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Updated: Apr 15, 2021 321 Comments · by

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Floral Roll Neck A-Line Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I’m very into this A-line dress from Maggy London. The rolled neckline is just a little different than my go-to sheath dresses, but I think it would still look very professional worn on its own or with a blazer on top. For work, I would probably style it with a black blazer (it looks to me like the print has some black in it) and add some dangly earrings to accessorize, since the neckline doesn’t really allow for a necklace. If you have the right to bare arms at your office, though, I think it still looks very professional and put-together without a topper.

The dress is $158 and available in sizes 0–14. It's selling out quickly at Nordstrom, but Dillard's has almost all sizes in stock. Floral Roll Neck A-Line Dress

For plus sizes, try this floral dress from Tahari, also $158 at Nordstrom. 

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Sales of note for 9.30.24

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Reason 5,000,001 why I can't work out

    One evening a week I should get time to work out (sitter picks up kids and takes them to an activity). I had just gotten into workout clothes when I get an unpleasant call from the sitter: kids are scratching their heads and it looks like . . . lice.

    • anne-on

      Oh nooooo. Do you have the lice fairy’s by you? I did not even know this was a thing but I would pay about 3x what they charge for someone to do this for me!

      • Anonymous

        Second. We have a place that is pricey but one instance in life where you can throw $ at a problem. Bless them.

    • Anon2

      Spinosad which requires a prescription from the pediatrician is fantastic! Way better than drugstore stuff, and while pricey, is less than the services. My mistake was not shampooing myself… :(

      • Seventh Sister

        My pediatrician prescribed something (maybe is was this) after a few rounds of lice. The OTC stuff didn’t work very well. All of my lovely mom friends out here in CA recommended services and various “gentle treatments” with oils and I was all, sorry, lice are gross and I’d really like to kill them with industrial chemicals. Allopathic medicine was a nice middle ground.

        Frankly, the lice services around here are $$$$ and they want you to buy a bunch of $$$ products as well. Plus my friends who used them usually had several rounds of combouts, so it didn’t seem very effective.

      • Anon

        The industrial chemicals are actually a lot less effective than mayonnaise, in my experience. Lice have built resistance to many of the prescription meds. Mayo works in one round.

  2. Ellen

    Great find, Elizabeth! I love Maggy London, and the rolled neckline is perfect for me and prevents Frank from ooogeling me. Besides, these days sheath dresses are my go-to style, and the fact that they are in Nordstrom’s means that is where I am heading @ lunch today!

    On a serius note, what is the HIVE thinking about (1) Bloomberg and (2) the Corona Virus? I was away trying to get new busness out of state, but am back and I do not understand why Blooberg only got votes in American Samoa? He was on TV all the time, and that is where he wins? OMG, what a waste of money! As to the Corona Virus, now in NYC I see people with masks. Is that necessary? If they say no, why are so many people wearing them everwhere else? Dad says I should come home for a while until this goes away, but I have court appearances I can NOT miss. FOOEY!

  3. Sine

    Does anyone have a recommendation for a good divorce lawyer in Killeen TX? My Canadian daughter married an US serviceman and he’s called it quits before she was even able to move down there, so she’s doing this long distance. Thanks.

    • Anonymous

      She should also speak with a local lawyer. If she is resident in Canada, the location of the appropriate jurisdiction for the divorce may be a matter of dispute. Especially if there are kids involved.

        • Anonymous

          Right but if daughter is resident in Canada, Canadian law may be the applicable jurisdiction so US service related law may be moot. Emphasis on the ‘may’. These situations are extremely fact specific.

          • Sine

            She did have a consult with a Canadian lawyer and he asked her to get a Texas lawyer. They were married in Canada, but he filed for divorce in the US.

    • CountC

      Often, the military branch has a department to assist with a servicemember’s divorce. My sister, a civilian, and her ex (a Marine) used whatever group it was with the Marine’s who assisted with this. It wasn’t a super easy divorce either, but it worked out okay.

      This is a military hosted page with additional information for the Marines. I would expect that all branches would have something similar. https://www.militaryonesource.mil/financial-legal/legal/family-legal-issues/managing-the-divorce-process

  4. What are we doing instead of shaking hands?

    My company is a vendor/sponsor at a conference later this week and I’ll be at the booth. I’m thinking I’ll do the namaste bow but without the hands. Will that be ok?

    The dress is lovely — nice pick, Elizabeth!

    • Cb

      I suspect no one will try to shake hands. We’re hosting a major academic conference in 4 weeks and I’m 50/50 on whether it’s going to happen.

      • MarieCurie

        The American Physical Society Meeting was canceled ~24 hours before the kick off (should have started on Monday).

    • Anonymous

      Elbow bump (per a friend who is a pastor, this is a thing instead of passing the peace).

      • Anonymous

        Why? Elbow bump is not in keeping ” a social distance” as my Fortune 100 company is putting it. Just don’t touch people. How hard is that.

      • Anonymous

        I’m really not interested in touching someone’s elbow. Especially since sick people are directed to “cough into your elbow.”

    • busybee

      If you don’t want to shake hands, I just wouldn’t extend my hand. I’d be taken aback if someone bowed to me but I wouldn’t think it as odd if someone just didn’t stick out their hand.

      • anonymous

        Right. Maybe just keep your hands clasped in front of you and smile and say hi.

        • Cat

          +1, I don’t think anyone will find it unusual that you don’t offer a hand, but wouldn’t quite know how to react to a bow.

    • Anon

      “I’m not shaking hands at the moment, but it’s so nice to meet you! Where are you from?”

      • BeenThatGuy

        Throw in a silly two handed pistol pump with a “howdy partner” and proceed

        • pugsnbourbon

          The sky’s the limit!
          As a serious suggestion I think a friendly wave would work.

    • anne-on

      I’ve done an exaggerated hand wave up by my face (think the wax on motion from Karate Kid) in lieu of shaking hands many times when I’ve been sick. That, along with saying ‘sorry, sick/not shaking hands/trying not to spread germs’ and people totally get it. It feels a little cheesy but elbow bumps seem awkward and the namaste thing or bowing seems a bit ‘woo’ for a business environment.

      • LaurenB

        Oh for heaven’s sake, how about just a nice nod of the head with a smile and a “nice to meet you” should be sufficient. We don’t need fist bumps, or elbow bumps, or footshakes, or Rock Paper Scissors, or bows like we are in Imperial Japan. A handshake doesn’t NEED to be replaced.

    • anonymouse

      I saw a pic of a chart that offered several other greeting options besides shaking hands. Ideas included:
      A friendly wave
      Rock Paper Scissors lightning round
      Tip of the hat
      Toe Tap
      Air High five (purposely miss)
      A quick chicken dance
      A curtsy
      A head nod
      Obviously these vary in level of casual greetings and aren’t appropriate for every situation, but it’s they are fun ideas to get you brainstorming on alternatives for a handshake.
      I do like Anon 9:06 advice: just state your intentions and proceed on in friendly fashion. I bet people will appreciate you setting expectations up front.

        • anonymouse

          I wish I could – it was a pic of the item posted to FB.
          Google had a few pics under ‘no hand shake greeting chart’.
          Here’s someone’s next profitable business idea: making this kind of chart, stickers or magnets for display.

    • wowwww

      Do not do a namaste bow. That’s weird and new age-y and feels a bit cultural appropriation-y. Just wave or nod or something.

      • LaurenB

        So are people of Indian descent culturally appropriating Western culture when they use handshakes in the US? Come on now. This was a fine discussion; we don’t need to drag the woke police into it.

    • Anonymous

      I’m going to a conference next week. They’ve sent out stuff re: cornoavirus prep and they have declared a “no handshake” conference, suggesting using an elbow bump. I will opt out of that and go with a smile and “nice to meet you” or “nice to see you again.”

    • Anon

      I smile and wave if someone goes in for a handshake. Then I tell them I’m not doing handshakes right now. I do this all the time, actually.

    • Laura B

      Literally was just at a trade show/conference yesterday and I didn’t shake hands. I’m recovering from a cold so when people went in for a handshake I just smiled, waved it off (literally waved my hand a little) and said “not shaking hands, recovering from a cold/not sharing germs.” you could also easily say “not shaking hands/not sharing germs today.” People totally get it right now.

      A few people did the elbow bump thing, which in reality ends up being a gesture instead of actually making physical connection. You’re not hooking elbows or anything so it’s easy to miss.

      The namaste bow thing sounds weird. Just be normal, don’t shake hands, and don’t overthink it or make a big issue out of it. It’s not.

    • Anonymous

      I’m a conference planner, currently on-site at one of our association’s major annual events this week. People are adults and we are not policing how they choose to interact when it comes to handshakes or fist bumps or elbow bumps or bows or whatever. And it’s going just fine. Everyone is doing something a little different and there’s no awkwardness about any of it because everyone respects the situation. Do whatever you want.

    • Ribena

      I was at a government conference today and there was a PSA about handwashing but people were still going in for handshakes, although not generally surprised when I said I wasn’t.

  5. Anon - follow up about interview ?'s

    I asked a question along the same lines last week and got some super helpful feedback. I have a follow up. If any of those posters see this or anyone else has additional insight, that would be great. I’m interviewing at a comms/lobbying firm on Friday for a position on their government relations side. I really want to land this position and (assuming it’s a fit) would like to stay at this type of firm for a while. A poster told me to look up their disclosures. I did, so I know who they are lobbying on behalf of. This was very helpful! A poster last week told me to look up who from the firm is with which clients and inquire to my interviewers about what they work on. I know the types of questions I’d be interested personally, but I’m wondering if asking questions that are too specific is…out of place? I’ve only ever done public interest or law firm interviews up until this point, so this is new territory for me and I’m curious how different it is. I was thinking of going more generic and asking about the kinds of tasks/challenges different clients require for a specific goal, how the needs between different clients differ and what is commonplace…things like that. Also, the gov. relations team is bipartisan (60/40 split, did the math) and the two woman interviewing me are of the opposite party affiliation as me. Mine is clear from my resume because of my previous Congressional internships. I’ve choked on this question before, and I assume it will come again. My answer this time was going to focus on being from a battleground/purple state, working for a House member but needing to cross the aisle with approps for the state’s districts. Stuff like that

    I also want to emphasize that, even though I just finished law school and took the bar, this isn’t necessarily a “resume filler” for me and would like to grow with the firm since they currently do not have any employees with law degrees. As I’m a recent grad and jumping jobs after a couple years might be common at a mid sized firm in DC (is it?), how can I eloquently address this desire in person? I lightly emphasized this in my cover letter but want to hit it home. Thank you for the help! Really excited for this one :)

    • Anon

      I responded last week and gave you the link for disclosures.

      First, from reading this post and your other one – don’t let the excitement you’re showing us come through quite as much in the interview :) Remember, you’ll be meeting with Important People as a lobbyist, and it’s important to be confident and knowledgeable. And chill ;)

      As for questions, I’d ask what a day in the life would look like and whether you’re expected to cross the aisle or if you’ll only do your side. I’d also be curious to know how much, if any, of your time will be spent participating in fundraisers, since those are often 8 am breakfasts or 6 pm dinners. (Or really fun weekends out of town, if you’re lucky :) )

      As for using the disclosure info to your benefit, I’d do something like, “I saw in your filings that you represent both Client A and Client B and they are [competitors; wildly different businesses; something] – how do you handle switching gears for those relationships?” So it’s something you smoothly drop into conversation that shows them that darn skippy you did your research and can be expected to do so before Hill meetings.

      Re: party affiliation, this is where you need to know whether they’re an aisle-crossing org or not. As I mentioned, my firm is a topic shop – we lobby in X technical field and would lobby a telephone pole on X if it had a vote – we don’t care what party you are, we’ll craft a compelling argument for you. If you’re expected in this job to cross the aisle and don’t have experience, give a broad answer like, “I grew up in a purple state and have worked with people of many different backgrounds through my experiences at X and Y and am confident that I can be an effective advocate.”

      Whatever you do, do not come within 10 feet of hinting that any job would be a “resume filler.” Switch that statement on its head – “after pursuing traditional law practice, I’ve realized I really love government and gov’t relations and see myself making a career in this field. It’s something I’ve been involved in for X years.” Don’t worry about jumping jobs – it’s VERY common in D.C. I wouldn’t address that at all unless it’s specifically asked. In short, don’t bring up any negatives unless they’re asked.

      • Anon

        Enthusiasm is not a bad thing for an interview. As long as you can balance it with chill.

      • OP

        I’m glad you saw this! Thank you so much, this additional information helps so much. I think I definitely have a sense in the direction I need to go with my prep. Fingers crossed!!

  6. Anon

    Man, if I were Biden, I would be sending Klobuchar and Buttigieg a bottle of champagne each. The establishment works best when it works together, apparently.

    It will be interesting to see how the rest of primary season shakes out – I thought Biden was weaker money-wise, but maybe there will be a miracle there too. Even though he’s not my top choice, I’m glad to see that his support does appear to be fairly broad.

    • Anonymous

      I actually think the coronavirus stress is giving him a boost. People are longing for an era when government felt stable and predictable and Biden’s angle is very much a return to sane governance. Let’s steady the boat and not rock it in the opposite direction kind of vibe.

      • Anonymous

        I have zero problem with that. Both are 100% more competent that the current group of clowns. Warren as AG would be amazing.

      • anon

        I would be 100% OK with having competent people in the Cabinet. Add Warren to the mix, too.

    • Anonymous

      I think money that was sitting on the sidelines because Biden did not look strong or that was going to Mayor Pete will be spent in support of Biden. Now, Bloomberg needs to be the next to step back.

      • Senior Attorney

        And… done. Add a bottle of champagne to the order for Warren for making that happen.

    • Angela

      By “the establishment” you mean… Democratic voters? Because you do realize that they (we) are the ones who are the direct cause of Biden getting the most votes yesterday, right?

      • Anonymous

        shh…don’t let facts mess with the Sanders fans victim complex. It’s a conspiracy against Bernie. It’s not that a lot of people just don’t think he’d be a good President.

        • anon

          Yup. There wasn’t some huge conspiracy where “the establishment” stole ballots and recast them for Biden. Voters came out for Biden for various reasons, one of them being that a lot of voters don’t think Bernie would be a good president.

          • Anon

            Yup. (1) I don’t want “a revolution” as promised by Bernie. I want a normal, intelligent person who espouses and supports the principles of the Democratic Party. (2) I’m sick and tired of a candidate who is in fact not a Democrat and his supporters whining about being cheated by the Democratic Party. (3) I sick and tired shouty, angry, old, white men, specifically Trump but Sanders looks like a similar persona coming from the polar opposite direction. With that said, I will hold my nose, scowl, bitch moan and whine, and cast my vote for Bernie if he is the “Democratic” candidate. Will Bernie supporters commit to voting for Biden if he is the candidate?

          • Anon

            Fun fact, if you call Bernie the “Trump of the Left,” for all of the reasons you say above and also that he has BIG IDEAS that AREN’T POSSIBLE and wants to light everything on fire and thinks everyone is out to get him and generally is just a real jerk, it REALLY irritates Bernie Bros. To no end. Especially Twitter Bernie Bros.

            Use this how you will.

          • anon

            I’m off social media so I’ve never witnessed any of this awful “Bernie bro” behavior that everyone loves to mock. In fact, I’ve only ever observed moderates being condescending and rude to anyone who doesn’t agree that we can’t and shouldn’t have nice things. FWIW, I’m a left-leaning independent and probably won’t vote for Biden unless his VP is vastly different (and MUCH younger) than him.

        • Anon

          Our mystical black-ops plot against Bernie will not work if you guys keep talking about it! How are we supposed to “steal” the election by having millions of reasonable people with voting rights vote for their preferred candidate if we don’t keep our sinister plans under wraps???

          • Anon

            SHHHHH! Moderate voters voting for moderate candidates is a huge establishment secret!

      • Anon

        I know, right? I swear Bernie voters – you guys are the ones in the bubble. Talk to other people once in a while.

        My interpretation is that voters just want someone who will beat Trump, as we’ve been talking about on here a lot recently. My candidate is no longer in the race either, but she endorsed Biden so he has my vote.

        I would love it if he named Stacy Abrams as his running mate.

          • Anon GA voter

            And within Georgia, people like Stacey Abrams as a person but many of us would prefer that she held an office higher than state house minority leader before becoming a VP pick. I voted for her for governor, I was livid over the dirt tricks that were played against her in that election, but I don’t think she has enough experience to be VP.

      • anon

        Bernie fans are nuts. There is no conspiracy. Many of us D voters just think he’d be a terrible president and aren’t on board with his policies. Buttigieg was my favorite, followed closely by Warren, but I will happily throw my support to Biden because 1) he’s a moderate; 2) he’s a reasonable, sane person. Reasonable and sane count for a lot in 2020. I can’t take another four years of drama and the dismantling of the U.S. as we know it.

      • Anon

        Oh yeah, everyone is just a conspiracy theorist, right? My post was referring to the very convenient and helpful timing of Buttigieg’s and Klobuchar’s exits from the race. I know you read it.

        • Anonymous

          Yes, B/K endorsements were timed to help Biden out. Because they knew they couldn’t win and wanted to support their preferred candidate. What exactly is surprising or unusual about this?

          • Anon

            Yeah them dropping out and endorsing Biden is not a conspiracy or “the establishment” doing anything. People tend to drop out when they don’t think they can win. And usually endorse someone when they drop out.

          • LaurenB

            If anything, it shows the maturity of Buttigieg and Klobuchar to recognize that centrist party unity to be able to defeat Trump is really important, more important than their own egos. (I am not calling either of them egotistical, to be sure.) Major props to both of them for taking one for the team. THAT’s how mature, intelligent people do things. I hope to see them as either VP or Cabinet picks.

          • Angela

            No, no, you don’t get it. By ENDORSING Biden, they helped him WIN! Imagine the absolute gall!

          • Anon

            Angela – it’s an outrage! Why would anyone time their exit from the race to help another candidate win?! I am eleventy-seven percent sure that’s never happened before!

    • busybee

      Of course it works best when it works together. I’ve been so frustrated with the Democratic Party and candidates. The strategy all along should have been to mobilize 100% around ONE candidate. Ideally Biden, the candidate with the broadest appeal. All this Democratic infighting only helps the Republicans. Sorry Bernie fans but he’s just not gonna cut it in my swing state that went for Trump by a hair in 2016.

      • anonshmanon

        I don’t think a unity-candidate from the beginning would have been a better strategy. What’s happening right now is a democratic-ish process where multiple candidates discuss and take apart ideals and policy suggestions, and voters actually get to weigh in, albeit those in the late primary states being given way less of a voice. But this process is important. If you start with a predetermined candidate, you would have way more people than the Bernie-truthers talking about the rigged system instead of getting behind that hypothetical candidate.

        • busybee

          Good point, anonshmanon- I hadn’t considered that. I’m wondering if a better system would be if all primaries were held on the same day. I don’t like how voters in late primary states get less of a voice, as you pointed out.

          • anonshmanon

            I come from a country where there aren’t any primaries, and no direct election of the leader (people elect parliament, parliament elects the leader). So I am fascinated by the primary system and its many flavors.
            I think there is plenty of time for voters to get behind the nominee.

    • Anonymous

      I’ll preface this by saying that I was a Pete supporter, and voted for Warren yesterday. I don’t love Biden but he’s my preference among the remaining contenders.

      It’s very clear that Bernie’s theory of the case has not borne out. His argument was that he could couple his incredibly loyal supporters with motivating a ton of first time voters and young people, and that on the strength of the people’s mandate, he’d get everything he wants done. Neither of those things panned out.

      Fewer than expected young/new voters showed up, and Bernie didn’t win them by overwhelming margins. (In fact, in Virginia, we saw record turnout that overwhelmingly went for Joe.)

      This isn’t a case of the “establishment” beating down the people’s candidate by force. The truth is, the electorate knows who Bernie is and what he offers, and they didn’t pick him yesterday. And the more Bernie’s supporters scream into the void that the establishment and the DNC and Warren and Pete and Amy and everyone else are to blame, the harder it gets for Bernie to persuade the supporters of those people.

      People have been assuming that 100% of Warren’s voters would go to Bernie if she were out. First of all, I am one tiny data point that contradicts that, but I know many friends/family who feel the same. The results in Massachusetts suggest that Biden, not Bernie, took many of the last minute deciding voters who determined that Warren wasn’t going to be viable.

      • Anon

        Agree with all of this, especially the point that not all Warren supporters have Bernie as a #2. I know a lot of women who were really enthusiastic about Warren and can’t stand Bernie, so will vote for Biden over Bernie in the primary even though they don’t love him.

        There were SEVEN “Bernie or Bust, I will never ever vote for Biden in the general” posts on my Facebook newsfeed this morning (fortunately, mostly from people in MA and CA, so not states that matter), all blaming the DNC, the “establishment,” the other moderates for endorsing Joe, and Elizabeth Warren for not quitting before Super Tuesday. They are unable to accept that at this point more people prefer Biden and that Bernie’s enthusiasm lead among young people doesn’t translate to voter turnout. I know there are reasonable Bernie supporters out there, but the fact that the man himself doesn’t disavow the crazies and, in fact, at least subtly furthers these conspiracy theories, tells me everything I need to know about him. He and many of his supporters are unable to accept any kind of responsibility – if they lost it’s always because the election was “stolen” from him, and it’s just getting really old. He’s been running for president for five years, and was directly involved in setting up the 2020 primary process. If he’s not winning at this point, it’s because a majority of people don’t support him – full stop.

        • Anon

          So what’s your special message for all the Biden supporters who have said they’ll never support Bernie, that Donald Trump is literally preferable to Bernie? I hope one or the other goes all the way, I really do, but you don’t get to paint Bernie supporters with such a broad brush (and blame the candidate for the actions of a few Facebook wackos) while giving Biden supporters a totally free pass.

          • Anon

            It’s a false equivalence. Both candidates may have “nobody but my guy” supporters (although I don’t personally know any Biden or bust people), but Bernie is the only candidate out there saying the election is rigged, stolen, etc. If/when Biden loses, he will accept it gracefully and enthusiastically endorse whoever the Democratic nominee is. Bernie won’t, and that’s the fundamental problem.

          • Anonymous

            You’re demonstrating exactly the problem. I can’t recall anyone who is a Democrat posting that they support Biden but would not vote for Bernie. LOTS of people posted that their non-aligned or Republican family members would either support Biden by voting for him or would live with Biden (via not coming out to vote for Trump) but that they would never consider Bernie. Those are exactly the people that went Trump over Clinton in 2016, or just stayed home and didn’t vote for Clinton. For them, Bernie is never an option. Staying home is an option, or voting DJT is an option.

            These people exist and they are not small in number. The Democrats who voted for Biden yesterday want stable, sane governance from a candidate that they believe moderate Republicans or independents will consider supporting. Sanders is not successful presenting himself as that candidate. He and his supporters are really turning into special snowflakes. Just because someone doesn’t vote for you, doesn’t mean there is a conspiracy theory or people are out to get you. These kinds of posts and comments just drive people further away from Bernie. His ardent supporters are the ones doing the most damage to his campaign right now.

          • PolyD

            I’m Vote Blue No Matter Who and I totally call out people who say they could “never” vote for Bernie. I don’t think he’d be a great president, but he would be better than Trump and likely not be actively harmful to the US, so I’d vote for him in the general. If your 401K is more important than competent government, well, have a good time cuddling with it after society collapses from this administration’s completely incompetent response to corona virus.

          • Anon

            The Never Bernie people you refer to are who we call “The People Who Decide the Election.”

            They are middle of the road voters in swing states who are kind of fed up with Trump but would never vote for a Socialist.

            They are why Biden is a pragmatic choice.

          • Anonymous

            “Never Bernie people are part of the problem. Don’t mistake it.”

            Only if you define problem to mean that the Democrat candidate will be someone other than Bernie.

          • anon

            Biden wasn’t my first choice (or second or third or fourth) but I’ll support him. I would support anyone who is/was in the race other than Bernie. You can call me part of the problem all you want but I don’t think it’s the same to say I’d support any of these nine candidates as the Bernie people who are saying they won’t support anyone other than Bernie.

          • LaurenB

            You cannot be serious. The # of Biden supporters who would vote Trump over Bernie if Bernie is nominee is NO WAY equivalent to the # of Bernie supporters who will vote Trump (or stay home) over Biden. Biden also has a chance of getting moderates / normal “old-school” Republicans who know that Trump is a fool. Bernie has no such shot.

        • Anon

          Your first paragraph is me. I adore Warren. I went to see her, waited for 3 hours in line in the sun to get a photo with her, and would have been thrilled to see her as my president.

          But I despise Bernie. Even though they share many of the same platforms, I think he’s an egotistical, sexist, self-centered, inflexible, unreasonable old white man who gets his points across by yelling. Sound like someone familiar? I agree with more of his platforms than I do Biden, but I am absolutely positively all in for Joe Biden. I’ll be voting for him in Washington next week, knowing that Sanders is going to win. I live in Seattle, and I know he’s going to sweep my county. Seattle is the place that just re-elected Kshama f-ing Sawant, another socialist who yells and throws fits and doesn’t get anything done.

          • Anon

            Yup, same. Personality is equally or more important than policy to me, given that all the Democrats agree in the big picture sense. I really like Warren and Biden personally. I despise Sanders. Warren was my #1, Biden #2.

          • Walnut

            Another Seattle-ite here. I’m a conservative who won’t vote Trump, so I’ll be casting my ballot for Biden next week. I feel good about it. I didn’t have any problems with Obama/Biden for eight years and hope Biden pairs up with a VP with some big ideas that can work across the aisle. I am SO OVER our do nothing congress.

            Don’t even get me started on Sawant.

          • Anon

            I’m Anon @ 12:41, and you probably won’t see this, but: I am an absolute liberal and I f-ing hate Sawant, I hate her “pack city hall” rallies, and I seriously would have voted for the other guy if I’d lived in her district despite that I disagreed with him on most things just to vote her out, but no, dumb-a## CapHill bros re-elected her despite that she never shows up for meetings, she throws temper tantrums when she doesn’t get what she want, and she acts like a goddamn child instead of an elected official.

      • Anonymous

        This. Warren is my preferred candidate but I’m going to Biden when she drops out, regardless of who she endorses.

      • Anon

        USA Today had a pretty great statistical, evidence-based breakdown of how young voters did *not* show up – for Bernie or anyone – in Super Tuesday states yesterday. They just didn’t vote, as young voters are wont to do (and I am genuinely sad about that and wish it would change). All the more reason to back the candidate that is going to motivate older voters to actually show up to the polls on voting day.

        If youth won’t come out for the primaries due to laziness, ideological purity, eating too many edibles and not being able to drive, etc. in the primaries – I don’t have faith they’ll come out for the general election. The idea that Bernie will achieve victory via 18-25-year-olds coming out in force to vote for him is a dead concept and I would like to stop hearing about it, frankly. It did not happen in 2016 and it’s not going to happen now. Obviously, looking at the plain evidence that is in front of us.

        I do wonder what would have happened had Klobuchar and Buttigieg dropped out earlier – for sure Biden lost votes to both in California early voting. At least Bloomberg did the right thing and dropped out; now Warren needs to do the same. Although I’m sure she’ll endorse Bernie, and probably end up on his ticket as VP. My guess is Mayor Pete will end up on Biden’s ticket. Biden will still get some cred for having a gay man as VP, even if he is a white male.

        • Anonymous

          This. Low youth voter turnout is an issue in all western democracies. The ego involved to base your campaign on singlehandedly reversing that trend? Unbelievable. Literally no one except Bernie supporters are surprised that he is not doing well. I’m only surprised by how much Biden is leading by at this stage, not that he is leading.

        • Anon

          “Eating too many edibles and not being able to drive”… I snorted. But yeah, 100% co-sign this. I said the other day that I work with college students and I know multiple people who’ve attended Bernie rallies and are all over social media with their support for him, and didn’t vote yesterday. Youth just don’t vote, and choosing a candidate because you believe they will inspire huge youth turnout is a mistake. Especially when it’s been proven (via the early primaries) that it’s just not happening.

          • Anon

            Turnout in this primary has not been high relative to turnout in past primaries, and the states where it has been relatively high have been states like SC and VA that Biden won in a landslide.

        • Anon

          I will never forget our college student intern who came into work all teary-eyed on November 9, 2016 telling us how scared and sad she was about the Trump administration, and then in the course of our conversation, it came out that she DIDN’T FREAKING VOTE (we live in a swing state). And my mom told me she read a newspaper article about college students protesting after the 2016 election, and it turns out 30% or something of them admitted to not voting (and there were probably plenty who didn’t vote but wouldn’t admit it!). I will never trust college students with voting…or anything, really, but especially voting.

    • Anonymous

      Yup. I’m in MA where there were only maybe 4 towns that voted for Warren (including, of course, Cambridge where she lives). I wanted to vote early last week but I held off because I wasn’t sure who would still be in the race–and I’m glad I did because I would have voted for Pete. Yesterday was much easier because it was only Biden left for my more centrist Democratic views. Same with my husband and apparently 68% of those that voted in the D primary living in my town.

      My neighbor’s yard proudly still sports a Yang sign, a Buttigieg sign, a Biden sign and a sign that says “Literally any functioning adult.”

    • Anon

      You guys seriously have to stop. If Bernie doesn’t get the nomination, it’s because voters didn’t vote for him. It will not be because it was “taken” from him.

      Remember, the delegate rules were rewritten with his input and approval after 2016 when he thought they were unfair.

      The collective tantrum of Bernie supporters any time something doesn’t go your way is not attracting more voters to your side.

      • Anonymous

        + 1 million to your last sentence. His nutso conspiracy theory supporters are the biggest problem for his campaign now. They are eclipsing actual discussion of policy differences.

      • Anon

        Literally no one has posted saying that. The post was expressing surprise and disbelief at the sudden turn of fortune for Biden, who was on life support just last week. Biden himself was obviously shocked and thrilled last night.

          • Anon

            Oh please, Bernie’s campaign doesn’t have a monopoly on that word. Everyone has been calling Biden, Bloomberg, Clinton, etc. establishment choices for years and they are. Lifelong politicians who toe the party line get that label and it doesn’t have to be pejorative, although it certainly can be.

          • Anon

            Bloomberg is in no way an “establishment” Democrat….he was a Republican until, like, yesterday. I’m pretty sure that the DNC doesn’t like him any more than they like Bernie.

          • Anon

            Bernie is a lifelong politician too? I don’t get why his supporters derogatorily label Joe Biden that way because they are BOTH lifelong politicians. Also, political experience is good. Trump had none, and look how that turned out.

        • Anonymous

          OP said basically exactly that – the establishment is working against him “The establishment works best when it works together, apparently.” Vs. understanding that the endorsements rolled out the way they normally do in any campaign when more minor players end their campaigns.

          And outside of this post – a lot of Bernie supporters talk like that – see Anon 11:20’s reference to “There were SEVEN “Bernie or Bust, I will never ever vote for Biden in the general” posts on my Facebook newsfeed this morning (fortunately, mostly from people in MA and CA, so not states that matter), all blaming the DNC, the “establishment,” the other moderates for endorsing Joe, and Elizabeth Warren for not quitting before Super Tuesday.”

        • Angela

          He was never on life support. His campaign was always saying “wait for SC.” IA, NH, and to some extent NV are small states with few black voters that do not reflect the Democratic electorate nationwide. With his single win in SC, Biden took the delegate lead. This was before the Pete/Amy/Beto endorsements.

          And, Biden spent much less money than other candidates in the early states–in retrospect, it appears because his campaign knew that he didn’t need to in order to win the nomination. If that’s indeed the case and reflective of a wise marshaling of resources, I admire the strategy.

        • Anon

          Why is it surprising though? This is how politics has worked forever. People who don’t have a viable path to victory drop out and endorse their preferred front runner, with the expectation that they may be rewarded with a position in the administration if that person wins. It was always clear that the moderate candidates cumulatively had more support than the progressive candidates, but there were far more of them, so the moderates weren’t going to win if all of them stayed in the race. The timing of the Pete and Amy endorsements was very logical.
          Biden’s “comeback” is also completely unsurprising to me. Iowa and NH are ridiculously unrepresentative of the Democratic electorate. You can’t put any weight in contests that have almost 100% white voters. It was always clear Biden was going to be strong with African-American voters, and they have the most say in picking the nominee.

          • Anonymous

            It’s only surprising to Bernie supporters who live in a bubble. They just tweet memes at each other all day and forget that like only 15% of the US population even has a twitter account so their insular online bubble is not reflective of the general population.

    • Anonymous

      Fwiw I’m the Bernie supporter who posted yesterday, you all really did make me feel better about Biden becoming the nominee (which seems inevitable today). He really proved himself yesterday in my eyes. Electability, to me, is the ability to secure the most votes and he has clearly done that! So I will happily vote Biden in November.

      • Anon

        Hooray! Fwiw, I totally understand Bernie supporters being disappointed and not enthusiastic to vote for Biden, just like I would be disappointed and not enthusiastic to vote for Bernie. As long as you vote for whoever the Democratic nominee is we’re good. :)

    • CommonSense2020

      Man, the common sense, maturity, rationality and reasonability on this thread is like reading in a foreign language right now. I can’t even go on FB at this point.

  7. Anon

    Any predictions on how the coronavirus’s impact on the economy will affect the election in November? Everyone here has been saying that it’s very hard for the incumbent to lose when the economy is strong, but so much has changed just in the last two weeks.

    • Cb

      Honestly, I don’t think we can predict anything at this point. 5 years ago, would we have really imagined Brexit, Trump, the seemingly unchecked rise of populism worldwide, pandemics…? Yes, we probably saw some signs but the world just seems to look radically different. I’m a political scientist and I’m pretty sure I’ve aged 20 years in the last 5, just keeping up with events.

      • Ribena

        I 90% agree with you – except that I think this may be the thing that helps the US move to a healthcare system in which your access to care is less reliant on your employment status.

        • anonymous

          I hope so. And I also hope this pushes companies to provide better sick leave and implement ways for employees to work from home if possible.

        • Anonymous

          That’s what I was thinking. Universal healthcare never seemed more urgent. Having competent and honest leadership never seemed more important. It seems like potus is more concerned about the markets than the health/lives of people. But what do I know? The Fox News crew will find a way to make this serve the president, I’m sure.

        • Anonymous

          There was an interesting article suggesting that changes to unemployment insurance can really help. Short term environmental crises that lead to hours being cut are not currently covered unless they are declared major disasters. Let’s lobby for change there so a local disaster or situation like this is covered.

        • anon

          Having healthcare tied to employment seems to be a disaster in the making. I am so very, very grateful for my very good employer-provided health insurance because I can’t even imagine how other families are making it work. (Spoiler: They’re not, and it’s a crisis in the making.)

  8. Foot Issues...

    Has anyone here dealt with Morton’s neuroma? I’ve developed it after having baby #2. It’s incredibly painful and I don’t want to have to get rid of all of my shoes! My doctor said cortisone shots in the foot could work – but any first hand feedback would be appreciated. Thanks.

    • Monday

      I had one in between two toes, but have never been pregnant. I did get a cortisone shot (maybe 2?) and it did ease the pain, which was unbearable at times. However, the shots weakened a ligament in the area, and I later tore it while teaching barre–jumping on the b@lls of my feet. That also was very painful, and I had a terrible bruise for months.

      The tear never heals in the sense of reconnecting, but I manage it now by taping down my toe when I exercise. I will never be able to run long distances because the pain usually comes after 30 minutes or so.

      I still don’t regret the cortisone shot, though I am not aware of any other options I would have had. If I wasn’t teaching barre at around that time, I may not have torn the ligament and be in this position now. However, running likely would have done it too. I guess if you get it I’d suggest low impact exercise for quite a while afterward.

    • Flats Only

      I have this. Cortisone shots work, and relieve the pain for a while, but the duration of the pain relief diminishes with each subsequent shot. My first one worked for more than a year, next one 8 months, next one 4 months. Doc says this is often the case. I also had a series of laser treatments which didn’t heal it entirely, but did improve it to the point where the pain is predictable.

      Oddly, I found that the worst pain came from wearing lace up shoes that covered the whole foot – narrow work flats, and even some heels, were fine, but when I put on sneakers on the weekend it would flare up. I learned to go up a size and buy wide sneakers. I got a pair of Allbirds a few months ago, and they are are the first “sneaker” I’ve had in years that I can wear comfortably.

      Add Metatarsal Pads to your existing shoes – the little insole pad sits between the arch and the ball of your foot and props up the bones of the foot, which keeps them from squeezing the tumor and setting off the nerve pain. I like the pedag brand ones from Amazon – they are made in Germany and are a) thin enough for dress shoes, and b) quite durable. The ones that are 3/4 length are sold by size, which is nice because it automatically positions the pad in the correct spot under your foot.

      Best of luck – it’s not fun, but can be managed to the point where it’s not a day to day issue.

      • Pep

        Cortisone shots, prescription insoles, and choosing shoes that don’t put you up on the ball of your foot or constrict your toes are the keys.

        A hack you can do, in a pinch (pun intended): tape your third and fourth toes snugly together with a band-aid or medical tape.

      • anon.

        Thanks – Which of the pedag pads do you have? The one that says “T-Form”?

        • Flats Only

          No. Get the 3/4 Metatarsal Arch Support Pad. The T-Form ones are harder to place correctly if you’re new to using them.

    • anon a mouse

      I have had one in each foot, a few years apart. In each case, a single cortisone shot worked magic and I haven’t had any problems since (the last shot was maybe 12 years ago?).

      Be warned that the shot in your foot hurts like a }%]%]*}#* and will render your foot numb for several hours, so don’t have anything scheduled afterwards that you need to be mobile for. I had no pain after the numbness wore off, though.

      • anon a mouse

        Flats Only’s reply reminded me of one other thing that’s helped: I had orthotics made for me with extra metatarsal support. I think they helped keep any recurrence at bay as well.

    • Anon

      Cortisone shots have absolutely worked for me. It sucks getting them but it’s over quickly.

    • Housecounsel

      I have one in my right foot. It was as painful as labor once when I when I wore flat boots all day. The first cortisone shot I got worked really well, but the next couple, years later, didn’t help much. I was contemplating surgery when I got my work-from-home job. Because I can usually be in comfortable shoes now, I don’t have much pain.

    • Anon

      Agreed with the above responders – cortisone shots work. I found that heels and lace up shoes are the WORST. I try to be extremely conscious of when flare ups occur (for me, usually during the summer when I spend most of my free time playing sports in cleats) and I compensate by wearing the most comfortable shoes possible outside of that. For me, that’s birkenstocks, which have just the right amount of support. I’m lucky enough that birks are acceptable in my workplace, which I know isn’t the case for all. Outside of that, I’ve had good luck with widened boat shoes and my nice-ish looking leather chacos.

    • Anon

      You don’t have to get rid of all your shoes but getting rid of heels and anything that pushes your toes together is a no-brained. They are literally causing you pain. It makes no sense not to get rid of them.

    • Anon with Morton’s N in the household

      My wife has it. She says she hasn’t had any issues since she got a shot roughly a year ago.

  9. Anon

    I’ve got a hearing this morning to get my temporary restraining order against my (soon to be ex) husband made permanent. Send good vibes/prayers/thoughts that it will go through and the judge will order him to hand over his guns!

    • So Anon

      Sending all the good vibes your way!! Good luck. Stay strong. May the justice system operate to protect you!!

    • Anon

      OP here, thanks for the support! He’s officially restrained until 2040 and deemed a credible threat so he has to turn in all his guns and ammo within 72 hours!

      • Anonymous

        Wow! Sounds like the court is taking it very seriously! I’ve not seen a TRO longer than 3 years (only been involved in a couple though haha). Good luck to you and may you sleep easy and live in safety and peace.

      • Anonymous

        also be extra careful now, this next couple days is when he will be very dangerous due to being slapped into reality by the courts. Maybe go to a hotel for a couple nights.

        • Anon

          Thanks, that’s good advice. Fortunately he’s in jail for at least a few more months, which gives me time to reset everything in my life and make it harder for him to track me down.

          • Anonforyou

            How does he turn in his guns/ammo if he’s in jail?

            Best of luck to you!

          • Anon

            Probably whoever is holding them for him when he’s in jail has to turn them in in his name- usually it’s family or friends, who are under the same obligation as he would be if he is out.

            Also, I am happy for you- that must be, to some extent, a relief, and I’m glad your local judge saw the danger your ex poses to you and did everything a civil court can do to restrain him. That does not happen nearly enough.

          • Anon

            OP here. He has to turn them in within 72 hours of his release, and the courts are aware that his weapons aren’t registered.

        • Anon

          Absolutely. I’m so glad this is happening for you, but please continue doing everything you can to stay safe. And update us in a few days ok? This internet stranger will be thinking of you.

  10. Anonymous

    How do you navigate developing relationships/having personal interactions at work with people that you don’t like/don’t want to be personal with, and they do, without appearing rude or standoffish. Especially when they are in a senior role to you. Thanks!

    • Anon

      Following.
      Have been guilty of being too friendly / warm initially and then confusing people by pulling back.

    • Anon

      I think you need to accept that this is part of having a job. You aren’t going to like everyone you work with but that doesn’t mean you can’t be polite and civil.

      • anonshmanon

        I feel like this is where you use a strong small talk skill. I can muse about the weather where I live vs. where I used to live, nature, garden, cool restaurants, any plans for the weekend?, how was your weekend?, for ages.
        Also, number 1 tip is to ask people about themselves. What neighborhood do they live in? Do they enjoy it? Have they been to X local museum? How long have they been at the company/department? Updates on pets, kids, garden. There is a ton of small talk topics that can be phrased as questions, without crossing boundaries. Obviously don’t ask all at the same time.

    • Anon

      I try to avoid them as much as possible, keep any necessary interactions to a bare minimum, and pretend like I’m an actress and act like I can stand them.

    • CountC

      I fake it for pretty much everyone I don’t care for, senior or not. Absent ethics or legal issues, I don’t see an advantage for me to not be pleasant to people in the office even if I can’t stand them. Surface level niceties, don’t really answer their questions and flip the questions back so they can talk about themselves, always have a call/meeting coming up on the next hour/half hour – those are my general strategies!

      • Anon

        Same. I very much believe that *I* get more of what I want when I’m nice to people. Not that I’m always faking it; it’s often genuine, but sometimes you just need to grit your teeth and pretend.

      • Senior Attorney

        This. Unless they are very terrible indeed, it’s no skin off my nose to just be pleasant to everybody.

    • Anon

      Do you mean that they’re trying to be friends with you outside of work, or that you can’t stand them and just need to be pleasant? Those two things have fairly different solutions.

    • Anonymous

      Be professional and friendly, but don’t engage when the conversation turns personal or accept invites to out of workplace events. I for one don’t accept any invites that require drinking off-site and that don’t involve a work team,

  11. anon

    Serious question: If you had a close family member who was currently struggling with major marital issues/kids’ health concerns and was saying things like, “I wish I could just disappear.” “I just want to run away.” “I’m such a failure and everyone hates me.” “I wish I didn’t have to eat.” (in regards to being bummed about recent weight gain). “If I don’t get it together, someone will need to commit me to {name of local psych ward}.” “My self-esteem hasn’t been this low since I was with {insert name of college ex-boyfriend}.”

    What would you do with this information? I have never seen this person so low, and I have told her that her comments are making me worry about her health and safety. There are several of us checking in with her daily, but we’re in over our heads here. We all have encouraged her to seek counseling, which she has repeatedly said she doesn’t have time to do, and she’s kind of right. I have offered to let her stay with us, babysit the kids, etc., and her response is that she doesn’t want to be a burden.

    I feel very ill-equipped to offer this level of emotional support, and this person is drowning.

    • Anonymous

      You sound like a great friend. When I’ve been in that place, what would have really helped is for someone to research a counselor/therapist that had lunchtime appointments and make a specific suggestion on who to see and when. “seek counseling” is well intended but can be overwhelming to someone who already seems overwhelmed by life.

      Simple, clear statements are best. ‘I’m worried about your health. If you won’t do it for yourself, please talk to your doctor for me.” “Your kids need you to be well.” etc.

      • Anon

        YES, this.

        It helped me when I was able to, with my husband’s support, mention it to a nurse at my doctor’s office. She gave me the name of a great specialist and it helped so much.

    • Anon

      I’m not an expert, but this statements sound pretty normal to me for someone going through such huge personal crises. Is your concern self-harm or her harming the kids? I don’t think statements about how she has low self esteem or wish she could run away are really a concern on that front. The statements you’ve listed are very far from “I want to kill myself” and even further from “I plan to kill myself by doing X.”

      • anon

        I’m not worried about her harming the kids. She does not have a history of self-harm, but it still seems very troubling to those who know her.

    • Anonymous

      Not a doctor, but she should make an appointment to see her PCP and ask for a depression screeening. Depression lies. Medication isn’t a substitute for counseling, but it can really help get her to a better baseline so she can do the work in counseling. Sometimes short-term courses of medication to help with some situtational depression can really make a difference.

    • anon

      Spouse of someone with depression issues here. I think your relative is signaling major depression and needs help ASAP. Treat it like an emergency.

      Depressed people often feel like everyone is worse for having them around and their existence is a massive burden, which is why she is not accepting your help. Even if she wants your help, planning to receive help is probably overwhelming to her (e.g. figuring out kids schedules).

      I am very bossy when my husband is depressed. In your shoes I would say, “You are dealing with too much for one person to handle. You and/or the kids are staying with me this weekend/week/whatever.” I would help the kids pack for their fun “trip” to my house. If she doesn’t have a therapist, I would find one, make an appointment, and literally take her. I would pay the therapist.

      Adjust as necessary for what you are able to do.

      • Anon

        I’m a psychologist and also feel highly concerned. I think you and other friends are already doing a great job in supporting her, but she may need concrete help in finding a therapist and scheduling the appointment. You can be directive in a way that is also supportive and affirms her agency. When individuals have kids or other responsibilities, I often use the analogy of putting on your own oxygen mask first. I would recommend that she schedule an appointment with her PCP to rule out other causes of depression (e.g., thyroid, etc) and that you help by looking up psychologists or therapists that take her insurance (on psychology today, you can search by insurance, gender, etc; they often indicate if they have evening or weekend hours), checking out of network mental health coverage.

        It sounds like you are concerned that she is having suicidal thoughts. I think you should talk to her about this directly. Talking about these thoughts will not make her more likely to act on them, and could save her life. It’s an incredibly difficult conversation to have, and talking to someone from the National Suicide Prevention Hotline beforehand might help you develop a script for talking to her. They also have a number of resources on their website that would be helpful.

    • Anon

      does this person live close by? you say she is kind of right that she doesn’t have time for counseling – and i get it, it can be sooooo hard to find the time. could you or another family member offer to help her find a counselor and babysit while she is at the appointment? you say her response to your offer to let her stay with you is that she does not want to be a burden, which is probably what i would say too. however, if someone said to me more directly “pack your things, you are staying with us tonight,” i would probably gratefully comply.

      • anon

        I would gladly babysit while she’s at the appointment. It’s more a very inflexible work schedule that’s causing the issue. She’s also taking off for multiple kid appointments every week. (Which her spouse should be helping with, but I digress.) She’s not salaried and finances are already tight — hence why she’s hesitant to take more time off. I’ve encouraged her to look into online options but don’t know if she’s done that.

        • ANon

          some therapists have evening or weekend appointments. i used to see one on saturdays.

          • pugsnbourbon

            +1. I see my therapist at 6 pm.
            Look for LCSWs. In my city they’re filling a much-needed gap in mental health services.
            Echoing Anon at 10:49, I’ve put together lists of providers for my spouse and made the appointments. It might be overstepping in some situations, but it sounds like you’re very close to this person.

        • anonshmanon

          My insurance has counselers on a telehealth platform. Maybe that’s a more flexible option?

    • anne-on

      So there’s a lot of advice on the mom’s page about how the best thing you can do for a new mom is to offer a concrete thing at a set time. I think that would apply here. So instead of offering to babysit, can you say ‘I’m taking my kids (or myself) to a movie on Friday, I’d like to bring your kids, let me know if I can pick them up at x time, and bring them out for a treat/pizza/whatever afterwards’. Or ‘I’d like to bring you dinner one night a week – which night is good and what foods does your family like’, or ‘I’m free on Thursday night – can I come over and watch the kids so you can get out, or would you rather I bring a bottle of wine and watch some TV together?’. If all she has to say is ‘yes’ and give you a time it’s easier on her.

      • Anon

        +1. Not the same situation, but back in the day, my grandma needed help getting groceries and didn’t want to be a burden to me, but phrasing it as “hey, I’m going to the store anyway, want me to grab some ____ for you?” made it so much more acceptable to her than me saying “I’m happy to go to the store for you.” Sounds like your friend might have the same concerns.

    • Anom

      I wouldn’t want to spend that much on wood veneer. I’m a room and board fan myself, but that’s a different aesthetic.

      • Anon

        Fair, I’m having a very hard time finding anything that doesn’t have veneers. Any recs on quality furniture manufacturers for traditional styles would be great!

    • Anonymous

      I try second hand for wood products like this. Check NextDoor, etc. Someone is always moving. That said, I do have a PB side table that looks pretty much like this, and it has held up well.

      • anonshmanon

        We got something similar on Craigslist for $50. It’s more intricate, but if I swapped the hardware to something sleeker, it would come close. And it’s real wood.

    • anon

      Look at KidKraft. The furniture is decent quality and some of the stuff falls into the PB aesthetic.

    • AnonInHouse

      With the caveat that I genuinely enjoy shopping for second hand furniture, which can be very time consuming, I’d recommend looking at used furniture stores. When furnishing my home office earlier this year, I also looked at this desk — and it’s lovely — but ultimately didn’t want to spend that much. I found a great solid wood desk for $100 at a second-hand store, which left me with money to decorate the rest of my office (easy chair (also second hand), rug, storage cabinet).

      • Anon

        I’m kind of ashamed to admit that I have become so accustomed to online shopping that I kind of forgot these types of stores exist. Thank you for the reality check – that will be my weekend activity!

        • Senior Attorney

          Also check out estate sales. They are a treasure trove of good-quality wood furniture.

      • Anonymous

        +1 to shopping at antiques, consignement, secondhand stores. There is so much “brown wood” furniture tout there hat is solidly made and full of character.

      • Rainbow Hair

        For whatever reason, where I lived in Chicago there was so much gorgeous vintage furniture to be had for such cheap prices. All that stuff has been so solid for us (and I love the style) (and the idea of reusing rather than getting something new).

  13. Weight fluctuations over the years - wardrobe help

    This is in reply to yesterday’s poster about slowing starting to put on weight and having to replace her wardrobe. For me, I am coming off a 70 lb weight loss over the course of a about a two year period and now more than a year into maintenance. (A size 20W at my biggest, now a regular 10 or 12). I am, hopefully, not at my lowest weight (would still like to lose another 20) but have been happy with maintaining through an extremely tumultuous year (job change, taking care of ill relatives, etc.) I say all this because during the weight loss and now maintenance phase, I have been very particular about what I replaced in my wardrobe. I have to wear suits or suit like separates 3-4 days a week for work and it can get very expensive to change sizes and replace a wardrobe. What has worked best for me is to buy things I like and that are multi-taskers (good black pants for example) in two sizes. I have a size that allows for a little fluctuation up and a little fluctuation down. I tend to buy blazers/suit jackets a little oversized to allow for the same fluctuation and also layering as needed for different seasons. So, I may have a suit jacket in a 12 and the pants in both a 10 and 12, or the coordinating pants in one size and a sheath dress or skirt in another size. YMMV, but this has really given me some versatility for minimal $ with my wardrobe. Another piece that seems to work remarkably well with weight fluctuations is a true wrap dress.

    • In-House in Houston

      Have you tried Poshmark? It’s great for what you just described. For instance, if you know that Ann Taylor size 14 fits you, then you could pretty easily go up or down a size for very little money. They have tons of suit separates, shoes, handbags. I recently lost 20 lbs. AT size 8 fit me then, now I’m in a 6 or a 4. It also helped to go into the store to try on the sizes, but I couldn’t replace my complete wardrobe so I’ve been buying pieces here and there for $15-20 each. What I love about Poshmark is that you can make an offer on every item, unlike eBay where only certain sellers accept offers. 9/10 times my offer is accepted. If you haven’t tried it, use my code (merrpg) and we’ll both get $5 off next purchase. Good luck!

  14. anon

    Anyone have an Android-compatible smartwatch they really love, with good battery life? I’m not looking for anything groundbreaking in terms of technology, would just like to see messages without picking up my phone. Not interested in Apple Watches as I don’t use an iPhone. Thanks!

    • Anony

      I have a $30ish Mi Band from Am@zon that’s awesome. Long battery life and will show me notifications for whatever apps I chose to let it – I have text, calls, and my Ring Doorbell set up. Also does heart rate, steps, sleep, etc. The smartphone app is easy to use also. I’ve been really happy with it – I had the 2nd gen one which fell into a porto potty and then upgraded to the Mi Band 3. I don’t think you can ask for a better $30 smart watch.

      • anony

        Thanks so much for this rec.

        I have never considered buying a smart watch before, but this is so cheap and reasonable that I just bought one!

    • AFT

      Galaxy watch. Battery lasts ~3 days. I use a Google Pixel (Android user FOR LIFE) and it interfaces seamlessly.

  15. Anonymous

    Any thoughts on a nice babymoon in late April? We were planning to go to Italy, but that’s not going to work now. I’ll be about 6 months pregnant, and I desperately need a break from BigLaw. We’re leaving from Boston, but I’m having a super hard time thinking of a place that is Zika free and will still be low risk on coronavirus six weeks from now.

    • Anon

      It’s impossible to say what will be low risk for coronavirus in 6 weeks because it’s changing all the time. I would consider the Caribbean though – I think the Bahamas and Caymans are Zika free, and coronavirus hasn’t spread as rapidly in tropical places.

    • Leatty

      Check with your OB, but mine recommended against the Caribbean. She said that Zika is still a concern there, and that cases simply aren’t being reported because of the impact it had on tourism.

      We’re currently planning a “babymoon” to Hawaii at the end of May, but are holding off on buying plane tickets until things settle down a bit.

      • Anonymous

        If it’s helpful, I think United is waiving change fees for tickets bought in the next two weeks.

        • Anon

          I’m so irritated by this policy! Why should change fees not also be waived for tickets bought in February? If anything, people buying tickets today are doing so with greater awareness of the risk. I bought my tickets before my employer ordered me not to go to my intended destination.

    • Anonymous

      Does it have to be super warm? Could you go to Newport or Nantucket or somewhere local but restful that doesn’t involve airfare and would be much lower stakes to cancel?

      • Anonymous

        OP here. April is so early for Newport and Nantucket, I worry there won’t be much to do. Open to something closer, but I can’t ski or do most winter sports, it’s too early for beaches, and I’m worried strenuous hiking is going to be off the table, so I’m coming up empty.

        • Anonymous

          I posted the suggestions and live in the Boston area myself. I love Nantucket in the early/late shoulder season- I got engaged there in October and did a babymoon myself there in April :). Depends what you are looking for in a vacation, though. Hotels are open. We stayed at a B&B and did a lot of walking/exploring. if you are super pregnant that might be less appealing but if you are only 5 months or so you could have a great time.

      • Anonymous

        Idea: Holland, Michigan’s tulip festival is the first week of May and should be beautiful

    • Anon

      I would do an outdoorsy trip like a less-crowded national park where you can spend most of the time outdoors. Acadia would be nice.

      • Anonymous

        OP Here. This might be a dumb question, but what can I actually do in Acadia at 6 months pregnant? It’s still going to be pretty chilly in April and it’s not really going to look like spring yet. Strenuous hiking seems out at that point.

        • Anon

          I second Acadia. There are lots of scenic drives and easy hikes. There are only a few hikes in the park that I would consider even moderately strenuous.

          • PolyD

            Plus Bar Harbor is touristy, but cute, and has delicious ice cream. You could also do a whale watching trip. I third that Acadia has lots of scenic drives and easy hikes = seems like you can drive to most of the most scenic spots, have a look, then continue on your way. And there are adequate bathrooms.

            I also really liked Portland ME and want to go back to do the mail boat tour that takes you around to a bunch of the little islands in the bay Portland is situated on (Casco? Can’t remember the name)

        • Anon

          Plenty of women do strenuous hikes at 6 months pregnant, but you know your own level of fitness better than we do.

          • Anon

            Honestly your level of fitness may not matter. When you’re pregnant ligaments loosen and it can cause all sorts of painful conditions. I’m a pretty avid hiker but I was limping from casually walking around a city at 6 months pregnant. I wouldn’t go to Acadia if you’re not gung ho about it.

        • NYCer

          Depends on your level of fitness/comfort, but I went hiking in Cinque Terre when I was about 6 months pregnant, and it was totally fine.

          I would be more concerned about it being freezing in Acadia in April tbh….

          • Anon

            That area has warmed due to climate change much faster than the rest of the US. I have family there so I’ve been going for 30+ years and April used to be pretty nasty, but it’s much more mild now. August is brutally hot, which never used to be the case. The last two times I went in August we had a string of 85+ degree days, which was miserable for being outside. Honestly I think at this point April weather is better than August.

      • Anonymous

        I loved Acadia last summer. I saw people in all sorts of shape, its more of a walk than a hike. Also, MDI, which is the island Acadia is on, is worth exploring so even if you can’t do a single hike I think Bar Harbor/Maine would be a blast. If you can eat lobster, its to die for.

      • Anonny

        +1. I went to Bermuda at 22 weeks pregnant and the Fairmont was wonderful! Plus you can get a prenatal massage in a cave at Grotto Bay.

    • AMB

      It might be a bit of a drive but the Fairmont montebello outside of Montreal is lovely and has a really nice big indoor pool. Or Montreal or Quebec city.

    • Mexico City!

      Mexico City! No mosquitos bc elevation is too high for them.

      Super safe, perfect temperature, amazing food and culture. Stay in the La Condesa neighborhood – amazing good time.

      • Anonymous

        Do you really want to do much on this trip? I would go somewhere close, maybe an off season location like the Hamptons, Nantucket or Newport and chill for a few days.

    • Anon 4 this

      So my Biglaw firm has asked everyone to forgo all non-essential personal and work travel both international and domestic. And this is common at other firms where law school classmates work. If your firm hasn’t issued guidance like this yet I think its possible it may do so in the next week or so.

    • Anon

      I had a baby moon in Iceland in early May and it was fantastic! Tons of beautiful but easy hiking, capital city is fun, and just driving around and enjoying the views is gorgeous.

  16. Anonymouse

    I have another “what would you do” coronavirus travel question …

    From the Seattle area, have a trip booked to Hawaii next week. I am 13 weeks pregnant and the Dr seemed ambivalent on flying and going to an airport, but her alternative was staying home and isolated was the safest. If we cancel the trip, likely won’t get much if anything back and will be out $$$. We can afford that loss, but probably won’t be able to take any other vacation prior to baby since both jobs are crazy between now and September.

    I both 1) don’t want to expose myself to more risk and 2) if I am currently infected (I have no symptoms… but know people can be asymptomatic and infected), don’t want to expose others to my germs… but I’m probably overthinking it. Would you delay, or any Seattle folks exercising extra caution to contain the spread?

    • Anon

      I would go. I don’t think you’re likely to catch it, and you almost certainly don’t have it and won’t make anyone sick. Pre-baby trips are so special.

    • Anonymous

      I would go but be very vigilant around hand washing and avoid crowds. Would probably use it as an excuse to order room service a little more than usual.

    • Anon

      when i was pregnant a few years ago the flu was really bad, which i realize is different than coronavirus, but i had to fly a bunch. i became slightly crazy with hand sanitizer, wore masks when i flew (yes i looked nuts, but when people saw my belly they told me i was smart….i know people are saying that masks don’t really work, but my doc said they could help) and chose a window seat.

      i am a bit perplexed by your doc’s alternative – is the doc suggesting you stay home, don’t leave your house to go anywhere, including work?

    • SuziStockbroker

      Ugh.
      We (5 of us) are scheduled to fly to FLA, go to Universal for 2 days and then drive to the beach for a week. When I booked it ages ago, I was so excited to go. Now I am super NOT excited about flying, and crowds.
      Nothing back if we cancel at this point and very pricey.

    • Anon

      I actually would not go. I would call the airline and tell them your doctor said no. With a doctors note they will typically allow cancellation and waive change fees. It sounds like your doc would be balky to write such a note.

        • Anonymous

          I would like to live in this magical world where doctor’s notes get your airline changes for free!

        • Anon

          I would like to live in this magical world where doctor’s notes get your airline changes for free!

          • Anon

            I wrote the comment. United waived my fee when I gave them a note from my doctor about having an ear infection.

      • Anon

        Coming from Seattle, there’s a p > 0.0 chance OP is booked on Alaska Airlines and they’re waiving change fees right now.

      • Anonymous

        Unless you stay home in isolation you are at risk. The magnitude of the risk is variable. Unless you are going to isolate yourself until this gets better why not go to Hawaii? Maybe I’m missing something but are you not more likely to get Coronavirus in the Seattle area than in Hawaii?

      • Anon

        Depends on the airline — I got a terrible stomach flu a few years ago and JetBlue credited me for my flights. My aunt recently had a similar experience when she had to have emergency surgery.

    • Anonymous

      I’m generally very risk averse and I’d still go in your shoes, practicing good hand washing (which I’d do anyway, and especially when flying pregnant during flu season).

  17. Depressed about "family"

    I’ve thought about posting about these issues on and off for months. I will try to keep it short, and I realize this is not the avenue for therapy and I should probably try to talk someone to cope with this, but in the interim I just need some outside perspective.

    I have a sister who I would best describe as borderline. Grandiose, very into partying, reckless behaviour, but also very insecure ( I dont say these things to be insulting). She lives far away. My mother has been berating me to visit her. The reason I Don’t is I can’t handle being around my sister for long periods of time. She has put me in sketchy situations in the past that I dont feel like getting into – but basically, people involved in drugs, etc. My mother knows my sister is a problem, but just wants to sweep it under the rug to portray a perfect family image. My mother also has issues of her own (narcissistic tendencies) and has been cruel to us in the past. I calmly (I can honestly attest to the fact I was calm haha. believe me I know I sometimes am not calm) afters years of dodging the topic told my mother that the situations can be ‘stressful’ for me and that I need to maintain a certain level of distance to manage my stress levels. This was after many cmoments about how I dont want to have a relationship with anyone and I’m very judgmental, I’m a bad sister, etc.. Normally I just let her say what she feels but I thought MAYBE if I expressed it calmly my mother would stop bringing up why don’t I visit. I mentioned that I have been put in compromised positions in the past.

    Now my mother berates my sister for this behavior, and blames her actions as to why I don’t visit my sister. Which obviously set my sister off on me. So now they are all fighting and I’m an awful person who should cut themself off from the family I suppose.

    I have tried many techniques and i can’t win. Avoidance, silence, dodgnig, bringing up my feelings, none of them work because both my sister and mother are far too self-involved. Father is an enabler. I feel like my only option is to further distance myself….I feel so alone in dealing with this and like a total failure for having such a messed up family. HUSBAND is always kind and supportive.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah you need therapy. I don’t mean that dismissively but you are still in fixing it mode not boundary drawing mode. The boundary was not discussing sister with mom at all.

      • Anonymous

        This. “I don’t want to talk about visiting sister. Let’s talk about xyz.” Then start rambling about xyz. If she brings it up again, “Like I said, I don’t want to talk about visiting sister. If you bring it up again, I’ll have to end the call. Anyway, about xyz….” If she starts to interrupt you, just keep talking about the pivot subject. If she brings up sister again, you say “Ok mom, as I said if you brought this up again, I would need to hang up so I’m going to go now. Good-bye.” Then you hang up immediately without waiting for her response.

        Make notes of what you want to say to her in calls and non-sister related things to talk about so you have something to reference when she stresses you out.

        It will take a few calls to train her. It will 100% not work on the first or fourth call but she will learn that you are clear and consistent about this boundary so she can chose to talk to you about other things, or chose not to talk to you at all.

        Repeat ad naseum. Your mom is who she is. There is no magic way of explaining things that will make her ‘get it’. You need to let go of the idea that she will EVER understand your perspective and just draw a hard boundary.

        • Depressed about "family"

          Thank for the tip- even including a list of topics to discuss is SUPER helpful because in the moment, sometimes your brain fades and you just fall into the trap. I appreciate it!

          • Anonymous

            I usually list 3-5 work, hobby or kid related anecdotes I want to share/discuss.

            Weather is always a good topic. “did you hear about that tornado in Tennessee, so sad.” etc.

            This avoids someone saying ‘well you don’t want to talk to me anymore” – “no, mom, I just don’t want to talk about sister, but I was really looking forward to telling you about this funny thing that happened at work yesterday.” — position yourself as offended that she only wants to talk about your sister and isn’t interested in your life.

          • JuniorMinion

            I would add to this (as someone who has been through this) if your mom is like mine and will persist in poking at you in increasingly demeaning ways start working out a script of “mom, I won’t talk about sister, as I said” and if she continues to do it “mom, I’ve said I won’t talk about sister. If you continue to bring it up I will hang up the phone.” I really struggled through the actual hanging up. Sometimes my husband had to take the phone and physically hang it up for me.

    • Anonymous

      Yes. You do need to get into counseling about this. Very soon.

      a. Your family’s issues do not in any way signal that you have failed.
      b. You mention “can’t win” and “feel like a failure.” I’d suggest you take yourself out of the win/lose paradigm altogether. Of course you can’t “win,” if “win” means . . . do something to ensure that you have peaceful, wise, kind family members who are reasonable and get along with each other.
      c. You CAN “win” if win means, “learn how to be peaceful, wise, and kind even if my family members aren’t.” Hence, the need for counseling.

      • Depressed about "family"

        Ah yes these are both solid points and I agree. I do usually avoid talking about my issues with sister but I guess I cracked after being told I’m awful and I should just cut myself off from everyone if I won’t visit her *sigh…it’s hard to maintain boundaries 100% of the time, so I guess I caved a bit there. I have been very focused on boundary setting in the last few years and while it doesn’t lead to “everyone is happy happy”! it has reduced my stress loads immensely. The failure comment stems from a lot of people judging others based on their family. I got it from my husband’s family- “what is her family like? it’s important she has a good FAMILY.” when I really have no control over how my sister and/or more act. My family’s faults are not my ‘fault’.

        • JuniorMinion

          This is a tactic. My mother used to do it. She’d be sneaky about it too where we’d be all happily chatting and then bring something up and proceed to browbeat me in multiple different ways until I got to the point where I’d be all “how did I get here laying on the floor in tears with a giant glass of wine?” People who behave in this way are nice and build you up until they dismantle you and then they repeat the cycle. Your only way out is to remove yourself via boundaries.

          You aren’t a failure. Your husbands family needs to sit down and shut up about dynamics which they don’t understand and he should reinforce that. If anything I would find it more impressive that you are a person of good character who came from a difficult family background. They should be reminded also that “there before the grace of God go I” and they should count themselves among the blessed (or whatever non-religious word you want to use here) that they are not and have not experienced the family dynamics you are.

    • Anonymous

      What is the end result here? That you have a peaceful conversation with your parents that doesn’t involve your mom berating you about being a bad sister?

      My sister is bipolar. She’s also a recovering alcoholic. Prior to rehab, she was very similar to your sister. I have kids. My kids only see their aunt when she comes to visit us (which she does on major holidays). My sister stays at a hotel or with friends–she isn’t allowed to stay with us.* She has lived across the country for 8 years and I’ve never been to see her, though my mom has.

      If you want a relationship with your sister, how about scheduling a “girls weekend” with your mom and sister somewhere neutral? If you don’t want anything to do with her, that’s your choice, too. I’m not sure what you’d like to see happening here. i’m not sure how old you are, but if your mom is with the two of you there will probably be less reckless behavior–and if there is, she’ll see it.

      *A few years ago she got blackout drunk at Christmas and got extremely violent with my dad and brother and husband, who were trying to keep her safe from herself. She was also so drunk she “lovingly” picked up my then 18 month old kid and shook her–way, way too hard. So a condition of her seeing her nieces and nephews is that she comes sober, stays sober, and sleeps elsewhere because we have alcohol in the house. She and my mom are always annoyed by this, but it is a dealbreaker.

    • Elegant Giraffe

      I too have a “messed up family.” (I actually think lots more people than we realize do!) All I can say is that I have dealt with similar personalities in my family and it’s really, really, really tough. I ended up going “no contact” with my mother and while it makes me tremendously sad, it also makes me a much calmer and more peaceful person. You can’t use the regular techniques (calmly stating your feelings, changing the subject, etc.) because they aren’t regular people. (I know that sounds harsh.) My husband is also very kind and supportive, but he will never really understand. Sometimes I get very jealous of his family and his relationship with his family. So…I understand where you are and I know how difficult it is.

      • Depressed about "family"

        SO ON POINT. I feel exactly how you do. *hugs* There are no real ‘solutions’, only management techniques.
        Also love your handle.

      • Anon

        ” You can’t use the regular techniques (calmly stating your feelings, changing the subject, etc.) because they aren’t regular people.”

        This is so true and I wish someone had told me this 25 years ago.

    • anony

      Are you in therapy? You are side stepping this… You deserve it. It will help. Truly.

      It can be better.

    • Vicky Austin

      Therapy for sure. The fact that your mother is somewhat of a narcissist is a really, really big deal when it comes to your family relations and your own emotional existence in the world, probably bigger than you know about. A close friend of mine has a narcissistic mother, and my friend’s worldview has completely changed in the 10 years I’ve known her as she’s come to realize how her mother influenced her. Through LOTS of therapy.

      Elegant Giraffe is right – regular boundary techniques do not work well with narcissistic personalities, and you may have to make peace with the idea of limited/no contact with your sister or mother. I’m really sorry that you’re dealing with this, and by taking this first step of asking for advice, you are displaying immense strength (that, for example, your father has not shown). Big hugs, OP.

    • Anonymous

      You might consider scripts on how to handle these calls. I went with a weekly call on calendar so I would not get ambushed and so I have a time limit. I was also really clear about not being able to visit home often given work commitments and limited vacation. I then picked a neutral location for family events like hosting dinner at a restaurant in my home town on the hopes of getting public rather than private behavior. I also either stayed at a hotel or a friend’s house so I could leave, and set up plans with friends and personal business appointments so I was otherwise busy on my trips home.

    • Anon

      I posted a few times about how awful my family is and got really good advice. Take the advice, and take the advice for therapy.

      From having been there, done that: distance is excruciatingly painful at first, right up until it becomes remarkably peaceful. There will come a time when you’ll have had enough distance that you can really see how dysfunctional and toxic the whole thing is, and just be so happy that it’s no longer a part of your life.

  18. Too late?

    The recent post on “When is the best time to have a baby” got me thinking of what to do in the next phase of my life. I turned 40 in January, single and child free. When I was younger I saw myself getting married and having kids. But at ~33 my boyfriend of 7 years and I broke up, it was very painful since he is the person I saw myself settling with. Subsequently I went through a really difficult period in my professional life, I had to move twice to two separate countries for job opportunities (I’m in academia). I’m now at the point where I’m hoping things will be more stable but as I look for jobs I am thinking whether it is too late to list finding a partner and living in an area that is conducive to family life as one of the considerations when evaluating job opportunities. I say this because at this age I wonder whether even thinking I would get married or somehow have a child (would consider adoption if I had a partner) is wishful thinking. When I turned 40 I did feel like all that was left is for me to focus on working and saving/investing for retirement because everything else has passed me by. For those of you who got married/partnered and maybe started families after 40 what are some conscious decisions you made that helped you get to that point? If you are 50 what would you tell your 40 year old self in regards to relationships, kids etc.

    • anon

      Are you open to having a child without a partner? You know this already, but at 40, time is not a luxury when it comes to fertility. If you truly want a family, I would start taking steps in that direction, whatever that looks like.

      It’s not too late to settle in a family friendly area, but that’s a lot easier to control than if/when you find the right partner to start a family with.

      • Too late?

        OP here: I am not open to having a child without a partner, for the simple reason that I would essentially be alone through it all. My parents and siblings live in another continent and unless I got a really good job there I will likely be living and working abroad for a long time. I have no family in the country I live in currently and if I was to move back to the US I have cousins but there’s no guarantee that I would have anyone to lean on or that I would even be living close to where they are. The years through grad school were hard enough emotionally, it would be great to have a kid but doing it on my own with no close family nearby would be too tough. Regarding finding a partner, that’s why I asked this question–to get some perspective on a partner and a kid is a dream I should just let go off.

    • Anonymous

      It’s not at all too late but also you can find a partner anywhere, do sperm donation anywhere, adopt anywhere.

    • Anon

      In nearly the same boat at 39 with 40 looming, and I’ve been having similar thoughts. Like you, I would never have a kid alone. In a way, this was freeing for me because it meant I could just focus on dating (or not dating, as the case may be… I have been lazy about it lately) for the sake of the guy and not with such an aggressive timeline.

      I wouldn’t let go of your dreams, but consider that they may show up slightly differently. Are you open to dating men with kids? You could form a family that way. Or date men without kids and you could always adopt (not to minimize how difficult adoption is; I know it is extremely annoying to hear “you can just adopt!” when it is not a simple process, but it IS an option). Or embrace not having kids and explore the new opportunities available to you if you don’t have them.

      Good luck!

    • anon

      I think you can still meet a great life partner and have a fulfilling relationship, separate from any potential children! Personally, I am very on the fence about kids (so FWIW not the same starting point as you), and I see a lot of my personal time focused around volunteering for political, social and environmental causes in the long run. Also, investing time into strong friendships, staying connected to family.

    • Anon

      I could have written the first part of your post – I also had a serious relationship end at 33 and floundered for a while after, professionally and personally. I met my husband at 38, got married and pregnant at 39, and had my first child at 40. I’m now pregnant with my second at 41. However, unlike you, if I hadn’t met my husband, I was prepared to be an SMBC. Having seen friends go through this, I’ve learned families can come in many forms. If you meet someone and decide you want to have a child together, you can try naturally, IVF, donor eggs, and/or embryo adoption. You can also foster to adopt or adopt. Also, as others have noted, your partner may already have children and you can be a loving influence in their lives as a stepmom, which is what one of my friends is doing now. For me personally, the priority was having a biological child, alone or partnered, so I was ready to take whatever steps necessary to achieve that. But you are in a different place – there is no need to let go of the dream of a partner and a family, especially if you’re open to non biological children.

  19. Cork flooring?

    Do any of you have cork flooring? How is it in terms of maintenance? Any unexpected frustration? Anything you’d recommend instead?

    We are considering it instead of laminate or hardwood for the main floor of our house, but I’m a little worried about scratches (we have a very big dog) and about sun damage (the living room is south facing with a picture window) and am looking for some real life experiences to help inform our decisionmaking.

    TIA!

    • Anonymous

      I vote real hardwood all the way. My dad is a developer and his company has probably built 500 homes, so I have way more experience with flooring than I could ever want.

    • Anon

      I don’t have it, but having seen it in houses I was looking to buy I wouldn’t get it. It was all stained or discolored in some way, though supposedly it can be refinished.

    • Anonymous

      We had cork flooring in the (small) kitchen area of our old house. It was lovely and easy on the feet! We lived in the house 6 years and the floor was installed about 1 year before we bought it. Apparently we were supposed to reseal the floor once a year? Which we leaned when we moved out and found the instructions. Obviously we never sealed it, so the floor would have benefited from proper treatment. We have 2 dogs, and never noticed scratches on the cork. There were definitely areas that showed some wear, but it still looked good when we sold the house. There are apparently higher end cork floors that are thick enough to sand if needed.
      All said, if I could do it over again I would have put LVP in my new house. Our builder insisted that at our price point we had to go with hardwoods – and they installed engineered hardwoods. Never again! It’s been 4 months and we already have scratches from the dogs. We had LVP in the basement of our old house and nothing scratched it – not the dogs, not the toddler, not a babysitter dragging furniture across the floor. We had a high end LVP from a flooring company and it looked great. If I didn’t have kids and dogs, I would go with real hardwoods.

  20. Anonymous

    If the person who posted yesterday about iMessages being combined with messages to an Android reads this, it seems like the only solution is to create two separate contacts. I had to do this for my hubby, who had an Android phone and an iPad, so I have his phone number in one contact (which is also my designated emergency contact) and created a separate one called “hubby iPad” with just the email address associated with his Apple ID. Then I deleted that email from the main contact card. It split the merged messages back into two threads and I can now text to whichever device I want again. It’s irritating to have to do it this way but it’s the only fix I’ve found.

  21. Rainbow Hair

    I’m curious about what your employers are doing for Coronavirus and whether you think it’s sensible. Everyone can work from home? Just a reminder not to come in if you’re sick? Elaborate plans? Cancelled meetings? Do you think it’s a good precedent or ridiculous overcautiousness?

    • Anon

      My employer is insisting that all of our travel is “critical” (it’s not even sort of critical) and won’t be cancelled and doing the absolute bare minimum (“wash your hands!”). We live in an area with active cases and it’s annoying.

    • Anon

      For now, nothing, except we’re not supposed to do any travel to the countries with CDC travel warnings. There are no confirmed cases in my state yet, though.

    • Anon

      We have to tell them if we’re traveling to any of the effected countries and are expected to WFH for 14 days after coming back. Seems reasonable to me.

      • Ribena

        Same for us until earlier this week – now all internal events of >100 people have been indefinitely postponed including our org-wide national conference in the next fortnight. I think the difference with work events vs personal travel (people in the U.K. are comparing the London book fair with cheltenham races) is that I can’t sue my employer if I go to a leisure event and get sick, but they do have a responsibility not to put me in harm’s way at work.

    • Anon

      We’re in Seattle, so my company is taking it pretty seriously. Anyone who is high risk, or who has a family member that is high risk, is encouraged to WFH as they think is appropriate and our org is working to figure out how that will best work for staff who may not naturally be able to WFH. Otherwise, hand washing, switching meetings to phone, and keeping a VERY close eye on the local news. I think they’re doing enough, and I am in a high-risk group.

    • Anon

      I work for an academic medical center and they’re requiring all employees who travel internationally to check in with occupational health upon return. If you travel to a level 2 or level 3 country, you’re required to complete a 14 day quarantine. This all seems totally reasonable. I’m curious to see what happens when cases inevitably start showing up.

    • Different Anon

      No cases in my area (yet; we expect them). My organization is now cancelling travel to any country with a Dept of State Level-4 travel warning for coronavirus (parts of Italy, South Korea), cancelling “noncritical” travel (directors make the call for their teams), and right now we are consolidating lists of conferences scheduled over the next two months to see if we may cancel them if we’re hosting or pull out if someone else is hosting.

      We have also been asked to test our IT systems/WFH capabilities. Many of the staff don’t WFH regularly but have the option, only it takes some software and passwords that some of us let expire from misuse so we’ve all been asked to log in to check. I think leadership is pretty much in fact-finding/planning mode, which right now and for our location, makes sense to me. Standing guidance to stay home if sick has also been reiterated, and we have pretty generous sick/medical leave policies that allow people to do just that. Mostly.

    • Seafinch

      Declarations of all travel and increasing the ability to work from home, despite a zero work from home policy, normally. Actually a huge shift!

    • Anonymous

      I work in biglaw, there are thousands and thousands and thousands of us across the country between lawyers and staff, where everyone has the capability of WFH but the powers that be are against it. Originally they sent out a memo that all international travelers, personal or business, must WFH for 2 weeks upon return. I thought this was a good plan. Too bad this was sent out while a big wig was on an international cruise. He returned from said cruise and was in the office promptly, ignoring the WFH mandate. We then were told, “if you feel sick, stay home!”, which is… already our policy?? So..? I think we are not doing enough considering my office is in every major city…

      • Rainbow Hair

        My situation is pretty similar to this… I want to push for an “any reason to suspect exposure, stay home and we will make an exception from our general no-WFH policy” but a lot of my team thinks that goes too far, and just want to remind people not to come to work sick.

    • CountC

      Travel to China, S. Korea, and Italy is restricted to business essential purposes. We are discouraged from traveling to any areas where there is a COVID-19 cluster. We are to minimize non-essential travel and limit exposure to airports and other public spaces unless essential. Our locations are being asked to implement preventative measures and employees who are able to are encouraged to work from home if they feel sick.

      I think minimizing travel domestically in the US isn’t necessary, but it’s really not an issue for me on a practical level. In fact, it saves me from two trips that were going to suck, so a-okay by me!!

  22. Anon

    I’m WFH due to coronavirus and use Mac at home. No possibility of getting a Windows laptop from work ATM (nonprofit, we don’t have very many laptops available to lend out). Part of my work is using a VA PIV card to log on to the VA system, and Citrix and Mac do not play nicely together. Does anyone have any tips? I’ve tried using Safari with the “user agent” set to Microsoft Edge, using Chrome, downloading Edge for Mac, cursing at the computer, cursing at the PIV card, reinstalling Citrix, etc.

  23. Anonymous

    What’s your rule of thumb for staying home from work if you have a fever? I’ve had a fever for the past week, and while it was high over the weekend its now below 100. I feel okay, but don’t want to be inconsiderate to others (also getting very behind at home). Sick time is not a concern for me.

    • Anonymous

      Stay home! Particularly with coronavirus, but as a general matter as well!

    • Anon

      Are you serious right now? Sick time isn’t a concern for you and you’re even thinking about coming into the office with a fever…? Obviously you never do that.

      • Anon

        Yes, this, although with stronger language. HAVE YOU NOT READ THE NEWS? STAY HOME.

    • Anon

      I will disagree…body temperature varies widely and <100 degrees is not medically considered a fever (the cutoff is 100.4). I would go to work. If you had an actual fever OR you felt sick, I would stay home. But it’s entirely possible your body’s baseline temperature is significantly higher than 98.6, so if you wait to see that number on a thermometer, you might never return to work.

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