Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I love a collarless blazer for dressing up an outfit without looking too stodgy. The scalloped edges and floral lining here add a little pizzazz that you won’t find in your typical collared, lapeled jacket. I would wear this over a sheath dress or with a pair of high-waisted skinny pants.
There’s also a matching dress, if you’re looking for something suit-like.
The jacket is $325 and available in Ted Baker sizes 0–5, which are roughly equivalent to 0–14. Furna Scalloped Jacket (Update: Unfortunately, the jacket has now sold out.)
If you’re looking for something more affordable, here are a few options: This jacket from Frame is marked down from $625 to $179; this Rebecca Taylor jacket is on sale for $165 and was originally $550; and this one from Kasper is $47, was originally $159, and comes in sizes 14W–24W.
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Workwear sales of note for 5.26.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale just started!
- Amazon – Memorial Day Sales! Lots of discounts on Amazon Essentials and more.
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off all sale styles (through 5/29); 40% off your entire purchase (including suiting).
- Anthropologie – Extra 40% off sale.
- Athleta – Up to 60% off, PLUS an extra 30% off!
- Banana Republic – Summer preview, 30% off your purchase!
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Bloomingdale’s – Memorial Day Sale, save up to 50% off on summer essentials, plus save up to 40% on designer items!
- Boden – 30% off everything, including sale (ends 5/29).
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off sale; already up to 70% off (ends 5/31) – also mix & match sale with men’s shirts, 4 for $249.
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off sale styles.
- Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19; up to 50% off everything.
- Everlane – Up to 30% off, 400+ sale styles.
- Express – Summer kickoff sale, 30-50% off everything (plus $35+ steals).
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase; extra 50% off sale styles; up to 50% off summer styles
- J.Crew Factory – 50-70% off entire site and storewide; extra 60% off clearance.
- J.McLaughlin – Up to 40% off!
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles
- M.Gemi – MDW sale, up to 70% off (but returns accepted only for store credit).
- M.M.LaFleur – Short but sweet sale.
- Madewell – Get 30% off your purchase.
- Ministry of Supply – 25% off sitewide.
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Shopbop – Up to 50% off designer sale!
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – 40% off one item, 30% off everything else (through 5/29).
- Theory – Up to 60% off + an extra 20% off.
- Universal Standard – Up to 35% off!
- Victoria’s Secret – this weekend only, buy 3 panties get 5 free ones.
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 50% off everything!
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code.
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses. (Reader favorite bed brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Memorialy Day Sale, up to 60% off.
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Take a moment this morning to google her. She is a federal judge in NJ recently assigned an Epstein-related case (just about $, not the actual s*x crimes). She has previously done high-profile cases with gangs. A person wearing a delivery uniform came to her house and killed her son and shot her husband.
Prayers for her; prayers for her husband; prayers for her son. I hope they find the person who did it asap and the person or people who arranged for this. This is awful, awful, awful bad.
How horrible. Thank you for sharing this, I had no idea.
What do people think about her apparent new link to the Epstein cases? Is a link there to the assassination attempt / murder too “tin foil” or not?
I think it’s too soon to say, and I worry about too much focus on a conspiracy theory and not enough on a judge terrorized in her home who has just lost her son and might lose her husband.
My sense is that most criminals know that if you harm the just after your case, there is a system that still keeps you in jail. There are people who are mentally ill who act on grudges (unibomber types, etc.), but the other reason you try to harm a judge is to send a message to them as they are hearing your case or about to. Still, I don’t think that DB (the entity in the Epstein-related case) works like this, no matter how “evil” you think that big banks are. I know someone who was threatened as a public defender by a client (makes no sense, but they don’t always).
Still: this is absolutely shocking and I hope that the FBI/NJ State Police/ North Brunswick Police catch all involved quickly.
I mean, Newark offshoots of the Crips didn’t do this. Theresa Guidice and Juicy Joe didn’t do this. Even if it is totally unrelated, it is completely horrifying. Even the mob doesn’t do this.
Seems like she has a lot of potential enemies.
I just feel shocked and hope that whoever will be investigating can be kept safe from retaliation.
Yes it’s terrible. I practice in NJ federal court and she’s a lovely person.
Federal judges have been shouting for YEARS that they need more security and Congress has ignored them. This is not the first such incident. Tragically, in 2005 Judge Lefkow’s husband and mother were murdered in her home by a person who had been involved in a case over which she presided.
I think about that Lefkow case all the time.
I do, too. There was a sign on the door of her courtroom for months afterward, instructing that lawyers/litigants were not to mention the tragedy. It all still haunts me.
Housecounsel, I was just thinking about that sign today in response to the new case. It still makes my heart hurt.
They’ve found the suspect. A disgruntled male lawyer who appeared before her previously. Dead.
Oh hell. The suspect was active in the men’s rights movement and posted horrible stuff about her online.
This is so disturbing!
When covid starting getting bad, a firm I was interviewing at put the position on pause. I never got feedback from the writing test I had submitted, so not sure if I would have made it to interview 2. This was a few months ago. I’ve since gotten another position doing something very similar in house at a company. The CEO plans on selling the company in a couple years (sooner than later) and I know that is far away, but I’m wondering about keeping a relationship at the firm I was interested in. Of course it may be possible that whatever the purchase agreement is may allow me to keep my job, but that’s not a given. I think I’d really like this firm and would have more experience under my belt, so I’d like to keep myself relevant to them. Would connecting with someone I interviewed with on LinkedIn be poor taste?
That is exactly what LinkedIn is for. Definitely connect and then at some point ask them to meet for lunch/a drink or engage them on a matter to keep the connection.
Thanks everyone! I think I’m more wondering if I should put a message with the connection? I guess I don’t really know what to say…like “hope our professional paths cross” or something?
The original Scarlett
Keep it real, hi – enjoyed meeting you during interview, ended up taking job at X, but would like to stay in touch. When over/meet for coffee, or interested in a virtual coffee (if you want to keep the connection fresh, suggest a sooner than later real contact)
No. Go ahead and connect. No firm lawyer minds when someone in house wants to connect!
The original Scarlett
Half the reason to apply for others jobs is to meet people in the process – absolutely connect.
Good morning! I have a question for corporate in-house counsels: I’m a 4th, almost 5th year corporate associate and am applying for a counsel position at a growing tech company. The position seems to involve a lot of transactional and commercial work that are specific to this tech niche, but also asks for experience with privacy/IP and related regulatory matters. Would it be helpful to include a deal sheet in this case? I’ve done work across finance, M&A, cap markets, VC and tech transactions (as well as some advisory/regulatory IP work), but not sure how helpful a deal sheet is for applying to a more niche in-house role. Would it hurt if I include one?
…also why is it taking over 40 minutes for this to be posted…? :(
The original Scarlett
Personally I wouldn’t, but I’d explain your experience in a cover letter and/or out it on your resume. I’m all for a creative pitch but that seems odd in an in-house context – it feels very law firm
+1, there’s no way this company will get someone with extensive experience in all of these areas, but if your cover letter can show that you have some basic knowledge of areas X Y and Z due to deal work, and you’re a quick study in learning more, that will paint a good picture. Rattling off a list of deals isn’t as “in house” as showing that you can apply your broad skill set to a single company.
Agree this is for the cover letter. I think deal sheets are helpful when interviewing with other firms or when you are using a independent legal recruiter.
Anon in-house in SF
If you are corporate, you should definitely include a deal sheet, and feel free to include deals for tech clients that had IP/privacy related component (those are definitely on nearly every DD checklist these days). I’m in house, about your year, and recommend you take a look at the Lawyer Whisperer blog for on-point interview advice, if you have not already.
Cosign the advice above that almost no “straight from a firm” midlevel will have deep experience in the breadth of subjects listed in a corporate counsel position for a tech company, but the point is that you show that you know how to navigate novel areas, assess risk, and provide advice or guidance to the business accordingly.
I’m slated to make partner at the end of this year. My firm’s cheapest single health insurance premium runs me about $150/month as an employee, but as a partner the same plan will cost me about $575. I’m looking for ways to lower this expense and have heard that some associations offer health insurance to members . I would gladly join a club or association, pay dues, and get cheaper health insurance. Anyone have experience with this remodel or recommendations for associations to check out? I’m pretty healthy, single, under 40.
$575/month as your share is not expensive for a good plan. You would want to make sure that any association plan would offer the same coverage as your current plan, if your current plan is good. Don’t try to cheap out on health insurance if you can afford the extra $5,000 per year.
Anon for this
Health insurance is not the thing you want to try to cut corners on. You could be hit by a car tomorrow and wind up a paraplegic. Happened in my family. You never know.
As a partner, you can easily afford $500+ per month on health insurance, and I suspect it is a very good plan with a good network. Ask people you work with if they are happy with the plan (network, customer service, coverage limits). At your income, those factors are more important.
Of course, compared with 20 years ago, that is a crazy high premium, but over time the way we pay for health insurance will change and there will be more income dependent costs, but hopefully better coverage for all.
For comparison, I pay over $600 per month now for my Obamacare plan, and it is terrible. I am healthy.
None of the major hospitals accept it, and if I ever step into an ER I have an immediate $1000 co-pay on top of my $6000 deductible. It is difficult to reach customer service.
My cousin pays about $400 a month for an ACA plan that is terrible – high premium AND high deductible. There are literally no other plans available in her market. Don’t skimp on this.
OTOH, my BigLaw insurance was expensive and merely OK. My husband’s insurance is cheaper (likely b/c it is heavily subsidized by his employer) but WAAAAY better. We paid >2K/month for a family of 4 when I paid. Dude will keep working forever just for this (also, he can cover his son this way but I couldn’t cover my stepson when I was the person b/c he and I are not kin to each other).
I am in a similar boat, although my husband badly wants to quit and focus on his side business (and grow it). But my firm insurance is not great and expensive.
+10000 I’m going on COBRA thanks to being laid off, and I WISH it was only $575!!!
Oh wow that seems SO EXPENSIVE, no?
If that is your sense, you are right. But you are also lucky as it seems you don’t realize how much insurance costs have skyrocketed. That probably means you have great insurance through an employer and an employer who hasn’t started off-loading costs to you…. yet. You are so so lucky.
Check with state / local bar associations and also with an insurance broker. They can do better, but whatever it is, you want it to be generally accepted where you live. Cheap and not generally accepted is not worth it IMO. HDHPs + health care savings account are also something I’ve seen a lot of lawyers use (basically, there is a high deductible, you fund it completely, but if you don’t use it all it rolls over; the insurance is much cheaper).
Can you just submit for a bunch of individual policy quotes? I’m covered by my employer now, but when I was self employed my individual policy was around $130 a month.
hi hi hi
My Firm requires all partners to purchase the health insurance. There is no way to opt out. So, you may first want to confirm you can opt-out of the health insurance program.
The British royal family released the pics of Princess Beatrice’s wedding this weekend: https://www.townandcountrymag.com/style/fashion-trends/a33352749/princess-beatrice-wedding-dress-photos/
Not a fan of the sleeves, but otherwise I like the dress and the story behind it.
I think the dress and tiara are so beautiful and I love that they’re borrowed from the queen. Good for beatrice for getting it right … she doesn’t usually have the best style. But the sleeves are a bit childish. Should have done a wrap or something to cover the shoulders for church. Still probably my favorite royal wedding gown from the last 4 weddings. Perfect for the style of wedding.
A wrap over a wedding dress, especially at royal wedding levels of formality, would look super weird.
I thought it was beautiful too, and loved that both the dress and the tiara were on loan from the Queen – it really speaks to a close relationship between the two of them, which is lovely given all that Beatrice and Eugenie have been through. I also through the sleeves were an odd choice. I suspect they needed to be there so that her shoulders were covered, but wish they had chosen a more “grown up” and less girlish design. I was also surprised the dress was a little short. It had that wide satin band at the hem – if that was original could it not have been replaced with a wider/longer band to accommodate Beatrice’s height, and if it was new, why didn’t they just make it a little longer. However, the overall effect was just lovely, and we have to assume Beatrice herself liked the sleeves that way.
I liked the gown length, though I agree on the sleeves being “meh” (not what I would have wanted/chosen). I think the whole train thing is so silly and antiquated – why are women supposed to wear dresses that are so far out of step with modern clothing? I barely agreed to a train that was slightly longer than floor length, those long trains just look fussy and old-fashioned to me. I feel the same way about veils that cover the face, though I understand that some people love that sort of thing.
As an Episcopalian who was married in California (by an old hippie of a priest who wouldn’t have blinked an eye if I’d shown up in a strapless red minidress), do you have to have sleeves for most COE weddings?
I didn’t like the dress or her hair. Maybe it was the sleeves? Idk but it read as informal, despite the tiara and veil, especially next to her Bush’s tux.
I think a small puff would have been nice. This level of puff made me think of Snow White.
It’s not a tux, it’s morning dress – totally different.
Cool story, Anon at 11:46 a.m.
No reason for the snark – they are totally different. If someone posted a picture of cocktail dress and said it was black tie attire, I am pretty sure someone on this site would correct them.
Love the dress and that tiara!
I also don’t love the sleeves but I love everything else about it. It’s the epitome of taste to borrow something old and beautiful rather than insist on new everything.
I am so tickled that she borrowed a DRESS from the Queen. What a great move.
Maybe it will start a trend with brides — recycling from loved ones. Small, simple daytime weddings.
I don’t have a tiara to lend, but saved my c*cktail-type off-white beaded dress hoping to rewear or that my children would (both girls; also have plenty of nieces).
Honestly, I’ve never thought that $$$$$ weddings were considered a good way to promote marriage (so you can pretend to be a princess for a day?). When was less jaded, I always wondered why conservative leaders didn’t try to push more modest weddings over the last 20 years. My own (middle-ish class) parents were married in a church wedding with a punch-and-cake reception for 50 in the church basement. I don’t think I’ve been to a wedding without a full meal since the 1990s.
I actually love the sleeves! Very Disney princess, but for me, they work.
I actually LOVE the vintage-princess aesthetic of the sleeves and I admire Beatrice for being bold enough to wear a look that, admittedly, wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea. As much as I adore her outfit, there is NO way I’d rock such “love ’em or hate ’em” sleeves on my wedding day.
Same, love the sleeves, and I think the gown looks more bridal with them.
Agreed, I really appreciate her choice to wear them! And for better or worse, they’re very of the moment.
This. I actually like the sleeves. If they hadn’t included a photo of the dress before, I would not have given them a second glance.
Loved the dress and the tiara. Meh on the sleeves, but the rest of it was gorgeous! Also love the picture of them coming out of the doorway with just oodles of flowers all over – such a romantic, whimsical look.
Same. Nice to have a pleasant story for the weekend for a change.
I was meh about the dress on Beatrice, but the queen is stunning in it in the photo from1962. Beautiful flowers surrounding Beatrice!
But when do we get pics of the cake!
I think she looks like a fairytale princess and the vintage aesthetic and puffy sleeves are perfect for a small, romantic wedding.
She looks like a Disney princess! Not a sophisticated look or what I’d go for but very appropriate and pretty.
Apparently the puff sleeves are a nod to her mother’s dress! I loved the whole look. It reminded me quite a bit of all the the BHLDN bridal styles.
Team no sleeves
I am about to accept a new job after only being in my current job for 18 months. The main reasons I’m leaving after such a short time is the new job comes with a significant pay raise and I’m very unhappy with my current employer’s pandemic response. There are certainly more reasons, but those are the big ones. I didn’t apply for this new job – they came to me with an offer. I don’t want to burn bridges so I’m looking for advice as to how to give notice. Do I need to give an explanation since it’s been such a short time period? There’s no upside to mentioning their pandemic response I’m assuming.
I think you’d be fine with something like ‘I’m leaving because its such a great opportunity, thanks for all the opportunities here, blah blah’ will be fine.
I don’t think moving jobs after 18 months is a big deal at all, especially if you were recruited (not that you need to tell your current company that). Just submit a written, professional notice and you’ll be fine. I would not bring up Covid response. IME companies do not change policies based on exit interview feedback.
Nope, you don’t need an explanation.
Anon for this
Repost from Moms site in hopes of getting more comments: Has anyone had breast implants who is willing to share your experience, cost, and whether you would do it again? I’m not looking for a huge change but after breastfeeding two kids and having some asymmetry, I am considering it. I have a consultation with a recommended surgeon this week. Part of me feels like it is silly to spend this amount of $$ on vanity, but I’ve been thinking about it for some time.
I have not had them, but a bunch of my friends do. I don’t think it’s too much money to make you feel confident and good about yourself. Find yourself some doctors and do the consult! You can decide after that.
I looked into it when I found a lump and found out that you have to get them replaced periodically (like every 10-ish years). My grandmother didn’t bother; she just had a prosthetic. I was in my 30s and didn’t think that would work for me. It didn’t come to pass though.
For your situation, friends have had lifts. IDK what that entails, but it’s not with the maintenance that implants entail and they have been happy.
This is not true. They will likely need to get replaced at some point but certainly not every 10 years.
Totally untrue.The 10 year thing is a myth. I asked my plastic surgeon.
I’ve had mine for almost 15 years now. I haven’t had any problems with them, and contrary to popular belief, you don’t necessarily have to replace them after 10 years. I’ve bre@stfed two babies with them, and they still look the same. I’m tall with broad shoulders and was previously about a B cup. I’m now a D cup, which sounds large, but on my frame, I think they look proportional to the rest of my body. I got saline implants, under the muscle. I think I paid about $6,000 back then and that was with a discount because a friend was a nurse for the dr I chose. Recovery wasn’t too bad from what I remember. I remember feeling more like my chest muscles were sore from a workout, rather than pain. I had my surgery on a Tuesday and went back to work the following Monday (I think). The worst part was not being able to wear a br@ for awhile after the surgery. I had mine done in the winter though, so I just wore tank tops under sweaters and it was fine.
I haven’t had breast implants but I have had other cosmetic procedures and my rule is that whatever recovery time estimate they give you, you should double it.
My sister got them after her divorce. She had deflated, droopy little sacs after breastfeeding (actually I think the science says it’s pregnancy that does it) and she didn’t feel confident trying to date. So she had a b00b job and some lipo together in one procedure. I have to say, as skeptical as I was about this kind of surgery, she looks fantastic.
She ended up going one size larger than than she planned because she gave the surgeon the discretion to choose the size of implant when he got in. This was also the case with a couple of friends of mine who had reconstructive surgery after breast cancer – they tend to go larger. I think if I were my sister I’d be disappointed with that, but she is overall pleased. Just a lot bustier than she used to be (her originally idea was to get back to her pre-pregnancy size.)
This is true re: pregnancy. I know someone who had that happen after a miscarriage.
My mom did in her bre@sts in her 30s for the reasons you’re describing. She wished they were smaller but, actually, wished she had just gotten a lift. She had the implants removed when she was 50, got a lift, and loves her barely A cups now.
I did my nose when I was 30 for vanity purposes only. 10 years later, I am glad every day that I did it. I think having plastic surgery for vanity purposes only is a great reason—as long as one doesn’t go overboard, of course.
“I think having plastic surgery for vanity purposes only is a great reason—as long as one doesn’t go overboard, of course.”
I love how you phrased that and totally agree!
I have not had any plastic surgery, but heard an interesting piece of data: virtually any time someone makes a purchase, the happiness that a person experiences from that purchase diminishes over time. For example, you might be really excited about your new couch for six months, but two years later, you are not much happier for having bought this amazing couch.
The one exception? Plastic surgery.
I’ve read similar and also that people tend to be so thrilled with their first plastic surgery that they many end doing more, with diminishing returns, chasing the high of that first one.
Hence shows like Botched.
I had them 10 years ago, pre-baby. I went from less than an A to a 34 C and think they looked great. I had a baby 2 years ago and now they do not look that good. I probably should get them redone soon but don’t want to be in a hospital now because of covid. I’m very happy I got them.
I had implants and a crescent lift about 15 years ago and have no plans to replace them. I had an unexpected but welcome pregnancy after I got them, and the weight gain and loss means they’re not quite as high as I’d like, but I don’t care enough to have another surgery. That said, it was honestly a piece of cake. I was back at work within days, even having had lipo at the same time.
I heard someone say that plastic surgery is sometimes the opposite of vanity. I used to think about my nose every day. Now I never do. I don’t think that’s vain.
Thanks to everyone for the thoughtful responses. Much appreciated.
I got them because of an asymmetry issue and my only regret is not doing it sooner. My advice would be to make sure you find a surgeon you really click with and who makes you feel like they understand exactly that you’re going for. Mine understood that I really wanted to keep everything as small as possible, just correct the asymmetry and I ended up being able to stay a lot smaller than I thought I would have to go. I’m so happy with the results and honestly it freed up a lot of mental energy that I hadn’t even realized I was exerting every time I went shopping, wore a bathing suit, etc. etc.
Does anyone have a Jarvis desk or similar standing desk? Looking into buying one but I’ve never seen one in person so wondering if anyone had opinions they could share.
We are a two-Jarvis family! My husband got one first, and then I got one about a year later. LOVE IT. I admit that I don’t use the standing function as much as I probably should (but I also work from home and am CONSTANTLY up and moving around, so I’m not too worried about being sedentary all day), but it’s a great option. And the desk itself is large, which is a bit upgrade from my previous desk. My husband uses the standing function all the time and has multiple monitors clipped to it. Highly recommend.
We both have the bamboo top. Can’t comment on the other options.
I have a Jarvis and it is great!!! I have a pale wood top (not sure what finish it is).
I have one and love it. Same comment that I don’t stand as much as I should (realized it hurts my lower back, which is annoying bc back pain was a lot of why I got it) but it does help me get the right height to sit at. And it’s just pretty.
What’s keeping you sane lately?
For me, it’s a fake commute I’ve developed. We found in-home childcare for my son 3 mornings a week while we wait for nursery reopens and it’s a 1 mile ride there. I take the long way back and aim for 5 miles. I feel so much more focused and alert when I sit down at my desk and it only takes me about 35 minutes door to door.
And Sunday night Zoom yoga nidra. I mostly manage to stay awake for the meditation but then crash out and sometimes an 8pm bedtime is just what you need.
To be perfectly honest July so far has been very hard. So today I’m trying to get back to basics. Cute top. Cups of tea. Lots of water having groceries delivered. And I ordered a case of fancy peaches because I need to eat more fruit and that seemed like a fun way to do it. My birthday is next week and I’d like to go into it feeling a bit more settled, so this week is about doing the sensible things.
I agree about the July thing- my large city has done some reopening so it’s weird to get a little taste of things but also know things are still so different. I like how many women have been opening about posting dating woes on here during all this crap. I know for me, that (embarrassingly) effects my spirits. My job as also been incredibly hard lately and now having the normal support system of friends (“let’s meet for a happy hour or yoga after work!”) plus struggling with dating is highlighting a lot of things for me.
Not OP…that’s from another comment above!
maybe a typo but just because i would want someone to point it out to me were I anonymous: affects = has an influence on, effects = results.
Ugh, I’m sorry it has been so tough. I’ve focused on the basics as well, water, restocked at the fancy tea shop, and lots of fruit. Fancy peaches sound amazing! I miss California fruit so so badly.
I pay an obscene amount of money every summer to have peaches shipped to me from the peach farm near where I grew up in Georgia, and it is worth every penny to me.
My wading pool. I bought myself one that is large enough for me to lie down. I sometimes do a solo happy hour in the pool. Bonus: the location is completely private, so I go skinny dipping and get in touch with my previously bad self.
Which one do you have? I think I want one.
Step 2 Big Splash. It’s no longer made, but I tracked down mine used and did socially distanced pickup. It is awesome.
Omg, I bought that pool in 1995 for $60 and used for at least 15 years – no joke. I also had a slide that went with it. It was awesome and sturdy but I eventually gave it away to a neighbor.
OP here— I also had this pool in the 1990’s when my kids were small, so I knew what I wanted. These are much in demand and sell for quite a bit more than the original price.
My parents almost exclusively bought Step2 stuff because it lasts FOREVER. They still have the Step2 mailbox that’s been going strong for 20 years (even after a few driveway oopsies). My nephew is now enjoying a few pieces that my dad held on to.
YES. I found one for $100 on Craigslist early this summer because the seller had incorrectly labeled it “step 1.” He said even with that, he got 44 calls in the first 12 hours and had to shut his phone off. He was completely bemused by the interest- he had had it for 30+ years and just thought of it as an old hunk of plastic, albeit one that still worked fine. It is my most successful craigslist find to date!!!
Try a dog pool; we love ours. We got one because we wanted to stay away from inflatable (which seemed likely to puncture quickly) and because they are huge! Ours is 6′ in diameter.
End-of-week socially-distanced beer sessions with my neighborhood crew at an outdoor spot.
July has been really tough and I’ve been all over the place.
Today I started giving myself a fake “commute” and I am going to try to slowly be more productive than I have been the last few weeks. Also trying to walk more (I saw the idea here last week to walk after each meal so I am going to try that!) and be consistent with exercise and nutrition – I’ve gained 10lbs since lockdown started and already had some weight to lose so I’m hoping I can do this slowly but surely.
I’m starting to think about a summer decluttering/cleaning session in my house. While I normally hate wasting weekends on the house when I could be out doing something fun, I know that once fall hits and it’s dark/colder, I’ll really appreciate having a cozy, clean environment to relax in.
I’m still bummed though since I’ve been in lockdown/lockdown lite since the first week of March (and have been super adherent) and it feels like the whole year is wasted. I want to get back to the barn and ride horses, which I think would be so helpful, but judging by the barn’s Instagram, the social distancing protocols leave something to be desired. I’m contenting myself with living vicariously through other horsey women on Instagram.
I’m hitting the wall, too. I haven’t gone to work or anything except grocery stores and a couple of outdoor hang outs with friends since March. And even though we learned our lesson last spring by watching NYC struggle, but then ultimately do a great job of reducing cases, the rest of the country continues to be dumbasses. I feel like I will never get anything close to a normal life back. And despite how promising Biden’s numbers look now, I’m terrified Trump will win again.
Plus it’s a million degrees here and will be for the foreseeable future, so even going out for a walk is not a lot of fun (heat indices near or over 100 for DAYS).
Then I get mad at myself because I have it better than most people – relatively secure job, great flexibility and kindness on the part of colleagues and supervisors, no kids to worry about, no real money worries, a partner I actually like to spend time with. But I don’t know, I’m feeling really, really done with all this.
Oh, your last paragraph a hundred times, every day.
+1. The fight between Atlanta’s mayor (wear masks!) and Georgia’s governor (don’t make people wear masks!) is so ridiculously disheartening. We’ve been responsible for 4 months and gotten cases under control in my area… only to have this absolutely ignorant and embarrassing behavior undo all our own hard work.
Feeling this pretty hard. I know folks have mentioned that acceptance has been helpful – as in, accepting that nothing this year is going to look like any other – but I’m really struggling there.
One day at a time.
Getting a weekly farm share box from a farm that used to supply restaurants and is now doing direct to consumer – it’s lovely produce and makes me so happy!
Berry picking in my yard and at local farms.
Starting a heavier weight lifting routine.
The only things that are keeping me sane right now are biking 18 miles a day and spending Friday evening through Saturday afternoon at the dude’s without a laptop and completely unplugging.
Otherwise, I feel like I am getting a little nuts with my entire life running out of my dining room. I just spent who knows how long looking for the bracket that would hold the U lock on my bike. I knew that I had moved it from the dining room table to someplace “safe” not long ago. Found it in the bag that I take to my guy’s because I figured that he and I could work on that, once he gets his bike. But having my work stuff, bike stuff, binders of music (for church because I don’t have access to the church), personal mail, and cat stuff all in my dining room is too much. This all happened when I started using my personal (larger) laptop for work and everything moved to one place. Bleah. I love having my adorable little (formerly outdoor) cat with me inside, but the bags of treats on the table just add to the clutter!
I know everyone is under a lot of stress these days, but if you can, please consider calling your representatives to put pressure on China over its treatment of the Uighurs, which has grown increasingly horrifying. Pompeo has issued a few statements, but my guess is that China is escalating its crackdown, which includes concentration camps, mass surveillance, organ harvesting (seriously), and forced abortions, while the world’s back is turned to fight coronavirus. It only takes 30 seconds to call and you can help raise awareness for this neglected issue.
A recent article for reference: https://amp.theguardian.com/world/2020/jul/19/chinas-uk-ambassador-denies-abuse-of-uighurs-despite-fresh-drone-footage
Thank you for posting this.
The drone video of the uighurs – all shackled, shaved bald, blindfolded, kneeling… surrounded by soldiers… is so disturbing. It is like the Handmaid’s tale but much much worse. And it is happening right now.
These poor people. The utter evil. And the world should be shamed for letting this happen… quietly.
I read somewhere something like “everyone says that if they had been alive in Germany during WWII that they would have harbored Jews in their homes and denounced their mistreatment, but the world is silent on the Uighurs.” It’s a little flip, but I think the point is valid. I’ll be calling my representative and senators today.
FWIW, I’m in DC in health policy, and this issue is in my newsletters a few times a week (and it’s not health related, so it’s clearly crossing over into DC’s main policy sphere). But China legit doesn’t give two ishes what we have to say right now, and we don’t have a leg to stand on besides (ahem, babies in cages). Is there another entity to reach out to – UN? some other international entity? – that can get through to China that would be more effective than our impotent national leaders?
Okay, this annoys me – babies in cages were HORRIBLE. Separating families is HORRIBLE. But we’re not literally shoving people into concentration camps, harvesting their organs, selling their hair, and forcing them to have abortions. Two things can be horrible without not giving us a leg to stand on because it’s “equally” as bad.
Newsflash: our immigration policies can be bad without being as horrific as what China is doing.
Ok, we can talk about degrees of awful humanitarian situations, but it doesn’t change the geopolitical reality that China doesn’t give a hoot what we have to say about literally anything. We have no standing with them politically. Even in the “best” of times, when China was open to listening with half an ear to curry economic gains over the last 20 years, they were still committing human rights violations. China is, by many indicators, the most powerful nation in the world. Yes, moreso than us. Do our lawmakers care when Canada scolds us? No. Same-same. The Chinese government’s top policy concern is economic might, and unless all the world bands together to boycott Chinese goods (newsflash: not happening), there’s very little that can realistically be done by an individual nation-state.
My dear friends are returning to NJ from FL today after a very necessary visit to family and they’re going to quarantine but have asked me over for socially distant outdoor drinks and I am going to say no. Which I know is the right call but I’ve missed them so much the last month and waiting another two weeks while they are 5 minutes away is going to be very hard.
That’s…not quarantine. Who else are they going to invite over when you say no?
Also, for perspective, I’m in CA where we are limping along with recovery or backwards and I haven’t seen most of my dear friends since March, so this doesn’t seem that big of a sacrifice to me. But, I know we are all going through our things.
Yeah, same. It’s been a little frustrating to see some people I know do the “OMG #lockdownstruggles” game when they’ve been socializing all along, sometimes with a mask hanging off their ear. Bish please, you never locked down.
This is so frustrating. My mom says “they have been quarantining” for literally EVERYONE who is still (1) going to stores, (2) having ‘socially distant’ outdoor hangouts (but they don’t’ stay far enough away!) and (3) seeing family. I don’t think it means what you think it means!
Ugh, same. My dad loves to say “they’re being careful” when he wears a mask to the store, but lets my brother socialize/travel with different friend groups frequently. In my anecdotal experience, the people who complain the loudest about social distancing have made the least effort, if any at all.
Going to stores may not be “quarantining” but it’s a perfectly legitimate activity to perform, with caution, and sometimes downright necessary. Not everyone has the luxury of having 100% groceries delivered, and no one thinks of the delivery workers who absolutely don’t have that option and may be high risk themselves. Those workers should receive compensation to stay home as much as possible, but items still need to get from place to place.
Also in CA. I have seen ONE friend since March, one time. We were in the period when things started opening up a little and they said socially distant gatherings of a few people in backyards were ok, so we did that. But we also knew that our household and her household had been strictly sheltering in place for at least two weeks beforehand.
Honestly I can’t think of anyone else who has done the same, so no more friends over, and the numbers are terrible in CA now anyway.
It’s definitely lonely and I feel you. However I read a twitter thread from a nurse this morning (@marcformarc) talking about how everyone is too focused on COVID deaths and not the long-term impacts of surviving even mild cases, and it just strengthened my resolve.
Also in CA and have seen zero friends or family. We went backpacking one weekend and did not make any stops or use any public bathrooms. That’s it and it’s getting old, but I know it’s time to stay the course.
No one. They proposed I be the one exception and have arranged for deliveries of everything they need. Just feeling sad about Covid!
You are making the right decision for yourself and for society. Righteous!
You’re doing the right thing. Crush the curve!
If “socially distant outdoor drinks” means you stand on the sidewalk while they stand on their porch, then, fine… but um they are missing the point of what “quarantine” is! We are on Day 9 of our own quarantine… while symptom-free and the odds that we caught it are now diminishing by the day (given the % of people who develop symptoms by this point vs. later), we are still keeping to ourselves – watering our front planters (masked) is the big adventure!!
What was the point of posting about your trip here? You clearly seemed intent on going no matter what and it’s odd to remind everyone/keep a permanent handle about the incident. If you’re trying to stir up more debate, there’s already enough of that in the world.
My original q wasn’t whether or not to go, it was how much pushback we should expect for taking visible Covid precautions (masking, doing takeout only, enforcing our distance on the beach, etc). I was glad to report a very compliant population where we visited as well as in transit.
Since a few readers subsequently referenced us or the conversation – whether out of sn-rk or just curiosity is debatable – saying things like “check with her 14 days later”… here I am. I’ll disappear with my username next week!
Also took a trip!
Glad you made it back home okay!
Oh I remember you. A few of my relatives just caught COVID in Naples!
Could you suggest a zoom happy hour instead?
I’ll be the voice of dissent. If you’re legitimately distanced (and I’d personally shoot for 10+), and outside, and it’s BYO everything, from chairs to food/drinks, what’s the problem?
FWIW, I’m in an early hotspot. We did four weeks of total isolation in March/April. Lots of front-line family members in hospitals. I’ve got a pretty level head about this whole mess, and I legitimately see no issue.
It may be low risk (IF nothing goes wrong), but it’s completely unnecessary. They can wait the remainder of the 14 days after traveling to the COVID hotspot of the world before having people over. That simply isn’t too much to ask. Zoom happy hour is an option for connection in the meantime.
The whole point of quarantine is being quarantined…
The whole point of quarantine is to not spread the virus. To each her own. There are no merit badges awarded for locking yourself down to such an extreme that you go beyond all reason.
I’m not saying have backyard distancing parties with any and every one. If there are special circumstances or people, and it’s done smartly than fine, go forth and live and do not spread (our biggest struggle was figuring out restrooms back in May when Grandma finally came to see DD from a WIDE distance).
Thanks, it has pockets!
It’s definitely low risk, but OP is still allowed to decide they still don’t feel comfortable taking that risk until their friend’s 14 day quarantine is over. Nothing wrong with erring on the side of caution these days, I’d be doing the same thing. My boyfriend and I are in a fairly “safe” state but we’re still very choosey about who we spend time with, and how we see people.
Thanks, it has pockets!
I’d be saying “I’m so glad you’re back! Let’s plan something for after your quarantine though.” If they push back (and they might not), assure them you do miss them and it’s tough for you to tack on another two weeks, but you’re really trying to play it safe these days, especially with people who’ve been to high-risk states.
The reason the states in the northeast are doing so well is because so many people are willing to be cautious, arguably “too” cautious at times. But no one wants to see things get bad again, to it’s best to stay the course as best we can, even though it’s super hard sometimes.
Is anyone watching Indian Matchmaker on Netflix? I’m white and jealous. I wish I could hire someone who understood my family background and basic preferences and find men worth giving serious consideration to. I have friends who have tried Tawkify and found themselves getting matched with unsuitable men (sorry not interested in a man 10 years older with teenage kids 40 miles away in a suburb). Has anyone used a good matchmaker in NJ area?
I watched it and loved it. But I don’t think you would find those matches to be suitable given the criteria you just set out. They were matching at quite a distance, it’s just that the women were fully expected to pick up and move.
I haven’t watched more than a few clips of this show, but as an Indian American woman who is in the prime of the “you need to get married soon, Pooja Aunty’s son is worth meeting!” comments, I want to underscore that. The expectation is 100% that the women pick up and move, that’s how it has always gone. My parents had an arranged marriage in the 80s and my mom wasn’t even asked if she wanted to move the US (my dad lived here and my mom lived in India). Decades of westernization haven’t gotten rid of these expectations in most Indian American circles. The only exception I’ve seen is if the woman is a doctor who cannot control her location due to how residency and fellowships work. Otherwise, even if it’s a big hit to your career, you’re expected to move to where your husband lives. From what I’ve seen, sacrifice and compromise on the woman’s part and the family’s preference for their child to marry another Indian American is what allows so many of these matches to be successful across such wide geographies.
+1, my mom is kind of an informal matchmaker in our Indian community and I went on a few dates with eligible bachelors in my late 20s/early 30s. All of them were with men who lived outside of my geographic area and when I made it clear that it should not be assumed that I would be the one to move, they indicated they weren’t interested anymore. *shrugs* I don’t think this is anything to be jealous of – a lot of times, like in the show, the parents (especially the moms of sons) are hyper involved and controlling and that often continues into the marriage, from what family friends tell me. In the end I married outside my race and am very glad I did, there were just too many expectations for me in terms of marrying an Indian guy and having to conform to a certain ideal that I couldn’t/didn’t want to meet.
I think Western dating culture expect both that women pretend they’re too cool for commitment, but also that you should eventually end up partnered. It sucks. While I wouldn’t want a matchmaker myself, it’s at least more intellectually honest.
I am finishing it up as I write this. It has been very entertaining and informative about the Arranged vs. Love marriages in the Indian culture. I wouldn’t do it but I appreciate why people do it and was facinated by the matchmaker herself traveling all over the world to match people.
out of curiousity, why not explore the matches you describe? A 10 year age gap is pretty common.
Maybe she doesn’t want to date someone with kids, let alone teenage kids? I know I didn’t when I was doing online dating. Also, I don’t know that I’d call a ten year age gap “pretty common.” Almost all of my friends are married to men within a 5-7 year age difference and most only have a couple of years difference.
+1 Agreed! I didn’t want to date anyone with kids because it generally means a tie to an ex (preferably good, but often not). Also, ten year age gap was too big for me when I was last on the market. I instead found a man about 1 year younger, sans kids and we’ve been happily married for a decade. I don’t think the poster’s preferences were out of the ordinary at all.
They’re not out of the ordinary. But I’m struck by the fact that it seems to exclude a large swath of the dating population and it’s interesting because we so often see here that people aren’t finding mates and want to be.
+1, it’s ok to exclude men 10 years in age difference or with teenage children or both!
Yeah seriously. That sounds awful. I’m dating someone right now, but I *hated* getting this “advice.” I’m 32 and don’t want kids– even if I did, I’m definitely not interested dealing with everything that raising teenagers entails: limited mobility, ties to exes, the actual obligations of parenting. That situation inherently comes with a lot of restrictions on a new relationship and it’s reasonable to want to avoid those. And if you live anywhere with any traffic at all, 40 miles in the suburbs could mean you’re seeing each other 1-2x/ week (and probably eventually moving there if you get serious because what’s he going to do, take his kids out of their good school district and away from their friends so that you can get a cute remodeled bungalow in town next to the local farmer’s market? No. He shouldn’t, anyway). I also want someone to go through “firsts” with. He’s already done the first house, first marriage, first kid, all the first with the kids. Will he even want to have a toddler when he’s 50 and his oldest is about to go to college? It’s not the age, per se, it’s that he would be in such a different place in life than I am and quite frankly that place just doesn’t seem appealing to me.
It was the combo of three things well outside my friend’s parameters. She might have given older guy a shot but not when she was 30 and his daughter was 17. She might have given far away a shot but not when he was so much older.
The matchmaker idea in general sounds great, saying this as an Indian American. But in reality there is a lot of expectation that the woman will “adjust” or “accomodate” and that the man will not. I can’t get into it right now but this show is not necessarily something to admire or wish for.
There is a lot of discussion — between the matchmaker and the mothers of the men — about the woman needing to be “flexible.”
I once dated someone who was Pakistani and while I know Indian and Pakistani are not the same thing, it was definitely a shock to learn how much he expected his future wife to compromise. More recently I had a match on Bumble flat out say he won’t date liberal women. Where are all the feminist men!!!
I think that matchmaking only really works well in particular cultural contexts – where marriage is a strong expectation/goal for both men and women *and* there is a perspective that compatibility and long-term relationship success are based on more than s*xual attraction and “spark.” IMO my own culture/social class (white Christian American professionals) tends to push marriage as critical for women but not for men, which means that many men are not focused on finding a partner for marriage when they’re dating. And we tend to thing that the most important thing in selecting a partner is attraction and immediate emotional connection, vs. a view that if you’re compatibility in terms of goals and priorities and in the ballpark on attraction/connection, the emotional piece can grow over time.
I know multiple people with arranged or semi-arranged marriages from a variety of backgrounds. Some of them have worked out really well. Others haven’t. I think it can be a good approach for some people but I don’t see it working well for my demographic generally given the different cultural foundation.
I am looking for a skilled trusts and estates attorney in the Philadelphia area. Does anyone have someone to recommend?
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How to be a Smart Lawyer
I’ve been at my job 2 years now (new subject matter to me, but now that newness is wearing off) and I feel like my analytical/ #strategery skills aren’t improving as fast as I’d like. I either miss pieces of the analysis , or I take my analysis in a different direction (according to my boss). How do you improve your skills in this arena?
Any advice? books? anecdotes that it will get better after two years of practice? Am I being hard on myself too soon?
When I google “how to improve lawyer analysis” it’s all mundane advice like “Be kind! Self-care! Build better client relationships!”
(posted last week, but too late i think)
Checklists? Spend some time brainstorming all the things that could be an issue in your area of law, and then continue to update it after each transaction/deal/etc. I also find that rereading “Understanding __ Law” or comprehensive agency guidance (e.g., the enforcement agency’s guidance on a particular topic) periodically help to remind me of issues that I may not otherwise come across help to remind me that those issues… exist.
Also, be kind to yourself. Know that sometimes bosses are really awesome at thinking of the 100th issue after you’ve thought of 1-99. Sometimes, it’s bc they’re brilliant and more experienced than you, but often it’s because they can see the forest for the trees because they aren’t dealing with the day-to-day. You could try to talk to your boss about specific issues (when we were working on Jones v. Smith, you were worried about diversity jurisdiction – I hadn’t really thought of it as an issue, so can you help me to understand why it popped up for you?) – but for better or worse, it could lead to a discussion about your performance opportuntiies that you may or may not want to have right now.
How to be a Smart Lawyer
thank you this is a very kind and helpful comment
i ended up with a large bag of almond flour. does anyone have any recipe recommendations?
+1. If you’ve never made them before, your first batch will probably be wonky but still tasty!
Almond flour makes great shortbread type cookies, though I don’t have a specific recipe.
Castaway Kitchen’s chewy chocolate chip cookies are great.
The “Gluten-Free Almond Flour Brownies” from Sweet and Savory Pursuits are the best brownies I’ve ever made (and I’m not gluten free, just ended up with a lot of almond flour like you).
Anon Probate Atty
I googled it and I’m going to try it. Can you substitute monk fruit sweetener for the sugar? I’m mostly Keto this days.
edited to add: ideally something easy as i’m not much of a baker and have 2 toddlers at home
Chocolate covered Katie has a keto chocolate chip cookie recipe that calls for almond flour. My 3 y/o and I make them together because they’re easy and simple enough that he can actually help. Also the bake time is 10 minutes. They’re not regular chocolate chip cookies by any stretch, but they’re pretty good.
I bought some almond flour to try the Summer Fruit Tart with Frangipane from David Lebovitz. The recipe is on the blog.
Anon Probate Atty
Empanadas, if it’s the finely ground kind of almond flour. Google keto empanada recipes. I make them regularly and they’re delish.
swap it for AP Flour in your favorite brownie recipe!
pie and tart crusts are great with almond flour.
I’ve also (with great success) used almond flour to bread things like chicken and fish and then bake for a crispy coating. I would think that it would be great for any type of streusel topping, or possibly a savory crunchy topping. I’m thinking almond meal + parm + fresh herbs with a bit of oil or butter and sprinkled on top of gorgeous summer squash or roasted eggplant?
It’s got higher fat and no gluten so it may be more prone to burn and you won’t get a stretch/chew like you would with traditional flour, but a little almond flour added to a pie crust with a cherry pie in it? Fabulous.
just saw: you have toddlers.
Chicken nuggets. Take boneless, skinless chicken breasts and cut into nugget sized pieces. Dredge in egg (or coat in mayonnaise, I’ve heard) and then coat in a mixture of almond flour, parm, dried marjoram, salt, and whatever other spices suit your fancy. Add panko crumbs if you want it extra crunchy. spread on a baking sheet with a silpat or parchment paper on it. Bake at 375 for roughly 15 minutes. Throw some tater tots on that pan, the ubiquitous steamed broccoli in the microwave and BAM. Healthy ‘paleo tot’ food.
Spritz cookies! Perfect for having with your morning coffee
Just made Nigella’s Lemon Polenta cake, which requires about 2C almond flour. A couple recommendations – reduce butter by 2T as it was very buttery, don’t over-soak (juice of 2 lemons was too much and the cake was mushy in the middle), and keep it in the tin while it cools!!!! The last part is in the recipe, but I got impatient. I had some delicious cake crumble, but it was only crumble.
Look for a recipe for Financiers! They’re pretty easy and absolutely delicious. I make them in a mini muffin tin.
I use almond flour to make my kid blueberry flaxseed mini muffins. The recipe is from a baby cookbook, here’s an online version of it: https://www.metro.us/healthy-cooking-for-kids-made-easy/ . Very easy and I freeze the extras for later.
This is a little tricky but it’s delicious and very impressive if you pull it off: http://www.domesticdaddy.net/2012/04/04/lavender-almond-roulade/
The financiers from Epicurious are delicious and SO easy– you basically just mix and pour them into molds (I use a muffin tin, you don’t need the special mold).
I posted last week about how my therapist is currently pushing my notions of myself and relationships with our homework. I listened, did the deed, and am continuing to follow her advice. It involves hard conversations and continuously putting myself out there/engaging even though I know it might not work. It’s getting harder because it’s something she wants me to keep at until me and this person come back together and talk about things. But she said in the meantime, just be myself because this is the person I want to be thought of as. I’m learning so much about myself and the way society makes me feel about my emotions. I’m starting to fall back into negative talk as it gets harder and automatically assuming the worst case scenario, thinking that I’m messing things up. Keep your fingers crossed for me! It really is amazing how you can feel this type of growth. I’m scared and anxious but excited to take these lessons with me. The next hard talk she wants me to have is with my dad….oomph.
This current time is stressful enough as it is. Hugs to everyone who finding anxiety, depression, or other mental health obstacles heightened right and trying to do their best to grow.
Cheering you on!!
Buy vs rent
I need some random perspective as to whether I’m reacting too “emotionally” here. We moved to a new city about a year ago and had to sell our old house which is in a “hot” real estate market on the coast. Well, it wasn’t so hot for us. It took us a year to sell this thing and we’re taking a loss on our original purchase price. At this point, with the year of carrying costs, we’re looking at a total loss of ~100K. We are very lucky that we could afford this without hardships (although it definitely hurt our long term savings), but now we’re thinking of buying in the new city. It has a much less hot and actually somewhat depressed market.
We’re looking at spending 75% of the original price of our old home for a place where the seller would lose money due to the current crisis. I can cover all the monthly housing costs on 50% of just my take home (excluding husband’s). This sounds…rational to me financially? But I’m really, really scared of having the same thing happen that happened with the old home where we lose 6 figures on this. Maybe I should just rent? I don’t know.
I think it depends on what went wrong with your old house a bit? Bad luck? Bad pricing strategy? Bad house?
I’d go do one of those rent-vs.-buy calculators and read this classic essay: https://jlcollinsnh.com/2013/05/29/why-your-house-is-a-terrible-investment/
Why did your house take so long to sell? I’m in a hot coastal market. The only reason houses don’t sell (and by sell, I mean get gobbled up) is because they are overpriced or there’s something flawed fundamentally about the home. I don’t mean this in a harsh way, but wondering if there was something underlying in your last home that was missed? (Did you overlook a bad neighborhood, busy corner? Was it just way overpriced, maybe because you over paid?) And, if so, how do you avoid making that same mistake this time around?
Once you’ve dissected the “why” from the last go-round then I’d start to think about the calculus of buying again.
Buy vs rent
Oh, there was totally something flawed in it! Without going into the details, it was an architectural thing where we knew it wasn’t perfect but we personally didn’t mind it. And when we bought, the market was so competitive we were like “eh, it’ll be fine!” I’d also say our agent gets some blame for not pointing this out and having us list it too high in the beginning. Yeah…not going to do that again!
I have a friend who sold a house like that. It worked well for her needs, but it did not work for what suburban homebuyers want.
Repeating myself a bit: layout matters a lot. Whether it’s an apartment, townhouse, condo, or house, layout trumps square footage. I live in a beautifully designed 2bed/2bath apartment, 1,000 square feet, and it’s entirely comfortable for my family (husband, son, pet). There are homes that are twice the size of our place with functionally less usable space.
When you’re looking for your next home, think about this. Also consider that if you are going to live in the house for several decades, you’ll come out ahead.
My friends remodeled their house for their own comfort and particular needs, and ended up with a weird layout no buyers could imagine would work for them (huge master suite on the top floor, a tiny adjoining nursery, but real bedrooms for kids older than babies were two floors down) and it absolutely killed their resale value.
I was selling my much smaller but sensibly laid out first home at the same time and had multiple offers over asking.
I saw so so so many houses remodeled in this exact way when we were looking last year. HUGE master bedroom on top floor with maybe a walk-in closet and then the other bedrooms downstairs (either right by the front door or in the basement). Particularly egregious was the one that only had an en-suite bathtub (no toiler or shower!) for the master.
How long are you planning on living in the new city? If you want to feel safe, 7 years is typically a conservative time frame to recoup your investment.
Buy vs rent
This is a good point and seems to be where those calculators are coming out. We only had our old home for 5 years (but when we bought it, we thought we would be there for at least 10). I love the new city, but probably a 50/50 chance I’m still here in 7 years.
Go for it
Why not wait a 1-2 years to determine if you plan to stay long term? Under 7 years is generally the barometer for rent vs buy.
Central Texas RVW
I’m in my late fifties, re-entering the world of dating after 20 years of being in a relationship. It’s a new world out there for sure. I feel like Rip Van Winkle. Is online dating really a good option for women my age? It seems that men my age are mostly looking for ladies in their 30’s. And if it is an okay option, what is the best online platform for fifty-somethings? I’ve heard B*mble might be good because it’s ladies choice. TIA!Al
I’m 55 and I’ve done pretty well with Match. eHarmony was a huge waste of money. OKCupid (at least in my age range and my area) was mostly scammers. But, I’ll warn you, right now is not normal.
Central Texas RVW
OP here – by “right now is not normal,” are you referring to trying to use an online dating service when we are stuck at home, because I could see how that is not normal in the least. I guess you have to do Zoom dates for probably the rest of 2020. (Groan)
I started dating again at age 56, and it’s not easy but doable. I was only on Match, which seemed to be the best site for my Midwest area. (Our Time was terrible, the men were such a collection of oddballs.) I did think it was hard to find a guy who wasn’t posed with a dead fish or in the driver’s seat of his car (WHY do they all do that??), who seemed to have read a book in the last decade and who also was interested in me. It could be very depressing, I won’t lie. However, I did meet a couple of very nice men through Match and was in an on/off relationship with one for about two and a half years. (For the long-time readers who might remember, he is the one who it turned out I had been on a date with 36 years earlier, when I was a 20-y-o undergrad and he was a 30-y-o junior faculty member. I loved the advice I got from someone here – don’t feel you have to marry him just because it would make such a great story in the NYT Vows section.)
A friend who is a therapist says a lot of her patients in our age range have had good experiences with Zoosk, and another friend in her early fifties has met some decent men through Bumble. I’ve been with my current SO for about 15 months, but we actually met IRL!
Sending you good vibes, this can be tough. But I’m five and a half years post divorce (after a 28-year relationship) and so much happier now.
Just chiming in to let you know that the dead fish/car seat selfies seem to be universal amongst online dating men, regardless of age. It is a mystery for the ages.
Dead fish and car selfies. It is truly the worst.
LOL. I don’t know if I’m glad or appalled that this is a thing beyond middle-aged men in my corner of the Midwest.
Not sure if you will see this, but my dad (63) met his current lady friend (57) online. I believe he used something like Match, not Bumble. She is so great for him. I really hope it works out (he totally leveled up from both my mom, and his first post-divorce girlfriend).
Resuming cleaning services?
Has anyone resumed their cleaning services? I’m really tempted to do so. I wonder how my cleaning person is doing financially (I send send her a check to help when it was clear I couldn’t have her come) and I would really love to have her back but I’d like to do it safely. I’m thinking of staying in one room while she does the house (which is what I normally do if I worked from home pre-COIVID), ask her to wear a mask, and so on. My understanding is that the risk for the cleaner is higher than the homeowner. I’ve been social distancing, working from home, and having most things (including groceries) delivered. Thoughts?
Yes, we resumed about 5 weeks ago (we’re in Philly). In fact, we increased to every week, both because it makes our lives easier (and the house is getting dirtier because we’re both working from home) and to support our cleaning lady (I assume not all of her clients have brought her back yet or continued paying her like we did throughout the quarantine).
If you feel comfortable with her coming, I would ask her if she feels comfortable and then go from there, making sure she understands that she should not come to your house if she doesn’t feel well. I agree with just making sure you are not in the same room which should be easy enough.
I have had mine back – they are a team of 2. They both wore masks. I am lucky that I have a porch that I went out and sat on while they worked, but if that wasn’t an option, I think I would have been OK with just staying in a different room from them, as you described.
I’ve had my housekeeper back for about 6 weeks. She wears a mask. We’re in D.C.
I’ve paid her this whole time since March. She said most of her clients haven’t rehired her and weren’t able to pay her while she wasn’t cleaning for them, so she was in pretty dire financial straits. She’s practically like family to us, and my husband and I have been fortunate enough to be unscathed during the pandemic, so we just kept paying her.
Yes. My person reached out first (we were paying her for not coming) and laid out what she was doing and what her clients were doing and asked if we could agree to those terms.
We started ours back 2 weeks ago. This was prompted by an article in WaPo that interviewed various epidemiologists about whether they were doing certain things (Facui was one of them). My husband saw it first, then came running into my home office to say “Fauci is having his cleaning people come. I’m calling ours now and getting them over here ASAP!”. The article is COVID coverage, so it’s not behind a paywall The title is “How Fauci, 5 other health specialists deal with COVID-19 risks in their everyday lives” from July 3.
Wow – what a great and useful article. Thank you so much for sharing this!
We resumed about a month ago. Our cleaner is one person who used to nanny for us, and she is very cautious and we know her very well and that she wouldn’t endanger us or our kids. I think your precautions sound fine – the biggest issue is being close to her, so if you’re distanced in other rooms while she’s there, I wouldn’t be too concerned.
Adding – she has a nanny job now and just cleans for us 1 day a week, so we also know where she is and that she isn’t visiting a lot of different houses.
Termites - real estate
Anyone purchase a home knowing that the seller’s disclosures noted termites (fully treated). The sellers noticed the termites early — “It stemmed from a tree on the side of the house. The termites spilled over into an adjacent area in the basement; the sill plate underneath the sliders in the dining room. The homeowners had a pest control company remediate the issue at a cost of ~$1500. The basement was checked and there was no structural damage, and there have been no signs of termites since it’s completion.”
Would you walk away and not submit an offer?
I’d walk away for sure.
I don’t know. I’m in the Bay Area where housing is insane and old and you have to wade through a bunch of stuff you are willing to put up with. If it was fully treated, no damage…I’d ask someone in real estate or construction what they think, and try to figure out if it will keep happening. Can you remove the tree?
Depends on where you are. In older communities, it’s kind of inevitable that there will have been termites at some point, and the important point is that it was caught before causing real damage. You would want your own inspection to include a termite inspection, of course, to verify for yourself.
If you’re thinking of waiving inspection, though, I’d pass.
Depends on the area. We bought a house with remediated termite damage because it’s impossible to find a house in our area with out termite damage, unless it’s new construction that has been treated continuously since being built. We didn’t put in any offers for houses with structural termite damage, repaired or not.
Termites can be contained. Yes. Otherwise homes would not sell in certain parts of the country. That said, do your diligence and do not rely on seller disclosures. I’d submit an offer, but during inspection I’d have a termite-specific inspector come take a look during the inspection period. Your normal home inspector can tell you about structural concerns resulting from the termites. If you are still iffy after all of that, walk away at no cost/loss to you.
This would not phase me. My house is 100+ years old. Of course it has had termite issues now and again. None since we moved in 15 years ago. Termite infestation is really fixable.
Call a local termite company and ask them about it. Ask them what to watch for, what they would require if they were purchasing the house, etc. My issues were more with dry rot, but I found so many local tradespeople willing to talk to me in great detail about how concerned I should and shouldn’t be about an inspection finding.
If I really liked the house, I’d put an offer in contingent on my own termite inspection. Termites are a fact of life in many hot, humid areas and damage done and repaired can be not that big a deal.
Note: make sure if you live somewhere there are termites that you always have a termite service treating the house – they’ll guarantee your house is protected.
I have this service, and the cost is around $500/year for monitoring the Sentricon system (I think there are newer systems but not sure). It’s a very effective system and termites do not come back. It’s worth being cognizant that it’s an ongoing expense. But termite damage is not a dealbreaker on a house, unless there is significant structural damage.
+1 build a year or two of termite service into your contract and then you can stop worrying about it
I sold a house with a termite problem (fixed), and I bought a house with a similar termite problem (fixed). Northeast. No recurrence of termites in the 17 years since I bought the 2nd house.
Not a big deal. Even replacing a small area of sill plate isn’t a huge thing. If you like the house, make an offer.
I would move forward contingent upon your own termite inspection. In my area, if the house is more than about 15 years old, it probably had termites at some point.
If you like it and don’t have other properties you like I’d submit an offer. You can elect a termite inspection and walk away if you find issues. In some areas termites are just a fact of life. My house is concrete block (so very low risk) and funnily enough we had termites in the sill plate underneath a slider, too. We had it treated and pay a small fee for yearly maintenance/check/warranty. No issues since.
If this is the only problem with the house it would not phase me. But I grew up in an area where it was suspicious if there WASN’T termite damage in the seller’s disclosure. I’d certainly have my own inspection done as well.
You could never buy a house in Georgia if that gives you pause. Termites do not, despite the horror stories, mean your house is going to fall down around you. Localized damage is extremely common, repairable and containable. Water damage would make me think much harder than remediated termite damage.
Chiming in late here. I would buy the house BUT not only do your own termite inspection but get them to agree to pull down any walls to do it.
We found termite damage during inspection. It cost the owners $$ (15k?) to fix as it impacted a few beams as well as the sill plate. They also paid for prevention and 5 years of follow up. We eventually gutted the basement to the studs and refinished it. When we did, we found more (old) damage. None of it was that bad and our contractor just put a few new boards in, but it p*ssed me off that there was even more damage that went unseen.
Now that the basement was gutted entirely, I’m fine living here. We have annual termite protection and we live in a wooded area where if you aren’t careful/diligent the termites find a way in.
I decided to go though my skincare samples (so many samples!) during shelter in place because why not. I have simplified my skincare routine and I’m really not trying to buy into the hype of expensive products. Most of the samples have been meh, but two of them were really nice and now I want to buy them….
am I insane?
are there cheaper duplicates for these?
Herbivore Emerald CBD + Adaptogens oil
I don’t even know what adaptogens are. I just know that my perpetually red, irritated nose (allergies) calmed down to a normal skin color with this stuff
Tatcha The Deep Polish Rice Enzyme Powder
It’s a powder cleanser that turns into a foam. I didn’t test it for getting makeup off, but I used it on a morning I had a little flakiness, and it made my skin incredibly smooth and soft.
I suppose there aren’t exactly drugstore equivalents to these, but they’re both in the $60 range and that’s the stuff I keep telling myself is marketing hype.
I will say for the Tatcha polish (LOVE IT!) it lasts a looooong time. I think the last full-size jar I had lasted something like 10ish months. Of course, I wasn’t using it every single day because I think that’s a bit much since it is exfoliating, but with 3-4 times a week use, it lasted forever, so it was worth the price tag to me!
Thank you! Which one do you use? I see on their website (Tatcha) there are basically 4 versions – looks like regular, extra, gentle, and sensitive skin. The sample I had was the extra (“deep”) but given that I have sensitive skin, maybe that’s not the one for me in the long run.
I use the original one. (I’m so curious about the other ones, but I don’t want something too rough or too gentle, so I’ve just stuck with the one I know I like!) I didn’t find the original to be too abrasive for my skin.
I also wanted to mention re: makeup removal since you mentioned it in your first post, I didn’t think that the polish alone it was great at makeup removal, but the Tatcha Camellia Oil is the most thorough and most gentle makeup remover I’ve ever used, and didn’t cause any breakouts or weird reactions. (I think I had a sample box of Tatcha stuff and I just loved the camellia oil and the rice polish.)
Yes, agree. I use both the Tatcha oil and the regular Rice Enzyme powder at night and they are fabulous together for removing makeup; even mascara. I have tried a few other power exfoliates that are less expensive but they felt like I was rubbing glass on my face (I’m looking at you myClarins REMOVE Radiance Exfoliating Powder).
Tacha sells travel sizes of their products on their actual site. I’d buy an oil and whatever powders you want to try. They also have quizzes about which products are best for your skin and I believe you can get consultations as well. I’ve been really impressed with all of their products that I have tried but the oil/powder combo are the only two that I always buy consistently. A couple times a year they do 20% off sales; Sephora also sells Tatcha.
Actual gardening question. My garden is stressing me out. I have 2 young kids. We moved into this house over a year ago. The garden is not big but has a lot of stuff in it. Maybe it was professionally landscaped 10 years ago and now the plants are out of control. I have a landscaping service come once a season and it’s about 1 K each time – they come with a huge crew and just mulch and weed and cut back. The head guy knows enough to tell me what’s a weed and what’s a plant, but that’s about it. Ideally I think I want to hire a gardener, someone knowledgeable to come maybe once every 2 weeks, or even once a month to do some pruning, moving plants around. He/she could give me guidance on what little projects I can do in the limited time I have. Does this exist? I’m willing to pay for someone with experience and expertise. I’m in DC if you have an actual person/business in mind.
Yes this exists, and most people in my neighborhood have these regular gardeners come every week or two. I would ask neighbors for recommendations.
We quit ours because he was extremely unreliable, and we are trying to save a little money, but when I’m out there doing what the gardeners did for $40 (when they showed up) I kind of kick myself. It’s a lot of work.
It’s totally a thing. For local recommendations I usually ask our community Facebook group.
I’m speaking at a virtual conference at the end of September. Another speaker requested that the conference organizer introduce me to someone on their team for potential collaboration. That’s it, no details on what this collaboration would entail. I reply requesting details on what/how they want to collaborate, and dude with a Sales title sends me a link to Calendly to book a call. What are we talking about this call, Sales Person? I replied to ask for details or links or something to review before this call, but I fear I’m just going to get hit up for some sort of sales thing… but I can’t even figure out what they would try to sell me, given that I’m speaking and their CEO is speaking. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT. /rant
Just drop the rope
Don’t give them your time!
If dude has a sales title, it’s going to be a sales pitch. Don’t engage unless you are interested in whatever service or solution they sell.
Estates and Trusts Sacto
Can anyone recommend an estate planning attorney in the Sacto area for a client contact? I am guessing 5-10M in assets.