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Updated: Jun 6, 2023 150 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Layla Flat

Coffee Break

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beige leather flats with grosgrain ribbon and textured detail on toe and heel

French Sole has been one of the reader favorites (for a loooong time!) for comfortable flats, and I love the details on these flats.

The raffia and grosgrain texture at the toe and heel both give so much visual interest while keeping it relatively neutral. (The shoe also comes in a dark brown and bright orange.)

I'd probably keep these at the office in case the raffia ages more quickly than the rest of the shoe, but that's just my $.02.

The shoes are $155, available in sizes 6-11, at Zappos.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon

    French sole ballet flats are great. I wore the heck out of them in the aughts.

    My feet of today look at those and say ouch. I wish I could do a completely flat shoe now but I unfortunately can’t.

    • Anon

      They also look matronly to me and/or something for little girls. Maybe it’s me.

      • Anon

        Do you like leather soles? I don’t. I usually get a half sole put on at the cobblers. I don’t like having shoes that feel slippery on wet surfaces.

      • Anon

        Man-made materials make my feet sweaty (and thus the shoes stink). They aren’t as flexible with my arthritic feet, either, so they hurt from the moment I put them on. I just get the soles replaced as needed.

  2. Anon

    These are grandma shoes, and not in a good, classy Chanel-way, but in a fuddy-duddy, too much going on way.

  3. Elle

    Does anyone have suggestions for a raffia pointed toe shoe? I’m open to flats or heels. I’m in love with a pair from tuckernuck but $228 is more than I’m willing to pay for shoes I can only wear a few months of the year.

    I’ll link the ones I love below

  4. Anonymous

    We haven’t had a good secrets thread in a while — what’s something you haven’t told anyone or wouldn’t tell anyone or haven’t even admitted to yourself? I’ll put my answer in the comments in a bit…

      • Anon

        Asking completely without judgement: any reason, or are you just much more like one kid?

      • Anonymous

        Same. Kind of wish I’d stopped at one. (Adore my second but I’m still mourning for the life we’d all have had withot him.)

    • Anon

      I’ve always voted democrat but if Chris Christie makes it to the end (he won’t) I’d consider voting for him.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah really, are you from NJ? Never forget the Fort Lee traffic scandal. He’s a jerk.

          • Anon

            As a person who can see the bridge from where I’m sitting right now, let’s be real and say that we’ve all fantasized about throwing a tantrum and work and saying “I’ll show you…close the damn lanes”!

        • Anon

          Yeah of all the R candidates to flip a committed Dem, he would not have been near the top of my list.

      • anon_needs_a_break

        I literally cannot imagine why. He’s the worst parts of NJ. Like, even Giuliani before his obvious brain injury was better than christie.

    • anon

      I’m not that physically attracted to my husband. We’re so good together and he’s such a good partner and I do love him as a human, and he’s an attentive lover, and that provides enough real romantic love for me to be satisfied. But In terms of actual s*xual attraction I don’t think I have much.

      • Anonymous

        My husband was never great at sex, and won’t touch me now. We’re good roommates and partners, but I’m sad that the romantic sexy times of my life are behind me and were meh.

    • anon

      I wish my sister had divorced my BIL instead of reconciling because I think their marriage is going to screw up their kids more than divorce would.

      • Anon

        Among similar lines: my BFF and her ex divorced because he was cheating. He married his affair partner and I have run into them socially bc we go to the same church. I can never say this to my friend but they seem far better matched personality-wise than my friend was with him and I actually get why they’re together. (I never thought BFF should have married him in the first place bc they never even seemed to like each other when they were dating – another thing I can’t say but sometimes wonder if I should have raised before they tied the knot.)

    • Anon

      I don’t like working. I have worked my ass off my entire life and continue to do so, but I would always always rather sit around and be lazy.

      • Anon

        Same here! I admire people who go off and do these amazing things or who are just always up to something. But if I didn’t have to work I fear my ideal day would involve a stack of books and a pot of tea.

      • Anon

        Same, except I am super lazy. I basically do the bare minimum to not get fired, which is often as little as 5-10 hours of work per week. I think I would find life much more fulfilling working harder in a job I like though. I spend most of day wasting time on the internet or watching TV rather than doing productive things and it feels like life is just passing me by.

      • Anon8

        Same here but if you know me IRL it’s not a secret hahah. My husband jokes that I’d be excited to be laid off.

        • Anon

          OP here – I was laid off! At the beginning of the pandemic. I got a generous severance and I was delighted. My family and I had a dance party to celebrate. But unfortunately never working again isn’t in the cards for me financially, so after about a 3 month break (which was wonderful, except for the whole lockdown thing), here I am.

      • Anon

        If my boss really took a dive into my work output I’m convinced I’d be fired.

      • Seventh Sister

        My mom always said that if work was supposed to be fun, they’d call it “fun,” not “work.” She also liked to say, “nobody promised you fair,” which is super depressing, but I’ve definitely used it on my own kids. Of course I *want* things to be fair, but life just doesn’t work out that way.

    • Anon

      I HATE my boss and randomly quit my job on Friday without telling anyone (including my husband) I pretended I did it today

    • Anon

      I just inherited a lot of money, after living on a shoestring income for decades. I am frozen. It is one of those rare scenarios where I could, in fact, do whatever I want for the rest of my life. And I don’t know what to do.

      • Anon

        Quit your job and go travel the world! (And sorry for whatever loss led to the inheritance)

      • Anon

        That happened to me in 2021. My best advice would be not to make any decisions for one year while you find a financial advisor you trust and who can walk you through options and prudent planning.

    • Anonymous

      I have had a four-year flirtation with a married man in my friend group. Last weekend we met up for drinks, just us. After hours of going back and forth about the tension between us (as we have done many times, with me always saying “there is nothing to be done”), I decided when I dropped him off to just make out with him to get it out of our systems. I don’t feel that bad about it because I think it worked.

      • Anon

        Can you define “worked”?

        I really do value these secrets threads and don’t want to dissuade you or others from opening up. So please take this with concern, not judgement: are you at all concerned with his lack of ethics here? Part of being married and staying married is not playing with fire. If he found himself attracted to someone, he owes it to his wife to stop spending time with you. If the attraction doesn’t fade, he owed it to both of you to end throngs with his wife – even if he wasn’t certain if you were willing.

        • Anonymous

          By “worked” I mean released the tension and put out the flames. I don’t want to be in a relationship with this man. I did, for one night, when he told me he was single. Then I met his wife. So, yeah, his ethics or lack thereof around his marriage have been known to me from (almost) the start. I can’t help that he still gives me butterflies, and I have always told him it is his fault because he let me go down that path based on a lie.
          It is an open secret that he has some marital issues but they have a very functional arrangement and are a good and loving pairing in many respects, which I respect and he acknowledges. I guess I don’t really care about his ethics because I don’t consider him a real option for me and I also don’t intend to be a factor in their marriage. As I said, I have always before said “there is nothing to be done.” Neither of us is going to stop socializing with the group, so we remain friends who see each other often. Should we have been meeting up separately? Probably not. Did we go too far this time? Maybe, but I think it may have resolved things without harm, and I am good with that. It had grown tiresome and I am interested in something real with someone else.

          • Anonymous

            Also, I disagree with you on this:
            “If he found himself attracted to someone, he owes it to his wife to stop spending time with you. If the attraction doesn’t fade, he owed it to both of you to end throngs (sic) with his wife – even if he wasn’t certain if you were willing.” I don’t think this is at all how people stay married for decades.

      • Anon

        Oooh this is so juicy. Ignore the hater, it’s a secrets thread and this is a great secret.

      • anon

        Does worked mean you got it out of your systems like you don’t need to do it anymore and you can move on? Or like he was into it and you may get together? Seriously curious if the former works!

        • Anon

          Yeah, I’m curious too. I think a lot of us have a “maybe, what if” person in our past or current lives.

    • Anon

      I think my best friend should dump her manbaby husband yesterday. I hold my tongue so as not to seem judgmental but I am judging him really hard.

    • Anon

      I have completely lost interest in sex or physical intimacy since having my first child five years ago (now have two). My anxiety/mild depression is being treated by SSRIs and therapy, but I honestly am afraid it will never come back. My husband is loving and kind, and certainly we had a good sex life before this weird switch happened in me, so I’m kind of at a loss :/

      • Anonymous

        Were you on SSRIs before the first child or only after? Those things can kill a libido.

        • Anon

          I’m the OP anon. I have been on and off SSRIs my whole adulthood, with the exception of pregnancy. I’ve tried several different ones since this started and nothing seems to have helped. I’m not sure what else to do other trying to set up “dates” for this and try to get in the mood even if I don’t really want to.

      • Anonymous

        Same. My husband is super attractive and a great person and I was wildly attracted to him pre-kids. I feel bad but I just have no interest now.

      • Anon

        Are you interested in trying a different med for anxiety/depression to see if that would change things?

        • Anon

          Is that an invitation to rant?

          If you’re not very smart and understand it, that’s fine. Mental acuity is not a virtue, and I admire the hell out of people who were not given a lot and work with everything they have.

          Reasonably smart/knowledgeable and have some awareness that there are a lot of people who are a LOT smarter/more knowledgeable than they are, and they aren’t lacking in brains? Awesome.

          Dr. House – obnoxious about being brilliant and outstanding at your job? Might elicit a few eye rolls but whatever. Brilliant and not obnoxious? Cool!

          Classic midwit who knows enough to be dangerous and acts like the ultimate authority and is condescending AF? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE THROW YOU INTO A VOLCANO.

          • Anon

            Allllll my relatives and their frequent Facebook posts are peak Dunning Kruger

    • Anon

      I wish we could bring a stiff upper lip being a good thing back. I’m sick of hearing everyone’s trauma explosions at work and other inappropriate times. It’s too much and too often. I want people to get the care they need but not from me for free.

      • Anon

        We would be great coworkers. I have a lot of trauma and think of work as the place where I can forget about it for half of my waking hours. I hate coworkers who push for personal details and who think “I don’t want to talk about this at work” is an invitation to play therapist.

      • anon

        I agree with this too. I’m all for people working out their issues rather than suppressing but that isn’t the same thing as oversharing. Read the room. Appreciate the context that you’re in. If you don’t have enough appropriate outlets then delierately seek more.

        • Seventh Sister

          YES. Getting upset all the time about every little thing is exhausting for the person who is upset and the people who are around them. Sometimes it’s just better if we don’t unpack every bad thing, sometimes you just have to get up and keep on going.

    • Anon

      That I’d be fine if the human race ended. We think we are way more important than we are, are destructive, and are not adding anything to the universe. The earth and its critters would be better off without us.

    • anon

      I don’t actually like either of my parents as people, don’t respect them, and don’t like spending time with them. That was more clear for one of them, but even my “good” parent who I always thought I was close to is an extremely limited emotionally immature mess, and their loving me (quite well in many ways) doesn’t overcome that they can’t connect with anyone and I just don’t really like them that much.

    • Anon

      This isn’t the most secretive secret but it’s somewhat juicy. This weekend I was at a local concert with my friend we’ll call Sara and her coworker. Sara was talking to someone else and the coworker asked how my Sara and I know each other. I told him we just sort of met because we kept running into each other in our city.

      The real answer is that my husband and aren’t monogamous, and years ago I was friends-with-benefits with Sara’s now-husband Brian, back when Sara and he weren’t yet exclusive. Then I ended up sleeping with both Sara and Brian. Then Sara started sleeping with my husband. I’m sure this sounds like a nightmare to a lot of people but honestly, it was a ton of fun.

      That was all in 2015. Now we’re just normal platonic friends who fumble over answering the question “how do you know each other?” haha.

    • Anon

      I’m tired of all the wealthy parents at my kids’ public school demanding special services for their their ‘twice exceptional’ children. So your little genius is bored – so what? You can afford some enriching extra-curriculars. Leave some resources available for the poor kids with real problems.

      • Anon

        My secret is that your kid is by and large not exceptional, nor are mine. People think WAY too much of their kids and their ability.

        Signed,
        Former teacher

        • Anon

          100%. It’s also all so relative that I don’t think it means very much to say your kid is exceptional in a vacuum. I tested off the charts gifted in K-12, but was below average intelligence at my prestigious engineering-focused college. My husband was never identified as gifted as a child and didn’t get into quite as prestigious a university as I did for undergrad, but has had a way more successful post-college career in a field that requires a high IQ. Our kids are above average but by no means exceptional at their very academically-inclined school, but would qualify as gifted at the other school districts in our city. 99th percentile can be very impressive or not that impressive depending on who you’re being compared to.

        • Anon

          Maybe, but most schools hold kid back. Nearly every child I’ve encountered is capable of so much more than they are even given an opportunity to achieve, even if very few of them are exceptional. And they’re often underestimated by their own parents, not overestimated.

          • Anon

            Literally half the people I know think their kids are gifted, which is mathematically impossible. There are people out there who underestimate their kids but it’s much rarer than overestimating, especially in communities where the parents are educated and affluent.

      • Anonymous

        My secret is that my child actually is twice-exceptional. 99.9th percentile IQ plus multiple challenges labeled as “disabilities.” For years no one but me, not even my husband, understood that anything was going on because she is so smart that she could hide it. One of my greatest regrets in life was that she suffered in silence for so long thinking she was dumb. Another is that I didn’t insist that we move to a school district with magnet schools when we learned that gifted services were not a thing here. Other parents have a vague idea that she’s gifted just from interacting with her but they don’t know the degree. No one knows about the challenges. I don’t talk about it partly because it’s her story to tell, not mine, and partly because of the societal hatred for gifted children that is perpetuated partly by parents’ claiming their merely bright kids are gifted. It’s incredibly isolating.

        • Seafinch

          Yes, agreed. Same exact scenario with my 9 year old. I never would have guessed he was gifted before. We spent 4K on private testing because he can’t read. Turns out he is severely dyslexic and was masking. Now that I have read and researched it makes so much sense. Giftedness is neurological and not a blessing. He is awkward and talks like an old man. But because he can’t read he doesn’t qualify for the gifted programs. So we paid for Forest School and his grandparents are sending him to a private school next year. I have the exact same regret. He’s delightful and kind hearted and spent the last three years being told he was lazy and thinking he was dumb.

    • Anon

      My son is marrying into a social class above us and I’m afraid of putting a foot wrong. Which is silly, because his future wife and her family are lovely people and they adore him.

  5. Anonymous

    I think the answer to my question is no but would you say anything in this situation: I got married during that in between stage in Covid where people were still masking indoors but we were expected to be back in the office. In past years, the office would have a shower for people getting married, but that didn’t happen for me. I chalked it up to a leadership change; we did Zoom champagne toasts for professional accomplishments, so I thought we would’ve done that if new leadership were inclined to celebrate personal milestones. It was just announced that the office is having a shower for someone else who is getting married. I’m a bit hurt. I had several major professional milestones during lockdown that never got acknowledged, or were looped in with and overshadowed others’ milestones, before we started doing the Zoom toasts. This feels like more of the same. And I’m generally feeling overworked and underappreciated at work. Do they even see me? Do I even exist here? I don’t think I can say anything to anyone without sounding entitled, idk who I’d say something to. And I don’t care about gifts, I didn’t even have a shower in my personal life. It just feels like yet again other people are being acknowledged and congratulated but I’m invisible. Maybe it’s time to look for a new job.

    • Anon

      Look, if you feel unappreciated at your job already, then maybe you should look for a new one. But what is it you want them to do? By your description, your personal and professional milestones were handled consistently with those of others happened at the same time during lockdown. It’s crappy that you didn’t get the same recognition as during normal times but it sounds like that happened to everyone at that time. They’re not going to go back now and throw you a wedding shower retroactively.

      • OP

        I responded below with the timeline, but no it wasn’t consistent with everyone else.

        • Anon

          It was consistent though, based on what you said below. There was never a time when others’ personal milestones were celebrated and yours were not.

    • Cat

      your timeline isn’t super clear – it sounds like 1. you were back in the office but no one was celebrating any milestones, whether personal or professional, that included what would have been your shower and other milestones, then 2. Zoom toasts were added for professional milestones, then 3. things are more back to normal as far as recognition goes, and you’re annoyed at people who happened to achieve a milestone during phase 2 or 3 when you achieved yours during phase 1?

      Sorry, any complaint here is going to seem kind of weird. Your overall dissatisfaction might be clouding your judgment on annoyance level.

      • Anon

        +1 to Cat, especially “your overall dissatisfaction might be clouding your judgment on annoyance level.” Unfortunately a lot of milestones got lost to the Covid years. It’s a sad reality, but it’s not personal. My dad retired in 2021 and his company didn’t do anything.

        • anon

          This. It really sucks for people who had milestones during the Covid years, but it was not personal.

      • OP

        The timeline was:
        1. Lockdown and no celebrations – my professional milestones, I was the only one with a milestone during this time
        2. Back in the office and Zoom celebrations – professional milestones got acknowledged, I was the only one with a personal milestone and it did not get acknowledged.
        3. Back to normal, both personal and professional milestones are being acknowledged.

        Also as a point of clarification I’m not annoyed at the people being celebrated, I’m annoyed with leadership.

        • Anon

          I still think it’s not personal. They were being consistent about what milestones were being celebrated, it just unfortunately happened to scr*w you. I also think there are good reasons an employer would draw a distinction between professional and personal milestones and be more likely to celebrate only the former. People had major zoom fatigue in 2020/2021, and asking someone to get on a Zoom for an employee’s promotion or retirement is different than asking them to get on a Zoom for an employee’s wedding.

        • Anon

          I would feel the way you are saying you feel. That is not because of the chronology or the details but because the leader of our office very clearly plays favorites and I am clearly not one of hers. It sounds like you might be in the same position.

          Were I not so close to retirement (in other words, promotions still mattered because of more money and career trajectory), I would have left.

        • Cat

          thanks for clarifying, but my ultimate answer remains the same: you can be bummed at your own personal timing and somewhat unjustifiably annoyed at leadership about it.

    • Anon

      No you don’t get a shower now just because someone else is. You’ve lived through difficult times, we all have, and things were not normal. Enjoy your marriage!

      • NYCer

        Agreed. It would also be extremely weird IMO to bring this up to anyone at work now.

        If you are otherwise unsatisfied and unappreciated at your job, you would be better off spending your energy looking for a new job.

      • Anon

        Honestly. Sometimes it’s best to just realize life isn’t fair, you won’t always get what someone else gets, and move on with your life.

      • OP

        I don’t want a shower. I want to understand why my personal and professional milestones have gone unacknowledged while other people’s are celebrated. Maybe that celebration looks different – ie an email instead of a toast, a toast instead of a shower – but everyone else was acknowledged in some way. If they weren’t going to acknowledge personal events anymore then that’s totally fine, but apparently that is not the case.

        • Cat

          Changing back to group celebrations of life events now that we’re in the post-pandemic world should not be either (1) a surprise, or (2) seen as an affront that they’re not going back and retroactively celebrating stuff that happened 2 years ago, sorry.

        • Anon

          It’s because your milestones happened at a different time, when people had much more important things going on! If you don’t like your job or respect your colleagues that’s fine, but it doesn’t seem like people in the same situation AT THE SAME TIME we’re treated better than you.

          • Anon

            This. And you know what…. Getting married is, yay, a personal milestone, but showers have always felt so awkward to me in a work context. And yes I’m married and have 2 kids. In my workplace we just celebrated a backlog of promotions from the past 3 years. Maybe you can initiate something fun to celebrate multiple milestones!

    • anon

      OMG – literally every aspect of life was different during lockdown and we all lost out on whatever phase of life we were in (those poor poor college freshman! and zoom first graders!). Missing a wedding shower seems the least of it tbh. Consider yourself lucky.

      • Anon

        I feel much worse for the college (and high school) seniors who lost their graduations, senior spring breaks and senior week activities. College freshmen had already settled into campus by March and got to go back for three more years, at least two of which were basically normal.

        But yeah. Many people had it worse. Missing a work wedding shower (that doesn’t even include gifts) seems like not a big deal in the scheme of all the life events that were missed, not to mention all the illness and death caused by the virus.

      • Anon

        No need to be so snarky. Obviously missing a work shower isn’t nearly as bad missing a year of college but she’s still allowed to be sad.

      • Anon

        Right. We had people who couldn’t go to their own parents’ funerals or be at their bedside as they were dying because of Covid. We had women who delivered their babies by themselves or with only one person they loved present because of Covid. Lots of people lost out on “normal” experiences. OP didn’t lose that much.

        • Anon

          My SIL got married on Zoom, which is a much bigger deal than a missed work shower, and it still feels trivial compared to what so many people went through.

      • OP

        I don’t understand this derailing. It’s offensive to pretend that my comment in any way suggested this is the biggest loss of Covid, or that I don’t understand what loss is. I am very aware that people didn’t get to be by their parent’s bedside when they died because of Covid protocols, because that happened to me. I am very aware that people had to cancel their weddings, and then a parent died unexpectedly before the wedding could be rescheduled, and then they didn’t get to have a wedding anyway, because all that happened to me too. So y’all can stop with the misery Olympics.

        • Anon

          So, I was thinking to myself, maybe it’s possible OP isn’t immature and self-focused and irrationally fixated on this situation in the absence of context and understanding. And then you posted this.

          If you were looking for people to pat you on the head and say, “oh you poor thing, you should absolutely go throw a temper fit at work over not being feted and celebrated in exactly the way you wanted to be at one of the most fraught times in world history! That will absolutely work out well for your life and career and make you look like a mature, reasonable person” – you came to the wrong place. Wake up to yourself and get a grip. You got married. It’s not like that’s something super exceptional or extraordinary. People do it every day. It’s not exactly an accomplishment, if we’re being honest (and I say that as a married person myself. The real accomplishment will be if you’re still married in 10, 20 or 30+ years). Think about why it’s more important for you to get a work shower for your now-long-ago wedding than it is for you to just enjoy your marriage and live your life.

          • Anon

            Mean and direct are not the same thing. If the dialogue here is so consistently triggering for you, Trish, you have options.

        • Anon

          I’m sorry. I think you have had a lot of losses and maybe this is getting focused on out of proportion.

    • Anonymous

      No, I wouldn’t say anything, because what you lost out on during Covid can’t be fixed now. It can be grieved, and treated as tender or sad, but your workplace can’t go back and make it right for you, and anything they would do (what could it possibly be?) would probably seem forced and “not enough” to you. It’s like people who get married during droughts or famines or wars or depressions—they miss out on what people have who got married during happier, calmer times when all was peaceful and abundant and their communities were fully able to celebrate them.

      Feeling generally underappreciated at your job is a different matter. If it’s a systemic issue, then yes you might want to change jobs. If it’s particularly present today and lots if piling on, then just hold on for a week or two and look at the job situation again when you’re feeling more like yourself.

    • Anon

      I wouldn’t say anything, but it does $uck to miss out on these things and you are allowed to be upset by it.

      Even if this was “minor” or other people missed out on more important milestones it’s still disappointing.

      Obviously the pandemic meant that life was not at all business as usual. Its okay for that to be a “I missed out on xyz and I’m upset” and not a “I missed out on xyz and I need to just get over it”

      • Anon

        There’s a difference between being sad and feeling wronged, though. OP is allowed to feel sad she missed out on celebrations (I would too), but she said she’s annoyed at her employer which is what feels tone deaf to me. The employer isn’t doing this at her. It was just a crummy side effect of Covid times that we all lived through.

    • anon

      The celebration thing comes off like a childish tantrum. Feeling overworked and underappreciated are good reasons to find a new job.

    • Trish

      Feeling unappreciated is the worst even though people may think the things your are expressing sound petty. I have always had a few peeps at every job even when the environment itself was toxic. But I had no friends at my last job and felt very left out. It is okay to feel this way and to look for a new place. I absolutely would not tell anyone at your job because it won’t go well. Hugs.

      • Worried

        I’m the ‘ invisible one’ at my workplace, and I can empathize with your situation. I was once told by a colleague that I was informally discussed as being the kindest, professional person, and people really liked me, but now that an older colleague who I was close friends with retired, it is harder to find someone to sit next to during meetings, or the occasional gathering. I try and reach out politely to others, and they are objectively friendly people, but I’m just not on their radar. Occasionally, I reconnect with work friends…when I reach out, but overall, I feel as though I’m invisible, or not a priority. The only advantage to being invisible though, is that I when I have the rare opportunity to slip out early maybe twice a year at most, no one notices I’m not there…in all seriousness though, I know how this feels, and it can be lonely.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think you should say anything but it does suck. My husband has had various milestones ignored at work because I’m his company someone needs to take it on to arrange this things and his manager hasn’t/he doesn’t have a work friend who would be proactive and step up.

    • Anonymous

      We had a Zoom funeral for my MIL during lockdown. It is what it is. Move on.

    • Anonymous

      Are you being appreciated/recognized through your compensation? For a job, IMO that is really what counts.

      • Anon

        +1

        I understand why it hurts, but honestly the world was thrown upside during COVID and coming out of it. I just don’t think you can generalize. Try not to take it too personally.

      • Anonymous

        +10! Celebration policies during vs post covid is a red herring; this right here is the meat of the matter!
        OP—do you feel appreciated or recognized by leadership in other ways (i.e., adequate compensation, timely promotions with salary increases, chosen for excited projects/assignments, etc.)? Or are these milestones celebrations one of the only ways leadership pays attention to employees? If so, you absolutely have the right to be bummed—you missed the two guaranteed “scraps of attention” doled out by the bosses.

        TBH, your work sounds like my first employer. They touted and still pride themselves on being SuCH A ~FuN~ PlaCE tO WoRK—“Lo0K wE CelebRATe EaCh OtheR, We’Re a BiG FAmiLY.” Heck, they now even have an “employee life” IG account put on by the marketing team to help with recruitment (so new grads will overlook how low their offers are?). In reality, I was grossly underpaid compared to the market and had a huge shock the first year at my new job when I received a real performance bonus.

    • Anon

      I would also be bothered by this, but I wouldn’t say anything. It’s done and it sucks and I think people who are always appreciated don’t really get it.

    • Runcible Spoon

      Efforts to get an explanation or reason for how you feel your work leadership has treated you are not going to result in satisfaction, so I would recommend not pursuing the matter. It happened; it sucked, but dwelling on the hurt is probably not very productive. You might like to figure out what you can live with, and if it’s all too much for you t your current job, then start looking for another job where they are delighted to have you join the team. If you can find that, lucky you!

    • Anon

      Girl, you say something and they’re gonna fire you for lacking perspective. No no no no no.

  6. Op

    Please hit me with all the Helsinki recommendations. I’m there for 2 days this week!

    • Anon

      I liked the day trip to the sea fortress. Helsinki felt very Russian to me. It was cool – I’ve always wanted to go to Russia and have never been – but also kind of disarming if you’re used to other parts of Scandinavia, which feel much more western.

    • Anon8

      I have a Finnish exchange sister and have been to Helsinki a couple times!
      If you’re into shopping some Finnish brands are Marimekko (bold patterns on everything, the most famous Finnish brand), Iittala (vases and glassware) and Pentik (home goods). Fazer is the big chocolate brand you can find in grocery stores and is delicious. Moomins are popular cartoon characters and you can buy lots of things depicting them.

      The Helsinki Cathedral and National Museum of Finland are worth seeing. The Cathedral is un-ornamented inside compared to southern Europe, which is really reflective of Finland as a whole. Practical!

      Finns are extremely reserved and it can come off as rudeness to Americans, but that’s just the way they are (for instance, someone might bump into you in a store and not apologize, or cashiers might not speak to you). As a rule, they don’t do small talk.

      It’s not the most exciting city, but it’s really cool to see for a day or two.

    • Anonymous

      Art: Amos Rex is a super cool underground gallery, Kiasma a great museum of modern art. I think the Atheneum has reopened after refurbishment, great national gallery of older art.

      Food: perch, cloud berries, reindeer, rye pirogis, dill, roe, lingonberries etc are among the local ingredients. You can get excellent modern interpretations of traditional ingredients. Look for pages with “10 best modern restaurants” to get updated examples. Do try the liquorice chocolates, I like the milk chocolate ones best, but you should at least try one with the salmiakki (spicy liquorice).

      Drinks: Helsinki has loads of excellent bars – both dive bars to get Finnish level drunk (i.e. unconsciousness) and lovely modern cocktail bars with cocktails and mocktails. I enjoyed Yes Yes Yes the last time I was there.

      Shopping: iittala, Arabia and Marimekko are Finnish design stand-outs. If you like chocolate, the Fazer shop and cafe is great. There are a couple of department stores (Stockmann and Sokos). If you tire of Finnish minimalism, there’s a big Muji store for Japanese minimalism. If you like yesterday’s poster need 30 band bras, go to Funky Lady in the Forum mall.

      Don’t buy antique Russian Icons from random sellers, though, hey might very well be illegal to export.

      Have fun! Helsinki is a very nice place, and beautiful in June.

  7. Anonymous

    moms of teenage boys – how does dinner work in your house? are you able to meal plan/prep? my preteen is on my last nerve because when i finally do meal planning and prep work he either a) wants to eat it all for an after school snack or b) hates it and wants to “make his own” meal that uses eleventybillion pots and pans and interrupts me every 3 seconds to ask where products are. he also uses stuff that i had planned for later meals. we’re butting heads over this a lot… any tips?

    • Go for it

      Been there for sure! I resorted to post it notes on stuff I’d planned to use for meals~ after having a serious sit down with them.
      With my starving athletes it was more than one sit down for sure.
      They were also assigned with making dinner for the fam one night a week each. I also dragged them grocery shopping a few times a month too so they would get the idea that stuff did not magically appear in the fridge / freezer.
      ps they brought the groceries in & put it all away no matter who shopped.
      Oh! If they needed a pre dinner meal it was pb& j~ not what was post it marked for use!

    • Anonymous

      1. Kids and husband may eat only designated breakfast/lunch/snack foods. Everything else, you ask me if I have plans for it before you eat it. Otherwise I would never be able to cook anything.
      2. Dinner is what I serve. If you want to cook, you plan ahead to cook for the whole family and either shop for ingredients yourself or put them on the list before I place my grocery order. Alternative vegetables are permitted if you cook and clean up yourself without getting in my way (they never want to bother so they just eat the veg I serve).
      3. You are not allowed to go out to eat a giant slice of cake or a full meal between school and family dinner.

    • Savannah

      I’m late responding so I hope you see this. Mom of 2 teenage boys here, and I’ve been there. Here’s what I did. I would buy specific food just for snacks, and they were welcome to eat any and all of it at any time. I literally kept a list of snacks taped to the inside of the pantry so they could see what was theirs for the taking (peanut butter toast with bananas, bagels with cream cheese, carrots and hummus, chips and salsa, yogurt, hard boiled eggs, etc. – these things are always available). If they had a huge post-sports snack at 5pm and ruined their appetite for supper that was fine, but they still have to come sit at the table with the family at supper time (roughly 6:30 for us). If they don’t like what I make, they are welcome to make their own but absolutely have to 100% clean up after themselves. BUT, I do make an effort to have at least one thing everyone likes and so it’s rare they want to make their own. Also, during the summer they are responsible for both cooking supper, with my help as needed, and cleaning up, with DH’s help/supervision as needed, so it gives them an appreciation for when they don’t have to do it during the school year.

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