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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Button-Placket Blouse

woman wears silky dark green popover with a half-placket and dolman short sleeves

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

If you have not looked at the Banana Republic Factory site recently, you are MISSING OUT. I would argue that the entire Banana Republic brand has really stepped up its game in recent seasons, but if you’re looking to make any fall wardrobe updates, BR Factory is the way to go. This silky button-placket blouse is one of my personal favorites, but they’ve also got tons of gorgeous blazers, dresses, and pants.

The prices are fantastic and the size range (0-20 in regular, tall, and petite) is broad. After two and a half years of brands trying to sell me athleisure, I’m delighted to see some stylish business casual making a comeback!

The top is $39 at Banana Republic Factory and comes in sizes XXS-XXL. 

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Sales of note for 12.10

286 Comments

  1. Talk to me about designer clothing/bags/accessories (I.e. Prada, Chanel, Versace). Do any of you buy them and if so what pieces? What distinguishes them for you vs. other brands that are high-quality but not designer? Do you see any of the pieces as investments that will increase in value over time (like a Birkin bag.) I recently found a silk dress on steep sale from a designer brand and can’t tell if I like it because of the label or if it’s actually higher quality and it piqued my interest.

    1. I thought about it, but I feel like I have too much size flux for designer clothes (like DVF or Sue Sartor is spendy for me). And I don’t really use purses. And shoes for me are consumables. I have spent $$$ on diamond earrings (studs, something simple and IMO timeless). And $$$$$ on real estate (and now, all of my $ goes to things like a new dishwasher, yard projects, etc.). And my car is 12YO, so budgeting a savings fund for the next one. I feel like if I didn’t have Real Other Bills, maybe. I like the thrill of the hunt, so I’d probably be a consignment / ebay stalker (and I did get an Akris suit that way — that quality is amazing but sometimes there stuff is just very . . . straight out of SNL sprokets).

    2. Following with interest. I have reached a point where I can afford higher-quality things and I kind of am stuck on the question you posed.

      Like, I have a Cuyana zip tote, which is fantastic; is a similar designer tote actually any better? I have a Telfar bag and a JW Pei bag – both trendy, good quality, and will likely last through multiple fashion cycles – would a Chanel bag be worth the investment? (I personally I have my eye on a used Gucci bamboo…sigh).

    3. For ready-to-wear, if you love it and have the money, buy it. However, I’m not typically attracted to ready-to-wear as it tends to date more quickly and I’m also prone to inevitably ruining my clothes somehow.

      Personally, I have a Chanel classic flap handbag and a bunch of Hermes scarves, all purchased vintage/second-hand. My money feels pretty “safe” because they’re such classic items and will be in demand for many years to come. I don’t look at them as an investment, but I think I could get the money back I put into them while still having benefitted from getting to use them for years. That math doesn’t work on most designers, but since I only have classic items from two of the most classic brands, and I bought them at a markdown from retail already, I think they were good buys. Hermes bags are a whole other ball-game and if you’re lucky enough to get a Birkin or a Kelly in-store, you can get massive returns on that due to the resale market being out of control.

      They’re all good quality, as attested to the fact that they’re all 10+ years old and in great condition. However, I hear Chanel quality has declined a lot recently, so I probably wouldn’t buy a more recent bag. I also just love the look of the Chanel classic flap. It’s something I’ve lusted over since at least high school, and spent years saving up my money for. I think it’s partly the actual style, partly my love for all things classic/preppy, a category Chanel falls nicely into.

      I think you could get other high quality things for a better price, but you probably wouldn’t get as much of a “return” if you wanted to re-sell them.

      1. This is so helpful. I love my designer silk scarves, I wear them often (part of my in-office “uniform” when I do go in), and mine have also all been purchased vintage/second-hand, I get a lot of mileage out of them. I think with the bags it makes sense if it’s something you’re going to use regularly and enjoy but like you said – don’t expect to make money off of it.

    4. I will spend money on purses – it’s where form/style and quality intersect in a way that makes it worth it to me. I have a couple of Chloe bags that are years old and look like new, even though I carry them daily. I bought both on Poshmark (one still had the tags one) so I paid $1000-$1200 for each, and I’m already down to a very low cost per wear, with no end in sight. Every time I carry them it “sparks joy” in a way other bags never have. But I don’t see them as an investment – they will still eventually wear out.

      I have bought designer clothes a couple of times on steep sale, and always regretted it – never got the use or joy I was hoping for out of a piece. Would much rather buy decent quality but not have to worry about babying my clothes. Both my size and life have changed way too much in the past few years to consider anything different.

    5. I love my designer bags. I do believe they spark joy for me and find that they hold up beautifully and make me feel more put together. I struggle with business casual, and they seem like a smart looking accessory to me.

      I also have invested in some real jewelry and wear far fewer pieces with a more classic look than when I wore costume.

      I have the Gucci Princetown mules in nude and am getting a black pair for fall. They wear nicely and don’t scream LABEL as much as some things. I have a pair of Valentino pumps. I think they are gorgeous, but I feel as though they are too braggadocios for the office and I regret them.

      I am more of a mid price clothing buyer. Designer clothing is more statement pieces, which means I will wear them fewer times, and I can’t justify the expense.

      Shoes, bags and jewelry are not going to change based on my weight gains/loss, so it feels more right for me.

    6. I do not view any of my designer stuff as an investment – everything is used, loved, and certainly not perfect. Most tends to be shoes and purses, with a smattering of splurge statement clothing purchases. All purchased for quality and most is in the category of you have to know to know that it is designer. With that said, I live and work in an area where low key designer stuff is very much a signifier of being in the club – e.g., you might have a target t-shirt, but it’s with a $3000 purse stuffed with a wallet, snacks, etc. just as you would normally use a purse.

    7. +1 to this. I have a ‘boring’ (classic, preppy, coastal grandma, whatever) style and I’ll invest in high end pieces if they are classic with high end finishes or materials and relatively impervious to trends – mostly accessories or coats fwiw – a Burberry trench which they tailored to my frame, a Hermes bag (not a Birkin!), pearl earrings/necklaces, gold/platinum jewelry with real stones, Hermes silk scarves, etc. I don’t want to be worried about my everyday clothes (and I don’t have a job where people would notice or care about the difference between a Boss dress or an Akris dress) so I don’t tend to spend money on those. I also find my shape seems to change every 10 years (not a ton, but my 20’s body was not my 30’s post kid body, and is not my now 40’s softening middle section body) so accessories and outerwear has more longevity.

    8. I had an Armani suit. I gained weight and it never fit again and I gave it to good will. I hope someone is enjoying it!

      That basically taught me a lesson about how much I will spend. I buy some Eileen Fisher because I love the fabrics, and that’s pretty much the most I will spend now.

      I’ve never been a designer handbag person fortunately. I do like really nice leather but I can scratch that itch at a Cuyana price point.

      1. I bet someone found your Armani suit, wore it to their first big interview and got the job!

    9. Recently I bought a Chloe bag and when it arrived, it was no better than Tory Burch bags I have so it went back. A zipper should not stick on a 2k bag. I used to have a Burberry bag that I loved, made me feel put together, and was amazing quality. However, I moved from a HCOL city with an in person job to a LCOL city with a WFH job and just had no use for it anymore so I sold it. I have a Celine bag I bought used, and it’s a beautiful bag but then when I go to use it, it always annoys me (the way the handles and pockets are). It’s definitely an example of getting caught up in the label, not if it was really the right bag for me. I am not a shoe person at all so no designer shoes.

    10. I bought a Chanel classic flap in 2019 and have not regretted it. It’s the only bag I’ve purchased since and I have no plans to buy any other purses in the foreseeable future, so in that sense I think it was a worthy investment vs. buying a new $200-$500 purse every year. I also don’t save it for special occasions, so it gets a lot of use. I do think it’s higher quality, but also the classic style just goes with everything (well, most things).

    11. I have a Chanel bag from a consignment store. I bought it because I love it and had wanted one for a long time. That is definitely the most I’ve ever spent on any fashion-related item.

      I also have a Burberry bag bought in London and a Louis Vuitton bag bought in Paris. I use them both a lot and love them, especially because they bring back fun travel-related memories. (Also fun fact: with exchange rates these days they were cheaper over there than they are here in the U.S.) I’m going to Italy in a couple of weeks and may well stick my head in the Gucci store and look around.

      But investment? Nah.

    12. I don’t intentionally buy designer items, and I am trying to recall if I have accidentally bought a designer piece because I loved it. I don’t think so, but the fact that I don’t really know tells me that I don’t give designer items much consideration. My wardrobe money seems to go to too many shoes, truly my weakness, high end but not designer.

    13. Designer pieces are far out of my budget, and I’m too hard on my things for them to be an investment anyway.

      My sister, who is great at thrifting, found a pair of Gucci toddler sneakers at Once Upon a Child. For about three months she had the best-dressed 2-year-old in the county :)

    14. I don’t spend a lot on purses and shoes and clothes – my size changes too much and my tastes run to Nordstrom brands that I take good care of, but I love me a high-end cocktail dress. Not crazy high end but I have several that were around $1,000 that I bought on consignment. I have a display rack and put them up there and admire them when I walk into my dressing room.

    15. If I may piggyback on this with a related question, for (reasons) I have some ended up with some designer items that are not my size or style and I would like to consign. My initial efforts with The Real Real are mixed; are there other s*tes that focus on higher end labels? [I’d like to avoid the hassle of Poshmark]

      1. So for a couple of items I actually would suggest Poshmark. It’s not great for getting rid of a whole closet of things because you list everything individually, but it’s really easy for a few items and designer stuff goes fast at good prices (if you’re reasonable). No one else gets a cut, you just ship with a label they send you via USPS (I list things I can just drop in the mailbox to avoid going to the post office). Of all the resale options, I think it’s the best for what you’re talking about.

    16. I have bought LV epi leather and Bottega bags, used daily at work for years. They’re 10-15y old and still going strong. The designs are versatile enough to use for work and play. I didn’t buy as investment bags, just because I grew up in a third world country and always wanted these lovely bags.

  2. My period decided to start 3 days late, the day before I leave for vacation, thus ensuring it’ll be at its heaviest point on the day I have a day-long hike mostly above the treeline in bear country planned for next week. Happy Friday :-/ (is it weird I look forward to menopause so I don’t have to deal with this anymore?)

      1. I’ve got a copper one that’s due for replacement next year. I’ll consider hormonal this go round.

      2. Hormonal IUD or a uterine ablation, if OP is not going to have kids or is done having kids.

        I’ve had a Mirena for 15+ years and I no longer even keep menstrual supplies in the house other than a couple of “emergency pads” just in case. Not dealing with periods and the kind of unwelcome surprise OP is describing has been a huge benefit to my life. No need to keep coping with it if someone doesn’t want to.

        1. Ablation for the win! Best thing I’ve ever done! If you are past wanting children, go for it!

      1. Definitely try a cup for this type of thing! A cup and remember to bring Advil, or whatever works for you!

        1. Not the OP, ready to try cups because od very erratic flow (either super heavy or super light). Unsure of brands and cup versus disc, because reusable discs are now a thing.

        2. If it’s your first time trying a cup, don’t do it on a day-long hike! I tried a cup and could not make it comfortable. And when I decided to give up on it, I had to fight to get it out because it had formed a vacuum seal around my cervix! It was awful. I’m so glad they work for some people, but they didn’t for me.

          1. And you can use duct tape to make your smellable pack-it-out trash bag opaque. I don’t like being OTR on backpacking trips, but can manage for a day hike or car camping. One biohazard at a time. Good luck!!!

    3. Ugh sending sympathies. I swear my period manages to shift to align with every single beach vacation I’ve ever taken. Heavy bleeder here, and giving menstrual discs a try (otherwise it’s super plus tampons; menstrual cups haven’t worked.)

    4. I’ve done continuous birth control for more than a decade now and have pretty much forgotten what it’s like to have to worry about things like this. I have absolutely no desire to deal with periods.

      1. I tried to do this and ended up with unpredictable spotting, so then I switched to a 3-month continuous regimen and now get 4 periods a year. It’s a compromise. I agree that none at all is ideal, so cheers.

        1. I started with 3-month continuous for several years, which was a huge improvement, and then eventually switched to fully continuous, which has been even better. I never spot unless I miss multiple days of pills. Not sure if it’s because I started off with so few periods already or what, but it’s been one of the biggest quality of life improvements I’ve had in the last 15 years!

      2. I had a little bit of spotting when I first started continuous use, but it eventually went away. I’ve taken a week off once a year or so just to see what happens, and I do get a very brief period, but it’s only a few days and very light, so even if you do have issues with spotting, they might eventually go away or you can probably have very light periods with the 4x per year method, though obviously everyone is different. Agree with everyone else that it’s such a quality of life improvement!

    5. I got prescribed a medicine from a doctor via Wisp that delayed my period. I was on a marathon business trip in July (planes, tranes, automobiles through multiple countries) and there was no way I could handle a period, which are really heavy for me. It worked like a charm (3 pills a day) and when I stopped, my cycle went back to normal. Highly recommend.

    6. I was so convinced I’d get my period on my wedding day. I would never want to be a man, but if I’m not perpetually gestating children from ages 11-50, why do I need 12+ period a year for that time?! We have evolved, but our cycles are still rooted in our primal distant past. Seriously, I did not apply to the service academies or do ROTC b/c my periods were borderline debilitating and HEAVY. Now I realize that it didn’t have to be that way, but what did 17YO me know?

      1. I truly believe we do girls a great disservice by not talking to them early on about continuous birth control and IUDs as a way to manage periods. I have PCOS and so from very first period I ever had – which lasted 9 days – mine were irregular, very heavy, and accompanied by extremely painful backaches and cramping. I missed days of school and later days of work from dealing with my periods. I remember being at a work event in my early 20s and nearly passing out from the pain, and also worrying about bleeding onto the floor because my flow was so heavy. I think there’s a lot of anxiety about impairing a girl’s future fertility that isn’t reasonable or based in actual science. If I’d had a daughter, and she’d suffered from her periods the way I suffered from mine as a teenager, I’d get her an IUD, or get her on continuous BC, or do SOMEthing to help her. IMO so much of women’s health care is still based in “curse of Eve” nonsense that we should have let go of a long time ago.

        1. I have observed that women’s health care is all about getting everyone on hormonal BC and then gaslighting women about the awful side effects that many women have. Nobody cares about researching the underlying causes of the issues that drive women to accept hormonal BC as a “solution.” My friends with endometriosis who have gone on Depo because they have no other options have all gotten severely depressed. The Pill and Mirena cause weight gain and depression. Etc. etc. etc. There must be a better way, but no one cares to find it.

        2. I agree that we don’t talk enough about ways to manage periods. However, I would caution against continuous BC from an early age unless there is a medical reason (like debilitating cramps, heavy flow etc). Hormonal BC can have long-term risks, and changing s*xual hormones alters, for example, the natural lubrication, and can lead to lower drive/libido. I personally think that there is power in knowledge and understanding of your “unaltered” hormonal status.
          Anecdoctally, myself and most of my friends were on BC from age 16 to when we started TTC, and almost all of us were shocked how much our sex life improved once being off BC pills. I discovered my own body in a way that I think would have benefitted me also as younger woman and would have made me feel more empowered in my s*x life.

    7. I started my period the day before our big cross-country drive last month! Small in the grand scheme of things but so flipping annoying!

  3. Ladies, thanks for all the suggestions last week for books to read aloud to my blind 99 yo grandmother. Now can you recommend an easy recording and playback system?

    I sadly don’t live locally to her, and she so enjoyed my reading to her for the last 3 weeks that she’s asked me to record other books she can listen to on demand. (She’s often awake during the middle of the night, and it’d comfort her to hear my voice then without yours truly having to be on the phone at 3 am providing it :) ) It’d need to be something simple that she or her caregivers in the assisted living could operate easily. Do they still make tape decks? Ha. Her assisted living does have wifi if there’s a device where I could record here where I am and just send it to the cloud to her device. Thanks for your thoughts!

      1. I know – I kind of teared up just now. I love the relationship OP has with her grandma, that’s really special.

    2. I’d use an old phone, with a recording app. Octopus is one. There’s also one whose name is forgetting, that is meant to record stuff for kids.

      1. yoto player mini might work. She’d have to insert a card and then turn a dial.

    3. Yes, they still make cassette decks! No joke. You can buy them on amazon, and presumably elsewhere. That sounds like a really good plan, actually.

      An alternative would be to get a domain name and do a one-page website where you uploaded audio files, and she could just go to the site and click “play.”

    4. You might actually try the Tonie Box. It’s for kids but there are “Creative Tonies” and you can record stuff via the app and then sync it to the Tonie, which is like a little figurine that stores the content. Then the Box itself can be operated by feel in terms of start/stop, volume, etc, so might be worth considering for a blind user

      1. I was thinking the same. All my friends who have little ones rave about how user friendly it is, and you can add content remotely.

    5. You are such a sweet grandchild. I wonder if American/National/local Federation for the Blind would have specific resource suggestions or technology to lend. Without any knowledge, my first thought was that iPads and other smooth-surfaced items could be tricky to navigate unless using voice technology.

    6. Would something like a TonieBox work for this? They have the ones that you can record directly onto through an app and I don’t think you need to be with the little figure to record onto it. They also have ones with different kinds of white noise that might be good for her.

    7. Also try search term”digital voice recorders”. Minicassette players are still used for dictation work.

    8. Your or her local library should have books on tape she (or her caregiver) can check out. I know that maybe what’s special to her about this is you reading, but this has been done extensively, so maybe you could do some of each?

  4. Have any of you pursued dual citizenship in any E.U. countries (Italy, Spain, etc.) as an American citizen with a grandparent descended from one of those countries. How did the process go if so, what were your motivations for pursuing it, and are there alternatives pathways such as purchasing land/property there instead? I’m looking into the process, and the soonest consulate appointment is November 2024! My rationale is that with remote work I could eventually spend summers there, send my children to college there, or depart from the US if the political situation continues to unravel.

    1. I am doing this now!

      How: pay an agency for the paperwork and gather the records myself. I’m not going to figure out how to navigate the process, even as an attorney

      Why:
      1. My kid is eligible if I do it. Therefore, I am giving him options that he might want decades from now.
      2. The country in question is growing by population and economy.
      3. Options down the road. University for kiddo as an EU citizen? Sabbatical year? Retirement?

      Downsides:
      1. Time to gather documents and, between costs to vital statistics offices and what we are paying the agency, $1,500. But I’ll do fifteen hundred bucks for fun, to give kiddo options, and to potentially change our lives.

    2. Almost all my cousins and I have gotten our citizenship from where our grandpa was born. It was a lot of paperwork but otherwise fairly simple, for us and our particular country of origin there are basically no other ways to get citizenship other than blood. Because of how careful they are about who gets citizenships there was a bit of racism for the cousins that don’t ‘look’ our ethnicity but it didn’t hinder the process.

    3. Can’t everyone send their kids to school anywhere? Like student visas are pretty easy to come by and you just pay tuition (unless there are major discounts for nationals)?

      I’m all for remote work, except I’d have to stick to EST and am not thrilled about what that would do for my tax situation (I get a K-1 not a W-2). But I thought most countries were OK with remote work as long as you weren’t taking jobs from locals. But they are happy for people to come spend $.

      2. We have growing numbers of American kids in UK universities because even international student tuition is significantly cheaper than in the US. If your kid can handle being far away, it’s a really good option.

        1. My sense is that if you are a FT student at that school, it’s true. What about it you are just going abroad for a year or semester or summer?

          2. Often unis will have exchange agreements for semester or summer programmes. You pay normal tuition so they aren’t a great cost saver.

      4. Student visas are relatively easy to get but it’s often very hard to get a work visa if you want to stay in the country afterwards

    4. When I looked into it for Germany, absent further ties or special circumstances, a German grandparent was insufficient to secure German citizenship.

      I’m an American who got a fantastic education in the US. I feel obligated to give a lot of energy and money to make this country better, rather than focusing on an escape plan.

      1. +1. I feel it’s my duty to continue to contribute to this country and try to make it better. Also… are Europeans really going to like it if Americans stay moving there en masse? For all our similarities, we do have cultural and linguistic differences

        2. Well I do not appreciate the idea that American kids should benefit from the free universities in my society if their parents never payed taxes to my country

      2. I am happy to be an American citizen, as I have received many benefits from my US citizenship and my education, which allows me to practice law in the US and in New York City. I have freinds (both democrats and repubicans) who are looking to move to places outside of the US, b/c they think we are going down the tubes here with all of the crime and handouts. Grandma Leyeh told me if she wasn’t 90, she would consider returning to her old country, where she had some sort of royal roots, but she won’t b/c there is no longer any soverign nation associated with the Austrian/Hungarian empire any more, and the village where she lived is not even named that any more either.

        I think that we must strive to improve the USA, which means to get all guns off the street (other then those in law enforcement), and to make sure everyone has food on their table. As far as crimes are concerned, we should have a “one-and-done” credo; i.e., those that commit crimes should be expelled from the cities and sent to far away prisons in less than hospitable places, where they can be properly retrained to be productive citizens, and where they must remain until retrained before they can be released. Myrna agrees with this as does my Dad, tho he does not have a good place to send these people other then Death Valley, California, which he admits is to hot in the summer.

      3. yeah, but I think the Germans may be an outlier. They make dual citizenship difficult and expensive to obtain as a matter of principle.

      4. As a German with a kid with US/German dual citizenship, I can confirm that the process is bureaucratic. I believe grandparents wouldn’t be enough for German citizenship, but having one German parent is usually a sufficient criteria.

        Be aware that some countries may have tax implications associated with citizenship. This is definitely something to consider when permanently or temporarily relocating to a European country. As a US citizen (assuming your keep your citizenship), your worldwide income will always be taxed in the US, i.e. when you work abroad those earnings will subject to US tax, as well as taxes of the EU countries.

        1. My former spouse had no issue getting German citizenship by having a German parent — went to consulate with documents and they told him to just apply for a passport, and that worked.

    5. Something to consider is which side of your family you would be attempting to use for the process. For a lot of European countries, the process is much, much more involved if you are going through a father’s lineage vs. a mother’s. A cousin (her mother and my father are siblings) got a dual Italian passport through her mother and our mutual grandmother. I wanted to do the same, but Italy is a maternal society and it would’ve been a lot more work because I would be going through my father. I tabled the idea for now and might revisit in the future when I have more time and energy, but something to think about!

      1. Ha. My mother was born in the Netherlands, but I can’t get dual citizenship from them because at the time she was born (1943), the Netherlands only counts citizenship through the father.

    6. I have Irish dual citizenship by descent. If you qualify, and it’s pretty much the best passport to have because it lets me live/work anywhere in the EU or the UK without a visa.
      One thing to caution you about: some countries require you to live in the country for a certain period to qualify for “home fees” at universities. Otherwise, you’re considered an international student, even if you’re a citizen. I know this is definitely the case in the UK where you typically have to have lived for 3+ years in the UK. Haven’t looked too closely into EU countries, but I think they may have still be the case pre-Brexit.

      1. How recently-descended do you have to be? Like if your people left in the 1800s/early 1900s, is that too far away? And how much proof do you need (like how much geneology do you have to do)? Or is it just if a grandparent was a citizen?

        1. OP here: in my case, it’s my great-grandparent. He didn’t naturalize until after my grandfather was born, so I’m eligible. My grandmother though born in EU country was a minor when her father naturalized so somehow I don’t qualify through her side because she was automatically naturalized? I don’t totally get it, but that’s what the attorney I consulted with stated. Also, yes, I agree all Americans shouldn’t flee, but I feel a cultural connection as I am not too far removed and still have relatives in said country. Also other side of my family is Jewish and Holocaust lessons of being able to leave ASAP are a cultural imprint.

    7. My kids have dual EU through their Dad.

      Some EU countries do not allow dual unless you are ‘born’ dual (child of a person who is a citizen).

      Some countries also have mandatory military service or civilian service still – requirements may vary and non-resident citizens may be exempt.

      One of the biggest benefits is free university in any EU country as well as the ability to live and work anywhere in EU.

      Be aware of what applies to citizens vs. non-resident citizens in your subject country.

    8. My grandfather was born in the UK. I don’t think I’m eligible for citizenship on that basis alone. My mom is, I’m pretty sure, but hasn’t been inclined to pursue it. My husband’s grandparents were Holocaust survivors so I think we might also be eligible for citizenship in German on that basis, but we don’t have any of the documentation to prove it – all that stuff got lost when they came to the US.

      1. My understanding is that Germany (and to a lesser extent, Austria) have been making it easier for
        the descendants of Holocaust survivors to obtain citizenship in recent years. I lived in Germany as a kid and I’d love to live there if I had transferable skills (I speak some German but am hardly fluent).

        My mother’s family came from Switzerland in the 19th century and I would love to have a Swiss passport, but the Swiss don’t allow citizenship on that basis.

    9. If anyone has a recommendation for an agency that handles paperwork for Irish dual citizenship, please share.

  5. Is anyone using appointment booking software that they like? The kind that would allow clients to book their own appointments with someone. My major need is ease of use for the client — very minimal fuss with having to open up new accounts, input lots of personal details, etc., just to book a simple appointment. (I’m a coach — no need to gather the kind of background details a medical or therapy context would need.)

    1. Calendly or Microsoft Bookings. I prefer Calendly, but Bookings works pretty well. Both integrate with Outlook, and I’m sure Calendly would integrate with Google Calendar as well. I have my Calendly set up so it automatically creates a Zoom link.

    4. I use Calendly. You can customize a lot. I think I pay $100 a year or something to get a premium version. I work at a law firm and clients ages 18-89 have used it without issue. Take your time setting it up and I’d recommend going back in a month later once you’re used to it to see if you want to tweak anything.

    5. Calendly. It was game-changing for me. I have mine set up so people can not only schedule appointments, but reschedule one if they need to, and have parameters for my calendar and each type of appointment (Calendly will let you create multiple types) so I don’t end up with too many meetings in a day, or have a meeting dropped on me with an hour’s notice. It’s $15 a month and worth every penny.

    6. Hijack here, would bookings or Calendly work for setting up multi party calls and meetings? Scheduling these is the bane of my existence. It would be terrific to have a system that would narrow down peoples calendars to the three timeslots that work instead of the 12 we each have.

  6. Huzzah, blouses are back! I clicked add to cart (and bought 3 other blouses) so fast. I had 4 of the placket long sleeved shirts from banana almost 6 years ago and those things wore like iron. I was SO sad when they eventually died.

  7. Aritzia Super Puff – worth the splurge? I realllly need a new puffer, and love the look of both the Super Puff and the Duvet, but I’ve seen mixed reviews on the quality. If I’m going to spend $300+ I want something that will last at least 4-5 years. Thoughts/other recs?

    1. I love love love my Eddie Bauer parka. It’s not the most fashionable but it’s SO WARM. I live in upstate NY and we get pretty frigid winters. I bought the long parka to throw on to walk the dog and it’s perfect for that. I’m very happy with the quality, it looks new after 3 years of daily wear. It’s $300 but they regularly have sales. I think I got mine for half price before Christmas. Link below.

    2. If you’re ok going up to $500-$600 I did a try on at the Pru in Boston of the ‘big brands’ including Canada Goose (in their walk in freezer!). I wound up going with a Soia & Kyo Camelia (Saks had them). It fit my height/frame best (I’m only 5’4) and it’s a bit more tailored looking – I wanted something I could wear into the office vs. a sleeping bag style coat a la Norma Kamali or something super sporty like a Patagonia. It is also amazingly warm – at least as warm if not warmer than the Canada goose due to some of the features (internal bib/deep hood/etc.). They usually offer 20% off via email – Mackage is also VERY warm but more $$ (but still less than Canada Goose).

    3. I have only tried it on, but I plan to buy a super puff when I need a new parka. I have an Eddie Bauer one currently that does the job and I’ve been using for 5+ years, but the Super Puff seemed warmer, cuter, and higher quality to me.

    4. I have a vegan super puff – I bought it on sale so it was only about $99 (I have a mild down allergy). I live in an extremely northern Canadian city and I actually don’t get a much wear out of my puff because I find it too warm! Every time I wear it I sweat like crazy. I’ve found the quality of TNA outerwear to be very good. I have a longer duffel style coat I bought from them in approximately 2012 and it’s still going strong!

    5. I have the Oskar II parka from Aritzia and love it. Plenty warm in 20-30 degree weather but it doesn’t look like a sleeping bag.

      Unsolicited snowboot advice if you’re gearing up for winter: the Sorel Joan of Arctic boots were such a disappointment. Heavy, hot, and the back of them immediately caved in so they scratch my ankles. I bought the Ugg Adirondack snowboots as a replacement and I LOVE them.

  8. Frivolous Friday question – what are your favorite hand soaps for the kitchen and the bathroom?

    1. The seasonal ones they sell at TJ Maxx with a ribbon tied around them – Michel something or other. We don’t have enough people to, e.g., finish the fall one during fall, so I can get two years out of one – I put them in the hall bath cabinet until the season rolls around again.

      1. I love shopping for soap and bodywash at TJMaxx. It’s like a little treasure hunt! I love anything that smells like the ocean – fresh, salty, etc.

    2. For liquid soaps, I love Mrs Meyers Oat Blossom. For bar soaps, I love to go to my local soap shop and pick up seasonal scents. There’s an orange and cinnamon scented one that they make around the holidays that is perfection!

      1. +1 to all of this. Soap shopping is one of my favorite reasons to shop at local boutiques!

    3. I dislike strongly scented soap, so go with the plain jug of CVS house brand to refill our dispensers!

      1. I do this too. I like to spurge on bar soap for my husband in the shower because he loves it. And I buy all things eucalyptus for my spa tub – but the other soap in our house is purely utilitarian.

    4. I love the smell of Mrs. Meyers honeysuckle soap for the bathroom. For the kitchen: Dawn. Always.

      1. Alternatively, I like dove hand soap in the bathroom, especially the “silk” scent if you can find it

      2. I accidentally bought the honeysuckle refill jug to pour on top of my lemon verbena. Highly recommend that scent combo!

    5. Dr. Bronner’s almond in the bathroom, but I get A La Maison sea salt soap for the kitchen.

    7. I bought a glass dispenser for the kitchen, I reuse other dispensers at the powder room, laundry room, and main bathroom sinks. I refil these with the 33 oz Mrs Meyers Lemon Verbena hand soap.

      In the master bathroom, there’s a built in footed soap bar holder (old house) so we use bar soap there. I often buy interesting smelling soaps on vacation to use there. I have Jo Malone bar of soap that someone gifted me that’s up next.

    8. I like just plain old Method soap in the Clear Water scent. It’s literally the only hand soap I’ve used in my bathrooms since my first post-college apartment.

    9. Weirdly, I find the orange liquid Dial scent comforting…I am pretty sure it’s nostalgia from my grandparents. But normally I buy grocery store brand clear unscented soap for bathrooms and Dawn for the kitchen. DH and I are weird about scents (he likes none, I like lightly scented soap but not floral/sweet scents).

      1. I get this re: the orange Dial :) I could smell it immediately when I read your sentence.

    11. I use the liquid soap concentrate Etee makes; citrus or lemongrass scent. The scent is mild, and the pods are compostable.

    2. The Gold Capiz Drum Flush Mount Ceiling Light from World Market is perfect for you and is in stock.

    3. What about the Conifer Flush Mount from Restoration Hardware? Would be like related cousins – and avoid having too much Capiz all in the same area. Also, speaking from experience, I’d scour Lumens, Lightology and Ferguson – most of the lights sold by the likes of pottery barn and west elm are actually there under the manufacturers name.

    1. Waaay better than regular BR which has gotten so dang expensive and (at least here in Canada) they’ve completely stopped doing sales.

      1. If you go in person, the sales are better. I’m in Canada and went in person to a BR store. Online, they had 20% off the sale price, and in store, they had 50% off the sale price. That said, there wasn’t much inventory — sale or otherwise in store. It felt empty, and didn’t have many sizes even in new arrivals. This is a store located in a central downtown mall which is busy.

      1. Beat me to it. There’s not enough contrast between the item text and the background image. I know it’s optimized for mobile but it still drives me nuts.

        1. THANK YOU!! I thought it was just me. But the lack of white space makes it really hard to see individual items. And it doesn’t help that everything is black, white, navy, or tan. There’s no contrast and everything just blends together.

        2. Also, I am usually using my iPad to look at the site, not sure if that counts as “mobile” but it doesn’t work great on the iPad either.

  11. My sister is getting divorced. She lives on Gainesville, FL. I don’t. Does anyone have a lawyer recommendation?
    They have kids (all over 10) and he says she can have the house and full custody (which is stunning and disturbing to me).

      1. Is dude not understanding what “full custody” means? Like he meant it to be “kids live with you and I’ll see them every other weekend and a week in the summer”? B/c now I’m curious.

        1. sounds like dude is feeling trapped with house maintenance and kid schedules and sees this “volunteering” as the way to ditch both!

        2. I know quite a few situations where one parent has full custody and usually there’s nothing sinister going on. It’s usually one parent wanted kids, the other didn’t and ‘compromised’, but obviously you can’t compromise on a living being so come divorce time they’re happy to pay the bill and no longer parent.

          2. I think that’s extremely sinister. It’s one thing to not want kids before they’re here. It’s quite another to day to your existing kids “well, I never wanted you so I’m out. Have a nice life!”

          5. “I think that’s extremely sinister. It’s one thing to not want kids before they’re here. It’s quite another to day to your existing kids ‘well, I never wanted you so I’m out. Have a nice life!'”

            It is extremely sinister. It is also not at all uncommon. I can list 5 divorced women I know IRL whose ex-husbands have very little contact with their kids because once the divorce was final, Dad discovered dating apps and nag-free weekday drinking, and regressed back into adolescence. And not all of these guys were anti-kids when the kids were born. For many men, the attachment to the idea of being a dad far outweighs the attractiveness of actually being a father. They like saying they have kids because it makes them look like stable “family men,” but they have no intention of actually following through with parenting the children. P.S. it is way, way easier on the kids if Dad dips right after the divorce and doesn’t even make a pretense of wanting continued involvement, vs. the dads who start out saying “no no, I want to be involved and I will still be there for you” and then over the next few years, do a slow-fade out of their childrens’ lives because they’re having too much fun in Adolescence 2.0. I am seeing a lot of messed-up teenagers who are products of the latter scenario.

            This is why some of us old heads here have given so much advice over the years to women who are dating/engaged to manboys, or are trying to talk their boyfriends/fiances/spouses into wanting kids when the guy has clearly stated he’s not interested. I have seen a lot of long-term fallout from women who talked themselves into getting married to an immature man, or talked their immature husband into having kids, and then found out later the guy had not grown up one iota – he just got good at faking the whole “responsible husband and father” thing for the outside world. A lot of women end up being married single moms, and then once they get divorced, there’s no interest in Dad actively parenting the kids or sharing the burden, when Dad can either A. go on his merry way as though the kids don’t exist or B. have new, cuter, easier kids with a new partner who will get suckered into being the default parent to the kids AND the man, until there’s a new divorce and the cycle starts over again. I’ve seen it happen, y’all, in real life and in real-time.

            All I can say is: when you’re choosing a partner, choose wisely, because the ramifications for making a bad choice can and will last you the rest of your life. And negatively impact your children for the rest of their lives also.

          6. I think it’s better for the kids if the parent who doesn’t want them, or who is abusive or just a terrible person, steps out of their lives completely. I sure wish that had happened for me.

          7. That was pretty much my dad, even when my parents were married and he lived with us.

  12. I’m loving the BR Factory picks lately as well. Unfortunately all of the dresses are either mini or midi. Mini doesn’t work for work, and midi doesn’t work for my short legs. I also can’t do long blazers so sadly I’ll have to sit this season out

    1. The mini length dresses are ODD. Like, the styles are work appropriate, shirt dresses and safari dresses, the colors are great, but the lengths are you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me!

      Then there are some that are an appropriate length for office but they’re slip dresses.

      I do wish someone from BRF was reading on here.

      1. Some of the “minis” are close to 36 inches, which works for 5’3” me. Comes to about the middle of my knee, maybe a bit past.

  13. Random question: 40+ years ago, I got the smallpox shots, got a pock, pock went away, scar has really faded. Do I even need to worry about monkeypox? [Like I’m a female and not in a risky category, but it’s more “is any immunity still there?” Asking b/c my kid just had to get a booster for something where it looked like per the vaccine schedule that there was immunity but per a pediatrician friend, it wanes pretty fast and if you are exposed, you should get a booster ASAP (whooping cough).

    1. Smallpox isn’t something that typically needs a booster. You almost certainly have some immunity against monkeypox.

      1. This is…not correct. When Smallpox was endemic, boosters were recommended every 3-5 years in high-transmission areas and a little less frequently in others. Protection almost certainly wanes significantly after about 10 years, though we don’t have great data on how much. We also don’t have great evidence on efficacy of smallpox vax against other pox virus.

        1. Science magazine (AAAS version) had a story about vaccine durability a few years back. Essentially, a lot of our childhood vaccines last WAY longer ( as determined by antibody testing) than we think. With the exception of pertussis, that one craps out after a few years.

        2. I mean, boosters being recommended during an outbreak is logical and good. See also London and polio right now. It doesn’t mean the original vaccine has no efficacy 40 years later. It just means they’re erring on the side of caution.

          I’m aware smallpox and monkeypox are different and the smallpox vaccine is not a perfect match. Hence “some immunity.”

    2. I believe the answer is “probably” but I think Your Local Epidemiologist had a more fulsome answer in the last few weeks.

  14. Anyone else still get that back to school feeling as an adult? Do you do anything for it?

    Almost 30, no kids and the end of August still gives me that back to school itch. Something about the seasons not yet changing but that anticipation of change happening.

    Its the time of year I want to refresh my clothes the most, replace worn through skinny jeans and leggings, add a fun coat or jacket to my collection. Make upgrades or big purschases for furniture and decor.

    I’ll be replacing a living room rug in September, bought a new quilt and duvet set 2 weeks ago, and am currently romaticizing inperson shopping, movie montage style (reality is I buzz through racks with ruthless efficiency and talk myself out of everything).

    1. Cap Hill Style has done some “back to school for adults” posts this past week.

    3. Almost 40 and I still get that feeling. I like to refresh and stock up on my favorite pens and notebooks.

    5. Yes! But I don’t want clothing. I want to buy fresh new spiral notebooks in all the colors, a new pack of pencils, report folders, composition books, a mini stapler, pencil erasers, and a compass.

      I need none of this.

      1. Mmm fresh sationary. Unfortunately not on my list this year.
        I have a stack of 4 notebooks each less than half used that I tell myself Ill fill with journaling this year. Ive stopped using notebooks for work for the most part after switching jobs (combination of postit sized paper pad, onenote and slack notes to myself) . I used to love a bullet journal but now I dont need it day to day and I dont make regular time for regular journal writing.
        Ive got 3 boring black zebra pens Im trying to kill too.

      2. I literally had to talk myself out of buying a Trapper Keeper. What would I even do with that? But the gear wants what it wants.

    6. Oh yes. Every single fall. I think I have grown out of wanting to go back for a Ph.D. though :) Or, rather, I’m making enough money now that it would be quite difficult to give that up.

    8. Yes. Just got a new haircut today and am browsing fall clothes! I also like a planner that spans the academic year. Makes sense since I work in higher ed and have school-age kids! Oh, and I bought some spiffy Papermate Flair pens in fun colors.

    9. This happens to me, but with clothes and house stuff like sheets and furniture. My theory is that it’s some kind of instinct from ancient times when this time of year meant bringing in the harvest and shoring up the hut to protect against winter.

      1. I’m like that but in the spring time. Spring cleaning and all of that. Inventory the towels, sheets, table linens. Decide what’s good and what has to go. Stores used to have sales around President’s Day just for this purpose. I worked at JC Penney in high school and college and the Home Sale was like a drug to me, even though I was far from having a home of my own!

    10. Not exactly what you asked, but I always say that everyone knows the the “real” beginning of the year is September, not January 1st.

    11. YES. And I didn’t even really like back to school when I was in school! But now I do get a fluttery feeling and want to pull out the layers (it’s currently 92 F) and put some fresh notebooks in a book bag! I think I’ll have to settle for cleaning off and organizing my desk.

    12. I just want all.the.sweaters. I LOVE sweaters. Preferably cashmere. I want more sweaters. I have a hoarding problem with regards to sweaters. I want to wear sweaters all the time. HOWEVER

      I live in Los Angeles.

  15. Is anyone here a career coach? I’d love to know how you got into the field, and what type of training you have.

    I have found myself doing a lot of mentoring and coaching with lower level people in my company, and I REALLY enjoy it. Friends come to me for resume feedback, and to help them prep for interviews. I LOVE helping people think about what’s next in their career, especially people who want to change careers. So I’m toying with the idea of pursuing career coaching, but I have no idea where to start!

    1. Idk but you’d be so good at this. Maybe Meg Keene’s A Practical
      business school? Lololol just kidding.

      1. Has she gotten kind of weird over the years? I used to enjoy the site even after I was out of wedding season but now stresses me out

        1. Yes. Five years ago, her site seemed informative and sensible. It’s now just weird.

    2. I don’t have time for a long post but, in my opinion, getting accredited training with a good quality program is key. I wanted something with full accreditation and strong reputations. Look into the ICF International Coaching Federation. They have a well defined certification program. There are also local chapters and the members can be very helpful.

      I have a friend who has been a coach for 15 years and runs a certified coach training program in a niche (doctors) and she had a few programs that she recommended.

      Training can be expensive but you get what you pay for. There are tons of options – in person, online, weekend seminars in person, long courses over months – almost any combination that you’d like. I found a program where I thought the instructors were people I would like, the times (online) worked for me and the program seemed logical. Once you start with a program, you need to continue with the same one if you want to get certified. https://coachingfederation.org/credentials-and-standards/find-education

  16. How is the quality and durability of theory and theory outlet? Thinking of splurging on a dress that’s on sale.

    1. Theory clothes aren’t lined, which for the price always baffled me. That may not matter to you.

        1. +1 lining is usually poly in all but the most high end of garments which will use silk. I’m not interested in a plastic lining which suffocates me.

        3. I don’t like lining either. It’s never as good of quality as the pants fabric, and it never has the same “give” so you end up feeling like the lining is bunching up and clinging independently under there. No thanks.

        4. When they used acetate for lining was the Golden Age. Polyester for a wool skirt? YUCK. So wrong.

    2. Regular theory is nice, a step up from mall brands. Generally outlet labels are not manufactured by the main brand, they just get styling from them so the quality is usually not the same.

    3. I find Boss better quality for the price than Theory fwiw. I am also annoyed at the decline of ‘mid level’ designer brands like Theory (300-600/dress in my head). The quality was much better 10+ years ago (though they were a BIG splurge for me then). I went into a Theory store recently and the finishing wasn’t great, very little seam allowance, and internal seaming was scratchy. If I need a ‘knock your socks off’ work dress I tend to hold out for Boss, the Fold, or hope I can find Akris/St John on clearance. Otherwise Talbots and Brooks Brothers make some of the better constructed ‘mall brand’ workwear pieces imho.
      My seamstress has repeatedly commented on how well made my Boss/Fold pieces are so I’ve started to look for the things she comments on (internal finishing, seam allowance, puckering, etc.) and wow do a lot of brands cheap out there.

    4. I’ve been happy with my Theory outlet stuff. It fits me really well too, so that helps.

  17. Any ideas for a fairly low stress job that pays six figures and would be at least partially remote? I’m a trial attorney with 8 years of experience and I’m burned out. I’m excellent at communicating and presenting. Would consider legal or non-legal positions.

    1. E&O (Professional Liability) Claims Handler/Manager/Specialist, whatever they call it at the company. Litigator of about a decade, just transitioned into that in January and I love, love, love it. Very high level work, I appoint counsel all over the country and monitor them for my insureds. Especially interesting if you get into handling policies for permanent cosmetics, architect/engineer, pollution, etc. I would stay away from auto and anything involving first party property.

      The Hartford/Navigators usually has postings, ranges for salaries are more than I was making as a litigator. RLI/Mt. Hawley also had some posted recently.

      1. Seconding that recommendation. Look at claims positions in any of the management liability lines of insurance – D&O, E&O, EPL etc. If you want even more of a shift, the broker side of management liability insurance is a reasonably natural transition for attorneys as well.

    4. If you would like to keep working as an attorney, I would recommend the federal government in a non-litigation role. I worked as an investigator at one of the financial regulatory agencies and earned close to 200k in a job that was intellectually challenging and still provided good work life balance.

    5. My governmental law office is hiring! Where are you located? Hybrid positions, very low six figures, interesting work.

    6. Have you considered a learning & development (within HR) position? You assess what kinds of training people in your org need, then develop and present (or hire someone to do so). With a legal background, you could probably research and develop compliance trainings and be an attractive hire. You could also work your way there by going in-house, seeking work supporting HR with employment law issues, then transitioning over. This is basically what I did ten years ago.

      As an HR lady myself, I recommend making the leap soon-ish, because this market is tough enough for employers that they’ll be happy with transferable skills (meaning lack of direct experience would be ok).

  18. How do you all deal with hearing people spout misinformation in public places? I’m in a solid blue state, but a few days ago in a store I heard someone talking loudly (in the “I want to be overheard” manner, not the “I’m having a private convo” matter) about how the Jan 6 insurrection was staged, and just yesterday a man in line ahead of me started talking — again loudly in the “I want to be overheard” manner – to an unrelated woman in front of him about how “if the IRS can come after [him], they can come after any of us.” And this second man was not some uneducated bumble – he was a professor of opthamology at a major medical school! It’s hard for me not to bite my tongue and I get emotionally worked up over it. I know the answer is “you shouldn’t, let it go” but I’d love some commiseration and/or advice.

    1. I’m in the camp that people like this want attention and the best thing you can do is pretend they’re invisible

    3. I ignore hard. What these people want is attention and I’ll be damned if I’m going to give them what they want.

    4. I console myself with dramatic eyerolls; there is usually at least one other person nearby who looks equally annoyed by these performances, and silent solidarity is cheering.

  19. Does anyone have experience testing positive for Covid beyond 10 days? My husband had (very mild) Covid recently. The kids and I managed to not get it and we isolated strictly for 10 days because I have risk factors and 24/7 mask-wearing isn’t possible at home. At day 5-6 his positive was very bright. Since day 8 or so his positive tests have been extremely faint, but you can see it if you look closely. It’s now day 12, the line is basically the same extremely faint line he’s had since day 9. His symptoms are gone. It seems like the expert consensus is that if you’re positive on rapid tests, you’re potentially infectious. But it also seems like a lot of experts say almost no healthy person is contagious past 10 days. We compromised by ending strict isolation but having him still mask around us and eat and sleep separately – hopefully that’s enough since his viral load is (hopefully) very low. But I just want to know when this will end! It’s weird and frustrating that his tests have basically been the same for the last four days.

    3. Same with my brother. Tested positive for 14 days, the last 5 of which were faint and only visible to those having experience interpreting pregnancy tests ;)

      Also, consider the quality of your tests and sampling method. Sensitivity ranges widely – if you do a throat and nose swab, this may give you stronger lines, as would using a more sensitive rapid test.

  20. Favorite consumable gift for a thank you? I was thinking flowers or donuts or both. It’s for a neighbor that’s lending me some very expensive equipment for a few months.

    1. If they drink, definitely wine or booze. If not, I think your ideas are good. Who wouldn’t be delighted with donuts?

        1. Sure, but you literally cannot track every person’s restrictions. A gift like this is for social lubrication. It’s less about them eating it, than knowing you appreciate them.

          1. You could make the same argument that its perfectly ok to give any one alcohol.

    2. We got a fancy coffee subscription as a gift once and really enjoyed it (we like testing out different roasts on the weekend). Flowers also good. Depending on their taste, nice beer, wine, or bubbly?

      If you want to go with food, something more shelf-stable or freezable than donuts would be my preference – like muffins or breads that we could stick in the freezer to enjoy a few at a time on weekends.

    3. I like donuts! I don’t drink alcohol or coffee and don’t really care about flowers, but would appreciate the thought if I got those. I think this is one of those things that just depends on a person’s tastes, so it helps a lot if you know if they drink, like sweets, etc.

      1. I used to send Milk Bar cookies until I discovered Levain and started sending those instead. Both have been very well received. If you’re looking for something more special, I also recommend Dandelion Chocolate as a decadent gift.

        1. Have to disagree They may have once been good, but after receiving a large package of theirs earlier this year, found much of it inedible.

    5. We were sent a package of soup with cookies from Spoonful of Comfort. It was beautifully presented and the veggie soup was delicious. I now plan to send a package to a friend having surgery next month.

    6. Wanderlust Creamery if you’re into Asian flavors
      Jeni’s if you’re more American

    8. Fancy chocolates, especially if you have a fancy chocolate shop in town. They’re yummy, it can feel absurd to splurge on them for yourself, and if someone doesn’t like chocolates or doesn’t eat many sweets, it’s easy to share or regift (unlike donuts, which go stale quickly).

  21. I need perspective here. I was hired to do a big thing and a small thing, with the small thing happening the day before the big thing. The organization was poorly prepared which I did not know about until they let me into the space only a few minutes before the thing began. The organization did not have everything set up for me in terms of required resources for the thing. (Think my job was to fire clay pots and though I brought the clay and the knowledge, their kiln wasn’t working correctly.)

    As a result, a person with a big job title got mad about the way the smaller thing went. I got blamed and then fired from the big thing. As the person with the big job title is influential, I even had to write an apology in order to contain this and not have the mad person spread the word I did wrong.

    People in my professional and personal life knew about the big thing as it was going to be publicized. Now it isn’t happening. They are just going to say that it was canceled and they will do something else during that time. I feel so many feelings. I know I did the right thing to contain this and not have it become a longterm issue in my career.

    However, I spent weeks preparing for the big thing. It was also supposed to pay about a month’s wages and I am not someone with much money to spare. However, there was no real contract, just emailed conversation and agreement, so there’s nothing for me to lean on to still get paid even though they canceled it and I don’t even know if they’ll pay for the smaller thing since they decided they were unhappy with it. (I am learning from it and will hire someone to help draft a contract so this never happens again.)

    That said, I still have all of these feelings. Embarrassment about being fired, sadness to have had it taken, frustration of the situation, all of it. I know people will ask how it went and I don’t want to talk about it or relive it and trying to explain what happen may sound like I am blaming someone else for my error but it genuinely wasn’t my error.

    Perspectives or support or similar experiences or anything you’ve got please.

    1. Ugh, this sounds SO frustrating. I don’t have any advice, just commiseration. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. Hugs.

    2. I’ve had similar experiences, and I’ve seen it happen to others. I think it’s pretty typical of contract work–wedding photographers who can’t get certain shots because everything is disorganized and running late, caterers who can’t cook the food they want because there’s no heat source, presenters who have to muscle through a presentation without working AV. It stinks, especially since you were counting on the income.

      The contract is a good idea. In that contract, include a sentence that Organization will provide all equipment etc listed on Addendum. For each job, think through what you need, write a list on an addendum, highlight it to the org, and have them initial it separately. This will help them figure out ahead of time if they’re asking you to do something that won’t work, it will help them get organized, and it will somewhat protect your reputation if they don’t provide it. It will also help you get paid.

      If you’re asked how it went, etc., just say there was a last minute cancellation. You don’t have to explain the whole thing if you’re not up for it.

    3. Sounds like you’re a consultant and from what I’ve seen, everything hinges on a good contract and a full understanding of the situation. This is something where you may develop a better feel for over time, and unfortunately getting burned is going to speed up that education. For example, now that you’ve been burned, always get a contract and make sure you go step-by-step through things while drafting the contract (like event space set up and/or access) to get rid of any uncertainty or at least as much as possible. This takes knowledge and planning. You may have to “pad” the timeframes to eliminate getting access to the event space too late and without time to correct any issues. And you may have to turn down contracts where the other side isn’t organized or willing to fund it to the level to get a good result or if the other side has unreasonable expectations. For example, if someone wants you to do X but without sufficient financial/legal/institutional support, say no. This will mean that you have to know your value. You may also need to charge more, get some paid up front, build in partial payments and checkpoints, both to protect you and to ensure that the events go right.

      Your client seems like a they were a poor quality organization. Making you write a letter of apology is really excessive. Cancelling the second event when the first event wasn’t planned well (primarily their fault) seems punitive. I’m sorry you feel like you’ve lost face but it truly sounds like they are responsible. As far as what to say, I’d say something like the sponsoring organization changed their plans/goals at the last minute and your expertise wasn’t needed. It’s hard but in a few weeks or months, no one will remember.

      1. Co-sign this. As a consultant, what helps me sleep at night are my two favorite documents in the whole world: my signed Scope of Work/Quote Acceptance document, and my service agreement that I paid to have a lawyer draft. Both must be signed before I commence work, and on projects over $1000 I ask for a 50% upfront deposit and do not start working on a project (or take meetings that are not about scoping/finalizing contractual details) until it’s paid.

        As Coach Laura says, it only takes a couple of times getting burned before you learn to protect yourself. One of the worst parts of being self-employed (or even having a side hustle) is dealing with clients who don’t take responsibility for co-creating success in a project, and then want to blame me for not magically making everything work out. One thing you may find helpful in the future is to create a “project kickoff checklist” where you and the client (after contracts are signed and deposits are paid) sit down and go through a list of everything that’s needed to make the project successful, and get defined commitments from the client about what they are going to do/provide, who will be doing/providing what’s needed, and by when. Every time I have gotten into a situation where I either have to smooth over a dispute with a client or fight to get paid, it’s because I over-relied on my belief that people are fundamentally good, and that clients are invested in the success of the project enough to want to pay for it. Setting up your own processes, systems and structures that center around protecting yourself is a worthwhile thing to do.

        P.S., you will bounce back from this. It will work out in the long run. Big hugs.

        1. Co-sign also. OP, it stings now, but you will not let someone fool you a second time, and that is a valuable thing.
          Our scope of work documents include client deliverables in addition to vendor ones. Maybe that’s what you meant, anon.

    4. Definitely get a contract. If you cannot afford an attorney (and don’t have an attorney friend who would draft one for you), ask around in your industry to see what presenters, consultants, etc. typically use doubter contracts.

    5. To your last point – explaining when people ask how it went: a short answer to the tune of “Oh no, it got cancelled due to some issues at the organization” will suffice.
      If you feel like a white lie, say it got cancelled due to Covid. So much has been cancelled due to covid that no further explanations are needd.

  22. Travel tips for Galapagos Islands? My mom is going on a group trip to the Galapagos, Quito, and nearby islands. She isnt a big traveler and is very sensitive to motion sickness. She also doesnt know a ton about the islands, but is h-ll bent on going. It is coordinated through a travel agency that puts together trips for people her age and culture (South Asian). She will have a friend with her that has gone on these trips before and the group will have around 15 people. She is 70, had knee surgery earlier this year, and has lots of aches and pains all over. What should she pack and know about this trip? I am really happy that she is going out and doing something for herself and on her own for the first time ever, but also a bit worried about her health. Thank you so much!

    1. I got fairly seasick on the boats between islands. I would definitely advise her to bring seabands (I think that’s what they’re called?) or Dramamine. That being said, I studied abroad in Ecuador and had a wonderful time – it’s a beautiful country! And if she’s traveling with a group, she should be relatively safe. Like in most countries, the biggest risk for tourists is pick pocketing, so she should just be aware of her bag at all times. If she has time, tell her to stop at Cyril cafe in Quito. It sounds odd but they are still the BEST almond croissants I’ve ever had in my life – I’ve since been to Paris, NY, all around Italy and have yet to find croissants that compare!

      1. If she really gets seasick, she wants a prescription for transdermal scopalomine patches. They’re way more effective than anything else.

    2. For motion sickness, definitely get her both sea bands to wear on the wrists and Dramamine (OTC meds), but she should check with her doctor too.

    3. I have great luck with those behind the ear seasick patches. A dr can prescribe them easily

    4. The patches are more effective for a lot of people than Dramamine/Bonine or the bands. I’d bring all of the above and then she can see what works best.

    5. I went on a trip to the Galapagos and with the smaller ships that you’re on, seasickness was a real problem for me. However, my doctor prescribed scopolamine patches and they were a lifesaver. I put one on when I started feeling it (should have done it before) and it lasted three days exactly. The fourth day, I started feeling it again, which is how I know they really worked. I applied a new patch and within an hour, the seasickness was gone. Only side effect was some blurred vision the first day.

      Moot point if she’s already booked, but we went on a bigger boat with Celebrity and were glad we did. More people meant more guides and so they did two trips every day – one for more active people and one for less active / older people. Food was great and the guides were super-knowledgeable. I’d definitely do that over one of the much smaller boats or a build-your-own adventure.

    6. If this is a trip through one of the tour companies that caters to older people, they will provide her with a detailed list of what she needs to bring with her and what to expect. They will also be set up to handle people who are not particularly active so I would not worry terribly.

      However, I second (third? fourth?) the recommendation for a wide variety of OTC and prescription medication to deal with motion sickness. I also like to take a round of antibiotics with me to places like this “just in case”. If she has any serious allergies, she should also talk to her doctor about an Epipen.

  23. What are some careers that allow at least some work from home, are fairly low stress, and pay six figures or close to it? I’ve been a trial attorney for 8 years and I’m burnt out. I’m tired of always arguing, and I would like something with good work-life balance. Would consider a legal or non-legal job. I am excellent at communicating and presenting. I feel like surely there are careers out there where my skills would be transferable but I’m just not sure what they are

      1. I mean, who wouldn’t want to make bank without ever leaving their house and never having to do anything stressful?

    2. I’m stuck in mod on the other comment. Look at management liability insurance, either claims or broking.

      1. I suggested similar. It’s great! So much less stressful than litigation and six figure salaries.

      2. A small word of warning: a clerkship/permanent attorney position on a state appellate court of last resort could be very stressful depending on the political atmosphere of the state.

      3. Most appellate clerks are required to be in the office and your career is tied to a judge who may retire at any time (or lose an election if you are in a state with elected judges).

    4. Practice management, professional development, attorney development. Check out the NALP jobs board.

    5. Member state negotiator for UN and UN bodies. Aside from getting up to speed on particular conventions and politics it’s a pretty 9-5 job that are often remote except for the actual meetings. Really cool stuff, and if like me you like to be anonymous it’s a great way to make a big impact without being in the spotlight.

      1. Not the OP, but just curious – what are the qualifications for something like that? I feel like I wouldn’t know where to even begin.

        1. There’s no special qualifications needed. Right now the head of delegation I report to has a law degree but it’s not necessary. There’s a variety of bachelors, masters, and PhDs among my colleagues not in any one particular field. I studied sociology which I think was actually really helpful since I approach reviewing positions of other member states sort of like analyzing qualitative research.

        1. No day looks the same but basic duties include reviewing other member state positions, drafting your own country’s position, being a member of correspondence groups, working groups and drafting teams for conventions and agreements, briefing powers that be about various conventions, preliminary legal analysis of possible implementation of conventions and agreements, there’s also a bit of relationship building and meeting with other member states.

        1. Government job boards, they’re usually advertised as policy positions. They’re very competitive though. Make sure you’re aware of all the UN bodies and what they’re called since very few postings will explicitly say UN they will say the particular body you’d be working with.

  24. Our neighbor did a huge favor for us by looking after our cat for two weeks. What would be an appropriate gift to thank her? When she did this for us earlier this year, it was for a week and we gave her a gift card to a local favorite restaurant. This time, it was for so long, I feel like I should just give her cash..would that be awkward?

    1. if a teen, yes cash. If an adult, cash is kind of weird and tr-nsactional for a neighborly relationship. Do you know what salon she goes to (gift card for that)?

    2. We recently watered our neighbors’ plants for a week or so and they had a half case of wine sent to our house! Or maybe a slightly nicer bourbon/wine/liquor than she normally drinks? The gift card is really nice too though. Maybe somewhere she would never take herself.

    3. I loved getting hired by neighbors as a kid. I would feel weird if a neighbor gave me cash for doing a favor now that I’m in my 30s. The best thing is reciprocity–her feeling like she can go to you for neighborly help when needed.

      If you’re friends or would like to be friends, maybe take her out to a fancy local restaurant?

  25. Three of my cousins are getting or got married this year. All weddings are adults only (I totally don’t blame them, btw). I’m about ten years older than them, so I have kids: a kindergartner and two toddlers. I already skipped one wedding…I should skip the other two on principle right? I’m not close to any of the cousins, though I wish them well in their marriages. The next two weddings are an 8 hour drive from us, and a 12 hour drive or 4+ hour flight. My mom, who normally keeps the kids, is also invited to all these weddings. I don’t know why I’m feeling conflicted: writing it all out this is a scheduling nightmare.

    2. if you enjoy seeing your extended family, consider going to 1 of the 3, maybe by yourself?

      1. oh, to your actual question, you don’t have to skip the next two just because you didn’t attend one. It’s way more fun to catch up with everyone else at a wedding than at a funeral…

    3. You shouldn’t skip them on principle. You should politely decline because the plans aren’t feasible for you.

  26. Speaking of Mrs. Meyers, do any of you like the candles? I have an expensive candle habit and I’d love to go a little cheaper.

    If you do like them, which scents?

    1. I got the Mrs Meyers Snowdrop one because I was obsessed with the smell of the soap, but unfortunately, I found the scent so faint as to be almost imperceptable.

      1. That’s what I was worried about. I don’t need to fume everyone out but I do want at least some throw.

      1. I am never sure about those. Currently I buy Diptyque, Jo Malone, Beauty Pie, and Keap. The Beauty Pie ones are a decent deal and good candles, but you have to be a member. Diptyque and Jo Malone are $$$$$.

        But I will always, always buy one if the Diptyque holiday candles in some sort of pine scent.

  27. Is there a website for female tour guides? Something like Viator but I’m a lady traveling alone and would like to hire a woman to take me on a private tour not just spend the day with a random dude.

  28. I have been living with family since c0vid, which has been saving me a ton of money. (I make about 60k annually.) I grew up poor so savings has been big for me and I have anxiety about spending much.

    However, I am about 40 and an introvert and I just need my own space. I found an apartment and applied in excitement, but while waiting for approval, I am now feeling anxious about spending so much more monthly and the change of moving a couple of hours away (near friends I have been driving weekly to visit).

    I have been talking about this with my therapist but am also wondering if anyone has experiences or thoughts or advice on financial anxiety or change anxiety or feeling better about spending money on myself that isn’t 100% mandatory to do?

    2. I guess I’m coming at this from a different angle, but I hope it’s helpful to you: I was living with my family for grad school, and planning to move out when COVID happened, and now I’m still living with them while working and I’ve been able to save pretty aggressively because of it. There are definitely some trade-offs, but I think of the savings now as possibilities for future me: I have a cushion to move out to a nicer apartment than I would have otherwise, I have the start of a down payment for a house if I want etc etc. So maybe think of it in terms of: you weren’t saving just to save, you were saving to do what you wanted to do, like live on your own and being closer to your friends. It sounds worth it to me :)

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