Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Grove Blouse

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A woman wearing a red and pink long sleeve blouse and dark blue jeans

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

A red/pink combo always speaks to me, so this Tuckernuck blouse really grabbed my attention. I love the collar and shoulder details, but the colors are really the star here.

I would pair this with navy trousers for an eye-catching, but simple, business casual outfit.

The top is $188 at Tuckernuck and comes in sizes XXS-XXXL. It also comes in a chocolate-and-ivory combination in case you’re looking for something a little more muted. 

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

388 Comments

  1. This is for cat people who WFH: does your cat have a thing about Zoom? I’ve been seeing lots of cat ears and tails and noses during meetings lately — I’m not offended at all by it (I like seeing cat ears!) — but it makes me curious. Are your cats front and center whenever you’re working on your computer, or do they come especially alive when you’re on a call?

    1. My previous cat – may he rest in peace – absolutely loved conference calls. He also had comedic timing and knew just when a “Me-ooowww!” would really shake things up.

      Current feline is much more chill.

    2. My cats like to nap and snuggle me when I WFH, they take meetings as an opportunity for even more attention.

    3. My dog will come up for a nuzzle when meeting with certain people, usually if I start laughing. I would take this as a sign that you’re good company.

    4. My cats don’t like being in my office when I’m on a call, because I close my door. On the other hand, they love getting into DH’s lap during calls and making their presence known. Girl is a Ragdoll and Boy is a Siamese, so they are good at doing that.

    5. Mine come harass me at random times, not necessarily when I’m in a meeting. But for important video meetings, I’ll close the door so I can focus.

    6. My previous cat was curious at the beginning of WFH and wanted to check out what I was doing on the laptop (probably hoping it was the kind of cat TV videos he enjoyed), but he learned it was boring and then he only ever showed up if a call was going late and approaching dinner time.

      My husband’s previous cat had a little cat bed on his desk and a cat tree near the desk, so he was nearly always right there napping, but out of sight.

      Our current cat has absolute respect for Zoom calls and never approaches us when we’re working in general. He seems to pay a lot of attention to when calls start and end, and if he wants something, he’ll wait to ask for it until the moment a call has ended. But he was rescued as an adult and trained to be a housecat by a dog trainer, so he has a lot of oddly considerate and uptight habits (I had to persuade him over time that he was even allowed on the sofa).

    7. My cat likes to sit on my lap but doesn’t like talking or movement since it makes it hard for her to nap so she’ll come in but usually won’t stay when I’m on a video call.

      1. Same! My cat also sits on my lap when I’m working, but he gets woken up when I’m on calls and will often stand up and leave, so my co-workers end up seeing him. If he stays on my lap no one is the wiser.

    8. My cat loves Zoom, similar to how he won’t leave the person who is allergic to him alone. I think it is just hearing new voices that he wants to check out.

    9. I have a hard time keeping my cats away from zoom. They cry loudly at closed doors, so I can’t easily shut them out. They’ll sleep for hours when I’m just working on my computer, but when they hear me talking, they think I’m talking to them and come over to see what’s happening.

    10. From my understanding they assume you are talking to them! So when you go on a call and talk they think ‘hello to you too!’

      1. Yes, this is my experience! My cat will be sleeping in another room but as soon as I start talking on a call, he will come marching in and demand to be the center of attention! He loves meetings lol.

    11. My cat is pretty sure the people on zoom are much smarter than me and have better food options for him, so he’s pretty vocal about that. He needs them to know that I am starving him to death and sometimes he can see tiny bits of the bottom of his food bowl.

      Unfortunately his messages only occasionally get through because his stupid human presses the mute button quickly.

    12. I have 2 cat sized dogs and they show up on calls often. Sometimes they sit in my lap or on a bed on my desk. One of them feels very aggrieved when I’m spending time on something not him, so he’ll come sit on my computer and look at me. I’ve kept him from doing that on calls, but there is sometimes an ear or snout or fluff visible

    1. I like it too but how many times a month could you wear it? that’s my problem with high impact items, you need a bigger variety.

      1. Just bought it. I wear my high impact stuff a lot and don’t care so much if people at the office have seen it before. I get a lot of “oh I love that jacket/top etc” from coworkers so I know they’ve seen it but it’s a small conversation starter.

      2. Yes I used to have a great hot pink coat dress (ah the early 90s) and really felt like I could only wear it occasionally. It wasn’t a weekly rotation item.

    2. What would you pair it with? Many of my pants are black, which seems too harsh. White? But the bottom would likely show through when tucked in. If I can’t mentally make a bunch of outfits, I can’t get it. Too many blouse fails already hang in my closet.

        1. And for shoes? I find that I hate wearing just blocky colors and solids, but I can’t think of how you can pick up a color in a shoe or something else easily to tie in and then it’s just blocks of color on top of blocks of color. My mind just doesn’t do clothing complexity well or I wind up spending a lot of time in the morning trying to cook up an outfit. Man, I miss dresses. So efficient!

          1. I have an eclectic style so I’d pick anything really, once you break up the colors with denim, black is fine. I like snakeskin, leopard, browns, shoes with studs, etc.

    3. I am more and more favoring only wearing a small collection of high impact items, wearing them often, discarding, and then starting over.

      1. this is why I use Rent the Runway. I feel the same but this makes it easier and more sustainable

    4. Love the visuals on this!

      If anybody knows of similar items available in Europe (and in a non-poly material), I would love a rec!

    5. Hard no for me, but don’t begrudge others who want to rock this look! Enjoy

  2. I’m intrigued by the two in one lip and cheek stains. Does anyone have one they like?

    1. Check out YouTuber EmilyNoel83. She’s evaluated a bunch of them. I’ve never tried!

    2. I feel like these things are good options for your purse for a quick touch up (not that I ever touch up my blush, realistically) and you’re better off with a product meant for each separately, like at home at your makeup table. Usually the duo products aren’t great for lips specifically. They’re the wrong texture.

      That said the Charlotte Tilbury option is the best I’ve tried so far. It’s called lip & cheek glow. The blush is sheer and doesn’t have a ton of color payoff (so don’t be afraid of the “Colour of Passion” shade, which looks very dark but isn’t on the skin. It’s glossier than most duo products, so you have to be ok with an oilier product on your cheeks.

  3. I’m looking for recs for a program or an app for strength training. I prefer something that’s structured enough that I don’t have to think too much (because that leads to me being overwhelmed and skipping a owrkout) but is flexible enough for my lifestyle. I travel often for work, so sometimes I have access to a full gym, sometimes I have a crappy hotel gym, and sometimes I have only the resistance bands I travel with. Likewise, some weeks I can do 3-4 45 min strength workouts, and some weeks I struggle to fit in a 15 min lift. I vastly prefer written workouts to videos, and I find that most popular apps or programs are in video format.

    Also, there are times in the year when lifting is my main workout, but even so it’s always cross training for me. I dabble in a lot of athletic activities, so a program that’s flexible enough for it to sometimes be my primary workout and sometimes be a quick supplement to my other activities. I trail run, row, bike, ski, and play a few sports somewhat seriously and then dabble in other activities and sports for fun.

    1. Barbell Medicine has some written lifting plans, but I’m not sure how flexible they are.

      1. im a middle aged middle sized mom and i like orangetheory. you can adjust your plan to go once a week, twice, or unlimited. i started at 8/ month but upgraded to unlimited because they basically had a financial incentive. I mostly go three times a week. I have gone in other cities when i travel for work. the thing i like best about it is there is very little mental energy required. you go in and they tell you what to do. it is also clearly meant for women like me, they plays 80s and 90s music– reminds me of college. it is basically half weights and half cardio. they give you a free first class. no harm in giving it a try.

    2. Fitness Blender. There is no app, but their site is mobile friendly. They have the exercises written up for each of their videos. They’ve added new trainers so there’s a lot more variety in their videos. I often follow their workout programs so I don’t have to think about what to do each day. But there is also flexibility to switch out the videos for each day.

    3. FitBod app will allow you to customize your strength training plan based on available equipment. It’s not written, but may help you make changes easily given your variable schedule and location.

      1. I’d say it’s written since it’s in app form and you don’t have to watch videos to do it — unless it’s changed in 2 or 3 years?

        I also did the Sweat app’s lifting program for a long time, but that track isn’t being updated anymore and everything else has mixes of higher intensity stuff. (I’ll pass on the burpees.)

        I’m trying to do Strong Lifts now. Nerd Fitness has some bodyweight workout circuits that are written.

    4. The book Eat Lift Thrive has written plans and instructions for exercises, along with substitutions for bodyweight/band/etc. if you don’t have the relevant equipment. There are plans for training 1-5x a week so you can sub in workouts as needed.

    5. I can’t tell if my comment went through but check out the book Eat Lift Thrive, which has plans that range from 1-5x a week, written pictures and descriptions of exercises, and also has bodyweight/non-equipment exercises that you can sub in.

    6. I started using Stronglifts 5×5 several years ago and had pretty visible results, more than I’ve had when lifting with other programs. It’s super easy to follow, can be done with deadlifts, and hits the major muscle groups. Now I do a modified version that’s more 3 sets of 5 and add some accessory lifts like lat pulldown.

      If you google it, it’s super bro-ey and seems aimed at young gym rats but as a middle aged mom it really works for me.

        1. Anon above – sorry, I thought I wrote dumbbells where it says deadlifts. I did it with dumbbells in a hotel gym for years.

    7. Ladder app. I have never been as consistent as I am with this program. I am on my 30 week streak. If you drop a burner email I can send you a 30 day trial link.

      1. I learned about Ladder from this blog and I’m so grateful! Team Align is working great for me, you need dumbbells and a resistance band. With earphones you can easily follow along from a hotel gym.

        1. I love all the variety of programs they have. I’ve switched teams a few times and they’re all great. The key for me is I can turn my brain off once I pick a team. The workouts are preplanned and highlight the three to do if you only do three. I will waste 20 mins picking a workout otherwise.

    8. Faster Way to Fat Loss. Terrible name, great program. Macro nutrition guidance and 5 new workout videos per week (HIIT, tabata, 3 strength training, plus bonus content). Workouts are only 30 minutes and effective.

    9. Check out Madeline Moves on Instagram. She has an app that I use and like and I think it would check a lot of your boxes.

  4. Skip if not interesting in political stuff –

    It seems like the “joke” about PR at the MSG Trump rally has broken through and been in the news a lot more than other horrible things Trump has said – even more so than other horrible things said at the same rally. Why do you think thats the case? Had people just kind of gotten used to him, and this jarred them out of that? Puerto Ricans and their families care a lot more?

    1. Because he didn’t say it. Tony Hinchecliffe did. People shrug off Trump’s horrible remarks because “he’s just being Trump”. This came out of another person’s mouth, much harder to shrug off. Thank goodness.

        1. You’re not allowed to post anything negative about Supreme Brilliant Goddess Kamala.

      1. But Tony is a “comedian” whose whole brand is offensive and taboo humor. I don’t understand the appeal of this kind of comedic routine, but I also don’t understand people who enjoy Cards Against Humanity clutching pearls over it.

        I also don’t think people would shrug off every horrible thing Trump says if the media would clearly report on it in context, but for some reason they seem to shy away from holding him accountable for what he says.

        1. Probably because of context. This wasn’t off color commentary between friends. This was a virulently racist comment on a national stage in the setting of powerful people who constantly make racist comments about the group at issue and others. You’ve heard of the concept of punching up v. punching down, right? Maybe offensive/taboo humor just isn’t appropriate everywhere. There’s something really gross about stumping for someone who wants to be the president by making offensive and taboo comments about his would-be constituents/territories on the basis of immutable characteristics. And what does it say about what trump & co. think about his base that they choose this as entertainment?

          I don’t recall CAH having any blatantly racist cards.

          1. That’s fair, it is gross and inappropriate and punching down, and “it’s a joke” doesn’t make it okay. I don’t really know how to answer OP’s question though when media outlets smooth over and normalize much worse things when the actual candidate running for office says them not as jokes.

          2. I agree that the way the media has normalized and just glossed over the many awful and plain old incoherent things he’s said is very problematic. Answering OP’s question specifically, I think part of the reason this comment is getting so much attention is because it immediately triggered multiple celebrity endorsements of Harris. Lots of the mainstream msm coverage has been regarding the impact the comment may have on the election, not really the substance of the comment itself.

        2. There is a big difference between the unfunny joke Hinchecliffe told and taboo humor told by actually funny people like Sarah Silverman. When racism is the butt of the joke, there can be humor there. When the joke is racist, it isn’t funny.

    2. The problem was, unless you knew what Tony was referencing, it was just an awful thing.

      Apparently Puerto Rico has a really horrible problem with its landfills and waste. NPR story:
      https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/12/14/570927809/after-maria-puerto-rico-struggles-under-the-weight-of-its-own-garbage

      If you didn’t know that before you heard the comment, you would rightly be absolutely totally furious.

      It’s also because the media don’t want to talk about Kamala. She didn’t get anything done in her tenure as VP and people aren’t happy with the way things are going, so she doesn’t want to run as the incumbent that she is. They don’t want to talk about what she knew about Biden’s decline. They don’t want to talk about her tanking poll numbers. So they latched onto this.

      1. We should talk to Trump’s VP. Oh, that’s right. His life was threatened when he didn’t try to overthrow the government.

        Have some perspective.

        1. Don’t even talk about having your life threatened when a bullet came a quarter inch away from killing Trump. WTF is wrong with you???

          1. lol i’m sure that’s why they won’t release the medical records

            i keep hearing that there’s a story being shopped to all the major media sources about how the whole thing was staged.

          2. WTF is wrong with you defending someone who TRIED TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT and is going to try to do it again???

          3. @11:08 you’re deep in the conspiracy theories. Don’t spread that garbage here. Get some fresh air and step away from the internet for a while.

          4. One more week and this troll can crawl back under her bridge. Hopefully forever.

      2. Did you read that article? Yes, PR has a horrible problem with trash and landfills but that began long before Harris started thinking about president and the idea that it is her fault that she didn’t fix a decades old problem in 3 years is laughable.

        1. I never said it was her fault for not fixing the trash problem. I said that she didn’t do anything as VP.

          1. What are the VP’s duties and what didn’t she accomplish within the sphere of her responsibilities that you think she should have? What does a typical VP accomplish? What did Pence accomplish? Be specific.

            “Kamala didn’t accomplish anything as VP” is a right wing talking point with no substance behind it.

            If you don’t want to vote for the black lady, own it, but don’t make up reasons why.

        2. plus, maybe look at which of the candidates was actually president for 4 years when talking about what they did or did not accomplish

      3. That article you’ve linked to is seven years old, about the aftermath of hurricane Maria. And I assume the joke about coming inside is also just a reflection of the real concerns Republicans have about practicing safe sex? Just admit it: Tony Hinchcliffe meant that PR is a floating island of garbage which is wholly in line with the other things that Trump/Vance have said about immigrants being criminals and Haitians eating dogs and cats, except that now that this one is catching more flack you’re trying to walk it back.

        1. Right— if we need context for the “joke,” I think most of us have all the context we need. That it fits in with what this candidate and his VP pick have been saying for years.

        1. Sure, Trump was president then, but he gave them.paper towels to clean up their mess. What did the Biden administration give them? Will Kamala give them paper towels?

          1. ………..
            The fairest way to interpret this comment is that you’re trying to be funny, so that’s what I’m going to do.

          2. In case this isn’t an attempt to be funny, *he threw paper towels at people as if they were sitting at a ballpark, trying to get a free T-shirt*

      4. What?! I really don’t think the “comedian” was referring to ACTUAL issues with landfill and I promise you he literally does not care about climate change or manmade pollution. He was NOT referring to literal garbage. He was calling the people of Puerto Rico, a US territory, and their current situation, including yes mismanaged infrastructure issues, garbage. Like how nobody likes it when Trump-supporters are called “Deplorable”? This was pretty much almost exactly like that.

      5. you think the laughing audience was all in on the joke that you could only find a 2017 article about? when you have to try this hard for an excuse, maybe it’s not real.

    3. A lot of Democrats think “ok THIS time his comments/supporters/policies have gone too far” but it’s never too far for his diehard fans. The limit doesn’t exist on what they’ll tolerate. Nothing is changing their vote.

      As for the moderates considering Trump, I can only hope the Democrats haven’t done too much damage by going full-scale lunatic on the T issue – seriously, that “Trump is for you, Harris is for they/them” ad is brutal, effective, and something Dems have buried their heads in the sand about for way too long. Now it’s too late to retreat and every newspaper is beginning to comment on how bad this is looking.

      1. Have you seen the Lincoln Project’s rebuttal ad to the “they/them” ad? It’s also brutally effective and it’s a crime it hasn’t been blanketing TV in all swing states. Spoiler alert if you don’t want to watch the rebuttal: Trump is lying and projecting, as usual.

      2. I totally agree. I’m a strong D in a swing state, already voted for Harris, but I’m cringing at her messaging and her “closing argument”. Undecided voters aren’t swayed by the democracy argument or the crazy stuff that comes out of his mouth. They care about inflation, healthcare, and immigration and while I think the D’s are better poised to actually tackle those issues they aren’t talking about it. Instead we’re arguing about pronouns and the constitution. I fear it will be another red wave and my blue state friends will be surprised and outraged like they were in 2016.

        1. Undecided voters are really not undecided, except maybe about WHETHER to vote at all.

    4. There is no winning choice here. In a situation like this, you pick the least worst choice.

      1. Really? What is so comparable about the two candidates? The choice comes down to President Harris or King Trump.

    5. He attacked Puerto Ricans in NEW YORK and Trump didn’t disavow. I hope this puts Florida in play! I was one of the few Anglos at a Mark Anthony concert in Orlando and the energy was amazing.

    6. I think because it was amplified by Puerto Rican celebrities like Bad Bunny who have huge social media audiences so when they say I’m not voting for this guy because of it, more people take notice.

  5. Can we talk about toxic family members? My beloved aunts husband is just a really difficult person. Maga, conspiratorial, argumentative, bigoted just…everything. I mostly avoid him. But it also means to a large extent avoiding her and my beloved cousins and their kids. But after talking with my mom about how my cousins and their kids are all struggling lately I had a sort of light bulb moment that we all have developed pretty bad coping mechanisms just to deal with this person. It’s not the source of all our problems but it’s a source of problems. My aunt has been married to this man for decades but has no kids with him and is frequently outspoken about her disagreements with him and distain for her words and actions. But still, hes her husband and a lot of us are just avoiding family get together a so we can avoid him. We’re at the point of skipping thanksgiving which was always such a happy time. I hate that my kids will have less close family and it feels like such a loss. But at the same time, I hate how his mere presence makes everyone unhappy, on edge and lots of us turning to alcohol and other drugs just to get through the day. I also worry about his violent rhetoric and love of weapons even though he’s never done anything violent besides yelling he’s clearly unhinged. It feels relationships ending and frankly not safe to tell my aunt that I am avoiding her because of him. On the other hand, I’m really struggling with how dark family get togethers have become and I’m questioning whether it’s wise to have my kids around it. Thoughts or commiseration?

    1. Don’t think of it as skipping thanksgiving. Host your own. Your kids don’t benefit from someone scary in their lives.

      1. Yes – there’s no rule saying you need to spend holidays with this person. Host your own dinner with your nuclear family.

        1. Op I know. But it’s really sad for me not to see my parents and cousins. It sounds so easy but it would be hard for me.

          1. OP, there’s not a solution here where you’re not going to feel some distress: you’re either at the family gathering where the uncle is, and are distressed by him, or you’re not there and are distressed by not being there.

            I know you know this, but sometimes it’s helpful simply to acknowledge that there isn’t a pain-free way out of this, or that you’re somehow making it hard and someone else could figure out how to do it more easily.

          2. Thank you anon at 955. That should have been obvious but it was incredibly helpful to frame it that way.

          3. You are doing what is best and safest for your own family and your own children especially. If it is possible to meet up with your aunt and cousins separately on other occasions, then your kinds might be able to develop their own relationship with their cousins, without toxic uncle’s participation. But if that isn’t feasible, it is what it is, and your children’s well-being is the priority.

    2. Invite her and only her to things outside the house – “girls’ day out” or whatever you want to call it. The same exact thing happened with my aunt and her husband and yes, friends stopped going over and everyone hated to be around him, including me. He was bigoted, offensive, unpleasant, and it only became worse as he got terminally ill (which is why she didn’t leave him). When he died, not a few among us were relived. All her friends started coming to the house again.

      It’s ok to set boundaries. “Susan, we’re not coming to Thanksgiving because last time we did, John called my ten-year-old a big government pansy. That isn’t OK and I don’t trust it won’t happen again. Will you join us for dessert at our place after the meal while John is watching the game?”

    3. If you have kids and your cousins have kids, then just see them without your aunt around.

      Invite them to something where it’s inherent kid focused so natural that they are not included. Like a kids play place or trampoline park etc.

      1. Or things like art museums. If he’s like my late bigoted uncle-by-marriage, he will insult any and all cultural attractions.

    4. Yeah unfortunately we also have an awful uncle and after years of trying we gave up and won’t see him anymore, which means not seeing much of my lovely aunt and cousin (we will happily see them without him but it’s a rare occurrence and no major holidays). It’s a bit sad, but some people are just toxic and I don’t need that in my life.

      1. I’m the op. Yeah I’m starting to feel like, well I loved my aunt and cousins enough to put up with him. I still do. But I’m now worried about at what putting up with him has done to us and now our kids. Obviously my cousins kids deal with it a lot more than we do and I can’t help but think it’s hurting them. Thanks for the feedback and the space to think about this,

    5. Why give him so much power in your gatherings? Channel you high school mean girl and shun him with your cousins. Go hang out in a different room, laugh at him when he says ridiculous things, actually play bingo for his outbursts, etc. People only have the power you hand them.

      1. That doesn’t work with these people. They just lean harder into the victim complex and their next explosion is more powerful. Ask me how I know.

          1. Agreed. I’m the awful uncle commenter above, and he just keeps going until he gets someone riled up. It’s somehow his goal. We have tried laughing it off or pretending it’s not happening but inevitably, he will find a way to get under someone’s skin, and I don’t want to spend my holidays actively tuning out awful comments.

          2. Yes. This is what I’m dealing with. It’s awesome that some people can disregard it when he says and does horrible things. But I’m probably the best in the family at ignoring him and I’m still suffering from the collateral effects. We all are. That’s the point of my post. We thought we were dodging him if we weren’t the ones that got sucked into this particular day’s drama but I’m realizing the cumulative toll is a heavier burden than i thought.

          3. Oh, it sounds like he picks on a victim and bullies them. That is hard to stomach and the dynamics of confronting this behavior can be scary. I agree with the comment above that there is no easy/pain-free solution to this problem. I would recommend doing what you can to safeguard your own family, which likely means avoiding him.

        1. I thought it was interesting to read what Mitch McConnell said about the victim complex. I see it on here sometimes, though I’m not 100% the frequent Trump supporter comments here aren’t from a b0t or t roll. They have that nature about them.

    6. Can you host a thanksgiving and just not invite him or his immediate family? Yes, that throws your aunt out with the bathwater but maybe she’ll get the hint. A harsh “We’d love to see you but aren’t up for Uncle this year, sorry.” might be what it takes if you are already at BEC stage with this.

      1. +1

        Honestly, I would do this. Your cousins are adults, yes? Invite them, don’t invite mean uncle.

    7. Thoughts and commiseration. This is my father-in-law also. “I hate how his mere presence makes everyone unhappy, on edge and lots of us turning to alcohol and other drugs just to get through the day.” I totally feel you on this OP. For those without a toxic person in their life, they may not understand this statement but I absolutely do. I sometimes turn to food or alcohol or other unhealthy coping mechanisms because his statements and behavior feel like blunt force trauma on my psyche.
      If you’re questioning, then I don’t think it’s wise to have your kids around it. And if you must interact then you’ll have to prime the kids with some context (Uncle X may say things that we disagree with).

    8. Hey mom and dad, how about we come over for leftovers the day after Thanksgiving instead of coming for Thursday?

  6. Talk to me about cars. We’ve been in the burbs for 8 years now, with a Subaru Outback and Honda Accord both bought new when we moved. I’m currently sitting in the Subaru waiting for my husband to come jump me because the battery is dead again. This is battery #3, and it’s the second time this month he’s had to come jump me so I guess it’s time for #4.

    The tires in both cars also constantly get low tire pressure and need patches. The Honda just got entirely new tires because the guys said parts were rusting. We barely drive the Honda and park both cars in the attached garage. We both work from home.

    Is this normal for the suburbs? Do our cars just suck?

    1. Maybe a lemon?

      We got an Outback a few years ago and I loved it. Recently added an Ascent when I thought for sure I wanted an Odyssey. No battery issues in either the Outback (2018) or Ascent (2021).

      1. Like lemon battery – is the battery original to the car? Might need a new battery.

          1. I own two and a few friends have them. Popular with the skiing/kayaking crowd in our area. I don’t know if anyone who’s had issues.

          2. I’ve had two and they have been TANKS that needed very little despite a lot of miles.

          3. I had a 2012 Subaru that has had warranty extensions for oil consumption and transmission issues, and on which just about everything else that could possibly break broke. My independent Subaru mechanic said there was a huge decline in quality right about that time and that he made more on 2012 and later Subarus than on older ones. I wanted so badly to be a Subaru person, but never again. We are back to buying all Toyotas.

    2. You need to drive a car regularly to keep the battery charged. Batteries die every few years and need to be replaced. You need to check the tire pressure regularly and replace the tires every 60,000 miles or so.

      It is common for batteries to give out and for the air in your tires to shrink, leading to low pressure, when cold weather first hits for the season.

      1. This. FWIW we don’t drive our car often, and ended up having the dealer install a trickle charger. Having to jump start the battery decreases the battery life, and apparently if you’ve had to do it more than once you are probably going to have issues the next time it gets cold. This will be our first winter with the trickle charger, so we’ll see how much of a PITA it is to deal with, but I’m hopeful! Also recommend getting a battery jump starter so that you don’t need another car if you do need a jump start.

    3. That doesn’t sound normal. I had a 2011 Accord until this year when I switched to a CRV. I had problems with the air pressure when it gets cold and the temps drop, but I’ve never had an issue with constant low tire pressure. I WFH and my car mostly used to sit in the garage.

    4. Tangential to your question, there is a small battery pack device that you can keep in your car for these occasions. You use it to jump your car, no other car needed. We just used it this weekend to help a friend.

      We have only Hondas but we found those batteries only last a few years, and the brake pads tend to wear down quickly, too. A lot of this stuff is unfortunately normal wear and tear.

        1. +1

          This is one of those great Xmas gifts you can buy everyone.
          And there are excellent ones much cheaper than $100.

        2. These are fantastic but be warned if it freezes it is ruined. So keep it in your car but not in below-freezing weather.

      1. Batteries in general have a finite lifespan, not just Hondas. This is the nature of batteries. In my own experience, ~3 years from a battery is normal for a car that gets driven a decent amount (I put 20k miles on per year and budget for a new battery every three years). It may seem counterintuitive, but if a vehicle is driven infrequently the battery will not last as long.

    5. Cars require maintenance. These cars are 8 years old, even if they are low mileage, things will need replaced. Tires age – the rubber breaks down with age and exposure to the sun – so you may have to replace them even with relatively low mileage. Do these cars still have original tires after 8 years?

      A car battery should last 3-5 years. Is the car sitting undriven for long periods before the battery dies? I think the recommendation is that you drive at least once a week for a half hour to keep the battery charged and functional. If you’re driving frequently and batteries keep dying, the issue is somewhere else in the electrical system.

      I don’t think your cars suck, I think you don’t understand normal car maintenance. Are you getting oil changes regularly?

      1. Seconding this. The stuff mentioned above could have weird causes, but the phrasing used makes me think it’s normal aging, disuse, and wear & tear and OP just doesn’t realize that cars are not maintenance free.

    6. Battery needing jumping 2x/month doesn’t sound normal to me; or the frequent tire pressure alerts (occasionally – like once or twice a year with temp swings – seems normal). Rusting wheels is a little unusual, but new tires after 8 years isn’t (8 years is a long time for tires, but if you drive very little, you aren’t wearing down the tread and I guess they could last that long)

      Not a solution to your overall problem, but a portable jumper and air pump (you precharge the jumper at home, and the air pump runs off your cigarette lighter or car USB) are great

      1. If the battery is at the end of its normal lifespan, it needs to be jumped frequently (which is why it should be replaced).

    7. M Subaru had a lemon battery. I finally got a new battery after spending too much of my life waiting for AAA.

    8. When I kept having trouble with a car battery like this, it was actually my battery cables that needed replacing.

    9. I think a new battery is expected every 3-4 years now (although sometimes I feel like this is just planned obsolescence), so 3-4 in eight years doesn’t sound completely unheard of. Plus if you’re not driving it frequently, I think that it would need replaced more often. I have to have my husband refill my tires maybe 1-2x a year as well, but never patches. I think I get new tires again, maybe every 4-5 years, but I drive about 12,000/year, so about every 40,000-50,000 miles, I think. My cars a jeep compass.

      1. Gosh – every battery I’ve had (in cold weather MN) has lasted about 7 seven years before giving out (in the depths of a frigid winter).

    10. That’s definitely abnormal. I had heard decent things about Subarus and good things about Hondas so that’s disappointing. I’m a huge Toyota fan. Knock on wood but have never had an issue

    11. We tend to need new batteries about every 4 years on our low-mileage cars. We could probably push it longer, but as soon as the car starts to stall on start, I get a new one. It’s not worth the risk of being stranded.

      Your tires sound like you need to do a little bit more sleuthing. Is there a lot of construction near you that could be putting nails in the road? Do you trust the mechanic you use? Rusting is unusual. You also could get your car aligned next time you get new tires (not just balanced) so that the wear is more even. You should get 35-50K miles out of new tires.

    12. Sound like you have an electrical problem where something is drawing current from your battery while the car is turned off. This has nothing to do with the suburbs. Get your car checked out by the dealer or a Subaru specialist.

    13. I don’t think it’s normal. If the battery keeps dying, it’s probably another problem with the charging system like the alternator or fan belt. I would take it to be looked at somewhere new since the garage fixing your car doesn’t seem to be that competent. If your tires need patches on both cars, it could be a problem with the roads? Are you driving through an active construction site on the reg?

    14. Is there a light in the glove box that comes on if the glove box isn’t closed all the way, which you might not notice?

    15. Do you have a local mechanic you trust (not the dealer)? I can’t remember how I found mine; He only works on Mazdas and Toyotas as far as I know. See if you can find a Suburu specialist – try Suburu message boards or local car groups. Ask them (the mechanic) what is normal for your make and model year. It might be time to think about the end game, sorry. Or it might be time to sacrifice way too much money to the Car Gods and get another few years out of the vehicles. Who knows? The Car Mechanic Oracle will inhale the fumes and let you know.

    16. As others have said, you do need to replace the tires periodically. I have an almost 6 year old Subaru Forester with low miles. I just replaced the tires because they take a beating in the hot Texas sun and rough roads where I live. There’s also lots of ongoing construction so nails in tires happen—I had this occur twice in a week. Get tires at a place with a fix/replace warranty so help with that. For me, that’s discount tire. I think you have to decide if you want to budget for repairs or budget for a new vehicle. I also question if you are getting good help at your repair place regarding the battery — i.e. replacing cables and so on.

    17. This is a late reply, but there was a class action against Subaru related to a design defect that caused the battery to drain. You might be eligible for an extended warranty.

    18. Tires needing patches indicate you are driving over something that punctured them. That has nothing to do with your car make or model, and not even a lot to do with your tire brand. It has far more to do with where you drive.

      There is a gravel road near me that I now avoid using because a guy who lives on it collects scrap metal and sometimes spills stuff on the road. Once hubby and I were following each other, took that road, and got home with THREE flat tires that had to be patched due to punctures from metal shrapnel.

  7. Following up to my post yesterday about finding a therapist. I followed the exact advice from a poster (thank you!) and reached out to 8. So far 2 say they aren’t taking new patients and 2 don’t take my insurance. One told me she was taking new patients, asked if I was using insurance, and then replied that she has no availability. I’m super not loving that deception but am trying to not let it get to me.
    I really don’t have $150 to spend once a week or honestly even once a month soooo we’ll see if anyone will actually take my insurance.

    1. i’m sure there are unicorns but in my experience (and i’ve tried several times, both for me and my kid) it is very very difficult to find a good therapist who is working for insurance. i saw a woman who when i was saying i was conflicted about breaking up with my boyfriend basically told me it was impossible for a divorced woman to meet a good man in NYC and literally asked me for his match handle. Then there was the guy i took my son to who i asked if i hit him….

      1. +1. It is unfortunately extraordinarily difficult to find therapists that take insurance at this point (I used to be able to do it in the past).

    2. You can also call your insurance company and ask them for a list of in network providers accepting new patients. Their list might not be accurate, but it’ll be a starting point. Don’t give up – you deserve care!

      1. My insurance company’s list of in-network mental health providers was almost literally a ghost network in that Googling the providers’ names came up with their obituaries.

      2. This is glib advice not based in reality.

        Reality: group health instance is useless for mental health care. The best you can do is set up an HSA and pay out of pocket & get reimbursed in your own pre-tax dollars.

    3. That is going to make it very challenging to find someone. Your best bet will be to figure out how to submit bills in your own. It’s almost impossible to find someone who takes insurance.

      1. BUT most will give you a superbill to submit to your insurance so you get something back (for one: for a $200 visit charge, I get something like $120 back, so not peanuts). Some may also submit to insurance and you just get a refund of some amount even though you pay the whole charge up front.

      2. This must depend on location – I’m in Minneapolis, and have been able to find therapists who took my insurance. I used my ERP once, but was also able to do it fairly easily twice on my own. I feel like it’s easier now because it doesn’t need to be someone in your city, just in your state (if you’re ok with doing telehealth).

        1. Agree. In Houston there are several excellent therapists that take new patients and take insurance. I think Houston is blessed by the awesome social work program at UH. If you’re up for virtual appointments with a therapist who takes insurance, you could try for a therapist in Houston, San Antonio or Dallas if perhaps. My therapist is in Philadelphia and does not take insurance and told me there is no availability in her area.

          1. That’s a good idea, thanks. I’m in the Philly suburbs. I’ll expand my geographic search because my preference is telehealth anyway.

          2. PA does not allow providers to work across state lines, just an FYI. So you need to see someone in PA to have your insurance cover it.

            I’d go to psychology today. Filter by your insurance, any other attributes that you find important and then message everyone who looks good that comes up. You can just copy and paste the same message to everyone. I messaged 20+ providers in the philly area recently and found someone reasonable who takes my insurance.

            Good luck.

    4. Seconding all the it’s impossible. What I would consider doing is setting aside a chunk of money, like 1k for your issue, and putting some limits on how long you’ll go in your own mind. That will get you a fair number of sessions and should get you on a path to sort things out. Most people don’t need to go for years.

      1. +1 a few sessions with someone very skilled can be enough for some issues. And, if it’s not, maybe you’ll be in a better spot to find someone else who is in network. Often, a PCP or OBGYN (specifically for PPD) can recommend someone very skilled.

    5. Honestly, I’ve never found a decent therapist who was in-network with an insurance company. If you can get reimbursed for out-of-network services – that’s your best bet.

    6. If open enrollment is coming up, consider that you might be better off with an HSA plus high deductible plan.

      Hear me out.

      Assume that you can’t find a therapist who takes your insurance and who clicks with you. That’s a valid assumption. So assume your best way of obtaining care is cash pay.

      That heavily leans towards HSAs, especially if your company puts money in it for you.

      1. OP here. Unfortunately 2 of my 3 kids have complex medical needs. Otherwise that might make sense but with the coverage they provide for our many surgeries and hospital stays we need to keep our current plan.

        1. If you’re routinely hitting deductibles, consider submitting the therapy bills as an out of network cost.

        2. also i would check in with the hospitals/practices that manage your kids’ medical needs. they might have suggestions for you as i would think many parents in your shoes might be seeking therapy for various reasons

          1. +1

            I agree with this.

            Also if you are involved in an chat groups for your children’s issues / support groups and if there is a social worker in the clinic group that manages your kids issues, that can be a source.

            I’m so sorry this is so hard. I remember the process well. I had excellent luck finding a psychiatrist by asking my doctor connections at my local major teaching hospital where I get mot of my care.

        3. You may have done this already, but run the math on your premiums + typical annual spend on copay & deductibles, then compare to an HDHA premium + the annual out of pocket max. For my family, the HDHO is cheaper than traditional coverage, especially years where we have a lot of care. We hit the out of pocket max and then pay nothing beyond that.

      2. OP, fwiw, I was inspired by your post yesterday to reach out to 3 therapist offices. I haven’t heard back from any of them yet. It’s not just you.

        And I am very likely moving to an HSA next year for precisely this reason. In our worst case scenario, our total costs with our OOP Max will be about $2K higher than this year’s premiums + copays + FSA spend. But it almost certainly will be lower and it will open up the ability to go out of network for therapy, which is a priority to me.

    7. Check your insurance. Mine will cover out of network providers for a slightly higher rate. So we use those that don’t take insurance, then submit for reimbursement through insurance. It is a relatively new change to the benefits but it was HUGE for our family because one child needed neuropsych testing which is $4500 near us. The only providers that didn’t have massive, nearly year long waits didn’t take insurance. But they happily printed us a superbill which we submitted to insurance and got reimbursed (at a slightly lower amount and some went to our deductible but it was like $850 not $4500!).

    8. There was mention yesterday of using your company’s EAP, if that benefit is available to you. When I first went to a therapist, I called my EAP to find one and the first six sessions were free. You’ll obviously have to start paying beyond that, but it’s a start.

      1. Another option is to see if a local grad school near you has a masters level program. We were able to get very discounted and very good therapy for both spouses with a program like this in our area.

    9. I found it helpful to go to a therapist who worked in a mental health practice for that reason. The practice does the insurance billing, so they are able to take a wider variety of insurance.

    10. What location are you in? If you are in Charlotte, Atrium has a network of therapists that take insurance like regular doctors. Private practice is where it gets tricky.

    11. What you do is submit the 150 to the insurance company and you get reimbursed. Therapists mean that don’t work with insurance. They don’t have the income to have a large office staff and do that. So, the clerical stuff is on you but you still get reimbursed for whatever % you are entitled to by your insurance.

      1. Yes, this. It’s an upfront cost that then gets reimbursed when you submit the receipts to the insurance company.

      2. It’s a bit different than “we take insurance” because insurance comes with a negotiated rate and if they actually accept your insurance, they can’t bill you for the rest. If you submit to your insurance on your own, you don’t usually get the negotiated rate, and you do owe the rest.

        That’s why therapists don’t want to take insurance. They don’t want the hassle of insurance billing, yes, but mostly they don’t want to take the negotiated rate. Which sucks, because when they agreed to be listed as a network provider under your insurance, they agreed to that rate. But in reality they don’t really accept it. The entire system is broken.

        1. If they are in-network with your insurance company, they are not allowed to balance bill you. They can try, and you can tell them to kick rocks because that violates their agreement with your insurance company (and insurance companies look rather unfavorably on that type of behavior from their providers).

    12. Not taking insurance doesn’t mean insurance won’t pay for it, it just means you have to do the paperwork.

      1. Sometimes it does. Some plans don’t offer out of network benefits or reimbursement.

    13. Online therapy (i.e. a telehealth visit set up with video) might be an option here- many insurance companies offer it for their members and often no copays are needed. Call your insurer and find out if they have that benefit. If not, you can sign up for online therapy yourself but you’d have to pay for it out of pocket. There are several out there- look for credentialed therapists (ie. licensed social workers, mental health counselors). It would be less expensive than paying out of pocket for in person care. Good luck!

    14. I reached out to about 20+ and no one had availability. My HMO is also difficult to impossible to get out of network expenses reimbursed. I finally took a short list of 3 people with availability and picked on. She is not who I would’ve picked on psychology today and I was a little slow to warm to her but I grew to really like her. She never gave bad advice. Her approach was just different than I expected but I’ve been with her for two years now and have been happy.

      All that to say, don’t be fixated on finding the perfect fit. Be open to a different style and sit with them for a bit unless they give objectively bad advice.

    15. anon – what city/state are you located in? I have a good therapist in San Diego who accepts a lot of insurance plans (except for HMOs).

  8. I know people hate on rufflepuff and similar dresses, but I am loving anything midi length this time of year. I don’t think we’re doing tights under shorter dresses (at least in October), but in a longer dress with boots, any underpinnings are hidden. Today: rocking the Uniqlo HeatTech beneath a longer tiered dress (this may be rufflepuff-lite).

    I was next to someone in the elevator who was in not just a more ruffle-y midi dress, but was wearing it with a long cape (is this a cloak?) and Mary Jane flats and a headband and it was so Little Red Riding Hood-adjacent that I wondered if it was a Halloween getup or cosplay (no shepherd’s crook, so I think it’s just office attire in 2024).

    1. Midi dresses don’t have to be rufflepuff! There are plenty of dresses that length without the “kindergartener on the prairie” vibe.

      1. It’s also all in the styling. I like a bit of ruffle with my midi dresses but I’ll pair with pointed toe boots and a severe hairstyle like a slicked back bun or pin straight and chunky statement jewelry.

  9. does anyone have a suggestion for some slippers or shoes to wear around the house that have arch support? i apparently have really flat feet and am starting to have a lot of issues and trying to stick to footwear with some support for the time being.

    1. My mom swears by Merrell clogs (they have more of a sneaker bottom but an open-back clog back). Maybe “slip-on” is a more accurate descriptor.

    2. I love the shearing lined Arizona birkenstocks. Haflinger wool clogs also have good arch support. Basically, look for something with a real sole, not just a squishy slipper sole.

    3. I use OOFOS flip flops or ABEO slippers depending on how cold my feet are. I’ve also bookmarked Overland and Orthofeet for next time I need warm slippers since ABEO have become hard to find.

    4. I wear Vionic flip flops. I think they make slippers, too, if warmth is an issue.

      1. I love my Wicked Goods but none of the multiple pairs in different styles thatmy family owns have anything resembling arch support.

    5. Vionic slippers or Birkenstock Boston clogs. A warning about the Birks – if you get the kind with shearling, get white. The colored ones dyed my feet.

    6. I work from home and wear indoor slippers all day, and keep coming back to the Uggs Ansley slipper. The shearling stays cushy, the sole is thick and remains firm, and the heel is covered so you can wear them with or without socks and stay warm.

      I have the Birkenstocks shearling-lined Boston clogs and they’re great, but the Uggs are better for arch support. I do not understand the love for the LL Bean Wicked Good slippers. Mine had barely any arch support, the shearling tamped down so quickly, and the whole thing became very floppy compared to my Ugg Ansleys. They also stained everything they touched when I accidentally dripped some water on them (I had them in brown).

    7. My husband and I both wear Spenco slides around the house for arch support. They are fantastic and easy to put on and take off. We bought ours from amazon. You don’t win any fashion awards, especially if you wear them with socks, but they do keep my feet and ankles from hurting.

    8. I long for full-length, non-crop pants. With a properly-sized inseam. That don’t expose my ankles and bottom of my calves. Particularly in winter. My conspiracy theory is that cropped pants and capris were pushed by Big Trousers in order to skimp on fabric and to avoid having to offer several inseam variations for sale. I also theorize that, just like 3/4 sleeves (which I like very much, by the way), the capri cut is meant to suggest an adolescent body, growing as fast as a beanstalk and outgrowing clothing, as a means to look more youthful.

    9. USA Dawgs. Much more affordable than birks and I love having multiple pairs. Very supportive and great for duck feet.

  10. Shoe inserts for flats. Please give me recommendations for thin inserts for cushioning and high arches to wear with flats. Thanks.

    1. If you are the same poster as above asking about slippers with arch support – consider getting custom orthotics from your podiatrist! Especially now towards the end of the calendar year if you’re close to using up your deductible or whatever. I must’ve wasted $200 seeking a good arch support over-the-counter or online when really the only thing that worked was the custom orthotic (for ten years until I turned 44 but that’s a different story)

      1. Hi – I am not the poster asking about slippers. I have a high arch. I want an insert for flats or low heeled shoes.

  11. I’m yesterday’s Christmas nice poster popping in to say thank you :) I appreciate all the sweet suggestions :)

  12. Hopefully a fun question: fashion that is “dated” that you wish would come back.

    I’m waiting for the return of knee length wrap dresses.

    You?

    1. patterns! colors! (love a good 70s palette, but even the colors of like 2012…hating all the neutrals now)

      1. I like quiet luxury in theory but I apparently prefer loud luxury. Like I would like all of the patterns and in vivid colors.

      2. Neutrals are fine for a house (hat tip to Maria Killam). But clothes IMO should only be timeless if they are spendy things like your main winter coat or a handbag for important or fancy events. Daily drivers can be interesting and memorable, especially if it is an item that will likely get worn out with constant use.

    2. Skinny jeans. I came of age right when skinnies became popular. Now I’m discovering the pain of matching your hemline to your heel height every day. I have to be very careful about my shirt and jacket style or else I look wide.

      Jewel tones are flattering on nearly everyone. Thankfully stores aren’t pushing baby food colors anymore but the current dusty shades are uninspiring.

      1. We used to have daily discussions on here about hem lengths and heel heights. Like if my pants are hemmed for 3” heels, what do I do when I commute in flats? So nice not to have to worry about that – ankle pants 4eva.

        1. haha I used to have these little magnets that I would use to hem my pants for commuting. Definitely do not miss those days.

    3. I miss the colors/vibes of like 2012-2012 business casual fashion. I used to have a burgundy pencil skirt I wore with a cobalt blue sweater; a kelly green wool pencil skirt I wore with a white button down and navy blazer, etc.

      1. Yes! So miss the color blocking and just general sense of FUN I had in my outfits in 2012.

    4. Tailored blazers and button downs. Loose and oversized workwear makes me feel terrible!

    5. Now that the boots plus skinny jeans or leggings era is over, I miss wearing all my nice knee-high boots. I know I could get some midi dresses or miniskirts and haul the boots out of the back of my closet, but midi length skirts almost always look godawful on me and I hate wearing tights. Oh well.

      1. After years and years of wanting them, I bought a pair of Frye harness boots in February of 2020. By the time I was wearing shoes again, skinny jeans + boots were out and I couldn’t figure out how to wear them. They are still sitting unworn in my closet, taunting me.

        1. I bought those boots maybe 8 months ago (also after years and years of wanting them) and have had really good success with them under wider straight leg jeans (Everlane Cheeky Straight, I think, have been particularly good). I’m struggling to find a pair of boot cut or flare jeans that I think work well for my body, but when I do, the boots will be great with them too. I also think they can work well with dresses, especially below-the-knee and midi lengths. Wear those boots!

      1. I will forever wish that I could wear DVF, but even though I own two, they look horrid on me. I had to size up for my hips, which means that there is excess loose fabric up top. It is such a sad look. No amount of wrapping or tucking or fashion tape will fix it. I love the fabric and pattern and wish that I had the sewing skills to do something with it like turning it into a top or skirt or sewing it shut with alterations to fit me. Alas, not only am I not that person, but I have yet to find someone who could make this work.

    6. I loved the 2010ish J. Crew look. Pencil skirt or skinnies, sweater or cardigan, bubble necklace, ballet flats. All in bright colours. I would never wear it now but it was so cute!

      1. This is sad though. Most of things you note are classic items—you’re making a choice based on your perception, not necessarily style reality.

        The bubble necklaces though. I still have three and I’m just waiting to break them out again. Might do it for Halloween.

        1. I don’t think bubble necklaces are classic, and ballet flats with skirts were also not classic.

          1. Agree that bubble necklaces are not classic.

            But ballet flats are classic, pencil skirts are classic, the two together are a look that pass the smell test. What’s your argument?

          2. Just because pencil skirts and ballet flats are two items you think of as “classic” doesn’t mean wearing them together would look current.

          3. What’s current? Ugly denim and shapeless blazers? Classic items are those where you can see a variant of the style in decades past. So go ahead and put it in quotes, but I’ve seen women in various photos in the past 80 years wearing these items and looking good doing it.

          4. Yes, ugly is current. This is not a question about what you personally like best. I don’t like a lot of what is current. But at one point the pencil skirt, cardigan, bubble necklace, ballet flat look was current, not classic. It’s not current now. And that outfit worn together is not classic at all.

          5. Um, Wilma Flintstone was wearing bubble necklaces in the caveman days, I saw a documentary about it. It was called “The Flinstones” and was filled with classic fashion like animal prints and big rock jewelry.

          6. So you’re saying that people are intentionally purchasing ugly clothing to look current, and that in your view, this is preferable to classic looks for everyday wear.

          7. I didn’t say ugly was preferable. I said it was current. I’m sure I’m outdated because I don’t like a lot of the ugly stuff but you clinging to your 2010 outfit is also not current. This is a fashion blog. This is what we discuss.

    7. I can’t decide how I feel about all the unflattering fashion out there. Part of me wants to get on board with the “stop dressing to look skinny and get sexual attention” but I just feel so schlumpy in so many clothes.

      1. Yeah. I don’t dress to look skinny, but if I see myself in an outfit and I look awful, the outfit goes straight to goodwill. So if “skinny” is the look I subconsciously gravitate towards, so be it.

        1. We are supposed to hate ourselves for wanting to look skinny and wear flattering clothes.

      2. Why does “skinny” (really just… flattering and form fitting?) equate to dressing to get s*xual attention?

    8. I wish panty hose would come back. My legs have a lot of broken capilaries and spider veins and just look not great. Plus, no chub rub and a bit of warmth. And far fewer blisters. Bring them back! [Can you even buy them now?] For this reason, I will always be on Team Tights in the Winter, but after a while, it’s a heavy look that I am eager to shed come spring.

      1. Agreed! I stopped wearing them because I know they read old and frumpy but I haven’t felt properly dressed since 2012.

      2. I also like pantyhose, or more specifically, thigh high hose; I’m tall and they fit better. Neutral and not too hot for the indoors.

    9. At this point of not being able to find jeans that fit me well, I guess skinny jeans. And long cardigans but not waterfall cardigans.

      1. Oh man, I’m tall but I could never keep thigh highs up! It may be the shape of my thighs, but there’s nothing better than standing there in a meeting and feeling your stocking roll down. Fun times!

      1. Me too! Plus clear, cool pastels for me as well. All these dusty colors make me look like a Victorian corpse. I do not have the coloring to pull it off.

    10. My favorite style in my adult life has been the JCrew pair a casual piece with a fancy piece trend circa 2010. Loved a t-shirt or chambray top with a fancy pencil skirt and over the top necklace. Love a silky big gorgeous blouse with touser like jeans. Now, I hope that sneakers with dresses never ever go out of style.

    11. Scarves. The silk scarves, in beautiful rich colors. The tissueweight wool scarves, all colors, sometimes worn over a wool coat almost poncho style. Gauzy linen scarves for summer, that blowing in the breeze at the beach look. Scarves, scarves, scarves.

    12. off the shoulder tops/dresses (for weekend wear). i think i’ll be wearing skinnies forever or straight leg. i just can’t with the jeans i wore back in the 7th grade

    13. When Mad Men was really popular, big, 60s-esque A-line skirts and dresses were in fashion. I wish that was back in, but we’re in 90s, clingy midi times.

      1. I just cannot get over the fact that my college student daughter is wearing the same styles I wore when I was in college. I just cannot bring myself to wear slip skirts again.

    14. I long for full-length, non-crop pants. With a properly-sized inseam. That don’t expose my ankles and bottom of my calves. Particularly in winter. My conspiracy theory is that cropped pants and capris were pushed by Big Trousers in order to skimp on fabric and to avoid having to offer several inseam variations for sale. I also theorize that, just like 3/4 sleeves (which I like very much, by the way), the capri cut is meant to suggest an adolescent body, growing as fast as a beanstalk and outgrowing clothing, as a means to look more youthful.

  13. Has anyone had any success with new PTSD treatments? I was in a really bad car accident 20 years ago and did the work with a therapist to get to a point where I could function normally, but have never been a good passenger. I’ve worked around this by riding in the backseat or offering to drive. Lately it’s become exacerbated because my boyfriend likes to drive, so I spend a lot of time as a passenger in the front seat. He understands my PTSD and my triggers (and is an excellent driver), but after 20 years I’d like to be at a point where I’m not having involuntary panic reactions every time traffic slows or people brake in front of us. I know there have been new studies about microdosing or new drugs, so I was just wondering if anyone has had any success with any of the new treatments. I got the sense from my therapy sessions 20 years ago that they “worked” (in the sense that the nightmares stopped and I could at least get in a car again), but I didn’t get the sense that continued therapy would cure the problem.

      1. +1 DH is a first responder and did this recently with life changing results for him (and consequently me and our kids).

    1. EMDR! My bestie is a therapist and uses EMDR for PTSD patients with a lot of success. I’ve used it for general anxiety and found it very effective for that too. It sounds really woo woo, but is backed by research.

    2. I’ve read a lot about how Tetris can help with PTSD – not sure if that’s only immediately after the trauma or every time you’re triggered by the trauma. Look it up, lots of stories and studies.

    3. Another vote for EMDR. It sounded woo woo to me, and then I was shocked at how effective it was in addressing flashbacks to a traumatic medical event. They’d been keeping me away from medical settings, and now I can actually calmly go to doctors and hospitals without ruining my day (even though it’s still not my favorite thing).

    4. Yes, I was cured of severe PTSD in four months of very intensive therapy after a mass shooting. You need someone who ONLY does PTSD. Your local level one trauma center (where they life flight shooting vics) may have a traumatic stress center attached to it, and that’s a good place to start.

      The therapy is really hard. Really hard. But it can be curative.

      1. My therapy modality was prolonged exposure therapy, which was a precursor to EMDR.

        1. I’m the anon below, and this is what I did too! Glad you’re doing better. My trauma was similar to yours, and it’s been rough going sometimes.

          1. I’m really sorry. I hate that there are two of us here. Just know you’re seen and not alone.

            I do want to be clear. By “cured,” I mean only that I no longer qualified as having PTSD using the DSM checklist and I could go to public places again without a panic attack. But the tail of PTSD is long, and it took several years before news stories that felt like my story did not result in a couple days of spiraling anxiety. And I still look for escape routes in every place I go just in case I need to run. But I actually go to the places now and it’s a minor “what’s my plan if…” thought, not a paralyzing “it’s going to happen again I have to get out of here NOW” thought, and I think that’s good enough.

            Anyway, I didn’t want to make it sound like I’d returned to some sort of blissful naïveté, and I realize my comment could be read that way. My therapist said I’d achieved a non-dysfunctional relationship with the experience, and I think that’s probably the best phrasing for it.

          2. For OP, it sounds like your relationship with driving is still in the dysfunctional range, and I do think therapy will help move it into the functional range. You’ll probably always carry the memory of what happened to some degree, though. But hopefully you’ll get it to a place that feels healthy for you.

      2. I’m not sure what type of therapy this poster used, but I wanted to just +1 the sentiment that the treatment is extremely hard but worth it.

        I did DBT prolonged exposure therapy, which is often used to treat veterans who have PTSD with good results. It’s much different from the type of exposure therapy where you “just” ride in a car over and over. It changed my life in a good way, but it was a very difficult few months to get there.

        I know people who have had good results from EMDR but it didn’t work for me, personally.

    5. Time to check in with a therapist again. A lot has changed in therapy for this over the last 20 years.
      Please don’t experiment on your own with microdosing (?!?). Just check in with someone who knows what they are doing and specifically sees people for anxiety/PTSD and does EMDR and other therapies.

      Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

  14. I swear I thought that Birdies would work well with my duck feet. They are VERY comfortable to stand in. Nice padding. But I keep walking out of them, even after adding heel snuggies. I guess maybe I need a Mary Jane style. Any good more formal / office looking options? And do I want a buckle strap or an elastic one? I just want shoes that stay on my feet.

    1. I could not get Birdies to stay on my feet either. I’ve had better luck with Rothys.

  15. i’m thrilled bootcuts are back!

    am i wrong to think that colors never left? obviously fashion bloggers all wear neutrals but in real life (especially since color theory became so popular) I feel like I see colors everywhere.

    1. I agree! I love bootcuts!
      Also agree on color. I live in a coastal environment and neutrals look nice but color pop never became a thing here because it was already popping with color. I love it.

    2. I sometimes have to find the bright colored items on posh mark, but have never hesitated to wear colors. No one is so confined to what’s in a catalogue for their clothing.

      Sometimes it feels like commenters are confining themselves in made up style boxes. Or maybe they don’t have the confidence to wear what works for them unless they see it in stores.

    3. bootcuts have been my fave since the late 90s when I was a teen. I’m so happy they are back (and this time without the super low rise which makes them even better!)

    4. I think some color combinations went out of style. I still refuse to wear cobalt and black together.

      1. You go to a store like Aritzia and it’s all black grey beige black. Sooo boring!

  16. Getting back into running and looking for new running shoes. So much has changed since I last ran. I used to wear Nike Free but it seems that minimalist running shoes are out and support is in. I’m open to trying some new brands. Any to recommend? I’m 40, no knee issues but cognizant those could be on the horizon. I’ll primarily be running on a treadmill.

    1. Im going to suggest a running store. They’re amazing and they look at your feet and your gait. Also at mine they’ll let you go for a run around the block and invite you to their Saturday morning running club. I’m running in new balances that are somehow cushier than hokas and I’m loving it for my 42 year old joints.

    2. If you haven’t had any structural issues or injuries, and know a shoe that works, go with it. I’ve been running in the same Brooks make and model through all the trends (20+ years now) and wouldn’t dream with what works just because trends change. Why borrow trouble?

    3. Minimalist shoes are no longer trendy but you can find them (if that’s what works for you). try the Merrell Glove if you’re looking for a minimalist running shoe.

    4. Go to a speciality running store and try on different sneakers. This depends so much on foot shape, stride, and personal preference.

    5. Go to a running store and get properly fitted.
      Back when I ran, Brooks Glycerins were what the store recommended to me.

    6. Be careful of the running stores suggested, or at least go in with some knowledge. Around me they want to give everyone stability shoes. That’s fine if you need it, but I do not and I got injured this way early in my running journey. If you have even an hour to spare learning about the types of shoes, I have had much better luck ordering a few pairs to try on my own. I like Hoka Mach 5.

    7. Personally, I like Asics. But I think your best bet is trying on some different shoes and see what feels best to you. Or just stick with the Nikes that you like!

    8. Running shoes are so specific to individual people, it’s hard to get recs online. Your best bet is to go to a running store and try on lots of options.

    9. I love my brooks levitate, which have a lower profile that the very popular brooks ghost.

    10. Another voice suggesting to go get fitted at a running store. The analyze your gait and help find shoes that are comfortable as well a suited for your needs.

      I got fitted about a decade back and love that I now have three specific shoes I can order online whenever I see them in sale and just know they will work.

  17. A relative had a ton of silver dollars and half dollars and “proof sets” in a safe deposit box (of course, on the top shelf of a vault). I am their executor. I know that silver has a value and some of the silver dollars may have a high silver content. Are there reputable places to look up the value of coins or get an appraisal? Or just go to a metal dealer and discuss that value? I am not sure what to do and pretty sure that it doesn’t make sense to mail coins out (for some of them, I bet the value is less than the cost of using something secure and trackable like FedEx). Remind me never to collect heavy things :)

    1. Find a coin dealer – contact a local antique store or antique jeweler for recs if you aren’t sure. Do not go to just any ol’ pawn shop or We Buy Gold place – that’s a fantastic way to get ripped off.

    2. Why do you need an appraisal? If the relative’s estate is below the taxable limit, you might not need an appraisal.

      One option is to “auction” the coins to the beneficiaries. Let them all decide if they want to buy the coins from the estate or divvy up the set in a rational manner.

      Another option is to call an estate liquidation outfit and have them deal with it. I also like the coin dealer suggestion.

      If you feel sentimental, keep a proof set from the birth year of each beneficiary and give the set to the beneficiaries.

      Otherwise, I don’t see this being worth spending a lot of time on.

      1. I feel like if need to divide between people, I need to know relative amounts or relative weights, yes? Like if there are 7 silver dollars, but 3 siblings, if one gets more, then do you even it out in half dollars? Are they worth 2:1 or something else?
        Clearly, this is because one kid is in BigLaw and truly DNGAF but one has great need and will also cause a ton of drama, and is aggrieved at any turn (and seems to be gunning for the BigLaw kid out of spite, like there is a conspiracy to defraud and as if the BigLaw kid wants to lose her law license over coins worth maybe a few thousand dollars that might cost hundreds of dollars to mail).

        1. You get two, big law gets two, aggrieved party gets three. It’s no big deal to you two so just give her/him an extra coin and move on.

          1. I’m the anon who suggested the auction and this is exactly what you do.

            Or person A divides the set into three smaller sets, person B picks which set he wants, person C picks her set, and then person A gets what is left.

    3. Go to a coin specialist. Don’t go to a metal dealer. If they’re preserved carefully, they have more worth than their metal content.

    4. Take photos of the proof sets, front and back. Contact coin dealers and you can share photos so they know what you’re dealing with. They should be able to provide ballpark estimates from those contingent on evaluating the coins in person (or let you know if there is very little value).

    5. If the coins are labeled, there are a few reputable online auction sites that you could search on to get a relative sense of value for yourself, before talking to an appraiser. It can be hard even for experts to decide what is a very fine coin versus a fine coin, but it’ll give you an idea if you’re looking at Tens of dollars or thousands of dollars per coin.

    6. Ugh, I know this all too well as my grandfather bought tons of these and my siblings and I inherited them. We just did a back of the envelope “fair is fair” sort of split because we were still kids and my mom was in charge of things. Over the years I’ve sold mine and it netted out to several thousand dollars, I have no idea if my siblings are the same, or not.

      A few options:
      #1. Sell them to a coin dealer and split the money 3 ways. This is my true suggestion because actually selling them all is a PITA.
      #2. Ask the sibling that cares about this how they would like to divide it up. if there is any research to be done, have them do it. Sold lots on ebay is a good place to get a ballpark. It’s how I sold mine and some sold for like $20 and some for $200.
      #3. Get them appraised individually, then divide up evenly. This is expensive, and a lot of work, and at the end of the day nobody has any money.

    7. You are better off just figuring out a way to divide them in a roughly equivalent manner on your own. If you get them appraised, it likely will not be cheap, so the estate will end up with less money over all… Otherwise, and this is probably the easiest, just sell them all to a coin dealer and divide the proceeds equally.

    8. You want a coin dealer, not someone who would buy them for metal value alone. The metal value is likely to be less than their value as coins (and a metal dealer would definitely know that).

  18. I am really struggling with trying to lose some weight. thinking about intermittent fasting but i work out in the morning and like to have a good breakfast after so i take advantage of that post aerobic efficiency burn. Is there some magical way around this that i am not thinking of?

      1. well if i eat breakfast after i work out than i have essentially blown the intermittant fasting…. that’s the question

        1. Not if you stop eating by late afternoon. There’s no reason that IF means you can’t eat breakfast.

        2. I think doing a properly fueled workout exceeds any potential benefit of intermittent fasting. But IF does not always = skipping breakfast, so if you’re interested in doing it, you could just consider a different fasting window.

        3. No you’ve burned glycogen stored in your liver that will go to fat. Read Jason Woo.

    1. I think starting the day with burning calories is a good move! Early/small dinner is the alternative approach to a good long overnight fast.

    2. Intermittent fasting isn’t about skipping breakfast. Your eating window could be 8am- 6pm. Earlier windows are actually better and more effective.

      1. I thought the point of IF was to skip meals so you reduced calories. If your window is 8-6 you are eating three meals, so doesn’t that defeat the purpose? That’s just a normal eating schedule with breakfast a little late and dinner a little early.

        This is why I think IF is stupid.

        1. No, calorie reduction isn’t the whole point of IF. The point is to leave enough time to allow insulin levels to fall. It’s hard to burn fat for energy when insulin is elevated.

    3. I struggled with the same schedule issue you’re describing, because I love my morning workouts and wanted to make intermittent fasting work! I didn’t ever find the set time that worked well for me for the eating window. If you’re open to alternative ideas, metformin has been a real game-changer for me in the three months I’ve been taking it.

    4. Wrong place to ask about IF. One or more people are going to come here and yell at you that you have an eating disorder and are mentally ill.

    5. Also a morning workout person. I haven’t been able to make IF work. I suppose I could move my eating window, but that leaves me eating a lot during the workday, which is a PITA. Plus, I want to be able to eat dinner with my DH and kids and an earlier window would make that near impossible.

      I dunno. I like breakfast, and I feel terrible all day if I don’t refuel after a morning workout.

    6. I didn’t think I could do intermittent fasting because I didn’t want to get into a willpower war with myself, then I read Fast Feast Repeat by Gin Stephens, and decided to just give it a try and find out. She also has a book for how to approach the first month of IF, 28 Day Fast Start. I’m a couple of months in, and so far her predictions have come true. I also read Jason Fung’s books, who explains the rationale for IF in a lot of detail, but for “how to” I found Gin’s books much more helpful.

  19. Help me work through my feelings

    I work with a local org. They needed volunteers to do work similar to my actual job, so I volunteered. I did a lot of tasks, actually the second most out of everyone.

    There is a big event coming up. Many of the volunteers are going to go to the event and volunteer day of. However I’ve been assigned/tasked to do volunteer work elsewhere, not at the big event.

    I’m feeling extremely bummed about that. Much more than I would have expected. It actually makes sense because said skillset doesn’t really have to be at the big event. But it has made me less motivated to volunteer overall.

    This is a cause I believe in, but I do feel that I have done a lot. Would it be incredibly petty for me to volunteer less because I’m feeling unappreciated / left out?

    1. I’m sorry. People need celebration and to be included, not just to perform labor.

      Can you say something? “I’m pretty bummed about being left out of the big event, especially because I’ve been working my tail off. Is there a way for me to attend?” That might be better than ghosting.

      That said, to answer your question: no. You can use your time as you see fit, and using your time in a way that builds up resentment isn’t good for anyone. Pulling back (for now, forever) is okay, and you have this internet stranger’s permission.

      1. That’s what I was thinking. I worked for this org before, and I know that it is important to think of volunteers overall feelings too. There are employees and volunteers doing somewhat similar work, but its different if you’re working there.

        I feel bad because it is something I care about a lot, and I know the organizers are busy. Me pulling back may hurt them, but also I don’t want to do unpaid labor that I feel bad about.

        1. This group is very “you should do it for the CAUSE!” so they may react badly, but still.

          1. Volunteering is optional. It doesn’t sound like it works for you with this particular org, OP. And that’s ok. There are lots of orgs that need your help and may be more appreciative than this one.

        2. If I were in your shoes, I’d pull back after the big event.

          Frankly, I think some non-profit orgs won’t change their ways unless they are constantly losing volunteers. Sometimes it’s calculated. I support a nonprofit org where there is a very divisive volunteer who runs off anyone else who wants to help with even the smallest tasks. In a perfect world, Divisive Volunteer would be removed by the board of directors. Instead, since Divisive Volunteer basically works a full-time schedule for the org for free, Divisive Volunteer does everything herself and the board of directors wonders why donations are down and no one comes to the events.

          1. Agree with this. If they don’t treat their volunteers right, they will lose volunteers and maybe at some point they will get the message.

        3. Don’t overthink it. Tell the coordinator you’ve been volunteering a lot and you really want to be at the big event. Just see what happens and don’t worry about worst case scenario.

          Or if you have an in with someone specific related to the event, ask them first.

    2. Plenty of organizations that use volunteers aren’t great at managing volunteers or treating them well (cough cough my local PTA org cough cough). It’s your time and your life, you don’t have to work for them at all, so you should feel free to step back if you feel unappreciated or left out.

      If you think someone in power might be open to feedback, you could approach them and explain why you’ve decided to step back.

      To be frank, some of the nastiest interactions I’ve ever had outside of high school have been as a volunteer. Some people get the idea that if they are in charge of a set of volunteers, they can be straight-up abusive because they aren’t paying the volunteers.

        1. My kids are out of elementary and I can still here the PTA b!tch in my head who *screamed* at me for putting my recyclable trash in the compost receptacle at the stupid “let’s all be green” fair. You would have thought I’d wrung someone’s neck – she’s lucky she has all of her limbs.

        2. I sidestepped PTO involvement when my kids were little, but now I have a high schooler in a time-intensive activity that genuinely needs parental involvement and volunteerism. Hoo boy. These parents are INTENSE and scare me a little!

          1. I was able to beg off when my kids were little, too, and volunteering with fellow middle school and high school parents is making me question why I haven’t run off and joined the circus.

    3. Talk to the organizers! I was a volunteer program manager at a non-profit. I always wanted to make my volunteers as happy as possible, and would want to know if something had gotten them down – especially if it meant they were feeling unappreciated or left out. Granted, some things I couldn’t change or improve. If you let your volunteer manager/organizer know that you really want to go to the big event, maybe they can find a way to make it work. And if they can’t, keep in mind that they are doing their best to coordinate things in service of the mission. The other thing to keep in mind is that many non-profits, especially smaller ones, may not have an official volunteer manager whose job it is to pay attention to how volunteers are feeling. So this is probably not personal – they may just not realize or have the skills/bandwidth to pay attention to you signals.

      1. I also wonder if it’s a situation where they have to draw the line somewhere, either because of space or financial constraints. I’m sure that doesn’t feel good, but I also don’t know that it’s personal.

      2. This. It’s worth a mention / ask – if you’re embarrassed about asking directly “Can I attend Big Event?” You can ask to volunteer there (registration, A/V, whatever) or even be a B-List invite, “if someone can’t make it, is there room for me?”
        I also think it’s legit to say, “Hey, I know I did a lot of this kind of work because I believe in the cause but also, is there anyway I can attend Big Event?”
        And if it’s an Election Night Watch Party – just go. No one will care.

  20. I am in state government and we have been working with some consultants from a couple firms over the past two years to help us launch a project. We are getting close to go-live and once we do their involvement in the project will end. The consultants are out of state though we have been meeting virtually several times a week and gotten to know each other well. What should I do to thank them for their work on the project? A group email? Individual emails? An offer to be a reference for future customers?

    1. I do consulting work for state governments, and even a group thank-you e-mail is practically unheard of. Individual thank-you e-mails would be absolutely lovely and would get saved in the recipients’ “keep forever” folders.

    2. I’m a consultant and I agree this is what you get paid to do, but, I think a group email is a nice way to acknowledge their contribution. For any true outstanding workers, I would write them an email separately that lists their work because it can be used for performance management.

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