Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: CashSoft Baby Tee
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Gap seems to be having A Moment lately. (The Strategist has referred to it as “The Gapaissance.”) When I was poking around looking at their sweater selection, this “baby T-shirt” caught my eye because 1) I love a short-sleeved sweater for spring, and 2) I LOVE the Gap CashSoft knit. It has the coziness of good cashmere at a more affordable price point.
This Parisian pink color would be a great option for anyone leaning into spring pastels, but it also comes in six other colors (some lucky sizes only).
The sweater is $49.95 and comes in sizes XXS-XXL, ST-XXLT, and XSP-LP. Select colors are marked as low as $34.
Some of our favorite short-sleeved sweater tees for 2025 include cashmere ones from Quince ($45!), Ann Taylor, Theory, J.Crew,* and Boden. (* plus sizes too!) For other materials, try Tuckernuck (cashmere/silk), J.Crew Factory (100% cotton), and Amazon (viscose/poly). Nordstrom and Anthropologie both have a huge selection of sweater tees, also! (All of the ones below come in white and black, as well as other colors!)
Sales of note for 4/21/25:
- Nordstrom – 5,263 new markdowns for women!
- Ann Taylor – 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles
- Brooks Brothers – Friends & Family Sale: 30% off sitewide
- The Fold – 25% off selected lines
- Eloquii – $29+ select styles + extra 40% off all sale
- Everlane – Spring sale, up to 70% off
- J.Crew – Spring Event: 40% off sitewide + extra 50% off sale styles + 50% swim & coverups
- J.Crew Factory – 40%-70% off everything + extra 70% off clearance
- Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Earth Day Sale: Take 25% off eco-conscious fabrics. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Madewell – Extra 30% off sale + 50% off sale jeans
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 30% off entire purchase w/Talbots card
It seems like things in our refrigerator are getting moldy really quickly, like opened cheeses and vegetables. Would bleach be the best way to do a deep clean? I’m always wary of overusing bleach around the fresh food.
You can just pull all the shelves and drawers out and wash them with soapy water (not too hot so you don’t break them). Wipe down the rest of the inside with diluted vinegar.
A good wipedown with lysol never hurts. But you might want to pull it out from the wall and vacuum the coils – if it’s more humid in the refrigerator than it should be, there may be a reason that circulation is affected.
I use food safe HOCl instead of bleach in the kitchen these days.
I am not wary of bleach I guess – I just use a dilute solution, slosh it around (in removable bins) and let it sit for 5 minutes. Then rinse/wipe down everything with plain water
Bleach is bad for your lungs, bad for your colored clothes, bad for metal, and bad for rubber. So if you want to use it to clean the plastic bins and can avoid getting it on anything else, then go ahead and use it for that, but I’m definitely too much of a klutz (and have asthma) to want to use it unless I really can’t come up with anything else that will work. I wouldn’t use it on the fridge itself, though, as it will damage the gaskets and corrode a stainless steel finish.
Yeah I have multiple contraindications for being around bleach fumes. There are reasons hospitals and restaurants have been switching to HOCl.
Interesting, I’ve never heard of this! Is there a cleaning product you like with this in it? When I google it it seems to come up with a lot of skin products?
I think Clorax has a product called “Anywhere,” but local stores near me don’t seem to be stocking it yet. What I have now is CleanSmart, which was one of the earlier companies to make a product aimed at household use vs. industrial use.
I am not sure bleach is the best solution for mold. I have heard good things about using Disinfectant Decon 30, but I have not bought it yet. I wonder if the fridge is at the correct temperature. Maybe you should get a thermometer as well.
Bleach is 100% the best solution for mold.
Check the temperature and that there aren’t any sources of water leaking into the fridge.
^this. co-signed going fridge shopping this weekend since mine is dying a slow expensive death of making my berries go moldy.
Mine newly (like last 48 hours) started leaving standing water (source unknown) and growing mold on the refrigerator trays. Taking everything out this weekend and unplugging it for a few days.
Mine “leaks” into the top shelf when the freezer’s vents are blocked. I have to make sure the freezer is arranged to allow air to circulate. I keep a take-out dish under the leaky area, and then I empty the ice in the vegetable garden periodically.
I would start by getting a fridge thermometer.
I wash our fridge shelves in regular old Dawn and warm water, but double check for leaks and broken seals. Humidity or warmth may be contributing here.
If you don’t want to use bleach, vinegar can also kill mold. Agree with the advice to check the temperature.
My friend is getting married in the Loire Valley in September. I’m planning on taking 2-3 weeks to do a solo trip.
I’m starting the trip in Paris with 2 friends for 4 days, then heading to the wedding.
With roughly 1.5-2 weeks left, where else would you go?
I’ve traveled a lot in Central and Eastern Europe but the only places I’ve been in Western Europe are Ireland, England, and France.
I’m okay with a pretty fast pace.
Oh, and I’m proficient but not fluent in French and speak beginner Spanish.
I have the reverse travel style (love planting myself somewhere and exploring at a leisurely pace) but Sept. is stunning on the Mediterranean and so I’d spend some time on the coast. You could make your way south and spend some time in Lyon for non-Paris city time, Provence, then down to the Cote d’Azur. I liked the smaller towns (Menton, Villefranche, etc) a LOT better than Nice or Monaco or Cannes and the blend of French-Italian cuisine… amazing.
I would make my way south. Loire —> Toulouse —> Carcassonne—> Barcelona to finish.
There are lots of nice towns in the south of France. You could spend some time in Provence and Cote d’Azur. Gordes and Aix in Provence are both quite nice, and then you could move on to any one or more of Antibes, St Paul de Vence, Villefranche, Eze, Menton, etc. September is a great time to visit.
Milan/Florence then train to Venice early morning and stay for the day. Overnight train to Vienna and visit Vienna/ Prague.
It really depend on your interests – do you want to tour museums or chill on the beach or take a cooking class? Do you like hiking or olive picking? Wine tasting tour or fashion outlet tour?
Thanks – I like hiking and trail running, being out on the water (boats or beaches) museums and sightseeing, and just wandering about in cities taking in the ambiance and popping in for a bite here and a drink there. I am obsessed with history. I love wine and food – no interest in a cooking class, quite interested in wine tours (but I know we’ll be doing that before the wedding), but mostly just interested in enjoying the cuisine.
I usually do a hiking trip in the summer, but won’t this year because this is my trip, so wouldn’t mind taking a few days to do more intense hiking. My grandparents have a beach house and so while I love the beach (and would like to see different beaches than I’m used to!), I don’t *need* beach time on this trip since I get a lot of it anyways.
I definitely want to go to the South of France as my first stop, but then will probably want to go elsewhere after. I have already been to Vienna and Prague (and loved them) – was thinking do I stay along the Mediterranean to Spain/Portugal or Italy and then head north to Switzerland and Alsace-Lorraine (either side of the border)? Or, do I just go north after the wedding and do the low countries?
Dolomite region in Italy is great for both hiking and wine.
If you decide to go to Venice and love water spend two or more days there. I’ve been twice and taking boat taxis out to other islands (even to the airport!) is just fun. There’s a wetlands tour there that I wasn’t able to do but would love to do it if I get there again
Go to Pyrenees from Tolouse and/or Barcelona, stunning hiking there with plenty of over 3k pics. In general what your are describing is catalonia region.
You could easily go to Italy after the south of France. Cinque Terre, Portofino, Lake Como are all nice.
Just a note that if you’re already in the Loire valley I would do a day or two there. The castles are gorgeous, the towns are cute, there is some great wine in the area. Its more chill than the South of France. Chambord and Chenonceau are my favorites. If you’re into biking there is a nice path connecting the castles, it’s pretty flat and a nice ride.
Oh yes, I’m in the wedding and there’s no bachlorette or shower (since we’re flying to France for the wedding) so I’ll be there a few days before the wedding for a bridal luncheon, “bachlorette” wine day, etc.
Her fiance is French, hence the wedding across an ocean.
Go to Granada in Spain and take a private guided tour of the Alhambra. Amazing town, amazing history. Just beautiful. Quite a lot to do, you can spend a few days there.
Taking my DIL shopping today – she starts a new job in a week that has a dressier vibe than her last job. Separate rather than suits, but pants, dressy blouse, and a third piece. Thinking BR or Ann Taylor for pants (Talbots if neither of those work out); Evereve for tops. Where do we look for that third piece? Blazer, structured cardigan, etc? We have a macy’s but nothing nicer than that, and most of the mall stores are here. Anyplace great I am missing?
Nordstrom near you?
Truthfully, I’d get inspiration perhaps but plan to do most shopping online. Less time-consuming and better options. Brick and mortar for things that aren’t super casual is tough and I always end up buying things that aren’t quite right just because it’s the best of the worst.
No Nordstrom, unfortunately. Agree with you as to online, although hoping to find enough today to get her through that first week or two. 2 to 3 pair solid color pants, some blouses/silky tops, and that elusive third piece.
it is tough finding that nice of workwear IRL anywhere right now. I’d try on a bunch of different brands so she can get to know which ones tend to fit her best and get a sense of sizing, but anticipate needing to order pieces online.
this, the closest mall to me doesn’t even have women’s workwear stores anymore aside from J Crew, and I struck out mightily at the bigger one with all AT, BR, etc yesterday. There’s lots of linen, but no basics. Even at Nordstrom, it’s mostly street style in store.
A lot of companies have versions of lady jackets out this year. J. Crew would be where I would start.
Maybe not the place for a third piece, but don’t pass up H&M if you have one. Lots of affordable, good-looking shells and blouses.
Loft had a handful of linen-blend tops and blazers when I was in recently.
I hope you and your daughter have a great time shopping!
I’m imagining your DIL is in her 20s or early 30s? There are a lot of blazer options at Anthropologie, Abercrombie, and Zara. Also Everlane if you have one. (I swear Everlane is bringing back the Y2K “biz cazh in da club” look we all rocked back in the day!)
How nice that you have a good relationship with your DIL that includes shopping with her. Maybe JCrew
My favorite part of in-person shopping, especially with someone I want to spend time with, is just wandering and seeing what’s there. I’d do a lap and just see what stores are there and what their displays look like. You never know when you’ll find a cute blazer/sweater at a random store you wouldn’t have thought of. Gap is my go-to these days, but I’m tall so I always order online.
JCrew, Talbots or Ann Taylor
You could consider checking out a consignment shop if there are any in your area. I was able to get a few higher quality pieces this way when I needed business wear in my 20s.
Thrift stores and consignment shops are my number one source of non-suit blazers.
Check White House Black Market for jackets and pants. They often have just a bit too much detailing or blingy buttons on them for my taste, but some of my absolute workhorse jackets came from them, and buttons are easy to replace later on down the line.
Can we talk about the Paul Weiss news? I’m a lawyer here who is utterly flabbergasted and disgusted. $40 million dollars in pro bono services to support the administration’s objectives, and you can guarantee they won’t take on any cases challenging the government’s sprint toward authoritarianism.
Disgusting. I hope other firms stand up for themselves and I hope PW sees a recruiting hit from this. I bet they’ll have a hard time signing up associates to do pro bono supporting this administration’s objectives.
The EEOC guidance released yesterday is gross, too. Seems to target affinity groups and training/mentorship/leadership opportunities for women and minorities. I bet a ton of white male MAGA snowflakes are going to submit complaints about “exclusion” from these types of groups.
Yet white men have had affinity group spaces just for them, for years. The Board room, the golf course…
I mean, the whole point is that those are no longer explicitly male/white only spaces. I’m a woman who is regularly in both.
Glad you single-handedly solved that problem for the rest of us. Great job there.
The problem of pointing out the lazy, worn out comment that fundamentally misunderstands the issue and is an easy conservative bashing target? You’re welcome! Happy to help!
I am appalled by the Trump administration doing lawsuit and investigation shake downs of media companies and law firms who did nothing wrong, I wish they would fight them.
Major credit to Perkins and Covington, who are fighting.
If they fight and their firms fold and many people lose their jobs and there’s two fewer powerful firms to fight the administration, how is that better? The principal of it all? Good for PW for recognizing a losing battle and getting out and living to see another day.
The whole point of the EOs is to tell firms “if you fight the administration, we will bring the full force of federal power down on you.” In what world does bending the knee make sure that they are positioned to “fight the administration” in the future?
They’re still around. Better than folding up. You have to pick the hills you die on.
Neither Perkins or Covington has “folded up.”
Some lawyers — many lawyers? — would interpret what PW did as folding. What a vote of no confidence in your own lawyers to kowtow so quickly with so little lawyering…
Fascism spreads when people comply in advance instead of fighting it.
The way to deal with a bully is to stand up to him. And those firms did nothing wrong by having DEI policies that complied with state and federal standards.
The idea is that the firms fight and they win. There’s no guarantee that if they fight, they will lose and end up folding. They’re willing to take the risk based on principle, as they should be. I’m appalled by the firm that caved voluntarily.
The pro bono legal services are for veterans affairs, criminal justice reform, and combatting antisemitism.
Pray tell, what is authoritarian about that?
If you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you.
Please see my comment below at 10:05. This is not how governmental power should be used. There is a massive difference between an investigation to determine if there were legal violations that results in a settlement that includes pro bono services and a naked edict from the executive branch that effectively compels those services from the firm. It does not matter how noble you find the services; the fact that they were strong armed from the firm by the executive branch should concern you.
The Trump administration DGAF about Jews. Trump has praised neo-Nazis and Elon is publicly doing Nazi salutes. They’re using anti-Semitism as an excuse to pull funding from universities. An uneducated population doesn’t know how to identify fascism or fight back. That’s their goal.
As a Jew, +1
Agreed.
yes
That has all been debunked. It was not a Nazi salute; sorry you’re easily fooled.
The talking points are tiresome.
My eyes were debunked? When? Is that some kind of medical procedure?
I know that it has been denied. Can you point to a somewhat objective source having debunked it?
Just yesterday this board was offering good thoughts for the poor aggrieved biglaw lawyers right? We still doing that?
Hopefully folks here are capable of understanding that it’s less helpful to criticize how people respond to abuses of power than it is to criticize the abuses of power.
That being said, big props to Perkins and Covington for not being cowed.
And jeers to PW for this response. I’m just saying that ultimately, the worst conduct here is from the admin, and not focusing on that normalizes it.
This development was what I was talking about.
I was concerned that the President was using his power to punish lawyers for taking stances or representing clients he does not like, and now I am appalled that it worked! The firms that caved are not going to represent clients suing the administrations. There are literally thousands of lawyers that are no longer an option for someone who needs to sue the administration.
I can’t even see how such agreement by PW would be enforceable. In my jurisdiction it is prohibited for a lawyer to agree not to represent a client or not to sue certain defendants. It’s an impermissible restriction on a lawyer’s ability to practice law. It’s a violation of the ethics rules for a lawyer to even propose it.
anon at 10:09: What is it that you don’t get with your bitter small worldview? When lawyers are attacked due to who they represent, we are all in danger. You really need to go to a new blog because you are too dumb to be here.
Props to Rachel A. Cohen, the associate who submitted her resignation letter over the decision. From her email:
“This is not what I saw for my career or for my evening, but Paul Weiss’ decision to cave to the Trump administration on DEI, representation and staffing has forced my hand. We do not have time. It is now or never, and if it is never, I will not continue to work here.”
Wow, I hadn’t seen that, but good for her! I hope I’d have done the same in her place!
Well said Rachel.
Wow, good for her.
oof she’s only an associate?
BigLaw attorneys–
Is the news about Paul Weiss and Trump as bad as it sounds? My understanding from the news coverage is that an executive order allowed the government to dig into hiring practices to ensure they were “merit-based” not DEI. And that instead of fighting it, Paul Weiss has said “Sure thing!” and thrown in a $40 million donation to Trump’s pet causes (which I’m sure will find its way to Trump’s pockets).
How is this a good course of action for the firm? They are a private entity, right? Or is there a strategic angle I’m missing?
I have no inside information but I wondered if the $40mm payment means there will be no actual investigation and no further action against the firm, conceivably for the next 4 years. I understand from PC’s own injunction filings that clients immediately fired PC. I suspect Quinn had insider contacts and they worked both angles, fight and still lose clients or pay up and potentially keep clients (esp if those clients know PW will not be a target for a while, why not stay with PW?).
You’re conflating two different things. They negotiated pro bono work to get an EO dropped that would put them out of business. It’s a bad solution to an existential threat. The DEI issue is separate and something the EEOC is driving.
Strategy: retain clients. Not have to forever mark “yes” that you have previously had your security clearance revoked. Not wonder the next four years whether you are a primary target. Ten million dollars a year for getting the target off you, at least for now? A deal!
I think every Paul Weiss attorney today has to acknowledge that there’s no principles at the top — just greed. And that isn’t a political take; I’d feel the same way if the Biden executive branch had shaken a firm down in this way.
I used to do investigations work, and I’m sensitive to the fact that some civil rights investigations end in a stipulated settlement whereby a firm might agree to commit $X amount of budget to addressing the issue. And on some level, this is a perverted version of that, and maybe there were terrible documents reflecting a “from the top” pattern and practice of discrimination (not necessarily the type Trump and co care about). But based on the timeline here, there is no way there was any real investigation done. To the extent PW received document requests, has there even been enough time to serve responses and objections, let alone make an initial production of documents? I doubt it. That makes this a naked shakedown — the government didn’t actually care about the facts on the ground, and the firm didn’t care to try to defend itself. It’s even more embarrassing than the firm’s insistence on that dang comma.
I feel like the relative silence on this issue here is deafening.
Come on big law lawyers…..
Earlier this week, a person I supervise made a major mistake. I am a lawyer, person under me is not. Think: filed trade secrets publicly instead of under seal, sent confidential info to the newspaper instead of a “no comment” quote, emailed private heath info to a large public listserv, that type of thing. It was filed/sent/disclosed under my bar#/name, the bell cannot be unrung, the client knows and was/is understandably angry. I have apologized to the client, stated that I take full responsibility, and notified our ethics counsel/insurance. I regularly trust my direct report to handle both this specific task and confidential info in general with care, we have 15+ yrs experience together, I have checked my instructions 100x (were accurate), person made a mistake and I know it was not intentional. I am an equity partner and will not lose my partner status over this, but might face a malpractice claim or get fired by this specific client/face bad PR. I guess if anyone has advice for this anon upset stranger- I will take it. And also, I can barely sleep. I feel like when I have read about mistakes on this board it is things like typos (which I have also obsessed over and beat myself up over in my career!) and I never imagined something of this scale would happen …
Mistakes happen all the time. You’ve done all the right things.
This. And I try to be like an elite athlete in these scenarios: I made an error. There were consequences in the moment. We assessed and figured out how to minimize the damage at the time. Watched the tapes after the game and learned from it. Now I’ve got other games to win.
This. Whenever there’s been a Big Mistake, the thing people really remember is the response. It sounds like you did everything right so far, people forgive a lot and even come out with a higher opinion of someone when they handle situations like this with grace and transparency, and focus on forward-looking lessons learned rather than excuses or blame.
I’m so sorry this happened! No advice but just a reminder – you are human, you work with humans, people malfunction sometimes (honestly surprised it’s not more often given how crazy it is that we are basically running on a wildly complex balance of proteins and electrical signals)
This is long term advice that might not resonate in the immediate emotions — but I’ve found that the situations that are the most embarrassing and stressful in the moment are the ones that I lean on most now when mentoring or coaching younger people. Someday, there may be someone who needs to hear from you – a super successful, competent, composed partner – that they can and will be able to handle a messy, serious error and come back stronger
100 percent. I actually stand by everyone has major mistakes in their work past if you’ve worked at a high level, and owning them, learning from them, and using them as a teaching point going forward is what makes us human and your ability to do that makes me trust you more in the long run.
If you’re an equity partner, you can afford to hire a crisis communications specialist. If it’s indeed that public and bad, it’s not the worst idea. They can’t un-ring the bell but they can mitigate the damage to your reputation.
Beyond that – is there any step you can put into place between yourself and a non-lawyer doing these things? Isn’t it the literal job of newer associates to check that work, not always but when a screw-up damages careers?
This. Get professional advice and stop posting here. It’s not about your feelings right now, it’s damage control time. Get a malpractice lawyer to advise you.
This might or might not help…but go seek out a few places to read —
1) Your bar’s published ethics violations. Whenever I beat myself up for an intentional mistake, it is helpful (weirdly) to remind myself that there are people out there who are INTENTIONALLY or grossly negligently harming their clients. Mistakes happen; thank goodness you aren’t someone out there intentionally harming your clients.
2) Go do some light reading about discovery errors or inadvertent production. There are … so many instances of really good lawyers accidentally producing things — sometimes things that harm their clients. 99.9% of the time, things move forward, and things are just fine.
3) It feels like there is a spotlight on you right now that every single person knows about/sees. Get out of your usual spots this weekend – go to a movie, go blow credit card points and stay at a hotel or go camp for the night – and revel in feeling anonymous to start calming down. If you can’t escape your usual routine this weekend, repeat the mantra that “no one else I’m speaking to is thinking about this right now.”
I was a highly anxious litigator for years, and finally left to go in house bc the (real and imagined or threat of) mistakes killed my mental health. That said, I still know and am friends with a lot of really high profile litigators (DC), and I’ve legit never met a senior, very successful litigator who doesn’t have a looooong list of anecdotes about all the very real mistakes they’ve made in their career. The really good litigators are still making the mistakes – they are just better at shaking them off and moving on.
Ha! that first section should read an “UNintentional” mistake — see!!??? mistakes happen.
First, I’m sorry that you are going through this.
I experienced something similar a few years back, which also included a large govt investigation into how the staff error was made which took months to resolve and resulted in public censor of members of my team.
It was incredibly stressful going through it and I worked many, many hours for the months during the audit to rectify it.
I think you are doing all the right things – own the mistake clearly, apologize to the relevant parties, explain briefly how the mistake was made, outline and implement procedures going forward to make sure it does not happen again. Keep your head high and resist the impulse to shrink your profile or stature. Lean into your leadership role here.
I later got a big promotion and how well I handled this human error event was a significant part of why I was chosen. People understand that humans make mistakes, what is important is how you manage that.
One thing that i say to myself to keep prospective – if this is the worst thing that happens to me, I will have had a very good life and a very good career.
This is really good advice, and well done on managing what sounds like an incredibly difficult time.
I especially appreciated the recommendation not to shrink from this. Own it with leadership.
I posted above you, as the person who left big law litigation as a senior associate because the stress was too much. I would have loved to have seen this kind of leadership and strength from my partners.
Giving the public perception of a being a rock – even if you don’t feel it – is huge.
This is terrible advice. Do not say or do anything until you have counsel of your own. Do not take the well meaning advice of non-lawyers on the internet.
Exactly.
Yep. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Do not do anything without talking to your firm’s GC and your malpractice lawyer. Girl, you are an equity partner in a law firm, you should know this.
Well of course speaking to counsel and make sure that you are conducting the tasks I outlined above in accordance with overall risk concerns. I feel like that goes without saying.
In the scenario i mentioned above, the risks were multifaceted and we had four different teams of attorneys advising us on various aspects of the problem/solution.
1. On a personal level, how you respond to a big mistake says a lot about you. But…
2. On a professional level, do not do anything without going through your firm’s malpractice procedure.
As someone who would be in the junior, mistake-making role here, can you also make a note to check in with your direct report and give a breakdown of the remedies that are happening? I understand that it was done under your name, but I would absolutely be mortified if I made a mistake of this magnitude and would be losing sleep over it if I were the one who actually did it. Not sure if this is a fireable offense, but if not maybe just check in with your report too and give some empathy and reassurance.
The examples you give are distinct enough that it’s a bit hard to give advice, other than you’ve done what you need to do. I would not have a non-attorney staff person email with the press or a list serve, for example.
But accidentally filing something not under seal… happens. I certainly freaked out the first time it happened! But court proceedings are public by default. I work with businesses not health stuff so my perspective might be skewed, but if something is confidential and important to the case then there’s a better than even chance that it’s going to be public even if I designate it as confidential. Confidentiality designations can be challenged, the court can sua sponte unseal stuff, or someone could mention it at a live hearing and cats out of the bag. If something is so secret that it shouldn’t be disclosed ever then arbitrate, don’t file in a public forum. I always tell clients from the beginning, anything you put before the court is at risk of disclosure.
It might take a long time to get past this, but it won’t be the end of the world. Mistakes happen. Mistakes resolve. That said, in your shoes I would not post anything more on this board or anywhere else because if a malpractice case is filed, you may have to produce whatever you say here. So far I think what you’ve said shows how seriously you are taking this.
I like today’s short sleeve sweater posted a lot, and it would fit perfectly into my closet. But is this the kind of sweater that’s going to be pilling and not well shaped after a few washes?
If it matters, I would wash on cold and dry flat. How do you know which sweaters will have longevity? I lack the education to know, but I’d like to learn.
It’s a cheap t shirt no it won’t last years
Blends never last as well – the fibers wear differently. This one is half cotton half rayon.
That is a helpful guide. Thank you!
It’s not true that blends never last as well. Often, the point of a blend is to increase the durability of a more delicate fiber. As an example, I had a BR sweater made of a silk/ viscose/ nylon blend that lasted for 20 years of frequent wear. (I still mourn that sweater, it was perfect.)
To the OP, fabrics that will hold up well usually feel substantial. If you pick up an item and it weighs less than you expected, it probably won’t be durable. You can also test it by stretching the fabric and seeing what it does. If it returns to its original shape without pouching or puckering, it’s usually better quality. If it puckers, pouches, or doesn’t spring back, it’s usually lower quality. If it’s a fabric that doesn’t stretch, like a 100% silk woven fabric, it may be high or low quality (the weight test is helpful here), but it will require more delicate care.
Thank you!
I think I know how to wash clothing well to take care of it, but I’m aware that I don’t know much about how to buy clothing that will last. As I hate to shop and prefer to wear my clothes for a long time, I’d like to figure this out.
I assume that anything inexpensive that’s described as soft/cozy/fluffy will pill fairly quickly. I don’t know if that holds true for genuine cashmere (even there, it depends on the fibers used).
Honestly, I think it’s very hard currently to figure out what sweater can be worn for years and hold up—far harder than in the (not that distant) past.
Check out Jennifer Wang on social media – this is her whole thing.
👍
I have not had great luck with this type of item even with good care, unfortunately.
I cannot speak to blends in general, but I own several colors of this sweater in the long-sleeve version and they have held up very well as long as I air dry them. I did make the mistake of putting one in the dryer and that definitely turned it into a one season purchase.
A $50 cashmere shirt? No, no way in hell it’s going to stay nice for very long.
It’s not cashmere, it’s just supposed to be soft like cashmere.
I know that there is a What to Expect book series for being pregnant and the first year and maybe birth to age 5. Is there anything for the end? When my mother was dying I felt like I built the plane as I was flying it. Now I’m in charge of dad and just dreading what may be coming my way. Does this exist?
How We Die is a classic, but there are probably also newer books that deal with more of the logistical issues, if that’s what you’re looking for?
Being Mortal by Atul Gawande? Less nuts-and-bolts than you are looking for, perhaps, but an overall approach to end of life care
It sounds like you’re looking for a logistical guide, but I found The Emperors of All Maladies helpful historical context when a parent was going through cancer, and When Breath Becomes Air a helpful philosophical read when I was going through my own health crisis.
yeah, these are not what she is looking for.
lol okay sorry for suggesting books that helped me in similar circumstances. so dumb of me.
Being Mortal by Atul Gawande. Not a practical guide, but thought provoking regarding end of life care.
I know death doulas are a thing now, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them have content on IG or YouTube.
I have not used this death doula’s services, but it could be a useful starting point: https://goingwithgrace.com/about/
Have you checked out hospice websites for checklists and the like? Those carers are so knowledgeable.
I’ve heard good things about What To Do When I’m Gone, written by a mother to her daughter.
Agree with the other comments about Being Mortal by Atul Gatawande.
I read What To Do When I’m Gone and it really didn’t resonate with me. It’s sort of like a short chick lit compilation of “funny” motherly advice with drawings.
I think the issue is that there is too much variation in health, finances/expenses, family dynamics, and local resources/laws to write a generalized guide for aging.
Childhood milestones for healthy children have a much smaller amount of variation.
It’s like the tolstoy quote “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
I’d speak with a local elder law specialist for estate planning and they can likely recommend additional local resources too.
This is a really good point. And a key thing for the pregnant and birth-to-1 crowd is to know when something is not normal and when to escalate something, and they are all in new-to-them situations.
Our local hospice had a really comprehensive booklet, counselors to explain and answer questions, a 800# hotline, many many brochures, and after death counseling. They were a wealth of knowledge, help and advice. Strongly recommended.
And, yes, absolutely to a trust!
If your family member has relationships with a CPA and/or a Financial Advisor, they offer great advice within their knowledge base. They are used to these questions and providing help and advice within the boundaries of their license/professional standards.
The phrase you may want to search for is “anticipatory grief”. While, of course, it’s different for everyone, you’re not alone.
How can I provide support in this situation? I think my mom’s partner is experiencing early signs of dementia. He’s early 70s and had significant health issues, including major surgeries, months-long hospitalization, and likely undiagnosed depression.
Over the last 3-4 months, he’s had significant bursts of anger with medical providers, which embarrasses my mom. She provides transportation to all of his many appointments and does care coordination with his insurance and the VA. He’s also pulled away in terms of being romantic with her. But yes, if he’s not well, it’s understandable he isn’t being romantic. She’s feeling more like a medical assistant or social worker than a partner. They’ve been together for decades. He did agree to have a neuropsych eval done in a few weeks because he’s been completely forgetting things like conversations and even to eat sometimes. He also told her he thinks he might be autistic.
My mom is taking everything personally and honestly, she tends to make things about her. She’s feeling rejected, but I’m really concerned he has serious memory issues that are causing personality changes. She calls me up to complain about she isn’t getting her needs met, that she’s sick of having to cook for him and take him to all these appointments. I frankly told her I think he is going downhill soon and might not have much more time left, and how would she feel cutting him off and he passes soon. She then said he’s a narcissist and avoidant (??).
I’ve known her partner for nearly 30 years. He’s a part of our family and the only granddad my kids know. It’s pretty clear to me, and my husband, that he isn’t well. We plan to visit this weekend, and I’m looking for any tips from someone who’s been in this situation. It just feels sad and messy.
Consider pointing her to support groups for people in similar situation. The Well Spouse Association provides these kinds of resources for the caregiving partners of all ages. wellspouse.org is the website.
My suggestion would be to ask her if she can focus on her health. She might benefit from seeing her GP, or a therapist, or just getting something done (like a dental cleaning) that she’s been putting off because she’s scheduling all of his appointments. Could you sign her up for things like a rideshare account so she doesn’t have to do all the driving?
Caregiver burnout is real.
For this weekend, can you take your mom out – just the two of you – for a walk, brunch, shopping, whatever it is that fills her cup as a human, not just in relation to her partner.
Probably after the neuropsych eval but maybe you could do some prep research – can you help her look into logistics & support – are there adult day programs in their area, respite care, a social worker through insurance, etc? Strongly recommend asking for a social worker consult as soon as possible from the neurologist
Are you me? I wrote in about a similar situation a few weeks ago, but I don’t remember the date. My mom doesn’t have the caregiving obligations yet but I’m sure when she does, she will have a similar attitude.
You can advise your mom about power of attorney options and also other care options. Obviously, in home care will be expensive, putting him in a home will be expensive, bonus that they’re not married so she doesn’t have to spend down her assets to get him Medicaid if needed.
Caregiver fatigue is real and also, self centered people don’t get LESS self centered when they have legitimate complaints. I say this because it can both be the case that (1) anyone in your mom’s shoes would be fatigued and need help, and (2) your mom deserves every internal eye roll coming her way because she’s being a drama llama/martyr/pick your adjective. So have some grace with her but don’t beat yourself up when you feel like she’s making it about herself.
Medication and even the after-effects of anesthesia for a couple of months, especially when you’re older, can cause changes in mood. It’s kind of surprising if he wouldn’t be having some challenges. It’s good he’s open to an eval–that means they are at least sharing his symptoms with his care team (so many folks won’t). That said, I just went through a few weeks of caring for my husband following total knee replacement surgery. I honestly was on the phone almost daily with my mom sharing how incredibly hard it was having to keep track of everything, be his driver, be ordered around to get beverages, try to get meals done, stay on top of his laundry, take out the trash, order supplies, etc. etc. It is SO darn hard when you feel like you don’t have your life to yourself and can’t just go about like you’re used to. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be doing significant caregiving over a longer period like that. I’d cut both of them some slack. Would they be open to having a meal delivery service for a bit? That took a ton of pressure off of me. Can someone regularly look after him for a few hours a week to give her a break? Are there things that can be automated that perhaps she hasn’t recognized to cut down on pressure to run errands or the like? I would focus on ways to make her day a little easier however you can right now.
It feels sad and messy because it IS sad and messy!
It sounds like you mom is coping (in part) by calling you to complain/vent. This dynamic would be very hard for me, because I HATE being vented at and dumped on. I would especially have zero tolerance for my mom doing it to me. I get practical, bottom-line, rational, and a bit tough in reaction. It’s not a good dynamic, when the person on the other end merely wants a listening ear and somewhere to release stress. If you’re at all like me — I’m sorry! This must be really hard for you, too, to have all your mom’s irrationality and stress flowing onto you.
That said . . . she’s under intense pressure. She probably could be more mature, more reasonable, more selfless. But it’s horrible to be dealing with insurance, the VA, medical appointments, surgeries, months-long hospitalizations, and the grief of seeing his decline. Especially with someone her partner’s age, when it’s really clear he’s not getting better. Her life, as she has known it for 30 years, is either substantially changing or is over, and that is crushingly hard.
I’m sorry. Both of you have my compassion.
Totally agree. Her life is changing for the worse because his life is changing for the worse. It’s hard, and it won’t get better. Her complaining/venting is also her grief in her realization that life is narrowing and becoming more difficult.
Self care, support, ‘throwing money at problems’, and taking one day at a time is helpful.
Sorry to hear all of this. One good thing – it is great he agreed to a neuropsych evaluation. This should be followed by a referral to a memory clinic / neurology OR to a geriatric psychiatrist, as necessary depending on the findings. Honestly, I would still send him to one of these two places regardless of the findings.
It is very common to have cognitive changes after late in life illness/hospitalizations/surgeries. Some of these changes will improve with time. Sometimes that is the new normal. It does NOT mean he has progressive Alzheimer’s, if that is what you are worried about.
And I am super hopeful that if his depression is treated – which can also cause memory problems/behavioral changes – you may be pleasantly surprised that he may improve dramatically. That’s what happened to my father, once we finally got his (probably lifelong…) mental illness treated in his 70s. It’s never too late.
What are some good spring/summer fragrances? Everything I wear lately feels very heavy. I do like the fig notes in Debaser… maybe something like that?
(Also, has anyone used those decanting services like Scentbird, where you can buy a smaller quantity? I only wear perfume 1-2 times a week at most so I go through it slowly.)
I like Bobbi Brown Beach for summer, along with Annick Goutal Neroli (might not be around anymore, my bottle is old) or other light florals. Perfume Posse just had a roundup of some fun green scents. I use Surrender to Chance and The Perfumed Court for samples and decants, both are reputable with strong ties to the old school perfume blog world.
Sol de Janeiro has several lovely summery scents. I wear Cheirosa 62 and it’s great if you like gourmands. They should all be available at your Sephora to try.
I haven’t tried it myself, but I’ve been eyeing the brand Vacation — they have an eau de toilette that’s supposed to smell like sunscreen. A tiny sample bottle is available on their website.
Have you tried Diptyque Philosokos? That’s the OG fig. Very green. I love it so much.
I like citrus for spring. My favorite is Guerlain Aqua Allegoria Pampelune, which is fairly easy to find cheaply because it’s been around for a long time. Total classic. Easy to wear.
Another thought is the Hermes Jardin fragrances. There are several. If you can stop by a department store fragrance counter to smell them, that would be best. I love Un Jardin sur le Nil best, but they’re all really good, and perfect for spring/warmer weather.
Scents I use regularly in warm weather are Jo Malone’s “Blackberry and Bay” and “Nectarine Blossom and Honey”, and Annick Goutal’s “Eau de Hadrien”. Stronger scent with big projection that I love but am not always up for is Creed’s “Virgin Island Water”.
Scent Split allows a very small vial size (a dabber style like department stores used to offer on promotional cards) as well as a 2 ml and a 5ML spray, which are all smaller than the Scentbird option.
I *love* Debaser and I also really like Room Service by Vilhelm, both Vacation perfumes (Vacation and Aftersun), Trench by YSL, Inis (an Irish perfume that is super fresh, bright, and just a little aquatic), Tom Ford Soleil Blanc (very summery), Christian Dior’s Dune (90s classic), Calvin Klein Escape, and the Aerin Estee Lauder special blends.
Ugh. Just hearing that Walgreens is being purchased by private equity. That’s the pharmacy my insurance prefers. Nothing good EVER happens when PE gets involved, ever.
That’s terrible news. I have noticed the one near me using more and more cardboard advertising inserts in otherwise empty shelves, and they have quit carrying several items that I buy regularly, so I did wonder if there were financial issues.
Oh no!!
Does anyone else here watch The Pitt? Last night (not a spoiler), they used O+ blood on men and women >55 (saving the O- for women <55). IDK how accurate this is, but I've read that the show is generally very accurate. IDK why this is fascinating to me this morning, but as an RH negative woman who has had her fair share of rhogam shots, I am wondering what else I don't know about blood typing and how crucial the RH status is. Does anyone know (or know what I could scroll through over lunch to learn more)?
I would make an educated guess that they would prioritize O- for women defined as childbearing age for that same reason?
My understanding is that if there are blood shortages and not enough time to type blood (e.g., a mass casualty event), the ER doctors save the Rh negative blood for women of childbearing age.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/medical-professionals/trauma/news/balancing-transfusion-needs-of-safety-and-immediacy-for-patients-with-traumatic-injury/mac-20549622
Thanks — this is fascinating!
It’s because you never truly know if someone is pregnant in an emergency.
Google it.
Because the information from random Google searches on medical issues is so notoriously accurate (see raw milk and vaccines).
The same interwebs that are making measles great again
Right but random strangers are a lot better.
I also was curious about this and know nothing about blood typing. Also, “The Pitt” has become my must-see TV every week. It is so good, the hour flies by, and Noah Wyle is an incredible actor.
Co-sign this.
I am a regular blood donor and had long thought that O- was for emergencies when they don’t have time to type you and otherwise, you got your exact type. I had never heard the phrase “O positive” in my life before and I literally didn’t realize they were important in the blood universe (sorry O+ people!).
Signed,
A-
Question for the law firm attorneys who work with in-house counsel: What habits of in-house counsel do you like and dislike? I am newly in-house from government and want to avoid being an annoying client to my outside lawyers (who are at a variety of law firm types and sizes).
I would change your mentality on this. They work for you, not vice versa. Yes, you don’t want to be annoying but the best thing you can do is give them clear directives on what you want them to do, timelines, etc. I would focus more on your internal stakeholders and their expectations around outside counsel use.
100% – they work for you.
Things that my outside counsel do that annoy me include:
– not complying with outside counsel guidelines
– not providing timely and critical updates
– making me explain to their billers how to use our ebilling system rather than communicating/controlling them
– not responding to inquiries or not meeting the timelines they set
What I do to partner effectively with my outside counsel: respond in a timely manner (based on level of importance of the ask); provide relevant updates; set reasonable expectations about response time (even if just “I won’t be able to get this to you until next week, but look for the answer then”)
+1
On this board and others recently, I’ve seen some derision of women who work in PR, especially from commenters who are lawyers. Some of it is along the lines of “that outfit would never fly at my firm, but maybe if you work in PR,” and some it is condescension about the function/role itself. Very rarely do I see this about, for example, marketing, HR, sales or product management.
So why the shade? Is it because the stereotype is that women in PR are stylish and pretty but shallow and not-smart? Or is it jealousy because we make a lot of money (low 7 figures in my successor to the Chief Communications Officer job at $200B mkt cap company), didn’t have to take out loans/spend the time for law school and have actual big jobs that can sometimes be glamorous?
What’s the deal?
I haven’t noticed that at all.
I think that on AbFab, Jennifer Saunders’ character was in PR, yes? At my state’s flagship science university, a lot of freshman quickly wash out of the engineering and other technical majors (too many problem sets, hard to pair with partying, etc.) and they become Communications majors (which is not to say that they ever work in that field).
I feel that sociology gets ragged on and after watching The Pitt, I think that social workers (not the same thing as a sociology degree) are just gems doing hard work often for little pay.
Oh, I never watched AbFab, but that makes sense.
I was a history and Classics major at a top-tier SLAC, so no firsthand perspective on comms majors.
After having a close family member go through treatment for cancer, I think social workers should be paid 3x as much as they probably are. Hospital social workers are angels on earth.
Lol. So pretty, so stylish, so WELL COMPENSATED!
They think my job is dumb because of how beautiful and well paid I am :(
I’ve never seen an anti-PR comment here, but this “all the other girls are jealous of me” post reeks of the kind of catty, not-the-smartest/mean-teen-girl stereotypes that you may worry plague your industry. Your role is viewed as less substantive / educated / meaningful / impactful than other jobs, which is why you might get certain comments implying it’s frivolous. If you like it, that’s all that matters.
I do think that we and HR, in particular, are viewed that way, even when we have a seat at the C suite table, and even when our roles essentially act as a chief of staff to the CEO. I also note that both functions tend to be heavily weighted toward women, so there’s that. If it’s all women, it can’t be that hard, right?
I don’t think this is the case. Teachers and nurses are mostly women, but no one says those are frivolous/easy jobs. I think it’s more about the type of woman you see often in PR and also about the lack of substance of the field itself. More like the bias against salespeople.
Perfect analysis!
I don’t think the outfit comments are shade at all. The legal field is more conservative than many others, so attorney workwear is more conservative than in other fields. Before the pandemic, I wore a sheath dress, a blazer, and wedge heels to the office on days I had no meetings or hearings! I switched to loafers around 2018 and it stood out at the time.
This makes sense! I think for any in-house role (PR or law), the dress code is driven more by the company culture than the function or role. In fact, my friend in Legal (deputy GC) and I have a lot of the same dresses and blazers. But if you’re comparing law firms to PR agencies, I agree that it’s a lot different. Thanks for the perspective!
I don’t read that comment as derisive at all. It’s just a statement of perceived fact about the relative dress codes of the workplaces.
Your post, on the other hand, is in fact derisive.
Yes, OP is describing comments about workplace attire / office culture, not respectability of a field. Her post here, however, is extremely cruel and far worse than anything I’ve seen about PR.
PR people make low 7 figures! damn i did not know that.
when i was young PR and marketing were where you went if you couldn’t hack it doing whatever the company actually did.
Yeah, basically everyone I know who went into PR was not the smartest. Lower barrier to entry, less difficult to climb the ranks.
You’re right. It’s because everybody hates you because you’re pretty and rich.
Gosh you’re so smart and pretty and rich! Too bad you don’t actually contribute to society
+1,000. It’s viewed as a frivolous job because it IS a frivolous job. That’s okay, but don’t get mad at people for not respecting you the way they would a doctor or lawyer.
How is a Big Law lawyer contributing to society outside of the minimal pro bono work? Or the GC of a major corporation?
I have no idea why some of you are on a page for professional women when you really, really hate professionals in general.
You seem to be proving the OP’s point — jealous shrew. This board is such a c!rcle j3rk for Big Law lawyers to tell themselves how impressive they are to make up for their sad little lives.
Amazing that you recognize that! You are welcome to find another board for people like yourself, where you can trash other women’s careers to your little heart’s content.
You are obviously OP. Lol. You are a mean person.
I promise I’m not jealous. I make the world a better place and I’m proud of that.
OP if you’re going to pretend to be multiple people you might want to stop using em dashes, lol. So obvious.
Are you the poster who previously posted about screaming at her boyfriend who worked in Investment Banking in front of his friends at a party because he had less time for you once he started working? And everyone said you were completely out of control emotionally? If so, it is interesting to see such a lack of emotional growth over the course of a decade haha.
Hahahaha — no. I’ve seen a lot of finance memes about the PR/Marketing girl with the IB boyfriend, but I can assure you that that is not me. My husband works in the same industry as I do but in a different function. I work longer hours/travel more than he does, but he’s never screamed at me about not having time for him. The worst part is that the dog loves him more because he’s home more.
No, I remember the post. It was the same cadence and same career trajectory. You lost it at your boyfriend at the time (a guy in I-Banking), and screamed at him in front of his friends at a party. You came to the board for support and everyone affirmed you seemed emotionally abusive.
One tell it was the same poster is the em dashes. Very unusual for someone to have the same diction and weird punctuation.
Amazing catch! Just went back and found those posts – tons of em-dashes. Her handle at the time was “It’s Me Again…” A really wild saga of posts (I think a four-part series) if you want some fun reading.
Lol. If you’re trying to do PR for PR, it’s not a good look.
Yeah, it seems OP posted to inform the board of a seven figure salary which made me dislike OP so not a very successful PR move in my eyes.