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This company is new to me, but their laptop totes look gorgeous — and this one can even fit a 16″ laptop (with not one but two compartments to fit a 13″ laptop).
There are a ton of interior pockets, and what they describe as a “shortened zipper” so you can access your water bottle.
The bag is made from “the finest vegan ultrafiber, and lined in tan microsuede.” It comes in 5 neutral colors for $358 at Fréja New York.
à á â ã ä å æ ç è é ê ë ï ø ü £ € ≠°† ®- more at https://copychar.cc/. Sézane Børn BÉIS Chloé Cinq à Sept, Touche Éclat Lyssè Lancôme
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Josie P
To the person looking for a not hot summer vacation w/ extended family: check out Rockywold Deephaven Camps on Squam Lake in NH. There is a dining hall! They cook for you! Super low stress and usually not hot (esp in June).
anon
This was me and THANKS!
Anon
I need to get a new home laptop (vastly prefer PC to a Mac). I don’t want a chromebook. 15″. What is good (and would a random BestBuy worker be good to talk to re 1) need to get Microsoft office suite loaded in and 2) also to use for Muse Score music composition? If not BestBuy, where do you buy computers these days?
Anonymous
I got mine at Costco for around $700 — I went off the specs that Wirecutter mentioned in their article on best laptop. If you need it for heavy gaming or a graphics-heavy program like CAD or Photoshop you’ll end up paying more, but really pleased with mine for the price.
lifer
+1
Costco has a great warranty too.
lifer
I got Lenovo from Costco. Twice!
Anon
Microsoft Office suite comes in the cloud now. You just download it yourself and it installs in minutes with a product key.
I have been happy with both Lenovo (higher level ones – P series and X1 carbons) and Dell XPS.
I would buy from Lenovo online or Costco. Best prices there. Now is a good time with back to school specials.
Anon
I usually check Slickdeals to see if there’s anything that looks good to me that’s on a good sale.
Build quality and just feeling sturdy and reliable matters a lot to me with laptops. Nicer HPs (with solid state drives) have been winners for me.
Anonymous
+1. I also like HPs; they were sturdier than the Dells I tried.
anon
I got my last laptop from BestBuy. The Lenovo Yoga.
anon
Looking for foundation recommendations for a 43-year-old. Skin type is normal/combination. Despite moisturizing well and trying out various primers, I am very unhappy with how foundation is sitting on my skin these days. It’s bringing out all the fine lines I didn’t even know I had. My skin condition is fine but I have pink undertones and don’t feel comfortable going bare faced. I’m looking for something that has a natural finish, is long lasting and provides medium coverage. I prefer liquid formulas. Willing to spend some $$ but not at Armani levels, if that makes sense.
H13
Dr. Dennis Gross Instant Radiance tinted sunscreen. It may not be quite enough coverage for you but I’m the same age and it helps me a little glow-y and evened out.
Anonn
Recommend moisturizer plus MAC Studio Fix powder foundation. It covers well, stays on, does not look cakey/settle into lines (I’m 44), and doesn’t have that masky feeling liquids have.
BeenThatGuy
I highly recommend MAC Studio Tech Fix foundation. It’s a cream to powder foundation that doesn’t cake and is crease resistant.
Sybil
Nars Pure Radiant Tinted Moisturizer. It was recommended here on a similar Q and I’ve been very happy with it.
Anon
+1 to this one
Also Dr Jart premium BB cream
Anonymous
This is expensive, but Chantecaille FutureSkin Gel Foundation is a miracle on my skin. The Internet says that the Pixi H20 Skin Tint might be a good dupe.
Anon
Face Atelier Ultra Skin
Anon
Try a primer first.
Anon
Before you switch foundations, try a different application technique. If your main issue is settling into lines, you may just be using too much. Using less foundation, plus high coverage concealer only where needed can really help. Check out Lisa Eldridge on YouTube, she has some really good tutorials.
Anon
Chanel liquid foundation. Google that and you’ll find it. Vitalum-something. I am 48 with good skin but also rosy and this stuff is great. There is also a primer which I have but don’t often bother with, ymmv
Anon
I have the J.Crew Juliette sweater-jacket in black and tan. I love them, but lately I feel like they are 18″ too long. I’m 5-4 and wear mainly with pants vs dresses. I feel like it can overwhelm me with pants now that pants have more volume and it just is too bathrobe-like for dresses (or my dresses). What exists that is similar (soft, pockets, no lapels) but shorter? I feel like I would replace if I could. Of it is very current and I should just get over it, just tell me and I will move on to another thing on my plate :)
Anon
The J. Crew Emilie sweater jacket is great for a shorter sweater jacket. I am 5’2” with a long torso for my height and I live wear it hits. I am not a fan of all the gold buttons, so I swapped them out for a tonal metal button.
Anonymous
I just ordered this and I’m also very petite. Now I’m a bit concerned after reading your post. I plan on wearing this with slim straight-leg pants. I have some wide leg pants but they just aren’t as flattering on me as other cuts. It might also look good with a cropped flared pant. If you want to keep them maybe take them to a tailor and see if there is a way to hem them?
Anonymous
to the person worried about Wegovy rebound weight gain — I answered in that thread but will put it here also…
just started compounded Wegovy (week 2) – from my research it sounds like the rebound weight gain comes down to people losing muscle mass along with fat, and then their metabolisms are tanked when they get off it… what I’m hearing (and doing) is that you really have to strength train and eat a ton of protein so you don’t lose the muscle. That said, the constipation is real so you have to eat a lot of fiber also… so between the protein and the fiber you’re really full all of the time.
It’s the weirdest drug, really feels like everything I know I should be doing is 1000% easier than it’s ever been in the past.
Anonymous
Thanks – I just replied there, but I will do so again here. What is the cost of the compounded version? The pharmacy is legit? The PCP did not know about compounded options at all and her only reluctance to prescribe was that she knew my insurance would not cover it, and that the monthly cost is more than most people are going to want to pay
Anonymous
Many people will tell you not to use compounded Wegovy. The makers themselves say they don’t offer a compounded version. But there was just a big story in the WSJ about how compounding pharmacies are a huge business, are allowed to make compounded versions of patented drugs when there’s a shortage (which there is now for W), and in fact are being used more and more for things like chemotherapy and heart drugs.
So I decided to take the chance and am now paying $710 for 3 months of Wegovy – by cc not mcg and I have to draw/inject with insulin pens (fwiw).
The pharmacy providing it is accredited and does business in 30+ states… just listing some of the factors that mattered to me when deciding I’d trust this pharmacy. (Got it through a med spa near me.)
I’m hoping when the 3 month supply is up there won’t be a shortage, a new drug will be approved for WL, or there will be another coupon b/c the one everyone was using to get the real Wegovy for $25 just expired June 1… I’ll reassess after that I guess. (I was quoted $1300-$1500 a month for Wegovy and similar drugs.) big story in the Atlantic about all the other new drugs that work even better coming down the pipeline, but those probably won’t be available in 3 months.
You also could look into getting it covered through Sequence (now owned by weight watchers)… they write you a prescription for the real version but are supposed to be great at navigating insurance since they’re such a big company. Prescription is still for your local pharm though so the shortage would probably still prevent them filling it.)
Anon
I just wanted to add that if you are in the US, there is shortage of Wegovy right now. The lower doses are almost impossible to get with some places refusing to prescribe to new patients. Many, many doctors are prescribing Saxenda as an alternative to titrate up to the full Saxenda dose and then switch to the 1.7 dose of Wegovy (which is not as hard to obtain). This has caused Saxenda to also essentially be impossible to find in stock or available to ship. The manufacturer is saying these shortages will likely last into 2024. If you do either of these meds, please be prepared for difficulty finding them now and for months to come.
As far as compounds go, some providers do not believe that they should be relied upon. My understanding is also that they are as much as the out of pocket cost for these drugs as insurances will not cover them. Think $1000+ a month.
anonshmanon
When you say ‘everything I know I should be doing’ – what does it mean? A friend of mine keeps raving that it helps her with portion control/appetite. Anything else? Will it motivate me to get more movement?
Anon
I keep thinking that if I was thinner it would be so much easier to exercise. It’s really hard to move my body as it is right now and the lack of mobility leads to injuries which makes it hard to work out…vicious cycle.
Anon
It turns off the “food noise.” I don’t know how else to describe it. I think if you over eat, you know what that means, but if over eating has never been a problem for someone, they won’t understand that. It is so much easier to eat smaller portions because you get fuller quicker. It is easier to not eat treats/snacks mindlessly because you really aren’t hungry a lot of the time. Exercising is easier once the weight starts to come off because it is easier to move your body if it is a smaller body.
Anonymous
Intentionally drinking water
Stopping when I’m full
Choosing an apple instead of chocolate even if calories are the same
That kind of stuff
But I have been making better progress exercise choices too – walking more and strength training – but then I really have that big-diet tunnel vision going on now in a good way.
Lulu for tweens
My almost 10 year old 4th grader came home from school saying a bunch of girls were wearing lululemon clothes.
I’m so confused, because I didn’t think Lulu made kids clothes. My kid is tall for her age at 4’10” and most of her friends are much shorter and many are super skinny (mine is an athletic build and wears a size 10 kids; a friend that was specifically discussed is at least a full size smaller!). I owe her a treat and would like to get her something but don’t know what would actually fit her. She hasn’t, nor have any of her friends, gone through puberty.
I’m on the website and am thinking maybe one of the skirts in a 0 or 2 in the shortest length?
Lyssa
Lulu runs so small – I’m a 0-2 in most companies, but often a 6 there, and it’s all stretchy and tight. My very skinny 12 year old neighbor wears a bit of their stuff, too. I’m not surprised at all that tweens are wearing them (other than for the prices! I’m told neighbor’s grandmother likes to shop consignment sales for her.)
anon
Welp this confirms that Lulu is not for me.
anon
Agreed, lululemon goes down to itty bitty sizes that would definitely fit most girls. They also have a kid/tween specific line – Ivivva.
Anonymous
OP here- they discontinued Ivivva a few years ago.
Anon
Maybe the smallest sizes are different, but I wear the same size (8) in Lululemon that I wear in mall brands like Gap and Loft. I don’t think it runs notably small?
Anonymous
It runs small at the smaller end of the range, at least. I am a 0-2 in mall brands and take a 4 or 6 in LLL depending on the item. My itty bitty teen daughter who can barely wear juniors’ sizes is a 2 at LLL.
Anonymous
They absolutely do have a children’s line at my local lulu store.
Anon
My 11 year old niece is very into it, it’s definitely a “thing.” She wears the adult line in small sizes.
Anon
Re this tote: Hard no on paying $358 for “finest vegan” materials.
Anon
But only the best petroleum byproducts were used!
Anonymous
Agreed! “Vegan leather” is simply pleather but with a marketing glowup.
A bunch of plastic!!
Anonymous
All of this talk about climate crisis and reducing plastic consumption and pleather is still a thing…
anonshmanon
I think this is a little bit misleading. Using some plastic material to make a durable good is not the big deal emissions-wise. And even a crappy pleather bag that starts peeling after some heavy use is a durable good in this context. Having everything in clamshell packages, double shrink wrapped, and packaged in little single serving plastic bags, single use everything, and obviously extracting oil just to turn around and burn it in our cars and planes, with extremely increased mileage over the time of our lives, are the big ticket items.
A tangentially related thing to this is the microplastic and general pollution that comes with plastic products because they break down, which affect ecosystem health. An already impacted ecosystem is going to have a harder time coping with the warming climate, just like a weakened immune system makes you more susceptible for the next health threat.
Anonymous
My point is that these durable plastics are a problem in that they will be in the environment forever. Given the fickle fashion industry these durable plastics will be tossed aside for different durable plastics within a matter of months.
With all the talk of climate crisis we should be moving away from plastic fashion, full stop, not saying it isn’t as bad as other plastics because reasons…
Anon
I’m pretty sure “vehicle tires” are a much bigger issue than takeout or tote bags.
Anonymous
+1. I have some 20 year old leather bags; the pleather ones never last that long, and don’t keep their resale value at all.
Anonymous
8:22, Doesn’t that mean we should be solving the problems that are take out and tote bags first, then? Since they are less of a problem than vehicle tires and easier to solve?
Anon
I’m a vegetarian and use leather. It lasts a LOT longer. I’m in my 40s and have had my wallet (Coach) since college. Some of my purses are 10 years old and going strong.
Anonymous
But why?
Isn’t petroleum what all of the best people are carrying these days?
Senior Attorney
I laughed so hard at that.
Anon
I like it. I also looked at their site and saw the Linnea tote, which I might like better.
Anon
I just read the morning replies regarding going to Vegas and I’m so confused? I’m 27, and I can’t imagine judging a group of 40 year old women for having fun in a nightclub. It gives me so much excitement to see women older than me living their best lives – often, it seems way better than your 20s, since you have more confidence, more money, and less of a care of what other people think. I’m always so inspired to see women traveling, investing in friendships, looking hot, etc.
What was up with people this morning? Is it internalized misogyny and ageism? Or bitterness about people living life without the restrictions they place on themselves? It seemed to make some people genuinely mad that other women wanted to go to a club – for those who responded that way, what made you so angry about it?
GimmeABreak
Do you normally spend this much time worrying about why other people post what they post here? It’s an anonymous message board and people can feel free to say things here that they wouldn’t say other places. Which, for me, means that I hear opinions that are likely a lot closer to the truth than the “OMG, don’t worry about it, you’re so great!” advice people give when they’re not anonymous.
No one was mad that other people wanted to go to a club – you are really overestimating how much people care about other people’s lives; especially the lives of people they don’t know (and don’t even know the names of). But when someone says “I am going with my friend to a club in Vegas” and “Also I am over 50 and don’t want to be mutton-dressed-as-lamb” in the same post? That’s gonna draw some responses. Are you just too fragile to read here, or something? This is what happens when people can get real – the unpopular opinions come out. We’ve had enough “unpopular opinions” posts lately that have devolved into completely sh*tshows that I think everyone should realize that by now.
Anon
It is just sad that there seem to be so many people willing to film people enjoying life and make fun of them on the internets. They are the ones who need to get a life. Honestly, if you post a “People of Walmart” meme on Facebook, I will delete you as a friend because it is gross. Are you THAT person, gimme a break?
Anon
Why are you determined to be so nasty?
Anon
I think this person feels bad about themselves.
Anon
I think one person wants older women to feel stupid/bad about occasionally going to a club. It was a weird reaction even in a field of weird reactions. If you don’t think it’s worth discussing, you can also move along.
As a sidenote – you need to find a circle who respects and like you enough to tell you the truth. I already have that. So for meeeeee, I don’t come here to get ‘hot takes’ by keyboard warriors. I’m not fragile, but the vitriol is boring.
Anon
Yeah that is a huge overreaction to OP’s point.
Anon
You are really freaking out and it’s unclear why. OP was bringing up an interesting discussion about women might feel compelled to be so openly nasty to a woman asking for outfit choices for a fun night out with friends. The only person seeming to take a huge amount of emotional investment or being ‘too fragile’ for an anonymous forum is women.
I’m sorry you are mean and nasty in your thoughts and this is the only outlet for it. A lot of women aren’t and they’re anonymous voice is as kind as their in real life voice. Food for thought for you.
Anon
You seem upset.
Lyssa
For whatever it’s worth, my assumption on most posts like that is that it’s basically trolling – there are people out there that are just trying to make people mad and get a rise. I don’t think it’s a serious opinion; it’s just what whoever is posting thinks will get attention. Stupid.
Anon
I felt sorry for those commenters. Also, I’m 42 and this is definitely the best decade of my life. I’m so much more secure in every way, I have waaaaaaay more money than I did in my 20s, and I know myself really well. But I also was not a hot girl in the club when I was 25 because I hadn’t figured out my sense of style or gotten into shape at that point and I was pretty insecure so rooms full of hot well-dressed girls who had figured out how to perform that kind of femininity were uncomfortable for me. Maybe people who have already figured all that out by 25 wouldn’t like being 42, but I love it.
Anon
I was one of those ‘hot girls’ (by which I mean I learned how to apply makeup and perform femininity starting at 14) and it came from such a deep well of insecurity. I’d take being less ‘hot’ and more confident any day of the week.
Anon
Well said. As a younger woman I was always pleased to see older women doing fun things, as I planned to be an older woman one day. And I was appreciative of them paving the way for me just a bit: pushing back against the rule that “grown women don’t.”
Now I’m more like middle aged… and I don’t want to send the message to young women that they will expire at 25/35/45.
Anonymous
That was a bizarre thread. Who are all these early-20s going clubbing in Vegas? With what cash??!
DC Inhouse Counsel
I went to Vegas a lot in college and it really wasn’t that expensive. You pack 8 girls into a room with 2 double beds. The clubs are free to get into if you’re a young woman and guys at the clubs will buy you drinks. We didn’t go to any of the nice restaurants on the strip, just got pizza or fast-casual or whatever.
I wouldn’t do any of that now, but it was fun when I was 21/22!
NW Islander
Same as above: 42 now and never was a hot girl in the club. I was the uncomfortable wallflower into my mid-30s. The one that held everybody else’s purses and made sure that no woman was left behind. The one that nobody wanted.
I would love to go live it up now at a club in Vegas but feel too “mutton.” I’m certain that this IS somewhat or fully due to internalized misogyny and ageism. It doesn’t help that I am one of those “forever alone” types. Looking back at old photos, I was so pretty. But it didn’t make a difference then, so my Now is obviously even less than.
I guess I will just keep up my solo dance parties at home. My girlfriends were/are all wanted by somebody, so they won’t be going to Vegas with me anytime soon.
Anon
I was perplexed by that thread because I think of Vegas as a place where women our age (40s) go? I personally would really hesitate to go clubbing in Miami, but Vegas seems totally fine to me. I think you would have fun there if you ever made it (and I don’t know why your girlfriends wouldn’t want to go!).
Anon
Yeah, I’ve been to Vegas plenty of times. The clientele at the clubs isn’t that intimidating. I am not particularly cool and have been waved into clubs without standing in line.
Anon
Self-pity is the world’s second worst perfume, right after desperation. Just FYI.
Anon
Go TF away
Anon
I’ll have a dance party with you. I was never a hot girl either and now I’m chronically single. I wish I had taken better advantage of my younger years.
Anonymous
Gently, these are now your younger years
anon
Vegas has ALL kinds of people. I guarantee that it would take a LOT for anyone to stand out in a club. Just go. And take your friends.
Anon
Just went back and read that thread, and I think that was just one mean person, and a few older women saying that they personally wouldn’t want to go clubbing, but more power to you if that’s what you want to do. As a 40 something myself, I very much agree with that sentiment. The confidence I have with getting older is that I no longer feel the need to subject myself to things I hate, like spending time in nightclubs, just because that’s what my friends want to do. But if you enjoy it, then you should go out and have fun!
Anon
I made the original comment that sure escalated quickly, and exactly this, personally at age 50 you couldn’t pay me to go clubbing in Vegas or frankly anywhere else. I no longer find it fun to not hear my friends talk and to deal with the loud music, wait forever for bathrooms, deal with skeevy dudes, etc. Absolutely more power to anyone who feels differently, go have fun! I have no shame in being older, I love my age and being able to say “no thanks” to the club.
Anon
Old dudes go to clubs in Vegas all the time. I guess our place is in the home (or the retirement home).
Anon
Mean Girls gonna Mean Girl.
Some people are always looking for ways to gatekeep.
Some people never live their best lives and get reeaaally mad at people who do.
Anon
Im 29 and no longer personally enjoy clubs but my approach to seeing people of all ages out and about doing what they enjoy doing is “more power to you!!!”. The only time I’d side eye an older person in a bar is when an older man is being creepy to young women. Anything besides that is “you go girl” territory.
I like to go out dancing to bars with live music with my parents and their friends (who are all in their 60s!). My mom is hot and the group is so fun!
My 73 year old aunt went on a moonlight hike last night to see the blue moon!
Anon
I absolutely love to see older women having the fun of younger women. There is no reason reason why they shouldn’t live life to the fullest. I’ve never seen anyone be their happiest when they live by “rules” about age that don’t actually matter.
Anon
“I absolutely love to see older women having the fun of younger women”. What does this even mean? As an older woman, the sentiment seems condescending to me.
Anon
Same, my fun isn’t 20-something fun. I’m thrilled to leave it behind and am still living my best life.
Anon
Taking her words charitably, I assume she means “having the fun and doing the things *typically associated with* younger women.” You think of young women ripping it up on the dance floor, getting together with their friends for a road trip, or doing any number of other things that create great memories.
At least for me, I didn’t see a whole lot of women in my mother’s generation doing that once they “settled down” and had kids.
Anon
OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ
Anon
It wasn’t even that funny the first time.
Anon
I’m not anon at 3:50 but I thought it was. Go have something sweet.
Anon
<3
Anon
I wouldn’t judge anyone for wanting to go, but clubs in Vegas are A Scene and I felt old for it in my late 20s. Maybe it’s not even about age as much as overall coolness, but I felt so out of place there in a way I haven’t in Boston, NYC, Chicago and even Miami, which tends to be very scene-y too. Now at almost 40 I can’t think of many things I’d less rather do than go clubbing in Vegas, lol.
I think it’s reasonable to point that out, although I agree the thread took a nasty turn.
Anon
It is ageism and misogyny, for sure.
But I don’t really subscribe to a lot of the “wisdom” like being too old or fat to wear a certain trend, or that the goal of fashion should always be to make you look as tall and lean as possible!
Anon
How do you not compare yourself to couples with more money? My BF and I went out with another couple last night who are lovely and I’d like to be better friends with. The boyfriend in the group could be worth tens of millions fo dollars within the next couple of years, and I felt a bit jealous or comparative – just like ‘ugh, imagine how nice it would be to have $50 million…” I make more money than I’d ever imagine I’d make and generally feel pretty good about it, but I grew up low-income and can feel anxiety rear its head sometimes. I started overthinking about it and don’t want it to interfere with a nice friendship with them. It would be great to have more hangouts with them and not have it spark any anxiety to be around them. Do you ever grapple with this or have any advice?
Anonymous
You should broaden your social circles.
Anonymous
I just…don’t?
I also grew up low-income and sometimes have anxiety around money. That said, I know that the old saying “comparison is the thief of joy” is absolute truth, so I just don’t compare because to me it’s nothing but time wasted…
Anonymous
You’ll never avoid comparing yourself to someone in your orbit who has oodles of money. The trick is wanting what you have and running your own race. If having that much money is your actual life goal, set up your life to pursue that. I suspect it isn’t really your goal, and you probably aren’t willing to do the (often terrible/immoral/unkind/selfish) things you have to do to get it, so think of what it really is you want and pursue that.
Anon
LOL I don’t. Why would you waste your time thinking about this kind of thing?
anon 2
I have friends who have way more and way less. They’re all real people with real joys and real problems whom I really like. None of my friends express any inkling of judging people based on wealth.
I have an expensive (to me) car because it had the various features I wanted, but I don’t think it makes me any better or is something my friends should compliment me on. I view my friends’ wealth the same way–they buy what they like that they can afford and it has nothing to do with anyone else.
I’ve never struggled with the wealth differences among my friends. That said, I get annoyed by and am not friends with people who brag or fail to read the room when there are enormous wealth differences.
Senior Attorney
Well, how about just letting youself think “wow [not ugh, just wow], imagine how nice it would be to have $50 million,” and then just getting on with your life and enjoying the friendship? I have a few friends whom I suspect of having giant gobs of dough and that’s what I do.
P.S. I’ve never had $50 million but I bet I’d be darling at it…
anon
That type of money is so out of the realm of feasible that I don’t think it would register with me. They’re in another stratosphere; there’s no comparison to even make.
Anonymous
Yeah. I would also assume he had done something immoral, unethical, exploitative, or straight-up illegal to get it, and consequently hold him at arm’s length.
Anon
This isn’t my impression of how the world works; wealth distribution isn’t either just or reverse just. There’s a lot of randomness, and people can make a ton of money, or very little, doing prosocial things.
Anon
That’s cute, anon at 5:52, but… not a chance.
Anon
Oh come on. Plenty of people start companies, sell them, get jobs at early stage places and do nothing immoral or illegal to get there. That’s just jealous nonsense.
Anon
The one person I know who has that kind of money won it in the lottery. First and last time he ever played.
Anon
I try to keep in mind that what I (think I) am seeing is just a snapshot in time. I used to see a young, happy couple pushing a stroller with a healthy baby and think, “See, they can do it, why can’t I?” Who knows where that couple is now, but the statistics are not good that they are the golden aura I thought I was seeing.
Anonymous
My dad has a really healthy attitude towards this which I’ve adopted – which is to focus on his great it is for your friends! My college BFF and her husband are in a similar position to the couple you described, I’m so happy for them. They are my friends and I want good things for them. Her husband built a successful business from the ground up and I’ve watched him work so hard and I am thrilled his efforts are being rewarded. Now he can downshift and spend more time with his kids (and us!).
Do I want good things for myself? Of course. But if they aren’t going to happen to me then the next best thing is they happen to someone I like and care about.
Anon
My In-Laws ran a business that catered to high income earners. They often became good friends with these people as they were very sociable people. We’re talking people with multiple mansions in many different states, personal connections to Andy Warhol, they had clients that would arrange private charter planes to take my in-laws to their homes for visits or work, etc.
The interesting thing I learned from them though is the phase “more money, more problems” can be pretty true.
I think the more you get to know these friends you may learn they could have more challenges in their life than you’d think. At the end of the day, they’re just people too.
Anon
I’m in a flyover state. I knew a lawyer who had a super nice, luxurious condo on the coast. Saw him in February one time sporting a tan and teased him about having been at the beach instead of working. He said he knew he was lucky but he had to drive and was jealous of the owners there who came by private jet.
I’m willing to bet that the owners who came by private jet are jealous of people whose coastal abode is on the Côte d’Azur. And those people are perhaps jealous of the giant yachts they see go by. And so on. There’s always someone with more.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Anonymous
Yes, no matter how privileged a position you’re in, there is always someone to be jealous of.
For example, every F3 and F2 racing driver wants to be in F1 and there are only 20 F1 drivers. But in F1, the drivers in the lower teams are jealous of the drivers in the higher ranked teams, and all of them are jealous of Max Verstappen. And I bet Max Verstappen is jealous of past champions for whatever reasons.
Anonymous
And this is exactly why comparing is a waste of time that leads nowhere but misery.
There will always be someone who has something we don’t, who can do something we can’t, and on and on…
Anonymous
I had this anxiety and lost a friend because of it; I ran into her recently and she asked why I hadn’t kept in touch. I felt like it was such a lost opportunity. Don’t be me and lose a friend just because they hit the big time.
Anonymous
For me it depends on the friendship and conversation topics. If they are constantly talking about their trip to France where they spent $50K on a weekend yacht trip or their $800 sneakers, I’d bow out of that friendship and have done just that in the past. On the other hand, if they are reasonable and understand that not everyone lives like them, then this is a You issue to work on. I’ve had friends that make probably 3x what I make and there isn’t an ounce of bragging in our conversations and other friends who I just couldn’t stand to be around. The money isn’t as much the issue as it is the person.
Anon
I know this is super cynical, but you really can see someone’s character when they get money (or think they can get their mitts on it).
I have some incredibly lovely friends who are loaded and some who are struggling to make ends meet. One former friend turned into a snob and a half when she and her husband (her: teacher, him: hospital administrator, not CEO or VP or anything) bought a 5 bed/3 bath house in a LCOL area. She expected the world to start kissing her butt and it was awful.
Anon
It is just sad that there seem to be so many people willing to film people enjoying life and make fun of them on the internets. They are the ones who need to get a life. Honestly, if you post a “People of Walmart” meme on Facebook, I will delete you as a friend because it is gross. Are you THAT person, gimme a break?
Anon
Right there with you. Filming or taking pics of others in order to make fun of them is lower than dirt.
Anonymous
My least favorite version of this is making fun of fat people exercising. I mean, what exactly is funny about that? If you are judging their weight, isn’t exercising exactly what your judgmental “calories in calories out” self wants them to do? Yet you point and laugh.