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I don't know why, but I just took a swing through several major discount retailers looking for a droolworthy tote that isn't annoying to post for everyone. (Pro tip: Century 21 has a ton of fancy Longchamp and St. Laurent bags right now!) This Furla bag has a nice mix of what I was looking for — it isn't boring black, but isn't a dirt-magnet like a pink tote (although this one is great if you manage to avoid dirt better than I do). It isn't too floppy, but it isn't too stiff, either, and it has something to keep the top closed. My one minor issue is that the strap handles could be longer, but you may not mind so much. This one was $548, but is now marked down to $269 at Century21. Blue Flair Large Leather Tote
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Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
smoke PSA
Looking around my own community, I’m stunned how little awareness there is of the public health risks from wildfire smoke. Check the air quality index– PM 2.5 particulate move straight into your bloodstream. If you smell chlorine, that’s probably ozone–high enough concentrations will permanently scar your lungs.
Please, please, take this risk seriously! Don’t exercise outdoors; don’t send your kids outside to play in it, they are an at-risk population. If you doubt me, look at the actual warnings on the EPA, WA DEQ, and OR DEQ s i t e s…it’s just not being publicized the way it should.
Seattle Freeze
It’s awful here – record particulate levels. I’m inside with the house closed up but my eyes are burning and throat is sore – and I don’t have any respiratory issues generally. Definitely no exercising outside – I won’t even walk my elderly dog in this. We had an extended smoky period last summer but the air quality is much worse right now.
Anon
Yeah, this is horrible (also Seattle). I was surprised to see kids outside when dropping off at daycare this morning but they’ve since issued an announcement that the rest of the day is inside only. The morning was a touch more bearable and now I’m just grateful our current daycare has AC (our previous did not).
And Peggy
I totally feel you, but I can also understand that a lot of people want to continue living as usual, to maintain some semblance of normalcy.
OP
I don’t know if you are in the PNW, or aware of how bad the smoke is, at least in some places, but I’m trying to make the point that this is a real health hazard, not just an issue of comfort or convenience. Not everyone can afford to stay indoors or protect themselves, but exposing yourself to risk for the sake of your routine is not smart.
Anon
You know, it’s never going to come off well when you try to tell people you know better than they do. Especially about their own health and risk tolerance.
Ariadne
husband and I are on tail end of vacation, and usually we go out for lunch and urban walks in our city. Because of the air quality, we are hanging out indoors, Even though it’s hard to stay put. The air feels Smokey and muggy, and I’m also surprised so many people are out. I suspect, for many it’s business as usual, though I start to feel headachy and tired if I am ouside for more than 15 minutes.
We recently returned from a trip to Europe where there was a heatwave, but we were able to go out and sightsee even though that was not easy. Trying to make the most of being indoors right now, and just stepping out briefly to buy groceries.
Voly
Thank you. I am in Seattle, and my friend was telling me how he went running outside and got a headache. I told him, “What were you thinking?! All media in Seattle is telling you to avoid being outside for more than 30min, and no exercising outside for a reason….”
I am an Asthmatic myself, so I’ve been feeling this for over a week now. I am on max doses of all medications, avoiding being outside, and wearing respirator if I do (yes, I look ridiculous, and I don’t give a shit, I am just trying to avoid landing in ER). But even healthy people at work are complaining.
Senior Attorney
So I just signed up for a Pilates reformer class. Have never done Pilates although I am a fairly experienced exerciser. Any tips or suggestions or anecdotes? Pep talks? Testimonials? I’ve put on a few pounds and I feel like my usual workout isn’t cutting it these days.
Anonymous
I loved pilates not so much for weight loss but for balancing out lots of sitting and standing during work hours. It was one of the exercise classes where I would always struggle to keep up, or not be able to do so many reps due to weak muscles. But my body felt amazing afterwards. I really should get back into it. If anyone knows a good class in Berkeley, let me know!
busybee
I’ve been doing Pilates regularly since my early teens. It’s wonderful. My best advice is to keep track of your back–don’t let the small of your back arch up; try to thinking about pressing your belly button toward the reformer. Is this a private or a group lesson? Let the instructor know at the beginning that you are new, so he/she can keep an eye on your form. Form is really important in Pilates. Do not try to do things fast. Most of the exercises are more beneficial when done slowly.
Also try to keep tension out of your neck and hip flexors. Your instructor can give you pointers on that if you feel yourself tensing up there.
Anonymous
I have only taken Pilates mat classes, never reformer, but in my experience Pilates will not lead to weight loss. It will, however, help with core strength and posture.
I am so envious! I have always wanted to take reformer classes, but they are $$$ and college tuition is looming on the horizon. Have a blast and let us know how it goes.
E
Pilates is amazing – it probably doesn’t burn enough calories to be helpful with weight loss but is very good for building muscle tone.
Anon in NYC
Have fun! I love pilates reformer classes. Tell the instructor that you’re new at this – s/he will give you a run down of the machine and lots of attention and help during class. Also, find one or two people in class who seem to know what they’re doing and look at them if you get confused.
Cookbooks
It’s low impact, but you get a great workout, especially on the reformer. It really helps with flexibility, core strength, and depending on what you’re doing, it can with back pain, too.
Anon in Boston
Since I tried a reformer class eight years ago, I’ve been hooked. It has transformed my body and mind. Regarding body, I’ve found and developed muscles I never knew were there. Regarding mind, it requires concentration, which minimizes opportunity to think about anything else during the hour. I come out feeling both worked and refreshed. There’s a steep learning curve, but it’s so worth it.
Like other forms of exercise, studios and individual instructors vary a lot in approach. So if you are intrigued from the first class but not immediately sold on the specifics, see if you can try at least another instructor at the same studio.
Have fun!
nutella
Reformer is awesome. We had one in our house and I have been using it since high school – it is an awesome tool for both stretching and strengthening. Definitely tell the instructor beforehand that you’re new and also if you have any injuries or pain so that (s)he can keep an eye on you and assist you. Not a bad idea to call ahead and ask if you need gripper socks or not (and if so, toeless or not). Personal preference but I don’t like wearing shorts or loose tops to that class because they fall, but that’s me.
Agree with Cookbooks that it can be great for flexibility, core strength, and accommodating injuries because it is low impact. It is a really great compliment for heavy lifting and cardio exercise. (A typical week for me has two days lifting, two days barre/pilates, and two days cardio – long or HIIT.) Have fun! And kudos for trying new things! PS – if you don’t like this class, I guarantee there is another pilates or barre class you can find that you will like.
Casper
I love pilates! I like to wear crop leggings and a not too loose shirt. Grippy socks are good too. Go slow and exhale through the hard parts
Senior Attorney
Thanks, everybody! I really want to work on strength and balance so hopefully it will be a good fit for me!
go for it, right?
There’s a leadership position open in another pillar of our organization that has been open for a while (like, over a year). I hadn’t applied for it before for a few reasons – one, it was posted right when I came back from maternity leave; two, I had an opportunity for promotion in my area (that has changed – and my boss is leaving, and there are other reasons to want to leave); three, someone internal was promoted to interim and I knew she was applying and thought she’d get it. Fast forward to now – position hasn’t been filled. Pretty sure Colleague isn’t getting it despite being interim because of some internal chatter. Should I apply? Is it really weird to apply without mentioning to Colleague? Colleague and I have very similar CVs, so is it even worth it if they didn’t hire her? Does it show I’m interested in promotion?
Our org does not have built-in opportunities for promotion, so you either need to apply for one or have your boss go to bat majorly for you. Feeling awkward with a colleague is NOT a good reason to not apply, right??
anonshmanon
Go! For! It! Even if you don’t think your chances are ideal, you can learn more about what it would take for you to get to that point. Also, throwing your hat in the ring makes the higher-ups more likely to think of your name the next time something opens up.
Anonymous
Didn’t need to read your post. The title says it all and the answer is yes you should. Would not mention it to colleague.
Anonymous
Adding to the chorus – yes. do the thing. eat the cake. buy the shoes. apply for the job.
Reusable containers for drinks
Okay. I want to become more green. I would like to use less single use plastic containers. How does this work with getting smoothies and things beyond basic coffee from local places? Do you bring a mason jar? Do you ask ahead if this is something they do? How do you know what size to bring?
Same with take out – do you bring containers? How do you make this more green? Just not get take out?
I feel like plastic use is creeping up in my life and I am not a fan!
Anonymous
If you regularly go somewhere for beverages, ask them. Especially your coffee shop. However, keep in mind that food sanitation is a priority for restaurants and having your cup in their preparation areas . . . is kind of gross. Like, maybe your particular cup is fastidiously cleaned but many aren’t.
Anonymous
If you regularly go somewhere for beverages, ask them. Especially your coffee shop. However, keep in mind that food sanitation is a priority for restaurants and having your cup in their preparation areas . . . is kind of gross. Like, maybe your particular cup is fastidiously cleaned but many aren’t.
Torin
I bring my own mug to coffee shops. It’s a Zojirushi 16 oz travel mug and they usually just charge me for the smallest size drink of whatever I’m ordering. I imagine you could do the same with a smoothie place. You can buy reusable plastic tumblers with straws. There are tons of options at Amazon or Target. Just buy one for the size you want to drink, whatever size that is.
For take out, no, I don’t use my own containers.
Torin
I do, though, always refuse extra bags (Why do I need to put the container in a bag? Why can’t I just carry the container?) and plasticware when I get take out. If I’m taking it home, I can use a real fork.
Also trying to be more green
For take out, I have a list in my head of the places near my office that include the least plastic and unnecessary wrappers. So, for example, I end up trying to stick with the salad place that gives me my salad in a single, recyclable, plastic container rather than the place down the street that gives you a sandwich in one styrofoam container, your fries in a separate styrofoam container, puts them both in a plastic bag, and puts in the plastic bag one of those plastic utensil sets in a plastic wrapper (when I didn’t actually need any utensils because, well, it is a sandwich and fries). I also keep a real fork and spoon at my desk to use instead of grabbing plastic ones if I pick up food somewhere and bring it back.
Anon
I’m trying to bring food from home more to cut down in total packaging waste.
I bought a set of tupperware and reusable ziploc-type bags and a thermos. I also have a Nalgene bottle at my desk that I use for water. My local coffee shop will still make the drink in a plastic cup, then pour it into my tumbler, so I started bringing coffee from home (and I use a reusable filter when I make the pot at home).
I’m not super crazy on this stuff, but like you I was seeing how much I was throwing away every day and getting disgusted by it. I do buy a lot on Amazon (I try to save up and make fewer bigger purchases rather than order a small thing every couple days, but I still get them in 5 different boxes) so I’m trying to somewhat make up for that by reducing my waste elsewhere.
But it’s hard. Just the other day, one of my kid’s toys had the battery die out. It was actually cheaper to buy a whole new toy than to buy the special watch battery replacement. But what a waste to throw out a toy just because the battery is dead! We decided not to get either and deflect to some markers instead, but who knows if that was the right choice.
Anonymous
I’ve never had problems using my own thermos when I want lattes from Starbucks. In fact, I get a 5 cent discount.
For takeout, I don’t use my own containers, but I’ve considered bringing my own containers if I have leftovers after a meal at a casual place. I haven’t done it yet, but apparently my mom does, much to the embarrassment of my college-aged sister. My mom will bring her own metal pot-thermos-thing to our local pho place if she’s getting takeout.
trefoil
We went out for dinner last night and took our own containers for leftovers. This time, the staff were so busy no one noticed. I’m not so intense that I’ve asked for to-go food in my own containers, mostly because i like to online order to avoid social interaction.
These are the changes i’ve made to reduce one-use items: Coffee/iced coffee/other non-chunky drinks go in my Contigo mug. Smoothies and similar go in a double-walled tumbler. Travel wine goes in a mason jar. I always have a reusable bag in my purse (a soft cotton one, not a huge awkward Ikea-style bag). I keep a travel set of utensils (fork, spoon, chopsticks) and a water glass at my desk.
Anonymous
What is this “travel wine” you speak of?? Do you put wine in a mason jar and take it places?
trefoil
Yes, like on bike rides and to friends houses!
I got a bad decision last week and my husband picked me up with travel wine in the cup holder. ?
anon
Oh my gosh, there are so many simple swaps you can do! Check out the blog goingzerowaste. She has lots of tips and swaps for wasting less.
CountC
I keep a set of everything in my car. I’ve never had a problem getting Starbucks to fill my thermos, although I only ever get a misto. I have a steel fork/spoon with knife edge combo, takeout containers, a glass water bottle, and a coffee travel mug. If, for whatever reason I don’t have those things with me, I just don’t get to treat myself.
Voly
Switch to Menstrual cups. I did it for reasons other than wanting to become green, and am very happy. Much better than pads and tampons.
Anonymous
Inspired by Senior Attorney above, can anyone recommend free, at home pilates videos? I ended up down the youtube rabbit hole earlier this week and there’s too many options to choose from. I’d like do something that would allow me to progress and be continually challenged over time, so not just random videos as I find them. Are there free series’ of pilates videos anyone can recommend? Thanks!
Cookbooks
Sorry, I ended up creating a new post rather than replying to you. Check out Fitness blender. You can search by duration and by difficulty level.
K
Blogilates has a calendar that tells you what videos to do on what days. I like her system a lot.
NY CPA
Youtube Katie Mackenzie eFit30. Not sure if you’re a beginner, but I am, and I really like her Pilates videos. I have also had a lot of injuries and like that she suggests different accommodations for how to make harder / easier if you need it.
Anonymous
Windsor Pilates is on youtube I think. It is dated, haha, but a great pilates workout.
Anonanon
I like the Youtube channel Blogilates.
Travel Insurance Dispute
Hi Hive, I think I have the ball rolling in the right way but I bet someone here has thought of something I haven’t. DH and I have a trip to a national park scheduled for mid-September. There’s currently a wildfire near where we will be staying that has big swaths of the park closed and is causing smoky air quality in our camp area (I’m not the poster above about wildfires, but yes, I don’t want to be out in it!). I called the park today and they aren’t sure how conditions will be when we’re there, but we have about three weeks to hope the fire gets under control.
I purchased the travel using my Chase Sapphire card, after reading up on the travel benefits. I called them today to ask what happens if we need to cancel only one leg of our trip, and to my surprise they told me that wildfires are not a covered cancellation reason. I confirmed on the recorded phone call that no such exclusion is written in my policy, which covers “severe weather” and the dwelling being “uninhabitable.” I spoke with a sympathetic supervisor who filed an escalated written complaint for me.
I hope the fire gets under control and we are able to continue our trip without interruption, but I have to plan for the worst. We are still within the window that we can purchase expensive “cancel for any reason” insurance, which will refund 75% of the costs. Has anyone actually used such insurance? I’m afraid that purchasing any additional insurance at this point will be wasted money because the wildfires are already happening (the fires hadn’t started when I booked), but “any reason” insurance might still be worth it.
Also, has anybody fought their travel insurance/credit card on something like this and won? I find it hard to swallow that they can unilaterally decide what an undefined term in my contract means and then just shrug their shoulders. If things really go sideways, I assume my best course of action is to file the claim and then appeal it as far as I can go.
Cookbooks
Fitness blender. You can search by duration and by difficulty level.
Anonymous
Does anyone have a Fresh Thyme Farmer’s Market store nearby? (It’s a Midwestern knock-off Trader Joe’s for those who don’t know). Any product recommendations? I understand that like TJ’s they have a lot of tasty specialty products. My city just got one and I’m going to visit for the first time soon.
Anon
Following. I’m in Chicago area so I have both Fresh Thyme and TJs nearby. I wasn’t impressed with FT when I went, but maybe I didn’t look for the right things. I know some friends swear by their produce and meat, but other friends say they’re horrible. The produce at the market by me was not great, and seemed to spoil quickly, but I’ve noticed that’s happening from every grocery store this summer.
HSAL
I have one, but I disagree that it’s a TJ knockoff, and I don’t think they really have that many specialty products. Their meat and produce is great and well-priced, but perhaps that’s specific to each store? They have fun bulk bins. Good prepared food, but it’s expensive. And most of their freezer and center aisle food is crazy expensive.
lemon
We have many in my Midwestern city, and I do most of my shopping there. They have really great, affordable produce and a good selection of bulk items. Enjoy!
Anonanon
We have one where I live and I love it. The produce at my local store is far superior to my regular neighborhood grocery store.
I do not, however, see them to be a knockoff traders Joes. They don’t tend to have that many specialty products like Trader Joes has. They do have good produce, meat, a nice yogurt selection, and more specialty items like kombucha, etc.
Anon
Just a PSA from the extremely emotional opioid discussion from this morning –
Please dispose of any opioid prescriptions you have that you aren’t using. Teens know all these brand and generic names and they’re getting them from medicine cabinets of their parents, their parents’s friends, their friend’s parents, the house where they pet sit, etc. Just get rid of them. You may save a life.
Anon
Here’s info on disposal
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/opioid-disposal/art-20381382
anonymous realtor
+1 if you’re selling your home. As a realtor, I’m always amazed at what sellers leave in plain view of anyone opening up a cabinet or drawer. We’ve been told this kind of pilfering is a significant source of illegal drugs for people seeking alternative drug sources.
AnonForThat
You can also get lock boxes from your local pharmacy that allows you to lock away any controlled substances (don’t forget the benzos and other similar meds).
And if you have questions about how to take or how to dispose of medications, your pharmacist can fully answer those questions.
Signed – the frustrated AnonForThis who is aware of the risks of opioids and obnoxiously had a bottle stolen from my bag once.
And Peggy
Also, if you’re sending your kids off to college and they’re taking any controlled substances with them, especially ADHD medications, make sure they know to keep that stuff out of sight, and if possible, locked down. It’s not uncommon for college students to steal and either sell or abuse the pills, especially around midterms and finals. That may be common knowledge now, but I didn’t know about it back when I went to school, so in hindsight I’m glad my mom told me.
Anonymous
Is isn’t even a little bit related, but I love your user name!
Housecounsel
I do too!
Bird in the hand...
I’m entering a new field that normally has a fall recruiting season, but I was lucky enough to get an interview and a job offer over the summer. It’s not perfect (a slightly longer commute than I was hoping for) but I’m very excited about the firm and I think I’m going to take the offer. The only reason I’m hesitating is that doing so will mean sitting out of recruiting season. On the one hand, it sounds awesome to check that off my list, but I’m also a little worried about missing out on those possible connections. Not to mention, what if there’s a unicorn firm out there than I haven’t yet realized offers everything I’m looking for with a shorter commute? Any thoughts about the best way to handle this?
Anon
I’m not great at skincare – I just wash my face and use Boots moisturizer. I’ve been going to a dermatologist for an annual mole check, and they have an esthetician, I have an appointment with her tomorrow.
I think the line they sell is Elta MD – have been looking up reviews, but know there are some posters here with great skincare recs. Anything to say about this brand?
I’m planning to go back to using Retin-A every other day, and looking to up my game in terms of more regularly washing/mosturizing/taking care of skin as I get older. (37 now, with ‘normal’ skin and the occasional pimple.)
Thanks!
Anon in NYC
I use the Elta MD sunscreen (UV clear, I think) and I really like it. It feels like I have nothing on my face. I’m not sure if they have any other types of products, but I love their sunscreen.
Resident Skincare Junkie
Haven’t personally tried Elta MD but I’ve heard many rave reviews about their SPF, specifically the UV Clear one but I’ve heard they are all good.
Anonymous
Yep! I’ve used both their tinted spf (think it’s spf 41) and the clear (spf 46?? but I might be mixing those up). I have sensitive, fussy skin and really like them both.
Gail the Goldfish
I used to use the Elta sunscreen and liked it, though I have recently started using Revision’s tinted moisturizer/sunscreen and like it more (not quite as oily on my super oily skin)
Anonymous
+ 1 for Elta MD SPF 46. Very light on the skin. I have a very sensitive skin.
Am I gross?
I have recently had to do some of my husbands laundry, as he is laid up with an injury. Apparently he a) washes underwear completely separately from other clothes and b) does not put clean clothes back in the laundry basket to bring them upstairs. I wash undies with other things and use the basket to bring stuff upstairs. He says this is gross. Is he right? I also do not wash my ears deliberately and with soap, which he apparently does. Amazing what you can still find out about someone you’ve been married to for almost 20 years.
Anon
My husband does the same on the undies – but the level of dirt and other matter not to be discussed, at least the visible amount, in his undies tends to be significantly greater than in mine? Maybe it’s a guy thing?
I too do not wash my ears specifically (I mean, they get rinsed off with shampoo water when I rinse my hair). Not sure if the husband does, but I doubt it.
We both reuse laundry baskets, not an issue in our house.
Ellen
I think your husband is more then a little anal (literaly). I have my cleaning lady do all of my laundry, and she does it all, and uses a big laundry basket to bring the stuff both down and back. Once she get’s back to my apartement, she folds everything and puts it away in my drawers and dressers and closets. I figure that my clotheing is NOT perfectly clean ever, b/c I live in NYC and there is alot of schmutz everywhere. FOOEY!
I do NOT make poopie in my underwear (Sheketovits did), so the laundry basket is not really dirty. Your husband needs to chill. I think he must be like Sheketovits, and throws all kind of dirty underwear into the laundry — even with Poopie in it. DOUBEL FOOEY! That is what is gross, NOTcarrying up laundry that may have had poopie in it on the way down to the laundry room.
Baconpancakes
No, it’s not gross. That’s why you wash things?
You should wash your outer ears with your facial soap occasionally, though. (Not your inner ears! Don’t mess with your inner ears.) You can get build up of bacteria and a good scrubbing with a washcloth can prevent pimples in your ears.
Torin
I also wash underwear with the rest of my laundry and use the same laundry basket to both transport dirty clothes to the machine and clean clothes to the bedroom to be put away. I get his point on the second one. I don’t really think it’s gross but I see why he does. But the separate load for underwear? Why?
I'm gross too
LOL. No, you are not gross. I do wash undies separately but couldn’t tell you why. I wash everything in cold, same cycle, with detergent and a bit of white vinegar. I also spray the laundry basket with lysol after emptying it, because clean clothes in the same basket where the dirty clothes just were does not compute.
I do not wash my ears with soap. I also do not suds up my arms or legs in the shower more than once a week, unless they are actively dirty, like with visible dirt, not just sweat. I also don’t change my sheets very often, and will use the same towel for like 2 weeks. So, I’m gross too if you are.
Anonymous
I guess my hang-up on the dirty hamper logic is this: if your hamper contaminates your clean clothes, because it has touched dirty clothes, where does it stop? Your dirty clothes and your bare skin touch your furniture and your car all the time. We don’t disinfect those. I also don’t disinfect my shoes regularly and I do touch shopping cart bars/public transport rails (even though I know this is an issue for many people).
Anonymous
My mom thinks you have to have separate bins for dirty and clean clothes because the clean stuff can’t touch a hamper that once held dirty clothes. I dont care and reuse the same bin.
Anon
I wash my underwear with the rest of the clothes. I separate for between colors and whites. I also sometimes run our exercise gear by itself if its really sweaty to give it extra soak time. Is your laundry basket plastic or cloth? I think its not gross as long as its not like wet from towels or something to carry both dirty and clean together.
anon
I mean, I don’t think you’re gross person for reusing the laundry basket, but I personally wouldn’t put clean clothes into the same basket that sweaty gym clothes were in.
I actually prefer laundry bags for this exact reason. You can easily wash the bag with the clothes and everything is clean.
Rainbow Hair
Ooooh I was thinking about why my husband and I disagree on this, and I think that part of it is that I have a no-dampness-in-laundry-basket rule. If it’s damp I drape it on the edge of the basket until it’s dry, because wet stuff all balled up in there is just gonna get grosser. But he doesn’t have that rule, which I suspect is why he doesn’t reuse the basket. I guess, knowing that he doesn’t use that rule, I shouldn’t reuse the basket either…
Rainbow Hair
Continuing my thinking aloud train, I wonder what would happen if we just had his and hers laundry baskets…
Anonymous
No, you’re not gross. Your husband is anal.
Betsy
I wash my underwear with towels, because I want my underwear washed in hot water and my regular clothes washed in warm water. I don’t care about it so much that I would wash my underwear separately in order to run it through on hot, but since I’m usually doing one right after the other it works well for me. I definitely use the same basket for dirty and clean, although it has occurred to me that maybe I shouldn’t.
pugsnbourbon
This is exactly what I do. Underwear, towels, workout clothes, socks and sheets get washed together on hot. Everything else gets washed on cold.
I use hampers only for dirty clothes – not for any particular reason, just how I’ve always done it. I lay out clean clothes on top of the dryer, then scoop it all up and take it upstairs to fold.
Anonymous
He sounds over the top to me, but then we all have our backstories. When I first met my husband, he’d shower twice a day to feel clean. There were old scars in his self esteem from high school bullying.
Senior Attorney
Tell him you totally get why he does what he does but your undies are not nearly as gross as his. ;)
Signed, the person who offered to put away her husband’s “clean” undies this weekend and ended up throwing them all out and buying new ones.
Never too many shoes...
Bahahaha.
Anonymous
First rule of favors: If I am doing something nice for you, it’s my rules. Your line is: Thank you.
nutella
I’m a clean freak but the only people I know who do a separate basket are friends who work in a hospital. They change as soon as they get home and the basket those clothes go in do not touch clean clothes because they really can bring super bugs home on things like their clothes and shoes. Unless you have this situation in your home or your basket is so clearly filthy, then from this clean freak, I declare you Not Gross :)
Anonymous
I do not wash things separate. But I do have a separate dirty clothes basket and clean clothes basket. I don’t think it is gross or anything though.
Anon
I’m somewhat germophobic and I never separate underwear, even after super sweaty workouts or camping weekends when dust is caked into every seam. The machine and the dryer takes care of bacteria and you can also leave your laundry baskets in the sun for some UV disinfection from time to time if you feel like they’re not clean enough.
Anonymous
Not only do I not separate my undies, no matter how sweaty or gross they are, but I wash my Thinx with everything else. *shrugs* Isn’t that the point of a washing machine?
Anonymous
I definitely am careful to wash my hands after handling the wet laundry from the machine on its way to the dryer, since I use cold water wash. I don’t think about the rest. If anything like gym clothes is going into the wash, I do add extra water or push down on the sensor, since I’ve found my high efficiency machine doesn’t really clean actually dirty clothing without a little encouragement.
Anonymous
This is so strange to me. If I wore the shirt and wasn’t grossed out that it touched my body or my car seat or my couch…why would I be grossed out that it touched my plastic laundry basket and later a piece of clean clothing also touched that basket? I guess if my clothes were covered in oil, grease, mud…but they aren’t.
Waffles
My husband has the strange idea that his underwear – regardless of colour – should be washed with whites. I guess because he wants them washed in hot water? When he did his own laundry, all of his clothes were a washed-out grey. I normally do the laundry now and I’m always moving black underwear out of my whites hamper.
Anonanon
I am team wash underwear in their own load. I prefer to wash my undies in hot water with a scoop of Oxiclean. I don’t want my clothing being washed in hot.
Baconpancakes
A friend is applying for a position in a very casual company – a tech-oriented social club. This is a huge career change for her and she has no idea what to wear, and I’m not sure how to advise her. She looks (and is) very young. Opinions?
AnonTechie
Skinny jeans or ankle pants +nice, plain t-shirt + casual blazer.
Or,
Skinny jeans/ankle pants + blouse, and done
anon
I’d do either a pleated midi skirt with a blouse or a sharply cut blazer with a flowy shell, black pants and block-heel pumps.
Frozen Peach
A killer sheath dress with short or no sleeves.
Nesprin
West coast tech? Jeans, blouse and blazer. Male version of jeans and a hoodie. East coast tech, business casual.
Impact of moving on kids
What are you guys’ thoughts on the impact of moving on young kids? I’ve been given a great opportunity in another state. The thought of leaving our home is painful – all of our friends and my family are here – but I think I could stomach it if was temporary…say 2 or 3 years.
My husband’s actually really excited about the move, but not at the prospect of doing it temporarily. His main argument is that it would be too hard on the kids. They are 2 and 4 currently, so if we were to move back in a few years, they’d be roughly 5 and 7.
I think it would be upsetting, certainly – but he actually said “devastating.” What are your thoughts?
Anonymous
NBD to move now and again at 5-7. IMO as a kid who didn’t have this – you want to be “settled” by early elementary if at all possible so your kids would k-12 (or older kid 2nd-12th) in the same district with the same kids. I wouldn’t care much if my seven year old was “devastated” at moving – they forget their old school/friends in like a week.
Baconpancakes
Children are surprisingly resilient.
2 and 4? They barely know what state they’re in. They will miss family and friends, but they’ll get over it.
5 and 7? Slightly harder, particularly since the 7 year old will probably be in school by then. But again, they’ll get over it. YOU are their constant, and you’re moving with them both times, right? Keep their routines the same – build strong bedtime and weekly routines that give them comfort and reliability, and they will adapt much, much easier.
The main thing that makes me pause is the move away from your support structure – not for the kids’ sake, but for yours. Any free babysitting you get now will have to be paid for, and the emotional support you get from friends and family can’t be purchased. If it were truly only for two years, I’d say to do it, but unless it’s a company that promises to move you back after two years, you can’t be sure you’ll ever move back.
Anonymous
It’s all in how you as the parents frame it for them. If you’re chill and upbeat, they’ll be chill and upbeat. Tens of thousands of military children move every year and grow up resilient. The Berenstain bears have a good book on moving.
And FWIW, read any of the “moving is bad for kids” studies with a grain of salt. The ones I’ve seen don’t distinguish between bad home situations (can’t hold a job/jail/evicted) and parents who relocate.
BigLaw Sr Assoc
Why does your husband think this would be devastating? Lots of kids move around for their parents’ work. It seems like an overreaction.
They are also really young – it would be harder on older kids with more established and more mature friendships.
Carrots
They’ll be fine. I went to five different school districts before I graduated high school. I moved (rough estimate from memory here) 13 times before graduating high school. Especially at that age (and even moving back if it were a temporary thing), your kids are still young enough that they haven’t started making the “I’ve known you forever since kindergarten” friends and even then, your oldest will be in second grade (maybe third?)
And Peggy
Eh . . . I moved twice when I was a kid, once when I was 2 and again when I was 8, and while I do remember the adjustment being rough when I was older, I wouldn’t have called it devastating. Probably easier to move kids when they’re 5-7 years, as opposed to 10 or older.
CountC
My family moved when I was 7 and I don’t even remember my first elementary school or the kids or teachers. I have lots of fond memories of my final elementary school though and made plenty of friends in our new state. It was NBD.
anon
Not at all devastating. I even remember fantasizing about moving when I was maybe as young as 6? 7? because I wanted a new room that was NOT with my sister and I wanted to decorate it. My dad even made me a little cardboard scale model of my room and furniture so I could try arranging it. We moved across the state when I was 5; I assure you that my parents found a ton of ways to thoroughly damage me that didn’t include moving. ;) Think about it- you have some friends when you’re that age, but really not life long friendships that you can’t get over. It’s also not the same type of leaving friendships as an older kid would face– i.e., social exclusion in middle school or high school.
OP
Thanks so much, all!
RemoteinTX
For a personal experience, we moved our kids who where 6 and 3 at the time ~1500 miles from VA to TX. Our older son was going into first grade and it was no big deal. Within a couple of days he had all new friends and it was like we’d been here for years. It’s a lot of know your kid’s personality but I think if the parents are positive about the move then it’s really no big deal at those ages – esp. if they are coming back to family/friends that they remember.
Anonymous
I need a bit of shopping/current trend help. I’m helping my mom shop for a birthday present for my younger sister (she’ll be 25). One of the things on her list is a black clutch (“not too frilly or too plain”). I immediately thought to recommend Lauren Merkin clutches as I have several that I bought 10 years ago and still use regularly. But, Lauren Merkin seems to have gone out of business. Is there a good replacement? Does anyone have a good go-to brand for a basic black clutch? The budget is $250, with a bit of wiggle room either direction.
Anon
Clare V makes great black clutches and I think a 25 year old would consider the brand cool enough.
Bee
Take a look at Kate Spade. Fun, young and modern designs. I have a black clutch from them, should be between $100-200.
clutch
Check out Gigi new york for similar to clare v, but a little more interesting.
Anonymous
Thanks, everyone!
Ariadne
How do you folks organize your jewellery? I have those IKEA pax drawers where I keep more of the necklaces and jewellery I wear more often organized in square compartments. I use my silk scarves folded in a small squares and place often used pieces on top of the silk so they are readily visible.
I have a jewelry box in a drawer with rings and jewellery I don’t wear as often (these are rings and necklaces I received for birthdays as a child and teen, that I keep) and a fabric pouch in another drawer where I have four necklaces and a watch of heirloom quality— all from grandparents, aunt, and a wedding gift from my mother of an antique necklace my father bought her at an auction.
I recently inherited more jewellery from my aunt who sadly passed away, and though I will wear a few pieces, there are many pieces that feel more like here than me.
Now that I see this written out, I guess what I am asking is how should I store/ keep/ wear the jewellery? I have no children, but I plan on giving the nieces items as they are older. I also feel sad to remelt things, but I generally wear my wedding ring, an anniversary ring, and delicate gold chain with a diamond most days, so not sure if this is a collection I will pass on, or a working jewellery wardrobe. Most of the jewelry is silver and gold, and precious as well as semi precious stones.
Anonymous
Inherited pieces that I never/rarely wear: stay in a small lock box in the guest room closet in their original or gift packaging (so those little boxes lined with cotton, etc).
Occasional/weekend pieces: I have two small trays in my top dresser drawer.
Daily pieces (pearl or gold studs, wedding ring, watch): a small tray on top of my dresser.
Ariadne
I became emotional as I wrote this, so it sounds confusing. I have more jewellery than I will ever wear, an issue I never thought I would have. This is borne out of me keeping every piece I was gifted by family, even things I received at 9 years old. My sister has discarded and sold things she does not wear, but I’m not at the point yet where I feel comfortable doing this. What would you do?
Anonymous
Great thing about jewelry is that it doesn’t take up much space. Since this is still an emotional issue for you (understandably so), why rush into making any sort of decision about what to keep versus what to give away or sell? Hang on to it all while keeping your favorite items more accessible, less favored perhaps tucked away somewhere and postpone any decision-making until you’ve had more time. I know that for myself I have grown to appreciate some pieces that were given to me that originally I thought weren’t my taste. I wear them now and appreciate the greater variety.
Ariadne
Thank you for this. I just laid out all my jewellery on the coffee table, and each piece tells a story. I would love to tell my nieces the story of each piece, and give them pieces as they are older. I think moving forward, I will keep all of it, and find a larger locking case for the occasional items, and a smaller box for the items I wear more often.
As you mentioned, it is small…though I am counting over 40 gold and silver rings…when I usually wear only two. I think it may be time to intentionally wear jewellery to my casual workplace more often.
Anon
I have so much jewelry. It’s kind of my thing.
I have a main jewelry box on my dresser with the usual earring compartments, ring area, spaces for bracelets. No hooks for necklaces though. And a drawer. So that is all of my earrings and rings and a few of my bracelets.
Then i have two enameled boxes for pearls (my downfall) and another ceramic container for non pearl beads like my antique jet beads etc. These are decorative pieces and sit closed on top of a bookcase in my room.
Then I have my old jewelry box on a shelf in the hall closet with things I’m not wearing anymore, like overly dainty jewelry or bold sterling – just not my thing right now.
I have a collection of mostly vintage enameled bangles that are artfully displayed as well, because I just love the colors.
Again, thought, jewelry is my thing.
Ariadne
Thanks for this. I’ve always loved jewellery, so I guess it’s my thing too. I just had the realization that oat of my jewellery is gifted, which is special. I’m going to store, and organize it, and maybe add a few pieces of my own,
RinB
based on amount of gold, you may want to get an appraisal and insurance for the collection!
EB
What is the earliest you knew you were pregnant? I swear I am, but it’s too soon for a test. Am I just being hopeful? It would be my second.
Anonymous
I always knew very early. I just felt sick, tired, and my breasts hurt immediately.
Anonymous
I had implantation pains a few days after we conceived and I really thought I was pregnant. It was unlike any cramping I’d had before. Then about a week before my period was due my boobs got unbelievably sore. Like, I couldn’t walk down stairs without holding them because the jiggling was so painful. I took a test then and it was negative so I waited until my period was due to retest. Then it was finally positive. I was kind of surprised how much info my body communicated to me!
SC
I knew at 2 weeks and 2 days. I felt terrible–like I was hungover even though I had no reason to be, except I also got home and ate everything in sight. We were TTC, so I had a stash of pregnancy tests. I got a very faint positive line on my pregnancy test the first day I took it. I tested the next day and the day after and got stronger lines each day.
Fun story–I had to travel to a family wedding the day after the positive test result. We traveled on Friday, and the entire family knew I was pregnant by the rehearsal dinner on Saturday because I had declined drinks at the airport Friday night, during the wedding setup Saturday morning, and during a champagne toast in the hotel lobby before the rehearsal dinner.
Anonymous
Unlike everyone who knew early because they felt terrible, I knew about a week before my period was due because I DIDN’T feel terrible – I get wicked PMS every month, and the month I was pregnant, no PMS.
With that said, I had a “false alarm” the month prior because I’d been travelling and apparently “returning from extended vacation + recovering from extreme jet lag + having no days off between vacation and returning to working 10 hours/day + PMS” feels an awful lot like the symptoms of early pregnancy.
So, all of this to say, if your body feels different, it’s entirely possible (especially if it’s your second, you’ve been through this rodeo before and have something to compare it to), but also, you may just be being hopeful.
anon
5 days before the day my very regular period was supposed to start.
Downsizing by Force
I used to have a 4 foot tall jewelry tower of an asia style. Black lacquer with floral. It was a great accent piece of furniture. Lost it all in a flood. Since then I’ve been appalled at the amount of stuff I own(ed). I have given pieces to friends, family, TheRealReal, and local charitable consignment as well as straight out donation shops. It’s been hard yet freeing and mind-blowing. I also followed someone here who talked about wearing CZ earrings at work. It’s allowed me to think long and hard and keep only a small number of earrings “for going out.” It’s an early downsizing for retirement … that’s what I keep telling myself.
That said, each piece was in a separate box with cotton, and when small enough, those of the same color family shared a box. Happily the items survived, but not all those boxes. I even had the drawers of the tower mentally sorted by color … I’d just walk in the room and open up the relevant color drawer as I was leaving for the office. I just find color-coding helps me in all aspects of my wardrobe.