ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 159 Comments

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Gates Wool & Silk Crepe Trousers

A woman wearing light blue pants and black platform slides

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

These icy blue trousers from Lafayette 148 New York would be a gorgeous look for winter but will also transition nicely to spring and summer. For winter, I’d pair them with a black turtleneck and loafers or an ivory blouse and navy blazer. Come spring/summer, I’d add a flowered top in a coordinating pastel palette or a white blazer.

The pants are $898 at Nordstrom and come in sizes 0–18.

Sales of note for 12.5

159 Comments

  1. My mother in laws are driving me around the bend. How long can I prolonged a wholly unnecessary midday library trip? It’s snowed, maybe I’ve fallen into a snow bank. We are working today and MIL2 told my husband he couldn’t use his office (spare room) until after 9, and then turfed him out for a call, then sat outside my office on a speaker phone full volume call. After complaining about the weather, crumpets being in sufficiently toasted and making a huge deal about how I appropriately parented my misbehaving child (matter of fact removal from the aggravating situation, a chat about behaviour, and a cuddle). He’s terribly polite and won’t say anything, and I’m biting my tongue so hard it’s bleeding. 18 more hours.

    2. The library needed help shoveling the sidewalk, and you didn’t want to leave it to the lovely elderly librarian? Then you of course needed to have tea with her.

      1. She keeps having calls on speaker phone! Apparently holding them to your ear is bad for you…. Why is she here if she’s on the phone the whole time?
        T and I walked to the library, then I led him in a rousing chant of “hot chocolate, hot chocolate!” when I heard her on a call. Fully appreciate I’m BEC at this point, but my goodness… we’ve been bankrupting ourselves keeping the heat at temperatures where they don’t go and dramatically put gloves on, working around their leisurely soaks in the bath, and providing 3 full meals. It’s a visit to your grandchild, not a spa weekend.

    3. Commiseration. I’ve had similar visits and… you need time to recover on the other side. I default to a lot of really hard ‘training’ runs and making myself ‘so busy’.

      If you want a laugh, when dealing with similarly difficult visitors, one day I just decided that I was going to move my evening cocktail early. FWIW, I avoid alcohol on weekdays and generally drink a single cocktail or glass of wine on Friday and Saturday evenings, preferably while cooking or playing cards with my husband. One day I decided to pour a single glass of white wine as I was cleaning up from a lunch that they insulted several ways along with insulting my parenting, housekeeping skills, and the fact that I made too much money (I work in government?.). I remember staring out the window and wondering what they would do if I just… drove. Instead, I decided to stand in my kitchen alone, looking out the window with a small glass of cold chardonnay and remind myself that jail has too much fluorescent lighting.

      WELL, they pulled my husband aside and told him they were ‘very concerned’ about my drinking. It was the second alcoholic beverage they had seen me drink (the only other was a glass of wine with dinner the prior night). Husband shut them down, but… they also brought it up to me directly! And tied it to an alcoholic who hurt me deeply in childhood! And literally… I was so frustrated I physically saw red.

      I’m terribly sorry to inform you that we just… have too many kids to comfortably host them as guests! Oh, the kids would wake you up at 3AM?!

      1. Oh my goodness! They came right after I had a baby. We were living in a 2 bed, 1 bath, and they spent 90 minutes in the bath while I contemplated whether I’d have to wee in a bucket…

        1. Our house is bigger, but it’s still only 1000 square feet so 2 extra people who don’t seem super aware of their use of space is HARD! But it would cause a family feud if we suggested a hotel.

          2. I mean, I travel 30% of the time. I should have realised how annoying having both of them would be (MIL1 is fine on her own) and said “Oop, bad luck, I’ve got meetings in work city…”

    4. Hmm. When my mother comes to visit it is her vacation, the only one she ever gets. It is my pleasure and privilege to be able to cook for her and let her put her feet up.

      Since you don’t get along with your MILs and they hog the bathroom, why not put them at a hotel?

      1. Oh, yay for you!!! Come on everyone, let’s clap enthusiastically for Anonymous at 12:39 who is a much better daughter/daughter-in-law than the rest of us and just smugly told us so!!

        Anonymous, you truly are an inspiration – of how not to be to other human beings. Get real. Wake up to yourself.

      2. Um… it’s probably a “know your family and family history” type thing, not any kind of smugness.
        I’ve been struggling this week with my father treating our house like a hotel, and Anon @ 12:39, your words were just the right compassionate framing I needed to get through this visit. The vitriol is undeserved.

        1. Thanks for this reframing. I read it the way Anon@2:03PM did, but you helped me see good intentions. I still think it would drive me absolutely batty if family behaved the way Cb’s is in a small space, but I understand better where this poster was coming from now.

      3. Dad wasn’t crazy about taking Grandma Trudy into our home years ago because of her IBS, so he had an extra bathroom built off of Rosa’s room. So when she moved in, she had exclusive use of that toilet, and that made life easier on Dad, who has his own issues and need to use the toilet on very short notice.

      4. Do you have young kids? When grandparents visit their adult children with young kids they don’t normally expect to “put their feet up.” Depending on their age and activity level and their interest, they might or might not be helping with the grandkids, but even if they’re not they understand their kids’ primary caregiving obligation is to their own children. This is true even for my friends whose cultures put much more emphasis on deference to the older generation than generic white American culture does.

  2. I grew up in a very evangelical environment where we did devotionals every day. I left the church once I left home and consider myself very agsnostic, but I really like the idea of having a brief reading or topic to ponder and medidate on daily. Is there a healthy secular version of devotionals anywhere?

    1. I haven’t read it yet, but a lot of people seem to like the Daily Stoic. I’d take a look at things labeled guided journals. A lot of them will focus on gratitude, but i have seen other topics.

    2. I like Kate Bowler’s work. She is Christian but it is not over the top usually (I’m Unitarian). She has books plus does blessings on instagram and she does ebook things around advent and lent.

    4. Check out Geez magazine. It is Christian, but not in the manner you grew up. I consider myself a cultural Christian and it resonates with me. Like you, I appreciate certain aspects of my upbringing but recognize all the ways it fell short.

      1. she asked for secular option to account for the very real harm evangelism caused her and you gave her another religious option. This is why people don’t like christians.

      2. “I consider myself a cultural Christian and it resonates with me.” Stop there. Full stop. OP has already stated she is not a Christian.

    5. What about poetry? Poetry Foundation has a poem of the day that you can subscribe to, or you could pick up anthologies or books to work your way through. On Being’s website might also point in some interesting directions.

      Also seconding the recommendation above for Kate Bowler – I’m Jewish and she resonates with me even though we come from very different traditions.

    6. I like reading poems for this. Mary Oliver, etc. I also sometimes get a lot out of a writer Yung Pueblo. You might like the podcast ‘Poetry Unbound’ if you’re open to the poetry option.

      1. +1 to Mary Oliver. She is my go-to for these (and her anthology is actually called Devotions!). Her poetry is very often about marveling at nature, and I find it very helpful for medication and level-setting for my day.

    7. I really like the Calm app’s Daily Calm. It’s a short 15 guided mindfulness / meditation that’s secular and very easy to follow. Today’s was reflecting on the contributions you’ve made to the world for example. Might not be robust / long enough for what you’re looking for, but I find it a really nice moment of reflection.

    8. It’s funny you posted this today. I was going through some books of my Mom’s (she had 100s … thousands really….) and I found a book that someone had given her… “Mediations for Women who do too Much”. It is one quote per day (usually a famous person or intellectual or ?), with a short accompanying discussion and ends with a point/thought about the topic. I found it last night and put it on my nightstand, and thought I’d check it out for a bit… a way to end or start my days.

      I don’t know how good it is, honestly! Got a lot of stars on Amazon, but that doesn’t say much.

  3. We are planning a trip to Yellowstone/Grand Teton the last week of August and have a 2 day reservation at Canyon Lodge hotel (tentatively). Please give me suggestions (or things to avoid) for guided trails/hikes and hotels or travel itineraries for the area. We plan to be there for a week. We don’t camp but enjoy hiking/nature. We have two girls 9 and 11. Thanks!

    1. Yes please! We are going to old faithful inn and canyon lodge in June (with our 8 and 10 year olds). Would love Yellowstone advice!

    2. I’ve taken kids to Y/GT several times, so what follows is a pile of random tips. Do not be afraid to take kids on that age on long hikes; we took ours on an 8-mile hike that started from the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone, into the back country, which we knew because we came across a sign, “Entering Yellowstone Back Country.” Biggest tip is to get out of your car and away from parking areas. To break up the hikes, you can rent bikes at Dornan’s in GT and ride a long, flat road through the park. Rent canoes at Jenny Lake in GTNP (and elsewhere; that is just where we went). We rented 4 wheelers in West Yellowstone for a day and had a great time on trails on NFS land with teen boys, but plenty of families did so with younger kids as well. You aren’t going for the food; it is pretty terrible everywhere, so stock up on healthy snacks before you get to the parks. Check the schedule for ranger talks; we went to every one we could and were never disappointed. If your kids will get up early, you will beat the crowds and see the most wildlife. You can whitewater raft out of West Yellowstone, down the Gallatin River which is where A River Runs Through It was filmed. If anyone is interested in fly fishing, there are tons of outfitters who will give you all a lesson and rent equipment. Will come back as I think of more.

        1. A guide. There are multiple outfitters in West Yellowstone and the other gateway towns. The Gallatin actually has rapids. The–Snake, maybe?-whatever is on the Jackson side of GTNP looks like more of a float trip. It might be rougher in the parts I have not seen, but my impression was that the rapids were all on the West Yellowstone side.

    3. Wonderful trip for girls that age. I loved staying at the Colter Bay Lodges with family when I was young.

      Highly recommend treks around Jenny lake!

    4. Make dinner reservations as far in advance as possible. The the desirable times fill up fast and if by chance there are any openings it will be at something like 4:15 or 8:45. We did the 4:15 sitting a couple of times and it’s actually not bad, especially if you only had a snack for lunch. You can visit some of busier sights after dinner. It will still be light out at that time of year.

      A lot of the simple, easy hikes are great. I wish we had done more of them!

  4. I work as a marketing writer and editor at a corporation. Two managers have mentioned using AI instead of writers a couple times, and the CEO has said that our competitors are using technology rather than off-shoring talent to save money. Our company is always looking to cut costs. I know there will be a need for editors and content strategists whether or not the writing is done by AI, but I still feel like this trend devalues my skills overall and is worrying to me. Does anyone else have experience with the use of AI in their jobs or know a lot about how this technology works?

    1. Generative AI is so new that for almost anyone, our experience is going to be slim. The best thing you can do is become an expert in how to leverage generative AI to enhance your job, not replace it. I saw an article recently on how reporters can use generative AI to improve their writing by asking it to summarize what they’ve written, or restate it using similar but fewer words. Start researching and thinking creatively. Get an account on ChatGPT and start experimenting. You got this!

    2. I worry about this. Not because the AI is so great but because it’s capabilities and limitations are so misunderstood by non content people. I am a content director at an agency (15+ years in editor and writer positions). My boss had me try out Jasper last year (so paid AI built specifically for writing–truly one of the best out there). It did a pretty good job with social ad copy (although the platforms already are doing that pretty well anyway with all of the response ad suggestions). But it took a lot of work to use for longer form. I think there is a misconception that all it takes is asking a query or two. It was very time-consuming to shape queries and what I got back was good but needed careful watching and fixing. I think it works really well as an aid to writing but not replacement. Biggest difference to me was that a lot of “facts” don’t get specific or supported. You also won’t get anything with real thought leadership behind it the way a subject matter expert interview (quoted) will. Google’s latest algorithm update (the one on helpful content written by people for people) will hopefully reward more originality and this thought leadership angle. I weep not only for our profession but for anyone consuming content on the internet otherwise.

    3. I think your concerns about AI are legitimate, but that Chat GPT specifically shouldn’t worry you so much. I encourage you to sign up and check it out. Chat GPT puts out rudimentary writing AT BEST. I find it useful when I have writer’s block to just throw up a paragraph – it’s so much easier to edit from something than from nothing, and chat GPT is like if someone gives you a raw chicken and then you yourself make a meal with potatoes and a side salad. No one eats raw chicken.

    4. My industry has started to implement this the last few years and it has been worrying me too. I’m not a full on writer, but writing is a component of my job. I work in banking and after reviewing an account, I would have to write up a summary. They have developed AI to do both. I have since transitioned to a different segment of banking.

    5. I’m a marketing writer (for a university) and I don’t worry about this at all. I feel like there’s a lot of creativity required for my role that AI couldn’t duplicate. But also I wouldn’t be devastated if I lost my career. I’ll be an empty nester in just over 10 years and would love to find a travel heavy job so I can rack up the airline and hotel points and my current job has zero travel. Willing to go back to school/retrain to get into that career.

      1. Wait until you see what the job market looks like when you’re older and inexperienced and looking for employment.

      2. If you want more travel and don’t need your income to be steady, it seems like a second career in sales might work well for your circumstances and interests.

        1. The problem is I’m reserved and introverted and don’t have a stereotypically “sales-y” personality. Personality wise I’m much better suited to writing.

    6. It’s trending in news stories but isn’t very good. NYT is running stories on it if you want to read about it more.

    7. Sigh, it’s the latest shiny object, but it’s not going to kill the human skills and jobs.

      Your bigger worry about the mentality around AI devaluing your skills is a much more relevant concern than it ACTUALLY taking your job. I remember when Marketo and Hubspot were the hottest new thing, and everyone thought that marketing automation systems would replace all marketers.

      Turns out, those systems require A LOT of human management to be useful. There’s entire roles and certifications and conferences dedicated to the people who have skills implementing, managing, and improving these tools.

      I think it’s the same thing with all the AI-assisted writing tools. They are regurgitating the content that already exists. There’s no new “thinking” from these tools, there’s no fact-checking, there’s no opinions. Just re-wording of the existing information on the internet. And that’s great for some use cases! Need a workout program? Sure, ChatGPT can regurgitate one. Need a summary of a 10,000-word white paper? Great! AI can summarize it for you.

      All the new thinking and informed opinions come from people, not computers. I think that’s the key to get your bosses to understand, the AI doesn’t replace employees, it’s a tool that they can use.

      1. Frankly, having your job be devalued is just as big of a concern as losing it, so OP is not wrong to worry.

    8. Why don’t you just try it out and see what you think?

      I know people who have been using dedicated tools for autogenerating marketing copy for years now, so I know it’s being used.

  5. Caribbean island advice needed. We normally do the all inclusive thing but looking to do something different for a trip next winter. If we’re leaving the hotel every time we need to eat, we want to be on a very safe island and to be able to stay in a beachfront hotel that’s a short walk from numerous restaurants. Good snorkeling and nonstop United flights to Chicago or Newark are a plus but not required. It seems like St Martin fits the bill but I’m curious what other islands this well-traveled group would recommend.

    1. Anguilla. Stay on Meads Bay. It’s not nonstop from the US (unless you live in Miami), but American flies daily in season. It’s also a 20 min ferry or 5 min flight from SXM.

      1. If you go with St. Martin, by the way, you do not want to stay on the Dutch side unless you just love swarms of cruisers and US chains.

      2. Sorry, we are beach bums, so here’s a few more thoughts and now I’ll get back to work lol-
        -If you pick St. Martin I’d suggest staying on Grand Case for ease of walking to French dining, but if you stay more than a long weekend you’d want a car to explore a bit
        -Turks & Caicos gets some random bad press for crime, but there are a bunch of high end resorts clustered near each other on Providenciales, and there’s usually a lot of nonstop flights from the east coast anyway.

        1. Thanks! We were definitely looking at the French side. Should have mentioned that we’ve been to Turks and Caicos a bunch so not there (although it’s very nice) and I don’t love Puerto Rico so not there either.

      3. Coming back to say do you have any specific hotel/resort recs on Anguilla or St Martin? The Four Seasons is not in our budget.

        1. St. Martin – Bleu Emeraude.

          Anguilla – basically anything on Meads is nice! We stayed at Frangipani which is in the middle and easy walking to many great restaurants. We just looked into it for a return stay and it was 100% booked for our dates, so check early if that appeals! Other midrange options nearby were Turtles Nest and Bella Blu (I think part of the same complex), and Carimar. The Malliouhana (sp?) resort on the other end of the beach was beautiful though I have no clue as to price point.

    2. Aruba! The beaches are amazing on Baby beach and Eagle beach (more south on the island versus the north with the Marriott/Hyatts), super safe, direct flights.

      Alternatively, check out the Mayakoba – not directly in the Caribbean but near Cancun, a gated 500+ acre of lagoons, beaches, golf course, etc with 4 major resorts (Fairmont, Andaz, Banyan Tree, Rosewood). There are all inclusives but you can also dine at anywhere within the resort complex.

    3. Dad wasn’t crazy about taking Grandma Trudy into our home years ago because of her IBS, so he had an extra bathroom built off of Rosa’s room. So when she moved in, she had exclusive use of that toilet, and that made life easier on Dad, who has his own issues and need to use the toilet on very short notice.

  6. Please give me advice about serving on a corporate board of directors. My goal this year is to transition from non-profit board service to corporate board service.

    I have been doing the following for a couple years:
    – board profile (as opposed to resume) developed with professionals
    – “board bootcamp” course
    – joined two groups (BoardNext and Forum for Corporate Directors) for educational and networking events
    – connecting with as many board recruitment firms as possible so that I am in their databases
    – telling everyone I know that I am interested

    What else do you recommend? What worked for you?

    I know I can contribute a lot and that companies will benefit from my expertise, but I am not having success breaking into it.

    Thanks.

    1. Honestly what’s your level at your company? Most aren’t interested in non-C suite and even then very high in the pecking order. I’d focus on getting there first, then worry about for-profit boards.

      1. This may still work for her, even if she is not at a C-suite level herself. If she is mid-career and attractive, she can get on the governance committee on Fortune 1000 companies, particularly in California, where women directors are very much in demand. If I were not happy at my firm, I would become a director at a few public companies and then just go to board meetings and collect about $600K / year, which would be less hours for me and more prestige. Dad wants me to consider some Aerospace companies he’s friends with the management with, but I told him I do not want my tuchus pinched just b/c I am a director.

  7. Trying to get an idea on how much money to give as a wedding gift for a good friend’s daughter. We attended the wedding, which was very nice and had about 100 guests in a mid-sized SE city. It’s been years since I’ve been to a wedding and not sure of the norm for cash gifts. Anyone have any suggestions?

      1. $100 per person is the norm. If you went with your spouse, give her $200 together with a nice card.

      1. interesting! In 2019, no one gave us this much except our parents and one very wealthy family friend. Most were between $100 and $200.

        2. yeah I got called a cheapskate here for saying we give most people $100, but in our circles that’s the norm unless you’re very close.

    3. I just got married, and cash gifts were typically $150, some smaller, except for a couple large ones from family.

  8. I know this topic got attention here, so I thought I would share the following, from the newsletter Weight And Healthcare (which I highly recommend to people interested in the subject):

    “Serious Issues With the American Academy of Pediatrics Guidelines For Higher-Weight Children and Adolescents” (link to follow)

    It’s long, and I’m sure some people will be highly skeptical and not read it, but I will just say this:

    –She is NOT talking about treatment of diabetes or other chronic diseases. The guidelines are targeting children/teens based on their BMI alone, with *no other indicators or symptoms required for a diagnosis of obesity.* Of course chronic illness is worth preventing and treating, but the guidelines classify people as chronically ill, again, based on the sole factor of BMI– nothing else.
    –The standards themselves admit that long-term intentional weight loss rarely succeeds, so they use short timelines for all of their studies and acknowledge that weight cycling is basically inevitable. Weight cycling, unlike high BMI, is demonstrably causal to bad health outcomes in a highly predictable way. In other words, kids who might have been healthy at a permanent high weight are being encouraged into weight cycling, which is objectively unhealthy based on actual symptom measures over time.
    –There are substantial conflicts of interest that were not disclosed, which is an ethical violation but not illegal. Such undisclosed conflicts of interest are absolutely rampant in this field, and nobody can really do anything about it except identify it, as she does in a separate linked article. It would be up to journals or the professional associations to do any kind of enforcement on this.

    I imagine this will be an unpopular post, but I hope some people will at least consider the article and the newsletter.

    2. Not sure why this would be unpopular.

      My unpopular opinion is that weight loss rarely succeeds because the standards are whacked. “Lose no more than 1-2 pounds per week” makes it sound like a 500-1000 calorie deficit per day is realistic and not going to a) be completely miserable and b) throw your body into starvation mode. The people I know who have successfully lost weight long term have lost more like 1-2 pounds per month, tops. Many lose a pound every other month; it just adds up over the course of a few years.

      I have also seen that we encourage teenagers to get to their “goal weight” and maintain that, which for many people involves eating only about 1,000 calories a day. We don’t encourage them to get some more exercise and see where that leads in a few years. We don’t talk to them about how some weight gain is a normal and necessary part of maturation. We don’t have a whole lot of amateur sports – it’s all “Aiden started playing baseball at age 5 and is on the travel team and goes to other states,” which means the would-be mediocre athletes are sitting on the couch.

      1. I anticipated it being unpopular because my comments here advocating weight-neutral health care usually are. (Weight-neutral health care means focusing only on treating medical symptoms, regardless of weight, rather than targeting a patient’s weight as a problem or disease in itself absent any medical symptoms.) There was also a thread after the guidelines were published in which all commenters welcomed the guidelines and praised them for being accurate and helpful.

        2. Obesity is a medical symptom. Just like anorexia is. This whole post has very anti-vax vibes. Like you either trust the thousands of doctors who make up the AAP or not. I do. It’s not like the advice is unique or revolution. Balanced eating, limiting alcohol, not smoking, and non- sedentary lifestyle is preventative for a whole host of issues. You can treat the problem afterwards like treating a smoker for lung cancer or you can avoid the problem to bring with. And no, I’m not ‘skinny’ and no, I don’t obsess over my weight or that of others, but I also recognize that public health guidelines are going to work for the majority of people the majority of the time. General advice is for the general population – there will always be exceptional cases or special circumstances. Not every smoker will get lung cancer, not every obese person will get diabetes but that doesn’t mean stopping smoking or maintain a healthy weight is bad advice.

          1. If obesity is a symptom, can we start diagnosing and treating the underlying conditions?

          2. The guidelines are about medication and surgery to treat high weight only in children and adolescents–they are not about “Balanced eating, limiting alcohol, not smoking, and non- sedentary lifestyle is preventative for a whole host of issues” and are not referring to adults.

            Categorizaton of high weight as a symptom in and of itself is not scientifically supported.

            I am a pro-vaccine mid-level licensed medical provider.

          3. @1:49 – Yes! This describes weight-neutral health care, where treatment targets an actual disease rather than just prescribing weight loss as a goal in itself regardless of what’s actually going on.

          4. Well, the underlying conditions for obesity are generally consuming more calories than one expends, treatment of which involves eating less and moving more. But saying this seems to anger people around here, so I’m not sure what else healthcare practitioners should do.

            I know someone will say, It’s not as simple as calories in, calories out, but for most people it is. Which is not to say it’s easy to change that balance – it’s really, really hard. But most overweight people do not have some weird metabolic condition that causes them to gain weight in the face of a calorie deficit.

            To be sure, there are some conditions like PCOS and others that can cause people to gain weight, but for the vast majority of people, it’s likely a matter of eating less and moving more.

          5. PolyD, I’m not sure if you were responding to me, but if so I don’t understand how your comment relates to what I have posted.

          6. I thought they’d done studies on caloric intake and found that they feed healthy people more without them gaining weight, and make people move more without them losing weight.

            I also that thought being overweight or even just over the edge into obesity wasn’t nearly as big a health concern if it wasn’t the result of “some weird metabolic condition.”

            Re. “weird”… Do you have any idea how common metabolic conditions are? CDC estimates 1 in 3 adult Americans have prediabetes if not diabetes. So if “weird” means “unusual,” I think you’re just factually wrong.

          7. Yes, this is generally true.

            And for good health – and management of obesity related medical issues – it is pretty key to include optimizing sleep, stress management, and treating mental health/eating disorders (which are so so common and undertreated).

    3. Thanks, Monday. I’m not a child, but I’m personally struggling with my new weight set point, and I value my doctor’s approach of treating symptoms and not weight itself. That way, we focus on anxiety and energy and such and not weight loss.

      1. This is very good. Thanks for sharing.

        I wish more doctors spent the time doing what your doctor is doing.

        1. “Spending the time” is a huge part of the issue here. Honestly every level of our cultural misperceptions about weight involves people who aren’t willing to spend the time: scrutinizing studies, questioning assumptions, looking at their own patients’ actual effing health indicators (for tests they ordered and billed for) or listening to patients’ actual effing answers to questions (which they asked and were supposed to document).

          1. I was the poster you were responding to.

            Unfortunately, spending the time to ask about mental health/sleep/anxiety/energy and treat accordingly are harder to do in a routine yearly physical with a primary care doctor, when appointments are getting shorter and shorter. If you are lucky enough to have a good PCP (which can be hard to find….), I started to realize I should check in a couple of times a year instead of my once a year physical. Because there really isn’t enough time to do everything, all in one appointment. And I have to put it upon myself to follow-up, if/when the doctors don’t.

            Honestly, no one is going to care as much about you, as you do.

  9. Has anyone used any successful strategies to pay off credit card debt? Or, also useful, used any methods that they had bad experiences with? Right now, just trying to eliminate the highest-interest debt first. This year brought unexpected taxes, extra healthcare costs, and my wedding (!) so mow trying to play catch up. I’m not a high earner like some others here, so this will probably be a longer-term project.

    1. Highly recommend the snowball method.

      Working on the base premise that you have $X to spend each month on all your credit cards – put them all in a spreadsheet and line out each card’s balance and APR. Start by paying all cards the minimum payments, with the exception of the highest interest card. Everything you have left, you’re going to use to pay off that highest interest credit card. Once you’ve paid that one off, keep going down the list.

      I have personally found the envelope method – physical cash, in envelopes – was really helpful when I was on a very tight budget. Good luck! The only way out is through!

      1. Another alternative is to pay off the smallest balance first then work your way up. Paying off a smaller balance gives you more immediate satisfaction and results, which is helpful when you have a long way to go.

          1. Either one is the snowball method if you add the amount you were paying to the first debt to the next in line once you pay it off. The point is that the principle payments get bigger over time, like a snowball.

    2. Ignore this if it doesn’t work with your life: can you pick up a side gig? If that creates bigger problems in your life (interferes with your job), ignore. But even “only” an extra $100 a week (think, babysitting on Friday or Saturday night) would really help to knock that debt down, especially if it’s high interest credit card debt.

      1. Yes, this has been on my to-do list. I actually have connections in a fancy neighborhood for babysitting, which I’ve done in the past, so thanks for the reminder!

    3. I had a lot of success by getting a new 0% interst card, transferring balances, and paying it off before the introductory rate ended. HOWEVER, success with this method depends on (a) no new purchases on the cards and (b) whatever got your into this position no longer being a factor. I ran up my credit cards during a long period of un/under employment during the recession. Granted, not all the purchases were necessities and there were definitely some bad choices in there. But, once I had a full time job I made a budget that included debt payments and I stuck to it. I was lucky I didn’t have any major emergencies for a few years so I was able to do this. I realize I might sound preachy or condescending, please know I’m not judging or intending to talk down to you. I’m just trying to say you have to know yourself and also be realistic about what you will be able to follow through on. Don’t go out and get a new credit card if you think you’ll just keep adding debt to your load.

      1. I actually did this with some of my balances, but there were some additional expenses after the balance transfer (ugh), leading me to my current position. Appreciate the consideration of your response. I was making a lot more emotional (vs logical) purchases pre-wedding, in addition to the health/underemployment expenses. Now that both of those issue have passed, I can be a lot more thoughtful and less impulsive. I also, just mentally, HATE having this large CC balance, which is a huge motivator.

        1. I don’t want you to feel like your being piled on – money is so emotional anyway. FYI: If you made emotional purchases pre-wedding, beware that if you have kids, those same emotional buttons are going to get pushed and get pushed hard.

          Those buttons will get pushed by people around you, who will ask when you’re trading in your sedan for a new SUV (Baby needs it), your two bedroom for a big house (ditto), and when you’re going to cut back at work or quit entirely (ditto). If you’re a working parent, surely you’re going to get a nanny and Montessori and all that! And you will be pregnant so you’ll be exhausted and have no bandwidth.

    4. DH and I paid off significant credit card debt (like, 4 times our annual income) while young and broke (at that point we were acutely aware of federal poverty level income because it was relevant). We are both very logical and disciplined when we need to be, so we attacked the highest interest first because that would ultimately cost us less overall. Paid the minimum possible on all others, dumped anything and everything extra into the highest one until it was gone, then moved on to the next highest and repeated that until we were out of debt. Not exciting, not magical, but it got the job done. We did meticulously watch our budget and made efforts to build a rainy day cushion so we didn’t end up in a worse situation should we have car problems or an unexpected medical bill, but other than that we lived very frugally for several years. Hustled at side gigs, tracked our spending and minimized costs as much as possible.

    5. I had about 20K in credit card debt and used a “debt management program”. It’s a nonprofit org; they put me on a five-year plan (it sounds longer than it feels) where I paid like $400 a month. This included a monthly $50 fee to them, but it was thousands less than doing it on my own, no matter how you slice it. They negotiated with the cc companies to drastically lower the interest rates, closed the accounts, and then managed the payments. You can always pay extra. I made less thank 50k at the time. I am very pleased I used this method and really recommend it!

      1. This is great! I may want to go this route myself – which program did you use? (In the meantime, I’ll do a Google…)

  10. I asked last week about outfits for a date at the drive-in, just reporting back that I went with jeans and cute new sweater, and the date was excellent. We’re only a few dates in so trying not to get ahead of myself, but I’m really excited about this one.

      1. Sort of a chunky knit in a flattering cropped shape, so it was cozy without being too bulky or overwhelming.

  11. I’ve never used Poshmark before and I’m overthinking it. Can I use any random referral code (user name?) from the internet or does it somehow link me to them? Does the credit from the referral code come from the seller’s profit? Thanks!

    2. Credit from referral code comes from Poshmark not the seller. You can use it on anything. I can send you a code if you want to post a burner email.

  12. I just spent five hours on the web, chat, and phone with our TV/internet service provider getting them to remove an erroneous charge for rental equipment we don’t have and then fix the connection they broke when fixing the bill. This is why monopolies are bad.

        1. well no, but YouTube TV + 300 mbps Fios for us is about $120 per month, and we have had zero problems with billing or reliability.

          2. maybe the internet price alone + YouTube TV is still better than what the OP is getting? No need to use A Tone.

    3. Xfinity? I hate them soo much. They raise our bill significantly every few months and there’s nothing we can do about it because they have a monopoly.

      3. You can stream. It was worked very well for us. We bought a Roku for like $40 when our old semi-smart TV wasn’t up to the task. Now we have a better TV with Roku built in. (It’s a Roku TV)

          3. The great thing about streaming is you can turn it on and off and only pay for the months you want. My husband is a hockey fan so we only need it during hockey season.

        2. You can’t stream without Xfinity when it is the only internet service provider.

          1. so we used to be Comcast cable & internet and the bundle was like $120 Back In The Day. Over the years it inched up to like $200+ for the exact same thing. Comcast internet alone in my area is $80 and YouTube TV is $80. So, still a net win even without the $50 Fios. Just encouraging the OP to consider going “internet only” (even if internet is still irritating monopoly pricing) and nixing the cable.

    4. So many people are missing what I suspect is OP’s point. Yes – there are multiple options for content. They basically all depend on good internet.

      Where I live – as in many, many other places – I have exactly ONE option for internet strong enough to support streaming. And that is by no means unusual.

    5. Keep your eyes open for new internet alternatives. Two cell phone providers (T Mobile and Verizon) in our area are now offering internet for a flat $50/month. I got one of them and fired Comcast a few days into my free trial. It is plenty fast and more reliable. Some other options were not in our area yet (AT&T Fiber comes up to 2 houses up the street from me), and another one that I can’t remember the name of is rolling out city-by-city. If you can get internet, you can stream everything and come out ahead. I am pretty sure I know the piece of equipment you’re talking about. We got one unsolicited when we opened our account, never used it, so it was nowhere to be found when we canceled. THEN they started charging us for it. It is such a scam.

  13. I’ve been in therapy for over a year now and have realized that what I need is someone who works a lot with high strung high achievers as a lot of my issue are related to that and I don’t think my current therapist and I jive well. Any recommendations for folks? I’m in houston but can do virtual anywhere. bonus points if they take Cigna insurance.

      1. I’m a high strung achiever (not as much as when I was younger, but still…) and I loved Lance Tango in Pasadena. He does Zoom sessions if you’re not local.

    2. I don’t have a specific therapist for you, but I was you and found a great CBT therapist who helped me individually and then put me in with a group of high strung high achievers and that group therapy was also very valuable. May be look for a CBT therapist?

    3. Stephanie Dalness – based in PA but does virtual sessions. Very reasonable rates if paying out of pocket.

      I would describe myself and my issues similarly and she’s the best therapist I’ve had. Really helped me with my issues. Is strong with CBT but also uses other methods if you’d prefer something else.

  14. Heading to Acadia in September for 1 week. Appreciate any insights, suggestions as this will be our first time. Planning to stay in Seal Harbor area with close proximity to park entrance and carriage roads, but open to suggestions. We love beach, biking, hiking, fishing, visiting small towns and markets. I think we will love it:)

    1. Get a reservation for lunch at Jordan Pond House and have the popovers. The view from the lawn is beautiful. If you want to bike in the park, get reservations for bikes ahead of time. Rentals are more limited now post-Covid. Make reservations for Cadillac Mountain – times open 30 days in advance.

      1. please tell me about the reservation for Cadillac mountain…we are coming in September after Labor Day….also bringing our bikes, do we need to reserve something for those too? How does the park pass work please? Thank you for your helpful input.:)

        1. You’ll need a reservation for Cadillac Mountain in September. It’s usually June to October that reservations are required. (FYI September and October are very much high season in Acadia because of the great fall weather and fall foliage. It’s not *as* busy as summer, when kids are out of school and families swarm the park, but it’s still very crowded and you will not have the place to yourselves by any means.) You’ll want to get Cadillac reservations two days before, that’s when the bulk of them go on sale. https://www.nps.gov/acad/planyourvisit/vehicle_reservations.htm.
          It’s $6 and separate from your park admission fee. I also really like hiking up (North Face trail is easy and gentle) but it depends on how you feel about hiking somewhere and seeing a bunch of people who drove there. My mom hates that, but I don’t mind it.

    2. We LOVE the Claremont hotel in Southwest Harbor but it became very expensive a couple of years ago after a massive (and gorgeous) renovation. But it would be a great place to stop by in the late afternoon or early evening for a drink on the back porch, and to soak up the stunning views. They also have a small restaurant down at the water where you could have a casual meal. If you like lobster, Bealls is a wonderful lobster pound, also located in Southwest Harbor. We have stayed in Southwest Harbor many, many times, and I would recommend that over Seal Harbor. But the entire island is beautiful and you will have a wonderful time!

      1. OP here..Thank you! Can you explain why you prefer Southwest Harnor over Seal Harbor?

        1. Not the poster, but Seal Harbor is a bit farther removed from the more touristy sections and a bit rougher in my mind. It’s also farther from the popular Acadia sites.

          1. Local here. This is not true; Seal Harbor is on the same side of the island as Bar Harbor and the most popular parts of the park, Cadillac Mountain and Ocean Drive. Southwest is on the other half of the island and is farther away from this stuff.
            But Smokey is right that Southwest is more of a real town with more food and hotel options.
            My vote if you want to get off the beaten path (i.e., not Bar Harbor) and are traveling without kids would be for Northeast Harbor, but it’s posh and tends to be pretty pricey.

        2. Southwest Harbor is more of a town than Seal Harbor, with more restaurant choices. Still is close to lots of hiking but usually by car, or the local shuttle bus.

    3. My suggestions are mostly food related! ;)
      Jordan Pond House for popovers – great trails around the pond, park early in the day, hike, make a reservation for lunch w/ popovers
      Havana and Havana Parrilla for great food (Parrilla is less expensive and fancy feeling but still v good)
      Mt Desert ice cream (neat flavors)
      Ben & Bill’s ice cream and chocolate – they have gummy lobsters and fudge and other cool stuff, my kids love it
      Reel Pizza – movies with pizza and beer! :)
      Bar Harbor shore path for giant house viewing
      Thuya Gardens – neat specimen plantings, cool old house tour
      There aren’t beaches per se except Sand Beach. The water is freezing and you don’t want to go swimming. I like Little Hunter’s Beach for uncrowded times.
      Thunder Hole – especially good if it’s very windy or stormy (but not TOO stormy or you will be knocked off the platform)
      The trails around Hadlock Pond (upper and lower) are usually not crowded at all.

    4. Love Acadia! Sunrise at the Cadillac Mountain summit was a bucket list item for me and so worth it! You have to make a separate reservation from your park pass.
      Go to Sand Beach early for parking. From there you can walk to Thunder Hole (overrated but still a must-see for first time visitors). You can also access my two favorite hiking trails from there: Beehive (very strenuous, definitely read up on it before you go) and Gorham Mountain Trail.
      If you’re into kayaking or rock climbing, there are some great guided tours out of Bat Harbor.

    5. The Asticou Inn has better popovers than Jordan Pondhouse and takes reservations. We’re summer locals and almost never go to Jordan Pondhouse anymore because the wait is such a pain to deal with. Might be a bit better in September but that’s still very much high season.

Comments are closed.