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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Forever Sweater Tank

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A woman wearing a white tank, white-and-blue bandana around her neck, and blue jeans. She is carrying a black jacket.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I’m a huge fan of the cotton/modal Forever Sweaters from Banana Republic Factory, so I was thrilled to see they’re offering it in a sleeveless shell for summer. It’s machine washable, and while it’s more substantial than a cotton tank, it doesn’t feel too bulky.

Grab it in a few colors and layer it under blazers and cardigans all summer long.

The top is $33-$39 at Banana Republic Factory — with 20% off at checkout today — and comes in sizes XXS-XXL. It’s available in five solids and two fun striped patterns. 

Sales of note for 5/29:

169 Comments

  1. What are you getting for your mom for Mother’s Day? I’m a bit behind this year lol

    1. Sometimes nothing, sometimes vintage earrings or something nice if I find it, sometimes a souvenir from a trip I just took, or a book I found that she might like. It fluctuates. This year it’s nothing except my presence :-D Do you have a relevant picture you can get printed and framed?

    6. A hanging flower basket, I always do and have for 15+ years. Sometimes my sisters decide to get her hanging flower baskets too, and we get to see which one my mom likes the best by which one she hangs by her front door.

    7. Nothing, or flowers if I am on my game early enough that year. A phone call and a chat is what she wants so that, she shall receive. I appreciate this about her, esp as the daughter who lives far away.

    8. Nothing – she’s recently diagnosed with dementia and I’m at a loss. She never wants stuff anyways.

      2. I’m so sorry. This is really cheesy, but I got my mom one of those pillows you can custom order (like from Walmart) with lots of family photos on them.

      3. I’m sorry to hear this. Fortunately, there are many things that folks with dementia can enjoy up until the very end. Favorite foods and music are among the most long lasting. If you can bring out her favorite old records/CDs and play them with her, and let her sing or tell the old stories, while eating her favorite food, that’s just the best. If she is too depressed to appear to enjoy these simple things, I hope you can ask her doctor’s to treat her depression too, which is commonly overlooked and undertreated in people in your Mom’s position. Hang in there. It’s a long road.

    9. Mother – daughter -granddaughter trip to the theatre.
      She’s in town visiting this year, so it worked out.

    11. We always get my mother a large porch pot, and usually all of her daughters contribute to whatever larger item she might need; this year, her television has been wonky so we’re getting her a new one.

      A couple of years ago we got her an Aura electronic picture frame that we loaded with photos. The whole family – her daughers and the young adult grandchildren – all have access to send new photos, she loves it.

  2. Potential donor egg mom, if you’re still reading. I used donor eggs and I’m so happy I did. My son is the light of my life and I could not love him more. I only wish I had moved on to them earlier.

  3. Has anyone ever replaced just a kitchen countertop? Can you comment on price/difficulty? It’s a tiled countertop with ugly grout and I would love to place quartz there instead but don’t have the funds for a full remodel effort right now. In a VHCOL area.

    1. I did! I wandered into a countertop store, they had a huge sale on a slab I liked and it was shockingly affordable. On my way home I gabbed a sink and faucet from Lowes so it was on hand when they came out to measure.

      It was a huge quality of life improvement for relatively little hassle.

    2. We did! It’s going to depend a lot on your kitchen size. To ballpark it, go to the home depot website and put in your measurements. Then double it as the nicer counters are much higher than HD and labor may be a bit higher than HD.

      FWIW, we re-did ours in the boston are and went with I think a quartzite. It was about $70/sq ft installed. If you want higher end materials, just call a couple places and ask them the average pricing per sq ft for whatever material you are considering and measure. Also see if they will take your old counter out. Ours included that but our existing counter was granite not tile. You could also consider doing the demo yourself if you are mildly handy and rent a dumpster (we live in suburbia so it’s easy; i appreciate it is not if you are in a hi rise!)

      1. Things may have changed but I have a quartz countertop from HD installed by them in 2008 and it’s still going strong! I am not sure what a “nicer” counter would be – maybe granite? But I didn’t want anything heavily patterned so I chose the quartz. Minimal maintenance.

    3. Oh, and you’ll need a new sink/faucet and soap dispenser. Budget $300-$1500 for that depending on your taste.

    4. I feel you on the tile, and if you’re a frequent cook, getting rid of it is a huge improvement in functionality. It’s not hard to replace, and if funds are limited, laminate performs well, looks fine and is cheap. I am a soapstone gal at heart, but laminate does me just fine, and I put my kitchen through a lot.

      1. Unwilling frequent cook :) I don’t like cooking but would love to make this upgrade to make it better.

        1. You will like it, I think. Do take a serious look at laminate before deciding. I know stone or manufactured stone is en vogue, but the cost savings and ease of replacement while being perfectly good looking and functional, makes it a solid pick as well.

          1. Do you have a link to the kind you mean? The only laminate countertop I’m familiar with is the super 90s-looking kind in my family’s house and/or the totally decrepit kind I had in my first rental after college. I’m sure there are nicer options but wouldn’t know how to pick out the good stuff.

          2. Our house came with a generic laminate countertop that I have been trying to kill for two decades so I can justify replacing it…that thing is indeed indestructible. Enough that when we finally do redo the kitchen, I will probably go with a better color of laminate instead of the quartz I dream about because I won’t worry about damaging the laminate.

    5. It’s actually really easy!

      I went to a local stone remnant yard and picked out the slab. It’s priced per sq ft. Price wise, granite < quartz < marble. I only paid $600ish for a granite 5foot long counter.

      I gave them the dimensions, picked the edge design. First initial visit to measure. Second visit to install.

      You can also do this through Home Depot or Lowe’s.

      (Quartz cutting creates silica dust that causes silicosis for workers)

    6. My sister did and it was a huge upgrade to her kitchen. She ended up getting a better price at a local countertop store than Lowes. Also, highly recommend taking samples home to see how they pair with your cabinets. The ones she and I liked in the store were totally different in her actual kitchen!

      1. Oh no. :-( And had thought it was more environmentally friendly than a stone countertop because they didn’t need to cut pristine slabs but could use offcuts/waste. Blarg.

        Too late for me — new countertops installed already. But they will be there for as long as I live in this house (which is until I die), so there’s that at least.

      2. This is awful. I was taught not to handle diatomaceous earth on an occasional basis without an elastomeric respirator, and these companies aren’t even requiring any PPE at all?

        1. CA just based a law requiring wet cutting and full respirators, but no other states have any laws about it. My brother had quartz counters installed last year and was pretty shocked to see that they didn’t use any PPE when doing the final cuts onsite.

          1. OP here and I’m based in CA – this is one area we do better. I will read this article!

          2. My spouse worked in a small, family-owned (not his family) countertop shop way back when we first met. The “safety precautions” were a farse. There were certain products that when the shop was cutting them, he would volunteer to do field checks so he wouldn’t be around to breathe the dust. I never set foot in the shop and still experienced breathing issues just from doing his laundry.

        2. Oh wow, meant to get into diatomaceous earth this fall for houseplants but I guess I’ll have to research that more. When the bag arrived from Amazon last fall it had burst open so it’s just been sitting in my garage while I figure out wtf.

          1. You want food grade for plants anyway, not the kind they’re talking about. Do not put the other diatomaceous earth on plants or near pets.

          2. I always have an elastromeric around for other things, so it wasn’t a big hassle for me, so I didn’t check if N95 or N100 paint masks are adequate. Maybe it is overkill for occasional exposure vs. occupational use, but I do have asthma and need all of my lung capacity, so I just follow the official recommendations (I’m the person who reads and follows label instructions for household cleaners too; it’s kind of crazy to me the level of PPE some of them legally require!). It’s mostly because when handling it in can get into the air.

      3. What is the best and safest alternative to quartz? A few years back there was a bunch of hype about radioactive granite countertops.

          2. The risk with quartzite should be about the same, as it has the same high silica content. It’s possible that the resin content in quartz might play some role in making it worse (I don’t think anyone really knows for sure since this is a pretty recent thing), but silica is the main cause of silicosis, which has been known for a long time.

    8. Not OP – but a big thank you to the people warned about engineered stone like quartz.

      Am currently considering countertops, and this tipped me to ditch quartz and consider wood and laminate only. (I don’t like granite.)

  4. I’m turning 40 this year and considering buying myself a Louis Vuitton bag. I’ve been thinking about it for over 10 years and rationalize not doing it bc it’s expensive and will go out of style. I like the tote but it doesn’t really fit with my life right now and would be kind of gauche at my office, so I’m thinking about buying a crossbody purse. Maybe I’ll regret it, but I can afford it and deserve to splurge on myself a little, in addition to likely trying Botox this year as well. A few questions:

    1) Are there other brands or styles I should consider? I’m not as current on designers
    2) Is the in store shopping experience still worth it? I’m about 2 hours from a store so could make a day of it. If not, I could buy online. I’m also considering buying used from The Real Real, if I can find one in good condition at enough of a discount.

    1. In your shoes I would look for pre-owned, on the Real Real or even Ebay. Plenty of selection in many styles in great condition, but already depreciated. I’ve never been one to focus on the “experience” of buying something, so would not miss whatever goes on in the store when you buy one. In my last few issues of glossy fashion mags LV ads have featured very used looking bags, so I they’re trying to get everyone to drag those “out of fashion” bags out of the closet and use them – an interesting tactic that seems to have resulted in a notable uptick of well worn Neverfull Totes on my public transit commute.

    2. I like Celine and Ferragamo a lot lately. I would hesitate buying bags from The Real Real as they do not authenticate and they have a lot of fakes. I would look at Fashionphile if you want to purchase used. I love luxury bags so if that makes you happy and you will use it often, I say go for it.

      1. Thanks for the tip on The Real Real. Not OP buit I’ve been hunting for a particular designer bag or two over the last 6 months or so. What si tes are my best bet for authenticity? I’ve never bought anything of value second hand before so this is new to me.. Are Poshmark and Ebay ok?

        1. Neither Ebay nor Poshmark authenticates the items that are sold through their platform. The items come directly from the seller. You might have better protections through Poshmark, although I have no personal experience with asking for a refund (the only time I had an issue, the seller and I worked it out between us).

          1. eBay does actually if you sort and buy something through their authentication process. It’s a bit hidden but it is an option.

          3. Poshmark authenticates over a certain dollar amount – and requires the seller send to them for authentication first before it’s shipped to you.

            If it were me, I’d only buy from Fashionphile or another retailer with a rigorous authentication program. So many fakes out there these days. Check out the Handbags subreddit for some recent RealReal issues.

    3. Do it! I had a really good year and splurged on a (secondhand) YSL crossbody bag and still get a little thrill every time I use it.

      Styles and designers are so dependent on your personal style. Try looking on a high end department store website to see what styles and designers you like other than LV (or go in person!). My own personal style is more classic and understated, so I like Celine, YSL, Bottega, and Ferragamo.

    4. There’s nothing wrong with getting a LV purse if you’d like one. I would consider going to a store not because they’re going to particularly “pamper” you (to my knowledge LV trails behind other luxury houses in terms of getting champagne, etc but your milage may vary by store), but because you can see the differences in size in person and try what you like. An Alma BB in epi leather is a classic shape and has been around for more than 50 years IRC. The Speedy in empriente or epi is another good idea. If you have an Hermes near you or want to buy online, an Evelyne is very practical. But I’d buy something fun and enjoy it. You’ll probably not regret a black or simple color leather bag.

      1. I have an Evelyne that is close to 10 years old now and still looks practically new and I have used the heck out of it.
        If I were buying new today I’d probably go with either a newer/brighter color of the Evelyne, or something by Bottega Veneta. The quality of LV for the price isn’t quite there for me. Other lesser known brands like Metier, Etro, or Savette might also be good choices. I vote for shopping at a high end store in person to try on sizes but then making a decision afterwards if you’re prone to in store pressure.

    5. I’m turning 40 this year too and if I were going to buy myself a purse like this, I’d go for a Loewe puzzle bag from like 5 yrs ago.

    6. I bought my MiuMiu bag from Fashionphile. I’d been thinking about for atleast a year and was finally ready to splurge on something after a making it through a really hard 18 months at my job. I’m so happy with it and don’t hace any second thoughts about it.

      I waited for 1. My bonus 2.the exact color I wanted to come up on resale 3. In excellent or good conidition 4. I made the agreement with myself that I was ok to spend this money and could comfortably afford the purchase.

      Do your due diligence on the bag so you dont have regrets about color or style, set your budget, and enjoy.

      (When my friend saw the bag, she confirmed it was very my style. Maybe you need a bestie to give you that last layer of comfort?)

    7. LV shopping experience is highly dependent on how busy the store is and the luck of the associate you get. I enjoy it because I still like to touch things and try on bags as I get surprised by what I think I want. If you want the full splurge in person shopping experience, every Loewe store has knocked it out of the park, same for Goyard, Ferragomo and Prada. Those brands tend to be less snooty, and are always welcoming despite my range of looks from hot mess running errands to dressed in expensive stuff. LV I definitely notice a difference in service based on how they size me up.

    8. Depends what you’ll use the bag for. For a special occasion bag, I like Chanel, Celine, Alexander McQueen and YSL. All designer but different price ranges and more fun designs available. For an everyday bag or a day bag, I have the Chloe Leather Top Handle Bag (with the braided handle) and Loewe puzzle bag. Both are crossbody and fit a lot. Polene is not as high end but has great every day options. I buy at Real Real (they do authenticate) and Fashionpile. Also, try a local high end consignment shop if you have one in the area. One of my favorite bags that I use for evening and day time events is the Louis Vuitton Vernis Alma in Pink — picked up on consignment and comes with a long strap. It brightens up any outfit!

    10. If you want something a little less recognizable, check out Nili Lotan’s new-ish line of handbags. They are absolutely gorgeous and I desperately want one. I also second the recs for Loewe (watch the youtube video on how to pronounce it!), Bottega Veneta, and Chloe. Congrats on your soon-to-be gorgeous purchase!

    11. 1. That’s the bag you want, it’s distinctive so no other bag will be the same. Goyard may be similar but…not the same.
      2. Yes it’s good and it’s worth buying from an authorised store so you know you’re getting the product you think you are.

  5. I ended up with more tickets than I need for the now sold out olivia rodrigo show. What is the most legitimate/easy way to sell them? I’m fine hanging onto them for a while, or selling them now. Everything looks scammy or full of fees or way overpriced. I just want to sell them for what I paid for them and don’t have a specific time frame in which to do it.

    (My daughter and her friend are going; both sets of parents tried to get tickets and we both happened to get them! They are pretty expensive.)

    1. Do they have other friends who would want to go and could buy them off you for face value?

      1. That’s what we are thinking will probably happen, they are just expensive tickets so it’s a little awkward. We are hanging onto them for now in case we hear of someone that wants them but I was wondering what a legit way to sell them would be if we don’t find a local taker.

    2. What city? If it’s Chicago can I buy them? ;)

      I’ve resold tickets on TicketMaster. They do take a pretty significant cut but I imagine resale prices for Olivia are so inflated you’d still come out ahead easily.

      1. Not Chicago unfortunately! I looked at TM and I guess that just means the buyer has to pay $$$ over my cost if I want to get my money back. But also I guess you pay for the security that you are buying legit second hand ones?

      2. +1 to just using TicketMaster for ease. I made sure to price high enough that I was getting the fees covered on both ends and just considered it a wash.

    3. Reselling on Ticketmaster is the easiest. On a show like this, you will probably make the fees and everything back. Some shows I have to just lose out but better the fees than the whole ticket price. If you list it for what is comparable to what you paid, you should sell them quickly. I don’t even try to sell them to people I know now because it’s too much of a hassle to coordinate versus just selling them on Ticketmaster.

    4. If it’s for NyC or Philly, and they are less than $500, please can I buy two tickets for myself and my daughter.

      Her father (who is the one with the money) changed his mind yesterday and didn’t buy the tickets he told myself and our child’s therapist he would buy. I looked last night and nyc was $800+.

  6. On the perimenopausal shape shifting theme from yesterday:

    I was a +1 size pear forever, but lately I have added some wrapping around my torso and a stomach. Still flat-chested. But more like. +2 sizes down south. Legs below the thigh are not affected at all. I like a t-Rex — I would win any tug-of-war match and if I weren’t in the senior division would think I could take up rugby. I look strong. Like Ox. But my style vibe was straight early 90s corporate minimalism. But here I am in a Sue Sartor flounce dress because they float over my current shape and have pockets. Huzzah!

    1. Can we not? It’s hard enough living in youth obsessed culture without having to have this nonsense day after day. It’s not funny or cute. And I guarantee you guys aren’t reading about their guts after 50. I’m tired of being made to feel like a body that isn’t Barbie is ok to compare to an animal or monster. Enough

      2. What’s wrong with acknowledging that our menopausal bodies change shape? I don’t hate my body, but it certainly is a little more challenging to dress than it was 15 years ago.

        And I wouldn’t be so quick to assume that guys over 50 don’t fret about their bodies…

        1. Nothing is wrong with acknowledging that our bodies change with age, but this way of talking about them – comparison to two different animals? – is just, like, okay, why are we doing this?

          1. Because dressing with a +1 size difference is hard enough; the switch to +2 size difference is another level entirely and sometimes posting about it on a fashion blog forum lets us say what we feel without being judged IRL (only by internet trolls who want to police our words anonymously).

          2. I interpreted the tone as upbeat and the “animal comparisons” as lighthearted attempts at humor. Have none of you heard the phrase “strong like ox” or “strong like bull” before? I understand the exhaustion of thinking about one’s body shape but at least OP has a positive attitude and seems to like her new dress.

        2. It’s weird to make it a cosmetic thing to me. If my aging body needs HRT, thyroid meds, or something done about fibroids, that’s medical, not fashion.

          2. There are just so many treatable conditions that age is a major risk factor for… but they’re still treatable.

      3. Not gonna lie. I’m really over the perimenopausal conversation that is in my face day in and day out. I say this as a 41 year old. I get that this is newly not taboo, and it’s worth talking about, but it’s incredible how much its in social feeds (yes, targeted algorithms, I know that’s why I’m seeing it), but it’s also on like The Today show and other B-list news that I sometimes have on in the ambient. Then here it’s like an every day topic.

        I don’t think I’ve ever complained about recurrent topics here, and I’m grateful for the information sharing we get in this venue as a forever-long-reader myself, so talking out of the other side of my mouth for a moment – I’m glad those who do want to talk about it have a venue for it. But I’m fatigued. I will continue to scroll on my by but consider this my +1 to your comment.

        1. yeah I don’t mind the topic, I DO mind the consistently defeatist attitude about it. If you want advice on dressing your current shape, do it without calling yourself names.

          1. I think that gets to the core of my complaint. I really do want to understand what’s happening to my body! But it’s all so negative. And I’m a PCOS girl who has lost almost 100 lbs to date on a GLP1. I don’t need more negative self talk – I have a lifetime of it and diet culture behind me and I’m actually feeling really damn good about myself!

          2. I am pro discussing perimenopause and menopause, but I think it’s strange that everyone keeps saying they now have to hide their shape in ruffle dresses instead of just trying different silhouettes of whatever they wore before.

        2. It is because oldest Millennials are reaching the perimenopausal age. That is not a criticism – just that a large demographic group drives conversation. Boomers were raised to think it was rude to discuss, and Gen X was too small for anyone to care what they were going through.

          But also, people feel free to say things about their own bodies and faces that they would not say about someone else. If I say I look like Winston Churchill it is a reflection of how I feel about myself, not how I view other women.

          1. It’s also partly people blaming COVID sequelae on perimenopause (some of whom are way too young for perimenopause unless something else is wrong).

          2. It’s not that GenX is too small for anyone to care about. It’s that GenX was raised to solve our own problems and not to complain.

      4. This reminds me of the poster who waxed on about looking like a jowly bulldog. I think it’s meant to be funny but it’s insulting to women aging normally.

        1. Probably the same woman who posts about not wanting to look like “mutton dressed as lamb.” I’m sick of all the posts in that vein and like others here, so sick of hearing about perimenopause literally 15 times a day.

          1. To be fair, all of the aging millennials talking about looking youthful and “fresh”, try another look more appropriate to reality?

      5. THIS! it is insane to me HOW LITTLE men have to worry about this or how UNLIKELY they are to use similar verbiage/analogy even jokingly about their own bodies.

        1. Men are wildly self conscious about their bodies. Are you excluding things like being short or bald?

          1. I agree that they’re self-conscious. But I don’t think it’s healthy for certain posters to repetitively and obsessively post about it with negative self-talk.

    2. You’re getting a lot of flak on here so I wanted to post my support as someone in the same position. I thought your comments on your shape shifting were obviously positive (I too am surprised by and proud of the strength of my middle-aged body compared to my youth). The same goes for your remarks on choosing different silhouettes. Like you, I’ve been delighted to find that styles I never used to wear have become new standards for me (like shirtwaist dresses with pockets!). The blowback you’re receiving is more about the lens through which others are reading than what you actually wrote.

      For those tired of reading about perimenopause or who dislike the ways in which some choose to describe their own experiences… that is what the “collapse thread” button is for.

      Huzzah indeed, OP! Happy for us both.

      1. Riiiiight. The t-Rex and ox are such obviously positive ways to describe a woman’s body. You want to negatively self talk go ahead. But trying to normalize this or worse gaslighting like it’s positive is why the pushback. Folks are tired of hearing aging women described like they are beasts or should disappear— and from other women makes it seem even worse. (And not enough GenXers went through peri? Lordt)

  7. I pretty much only buy myself “non-essentials” as a reward. I’m an abstainer and NOT a moderator. I’ll admit that my “essentials” do include treats: weekly fresh flowers from TJs, a monthly massage (covered by insurance!), nice groceries – and I frequently spend on hobbies, socialization , and one big trip a year . I just don’t often buy new THINGS (aka not consumables or experiences). I drive a 21 year old Honda and thrift the lions share of my clothing and apartment decor.

    I’m running my first ultra marathon this weekend (likely in the rain…) and would like to get myself a reward for finishing! I’d like to know exactly what I’m getting myself during the race so I can use that as a little extra motivation – I’m a bit undertrained thanks to unexpected work travel.

    Probably looking to spend about $150, but this is flexible. Past rewards for accomplishments have included a red light mask, a Diptyque candle, Shark FlexStyle, used road bike, pottery classes, adjustable weights, and a nice necklace with a very small diamond.

    30s, single, no pets/kids, live in an apartment. I love the outdoors/sports, entertaining (also going out). My big trip this year is France and Italy (Paris, Loire Valley wineries, Dolomites hiking).

    1. The shipping cost of sending yourself cases of your fave wine from France. Makes for the BEST souvenir and shockingly reasonable considering the prices you get buying direct from the wineries abroad.

    2. I’d buy a lovely bottle of perfume in one of the fancy high end department stores in France.

    3. Sorry – should have clarified. I’d like something I can get (or at least order) this weekend.

      I have a separate savings account going for European treats.

      1. Sending something to Framebridge so you can hang on your wall?
        Fresh cute street sneakers or Birks for summer
        A small Longchamp bag
        New carryon that for sure meets intra-Europe requirements (Travelpro should be in your budget and holds up well)

    5. First of all, buy the merch (and don’t count it against your $150). I have a lovely collection of race mugs going on as trophies. My usual post race treat is a massage a couple days afterwards at a nice spa, with a glass of expensive champagne while I sit in the hot tub.

    7. I would look for craft/art galleries somewhere vaguely along the route and buy a piece. You can probably get nice prints of simple ceramics for that price.

    8. Also, writing this out was a good reminder that I do have a pretty cool life.

      It’s easy to get bogged down in the day to day: training runs, work stress, sadness over being single, stress about finances. But yeah – I have a full, interesting life and I purposely don’t spend on the day to day so I have the funds to go do things I enjoy (travel!) and reward myself for big accomplishments! And – reading previous big accomplishment gifts to myself is a good reminder of how much Ive accomplished!

    9. I framed the map of my first marathon and hung the medal on it for my office – something like that?

  8. Does anyone have a Mulberry Bayswater? It’s been fixed in my brain for years after seeing one from afar at the time. I finally have a reason to treat myself and I desperately need a new work tote that projects crisp, executive presence. I’m a no-logo, minimalist design kinda gal – my Cuyana tote of 7+ years is going strong but it’s time to retire the old girl…

    I just haven’t been able to see a Bayswater in the wild and hold it myself. I’m happy buying a really high quality one second hand but I’d want to be able to hold it first and get a feel for it before a $$$ purchase like that. I could buy and return from Nordstrom I suppose… is that my best bet to try to hold it? I’m in Boston. No one around me appears to carry in store. I’ll be in Dallas next week with a little downtime and NYC a few weeks later… the SoHo store might carry it but it’s not really convenient to where I’ll be for work in midtown so this will be my last-resort plan. Any ideas or feedback if you’ve owned it?

    1. They’re lovely! I took a look when I was in nyc a year or two ago. I was kind of surprised at something – maybe that they didn’t have a lining?

    2. I have owned one, and it is a VERY good idea to try to hold one before fully committing, because as a result of the beautiful thick leather, they are quite heavy. I eventually consigned mine, in part because of that issue.

      If you can’t find an easy in-store option to take a look, I think ordering online from somewhere with a good return policy is a good option. Farfetch makes it easy to do signature required delivery or ship to a UPS store or similar option, if package theft is a concern.

    3. It’s a heavy bag. Looks great but no to the heaviness.

      Their smaller bags are a better weight. For work I like Prada.

  9. I have a good friend who just got diagnosed with breast cancer at 40. Unclear how aggressive yet or the treatment path. she’s single and lives close to me. How can I support her? I asked, and she said something like just by being there. That’s helfpul, but I just… want to be a good friend and don’t want to like forget to check in or something. advice?

    1. Depending on her treatments, could you ask her if you could drive or walk her home afterwards sometimes? One of my friends was in the same boat, and she ended up getting hurt in a fall heading home after a chemo treatment that got kind of messy – she had a reaction there, the nurses handled it and she seemed okay, but then she got disoriented on the subway stairs. I was long distance from her at the time, and this made me really wish I wasn’t.

      1. This is actually a wonderful idea. This is what I worry about a lot – how I’m going to be able to get home from my chemo appointments alone if I feel terrible. Or even a Lyft gift card would be amazing.

        Bringing her dinner/ordering take out with her on a somewhat regular schedule, so she can hang with you for an hour and not have to cook is amazing.

    2. If she does chemo, picking up “life maintenance” for her during her tired weeks. Tell her where you’re running errands and offer to pick up and put away her stuff too. Watering plants. Keeping the laundry moving.

    3. So many unknowns but she may need things like a person to help run a meal train for her, help with getting her to and from appointments (chemo can be a long infusion, then there can be days for platelets). If she is getting a port, she may need to shop for some new tops to give that room, etc.

    4. I’d suggest things like dropping off easy to freeze meals and/or snacks, offering to run errands/pick up prescriptions, and just keep reaching out.

    5. I just went through this personally — breast cancer as a single woman living alone. I’d recommend simply to stay in touch with her, as a normal friend would, and play it by ear as you go.

      In the early days of my diagnosis, I was flooded with questions of “What do you need?” and “how can I help?” I genuinely appreciated all of them, but also . . . I wasn’t ready to help people know how to help me. I was still grappling with the diagnosis itself, with having to say the word “cancer” out loud, with having conversation after conversation with people where I had to talk about cancer and my breasts.

      1. +1 – I also went through it, though was slightly under 40. The best thing you can do is to keep reaching out. Send funny texts. Check in on life in general. Agree with the idea of sending food or Door Dash gift cards. I didn’t need “things” and honestly everything I got at that time now reminds me of cancer, so I threw it all away or donated it (blankets, wrap sweaters, etc.). Know your audience there.

    6. My single, lives-alone sister had breast cancer in her early 40s. She had a ‘good’ breast cancer in that it was found early and very treatable. She had surgery and radiation treatment. Surgery was, well, surgery. Radiation was a 15 minute appointment 5 days a week for 4 weeks (if I remember correctly). She was very tired at the end of it all. There are a ton of non-treatment appointments too. I think she appreciated me keeping track of the big ones (first meeting with oncologist, etc). Also, now in her late 40s, she can’t have HRT.
      One thing – being a survivor is also challenging. It’s always in the back of her mind.
      https://katiecouric.com/health/cancer/long-term-psychological-effects-of-cancer/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=paidsocial&utm_campaign=KatieCouricMedia_EliLillyArticle4&fbclid=IwY2xjawN5ltVleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZBAyMjIwMzkxNzg4MjAwODkyAAEeLBt6WuyJwePkrMotyAwCQix6LzuWYwiFBX7VsDIE5LW6yOx-o98bvh4SqOA_aem_TaBtZMdXK1C6lqj4dtBsQQ

      1. Not sure if your sister has used that terminology and now maybe you do, but there is no “good” cancer. Don’t say that to someone unless they say it first (and even then they may using it in a tongue in cheek way). It’s also not a b**b job.

    7. A good friend of mine is going through it across the country. I sent her an Hermes scarf for when she lost her hair and I just text and make phone dates like normal.

    8. As a single, I would appreciate the drop off from chemo. Sure, you can order Uber, but anything can happen (bad reaction) and you want someone who will make sure you got home ok. I would also ask if she needs any help with some household chores. You can order groceries/food delivery and laundry is not an exhausting task for a single, but she may lack energy for hanging curtains (risk of vertigo), mowing lawn, moving furniture around to make her home more comfortable for this period….
      Thank you for being such a good friend!

    9. For most things like this, help with getting to appointments, handling errands, cooking dinner, coming over to hang out over time will mean the most. If she ends up needing a driver, that will be a big help. If she is too tired or any other emotion and needs someone to sit on the couch or cook dinner, that will be helpful too.

  10. Favorite sandals for LOTS of walking? Heading to Europe and planning on plenty of 20k-30k step days.

    I love my Birks but the firm footbed bothers me after 15kish steps. I’m thinking maybe Chacos? I’m open to anything.

    1. Does your itinerary have time for shopping on an early day? The Europeans have the most incredible walking sandals!

        1. I’m with Cat, especially in summer sandals rub and sneakers with socks absorb all that. I’ll do cute sandals for dinner and drinks.

    3. I love Chacos for legit arch support, but they have the firmest footbed in existence and it bothers me above a certain step count same as the Birks bother you. They’re also really heavy.

      I would choose SAS sandals if you want the best sandals for endless walking; they have a cushiony, supportive footbed and are just really comfortable.

    4. The Keen Elle Backstrap sandal. Light, comfortable, supportive, look good with casual or dressier clothing. Wearing them in Europe now myself!

    6. Without a doubt, my Fly London Taji sandals. The rubber soles and treads are great in all weather and on all surfaces. The elastic straps have never caused a blister. They look great with everything as long as your style isn’t too delicate.

    7. I wore Gentle Souls sandals around Italy but sneakers for the really big walking days.

  11. Wondering if anyone has any recommendations for a financial coach? I feel like a financial planner is more of a you have money and how do you grow it thing, I need more of a how do I pay off debt and save in a smart way as a single woman in her 40s. I’m at the, please expert just tell me what to do cause my brain is full and I just want a plan I don’t have to make point.

    1. I think you should just plug in your inputs into chatgpt and get a plan. I don’t think it’s that complicated and Chat can just do the math for you.

    2. Oh man . . . that’s the kind of work i’d love to do with people. I’m a coach, but have specific financial expertise other than that I had to learn how to live on a budget and experiment with what worked for me.

      On a simple starting note: Start watching Gail Voz-Oxlade, on YouTube. You’ll find 30-minute TV shows from a decade (more?) ago, from Canada. The shows are about her doing exactly what you’re talking about, with real-life couples who need to get out of debt, figure out spending habits, etc.

    3. Honestly I would start listening to a couple podcasts.

      Her Money
      Search through the episode titles for ones that speak to your needs – paying off debt, how to budget etc…

      Dave Ramsey podcast
      I am not a fan of this guy, but if you need hear someone repeat repeat repeat to one person/couple after another how to stop the bad choices and over spending, how to pay off debt, and generally be smarter financially, then it is an ok place to start.

      Then I suggest you start looking at the Boglehead books / chat site to think about simple and effective investing for your future retirement.

  12. One of my colleagues was drinking some kind of sugary beverage and eating skittles at a 9am meeting yesterday. I felt my blood sugar rising and crashing just looking at it. Obviously i didn’t say anything but I’ve honestly never seen anything like it before.

    1. Perhaps not the ideal option, but as someone who has long dealt with low blood sugar, sometimes that’s the most readily available way to stave off a crash until you can access something better.

      1. Yeah, if I’m crashing I need to eat something sugary right away just to get myself to where I can fix some real food.

      2. This. Might not work for you, OP, but might be the way that person needs to manage their own blood sugar levels in the moment. The probably know their own body best.

      3. People are so different. I have to use measured glucose tablets or it’s too easy to overshoot and make things worse!

    2. You’ve never seen an adult eating candy and drinking soda? Not everyone gets the reaction you do to certain foods.

    3. It is wild to me that you clocked this, thought about it for a while, then posted on a forum. Let people live. People make choices that are different from yours.

      1. +1
        It’s also just a microcosm of their life. I eat pretty healthy overall, but there have definitely been days where I needed a frappucino and a handful of M&Ms. Unless you see this person eating candy and sugary drinks every single day, I wouldn’t assume it’s a habit.

    4. I’m sure the sugary beverage was no worse than many of the things Starbucks makes. It’s just sugar in a less socially acceptable package than a caramel macchiato.

      1. +1 Don’t be classist about sweets.

        (Did OP really think that no one eats skittles and drinks soda, or was this about it being a colleague?)

        My blood sugar rises and crashes if I have a bowl of fruit salad. That doesn’t mean everyone else is making some kind of mistake!

    5. By 9 am, I have been at work for 3 hours, which means I have been awake for more than 4 hours. My day is well underway. Maybe your colleague keeps a similar schedule and needed the sugar.

  13. Some here have mentioned healthinsurance covering massages. How did you figure that out? Did you have to got a licensed physical therapist or can you go to a regular massage place? Do you need a doctor’s prescription? I’ve always enjoyed massage but I’m in my 40s and lately it feels more therapeutically necessary. The last few times I’ve gone the therapist has been horrified by the tension in my muscles so I’m wondering if I have a justifiable health reason to get them now.

    1. You need to find out what your own health insurance policy covers. There isn’t a universal process.

        1. Check your benefits documentation.

          My PT does manual therapy so it’s covered under PT for me.

        2. Search their website.
          Look at your benefits manual.
          Call their customer service line.

        3. It may be categorized as soft tissue therapy or under some other term.

          I never needed a doctor’s prescription, but you should absolutely be discussing the tension in your muscles with your doctor. Massage won’t cure a magnesium deficiency, a thyroid issue, or a rheumatological condition.

    2. Unfortunately, most commercial health insurance does not cover routine massages. Unless you work at Google or something with unusual benefits.

      What it will cover is physical therapy when you have a medically necessary reason to see a PT. A medical necessary reason may be a recent injury/surgery/fracture or a flare of a chronic medical condition (eg. arthritis, parkinson’s disease, deconditioning with falls etc..). These are things with medical diagnoses that a medical doctor has evaluated. And for many musculoskeletal issues you see a PT for “manual therapy” may be part of your treatment. But again, that does not mean you get 30-45′ massage. It typically means that for 10-15′ you get focused manipulation of the part of the body that you are seeing PT for.

      While I do agree that probably a regular massage is a wonderful thing that has great mental/physical health benefits that probably we all need, the opinion of your massage therapist that you have “tension in my muscles” is not a justifiable medical diagnosis that would cover PT for whole body massage 2-3xper week for 1-2 months (a typical PT schedule). But don’t quote me on this… if you OP had chronic back pain (or neck pain) of unclear cause that sometimes worsens with stress and inactivity – this is often treated with a round of PT and manual therapy on the back/neck is often a part of it. Manual therapy can sometimes be painful though!

      1. If it feels therapeutically necessary, I assume there’s some symptom there that can be coded. Pain, stiffness, I was in PT years before I was diagnosed with the medical condition that is the reason why I needed it so badly.

    3. I worked somewhere many years ago that covered it, and our policy said something to the effect of ’26 soft tissue therapy visits annually’. It was flat-out for massage, and there were certain local practicioners that employees visited. I didn’t become aware of it for a few years and was so bummed I’d not been taking advantage all along!

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