Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Marta Leather Midi Skirt
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Would this midi-length leather skirt be a wildly impractical purchase? Yes. Does it make me want it any less? Absolutely not. We’ve discussed whether leather can be worn to the office in the past, and I think Kat’s advice is spot-on. Obviously, it’s always going to be a know-your-office situation, but make sure it’s high-quality and fits well, and pair it with a more conservative top, like a button-up or silk blouse.
If black isn’t your thing, this also comes in a reddish-brown, but lucky sizes only.
The skirt is $895 at A.L.C. and comes in sizes 00-14.
Sales of note for 1/1/25 (HAPPY NEW YEAR!):
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started — up to 60% off! See our roundup here.
- AllSaints – Now up to 60% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
- Ann Taylor – Semi Annual Sale! Up to 40% off your purchase; extra 60% off 3+ styles
- Banana Republic Factory – The Winter Sale: 50% off everything + extra 60% off clearance
- Boden – Sale, up to 60% + extra 10% — readers love this blazer, these dresses, and their double-layer line of tees
- DeMellier – Sale now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
- Eloquii – Semi-annual clearance, up to 85% off; extra 60% off clearance
- Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off — reader favorites include their scoop tee, Dream Pant, ReNew Transit backpack, silk blouses and their oversized blazers!
- J.Crew – 25% off full-price styles; up to 50% off cashmere; 70% off 3+ sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 60% off winter faves; extra 25% off $100+
- L.K. Bennett – All sale half price or less
- M.M.LaFleur – 30% on almost everything with code
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off fall and winter styles
- Sephora – Extra 20% off sale items for Beauty Insider members
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
- Summersalt – BOGO sweaters, including this reader-favorite sweater blazer
- Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – 40% off + 25% off, sale on sale!
- Universal Standard – 25 styles for $25, 1/1 only
for those that are first generation, with immigrant parents, tell me about challenges with other friends or spouses not understanding their ways, idiosyncracies….these seem to be highlighted at the holidays
Immigrants are the first generation
No, the first generation born here is the first generation.
Incorrect. https://immigrationinitiative.harvard.edu/topic/first-and-second-generation/ Also, I minored in Ethnic Studies and Asian-American Studies.
I’m 2nd gen (second gen born here, so my dad is 1st gen born here and my grandparents were immigrants).
Both definitions are common amongst my friends with immigrant parents.
There’s also the term “generation 1.5” for those who were born here (1 generation) to parents who spent half their lives here (0.5).
1.5 generation are those who came here as a child. They are technically immigrants, but grew up here. See link above.
Okay that link is not the be all end all, especially since people are chiming in with their actual life experiences
I swear it is SO on-brand for this place to nitpick over terminology rather than answering the OP’s question. Someone even had to drag her degree out for the argument – pathetic, honestly.
As a first generation immigrant, the degree lady is right and so are you!
Right? Good Lord.
OP of that comment – To be fair, this is the only time those degrees have served me at all in the past 2 decades. Had to get my loans’ worth for that name drop. Don’t let your children major/minor in these studies, as all it does is annoy you when people use the wrong terminology.
I have immigrant parents and I was born in the US and I consider myself 2nd generation. In any case, I have no idea what question you are asking here so I’m not sure how to respond. I am married to another 2nd generation from the same culture and they’re traditions and expectations are so different from mine that I think it’s just a different families and upbringing thing, having nothing to do with immigrant/non-immigrant.
Thank you so much for your comment! You just helped me articulate something about my own experience. I’m an immigrant. After a few years in the U.S., I married someone not only from my home country but who had gone to the same high school. Our families couldn’t have been more different. Total culture shock for both me and my in-laws (less so for my spouse and my parents, I think because spouse had been educated similarly to me and my family).
Before that marriage, I was in a serious relationship with somebody of a different religion who had been born on a different continent. Yet, because of commonalities of how European “bourgeois” culture spread through colonialism, I actually had more in common with that partner’s family. Super ironic!
This is so vague
Glad you feel affirmed
It was vague on purpose, because I didn’t think I needed to specify countries of origin and religions to make the point I was making, but maybe I was wrong about that, and if so I apologize. Who knows! It’s been a tough couple of months.
ISO new chapstick with SPF. Any recommendations? I am still mourning the late lamented Kiehl’s butterstick!
Utilitarian, but the Blistex in the dark teal tube. There’s also a classic Chapstick, but in blue, that’s good with SPF.
+1 for Blistex in the dark teal tube
If you want something with tint, e.l.f. has a tinted SPF lip gloss.
For non tint, I like sunbum.
The Jack Black lip balm (SPF 25) is phenomenal! It’s incredibly moisturizing and comes in a variety of flavors / scents (as well as an unscented shea option). Available at both Sephora and Ulta.
I live in the desert and I religiously use Jack Black. It’s the best. The consistency is closer to Aquaphor than chapstick.
2nd this! Love that it has spf and you can get it unscented. Have used it for years, feels really nourishing, especially when so many others just make my lips peel.
I love the butterstick too. I do not know why they discontinued that thing.
I like Banana Boat SPF with Aloe.
I bought the neutrogena revitalizing and moisturizing tinted lip balm spf 20 after seeing it recommended here and I love it.
I haven’t set goals since 2020. More specifically, 2019 for 2020 (ha). I have experienced burnout, loss of family members, and more…like many of you. And now I’m trying to figure out if I have any career motivation left in me. It’s been dormant or maybe dead for so long. I don’t have any specific thoughts. Any suggestions? Any of you just give up on work goals? Anyone get excited again?
A concept I am embracing is the value of stewardship. Being a good steward of the blessings, whether people, resources, and things, that have been given to you or placed in your locus of control. These blessings aren’t all yours forever–you’re just taking care of it for the next person (or a future version of you).
You’re able to apply it pretty broadly across personal, home, and career life. Thinking about being a good steward of your body and health, the money you earn, your home and possessions, the skills you’ve been given, the family you’ve created, etc. is easier than setting specific goals.
Thanks for sharing – I love that framing. If I was OP, I might start with one of those online values card sorting exercises to see what value or values are top for them. Instead of thinking about goals for the year, then think about living your values in a way that’s meaningful and cross boundaries of career, family, community.
I think its fine to not have much career motivation – there’s nothing wrong with doing your job well and not wanting to climb the ladder.
Outside of work, do you feel like you have motivation, goals, or excitement about life? I’m asking, because if this is something you’re experiencing with life in general, the advice would be different than if you’re feeling energized and alive in general, but it’s only at work that you have the sense of feeling dormant, unmotivated, or deadened.
In general. I’ve leaned into time with family given illnesses. But that’s a bit more duty than …motivating or goal oriented. I am not depressed – have been screened! – I have had some sad and grief-filled times. I just think I am waking up a bit from blaming change on the pandemic and now realizing that things will never rubber band back, the world is different, I am different. But I have no real direction other than “getting through” and “enjoying the time I have” … and I thought I made peace with that in ‘23. But I don’t know if this is how I “should” live for another (hopefully) 4-5 decades!
Do you have a significant other? Set their goal as taking you out on a date once a month. Other “goals” that have worked well for funky years are: do one new thing a month and make it the holiday card for 2025, go one hike a month, pick something in your city (music, arts, sports, etc.) and aim to see one game/performance from each team, you get the idea. I also like to do a January goal of spending 5 minutes meditating every morning to start the day (this also works well for Lent).
With that background, there’s no way I’d be starting with career goals when you really want to work on getting back some zest for life more generally. There’s so much more freedom and potential in goals you could set in other areas of your life. (Coming from someone whose primary motivation for working has always been stability.) Whenever I’m feeling blah, I pick up a hobby that one of my loved ones enjoys so we can get into it together, or pick up one of my old childhood interests.
It sounds like “getting through” and “enjoying the time I have” served you well for the past few years, given what you were going through. But you’re right — they’re not long-haul attitudes. (And they sound more suited to an elderly person making the best of distressing-but-unalterable circumstances, than to someone younger and with more possibilities.)
It sounds like you need to re-energize some long-unused ways of thinking and living. Sometimes adding in small activities can begin to get us moving and open the door to bigger change. Could you do something each week or month to experience refreshment or challenge, expand your horizons, do something new, or be creative?
I have been going through something similar for the past 5 years — needing specific career opportunities that allowed for flexibility with a certain salary. What has helped me in that time is trying to focus on acceptance rather than what I’m missing out. I don’t think this is where I’m going to spend my career, but it is serving a purpose now. What has helped is identifying some training opportunities that I could take that at least scratch the itch to do something else.
I agree with others who have said maybe you should goal set other areas of your life (although surviving is a real goal). Your goal for the year could simply be identify 3 things this year that bring you joy and pursue those. The big career goals will always be there.
when I lack motivation to work, it’s usually a sign that I am not feeling valued at my workplace. so the motivation has returned only when I have changed jobs. maybe a job change would be something that would be good for you to get out of the rut?
A former boss once told me to view your job as a balance of things you like to do and things you don’t, and that winning is when you’re doing more of the types of things you like. I agree with that take. When I’m feeling most energized is when I’m working on something novel, requiring deep thought, or with public validation. I try to find a project or two that aligns to keep me most jazzed. I started out as an editor and now oversee my company’s research and speaking gigs and frequently set up panels and moderate. I would have felt overwhelmed if I had aimed specifically for that out of the gate. But a few fun projects here and there have led me here now–where I’d say my balance is about 80 percent things that make me feel creative and engaged and happy and another 15 percent or so neutral and 5 percent or so sucky. My advice would be to think about what you do and don’t like and try to find projects that get you more in the like bucket so you can continue to shift that balance over time.
You got some beautiful replies already. Rather than give you advice, I’ll share some surprising things I’ve come across as I started to emerge from burnout after a number of brutal years. Because even though I consider myself pretty psychologically sophisticated, and I *knew* I was burned out + had read ALL the burnout books, I couldn’t have anticipated how the past few months have gone.
First of all, I had to stop. I really mean “had to,” because I’d been slowing down for two years and that hadn’t helped. I also mean “had to” because circumstances aligned to make me, maybe not in the most desirable way imaginable, but in retrospect I’m immensely grateful.
The initial weeks after stopping I was terrified that I was frozen/stuck/broken, and that I’d never come out of it. Despite resting a lot, I had no energy. I’ve had enough experiences of depression in my life that I was confident this wasn’t depression. Finally, I planned a vacation in nature, because I couldn’t think of anything else to do anyway. That didn’t “fix” me, but it helped me slow down even more. I also went to a functional medicine doctor and found out that, among other things, my saliva cortisol was in the basement, despite no signs of organic causes (all the right antecedents were present in my blood) — a phenomenon medicine hasn’t reached consensus about, but I would call it a gauge of burnout.
I spent a lot of time moving very slowly, only doing things that attracted my interest, for as long as they felt good. I started to address my health by changing not just what but how I ate, hiking, getting morning ligtht every day, and eventually improving my sleep. One thing that supported me to continue along these lines was reading “Rest Is Resistance.” Bless Tricia Hersey’s heart!
Eventually, circumstances conspired to spark my interest in a project I wouldn’t have thought I had energy for. But, surprise! Somehow working on it weirdly gave me energy. And then all kinds of synchronicities started to line up in support of me continuing to work on the project. Six months in, I’m not 100% back, but I haven’t felt so good in years, I’m finding allies for my new work, and my creativity is going bananas. I still don’t know how I’m going to replace the income from the thing I did for too long that led to the burnout, but I’m entering 2025 with hope, and more importantly, with renewed energy.
I want to acknowledge that it was a tremendous privilege to be able to go about it the way I did, for as long as I did. I had to dip into my savings for sure, but it was so, so needed. If I had to, or if I had told myself that I had to, I could have kept going by sheer force of will for a while, but I’m sure I would have gotten very sick, and sooner rather than later.
Wishing anyone who’s going through anything like this all the support and self-compassion you can find!
Also, regarding specifically the career goals question, I recently bought and (re)read the second edition of Herminia Ibarra’s Working Identity book about career transitions at the recommendation of someone in the comments here, and I cannot recommend it enough.
Happy almost New Year! We are trying to declutter our cluttered house, and I’m struggling with what to do with old gifts. Our house is stuffed with board games that we haven’t played, books we haven’t read, sweaters we haven’t worn… all of which we might use some day, and feels disrespectful to give away without giving them a college try. (Or, games we played once, but haven’t touched in 2 years.) But at this point it’s 100s of small items in every single room.
Can anyone offer a frame of reference, or a system for choosing which to keep and which to get rid of?
Think about how happy Woody was in toy story when there was finally another kid to play with him!
Take it to Goodwill or a thrift store or an elementary school and let it live its life!
yes, my most useful mental approach is ‘I’m not using this, and someone else probably really wants this. By giving this away, I’m letting this item be used and appreciated’
Would you buy TODAY it at full price with your own money?
If not, toss or give away.
My local Buy Nothing Group on Facebook is fantastic.
Donate, donate, donate!
I hate throwing things in the trash, but board games and books in good condition should be able to go to a good home. People regularly post in our neighborhood facebook group when they have things to give away. In my area, the libraries also take used books and sell them at booksales to raise money for the library.
I like to think of it as a waste of money for whoever bought me the gift for it to not be used. I know that as a gift giver if it won’t be used, I’d much rather it a) be returned and exchanged for something they’d rather have or b) donated and used by someone who needs or wants it.
My parents are involved in a charity that provides all sorts of home furnishings to those who really need them. I was always pro-donation, but seeing people get stuff they really need has made me really, really pro-donation. Like, a kid who had to share a bed with a sibling getting their own bed or a woman who left an abusive partner getting her own apartment and getting your hand me down toaster.
Get rid of it. Anything you don’t want. Donate, give it to facebook freecycle groups, call 800 junk, whatever. You deserve to live without random clutter.
It sounds like the grid you’re using (or at least part of it), is:
• Could we use this someday?
• It’s disrespectful not to keep something someone gave me.
I’d discard both of these. The first one, because the answer is most often “yes” (especially if you’re a creative thinker) and that thinking will keep you paralyzed and unable to get rid of anything. The second, for the same reason. If the fact that someone (maybe on a whim!) gave you a gift now means that you need to adjust your house to make room for that gift and also add “give it a college try” to your to-do list . . . that’s an impossible way to live!
Instead: “How much room do I have to store board games?” I want to keep them in that bookcase, and we have way more than can fit there, so I’ll keep our favorites ones and move the rest of them out of the house (donate, trash, recycle).
Or, “How much room do I have to store sweaters in a way that makes sense for my closet? If I have this one shelf, then I’ll keep that many and move the rest of them out of my house.”
Or, “How much room do I have for storing things in this room, if I didn’t have piles of stuff everywhere? OK, I only have that one bookshelf, the closet, and that cabinet. That means that everything that doesn’t easily fit in there needs to leave the house.”
This is, by the way, Dana K White’s “container concept” — you can keep anything you want (even board games you don’t play, unread books, and unworn sweaters), but only the amount of it that fits into the space you actually have.
Yes and also…. Change “someday” to “now”. Do we use this NOW?
For whatever reason if the answer is no… give away.
Our library has games and puzzles to check out. Give to the library. Give to goodwill. Throw it away. Just get it out
Thanks for this response, really helpful. I struggle with gifts too, and need to say to myself, Just because someone gave me a gift years ago does not mean I have to keep it *for the rest of my life.* The longer I’ve had something, the harder this is to do. But, for example, I finally gave away a wooden doll bed (with hand sewn coverlet) and some dolls from childhood through my neighborhood Buy Nothing group, and the mother and little girls who received these were soooo happy and they named one of the dolls after me! She sent me pictures of her girls playing. So much better than stored in my garage. It still gives me warm fuzzy feelings and has helped me with the decision to let go of other stuff I’ve kept for years. I wish I’d let the stuff go much sooner.
I totally agree. Buy Nothing also reminds me that if I need a blue turtleneck or Clue game down the road, I bet I can find one or something similar enough. That takes away a lot of my clinging onto things tendencies.
I think that this example of the doll bed is a perfect refence point. For your unused or lightly used items, there are tons of people who will want them and use them. I’m excited when I find things like this that I also want and will use at thrift stores. And so when I downsize my belongings, I remember that someone will be happy to find the “treasure” that isn’t a treasure to me at this life stage.
My mom used this framework when she sent her wedding china to Goodwill because she never liked it or used it. It was in perfect condition and beautiful – but it wasn’t her style and didn’t fit her lifestyle. I’m confident someone was super happy to find the dishes.
Someone wants your stuff. It doesn’t need to be you.
And if you’re trying to get rid of a lot of stuff, and it sounds like you are, you don’t have to find the perfect home for every item. Do a clean out. Get it out of your life. You’ll feel lighter and free. I promise!
The china is a hard one. I always think (hope?) maybe I can find a collector but then I don’t do the research. I’m afraid there’s not a market for it anymore. It was my grandmother’s and I don’t think it was rare or anything.
The longer you hold onto something, the less new it will feel to the eventual owners of the thing, and the less time they’ll have with it. Games and books get jostled about so the corners are dented, sweaters get pulls from being shut into a drawer or god forbid moth holes, things go out of style. Hanging onto items you aren’t using is just wasting the usable life of that item.
Do you have any free little libraries in your neighborhood? You can put the board games in there. They will be gone instantly.
It’s gotten a lot of airtime and thus has had a lot of people misunderstand it, but I love the Marie Kondo approach. Does this fit into the sort of life you want to lead? Does it excite you, do you genuinely want to have and use it? If it isn’t something that helps you to be the kind of person you want to be and live the kind of life you want to live, then you can let it go. The item served its purpose and taught you that you don’t actually like those sorts of clothes/games/books. You can thank it for its service and pass it on to the next thing. Kondo method is to go through absolutely everything, and I think that’s really good for those who are inherently more attached to stuff and would feel really bad about dumping things without looking at them or accidentally throwing something away, but I have at times flipped the script and made a list of what I actually want to keep, shopped my stuff, and then tossed the rest without going through them.
I know she has a TV show and a book, but long before that, there were articles in magazines about her approach and it was just enough to make my cheap self be OK with tossing or giving away things.
While my Local Buy Nothing occasionally dissolves into crazy, people can be SO appreciative and take stuff that is nice but I would never use (e.g., department store perfume sets).
Most people giving gifts are hopeful that they are giving enjoyment, not a burden. Most would like you to release it once it’s no longer enjoyed. And for gifts from the very rare person intentionally giving a burden, this stranger gives you permission to decline the burden and pass on the physical item when you choose, in freedom and peace.
I just had this conversation after receiving random stocking stuffers we didn’t ask for. Ask yourself if you were moving to a new home would you want to pack the item in a box, pay for movers to handle it, then unpack it? If not then donate or toss it.
I like the Marie kondo idea that the purpose of the gift is to be received. It was presumably graciously received; you’re not obliged to keep it.
just want to second the recommendations for your local buy nothing group! (most are on FB). Yes, it can be a little more effort than just dropping it all at a thrift store, but especially if you’re struggling with the ‘wastefulness’ of getting rid of something unused, BN is so great. It’s really rewarding to know items are actually getting used (and not getting trashed or broken in the thrift store’s donation pile) and has made it much easier for me to let go of some things.
You have given the items “a try” by having them in your house for X period of time – it’s not like you threw them away the minute you received them. The fact that you haven’t used/enjoyed them up to now is your answer.
If you’re like me and bad at coming up with storage or organization that works for you, what has worked in the past? I have a small apartment with good storage, so it feels like there’s “no excuse” but everything is so cluttered all the time and it drives me NUTS.
I have wicked ADHD and I just don’t “see” mess. Until I do and then the shame I have over living like this is overpowering. I hate it so much but can’t seem to make a change.
For me it’s the visual clutter that’s most annoying. I am not the cleanest person by nature, so my strategy is to declutter ruthlessly and hide things behind closed storage.
I have three besta units from Ikea along one entire wall of my apartment, and they have cabinet doors, so all the cluttery random stuff goes in there. I try to keep most of my surfaces clutter-free. For instance, I don’t leave kitchen appliances out all the time except the coffee maker and air fryer. Decluttering helps too, because it frees up storage space for those items that might otherwise live on the counter. My bathroom has virtually no storage so I have a tall skinny ikea cabinet in there too with a solid door which houses all my toiletries and towels, so it looks really clean in spare in there (until you open the door, haha)
Literally, find a place for everything and put everything back in its place. Otherwise, it all just sits out on top of surfaces or piled on the floor. Closed cabinet/drawer space is key — it’s amazing how much you can “pile up” inside a cabinet, as if it were piled up high, but behind closed doors. In a small dwelling, every item of furniture should have some sort of storage option, inclulding a slim drawer underneath a desk surface, a drawer on an end table, a small chest of drawers used as a night stand, etc. Another trick to reduce the sensation of clutter is to corral everything that is out inside a tray, like salt shaker and pepper mill plus olive oil on a small tray on the kitchen counter; toiletries on the bathroom vanity on a tray, etc. Finally, hooks — for towels in the bathroom, on the back of every door, magnetically attached to the side of the refrigerator (to hang aprons or brooms), etc. Good luck!
I would like to add, no shame in labeling shelves or cabinets to remind you. I remember one supremely organized woman who had labels on the edges of the shelves of her kitchen cabinets, to note what went where. Could be especially useful if you share a kitchen!
Getting stuff out of the house.
Seriously. The more stuff you move out of the house, the easier organization and storage becomes. To use an extreme example: you wouldn’t have to figure out a storage solution for clothes if you only owned 2 pairs of pants, 1 shirt, and 1 sweater. You could throw them all on the floor in your empty closet and never lose track of them. Or, if you only owned one plate and one cup, you’d never have to worry about organizing a kitchen cabinet. You’d just put the plate and the cup on a shelf in the otherwise empty cabinet and be done with it.
Obviously, those are merely outrageous examples (though some radical minimalists do aspire to live that way). Even so, principle holds: the more items you move out of your apartment, the less you’ll be churning over “so cluttered all the time.”
“Store” everyday items very close to where they are used most often. Don’t use easily accessible, main living space for longterm storage.
For instance, current season’s coats live in the closet next to the door the family uses (whether it is the front door or not) and move off-cycle coats somewhere else so there is room and putting coats away every time you come and go is easy. No closet there? Put up hooks or a hall tree. The coats are going to end up at the ingress/egress point in a pile anyway (or on the backs of all the kitchen chairs, on the sofa, on top of the mudroom washer … in the way generally.). Make it easier on yourself.
For instance, kitchen drawers should contain the utencils you use every day, every week and should be at a capacity that enables the drawers to be neat and the tools to be easy to be used. Too full, reduce. The specialty tools you seldom use (but want to keep) can be grouped together, labeled, and stored in a less convenient high or low reach cabinet. (I store my cookie baking and decorating tools in a shoebox-sized plastic container on the bottom shelf of a lower kitchen cabinet, all the way at the back. I use these only for Christmas cookies or very special parties. I don’t want to sort through these tools every time I want a slotted spoon to cook dinner.)
Label everything (or a lot of things). There are labels on 3×5 cards inside my kitchen cabinets listing the items stored at the backs of the deep shelves (top shelf: white candles, middle shelf: red candles, bottom shelf: votives) and then each of these boxes is labeled. I know where things and people can help me because the right spot is labeled.
Yes! Keep the most frequently used items in the locations that are most convenient to access. This minimizes the fuss and effort involved with putting things away.
If you can’t use the space efficiently, figure out why and brainstorm solutions. Is the cupboard deep and you can’t access the back? Maybe a long bin that you can pull forward would help. Is the hall closet scary because it is just a bunch of stuff piled in a precarious tower? Perhaps you need shelves to help separate things. Is the broom constantly falling over and blocking the laundry room door? Get a hook to hang it from so it can’t wedge itself in there again.
I did have success with this in my small NYC apartments. Here’s what I did. First, I let it get reasonably messy so I could figure out what my problems were. Second, I walked around and took pictures of the piles of stuff so I could see where I was leaving things. Third, I tried to figure out why the stuff was in that particular space and come up with a solution.
Examples:
– Pile of coats/bags/scarves on our entryway table because I didn’t have a coat closet or coat rack. Added coat racks and a shelf near the door. Coats on hooks, bag on shelf above, scarves in a basket on the shelf.
– Pile of laundry in the bathroom instead of the hamper in my bedroom. Moved the hamper into the bathroom since 9/10 times I am getting undressed in the bathroom.
– Pajamas left on the floor of my room. Added a hook for them just outside the closet since I rewear them and was leaving them on the floor to avoid putting in the closet.
– Certain kitchen items were always on the counter because I needed a step stool to put them away (minimal storage and all vertical). Bought a second step stool to keep in the kitchen behind the garbage can so it was easier to put them away.
I am pretty diligent about getting rid of stuff I don’t use/making minimal purchases so I didn’t need to purge a lot of stuff, but that’s also a potential issue (making sure you have space for everything).
I also created hidden space where ever possible for stuff I don’t use often:
– Under the bed storage
– Added a tall thin closed standalone bathroom hutch to store toiletries, etc.
– Added a thin console table behind the couch. Stored stuff on the shelves, added some art/decorations on the tables to spruce up the room.
– There was a gap between my cabinets and my ceiling so I added baskets and stored serving dishes/stuff for entertaining I didn’t use much.
– Anything in hidden storage is stored in a clear plastic bin so I can see what’s in there without labeling. I also had bed bugs once and the bins really help minimize the damage.
Good luck!
If you have good storage but it’s still cluttered, that means you have too much stuff, you aren’t putting it away, or both. Do a big declutter and purge. Then, for a week, commit to actually putting everything away every night. See where you’re having trouble making that a reality and figure out solutions for those pain points (for me it’s mail that needs to be dealt with and the coffee mugs that end up all over the house).
One tiny trick to reduce visual clutter: Five objects on top of, say, a dresser is visual clutter. Five objects on a tray on a dresser is visually ONE object and looks much less crowded. I use this trick all over my house (hand soap, dish soap, and hand lotion on a rectangular tray next to the sink; all the charging cords on a big tray next to the electrical outlet on top of the dryer in the laundry room; miscellaneous contents-of-my-purse on a tray in my dressing room; etc) and I love it.
ugh, my linen sheets from the container store ripped in less than two years of use. Anyone got suggestions for sheets that last?
company store, is what I meant. For a $100 sheet, I expected more.
I like the hemp sheets from Delilah Home. Very thick, durable as well. https://delilahhome.com/products/buy-organic-hemp-bed-sheets?_pos=1&_sid=2a684cf1c&_ss=r
Since they’re linen, can they not be sewn back together? You’re paying for the price of the material there.
probably, but I always assume a rip in one place means overall material fatigue and more rips coming soon. Maybe that’s too pessimistic.
I wouldn’t do this but I think in some historical book I read like “Farmer Boy,” the sheets are cut in half down the worn middle, and then the less used outsides are sewn together to make the new middle of the sheet, putting the worn part on the outside.
I think that would work best for flat sheets, anyway.
Pottery Barn percale.
out of curiosity did you rotate in other sheets, or was this your only sheet set?
i never have problems with sheets but i rotate between 3-4 each season, but my brother had good quality linen sheets rip after a year of use because they were his only sheets (he would wash and put right back on). i think his were brooklinen or piglet.
i’m not sure which is better tbh, but you can maybe set your expectations better.
I usually rotate between 2 sheets, so they do get a fair amount of use.
Linen sheets we bought from Target have been going strong for four years now. We do a similar rotation among two to three sheets.
Percale sheets from Target-Threshold or Casaluna brand. I don’t splurge on sheets and these work perfectly.
You can’t buy these particular ones anymore, but I’ve been using a set of Amazon brand flannel sheets every night for the last seven years and they’re still in good shape. I think they were only $20-30 and they’re nice and soft. I would be a lot more inclined to spend more for things if it meant that they lasted longer, but I haven’t necessarily found that to be true when it comes to sheets, towels, or clothing. My Ikea towels have lasted longer than any nice towels I’ve bought and many of my Old Navy clothes have lasted longer than my nicer things. Patagonia is pretty much the only clothing brand I’ve found to be reliably much more durable.
We have a lovely (yet also, concerning) break from the cold and gray right now in my area. It’s making me realize how bad my seasonal depression has gotten. Already on an SSRI for regular depression and anxiety, but hoo boy it hits so different in the winter. Any tips on getting through the next 3 months?
A weekend somewhere warm and sunny for a weekend in February is the only thing that genuinely makes me feel better. I usually end up in Miami because it’s an easy direct flight from NY, and the moment I step off the plane I can feel the depression leaving my body, haha.
+1 I’ve told my husband that an annual winter vacation to Florida or the Caribbean is the tax we pay for living in the low cost of living Midwest.
Sun lamp if you don’t already have one. And the obvious answer: increase your SSRI! The right drugs make all the difference.
+1
Get one of the Happy Lights from Costco.
Honestly, most of us should use one!
Not just a sun lamp, but how is the lighting situation in your house generally? I am a huge proponent of just turn on ALL THE LIGHTS if it makes you happy. And, I can promise you, it probably is at most an extra 50 cents per day on your electric bill.
this is such weird advice to me – do people really not turn on the lights they want because of the electricity bill?
People used to, because lighting used to be a huge percentage of the electricity bill. It’s one of those things that shows someone’s age, since these days lighting is cheap.
Yes.
wow – of course. I only turn on the lights I need. Wasteful, costs $…..
It’s ingrained in childhood.
LOTS of Vitamin D, and keep taking it throughout the summer (just in smaller doses).
This is not great advice. Your primary care doctor should be monitoring your Vitamin D level once a year and you should be taking an appropriate amount every day to have your level in a healthy range.
This is not great advice. Most people are deficient (https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/time-for-more-vitamin-d) and it’s nearly impossible to overdose on vitamin D. Studies say you need 60,000 IUs per day for months on end to cause toxicity.
Thanks for filling those holes Doc. Just tell random folks you don’t know online to take…? any dose of Vitamin D with no guidance at all if they are resistant etc. It is the tiktok way.
It was dreary and drizzly here this weekend, but my spouse and I had errands to run and parking was scarce. We ended up parking a bit further out than usual and even in the rain, just walking outside and getting some fresh air felt good.
Can you make time to get outside?
Do you have a regular way of getting exercise? And getting outside and walking during the day while the sun is out counts as exercise and is also good for your mood…. just bundle up.
Are you in Chicago, by any chance? I was thinking the same thing this morning. Just seeing the sun perked me up so much! It’s been gray for WEEKS here.
Not OP but Chicago area and couldn’t agree more.
Do we tip our building concierge for the holidays in the DC area, or is that mostly an NYC thing? And if they already get a corporate annual bonus, do we still tip separately?
I’m not in DC so apologies if these questions aren’t relevant – Does the HOA board have any input into the bonus? Is the bonus paid out of your dues?
At my last condo, the holiday bonuses were paid out of the HOA’s funds and the board rubber stamped the bonus recommended for everyone. I don’t think anyone tipped separately, though some people gave them cookies. We also made sure staff working on a holiday had a nice dinner.
When I lived in DC in a not fancy non-amenity building in a not hip neighborhood (2015ish), they suggested $50 per staff person working – that was 6 people and my roommate and I (recent grads) could not afford that (we chose that building because it was cheap!), so we just made cookies and brought them down.
I have a feeling “they” suggested that much because they knew few people would do it.
I live in DC, and don’t know anyone who tips. Maybe in the very high end buildings? But I think this is largely just a NYC thing
Thanks all! I do know the concierge gets a bonus that comes from residents’ rents/fees, so I’ll leave it at that. Appreciate the insights.
Nashville here, in a mid rise building. I have the impression that few tip but those who do are greatly appreciated. I tip $50 and a seasonal card that says how much we appreciate his care for our community. Our building manager’s end of year bonus is just that, a bonus, not a holiday tip.
I mean do you want your packages taken in, does your doorman do things for you? If so, tip something. I tip everyone who does things for me this time of year.
This sounds crazy to say to anyone IRL but I feel I dont have any wishes/goals/wants. Like I am trying hard to reflect re not just career or health goals but even hobbies, fun and all I get back is meh… I have travelled most places, done most things and cant be bothered to do others. This is so unlike me from the past 30+ years and am wondering if something is deeply wrong or am just zen (it is not really the latter). I am someone who needs a checklist or metrics or goals to keep myself motivated and feel good generally.
I always try to make decisions in a value-based way rather than following “passion” or whatever seems most exciting. Maybe you’re going through a values shift, and what you did value doesn’t hit anymore? In which case figuring out what you’re shifting towards could be really illuminating.
Maybe your goal is to”be mellow and enjoy what I have at home”?
I have not travelled most places but I understand not wanting to travel
Apparently I am posting comments too quickly
Depends on how this makes you feel. If you just feel content, enjoy your everyday life, absolutely nothing wrong with that!
Someone else might have written what you wrote, but with a more depressed viewpoint (I have no goals, no motivation to do anything or travel anywhere, don’t see the point of aiming for better, just slogging through life). That’s not how I interpret your post, but in the latter case therapy could be the answer.
It’s a real fine line between acceptance and apathy. Asking the question is a good sign. I also think as you travel through the decades of life what you want or need at that time changes. I stand by we should all have a creative outlet and something active we enjoy doing, but if you have those checked, maybe you are just in a hibernating before the next exciting thing phase. Sometimes you need that for when the exciting thing you want to do pops up. You’ve made room for it and can jump on the opportunity.
Are you burned out? And/or are you in a season of “wintering” (there is a book about this)?
Anyone else having a Mandela effect moment with Jimmy Carter’s death? I could’ve sworn he died last year at 99 years old? I remember thinking at the time, oh it’s too bad he couldn’t hold out until 100, I bet he would’ve gotten an especially lovely happy 100th birthday letter from Biden.
No, but I lived close to Plains for the last 20+ years, so my entire timeline right now is peoples’ photos with him and memories. It’s sad, but also lovely. He made the most of his time here.
No everyone I have talked about it with (a lot of people) knew that he was alive, but that his death was imminent (he’d been on hospice for over a year). His wife, Rosalyn, died a little over a year ago (early December IIRC).
His 100th birthday and wanting to hold out to vote for Harris were both big news stories this fall.
I feel like it was common knowledge he was still alive, at least among the politically informed.
I’ve cut back my news consumption CONSIDERABLY and I, and all of my friends, knew he was still alive at 100 years old and excited about voting for Kamala.
His 100th birthday and him being alive to vote for Kamala were big deals. I was well aware he was alive at least as of Nov 5.
Right – if you didn’t know he was alive as of this fall, then you really live under a rock and should probably, occasionally, pick up a newspaper (or whatever your preferred method of news consumption is)
Right – if you didn’t know he was alive as of the election then that tells me you don’t follow the news at all, even around elections. Which is terrifying.
Oh come on that is ridiculous.
You’re probably thinking of his wife’s death.
Or him being moved to hospice? People on hospice don’t normally live a year or more there so it is somewhat unusual.
That’s a possibility, too! She might have mentally filed that under “Jimmy Carter is going to die within the next few days/weeks.”
No, not about Carter. Yes about the bald eagle as our national bird, though.
Yea, the bald eagle thing surprised me. Really thought it was officially the national bird already.
Jimmy Carter I knew about, though. I’m a Georgian and honestly I really hoped he died before inauguration day because he well deserves a proper state funeral while Biden is president instead of Trump, of whom he was not a fan.
I am pretty sure that I was taught in elementary school that the bald eagle was the national bird.
I definitely remember being taught some anecdote about how Ben Franklin wanted it to be the turkey instead.
I knew he was still alive, but if I didn’t I would not admit it to anyone. This level of apathy and ignorance among adults, let alone presumably educated adults with “good jobs” (aka the people who post here) is terrifying and what has led us to the mess of a political situation we’re in. Everyone has a responsibility to be a little informed.
I can’t roll my eyes hard enough at this comment. I do not feel any responsibility to know whether former heads of state are still currently living in retirement or not and cannot imagine how it creates a political mess to be incorrect about this.
But him voting for Kamala was a huge news story
Was it though? I read WaPo everyday and listen to nytimes the daily everyday and I don’t recall this being a “huge story.”. I would’ve expected any known democrat to vote for Kamala over trump so I’m not sure what’s newsworthy about it.
It was everywhere – the gist of it is that he said he didn’t care about making it to 100, he cared about making it to vote for her.
Of course you’d assume every prominent Democrat was voting for her, but it was a big story because it was once again an example of country over self for President Carter.
The headline wasn’t “Democrat votes for Kamala” it was “former President who is 100 years old and has been on hospice for a year lives long enough to vote for Kamala.”
Bill Clinton and Obama (presumably!) voted for Kamala too but there were no headlines about it. But Jimmy Carter hanging on long enough to vote for her was definitely a big news story.
And many of us avoided the news during that time???
Umm I am a religious follower of the news and that story was a footnote at best.
It’s not that Jimmy Carter himself is that important. It’s that his 100th birthday and him voting for Kamala were major headlines on CNN, NYT and pretty much every other major newspaper or TV station so not knowing about it makes it sound like you don’t check the news at all.
I’m not that poster but I also find it fairly horrifying someone could have no awareness of these events.
This.
Right – its that you checked absolutely zero sources of news in the weeks leading up to the election.
I also cannot imagine changing my vote based on the news in the weeks leading up to the election. Believe it or not, I wasn’t undecided right up until voting day!
It scares me how much people allow major news outlets shape their outlook on the world.
I don’t think anyone said they changed their vote last minute due to the news? That’s a weird red herring. But it’s pretty ignorant to have no awareness of major news stories.
I also wasn’t undecided close to the election (or ever, vote blue no matter who over here) but I still wanted to be informed about the discourse leading up to the election.
Do you not see frequent stories and posts about how someone voted for Trump because they wanted to get rid of Obamacare, not realizing its the same thing as the ACA and shocking! they rely on the ACA-backed marketplace for health insurance? Or other similar posts about feeling “duped” by Trump? Clearly lots, and lots, and lots of people voted without having a clue or following the news.
How do news outlets NOT play a role in shaping our outlook? It’s where we get information – I never read analysis or editorial pieces and I know that I need to read purely news pieces with a critical eye but its quite difficult and time consuming to get news without using news outlets.
Oh I definitely checked out of the news around the election. I was dealing with some health stuff and frankly the news was bad for my physical not to mention mental health. I’m still hurting from Hillary’s loss. (Frankly I’m still hurting from Gore’s loss.) I saw the writing on the wall and just couldn’t stand to watch an eminently qualified woman get smeared by the media and ultimately beaten by that man… again. Take my money and my vote, but I cannot go through months of hand wringing. If that makes me uninformed then ok, but my blood pressure being back down in the normal range shows me that it was the right call for me.
I’m an NPR addict and they made a huge deal about his hundredth this last fall
You’re fine OP
That’s why there are Twitter / X accounts tracking which old famous people are still alive or not
I think I had a sad moment when the news told me he had entered hospice. Perhaps that is where your recollection comes from?
RIP to my favorite president. He was elected when I was a kid and he has remained my favorite president ever since. Sometimes over the years people have looked at me askance for saying that, but I believe Jimmy proved himself over and over post-presidency.
Struggling so hard with my narcissistic mother right now, at the end of a weeklong holiday visit in her home. The two things most eating at me:
1. She has decided that our tween daughter is exactly like her, projecting onto a 10-year-old all of her own qualities, and then alternating fawning over her and snapping at her. She took my dtr shopping and bought her 7 new dresses, a new fleece, and a new shirt. My daughter tried to tell my mom that it was too much, and my mom told her that it was “a bonding experience” and “creating memories for when I’m gone”. My mom has also been telling my dtr that they are both bad at math (demonstrably not true for my dtr), but they both have very creative brains, which is more important in the long run. She’s been speaking harshly to my daughter if she asks for something (like a yogurt snack), telling her that it’s disrespectful and greedy, and giving her the cold shoulder until my dtr does something to kiss the ring.
2. She has been telling my husband that I’m rigid, have always been too controlling and grudge-holding. According to her, this is why I am not doing a good job of parenting our daughter, because I need to be stricter and force my daughter to follow the rules. My husband gently pushed back on all of this, and she told him it was all in good fun, that she just thought he’d find it funny to hear about what I’m actually like deep down (together for 17 years, happily married for 12), that she loves me and would do anything for me, but that she can see from how greedy and selfish I am that she failed me as a parent.
I have a great therapist and can usually cope with this pretty well (we live on the opposite coast), but the holidays have been really hard. Just needing to vent at someone other than my spouse.
that sounds hard!! Hugs – at least it’s over for now?
Please stop visiting her for a week! You literally don’t have to ever spend the holidays like that again for the rest of your life. If you want to preserve your relationship with her, see her in smaller doses.
Yes I agree. Why 1 week? No more…. I would not put up with this behavior.
Agree. I don’t think I’d ever visit again after a visit like this one, OP. Ask yourself why you would even consider going again!
I’m rarely a “DTMFA/cut ties now!” person, but this seems critical. Minimize contact as best you can. She can do real damage to your daughter talking about math and eating.
Critical as in urgent/serious.
I’m so sorry. My narcissistic MIL is fairly uninterested in my kids. It used to make me sad that they would barely interact but it’s probably a blessing given the high-level nonsense my MIL likes to throw (especially in the food arena).
We had a big family Xmas in Texas and while it went pretty well all things considered, my spouse is being a huge grump about not being at our house on December 25 and there’s only so much of it I can take without snapping at him.
In the “if I don’t laugh I’ll cry” category, my MIL was super-duper impressed with my parents’ new house in TX. It is a great house – an old Victorian which was recently renovated so it’s got nice new bathrooms, good wallpaper, etc. So she cornered my husband to ask if there are houses like this in Los Angeles (a few but they exist) and when he said yes, she asked why we hadn’t purchased one! She’s so out of touch. Our 1950s bungalow in West LA is literally the best we could have done when we bought it, and is perfect for us at this point.
This is why we don’t do overnight events with my family. As our kids got older we also made a point of talking to them about how certain relatives behave in ways that we find immature, selfish, an expression of their own insecurities, etc. We name the behavior for the kids and don’t try to hide it or pretend it is acceptable. We note that we spend time with them because in spite of their flaws we do love these people, but that we limit that time because those behaviors mean smaller doses are better for everyone.
Yes, this is what we do also. the kids are smarter than you think and your daughter will pick up on the fact that your mom is saying and doing weird things. my parents and in-laws are totally just like your mom – telling my girls that for women, beauty is the most important thing for finding a rich husband – and not only do I limit my time with them, I make it a point to tell my girls afterwards that my parents are shallow and my in-laws only care about marrying rich and they are flawed people.
Huge proponent of stay at a hotel, not her house. You get control of your schedule, when you come over, and can plan other activities to create memories for your family. Ever since we started staying at a hotel, it is just so much more peaceful for visits home. Plus, if things escalate, we have somewhere to go. Other strategies include planning a break mid visit – e.g., go to a different town, and also activities where you are together but can’t talk (movies, Nutcracker, etc.).
That would be the last time I ever spent a week with her. Or maybe even an overnight with her. Honestly I’m shocked that you didn’t leave early.
I also think you should talk to your daughter in an age appropriate way about how grandma’s behavior was not ok. It seems obvious to us, but it’s not obvious to a kid, and I think it’d mean a lot to her for you to validate her feeling of discomfort.
My kids are college aged now, but when they were young, my sister (who sounds a lot like your mom) kept them overnight sometimes so she could play Auntie. Funny what stuff comes out later. There are things she said to my kids that were downright mean, and of course I didn’t find out about it until years later. It was her way of being mean to me via my kids. I wouldn’t put that past your mother, and I’d avoid leaving my kid alone with her if I were you.
Is this new behavior or worth bringing up to siblings or your mom’s partner as symptomatic of a personality change that might need medical attention?
Has she always been so un-self-aware?
Agree with others saying not t stay for a week, and to stay at a hotel. Also agree that it could be damaging to your daughter, so please consider making a change for both your sakes. Wanted to add something about setting a boundary with her and sticking to it. For example if she doesn’t stop snapping at your daughter, then you’re all going to leave. Your mom has no consequences to her behavior.
Good grief that’s awful. Mother or not, must you visit this miserable woman for a week? Your feelings matter too.
I got Wordle in one today! Hooray!
Anybody else have any good news to share?
I got Wordle in 2!!
2 for me as well.
My win is that my very gregarious first grader invited friends to our house for a Hanukkah party this weekend and my introverted self survived. I’m not a natural host and we’ve outsourced all of our kid’s birthday parties to play places, etc. I’ve only hosted one-on-one play dates and her Girl Scout troop in our home, and I definitely observed the difference between groups of girls and groups of boys this weekend. At one point the boys were “sledding” down the stairs using another boy as the sled. But nobody died or broke an arm and it seems like they all had a lot of fun.
Same! Very exciting, especially since the words seem to have gotten harder in the last couple of months.
Me, too!
And I texted it to my husband, along with the nail polish emoji…he had no idea what the emoji was and thought it was something being plugged in to a hand.
Lol that sounds like my husband.
That used to be my starting word! I’m so mad at myself for changing it!!
Mine too haha
Ha! I’ve been afraid they used it already and I missed it, so I’m extra chuffed!
Ha! I haven’t been doing the puzzle for a couple/few months ntha, but thought I’d guess after seeing this and guessed right. Not my usual starting word, but a good one.
For those with many active hobbies or goals, how do you balance your training?
For example, this spring I have signed up for 2 10 milers and a trail half marathon. I’m getting back to strength training too – how do I balance running training and strength? Right now, that’s all I do (and a little skiing, but nothing intense). But, in the spring I’ll add in rowing (once there river thaws) and some casual sports (tennis and soccer). In the summer I usually do one or two sprint triathlons, while trail running, rowing, playing sports, and enjoying summer activities (casual sunfish sailing, surfing, paddle boarding).
Though I compete in a few areas, I’m very relaxed – really just doing it for fun and fitness. I’m not racing to win. These are all just activities I really enjoy – I love being outdoors and I love being active. I don’t do any of these things purely for fitness (even the strength training is so that I’m strong enough to do this stuff and to prevent injury).
I have a lot of active hobbies, and like you I do them for fun. From past experience, I know I can run an ultra trail race wildly untrained so now I don’t really structure anything outside of making sure I am fitting in whatever I want.
So that can look like three strength training days, three running days, one or two cycling days, couple days riding my horse (which is a time suck more than training), but it can also look different.
My point is that as long as you have a baseline level of fitness for what you are doing and you don’t need to be top third AG or whatever, and it sounds like these things are also true for you, schedule it however it happens to work out that week. I am a creature of habit so gym in the morning certain days a week, horseback riding always the same days a week, then running and cycling based on time and weather and type of cycling (how much time do I need). I also do group activities, so plan around those – for example, if a bunch of friends are mtbing on Saturday, I shift stuff around.
*undertrained. Although in the instance I am thinking of untrained would also be accurate lol
Ha yes – OP here and I ran my first three half marathons coming off injury (gnarly sprained ankle from a poor footing choice on the trail) or life circumstances where I basically had barely run at all (like my last run pre-race was like 2 miles 5 weeks before the race), so I feel you on “whats the difference between undertrained and untrained” lol!
But, I’m also getting older and becoming aware that I need to have some sort of plan and can’t just go off and do things and remain injury free. And, I’m pretty out of shape now and am aware all of these activities are a heck of a lot more fun when I’m in shape!
Strength and stability (e.g., dynamic movements, core strength) is what I’d prioritize. Work with a trainer and come up with a strength training program – even if it is just PT adjacent movements you can do at home for 15 minutes while the coffee brews. You are probably getting plenty of cardio no matter what the mix of activities.
how do you manage all that and riding? I struggle with this–the barn is such a giant time suck (well, combined with a fairly time demanding job that I need to pay for the horse) that I feel like I don’t have time for any other workouts on days I ride.
I go to the gym at 5 am and ride one night a week and one weekend morning (often right after a gym session). My barn is about 40 mins from my house, so on my lesson nights, it makes for a long day. I only hack on the weekends so I can be in and out in ~ 2.5 hrs. My horse has never needed more than 3 x a week and now that he is 22 and not jumping more than 2’6”. I could not own a horse on regular board (vs training) if it needed more than 2x a week right now and do everything else that I do.
I am also lucky to be able to ride from my door to a rail trail. My office is 6 minutes away so that also helps greatly and I work a 9/80 7:00 am – 4:00 pm day. I have a park where I can mtb and trail run within 15-20 minutes of my house depending on traffic. It is a fine tuned/well-oiled machine honestly.
Oh, I am also single no kids which clearly also helps immensely.
OP here again – I’m decently out of shape right now, so as I’m rebuilding my base (strength and cardio), I’m a lot sorer than I normally am after doing less activity which is something I have to figure out how to adjust my workout schedule to as well.
Ahhhhh gotcha. Okay, I am the poster above. In that case, start small and then add new things in in small doses right? So maybe two short runs a week, two days of strength training (one upper and one lower but starting light), add mobility several times a week in the morning, and then your other summer activities can be sprinkled in as they come up.
In the beginning this could look like:
Monday – easy short run 2ish miles
Tuesday – upper strength
Wednesday – easy short run
Thursday – rest day, maybe some light yoga
Friday – lower strength
Saturday – other activities
Sunday – run workout (speed work, hill work, etc.) / increasing distance as you get closer to races
When I was seriously training for trail races, I did 3-4 days of running a week, two days of strength training, an active rest day (yoga, light swimming, walking), and a run workout (sometimes in place of one of the regular runs sometimes in addition.
The absolute best advice I can offer is LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. I have never had an injury that took me out of doing any sort of race or event because I am not afraid of rest days or cutting a workout/run short, etc. the people I see injured/repeatedly injured in my circles are the ones who push through anything and everything. I think that’s dumb. None of us are qualifying for the Olympics. It’s fine if you skip a day, Jim!
I struggle with balancing strength and running training for longer distances but recently found a couple of free running training plans that incorporate it on the blog Run to the Finish – they just posted one for a half marathon and one for a 10M race.
PS – the Half one has a schedule that seems more workable to me.
I have to pick one thing to focus on and train for at a time. Other activities are structured to support the primary one. For example, when I was competing in adult figure skating, I took ballet and did off-ice stretching and strength training, but did not try to take class daily the way I would have if ballet were my focus.
I’m sure you’ve thought of this but this is why people hire a coach or a personal trainer that will help you meet your goals, including planning out a training schedule and giving advice on best nutrition or somethings like that. Your insurance might cover some meetings even, check your EAP. Another idea is to join a team or support group of like-minded individuals with a similar goal
I’m late, but I recommend the Runna app. Set it to “balanced” instead of optimized, and be honest with your assessment of your current level. I told the app I want to run 4 days a week and do strength 2x, and it works for me. Saturdays I do a 20 minute strength workout and then run easy, and on Wednesdays I do a 25-30 minute strength workout but no running.
Any recommendations for unique/memorable experiences for an 80th birthday celebration in May? This would be for my father.
Specifically, I could use restaurant recommendations – I think he would enjoy eating at a “classy” restaurant, maybe one with a memorable view – it doesn’t need to have the best food. He’s not a gourmand and will insist on putting ice cubes in his wine. Likes meat. He’s a boomer with Blue collar midwestern roots.
I was thinking he would enjoy the architecture boat tour, ideally the sunset version, but any other ideas for things to do? He’s into engineering, stamp and coin collecting, history, and football.
I would also love hotel recommendations, maybe upper mid-range (?) in a downtown area convenient to transit and that would work for my parents, me and my 40 something brothers, and my tween son. My father is extremely loyal to the Hampton Inn, but maybe a step up from that for this trip.
Sorry critical missing detail – this would be recs in CHICAGO!
Location?
what town? Architecture boat tour makes me think Chicago?
oh never mind I see you answered that above. My dad liked stopping by the Chicago Stock Exchange Arch and the Chicago Stock Exchange Trading Room in the art institute. I’d do a steakhouse – Gibson’s Italia or Bavette’s.
There must be private boat tours in Chicago right? I’ve done the architecture tour and it was lovely but crowded. The crowd combined with being a little unsteady on a boat seems a bit risky for an 80 year old. I’d look into a nice private boat tours that will focus on the architecture he likes but will keep him warm with a good view while seated.
As a counterpoint, we took our 90-year-old (and not very fit) mom and it was easy and fun.
For dinner, seems like a steakhouse would be a good fit. Smith & Wollensky is a classic for a reason and the servers won’t mind his peccadilloes.
The Museum of Science and Industry is a little bit distant to downtown, in Hyde Park, but is a solid choice. If that’s too far, the Field Museum would be the best non-art museum close to downtown. The Adler Planetarium and the Shedd Aquarium are very close to the Field’s location, but you may want to pick and choose between the three options. All three is a lot for even the fittest of tourists!
The JW Marriott Chicago in the Loop would be a good option, but honestly most hotels in downtown neighborhoods (the Loop, River North, or Streeterville) are fine. The only one you absolutely must avoid is the Congress Plaza Hotel, despite its location.
If seeing the u-boat at MSI is something he would like, make sure to ask the museum for the short cut so he doesn’t have to walk as far. Also, depending on his fitness, consider if renting a wheel chair would be helpful. Very recalcitrant grandma agreed to it because (1) watching me sweat to push her up hill was hilarious to her and (2) it meant she didn’t have to walk the “boring” parts.
Get him good seats at whatever baseball game is in town that weekend. He’ll love it
I think this is a great idea.
Unless he’s an abnormally fit 80 year old, a museum probably isn’t the best idea. They involve a looooot of walking. I definitely wouldn’t go out of the way to MSI. It’s so far from the loop and the neighborhood it’s in is not great. It’s gentrifying and the actual museum area is no longer dangerous, but it’s the kind of place that if you walk a few blocks in the wrong direction you can feel very uncomfortable, and in my experience most 80 year olds don’t enjoy that kind of thing.
+1 to looking into a private architecture boat trip and to Gibson’s steakhouse.
Hampton Inn is part of the Hilton family of brands and there are lots of Hiltons of varying degrees of fanciness in the Loop area.
Obamas library is literally around the corner. Neighborhood is just fine.
The museum campus is certainly safe in broad daylight but the neighborhood it’s in is not the best and is adjacent to a worse neighborhood. I assume with an 80 year old they would Uber/taxi but if you walk the wrong direction from the 57th St station it’s not hard to end up in a bad situation.
My point was not that all tourists and residents should avoid MSI (I’ve brought my kids there many times, and obviously would not do that if I feared for their safety) but rather that going to Hyde Park might not be the most comfortable experience for an 80 year old Midwestern man who is likely not from a big city.
My parents are mid-70s and although quite mentally and physically sharp their interest in going outside their comfort zone (in general, not specific to things like this) has markedly declined in the last 5-10 years and I don’t think that’s at all unusual. If this man isn’t from a big city, Chicago is already going to be a lot of culture shock – let him stick to the loop and north side. Those areas have better restaurants and more touristy things to do anyway.