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Brooks Brothers is having some great sales right now – lots of cute dresses for under $100. I was perusing the accessories section and came across this interesting, pretty, gold necklace with pearl details and a definite Art Nouveau vibe. I like how this is a round necklace — perfect to layer with crewnecks and other round necklines — and does quite have the impact of a heavy, jangly “statement necklace” but is a bit more than a super minimal necklace (like this old favorite of mine). The product description notes that it's 12K gold-plated links, 17″ long, and on sale — it was $300 but is now marked to $149. Happy Tuesday!
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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
rachelellen
My beloved 7-year-old Kors pebbled leather work bag is showing its age. It’s so worn in some spots it looks like the equivalent of a threadbare piece of apparel. I’ve taken it for regular maintenance a few times, but the last time I went to a shoe repair shop, they wanted $80. I said, “I usually pay $20” and stomped out. The guy yelled after me, “you usually get just plain shoe polish.”
Now, looking at how worn the bag is, I wish I’d listened – and would love to educate myself on what the options at a repair shop are. What should I ask for? How can I judge different approaches to repair jobs? Any thoughts are very welcome.
Anon
I brought a coach bag into coach for some repair and refresh. It was around $80, and didn’t come back looking refreshed. At all. I don’t think I’d do it again.
Anon
Maybe you shouldn’t be rude to your cobbler. Grown women don’t stop out of stores.
Anon
That’s what I was going to say, too.
rachelellen
Nor do they troll around on the internet anonymously slinging snark at strangers, but here we are. I was being a bit flip when I said I “stomped out,” I walked out saying no thanks, but I don’t need to explain myself to you. As the first person who responded to me makes clear, even if I’d decided to go through with it, there’s no guarantee I would have gotten good service. I am here asking for help understanding how to ask for the service I want and what is being offered.
Anon
You sound like a delight!
Sam
I totally understood it in the flippant way you mentioned, it sounded like a Seinfeld bit! I don’t have any insight into your actual question and am sorry you are getting so much flak about your word choice.
I have no idea about leather maintenance but would think it may be time to prepare for that favorite handbag to go to it’s resting place in the sky (or, you know, in a second hand store or a favorite niece).
Anonymous
Seriously. I don’t think anyone is getting rich doing shoe repairs.
Anonymous
Gently, I am not sure how much you paid for the Kors – if it’s the high-end designer line or the more market-focused line – but with daily wear, there’s only so much you can expect a bag to do. Even an expensive one. If it’s from the midrange line, it’s probably exceeded its life by quite a bit. I think you need a new bag. Even the $80 repair job is only going to look so good, and last for so long. At a certain point people will be able to tell you are shlepping around a worn bag that has been worked on multiple times. You can find a decent bag on ThredUp or Poshmark or the cost of 3-4 $80 repair jobs. Just bite the bullet and find a new bag.
Also, people who provide you services are people too. My alterations person charges me a bit extra when she has to deal with delicate fabrics or acetate linings, because those fabrics are genuinely harder to work with. I don’t yell at her for it.
rachelellen
Fair enough. I’m willing to spend a bit to try to breathe a little more life into it, though, now that the end of its life really does look close at hand. I’d hoped this community of professional women who talk about fashion and wardrobe upkeep might be able to help me understand the different services leather repair shops offer, that’s all. It’s curious that when I said I “stomped out” everyone assumed I was abusive to the cobbler and I really just meant that I left quickly.
Horse Crazy
Perhaps this community of professional women is concerned about how you treat other professional people. Even if you were being flippant or not serious, maybe you should think about that treating customer service people in that way is a poor reflection of yourself.
Cat
Ok then pay attention to the feedback your choice of words generates. If you actually said “no thank you, that’s more than I want to spend” and left politely, it’s hard to imagine why you said you “stomped out.”
ANYWAY that doesn’t strike me as outrageous for a full conditioning. $20 is what I pay to get heel caps replaced and a quick shine on the tips of shoes. I’ve paid $50 to condition a 10-year-old Coach bag, and it emerged looking rich and supple again.
anon
+1
It’s hard to imagine that he “yelled after you” if you were polite.
cc
stomp: to tread heavily and noisily, typically in order to show anger. Walking in a way to show anger, after saying “I usually pay 20” is incredibly rude.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t yell at anyone, but I’ve been scammed by repair people multiple times. There don’t seem to be any quality control or required qualifications. I’m not talking about fancy requests too: things like replacing the sole on a pair of Fryes or hemming a pair of pants.
anon
What quality control/required qualifications do you think there should be for hemming pants.
Anonymous
Just not to destroy the garment.
anon
We might be bag twins. I’ve got an 8 year old Kors bag (midrange) that I have worn into the ground. Got it on sale for <$100. This bag has far exceeded its life and I'm shocked it's lasted this long. It's definitely not in great shape and needs to be replaced, but it's not awful (plus, my company is not very status oriented so I don't feel as uncomfortable carrying an old bag, and it's rarely seen.) It is a color that doesn't show wear, dirt, or scratches easily so I'm sure that helped. The lining is so far gone I'd never let anyone I'm trying to impress see it. The point is that your bag has served you well for years and it's time to replace it. Set it free.
Anon
TBH I think it’s to replace this bag.
Going forward you might want to do monthly maintenance on your bag. If you read ‘Alterations Needed’ blog she mentions some leather product that Chanel uses and she does the same on her leather stuff. I believe ‘Putting myself together’ blog also has some leather conditioning advice. That way, bag stays in great shape and lasts a long time.
Anonymous
Look at one of the sites that offers purse leather re-dyeing. They have before and after pics of what various treatments can do.
Anon
Reposting here and I’m not sure the classic fashion post will get as much traffic. What is everyone’s thoughts on classic suit styles? I don’t wear suits to work and anytime I have an interview, I freak out and pull out my old Express suit (ugh) circa college graduation 5 years ago. It is just a plain black suit with a flare leg and it is not tailored to me. I want to invest in a quality black suit for future interviews and have it tailored, but I’m not sure about styles, particularly the pant cut. Slim leg seems to be in style right now but I’m petite so I’m not sure if a slight flair looks better (makes my legs look longer?). I’m very suit ignorant so any other advice is welcomed.
Anonymous
I’m curvy, so the BR Logan suit pant fits me and nothing else comes close. It has a slight bootcut, but it is very, very slight.
Equestrian attorney
+1 on the Logan. I have this in black and blue with matching blazers and it’s my favorite classic suit.
Candidate
+1 again, I got it in blue recently for interviews, since I’m currently job searching. Matches a lot of my closet, especially slightly more interesting tops, and gives me the confidence I need for my interviews.
Anonymous
My favorite suit is a black skirt suit from Talbots that I had tailored. I feel like skirts are a little easier to make last through trends because they don’t have all the options pants have. But if you want pants, I would probably go with a very slight boot cut. I think that always looks good, even if not on trend.
Gail the Goldfish
I’d just get a skirt suit so you don’t have to worry about leg styles if you wear it that infrequently.
Anon
Get a suit that you can wear as separates on a regular basis so that it’s getting worn and still feels current. This probably means getting a less formal suit, but that is probably fine for the work environment you’re describing. Banana Republic is good for suits like this.
Cat
If you need a classic interview suit, a skirt suit will last you longer than a pant suit for exactly the reason you mentioned — pant styles evolve.
Anon
Check Ann Taylor or Banana Republic. I am petite as well and curvy and these suits fit nicely.
Anon
Does anyone have a rec for a nice family-friendly resorts in Cabo, preferably all-inclusive? We went to Live Aqua Cancun several years ago and absolutely loved it. We’re interested in a similar vacation, but with our toddler so we can’t go to an adults-only property like Live Aqua and we’re thinking it makes sense to explore a different part of Mexico.
Anon
We went to Pueblo Bonito Pacifica for our honeymoon and it was amazing. That’s an adult only resort, but it was part of a chain in Cabo. Pueblo Bonito Sunset was the family one next door and it looked great!
Anon
One other thought… Pueblo Bonito has two other properties that are in downtown Cabo. We went to them and they were just meh. It was clear the two on the southern most coast (Pacifica and Sunset) are their nicest two. I would not stay at the other two (the Rose and another one I’m forgetting), but I would go to Sunset with my family and absolutely would go back to Pacifica sans kids.
China
To continue the morning rant on things on registries . . . china.
Something like 90% of the couples I know who have wed recently-ish (last 10 years) have had kids right after the wedding (like within a year); all were in their 30s when they got married. They all registered for china and crystal. And none of them use it b/c . . . small kids. They are on #TeamCorrelle (or similar).
Many crystal and china are more appropriate for . . . single people? As a 20th anniversary present for people who might not break things?
I owned some fancy stemware in my 20s to feel fancy and grownup (also: nearby outlet mall). But I don’t use it. Husband is partial to stemless. And we break stuff (our kids do, too, but we are generally a Tervis family and also firm believers in re-using to-go cups).
At any rate, it is all just a bit crazy. Like going to no-present birthday parties for kids (or “fiver” parties, where you can’t spend more than $5), maybe we will wise up and go to simpler no-present weddings.
anon
I purposefully did not register for china and crystal because my husband and I are not formal people. We are not the types to host a fancy 5 course dinner party with elaborate tablescapes and place settings. We’re more if a “throw some burgers on the grill and serve everything buffet style” types. That said, I do prefer using my normal plates (simple white porcelain ones from Crate and Barrel) and doing simple place settings on our large dining table rather than using disposable dishware.
Since our wedding, I’ve received my grandparents’ nice dishware and silverware (real silver!). It never gets used.
Cat
FWIW, I registered for china and crystal because I wanted it more for my future self. I’ve always enjoyed when my mom gets out the good stuff for birthdays and holidays with a family gathered together, and weddings are the perfect time to amass your own set if you want to do the same. The baby/toddler stage isn’t forever, so I wouldn’t assume your friends’ registries were entirely useless.
Anon
I didn’t register for china or crystal because I knew I would never use it, kids or no kids. I did register for (my definition) of nice plates and dishes and we use those pretty regularly when we have company. I don’t think something has to be used every day to be worth it.
Anonymous
I didn’t register for china or crystal because I knew I would never use it, kids or no kids. I did register for (my definition) of nice plates and dishes and we use those pretty regularly when we have company. I don’t think something has to be used every day to be worth it.
Anonymous
I am hear for it — I feel like Carrie in the one episode of SATC who tallies up all she has spent on weddings over the years and just says ENOUGH! [And she says it as a singleton, before she has had the opportunity to get all the gifts back.]
I wouldn’t register for anything I wouldn’t buy for myself with my own money. I have some silver that my parents gave me over the years and some that I bought at flea markets (where I’d get my china if I ever felt the need for any). Maybe I’ll get fancy things once I stop moving, but with moving every year or so (or keeping the option on the table), I just don’t want to pack/move/break things I wouldn’t use on a daily basis. Which is not china. But which does include wine glasses (not used daily, but often enough to have been worth buying for myself.).
The whole thing of spending tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding (which I think that people then want to recoup with gifts) seems to be such a deadweight loss (but I’m not an economist, so that may not quite be the term). When it’s my time, I’m getting quietly married and having a no-gifts party in the yard I hope to have by then.
Gail the Goldfish
Valid point on getting china at a flea market if you ever really need some–I just searched my local craigslist for china and judging from the number of results, no one wants their china anymore.
Anonymous
That’s so nice for you! I don’t want wedding gifts to cover the cost of a wedding, but I like china, can’t afford to buy it for myself, and it’s going on my registry. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
anon
Obvious devil’s advocate question: maybe you could afford to buy it yourself if you didn’t have a huge wedding? Or just reduce a few expenses?
Anon
Not the person you’re replying to and someone who doesn’t care about or like China (permanently scarred from hand washing dishes at the end of evey holiday), but there are tons of things I’d love to receive as gifts but couldn’t justify spending money on regardless of my finances at the time. Gifts are supposed to be fun! That’s my favorite part of gift giving, getting someone I love something I know they’ll enjoy but would never buy for themselves.
Anon
Not the Anonymous at 4:00 pm, but a lot of the money I spent on my wedding was to make other people happy. (I mean this in a good way: these are dear friends who sacrificed a lot to be there.) It was important to me to celebrate the occasion and to thank our guests who came in from out of town, and therefore, there’s money I would spend on them that I wouldn’t spend on myself.
rachelellen
“A Woman’s Right to Shoes” – one of my favorite SATC episodes ever for exactly that reason!
Anon
You’re not wrong.
I don’t think the people who got married and feted in their twenties fully appreciate how irked those of us thirty-something brides can get. It’s heartbreaking that I sacrificed a LOT for friends ten years ago, and when I got married, they couldn’t even send a card — because they have kids and are moving and don’t I understand that weddings are passe.
Anonymous
OTOH, crystal and china for 20-somethings is getting more and more loco. Those kids are probably still on their parents’ phone plans. Not grownup enough for grownup stuff IMO.
Anon
This is bizarre.
Anonymous
+1
We had a discussion at lunch about how the needle for being considered a real adult used to be 18 (get married, set up a household, get a job) and has inched up, esp. as college becomes more common. But this group of people pushing 30/30ish considered 30 to be about when they felt that they were adults (owned a house, didn’t move every year, didn’t have roommates, had their own insurance and phone plan). So it would be weird for a 20-something to register for an aspirational life they might have decades away instead of stuff for their life now. Like I wouldn’t even know what I’d want to look at that far off into the future.
Anon
I am not on my parents phone plan and haven’t been for years but these comments are SO WEIRD. Why is this the marker of being an adult for so many people paying their own phone bill?
If it’s going to cost you twice as much money to get your own plan than to stay on your parents plan, IMHO the more adult thing is to stay on your parents plan and write them a check evey month and save the difference. My grandparents recently joined my aunt and uncles plan because it saved them $100/month. Pretty sure no one would accuse my grandparents of not being adults for making a fiscally responsible choice.
Anon
Yes, this!
Anon2
I didn’t register for china because I live in a tiny NY apartment and do not have room for more than one set of dishes! But I did register for everyday dishes and flatware from Macys and love them.
SC
I registered for china. DH and I love to cook and entertain. Most of the time, we use our regular plates, but we enjoy using our china occasionally. Pre-kid, we used our china a few times a year. Admittedly, the china went on hiatus for a few years, but our kid is almost 4, and we set the table with china for a nice meal with him for the first time last week.
I see china as something we’ll use more occasionally but have longer than our casual plates. We’ve been married for 9 years, and the finish on the earthenware plates we’ve used daily since our wedding is scratched and wearing off. Besides that, many of the plates have broken, the pattern has been discontinued, and they’re getting increasingly difficult to find on replacement sites. Someday soon, it will be time to replace our casual place settings entirely.
Abby
We didn’t register for china or crystal, but my husband’s grandma got us crystal champagne glasses because “every married couple needs them”. We inherited his other grandma’s china and silverware, which we use maybe twice a year. Many of my friends registered for china because their moms wanted them to, and their moms ended up buying them the majority, if not entire, set. We registered for 1 set of dishes, Crate & Barrel the plain set, and use them all the time. I think china is a trend that’s dying, I saw dishwasher safe “china” options when I was registering.
anon
This. We registered for china because my MIL wanted us too. We used it once (first Thanksgiving in a real house, DS was born three weeks later). Now, the kids are old enough that we could probably use it, but all of DH’s siblings are having kids, so it won’t be for awhile. My family are not china people, so we never have it and I just don’t really care. (We are #teamcorelle all the way, and I would really love to have my parents’ corelle plates.) .
Aggie
Perhaps this is a regional thing, but we give cash for weddings. I registered for a china pattern and silver pattern (but received very little of either.) Our guests either mailed cards in advance or placed one in a box set up near the guest book. That money was not a honey fund, it eventually became the down payment to our first home.
My mother carried a “money purse” at her wedding and I had the same one on display along with my mother in law’s veil, my father’s bow tie, etc.) Imagine my surprise after the wedding to find it stuffed with cash.
Gail the Goldfish
I have no plans to ever have kids and still didn’t register for china or crystal because it just seemed silly to have two sets of dishes, especially when you have to be extra careful with one set (yes, I know most china these days is dishwasher safe, but I think you’re still supposed to use the delicate or china cycle. No thanks). My everyday dishes are fine (and are a basic white and easy to replace if they break or get worn out). I’ll probably get my mom’s china and silverware one day, but I imagine it will mostly just sit in the attic.
Anonymous
I like my mother’s china, but it has a silver rim on it and I understand that nothing with metal on it is supposed to go in the dishwasher. I guess my sister and I may split it (or go all/nothing on various items). What do you do with half of a china set from the 1960s?
SC
My in-laws split up their china set when they divorced (which I think is weird–it seems less odd for one person to take the china and one person to take the crystal). Anyways, they both mix and match their first-marriage china sets with inherited china sets, and it actually looks beautiful at both houses. So you could pick up, inherit, or register for another china set and mix and match. Or you could use the china only at small dinner parties.
Anonymous
Replacements has a really good selection of vintage china. I use them to fill in gaps in inherited sets of china, silver and crystal.
Pretty Primadonna
I registered for China because I want to display it in a China Cabinet. I need to complete my set, too, as I didn’t get all the pieces I need.
Anonymous
So it’s just a decorative object?
Anon
Is there something wrong with that if it is?
Anon
How about you do you and let other people just do what they want without passing judgment constantly?
Senior Attorney
Right? Good grief life is long and sometimes you use fancy things and sometimes you don’t. When my son was little my good stuff didn’t see the light of day, but now that I’m an Old my husband and I have dinner parties for eight most weekends and we use the heck out of all our stuff. (And we have a lot — five sets of fine china, three sets of sterling flatware, more drinking vessels than you can shake a stick at!)
I have two tips for those who’d like to use their nice things more often: (1) store it so that it’s convenient to get out and put away, and (2) put it in the dishwasher. You might lose a piece here and there but at least you’ll get to enjoy it. Oh, and (3) it’s totally worth sending your table linens out for laundering.
The original Scarlett
+1 to all of this, I even toss silver in the dishwasher, which I am sure causes people to clutch those pearls ….
CountC
I do this with my silver too. *shrug*
Senior Attorney
Yep. It’s not quite as shiny as if I washed it by hand, but it gets used and enjoyed.
Anon
Yes I agree. I didn’t do China but I don’t begrudge people who do. Just because I didn’t want it doesn’t mean it’s ridiculous for someone else to. There are plenty of fancy things I love that others view as a waste. Live and let live.
Anonymous
I’m not sure it’s quite this simple and innocent. I definitely associate china, having a piano, etc. with my family signaling that we’re the “right kind of immigrant” in a way that makes me uncomfortable. There are also still people who will snub you for having low end china (the south is a weird place). I like nice things, and I’m glad there’s a market that supports their continued creation, but I really don’t think it’s currently as simple as “some people really like china.”
Anononon
Huh? I really like china so I bought it. I live in the south. I’ve never seen anyone discuss low end china and would be shocked to hear anything like that. It’s really not very sinister.
Anon
I currently am in circles I find very snobby on occasion (grew up solidly middle class but through jobs/marriage now frequently enounter 1%ers) and ive literally never heard a snobby comment about China.
But assuming your right, just because some people may view it as a status symbol, does that mean they aren’t allowed to want it? People buy things all the time as status symbols. Choosing China as the place to draw the line is a little odd imho
Vicky Austin
I did not register for anything more special than a couple tough sets from Target (but I am one of those 20-somethings who is literally still on her parents’ phone plan…I’m working on it). But also, as I think Kat has addressed on the blog before (?), my mom has all of her own fancy dishes, and all of her mother’s fancy dishes, and most of her mother-in-law’s fancy dishes. If I decide I want nice silver and fancy china and seventeen gravy boats, I know whose attic to look in and I saw no point in asking people to gift me those things now, when I won’t use them, if I can get them in 20 years for free.
Anonymous
This is a great point. Before registering for china, think about what you might end up with over the long run. I registered for some very modestly priced china that we actually use for everyday. I am glad I didn’t go fancy, because now I have ended up with my grandmother’s wedding china, my husband’s grandmother’s wedding china, and am soon to inherit my mother-in-law’s wedding china. Thankfully my mother was a hippie and when I was a kid, we ate off of hand-thrown pottery plates a friend had made that have long since broken, so I won’t be inheriting anything from her. I don’t have any room left.
Anon
I have a moderated post below on this very topic. How many china sets does the world need, basically.
Anon
We didn’t register for China/crystal because we knew we were several years away from owning a house. We figured that we could always buy it down the road ourselves. If we ultimately decided it wasn’t worth our money in the future, why would we ask people to spend money on it now? Also for me personally, i know my tastes change and that I’d want China to “match” the house we eventually buy. I didn’t want to risk buying/getting something we wouldn’t use for five-ten years and may not actually like once we got around to (maybe) using.
My mother in law gave us sooooooo much grief about our lack of china. We did register for “upgraded” everyday items that we use all the time. And I’m so happy about it. It’s very nice having “fancier” everyday dishes that can still go in the dishwasher and won’t stress me out too much if someone breaks one.
Anon
I heard a thing on NPR about auction houses. They are filled with the older generations’ downsize-selling heavy solid wood furniture. Things like armoires and buffets and china cabinets, because millennials don’t want heavy wood furniture, they don’t want china cabinets and they don’t want the china to put in a china cabinet.
I’m a Gen x with a china cabinet full of inherited china (I’ve been married twice and never had a wedding registry so none of my own) and I think NPR/the millennials have it right. I haul out my mom’s china once or twice a year for Thanksgiving and Easter, and the Spode for Christmas, but the rest of the year it is collecting dust and is an albatross round my neck for when my husband and I eventually downsize and I’m fairly sure my gen Z children will never want it.
It’s sentimenta,l but so is a photo, and a photo does not require its own piece of furniture.
Anon
+1 I have a bunch of China that I will “inherit”. I plan to keep a teacup and saucer from each as a way to remember the person who it belonged to – perhaps to create a “gallery wall” of sorts at some point with. The rest will be sold/donated.
Anon
I would love to know where these auction houses are.
Curly
Not exactly the same, but there is nice china at several estate sales in my city basically every weekend. You can get it for such a great price. Solid furniture, too.
SC
True! DH and I registered for china, love it, and use it occasionally. But we just moved, money is tight, and I’ve been keeping an eye on Facebook marketplace and estate sales for furniture. In addition to solid wood furniture, there’s SO much china, glassware, and silver out there.
Anon
Check out everything but the house
Anon
Check out craigslist in your area too. I bought pieces to complete my Spode that way.
Anon
Here’s the article NPR commented on. They were doing commentary from an auction house, as I recall
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/18/your-money/aging-parents-with-lots-of-stuff-and-children-who-dont-want-it.html
Away Game
I have my parents’ wedding china (with several pieces they completed via replacements.com for my wedding) and a great-aunt’s china from my husband’s family. We have three kids, and use the china and our crystal every Sunday. We started this tradition when the kids were about 8-10 years old, and we love it. The kids like the “fancy” and we get regular use out of our lovely pieces. It doesn’t need to wait for a dinner party. We’d rather use it, and risk breaking a piece, than just let it sit in a cabinet. So, yes, families can totally use it (just maybe not in the toddler years…which is a short span of time in the (hopefully long!) life of marriage).
Anon
I am not on team China but this is a totally lovely family tradition.
anon
Agreed. I’m one of six kids. We had my parents’ wedding china and a set that my dad inherited from his mom’s side of the family, and we used both as our everyday dishes (I’m not sure at what age we all were when this started–I definitely remember using it when I was 5 or 6 though). Upon occasion a piece would break and we’d replace it if necessary. NBD and my parents enjoyed using it.
Irish Midori
My family did this, too, as I was growing up, and still does. When I go home, Sunday lunch is on the China, and I love it. I didn’t register for China for reasons similar to all those listed above, but I love my mother’s China, and would like to keep it in my family because it comes with all those Sunday memories.
Anon
I inherited way more china and crystal than I know what to do with. Definitely did not register for any more!
Anonymous
between my parents, grandparents, my in laws and my grandparents in law (correct term?) there were about 6 sets of china floating around that got used… albeit occasionally. So, we were gifted one of those sets (and were told that the rest were coming to us later in life when parents downsized, whether we liked it or not). The pattern we have is simple and classic and I love it – much better than anything that’s available now. And, also, if it breaks.. eh, it’s had a good 30+ year run of birthdays, Seders, Thanksgiving dinners, anniversaries, random dinner parties with friends and fancy date nights in. My husband and I throw dinner parties 4+ times a year and we always use it. We did register for nicer every day dishes.
I understand that not everyone has families with china sets that they can gift, but I always see them at antiques malls for not very much money. Like $200 – $300 for a 10 place stetting set.
Anonymous
Wow as evidenced by this thread, people have strong feelings on china! My MIL gave us one of her sets when we got married. We used it last Christmas when we hosted dinner. That has been about it in the last 13 years. My current house doesn’t have the best use of storage space and I was tempted to get rid of it, but I keep it boxed up under the stairs for now.
Inspired By Hermione
My mom found an entire set of beautiful china at a thrift store and bought it for me when I was in college (law school?). It’s in my old bedroom closet at home and I’ll probably use that when I’m a Real Adult who does things like has people over for dinner that isn’t chili mac or pizza.
And who can be trusted to not break the dang things. Still working on that one.
Madi
I grew up in a traditional Southern family where brides registered for china, crystal and silver. I got married in the early 2000s and this was very much the standard – not only for my family but for most of my friends as well. I ended up with a full set of everything (the big question mark is why my mom didn’t just give me one of her many, many inherited sets).
So here we are 15 years later, and I want to get rid of the china and crystal. It’s just not the way we entertain. I use the fancy stuff at the holidays, but actually have a holiday set of china that we use for that (typically Christmas and New Year’s dinners). I actually like my sterling silver – not only because it’s gorgeous, but because it’s incredibly valuable.
Over the years, I have sold the various Waterford and Tiffany crystal bowls and candlesticks and vases – but there is not really a market for the stemware and china (way too flooded). So it all sits, unused, in a kitchen cabinet (albeit one we never open so at least it’s not taunting me).
My father recently passed away, and we are hoping to move my mom into a smaller house. But she has FOUR china cabinets full of the stuff she has inherited over the years from various deceased relatives, likely given to her because she has three daughters she was supposed to pass them down to. She keeps telling us, “Oh, you can have Mimi’s china” and none of us have the heart to tell her we don’t need or want it. I am the only one of my 3 siblings who’d remotely use a set – but it would just add to my dormant collection.
Skinny heels
Had them for years, mint condition. Until walking a couple of blocks over brick pavers for lunch. Now, the leather has been “skinned” off the heel and it’s all Sharpie.
:(
SSC
Unless they are patent or suede, a good shoe repair place may be able to salvage them.
Anon
I’ve always been curious about this–patent leather is so ubiquitous, why can’t shoe repair places fix it (especially for black shoes)?
Away Game
My shoe repair place can repair black or nude patent leather if it’s scraped off the heel. Basically, they peel off the entire piece of leather around the heel, and replace that square of leather all the way around. Can’t do much if the toe or side of the shoe requires more than a buffing, but yes, the heel can be totally fixed.
Anon
Yay! Great news!
Z
My boyfriend was contacted by a detective today about something happened while he was in college several years ago. A girl he knew in college has filed a police report against him for sexual assault.
He says they were friends hanging out and cuddling, and he asked if he could kiss her and she didn’t really respond, so he says he didn’t kiss her. A little while later she said a friend needed her so he got the message that she wanted him to leave and he left. I don’t know what specifically she’s accused him of, but the detective he talked to says his story and the girl’s line up. He maintains he didn’t do anything and when he got that she was uncomfortable he left. He’s getting a lawyer but I don’t know what to do. I’m very much on the “believe victims” fence when it comes to this stuff, but I don’t get why she went to the police if he says nothing happened. I wonder if there’s something he isn’t telling me, but his friends say they remember him telling them about this when it happened years ago and they never suspected he had done something illegal. Not sure what advice I’m asking for, but has anyone been through something like this?
Lots to Learn
I try to approach all claims like this impartially – I don’t automatically believe the alleged victim or believe the accused. But one of the first things I look for is a motive for the alleged victim to make this up. In the employment arena, it’s not uncommon for the alleged victim to have a strong motive to lie — e.g. where the allegations of harassment are only brought up when the victim is told that she’s about to get fired. But here, I can’t think of what her motive would be for raising this now if there isn’t something more to the story. She’s not likely to get any money out of it, and it’s not even in the heat of the #MeToo movement where she could get some sympathy for raising it. So while of course we don’t know what really happened here, I think your suspicion that there is something he isn’t telling you may well be correct. And if you’re suspicious, that doesn’t bode well for the relationship.
Anon
I agree with a lot of what you said, but I didn’t really read her comment as suspicious of her boyfriend, at least not in a way that’s detrimental to the relationship. I think wondering if there’s more to the story is pretty much inevitable whenever you hear someone close to you has been accused of something like that, and I wouldn’t say any suspicion she has “doesn’t bode well for the relationship.”
Z
I’m just thinking based on what he told me, there’s no crime to take to the police. I understand why victims wait to file police reports, but he says nothing happened and if nothing happened then there’s nothing to report.
Again I don’t know what the actual accusation is, but maybe its possible he did something and doesn’t remember or didn’t think anything of it at the time?
Anon
If anything happened, I would bet it’s the latter — that it wasn’t a big deal to him and that possibly in the subsequent years he’s forgot all about it.
Anon
But if the detective says his and her story line up then what is the detective even pursuing. I’m as confused as you are
Anon for this
Re him having forgotten all about it – I had a traumatic incident happen to me in college. I’m relatively certain he does not remember (because I have had to cross paths with him multiple times since then) but I will never forget what happened or who did it.
Anyways nothing useful for the OP – it sounds like a tough situation but just wanted to put my two cents in.
Anonymous
When I was in college, there was a lot of shouting from some quarters that a woman who is drunk (or who has been drinking) can’t consent. It was such a constant drumbeat that had I said something like “I guess I never consent then,” even in a joking manner, they would have told me to go report it. And pressured me about it until I’d done it. Which would have ruined the life of my consensual (my use of the term) partner.
I feel like that the school of hard-core “a woman can never really consent; all s-x is r_pe” party line feminism could do with some re-watching of The Crucible.
OTOH, I know some serial r-pists who are known to everyone of my era at my school who were never reported or caught.
Anonymous
Ummmm, I’ve never been interviewed by a police officer, however it seems odd that the detective allegedly said the two stories lined up. I’m under the impression that when they’re out collecting information that officers should be rather Sphinx like. telling your BF that their stories are similar seems like the opposite of best practices. This doesn’t pass the smell test for me. He is your boyfriend, not your husband. I am assuming that you are fairly young since it sounds like he is still friends with lots of people from college, but that’s a big asumption, I admit. You have permission from an internet stranger to dump your boyfriend over this. Actually, you have my encouragement
Anon
I think you’ve watched too many detective dramas.
Anonymous
Yeah, this is a TON of assumptions.
Sam
I agree that the detective allegedly saying this is a red flag. I don’t think the detective said this. He/she may have said something vaguely reassuring when your boyfriend specifically asked “what’s her story? does it line up with mine?” because the detective did not want to share any real info.
You will find out what her story is, and clearly it is *not* your boyfriend’s version, because it was serious enough for her to have gone to the police.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through, don’t make any decisions yet and see what plays out. There is surely more to it.
Ellen
There is some kind of red flag here with the boyfriend, mabye that the OP is thinking that mabye he might be capable of doeing the same thing with her. It does not sound like she really knows him, or that he has been advancing his s-xueality on her and that it is uncomfortable? I am not sure. But if the OP has reservations about him and she is asking for support from the HIVE, we have to help her by opineing on what this guy is all about. I do agree that the police would NOT tell him there was nothing going on or he would not be investigeating now! In the meantime, the OP should keep an eye on the boyfreind and ask him not more about the incident, but where he has been since then and if there are any other skeleton’s in the closet that will be popping up, if not now, then later. The last thing she needs is to marry this guy and then have to be with him if he ever does the PERP walk. I still remember Elliot Spitzer’s wife (a Harvard Law graduate) haveing to stand behind her man when he was supposedly haveing s-x with a cute woman in DC wearing black sox! I still could not imageine any man huffeing and puffeing on top of me wearing smelley black sox! FOOEY!!!!
Anonymous
Well, start out by finding out what he’s accused of, because “several years ago he kissed me when I didn’t want him to” does not result in the police interviewing him.
Anon
This is my initial thought (similar to Anon at 3:55 as well). Playing devil’s advocate, I wonder if the police are investigating every claim of this sort because of the current political climate around the issue. If I were OP I would be taking basically nothing said by the BF on face value at this point. Even if he is strictly telling her the truth there are always two sides to a story and I’d want to know as much about the other side as possible (understanding, of course, this may not be possible, at which point OP gets to decide what she can live with in terms of risk in this area). Sorry, OP, this sounds like a not-fun situation to find yourself in.
Anonymous
I am pretty sure they haven’t run out of physical evidence kits to process yet, so even this devil’s advocate perspective seems wildly unlikely. Why would they ever prioritize a story about kissing over accusations of violent crime? It makes no sense.
Anon
Yeah, it’s a waste of pixels. The devil has enough advocates already.
Anon
Some thing seems wrong there. He asked to kiss her, she said no, he didn’t kiss her, and then subsequently left – there is not enough to that story that the police would investigate (unless he went to school in some tiny, tiny town with no real crime, and even then I’m skeptical that they would investigate if even her story doesn’t indicate that a crime was committed). It seems that he isn’t telling you everything
Z
No, he went to a very big very prominent school.
Anon
If you mean that he was contacted by the police for a city like NYC, DC, LA, Chicago, Boston, etc. (basically any real sized city), then I don’t believe his story. Police have so much to do already, they would not bother to investigate if the report they received didn’t even indicate that a crime had been committed. (Like, if I go to the police and tell them that I think someone was trying to rob me because he picked up my wallet and returned it to me, they are going to laugh me out of their office, not investigate that person)
Z
Yeah he was contacted by the police for his city (a large suburb really).
Anonymous
No small town police I know would investigate anything based on this story. They would honestly be confused as to why anyone was telling them this story at all.
Anon
I think you’re underestimating small town police. I live in a Midwest town of about 100k, so not a one stoplight town but not a major city. My infant daughter dialed 911 and even though I spoke to the operator and told them the call was a mistake, they sent police to our house for a well check. And the police apparently weren’t satisfied with my demeanor when I answered the door and asked to come in and interview my husband, which we allowed them to do. It strikes me as very plausible that even if there’s not much to the alleged victim’s story, something about her demeanor made them think there was more to the story and they wanted to interview OP’s BF. In my experience it does not take much to get interviewed by small town police. They haven’t made any arrests and obviously that would be a different story.
Anonymous
I’m from a smaller Midwestern town, and your story rings true, but the OP’s story still sounds off to me. Years later? Over a kiss that never happened? Maybe my perspective is skewed insofar as the patriarchy was alive and well in my town though!
Anon
I live in a large city and I would hope the police would respond in this way if my baby accidentally dialed 911. I would be concerned if they didn’t. How could they confirm it was actually an accident and there wasn’t some crazy horrible thing going on? Better to do a well check then to find out later there was abuse or a kidnapping or some other crime happening. I probably watch too many crime dramas but I hope if someone ever was like holding me hostage and I was able to dial 911 but got caught and tried to pretend everything was fine to appease my attacker that the police would confirm my story.
In any event, your story is very different than opening an investigation from something that happened years ago.
cc
This is completely different. I live in a big city and they do the same thing- a 911 call is always responded to. Very different than a detective interviewing someone over a kiss that didn’t happen. I mean this story is insane- the BF is saying the detective said “the stories match up” when the BF’s story is “I thought about kissing a girl one time but didn’t”
Anonymous
I’m not sure how old you are or where the BF went to school, but I’d check the statute of limitations on criminal actions. Many are time-barred after a few years.
Anon
I’m sorry, this must be really hard for you. I have no idea what I would do. On the one hand, you know your boyfriend as he currently is and you presumably think he’s a good person (unless maybe there are other red flags related to this). But on the other hand, having been the victim of assault, I have a really low tolerance for anything like this. It’s not a matter of ideology or anything, although I don’t think that’s an unimportant factor. It’s a matter of personal safety. Having been a victim of a pretty traumatic assault, I don’t want to risk having anything like it happen again, even if other people think I’m overreacting.
Anonymous
OTOH, this far from the incident, there won’t be any physical evidence to get. At most you get a he-said, she-said, which is pretty much a draw. Unless some sober witness remembers something else? But why now? If she is seeking cathartic justice for a thing that happened other than what the BF remembers, it isn’t really capable of happening.
And, frankly, I’d think the SOL runs pretty quickly. This seems really fruitless. And exhausting.
Anon
You don’t get to decide what cathartic justice means for anybody else, thank you very much.
Anon
So he’s being accused of sexual assault, but the detective said his and the girl’s story that they cuddled but he didn’t kiss her or otherwise make a move, then left line up? Assuming they are both telling the truth and that the stories do line up, I think this is a case of “girl felt violated but nothing actually happened” the same way you can be insulted or disgusted by someone without anything actionable actually happening to you. I’d assume good intentions on both parties, that there was a misunderstanding, and put it behind you until something more comes of it or there is a reason to think your bf did lie.
I truly believe that the majority of women coming out with sexual assault stories are coming from a place of sincerity, but I also think a lot of women coming out with stories years after the fact, especially ones that don’t involve se*ual acts like this one, may have let the years cloud or amplify the occurrence more than actually happened. Before you come with pitch forks, I very much put this in the same category as eye witnesses to a crime – yes it happened, but memory flexes and changes to fit personal narratives over time and is often inaccurate the longer time passes. Unless an actual heinous act occurred (ex. real assault no matter the context), you trust the person you love over a nameless faceless woman until you have evidence to the contrary. You’d want the same benefit of the doubt if the accusation was against you.
Anonymous
But police detectives don’t investigate non-crimes. I feel like this whole conversation is happening in some sort of alternate reality? The poster above who commented on the person who returned their wallet is correct: they’d laugh you out of the office. Either it’s a made up story and no police detective is involved, or the accusations are NOT in line with his story.
Lana Del Raygun
I suspect the stories don’t line up and he’s lying about it to OP, tbh.
Anonymous
Yep. That’s what I think, too. “Someone accused me of sexual assault, but our stories line up, so no worries I guess?” That just makes no sense to me… If their stories lined up, wouldn’t that be admitting that he did something?
cbackson
Yeah, I am confused as to why we’re all assuming the boyfriend is being honest about what the detective said to him. OP, the only fact you know is that the police took what this girl told them seriously enough to interview your boyfriend. Given that, and given that there’s no reason for the police to open an investigation over a kiss that didn’t happen, I don’t think you can trust you boyfriend’s account of this conversation.
Anonymous
Yes, but I think the pendulum has swung pretty far. Remember when no one got arrested for DV? And now if there is any evidence, someone goes to jail? I think that if police didn’t investigate, they would just take complaints, and cases would stay open. I think they need at least a cursory investigation (to confirm date) and then verify “SOL has passed” or “could not be corroborated” and close and turn over to the DA who won’t press charges. But headline risk — major police departments can’t not investigate.
Lana Del Raygun
“now if there is any evidence, someone goes to jail”
This is ridiculous and untrue.
Anon
I agree. Perhaps the police are investigating a different crime/related case and are using this story to talk to witnesses/potential witnesses?
Anonymous
“His friends say they remember him telling them about this when it happened years ago.” That’s really odd if it was just him leaving after being turned down. One on his part that it was worth mentioning and two on theirs that it was worth remembering if it happened years ago.
And then the comment on stories jibing from the police.
I hate to call troll. But was everyone wearing button-up shirts?
Z
Promise I’m not a troll, just telling what I know looking for some advice.
Anon
If I was you, I would ask my boyfriend these point blank questions:
-“If nothing happened, and your account and the girl’s account line up on this, why is the detective coming to talk to you? Are there any next steps with the police?”
-“If nothing happened, why do your friends all remember this? It seems like a common occurrence that one person may not want to be kissed and the other person may hear that after asking and stop/leave…What about the story stood out to your friends..?”
90th birthday
My grandma is turning 90 next month. Family relations are somewhat contentious so a big party isn’t happening. I’m taking my kids to see her during her birthday week, which she will love.
Is there anything outside a big party that would be something she’d like? Family relations aren’t so bad that I can’t do things like call an aunt and ask for photos, or do some kind of memory thing. It’s really my mom and her 3 siblings are all….tired of each other. Coming together for something like a party will bring out the worst.
Grandma is physically alright, slow and uses a walker. Achey and old and slow but ok. Mentally she’s declining but still lives alone. No longer drives. Has occasional bouts of confusion but overall ok. Doesn’t cook or eat much anymore so meal related gifts are great as long as they aren’t super unhealthy.
Anon
Take her out to a restaurant? My mom is in similar physical shape and that’s what I did for her birthday recently.
Congrats to your grandma!
And kudos you on your early start on this!
Would family cooperate if you tried to get an audio recording of each sharing his/her favorite memory of grandma, and could you put that in some format that she can easily access?
Vicky Austin
My grandma turned 91 the other day and absolutely loved a mug we gave her with a photo of (almost) everybody on it. :)
Anon
We also took my grandma out to a restaurant for her 90th. If you think she will love the kid visit then that will be a hit and will probably tire her out mentally so I wouldn’t plan too much honestly. The restaurant and back and sitting around talking at home for a while after was enough to make my grandma want to go to bed. Have your kids each make her something special. Search “90th birthday” on Pinterest…there are some cute ideas with making a big “90” out of pictures, making a board with things that happened the year she was born, etc.
Original Moonstone
This type of thing was a big hit at a recent 90th birthday: https://www.etsy.com/listing/612163209/90th-birthday-poster-1928-facts?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=90th+birthday+poster&ref=sr_gallery-1-14&frs=1
You upload a photo of the birthday girl and receive a jpg to print at a drugstore.
DLC
Can you organize to have some nice photos taken of your kids/ family with grandma? My grandmother passed away unexpectedly five years ago – literally hours before we got on a plane to visit her, and she never got to meet our children. I am a little sad that I don’t have any pictures of the four generations of women that would have been her, my mom, me and my daughter. But also, we saw my grandparents so rarely (she lived in Asia) that whenever we visited, my grandfather made sure to get a photo- sometimes we went to a studio and sometimes it was just in his living room with a camera phone, but we always commemorated things with a formal posed photo where everyone is wearing nice clothes, looking at the camera, and smiling.
And also take her out somewhere nice- doesn’t have to be a restaurant, but a park or botanical gardens or a music concert would be nice too?
Anon
A park or botanical gardens isn’t a good place for a 90 year old with mobility issues who has a hard time walking.
Anonymous
A lot of them know their audience. One near me has automatic doors on the bathrooms, lots of HC stalls, and is fully wheelchair accessable with lots of ramps. I loved it when our kids were in a stroller. You only saw the ends of the age spectrum — very old or the very young (with parents), along with photography enthusiasts.
Worth checking out — some may be gorgeous right now.
Anon
We got professional photos of my whole family done for my grandma’s 99th bday. We did them in her backyard, so it was easy for her. I had one of them printed at Costco for her on aluminum which was lovely. She had a sharp decline after that and passed away about a year after. I’m really glad we had the pictures done (and we aren’t big pro picture people).
Anonymous
This is a know-your-person thing. My 88 year old MIL really cherishes sitting around and looking at old photos and home movies and reminiscing. She’s not that into going out.
Anonymous
This is a late reply so I don’t know if you’re still checking, but for my grandma’s 90th birthday I got her the New York Times birthday book. It’s personalized, with her name and birthday on the front cover (you can choose the color), and then inside it has the front page of the New York Times from her birthday every single year. If you pay a little extra (I did), they also include all of the newsworthy front pages that happened during her lifetime, like the end of WWII, the Kennedy assassination, September 11, etc. She LOVES it, and it’s a great way to start conversations about memories. Like, flip to any given page, and then ask her for her memories about that year, and you get some amazing stories. Especially as the memory starts to go a little, sometimes she can’t remember the stories off the top of her head, but if she’s given a prompt it all comes back.
Anon
Late in the day, but may repost tomorrow. My work group of 12 people is pretty close and if someone is having a life event, we normally all chip in for a group gift. In the past year or 2 I’ve given $20-$50 each time for surgery care package, parents/grandparent passing away, wedding showers, baby showers, and retirement gifts for most of the people in the group at some point. I just had a baby last week and no one did anything for me… not even a card or congrats texts or emails (not even from my boss whom I am fairly close with). I know it’s kinda immature of me to be sore about this, but my feelings are hurt. I kind of don’t want to give towards these group gifts going fwd… would it be inappropriate to just quietly opt out going fwd?
anne-on
Is it possible that it hasn’t arrived yet? Last week seems fairly recent, perhaps give it a bit of time?
I’d be very hurt and annoyed as well, and yes, if it was me I’d either entirely opt out of these gifts moving ahead or just give a small amount. I was so, so touched by the gifts and cards I got from colleagues when I had a baby and it meant a lot to me during a very emotional time so I always try to ‘pay it forward’ with a nice card and/or gift. I
Inspired By Hermione
It might just not be there yet. My colleague’s wife had their son 3 weeks ago and I just sent the office box with a card on Saturday. It took us awhile to get it together.
But, the no texts or anything is hurtful and I’m really sorry. I don’t think giving is ever mandatory. I think Ask a Manager has had a question like this??
Anon
+1 especially if you are usually the organizer. As the organizer of my friend group I know that things get delayed and plans go to crap if I don’t put them on a project management plan. It could be too that they are going to give you your gift when you get back in the office. Or they are waiting to find out if you need/want anything specific.
Anon
Aw hugs, I don’t think it’s immature at all to be very hurt if in fact they didn’t do anything after years of you chipping in to support their life events. And I’d totally opt out in the future too. But is it possible it’s all some miscommunication, and they didn’t get the gift until the baby arrived and you haven’t received it? Or your baby arrived early and they were unprepared? I posted a similar question here when I was about 39 weeks pregnant. My coworkers had done literally nothing to acknowledge my pregnancy, I was anticipating going into labor at any moment, and I was hurt. Well, it turns out my coworkers (who are all men or childless women) were planning a shower for me on my due date…none of them had any idea that a pretty large percentage of babies are already born by then. I really can’t imagine your colleagues doing absolutely nothing to acknowledge the birth of your child, especially since you’ve participated in acknowledging so many of their life events. If it’s not just a miscommunication, they’re being very cruel and you’re totally justified in opting out/minimizing your non-work contact with them.
And congrats on your baby!
Anonymous
Congrats! Maybe they are trying to leave you alone and let you disconnect from the office? But yeah, I’d be miffed too.
Anon
Thanks guys, I’ll give it some time :).