Coffee Break: Forever Dior Lipstick

110 Comments

1. I’m going to be in NYC staying near Wall Street this weekend and I need a gel manicure. Anyone have a place they like nearby or relatively close?

   1. Ten over ten

      1. Thank you so much!

2. Please send tips for a girls’ weekend in Sedona in May. We will be staying at a vacation rental but haven’t selected one yet.

   1. Don’t do the Pink Jeeps! They’re more gimmicky than the rest.

      As long as your group doesn’t have any major back/physical issues: go with Arizona Safari Jeep Tours.

      An absolutely incredible experience, so fun, will have you all dying of laughter, plus amazing sights (without having to hike 10s of miles). I took my 68 yo dad and my 60 yo mother and they held up great, it’s really not violent.

   2. My sisters and I had a good time at Slide Rock State Park. The jeep tours are fun.

   3. If you want to do an beautiful hike, do the West Fork of Oak Creek trail. The full trail is like 6 miles, but it is mostly flat and you can do as much or as little as you like. Also the Airport sunset vista, is a great place to see the sunset and 180 degree views. There are a lot of great spas there if you want to do that but book early. I was just there a few weeks ago and ate at Dahl & Di Luca and was disappointed, so I would say that is not a must-do.

   4. Our family enjoyed a short hike with yoga.

3. Can someone please explain to me why my 17-year-old could easily get the Pill or an HIV test without my even knowing about it, but no health care provider will see her without a parent present (even with written consent) for any other reason? Surely a person who is old enough to have a high school diploma, be enrolled in college, hold a job, pay taxes, and drive a car should be allowed to get a strep test or a flu shot with parental permission.

   1. Blame the Moms for Liberty parents-rights types. Thank goodness there are (for now) carve-outs for reproductive health.
      In Alabama, a person can’t even check out books other than what’s in the children’s section of the public library without parental say-so until they’re 19.

      1. But parental permission isn’t even sufficient for these health care providers–they want a parent in the room, which is not possible when the student is in college thousands of miles from home. Student health services is the only provider that will accept written consent from a parent, but sometimes they need to go off campus.

      2. Exactly. The medical providers don’t want to be sued by a Moms for Liberty lady who falsely accuses them of something nutty because they were not in the room.

         I definitely understand OP’s frustration though.

         1. I can assure you that crazy parents about health stuff exist on all sides of the political spectrum, as someone who has an immunocompromised kid in a deep blue area with lots of crunchy types.

            1. Absolutely. There is just a particular brand of people who will accuse a nurse of trying to force their child to transition genders without the parent’s knowledge when the topic was never discussed.

            2. I mean, sure. But it’s pretty myopic/inauthentic to present this as an issue that only affects parents in the party you don’t like. Litigation threats exist on all sides around this issue.

            3. I don’t like either party and I don’t belong to either party, so it’s easy for me to point out the particular brands of crazy that each one offers up without this incessant need to “both sides” everything.

            4. But that’s the point. This isn’t a partisan issue. There was no need for you to one side the issue and then force yourself to both sides it. The more natural thing would be to just not view this through a political lens at all, because it isn’t a political issue.

      3. This is not a “parents rights” issue. This is the health system doing CYA due to a threat of litigation. It’s the same reason they won’t just communicate with me via email, even if I offer to sign whatever waivers they might need. You’d think patients should be able to choose what protections they want to enforce vs waive, but that’s not the way the system is structured.

         1. Someone should sue them for refusing to see patients who need to be seen.

      4. Good lord, at 19 I was a junior in college who saw my parents twice a year for a few days at a time. I don’t know how healthcare would have been back then. I generally used the student clinic, with maybe one trip to the ER on campus, where I was treated without hesitation other than the fact that I pretty much just had a bad cut on my finger and was not actually at serious risk of TB like my roommate convinced me I was.

         1. Isn’t 19 over the age where parental consent is the issue?

            1. Okay. At 18 I was a sophomore in college who saw my parents twice a year for a few days at a time.

            2. many of us started college at 17

   2. I would try student health services, if she’s in college. They should be used to having 17 year olds around and know how to deal with it.

      1. +1

   3. NY Times had a fascinating article on the weekend about a 13 yr old who can’t consent to her own stuff including an epidural in labor but can consent to everything re her daughter because she’s the mother. It was wild and dystopian.

      1. I’m not sure it’s dystopian intrinsically (parents cited saying things like they won’t consent to the epidural bc they want their kid to suffer “consequences” are evil though), so much as it is hard cases make bad law. What generalizable legal system would you put in place to handle it better, that wouldn’t have worse unintended side effects on /other/ situations?

         1. You don’t think a 13 year old giving birth without pain management is dystopian? I hope you step on a nail tonight

            1. +1

            2. Man, I do not think that that is a good faith reading of the comment you’re replying to.

            3. Oh no, I agree that a 13 year old (or anyone else, unless it’s their freely chosen preference) giving birth without pain medication is terrible. And that yes, it seems irrational to let a 13 year old make decisions about her child’s medical care that she can’t make about her own.

               The point I was trying to make is that that’s a hard situation to resolve without introducing more unintended consequences – like, most 13 yr olds DO need their parents involved in their medical care, and can’t necessarily give 100% informed consent on their own (although of course should be involved in discussions with their provider) – so we don’t want to just take parents out of medical consent. You could make it so that underage parents can’t be the legal guardians of their own kids, but that sounds like a terrible idea given how much harm we know being separated from a parent does, and ends up putting these minor’s even more under their own parent’s control. Or you could make it faster and easier for the courts to intervene, and treat this as medical neglect – where I ultimately land – but increasing the number of kids and families in the legal child welfare program definitely comes with its own risks, and has a long track record of doing more harm than good

         2. Or maybe generalizability is bad actually, and hard cases are what reveal a castle built on sand?

   4. Is it a state or local law? Here 14 year olds don’t need parental permission for vaccines, at least. Not sure about the rest.

   5. CVS Minute Clinic may be a good option. It may vary by state but in my state children 16 and 17 years old can definitely go alone if they bring written consent from a parent. They offer both flu shots and strep tests.

4. Wedding guest list question –

   My daughter is the bride to be. Both the bride and groom have said they want a micro wedding. Immediate family only – parents and siblings, which includes one sibling spouse.

   Two specific things:

   Mother of the groom wants to throw a bridal shower and invivte cousins of the groom and friends of hers who are not going to be invited to the wedding. That’s rude, right?

   Groom’s family is now pressuring him to invite one specific uncle and his family. This would create some unfavorable optics/hurt feelings on my side of the family, as bride’s aunts would see the pictures and think “if uncle was invited, why not us?” And then once we include those aunts and husbands/ uncles + their kids, on my side of the family, we are talking about 20+ people, which is a way bigger wedding than the engaged couple see themselves having. And it would also be dominated by my side of the family. Not just in sheer number of guests, but also culturally.

   What to do? All advice welcome. FYI my daughter and her finance are asking for my advice here.

   1. I think you need to come together with MotG and decide what to do together. Either you limit the shower invites to only those coming to the wedding, or you open it up in an equitable way on both sides – with the caveat to all invitees that this is a micro-wedding, so the shower invites will not align with the wedding invites. I, like you, think that is rude, but if the couple and the shower host (who?) is comfortable with that approach, then maybe just lean into transparency and be very open with folks about what’s up.

   2. I think the shower invite is rude BUT it’s a know your audience thing — perhaps in that circle it would not be considered rude and people just want to celebrate. I think if kids of my BFFs were getting married, I would not necessarily expect a wedding invite but I would be happy to attend a shower and celebrate with them that way.

      Encourage your daughter and fiance to stick to their guns about the tiny wedding, for all the reasons you stated.

   3. I would advise them to say they need to hold the line at parents and siblings, both to carry out their vision and to avoid awkwardness.
      I think an engagement party and an after-the-fact celebration are different from a shower and while I’d avoid either in these circumstances, I’d steer away from calling anything a “shower.”

      1. Yep. You hold the line or expand it to aunts and uncles – there should be parity on each side. And this is why I eloped…..

   4. Groom needs to step up and push back against his family or the couple needs to accept that a micro wedding isn’t going to happen.

      Not fair for your daughter to put you in the middle here. Hurt feelings are going to happen here, whether it’s groom’s mother bc she’s not getting her way, or the people invited to a shower but not the wedding or your family who are being slighted.

   5. a) is the uncle particularly close to the groom? close in age? best buds? taught him how to ride a bike? i’d let the groom make the call there, not his parents. (sounds like mother of the groom is a bit pushy?)

      b) could you do the “small small wedding but we’ll have a big party later on” kind of thing?

      1. As a recent recipient of an invite to a “small wedding, big party,” I would just suggest that you don’t do a destination big party. Nothing I want to do less than use my vacation time and budget to go to a random place where no one lives or is from for a party only when you’ve been married for 6 months.

         1. Agree that the runway to a post-wedding party should be short. And as simple as possible. I’m sorry, but I don’t really care to celebrate a marriage that happened 6 months to a year ago. Clearly it wasn’t THAT important to you to have your people there.

   6. I agree with your instincts.

      1. Me too

   7. If they open up the wedding, they need to invite the whole next tier.
      Sadly, they’re going to have to choose whom they’re willing to make sad / disappoint /offend, and then own that choice.

      1. Yup, this. You want a micro wedding? Then you can deal with the hurt feelings that are going to follow.

         I’d lean toward recommending a small party sometime after the wedding. A shower feels “off” to me, but this may be partly a cultural thing.

      2. +1. Immediate family only is a clear cutoff and they need to stick to it. Once you invite the uncle then other aunts and uncles take it personally…then cousins feel left out…then friends who are closer to the couple than these cousins are upset. There will still be disappointed people but that’s what you sign up for when you have a microwedding.

         In my circle showers are for wedding guests only. It’s rude to say these people aren’t important enough to be at the wedding but you still expect a present. Make it a post-wedding get together with no gifts.

      3. +2. This is the kind of wedding I had (parents plus sibs and one sibling spouse and child) and at no point did we consider opening it up further. FWIW no hurt feelings from anyone since we held tight to our cutoff.

   8. They need to learn to say no to her now. Set a precedent for the future especially if they plan on having kids.

   9. I had this wedding. Immediate family only. And it was immediate family only. We did it both because we wanted a small wedding and we didn’t want to invite aunts, uncles, and cousins to whom we have no relationships but who would come. Unfortunately, that meant we could not invite aunts, uncles, and cousins to whom we have close relationships or our close friends. You have to draw a clear line when you do this. No exceptions. Groom needs to tell his family no. Just no.

      As to the shower, I think it’s a know your group thing. My friends would have loved to have had a shower for me even though we did the tiny wedding. I didn’t want a shower, so we didn’t do that. I can see how many people, though, would object to a shower if they’re not invited to the wedding. Maybe mother of the groom instead could host a casual engagement party that she invites all of these people to and very clearly state no gifts so people can celebrate the couple but not feel like they’re just being milked for presents?

      1. This right here. Party, not shower.

      2. Yeah, aunt/uncles/cousins is the classic wedding guest dilemma and was the reason for my own microwedding. Groom needs to be firm with his parents. We didn’t do any showers or receptions, but I was asked about it by my MIL, so it’s definitely a know your family situation.

   10. On the shower, as long as mother of the groom messages it appropriately, it could work. This would be like a social in Prairies in Canada – big party thrown for the couple without the expectation that everyone is invited to the wedding. I also tend to think that you need more information to explain why the one uncle is invited – or make the uncle part of the wedding party so he gets in under that category so to speak.

       1. +1 to all of this. I think the shower is totally fine, as long the guests understand that it is a micro wedding and that they will not be getting invited to the actual event. I would take zero offense if I were the recipient of an invite to a shower in those circumstances.

          Re the uncle, what is the reasoning for inviting him? Is he particularly close to the groom? Like a second father or brother? If so, I don’t think it is that big of a deal to include him and not your siblings. If not, I would advise them to stick to immediate family only

   11. I don’t know if it’s rude per se, but I agree with not calling it a shower and instead positioning it as a party to celebrate the couple. Weddings are special times for the whole family, not just the bride and groom, and it sounds like MIL is a little sad not to get to celebrate with a bigger group. But of course, I don’t have the context on her personality in general.

       The uncle question is tough… is there a reason this particular person is extra important to the groom or MIL? I don’t think you necessarily have to open it further just because he’s invited, if that’s the case; there are individual circumstances that tip the balance and if people get miffed over “fairness” then that’s their issue. But bride and groom get to make the call, if they are paying.

       Opinions on this differ, but I fall on the side of weddings bring together people who have supported you or will support you in your marriage. Sometimes young people don’t realize the value of a village, and may make naive choices. Maybe MIL is coming from a more seasoned perspective (or maybe NOT, but just raising the idea!)

   12. you sound like a really wonderful mother of the bride who wants to respect the couple’s wishes.

       i know of a number of couples who had micro weddings, but then their parents through them some kind of shower before the wedding or one of my parents friends hosted a casual brunch at their home a month or two after the wedding in honor of the couple. my parents were happy to attend, not offended to not be invited to the weddings and always want to send a gift. i don’t think it’s your business if Mother of the Groom wants to host another party/event to celebrate the couple. That is between the couple and MoG.

       In terms of inviting the Uncle, I agree it is either Uncle and his family and all other Aunts/Uncles/cousins or just immediate family. The only other potential option I see is invite the Aunts/Uncles with spouses, but without their kids, but at least in my family that would be super weird

       1. I vote stay out of. You are the bride’s family. your position is that it is a microwedding, just you and your kids. if your daughter wants to fight let her but you stay out of it. As for the shower come up with three close friends you don’t mind imposing on and that’s your list. she can throw a shower for people she knows. you don’t need to partake.

   13. I don’t see a problem with having people at a shower that are not invited to the wedding – this was the case with my wedding, and ours wasn’t particularly small. There were multiple people from different areas of my life that threw showers for me (church, friends) and it actually was a great way to include people in wedding festivities if we didn’t have room to invite them to the wedding. However, this may be a regional difference.

       I’m of the opinion that having a micro wedding actually makes it easier to invite whoever you want to the showers/engagement parties/whatever, as you can say, “Since the wedding will be only 10 people, we’d love to have you at the shower!” Most well-intended people, I think, just like being included. And a shower would be a great way to include people who can’t be at the wedding – that’s what I did!

       1. Asking people to go to an event to give you gifts when they’re not important enough to be part of your celebration in any way seems pretty tacky.

          I would avoid a”shower”–you can host an engagement celebration or party afterward. You’ll still probably receive gifts. But it looks much better than an event that is solely about showering the couple with gifts.

          You can be well intended about including people without making it an event that exists to give gifts (literally what a shower is).

          1. I totally understand where you’re coming from, but I think this is a cultural difference between our social groups. Showers (and there are often more than one thrown) are seen as fun get-togethers, vs a cash/gift grab. And, just on a practical note, if someone was invited to my wedding and the shower, wouldn’t they possibly be, in theory, buying two gifts – one for the shower and one for the wedding? I also have a wider social group that would be fine being included in one event and not the other – think church people, mom’s friends, etc. It’s just not a big deal.
             But of course, everyone should only do what is comfortable for them. I can only speak from my experience. I would definitely lean on others’ opinions if I was planning for someone who lived elsewhere or was part of a different family group. The last thing I would want to to offend if it could be avoided.

   14. You’re such a thoughtful mom trying to help your daughter with this.
       I had a micro wedding with only siblings, parents and less than a handful of friends. Less than 12 people total. Both DH and I wanted to get married at a very small resort in a remote area of the US. Having a large wedding was just not going to work.
       1) I declined any “shower” party before the wedding to avoid this awkwardness. Both DH and I come from families that do not have much of a verbal filter. We instead threw a graduation type party later in the summer after our wedding. We called it a reception but a person could call it a shower if they wanted. We found a cheap space, catered in some basic food and put out some floral arrangements out and called it a day. If Mother of the Groom really wants to have an event for a bigger audience, then telling her it has to be hosted after the wedding seems like the path of least resistance.
       2) This is a no. We had some tough conversations with some aunts, uncles and grandparents that felt left out. But this is where offering to do a low key reception after helped. People really underestimate how quickly guest lists balloon when you start to make exceptions. Looking back, I’m so glad we held firm boundaries. It’s your daughter’s and her fiancé’s day, if they want a smaller wedding and have a guest list in mind, they need to stick to their list. They’ll be happy they did long term.

   15. I think the shower is okay if there’s a party or something those folks would be invited to. No public celebration of the marriage = no shower.

       1. This.

   16. Why do you care if the grooms mom hosts a rude shower? That’s her deal not yours. Tell the bride and groom you respect their adult ability to make decisions and will support whatever they decide.

       1. Eh it’s her daughter being feted at the shower (showers are for brides, not grooms) so I understand not wanting to come off as rude.

   17. Why is this even a question? They want only parents and siblings, so that’s what should happen. Period. End of story.

       1. Because they’re too weak willed to own their choices and behave like adults and say no themselves and are instead running to OP for help?

          1. Well, that’s an generous take. Is it so out of consideration for you that people have a loving relationship with their mothers and ask them for advice from time to time? Go touch grass.

   18. Our wedding ceremony was micro – my parents, his parents, one sibling each, and my grandparents. My grandpa married us. It was WONDERFUL and I highly recommend.

       We did draw a very hard line at keeping it parents, siblings, my grandparents. SIL’s boyfriend wasn’t allowed to come (she did eventually marry him, lol), nor were my aunts or cousins. I had a cousin who was practically a sister growing up, and she wasn’t there. I also had cousins who were visiting from out of town that were literally just down the road from where we got married, and we didn’t let them come. I do not regret any of that at all, it made it way way cleaner that way.

       It was technically inequitable because my three living grandparents were there and my husbands living grandparents were not. However I definitely remember having conversations about whether he wanted his there, and he didn’t want his there as they are not close at all. I don’t remember it being an issue with his parents at all, as they understood their parents didn’t have a close relationship with their son. I have no idea what his grandparent’s thoughts were on it, if they had any.

       We did have a large relaxed backyard reception that we invited all the people to, so that’s who my family counted for who got invited to the bridal shower. I believe that is technically tacky/rude since they weren’t invited to the wedding ceremony, however I think since the ceremony was so small it worked out.

       For your daughter and fiancé, my advice would be does the fiancé want the uncle there? like can he not imagine getting married without him there? That’s how it was for my grandparents – there was never a question that I definitely wanted them there. But if your daughter’s fiancé didn’t automatically think uncle needed to be there, I would say micro-wedding rules are that he doesn’t come. If he does come, I would suggest he only gets to bring his wife – once you’re into the cousins you’re expanding too far.

       Re the bridal shower, this is entirely family specific. There is a portion of my family that throws all the showers all the time, and sometimes they’re not exclusive to people invited to the wedding. However I personally agree with you – if there is no big wedding reception that you’re inviting people to, then no shower.

   19. My husband and I were in a similar situation when planning our wedding. We had been engaged for a year and knew we wanted a small wedding, but he comes from a huge family. Unfortunately, his dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and so my husband decided that it was most important to him to have his dad there. So we had rushed a small wedding with only our parents and siblings and my best friend and his best friend. It was exactly what we wanted. His mom, until the day of the wedding, pushed him to invite his favorite aunt and his favorite cousins, and his favorite uncle….on and on. But we knew that it would cause hard feelings on both sides if we invited anyone else besides who we saw as our most immediate family. I have a small family and wouldn’t have minded inviting my 4 cousins lol but that would have meant we also had to invite his (literally) 40 first cousins. My husband’s dad died 6 months after we got married and we have no regrets at all about having a rushed, small wedding so he could be there.

5. Fenty Uncensored is the ultimate red lipstick.

   1. Still trying to find a replacement for the Hourglass stylo in the Leader red. According to temptalia it’s a “slightly cool-toned, dark fuchsia with a natural finish”.

      On me it looks candy bright red with enough coolness to keep teeth looking nice, but I haven’t found a replacement yet.

6. Anyone do a no buy or low buy period longer than a month? A season, a year, etc? Curious how it went and what kind of rules you set for yourself, and what challenges you encountered.

   I personally struggle with books, clothes, antiques, and low value eating out (like buying mediocre lunch at the office).

   1. I’m VERY interested in a no buy year and have toyed with the idea of doing one. I’ve only done a month a few times in the past and really liked it. Just being free of thoughts to consume was wonderful!

   2. I’m really interested in this too. So far, I loved The Year of Less and started watching some Christina Mychas videos on youtube. I’ve had success with a no-buy month but still trying to figure out where to go from here.

   3. I am able to do your first three easily. I borrow from the library and just don’t buy things (not always, I actually love to shop for clothes, so I am rarely on a no-buy period, but I have done it). I don’t try very hard on lunch. I know it’s a waste of money, but I’ve just never been able to consistently bring my lunch. But for me, if I were to do anything like this, I KNOW I am not a moderator, so I would need to abstain. As in, I am not allowed to spend ANY of my own money on lunch/coffee for a month. I am actually pretty good at bringing my lunch a couple of days a week, so what I normally do is try to work around days that lunch is provided for me, either due to planned work events or meetings, and then bring stuff or do low cost buying the other days.

   4. I did a no buy year and it was great. This was probably close to 10 years ago, and I think that year still influences how I spend my time and money. I realized I shopped out of boredom and I wanted to break that habit. I’m probably now too far in the other direction in that I rarely shop.

      My rules were no clothing/shoes/accessories/etc. except to replace something that was actually worn out and I needed. The biggest item I remember buying that year were running shoes because I was running a lot. I don’t remember buying anything else, but presumably I replaced something else. But, for example, if my favorite jeans had died and I already owned other jeans, I would not have replaced those because I wouldn’t have needed a new pair, I would have wanted a new pair. I’m fortunate that my weight is stable, so I didn’t have concerns about my clothes no longer fitting; that would make this undertaking very difficult.

   5. I usually try to do a low spend Q1 because Q4 is always insane for us in terms of spending – property taxes, annual family photos, booking spring break and summer travel, holiday gifts and events, etc.

      That said, I’m not a big stuff person. I pretty much never buy books or antiques (I read a ton but all library books) and rarely clothes. For me cutting back on spending means cutting back on experiences and meals/coffee out.

   6. I’ve had more luck doing it when I focus on one category rather than trying to avoid buying all the things.

   7. I have done a very strict budget for frivolity, which forces me to be intentional about priorities but not feel like I’m completely deprived. I added up everything I was spending on clothing, entertainment, eating out, and other expendable things. I calculated my six month average and cut it to 10%. (For reference, that was about $175. Yes I was spending more than $1700/month on fun luxuries.) My personal rule was that if I didn’t spend it in a given month, it could roll over to the next. There definitely was one month when I made it to the last day with my $175 intact and I went to happy hour and it felt so indulgent! I kept this up for more than a year and knocked out all of my remaining credit card debt. I felt a little deprived in the beginning, but overall I didn’t miss most of what I was buying.

      1. Nice to read that you were able to make those changes – good for you!

7. For all the people complaining political texts – tell the campaign who you are voting for and if you voted. From what people are saying I’m not sure if the Trump campaign will be as good about this data wise, but that is the most likely thing to get you off of those lists

   1. I don’t understand why the federal Do Not Contact list does not extend to political campaigning.

      (I mean, I do understand, because I am capable of cynicism, but I think it should).

   2. I don’t owe them any information. That doesn’t make any sense. Telling them to stop should be enough.

      1. Not the OP, but they are focusing on people who haven’t voted. It doesn’t make sense to spend any recourses going after people who have already cast ballots.

         1. But why would it be necessary to tell them all about my vote when I can just tell them to stop or otherwise hang up? Let them waste their time if they can’t respect my request I guess!

            1. Are you trying to “win” or trying to not get the calls?

               As someone so eloquently said the other day, you can’t ride two horses with one tush. So if you want the calls to stop, tell them you already voted.

            2. That absolutely won’t stop the calls.

            3. @5:55. I don’t find it that hard to ignore the calls. Providing spammers with MORE personal information is not the answer. Just give them more and they’ll stop lol.

            4. I cannot guarantee this works for political calls, but once when the Red Cross just.would.not. stop asking for my blood, I told them I had just returned from West Africa, at the time the epicenter of the ebola epidemic and that DEFINITELY stopped the calls
               (and it was true, and of course I already knew it made me ineligible to donate for a while)

         2. But in my entire household’s lived experience, these calls and texts did not stop once it was publicly available information that we voted weeks ago.

            And many of the calls and texts are trying to convince us to join them in making more calls and texts, not to vote. We are all on the do not call registry. Just stop! This isn’t the era where pissing off everyone by blowing up their phone actually convinces them to like your candidate.

   3. Sure, if asking them to stop would actually work, but it doesn’t.

   4. Zero sympathy for whiny people. Just ignore them. It is not hard.

   5. Almost all of my texts and emails are asking for money. I don’t know how to make that stop – they reference my donation history in their messaging. I’m 100% in for Kamala, but damn, quit literally shaming me/guilting me for not giving more.

      1. Are you really this weak? Just delete them? It doesn’t need to be a thing

         1. Cranky, cranky!

         2. Fundraising shouldn’t need to be a thing either. Who is going to campaign on campaign finance reform already.

            1. Frustrating to see Elon in. Imagine how many $20 or $40 or what have you donations that takes to equalize that one person with a vested interest.

8. MAC Ruby Woo, at least in the old matte formula. I haven’t tried the new one. When I had red hair, it was Lady Danger, which is technically an orange.

9. I just found out that my son’s friend’s dad is in chemo. I don’t know this dad very well at all, but I’m sometimes in touch with the kid’s parents about playdates and such. I’d like to help or offer some kind of support, but because I really don’t know them very well, I also want to respect their privacy. Any ideas? I was thinking of dropping off an easy-to-reheat meal that can be kept frozen for a day when they need it, or maybe a door dash gift certificate? Do those seem like good ideas? I can’t tell what’s intrusive and what’s kind. Thank you for your thoughts!

   1. Is there a mutual friend who knows them better? If so I’d start by talking to that person and asking what you can do. If not, I think a Doordash card is always very welcome. If they don’t have the bandwidth to use it now, they can let it sit until they’re ready.

   2. Can you increase the playdate time during chemo/recovery days?

   3. As a cancer survivor, anytime I hear about someone going thru it, I send a food gift card. Uber eats, DoorDash, whatever. Doesn’t matter how I heard. I typically send along with a note that I am a survivor (it was Covid, no one really knew), here’s dinner on me for a day when it’s all too much. I will say the people who delivered ice cream to my doorstep are the most remembered, haha (a friend dropped off something like 6 pints once).
      If you want to do more, if your kid is in the same activity as friend, you could volunteer to do carpool for the next month or something. Something to take kid away and let parent be. When I was deep in it, I would not have had the bandwidth to even figure out those logistics. But that could be helpful.

      1. For a parent I didn’t know very well recently – I found out in the middle of the kid sport season the coach’s wife was doing chemo – I gave an Uber Eats card that could be used for food delivery (of course) and also Uber rides. With one parent down, you know family logistics are affected

   4. It might be a welcome gift and kindness to quietly and without fanfare increase the frequency of playdates to which you invite your son’s friend and for which you provide the pick up and drop off. On one of these occasions, you also could drop off a card with a “thinking of you” message, possibly accompanied by bakery pastries or the like, as a token of sympathy.

      1. Caveat that my kids are still quite young and play dates involve parent coordination, but I’ve been surprised how many parents act like even a drop off play date is a burden, so I’d be a little hesitant to ask someone going through chemo for frequent play dates. It may be one more thing on their to-do list that they don’t really want to do.
         Also if you do it you should offer to take all their kids. I feel like that makes it more overtly “we are offering you free babysitting” rather than “we’re having this fun event that Jack will be sad to miss out on if you don’t have the energy to take him.”

   5. Not sure how old the kids are, but can you offer to host the kid for long playdates or sleepovers? Among my friend group, when someone is struggling (like when a friend had a house fire recently), we offer to take a kid off their hands and make sure the kid has fun (rather than screen time in a corner while parents deal with Life). When I’ve been on the other end of that, I appreciated the temporary relief from parent guilt.

   6. I also was going to suggest increasing playdates/sleepovers at your house and doing all of the driving if at all possible. And, of course, never send your son to their house if you suspect anyone in your family is or could be sick.

   7. I like the ideas above. If they’re in a shared activity, you might also offer to carpool for that activity (with your family doing all the pickups/dropoffs, obviously).

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