Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Flex Waist Trouser

233 Comments

1. Love this brand. They are cut like Theory, so if you are a Theory fan you might give them a try.

   1. It is too bad they are cut like Theory. I am serious pear and the flex waist was something I was hoping could help close the waist-gap problem I have when things fit in the seat area.

      At any rate, this in the brown colorway looks like something that Elizabeth in The Americans would rock (as she is killing you or in yet another wigged disguise): https://argentwork.com/collections/blazers/products/oversized-blazer?variant=13606163021870

   2. If you are curvier and want work pants with an elastic back waist, try the Uniqlo EZY Ankle Length Pants. Not as tight as the above, and the elastic waist coordinates with the fabric, so it’s less obvious than in these pants. They’re also $40.

      1. +1 I have 2 pairs of these and they’re great

         1. How do they run size-wise? I need to replace … almost all of my work pants. I’m a 6 in Loft pants but an 8 or a 10 most other places.

            1. Try a medium. They list garment and body measurements on the site. I wear a 12/14 and the XL is on the roomy side for me.

      2. I actually came to the comments just to praise the Uniqlo pants. They also do cheap hemming (at least in the UK – £3 and less than an hour). I have 4 pairs now, and they’ve lasted really well. The coordinating elastic in the back of the Uniqlo pants looks a lot better than these in my opinion.

   3. Have you tried the blazers? They are so pretty!

2. I love the color of these pants. Has anyone tried them?

   New Yorkers, please help me pack for my trip. I will be there in about two weeks and will have evenings and weekends free to myself. What are people wearing these days at this time of year? Is it so hot that I will be okay with just some lightweight casual dresses and sandals, or would you recommend bringing something more substantial as well (pants, sweater/jacket, different shoes) for evenings? What kind of things do you see people wearing on the weekends? I know there’s a broad range, just trying to get a sense. Thanks!

   1. Yes. I have a few suits from Argent and love them. Unfortunately I am between sizes in this particular fabric and didn’t want to deal with tailoring since I didn’t NEED them. They have some other suits in a softer woven fabric I adore and fit me off the rack. I get compliments all the time and they hold up well. But because they are distinctive, I have selfishly been happy that they’ve been a more under the radar brand

   2. Definitely bring a sweater/jacket, because A/C can make it cold inside (e.g., on the subway, in offices/hotels, etc.). It’s likely to be pretty hot and humid.

   3. There’s no one right thing for NYC weekends. If I have an event to go to (anything more serious than just lunch with a friend or whatever), I’ll usually do a lightweight casual dress, but most of the time I’m just in frumpy shorts and a tshirt/tank (all from Target) because I dress up all week for work and screw it I just want to be comfy. For sure put a cardigan in your bag for the AC. I usually just wear Birks, regardless of whether I’m wearing a dress or shorts.

   4. I always wear a lot of black when I am back in the City. Pretty much the right answer any time other than the height of summer. I also like to have a couple shoe options so that I can switch off if I get sweaty.

      Also, definitely bring a small umbrella. New York is the worst place to get caught in the rain . . .

   5. Comfortably flowy dresses are my go-to right now in NYC. I tend to wear very structured sandals (i.e. those with decent support and straps) or closed toe shoes (slip on sneakers) when doing significant walking around the city. A cardigan and/or light scarf is a good idea for chilly restaurants and/or other in door spaces! Note that some subway platforms can be upwards of 100F on a hot day and a restaurant may be 65F, so best advice is layers :)

      Yes black is always in in NYC, but in mid-summer not so much. I’d go with floral dresses and flat sandals/sneakers instead!

   6. Definitely layer because you never know. As previously mentioned, it could be cold indoors. Bring comfortable shoes if you will be walking a lot, but not something really nice in case they get beat up. Also an umbrella. I feel like we have been having a rainy summer.

   7. I was just in NY for work and saw tons of women wearing flowy dresses with bright white sneakers. Also lots of schleppy shorts and birks. It was a thousand degrees and everyone looked sort of miserable.

3. I have $240 of store credit to Cuyana to replace a defective bag. The bag would be used for daily use Mon-Fri for work. Current bag doesn’t carry my laptop but I’d love for the new one to handle my 14″ standard issue Dell laptop. Does anyone use the Classic Structured Leather Tote or the Classic Leather Tote for this use? Will the straps hold up? Straps are what’s failing me on the tote bag that I’m replacing (it’s the peg + hole construction) so I ‘m sensitive to straps specifically. Thoughts?

   1. I have the Cuyana zippered tote and use it with my Dell laptop. The straps feel very sturdy but the drop (9 inches I think) is way too short to comfortably wear over your shoulder when the bag is full. I’d been searching for the perfect zippered tote for awhile and while this one is very good quality (and I love the insert with pockets inside), I’m disappointed with this one feature and probably wouldn’t buy again only for that reason. Not sure if the drop is different on the structured tote or not.

      1. Hm, I don’t have that problem with the drop.

         1. +1 I have had the zippered tote for years and have never had an issue with the drop and I frequently stuff it full and use it as a travel bag. It could definitely comfortably hold a laptop.

         2. +1 The zippered tote is my every-single-freaking-day bag and I don’t have any issues with the drop either.

   2. I have been carrying my Lenovo work laptop in one of two Cuyana totes for close to 2 years. I have the structured tote in the stone color for spring/summer and the zipper tote in burgundy for fall/winter. Both fit the laptop comfortably and I’ve had no problems with the handles. I’m sorry that happened to you!

   3. I have the structured tote and carry quite a bit in it, including a 15″ laptop. I’ve been using it daily for about 8 months and it looks fantastic. I will say that the glazing where the straps bend has a few little cracks but it’s barely noticeable and does not seem like a point of failure at all.

   4. Not sure about the Tote, but I have the Trapeze Satchel and it comfortably fits my laptop and other essentials – I really like it.

4. How do you wear a shirt untucked with this waistband? the front placket sticks out so much. No shirt will lie smoothly.

   1. The only way I would wear a shirt with these pants is with a half tuck. The front needs a shirt tucked in, but I’m definitely not going to show off an elastic back with a tucked in shirt. Maybe if I never, ever planned to take off my blazer. But, overall, these pants seem way too high maintenance to belong in my closet.

   2. I wear a lot of blouses that skim any way and don’t care if a shirt lies smoothly

      1. +1. You just wear the shirt.

5. Do you do chores before work?

   Not just things that have to be done in the morning, but general chores / cleaning up

   I’m so tired when I come back from work and I dont have to leave the house until about 9:15 so I do have time then.

   Now to only get my night owl self to be amenable to that.

   1. When I have my sh!t together, yes. It’s typically small stuff, though, like unloading the dishwasher, wiping down counters, and throwing in a load of (pre-sorted) laundry. In the summer, I water all my outdoor containers before work.

   2. Absolutely. Laundry is my favorite. Start a load right when you wake up and then it’s ready to pop in the dryer before leaving for work. Somehow vacuuming and dusting feel weird at 7am, but giving the bathroom a wipedown doesn’t.

      1. Not to mention, if you live in a condo/apartment, your neighbors won’t be please with you vacuuming at 7 am! I only do “quiet housework” in the morning (sweeping, dusting, putting things away, loading the dishwasher ect)

      2. Please be home when you run the dryer. Even if you are diligent about clearing the lint from the vents it’s worrisome.
         A dear friend was home when her dryer started a house fire; which was awful, had she been out, her house would have been gutted. YMMV.

         1. This. I won’t run any appliances (washer, dryer, dishwasher) when I’m not home.

            1. Eh, I’ve heard this before and feel like it’s a little … fear-based. Could it happen? Sure, but it’s really not that likely if your appliances are cared for and functioning well.

               It’s not a habit I’m going to break anytime soon. Being able to clean things while I’m doing other things is part of the point of having said appliances.

            2. I’m the same, so it does limit the chores I can do in the morning. Plus, I’m just not a morning person

            3. Anon at 9:43: you can still do the chores when doing other things, it’s just that the other things are at home. For example, I’ll throw in a load of wash before starting dinner. It’s normally ready to be moved to the dryer by the time we can sit down to the table, and then I’ll put it away after cleaning up from dinner. It just seems like an unnecessary risk to take, but I also hate ironing so don’t like clothing to sit in the dryer for hours after they are finished.

            4. Agree with anon at 9:43. Is there a risk that your dryer could catch on fire or your dishwasher could flood your house? Of course. But I assess the level of risk to be low enough to be worth it in light of the benefits — the convenience of being able to start the dishwasher or dryer on my way out the door.

            5. I have borne witness to four floods in my homes: pipe burst, toilet pipe breaking, dishwasher, and washing machine. It happens. That said, I still run my dishwasher at night/when I’m out. That flood was caused by operator error (not mine) and was the least damaging because the amount of water was small.

            6. That’s insane. I run all of those appliances routinely when I’m not home. I’m sorry about your anxiety but this is not a reality based concern. I also leave the slow cooker on.

            7. lol armchair diagnose all you want, but I don’t have anxiety. It was advice from my home inspector that I’ve chosen to follow. I agree the risk is minimal but to me there’s no essentially upside to running these appliances while I’m out of the house. I’m home a lot and have plenty of opportunities to run these appliances while I’m home and awake. If I really needed to run it while I was gone, I might decide the benefits outweigh the very slight risks, but I don’t.

            8. I won’t run the dryer when I’m not home. The idea is you’re more likely to catch it/hear the alarm if you’re there. I recognize that statistically dryer fires are rare, but house fire seems pretty devastating compared to a flood (I’ve got no problem running the dishwasher or washer when I’m not home).

            9. I run the dishwasher when I’m not home but not the dryer because my dog is home. If in the 10million to 1 chance the house catches on fire, I don’t want her trapped alone. If she wasn’t home, I would.

            10. My sister was at home when he clothes washer caught on fire. Cats and dog were inside, so she was lucky to have been there.

         2. Awake too. Same issue could happen when you’re asleep.

            1. I think the idea would be that you would hear the smoke detector if you were home but asleep. Unless you’re in or near the laundry room the entire time the dryer is running, being awake vs. asleep probably isn’t that different (I guess you might smell the smoke a bit before the smoke detector goes off).

            2. The water line to my refrigerator broke when I was both home and awake. Only walking shoeless tipped me off that something was wrong (why are the floorboards cupping . . . ohhhhhh).

               So keep those socks on (but not the shoes).

               /jk

         3. Personally, if my house were to catch fire I would rather not be there.

            1. I’ll see you and I’ll raise you: house burning down would be a gift.

            2. Same but I have a cat.

            3. Haha, Anonymous! Agreed, but for the dogs. And the shoe collection.

            4. LOL and amen! Just one more reason to be sure to always wear your most fabulous outfit any time you go out in public.

         4. Shrug. It’s happened once to one person you know? Its never happened to anyone I know. The rate of occurrence seems pretty low. Worry about it if you want to, but I’m not.

            1. I think the idea is that it’s a low-probability, high-impact event.

         5. I hadn’t even thought about not running the dryer when no one’s home. Now I will at least give it consideration. Last night I left the pressure cooker on the stove while we went to the roof deck and my husband was worried — without cause in my view. And it was fine.

         6. I’ve had a dryer fire. Not lint-related, BTW. I’ve had a rule not to run the dryer when no one is home my entire life (literally, was my mom’s rule and now mine). So I’m a person this has happened to. It was during the day while I was working from home. I smelled the smoke before our smoke alarms went off, investigated, and called 911. Emotional aspects aside, having your home and all possessions damaged by smoke is quite possibly the biggest pain in the a$$ imaginable. Especially if you have children.

            1. Amen. My mom’s house was torched by an arsonist (when she was not there), and believe me, you don’t want to go through the headache/heartache.

            2. Right. I never understood (and therefore assume most people don’t understand) what it feels like to literally not have a safe, livable home or access to clothes other than what you’re wearing for even a short period of time. We are thankful every day for great insurance that told us to go to whatever hotel we wanted, no questions asked, and the ability to buy anything we needed to make that time more bearable.

   3. I sometimes do, but I’m a serious morning person and I lose energy throughout the rest of the day and go to bed around 9/10. I do small things that take me an extra 15 min but save me from having a dirty place during the week like run/unload the dish washer, fold laundry, clean the bathroom, get things out of the way to run the Roomba, etc. I’m not hard core mopping or spending the kind of time I do for a full Saturday morning routine. It’s more like maintenance v. projects.

   4. There was a really long discussion on how much time people spend on chores on a daily basis a few weeks back and it varied widely. I came down on the side of 20-30 minutes per day, so I’m answering this question with that bit of background info.

      So I spend about half the time (10-15 minutes) in the morning and half that time in the evening. In the morning, I make beds (with assistance from my husband and daughter), unload the dishwasher, and do a bit of tidying. I typically batch cook 7 minute pasta once per week in the morning. In the evening I load the dishwasher, wash a handful of utensils, wipe down the counters, and do a bit of tidying. I only own pots and pans and dishes that can go in the dishwasher. I only hand wash our eating utensils and knives. Our house is generally pretty orderly and we keep up with it on a daily basis, so nothing ever takes a long time to do. We also have a cleaning lady who comes in every other week to do the deep cleaning.

   5. I will often put a load of laundry in when I wake up, then move it to the dryer before going to work (I know, dryer fires, but…I am okay with that risk). Or sometimes if I get up really early, I can actually get the laundry or and fold it before I leave.

      I also empty the dishwasher which we run pretty much every night. If it’s not clean, I stick breamfast dishes in and then run it on my way out the door.

      Sometimes (definitely not if I’m doing the chores above) I prep dinner a little bit.

      I have 3 kids under 6 and so it depends who gets up early and what kind of mood we are all in :-). Sometimes I make the kids do a quick toy triage clean in the playroom or their rooms.

   6. Yes. Laundry, as others have said. Also, wiping down the kitchen, starting or emptying the dishwasher, occasional dusting, etc. Sometimes I set a timer for 10 minutes and spend that time cleaning.

   7. Sure, this morning I got up an hour earlier than usual so rather than laying in bed reading my book, I folded a load of laundry. My husband uses 5 minutes in the morning to unload the dishwasher because we run it overnight and that way we can fill it again during the day.

      Something that really helped me with doing chores was the suggestion to time how long it actually takes. Unloading the dishwasher sounds like a pain, but in reality it takes three minutes. Folding a load of laundry takes 10-15. Putting it away takes 5. Grabbing the hamper and tossing the clothes in the washer with soap takes 3. If you think of it in those terms, it doesn’t seem like too big a sacrifice to just knock it out.

   8. I unload/load the dishwasher while my coffee is brewing. I’m pretty good about putting everything in the sink before bed, but I’ll walk around to make sure I didn’t miss anything. I also look through the mail I tossed on the counter the night before.

      1. I also unload the dishwasher in the morning if my cleaneing lady is not coming in. I also brew my own coffee, and throw the grounds out myself. I let the cleaneing lady do all of the cleaning, the laundry, and the shopping, leaving me time to think for myself. I also pack my OWN lunch to bring to work, so I have healthy stuff and do NOT have to eat the food the manageing partner orders in for us, as I found this was giving me a big tuchus. Now that I am eating healthy and excersizeing, I only need to loose about 10 pounds to get back to 103. YAY!!!!

      2. Same (although I drink tea). I usually either run the dishwasher overnight or when I’m away at work. I like waking up or coming home to clean dishes. Timesaver!

   9. I changed jobs and have a later start (9:30 am, but I also often stay late), so I’ve started doing some cleanup in the morning and it really helps. It’s mostly small tasks – empty the dishwasher, fold and put away the laundry, sweep the floor, clean out the litterbox, etc. If I have time sometimes I will run a load of a laundry and then hang it to dry – I don’t run the dryer if I’m not home.

   10. I will unload the dishwasher or do any dishes, though there are rarely things to be cleaned in the morning since we take care of them in the evening. I try to not to run the dishwasher while I’m not home, but if I’m going away for a few days, I will start it. Sometimes fold laundry. Never anything that takes more than ~10 minutes, and only on days that I’m not going to the gym.

   11. I set a timer for 10 minutes each morning and spend that time tidying, folding laundry, or doing light cleaning.

   12. Absolutely! I have two kids and I can’t stand coming home to a mess. I usually dustmop the wood floors (we have a big dog that sheds a ton), unload the dishwasher and load the breakfast dishes, wipe down the counters, and sometimes do a load of laundry. I usually save laundry for the weekend, but every once in a while, we need something to be cleaned. Once a week, I use my slow cooker and get dinner ready for that evening.

   13. Yes, I’ve actually found that I don’t mind hand-washing some dishes from the night before after breakfast. I’m already washing the egg pan, spatula, and cheese grater, it doesn’t take that much more time or effort to also wash a pot and/or pan that was left to soak overnight, or a wine glass that was left by the sink the evening before.

   14. Oh man, if I didn’t have to leave the house until 9:15 I absolutely would! But I’m already an early to bed early to rise kinda person, so it wouldn’t mean adjusting my schedule all that much. I could easily get in 60-90 minutes of cleaning and tidying and doing dishes in the morning.

6. I’ve posted several serious questions lately, but here’s something just for fun. Are there any fashion blogs or Instagram accounts with kind of a preppy/country/equestrian style? My lifestyle is pretty casual and I have seen some great outfits that look more classic than sloppy – something I need to aspire to. I also really like functional clothes (ie boots versus flats, etc). Any ideas? Or brands to try?

   1. Not a blog, but this is pretty must my aesthetic, and I basically shamelessly copy Kate Middleton’s casual attire. If something she wears is really expensive I’ll shop around for a reasonable dupe. It makes me look really put together on weekends, plus the outfits tend to be comfortable. The one splurge I’ve made is the Penelope Chilvers boots, and I have no regrets about that.

      1. *pretty much

   2. @sarahkjp on Insta

   3. @sarahkjp and @sweetsouthernprep are two I like. The first skews new england the second skews southern. Lots of good eye candy.

   4. Agree on copying Kate Middleton’s casual wear! I’d also look at Garnet Hill (just skip the Eileen Fisher stuff) for inspiration. I feel like every fall, they feature gorgeous boots-and-sweaters looks that I would love to wear every day, but alas, business casual is my life.

   5. Carly the Prepster, Sarah Rose Stuart, Dudley Stephens, Lemonstripes

7. I’m doing more yoga these days and would like to invest in 1 or 2 nicer tops. I’ve been wearing my running tops, but they inevitably end up sliding around more than I’d like, which is annoying. I’d prefer a tank top, maybe with a built-in bra. (Stupid question, though: How do you find a shirt that stays put without clinging to the belly?)

   1. Re the belly part – this is my constant struggle. I get high waisted yoga pants so I’m a little more sucked in, they don’t roll down on me, and they help my shirt stay down. If my top is annoying me, I’ll tuck it in a little. I have a couple of tops from Athleta that are a nice thick fabric that doesn’t cling but also doesn’t move around too much – but they’re a bit warmer (even though they’re sleeveless) so I tend to not wear them in the summer (all of the local studios seem to despise AC).

      1. +1 to high waisted yoga pants. I’m short, so that isn’t a struggle, I feel like quite a lot of the pants have a much higher waist now than they did a few years back.
         FWIW, I find the ones with an open/tie back to be baggier in the tummy but still not ride up – these:
         https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=636925422&cid=1006976&pcid=1006976&grid=pds_6_246_1&cpos=6&cexp=1161&cid=CategoryIDs%3D1006976&cvar=8259&ctype=Listing&cpid=res19081309715357986611946#pdp-page-content

   2. I have had good luck with the Outdoor Voices Sweatee Tanks for this, but yes, it is really hard to find good yoga clothes.

   3. I have a bunch of Old Navy workout tanks (no built in bra, though) that are cheap and great for yoga. They are a racerback style which seems to keep them from riding up whenever arms go overhead. They also have a slight A-line shape so they skim my belly without being snug. They stay put and I don’t have to fiddle with them.

8. Do you use video with WebEx? I recently got invited to a WebEx meeting – I connected with video and then I was the only person who had their video on and felt so awkward. I thought the whole point of WebEx vs a traditional phone conference is that you had video. Am I off base here?

   1. I know it can do video but we usually use webex just for audio with remote screen sharing/computer demos.

   2. Nope, we never ever use video. We use webex to share a screen, to show a presentation or document, so everyone can see it on their own screen.

   3. No one I know uses video on webex. One person did, I think accidentally, on a call last week and we just saw the top of his head for the entire call. It was actually very distracting.

      Why we all use webex rather than just a dial in is to look at someone’s screen during the call, usually sharing a power point presentation.

      1. We had a WebEx meeting and one woman didn’t realize we could see her. People were frantically emailing and calling her to make sure she didn’t take her phone into the bathroom with her while on WebEx.

   4. I have had clients who always uses webex conference lines, but never use the video. that’s just who their conference line provider is.

   5. Ok thanks everyone. I’m not in an industry that does a lot of screen-sharing (I usually just talk to people on the phone because I need to talk to them and they’re not here, so I really just need audio) and didn’t realize WebEx served that purpose. I feel super awkward about using the video that one time but at least I know for the future!

      1. My circumstances are similar. Now, when I get a Webex invitation, I email the organizer to ask whether he or she intends to use the video or screenshare capabilities because I prefer to call in from my desk landline. I usually just say the audio quality is better that way.

   6. When we switched to Webex from a previous screen sharing software it was sold as “now you can see each other” but no one ever uses it for that, really.

   7. Get a little screen cover for your laptop camera. They slide shut and then no one can accidentally see you. We mostly use webex to share presentations.

   8. I’m trying to start a video on WebEx revolution! (it’s appropriate to be a little “outside the norm” given the focus of my role). I think it’s something that our company invested in and we are not getting the benefits (which extend to being more remote work friendly) if we don’t take advantage, so I’ve gotten in the habit of turning mine on and sometimes it shames others into doing the same, but I’m just trying to normalize it more. Also it keeps me from multitasking on calls which is something I do unhealthily:)

      1. Please no.

      2. Ugh I hope this revolution does not take hold. I don’t want to be on video! I spend a lot of time on conference calls where I am the only west coast participant so it’s 9am their time and 6am mine, and yes, I am very much taking that from home, complete with pajamas and bed head.

      3. I am with you.

   9. Counterpoint, my tech company, which has tons of remote employees, uses video for every meeting. If you don’t turn on video, people think its odd, to the point the occasional non-video person offers up some form of excuse/reason for not using it.

   10. Nope, I’ve never used WebEx with video and I use it a lot. We use it to share screens but everybody is either just calling in or using their computer audio.

   11. Usually no one uses the video – I keep my camera on my work PC covered in case the camera turns on accidentally!

   12. I definitely see the value in a meeting where everyone is visible, and more importantly visibly engaged, but I also see nothing wrong with a Webex (or Zoom, or whatever you use) to be audio-only. As long as the team is connecting and people are getting the updates and information they need, video isn’t always necessary. I do think managers have the right to decide if people need to be using video or not in team meetings.

9. What online prescription eyeglass places do people have good experience with? I want a new pair, have a current prescription, but do not particularly like any of the frames in stock at my brick and mortar office. Thanks!

   1. Warby Parker

      1. +1 I’ve enjoyed my Warby Parker sunglasses. They actually have a couple brick and mortar stores in my area so I haven’t done it online.

      2. Thanks!

         I’m hoping there are some non-Warby Parker options since they are the only name I know off the top of my head and the only two frames they had that I sort of liked were not available for the home try on option.

   2. Zeni- relatively low prices and a quick turnaround window. The only downside is that I have a small head and they only carry my size in certain styles, but its worth a look!

      1. I have a big head (ha!), so this is very useful. Thanks!

      2. Oh wow, Zenni options are amazing. Thank you so much!

   3. I love my frames from Zenni. They have a way for you to “try on” glasses virtually and it’s worked really well for me. Super affordable too, so you can try out several different styles.

   4. Eyebuydirect.

   5. 39dollarglasses dot com. I have ordered several pairs from them and always been happy.

      I ordered from Warby Parker recently and had to bring back the glasses several times, since they messed up the manufacturing process. I finally kept the last pair, even though they aren’t quite right. Customer service was lovely, but they just don’t get the job done properly.

   6. I use Zenni for my computer glasses and have had great experiences with them. The glasses come quickly and have never been poorly made. They don’t last forever, but they’re so inexpensive and I can quickly order a new pair. Unfortunately, they don’t carry my regular prescription (too high with progressive) or I would get them there, too.

10. Anyone here well-versed in HIPAA laws? My employer is instituting a new “wellness” plan where they will pay out $25 if you have a wellness exam with your doctor. We don’t need to submit anything, they get the information that you’ve had this exam from a report they get from our insurance carrier. Can our insurance carrier give out this information? Wouldn’t we have to sign something giving our consent to provide the information to our employer?

    1. When you sign up for the wellness program, you probably sign something saying you give consent for this info to be transferred. My employer does it too and I hate it.

    2. Do you have to enroll in the wellness plan? The consent is probably in there if so.

       1. No. Basically, if you have insurance through the employer, you are already enrolled.

          1. It might be opt-out and not opting out gives them consent. I would be really surprised if there’s not a way to opt out/remove consent.

    3. HIPAA covers health information. Is a list of names health information?

       My guess is that the insurance company knows what code(s) they are looking for to account for the wellness visit and runs a special report. So, only HIPAA covered employees (the insurance company) see any health information incorporated into billing, and the employer only sees a list of names. And since the employer already knows who is using their insurance, this is just a subset of employees that have had a doctor’s visit (of some sort) that meets the wellness requirement.

       1. https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-professionals/privacy/workplace-wellness/index.html

    4. The company I work for does this – we get $500. My understanding is that all they know is that we got a physical based on the coding of the claim. No actual health information is released to my employer.

    5. No but I have to tell my favorite joke:

       Knock, knock!

       Who’s there?

       HIPPA!

       HIPPA, who?

       I can’t tell you!

       (Thank you, I’ll be here all week. Tip your waiter, try the fish…)

       1. SA – when you gave that joke the last time I told it to my son who is in medical school. I save up jokes and text them to him. He laughed and said his roommates liked it too.

          1. Yay!! :)

       2. It’s HIPAA not HIPPA. Sorry, big pet peeve from someone who has to correct it in work documents multiple times per week.

          1. Yikes! Thanks!

    6. If the employer isn’t getting any health or medical information about you, it’s not covered by HIPAA.

11. i recently read an article about the company anytownusa – everything they sell is made in america, so i thought i would share for those who like to support american businesses. looks like they could still benefit from a bit more growth to have more product offerings, but i like the idea behind it

    1. Love the concept. Thanks!

12. A member of my team (I am this person’s direct supervisor) has been out for a few days taking care of a spouse who needed emergent, major surgery.

    I have already given blanket okay to take whatever time is necessary, leave with no notice and just text me when they can to let me know they’re gone for the day/an hour/whatever, and offered linkages to our employee benefits people for anything else that’s needed.

    Thinking of sending a Panera Gift card? I don’t know that flowers would be needed or appreciated and I can send the Panera card via email. FWIW, I don’t really know the spouse and this is a staffer who is my parents’ age.

    1. I would prefer food delivery – e.g., Seamless gift card. If Panera delivers in your area, great.

    2. I have been in this situation and a gift card for delivery food would have been wonderful.

    3. I don’t think it is necessary, but I’m sure a gift card for delivery would be nice

    4. This sounds lovely. Always do the positive, right?

    5. Just want to say that you’re an awesome boss. I remember the grace and kindness my boss extended to me when a similar situation came up a few years ago. Your employee will remember this and be grateful.

       1. This is really lovely. If you’re comfortable sending a meal to their home so they have one less thing to think about, my team did that for me during my sister’s hospitalization and it was so kind. Thanks for giving this person grace.

13. My law firm is going through a merger, and staff members are being let go or seeing the writing on the wall and deciding to leave. Lawyers are deciding to leave too. I am sad to see some people leave as they were great coworkers, but it would be weird for me to invite someone to a goodbye lunch if I’ve never invited them to grab lunch or coffee preciously. I don’t know what’s the right thing to offer up then. I know when I left my last firm, I thought goodbye gifts and cards were unnecessary and somewhat weird (it felt a little like, oh, you never really talked to me before but now you are my friend?!?). Now I find myself on the other side, so I say or do anything? Just send a “wish you luck” email?

    1. When I left my previous firm I was surprised by how much I liked the “wishing you the best” emails, even from people I barely knew. If you have worked with these people, even a little, it’s nice to say “it was nice working with you” or something like that. There is no harm in saying something nice but no need to do anything over the top if you weren’t especially close.

       1. Same. I was SO GLAD to be leaving Big Law but the nice emails – even simple ones like “Nice working with you! Enjoy your next step!” – made me surprisingly emotional. I always reply to goodbye emails now.

    2. Absolutely go to lunch or coffee now, they’ll be part of your network going forward but you need to cultivate the relationship. Not weird at all. And sorry you’re going through this – always unsettling.

       1. I disagree. If they have never had coffee or lunch together before, it is weird to invite them for lunch when they are leaving. It was very clear to me who at my old firm was just trying to “network” when I left and who actually cared, and I was really turned off by the networkers because it was so fake.

          Sending a nice email, totally appropriate.

          1. You do you, but I’ve made lasting relationships hat we’re born in times of corporate turbulence. People often open up more on the way out than in the everyday. Networking is also critical to your long term success, so I’d never judge someone for engaging in it.

             1. It’s just really clear who didn’t care about how I was treated when I was an employee, but now that I’m leaving to work at a potential client, wants to be all nice and buddy-buddy. If they would have previously expressed any interest in me, I would feel different. But I started getting lunch invites from people who probably didn’t know my name the week before.

             2. Yeah, I hear tyou on that – I’d just say it’s a small world especially in law, I’d probably lightly engage or just have the lunch/coffee anyway with my snarky thoughts in my head ;)

14. Why should people join and or stay in service or professional organizations? My state bar association, the ABA, and my chapter of (a Midwestern and relaxed) Junior League are ask dealing with plummeting membership, mostly because younger professionals aren’t joining or aren’t staying. I know other groups deal with this. Any good suggestions, articles, our strategic plan type tips?

    1. I don’t because I don’t see a benefit. I want to get out of my after work socializing a) business, b) a husband, or c) fun. My local bar isn’t effective at a or b, and as for c, meh. Like, open bar events frequently don’t even have rosé available. I just think there are lots of things I can do with my time and hanging out with a bunch of 60 year old white men alternately ignoring or harassing me isn’t appealing

    2. I don’t know, but I’m a member of a southern and relaxed junior league and our numbers are plummeting too. I think culturally we’re at a point where people are not committed to volunteer organizations. There’s a lot of dabbling and trying things out, but there’s also refusing to put forth any effort if there is not immediate, feel good, instagramable results. When you compare the requirements of being in the jr league 10-15 years ago, vs. what they are now, both the financial and time commitments were much much higher for our league in the past than they are now. Which paradoxically, has led to less involvement. I guess it’s that “you get out what you put in”. The more you put in, the more you get out, but good luck selling anyone on an 8 year commitment that involves a ton of effort and a significant financial investment these days.

       I think there are also a ton more organizations to choose from, a ton more fundraisers, so people are spread way more thin. And the average amount of time people spend working is higher. And we’re supposed to be a lot more hands on and intensive as parents as well. Our culture has just changed a lot in the last 10-20 years, and I’m not sure what the answer is for volunteer organizations.

       1. Agree with you on the expectations at home and work front (and going to ignore the “shake fist at millenials” tone of your instagram comment)
          Young people, especially ones with children are working more and spending more time actively parenting than our parents, and still want to maintain some sense of self, which means limiting the time we spend outside of career and family on something that really means something to us. IME of my peer group, this usually means consistent support of a specific cause, usually where you can see a real result from your work (think big brothers big sisters, volunteering at animal shelter or hospital). Organizations like Junior League that are half unsatisfyingly social and random volunteer opportunities for various causes aren’t going to cut it – they don’t make much of an impact because they aren’t making much of an impact save for fundraising for specific causes. It doesn’t make sense to spend several hours a month on something you don’t care about.

          1. Agreed. Career consumes so much of my life as it is– in terms of time, energy, and bandwidth. When the priority list is Job/life tasks/exercise/socializing/family (and I don’t even have kids)/hobbies that keep you sane and connected to who you are… the last thing I can muster up the energy for is going to a networking event that starts at 6:00 p. Also that instagram comment at 10:59 was obnoxious. Nope, not missing out on the State bar event because I’m too busy instagramming like a #girllboss, I’m working late to finish that brief that Boomer Partner dropped on my desk. If I required instant gratification then I wouldn’t be an associate in a law firm, that’s for sure.

       2. My comment is caught in moderation, but I wrote a novel below about why my experience was a turnoff. The time and financial requirements were certainly part of it — and this was 10-12 years ago for me. But really, it was “exclusivity” vibe that was off-putting. I don’t think the junior league is the only organization that suffers from this.

          I agree with your last paragraph completely. People are spread so thin. Even if they want to volunteer, they may not have the bandwidth for it.

          1. Yes, on being spread so thin. I think that in many industries, work expectations have ratcheted up significantly compared to a few decades ago. Partly it’s technology enabling an always-on work environment, partly it’s the ongoing sorting of the American economy into haves and have-nots, which makes us all a bit desperate to make sure we (and our children) end up on the right side of that division. But I have kids and I just cannot imagine when I could make the time in my life for something like the Junior League. I do volunteer for stuff that is very important to me (mostly political campaigning these days), but even there, I’m not able to commit in an ongoing way. For the Junior League, the actual impact of the volunteering component is much lower for the time spent, and I can’t justify the trade-off.

       3. Sandra Day O’Connor was president of the Junior League of Phoenix (and was speaker of the Arizona house before she went on to other things). I LOVED my Junior League days (JLW and one other large southern city). But for me, I’m happy as a sustainer and I hope my daughters will consider it. For me, it was compatible with being the third thing on my plate once I added motherhood to BigLaw (but it was my main other thing before kids). It can seem flighty, but the women who run committees (esp. the fundraising ones) are true rockstars who I credit me with introducing me to a lot of community organizations when I was new in DC and after I moved away from it.

          Involvement is now a habit (I tutor kids in math at my kids’ school (in a “good” school in my city, 25% of kids are still on free lunch, so there is a huge need). I do some church and Scout volunteering work, but it is isolated to weekends b/c that is when I am free and don’t also need childcare. I imagine that as I get older, my volunteering work will be more leadership volunteering (which isn’t quite as fun to me as hands-on stuff) or just more time-intensive. To everything there is a season.

          But as Queen Margeraey said in GOT, if you are volunteering to be seen volunteering (or something like that), it doesn’t really count.

       4. With respect to Junior League specifically, I agree that there are different expectations around work and parenting. My MIL was in Junior League 30 years ago–she was married to a doctor, worked part-time, and had a full-time “housekeeper” who cleaned, cooked, AND provided childcare. Of course she had time for Junior League!

          She offered to sponsor me 10 years ago, and I was working 60-70 hours a week and supposed to be more or less constantly available and had no way to commit to Junior League’s expectations. Now I have a less intense job, and could theoretically join, but I spend most of my non-work time with my spouse and kid (and I’ve pretty much aged out).

    3. For the ABA or state bar, I honestly don’t know what the benefits are. I’m a member because my employer pays for it for the legal department, but the only tangible thing I see is a mediocre magazine occasionally…

       Why do you enjoy the Junior League? Why should people join? What are the dues? Are you nickel-and-dimed for events / donations on top of dues? Are events scheduled conveniently for people to drop in given typical working hours (e.g., not a coffee and bagels thing at 10 on a weekday)? Junior League in particular has a stigma to overcome that it is for bored SAHMs that need a project, so you might need to work harder at emphasizing flexibility in commitment level and scheduling?

       1. +1 these are 100% my feelings on Junior League.

    4. Those are all very different organizations and you won’t find a good answer that fits them all. Have they bothered to ask younger or leaving members why they left or why they aren’t joining? There will be unique answers for each. I don’t think this is a “please give me a book to tell me why the youngins aren’t joining” sort of things – part of the issue is that you’re looking for articles and strategic plans without finding out what the problem is (and the underlying “don’t check in with the target audience” thing might explain a lot about your declining membership).

    5. IME, people don’t join because there is no real benefit to them in their daily lives. The local city/county bar associate and the Association of Corporate Counsel provide very useful educational and networking opportunities with people in their actual legal practice community. I have never seen anything near as useful on a state bar or ABA level. Honestly, there doesn’t seem to be a good reason to be an ABA member since you can purchase the useful book separately.
       As far as Junior League, that is a very chapter by chapter issue. You say it’s laid back but what do they actually do? When are the events and what are the types of events? Keep in mind that a 50 yr old SAHM with teenagers will have very different desires or needs in an organization than working mothers of young children or single/childless women with hard charging careers – if your leadership is the 50 yr old SAHM they often don’t have programming compatible with young people’s lives.

       1. IME, 50 year old SAHM with teens get a lot of sh*t done in this world b/c their kids are less needy, esp in my state where kids can drive at 16. A lot of these women have serious degrees from serious schools and often are totally underemployed. Rather than daydrink, they spend some time volunteering for their community and we . . . do not treat them kindly.

          As a working mom with young kids, I benefit from these women tremendously (for what they do at our church, for my kids’ schools, for various community boards and orgs, etc.). Scout troup? I’m not going to run it and I can’t help b/c work is too unpredictable to take on a weekly leadership role. I may write a check, but that is all I have time for now.

          1. FWIW, I didn’t read the previous post as denigrating those women, at all! I know that I’m incredibly thankful for the SAHMs who run all the volunteer stuff at my kids’ school. They really are the glue that knits our community together, and they get serious stuff done. It’s still true that I’m never going to join them at a 10 am PTO meeting, though. My life just can’t accommodate that. So if the goal is expanding membership, it’s worth considering if things are set up in a way that allows a broader range of people to participate.

          2. As a 50+ year old woman with a teenager, thank you! I work full time and do considerable volunteer work for my church and frequently feel like I am either invisible or the subject of eye rolling.

    6. My impression (and how I operate) is that organizations that provide some sort of obvious benefit–regular CLE meetings, in my case–do not have issues with membership. Organizations that are just something to list on your resume aren’t worth bothering with or paying for. I have not been a member of ABA for years because I have no idea what benefit it might provide me.

       I dipped a toe in Juinor League once and it was just not my scene. Nor were BNI or other explicitly-geared networking groups.

    7. Quite frankly, I see the writing on the wall for membership associations. They’re a dying breed across the board, whether it be professional societies, a social organization, or places of worship. The value of affiliation is slowly becoming unimportant to most people because the traditional benefits of membership have been replaced by social media, free online resources, and shifting social norms valuing individual expression. To see it in action, just look at all of the posts around here lamenting the increase in flakiness or disinterest in socialization among friend groups. Everyone just wants to sit around at home, take pictures of their wine, and prove just how introverted they are.
       Signed,
       Association Management Professional
       (a membership organization signs my paycheck)

    8. In terms of professional and service orgs, I don’t belong because they tend to have evening meetings and I work until 10-11 PM most nights and some weekend days, as do my husband and most of our friends. I would consider joining a service org if they consolidated hours to be a once-a-month 6 hour commitment one Sunday or something.

       Yacht clubs and (to a lesser extent) country clubs are having the same problem in my area. A lot of them are offering social memberships or lower costs +/- waived initiation fees for younger members. I would consider joining a yacht club (we both grew up sailing) but would need it to be a true one-stop shop: sailing, gym, tennis courts, pool, and good restaurant that’s not too expensive so that I could just spend all day there on the weekend. And I would need to be able to bring guests without paying a guest fee or raising eyebrows. Oh but we don’t have a car, so we’d have no way to get there. And our financial priorities right now are on paying down loans and getting a down payment for a house. I guess it’s still a few years off. :-)

    9. Some of this is generational: people in their 20s and early 30s do not have the same dedication to institutions as older generations do (even Gen X).

       One of the issues I found is cost: as a young lawyer starting out with massive loans and a job that paid next to nothing, I simply could not afford things like ABA or state bar dues. A lot of people forget that when the employer doesn’t pay, the lawyer is usually working for a lot less money than those who work for employers who pay for bar dues and simply cannot afford it.

       What helps:
       “Young professionals” dues that are a lot less than normal dues, and based on year of graduation and/or age (covering up into the mid-30s).
       Discounts on conferences and such for those who are financially strapped (e.g., a state political party allowed people to fill out a form of financial need and discounted their nominating convention fees by about 75%).
       Events that are geared towards people in all stages of life – you have part-time or stay-at-home moms trying to get back into the workforce, students who are job-hunting and not going the BigLaw route, people whose jobs didn’t pan out and are now looking, those who are looking to make a big step up in their careers (from say tiny law firms to not-tiny law firms), but the environment can often feel like it’s not inclusive of that.
       Young Professionals Nights that are at a bar, org buys first round of drinks, low-key where you get to meet people and hear a bit about the org.

       Strategically, think hard about the benefits of joining. What benefits – professional or personal – do people get out of it? Gone are the days when being a member of a civic group was seen as part and parcel of being an adult.

    10. Well, I can only speak about my experiences with the Junior League, but as a 20-something, there were so many things that turned me off. The volunteer requirements were not realistic for anyone who worked full-time — and that was BEFORE I had kids! To make matters worse, I never felt like our volunteerism was making much of an impact, which is why I joined the JL to begin with. It also had a very socially connected/moneyed feel, even in my small city. That was an eye-opener. As someone who was raised in a blue-collar world but worked herself into a white-collar profession, I never felt like I fit in. I often felt “less than,” and like I had nothing to bring to the table. It was very surface-level “friendly” — people would talk to me, but when they figured out I didn’t come from their circles, I struggled to make any meaningful connections. In other words, it seemed like an organization whose ideals were 20+ years behind the times.

        Oh, and I was definitely nickle-and-dimed for a lot.

        I dropped out after 3 years because I realized that I wasn’t having a great experience and it wasn’t likely to change. I’m mad that I stuck around that long! JL turned me off from joining other organizations that show signs of being much the same (Chamber of Commerce, Rotary, all of it). All talk, no real action, all about the social connections rather than real ones. I’m now in my late 30s and have built a career network that is small but genuine.

        So yes, definitely look at how scheduling and requirements may dissuade people from joining. But also look deeper than that and evaluate just how welcoming your organization is to newcomers.

        1. FWIW, the JLW was great (lots of evening / weekend options) and about half lawyers.

           The Junior League of Charlotte is also very . . . progressive. I am a sustainer now, but being active was great. You can do the junior leagues as per stereotype, but it is possible to avoid all that.

           I think it’s like golf — in my SEUS area, golf is not exclusive and there are lots of public courses, but I see how it is also a sport that skews very Skip and Muffy.

    11. I struggle with my ability to be part of things like this now that I am a working mom. The two professional organizations I am a member of always have events from like 5-7 pm in the city I work in, which for me is terrible timing b/c that is exactly when my kids need to be picked up from school and/or potentially have after school sports. I typically do pick up (my husband does drop off) and to use up favor capital for him to also do pick up for me to go to an event like this on a frequent basis just does not often seem worth it (I am in somewhat of a unique situation though where I work early enough I cannot return the favor by doing drop off that day). But I don’t have an answer for how to fix it – from a timing perspective, a 7 pm or so event start would be much better, as at least I could get the kids home first, after school sports are generally done, you could actually get a baby sitter if needed (getting one that can do pick up is a big hurdle) etc. But then there is no way at that point I am going back downtown. When the organizations do lunch events during the work day that is actually when I make a point to go, barring work being too busy. Sorry, no real solutions here but thought this perspective may or may not be helpful as to part of the reason why.

        1. Same. I’ve accepted that I am not in the right season of life to be involved in stuff like this.

    12. A theme I see over and over is:

        What do *I* get out of it?

        Organizations will suffer if the member only cares about what they get out of it rather than what they put into it. Those of us who are trying to run organizations care about what we’re putting into it, so we lose track of the fact that most people only care what they get out of it.

        1. Well … I don’t think you’re likely to care about what you’re putting into it until you’re a fairly established member. “What I get out of it” is the bar for entry. Look at the responses from people who want to be part of something but are genuinely spread thin and/or in a challenging stage of life. They’re putting so much into everything already, that it’s bound to be somewhat transactional at the entry point.

        2. Yeah, this is kind of sad but true. I am super into my local service club and could go on all day about the benefits (great friendships, interesting meetings, good parties, fantastic local and national and international service opportunities, our international organization is eradicating polio, for crying out loud!), but a lot of people are just not moved by any of that if they aren’t seeing an immediate increase in clients or whatever.

           That said, one of the things we’ve done that has helped is institute a corporate membership whereby one person from an organization can join and share the membership with up to three other designated people in the organization. We have weekly lunch meetings, which I realize is a big commitment for a lot of people, and this way that obligation can be shared and multiple people can have the benefit of membership for one monthly fee. It’s working out well so far. We are also looking at dramatically reduced dues for members under 40.

           1. IIRC, you got your husband out of this organization. So maybe that’s the take-away — real connections with real people?

              1. I did indeed. I was telling our new members’ luncheon just yesterday “I joined Rotary to meet boys and it totally worked!” ;)

           2. I’d say ALL of those benefits seriously interest me. However, my time is so thin as it is right now – mega demanding job + 15 month old. If you’re going to get my time, it has to have a reciprocal value to me at this point in my life. And it has to fit in my schedule after my top two priorities – job and family – which is as much of a struggle as determining what the reciprocal value needs to be to deem it worth my time right now.

              1. FWIW, I retired from volunteering when I had my first kid and only returned when the younger one was potty-trained. Even then, I chose activities I could do with them (Sunday School teacher, scouts). Someone did those things instead of me during my hiatus and I figured it was the right time to step up again.

           3. Senior Attorney, I joined my local Rotary chapter because of you. :) I work from home now and figured that the weekly lunch meetings were a good way to get out of the house and meet people, and I really want to get back into volunteering. My chapter skews older (way older) but everyone is super welcoming and it’s cool to mingle with people who are quite senior and established in their careers.

              1. YAY!!! OMG this totally makes my day, week, and month!!!! YAY ROTARY!!!

              2. Yay! :)

        3. I think you’re thinking of regular volunteer organizations. State Bar and ABA and similar professional organizations literally only exist for the membership benefits. Why would I join something whose purpose is to benefit the members when I get no benefit out of it? That’s like joining AAA and they don’t come when you call. It’s frankly stupid to waste time on an organization that doesn’t do well at serving its only purpose. There are other legal organizations out there that give and serve others and those are the ones worth my time because I can actually help with the governmental purpose.

    13. I’m doing a similar thing with my industry association and something that we’re honing in on is more opportunities for structured networking through an activity with a purpose (like volunteerism or professional development or solving a real life problem) and leadership development through experience, so things like leading committees or events. We’re finding that there’s a lot of “competition” from generic on-demand learning for professional development,and unstructured networking “mixer” type events but that there is a space for more intimate (not in a creepy way) connections for professionals that are thought through in a way that make them an efficient and effective use of time.

    14. As others have mentioned, there are probably a smorgasbord of reasons why people leave/don’t join, but I will give you mine.

        (1) ABA – I was a member when the firm I worked for paid for it, but I couldn’t discern what the benefit was for me. I attended local CLEs and didn’t have a desire to be on a committee or anything like that.
        (2) State/local bar association – when I was young and networking, my local bar was somewhat useful. My local bar is 80% government employees though, so networking for referrals wasn’t as fruitful as it would have been with a majority in private practice. As a result of the gov’t heavy membership, the CLEs were not useful for me and I didn’t get a professional benefit out of it. I can’t recall ever attending a state bar event or deriving any benefit from that one.
        (3) JRL – etc., I have my own pet projects for volunteering and the time and money commitment isn’t worth it to me.

    15. The organizations need to stay relevant. I’m an architect. Our professional organization is the American Institute of Architects. There’s are national, state and city chapters. My term as a chair on the state Women in Architecture committee just ended. WIA works really hard to do events that people want to attend. We also do events at different times of day. Some events are at the beginning of the day, some at lunch and others after work. For most meetings, we offer a conference call number. It’s not the same as attending in person, but it helps keep people connected. I have watched the committee keep women in profession. Architecture is very male dominated. The committee is helping to change that.

    16. I’m mid-30s and throw myself full-bore into my one organization of choice (in my case, it’s church). They get my Time, Talent, and Treasure. 1) They’re close to my home; 2) I’m directly helping the local community through our activities with the homeless and underprivileged; 3) It’s easy to take on a leadership role for a small project/event, feel like I’ve Accomplished Something, and then be done with it; 4) Activities and events are scheduled on weekends, or minimally on the evenings (once a month).

        I spend 2.5 hours a day commuting round-trip (DC FTW), so yeah, I just don’t have the bandwidth for a cause I don’t really, really care about. And I tithe at church, which is more about helping keep the lights on and the roof patched than paying to belong to it.

    17. Why I don’t: time and an unpredictable work schedule. I can’t commit to regularly-scheduled anything. I just can’t. I travel a lot for work and the hours are unpredictable. My free time is spent on my fairly time-intensive but flexible-schedule hobby, and I’m not willing to give that up. My volunteering is things that tend to be one-off–a build day for Habitat, for example.

    18. I dropped out of serving on boards for nonprofits and doing other volunteer work when my son was small because I didn’t want to be away from him more than I had to be. If it was a choice between going to another “mixer” where people stood around making awkward small talk or taking my son to the park, well…I’m going to the park.
        He’s older now and involved with his own activities and so I’m dipping my toe back in the water. I still don’t want any serious commitments, but I’m serving on a smaller, low-drama board and I like it.
        Honestly, if you want to blame anything for attrition from professional organizations and charity groups, blame punishing work schedules and the expectation that employees are always available. A lot of workplaces don’t see volunteering as worthwhile or useful and won’t allow employees to make space to participate. When people are working 60-hour weeks and on-call for another 20, something has to give.

    19. Something that hasn’t been addressed in this thread yet – a glaring lack of racial diversity in a lot of these organizations. I’m a female POC and work in a STEM field. I’ve joined one professional women’s organization in the industry because the field is HIGHLY white male dominated. Even the women’s organization is 98% white. They keep on talking about “diversity” but I don’t see a lot of effort into reaching out into non-white communities to promote the field on a professional/management level. It’s gross, in a way, that there is outreach into the poorer schools for trade school and similar from these organizations but not so much “hey you should consider going into engineering and get a 4-year college degree or masters.”

        I also get the vibe from a lot of community/service volunteer groups that it’s geared towards middle or upper class whites, especially those with teenage children or older. There is very much a vibe that they want to keep it with “people like them,” so that self-sorts out a lot of diverse individuals ranging from age, racial identity, marital status, sexuality, etc all sorts of things that everyone’s big on talking about these days but not actually implementing.

    20. A bit late but I dropped out of my small southern city JL after 3 years because it was so behind the times. I joined to make friends in my city as well as volunteer (was in a sorority in college, so none of this was foreign), what I was told and promised during the joining phase and what I experienced were two different things. I experienced a lot of white-collar women who worked part-time, or if they were ft had a ton of help at home (even the ones who didn’t have kids). I was starting in my career, not from that class and obviously didn’t have anything they could benefit from so no connections were made and I had very little resources for learning how to get involved outside of my provisional group. They also were misguided in how they could best help people in need in our community. Sponsoring a Soul Cycle ride in the most expensive neighborhood in the city, isn’t it. My time is better spent volunteering directly with orgs that are making a difference and helping the people in need, not making (mostly) white, upper-class women feel like they’ve done something for society.

    21. I’ve never belonged to the ABA – I’ve just never seen any benefit to it. And as someone whose practice and clients mostly aren’t in my city, I only belong to the state bar because membership is mandatory.

        I was a JL of Atlanta member and quit when I realized two things: (i) something like 75% of the members were meeting their “service” hours requirement through “in-league placements” (i.e., organizing social events, writing the newsletter) rather than volunteering, and (ii) I could volunteer at my placement without being a member. There was no sense of mission, and I wasn’t interested in paying $375/year to volunteer when I could do it without JLA.

        I agree with a lot of what others have said, and would add this – the “greedy professions” (law, accounting, finance) are requiring much more time and availability of people than they ever did in the past. It makes sense that people would hoard their free time.

        1. Completely agree that the Junior League completely lacks a strong mission, or at least it does in my community. Which is sad. When I was trying to be more involved, I took on a historian-type project and therefore saw a lot of old newspaper clippings about various projects the JL was involved in. Back in the day, it really was about helping underserved women and children. By the time I joined in the early ’00s, it was very unclear. The volunteer projects, from my standpoint, were not original to JL and were more about serving other organizations in the community. Which … fine I guess? But it didn’t feel like we were really helping anyone, and the efforts weren’t directed anywhere specific.

    22. My Junior League has really good luck getting people to join but cannot really retain people for more than three years. There are a lot of reasons why this is true. First, my city is really transitory, so, while a lot of people join when they move here to meet people, those people also then move to another city after a few years. Second, membership skews towards pre-kids professionals. 98% of members have jobs. Most social events skew towards after-work events which don’t work as well with young kids or if the woman decides to be a stay at home mom. So, most members get less engaged when they have kids. Third, people move to the burbs, and it’s harder to go to meetings, etc.

        We do a lot of work with diversity and inclusion. We do not get nickel and dimed for additional events, and while the membership could obviously be more diverse, and is a goal for the organization, this is not a problem for us. I think we really have two problems– lack of retention and trying to be everything to everyone. The turnover we have makes it harder for people to make strong connections with other members and less likely to stay in the group. We also have made it so easy to stay a member, and you don’t have to go to many things, that people don’t form enough connections with other members to begin with.

15. Has anyone had a b.may bag? I found one at a boutique this weekend in burgundy ostritch and fell in love. The brand is a little pricey for me, so I’d like a vote of confidence in their quality before i drop $$$ on it! TIA

    1. Here is the bag but in grey if anyone’s interested! Also love this color. https://www.bmaybags.com/collections/totes/products/classicshopperstormembossedostrich

16. Can anyone who is on the higher end of Madewell’s size range comment on their jeans? I’m a 16 (33) but I find higher-end denim brands tend to fit small so I don’t know if they would work for me. I want to find jeans that are good quality/ethically made but it’s proving very difficult…

    1. I’m a size 12, and I think Madewell jeans run a bit large. Their cuts fit me really well. I am tall and have a long rise, and I don’t have a big difference between my waist and my hips.

       1. Oh, you are tempting me. Your body type sounds similar to mine. Do you wear a 12 or size down? I go back and forth between 10 and 12, depending on brand.

          1. I wear either a 31 or a 30 depending on the material and the cut (and whether I was at the high or low end of my weight range when I bought the jeans).

    2. Madewell is my go to for jeans! Definitely give them a try. I wear a 31 and they fit better than any other brand I’ve tried (I’m a 12 elsewhere). I’m very pear shaped with a long waist, and their 9” rise jean fits me perfectly. You may also want to try their “curvy” fit if you have a big difference between your waist and hip measurements. As far as quality, mine last forever and still look great! I had issues with their black jeans fading in the past, but they made some changes (~2 years ago?) based on reviews and it’s not a problem anymore!

    3. I think they run a tad large and they do have some stretch. I bought a pair a few years ago and the sales person tried to talk me in to a size smaller and I wish I’d listened. Since then I’ve bought all my Madewell jeans in that smaller size.

17. I took about 6 months off of exercising due to illness and I think I am finally post-surgery recovery and officially better (per the doctor).

    I went to my Y and was shocked at how weak I was. I was an athlete in high school and generally was sporty as an adult. But I feel that as I slide towards 50, this is a decision point for me for regaining my strength and endurance so that I’m not frail as an 80-year-old.

    If you were me (almost 49) and wanted to pursue this and was short on time, where you would you start? Something like the new rules of weightlifting for women (perhaps complicated for me b/c I have osteoarthritis in each first CMC joint)? A trainer who is part physical therapist (would you find at the Y or elsewhere)?

    I also play a bit of tennis (or used to; plan to resume once it cools off a bit). My daughters do Girls on the Run at school and I’ll have a 5K to do with them in December that I will start training for ( = sometimes going with them to the middle school running track or jogging in our neighborhood) when that starts back up.

    1. I’m glad you’re doing better. I would start with a trainer for at least a couple of sessions to make sure your form is good (important when you’re coming back from a period of inactivity) and also sign up for some yoga and Pilates to help work on flexibility.

    2. If you can afford it, I’d just hire a trainer at the Y. You don’t need anyone special!

    3. I would probably do a few sessions with a trainer, focused on form. But then I would find a group exercise class that incorporated some straight training (either body weight or small hand weights), but that is because I know that I hate to go to the gym without a plan.

    4. I would go to the Les Mills classes. I love BodyPump and GRIT.

    5. So glad you are feeling better. I started jogging at 49 and feel like singing the benefits from the rooftop. I was never sporty so it took me a while (almost a whole year) to build a base for 4-5 early morning miles on a regular basis. I go with other women so there is a social aspect plus it got rid of a few nagging pounds and I genuinely feel better when I exercise. It certainly made turning 50 easier!

    6. I would start working with a trainer who can deal with your issues. Really good ones can! During our most recent hurricane, I went with a friend to her trainer and it was all body weight/small hand weights. Very different from what I’m used to (cardio machines plus weight machines) but I could see and feel how it could be really beneficial for me. The exercises I learned in PT have continued to be useful as I try to maintain joint health. I keep the muscles built up around my knees so I have fewer issues. You really do need to work with someone to figure out how to build muscle but not hurt yourself. Good luck!

    7. I don’t know what the CMC joint is, but I have osteoarthritis in one knee, and have been going to small group personal training at a specialty gym for three years now. I began with it initially to get stronger for a knee replacement and now I don’t think I even want one. And maybe not need one; I’m that much better. So I am adding to those who are recommending a personal trainer. My gym is not fancy, by the way! My experience has been especially similar to NOLA’s.

       Again, not knowing the CMC joint (I will look it up, I promise!) but obviously I would avoid any activity that aggravates it. In my case, I was a runner for years, age 18 to 40, and I regret every step I ever ran.

       Oh–it’s the joint implicated in carpal tunnel! I do have arthritis in one thumb as well as one knee, and that does occasionally present a problem with gripping weights or other equipment. So the trainers find alternate grips or even alternate movements. The gym has TRX along with hand weights, and there’s a lot of bodyweight movements, so plenty of alternatives.

       I have also taken up swimming again–it’s good for arthritis wherever it presents itself. It’s a pain due to hair styling but I try to schedule it on a day when I would shampoo/style anyway.

    8. Friendly plug for aqua-aerobics: it is one of the best ways to develop core strength from the ground up. My mom has been a certified instructor for years and her classes are challenging for people of all levels. As a collegiate athlete, I could barely finish some of the exercises- and some of the 80+ crowd were giggling through their sets. If you have access to group classes- ones in the pool might be a good way to regain your strength without irritating your joints.

    9. Trainer at the Y. YMMV, but the trainers at my Y (who I have used) are perfect for this. They’re knowledgeable, and people at this stage are their bread and butter. I see folks much older than you lifting at my Y and working with trainers all the time. They’re usually well-versed in more complicated training, likely recovery from joint replacements and other similar issues. I’m guessing they’ll have the expertise you’re looking for.

18. I’m a junior attorney that recently assisted a client with his prep for a government interview. Would it be weird if I add the client on LinkedIn afterwards?

    1. It’s not weird to be Linkedin connected with past or current clients (unless they ask you not to). However it sounds like you just helped him with a job interview? How is he a legal client? If anything it sounds like he’s a person in your network now so it makes even more sense to connect on Linkedin.

       1. It’s a government investigation where we prepped the client to be interviewed by the government.

    2. I would not.

       1. Why not? They might need legal help or know someone who needs legal help down the road. What would be the down side (aside from their declining my invitation)?

          1. If it’s a government investigation, the existence of the investigation may be confidential and the client may not accept for that reason. But, if this is a business person like it sounds, they are not making the decision about whom to hire; in-house decides who to hire. But even if they are deciding who to hire, they are not going to hire a firm because of the junior associate who helped them prep for an interview and are not going to remember you in 2 years. You can do it, but it is just pointless and seems out of touch

    3. Assuming this you are in biglaw and were the junior associate who helped the partner prep him, I would not. IME, lawyers don’t add business people on linkedin after prepping them for a deposition or interview unless the person is extremely senior in the business and they spent a significant amount of time together.

       I personally probably wouldn’t under any circumstances, but I also am bad at networking

    4. You might check out your state bar website to see if they have an FAQ about connecting with clients on social media. I’m connected to some clients, but they initiated (and I’m in a transactional practice where most of the deals are publicly announced so there aren’t the same concerns that would be involved in representing clients in investigations).

19. What type of flat shoe goes well with casual or semi casual skirts and dresses? I would like to find a closed toe shoe that would work with bare legs, and then with tights. Would a loafer or oxford work? I’ve observed that loafers look good with pants and bare legs, whereas dark oxfords could, potentially look good with tights. Are people wearing pointed flats with tights? I have major foot issues so shoes are expensive and elusive to find. I’ve been wearing booties or boots with tights in the fall, and I’m wondering what are some current alternatives I haven’t considered.

    1. I think this depends a great deal on the volume and length of the skirt. Above the knee with low volume works with almost any shoe. Flared and midi are much, much harder.

    2. How formal are we talking?

       1. Sorry – just saw that you said casual. I’ve been loving my Mark Nason Holiday sneakers with casual skirts.

          https://www.amazon.com/Mark-Nason-Angeles-Holiday-Sneaker/dp/B0777LG7WD

          1. Thank you for the suggestion. These are so cute! I think they would go with almost every skirt and dress I own. I agree that for above the knee is easiest to style. Most of my skirts and dresses are above the knee or just a bit longer. I have only one button front midi from Anthropologie, and on midi dress with aside slit, and I think this would work too.

             1. 12:41 poster. Glad you like those! I’ve worn them with streamlined midi skirts and I think it looks great (I’m short and have short muscular legs, and still think it works well). I’ll link the socks that work for me. For below the knee skirts, I have also been wearing these moto boots. I think you can find them cheaper elsewhere, I paid under $100. It’s definitely not a preppy look but it works well with something more girly or voluminous to add that structure heels normally would. The leather is soft and will stretch though I had to use a shoe stretcher for my bunion area. I have them in white which cleans up easily and is great for our summer.

             2. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07D474PKX/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1&psc=1

             3. No show socks I love that don’t pinch my bunions and are cotton:
                https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06XXKWRF3/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

             4. Thank you:). Will check out the motto boots too.

    3. For casual, cute sneakers with no-show socks are most definitely a thing with skirts and dresses.

20. Need shoe recs for a wedding:
    They are getting married at the top of a mountain and recommend flat shoes for stability. I have heels for the reception after. My dress is black and just past knee length.

    1. I don’t know if these are too casual but I wore these in the mountains recently. They are secret sneakers that look to my eye like the more casual side of dress shoes. They have good tread.

       https://www.doddsshoe.com/naot-kata-gray-iguana-shadow-gray-tin-gray-11152-nju.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIw4vxsKOA5AIVDtvACh3sOgi_EAUYBCABEgKag_D_BwE

    2. Flat sandals (if warm) or boots (if cold).

    3. Hmm. What time of year is this- what’s the climate? Are you walking/hiking to the top of the mountain? Is this a tram/chairlift/gondola situation? Or will you be riding a bus. The Naot shoes above would be fine if you’re hiking but I wouldn’t wear them otherwise. I’d choose something more like this: https://www.colehaan.com/zerogrand-bow-skimmer-flat-argento-metallic-optic-white/W11766.html

       1. Later this month, gondola to the top. Sorry, I should’ve said those in my first post. Those shoes are really cute!

          1. honestly – where whatever flats you own. no one will really be looking that much and then wear your other shoes for the reception

          2. Any dressier flat should be fine. There will likely be some sort of path from the gondola to wherever the ceremony is so it’s unlikely you’ll be on some really rocky hiking trail.

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