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Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
anon
Where should we eat in Vail? We have Sweet Basil and Mountain Standard on our list but we need more suggestions. We will have a car and be staying in Vail Village. Thanks in advance!
Maudie Atkinson
It is by no means fine dining, but I love The George.
anonymous
The blogger at Iowa Girl Eats had a recent post about Vail. I’ll post links in a follow up comment.
anonymous
https://iowagirleats.com/2019/07/30/our-week-in-vail-co/
https://iowagirleats.com/2016/08/01/a-new-rocky-mountain-experience/
Anon
I like Kristin but I think her taste in food is a little bland and basic. It totally makes sense for her because she has food sensitivities/allergies plus three kids, some with food allergies of their own, and needs places where they can all find something to eat, and I realize that narrows down her choice of restaurants significantly. But I wouldn’t recommend her recent recs for adults without dietary restrictions.
GCA
We were in Vail recently (myself, husband, 2 kids under 5) to visit extended family. Most of our meals were home-cooked but everyone enjoyed the following:
Moe’s BBQ in Lionshead
Fiesta’s in Edwards (a 15-20min drive)
Definitely not fine dining, but more affordable everyday options.
anon
Talk to me about toilet seats – ha. What are the advantages and disadvantages of plastic and wood? I have plastic ones in my current house and it seems like they always come off of their hinges! Are we buying ones that are too cheap or what?
Anonymous
I prefer the heavier ones (which I guess are wood, but I never really thought about it – they’re like coated wood). They just seem more substantial when you sit (and I’m not a large person, but I feel like the plastic is going to give).
Anon
I prefer plastic, especially if you have young kids or anticipate having young kids who might miss the bowl at times. The only times anyone in my house has ever broken a plastic seat was when standing on the toilet lid like a stepstool to change a lightbulb. Not a good plan.
The Original ...
If you have kids or are heavy handed or not careful, the sound of heavier ones slamming can be jarring.
I have always had plastic (in rental units and when dating people who owned homes), I don’t think I ever noticed, except when I was a kid and we went to someone’s home with padded seats and that was both super fancy feeling and I remember getting yelled at that “the toilet is a place to go, not a place to sit and hang out.” (Admittedly, I was avoiding people but it was comfy on my bum while I was doing so!)
Anon
Why isn’t your toilet seat made of glazed porcelain like the rest of the toilet. As far as materials, focus should be 1) on ability to sanitize which I wouldn’t throw wood in that category and 2) durability because people will slam the seat up and down.
Anon
Are there porcelain toilet seats? It seems like they’d break with all the opening and closing. Wood is sanitary though, it’s heavily coated and smooth – all of the heavier non-plastic toilet seats are wood, I thought.
Anonymous
Toilet seats are usually wood or plastic. Glazed porcelain seats would crack.
Aunt Jamesina
There’s no such thing as a porcelain toilet seat.
Anonymous
There are heavier plastic ones. The wood ones get icky faster as the paint starts to fail with exposure to moisture.
Lana Del Raygun
Definitely plastic, the shiny kind like they have in public restrooms, so you can bleach them as necessary. Our apartment has some sort of coated wood (I guess? it might just be an inferior semi-porous plastic) and the surface has gotten etched so it encourages mold to grow. :0 But the products that kill the mold seem to keep damaging the surface. It’s terrible
waffles
I always bought wood because I thought they were higher quality, but they would stain and grow mould as others have noted. Our new house came with plastic, and I have to say they are a TONNE easier to clean. I’m now team plastic all the way.
Aunt Jamesina
Get plastic with soft close so they don’t slam.
T
+1 literally one of the first things I’ve done when moving into any new residence is replacing toilet seats with soft close ones.
Anonymous
Anyone have any experience with atrial fibrillation? I got diagnosed yesterday at a routine doctor appointment, my pulse was fast so they put me on the EKG. I’m pretty floored; this has never come up before yesterday. I had no idea it was happening; I didn’t feel any different than normal. I am only 42, good health, good shape, no really clear risk factors. According to my doctor “it just happens sometimes to some people.” I have an appointment with a cardiologist early next month but am not really sure I’m into the idea of taking daily meds for something that may not have never happened before and may never happen again, which is what my regular doctor recommended.
HS
I’m in a business that deals with AF (med device/not pharma). Go talk to the cardiologist. My guess is they’re going to do more testing to see if they can find a reason for the AF, and so might send you home with a monitor for you wear to get some readings. AF isn’t the same as heart disease, though, so risks factors for heart disease aren’t really relevant. AF is issues with your heart’s electrical signals.
If the cardiologist decides it’s persistent AF, make sure you understand the risks of not taking them meds. I assume your regular doctor was talking about blood thinners, since AF in the left atrium can lead to blood clots/stroke?
FormerlyPhilly
It will be okay and hugs to you during this stressful time. I am 41 and after the terrible flu of 2018 I was exhibiting afib and other scary cardio stuff (to put it mildly). Also never had experienced any of that before the flu. I say this from experience: the best thing you can do is stay calm and go about your daily life until you know more.
Go to the cardiologist (a doctor in the most reputable practice in your area for which you can get the earliest appointment; ask to be put on the waitlist in case of cancellation and an appointment opens up sooner); they will do a full work-up which may include giving you a holter monitor to wear (24 hour monitoring up to 1-2 weeks monitoring and daily journaling), additional blood tests, and stress tests, and/or repeating an EKG and physical examination and reviewing your patient history. They may not put you on meds immediately. Cardiologists are specialized for a reason – your PCPs recommendation for meds is their best guess at this time.
Be prepared to wait – for instance, if a holter monitor is the next test, it can take a few days to read the results after wearing it. I remember it all moved so slowly.
FYI – all of my cardio tests all came back clear/normal. I get “white coat hypertension” when I’m in the doctor’s office and they know now to let me settle in during the appointment before they check my pulse and blood pressure.
Best wishes to you.
Anonymous
Thank you so much to you both – I really appreciate the information and support.
Anonymous
Anyone else having a really slow summer? I’ve had a couple of weeks that were crazy, but for the most part this summer I have been struggling to bill even 5 hours a day. Some days I literally do nothing besides send one email. It’s been a nice break, but I am finding the workdays go by so much slower when you aren’t busy. I’m also a second year associate who lateraled to my current biglaw firm about a year ago, and can’t help but feel a bit anxious about hitting my target/billing enough to “prove myself” at my new firm. It does feel a lot quieter around the office, so I am hoping that others are similarly un-busy…
anon
I’m a 6th year litigation associate and find that summers are usually slower, unless of course you’ve got a trial or big hearing happening. People are on vacation, offices are quieter. Then everyone wakes up in late Sept/Oct and realizes they wanted to get x,y,z done by year end. It’s probably not you. Get your CLEs done, get everything off the back burner, ask for more work, etc.-or just try to lean into the chill if you know your work will likely pick up in the fall.
Anon
Not in law, but same. It’s been eerily slow. That recession must be coming, it seems like everyone’s on pause.
LittleBigLaw
I really love these shoes!
Never too many shoes...
They look pretty nice but I think this type of shoe looks pretty terrible with tights.
Anonymous
It really depends on the tight and the shoe color. A thick opaque–probably going to be a little heavy of a combination with the thick strap–but a semi opaque or a sheer–could look very sleek. It’s a shoe that you can experiment with and come up with some work combinations and going out funkier combinations. The strap thickness is the puzzle piece.
Annie
Does anyone feel like shopping? I’m looking for a pair of side tables- between 18 and 24 inches square, with a marble or white stone top, preferably black metal legs, less than $200 per table.
anon
https://www.wayfair.com/furniture/pdp/orren-ellis-blosser-end-table-w001318750.html
https://www.wayfair.com/furniture/pdp/brayden-studio-canyonville-end-table-brsu1159.html?piid=29723111
Al
Over your budget but nice – https://www.roomandboard.com/catalog/living/end-tables/parsons-c-table
Anonymous
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07JJSFQLM/ref=sbl_dpx_B07QWRSKMB_0
https://amazon.com/dp/B0718Z3G9D/ref=sbl_dpx_B07QWRSKMB_0
Ariadne
I’ve discovered the inflation calculator online and inputting different price points of what I used to payback in the day, and what it would be worth today. My skirt purchased with my first pay check from university part time job was fifty dollars in 1988 and I had never bought anything for that much money( incidentally it was made in Italy from some silk wool blend and bought at a discount retailer that carried excess designer goods for less).
The online calculator shows that in today’s dollars that would be 100 — it has been a while since I paid that much— I’ve waited for a sale, and paid less. This has me wondering how I, as well as others set a budget and decide what the best price point is for a specific item. As I get older, my parameters change, but part of me wonders if my personal budget is becoming more frugal. I can afford to pay full price for items, but I don’t want to as it seems there a many more sales now than when I was much younger. I will pay full price for shoes and bras if needed.
I have more clothes now and when I purchase something new it is usually to replace worn out items, or to refresh my look and I always wait for a sale.
As you get older and your priorities and tastes change, does your budget for items change or stay the same? Also wondering how many wait for sales.
The Original ...
My budget drops in some items, grows in others. I now have a better awareness of what I actually use and love versus what is an impulse buy or something wonderful but not useful in my real life. For example, I used to buy an article of clothing on vacation (a caftan or wrap while on a trip somewhere warm or a tshirt with the name of the place on it). I loved it while on the trip. However, I’ve found that I never utilize those when back in my real life. So now, even if I can afford those items easier now than I could in the past, I don’t buy them or I buy something super super discounted if I want the experience of wearing it while on the trip, so I don’t care as much if it never gets worn again after the trip.
On the flip side, I spend more for a good bra or a dress that’s classic because I realize how often they’ll get use so I see it more as a good long-term piece rather than to buy something lower quality that will be itchy or wear out quicker.
anne-on
+1. I luuuurve sales shopping, but will now (grudgingly at times) pay full price for a ‘unicorn’ item or one that I really need and will use for a long time (bras, workout clothes that are comfortable and wick well, washable work appropriate dresses, jeans that fit properly instead of 4-5 ‘eh’ pairs, etc.). On the flip side, yeah, I spend a lot less on fast fashion/going out clothes/seasonal staples than I used to because I plan ahead, inventory my closet, know my size, know sales cycles (we get new winter boots in April for example when they’re on super sale). I also don’t have a lot of free time to shop nor do I shop for a fun social activity like I did in my 20’s with girlfriends. Much easier to save when you primarily shop online!
Ariadne
I’ve had the sales goggles on lately as I’ve been on vacation, and I’ve been wandering in stores and finding things on sale. Luckily, I know my style better now in my forties, and I the sale items are all suited to my needs and not “ frivolous “ purchases per say. I do pay full price for bras, and I’m open to spending more on quality items.
Trixie
I think the world of retail has completely shifted over the past few decades, for clothing, furniture, and many other items. Global manufacturing has completely re-set pricing. Sometimes I look at a dress that is perfectly nice, and under $100, and think: “how much did the designer, the fabric artist, the fabric manufacturer, the seamstress, the package and ship guys, the pilots, get paid so that I can buy this for $100?” It is hard to fathom. Of course, most of these people are not Americans, and live in China. Vietnam, etc., where pay rates are very low. So, it is hard to look to the past as a guideline for budgets. Instead, I think one has to study quality of items, choose a few brands that seem to strike the right note, and focus on those stores or labels, and watch for sales. And, boredom is real re: wardrobes. I am so sick of so many of my perfectly nice clothing items! Time for a refresh.
Ariadne
I agree with the concept of “ reset pricing” — you said it so much better than I did. Now I have to reset what I think I should pay.
Anon
You who have had to “have a talk” with spouse or SO: What’s the best way to gear up for that? I need to talk. I am deeply, deeply unhappy about some things in my marriage, and I’ve stuffed it down and “gotten over it” enough–it’s not going to get better without addressing. I hate confrontation, and I don’t think he realizes how unhappy I am. I’m not about-to-leave unhappy, but I will resent these issues forever if I don’t address them.
Any advice? I’m thinking I need to furiously write out a first draft of what I need to say to get it off my chest, and to sort out what really needs to be said, what doesn’t, and what’s in my head vs. real. Then there’s finding the right time. It’s so hard to find a moment without work, responsibilities, children around, etc.
NOLA
If it were me, I’d do three things:
1. Yes, think carefully about what you want to talk about and what doesn’t need to be talked about in this context. It’s really important to focus on what’s most important, so it doesn’t get muddled up with other, less important, issues.
2. Think carefully about the words that you want to use. I learned this from Crucial Conversations. Rather than winging it, think ahead of time about how you want to express yourself. I’m not saying that you need to talk from notes. Just think about it in advance and choose words carefully.
3. Only you can know how your spouse will react, but also be careful about how you find time. If my spouse said that we need to “have a talk,” I would build it up in my head, probably far more than it really is, and be a wreck. This is totally a know your spouse kind of thing.
Anon
Yes, write it out and then wait a day or two, read through when calmer and think about prioritization, using the “me” language, how to say things without being too hurtful or confrontational etc. I find that rehearsing helps.
Especially since you want to fix these things, I think you go in with a negotiation frame of mind, not an emotional one. Think about what is the final result you want rather than just venting or getting these off your chest. Or maybe venting and having him recognize your frustrations is a first goal in itself.
Take your time and do this right. I find that my first draft usually needs work if I’ve slept on it and look at it with fresh eyes.
Anon
Yep, this. I generally type up a draft email (not to send, just because it can live there while I think on it – don’t put an email address in the To line) or a google doc, then go back in a couple days.
The Original ...
Rather than “we need to talk,” which can sound ominous, what about broaching it as wanting to discuss how to make our marriage stronger? Since both people (likely) have that same goal, you’re approaching this as “let’s work together toward our shared goal” rather than “let me drop a bomb on you” or “let me tell you what you’re doing wrong.” Maybe it even makes sense to agree to have a monthly check-in about what you each can do for the other to strengthen your marriage, where it’s a place where you can both discuss ideas and experiences so that this is an on-going shared experience rather than a conversation that only happens when someone is unhappy.
As for the rest of your question, figure out the root of the situation and focus there, not on the symptoms of the problem. Focus on what you want to be different than what currently is and figure out what you are asking for.
For example, “I feel like I’m always by myself even when you’re in the room” may not be measurable to someone else and can feel like you’re saying “you let me down” or “you’re not enough for me when you’re in the room.” This can lead to defensiveness and hurt feelings. However, “I feel lonely and I’d like to spend more time with you when you’re not distracted” is useful and “I’d like for us to agree to leave our phones in another room during meal time and to spend at least one hour each night together doing something that’s not just being in front of the television” is a goal to either agree to or to negotiate and discuss.
Hope this helps!
Anonymous
So, I’d hate this. You’ve never addressed it with me before and now it’s a surprise discussion where you’ve been working on talking points for days? Is this really necessary? Can you start addressing things in the moment? Pick one thing and bring it up?
Anon
I sort of agree with this. I also think you can have a serious talk with your spouse without having a big We Need to Talk preface to it. Find a time when you’re both relaxed and able to talk without interruption. If you don’t have moments like that naturally because of the kids, then get a baby sitter and have a date night and talk about these issues then. Then just say what you want to say without saying “We need to talk.”
Anon
I don’t agree with all of this comment, but one thing I think is an excellent point: these issues are So Big and So Important that you have had the desire and time to craft a thoughtful delivery of your message, and practice (in writing or otherwise). So I would suggest that you not be upset if DH doesn’t have an equally articulate response. There will naturally be some in-the-moment processing on his part and conversation between the two of you, but consider giving him the space to similarly process and craft a response.
anon
I’d think this was fair if OP’s concerns were new, or more minor. Addressing issues contemporaneously (or nearly so) can be more effective but if they’ve been brewing for a long time and are serious (which it sounds like they are), then a more focused conversation might be more productive. It’ll let him know how serious her concerns are and also make sure he’s got time and band with to respond. If I’m getting ready for work and my partner decides to bring up that he’s fed up with something I’m doing “in the moment,” then I’m either blowing it off because I don’t realize how serious it is and I’m trying to get out the door, or if I do realize how serious it is, I’m hit with an important issue for the first time without an adequate opportunity to respond.
anon
I’ve had the best luck when I talk calmly about specific actions I want to see that would solve whatever problem I’m having – blowing up in a fit of emotions basically guarantees that the discussion is not going to go well. Unless your husband is a complete jack@ss, he cares about you and wants you to be happy. I try to keep that attitude when I’m asking my husband to make some kind of a change.
Here’s a boiled down example of the type of conversation that would go well and actually get results in our house:
[Intro]I want to talk to you about something I’m having trouble with.
[State problem] I have to do school pick up and drop offs every day.
[Why is it a problem] This makes me have to leave work early each day and I don’t have enough time to get my projects done.
[Propose solution] I would like you to start handling all pick ups.
[Add section of what I’m willing to do] I’ll keep doing all drop offs.
[Ask for his input or response] Is this something you can take on, or can you think of some other way to make this work?
[Stop talking and listen – this is the hardest part for me].
You don’t have to go into some long winded Big Speech about All Your Grievances. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. The bigger a deal I make things, the less likely I get what I want. When I stay calm and focused, there’s a good chance we’ll be able to come to a constructive solution together.
Anon
Great script.
Vicky Austin
This is super helpful, thank you.
Ellen
Yes, I agree that Anon has laid it out for all of us, as we ALL have issues with our SO’s or DH’s that have to be addressed RATIONALLY! Dad says if we, as ladies, are not calm in our delivery, we can quickly become shrill, if not hysterical, so it is best always to be C-A-L-M in delivering our message. Just fill in the problem, state why, and what the solution is to the problem. Men tend to be thick, so it’s best to go slow with them, if they are worth keeping. In my case, I never got this far with my EX, b/c Dad told me to DTMFA, and he helped me to do so! YAY!
Anonymous
If I could humbly suggest “Hold Me Tight” by Sue Johnson, or just the podcast #62 of The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish (Cracking the Code of Love). With no idea of what is going on, this may help you to understand what you really want to say and what the issues really are–because based on the first few lines of your post, it seems like you are dealing with disconnection and growing disconnection/ detachment. This helps you to understand what your really upset about–it’s probably not the drop off in the scripted speech–it’s deeper.
Sunscreen rec
Anyone have a rec for a physical sunscreen? Bonus if it goes on relatively lightly and rubs in easily!
Beaglelover
Maelove and Elta 46. Maelove takes a little more time to rub in properly. Elta 46 is darn near perfect.
Anon
I’ve tried a gazillion and Elta MD SPF 46 is by far the best daily face sunscreen.
BB
Avene Mineral Fluid. It’s super light, almost watery. Although in my experience, not all mineral sunscreens work for all people. The Avene blends in perfectly for me, but leaves a white sheen on my husband who has a similar skin tone.
Anon
Josie Maran argan oil moisturizer/SPF. I love it.
thehungryaccountant
This is my favorite- with high praise from the family derm. Might not be suitable for full-body, but I love using the powder on my face.
https://www.colorescience.com/products/sunforgettable-total-protection-brush-on-sunscreen-shield-spf-50?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=google_shopping&gclid=Cj0KCQjwv8nqBRDGARIsAHfR9wCedF2E-dUJ11yBDn1apFXEAT-BSHHsVVnl1wJgaJNQyQxJ3avs9HIaAuYYEALw_wcB
blueberries
ThinkSport lotion
Anon
I use ThinkBaby, which I think is basically the same and I like it. It’s pretty white when you first apply it, but if you spend time rubbing it in it becomes basically invisible. It’s super effective.
Anon
For face, I like Elta MD UV Elements (I have the tinted version); rubs in very easy and I don’t use foundation or anything like that with it. For body, I use Suntegrity Natural Mineral Sunscreen SPF 30. It smells slightly citrus-y! It takes a teeny bit of effort (but not a lot, just more than a regular chemical sunscreen) but rubs in totally clear on my olive-toned skin.
Just an FYI — Elta 46 is not a pure mineral sunscreen! It does have zinc oxide, but it also contains 7.5% Octinoxate which is a chemical sunscreen ingredient.
Melanie
*fair skin, burn easily, freckle and get discoloration*
I’m a fan of Elta MD as well but the 41 tinted is the all-mineral, chemical-free version. That’s the one I use since converting from Shiseido about 4 years ago and NEVER burn with it. Haven’t seen any new dark spots since using it either. Really waterproof, which also means that you’ll need an oil-based cleanser to get it off. No ghost-face and excellent base/primer for makeup. I use on face & chest and a tube lasts a long time, up to 2 years depending on my sunny vacay schedule.
I’m about to try out Amavara, a reef-safe all mineral sunscreen developed by a US veteran-owned team. Haven’t got it yet so can’t comment but their reviews are good, tho I couldn’t find any comparing to the Elta MD 41.
I tried the highly reviewed Avene Tinted Mineral Sunscreen Fluid SPF 50 because the grass just might be greener but nope. Ghost-face. Didn’t bother testing it in the sun.
Burnt Out But Broke
I’m a freelancer. A few months ago, my biggest client retired on almost no notice, so I’ve been living on savings while working like mad to find new clients and income. I’ve also been working on several projects that are likely to yield long-term benefits but won’t right now (think publication, submitting proposals likely to be accepted for events 6-18 mos from now, etc.). As such, my income level is very low and I’ve been working a ton but my bank account does not currently reflect that. (I cannot just pick up a traditional job as I am in a niche area and I am considered over-qualified for the roles that could hire me and the ones I am properly qualified for I have been applying to but they are either in hiring freezes or there are months of time in the hiring process with far more applicants than openings, which is why I went freelance in the first place.)
And I am burned the he11 out. I’m finding myself not sleeping very soundly, getting headaches more often, craving carbs rather than healthier foods (eat bagels or cookies or cake? yes please.), and feeling like my sinuses are shot and my joints hurt. I’m single without kids so I’ve kind of just been giving in when my body asks for or demands these things.
I’m now realizing this may be signs I am totally burnt out. But everything I’m reading talks about going for a massage or getting a gym membership or taking myself to a fancy meal or something, all things I cannot afford on my 10 for a dollar ramen noodle budget.
What ideas can you share for how to battle burn out without money or without a partner to pamper (or pay for) me? My brain is too fried to even come up with these ideas, which I would probably find wonderfully ironic if I wasn’t so exhausted.
Anonymous
Go for a walk. Take a bath. Get a fun book from the library.
Anon
Can you use time instead of money for self care? Like, taking the time to go for a walk or the time to cook some healthy but cheap food? I think there’s idea that gets pushed that self care is buying yourself the treat or eating the donut or whatever, but it really should be about what makes you feel better. And sometimes that’s the less immediately attractive option, like exercising or eating vegetables. (And I say all this knowing exactly how hard it can be to muster the motivation and energy to choose the better-for-you options in the moment.)
Anonymous
Instead of a fancy gym, what about going to the local county or state park for a walk or easy hike? Completely cut yourself from stress and the digital age for a few hours and immerse yourself in nature. I know it sounds hokey, but it works for me to be surrounded by peaceful greenery, and is usually free or very low cost. You just need to push yourself to get out the door and do it for 2-3 hours.
Other sorts of short term escapes – go to local public library and check out some books for pleasure reading (or DVDs for watching). Transport yourself to another place for a few hours! Do some yoga from online videos. Learn to meditate and breathe. Recenter yourself. Spend 30 minutes where you focus on *you*, and not all the stress.
Original Moonstone
In a similar situation, here is what helped me: Walking in the park for a defined time each day; looking at the websites of public resources like my local library and rec center to find out about free events I could attend; and scheduling phone calls with friends and family to chitchat. I let myself sleep in a bit, which feels indulgent.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
Respectfully, is this a burnout problem or a business problem (or really both)? If you’ve been trying to replace your largest client for several months and haven’t had success (. . . a ramen diet is not sustainable), is it time to consider whether this freelance situation should be retired?
Anonymous
She’s already detailed her brick-and-mortar job hunt/obstacles if you have any suggestions on how to make that more productive
Anonymous
This may sound a little counter intuitive because my answer is take on a bit more work. But hear me out. Can you try to get something PT, like a retail gig or coffee shop? That will give a small bit of new income that can help make you feel a little less helpless about the financial stress. Meanwhile, it puts you doing something that requires relatively little focus and socializing around new people. Sometimes getting away for a bit from the heavy thoughts by keeping busy with something on the more minor side is freeing. (If you think this will be too much, then still take some of that energy and put it to a volunteer gig). Being part of a team dynamic can be helpful. I’ve also found being around more people amakes me more grateful for my own situation, no mater how rough. (For example, “I’m fortunate good things are on the horizon–I could be taking this as my sole gig because I need to support a kid as a single mom or because I wouldn’t have the education I do….)
Anon
We had a discussion on here a while back about fast ways to make money. People suggested waitressing, tutoring, and temping – any of those could be options.
There’s nothing wrong with holding down a boring job, even a part-time one, that brings in steady cash while you wait for everything else to pan out. In fact, it can be very calming because it gives you a routine and a guarantee of some income.
anon
Often those with advanced degrees can’t get hired in those types of jobs because they are seen as overqualified and companies don’t want to hire and train someone they know will leave as soon as a better option comes along. It sounds like this may be the case here, which makes things even more difficult if staying in the freelance role is not currently fruitful and moving into other roles may not be possible.
Anon
You don’t have to tell the coffee shop that you have a masters degree.
Anon
Yep. I worked retail and tutored after law school (graduated in 2010 and couldn’t find a law job…) and I definitely had a “resume” for those jobs that omitted my law degree and played up my part-time work experience in those areas, which was omitted from my standard law resume. My belief is that it’s not a lie to omit part of your education/work experience unless directly asked.
Anonymous
+ 1000. Just omit
Anon
That’s why I suggest temping. You’re not going to be placed into a position that lasts for six months, but you don’t want that anyway. Just get those jobs that are actually annoying for most people – “Hi, Kelly Services, we need a receptionist for a week because our receptionist is going on a cruise.” “We need eight people to work a one-day event on Saturday.”
Anonymous
+1. I temped for a few weeks between leaving my job and starting law school.
And +1 for a side gig. I worked retail and then as a tutor in the evenings while working full-time just out of college. The tutoring actually paid more per hour than my real job. The long hours were tough, but I found the side jobs easier than my regular job because I only had to focus on the person in front of me, had no real responsibilities, and didn’t have to juggle competing priorities.
Anonymous
The YMCA has income-based discounts.
anon
Find free/cheap ways to take care of yourself. Walk outside (or bike if you own a bike). Watch yoga/exercise videos on YouTube. Use the library. Go to a free concert or outdoor movie. Call a friend. If you enjoy cooking or baking, challenge yourself to learn something new (and inexpensive) in the kitchen.
Also, I’m not a huge fan of Mr. Money Mustache, but I do appreciate his points on areas where frugality and self-care can coincide (usually at the expense of time)–walking/biking, cooking, cleaning, yard work, home repair/maintenance, etc. When I had to drastically re-think my budget, it was helpful for me to think of this type of stuff as activity, a mental break, an opportunity to learn something new/maybe find a hobby, and being frugal.
Anonymous
I’ve been in your shoes (freelancer, no spouse or kids, working from home), and looking back, here’s what I wish I had done: get a part-time job of ANY kind. Temp job, barista, retail, receptionist, anything. I needed something to get me out of the house on a regular schedule and around people, and to bring in some income to relieve the intense financial pressure. I didn’t do that, couldn’t find freelance solutions, kept running into closed doors, and ended up depressed and struggling to find any motivation. A simple, part-time job would have bought me some mental space and financial leeway to get back on my feet in my actual field.
Anonymous
You could also babysit- I pay $25+ cash per hour for our sitter to watch my kids.
Anonymous
If you’re a freelancer take a look at Upwork to see if you can get adjacent-but-fun work to fill the time — SEO research or social media or something like that — a lot of times those jobs pay better than written work.
Also if you’re an expert in a specific area think about creating a course or something else you can work on that’s more fun and “yours”
If neither of those sound good, for the burnout, go back to doing whatever you loved as a child/young’un.
Ellen
These are all good suggestions, and I say go for what you can do and do well.
Can you turn to family for support? That is what worked for me, especially when I did not have a SO to turn to (I still don’t) or support me. If you can find a guy, that often helps, as long as he has money to pay for your meals and recreational activities.
Law mama
That sounds really hard. See if you can embrace the remaining summer – day at the public pool, free outdoor concert, spend all day at park on blanket with book or trashy magazine and invite friends to drop by whenever, drive-in movie theater, pick-up basketball game. I also really endorse just walking or hiking and leaving your phone behind or turning it off.
Try this
http://www.gignow.com
The Original ...
FYI, there is an awesome app I just discovered called Be My Eyes.It’s a free app that allows blind people to video call someone with sight (you answer it like a phone call after the app alerts you and you accept). The calls may be to ask to read a piece of mail they show you on the camera or to ask when it is safe to cross a street or to point out which item on the shelf says low-fat or something otherwise easy to do but very difficult without sight.
For those wanting to do more to help others but with limited time, this might be a good option. It can also be a great way to show kids how to help others as the call may come in while with family and it’s a quick way for them to see you helping someone.
Just a PSA for those who had not heard of this app!
Anon
That sounds kind of cool, but also video calling with strangers is my personal hell. Is there a photo-only version?
The Original ...
They need the video because they are showing you something they need you to read and they probably can’t use photos since it requires vision to take a photo of something that shows the something in focus. Since they can’t see you and the camera is pointed at the thing they need you to see, it would be the same as an audio call for them. (For example, the video call shows them holding up 2 cans, asking which of the two says low-sodium. You can either say that the one on the left does, they thank you and hang up, or you can say that neither does, they point the camera at a shelf, and you verbally guide their hand til they touch the can that says low-sodium, they thank you and hang up.)
Hope this helps!
Anonymous
Thank you! Just downloaded!
thehungryaccountant
There are lots of ways to help people with visual impairment- Be My Eyes is a great resource.
Some other ideas if anyone is interested:
– Volunteer for your local or State-level “Talking Books and Braille Services”. This is a public library which supports visually impaired and the elderly find books that suit their needs.
– Advocate for a culture of inclusion for in your schools and workplaces. Research accessibility in your community.
– Donate resources (anything from time, money, or school supplies) to your local school for the blind.
Anonymous
Random question — bought way too many string/green beans and don’t want them to go bad so I figured maybe I’d roast them with oil/garlic/red chili pepper flakes so that way they can be eaten for a few days. First – can string beans be roasted or is it more of a saute vegetable? Second when roasting vegetables do they have to be flat/in one layer on the sheet or can you pile them up? Working with a small toaster oven here so putting all of them in a baking pan after seasoning them would be so much easier, but IDK if they’ll turn out ok or if they really should sit in one layer on the sheet — in which case I’d have to do several iterations of this. Thoughts?
Anon
It’ll work much better if they’re in a single layer.
Anon100
They can be roasted! They are *delicious* roasted. If you’re into crispiness in the roasted beans, they should sit as one layer. If you’re ok with more crunch than crisp, you can layer them.
Anon
They are great roasted and you want to avoid piling up veggies or they’ll sort of steam instead of roast. If you have a grill, I highly recommend this recipe: https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2016/06/grilled-green-bean-salad-red-peppers-radishes-recipe.html
PolyD
Pickle them! For real, refrigerator pickles are easy. Just google up a recipe – basically you simmer vinegar and water and some spices, put the clean green beans in a jar, even an old jam or pickle jar, then pour the liquid over them. I made pickled okra last summer and they lasted in the fridge for months and were very tasty.
Of course, I am a huge pickle fan, maybe you are not.
Anon
Ok I personally do not like roasted green beans. I like roasted just about everything else.
Couple things I would consider.
A puréed soup. This is a good thing to make any time you buy too much of a veg. Simmer it in water or broth with sautéed onions and maybe some garlic, then purée. I like a stick blender for this. You can add cream or milk or yogurt if you like. You can also freeze portions of the soup for later.
Or boil them in salted water, then chill, and have a lot of salads with cold green beans on them this week. This is actually my favorite way to eat green beans.
Metallica
Hello Hive–can anyone recommend a medical malpractice attorney in or around Seattle? Thank you in advance.
anon
Following up from the interesting conversation this morning on volunteerism — it seems that for many of us, the unrealistic expectations of being available for our jobs at all times is a big problem (on many fronts).
I have been setting boundaries so I “only” have to work 45-50 hours a week. My issue is that work has gradually become more complex and far-reaching over time. Not because I’ve changed jobs, but because the expectation is that we could — and should — be able to roll 5 different positions (and skillsets) into 1 or 2 overloaded people. All under the guise of “being nimble.” (I hate that phrase so much.) It seems like it’s becoming harder to become an expert in anything; you have to be a jack of all trades yet do it at a pro-quality level. At least that’s true in my field, and it’s been heading this way for at least 10 years.
It is SO EFFING exhausting. Having more projects than I can actually do well gets tiring and demoralizing. I have struggled with brain fog over the past year, and I honestly believe the ever-changing nature of work is part of the problem. Yes, I can do all five of these roles, in theory, but I’m not thriving. Is there even an answer to this? It seems like this is how the working world IS nowadays. Everyone is overloaded and tired. I’m not sure it would be that much different even if I changed careers!
Anon
It’s sad that it’s radical to think this way, but…just opt out. Instead of being/doing/working for [whatever superlative], just decide to take the slow track. Choose the chill job, not the one that sounds LinkedIn Fancy; do a good job, not an outstanding job; live to work, not work to live.
Anon
+1. I did this and am really happy. Sometimes it stings a little when people judge me for not using my degrees or living up to my potential, but I just remind myself that what matters is my happiness and what really makes me happy is having lots of time with my family and friends, time to unwind and pursue hobbies and an easy, low stress job.
anon
OP here, and honest question: How were you able to identify your job as a potentially chill one? I’ve found that fairly difficult to suss out, even in interviews.
Anon
In my case it was a combination of the employer being a type that’s known for being relaxed and what people said in the interviews. My co-workers were super upfront that nobody here works that hard, and nobody ever works outside normal business hours except in special circumstances. For me, it was also a big step back in terms of pay and the amount education required (I use my degree, sort of, but it’s not required…think like I was practicing law in a big firm and I went to a university in a JD-preferred compliance role), which was another sign that it wasn’t going to be super intense. Generally the more education you have, the harder it is to find a ‘chill’ job that really uses your education. CEOs/doctors/lawyers/research scientists are pretty much always going to have work really hard, but the people who work under them/provide support for them, who mostly just have college degrees, don’t work as hard. Of course, they don’t make as much money.
Anon
Anon at 4:22 here – I’m in a JD-preferred role as well. My primary “client” is the federal government, and they’re only available during business hours, so that means the only people pinging me outside those hours are my colleagues, and it’s generally something that can’t be addressed until the next business day.
Of Counsel
A few years ago (when last changed jobs) I drew a couple of bright line rules: (1) Unless I am actually in trial, I do not work on Sundays. I just do not do it and will tell clients, partners and judges that. I do not know if it has cost me any clients, but I have at least one who told me how much they respect that decision; and (2) I am on Do Not Disturb from 9:00 p.m. until 6:30 a.m. the following morning (again unless I am in trial). I am not one of those attorneys who gets paid a gazillion dollars and they do not pay me to be available 24/7 and I am not going to do it.
Fortunately I have a skill set that lets me get away with that, but I frequently feel like people respect me more for saying no!
Anonymous
It’s great you set those boundaries! I just think it’s such a sad statement about our culture that you had to explicitly state/make rules that you don’t work on Sundays and are not available during overnight hours.
Anon
They do respect you. I cringe at late night/weekend emails. Something about it strikes me as unprofessional unless warranted.
Never too many shoes...
Can you explain that to me? I send emails at all hours of the night and weekend as I work some odd hours. I do not expect colleagues, clients or counsel to answer emails at 3 am, but I take exception to the idea that it is unprofessional to send them.
anon
A way around this is to set them to auto send after X:00 am the following business day. I do it (for certain emails, not all) because I am client-facing and don’t want to set expectations that I am available outside of normal business hours, but also kind of balk at it being unprofessional–is it really? Why?
Anonymous
It can make the sender appear erratic or inept at time management. And as a client can make you wonder if the person working on your project is too tired or stressed to give it the attention quality it deserves. (Do you want the doctor up at 3 doing your surgery the next afternoon or the one who had a full night’s rest) Depending on field (I work in martech) it can also make a client question whether you’re doing the work or if it’s being farmed out to cheap labor overseas, whether your project is important or if it’s what gets touched once the higher priorities have been dealt with…Lots of reasons to just schedule for normal biz hours.
Anon
I have always thought/been told it is unprofessional to send emails at weird times. Two reasons– First, I start thinking/wondering why this person was sending emails at that hour instead of doing something else. A partner in my firm had insomnia her first night on a vacation she took after a busy stretch and spend all night responding to emails. We associates all thought it was insane to wake up with 25 emails each sent at 2 am. Second, emails sent after hours give off a sense of urgency. If it is urgent, that’s fine. But if it’s not, please don’t email me at 2 pm on a Saturday. I get that most people sending these emails don’t want a response immediately, but most people feel like they need to respond before they forget about it on Monday, so then you’ve forced someone to work on the weekend on some non-urgent issue.
Never too many shoes...
That is just so strange to me and not at all how my firm works. Weekend emails are a really normal thing, both urgent and not – if they are not urgent then you do not have to reply, but since everyone already has work email on their phone what difference does it make really.
The senior partner I started out under regularly used to wake up in the night and leave voicemails or send emails to the associates with things to do or discuss that he just thought of. Maybe we all got used to it. Litigation clients seem to love the idea that their lawyers never sleep and are defending them at all hours of the day and night.
Anonymous
Wow, what a bad attitude.
Anon
I think you’re one of very few people who pay that close attention to the time stamp on an email. And I’d gently suggest you use your energy on better things.
Parfait
I don’t think it is unprofessional to send emails at odd times. Expecting others to drop everything and respond instantly certainly is. I used to have a boss that would ALWAYS reply to emails I sent while he was on vacation. I started using the Outlook option to delay sending routine messages until he was back. But really, everyone needs to be able to tell what’s urgent and what can wait.
KelSD
Going to Iceland next week and looking for thoughts on footwear (and general travel tips!). We’ll be there for a week and will be exploring the south coast, the Golden Circle, and Reykjavik. I’m packing my hiking boots to wear for most of our outdoor exploring but stuck on what to pack for other touring–do I need waterproof? Or would sneakers suffice? Thanks!
Anon
Wear whatever you’d wear touring in any other European city – some sort of casual shoe. Though honestly, I wore hiking clothes the whole time. (I was there in spring and it was rainy and cool, so a fleece and boots made sense.)
cbackson
I was just in Iceland 10 days ago and fleece and boots would still make sense – the weather was fairly chilly.
Large Appliances
My husband and I have struggled to find a place in our city to buy large appliances that will comply with our condo building’s delivery requirements. We can’t use any of the big box retailers (Best Buy, Home Depot, Lowe’s, Fry’s). We tried to go with a small retailed near our home, but there was a very long (>6mo) wait time. We found another local business that sounded like it would work when we placed and paid for our order several weeks ago, but they are now giving us the run-around on delivery (unable to find order, say they don’t deliver on the day we are scheduled, etc.). That appears to be worked out for the most part thanks to my husband spending hours on the phone and showing up at the store in person during the work day, although they are still threatening to come earlier in the day that we are permitted to accept deliveries. And we cannot talk them out of that. They are also charging a lot (several hundred) just for delivery and installation of two appliances.
Anyways, on top of that, they are incredibly rude to me, but not my husband. My husband thought he should just deal with them since they treat him like an intelligent human and they talk to me like I am a small child. Lots of making meaningless placating statements and telling me not to worry, “react,” or be upset. And also acting surprised that I work during the day. I told the appliance salesperson to please call my husband about further issues, and after that he had the gall to call ME sexist. Part of me wants to get a refund and go elsewhere, but I don’t know where else to go. This is the fourth retailer we have tried. I should just suck it up, let me husband deal with logistics, keep the order, and hope the delivery occurs as scheduled, right?
Fwiw, I really really really don’t think it is me. I’ve really never had such customer service woes, and on this move, I have dealt with the moving company, furniture delivery, building manager, and utilities including cable and everything either went swimmingly or if there was an issue was easily and calmly resolved.
Anonymous
Suck it up and complain to your building about their absurd requirements
Anon
Is there a way to separate out the purchase and the delivery requirements, i.e. pay a separate delivery service? Can you call a moving company or something to do it for you?
I’m not clear on what the delivery requirements are – my guess is there’s a limitation on truck size. U.S. Appliances says they will send a smaller truck (for a fee) if needed – know nothing about the company, but that’s an option.
Anon
+1 to splitting this into two transactions — one to buy the appliances and one to have them delivered. This is going to be the easiest way.
Large Appliances
A problem is that these are not appliances we know how to install ourselves (and involve water, gas, and electric, so the risk of doing it wrong is just not worth it). So we need both delivery and installation. Or are you saying separate it out into three parts – purchase, delivery, and installation? So basically have something like a moving company pick them up and deliver them, and then have some other third party install them?
Anon
First of all, cancel the order, this place sounds terrible.
Second, why does your building have such awful rules about deliveries??
Large Appliances
Thanks for the thoughts.
On the building, it is hard to complain because the problematic requirement seems reasonable on the surface – a 10-4 delivery limitation – basically no retailer will guarantee this when we purchase. I found this surprising they couldn’t work with us on it. So we went with a local retailer who said they could.
No limit on truck size, no requirements for insurance, no other burdensome requirements. I also have to pay a fee to the building (presumably to have someone come hang the elevator pads and put in floor protecting stuff), but it is a very small fee and they are lax on timing on that as long as I pay it.
Anon
You know your situation better than I do, but I don’t think 10-4 is that restrictive- the majority of deliveries will come within that time with no problems and most of the time the actual delivery person is willing to work with you at least a little. What’s the worst that happens if they try to deliver out of that window? You have to pay a fee to reschedule? Sounds better than what you’re dealing with now!
Anonymous
Buy from the big box and then negotiate the delivery time with the delivery service when they call to schedule.
I just bought an appliance from Home Depot and had the option to lock in a shorter delivery window by paying extra for delivery.
Large Appliances
This might be my city, but all of the big box stores give huge time windows that are outside 10-4 and say an automated call will tell me my time window the night before, and at that point it is not possible to reschedule. They are totally unwilling to work with me on the time frame. It has been tremendously aggravating.
If the small local business does not work out, I am tempted to either (1) ask my neighbors where they got their appliances and hope I missed a better option in our research or (2) if that doesn’t work, just take a delivery from a big box, hope it is in the window we can get deliveries, and if not, take the delivery anyways and let the HOA fine me whatever they fine me. These are basic appliances modern homes have, so it is stuff we really do need and worth the cost of a fine.
Anonymous
Just have it delivered. Your doorman isn’t going to fine you.
Anon
That sounds like a ridiculous restriction from the HOA. Frankly, I would just ignore the time limits, and deal with the fine if I have to. But there is no reason that the HOA needs to be that crazy.
Telling partner about HPV
Embarrassing question – an abnormal pap led to the discovery that I have the type of HPV with no symptoms but associated with increased risk of cervical cancer. I just got the results and I want to tell my partner of several years. I get annual STD testing but have never tested positive for anything or had an abnormal pap. Does anyone have any advice for how to share it? I can’t help but feel a lot of shame. TIA!
Anon
Don’t feel shame. Read this.
https://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stats.htm
Anon
Don’t feel shame! 85% of sexually active adults will get HPV and there are no blood tests for it, so most people who have it don’t know they have it until they have an abnormal pap. The vast majority of people who never have an abnormal pap aren’t necessarily HPV-free, they just haven’t had any cervical cell changes because the body cleared the virus on its own, which is just luck and has nothing to do with your sexual history.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t even bother. Everyone has HPV
Anon
He’s your partner of several years so I’d tell him just because it’s something going on in your life. Lots of people have HPV, including myself. I got it because there is no test for it in men so you have a boyfriend get tested and all of his results are negative. You’re still not in the clear. Information I wish I previously knew. Ultimately, don’t feel guilty!