnamon sugar)

      1C + 2TBS flour
      1/2 tsp salt
      1/3C oil
      2 TBS ice water

      just stir with a fork and roll it out.

      1. PS. touch it as little as possible both to keep cold and avoid any oils from your skin messing with it. I refrigerate the other half if I’m making a double crust, and roll between wax paper

4. I feel bad about my body lately. I’ve gained a few (10ish) lbs, have all the fitness equipment at home but do nothing, am not motivated to walk, none of my clothes make me feel Wow (probably because of the new weight distribution), I was single for the holidays after leaving a 4-year relationship this fall, I guess I’m looking for a few baby step ways to help improve how I feel before – call it April. That feels so far away and yet also so soon. I need realistic. Sigh.

   1. Bundle up and go for a walk. It can be a few minutes of looking at lights, to the store, whatever. Just go. Movement, fresh air and sunshine if you have it where you are, goes a long way toward feeling better about things.

   2. Buy an outfit that fits current you and makes you feel fabulous.

   3. I mean take it slow but also that’s what January 1 is for
      Maybe try one new feel-good goal each week

      Tbh I like signing up for 5K walk/runs. I would never do that on my own but I will pay money to a charity to do one. And I’ll go for walks and runs during the week to ensure I’m not last on the weekend race. Then I have endorphins going and it’s a good weekend, single or not

   4. I went through a similar inability to get moving a year ago. I volunteered to walk dogs each week for the local human society. I got some exercise each week, they (the dogs) relied on me which prevented me from skipping it, and it improved my outlook each week. if you like animals, might be something to consider.

      1. Human society got me giggling at the image of volunteering to walk humans!

   5. This works for me when I hit a demotivated zone — I break down the prep for an activity into really small steps. I’m not getting ready for a workout, I’m just pulling on my workout clothes, that’s enough. I’m not going to the workout room, I’m simply filling my water bottle. Try and stop thinking about the end goal because it can be too daunting. Pretty soon you are fully geared up and it feels ridiculous not to go work out. This really helps with cycling because the amount of prep and gear I pull on for a cold weather ride is ridiculous. But not as ridiculous as having padded bibs on and NOT going for a ride!

      Can work for the previous poster’s suggestion of going for a walk (which I highly recommend, outside air especially with sun is such a mood booster) — I’m putting on my walking shoes. I’m putting on my coat. I’m walking around the block. Oh, this feels good, I’ll walk a little longer.

   6. Still thinking about this one but if you feel more down than usual – sad, slow, unmotivated – and it’s been going on awhile – definitely ask a doctor. May be a thyroid issue, may be fixable with SSRI or hey check in with your favorite therapist or BFF. But physical / mental overlap is real and you can address them both with professional help

   7. My usual methods of motivating myself are to sign up for a fitness class that’s fun and to drop some cash on cute workout clothes that I am excited to wear. My dog-walking outfits are more put-together than my WFH outfits.

5. Perhaps I’m easily amused, but one of the first things I did this morning is look up the tracking for a package I ordered weeks ago to see where in the US it is today. If it arrives, it may well have traveled to more states than I’ve visited, and I’ve been to most! There’s one every year – might as well get some entertainment out of it, I suppose.

   1. I have one that has actually been within a short drive of my house at least 3 times. It’s currently 4 states away. I don’t understand the system, but will just be happy it will show up at some point.

      1. Same! As far as I can tell, when things work as designed, they work well. Once something goes sideways, though, it REALLY goes sideways.

   2. Heh I had one that they kept trying to deliver, and failing, even though I was here the whole time. They finally said they were unable to deliver and gave me a refund, then it showed up the next day. Crazy!

6. I do not understand this fixation with being in the office, particularly by men who want to get away from their families. Just because you hate your family/your house is chaotic doesn’t mean everyone is in that situation. Stop being such a grinch.

   1. Work from home is probably, on balance, a negative for me. But man do I appreciate it for days like today, when little is getting done that isn’t strictly necessary but I simply don’t have the days to take off. I’m really grateful to be wfh today!

      Sorry you’re dealing with that. Hopefully they don’t really hate their families but whatever their problem is the grinchiness needs to stop!

   2. I do believe that men prefer being in the office as a way of avoiding household duties, much in the way that they take up golf as a way of being gone for an entire weekend day.

      But besides this, it’s a matter of “optics” and control, butts-in-seats, and giving middle managers something visible to manage. And then there’s the civic pressure to provide customers for restaurants, dry cleaners, parking garages, drugstores, and all the other center city/downtown businesses.

      Of course, it’s rarely productive and not cost effective, and it’s terrible for the environment. Do some people abuse it? Sure. Some people waste in-office time too, but it’s a little harder, and some industries tolerate it more than others.

      It doesn’t work for me at all, as an introverted, highly sensitive, knowledge worker who needs quiet. But I’m not given a choice, and fewer choices all the time.

      1. I think a lot of it is refusing to learn to manage in a new way.

   3. Eh. I am working at a hotel currently and wish I could be in the office. I am much more productive in the office and have the option to be home two days a week but choose to go in four or five times a week, at least for part of the day (I have a short commute).

   4. I mean I enjoy going to the office to get away from the chaos too, it’s not only the men.

      1. Sure, but do you force other people to come into the office just because it’s what you prefer? I understand some people have little kids hyped up on sugar and new toys, I’m glad they have a quiet space to work. I would never advocate for shutting down all access to the office over the holidays even though it would save money on utilities — I don’t need the office therefore no one can have it! I just don’t get people being so hateful about other people’s preferences.

      2. Ditto. I’m paid to do a job and being in the office is a part of that if it’s going to be done well.

   5. This is really sexist. Who is marrying these men who don’t participate in household chores? Opened my own firm in 2019 and have a home office. DH has been WFH since the pandemic. We have a young adult living with us. I love my family but still just rented an office for my firm so I can get away from home, have quiet, and have a place for in person meetings. Zoom works sometimes but face-to-face generates more creativity on our cases. Why do those who like WFH have to be so mean and presumptious about those who prefer an office sometimes?

      1. This. I love the fact that WFH is possible but it isn’t always better even if it’s often doable. There are 1001 things that aren’t important enough for a phone call, text or zoom that I would ask you in person about that probably lead to better work product the end. It’s not always necessary to be in the same space but it’s often helpful.

         1. This is what Slack etc. are for.

            1. It’s really not. It’s what seeing someone in the hallway is for.

            2. I can’t imagine how unresponsive coworkers would need to be online for me to be hoping to happen to run into them in a hallway as an alternative.

            3. 3:51 – It’s not about unresponsive coworkers being in the hallway. That’s just being deliberately obtuse. There are things that you will not bother messaging someone about that you may talk to them about if you’re both in person. Those things often end up being important in lots of ways – whether making the ultimate work productive better or leading to more development opportunities for more junior people. Or leading a junior person to raise an issue they may not feel comfortable doing if they have to send a formal thing about it. You can pretend all this doesn’t matter but it does. There’s a reason so many new to the workforce people are just not that good or prepared or why so many people who accepted remote jobs are not doing that well; it’s hard to develop or build a rapport when you’re mostly working remote.

            4. It’s worth “bothering” to message people. It’s a healthier workplace culture than relying on serendipity. It’s a choice to talk to people more in-person than not to.

         2. I think this relies on the presumption that you’re in a small enough office for you to see people. I WFH and we’re being told to come in for “collaboration” which is fine except over half of my team are in other states so they won’t be in my office ever. So we’ll have to video chat but from whatever available space we can find. I think it’s disingenuous, and I would rather the company just say it’s for commercial real estate purposes.

         3. I’m 100% WFH and love it and will never ever willingly give it up (my husband is also remote in the summers and we spend a couple months every summer living in Europe, vacationing in a new city every weekend, without having to use any PTO) but I acknowledge my career has taken a hit. You definitely lose out on building relationships when you’re remote, especially when much of the rest of your team is working together in person.

      2. No, it’s the in-office people who are being mean and presumptuous by forcing everyone to come in the office over the holidays when it’s not necessary. By all means, enjoy your in-office space! But don’t force everyone to come keep you company.

         1. I think you’re missing that people aren’t looking for your “company,” they’re looking to do their jobs more easily. That’s not the same thing. People who WFH when most are in the office make that harder. If you have too much going on right now, take vacation.

            1. No, they are making folks come in to the office rather than allowing a more flexible holiday-style situation. It IS mean-spirited to make folks who prefer to WFH come in during the Christmas holidays.

            2. I’m working this weekend thanks to our in office policy this past week. I’m heads down on a project that’s due Monday eob, but the chatter in the hallways on Thursday and Friday made it impossible for me to concentrate. If I’d been able to WFH I would be done now and thinking about brunch with friends.

         2. It’s not “mean.” If you need the time off then take the time off. Honestly I get annoyed when my colleagues take weeks off around the holidays, but at least I know they aren’t pretending to work and are taking the time off they’ve earned.

            1. Agree. If you’re working, work. If you need the time off, take vacation.

            2. Do you think people who are WFH aren’t working? Do you think they’re working any harder if you force them into the office against their will?

7. Is One Kings Lane legit? I just bought a 9 x12 wool rug for $60, it’s listed on the Ralph Lauren site for over $7K. Shipping was $100, but still. I’m confused how this is possible. I bought 3 total, retail would be over 20K , and with shipping I spent $870. I used Amex in case this never show up or something. I’ve never shopped there before. Lauren Ralph Lauren rugs if your interested.

   1. They only have 2 stars on Trustpilot, and lots and lots of negative reviews. I guess if you get your product, great. But be prepared it might not show up.

   2. I’ve ordered from them in the past with no issues, but it was a long time ago so the name may have been sold since then.

   3. I ordered from them years ago and it was legit but not that cheap, if anything it competed with major retailers. My guess is the price was an error and your purchase ends up cancelled.

      1. I’m wondering the same. I’ll have to give an update in a few weeks. as long as I have rugs or a refund before the credit card statement comes!

   4. I’ve ordered from them in the distant past (pre Covid) and I’ve been happy.

8. My baby is learning to eat and wow the mess is worse than I pictured. My vacuum is a corded model that doesn’t actually work very well. I’m thinking about buying a new cordless vacuum that has a good handheld tool. Will this actually make my life easier right now or am I just trying to throw money at a problem? Obviously many of the foods involved aren’t vacuumable (yogurt….) but some are.

   1. We used to joke about installing a floor drain…

      I would just keep a hand broom very close by. Easier to pull out than a vacuum and there isn’t much that a vacuum will get that a hand broom won’t (unless you have carpet. In which case, get the best vacuum you can afford and start saving for new carpet).

   2. the most efficient option is getting a dog. lol. but the shark wandvac is awesome and under $100 on sale all the time. you will love it. Kids are messy for years!

   3. Or get a dog…. My dog knew the best spot in the house was under the high chair!

      1. +1 for a dog. My best friend and I joke that we don’t understand how people have babies/toddlers without one.

      2. Each of my two dogs gained about 3-4 pounds when my two kids were toddlers. Be warmed that dried oatmeal on the back of the neck (where the dog cannot reach it) can be a mess.

      3. I love this idea! Just be careful about grapes, raisins, xylitol, macadamia nuts, and other stuff that’s really dangerous for dogs.

   4. I put an old shower curtain liner under the highchair to catch everything my baby dropped/threw. Worked great and it was easy to rinse off in the kitchen sink. Not much help for when baby wanders around with a fistful of cheerios, but perfect for wet foods at mealtimes.

   5. Put down a small tarp and call it a day.

   6. Would a plastic table cloth you can put under their highchair or seat work better?

   7. We have a 16 month old and a catchy. It’s amazing – every once in a while she manages to throw food far enough that it lands on the floor, but the vast majority of meals everything lands on the catchy (which is easy to wipe clean). Best purchase ever.

   8. For me a large brush and dustpan are much more convenient than a vacuum for cleaning up dry food messes.

   9. I got a cheap broom and used a damp cloth wrapped around the broom to sweep it up. The cloth was rinsed and thrown in the laundry after every meal. Once a week I rinsed down the high chair in the shower and put the cover in the wash. After the first child I never bothered with the cover.

   10. I got myself a robot mop/broom. I also have always been a shoes off in the house person, but I now wear fuzzy socks or slippers so I can’t feel the crumbs between cleanings. I definitely wouldn’t go for a cordless vacuum unless your current vacuum is really terrible because corded ones tend to be much more powerful than cordless. I think it’s very funny to see the folks here advocating for a dog because when I asked for tips on getting a dog when you’ve got a little kid on the mom site they said that I was insane for considering it.

9. Wondering if others have had this experience. We just met my brother’s kid’s (“kid” as in nearly 30) serious gf. Her personality is JUST like my brother, and she is driving him nuts. I find this to be hysterical. My brother is not a self aware person. He does not realize that all of the things he finds annoying about the gf — those are the things I’ve been telling him my entire life that he does and it’s annoying. I am so enjoying telling him, yes you’re absolutely right, it IS annoying when someone explains your own field of study to you! Or fact checks everything you say only to confirm that you’re right but they nitpick about something anyway! Or disagrees with you about something you are very knowledgeable about because they read an article once (excuse me, saw a tik tok) that said XYZ! Omg I can’t imagine what it might be like to be around someone who does those things!!!

   I feel like I’ve used up all my little sister karma on my nephew finding this girl. And you know what, worth it. She is lovely. A lovely, kind, caring, well-meaning know it all who is totally oblivious to how much she aggravates my know it all brother. It’s a Christmas miracle.

   1. Nothing to add, just keeping you gleeful company as you bask in the situation.

   2. I have something of a similar situation! Ever since FIL moved back to his hometown, he’s been spending more time with his sister. I am not telling it to his face, but I hear his complaints about her, and a mean voice in my head is like “yep, it is exhausting indeed to have someone talk everything to death and be overly emotionally invested in things that don’t concern them, and just worry about nothing all day”.

10. hoping for some relaxing and low effort california trip ideas. I want to combine a long weekend getaway with a family visit in LA at the end.

    context: I’m in the midwest and single. I don’t drive and don’t enjoy camping. Open to resorts. I did a long weekend in Monterrey last year, and SF 10 years ago.

    extra context:
    relative lives in LA and I’m being asked by family to visit while they go through a rough patch this year. To be blunt and honest: this is a family obligation to me, I would not make a trip otherwise, and California and LA are not destinations of interest to me.

    1. Go to Santa Barbara! It’s gorgeous. Then you can drive to LA and deal with family stuff.

       1. Oops just saw you don’t drive! LA is hard without driving to begin with but there are short flights and train routes between SB and LA.

       2. You can take the train from LA to Santa Barbara and it’s a gorgeous ride.

    2. If you like to walk (like a mile or so is doable/fun for you), would stay in Culver City for the long weekend! The Shay or The Culver Hotel. Taxi or ride share from LAX and then you won’t need a car once you’re there. There’s tons of restaurants, shops, coffee shops, and a move theater within a one mile radius. Near the Shay there is also a Milk & Honey spa or if that’s not in the budget get a mani/pedi at Common Canvas nail salon where they offer treatments outside which makes it much more relaxing in my opinion. The E line train is also right there and you can take that west to Santa Monica or east the downtown LA including the science center and natural history museum.

       I agree Santa Barbara is beautiful but if you’re truly looking for car-free I think Culver would be good. I’m a local and am happy to offer more specific suggestions!

       1. Is Culver City nice now?!? When I was in college in LA 25 years ago it was definitely not a walkable tourist area. You did not go there unless you had a reason, which for me was an ancient ice skating rink.

    3. Big Sur is amazing. The Monterey airport is not too far. Post Ranch Inn is incredible if you have a BIG budget but there are other nice resorts in the area. Yosemite and Tahoe are also great for nature stuff, but I think harder to reach without a car (especially Yosemite). Napa has an amazing food and wine scene and if you stay in Yountville you wouldn’t need a car. You can get car service to Napa from the Bay Area airports.

       I don’t really like Santa Barbara. I lived in California for 10 years and visited most of the major tourist spots and SB was my least favorite place. It seemed like there was absolutely nothing to do (except maybe high-end shopping? I dunno, I’m not a shopper) and the food scene really underwhelmed me. If you’re looking for a beach town in SoCal, I prefer San Diego or some of the towns in OC.

       1. Santa Barbara is walkable, though. I did a whole week there without a car. I stayed on the waterfront and walked to court every day, walked to restaurants, and walked along the beach every evening.

    4. The not driving makes Southern California more complicated. It would be helpful if you could let us know where the relative is located; LA County is huge and the traffic just makes it more complicated. Also what time of year? What do you like to do?

       In your place I would not do anything that requires flying (Big Sur is beautiful but getting to and from the airports with no car would eat up a lot of a long weekend trip.). You could take the train to Santa Barbara and then Uber to the Mission, Botanical Garden, etc. This is a better option if you are not visiting in the winter. You could also head out to Pasadena (which is on a Metro line but you can also Uber) and hit up the several good museums (the Norton Simon and Huntington in particular with a side trip to the Gamble House if you are interested in architecture), have a spa day, do some shopping and eat some great food. Or you could fly into San Diego, spend a few days there (downtown or Coronado given the “no driving”), take the train up to Los Angeles (if you have time stop at San Juan Capistrano on the way up and visit the Mission) and then fly out of LAX or Burbank depending on where live.

       1. Not driving makes CA really tough. Like yes, you can get to places but you’ll spend a fortune having Uber take you around and that’s not always reliable. If you really cannot drive and are in LA, my vote would be book time at Shutters by the beach and explore around there and Venice beach. Generally walkable and cheaper Uber.

          1. +1, I have lived in all the major cities/areas up and down the coast in SoCal (SB, OC, LA, SD) and it is pretty much infeasible to get around without a car unless you are prepared to spend a fortune on Uber/Lyft. Public transit isn’t reliable enough for all but a few areas.

    5. The very nicest resort I’ve been to in the LA area is Terrenea in Rancho Palos Verdes. Stupidly expensive but OMG SO NICE. Right by the beach, great food, gorgeous spa…

11. A friendly acquaintance texted me to invite me to a holiday party next weekend. I assume my husband is invited because our husbands know each other better than we do, but I have no idea about the kids. What’s the most tactful way to ask if kids are included? I don’t mind either way and we’ll go regardless and of course don’t want to bring kids if it’s intended to be an adult party, but I’d hate to leave my kids at home if there’ll be other kids at the party for them to play with.

    1. I’d reply with something like “Thanks for the invite! HusbandName and I are looking forward to it! Is the party for kids as well or is it adults only? Either way works for us – just let us know.”

       1. Yep, just ask.

12. Help me pick between the Monos Carry-On Plus and the Monos Expandable Carry-On. I already have the basic Monos Carry-On, which works great for a 3-4 day business trip. The second luggage will be for longer trips and so that spouse and I have matching luggage when going on vacation.

    1. I don’t know that line, but the very best thing I’ve bought myself is checked luggage. Not carryon sized at all, but a big giant suitcase for vacations. I’ll pack strategically for business trips but now I can take all my cute clothes and fun outfits on vacation. Checking a suitcase also makes me so much happier when I get on the plane and don’t have any associated overhead stress. Airlines changed the rules too so checked luggage comes quickly now. All to say, look in a different section, I have expandable carryon from another brand and it is nothing close to a real suitcase.

    2. I have the Carry-On Pro and I love it. Between the two you are looking at, I think I’d get the Expandable and I’d probably check it rather than carry it on.

    3. I don’t have any insight into this brand specifically but I always go for the expandable carry on option, all things being equal. I want to be able to pick up souvenirs if I’m in a cool location. The expandable option allows me to get a bottle of whiskey or a couple of mugs from a cool potter and check the bag on the way home.

13. Anyone else have really tricky veins for blood draws? My employer gives us extra HSA money if we complete certain wellness things, including bloodwork. I went to the lab this morning (yes, I left this very last minute) and after trying and failing to get a vein 4 times in each arm (including “digging” for the vein which was as fun as it sounds) they told me they had to give up and my only option was to come back on Monday and try again. I decided the HSA money isn’t worth the additional time for a trip + the pain and suffering, but I’m annoyed.

    1. It helps to be super-hydrated. Like that’s not a real term but just drink a ton of water the few days right before

       And also I usually do things like make fists and clench my arm muscles and raise my arms above my shoulder and pump a few times every ten to 15 minutes in the hour or 2 before I have bloodwork. It seems dumb and isn’t scientific but my personal anecdote is it gets the blood flowing where it’s suppose to -into their needles

    2. Agreed, I skip fasting unless my doctor requires it for the test. I’m not a morning person and avoid blood draws during times that I’m less excited about. I try to eat a snack beforehand and take a fast walk/take the stairs to get my body moving. I keep my arms warm ahead of the draw. I would also tell them you have tricky veins and ask if someone there is particularly good to schedule with.

       1. My experience is that asking for someone good at tricky blood draws usually just offends the staff and you also get people’s egos involved where someone who is new and inexperienced won’t admit it, and it makes them more determined to prove you wrong.
          I have the same issue as OP and have to have blood drawn often for a thyroid issue. There are a few people at my local lab I know by name who are good and I’ll request them if available but I’venever have good luck just asking for someone skilled.

          1. I’ll agree with OP and disagree with 9:09. Telling the staff that you are a tough stick and explicitly asking for the best person in the office has worked just fine for me. Typically, they know exactly who that is. I wouldn’t just say, oh people usually have a hard time with me – I would explicitly say, I’d like to request whoever is best at doing draws from people with really tough veins.

          2. That’s annoying that they won’t pass you to someone who is good with tricky veins. I also used to get near to fainting with every draw (now I request to lie down and make sure I’m hydrated), and in my experience everyone was happy to pass me to the really good person in the lab when they saw I was nervous.

    3. I need to get blood draws every month and have hard to find veins. I need to be super hydrated as stated above, and warm, if my hands and arms are cold its’ a no go. I also pump my fists and hold a tight fist until the needle is in. I also ask them to use a pediactric needle. They can also draw from the back of your hand if they can’t get a vein in the inner arm (warning, it hurts more). There are also good and not so good phlebotomists so ask for the best person available. I actually time my appointments to the schedule of the two phlebotomists I really like.

    4. Another tip that hasn’t been said – I try and do some exercise before the draw, get the blood pumping. The one time I went straight from rock climbing to my prenatal appointment they said my veins were amazing and it was such an easy blood draw.

    5. I also have tricky veins. Another tip along with the ones mentioned below: ask them to use a child’s needle. It’s smaller and can be easier to get the vein than an adult one. This really comes down to nurse skill though so if the person isn’t hitting the vein after a try or two, they need to get someone more experienced to help.

14. Cute dress

Comments are closed.