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Weekend Open Thread

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light blue flared jeans

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I've been on the hunt for flare jeans lately — which are your favorites, readers? I'm excited to see these light blue ones from MOTHER marked down; they strike me as the perfect light blue denim.

(I personally find light blue jeans to be much more casual than dark rinse, but I'm open to thoughts!)

The jeans are 30% off — they were $268, but are now marked to $188. They're currently available in all sizes, 26-32.

Looking for something similar? I noticed readers singing the praises of these Levi's jeans, generally $40-$70, at Amazon.

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

207 Comments

  1. Is there anything that works for perimenopausal mood swings and general funks? I’m going to check Gunter this weekend but thought I’d ask here. Already on antidepressants. Thx!

      1. Ugh… this is the opposite of what you should do. Once you hit this stage you really need to find other ways to deal with mood swings, as the pounds and waistline will expand, and never go back.

        1. Yes. There’s actually research about this, that high-carb (especially refined carb) diets worsen perimenopause symptoms. The last thing I would do if I were trying to feel better – physically or mentally – is eat a bunch of carbs. In the short term, feels great. Long term, the carb crash and the extra poundage I would put on would make me feel much worse.

          OP might try exercising more frequently or at higher intensity; that’s generally a big help for many people who are struggling with their mood, perimenopausal or no.

    2. I found Lara Briden more helpful than Gunter for PMDD. I know she doesn’t have the same credentials, but when I asked my doctor to run the tests suggested for my symptoms, the results came back abnormal and the conventional medical treatment worked.

      1. ooh, off to google. i wish you could just go to Quest and pay a flat easy fee for a “menopause panel” that checks all that stuff. i’m tired of trying to convince my doctor that i want specific tests run.

          1. My understanding is that reproductive hormone labs are largely pointless, since levels are so variable. But there are other factors that go into whether someone is having an easy or hard time with perimenopause that are more testable.

          3. Reproductive hormone tests are pointless, but it’s not pointless to test what’s going on with blood sugar, thyroid, or if there are any relatively common deficiencies, since those issues can arise during perimenopause and are treatable.

        2. You basically can. Check their website and you can buy panels/tests on your own OOP. They are like $500-600 but you can do it.

    3. Estradiol patches. Talk to a doctor who is experienced with hormone therapy for peri/menopause, not your normal PCP.

    5. Continuous birth control has been a lifesaver for me. It fixed many of my perimenopause issues, including sleep problems.

    7. You might try green tea extract. It is often recommended for many menopause symptoms, and it ended 13 years of hot flashes for me. It kicked in after a ccouple of days taking it.

  2. what is your mild proposal to make US government better?

    here’s mine: your political contributions should be capped by the amount of taxes you’ve paid, averaged over past 4 years. different, unrelated buckets, but if you’ve only paid $10 in taxes you cannot legally contribute $11.

    1. That is exactly the wrong way to do it. There should be a cap, but it shouldn’t be in favor of those with more earnings spending more. It should be a flat cap.

      1. ETA – and it corporations/entities should not be able to give at all. Full stop.

      2. I think 1:55’s point was that so many HNW individuals are so successful at tax mitigation strategies.

    2. Cap political contributions at $1000 per person. No contributions from corporations. No third party advertising.

      Auditor General elected by governors for a ten year term. Auditor General must be a trained accountant.

      Terms changed so that Hose of Reps is every 4 years, Senate is every 8. Presidency stays at 4.

      No campaigning more than 3 months before election. Would reduce the constant state of unceasing election campaigning.

    3. I’m so on board with this idea.

      Overturning Citizens United isn’t mild by any means but I daydream about it way too often.

      I’d like to see even more support and transparency for “operational” democratic duties by average American citizens: louder and more visible emphasis on voting registration deadlines, upcoming local elections, and encouragement to be involved in representative groups like school boards.

    4. Mine is

      Any proposed ballot gets reviewed by a randomly selected panel of registered voters (selected like jury duty), and then they get a few simple questions about what it means, and what would happen if it passes. If they don’t answer correctly, it can’t go on the ballot until it’s been rewritten to be clearer.

      2. I’m still salty about what happened in Ohio with the non-gerrymandering ballot language — the text of the proposed amendment was NOT the text that was put on the ballot; the republicans rewrote it to sound very confusing and awful.

        that’s a good start – the proposed amendment text is the text that goes on the ballot. (but this was a state issue in ohio. but hey if trump can fix NYC traffic as king maybe state/federal distinction doesn’t matter!)

      3. Even judges need legal briefs to help them interpret the law, even for facially simple concepts like “don’t murder people.” Does this panel have access to legal briefs? Who is deciding what the “right” answers are?

        1. Ooh, that’s a good question, maybe the main pro group and main against group have to be able to agree on the “right” answers before it goes to the jury? I’m aiming for basic clarity on what the bill does relevant to the status quo and what a yes vs no vote will mean, not agreement on long term effects that gets more into “is it a good idea” territory. If it’s something that’s absolutely too complicated to explain clearly, then it’s not a good fit for a direct vote (that’s why we have legislators!) but I honestly think some of the measures are deliberately misleading (“should we not *not* repeal…” type wording)

    5. Cap political contributions with no PACs and other loopholes
      Fixed supreme court terms

      1. + 1 million on the fixed Supreme Court terms. Don’t care if it’s 20,25,30 years but fixed.

    8. One single six-year term for all representatives and senators. One ten-year term for judges.

      2. On part of this that I really like is that you would have a lot more people serving in those positions, so a lot more people would have proximity to someone who has held the job and also it might feel more accessible as a goal for more people.

    9. Remove the cost from the options for people to buy their way out of TSA security theater. It is inequitable for a government to allow wealthier people to bypass the security theater by paying money to opt out of a problem the government is, itself, creating. So: make things like Clear and TSA Precheck free and available to all Americans, or fix the problems that make them necessary in the first place. Option 1 is way easier.

      1. TSA is one thing I won’t miss if Elon axes it altogether; it’s never been serious.

        1. If he could chill on the FAA bs for a minute and focus on TSA that’d be a great refocus on the actual flight-related issues impacting Americans

      2. yes. I held off on precheck for YEARS because it just seemed so unethical (and now I’m part of the problem, le sigh)

    10. anyone running for public office must take the citizenship test (no risk of losing citizenship, just you cannot run if you don’t know stuff)

    11. Rich people already control government, this just reinforces that. What a dumb idea.

    12. A third (or 4th or 5th) party;
      Parties taking more initiative as to who their candidate is;
      Abolish the electoral college;
      Increase reps to accurately reflect populations;
      Campaign donation caps and no corporate donations

      1. Are you thinking of some kind of ranked voting or how would you break away from two parties?

        1. Maybe runoffs. The country did not always have only two parties and in fact some of the founders feared a two-party scenario.

        2. Not the originator of this thread, but I would love to see ranked-choice voting, ESPECIALLY for presidential primaries. Single primary election day, nationwide, to eliminate the potential for early states to significantly swing momentum based on local winds and for late states to be irrelevant.

          2. Ok while we’re at it
            Let’s reform campaign finance too
            Because one reason for those less populated and less representative states like Iowa and New Hampshire to be first is because ad buys in “major” cities are cheaper than in cities with 10x population
            Hence why a lot of “hopefuls” drop out after the first round, they can’t afford to buy ads in the next place. Plus they sold enough copies of their book to barely

    13. Abolish the electoral college, full statehood/representation for Puerto Rico and DC

    14. Post office bank accounts. Lots of other countries have them and it’s a tangible way to help people on the lower end of the income scale.

    15. Fix gerrymandering. I’m not sure of the best way to do this (districts drawn by nonpartisan committee?) but I do know if my state wasn’t extremely gerrymandered, we’d actually be close to even Democrat-Republican instead of 4 democrats and 10 republicans that we have now and wouldn’t have constant court battles over our crazy redistricting maps.
      And if we can figure out a better way to select candidates, I’d be for that too. I think primaries just lead to more extreme candidates on both sides.

    16. elections on Sunday and easy vote by mail. Automatic voter registration when you’re 18.

  3. Are La Mer products worth the price? Looking for a birthday present for my mom, but can’t decide if they’re just expensive for the sake of being expensive. Is there a qualitative difference? If so, any recommendations for a 74th birthday?

    1. Take her out for a fancy tea at a beautiful hotel, followed by a matinee performance of a great show or concert. Or a museum visit if she likes that kind of thing and is up to it. I promise she would love special time with you more than fancy face cream.

      2. Hard agree on the alternatives proposed by SA.
        Also, I spend an embarrassing amount of money on my face (Botox, allllll the lasers, chemical peels), and I don’t think La Mer is worth it. Apart from fragrance and the algae extract (which is of dubious benefit), there is almost no difference between the La Mer Creme de la Mer and plain old Nivea, which I love.

        1. Aw, this reminds me of my Grandfather, a German immigrant brick mason who loved Nivea cream (in the flat round blue tin, brought over from Germany). He had remarkably good skin for a man who worked outside, was always tan, and seemingly used no other products.

      3. OP here – I would love to do this, but she lives half way across the country. I need something that can be shipped there for her birthday. But I would welcome any other ideas!

        2. Pushing back a little: go visit her on her birthday if at all possible. You won’t regret it.

          2. You might also send her a cake from Milk Bar. I’ve done this and people live them.

        3. Random one, but I got a relative I wanted to visit more but couldn’t a subscription to a tea of the month club, and myself the same subscription, so we’d have an easy/fun thing to chat about regularly

        4. La Prairie is worth it. La Mer used to be worth it until Estée Lauder bought it and fiddled the ingredients.

      4. (not OP) I generally agree with giving experiences as gifts but… it can be a bit difficult to do when my mom and I live on opposite coasts of the country. We end up postponing the gift experiences until we meet, and by then it feels kind of strange. I mean, we still go and do the experience, but it’s no longer a birthday gift if it’s 9 months after the birthday.

    2. I don’t have La Mer money, but I’ve gotten samples from wealthier, older female relatives of mine who buy La Mer for themselves, and the products work for me. Had an acne breakout recently and my regular products weren’t helping with repairing the redness and scarring, but a week of sparingly using the La Mer moisturizing soft lotion healed the redness.

    4. I prefer the Elemis products to La Mer and find them to work better/faster. Plus there are usually nice gifts/promo codes they offer. I’d do the pro-collagen line – the overnight matrix is my holy grail night cream.

  4. oops, put this on the wrong thread: do you ever go to bed before your teenagers? i’ve just been so tired lately and i feel guilty making them go to bed early as well as letting them stay up alone with instructions to check in by their bedtime.

    1. I go to bed earlier than my teen all the time. She frequently wakes me up around 11:30 because she likes to have important discussions in the middle of the night.

      We gave up on enforcing bedtime around age 15. You can make them go into their rooms and take away their devices, but you can’t make them fall asleep.

    2. I don’t have kids. But my friends with high schoolers all seem to go to bed before their kids. The kids put themselves to bed without a check in.
      I also think that kids who are 14 or older are old enough to be responsible for getting to bed. Getting to bed at a reasonable hour is age-appropriate responsibility.

    3. If you are even worrying about this, I think you are smothering your teenagers. They can get themselves to bed.

    4. My answer depends on the kid and what they generally have access to use during evening times. Both of my kids (12 and 14) stay up later than me, but neither have access to electronics once they are upstairs. I’m sure they could hypothetically sneak downstairs and use a computer or tablet, but to the best of my knowledge, they haven’t tried this. One kid reads and one kid draws, but they are expected to be in their rooms past a certain hour. Beyond that, they set their own bedtimes.

    5. do teens not have to get up super early for school any more? My bus was at 6:50 so I was getting up at 5:45 to get ready. I’d often be watching a 9-10pm show with my mom in my bedroom and fall asleep during it while SHE was still awake.

      1. There’s been a push to move back high school start times because the research shows teens do much better with a later start time. Our high school starts at 8:25 and I’ll probably drive my kids (until they’re old enough to drive themselves) so we won’t have to leave the house until around 8:10. They can take the school bus home, but I’d rather they get the extra sleep in the mornings.

    6. I often go to bed before my 12 and 10 year old! I hope they see a mom who cares about her own well being. It’s ok to take care of yourself.

      1. I did this, too. Once my kid was old enough to put herself to bed, I did not stay up later than her just for the sake of it, nor did I enforce an artificially early bedtime just to make her go first. Maybe around age 7 or 8?

    7. If you’re talking 15+ I think it’s fine. But I would 1) take all personal devices with me when I went to bed, and 2) set a time that the WiFi goes off so they can’t stay up on a family computer or TV all night (maybe 11pm, so they can finish homework if they need to?)

      With teenagers, trust but verify, and put in place backstops.

    8. My kids are 14 and 16 and I go to bed earlier than them all the time. On school nights, my 14 year old puts herself to bed early, before me. She likes a lot of sleep and makes sure she gets it. My 16 year old has some insomnia and can’t sleep sometimes. He stays up later often reading. I stopped enforcing a strict bedtime as long as they get up for school in the morning and their grades are good. On the weekends they stay up much later than me and my husband sometimes. As long as they are safe at home, I don’t care lol.

    9. Depends on the age. Probably for 15+. I would not go to bed before my 13 year old because of how early her school starts she needs to go to bed by 9:30.

      At 17 I often went to bed after my parents but I also used that time to be doing stuff online that I should not have been so I’m cautious.

    10. While I enjoy the activities I do with my girlfriends, I actually find most of them pretty annoying.

    11. All the time. Though usually the eldest has something she wants me to edit at 10:30pm or 11:00pm, depending on how exhausted I am that day.

    12. Surprised to read how many people go to bed by themselves! I certainly was up all hours as a teenager but in my room reading, doing homework, or on my computer. I never had the full run of the house at that hour. I guess I’m not worried he’ll do anything dumb like leave the door wide open, but… there’s a loneliness with a dark, quiet, empty downstairs while your family sleeps upstairs, no?

    13. What time are we talking about? Would they be able to get homework and extracurriculars done? I don’t have kids, but in high school I didn’t get home from sports and extracurriculars until 9:30-10, so homework was from then until midnight or 1. My parents generally went to sleep around midnight-ish because that’s how their internal clocks were set, but never would have stayed up to enforce a bedtime.

      1. I am just so amazed by this. I generally went to bed at 9 or 930 in high school and had activities, a job, homework etc. I would have been non functional if I tried to stay up like this. I’m an old so it might just be the way of the world now.

      1. Does the other parent stay up? I don’t trust any of my kids (all under 10) to be up without an adult and put themselves to bed, and I don’t even think they’d want to .

        I see no issue with mom going to bed early if dad is up, but I think OP was talking about all parents in bed and leaving the teen roaming around downstairs by himself. Which may be appropriate for a teen, but I’m really surprised some people would do that at age 7!

        1. I meant when the parent is not around. Kiddo is not typically roaming the house, but rather in her room playing alone or reading and then putting herself to bed. It doesn’t happen very often, since her normal bedtime is 8:30-9 and she prefers me to tuck her in, but once in a blue moon when I’m very tired and she wants to stay up past 9, I offer that she can stay up late on the condition that she put herself to bed. I can understand a kid finding it lonely or resisting having to put themselves to bed, but I don’t see why you wouldn’t “trust” them. Kids not much older than this (8-9 in my area) are starting to stay home alone at least briefly, and certainly being home while a parent is asleep is much safer than being home with no parent since the kid can wake the parent if anything bad happens.

          1. Ok, in her bedroom makes sense. I do leave both my 9 and 7 yos home alone briefly already, so I trust them to handle themselves on an objective level, but late at night, with free rein of the house and for an indeterminate amount of time I’m not sure I can trust them to have impulse control and make good choices.

            I know for certain my 9yo would never willingly go to sleep and would be awake til 3am

    15. My kids are grown, but when they were teens I always went to bed before they did. I have a high need for sleep and am a lark, while my dh and kids are owls. No guilt here, it just is what it is.

  5. Secrets post? I’ll leave mine below. Rules — replies to secrets/questions are fine, but try to avoid judgement!

    As an aside, is everyone a Postsecret fan?

    2. I grew up with a very absent and self-centered mother. As such, she didn’t teach me basic hygiene stuff and other home/self care basics. I’m now 45 and married – my husband is still teaching me stuff that I should have known when I was a child/young adult. It is embarrassing, even though I know its not my fault.

      1. My parents had lots of problem teeth and just assumed that it was genetic/unavoidable so their solution was to not bother making sure I regularly brushed my teeth before bed or enforce any good dental habits really! They were otherwise great parents but I have so many avoidable dental issues and hate my teeth. The one bright spot to getting older is actually that my peers are finally starting to go thru the kind of stuff I have had since my 20s so it’s less weird to have someone know I have an implant or a crown or more root canals than I can keep track off.

      2. I had a mom like that too. Basically stopped caring for me at the age of 11, it had the opposite effect on me though, I became hyper independent and researched how to do everything myself. I have a lot of issues because of it.

    3. wow, you just informed me that PostSecret still exists. I remember enjoying it like- 20?!- years ago and eventually got bored as it felt like people were trying to go viral instead of it being cute and earnest.

    4. I agreed to a bunch of travel commitments with my husband but part of me wants to stay home. I just don’t want to be the person who holds him back from doing stuff (leading to regrets later).

    5. I earn about 20% of our household income (low-income field vs high-income field). Sometimes I wonder if this is the best use of my time, but I can’t settle on a better option.

      1. Unfortunately, most marriages don’t last forever, so I’d say yes.

        However, with the freedom your high household family income offers you, I would seek the career path that gives you most potential and personal satisfaction.

        2. this is not true; most marriages do last. Lifetime risk of divorce in the U.S. for first marriages is around 45% and falling; if OP has been married for a few years already, has a college education, and high household income, her divorce risk is less than 10%. Not opining on whether you keep your job, but don’t make a decision based on outdated ideas about the longevity of marriage.

          2. Yep, success rates for marriages are very different amongst sociodemographic groups. I hate when people quote the ‘average’.

          3. Thanks for giving some actual accurate stats here. I think the divorce rate peaks in the first few years, and then again after kids, so if you’re 10 years into things and happy…it’s probably not a major concern. Also, as someone who’s both been divorced, and is now happily married…you probably have a pretty good idea if divorce is likely for you or not. With my first marriage, I knew within a year that divorce was probably more likely than the statistics would indicate. With my second, I know we’re a really good team, we’ve survived happily to preschool aged twins, and thus I suspect it’s much less likely that the statistics would indicate.

      2. If it helps, I earn 80% but think my partner’s job is good, earnest, and helpful to society, and I would only encourage him to change if it was his own desire, either to do something else or to make more.

      3. My husband is about 33% to my 66% but his job is important to our well being. He’s great at it, his boss loves him, clients love him – I feel like it’s a lot of validation if I’m not being as validating as I can be.

    6. Blast from the past – I used to read Post Secret and even went to a Post Secret exhibit at a local museum.

    7. secretly very sad at my friend becoming a SAHM because it just cements she’s never going to leave her crappy husband

      1. Sad my best friend is staying with her man child husband even though he makes unhappy every day. She doesn’t want to only see their kids half the time, but tbh I wonder if he’d even fight for half time.

        1. My divorce attorney told me that a lot of fathers do a fade around 2-3 years post-divorce, and mothers who want more time with their kids don’t have much problem getting it.

          1. I saw this phenomenon in family la (and in life), but I also then saw a second phenomenon when dad got a new wife/fiance who then decides, maybe to show her commitment to dad, that mom is a bad parent and that dad is getting screwed by the custody arrangement and being deprived of his time with the kids who maybe need to just move in with dad and dad should stop paying child support.

          2. Twice in my social circle:

            Husband convinces wife to be SAHM. Cheats on her. Divorces her. She’s forced to go back to work.

            Husband marries affair partner. They have a baby. Convinces new wife to be a SAHM. Petitions court for full custody of kids from first wife because his new wife SAHM situation is “better for kids.” And also, ex wife “works too much.” 🙄

        2. I’m sad my bff is staying with her unable to commit boyfriend. They’ve been together for six years, he finally “proposed“ Six months ago when she told him he had to, or she was leaving, but they’ve made new progress towards planning in their elopement (what is there even to plan, just go to the courthouse?). I hate that she’s wasting her 30s on a guy who can’t commit to her

      2. You have no idea. I stayed home on and off. my oldest is now 16. Soon-to-be-ex and I are supposedly finalizing a divorce settlement ‘soon’. Be there for her no matter what – she needs you

    8. I’m jealous of my friends who have family money/higher paying jobs and don’t have to pay nearly six figures a year in childcare/private school/occupational therapy fees. The specialized private school/aides/therapy are SO needed for our kids but we’re doing our yearly taxes and seeing the numbers in black and white was a real reminder of why we can’t do the fancy vacations/new cars/renovations all of our friends and colleagues are able to.

      1. NYMag has a feature on generational wealth transfer and profiles (anonymously) 14 people who are taking large sums of money from their parents. It’s gross. These are adults who are living far above their means and feel entitled to it.

        We are a SAHM, public school family and also can’t afford all those things you mentioned. Some may say it’s sour grapes, but truly I don’t think those people get out unscathed…living off your parents’ money surely does something to your character and morals

      2. Have you considered moving? States like Ohio give yearly scholarships/vouchers to kids with developmental disabilities – we get $32k yearly, which helps immensely. (They are not income based.) course we give up our federal rights under the IDEA plan when we take them but you do that whenever you leave public school.

      1. I’m sad my bff is staying with her unable to commit boyfriend. They’ve been together for six years, he finally “proposed“ Six months ago when she told him he had to, or she was leaving, but they’ve made new progress towards planning in their elopement (what is there even to plan, just go to the courthouse?). I hate that she’s wasting her 30s on a guy who can’t commit to her

    10. I believed it when my mom told me all the bread vitamins were in the crust. For an embarrassingly long time, like well into my 30s. I have a STEM degree.

      2. My mom said the crust would give us curly hair, because she always wanted curly hair and thought it’d be an incentive. Joke’s on her, my sisters and I prefer straight hair! But we also believed that for too long..

      3. I was told by my grandma that eating carrots would enable me to see in the dark. (This was actual war propaganda from the 1940s, so I don’t blame her for buying it.)

      4. There is a “This American Life” episode where adults talk about things their parents told them that they believed. A few I remember was one family had regular baked chicken every.single.night. For dinner. She didn’t know until college that other families ate variety of foods. And one dad taught his daughter that “deer x-ing” signs on the road were pronounced “zing” instead of “crossing”

        You are not alone

  6. My birth family has gone to hell over money since my mom died. It’s just me and one sister. Her kids are my kids’ only cousins. My kids are younger; I’ve known her kids since birth and used to visit regularly. I have had a moderate texting / insta relationship with them since before The Troubles. They all live several states away, college will likely to be at a third place that isn’t easy to visit, adult lives may be local or far away, depending on the kid.
    Visits are out of the question now, but I’m wondering if I will have a relationship with them (or my kids will) once they are all adults and on their own? I hope so (but wouldn’t expect to go to graduations or weddings because that would likely bring the drama).
    Has anyone in a similar boat seen this play out? It just kills me to see my family shrinking so much and the $ drama isn’t likely to go away.

    1. I have been in a very similar situation. Even before my grandparent passed, certain relatives were already being shady and stirring up money drama.

      What ultimately ended up happening: they won the $ fight, and our relationship with each other died completely along the way. It’s not a formal estrangement — no one has outright said, “I will never speak to you again” — but the ordeal has shifted my parents’ worldview for the worse (very sad) and saddled us with a lot of grief. I in particular feel a lot of resentment, and in the rare few exchanges I’ve had with them, I have not hesitated to more or less put them on blast.

      Money can absolutely ruin families. I’m very sorry to hear you are experiencing something similar. I don’t have much comfort beyond saying that although those certain relatives are generally separated from us, we are much closer to our other relatives who also were taken advantage of and harrassed along the way.

  7. I have a 6th grader who needs to select her 7th grade classes. She’s allowed to take two electives. She wants one to be band. She’s deciding between a foreign language and computer science for the other–both are considered high school credit level courses.

    I had originally pushed her to sign up for foreign language because it’s required if she wants to do the IB program in our town, but they just announced that now kids can still be eligible for IB if they don’t start foreign language until 8th grade. She’s a smart, ambitious, STEM-minded kid. I think she’d likely enjoy programming a lot more than foreign language, and she’s not a kid who is going to be naturally great at a language.

    Would I be hurting her chances for college admissions to suggest that she do CS next year instead of a foreign language? It would mean that she’d never get to an AP-level language class in high school. I know many competitive schools like to see a capstone language class, but I don’t know how important it really is these days.

    (Yes, I hate that I have to ask this question for a 6th grader, but course tracking starts now for high school. She doesn’t have the foresight to know what she needs for college admissions and I don’t want to steer her incorrectly.)

    1. I hate that also — I have to have my kid’s likely future path mapped out for middle school. I had one kid in an IB middle school who started a modern language in 6th grade. She is mediocre still in high school.

      Other kid didn’t go to an IB middle school and then some school board drama ensued and she got tracked to an IB high school, way behind because she never had a language before. Which meant that she was also behind in learning grammar, sentence parts, etc. The IB high school seemed to have at least 50% of its kids in this boat, so they do semester-long classes and she doubled up to get 3 language credits by the end of sophomore year to stay eligible to stay in the IB DP part of the program.

      It’s all a hot mess — you can probably talk to the high school to confirm how your school does it, but it will probably all be OK (or not), regardless of what you do.

    2. You can definitely get to AP level if she starts in 8th with a foreign language. She’ll need AP levelish foreign language for the IB diploma anyway.

      I’d probably do CS and then have her do some short language classes on the side on in the summer. Tons of places have half day language camps. The younger the better for languages if she only has English now.

      1. I don’t think taking foreign language summer classes is going to be a priority for her, and I’m not aware of any good local options for a middle schooler.

        She has a full summer booked this year with a mix of outdoor, sports, and STEM camps.

        I think the option is to take FL in 7th or wait for 8th.

    3. If she goes the IB route, she will have to take IB language, which is approximately equivalent to AP.

    4. I really don’t think so – sure maybe colleges like to see AP Language, but they also like to see AP Compsci.

      If she changes her mind later on, realizes she hated the programming class but Ancient Welsh is her passion, and she wants to get to as high a level as possible, let her take summer classes and skip up a year that was

      1. Having known her since birth, I’d eat my shoe if she decided foreign language was her passion. This is a kid who was taking apart our toilets, using a power drill, and building her own “inventions” while still in diapers.

        1. Then 100% the programming class – this sounds like a kid who, if she applies to elite schools, will be applying to engineering programs or Caltech/MIT/etc. Math & physics classes will matter; personal projects and demonstrated passion will matter (does her school have first robotics, or similar?). I don’t think AP level foreign language is as important

          1. +1 I went to MIT and although it was a while ago now, I interviewed prospective applicants for admissions until recently.
            Foreign language is basically irrelevant to schools like that. I had 4 years of foreign language and would guess most applicants have at least 3, just because most kids bound for selective colleges have at least 3 years of foreign language. But you can get that starting in 9th or 10th grade. AP language is pretty meaningless for schools like that, they’re much more interested in STEM APs and there are better ways to demonstrate language competency than the AP exam anyway.
            Computer science is way more important if you think she might have an interest in STEM.

            I don’t think there’s any meaningful difference between starting in 7th and starting in 9th in terms of how hard the language will be for her to learn. She’s well past the point of being able to acquire a foreign language sort of by osmosis, the way really little kids do, but it will still be easier than it would be as an adult.

    5. I hate that you have to chose because I think your kid would likely enjoy the CS class more, but appreciate the language class more (especially as she gets older). I have always worked in global companies and truly regret that I never went further in Spanish as I was close to becoming fairly conversationally fluent by college.

    6. It may be worth looking at how colleges she is interested in even treat AP foreign languages. Obviously, a lot can change in a few years, but my state school had a foreign language placement test that placed me into the same level that an AP test would have. So, I took AP Spanish Language at my high school, because it was equivalent to “Spanish IV,” but I did not take the exam.

      1. The real goal of AP/IB foreign language is to enhance the high school tr@nscript, not so much to get college credit, so it’s important to take those exams.

        One year of college language is equivalent to 4-6 years of high school language in terms of actual learning.

    8. Not what you asked, but make sure she does take band if she’s interested and the program is even halfway decent. Music is so good for teens’ brains and emotions.

    9. Take the foreign language.
      AP Comp Sci won’t count for any major credit if she goes into computer science, and solid math fundamentals even if she never touches a programming class will set her up for success a lot better than high school computer science classes.
      We need more well rounded people in STEM. There’s no need to specialize this young.

      1. I don’t think a low level comp sci class will matter to admissions, but it was this same type of class that made my so interested in studying CS. He’s graduating college in the fall with a CS major and it was absolutely the right major for him.

        1. My experience with programming is that once you understand the basic logic, it’s reasonably easy to look up things and keep learning to expand your skills.

          I don’t really expect her to major in CS (but could be wrong on this) but aspects of programming have permeated all other STEM disciplines so it’s a pretty fundamental thing to understand for many fields.

    10. If she’d enjoy the programing more, let her do programming! A girl who likes to code will stand out when applying to college, it will give her useful skills to start a business or do volunteer work or apply for an internship, and, there are programing competitions if she likes that sort of thing. Also, if she’s comfortable in her coding skills, undergrad in a STEM field will be much easier. (A lot less intimidating socially when you’re a good programmer – the guys talking about coding a lot can be quite intimidating). (I’m an Electrical Engineer/software developer who now has a great career at the UN, so, someone who fully appreciate both STEM and languages).

    11. College professor here, if that matters. At this point, let her take what will stimulate her & make her happy. Have her do a foreign language starting in 8th grade. High school foreign language will make a difference, but starting it now or doing in 8th grade will not.

      And general PSA (this is for all of us, including me, and I really don’t mean it judgmentally): please stop worrying about college admissions in 6th grade. I’m seeing the results of that on the other side, and it’s anxiety, and inability to choose and make decisions, a need for things to be contractual (“If I do A, then will I get B”?)

      It’s hard, I know. The discourse is everywhere, and it’s starting younger and younger.

      1. I agree with you except for one thing. In many school districts, not being in the “accelerated” math program in middle school means you won’t get to calculus in high school. In our district, the “accelerated” kids take Algebra 1 in eighth grade, which means they take Algebra 2, Geometry, Precalc, then can take Calc as seniors. It’s harder than you might think to pack in a math class over a high school summer, so I do evangelize on this point.

        I know, I know, not everyone is a math person, plenty of people don’t take calculus in high school, etc., etc., but it’s better to have the option than not have the option.

        1. I can understand that, and (as the parent of a 5th and 8th grader myself), I know the ways math pathways are much more set. In this case, though, I don’t think that’s at stake.

          And I also truly understand the (over)focus on college admissions and am sympathetic to it. That said, I really, really want to push back on it and encourage others to do it, too. It’s not good for kids, and it’s not good for parents and communities. Plus, so often the things I read here about how college admissions work and what they look for are just plain wrong or overstated.

          1. I think the goal of choosing middle school courses should be to keep all future options open, which generally means taking all of the most rigorous courses available. If IB requires language in eighth grade, then she needs to take language in eighth grade so she can decide in tenth grade whether or not she wants to go the IB route. That doesn’t mean she needs to take language in seventh grade if she’s not interested and there is no other opportunity that would be foreclosed if she didn’t take it.

        2. She’s already accelerated in math and on track to take AP Calc BC as a junior and multivariable calculus as senior in HS. She has a long way to go, so it’s possible that she’ll off-ramp and slow down, but for now she’s accelerated in math and loving it.

        3. Agree! I have an 8th grader and was shocked they tried to take him out of honors for both math and science because he had a B one quarter. Thankfully we were able to waive the “teacher recommendation” but yikes.

      2. Oh, boy, you hit the nail on the head with the “need for things to be contractual.” The high-achieving teens I know are all about what’s in it for them, and about the illusion of certainty. I blame this in part on the insane competition for college admissions, in part on high school grade inflation, and in part on the removal of critical thinking, reading, and writing from the curriculum. They just can’t handle ambiguity or nuance.

        1. Just to be clear, this is a conversation I’ve had with her dad and on this board, not with her. She’s a 6th grader and doesn’t need to worry about college.

          But my job as a parent is to consider what’s coming and to gently steer her to help make sure she’s not making choice that will keep her from achieving her goals.

        2. OTOH, could colleges be more transparent about pre-law, pre-nursing, pre-health, pre-whatever tracks? These aren’t majors and if a kid is admitted to a pre-X pathway, it’s often code for “there aren’t enough slots for all the kids who want to major in X, so be prepared for weed-out classes with merciless grading and for 25-75% of you to need to transfer out or pick another major and budget for a 5th year of tuition.” Also, I’d like a 10b5 on “impacted” majors and how you really can’t get a worthwhile 2 years of credits as a dual-enrollment high school student and be done with college in only 2 additional years.

    12. If it helps — I earned a degree English and a foreign language at a large, public state university. I went on to work in cybersecurity and am on the leading edge of what that looks like for my particular industry, and am in a leadership position. I’m less than 10 years out from college.

      It’s important to prepare, but people will find their paths.

      2. Well done!

        I’m aware of a Classics -> coding pipeline and wonder if that holds for some other language/literature fields too.

        1. Could be! I’ve heard it said that code is just another language, and it certainly does feel that way. A linguistics-type background can be helpful for picking up coding, and I find that my studies prepared me well for executive communication — a pretty powerful combo in a tech field!

        2. Music bachelors, then masters in computer science 20 years later. The main benefit for me is I am the person who is completely fine getting up and presenting in front of a crowd.

      3. “People will find their paths” — we need to repeat this over and over again. Beautifully said.

    13. A programming class taught me a way of thinking that helped me develop language skills.

  8. Where would you invest about $100k that’s in a 529 college savings for a kid starting college in 3 years? This amount is enough to carry us through four years at a public school but kid wants to go to a private school

    1. HYSA or CD seems like the safest thing with the market volatility and needing the money relatively soon.

  9. I want to learn how to dance. Not anything formal, just want to be comfortable on the dance floor at my office holiday parties. I never went clubbing when I was younger, didn’t grow up in a household that danced, just have no exposure to it. Any ideas where to start? YouTube channels? Thanks!

    1. I just ordered a bunch of dahlias from swan island. Thank you to the poster who suggested the website! I’m really excited for new flowers in my garden this year :)

    3. A big part of dancing is being comfortable moving around other people, and understanding rhythm. I highly recommend any kind of intro to ballet, jazz, hip-hop, or other class — not to bring those moves to your office, but to get you comfortable with “public” dancing and with feeling the beat.

      Also, try the “Get Dance” channel and start with the “How to Dance with Rhythm Tutorial (Club Dance for Beginners)” video. Put on some music after and watch yourself in the mirror, emulating what the instructor in the video was doing.

      I will say I have never felt comfortable dancing around coworkers, personally, but I have really let loose when out with friends and learned pretty much everything from YouTube tutorials and random dance classes I’ve taken.

      1. I have taken many years of ballet and jazz and don’t think it helps one bit with “dancing” of the type that happens at weddings. I am great at choreographed line dances and I could probably improvise a ballet combination to any piece of music, but the movement vocabulary of “dancing” is entirely different.

  10. What are your favorite ways to doctor up box Mac’n’Cheese? I like to throw some cauliflower florets in to cook with the noodles, and saute some onion, maybe mushrooms to add at the end. Extra cheese of course.

    1. Throwing in some chopped up ham and some peas is a classic “hack.” Broccoli florets is another. Lobster meat is a third, and chopped up tomatoes is a fourth. Enjoy!

  11. Feds…are you staying? I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. I’m only one year in. I’m strongly considering going back to private sector.

    1. I’m less than two weeks away from meeting the one year mark. I am exhausted and anxiety induced from all of this. The email today saying to respond or resign was shocking.
      I have been applying for other jobs, but there is nothing. State jobs are terrible- 15-20 dollars an hour.
      I don’t know what to do. I want to leave, but feel stuck.

    2. Hell yes. They’ll have to fire me, but that said I’m in a relatively protected spot.

    3. I believe in the mission of my agency. I am going to continue to serve as long as I can. I will not do DOGE the favor of leaving voluntarily. And if there’s anything unlawful about the way they inevitably terminate me (I’m not probationary and have stellar reviews) they’ll hear about it through every possible channel.

      My office’s group chat about what five things we did last week has been hilarious and I know I’m not alone.

      1. Ha, I’d love to read that. My friends and I have a group chat with some very productive things we imagined for Musk’s future.

      2. amazing way to waste $6-20M of taxpayer funds! Producing 2 million emails that nobody has time to read. Maybe we can contract an AI company to have them analyzed by a computer.
        Meanwhile no regulations have been removed which would make my work actually more streamlined and save some money.

    4. Staying, but looking at state level public employment as well. Now that our probationary employee has been illegally fired, I’m next in line in seniority.

    5. Don’t do them the favor of quitting, especially via a weirdly pressuring, probably not legal, email. Read the union’s lawyers advice. They want you to make decisions under distress – this whole thing is engineered to make you scared, rushed, etc (that email used basically all the same psychological tactics scam emails do)
      Definitely a good idea to look at other options, solidify your finances, make an emergency plan, etc — position yourself so you can make choices from a place of safety and strength, not the desperation and fear they want you in.

  12. Money-savvy ladies, please help. For the first time, due a personal loan repayment that I was not expecting, I have 15K savings above emergency funds. Where should I put it? It looks like the highest HYSA rate is under 4 and the highest CD I found is 4.5. Is there anything better out there that doesn’t put the money at risk? I would also consider a 529 as elem kid will likely go to college, but not sure that the tax savings on interest are large enough to justify locking the funds away in case of no college (how do I calculate these savings anyway?). TIA!

    1. The 529 savings can be pretty significant — not only does the money grow tax free if used for qualified withdrawals, a lot of states also have tax deductions or credits upfront for contributing. In my state it’s a 20% credit on up to $7,500 in contributions, so a $1,500 annual (refundable) tax credit if you max it out. You can use the money on room, board and fees if your kid gets a full ride scholarship to college. I believe it can also cover some trade schools and other non-college training programs. You can also change the beneficiary easily, although that isn’t much help to those of who only have 1 kid. I get not wanting to have too much tied up in a 529 (we stopped contributing when we had enough for 4 years of public in-state because private college seems like a much bigger gamble than college), but if you have no 529 yet, I’d be inclined to open one.

  13. I asked on Friday about what to wear to family court regarding my children. The advice was to wear a twin set with a pair of pants. This is far from my normal routine and I don’t have anything pastel in my life, clothing or otherwise, nor do I have pants, just black jeans or flat shoes (I wear 3” heels for work or sneaks/flip flops at home). I wear dress suits for work and clothing I find at Costco, normally leggings with a tshirt/fleece, at home. I’m being accused of lots of crazy things, including being unstable so I want to give the right impression that matches my commitment to my children, their education, health and well being.

    Please can you share outfits you think are appropriate including shoes. I’m a 6/8, very white and Celtic coloring. How should I do my hair and make up? Budget is as little as possible as I’m drowning in legal fees.

    The wisdom of the women here is appreciated beyond words. This has been so hard and stressful. Thank you in advance for the support and guidance so many of you have provided.

    1. Talk to your lawyer but like, you want to look like a sitcom mom. Warm, approachable, capable. It doesn’t need to be a twin set, but a simple sweater and neutral pants with basic loafers.

      Think something like these pants with black flats-
      https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/pants/wide-leg/wide-leg-pant-in-stretch-ponte/CI415?display=standard&fit=Classic&color_name=black&colorProductCode=CI415

      This sweater in pink or lavender-
      https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/sweaters/pullovers/cashmere-classic-fit-crewneck-sweater/BA400?display=standard&fit=Classic&color_name=floral-multi-hthr&colorProductCode=BA400

    2. Links stuck, but for an example look at JCrew pants item CI415 and sweater item BA400

    3. What about a dress you already own with a cardigan and low/flat shoes? Low key make up and hair pulled back. You want to look sweet and like you are taking this process seriously.

    4. Back in the day, the advice for going to court was to dress like you were going to church. So I’d say a dress you already own with or without cardigan or jacket, hair pulled back, low heeled shoes (you can probably get those at Target), minimal makeup. Or if you don’t have a suitable dress, the most conservative suit you own with low-key hair and makeup and specially purchased low heels should be fine, too. I mean, everybody knows what you do for a living, right? So coming to court in your work clothes should be okay.

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