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Coffee Break: Private Eye Tote

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woman carries brownish suede tote

Looking to splurge on a bag? This best-selling tote from Métier would be one of my top choices.

The suede version is a best-seller at NET-A-PORTER, and I can see why — it looks chic and polished, yet has a bunch of interior pockets as well as a “pull-out pouch that can be converted into a cross-body bag.”

It will definitely fit a tablet, but is a bit on the small side for laptops — 10.2″ tall by 14.2″ wide, with a depth of 7.9″ — but there is also a larger version that clocks in around 11.4″ tall x 16.5″ wide by 9″ deep.

The pictured bag is $4,950 at NET-A-PORTER, where they have a number of iterations of the bag — suede! calf! quilted! medium! large! — as well as a lot of colors; you can also find a lot of options for the bag at Métier.com.

Sales of note for 5/26:

76 Comments

  1. I just had a Zoom call with a recent grad who was violently bouncing on an exercise ball the entire time. Sooo motion sick now – I tried to hide her from my view but then I missed body language cues for our conversation. Please, people, do not bounce with such force that you are swaying in the whole Zoom window!

    3. Bonkers. But also bonkers that you didn’t tell her to stop and let yourself get sick.

    4. Did you say anything??? I could not have continued a professional zoom under those circumstances.

      1. I would have, but I had never met her before and will never see her again so it didn’t seem worth it. In hindsight it would have been!

    5. Wait, what? !!???

      Were there other people on this zoom?

      If it was you two – ask her to stop!

      If there are lots of windows – remove her! If you care or need to, tell her you’re visually muting her due to movement, but otherwise, just make her disappear!

      1. There were four of us on the Zoom. I covered her up with a document but had to uncover to see her facial cues. If I had known I’d be full-on motion sick by minute 45, I would have definitely said something! I thought I could ignore it and was wrong.

        1. OMG you deserve to get sick. How could you not say something. We women will let a total stranger make us sick rather than just saying- hey please stop bouncing. Were you afraid if you said something then they wouldn’t like you or something? Ugh. Grow up.

    6. That is insane. But also, tolerating this for 45 minutes? I’m sorry, but that’s on you. If this was a job interview sort, even worse, you should have said something. Or, assuming some colleagues were on the call, you could have messaged them in parallel and asked whether they find this distracting, too.

      I have no patience for Zoom shenanigans any more. If noise is distracting, sound quality is awful, or another technical issue can’t be solved in 3 minutes, I am suggesting a reschedule once the issues are resolved.

  2. I’ve decided to stop using a loofah because of the bacteria (hard to go back after learning about it). I don’t like washcloths, though, so I’m wondering if anyone has any suggestions for those silicone scrubbers or some other product that could work for a loofah fan.

      1. Agreed, I have been using these forever. (And I had one that lasted maybe 15 years, after regular use and frequent washings.)

        1. Same. I had one that kind of came apart recently, and it had been at least 7 years, so half as long as yours but still impressive.

    2. I like a washcloth with a scrub product on it. Gives the same deep slough while being able to be properly cleaned (those plastic ones never seem to make it through heat the same way).

    3. I just use a Boie but the Casamera looks interesting. The Boie seems indestructible, though, so hard to justify buying something else.

    4. I like the Boie, it’s affordable, easy to clean, and has lasted 3+ years with no issues

      1. I have a Boie that I got in a gift bag and it hurts. Currently it’s just sitting in the shower, I’ll have to look into recycling it. I’ve always just used a baby washcloth.

    6. What are you using the loofah for? What function?

      For cleanliness I just swish some sensitive no scent intimate soap for smelly bits, no scrubbing of any kind.

      For exfoliating- nothing. Regular towels are fine!

      1. Most of us need extra exfoliation due to our skin type/lifestyle/product use or with age.

        1. You mean “some of us”—I’m another who only uses a rough towel to dry and it’s fine.

  3. This bag is on my dream list. I heard the founder (a woman) talk and she was amazing. She puts a ton of thought and design into her bags (sort of the ultra luxe version of Lo and Sons). This is goals for me (still buying Lo on sale).

    1. This is super nice but also I don’t get the price, even using well paid craftspeople it should not be that price. I’m tempted to recreate something similar with an old coat.

  4. Democracy jeans: what is the deal with these? I have now tried on many pairs and I have never bought them, despite the fact that they work well for my hips and thighs, while other brands do not. They just look so … dorky? Maybe it’s the washes I’m trying, but yikes, I’d rather stick with my $60 Levis.

    1. If you want something cooler than Levis and not dorkier, maybe try Adriano Goldschmied?

    2. Ha! To each her own. My democracy wide-leg denims look a lot less dorky on me than all the others I’ve tried, but maybe because the design addresses my specific peri-fabulous shape right now.

      1. It is very possible that this is a me-problem. I am not cool, never have been. They absolutely fit well for my shape. I just can’t understand why they don’t look right!

  5. What shoes do I wear clubbing/dancing in spring/summer? I have upcoming celebrations involving going out with gfs. We are in late 30s / early 40s. One is a trip to Vegas and a couple more are local nights out (walking between bars only). I’ll be dressed up for all of these as we are celebrating various things but just not sure what I can wear that won’t kill my feet but will look nice. Lookin g for specific recs/links. No budget. Can buy multiple things if needed. I feel like I’m too millennial to do the fashion sneakers thing right. But also maybe too old for stilettos like I used to do for this type of stuff.

    1. Went to Vegas last year as a 40 year old. While we didn’t really go clubbing, we did go see Magic Mike, ha. I wore sequins there and every night we went to dinner/out and about.

    3. Give us an idea of an outfit you have in mind. I’d do fashion sneakers because I just don’t care enough to match shoes to an event unless it’s a wedding or my paycheck depends on it.

    4. maybe like gladiator sandals with a lace-up-the-leg feature? but i don’t know if i’d worry about people stepping on my toes.

      i read somewhere that all the cute 20-something girls in clubs these days look like adam sandler. (it was in the context of exactly this, late 30s women trying to figure out what to wear to a club.)

    5. The shoes depend on the range of outfits you’re packing. Dressing up can mean a lot of different things.

      If you’re looking for cute casual comfortable, then dansko lizanne in taupe is quite versatile and unobtrusive. Will be fine for bar hopping, you will have zero pain at end of night, fine with both jeans and summer dresses.

      1. Similar, I wore the Naturalizer bristol to walk a mile and dance. No blisters or tired feet. Feels neutral enough to mix with a dress or jeans.

      2. I was sure I was going to cringe but these are adorbs. I want them in all the colors.

    7. i’m a little older than you but i have been to a lot of 50th birthdays this year and unless you’re a person who wears a heels, people are wearing flats or cute sneakers, even with dresses.

    8. There is a lot between stilettos and fashion sneakers! Do you have opinions about actual comfort shoe brands? (Sofft, Naturalizer, Clarks? I would not go any lower end than those. It is hard to find fashionable shoes from those brands, but they are comfortable.) Do you know what heel height works for you? (I have a sweet spot where lower is actually worse.) Did you have favorite stilettos that were easy on your feet? If you already know a brand has worked for you before, it could be worth looking at other styles from the same brand.

      If you’re avoiding heels, maybe something like this? https://shop.mango.com/us/en/p/women/shoes/flat-sandals/metallic-straps-sandals_67076736

    10. My go-to warm weather wedges are Stuart Weitzman (sooooo comfy). Yes, pricy, but I stalk them until they go on sale at Rack or SW’s website. Worth it.

    11. When I went to Vegas, I wore ballet flats for walking comfort even though I wasn’t going dancing. You could do sequin flats or something but also consider that you might get drinks spilled on them. I would not wear sandals in a club or bar personally for this reason.

    12. I have to do a lot of entertaining in Las Vegas around conferences (so tired feet). I usually do an espadrille or a vionic sandal if sneakers don’t seem dressy enough.

    13. If you are going to wear heels, chunky/block low heels are the key. You could try mules with a low block/chunky heel.

  6. who would you see if you wondered if you had pelvic floor issues? ortho? your GP?

      1. To be clear, my PFT did a diagnostic evaluation before we started any actual therapy.

      1. But if you’re not sure, start with the symptoms and your GP. Even if they’re not super familiar with pelvic floor issues, they may need to do some other tests to make sure it’s not something else entirely!

    5. Definitely a pelvic floor pt. There is a weird disconnect between the pelvic floor pt world and gynecology. Some gyns get it, but some are bizarrely clueless. There’s no point in seeing a gyn over an PT unless you need a referral or think it’s an issue you need medication for. In that case you’d want a gyn for things like HRT or vaginal estrogen, or a urogynecologist for most other pelvic floor related symptoms like urgency or leakage.

    6. (OP again – I’m the one who asked a week or two ago about hip issues and instability and chatgpt told me I had pelvic floor issues because I tweak my neck if I do even light core work (combined with hip issues. I tried just exercising my weak side and tweaked more weird muscles and have had PF pain for several days. So I don’t know who the F I need to see. It’s the interaction between my glutes/flexors/ab/deep core. I made an ortho appointment today while on a scheduling kick but now I’m not sure if I should be seeing a pelvic PT instead or in addition to all this.)

      2. You should probably just make one GP appointment instead of trying to have the Internet diagnose everything for you.

  7. I think I’ve seen someone recommend a suede spray protectant previously, but can’t remember the name. I bought a purse and would like to protect the best I can so I’d appreciate if you have a product that you’d recommend.

    1. Apple brand guard (garde?) has been this board’s historic recommendation.

  8. My methods of organizing tasks and to-do lists are starting to fail me as I have more to keep track of. I have been using Trello, which my team also uses. The pros: very visual, easy to add stuff, I’m already in the system. The bad: There’s no record of completed tasks after I archive a card. It’s unwieldy to print out a quick to-do list if needed. It’s great for keeping an eye on the big picture but becomes unmanageable if I add much minutia. And some days are about the minutia …

    For a long time, I used a simple Word doc. I’ve tried to do the same thing in OneNote, and I don’t know why, but I have a hard time keeping up with it. I haven’t used Microsoft To-Do yet. I like that it integrates with email and calendar, but I can also see it becoming overwhelming.

    HELP. In perimenopause, busier than ever, and my brain is on overload. I need to get EVERYTHING out of my head and onto paper, so to speak.

    2. If you have Microsoft, try Planner. I like it better than ToDo, although it feeds in to ToDo automatically if that is a tool you like to use.

    3. Have you tried excel? My workbook is super simple, no fancy formatting, but I like how easy it is to organize in columns, and to move things around by cutting and pasting, and to open separate sheets for different notes. I think it’s superior to word for those reasons.
      I keep all of the following things in one workbook, on different sheets: My rough draft time entries (lawyer; i like how I can add them up easily using SUM and calculate day, month, week, etc totals), my work to do list (split into different columns based on the type of project), a sample form for creating cost estimates/budgets for projects, a running total of amounts I have paid our after school nanny, my kids’ upcoming camp schedule, a list of upcoming speeches/presentations for the year (actually past three years because I am lazy and haven’t gotten them into my bio yet), and a final sheet with random notes I have yet to find a better place for.

      1. I think Excel might be the thing to try. I don’t need it to be pretty. I need it to be functional!

    4. There might be some good Trello integrations via iFTTT or Zapier? My small office does that with Slack and Google Sheets to archive older messages.

  9. I have some heavy cases at work now and feel really weighed down. I do not have depression, but it’s hard for me to be motivated to work on them – we’re in the stage that feels like a slog, and that’s at least another 4-8 months. Plus, my own family has some health issues and every day is just heavier than usual. My team is very small and I can’t “offload” work on them (I am the boss, ha!). Any tips for making it through a heavy time? Both busy time and also heavy topics.

    1. Find small moments of lightness. A walk (without music — try for quiet); a quick podcast or show that’s funny and easy; a light book. And I know it sounds hokey, but go for lightness in other ways — fabrics you wear, makeup, etc.

      Good luck to you.

  10. random question – how would you cook marinated sirloin steak from Costco? I bought some after sampling it and didn’t ask the employee how to cook it because they often have cooking instructions on the label, but… no.

    2. Reverse sear method. All meat cooking is a lot easier with a nice meat thermometer.

    3. Sirloin is generally tougher than I like to eat as a traditional steak. I’d probably slice it thinly and stir fry.

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